All language subtitles for the.unicorn.s02e08.1080p.web.h264-ggez

WADE: Oh, man, this place is so great.

DELIA:
I know, I'm excited. Hey,

I saw on Yelp
that this escape room

is the toughest in the city.

FORREST:
Yeah, and it's
James Bond-themed.

Mm-hmm.Luckily, a certain guy

in our group,

a certain cool guy, knows
everything there is to know

about England's greatest
gentleman agent.

That would be me.

[chuckles]MICHELLE:
Okay, explain why this is

gonna be fun? So, we're paying

to spend an hour in a room
searching for things?

Y'all know I have four kids.
I do this all day.

[laughter]BEN:
Give it a chance, baby.

Sounds like
it could be fun.

And don't worry, Michelle.
We're gonna be done in no time

'cause I'm a whiz
at puzzles.

Oh, yeah. Delia's
our secret weapon.

She finished the
Friday sudoku

in eight minutes
and 11 seconds.

DELIA:
Yeah, okay.

Stop timing me, you goof.

[Forrest laughs]Come on. You know,

how great is this?
Wade's no longer

the odd man out.WADE:
Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty great.FORREST:
God,

when was the last
time we all went out

on an adventure together?BEN:
Oh,

man, hey,
was it that time we went

to the murder mystery dinner
for Jill and Wade's anniversary?DELIA: Oh!

That was so fun!BEN:
That was, right?

Yeah, but the food
was terrible.

I thought I was
gonna die for real.

[laughter]

Hello, agents.DELIA:
Oh.

What?JARED:
Congratulations.

[overlapping chatter]

You've all been granted

triple-O status,
the credentials

to assassinate.

Don't you mean... You mean
"license to kill," right?

Thanks to a cease
and desist order, I do not.

My name is Jared,
and I regret to inform you

that you are all now prisoners
of the ruthless Silverhand.

[Ben laughing]

That's so weak.

Come on, man, just try
and get into it, please.

WADE: Yeah, go ahead,
man, go ahead.You have one hour

to search for clues, solve
puzzles and complete tasks

in order to escape
and destroy Silverhand's...

[imitates laser]
...hydro-sonic laser.

Wait, does it kill people,

or does it just clean
their teeth?It kills people.

Uh, don't worry,
I'll protect you.

No, you don't worry,
I will protect you.No, I'll protect you.

No, I shall protect you.I shall protect you.

I will protect you.I'm protecting you.
I'm protecting you.

Uh, this is a liability
release form.

I need you and your husband
to sign it.

What? Him?Yo-You thought that
we were together?

That's so funny.
No, no, no, no, no.No, we're not together.

I mean, we came here together,
but we're not married or...Do we give off that vibe?

Not married.'Cause we are dating.

We're dating.We're dating,
and, you know, he's great.

You're great.You-You're great.

Well, thanks. But yeah,
so this is brand-new.

I-I was married,
but this is-- Yeah.

I think he gets it.No, no, no. Yeah.

I mean, you get it.
You get it.

It's not-- We're not--

Nobody's knocking
the institution.

So you want two forms.

That'd be great.
Yeah. Cool.Yeah, that's be great, thanks.

[door creaking]

You may now enter the lair.

[cheering]

[scoffs]
[giggles]

Once I seal the door
there is no escape.

What do you--
No escape?

But we can zip out if
we want some fresh air, right?No.

This lock cannot be opened.

But it can be opened

if somebody really needed
to zip out.

No zipping.

FORREST:
Let's do this!

DELIA:
Okay, I'm gonna get
my first challenge.

You okay, big fella?

Okay?

I'm loving this.

Oh, hey, guys, remember
to look under stuff.

People never think of under.Yeah, good idea.

Uh... Uh...

Whoa, hey!

I think I found
the first puzzle.

[a la Sean Connery]:
Looks like
a high-stakes card game.

Oh, very impressive,
Mr. Bond.

Thank you.
And who might you be?

Me? My name is
Lady Sexytime.

I'm sorry, I'm really
bad at accents.

Pretty good.Okay, guys, so this--

this seems like
a poker game here.

I found a briefcase.
It's locked.
Oh.

Great. So we've just got
to find the combination.
Yeah.

So, okay, all right.

Okay, I got this. Okay.You go it. Watch this.

All right, um, okay, all
right, so we're just gonna

just add up the value
of all the cards.

It seems like that's gonna
be too many numbers.

WADE and SHANNON:
Yeah.Oh, okay. Yeah. Right.

Okay, okay. Um...

You got this.
No, I know.

I'm just shaking off
all the cobwebs. Okay. Um...

[stammering]:
Yeah. All right,

it has to do with the
color of the suits.

Color of the suits.Yeah, color.

Diamond.
No. Oh!

What year was poker invented?

Uh, who-who would
just know that?

FORREST:
Yeah.

Okay, can you just
give me a minute?

'Cause I-I'm gonna get this.

Okay.
Yeah.I will get this.

[breathing irregularly]

Uh, are you okay?

I didn't realize how small
this room was gonna be.

MICHELLE:
Oh, no, are you having
one of your things?

No, I'm fine.

Wha-What kind of things
do you have?I don't have things.

No things.

Don't worry, Mr. Chocolate Bear,
we'll get you out of here.

He'll be okay.Yeah.

Okay, where are we at
with this puzzle?I don't know, this is a toughie.

No, I'm so close,
I can taste it.

All right, well, there are
four hands at this table,

So the first hand
has four cards,

the second six, the third three,
and the fourth four, so...

maybe the four-six-three-four
is the lock code?

No, I don't think that's it.[loud click]

That's it.Wait, what?

Whoa.
You got it. Huh?

All right.

Yay! [whoops]

Here we go.
Ready? Ready?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

[all shout out][Forrest laughs]

Well, that gets the old
heart pumping, huh?

Yeah, this is lots of fun.

Okay, what's next?
Let's do this.
Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I think the next clue
is the snake.

Okay.
Okay, okay.
Snake. Snake.

Snake jumper.
Snake, snake, cobra snake.

Cobra snake.

Jumping--
Jumping cobras.

Uh... snake jumpers!

Okay, relax, okay, but I love
the enthusiasm, I really do.

All right, come on, guys, we
gotta get crackin', all right?

The time to beat is
52 minutes, three seconds.

How did you get to
that precise time?

Oh, well, that's--
That was the time it took

my co-worker Dmitri
to finish it.

So... And he's been bragging
about it for a month.

So this is just about you

showing up someone
from your office?

No, not just.

But he's so full of himself.
But not just.

SHANNON:
Guys, guys, there are snakes.

Two snakes on the picture.

Oh, oh, oh, okay.

Oh-ho...

[all exclaiming]

Yes! Yes!

Yes. So it's another key pad

with, this time,
a five-digit code this time.

Oh, are there numbers
in the painting?

Oh, good idea.

Move!Oh...

Uh, I can see... okay,
numbers, numbers, numbers,

numbers, numbers.
No numbers. None.No numbers. Oh.

Well, you guys gave it your all.

How 'bout we call it a day,
and, uh,

anybody up for Chinese?
My treat.

It's gotta be something
with the snake, right?

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

The snake is coiled
around the coat of arms, right?

And the shield is
inscribed "A.M."A.M.

A.M.?
A.M.DELIA: Sorry, A.M.

Just get the juices going.
Okay, A.M., A.M., A.M., A.M.

Oh, A.M. radi-- A.M. radio.

1070 A.M. radio.
Your news and weather

on the hour, every hour.
Try... Try 1070!

So you think it's the radio
station we listen to?

Oh, you don't?

Okay, um, James Bond drove
an Aston Martin.

A.M. Aston Martin.

There's a model car
right there on the shelf.

Oh...DELIA: Oh!
On the shelf!

And the numbers
on the license plate.On the license plate!

FORREST:
Oh, Michelle nails it.Yeah.

Looks like we got
a new secret weapon, huh?

[chuckles][cell phone chiming]

JARED [over P.A.]:
Cell phones are prohibited
in the lair.

It's cheating.

WADE: Um, I got
to answer it.

It's my daughters.

It could be an emergency.

[whispering]:
Are they watching us?[scoffs]

Hey, Natalie.
Everything okay?

Hey, Dad.
I need to buy

something for school.
Could you give me

the Amazon confirmation code
they're texting you?

Yeah, yeah, sure thing.
Uh, hold on.

FORREST:
Michelle, read me
the license plate.

NPH-two...

...seven...
One, five...

One-five-two...No, not two, three.

Uh, four-nine....seven... four...

That's four-nine.
Yes, four-nine.What? That's wrong.

Okay, thank you.Okay,

uh, you're welcome.

JARED:
That did not sound like
an emergency.

Sorry, sorry, I'm done.

Three... eight...

nine.

[alarm sounding]Whoa, what's happening?

Whoa! Secret passageway!

[gasps]

FORREST:
Whoa. Secret passageway?
That's crazy.

Wow.
Yes!

Good teamwork, everybody.[laughs]

Are we out?

No. It's another room.What?!

Oh, my God, this is so cool.Right?

Yes.Look, I told you this was
gonna be so much fun, Jill...

I mean, Shannon.

Um...

Oh, my God.

I-I just called her Jill.

You don't think she heard me?

Mm-hmm. We all heard you.

Uh, okay. Okay.

We could have gone
mini-golfing, but no...

Oh, cool.

This must be Silverhand's
inner sanctum, huh?

BEN:
Baby...

what if this room
leads to another room,

and another room
and another room,

and we never get out of here?

There can't be
that many more rooms.

There's a Petco on
the other side of that wall.

So, uh, Shannon,
uh, what do you think?

One of these buttons over here
make the map light up?

No, but I think
the ones over here might.

What? Whoa!

Hey... [laughs]Hey-oh!

Shannon nails it.

You know, I told everybody
Shannon is gonna be

so good at this.

Y-You sure are saying
my name a lot.

Am I?
Yeah.

Okay, look, um, I don't know
if you noticed earlier,

but-but I may have
called you Jill.

Yeah, you did.

Okay, well, I just
want you to know

it was a slip of the tongue;

like, I meant nothing by it.

Okay.I mean, like, sometimes,
you know,

I even call the girls
by the dog's name, like,

"Hey, Linda, will you
take the trash out?"

I mean, Linda can't, obviously,
take the trash out

'cause she's a dog.

You know, maybe this isn't
the right place

to talk about this, yeah?

Okay, gotcha.

Hey, let's solve
this puzzle.

What do you got?

So, how's it going?
Uh, well,

she, uh, she just said
that this isn't the place

to really get into this.

Uh-oh.
Yeah.

Yeah, that means that
there's a "this" to get into.

I mean, but she knows
it didn't mean anything, right?

I mean, it didn't
mean anything.

I mean, I don't think
it meant anything, did it?

[phone chimes][Wade sighs]

Really? Now, Natalie?What is it?

Natalie just rented
the movie White Fang.

Oh, don't worry, it's about
dogs, not vampires.Yeah, I know.

But she's supposed to be
reading the book.

JARED:
No phones allowed.

Wha-- I'm just cancelling
a movie rental.

I'm not cheating.

Come on, man.God.

What the...?

[exhales]
He's onto me.

Read the book.
[scoffs]

So, we have to make the perfect
four-ounce martini...

Mm-hmm....but we only have
a five-ounce glass

and a three-ounce one,
and they've given us gin,

which, you know, Bond would
never drink in a million years,

but whatever.

Well, yeah,
I mean, it's easy.

You just fill
the five-ounce glass

and pour out a fifth of it out.

Yeah, but how do we know
what a fifth is?

Eyeball it.

Then why did they give us
the three-ounce glass?

I don't know.
Why would a cool, suave spy guy

need to measure his liquor
exactly anyway?

This whole puzzle sucks.

Oh, come on. We got to think.

I can't think, okay?
I don't know why.

I mean, I can get a Lego
out of a kid's nostril,

but I can't do this?

[bell chimes]Got it.

Oh.

Way to go, Michelle.

Check me out.

Yeah, check you out, Michelle.
[whoops]

FORREST:
Hey, come on.

It's okay, Delia.

You're just getting warmed up.

I'm not getting warmed up,
Forrest. This is me warmed up.

This is as warm as I get.
I just have to accept it.

Michelle's a Mozart
and I'm a Salieri.

This is some kind of
old telephone book.

What are we supposed
to do with this?That's cool.

Super cool.

MICHELLE:
Wade.

I think I'm gonna go
talk to Shannon.

You know, Wade, sometimes
when a person tells you

they don't want
to talk about this,

what they really mean is they
don't want to talk about this.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's
definitely a bad idea.

But you're gonna do it anyway?

[phone chimes]Probably.

What? What--
a security alert?

What now?

Somebody at my house
is accessing

an unsecured server
in North Macedonia?

I bet you anything
it's Natalie

trying to illegally
download White Fang.

Well, guess what?
Papa has an app

that allows him to shut off
the Wi-Fi remotely.

GRACE [laughs]:
Oh, wow, that turtle

is really going to town
on that watermelon. [laughs]

Oh, hey, Cherise, can you
send us the video of the cat

riding the d...

Uh-oh.

Natalie?

What did you do?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Fish usually calm me,
but not these.

Are you claustrophobic?

No. [scoffs]It's-it's okay.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Trust me, I understand.

It's not claustrophobia exactly.

I just don't like
being locked in, anywhere.

Yeah.
You know
those claw machines

that you put a quarter in
and try to get a toy?

Mm-hmm.

I got trapped inside one.

Oh, God. How?

I was five.

Oh.Yeah, I crawled in
to get a Skeletor.

To my defense, he did have
a glow-in-the-dark sword.

Yeah, no, I get it. I get it.

I was He-Man
three Halloweens in a row,

so...
Cool.

Yeah.
Anyway,
you have no idea

how scary it is to be
trapped inside a place

you don't want to be
and there's no way out.

No, I've, um, I've been there.

FORREST:
All right, guys. Come on.

We got to focus up, all right?

We've got three
puzzles finished,

we're halfway there.BEN:
Halfway?

Hey, Forrest, I'm telling you,
man, I'm about ready

to rip this console apart
to get out of this place.

JARED:
Do not rip any consoles apart.

WADE:
Uh, hey.

Shannon. Hey, hey, please,
no, please don't run away.Hey.

There's really nowhere
to go in here.

Yeah, no, I know.Okay, look,
uh, when I said

that it didn't mean anything
when I called you Jill?

That's not true.
It did mean something.

But, uh, it's a good thing.

You're-you're
the first person

that I've ever brought out with
my friends that I can picture...

As a replacement for
your wife? Oh, my God.

No. No, no, no, no. That's
not what I was gonna say...Oh, God.

No wonder that Jared guy
thought we were married.

Wade, no. This is,
this is going too fast.

In two weeks, I've gone
from doing it in the garage

to "You're Mrs. Felton."Look, you're not
Mrs. Felton.

She was Mrs. Felton.

I mean, not-not that
you couldn't be Mrs. Felton.

Of course you could be
Mrs. Felton. You're great.

I mean, you're so great,
I just wouldn't a-ask you--

Will you please just tell me
how to fix this?

Yeah, I think, you know,
I really need some space

right now. Yeah.Okay.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, open the damn door, man!

Yeah, Jared, honey,
I think we're done in here.

Jared, don't
listen to them.

They're weak.

Nobody...

[whispers]:
is going anywhere.

What do we got? What do we know?
What do we do?

How do we get out of here?Well, this map

has got to mean something,
right?

And I found this microfilm
in the piranha tank,

because I'm awesome,
but we still

don't know what to do with it.I wonder if the door will open

if I set off the smoke alarm.

JARED:
Do not activate
the smoke detector.

I'm just looking
for clues, Jared!

[phone ringing][groans]

Why didn't I leave
my phone at home?

What?

GRACE:
This is so unfair. No Internet?

Natalie did something bad,
not me. [sighs]

This is literally a death
sentence for my social life.

It's not literally
a death sentence.

Yes, it is.
They changed the definition

of "literally,"
look it up.

Well, personally,
I blame Grace.

I asked her what happens
in White Fang,

she could barely even
remember anything.

Natalie, I'm gonna say
three words,

then I want you to hand
the phone back to your sister.

Read the book.

Hey, uh, Michelle.Mm?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Mm-hmm.

Um, listen, you-you
may have noticed Delia

sitting sadly in the corner,
quoting Amadeus.

[accent]: I speak for all
the mediocrity in the world.

I am their champion.
I am their patron saint.

Is she really this upset
about a puzzle?

Yes. Look, you're
amazing at this.

I obviously
want to win.

I would love nothing more
than to wipe that smile

off of Dmitri's
smug little face.

But...
[clears throat]

the most important thing
here, of course, is Delia.

So, uh, if you could

just, uh, maybe help
her out with a win,

you know, just,

just one little win,

that would be so awesome.

I mean, her self-esteem is
really taking a hit here.

You're a good man.
A good man with a crazy wife.

Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna
push back too hard on that one.[chuckles]

Oh, my God, 12 minutes.
We got 12 minutes left.

Delia, Delia, come on.

Let's go. All hands on deck.

What is this?
What are we looking for?

DELIA:
I don't know.
There's obviously

some connection between this map
and the numbers

on this microfilm,
but I don't know what.Yeah.

FORREST:
Come on, you can do this.
You can do this.

Think. Just think.Oh, I don't know. I don't...

Will you please
just ask Michelle?!

[alarm sounding]

Oh, the self-destruct.

We're gonna self--
we're gonna self-destruct!

DELIA:
Okay. Come on, Delia.

You can do this. I mean,
I can do this, right, Forrest?

Of course you can
do this, honey.

Of course you can do it.

[quietly]:
She can't do this.

Hey, Shannon, Shannon?
I need to talk to you.Wade, I'm kind of busy here.

This self-destruct
is not gonna destroy itself.

U-Uh-- Just give me a second.

Hey. How's it going?

[shushes]
Back off, Alan Turing.

Okay, well, I see you got this,
so I'll just give you some...

latitude.

Okay, thank you, Michelle.
I do-- I really do appreciate...

That's it.

What?[laughs]: Yes, I got it!

I got it! Okay.

The numbers on the, on the,
on the microfilm

correspond with the latitude
and longitude on the map.

[laughs]
All right.

So then what?Then the telephone codes

of whatever country it is
is the code for the airlock.

[laughs]
Yeah!

Booyah!

Look who's back, bitches.

Okay, look,

I know why I called you Jill,

and it's not because
I'm trying to replace her.

I couldn't.

But I haven't been
this comfortable

around someone in a long time.

That's sweet,
Wade, it is,

but it's a lot.

It is.

And I know it is, and...

[exhales] Look,
it's just that this last year,

I've been so focused
on what I was ready for

that I didn't stop to think
what you were ready for.

And-and you're
not ready

to move this fast,
and-and I totally get it.

No, I am ready
to move this fast.

That's what scares me.

It does?
Yes.

I haven't had a real
relationship like this

since the divorce,
and-and it scares me

because I really want
to go all in,

and then there's this voice
in my head that says,

"What the hell are you thinking,
you stupid idiot?"

Well, we will go as slow
as you want.

[a la Sean Connery]:
You call the shots,
Lady Sexytime.

[laughs]

[accent]:
You're damn right I do--

Uh-uh. That's Borat.

Okay.
That's-- I'm just
doing Borat now.

I think you're
doing Borat. Yeah.I think so, too. Yeah.

Ah, the-- 20... Okay.

Belgium. Okay.

Belgium, um... 32.

[beeping, alarm sounds]

[gasps]

Peace out!

Yes!
[laughs]
We did it.

MICHELLE:
Yes.

DELIA: Yes.FORREST: All right!

Thanks, Michelle.
That was so much fun.

And the great thing is,
is everybody contributed.

[laughs]
Hey, thank you.

Well, I was worried I was
too obvious with my clue.

Oh, you totally were,
but you know,

Delia sees what she wants
to see.

Mm.

[gasps] 51:37.

We did it.
We beat Dmitri's time.[Delia whoops]

Yes.
Yes.

Actually, because one of your
group used his cell phone,

I have to penalize
you by five minutes.

DELIA:
What?

You're enjoying this,
aren't you, you son of a bitch?

Forrest.

Yeah.

Wait, wait.
Where's Wade and Shannon?

Oh, wow.

So we defeated the bad guy,
and now Wade is kissing the girl

with the
terrible accent?

This really is a
James Bond movie.

[alarm sounds]

Oh, my God.

No way.
It's good, right?

Do you mind?

A man is shooting
at White Fang.

GRACE: Well,
I got so bored

without the Internet

that I decided to
bake some brownies.
Huh.

Like some sort of pioneer woman.

Oh, wow.

That-that is delicious.Yeah?

Well, I'm bored again, so
I'm gonna go do some laundry.

I hope you're happy, Dad.You know what?

I am happy. I may not turn
the Internet back on.

Do not even joke about that.

NATALIE:
Oh, my God,
will you two

please be quiet?

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