All language subtitles for saint maud.2019.720p.bluray.hevc.x265.mkv

Dear God, watch over me
as I embark on this next posting.

Think I'll have to get up
at about six tomorrow.

The pain in my stomach persists

and is now further hampered
by menstruation.

I have taken two ibuprofen
and milk of magnesia.

Forgive me my impatience

but I hope you will reveal
your plan for me soon.

I cant shake the feeling
that you must have saved me

for something greater than this.

Not that Im complaining or anything.

Amen.

- Hi. Are you Maud?
- Yes. Hi.

So, I left some notes out
on the kitchen table with all her bits.

She has a mate
coming over tomorrow.

Try and keep her off the sauce.

Doctors just started her
on a new course of B12 shots

so shes having one of those
every evening before dinner.

Your bedrooms upstairs on the left.
Her majestys in there, having a nap.

How is she?

Bit of a cunt. Have fun.

Amanda Kohl.

49 years old.

Can you feel that?

Stage four lymphoma
of the spinal cord.

Yep.

Yep, yep.

I daresay you'll be seeing
this one soon.

- Feel that?
- Uh-huh.

- We done?
- Mm-hm.

What time would you like dinner?

Eight o'clock.

Theres a shopping list
on the hall table.

I got it.

I looked her up before I came here.

Dancer, choreographer,
minor celebrity.

As you know,
I have little time for creative types

as they tend to be rather self-involved.

What are you cooking up in there?

Spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread.

Splendid.

Are you just careless

As you seem to be

or do you just care less for me?

- Is that temperature all right?
- Mm, its fine.

Hello.

- Whos your Saint?
- Mary Magdalene.

I didnt know
they made necklaces of her.

I ordered it online.

You're prettier than the last one.

Hey.

What do you think?

It"s good.

- You must be Mary.
- No, Maud.

Hope were not turfing you out.

- No, no. Im going to meet a friend.
- Good, good.

Cheerio, then.

I should have told her
I'd be happy just to stay in my room.

She must be embarrassed.

- Can you spare some change, please?
- Sorry, mate, I aint got nothing.

Fuck off, then.

Excuse me, miss.

Can you spare some change, please?

Thank you, love.

Bit, er... bit nippy out, innit?

May god bless you
and never waste your pain.

- What?
- Nothing.

God bless you too, sweetheart.

Why would someone like her
end up in a town like this?

This dump can't appeal to her
any more than it does to me.

Hello?

What's happened?

Come back to London.

You cant just lock yourself up here.
You should be around people.

Why the fuck do you care
so much all of a sudden?

Dont be petulant. You're getting
dangerously Norma Desmond.

Oh, fuck you!

You stupid cow.

- Hello.
- Hello!

Sorry to call you back early.

Silly old thing used
to knock it back no problem.

Even I could'nt keep up with her.

Things are different now.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

Do you, um...
Need me to do anything?

No.

- She'll be all right?
- Oh, dont be an idiot, Richard.

Yes, well...
Take care of yourself, darling.

Pompous arsehole.

You should've seen him way back.
He was constantly trying to fuck me.

He has plugs now. Did you see?

- No.
- No.

Well...

No one sees
what they dont want to.

Stay with me.

I dont want to be alone.

How long have you been doing this?

Just over a year.

What were you doing before?

I worked at St Afras hospital.

Horrible place.

Have you seen a lot of death?

Yes.

What made you leave?

I dont know,
I just needed a change.

I dunno.

I think I was spread too thin.

And it's what god wanted.

When he came, everything changed.

So this is a recent conversion?

When you pray,
do you get a response?

Sometimes he talks.

You hear his voice?

Most of the time it...

It's just like he's physically...

In me or around me.

It's how he guides me.

Like, when he's pleased,
it's like a...

A shiver or...

Sometimes its like a pulsing.

And it's all...

Warm and good.

And he's just there.

Nothing feels real anymore.

Ever since I moved back here,

I keep thinking
about that last moment

and wondering...

What it will be like.

What will I be looking at?

Will there be anyone else there?

And then what?

Nothing?

Tell me I'm wrong.

There is more.

And not just afterwards.

He's everywhere.

He sees you.

He won't let you fall.

My little saviour.

Father, thank you.

And bring your hand to join...

Your right hand.

And then draw a semi-circle
above your head.

Now, don't get me wrong,
palliative care is noble work.

But I always knew you had
something more planned for me.

It takes nothing special to mop up
after the decrepit and the dying.

But to save a soul,

thats quite something.

Your presence graces the air

and I feel fuller of your love
than ever before.

More than enough to share.

I can see you.

Yes?

- Cynthia left?
- Yes, Im Maud.

- Carol.
- It's too late to be visiting now.

- It...
- She's expecting me.

She's sleeping.

Maud?

Come and join me.

He ended his life last month

at a legalised euthanasia clinic
in Switzerland.

John said it was his final wish
to have a peaceful, pain-free death

with his family by his side.

Thanks, Julia.

Before he passed, John wrote
an open letter to MP's here in England.

He wanted everybody to know...

Dear god, here is Amanda.

Well, you know that.

Thank you
for bringing us together, lord.

And thank you for this meal
which we gratefully receive.

Bless Amanda's body

which is hurting now

but has done
so many wonderful things.

And bless her mind,

which is shrouded in darkness,

and reach out to her
like you did to me.

Amen.

He's here?

I feel it too.

You look beautiful.

- No!
- Yes.

Now, don't you cry...

Hey.

No, I can't tonight.

You know where I am.

She's all right.

Bit weird but...

Shh. I gotta go.

Yeah, ok. Bye, bye.

Maud, your face.

Oh, shit.

Fuck, it's all over her dressing gown.

Shit.

Maud, I can do it.

- Don't let her drink too much.
- Dont' worry, it's mostly for me.

Honey, come back to me.

Religious themes would play
a prominent role

throughout Blakes career,

namely a rejection
of organised religion,

which he claimed was an ugly distortion
of a true spiritual life.

Bye.

Carol?

Hey.

I need to talk to you.

Yeah?

- Whats up?
- I want you to stop seeing Amanda.

Just leave her alone.

- Did she tell you to come after me?
- No, I'm telling you.

It's an important time for her.

She's got big things to deal with
and she needs to be focused.

And I just dont think
you can fit into that anymore.

I dont know
what you're talking about, but...

I'm sure your patients sex life
is none of your business.

I know she's giving you money.

Again, none of your fucking business.

Look, I'm trying to be respectful.

I didn't swear at you or anything.

I just...

- I just don't think its a good idea.
- Please. Respectful?

You just don't like
that she fucks women.

You could have
an eight-inch cock for all I care.

I'd still be telling you this
after the way you looked at her.

- Whoa. What?
- What was that, by the way?

Do you think your'e too good for her?
Do you think this is a joke?

- Of course not.
- Amanda is dying.

I have a responsibility
to look after her.

This is life and death.

It's spiritual, on another level.

No hard feelings.
I'm sure you're great in bed.

But you're just a waste of her time
at the moment.

Can you hear yourself?

Maud, you're her nurse.

She does'nt want you to see it
but she is vulnerable right now.

And it is not right
that she spends her last days

getting worked up about a silly girl
who does'nt care about her.

- I care about her.
- Not enough.

- What are you doing?
- I'm leaving.

Oh.

Ok, so you'll do it?

Anything you say, Maud.

Don't tell her I told you, though.

Just, you know, make something up.

Don't hurt her feelings.

Ok.

Think it went well.

A whole day
and her phone has been silent.

It must be a relief to her too.

She radiates peace,

and I am reminded of myself
in the first flushes of your love.

We dont need anyone else.

Katie?

Katie!

Katie, hey!
I thought that was you.

How's it going? It's been ages.

Yeah, good.

How are you, Joy?

Yeah, not bad, not bad.
You know, knackered.

Got patients sleeping in corridors.

Surgeries all double-booked.
It's a total madhouse.

So, how's it going?
Are you taking care of yourself?

Yeah.

We all thought you must've left town.

No one sees you
out and about anymore.

- I've been around.
- Oh, yeah?

- What are you up to?
- I'm a private carer.

You're still nursing?

- What?
- Nothing.

Just surprised. I mean...

- Where are you doing it? Who with?
- A private agency.

- And they know what happened?
- Yes.

Well, I've got to go.
It was nice to see you, Joy.

Katie.

Take my number, yeah?

What?

If you ever want to talk
or get a drink or... anything.

That one there.

Yes, and then that one.

Uh, you cant do that.

What?

You... you slipped those cards in.

Did I?

Its no fun if you cheat.

Which one was it? Hm, that one.

Can you give me a moment?

- Uh, yes.
- And take that away.

- Ooh, can I have a cup of tea?
- Of course.

Hello.

I didn't expect to hear from you.

What do you mean?

Why?

There you go.

You know, I've been thinking,
it might be nice to go out sometime,

to the theatre or something.

I would have no clue what to see
but I'm sure you can suggest something.

- And maybe after I leave...
- I want to go to bed.

It's five oclock.

I will go to bed
when I damn well like.

Yes, of course.

Now is not the time.

I need you to go into town.

Yeah?

To pick up some things for tonight.
I'll make a list.

Ok, no problem.

Oh, yes!

- Is it ready?
- I'm just lighting the candles.

Plates.

Get the lights.

- Lights.
- Make a wish.

So, Carol,
how did you and Mandy meet?

We met online.

Ah, so now you have
a ménage a trois.

Hardly. Maud does'nt like Carol.

It's funny, I can't figure out
if she's a bigot or if she's just jealous.

She went sneaking behind my back
to try to scare Carol away.

To save my soul,
if I understand correctly.

Excuse me.

Dont run away.
I'm talking to you.

Maud is my saviour, you see.

She's been looking out for me
in more ways than one, but...

You got a little carried away,
didn't you?

So, what is it?

Am I indecent?

No, youre lost.

Richard, want to show us
some moves?

Theres my little Saint.

Oh, no, no.
Sweetheart, no, no, no.

You know you shouldn't take
anything I say seriously.

I just wanna see you loosen up.

You are a beautiful young woman,

and you should have some fun
while you still can.

I've got more important things
on my mind.

Oh, yes, of course.

How could mere human frivolity
possibly compete

with the heavenly fathers
warm heart pulsing...

Lets go. Lets go.

Maybe if you just let me talk to her.

No, absolutely not.

You should be thankful
she isn't pressing charges.

Is everything all right?

I'm fine.

God,

all I feel of you now is this pain.

A gnawing burning.

Maybe it's ulcers or cancer

or appendicitis.

If you're trying
to teach me something,

can't see what it is.

Quite frankly
it all just seems such a waste.

I was ready and open and alive

and this is my reward:

Unemployable,

unoccupied.

Perhaps you were'nt as wise
as I thought.

Perhaps I was'nt paying
enough attention.

I can't help but feel
an act of spite has occurred.

If this is how you treat
your most loyal subjects

l shudder to think
what awaits those who shun you.

Yes, that's it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes. On!

- Not yet.
- Oh!

Oh, god!

Oh, sorry. Oh.

See you later.

Hey, Joy, its Katie.

Hey. Yeah, I was just wondering
if you wanna go for that drink,

you know, have that chat
and just hang out,

like you said, to chat.

Cool. Great.

That's great.

I did think it was kind of weird
when I saw you and you suggested it,

just because you never seemed
to like me that much.

No...

No, no, no, no.
I didnt... I didn't mean...

Don't be like that.

Well, Im just at the star
at the moment with some friends,

but I think they're heading off soon
but I'm gonna hang around a bit.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, of course.

In that case, my apologies.

I'm being stupid so, uh, bye.

Oh, careful.

You owe me a drink.

Is everything ok?

Shh, shh, shh.

Shh, it's ok. It's ok.

Shh.

Come on.

- Easy.
- No.

Easy!

I remember you, you know.

You used to be out all the time.

While back.

I think...

You and my mate Tommy had it off.

Ah, I remember you.

A lovely, lovely little nursey, hey?

I did everything.

Everything. I changed, did'nt 1?

I thought I did
what you told me to do.

Didn't I?

Please.

Please don't let me fall again.

I'm begging you.

I'll do anything.

Please guide me.

Revelation, and just in time.

Oh, lord, your mercy
knows no bounds.

For shame
that I almost fell so easily.

I should have expected resistance.

Nothing worthwhile comes easily.

Amanda.

Amanda, Amanda.

You called to me, Amanda.

It was no small thing.

It meant something.

Never waste your pain.

Never waste your pain.

Beautiful.

Mm.

- Do you mind if I sit?
- Hm? Course not.

Oh, you don't work at St. Afras,
do you?

Oh, no, no. I'm a private carer.

Oh, right.

I have a friend who works at St. Afras
and I wondered if you knew her.

Oh, their uniform is blue.

I honestly have so much respect

for anyone in the medical profession.

Like, any area.

I really think
it's the most important thing

you can do with your life, almost.

Thank you. That's so sweet.

Yeah, it can be really rewarding.

Not all that glamorous, but yeah.

- I love it.
- I bet you get no time for yourself.

Oh, it's fine. I have my own life.

My own things.

Got choir practice.

This person you're with at the moment,
what's wrong with them?

Oh, I'm...

Not really supposed
to discuss the details.

But you have a good relationship?
You get on with them?

Mm, really well.

I'm with a lovely lady at the minute.
Were good pals.

That's one of the things
I love about the job.

You find yourself quickly building
these quite meaningful relationships

and, you know,
you're often right there

at a very important time
in peoples lives.

Yeah.

Although that sometimes
makes things harder in the end.

When you have to leave?

No, when they die.

I don't think I'll be with this one
much longer to be honest with you.

Sadly...

That, as they say,

is how the cookie crumbles.

Oh, I'm Esther, by the way.
What's your name?

What if I'm getting it all wrong?

What if you are smirking
or indifferent

or think me a clueless idiot
like that stupid woman?

Is that how Amanda
saw me all along?

How will I know what to do?

Katie?

Katie, its Joy.

There you are.

Oh, sorry.
Did I get you out of bed?

- Mind if I come in?
- I'm busy.

I'll be quick, I promise.
I'm just on my way to work.

Thanks, love.

Oh.

This is nice.

Cor, you ain't half tidy, are you?

I hope you don't mind.
I got your address from work.

Just wanted to see how you are.

Oh, this is cool.

I like all this.

Sorry I could'nt see you
the other night.

I was so shattered, I don't think
I would've been much fun.

I tried to call
but you didn't pick up.

Want a ciggie?

How's work going?

Are you not
with a patient at the moment?

I've been feeling bad about the way
I reacted last time I saw you.

I'm sure youre doing a great job.

You always did.

And I know you put
a lot of pressure on yourself.

What happened before,
it was'nt your fault. I know that.

You do too, right?

What's going on, Katie?

Come on, you can tell me.

Look, I know it's a bit late now,
but I wanted to tell you.

We should have been there
before it all happened.

We could see
you were struggling for a while.

I know it feels like everyones
in their own little bubble.

But it does help to share.

May the lord bless
and keep you, Joy.

You what?

It was sweet of you to come
but you must'nt worry.

You're right,
back then I was so lost.

But now I am transformed

and soon everyone will see.

Right. Well, thats good.

Thank you, Joy.
Thank you for coming.

Oh? Oh, right.

Are you sure you're ok, then?

Oh, fuck, I should go, actually.

I'm gonna come back later, all right?

All right.

I'm really glad
things are looking up.

See you later.

I'm so sorry.

I was unkind to you.

You made me think of things
I did'nt want to.

It's all right.

- No.
- It is, Amanda.

The lord forgives that
which is said in anger.

He knows your heart.

The lord.

Yes, god.

God sent me to you.

He forgives everything.

You only have to ask.

Heavenly father...

- No, no.
- Bless this woman in her pain.

No, none of that nonsense.

Amanda?

You must be the loneliest girl
I've ever seen.

I'm here, Amanda.

I am not alone.

And neither are you.

No.

Snap out of it, honey.

He is'nt real.

You must know that.

No.

You felt him too, remember?

We both did.

No, honey.

I did'nt.

That's not true.

You have no idea
how dull it is to be dying.

I hate to be the one to break it to you
but it's just you and me here.

Nothing you do matters.

Well, that was easy.

Devil.

Take responsibility for your actions.

You came back here
because you are alone.

If you were a true believer,
he would be enough

but it's clear now
you are as weak as your faith.

- Somebody stop her!
- Hey, love!

- Oh, my god!
- No, no, no, don't!