All language subtitles for Two.for.the.Road.1967

They don't look very happy.

Why should they?
They just got married.

I hope you enjoy your trip,
Mr. Wallace.

Thank you.

And your wife.

Thanks a lot.

I suppose we've got Maurice
to thank for this.

What are you doing?

Trying to discover
where the strings are attached.

"I hope you have a nice trip,
Mr. Wallace. "

"And my wife?"

You're too suspicious about Maurice.
What harm did he ever do us?

He hounds us.

Really?

He hounds us.

Mister Maurice Dalbret for you,
from St. Tropez.

He hounds us...

Maurice.

Yeah.
I told you.

Of course we could've flown
direct,

but we wanted to have a few days
on our own.

London, please.

Joanna and me.

My wife. Yeah.

It's too late to change,
anyway I want the car there.

Yes, my darling. Of course I will.
Of course I won't.

Nothing's going to fall down.

We have to fly.

You'll take care of granny
and nanny too? Take care of everyone.

That makes nonsense
the whole spatial concept.

Spatial concept.

It messes up the whole design.

I'll see you in three days.

Who is it now?

Caroline.

Caroline?

Caroline Wallace, your daughter.

Oh, Caroline.

Hello.
How's my little girl?

Cigarettes?

Cigarettes?

Did you bring your passport?

I'm sorry.
We'll have to turn back.

I've left my passport.
We'll have to turn back.

I'm sorry, sir.
Are you sure?

Yes, I've got to go to
an important conference and...

Mark Wallace, 33 years old,
occupation, architect.

How about getting me
some cigarettes?

Thank you.

Maurice...

Has persuaded you it's imperative
we get to St. Tropez right away.

Why do you always get taken in?

That's how it is.

Do you want me not to work?
Is that what you want?

I wish you'd stop sniping.

I haven't said a word.

Just because you're silent,
doesn't mean you're not a sniper.

We're not going on like this
for the rest of our lives.

You haven't been happy
since the day we met, have you?

If only you were ten years younger
and knew what you know now.

You can say that again.

I wonder if anybody's picked up
the wrong passport.

Excuse me,
I'm looking for a passport.

And in your bag?

I know it's not in my bag.
Somebody must've taken it.

Do you know what a British passport
is worth on the black market?

100 pounds, at least.

This is France.

I don't know in France.
I can see myself stuck here forever

going backwards and forwards.

Hey, what are you doing?

You leave something
for two seconds and...

Thanks.

And the passport?

There was a time when you were glad
to be married to me.

Remember our first trip together?
When we had wheels of our own.

The old M.G.

Which birthday of mine
was it you gave yourself that?

Was it our anniversary?

We were going to drive and drive
and see where we got to.

A couple of kids
with not a care in the world.

Hold your breath.
We've got a long way to go.

We need a small push.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

That's it. Very good.

Faster. Faster.

Come on, faster.

Remember me?
Joanna?

What's wrong?

Hear that?
It's a donk.

What kind of a donk?

A medium sized slightly
unhealthy donk.

A donk.

When did it all start
to go wrong?

Was it in the M.G.?
Our first bust-up?

I thought we were happy
in the M.G.

I also thought so.

This is what I call
independence, don't you?

I can still hear that donk.
Hear it?

It's in the engine.

Right.

It's the first afternoon I've spent
in natural light in over a year.

By the time I get home
from work, it's pitch black.

Originally, you said
you liked basements.

I liked basements.

I think we were lucky
to get the place.

I think we were lucky
to get the place.

I think one day we'll be lucky
to get out of it.

If you want to live in a suburban
shoebox like your parents,

you married the wrong man.

I don't want to live
in a suburban shoebox,

and I married the wrong man.

Do you want a divorce?

Why do we keep on with this farce?
Is it worth it?

No, it isn't.

It was your idea.
You wanted it.

And I got it.

Yes, it is worth it,
sometimes.

Only not now.

I don't know what you saw
in me in the first place.

I can't really remember.

You had hair in those days,
of course.

I don't think we had any real
bust-up in the M.G.

If you really want big houses,
fast cars, running servants...

Who wants that?

I know what you want.
You want big houses, fast cars.

You're right.
There is a donk.

I thought there was.

Right there. There's something
loose, I'm sure.

If there is, you loosened it.

Try and keep
out of the lower gears.

You try keeping
out of the lower gears.

You're mad!
Let me get to the...

See? No donk if you're careful.

Shut up.

I hate this.

I can't see...

I've got oil in my eye now.

I could quite happily...

How is it down there?

Pitch black.

This exhaust pipe
is so rusty I could...

If I could just see.

Difficult doing things in
the dark, isn't it?

We can not afford a new flat.

On our present budget we can't
afford a new exhaust pipe.

You ought to try avoiding
the lower gears, you know?

Why don't you put
a very British sock in it?

Why don't you put
a boiled egg in it?

That's fixed it.

You mean, that's fixed it?

Or that's fixed it?

Ask me in an hour's time.

You should've bought a tractor
instead of an M.G.

I'll never forget you sitting
in the back of that tractor.

I had never spoken to you and
I thought you looked insufferable.

The girls were potty
about you

and so heavens knows,
were you.

- What are we going to do?
- We have to get there in time.

- Wait!
- Help us.

Oh, lovely mee ha,

You're improving, Pat.

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

Oh, everything.

- Travelling doesn't agree with me.
- I hope it isn't measles.

I've had measles, clever.

It must be something else.

Oh, no!

Chickenpox.
No question.

That's messed everything up.

Messed what up?
What are you on exactly?

We're supposed to be going
on holiday together

and then to the Music Festival
in Menton, middle of the month.

- I don't know what to do now.
- Nor do I.

Oh, no...

And then there were four.

Only one thing to do, I suppose.

Let's see who's left
in the morning.

Good plan.

Well, well, well...

How are you this morning?

I'm very well, how are you?

Very well indeed.

And the others?

I'm afraid its been
a night full of casualties.

I am sorry.

We could leave them the minibus and
press on, does that appeal to you?

How can you be so callous?

When do we leave?

Whenever you're ready.

Joanna! I thought
you'd gone to the doctor's.

I drove the others.
Nothing wrong with me.

Are you positive?

That feeling can be
very deceptive.

I've had chickenpox
when I was twelve.

We're not taking the bus.
We're leaving it for the others.

We'd thought we'd hitch hike.

I love hitch hiking.
I won't be in the way, will I?

Whatever gave you
that idea?

Where do you think we'll get to
by tonight? There?

There.

We can do better than that.
Can't we Jacqueline?

Can we, Jacqueline?

Jackie?

Lambs.

I guessed.

Aren't they sweet?

Isn't it a shame about Jackie?

Isn't it.

You'd have preferred if I'd been
the one who got the chickenpox.

You don't have to stay
with me, you know.

Listen, sweetheart,
let's get this straight.

I've absolutely no intention
of staying with you.

I don't know what your plans are,
but I have a schedule.

I am not on holiday.

I understand.

I'm here for the buildings.
Anything else is by the way.

I haven't a minute to waste.
My time is organised.

You're on a schedule.

But a tight schedule.

Mark, did you pick up
your passport this morning?

Mark. Mark.

If there's one thing I despise,
it's an indispensable woman.

Nobody knows the names
of the men who made it.

To make something so beautiful
and not smash your name all over it.

Would you want to?

All you hear about nowadays
is people making names.

Not things.

Sorry, did you want me
to take your picture?

No, no.

This is a three dimensional
camera.

It's meant for photographing
three dimensional subjects.

I'm three dimensional
as a matter of fact.

It's basically for buildings.

I'm not a building.

We won't have to waste a minute
stopping for lunch.

The trouble with women is,
they try to label you.

Put you in a pigeon hole.

What they don't realise is

that only a pigeon fits
in a pigeon hole.

Marriage is all
they ever think about

and I'm not going to get married
for at least 40 years.

Not that I have anything
against sex.

It's contracts I don't like. Promises
of long service and good conduct.

Are you a virgin?

I thought you were.
I can always tell.

Congratulations.

I was two years
at the University of Chicago.

Studying virgin detection?

Only at night school.
Architecture during the day.

I always thought American women
would be different.

I thought they'd didn't have
inhibitions and it was free love.

No?

But, no.

The nice American girl
may play it cool and modern,

but what she wants
is what her grandmother wanted.

Your head stuffed and hung
on the living room wall.

If you don't want it that way,
you can take yourself elsewhere,

speaking quite generally,
of course.

Of course.

Who was she?

What do you mean?

Her name was Cathy Seligman,
if you must know.

She was selfish, grasping,
Philistine,

materialistic, stubborn,
opinionated.

I was crazy about her.

Lucky for you,
you'll never meet her.

She's now Mrs. Howard Manchester.

I always knew you two
had to meet.

"There's only one drawback,"
Howard said.

"We'll have to go to Greece. "

- Remember saying that, Howie?
- Yes.

"Drawback," Of course
I absolutely flipped.

Howie, come off it.

After landing in London, first
thing was to get in touch with you.

I never thought you newlyweds would
want to travel with us ancients.

We don't care who we travel
with frankly.

Hey, tell me something.

Mommy, do snakes have nipples?

No they don't, Ruthie.
Do they, Howie?

No, they don't.

She's hooked on nature.

It's wonderful you two
were free to come with us.

I know we're all going to be
terrific friends.

Joanna, you know Mark
used to be my favourite beau.

Second favourite.

Favourite.

That was before you came on
the scenario, Howie.

Of course.

- Well, why don't they?
- Why don't who what?

Snakes have nipples.

Because they lay eggs.

Cathy, did you remember to pack
the anti-snake serum?

Good.

Mark, do you remember
David Lewinson?

No, David?

It was Woody Lewinson.

He's become a fine physician
in New York city

and he gave Howie a course
on how to treat snake bites.

How to inject the serum
subcutaneously and all that.

- We've invested over 50 dollars.
- 60.

60 dollars
in anti-snake equipment.

I sure hope somebody
gets bitten by a snake.

Well, that's my 100 exactly.
Let me see.

Mark, it's you to drive.

We change places
and that's all there is to it.

I'm hungry.

I think Howard's wonderful
the way he organises everything.

He's not an efficiency consultant
for nothing.

If he were, he wouldn't
be married to you.

I'm hungry.

Hand me that guide book, sugar.

Thanks.

I want to eat something now.

If you want to ruin your lunch,
Ruthie, you can.

We believe in leaving things
for her own free decision.

Does that key make the car go?

Sort of.

Ruthie, that hurt Mommy.

Did you see what she did?
She pinched me.

She probably thinks you're excluding
her. She needs reassuring.

If she does it again,
I'm going to need hospitalisation.

We're covered.

Have you ever been
in analysis?

No.

It can be very worthwhile.

Shall I tell you a story, Ruthie?

Joanna, thank you.

There we are, love.

Come on, Ruthie.

Quite like old times,
Mr. Wallace.

I see what you mean about
rearranging the luggage.

I thought you might, Howie.

That's a real sun.

We're getting way down south, honah.

Mummy, I'm hungry.
I want to eat something now.

I don't want anything to eat.

I think she's going to be
late fixating.

She felt we hurried her.
Why don't we all relax?

Marcus, I've been meaning
to say about expenses.

I think I've come up with a formula.

Ruthie.

If you're agreeable,
we'll call Ruthie a half,

in which event we can divide
everything into nine parts

and split them in the ratio
of five to four.

I think that's the final breakdown
on this morning's expenses.

If you'd care to check it.

I believe you.

Shall we go?

You don't like my house, do you?

It's very handsome.
Market at 25000, I like it a lot.

It's beautiful, Ruthiebelle.
Come on, sweetheart.

I want to take my house with me.

She's feeling insecure.
Only natural.

Come on, sweetness.

I want to take my house
with me!

I want it!

Ruthie, this time I have to say
no, and I mean no.

It's very reassuring at times
to retain a flexibility of attitude.

He has a tremendously mature quality,
that's what I love about him.

He has a quiet assurance.

Don't you think he has
a quiet assurance?

Very quiet assurance.

He's the husband type.

You were always the lover type.
I guess you still are.

I've been married to Joanna
for nearly two years.

But your relationship is volatile.
Anyone can see that.

Joanna, I don't want you
to feel badly about what happened.

It doesn't matter.

I think it does matter.
You resent Ruthie, don't you?

A little spilt wine...

You misunderstand me.

You resent her because
you want to have a child.

We're 17 minutes behind schedule.

Mark, you have 53 Km.
Still to go.

It's hot.

Sweetheart, we should've left
the car under the sun-shelter.

Let's move it, Marcus.

- Mummy.
- What is it, candy face?

I'm hungry.

Very funny,
but I happen to have a schedule.

The trouble is there's two of us.
That's the whole trouble.

If I ever have a car,
I'll never pass a single hitchhiker.

Must we dice with death?

Since when has this car
only got two speeds?

I'll tell you what, you drive.

I'll tell you what, I'll walk.

Okay, walk.

Don't be silly.

You'd be better off on
your own, wouldn't you?

Not again.
Joanna!

You want to get on, I know.
Maurice is waiting.

Let him wait.

He's got you on a line.
All he has to do is reel you in...

Will you shut the hell up
about Maurice?

You know where we'd be without him?

Happy.

Broke and happy.

You want to live in the cellar again?
You hated it.

I loved it.

You hated it.

I hated it.

I hate being at other people's
beck and call.

As soon as someone beck's
or calls, I resent it.

Okay, you run the show,
you handle it.

You worry about the house,
the flat, nanny, Mrs. Rathbone...

I don't want any of them!

Do I? Am I the one who wants
enamel sports watches?

Take your watch.
I don't want anything.

Why is it when you give a woman what
she wants she gets bloody minded?

You don't give me what I want.
You give me what you want.

Joanna, your watch.

Joanna, I love you.

Come on.
Maurice is waiting.

Bitch.

Listen, we're not going to make it
together see.

We don't get the breaks,
so this is the kiss-off.

You take the high road.
I'll take the low road.

We'll see who gets in where
before who.

If we meet again great.
If not happy holidays.

No hard feelings, but...

You've a schedule.

Right.

What happened to your slick friend
in the Alfa Romeo?

I told him I was in love with you
so he put me down.

I warn you...

Don't.

How about
a cup of coffee?

"Vous avez un chambre?"

"Oui, Monsieur. "

What kind of people sit like that
without saying anything?

Married people.

This is definitely
against my principles.

Good, I wouldn't like to think
it happened all the time.

I had absolutely no intention
of sleeping in hotels.

You didn't?

Why do you think I brought
a sleeping bag for?

I hadn't thought about it.

Who are you?

Some girl.

Sleep well?

I think that room was over
the plate smashing annex.

My days for roughing it
are over.

Next time get Maurice to reserve us
a room, if you can't remember.

Preferably with a carpet

and something else in
the hot tap besides...

All right, now when we're ready,

it's Joanna in the hot seat
and Catherine the co-driver,

okay?

We've got three weeks to go,
so make the best of it.

Believe it or not,
I'm making the best of it.

You wanted to come.

Okay?

Mummy, I don't want Joanna
to look at me.

Ruthie, don't be silly.

Joanna,
may I say something?

This may sound absolutely
ridiculous to you.

I know you love Ruthie,
but she doesn't realise it.

You're not getting through to her.

She's gotten the idea
you're hostile to her.

May I make a suggestion?

Why don't you woo her
a little bit?

Woo her?

That's right, woo her.

Okay, let's get this show
on the road.

Ruthie, honey.
Come on.

It has running hot and cold, bath,

free garage, telephone...

and transistor radios
aren't allowed in the dining room.

It sounds minimal,
but I'll buy it.

I don't want to go to a hotel.

Our own little home for the night.
Of course you do.

I don't. I don't.

Ruthie, may I have
the keys back, please?

No.

Okay, we'll just have to stay
here all night.

- Is that what you want?
- Yes.

- With nothing to eat?
- I'm not hungry.

- She had a little snack...
- Cathy, please.

Ruthie, give me that key!

Don't you have a spare?

If I use the spare,
we don't have a spare.

Mummy, I'm so tired.

Do you still want a child?

I still want a child.

I just don't want that child.

We agreed before we were married

we weren't going to have
any children.

And before we were married,
we didn't.

Ruthie, that was a funny thing
you did with the key.

Fast thinking.

- Did you see where it landed?
- Yes.

- Good girl. Where?
- I'm not going to tell you.

- Tell him at once!
- There.

I wooed her.

Your time's up, buddy.

Breakfast is served.

That's a good cup of tea.

It's coffee.

I knew it was a good cup
of something.

Okay, start her up.

Let's go.

Plenty of revs.

We stalled.

You stalled.

You drive.

No.

I don't want to drive.

You stalled.

Done it.

That should hold it for a while.

Someone is having
a bonfire.

I love bonfires.

One day we'll have a big garden
and grow lots of bonfires.

Wood smoke I like best.
Hickory, for instance.

Have you ever smelt it?

Never.

I'll have to take you to the States.

I could also get Cathy
to send us a few cans.

They really can it now.
She could...

She could bring it
on her next trip.

Do I detect a note
of welcome?

You can't expect her not
to come and see your baby.

No. You're not...?

This, I suppose, is my holiday
surprise?

I don't suppose it was much
of a surprise.

You really have to have
everything you want, don't you?

Don't we have to celebrate?
What we got to drink?

Here we are.

We're getting further south.

It's certainly getting warmer.

Why don't they overtake us
if they want to?

Mark, fire!

Where?

Here, us. We're on fire.

I can't see.

Water!

But where?

Find some!

Here, yes, here.

It likes water.

Stand back!

What about you?

I'm going to stand back.
Think I'm crazy.

I have telephoned
the fire brigade.

"Passeport, s'il vous plait. "

For heaven's sake,
park the car in the shade.

I don't want to come out
after lunch to a red hot car.

What does "r�serv�
� la direction" mean?

Reserved for management.

Hell, we're the customers.

Daddy.

Why do you think Red China
is a bitch?

We can't stay here, Howie.

I meant that Red China
was a very difficult problem.

All right, Cathy.
I'm moving.

Over there, Howie,
is perfect.

I saw them.

Daddy.

- Yes, Ruthie.
- Did you do that on purpose?

No, Ruthie, I didn't.
I did not.

No, Ruthie, no.

Do you love me?

Do you?

Confessions extracted
under torture don't count.

Do you?

Yes!

Okay.

You're going to get us
slung out of here.

Actually it's not a bad idea.

It's going to ruin us anyway.

This is heaven.
I could eat a horse.

I hate to tell you this,
but we've just gone on a diet.

But we haven't had lunch.

At these prices we can't afford
to eat here.

No.

I'm starving.

You'll have to practice
a little self-restraint.

I'm not hungry.
You are not hungry.

We are not hungry.

I am hungry.
You are not hungry.

Women in advanced state of pregnancy,
should be careful about over eating.

Advanced?
I've got eight months to go.

There must be a food shop
in the village.

I'm too worried about you
to eat anything myself.

I'll slip down to the chemist
and get you some, guess?

Hamburgers?

Pills.

That's right. Pills.

Hamburger pills.
Large hamburger pills.

Don't let them see you bringing it
in.

What about food?

What about food?

We have to eat. Let's go
to the Domaine St. Just, why not?

I'm not dressed.

The last time we went there
I was dressed in soot

and you were wearing a blanket.

I can change,
if you want me to.

Change. I want you to.

I'm still not done up.

"Bonsoir, Madame. "

"Bonsoir, Monsieur. "

"- Bon appetit.
- Merci Madame. "

A lousy cop plugged me,
sweetheart.

Pills!
Hamburger pills!

What people go to a restaurant
and don't talk to each other?

Married people.

You're the only woman I know
who shares her bed with a sardine.

I don't care what kind of sardine
you are, I like you.

Will you hate me
when I'm bow-fronted?

Undoubtedly.

Will you be unfaithful to me?

Blatantly.

No!

You promised I could.

You promised you wouldn't.
When we got married.

Would you mind undoing
what you did?

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Aren't you coming to bed?

Tired?

No.

I won't be long.

Shall I call your secretary
to make an appointment?

When did you start being
as snide as this?

After we got married,
didn't I?

Did we get married?

Yep.

Remember? When sex
stopped being fun.

Yeah, and started being official.

Yeah, I remember.

I think that lovely lake
breeds lovely mosquitoes.

I'll close the window.

We'll suffocate.

We'll have to pretend
they don't exist.

All right.
Good night.

Good night, little mother.

Mark...

They do exist.

No, they don't.

They do.

I have an idea.

Sleep well?

Very well. I had a dreamy dream.

Tell me the worst.

I dreamt you built us
a beautiful Wallace designed house.

And I built us a beautiful
Wallace designed triplets.

All we need right now
is a population explosion.

"Entrez. "

You did not need
the mosquito net?

We managed without.

No breakfast?

Religious reasons.

We've got to get out.
This self-denial's killing me.

I'm sorry you weren't able
to sample our restaurant last night.

So are we.
It was religious reasons.

Particularly when we have to charge
you an all inclusive price.

I beg your pardon?

High season, our price includes
dinner and breakfast always.

Always.

Thank you.

I think the Inspector
is waiting for you outside.

Inspector?

Concerning the expenses
for the fire brigade.

We'll see you again, I hope.

"Merci. "

What's the French for,
"Inspector, I don't believe you

and you're not going to get
a penny"?

"Oui, Monsieur".

"Oui, Monsieur".

"Plus 30000 francs. "

"Oui, Monsieur".

"Et 5000 plus 2500,
plus 2500."

"2500.
C'est tout. "

"C'est tout?"

"C'est tout. "

"Et 1000 francs taxe. "

Tax?

Tax on what?

"Quel taxe, Monsieur I'Inspecteur?"

"Taxe sur 42500 francs, Madame. "

"1000 francs?"

"Pourquoi 1000 francs
sur 42000?"

"Le taxe. "

"Pourquoi 1000?"

"1000 francs de taxe, Madame. "

This is literally a highway robbery.
This is a highway robbery.

Don't lose your temper.

I'm not losing my temper!

"Et 1000 francs
pour la faire enlever. "

Dispose of the wreck.

"Nous la ferons enlever... "

"Pour la mettre o�?"

Where?

Quelque place ou autre...

Come on, Jo.

All right, think I'm deaf.
I can hear you.

Look!

"Vous �tes fou, ou quoi?
Vous �tes malade. "

Well, we disposed of it.

"Qui c'est qui va me payer, moi?
Parce que les assurances...

les assurances,
elles sont jamais press�es. "

"J'ai un hangar qui a br�l�,
j'ai toujours pas �t� rembours�. "

"Un hangar comme �a,
on ne va pas m'en faire cadeau. "

"D'autant plus que c'est dangereux.
Ils auraient pu tuer quelqu'un. "

�a, �a suffit � peine.

"C'est pas croyable
d'�tre aussi maladroit!"

"Bon, j'essayerai de m'arranger
avec �a, mais... "

This is the life.

He let me down
quite disgracefully.

So I'm looking for an architect.

My husband is an architect.

So you put up buildings
as well as knocking them down?

He doesn't have a minute to spare.

What about now?

He has a minute to spare.

Good, good.
We must talk.

I must tell you I'm in a corner.

Communist!

- Are you all right, honey?
- Yes.

Chantilly.

Isn't that in the guide book?

It could be.

Do let's stop.

I don't want Ruthie
to be late for her lunch today.

Yes, well it's off the main road.

I may as well warn you
before we get to Greece,

that the Acropolis
is off the main road.

Okay.

This is a democratic trip.

Really great to dawdle through
and old place like that.

Joanna, I have to thank you.

I thought you didn't like her,
Daddy.

- Ruthie...
- Of course I like her.

Then why did Mummy say she was
a suburban English nobody?

It's important to the future
of our quadripartite relationship

to get that remark
into a clear context.

I think it best for the future
of our quadripartite relationship

if we accepted the fact
that it has no future whatsoever.

Mark, please,
don't be too hasty.

We're through, Howard.

Those things took
a lot of arranging.

Listen to me. Try
and imagine how Joanna feels.

I can see how she feels.

She'll feel the whole trip's
been loused up because of her.

You're a complacent son of...

Abuse me if you want to.

I want to.

You're going to dominate her
out of existence.

I'm going to smash your face in.

That isn't a very adult attitude.

Marcus, please.
That's the phonograph.

Mark, please.

Come on, Joanna, darling.

You haven't asked her if
she wants to abandon the expedition.

Come on, baby.

That, if I may say so,
is a very revealing usage.

Calling her "baby" shows that
you're thinking and deciding for her.

I warn you solemnly, Marcus.

You're denying her the right
to be her own paradoxical self.

You're the largest pocket
of untapped natural gas known to man.

They haven't even opened yet.

What is it about?

Who knows?

What do people have rows about?

Money, sex...
Sex, money.

He wants,
she doesn't want.

She wants,
he doesn't want.

He thinks the counter
is in the wrong place.

Counter and display case.
It's very funny.

Yeah, that's marriage
for you.

That's marriage for them.

That's marriage. Full stop.

I'm allowed not to like Howard
and Cathy. They're my friends.

You didn't intend to enjoy the trip.
You were jealous of Cathy.

It's not my idea of bliss
travelling with three Manchester's.

You promised when we were married,
you'd always be happy.

Why can't you always
be happy?

Because I can't.

You broke your promise.

I am happy usually.

I love you, if that's any good.

That's not the issue.

If it isn't it should be.

You're right.

I'm right?

You're right.
Let's find a hotel.

At one o'clock?
What do we want a hotel for?

Let's find a hotel.

To hell with the Manchester's.
Mr., Mrs. And Miss.

In the future we travel alone
or not at all.

"My darling Joanna,
so far all goes well.

The car's nearly run in
and my patience nearly run out.

I miss you like mad.

I drove nearly all night
last night.

I couldn't face one of our hotels
without you with me.

I finally slept in the car

quite near where we buried
the old, burnt out M.G.

I wish to hell I hadn't had
to make the trip,

but I suppose what with
the house and Caroline,

it's just as well
that I've got some work.

At least this pays better
than corporation bus shelters.

And it's a lot more interesting,
let's face it.

I think about you all the time.

It's been an uneventful drag
so far.

It's a long dull road
when you're on your own.

All I care about
is getting down there,

and doing whatever has to be done
and getting back.

When I'm not being woken at three
in the morning I feel very paternal

and I miss you both
more than I can say.

Life's very flat.

I'll probably drive on overnight

and get down to the site
in the morning.

Two or three sessions
with the clients should be enough.

It's typical of me
as soon as I get away,

all I want to do is get back
to you again.

I won't write any more at the moment
because I want to get on.

As soon as I have a chance,
I'll drop you another line.

Love, love, love...

Mark.

P.S. The next time
we come away,

we shall have our own
Ruthiebelle with us. "

I don't want any more, Mummy.

Do you want to finish it?

Boiled egg for supper, Carol?

"Un oeuf a la coq,
s'il vous plait. "

"Trois minutes et demi.
Et du pain et lait. "

"Bien. "

Make sure Carol doesn't fall
out of the window or eat any chairs.

Can you?

While I wash out a few things
for the morning.

Okay.

Hey.

Come on in.

Come here.

Has it come yet?

What?

Carol's supper.

No.

Couldn't you see
what's happening to it?

I thought you were watching
Caroline.

I'm sorry, but I've got to see
"His Majesty" the client tomorrow

and I've got to finish this.

I'll go!

I'll go!

Don't bother!

Joanna, I'll go.

Where's out egg? We've been waiting
half an hour for our egg.

"Une medie heure pour un oeuf. "

"C'est pas possible.
Le chef n'est pas arrive. "

"Quel chef?
Pour un oeuf?"

I must ask you.

I must ask you.

You're disturbing the other guests.

I want that egg here in five minutes
or we're leaving.

We're leaving.

Leaving?

But Caroline's in her pyjamas.

Caroline can leave in them.

They don't want us here.
We're not staying here.

I refuse to be insulted by
a fifth rate doss house.

I ask you for a boiled egg
and you come with an eviction order.

I've told you.
We're leaving.

Let's go!

...he never got home
to early tea.

Do it again, Mummy.

The bumble-bee,
the bumble-bee,

he flew away
from the tulip tree,

but he made a mistake
and flew into the lake

and he never got home
to early tea.

Daddy do the duck.

Thank you.

It was all my fault, I know.

I've been telling Caroline
bedtime stories for an hour.

It'd be nice if you could avoid
"fort�simo" for a while.

I quit that hotel because
they didn't bring what you wanted.

I didn't want a boiled egg.

I suppose she has nothing
to do with you.

You were the one who wanted
a child.

Why don't you wake her
and tell her that?

I don't want to tell her.
I'm telling you.

I love Caroline.

You don't know what love is.

You don't know what love is.

That's tough on me.

All you can do is take the salute
at an endless march past of yourself.

I have an appetite,
do you?

It wouldn't matter
who I was, would it?

I'm willing to call it a day.
Do you want to?

You never wanted to call it
anything else.

You're damned right.

Joanna.

We can't even have a fight
in peace.

Leave me.

Selfish.

They call it the Mediterranean.

There's time for a swim.

I don't understand sex.

Don't worry, it doesn't show.

Why is it we enjoy more
and it means less?

Because it isn't personal anymore.

Not personal?

That's right.

"Too late, they cried.
"Too late"

I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.

I love you.

Find us a big bed.

Tired?

No.

Come on.

End of romantic gesture.

That didn't last long.

I believe in short romances.

So do I.
Short and happy romances.

Last one in bed
turns the light out.

I'll beat you.

It was worth a try.

You know what I dreamt?

What did you dream?

I dreamt that a train

drove through the middle
of the room at night.

Mr. Freud, what big ears
you've got.

All the better to analyse
you with.

You said it.

Nothing at all to do
with sex whatsoever,

but I'm certainly not
as frustrated.

That's your story.
Try and sell it to Freud.

Sexy, wasn't it?

Okay, you're not frustrated.

Hot.

Scalding already.

We shouldn't get too much sun.

I don't burn,
I've got asbestos skin.

Come on.

In.

Get in.

Come on!

No!

This must be very near
the Garden of Eden.

Do you know what marriage is?

You tell me,
let's see if we agree.

Marriage is when the woman asks
the man to take off his pyjamas

because she wants to send it
to the laundry.

Good?

Very good.
I'm hungry and thirsty.

You're never satisfied.

What's wrong being hungry?

It's time you realised
that all human appetites

are profoundly degrading
with the exception of lust.

What if we could clap our hands
and someone would bring us a menu.

It'd be nice if we could clap
and make everyone disappear?

"Madame?"

"Excusez moi, c'est ne pas rien. "

It's just as well.
You wouldn't like it.

What'll we do?

Stand very still,
for several days.

Maybe it'll go away.

I don't want to stand still.
I don't want to stand still at all.

Nor do I.

Come back next week.

Did that hurt?

Joanna. Joanna. Joanna.

It's the first time you said
my name as if you really mean it.

Joanna. Joanna.
Joanna. Joanna.

I really mean it.

We have a week, asbestos.

I'm not asbestos.

No.

You're not really going to rejoin
those poxy choir girls?

I promised.
We have a week.

A week?

To hell with it.

It'll only hurt for a minute.

This is the life, eh darling?

Your wife is happy?

It doesn't take much
to make her happy.

A villa, swimming pool,
champagne, simple things.

You're not angry?

Angry?

Not to be alone together.

No, we can always
be alone together.

I'm waiting to hear from Palamos
about a meeting.

Then I'll show you the whole project.
If you're interested.

Sure I'm interested.

Perhaps you have to stay
a few more days, shall you mind?

I'll suffer.

Game.

Ready?

Come on, give.

Too late.

Come on, sweetheart.
We're playing.

Sweetheart, you've been
playing for two hours.

"Merci. "

Hello.

Palamos, I was going to
call you today.

I am calling you?

Honey, give me the ball.

No!

Get the ball.

You get it.

I've got sneakers on
and things.

Very pretty.
Fran�oise lend them to you?

They're a guest pair.
Get the ball.

Probably her son's.

Get the ball.

Or her grandson's.

Will you stop this insane jealousy
and get that ball?

There it is.

Come on.

Put me down!
Put me down!

Will you get the ball?

Certainly not.

Get it.

Mark, we meet Palamos
for drinks at six.

We talk about the scheme
and then we make a decision.

Fine.

Now I've got my shoes wet.
I'll probably catch a cold.

How much longer do we have to
stay here?

You were the one who got us
into this, sugar.

You were the one who sold me
to him and you were right.

A chance like this
doesn't come up everyday.

Thank God.

Lunch!

I see you at six and I bring
the genius with me.

Ciao. Ciao.

Will you please sit down here?

Tonight we all go to the gala.
We'll see Palamos there.

I don't have any suitable
clothes for a gala.

Then I borrow you.

There you go.
Fran�oise'll borrow you.

Do you mind eating caviar?

No, if we must.

Do you like galas?

Some galas.

Please, could you ring
the butler?

That's the only thing wrong here,
you don't get much of a sunset.

Joanna. Joanna. Joanna.

How can a week
pass so quickly?

We made the mistake
of enjoying ourselves.

Don' go tomorrow
just don't.

Let's not talk about it.
Let's not.

All right. We won't.

We agreed.

Qu�l gala!

You were marvellous, darling.
Absolutely marvellous.

And so funny.

The way you told the story
about the sunset.

You charmed the pants of Palamos.

That wouldn't be too difficult,
would it?

I knew you'd enjoy it
once we got there.

I hated it once we got there.

Why?

Because I'm tired
of being a parasite.

I want to go.
I want to be on our own.

We haven't been here very long.

We've been here month after month
for two whole days.

But I'm going to work for the man.

Well I'm not.

I'm not.

Treats by Maurice.

What shall we call the baby?

What?

Our baby.

The baby, I guess.

What is it?

I'm trying to imagine you fat.

What is it?

I'm trying to imagine you thin.

As I said to the Duchess,

"If you want to be a Duchess,
be a Duchess.

If you want to make love,
hats off.

Darling I'll meet you here
ten years from now, deal?

You'll be building skyscrapers.
You won't have time to come here.

I'll always think of this place
as ours.

Here comes Daddy.

What's the matter with you?

If you think I'll wait for ten years
and then turn up and say hello.

Nobody wants you
to say hello.

Say darling.

Or darling, or anything else.

I never want to see you again.

Then don't.

I hate you.

Joanna, listen!

We both went into this with our
eyes open. Nobody deceived anyone,

so stop playing
the ruined virgin.

It's a tune I've heard before
and I didn't like it then.

You're the one who's insisting
on going back to your...

Your damned choir.

Joanna,
I don't want you to go.

Yes, you do. You want me
to become a beautiful memory.

The sooner the better.

Who said anything about beautiful?
Will you come here?

I never want to see you again.

Not much...

As long as I live.

Joanna!

No!

I've decided we should get married.
What do you say?

Yes.

I won't ever let you down.

I will you.

I don't care what you do,
as long as I've got you.

Joanna Wallace.

You won't be sorry, sir.

You will.

Never, never, never.

David.

We're all down here.

Caroline, I want you to have lunch
with Jeanine and Nanny.

Won't that be nice?

And afterwards
you can all go for a swim.

David, you're naughty.
We expected you yesterday.

- I'm sorry.
- You're very naughty.

Who don't you know?

This is Nick and Michelle.
You know them.

And Mark and Maurice.

"Le Comte y la Comtesse. "

Have you met Joanna?

Hello.

Joanna Wallace,
my brother David.

How are you?

She's tired and overheated
and has a headache,

but apart from that
she's fine, thank you.

Mark, I think you're horrible.

Mark, I've given Michelle
an island.

When you've finished here,
you must come and build us a nest.

- You'll be lucky, Nicky.
- I am lucky.

Mark, I can't hear myself drink.

Henry!

And they never got home
to early tea.

Good morning.
Coffee?

Good morning.
Thank you.

"S'il vous plait, un autre tasse. "

Caroline sends you her love.

Did you spend the night here?

Yes, it's very comfortable.

You've stayed here before?

Once or twice.

Do you mind if I speak
with Joanna alone?

But of course.

Did you sleep
in the same room?

Yes.

In order words you...

Jo...

Are you in love?

Yes.

After only one day?

I see.

I'm like that.

Are you?

How many times has this happened
before you being like that?

Twice.
You and David.

I thought I was going to last
a lifetime.

I never meant it
to happen.

We suddenly found
that we...

Got on?

If you like.

I'm absolutely mad about the idea.

You mustn't blame
yourself, you know.

You've got an infernal
bloody gall, I must say.

I don't blame myself,
I blame you.

But that's ridiculous.

Joanna is my wife,
hadn't you heard?

Since some time
you've not loved her.

I'm not taking her away from you.

No?

We're simply going away together
for a time.

Thanks. That's really set
my mind at rest.

I'm sorry we didn't know
each other long.

It would've been easier.

Yeah and more fun.

Then you could've had the pleasure
of taking your friend's wife.

That's real kicks, eh?

Mark,
why don't you come out?

Palamos won't mind.

Hey, not that one!

There's still life in it.

The whole world is changing
out of all recognition.

There's no such thing
as permanence any more.

No, I suppose not.

We should be glad.

I suppose.

What kind of people sit like that
without saying anything?

Married people.

Exactly.

It's so sad.

No, my darling.
That's not sad.

When something is finished,
one must say it's finished.

I'll always love you,
always, always.

No matter what.

No matter what?

Yes.

As long as I don't catch you.

If you do,
you can keep me.

There comes a time,
when one must grow...

When the old things
are not amusing any more.

How is that?

Painful.

That was out, you pregnant sow.
Leg before driftwood.

Pregnant what?

Pregnant cow.

Pregnant sow.

You'll have to come out eventually.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Mark!

Bastard.

Give us a kiss.

Well?
You must decide.

I know.

Hello.

Hello.

Well?

I'm back.

Enjoy yourself?

Yes, thank you.

But I missed you.

I did.

Why?

Because he was so serious.

I thought you liked that.

But he's so serious.

Remind me to make
some funny faces.

You don't need to make
funny faces.

Mark, I'm back.

You humiliated me.

You humiliated me

and then you come back.

That's right.

Thank God.

Are you sure you remember
which one I am?

Joanna!

Joanna!

Joanna!

I've been stupid.
So stupid.

We've both...

It was always me really.
You were always the one. I'm sorry.

Let's forget it.

Can we forget it?

Can you?

I can.

I'm just glad you're back
that's all I care about.

Well, I'm back.

We should've parted then.

Why didn't we?

I didn't have the courage.

You didn't have the courage?
What courage did you need?

The courage to see that what
was finished was finished.

What was finished?

You know bloody well.

Yes, I do.

David and me.
And we finished so?

You're hoping David will be there.
Why pretend?

I'm not pretending.
I do hope he'll be there.

See.

I like him.

It'll give me someone to talk to
when Maurice drags you off

for one of his ten minute chats
for six hours.

I'm not having any ten minute
chats with Maurice.

Pin on a nice smile, darling.
We're almost there.

Joanna thought these would
go well in the living pit.

Bless you both.

Prettier than ever.

Your prettier than ever.

Everyone's admiring the house,
I can't tell you.

Tell me. I can't stand
praise unless I have it.

This is a beautiful house.
Congratulations.

You must be the architect.

I love the high ceilings.

And the low floors?

Precious.

You'll never believe this. It's
the wildest coincidence imaginable.

When I was on route to the airport,
who do you think I bumped into?

Metaphorically speaking,
of course.

But Howard and Cathy
Maxwell Manchester.

On their way back
from the hospital.

She's been undergoing
surgery.

- Beautiful house.
- She has a hopeful prognosis.

They told me to call you
when I got to Europe.

What a charming couple
and everything.

When I called Yvonne and found out
you built their new home.

You can imagine!

Isn't that the wildest
coincidence imaginable?

Yes, isn't it?

I think you've done
fantastic things.

You must be a very happy man.

Yeah, I guess so.

And your wife is such a darling.
I've heard so much about her.

You've got a wonderful
little boy, haven't you?

No, we've got a wonderful
little girl.

That's right.
A wonderful little girl.

I'm happy to see a bright
and talented man like you

break right through to the top.

I only wish Howard and Cathy
were here

because they believed in you
right from the start.

- Lf not before.
- Come along.

Mr. Wallace?
Telephone for you.

Follow me, sir.
I plug you in.

Follow me.
He plugs me in.

They call you from America.

They call me from America.

They call me from here, there,
every bloody where.

Hello.

Hello, Hal.
How are you?

It's Hal Van Benius.

What's the story?

It's fixed?
That's wonderful.

When do we start?

Yesterday I can't do.
I have things to do.

Rome?

Rome, friday? Yeah.

Yeah, I've got it.

I'll see you then.
Great. Bye.

Rome, friday.

So you're very much
a success.

Incredibly.

Come on.

Shall we dance?

I think it's too early
in the evening for that.

Is it ever too early?

Mark. You're here.
No one tells me a thing.

I'm repairing the electrics
which you should've checked again

and no one tells me
you're arriving.

There's a great many things
I want to discuss with you.

You haven't met
my fianc�.

How do you do? Let's go
somewhere quiet and we'll talk.

I thought this was going to be
a party.

Please,
I have problems.

What's the name
of your fianc� again?

I don't know I haven't asked.
What's your name, darling?

Sylvia.

She's very pretty.

You have divorced Joanna?

I don't understand.

The main question is,
when are you free?

Joanna, I want you to meet
my fianc�, Sylvia Alpino.

- Joanna Wallace.
- David has been telling me about you.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I had a phone call
from Hal Van Benius.

And?

I got the job.

Good.

Good?

You're going to the States?

Only for two years.

Then you must spare me ten minutes.
I need your advice.

He's going to see me in Rome
on his way through.

Ten minutes?

I've heard the news about you
and this wonderful girl here.

I hope you two can be as happy
as that couple over there

and have a marriage like theirs

you haven't got a thing
to worry about.

Mark, my problem is very simple,
but very complicated.

You must spare me ten minutes.
Ten minutes, please.

You're the obvious man since
it was your original conception

and I think it only fair
you should see what you can do...

Everybody jump, please.

Thank you. Thank you.

I think you should supervise...

I hate those occasions.

I hate those occasions.
You love those occasions.

I love you.

And I love you.

How long is this
going to go on?

How long what?

The pretence that we're happy.

You've never pretended.
Who's pretending?

You are, we're happily married
and you want to stay with me.

Those are two entirely
different things.

You don't have to tell me.

If you had someone else to go to,
you don't have to tell me.

Why are you still here?

Because I'm not you.

How long are you going to go on
resenting the past?

Who's talking?
Just who's talking?

I'm talking. What would
you do if we got a divorce?

Cry.

For how long?

I don't know.
Why would we get a divorce?

What if I died
or didn't exist?

If I hadn't had chickenpox,
I don't know.

I love you.

Well then, well then.

What would you do
if I didn't exist?

Probably marry David.

But you do exist.

You knew the answer.
So why ask the question?

Because I knew the answer.

There'll never be anyone else
like you in my life.

You promise?

I hope.

It's you who can't accept it.

What can't I accept?

Why do you stop the car
every time I say something?

What can't I accept?

That we're a fixture.
That we're married.

You go on about my leaving you
when I'm always still here.

You sure you don't want me
to leave you?

Positive.

Why do you think I'm here?

I don't know.
That's the thing.

That's the thing,
you never stop to think.

I've stopped to think.

Stop thinking.

Now?

Here?

I love happy endings.

You're just plain immoral.

How can it be immoral
if we're married?

We're going to have to
get a divorce.

- Come on, Howie.
- Okay. Okay.

You have to admit it.
We've changed.

I admit we've changed.

It's sad, but there it is.
Life.

At least you're not a bad tempered,
disorganised failure any more.

You're a bad tempered
disorganised success.

"Passeport, s'il vous plait. "

Wait a minute.

"Sans passeport vous ne pourrez pas
passer le fronti�re. "

My passports must be in here
somewhere.

I've got a very important
meeting in Rome.

I've got to get through.

Bitch.

Bastard.