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(upbeat music)
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- [Voiceover] Television,
the most powerful
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communications tool in the history of man.
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Since its beginning, the
networks have dictated
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00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,733
what comes into our
living rooms, but one man
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brought these almighty
monoliths to their very knees.
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His name: Vic De Salvo.
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This is his story.
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(groovy music)
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- There's Lucille Ball's house.
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I love Lucy!
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Danny Thomas's is right down the block.
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You remember Make Room for Daddy?
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- Yeah, yeah, sure, boss, I remember.
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- Let's go borrow a cup
of sugar from Bob Newhart.
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- We need sugar, boss?
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- How about a quart of
milk from Lonnie Anderson?
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(cackling)
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- Yeah, we need milk, too?
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- Bruno, oh, look at that.
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Pull up over there, Bruno.
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Hi, I'm Vic De Salvo, do
you mind if I say hello?
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(tires squealing)
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(snorting)
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- That was pretty smooth,
boss, very smooth.
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(chuckling)
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(cackling)
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- This is gold, Bruno, pure De Salvo.
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- Funny script, huh, boss?
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- It's my masterpiece.
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Too good for the networks,
I'll tell you that.
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- [Bruno] Hey, boss, there's
the peacock over there.
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- All right, pull over.
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It's in the bag, Bruno.
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What they respect in
this town is confidence.
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No, it's okay, Bruno.
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Pow!
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- We don't accept unsolicited manuscripts,
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and if we did, we wouldn't accept yours.
40
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- Madame, you do accept
them, and you will,
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and I'll tell you why.
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- Security.
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- All right, all right,
all right, take it easy,
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take it easy, give me the scripts.
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Thank you very much.
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- Hey, Vic, hey, leave him alone!
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Hey, hey, hey, get your hands off him.
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- That's okay, Bruno.
49
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- Which one did they like the best?
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- The networks aren't
buying Italians, Jews,
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and Puerto Ricans this season.
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They're buying gays,
alcoholics, child molesters.
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- I can't relate to the characters.
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You got anything with Nazis, maybe?
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- Vic, I'm telling you this
because I really like you:
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you got no future in this business.
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(upbeat music)
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- You son of a bitches are scared.
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- How's it going, boss?
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- I think I'm on a roll, Bruno, let's go.
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(applause)
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(TV announcer speaking)
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I don't know, Bruno.
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How come this crap gets on the air
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and I can't sell a series?
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- What do they know out here, boss?
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They ain't got no culture.
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- Yeah.
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- Hello, sir.
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- Oh, hi, Skip, how are you?
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- Thank God you're home.
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We've been under siege.
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First the painters, then the decorators.
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I nearly had kittens.
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- Oh, Skip, this is great!
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Real class, it's just what I wanted,
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an exact replica of the
Golden Nugget in Las Vegas.
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00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:03,344
- Thank you, sir.
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- Now, where's my brother?
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- Upstairs in the den.
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- All right.
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- Ollie, explain to me how
you lose a 12-ton diesel rig!
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Who leaves the motor running
when they take a leak?
84
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:19,737
Your ass, "everybody,”
look, find it, just find it.
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Where the hell have you been
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while the company's going
down the tubes, huh?
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- I was out making show
business connections.
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- Oh, yeah?
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Well, try and remember,
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there's a trucking business
that pays for this palace,
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and that $3 bill secretary of yours, huh?
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- Look, Goody, lay off Skip,
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he's going to get me into the
right social circles out here.
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- The right social
circle is back in Newark,
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which is where we ought to be right now.
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- All right, come on, don't
start this again, huh, Goody?
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You know entertainment is in my blood.
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Remember how I used to knock 'em dead
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at family weddings with Volare?
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- Vic, you were six years old.
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If you finished your broccoli,
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they gave you a standing ovation.
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- Oh, come on, some people get their kicks
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stomping on a dream.
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- Look, Vic, I love you, I
don't want to see you get hurt,
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but I gotta tell you, all
those scripts you wrote,
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nobody's going to buy them.
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A series about a pimp
called Munzio's Girls?
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00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,284
A soap opera called Bayone?
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- All right, forget about art.
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00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:12,247
I wrote another one, very commercial,
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it's called Sittin' Pretty, I know it,
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I got this TV formula down now:
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broads, boobs, horny guys,
sex jokes, the works.
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This is really commercial, I mean it...
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- Do what you want, I
don't care, but if you
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don't sell something very
soon, we're going back home.
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(somber music)
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- [Rich] Hey, Uncle Vic!
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- Hey, Rich.
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- You mind if Bruno runs me
over to my aerobics class?
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- Aerobics?
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What the hell is happening to this family?
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You've got one month!
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- Yeah, okay, Richie, go ahead.
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- [Rich] Thanks, Uncle Vic.
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(upbeat music)
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- Uh, well, you see, Ms.
Kester, I wouldn't be
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calling at all except that
I'm a little desperate.
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In my opinion, there's something wrong
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with your whole rating system.
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Now, our best summer series
is The Senator and Stinky,
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and I just cannot imagine how
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00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,434
it could possibly have done that badly.
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00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,185
- Statistically, we are accurate
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00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,105
within a 2.2% margin of error.
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- A zero share?
138
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:25,820
- Not one of the 1,500 Computron
sets were tuned into it.
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In short, nobody watched.
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- That's where you're wrong.
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00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:32,035
It just so happens, Ms. Kester,
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that we received over 400 letters
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from people complaining about the show,
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so it's clear that somebody watched.
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00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,544
- [Francine] Well, none of
the Computron households.
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00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:44,756
- Households, see, now that's
the flaw in your system.
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You don't take into account
college dormitories,
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hospitals, prisons, we
get a lot of fan mail from
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00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,723
mental institutions, that
doesn't turn up in your ratings.
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00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:56,309
- Look, Mr. Braithwaite,
would you be complaining
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if you had four shows in the top 10?
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- No, Ms. Kester, I wouldn't,
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00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:04,359
because I'd be dead from the shock.
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(phone buzzing)
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- Another happy customer.
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00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,495
(chuckling)
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Uh, Mr. Vandergelder,
did you read my report?
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00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,166
The one about the phone surveys
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to augment the computer data?
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00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:25,171
- Oh, yes, yes, we'll get into that,
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00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,923
uh, Francine, but right now,
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I'm in conference with Miss, uh, Conroy.
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- Yes.
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I wouldn't want to interrupt a conference
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with the office receptionist.
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♪ Looking up
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00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,118
♪ Stratosphere-
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00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:57,578
♪ -ically speaking
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00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:01,082
♪ Looking up
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00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:05,169
♪ If you thought we were peaking
171
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:09,091
♪ Ratings-wise
172
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,678
♪ We'll surprise you again
173
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:17,306
♪ And again
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00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,434
♪ MBC
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00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:21,519
♪ Three letters that will amaze you
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00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,729
♪ MBC
177
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,480
♪ Know that we're going to raise you
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00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,690
♪ MBC
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00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,568
♪ Where all your dreams come true
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00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,237
♪ This fall is all for you
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00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,489
♪ So hand us the winner's cup
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00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:36,075
♪ Because at MBC
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♪ We're looking up ♪
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00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,294
(cheering applause)
185
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,587
- [Voiceover] Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:50,840
the star of MBC's number one comedy hit,
187
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,551
Gimme Five, 40 pounds of fun,
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00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:56,220
Woodrow T. Brown!
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00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,390
♪ Don't give me any bad times
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00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,226
♪ Don't give me any jive
191
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,312
♪ You can keep all the bad
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00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,732
♪ Just gimme a five ♪
193
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,652
- Gimme five!
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00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:15,406
I ain't never seen so many
white people in one room.
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00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:18,117
(laughter)
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00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,788
So gimme five, gimme 10 on that one.
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00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,665
I'm here tonight to
introduce our head honcho.
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00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:28,044
You know I must be talking
about the president
199
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:31,339
of MBC Entertainment,
Mr. Parker Braithwaite.
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00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,635
(hesitant applause)
201
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,679
(feedback humming)
202
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,433
- It's gooseflesh time!
203
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,811
I don't know about you affiliates,
204
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:48,314
but I'm excited, because I've
seen the new fall lineup,
205
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,066
and I know that this is the year
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00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,360
that the MBC eagle
207
00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:55,322
is really going to soar.
208
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,951
So now, without any further ado,
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00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:03,621
here's just a preview of what's
in store, come September,
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00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:07,166
as we go for it!
211
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,252
♪ We got the shows
212
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:13,047
♪ We've got the stars you want to see
213
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:16,509
♪ This is the place to be
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00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:20,179
♪ MBC
215
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,892
♪ We're gonna go for it
216
00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,148
♪ Go for it ♪
217
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,781
- [Voiceover] By day, they're
swingin' sexy aerobics instructors
218
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,286
at a Santa Monica health
club known as H.O.T.B.O.D.S.
219
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,037
But, unknown to the public,
220
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,123
H.O.T.B.O.D.S. is a CIA code name,
221
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,167
for the Headquarters of the Bureau
222
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:50,918
of Organized Defense Security.
223
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,796
This elite force of
female intelligence agents
224
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,132
defends America from the forces of evil.
225
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,217
Along with their chauffeur bodyguard,
226
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,343
(gunfire)
227
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,055
They're known as H.O.T.B.O.D.S. and Levar.
228
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:11,939
What happens when Gary can't
get into this man's army?
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00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,151
Well, he does the next best thing:
230
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,820
he joins this gal's army,
231
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,031
and becomes Wacked Out.
232
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:23,660
(playful music)
233
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,458
- Wacked Out is going to be a monster.
234
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,084
It tested through the roof.
235
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,294
- Tell them.
236
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:34,754
They're not laughing, Parker.
237
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,924
- [Voiceover] Yes, the laughs
are on us, and Uncle Sam!
238
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:41,303
In this new comedy from the
creators of I Got It Good,
239
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,264
it's Wacked Out!
240
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,936
Your funny bone will go AWOL.
241
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,521
(uplifting music)
242
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,149
And then, from the producers of Beer Nuts,
243
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:58,611
NBC proudly presents a warm human drama
244
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,488
that will both touch and move you,
245
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,448
the story of those unsung heroes
246
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,242
who toil while you sleep.
247
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:07,161
They are the Dawn Patrol.
248
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,413
Yes, the hopes, dreams, and fears
249
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,832
of a big city sanitation crew.
250
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,961
There's Rodriguez, the cynic,
251
00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:17,297
Jason, the rookie,
252
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,300
and Wexler, the poet.
253
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:25,471
You'll come to love this ragtag bunch
254
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:28,058
as they charm their way into your hearts.
255
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:32,061
These are the people of the Dawn Patrol.
256
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:36,023
They'll be riding up your
street this fall on MBC.
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00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,234
♪ We got the shows
258
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:41,320
♪ We've got the stars you want to see
259
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,072
(slow applause)
260
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:46,075
♪ This is the place to be
261
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,785
♪ NMBC ♪
262
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,745
- You better clap your hands, fool.
263
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:53,250
♪ We're gonna go for it
264
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,920
♪ Go for it ♪
265
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:01,299
(fancy music)
266
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,676
- Mr. De Salvo?
267
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,014
Mr. Vic De Salvo?
268
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:13,353
Telephone call for Mr. Vic De Salvo.
269
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:17,399
- Yo, over here, I'm De Salvo.
270
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,901
- Oh, yes, how could I have forgotten?
271
00:14:20,902 --> 00:14:22,321
- Uh, thank you.
272
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,865
How about a menu, I've
been here for two hours.
273
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,908
- I'll see what I can do.
274
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,493
- Oh, yeah, thank you.
275
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:32,080
Uh, yes, operator, this is Vic De Salvo.
276
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:35,124
You have a call from who?
277
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:39,254
Yes, I'll accept a call from Alan Alda.
278
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:42,882
Hello, Al, how are you?
279
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,134
Good, did you read the property?
280
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,137
You loved it, great.
281
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,639
Now, I realize that Albert Schweitzer
282
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,850
and Mother Teresa never really met,
283
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,269
but with you and Carol
Burnett in the leads,
284
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,397
CBS is very high on the project.
285
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,191
- Who's that De Salvo over there?
286
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,609
Anyone I should know?
287
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,819
- Bye-bye.
288
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:06,655
The bigger they are, the nicer they are.
289
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,491
(chuckling)
290
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:10,951
Uh, excuse me.
291
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,161
-Yes?
292
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,871
- I forgot my glasses.
293
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,748
Is that a flaw?
294
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,625
- I wouldn't know.
295
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:21,838
- Oh, you don't get much
for 14 grand these days.
296
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:26,092
- Another telephone call
for you, Mr. De Salvo.
297
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,635
I'll ring it through.
298
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:30,429
- Huh, can you believe this?
299
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,391
When you're a big-time TV producer,
300
00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:35,476
they never leave you alone.
301
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,770
(telephone chiming)
302
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:40,315
Oh, fancy ring.
303
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:43,568
Hello?
304
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,570
Johnny, Johnny who?
305
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,198
Oh, Johnny Carson.
306
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,409
(laughing)
307
00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:52,952
Now what does he want?
308
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,578
- Hey, Vic, how you doing there?
309
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:55,788
Are they buying it?
310
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,040
- You got "em eating out
of the palm of your hand.
311
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,501
- I'll bet that Sylvester
Stallone calls you next.
312
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,961
I mean, I do a great Stallone.
313
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,921
Adriannnn!
314
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,965
- You're something.
315
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,509
All right, listen, Johnny,
316
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,344
well, all right, we'll play tennis, okay?
317
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,555
I promise I'll call, I will call you.
318
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:14,224
All right, bye-bye.
319
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:19,854
I saved his career once,
he never leaves me alone.
320
00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:23,023
So, uh, are you girls actresses,
321
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,526
because I'm casting.
322
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:31,199
Who needs you?
323
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,707
- Your menu, Sir.
324
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:40,749
- Oh.
325
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:45,713
Thank you, uh, that's very delicious cake,
326
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,632
it's very light and moist.
327
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,220
(tense music)
328
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,139
- Mr. Friedlander, would you step
329
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,100
into Mr. Braithewait's
office for a minute?
330
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,817
(ominous music)
331
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,423
- Frank, glad you could come, sit down.
332
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:30,841
Would you like some coffee?
333
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,052
Soda?
334
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:35,346
Well, let's get right down to brass tacks.
335
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,264
Frank, you know I'm
not one to mince words.
336
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,934
I have to let you go.
337
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,519
Sure, you're hurt,
338
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,605
but let's not forget that
The Senator and Stinky
339
00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:47,650
was the lowest rated show in
the history of television.
340
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:49,443
I don't think I have to remind you
341
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,695
who touted that turkey.
342
00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,949
Ah, but you still have your
job until five PM on Friday,
343
00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:56,909
Frank, so feel free to use that time
344
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,911
to tie up any loose ends, and hey,
345
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,705
let's not say goodbye, let's just say,
346
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,250
so long.
347
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,794
Oh, and Frank, leave
the tape machine running
348
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,420
on your way out, yeah, thanks.
349
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:12,175
(ominous music)
350
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:17,638
- Oh, come on, matey,
things can't be that bad.
351
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,641
Remember what we say on
the Captain Andy show,
352
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,978
"A smile is a frown turned upside down."
353
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,605
Haha, cheer up.
354
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,193
- Sit down, Captain Andy.
355
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:35,115
Captain, you have the
longest running show on MBC,
356
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:39,785
which is why what I
have to do now pains me.
357
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,996
- I'm telling you, I've got an appointment
358
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:43,289
with Mr. Friedlander.
359
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,832
- I'm sorry, your name's not down here.
360
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,083
- Well, look again!
361
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,167
- Hold on a second.
362
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,503
Front desk?
363
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,298
Yes, sir, Mr. Friedlander.
364
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,508
Mr. De Salvo's right here.
365
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:57,761
- So send him up, he's a
very important producer.
366
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,556
- Yes, sir, right away.
367
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,434
Go right ahead, Mr. De
Salvo, 20th floor, sir.
368
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:04,935
- Well, thank you very much,
369
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,854
and maybe next time, you'll remember me.
370
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,689
(scoffing)
371
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:12,611
(playful music)
372
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:16,113
Friedlander, this is your lucky day.
373
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,156
- Who are you?
374
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,117
- The answer to your prayers.
375
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,494
All right, now here's the capper,
376
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,997
you're going to love this
scene, it's gonna kill you.
377
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,874
Chip is in the locker room
378
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:30,169
dressed in Kim's
cheerleading outfit, right,
379
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,715
he's got two basketballs
in his sweater for boobs!
380
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:37,009
Now, Kim can't come out of the shower
381
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,094
because Chip's wearing her clothes!
382
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,596
(cackling)
383
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:44,058
All right, now, that
ends the dream sequence.
384
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:48,354
Now, we flash back 20 years...
385
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,648
- Hold it, De Salvo.
386
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:53,067
I don't have to hear another word.
387
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,777
- [Vic] You don't like it?
388
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,071
- On the contrary,
389
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,614
I love it.
390
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,992
It's just what this network deserves,
391
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,620
and they're going to remember
me for giving it to them.
392
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,915
Business Affairs, please.
393
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,377
Vic, it is Vic?
394
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,045
- Yeah, yeah.
395
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:17,091
- Vic, I think we should
go to pilot on this.
396
00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:21,221
How would you like a firm
on-the-air commitment?
397
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,015
(cork popping)
398
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,726
- You should've seen me, boys.
399
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,939
I was brilliant, I was brilliant!
400
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:35,192
- MBC must be really hard up
to put that schlock on the air.
401
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,568
- Hey, lighten up, Goody.
402
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,320
- What's all the excitement?
403
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,406
- Skip, I sold my show.
404
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,949
We're going to have a big party
405
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,742
and I'm putting you in charge.
406
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,370
- Fabulous, I know just the caterer.
407
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,579
- What caterer?
408
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,581
I was planning on making
some scungilli calamaris
409
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,291
and have some cannolis afterwards.
410
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,753
- Please, please, this is an A-party.
411
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,213
- Uh, yeah, yeah, Skip,
412
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,881
I want you to draw up the guest list.
413
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,216
No lightweights.
414
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,136
- In that case, Chuck Heston is a must.
415
00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,555
Then there's Dudley and Susan,
416
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,725
and we mustn't forget the Robert Stacks...
417
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:09,935
- Wait a minute, there's more than one?
418
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,773
(upbeat music)
419
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:18,235
You know, Richard, when
they talk about this party,
420
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,446
and they will talk about this party,
421
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:24,575
they'll all say this was
Skip Imperiali's finest hour.
422
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:27,453
You know, I was thinking
of seating the Jack Lemmons
423
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,872
and the Walter Matthaus at the same table.
424
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:33,459
Oh, you're right, it's too on
the nose, but enough glitter.
425
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,044
What we really need are
some studio honchos.
426
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,132
We can get Brandon Tartikoff
and Aaron Spelling...
427
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:46,096
- Ho ho, you are a delight, Wendy,
428
00:21:46,097 --> 00:21:48,390
a real breath of fresh air.
429
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,018
- That means so much to me, Wes.
430
00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:52,936
You know I really look up to you.
431
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,396
- So I've heard.
432
00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:57,442
- Ah, working late again, Francine?
433
00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:02,446
- You know, I really
admire your dedication.
434
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:05,032
I guess for me, having a personal life
435
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,533
is just too important.
436
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:09,203
- You seem to balance
them both pretty well.
437
00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:10,788
- Let's go, Wendy.
438
00:22:10,789 --> 00:22:13,081
Maybe we can finish our conference
439
00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:15,292
over a rack of lamb at the Le Buff
440
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:18,253
and then see where we stand, huh?
441
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,798
Goodnight, Francine.
442
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,842
No working after midnight.
443
00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:25,093
Come on.
444
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:28,640
(mysterious music)
445
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,733
(night sounds)
446
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:41,443
- I thought this was an A party.
447
00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,320
Not one guest is showing up.
448
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,072
- What are you complaining about?
449
00:22:45,073 --> 00:22:47,825
- I gave up my acting class for this.
450
00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:51,329
(gentle music)
451
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:58,961
- Skip, what time you got?
452
00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,671
- 10 o'clock.
453
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:02,257
(sighing)
454
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,974
- Nice party, boss.
455
00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:13,601
- Yeah.
456
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:22,819
- Listen, Vic, where are all
the celebrites you promised?
457
00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:28,490
- Hey, Skip, people will
be coming soon, right?
458
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,868
- Of course, sir, it's just that no one
459
00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:33,078
wants to be the first to arrive.
460
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:37,082
- Great, meanwhile,
I've got a $400 ice swan
461
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,711
that's dripping into the chopped liver.
462
00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:48,636
- Hi.
463
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:54,391
- Uncle Vic, Uncle Vic!
464
00:23:54,392 --> 00:23:56,185
Someone's coming.
465
00:23:57,687 --> 00:23:58,896
- See?
466
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:00,814
And you were worried, come on.
467
00:24:00,815 --> 00:24:02,733
Come on, let's go over there.
468
00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:04,861
- Hey, let's go see who it is, come on.
469
00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,363
- You take it from Vic, baby.
470
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:11,116
You put out free food,
it attracts two things:
471
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:12,576
flies and actors.
472
00:24:12,577 --> 00:24:13,994
Music, maestro!
473
00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:15,996
- I bet it's Alan Alda,
he's so nice and polite,
474
00:24:15,997 --> 00:24:17,289
he'd call if he couldn't make it.
475
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:18,415
(laughing)
476
00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,709
- All right, waiters, on your toes,
477
00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,962
push the shrimp balls.
478
00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:26,089
- Did you see who it was?
479
00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:27,675
You don't know who it was?
480
00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:35,016
- Who's that?
481
00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,560
- That must be Mrs. Alda.
482
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:41,648
Alan's probably throwing
the coats on the bed.
483
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:49,738
Um, hello, I'm Vic De Salvo.
484
00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:53,408
Welcome to our soiree, Mrs., uh...
485
00:24:53,409 --> 00:24:56,119
- Miss Francine Kester.
486
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,664
- Francine Kester?
487
00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:02,542
Hey, everybody, Francine Kester's here.
488
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,920
- Who's that?
489
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:11,177
- So, um, where's your
important and influential date?
490
00:25:12,387 --> 00:25:14,304
- Actually, I came alone.
491
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:15,639
- Alone?
492
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,101
I don't remember any Francine
Kester on the invite list.
493
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:20,519
Do you, Skip?
494
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,188
- Please, I have no
knowledge of this woman.
495
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:25,857
- You don't look like you've
had knowledge of any woman.
496
00:25:25,858 --> 00:25:28,360
(laughing)
497
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:31,571
(cackling)
498
00:25:31,572 --> 00:25:34,324
Look, uh, you know, I just
took my boss's invitation.
499
00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,243
I thought the party might be fun.
500
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:37,995
You don't want me here,
fine, I'll go home.
501
00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:40,539
- No, no, no, no, no, don't
go, don't go, come on,
502
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:42,040
come on, I like you.
503
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,792
Hey, a drink for the lady!
504
00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:46,086
(chuckling)
505
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:48,588
Come on, come on, all
right, all right, all right.
506
00:25:48,589 --> 00:25:49,923
It's a guest.
507
00:25:49,924 --> 00:25:52,301
All right, what are you
standing around for, mingle!
508
00:25:56,514 --> 00:25:59,516
Hey, all right, one drink is enough.
509
00:25:59,517 --> 00:26:00,435
Here you go.
510
00:26:00,436 --> 00:26:01,518
- Thank you.
511
00:26:01,519 --> 00:26:02,936
- Sheesh.
512
00:26:02,937 --> 00:26:04,896
- Let's eat, there's a guest come,
513
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,356
let's get something to eat.
514
00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:08,859
- I'm sorry that I blew up at you before,
515
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:10,277
but I'm a little edgy tonight.
516
00:26:10,278 --> 00:26:11,611
- Oh, I can see why.
517
00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:12,863
This party's a bomb.
518
00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:15,657
- Hey, hey, hey, I like spunk in a woman,
519
00:26:15,658 --> 00:26:17,743
but don't push your luck.
520
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:19,078
Have a shrimp ball.
521
00:26:20,204 --> 00:26:22,289
All right, all right, at ease, at ease.
522
00:26:22,290 --> 00:26:24,082
- I can't complain about the service.
523
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:25,250
- Yeah, it's the unions.
524
00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:27,753
You hire one guy, you gotta
take his brothers with him.
525
00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:29,797
Don't start me on unions here.
526
00:26:31,049 --> 00:26:33,009
Park it over here, honey.
527
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,139
- Some place you got here.
528
00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:40,974
- Yeah.
529
00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:42,434
- You're not an Arab.
530
00:26:42,435 --> 00:26:44,478
You must be a drug dealer.
531
00:26:44,479 --> 00:26:47,397
- No, drug dealer?
532
00:26:47,398 --> 00:26:49,983
No, I'm a TV producer.
533
00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:51,443
- I was close.
534
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:53,153
(laughing)
535
00:26:53,154 --> 00:26:54,529
- [Vic] So what do you do?
536
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:58,033
- I'm a statistician for the
Computron rating service.
537
00:26:58,034 --> 00:27:00,285
- Hey, I heard of that.
538
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,411
- Yeah?
539
00:27:01,412 --> 00:27:04,247
- Hey, Tamara, Miss Kester here
540
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:07,167
takes the ratings for the TV shows.
541
00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:08,585
- How glamorous.
542
00:27:08,586 --> 00:27:11,379
You must meet all kinds of
fascinating accountants.
543
00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:15,301
Vic, can I talk to you
alone in private, please?
544
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,806
- Miss Kester, why don't
you go hit the buffet table?
545
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:23,809
If you want to take anything
home, we've got foil.
546
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:26,145
Go ahead, it's good.
547
00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:32,568
- That is one of the big
celebrities you invited?
548
00:27:33,694 --> 00:27:35,320
- Hey, the last time I looked,
549
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,072
you weren't exactly Meryl Streep.
550
00:27:37,073 --> 00:27:40,075
- And I believed you when you
told me you were a producer.
551
00:27:40,076 --> 00:27:42,953
My God, you can't even produce a party.
552
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,871
- [Vic] I thought you were
here because you like me,
553
00:27:44,872 --> 00:27:47,249
not because you wanted
to meet celebrities.
554
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:50,001
- Oh, come on, Vic.
555
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,920
I mean, you have been around the block.
556
00:27:51,921 --> 00:27:53,672
I mean, when was the last time
557
00:27:53,673 --> 00:27:56,133
you saw a girl like me
with a guy like you,
558
00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:57,551
because she liked him?
559
00:27:57,552 --> 00:28:00,304
Oh, please, nice knowing you.
560
00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:10,106
- Uh, well, feel better.
561
00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:13,151
I'll call you later.
562
00:28:15,361 --> 00:28:16,695
Hey, Bruno.
563
00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:18,406
- Yeah, boss?
564
00:28:22,368 --> 00:28:24,744
- Tamara has decided to dissolve
565
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,372
our relationship and go home
566
00:28:27,456 --> 00:28:29,875
so I want you to go into the garage,
567
00:28:29,876 --> 00:28:32,043
get out the Rolls Royce
and wing her with it,
568
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:33,587
make it look like an accident.
569
00:28:33,588 --> 00:28:36,048
- I can't do that,
boss, it's my night off.
570
00:28:41,596 --> 00:28:43,430
- She dumped on you, huh?
571
00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:45,640
- No, no, Goody,
572
00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:48,644
I told her that I wasn't
ready for a commitment.
573
00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:53,773
- Vicky, have you noticed a
certain pattern in your life?
574
00:28:53,774 --> 00:28:55,525
I mean, since you've got money,
575
00:28:55,526 --> 00:28:57,652
all you do is go out with beautiful women
576
00:28:57,653 --> 00:28:59,821
who treat you like dirt.
577
00:28:59,822 --> 00:29:01,615
- It's a step up, I used to go out
578
00:29:01,616 --> 00:29:03,742
with ugly women who treated me like dirt.
579
00:29:03,743 --> 00:29:05,035
(scoffing)
580
00:29:05,036 --> 00:29:06,453
- What you need is a nice girl,
581
00:29:06,454 --> 00:29:08,538
a girl who like you for
yourself, a girl who...
582
00:29:08,539 --> 00:29:10,248
- That's not my type, huh.
583
00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:11,959
- Who can talk to you?
584
00:29:15,963 --> 00:29:20,051
- Vic, try some of this
pasta salad, it's delicious.
585
00:29:22,345 --> 00:29:24,262
- Yeah, it's very tasty.
586
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:25,472
Well, help yourself,
587
00:29:25,473 --> 00:29:28,225
there's another 600 pounds in the kitchen.
588
00:29:28,226 --> 00:29:31,186
- Oh, don't feel bad.
589
00:29:31,187 --> 00:29:33,522
Hey, it's really a lovely party.
590
00:29:34,565 --> 00:29:35,607
-It is?
591
00:29:35,608 --> 00:29:38,693
- Yeah, at least there's no
line at the buffet table.
592
00:29:38,694 --> 00:29:41,529
And I've never gotten this
much attention in my life.
593
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,157
I mean, usually when I go to
one of these Hollywood parties,
594
00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:46,451
there's so many glamorous women around,
595
00:29:46,452 --> 00:29:47,994
nobody even notices me.
596
00:29:47,995 --> 00:29:49,913
Tonight, they got no choice.
597
00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:51,499
(chuckling)
598
00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:54,960
- I'm starting to notice you myself.
599
00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:55,961
- Yeah?
600
00:29:55,962 --> 00:29:57,754
- Yeah, where you from?
601
00:29:57,755 --> 00:29:58,881
- Jersey.
602
00:29:59,882 --> 00:30:00,841
- No.
603
00:30:00,842 --> 00:30:02,092
- Yeah.
604
00:30:02,093 --> 00:30:04,302
- You're from Jersey?
605
00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:05,679
- I'm from Jersey.
606
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,097
- Hey, I'm from Jersey.
607
00:30:07,098 --> 00:30:08,223
- No, really?
608
00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:09,516
- Of course I'm from Jersey.
609
00:30:09,517 --> 00:30:11,309
Hey, come on, I want
you to meet some people.
610
00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:14,062
Hey, hey, boys,
611
00:30:14,063 --> 00:30:16,439
we got a Jersey girl here.
612
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,525
- [Bruno] Jersey, yeah, what part?
613
00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:19,609
- Versailles.
614
00:30:19,610 --> 00:30:20,860
- I got a road through over there.
615
00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:22,028
You know the Musticandi Bakery?
616
00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,280
- Are you kidding, I went to school
617
00:30:23,281 --> 00:30:24,781
with the Musticandi boys.
618
00:30:24,782 --> 00:30:27,075
- Yeah, hey, hey, Vic,
619
00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:28,326
you've got a nice broad here.
620
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,120
- Bruno, didn't you learn anything
621
00:30:30,121 --> 00:30:31,913
from the Women's Movement?
622
00:30:31,914 --> 00:30:34,582
You're not supposed to say
broad in front of them.
623
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:36,126
- [Bruno] I'm sorry, boss.
624
00:30:36,127 --> 00:30:38,753
- Hey, Skip, more champagne,
625
00:30:38,754 --> 00:30:40,755
bring out the good stuff this time.
626
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:42,090
Who would have figured,
627
00:30:42,091 --> 00:30:44,718
this disaster's turning into a party!
628
00:30:44,719 --> 00:30:46,344
- Hi, I'm Richie.
629
00:30:46,345 --> 00:30:48,722
- I'm Bruno, this is my wife, Serafina.
630
00:30:48,723 --> 00:30:49,931
- Hey, maestro!
631
00:30:49,932 --> 00:30:51,726
You guys know Volare?
632
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,353
- Maybe I'll sing a tune.
633
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,688
(laughing)
634
00:30:56,689 --> 00:31:00,192
(singing in Italian)
635
00:31:20,713 --> 00:31:23,298
- So, after Arthur went
back with his wife,
636
00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:24,884
I started seeing Malcolm again.
637
00:31:26,052 --> 00:31:27,344
- The dentist?
638
00:31:27,345 --> 00:31:28,511
- No, no, no,
639
00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:31,598
Malcolm sold white mice to laboratories.
640
00:31:31,599 --> 00:31:32,600
- Oh.
641
00:31:33,976 --> 00:31:37,396
- Yeah, he left me for an
older woman, his mother.
642
00:31:38,773 --> 00:31:40,899
- You may find this hard to believe,
643
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:44,028
but my heart's been used as
a hockey puck a few times.
644
00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,531
I guess you find that hard to believe.
645
00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:51,701
- Not really, it's a
cruel world out there.
646
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:54,871
- Yeah, I've known
disillusionment and despair
647
00:31:54,872 --> 00:31:57,040
and all those other cats.
648
00:31:57,041 --> 00:31:59,125
- Vic, you have
649
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,544
such an interesting way
of talking, you know?
650
00:32:01,545 --> 00:32:03,838
- Ah, I borrowed that from Frank,
651
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:06,258
he says it on his Man and His Music album.
652
00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:12,138
You know, Francine, I really like you,
653
00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:14,307
like, I feel like I can open up to you.
654
00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:15,975
- That's sweet, Vic.
655
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:19,020
I guess that girl tonight
hurt you pretty bad, huh?
656
00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:21,398
- Nah, that was one of
my healthy relationships.
657
00:32:21,399 --> 00:32:23,108
At least she didn't torch my warehouse.
658
00:32:23,109 --> 00:32:24,651
Some of them get vicious.
659
00:32:24,652 --> 00:32:26,404
(chuckling)
660
00:32:27,446 --> 00:32:28,489
- Well,
661
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:32,158
we're here, this is where I live.
662
00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:33,576
- Oh, geez,
663
00:32:33,577 --> 00:32:35,870
oh, 4:30.
664
00:32:35,871 --> 00:32:37,580
- [Francine] What?
- [Vic] We talked all night.
665
00:32:37,581 --> 00:32:40,750
- Oh, my God, it's like it just flew by.
666
00:32:40,751 --> 00:32:41,751
- Yeah.
667
00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:44,337
- So you want to come up for some coffee?
668
00:32:44,338 --> 00:32:48,134
- Uh, no, no, I think I better
take a rain check on that
669
00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:51,511
because I've got a lot
of appointments tomorrow.
670
00:32:51,512 --> 00:32:53,013
- I understand, no problem.
671
00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:57,517
- No, you don't understand,
I had a great time.
672
00:32:57,518 --> 00:32:59,686
- You don't have to say that, Vic.
673
00:32:59,687 --> 00:33:01,729
- I know I don't have to say that.
674
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:04,567
I'm saying it, that I like
you, I want to see you again.
675
00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:07,318
- So I'll hear from you?
676
00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:10,864
- Yeah, yeah, we'll go
to a movie or something,
677
00:33:10,865 --> 00:33:12,031
I'll call you.
678
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:13,200
- Great.
679
00:33:14,535 --> 00:33:16,912
- So, goodnight.
680
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,247
- Goodnight.
681
00:33:19,248 --> 00:33:22,293
(gentle music)
682
00:33:32,386 --> 00:33:34,345
- What happened, boss, you didn't score?
683
00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:36,347
- Oh, of course I didn't score.
684
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:38,766
This is an intelligent
and sensitive woman,
685
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:41,769
she doesn't have casual sex
with every guy she meets.
686
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:44,439
- That's too bad, we'll find
you one that's your type.
687
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,651
- Yeah, Francine's different.
688
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:51,237
You know, Bruno, I never knew I could have
689
00:33:51,238 --> 00:33:53,198
so much fun with a girl standing up.
690
00:33:53,199 --> 00:33:55,200
- Well, you know, sometimes, boss,
691
00:33:55,201 --> 00:33:57,953
you can't build a relationship
on just relating...
692
00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:01,874
- Yeah, you got a point there.
693
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:05,127
- All right.
694
00:34:06,545 --> 00:34:10,216
(soft music)
695
00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:29,318
- God,
696
00:34:30,444 --> 00:34:32,654
the De Salvo script sucks.
697
00:34:32,655 --> 00:34:34,739
I can't believe
Friedlander did that to me.
698
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:37,158
We've always had such a
close personal relationship.
699
00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:39,369
- It's called revenge.
700
00:34:39,370 --> 00:34:41,454
- Yeah, well, why couldn't
he just steal office supplies
701
00:34:41,455 --> 00:34:42,664
like everybody else?
702
00:34:42,665 --> 00:34:44,707
- Well, we're stuck with it.
703
00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:47,252
If we don't air that show,
he could sue us for millions.
704
00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:50,213
- But that's crap, we
can't put that on the air.
705
00:34:50,214 --> 00:34:51,757
- Never stopped us before.
706
00:34:52,841 --> 00:34:53,841
- True.
707
00:34:54,843 --> 00:34:56,427
- What do you know, don't tell me,
708
00:34:56,428 --> 00:34:57,804
I'm an Emmy-winning director,
709
00:34:57,805 --> 00:34:59,973
I ain't gonna take any of
this crap from anybody.
710
00:34:59,974 --> 00:35:03,644
- Ah, who needs you, I'll
direct this pilot myself.
711
00:35:05,145 --> 00:35:08,106
All right, take it from the top,
712
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:09,692
with feeling, come on.
713
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:15,655
- Hi, girls.
714
00:35:15,656 --> 00:35:17,991
- Who are you?
715
00:35:17,992 --> 00:35:21,244
- I'm your, uh, roommate.
716
00:35:21,245 --> 00:35:23,871
- No, no, no, no, Steve, look,
717
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,832
you're playing this too white bread.
718
00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:28,251
I mean, you gotta think of
what you're playing here.
719
00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:30,628
You just fell into pussy.
720
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:33,214
I mean, you walk into a room,
you don’t come in like a wimp,
721
00:35:33,215 --> 00:35:36,217
you strut, you use a little body English.
722
00:35:36,218 --> 00:35:38,636
You see a set of twin hooters like that,
723
00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:40,430
you go, Marone!
724
00:35:40,431 --> 00:35:43,850
- Vic, I'm playing a guy
named Chip Wainwright,
725
00:35:43,851 --> 00:35:45,643
he's a student at Princeton.
726
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:47,437
- Well, where do you think Princeton is?
727
00:35:47,438 --> 00:35:49,397
It's in New Jersey, don't tell me
728
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:51,317
how people talk from Jersey.
729
00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:53,944
Ooh.
730
00:35:55,029 --> 00:35:57,072
What's he getting so upset about?
731
00:35:58,324 --> 00:36:00,366
All right, listen, girls,
732
00:36:00,367 --> 00:36:03,828
Steve is leaving the company
due to artistic differences.
733
00:36:03,829 --> 00:36:06,080
In other words, he stunk on ice.
734
00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:09,126
Uh, I have decided
735
00:36:10,377 --> 00:36:13,672
to step into the role of Chip Wainwright.
736
00:36:15,132 --> 00:36:16,924
- [Both] Great.
737
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:20,219
- So tomorrow, be here
at 10 o'clock sharp.
738
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:21,513
- [Both] Okay.
739
00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:27,143
- Hey, Vic?
740
00:36:27,144 --> 00:36:28,353
- Yeah?
741
00:36:28,354 --> 00:36:29,771
- I think you did the best thing.
742
00:36:29,772 --> 00:36:33,316
Steve's performance was hurting
the integrity of the piece.
743
00:36:33,317 --> 00:36:34,859
- You really think so?
744
00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:35,943
- Yeah.
745
00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:38,571
- Well, that's really
nice of you to say, Stacy,
746
00:36:38,572 --> 00:36:40,699
I'm glad somebody understands me.
747
00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:45,078
Look, how about if you and I, uh,
748
00:36:45,079 --> 00:36:47,873
we go out tonight and unwind?
749
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,416
- I'd love to, Vic.
750
00:36:50,417 --> 00:36:53,544
There's just one small
thing I have to do first.
751
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:54,837
- Yeah?
752
00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:57,006
- Well, I have to break up with Steve,
753
00:36:57,007 --> 00:36:59,510
but that should take about a half hour.
754
00:37:00,636 --> 00:37:02,553
Why don't you pick me up at 9:007?
755
00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,180
- Yeah, alright.
756
00:37:04,181 --> 00:37:06,183
- Okay, bye.
757
00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:10,688
(crunching)
758
00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:24,409
- [Voiceover] Hello, stranger,
759
00:37:24,410 --> 00:37:27,120
this is your mother in New Jersey.
760
00:37:27,121 --> 00:37:30,958
It's costing me $2 to speak to a machine.
761
00:37:32,042 --> 00:37:34,460
So, are you seeing anybody?
762
00:37:34,461 --> 00:37:37,463
You don't have that many
child-bearing years left,
763
00:37:37,464 --> 00:37:41,259
you know, I'd like to see some
grandchildren before I die,
764
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:44,637
which could be any day,
the way I'm feeling.
765
00:37:44,638 --> 00:37:48,016
Anyway, have a nice evening.
766
00:37:49,143 --> 00:37:50,227
(beeping)
767
00:37:51,395 --> 00:37:54,647
(buzzing)
768
00:37:54,648 --> 00:37:58,193
(mechanical laughter)
769
00:37:59,570 --> 00:38:01,362
- What a great idea, Vic.
770
00:38:01,363 --> 00:38:03,281
The Santa Monica pier.
771
00:38:03,282 --> 00:38:04,949
- Yeah, I come here all the time,
772
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,492
reminds me of back home.
773
00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:09,662
You ever hear of Palisades
Park in New Jersey?
774
00:38:09,663 --> 00:38:11,956
- No, I'm from West Covena.
775
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:12,791
- Yeah.
776
00:38:12,792 --> 00:38:14,500
- Aren't you a little chilly?
777
00:38:14,501 --> 00:38:16,252
- Oh, I love the cold weather.
778
00:38:16,253 --> 00:38:19,172
They used to sing the song,
Palisades has the rides,
779
00:38:19,173 --> 00:38:20,965
Palisades has the fun,
780
00:38:20,966 --> 00:38:23,426
come on over, you know?
781
00:38:23,427 --> 00:38:24,802
- Real catchy tune.
782
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:28,264
Hey, why don't we go
to the Hard Rock Cafe?
783
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,224
- What for, they don't have skee ball.
784
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,185
I'll spot you 100 points.
785
00:38:32,186 --> 00:38:34,645
Hey, you want a chocolate banana?
786
00:38:34,646 --> 00:38:36,815
Come on, I'll buy you a chocolate banana.
787
00:38:39,109 --> 00:38:42,487
Uh, let me have two,
two chocolate bananas.
788
00:38:42,488 --> 00:38:45,198
- Vic, I just remembered.
789
00:38:45,199 --> 00:38:47,283
You want us off the book tomorrow, right?
790
00:38:47,284 --> 00:38:48,451
- Yeah.
791
00:38:48,452 --> 00:38:51,746
- Well, I'm still a little
shaky on that second act.
792
00:38:51,747 --> 00:38:53,415
You'd better take me home.
793
00:38:55,542 --> 00:38:57,336
- Yeah, I guess I better.
794
00:39:01,089 --> 00:39:04,635
(musical honking)
795
00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:07,095
Francine?
796
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:09,515
Francine!
797
00:39:10,516 --> 00:39:12,225
Hit the horn again, Bruno.
798
00:39:12,226 --> 00:39:15,229
(musical honking)
799
00:39:16,396 --> 00:39:17,814
Francine?
800
00:39:17,815 --> 00:39:20,399
- Vic, what do you want?
801
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,527
- I've got to ask you
something, it's very important.
802
00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:23,611
- [Francine] What?
803
00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:25,154
- Do you know the words
804
00:39:25,155 --> 00:39:27,824
to the Palisades Park theme song?
805
00:39:27,825 --> 00:39:30,034
- Wait a minute, you don't
call me for two weeks
806
00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:31,828
and you wake me up in
the middle of the night
807
00:39:31,829 --> 00:39:33,162
and ask me if I know the words
808
00:39:33,163 --> 00:39:34,914
to the Palisades Park theme song?
809
00:39:34,915 --> 00:39:36,541
- No, come on, do you know them?
810
00:39:36,542 --> 00:39:39,294
- What the Sam Hill's going
on out there, keep it down!
811
00:39:40,504 --> 00:39:43,381
- Palisades has the rides,
Palisades has the fun,
812
00:39:43,382 --> 00:39:45,466
come on over,
813
00:39:45,467 --> 00:39:47,385
there's fun and dancing for free
814
00:39:47,386 --> 00:39:49,679
so is the parking, so gee, come on over.
815
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:50,888
- That's it!
816
00:39:50,889 --> 00:39:52,265
- [Francine] So?
817
00:39:52,266 --> 00:39:53,850
- So I think I love you.
818
00:39:53,851 --> 00:39:55,561
Now go to bed.
819
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:59,564
Goodnight, I'll call you, I'll call you!
820
00:39:59,565 --> 00:40:02,192
(laughing)
821
00:40:04,111 --> 00:40:06,362
- The man is crazy.
822
00:40:06,363 --> 00:40:09,992
("Palisades Park")
823
00:40:12,828 --> 00:40:15,288
♪ Last night I took a walk after dark
824
00:40:15,289 --> 00:40:18,082
♪ A swinging place called Palisades Park
825
00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:19,584
♪ To have some fun
826
00:40:19,585 --> 00:40:21,503
♪ And see what I could see
827
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:24,005
♪ That's where the girls are
828
00:40:24,006 --> 00:40:26,424
♪ I took a ride on the shoopty shoop
829
00:40:26,425 --> 00:40:29,093
♪ The girl I sat beside was awful cute
830
00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:32,556
♪ And when it stopped, she
was holding hands with me
831
00:40:33,807 --> 00:40:35,349
♪ My heart was was flying
832
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,602
♪ Up like a rocket ship
833
00:40:37,603 --> 00:40:40,688
♪ Down like a roller coaster
834
00:40:40,689 --> 00:40:42,982
♪ Fast like a loopty-loop
835
00:40:42,983 --> 00:40:45,818
♪ Then around like a merry-go-round
836
00:40:45,819 --> 00:40:48,613
♪ We even ate at a hot dog stand
837
00:40:48,614 --> 00:40:51,449
♪ We danced around to a rockin' band
838
00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:54,952
♪ And when she looked
I gave that girl a hug
839
00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:57,580
♪ In the tunnel of love
840
00:40:57,581 --> 00:40:59,749
♪ You'll never know
how great this can feel
841
00:40:59,750 --> 00:41:02,543
♪ When you stop at the
top of a Ferris wheel
842
00:41:02,544 --> 00:41:06,173
♪ I fell in love down at Palisades Park
843
00:41:07,382 --> 00:41:08,507
♪ Oh ♪
844
00:41:08,508 --> 00:41:11,803
(screaming)
845
00:41:25,692 --> 00:41:28,111
(screaming)
846
00:41:44,795 --> 00:41:46,545
- Good afternoon, thank you for coming
847
00:41:46,546 --> 00:41:49,966
to a brand new pilot from
MBC called Sittin' Pretty.
848
00:41:49,967 --> 00:41:52,468
This will make you forget all
the great shows of the past,
849
00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:54,887
uh, thank you, we're going
to have that sound check now
850
00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:57,431
we spoke about, so on three,
please, give me the titter.
851
00:41:57,432 --> 00:41:58,933
One, two, three.
852
00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:00,309
(tittering)
853
00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:02,269
Polite, polite, that's nice.
854
00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:04,814
Now, on three, give me the
medium laugh, one, two, three.
855
00:42:04,815 --> 00:42:07,358
(medium laughter)
856
00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:10,861
Okay, now the big one we need,
the big laugh for America,
857
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:12,947
you ready, now.
858
00:42:12,948 --> 00:42:15,700
(big laughter)
859
00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:18,912
(applause)
860
00:42:27,254 --> 00:42:29,463
- Kids, gypsies,
861
00:42:29,464 --> 00:42:32,800
we have reached that moment
of truth in the theater:
862
00:42:32,801 --> 00:42:34,593
opening night.
863
00:42:34,594 --> 00:42:37,888
Those good people across the footlights
864
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:40,349
will tell us whether we're a hit
865
00:42:40,350 --> 00:42:41,643
or a flop.
866
00:42:42,811 --> 00:42:45,980
But either way, I want
you's to know that it was
867
00:42:45,981 --> 00:42:49,735
grand working with this
merry troupe of minstrels.
868
00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:54,405
Actors, let's go to work.
869
00:42:54,406 --> 00:42:56,241
- [Both] All right!
870
00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:03,706
- Vic, that was a beautiful speech,
871
00:43:03,707 --> 00:43:05,374
really inspiring.
872
00:43:05,375 --> 00:43:06,876
(groaning)
873
00:43:06,877 --> 00:43:08,836
What's the matter?
874
00:43:08,837 --> 00:43:10,505
- I gotta throw up.
875
00:43:11,590 --> 00:43:13,632
(upbeat music)
876
00:43:13,633 --> 00:43:16,427
♪ Well, he's got what he wants
877
00:43:16,428 --> 00:43:19,722
♪ Well, he's loving the life he's got
878
00:43:19,723 --> 00:43:23,017
♪ Well, he's having a ball,
yeah, he's getting it all
879
00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:25,353
♪ Yeah, he's getting a lot
880
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:30,274
♪ He's sittin' pretty,
he's gettin' his shelf
881
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:33,527
♪ Sittin' pretty, wow, look at that hair
882
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:37,407
♪ Sittin' pretty, that's
really pretty pride
883
00:43:38,575 --> 00:43:41,411
♪ Sittin' pretty
884
00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:45,290
♪ That's right ♪
885
00:43:46,666 --> 00:43:50,378
(applause)
886
00:43:54,883 --> 00:43:56,717
- Isn't this exciting, Kim?
887
00:43:56,718 --> 00:43:58,385
Our first day in college.
888
00:43:58,386 --> 00:43:59,553
- Yeah.
889
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,722
There's supposed to be three
girls sharing this room.
890
00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:03,390
Where's our other roommate?
891
00:44:03,391 --> 00:44:06,727
- Well, hey, this looks
like her trunk right here.
892
00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:09,897
The name tag says "H. Wainwright."
893
00:44:09,898 --> 00:44:11,733
I hope she's nice.
894
00:44:16,113 --> 00:44:18,030
- Marone!
895
00:44:18,031 --> 00:44:22,035
(cheering applause)
896
00:44:27,374 --> 00:44:29,166
Hiya, dolls,
897
00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:33,170
I'm your roommate, Hubble
Wainwright the third,
898
00:44:33,171 --> 00:44:36,132
but you can call me Chip.
899
00:44:36,133 --> 00:44:39,760
- Wait a minute, fella, we're
expecting a girl roommate.
900
00:44:39,761 --> 00:44:41,555
- [Vic] I know.
- [Voiceover] Yo, Vic!
901
00:44:42,597 --> 00:44:44,390
-Isn't it a hoot?
902
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:47,768
If mommy and daddy could see me now,
903
00:44:47,769 --> 00:44:50,062
they'd toss their cookies.
904
00:44:50,063 --> 00:44:53,775
(laughter)
905
00:44:55,277 --> 00:44:58,362
- This guy is a hunk.
906
00:44:58,363 --> 00:45:01,241
- By the way, roomies,
907
00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:04,785
where do I sleep?
908
00:45:04,786 --> 00:45:08,081
(audience hooting)
909
00:45:09,291 --> 00:45:13,294
- Wait a minute, Misty, don't
say what you're thinking.
910
00:45:13,295 --> 00:45:16,381
(audience hooting)
911
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:18,924
- So this is what they mean
912
00:45:18,925 --> 00:45:21,760
when they say student body.
913
00:45:21,761 --> 00:45:25,139
(laughter)
914
00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:27,600
(upbeat music)
915
00:45:27,601 --> 00:45:29,810
Sorry, Dean Molburn,
916
00:45:29,811 --> 00:45:32,897
I guess we learned an
important lesson today.
917
00:45:32,898 --> 00:45:35,691
Honesty is the best policy.
918
00:45:35,692 --> 00:45:37,902
(crowd awwing)
919
00:45:37,903 --> 00:45:41,030
- And to think, I have to
contend with this nutty trio
920
00:45:41,031 --> 00:45:42,781
for another four years!
921
00:45:42,782 --> 00:45:46,410
(laughter)
922
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:48,871
(upbeat music)
923
00:45:48,872 --> 00:45:51,248
♪ He's sittin' pretty
924
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:54,502
(cheering applause)
925
00:45:57,339 --> 00:46:00,008
♪ Sittin' pretty, all right
926
00:46:01,384 --> 00:46:03,720
♪ Sittin' pretty, all right
927
00:46:04,971 --> 00:46:07,848
♪ Sittin' pretty
928
00:46:07,849 --> 00:46:10,809
♪ That's right ♪
929
00:46:10,810 --> 00:46:14,688
- All right, Richie, Dawn,
very nice meeting you,
930
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:16,398
good luck with the rock videos.
931
00:46:16,399 --> 00:46:19,485
- Boffo, Mr. De Salvo, absolutely boffo.
932
00:46:19,486 --> 00:46:20,486
- Boffo.
933
00:46:22,364 --> 00:46:25,032
All right, Goody, thank you, I'm glad,
934
00:46:25,033 --> 00:46:26,450
it's real important that you liked it.
935
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:27,952
- I loved it, I've never laughed so hard.
936
00:46:27,953 --> 00:46:29,161
- All right, all right.
937
00:46:29,162 --> 00:46:30,246
- I'll see you at the house.
938
00:46:30,247 --> 00:46:31,247
- I'll see you.
939
00:46:32,374 --> 00:46:33,375
- God.
940
00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:35,919
Worst pilot ever.
941
00:46:37,504 --> 00:46:40,966
This tops that sitcom
we did Efrem Zimbalist.
942
00:46:45,345 --> 00:46:49,014
- Well, gentlemen, tonight
we wrote a new chapter
943
00:46:49,015 --> 00:46:52,142
in the annals of show business history.
944
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:53,936
- You could say that.
945
00:46:53,937 --> 00:46:56,855
- The only concern I
have is being tied down
946
00:46:56,856 --> 00:46:59,566
to a hit show for eight or nine years.
947
00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:01,151
(laughing)
948
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:02,736
So when do we go on the air?
949
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:04,113
- Well, we were just talking about that.
950
00:47:04,114 --> 00:47:06,865
It's going to be a Tuesday
evening in October.
951
00:47:06,866 --> 00:47:08,826
- The 9:00 timeslot.
952
00:47:08,827 --> 00:47:10,911
-9:00?
953
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:14,290
That's good, we get the
oldsters, we get the youngsters,
954
00:47:14,291 --> 00:47:16,959
I like that time slot,
what's our competition?
955
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:18,461
- Oh, nothing much,
956
00:47:20,130 --> 00:47:21,755
just the World Series.
957
00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:23,258
(snickering)
958
00:47:24,676 --> 00:47:25,926
- The World Series?
959
00:47:25,927 --> 00:47:27,386
- [Parker] Yeah, the World Series.
960
00:47:27,387 --> 00:47:29,305
- But nobody will watch the show!
961
00:47:29,306 --> 00:47:31,682
- No, you really think so?
962
00:47:31,683 --> 00:47:33,101
It can't be true!
963
00:47:34,227 --> 00:47:36,688
- [Vic] Come on, you gotta
give our show a chance!
964
00:47:37,814 --> 00:47:38,939
- We are.
965
00:47:38,940 --> 00:47:41,275
All you have to do is
966
00:47:41,276 --> 00:47:44,153
beat the World Series in the ratings.
967
00:47:44,154 --> 00:47:45,863
(laughing)
968
00:47:45,864 --> 00:47:49,534
(sad music)
969
00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:02,964
- Deep breaths, Vic, take little breaths.
970
00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:10,013
(singing in foreign language)
971
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:37,207
(applause)
972
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:39,416
- Geez.
973
00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:41,002
Do you believe that?
974
00:48:42,128 --> 00:48:44,546
- Drink your wine, Vic,
you'll feel better.
975
00:48:44,547 --> 00:48:47,466
- I don't know, Francine, I
don't know what's wrong with me.
976
00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:50,552
Why can't I command any
respect in this town?
977
00:48:50,553 --> 00:48:52,262
- Oh, that's not true, Vic,
978
00:48:52,263 --> 00:48:54,807
a lot of people think very highly of you.
979
00:48:54,808 --> 00:48:56,600
- Maybe Goody's right,
980
00:48:56,601 --> 00:48:58,435
maybe I don't belong in show business.
981
00:48:58,436 --> 00:49:00,687
- Come on, now, that
doesn't sound like you.
982
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:03,690
The man who took one
You-Hauler and turned it
983
00:49:03,691 --> 00:49:06,235
into the second largest trucking
business in the country?
984
00:49:06,236 --> 00:49:08,153
- But that was different, Francine,
985
00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:11,615
I was dealing with
thugs, hitmen, and goons.
986
00:49:11,616 --> 00:49:13,992
These network guys are scary.
987
00:49:13,993 --> 00:49:15,786
- Vic, cheer up.
988
00:49:15,787 --> 00:49:17,663
I'll watch your show.
989
00:49:17,664 --> 00:49:19,207
- Ah, great.
990
00:49:20,667 --> 00:49:22,918
Then all I need is a
hundred million more people
991
00:49:22,919 --> 00:49:24,670
to beat the World Series.
992
00:49:24,671 --> 00:49:26,088
- It's not true.
993
00:49:26,089 --> 00:49:29,425
You can have a big hit in TV
with only 100 people watching,
994
00:49:29,426 --> 00:49:31,177
if they're the right people.
995
00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:35,265
- Is that right?
996
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:39,769
Tell me more.
997
00:49:41,813 --> 00:49:45,441
So you're telling me that 1,500 families
998
00:49:45,442 --> 00:49:47,818
control the whole ratings deal?
999
00:49:47,819 --> 00:49:49,820
- [Francine] Yeah, well, you
know it's very scientific,
1000
00:49:49,821 --> 00:49:53,533
like, one ratings family
represents 100,000 homes.
1001
00:49:54,742 --> 00:49:58,078
- So, in other words, if you was
1002
00:49:58,079 --> 00:50:01,915
to persuade these people
to watch your show,
1003
00:50:01,916 --> 00:50:03,459
you'd be in.
1004
00:50:03,460 --> 00:50:05,169
- I like that word, persuade, boss.
1005
00:50:05,170 --> 00:50:07,297
Remember the teamster election of '74?
1006
00:50:08,465 --> 00:50:09,715
- Yeah.
1007
00:50:09,716 --> 00:50:11,300
- Forget about it, Vic.
1008
00:50:11,301 --> 00:50:13,385
I mean, these people have to report
1009
00:50:13,386 --> 00:50:15,513
anyone who tries to influence them.
1010
00:50:16,556 --> 00:50:18,223
- Yeah, but suppose they didn't know
1011
00:50:18,224 --> 00:50:19,601
they were being influenced.
1012
00:50:20,727 --> 00:50:23,604
- But the names of these
people are top secret.
1013
00:50:23,605 --> 00:50:26,065
Even the CIA couldn't get a hold of them.
1014
00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:31,111
- Yeah, well, the CIA isn't going steady
1015
00:50:31,112 --> 00:50:34,115
with the girl wonder of
the ratings business.
1016
00:50:36,743 --> 00:50:37,910
- Stop the car!
1017
00:50:37,911 --> 00:50:39,661
- Whoa, what's going on over there?
1018
00:50:39,662 --> 00:50:41,622
(screeching brakes)
1019
00:50:41,623 --> 00:50:45,210
- Francine, come on, get back in the car!
1020
00:50:47,545 --> 00:50:50,047
- I thought you cared about me.
1021
00:50:50,048 --> 00:50:51,507
- I do, I do.
1022
00:50:51,508 --> 00:50:54,343
What, do I have to hurl
myself off a hill to prove it?
1023
00:50:54,344 --> 00:50:57,889
- You just want to use me
to advance your career.
1024
00:51:00,183 --> 00:51:02,893
- I think I just tripped over a dead elk.
1025
00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:05,521
I'm from Newark, what am
I doing on a mountain?
1026
00:51:05,522 --> 00:51:07,397
- Leave me alone, I'm going home.
1027
00:51:07,398 --> 00:51:08,899
- She's going home.
1028
00:51:08,900 --> 00:51:11,109
You're going to need
a parachute from here.
1029
00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:13,695
Francine, I'm liable to
step on a snake here.
1030
00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:16,532
- Don't worry, they never
bite their own kind.
1031
00:51:16,533 --> 00:51:19,576
- Francine, forget what I said.
1032
00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:22,120
I was only kidding, where are you going?
1033
00:51:22,121 --> 00:51:24,665
Oh, oh, oh, my God.
1034
00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:27,918
- You've been lying to me from the start,
1035
00:51:27,919 --> 00:51:29,711
setting me up for this.
1036
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:32,839
- Hey, I didn't make a
move on you for four dates.
1037
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,592
If that's not love, I don't know what is.
1038
00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:38,804
Ay, Marone, where we going?
1039
00:51:38,805 --> 00:51:40,305
Francine.
1040
00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:43,141
- True love is not using,
1041
00:51:43,142 --> 00:51:45,310
love is caring
1042
00:51:45,311 --> 00:51:48,355
and helping and sharing.
1043
00:51:48,356 --> 00:51:51,526
- Well, love is not climbing
and falling, either.
1044
00:51:52,735 --> 00:51:55,237
We gotta get out of here,
they'll never find us,
1045
00:51:55,238 --> 00:51:56,823
I got no flares on me.
1046
00:51:57,907 --> 00:51:59,617
Come on, Francine.
1047
00:52:00,785 --> 00:52:04,705
Look, I apologize, come back to the car.
1048
00:52:04,706 --> 00:52:06,082
- Don't touch me.
1049
00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:10,044
I thought you were different.
1050
00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:13,006
You're like all the rest.
1051
00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:17,092
- Look, I know you been hurt,
1052
00:52:17,093 --> 00:52:20,304
but not every guy is trying to use you.
1053
00:52:20,305 --> 00:52:21,972
At least, not this guy.
1054
00:52:21,973 --> 00:52:23,724
(gentle music)
1055
00:52:23,725 --> 00:52:25,101
- How do I know?
1056
00:52:26,311 --> 00:52:29,230
- Come on, come here.
1057
00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:35,486
Sit here, sit down.
1058
00:52:36,529 --> 00:52:37,530
Sit down.
1059
00:52:40,450 --> 00:52:41,743
Look,
1060
00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:45,580
would you forgive me?
1061
00:52:47,332 --> 00:52:51,001
Because I was temporarily blinded
1062
00:52:51,002 --> 00:52:53,087
by those lights down there.
1063
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:57,132
See, all I ever wanted
was to be part of that,
1064
00:52:57,133 --> 00:52:59,844
but I would never hurt you to get it.
1065
00:53:02,639 --> 00:53:03,973
- I know.
1066
00:53:05,058 --> 00:53:07,018
I'm sorry I over-reacted.
1067
00:53:09,103 --> 00:53:11,772
- Let's never fight again, all right?
1068
00:53:11,773 --> 00:53:15,234
(romantic music)
1069
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:21,114
- So this is what they write about
1070
00:53:21,115 --> 00:53:23,158
in all those women's magazines, huh?
1071
00:53:23,159 --> 00:53:24,410
- What's that?
1072
00:53:25,578 --> 00:53:27,121
- The big O.
1073
00:53:28,456 --> 00:53:31,416
- Oh, all right, let's do this right here.
1074
00:53:31,417 --> 00:53:34,879
(laughing)
1075
00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:38,423
Well, I'm going to get all dirty here.
1076
00:53:38,424 --> 00:53:39,717
- That's the idea.
1077
00:53:40,677 --> 00:53:42,178
(chuckling)
1078
00:53:47,141 --> 00:53:48,892
- May I have your attention please?
1079
00:53:48,893 --> 00:53:50,811
I have an announcement to make.
1080
00:53:50,812 --> 00:53:54,106
I want you all to say
hello to Wendy Conroy,
1081
00:53:54,107 --> 00:53:56,817
our new head of marketing research.
1082
00:53:56,818 --> 00:54:00,571
(intensifying music)
1083
00:54:08,162 --> 00:54:10,997
- You have been promising
me that job for 11 years,
1084
00:54:10,998 --> 00:54:12,541
and then you give it to a broad
1085
00:54:12,542 --> 00:54:15,127
who has seen more ceilings
that Michelangelo.
1086
00:54:15,128 --> 00:54:16,294
- When?
1087
00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:18,296
When did I promise?
1088
00:54:18,297 --> 00:54:21,925
- Every Christmas, instead of a bonus,
1089
00:54:21,926 --> 00:54:23,510
but I guess Wendy got it
1090
00:54:23,511 --> 00:54:25,387
because she had a great overnight rating.
1091
00:54:25,388 --> 00:54:28,932
- Look, in lieu of a promotion,
1092
00:54:28,933 --> 00:54:31,560
how about your own parking spot,
1093
00:54:31,561 --> 00:54:33,980
directly adjacent to the handicap space?
1094
00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:38,901
- How about doing to yourself
what you normally do to Wendy?
1095
00:54:40,486 --> 00:54:43,822
(buzzing)
1096
00:54:43,823 --> 00:54:47,326
(mysterious music)
1097
00:55:34,207 --> 00:55:37,668
(beeping)
1098
00:56:05,404 --> 00:56:08,323
- This is a gold mine, Sweeney,
1099
00:56:08,324 --> 00:56:11,076
Foley, Johnson, Sawyer,
1100
00:56:11,077 --> 00:56:14,538
Miller, Brown, Nelson, Calbot,
Applebee, Olsen, Bailey,
1101
00:56:14,539 --> 00:56:17,290
Rutherford, I didn't know people
really had names like that.
1102
00:56:17,291 --> 00:56:19,876
- I selected only
families in key precincts.
1103
00:56:19,877 --> 00:56:21,127
You get them all to watch,
1104
00:56:21,128 --> 00:56:23,630
you got the highest
rated show of the year.
1105
00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:25,841
- Baby, you're a genius.
1106
00:56:25,842 --> 00:56:28,301
- But nobody's going to get hurt, right?
1107
00:56:28,302 --> 00:56:31,555
- Oh, no, no, au contraire,
1108
00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:34,766
these people are going to
have the time of their lives.
1109
00:56:34,767 --> 00:56:36,393
- What do you mean by that?
1110
00:56:36,394 --> 00:56:38,103
- You'll see.
1111
00:56:38,104 --> 00:56:41,231
Goody, tomorrow I want
you to call the boys
1112
00:56:41,232 --> 00:56:42,732
all over the country.
1113
00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:44,652
We're going to have a little meeting.
1114
00:56:46,529 --> 00:56:50,116
(upbeat music)
1115
00:56:58,165 --> 00:57:02,044
(laughing)
1116
00:57:03,796 --> 00:57:06,548
- Ah, gentlemen, come in, come in.
1117
00:57:06,549 --> 00:57:07,924
Welcome, welcome.
1118
00:57:07,925 --> 00:57:09,510
Right this way, please.
1119
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:13,138
The bar is on your right,
1120
00:57:13,139 --> 00:57:16,349
and I trust you know these
other gentlemen here.
1121
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,560
- Hey, Bruno, what's going on?
1122
00:57:18,561 --> 00:57:20,145
Somebody die or what?
1123
00:57:20,146 --> 00:57:21,771
- I don't know, he won't even tell me.
1124
00:57:21,772 --> 00:57:23,940
I guess it's going to
be something important
1125
00:57:23,941 --> 00:57:25,276
for him to bring all the boys in.
1126
00:57:26,527 --> 00:57:28,279
- Oh, no, no, Richie, put it over there.
1127
00:57:29,530 --> 00:57:32,866
- Hey Goody, am I nuts or
have I been here before?
1128
00:57:32,867 --> 00:57:34,660
- The lobby of the Golden Nugget.
1129
00:57:35,786 --> 00:57:37,829
- Classy!
1130
00:57:37,830 --> 00:57:39,999
- Thank you very much.
1131
00:57:41,417 --> 00:57:43,878
- All right, all our boys.
1132
00:57:45,546 --> 00:57:47,464
All right, now.
1133
00:57:47,465 --> 00:57:50,258
(clearing throat)
1134
00:57:50,259 --> 00:57:53,762
I am offering you a piece
of one of the biggest
1135
00:57:53,763 --> 00:57:57,182
money-making rackets in America today.
1136
00:57:57,183 --> 00:57:58,391
- Drugs?
1137
00:57:58,392 --> 00:57:59,684
- Hookers?
1138
00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:01,144
- Car insurance?
1139
00:58:01,145 --> 00:58:04,522
- No, no, no, no, television,
1140
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:08,568
where a minute of
advertising costs $100,000,
1141
00:58:08,569 --> 00:58:12,949
and one rating point is worth
$40 million to a network.
1142
00:58:14,241 --> 00:58:16,993
- You've got our undivided attention.
1143
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:20,997
- And, do you know who
controls this whole racket?
1144
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:23,917
1,500 families.
1145
00:58:23,918 --> 00:58:27,545
- So boys, D-Day is the 14th of October.
1146
00:58:27,546 --> 00:58:30,048
On that day, we've arranged
for a number of these families
1147
00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,591
to be out of their houses.
1148
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:33,009
- So what do you need us for?
1149
00:58:33,010 --> 00:58:34,844
- While they're away,
1150
00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:38,223
we are providing a little
house-sitting service.
1151
00:58:38,224 --> 00:58:40,642
This is where your boys come in.
1152
00:58:40,643 --> 00:58:43,728
They're gonna go in and
take care of things,
1153
00:58:43,729 --> 00:58:46,147
water the plants,
1154
00:58:46,148 --> 00:58:49,317
maybe watch a little TV.
1155
00:58:49,318 --> 00:58:51,111
- Let me get this straight, Vic,
1156
00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:54,447
you want me and my
truckers to break and enter
1157
00:58:54,448 --> 00:58:56,950
into the homes of innocent people
1158
00:58:56,951 --> 00:59:00,203
and help you perpetuate this fraud?
1159
00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:01,788
- Yeah.
1160
00:59:01,789 --> 00:59:03,498
- I got no problem with that.
1161
00:59:03,499 --> 00:59:05,000
(laughing)
1162
00:59:05,001 --> 00:59:07,627
- How the hell you
gonna get 1,500 families
1163
00:59:07,628 --> 00:59:09,087
out of their houses?
1164
00:59:09,088 --> 00:59:10,547
- We only need to get rid
1165
00:59:10,548 --> 00:59:12,966
of 100 families in the key precincts.
1166
00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:16,803
- We're sending them on a
little cruise, curtains.
1167
00:59:16,804 --> 00:59:18,388
- You got it, unc.
1168
00:59:18,389 --> 00:59:21,641
(thrilling music)
1169
00:59:21,642 --> 00:59:23,476
- This is like in school, right?
1170
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:26,604
You remember Sister
Allawicius, whack on your hand.
1171
00:59:26,605 --> 00:59:28,315
All right, it's going up.
1172
00:59:31,527 --> 00:59:35,530
Here you see our luxury cruise ship.
1173
00:59:35,531 --> 00:59:37,574
- It looks like a garbage scow.
1174
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:39,784
What did you do, raise the Andrea Doria?
1175
00:59:39,785 --> 00:59:42,579
- After we fix it up, they'll
swear it's the Queen Mary.
1176
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,123
- Richie, next slide.
1177
00:59:46,375 --> 00:59:50,378
This is the continental United States.
1178
00:59:50,379 --> 00:59:53,173
Let us start with the Midwest.
1179
00:59:53,174 --> 00:59:56,010
Tony, that is your territory.
1180
00:59:57,428 --> 01:00:01,390
(playful music)
1181
01:00:19,784 --> 01:00:22,285
- Honey, kids!
1182
01:00:22,286 --> 01:00:23,787
A cruise!
1183
01:00:23,788 --> 01:00:25,497
- Oh, Harold, a cruise!
1184
01:00:25,498 --> 01:00:27,416
Kids, hurry!
1185
01:00:32,505 --> 01:00:34,005
(gasping)
1186
01:00:34,006 --> 01:00:35,549
- Honey, honey!
1187
01:00:42,598 --> 01:00:44,391
- Dear, look here.
1188
01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:55,276
(horn blaring)
1189
01:00:55,277 --> 01:00:57,403
- Come along, fellas,
quickly, quickly, now,
1190
01:00:57,404 --> 01:00:58,738
quickly, quickly.
1191
01:00:58,739 --> 01:01:01,574
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone,
1192
01:01:01,575 --> 01:01:04,744
Tyrone, I mean, I was
going for '30s deco here.
1193
01:01:04,745 --> 01:01:07,705
Remember Fred and Ginger
in Shall We Dance?
1194
01:01:07,706 --> 01:01:10,542
I mean, Tyrone, do you
call that egg shell white?
1195
01:01:10,543 --> 01:01:12,961
It's throwing off my whole color scheme.
1196
01:01:12,962 --> 01:01:14,421
Please, Tyrone.
1197
01:01:16,423 --> 01:01:19,259
- Oh, Francine, after last night,
1198
01:01:19,260 --> 01:01:21,886
when Webster defines the word ecstasy,
1199
01:01:21,887 --> 01:01:24,848
he's gonna have to put our
picture in the dictionary.
1200
01:01:24,849 --> 01:01:26,349
(chuckling)
1201
01:01:26,350 --> 01:01:29,978
Ooh, such language, I love
it when you talk like that.
1202
01:01:29,979 --> 01:01:31,437
Oh, Francine...
1203
01:01:31,438 --> 01:01:32,730
- Vic, I gotta talk to you.
1204
01:01:32,731 --> 01:01:35,483
- Uh, look, honey, I'll
call you back, Goody's here.
1205
01:01:35,484 --> 01:01:36,901
All right, I love you.
1206
01:01:36,902 --> 01:01:38,194
(kissy sounds)
1207
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:39,155
Bye-bye.
1208
01:01:39,156 --> 01:01:40,738
What, what is it?
1209
01:01:40,739 --> 01:01:43,158
- Look at these bills, this
scam of yours is killing us!
1210
01:01:43,159 --> 01:01:45,410
- Just think of it as an
investment in the future.
1211
01:01:45,411 --> 01:01:48,037
- Okay, genius, a week from today,
1212
01:01:48,038 --> 01:01:49,747
a hundred families are showing up
1213
01:01:49,748 --> 01:01:51,082
for a cruise on the Love Boat,
1214
01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:52,625
they're expecting to see TV stars.
1215
01:01:52,626 --> 01:01:53,668
-So?
1216
01:01:53,669 --> 01:01:55,795
- [Rich] A little help, Uncle Vic?
1217
01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:57,422
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Richie.
1218
01:01:57,423 --> 01:01:59,257
- [Goody] So where are
we gonna get TV stars?
1219
01:01:59,258 --> 01:02:02,218
- Look, Goody, Goody,
just relax, will you?
1220
01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:04,053
- They're expecting to see celebrities.
1221
01:02:04,054 --> 01:02:06,848
- Don't worry about
it, I got just the guy.
1222
01:02:06,849 --> 01:02:09,225
He's gonna be available soon.
1223
01:02:09,226 --> 01:02:11,477
- Thanks, Uncle Vic!
1224
01:02:11,478 --> 01:02:14,815
(bell ringing)
1225
01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:18,776
- Well, boys and girls, it's
Captain Andy's final show.
1226
01:02:18,777 --> 01:02:22,739
Yep, the network has relieved
the Captain of his command.
1227
01:02:22,740 --> 01:02:25,533
Yes, they're giving him the shift.
1228
01:02:25,534 --> 01:02:28,996
Yep, after 23 years in this studio.
1229
01:02:30,122 --> 01:02:32,248
And there is a lesson
in that, boys and girls,
1230
01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:34,334
and you know what that lesson is?
1231
01:02:34,335 --> 01:02:37,295
Yeah, do it to them
before they do it to you!
1232
01:02:37,296 --> 01:02:38,546
(chuckling)
1233
01:02:38,547 --> 01:02:41,049
Now, how about singing our theme song?
1234
01:02:41,050 --> 01:02:42,300
Are you ready?
1235
01:02:42,301 --> 01:02:45,428
♪ I just set sail for the land of fun
1236
01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:47,555
♪ Won't you be my shipmate
1237
01:02:47,556 --> 01:02:49,515
♪ Joy galore for everyone
1238
01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:51,601
♪ Won't you be my shipmate, sing
1239
01:02:51,602 --> 01:02:53,770
♪ Set sail for the land of fun
1240
01:02:53,771 --> 01:02:55,146
♪ Won't you be my shipmate
1241
01:02:55,147 --> 01:02:56,690
♪ Joy galore for everyone ♪
1242
01:02:57,942 --> 01:03:00,860
Bye-bye, kids, nice knowing you.
1243
01:03:00,861 --> 01:03:04,698
(playful music)
1244
01:03:05,866 --> 01:03:07,283
- Oh, you know, Captain Andy,
1245
01:03:07,284 --> 01:03:10,411
I watched your show ever
since I was a little boy,
1246
01:03:10,412 --> 01:03:11,913
I always admired it, I can't believe
1247
01:03:11,914 --> 01:03:13,706
that they took you off the air.
1248
01:03:13,707 --> 01:03:15,375
- That's show-biz, son.
1249
01:03:15,376 --> 01:03:17,877
Two daytime Emmys and you're history.
1250
01:03:17,878 --> 01:03:19,462
- Yeah, yeah, well look,
1251
01:03:19,463 --> 01:03:21,297
I've got a little proposition for you,
1252
01:03:21,298 --> 01:03:23,132
you might like it, it pays good money.
1253
01:03:23,133 --> 01:03:25,885
All you gotta do is sign a few autographs
1254
01:03:25,886 --> 01:03:27,428
and shake a few hands.
1255
01:03:27,429 --> 01:03:30,014
- As long as the check
clears, he'll do anything!
1256
01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,432
Salty, shut up.
1257
01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:32,892
You shut up.
1258
01:03:32,893 --> 01:03:34,560
I should have done most of the talking
1259
01:03:34,561 --> 01:03:35,645
equitable but all right.
1260
01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:36,896
Ah, shut up, I'm talking.
1261
01:03:36,897 --> 01:03:40,149
- Yeah, yeah.
1262
01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:44,697
(horn blaring)
1263
01:03:48,742 --> 01:03:52,621
(tropical music)
1264
01:03:58,419 --> 01:04:00,545
- Mom, I don't want to go on the cruise,
1265
01:04:00,546 --> 01:04:02,422
I'm going to miss the
World Series tonight.
1266
01:04:02,423 --> 01:04:05,133
- I'm sure there will be a TV on board.
1267
01:04:05,134 --> 01:04:06,175
- But Mom...
1268
01:04:06,176 --> 01:04:07,427
- Are you aware of that
helicopter, mister?
1269
01:04:07,428 --> 01:04:08,636
- Don't we get a ticket?
1270
01:04:08,637 --> 01:04:09,762
- No, no, it'll be okay.
1271
01:04:09,763 --> 01:04:12,890
- Mr. and Mrs. Foley, welcome aboard.
1272
01:04:12,891 --> 01:04:16,145
You'll be on B deck, cabin four.
1273
01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:19,982
Have a nice cruise.
1274
01:04:21,900 --> 01:04:24,569
Oh, the Sweeneys,
1275
01:04:24,570 --> 01:04:27,113
C-deck, cabin 22.
1276
01:04:27,114 --> 01:04:29,991
- Oh, this doesn't look like
the real Love Boat to me.
1277
01:04:29,992 --> 01:04:33,328
Where's the real Love Boat
crew, Doc, Isaac, Gopher?
1278
01:04:33,329 --> 01:04:34,370
Where are they?
1279
01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:35,788
- We fed 'em to the sharks
1280
01:04:35,789 --> 01:04:37,415
and that's what we're going to do to you!
1281
01:04:37,416 --> 01:04:38,624
- Mom!
1282
01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:40,585
- Don't worry, he's only kidding.
1283
01:04:40,586 --> 01:04:42,087
That little shit.
1284
01:04:43,297 --> 01:04:46,424
(horn blaring)
1285
01:04:46,425 --> 01:04:49,928
(heroic music)
1286
01:04:55,851 --> 01:04:59,480
(cheering)
1287
01:05:15,287 --> 01:05:17,580
- [Voiceover] Well, there's
an air of electricity tonight
1288
01:05:17,581 --> 01:05:19,582
at the South Bronx as the home champions
1289
01:05:19,583 --> 01:05:21,417
take on the big blue wreckin' crew.
1290
01:05:21,418 --> 01:05:23,669
Yes, I can't imagine a home in America
1291
01:05:23,670 --> 01:05:25,963
that isn't tuned into this drama tonight.
1292
01:05:25,964 --> 01:05:29,635
(playful music)
1293
01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:44,191
(shattering)
1294
01:05:53,742 --> 01:05:55,327
(shushing)
1295
01:06:09,550 --> 01:06:11,135
- [All] Play ball!
1296
01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:19,600
- There's no TV set on the ship.
1297
01:06:19,601 --> 01:06:20,768
What are we going to do tonight?
1298
01:06:20,769 --> 01:06:22,478
I can't even watch the World Series.
1299
01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:25,022
- I think we can do without television.
1300
01:06:25,023 --> 01:06:27,650
After all, it's only one weekend, Todd.
1301
01:06:27,651 --> 01:06:28,818
- We all can.
1302
01:06:28,819 --> 01:06:30,112
It would be good for us.
1303
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:34,365
- Well, what are we gonna
do if we can't watch TV?
1304
01:06:34,366 --> 01:06:36,868
- Well, we could talk to each other,
1305
01:06:36,869 --> 01:06:38,828
get to know one another.
1306
01:06:38,829 --> 01:06:40,705
- Yeah, Mr. Johnson's right.
1307
01:06:40,706 --> 01:06:42,665
We don't need television, let's just, uh,
1308
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:44,293
have a conversation.
1309
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:47,671
(creaking)
1310
01:06:56,305 --> 01:06:58,056
(crunching)
1311
01:07:01,852 --> 01:07:04,061
- Did anyone see Dynasty last week?
1312
01:07:04,062 --> 01:07:05,605
- Yes, yes.
1313
01:07:05,606 --> 01:07:08,566
- Oh, did you believe
what Lexus did to Crystal?
1314
01:07:08,567 --> 01:07:10,860
Isn't she a slut?
1315
01:07:10,861 --> 01:07:12,695
- [Voiceover] Now we're all
tied up with two apiece.
1316
01:07:12,696 --> 01:07:14,822
Dave Winfield trying to
get the Yankees out in front.
1317
01:07:14,823 --> 01:07:17,783
Three balls, two strikes,
the windup, the delivery,
1318
01:07:17,784 --> 01:07:20,453
and Winfield fouls it
up into the upper deck.
1319
01:07:20,454 --> 01:07:23,207
- Come on, Winfield, earn your money.
1320
01:07:24,333 --> 01:07:26,375
- Hey, it's 9:00, we
gotta turn on Vic's show.
1321
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:27,627
- Turn off the game now?
1322
01:07:27,628 --> 01:07:28,794
What, are you nuts?
1323
01:07:28,795 --> 01:07:30,379
- That's what Vic's paying us for.
1324
01:07:30,380 --> 01:07:34,134
- [Voiceover] The pitch,
it's hit deep, deep, oh...
1325
01:07:35,928 --> 01:07:39,222
♪ Well he's got what he wants
1326
01:07:39,223 --> 01:07:42,683
♪ Well he's lovin' the life he's got
1327
01:07:42,684 --> 01:07:46,020
♪ Well he's having a ball,
yeah, he's gettin' it all
1328
01:07:46,021 --> 01:07:48,481
♪ Yeah, he's gettin' a lot ♪
1329
01:07:48,482 --> 01:07:51,776
(dramatic music)
1330
01:07:51,777 --> 01:07:53,028
(beeping)
1331
01:08:08,377 --> 01:08:11,921
(beeping)
1332
01:08:11,922 --> 01:08:14,550
- Marone!
1333
01:08:15,634 --> 01:08:17,301
- Ha, look at this, huh?
1334
01:08:17,302 --> 01:08:19,345
I'm a natural actor.
1335
01:08:19,346 --> 01:08:21,681
- [Chip] I know, isn't it a hoot?
1336
01:08:21,682 --> 01:08:23,392
- Why aren't you laughing?
1337
01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:26,812
- I don't feel good about this, Vic.
1338
01:08:27,896 --> 01:08:29,773
- Ah, come on, look at this.
1339
01:08:30,816 --> 01:08:33,985
- This guy is a hunk.
1340
01:08:33,986 --> 01:08:36,112
- Hey, this broad can act.
1341
01:08:36,113 --> 01:08:39,156
- [Chip] By the way, roomies,
1342
01:08:39,157 --> 01:08:41,867
where do I sleep?
1343
01:08:41,868 --> 01:08:44,830
(crowd oohing)
1344
01:08:46,373 --> 01:08:49,375
I guess we learned an
important lesson today:
1345
01:08:49,376 --> 01:08:52,295
honesty is the best policy.
1346
01:08:52,296 --> 01:08:53,796
(cheering applause)
1347
01:08:53,797 --> 01:08:55,047
- All right, I'm glad that's over.
1348
01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:56,382
Now let's get back to the game.
1349
01:08:56,383 --> 01:08:59,093
- That was a very moving moment.
1350
01:08:59,094 --> 01:09:02,346
♪ Sittin' pretty, all right
1351
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:04,098
♪ Sittin' pretty ♪
1352
01:09:04,099 --> 01:09:06,809
(crowd cheering)
1353
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:08,477
- [Voiceover] Well, if you just tuned in,
1354
01:09:08,478 --> 01:09:10,479
you missed the play of the century,
1355
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:12,232
I want to tell you, yes indeedy-doody.
1356
01:09:17,988 --> 01:09:19,488
- Good morning, Trish.
1357
01:09:19,489 --> 01:09:21,992
- Parker, the colonel's in there.
1358
01:09:23,076 --> 01:09:26,455
(tense music)
1359
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:32,877
- The colonel, chairman of the board?
1360
01:09:32,878 --> 01:09:33,879
- [Trish] Yes.
1361
01:09:35,130 --> 01:09:36,882
- Well, that's it.
1362
01:09:39,176 --> 01:09:40,885
It was fun while it lasted.
1363
01:09:40,886 --> 01:09:44,097
(ominous music)
1364
01:09:46,558 --> 01:09:48,309
Colonel, what brings you here to...
1365
01:09:48,310 --> 01:09:50,144
(growling)
1366
01:09:50,145 --> 01:09:53,023
- I'm waiting for Parker Braithewait.
1367
01:09:55,651 --> 01:10:00,529
- Uh, colonel, I'm Parker Braithewait.
1368
01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:03,783
Remember, we met last
year when you hired me?
1369
01:10:03,784 --> 01:10:06,911
- God, you've aged, son.
1370
01:10:06,912 --> 01:10:08,621
You know Buster.
1371
01:10:08,622 --> 01:10:10,206
- Sure, sure, of course I do.
1372
01:10:10,207 --> 01:10:11,749
Hello, Buster.
1373
01:10:11,750 --> 01:10:14,961
(snarling)
1374
01:10:16,213 --> 01:10:19,090
- Well, if you have seen
the overnight ratings,
1375
01:10:19,091 --> 01:10:20,716
you know why I'm here.
1376
01:10:20,717 --> 01:10:23,386
- Uh, colonel, it's easy to
single me out on this one,
1377
01:10:23,387 --> 01:10:25,429
but there are plenty of others
1378
01:10:25,430 --> 01:10:27,431
who should share the responsibility.
1379
01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:28,641
(chuckling)
1380
01:10:28,642 --> 01:10:29,850
- Listen to that.
1381
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:32,687
He pulls off the programming
coup of the year,
1382
01:10:32,688 --> 01:10:34,522
hell, the decade,
1383
01:10:34,523 --> 01:10:37,525
and he modestly shares credit with others.
1384
01:10:37,526 --> 01:10:39,903
There's a lesson in that, Buster.
1385
01:10:41,321 --> 01:10:43,073
- Programming coup?
1386
01:10:45,909 --> 01:10:49,913
(growling)
1387
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:54,792
De Salvo got a 60 share?
1388
01:10:54,793 --> 01:10:58,546
(cackling)
1389
01:10:58,547 --> 01:11:01,340
- Half of America tuned
out the World Series
1390
01:11:01,341 --> 01:11:03,092
to watch that little wop.
1391
01:11:03,093 --> 01:11:05,886
- Well, I knew it would be good,
1392
01:11:05,887 --> 01:11:08,931
I just, I never dreamed these numbers.
1393
01:11:08,932 --> 01:11:10,683
- Yeah, think about
what it'll be next week
1394
01:11:10,684 --> 01:11:12,143
when there's no competition!
1395
01:11:12,144 --> 01:11:14,061
(laughing)
1396
01:11:14,062 --> 01:11:15,980
- But colonel, that was just a pilot,
1397
01:11:15,981 --> 01:11:17,314
we wanted to see how it would go
1398
01:11:17,315 --> 01:11:18,941
before we went rushing into series.
1399
01:11:18,942 --> 01:11:21,819
- It's officially a series, Braithwaite.
1400
01:11:21,820 --> 01:11:25,573
Episode number two airs in six days.
1401
01:11:25,574 --> 01:11:28,409
Do I make myself clear?
1402
01:11:28,410 --> 01:11:29,870
Clear?
1403
01:11:31,538 --> 01:11:35,250
(gentle music)
1404
01:11:39,004 --> 01:11:42,090
- Oh, Mr. De Salvo.
1405
01:11:43,467 --> 01:11:45,843
Always good to see you, sir.
1406
01:11:45,844 --> 01:11:49,305
Mr. Braithwaite's waiting
for you at table one.
1407
01:11:49,306 --> 01:11:50,766
This way, please.
1408
01:11:53,810 --> 01:11:56,562
- Well, hey, buddy, good to see you,
1409
01:11:56,563 --> 01:11:59,106
I was getting a little
worried, you're an hour late.
1410
01:11:59,107 --> 01:12:00,274
-Am I?
1411
01:12:00,275 --> 01:12:04,278
William, a bottle of
Chateau Margaux '61, please.
1412
01:12:04,279 --> 01:12:06,030
- Excellent, sir.
1413
01:12:06,031 --> 01:12:10,159
- Now look, Vic, I'm willing
to eat a little humble pie here
1414
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:14,664
and give you an order for six shows.
1415
01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:18,876
- I'm Sicilian and we
never discuss business
1416
01:12:18,877 --> 01:12:20,503
until after we've eaten.
1417
01:12:20,504 --> 01:12:23,297
William, what's your bill of fare today?
1418
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:26,300
- We have several
specials today, gentlemen.
1419
01:12:26,301 --> 01:12:27,384
- Specials?
1420
01:12:27,385 --> 01:12:31,222
- Scampi palermo, tiny baby prawns
1421
01:12:31,223 --> 01:12:33,933
gently sauteed in a fine...
1422
01:12:33,934 --> 01:12:35,726
(slurping)
1423
01:12:35,727 --> 01:12:37,561
- [Parker] I don't mean to rush you, Vic,
1424
01:12:37,562 --> 01:12:41,107
but it is your third cup of espresso.
1425
01:12:42,234 --> 01:12:43,651
(sighing)
1426
01:12:43,652 --> 01:12:45,194
- [Vic] State your case.
1427
01:12:45,195 --> 01:12:46,278
- Fine.
1428
01:12:46,279 --> 01:12:50,407
I'll give you 13 weeks, firm.
1429
01:12:50,408 --> 01:12:51,785
- Not so fast.
1430
01:12:52,953 --> 01:12:54,745
I want production offices.
1431
01:12:54,746 --> 01:12:58,123
I want six on-the-air commitments.
1432
01:12:58,124 --> 01:13:01,920
I want a back-ended
syndication deal, up front.
1433
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:05,632
- All right, anything you want.
1434
01:13:06,716 --> 01:13:07,883
What do you say?
1435
01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,845
- I don't know, I'll sleep on it.
1436
01:13:11,221 --> 01:13:14,265
- Vic, Vic, Vic, Vic, I'm on my knees!
1437
01:13:14,266 --> 01:13:16,851
Don't refuse a man on his knees!
1438
01:13:16,852 --> 01:13:18,937
- Will that be cash or charge, sir?
1439
01:13:20,146 --> 01:13:21,147
(scoffing)
1440
01:13:24,484 --> 01:13:25,902
(knocking)
1441
01:13:28,113 --> 01:13:29,489
(knocking)
1442
01:13:31,491 --> 01:13:33,617
- Did your order one sex maniac?
1443
01:13:33,618 --> 01:13:35,286
- Vic, what are you doing here?
1444
01:13:35,287 --> 01:13:37,788
I told you we shouldn't be
seen together for a while.
1445
01:13:37,789 --> 01:13:41,292
- What, what, what are
you so nervous about here?
1446
01:13:41,293 --> 01:13:45,045
Here, here, here, check out these goodies
1447
01:13:45,046 --> 01:13:48,675
that I picked up at the
House of Kinky on Sepulveda.
1448
01:13:49,885 --> 01:13:51,844
A glow-in-the-dark brassiere.
1449
01:13:51,845 --> 01:13:53,888
- [Francine] Not tonight,
Vic, I'm too tense.
1450
01:13:53,889 --> 01:13:56,098
- Well, then, you're in good hands,
1451
01:13:56,099 --> 01:13:58,142
because I'm a licensed pervert.
1452
01:13:58,143 --> 01:13:59,768
- I don't believe you came here.
1453
01:13:59,769 --> 01:14:01,329
You could have been tailed by the feds.
1454
01:14:02,355 --> 01:14:03,564
- Tailed by the feds?
1455
01:14:03,565 --> 01:14:05,482
What am I, Dillinger?
1456
01:14:05,483 --> 01:14:08,694
- Oh, I am just glad that
those families are docking
1457
01:14:08,695 --> 01:14:10,195
and coming home tonight,
1458
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:12,407
maybe I'm going to finally
get a good night's sleep.
1459
01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:15,577
-Um.
1460
01:14:16,953 --> 01:14:20,581
I think there's something
that you should know.
1461
01:14:20,582 --> 01:14:21,875
- What?
1462
01:14:24,461 --> 01:14:27,671
- Sittin' Pretty got
picked up for 22 weeks.
1463
01:14:27,672 --> 01:14:28,839
-So?
1464
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:32,801
- So, if I let those people come home
1465
01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:36,889
and they don't watch my
show, it'll get canceled.
1466
01:14:36,890 --> 01:14:40,727
(playful music)
1467
01:14:42,103 --> 01:14:45,105
- Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
1468
01:14:45,106 --> 01:14:46,982
- What choice did I have?
1469
01:14:46,983 --> 01:14:50,527
(horn blaring)
1470
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:53,948
- Hello, passengers, this is
your old Captain Andy speaking.
1471
01:14:53,949 --> 01:14:56,283
Good news, gang, your dream cruise
1472
01:14:56,284 --> 01:14:58,202
aboard the Love Boat has been extended
1473
01:14:58,203 --> 01:15:01,455
for 22 fabulous, fun-filled weeks.
1474
01:15:01,456 --> 01:15:04,333
Next stop, Cancun, Mexico!
1475
01:15:04,334 --> 01:15:05,709
Olé!
1476
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:07,127
- For crying out...
1477
01:15:07,128 --> 01:15:08,922
- What's he talking about?
1478
01:15:11,257 --> 01:15:13,634
- 22 weeks, why aren't we docking?
1479
01:15:13,635 --> 01:15:15,386
- Hey, I have to be at work tomorrow!
1480
01:15:15,387 --> 01:15:16,595
- Turn this ship around!
1481
01:15:16,596 --> 01:15:18,430
- Mellow out, people.
1482
01:15:18,431 --> 01:15:21,684
- |I don't care what anybody
says, I'm going on that life boat.
1483
01:15:21,685 --> 01:15:23,602
- Yeah, yeah, that's right.
1484
01:15:23,603 --> 01:15:25,688
- What are we doing here, cane mutiny?
1485
01:15:25,689 --> 01:15:28,857
- Hold it, ain't nobody going anywhere.
1486
01:15:28,858 --> 01:15:31,110
Get back to the shuffleboards.
1487
01:15:31,111 --> 01:15:33,487
It's your shot, Pops.
1488
01:15:33,488 --> 01:15:37,534
(dramatic music)
1489
01:15:43,331 --> 01:15:44,957
- Paisan Mageshin's.
1490
01:15:44,958 --> 01:15:47,668
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Alda.
1491
01:15:47,669 --> 01:15:50,045
Mr. De Salvo's in a conference.
1492
01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:51,964
Shall I have him get back to you?
1493
01:15:51,965 --> 01:15:53,340
Fine.
1494
01:15:53,341 --> 01:15:56,135
- Vic, you want Monday
night, it's yours, babe.
1495
01:15:56,136 --> 01:15:57,428
Run with it.
1496
01:15:57,429 --> 01:16:00,431
- Okay, I'm going to save your asses.
1497
01:16:00,432 --> 01:16:03,892
I've got a story based on a
character that I grew up with.
1498
01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:05,936
His name was Nunzio Romanelli.
1499
01:16:05,937 --> 01:16:07,438
(strained laughter)
1500
01:16:07,439 --> 01:16:09,649
- That's good, I'm laughing already.
1501
01:16:10,942 --> 01:16:12,317
- It's not a comedy.
1502
01:16:12,318 --> 01:16:14,863
It's an action-adventure.
1503
01:16:16,031 --> 01:16:17,448
- Action-adventure?
1504
01:16:17,449 --> 01:16:20,659
Good counter programming, write
that down, action-adventure.
1505
01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:23,162
- Anyway, Nunzio hung out
1506
01:16:23,163 --> 01:16:26,665
in Coney Provo's bar on Route 4.
1507
01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:29,126
If you wanted to get your rocks off,
1508
01:16:29,127 --> 01:16:31,211
you went to see Nunzio.
1509
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:34,548
- You want to do a show about a pimp?
1510
01:16:34,549 --> 01:16:35,675
- Yeah.
1511
01:16:36,718 --> 01:16:37,926
- Breakthrough concept.
1512
01:16:37,927 --> 01:16:40,262
- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good,
1513
01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:41,764
write it down, write it down.
1514
01:16:41,765 --> 01:16:43,098
- Yeah.
1515
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:46,101
- [Crowd] Number one,
number one, number one!
1516
01:16:46,102 --> 01:16:49,063
Number one, number one, number one!
1517
01:16:49,064 --> 01:16:51,106
Number one, number one!
1518
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:52,775
- Now, now, now, now,
1519
01:16:52,776 --> 01:16:55,319
now, the moment you've
all been waiting for,
1520
01:16:55,320 --> 01:16:58,989
a preview of MBC's second season,
1521
01:16:58,990 --> 01:17:02,868
more magic with the De Salvo touch!
1522
01:17:02,869 --> 01:17:06,497
(cheering applause)
1523
01:17:06,498 --> 01:17:08,957
♪ MBC
1524
01:17:08,958 --> 01:17:12,586
♪ We're number one
1525
01:17:12,587 --> 01:17:16,091
♪ And sittin' pretty ♪
1526
01:17:18,843 --> 01:17:21,345
- [Voiceover] It's a
whole new Monday night
1527
01:17:21,346 --> 01:17:24,848
that begins with action,
adventure, and beautiful women.
1528
01:17:24,849 --> 01:17:28,018
You'll want to spend the
night with Nunzio's Girls.
1529
01:17:28,019 --> 01:17:29,978
He's the doctor of love.
1530
01:17:29,979 --> 01:17:33,107
- This ain't just a
business operation to me.
1531
01:17:33,108 --> 01:17:34,691
We're family.
1532
01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:37,319
(sirens wailing)
1533
01:17:37,320 --> 01:17:40,782
Oh, hey, Rocco, the bulls, Rocco, hit it!
1534
01:17:45,161 --> 01:17:47,664
Don't worry about it, Daddy's here.
1535
01:17:48,873 --> 01:17:50,624
- [Voiceover] Yes, it's Nunzio's Girls,
1536
01:17:50,625 --> 01:17:53,086
they'll get your rocks off!
1537
01:17:54,295 --> 01:17:57,005
And then, Monday nights at 9:00.
1538
01:17:57,006 --> 01:18:00,008
- Let me tell you about a hot new star
1539
01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:02,427
coming to MBC.
1540
01:18:02,428 --> 01:18:04,888
He's gonna make you
forget about Tom Selleck
1541
01:18:04,889 --> 01:18:06,682
and all the others.
1542
01:18:06,683 --> 01:18:09,268
He's an international playboy,
1543
01:18:09,269 --> 01:18:12,980
a jewel thief, and a master spy.
1544
01:18:12,981 --> 01:18:14,940
He's Hamilton Rogue,
1545
01:18:14,941 --> 01:18:18,902
and he's coming your way
Monday nights on MBC,
1546
01:18:18,903 --> 01:18:22,114
starring Richie De Salvo, of course.
1547
01:18:22,115 --> 01:18:24,617
- This Rogue's for hire.
1548
01:18:29,414 --> 01:18:31,498
- [Voiceover] And then,
on Saturday mornings,
1549
01:18:31,499 --> 01:18:35,294
it's those crazy calamaris, the Goombas!
1550
01:18:35,295 --> 01:18:36,962
♪ Goomba, Goomba, Goomba, Goomba
1551
01:18:36,963 --> 01:18:38,463
♪ We're the Goomba folks
1552
01:18:38,464 --> 01:18:40,090
♪ Goomba, Goomba, Goomba, Goomba
1553
01:18:40,091 --> 01:18:41,592
♪ We love the Goomba jokes
1554
01:18:41,593 --> 01:18:43,218
♪ We're the Goomba girls
1555
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:44,845
♪ And we're the Goomba boys
1556
01:18:44,846 --> 01:18:48,056
♪ We eat pizzas and calzones
and we make a lot of noise
1557
01:18:48,057 --> 01:18:49,892
♪ Goomba, Goomba, Goomba, Goomba
1558
01:18:49,893 --> 01:18:51,393
♪ We're having lots of fun
1559
01:18:51,394 --> 01:18:53,061
♪ Goomba, Goomba, Goomba, Goomba
1560
01:18:53,062 --> 01:18:54,563
♪ And when we are done
1561
01:18:54,564 --> 01:18:56,106
♪ Your father is a Goombha
1562
01:18:56,107 --> 01:18:57,608
♪ And another hunky Goomba
1563
01:18:57,609 --> 01:19:00,236
♪ And we have to keep
the Goombas number one
1564
01:19:01,946 --> 01:19:03,071
♪ Hey ♪
1565
01:19:03,072 --> 01:19:05,742
(groovy music)
1566
01:19:12,832 --> 01:19:16,085
(laughter)
1567
01:19:19,923 --> 01:19:23,885
(applause)
1568
01:19:26,846 --> 01:19:30,600
- [Crowd] Number one,
number one, number one!
1569
01:19:36,981 --> 01:19:38,690
- [Francine] Hi, this is Francine.
1570
01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,484
I can't come to the phone right now.
1571
01:19:40,485 --> 01:19:43,320
If you leave a message at the
tone, I'll get back to you,
1572
01:19:43,321 --> 01:19:44,821
unless you're Vic De Salvo.
1573
01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,031
(beeping)
1574
01:19:46,032 --> 01:19:47,699
- Oh, come on, Francine.
1575
01:19:47,700 --> 01:19:50,577
You keep torturing me about this cruise.
1576
01:19:50,578 --> 01:19:52,287
It's been a month.
1577
01:19:52,288 --> 01:19:55,457
I'm a hit and I can't
enjoy it without you.
1578
01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:58,878
(applause)
1579
01:20:05,051 --> 01:20:06,510
(beeping)
1580
01:20:06,511 --> 01:20:09,096
Francine, I'm sick of talking to a beep.
1581
01:20:09,097 --> 01:20:11,765
Come on, don't be angry at me.
1582
01:20:11,766 --> 01:20:15,811
Those families are enjoying
themselves, honest.
1583
01:20:15,812 --> 01:20:18,855
Guam is gorgeous this time of year.
1584
01:20:18,856 --> 01:20:21,191
Come on, Francine, I know you're there.
1585
01:20:21,192 --> 01:20:22,609
Come on, pick up the phone.
1586
01:20:22,610 --> 01:20:24,319
Come on, why do you do this to me?
1587
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:26,906
Come on, Francine?
1588
01:20:28,074 --> 01:20:31,368
Francine, pick it up, pick it
up, pick it up, pick it up,
1589
01:20:31,369 --> 01:20:33,203
pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!
1590
01:20:33,204 --> 01:20:34,955
(dial tone)
1591
01:20:34,956 --> 01:20:38,876
(thematic music)
1592
01:20:41,713 --> 01:20:44,923
- In our show-biz headlines
tonight, TV's Bonnie Franklin
1593
01:20:44,924 --> 01:20:47,217
tells us how God changed her life,
1594
01:20:47,218 --> 01:20:50,804
Sally Struthers talks candidly
of her bout with chocolate,
1595
01:20:50,805 --> 01:20:53,432
and the nominees for the TV Digest Awards
1596
01:20:53,433 --> 01:20:56,476
were announced today,
but first, our top story.
1597
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:57,270
Denise?
1598
01:20:57,271 --> 01:21:00,355
- CBS dropped a bombshell
today by announcing it
1599
01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:04,026
could no longer subscribe to
the Computron rating service.
1600
01:21:04,027 --> 01:21:06,111
At a hastily called news conference,
1601
01:21:06,112 --> 01:21:09,157
network spokesman Alvin
Small had this to say.
1602
01:21:10,199 --> 01:21:13,327
- We challenge the accuracy
of their polling methods.
1603
01:21:13,328 --> 01:21:16,496
How is it possible that Nunzio's Girls
1604
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:18,624
beat the M♪A♪S♪H reunion special?
1605
01:21:19,876 --> 01:21:22,252
- This is a sorry day for Computron.
1606
01:21:22,253 --> 01:21:25,964
Never once in 30 years has our credibility
1607
01:21:25,965 --> 01:21:28,175
been challenged, until now.
1608
01:21:28,176 --> 01:21:31,011
I want an internal investigation,
1609
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:34,097
I want a complete systems check,
1610
01:21:34,098 --> 01:21:36,099
and I want it today.
1611
01:21:36,100 --> 01:21:38,810
(ominous music)
1612
01:21:38,811 --> 01:21:42,314
- Oh, no, we're in some hot water now.
1613
01:21:42,315 --> 01:21:45,067
- Yeah, we better get
outta this town fast.
1614
01:21:45,068 --> 01:21:47,152
- You dumb bastard, I oughta...
1615
01:21:47,153 --> 01:21:49,946
- I didn't know the race was fixed, boss.
1616
01:21:49,947 --> 01:21:53,743
- Uh oh, Goombas are in
trouble with their bookie.
1617
01:21:54,827 --> 01:21:56,578
- It's not bad enough we
gotta watch TV at night,
1618
01:21:56,579 --> 01:21:58,914
now we gotta watch it all damn day, too.
1619
01:21:58,915 --> 01:22:00,248
(shushing)
1620
01:22:00,249 --> 01:22:01,958
- It's about time they put something
1621
01:22:01,959 --> 01:22:03,920
on Saturday a person can relate to.
1622
01:22:16,724 --> 01:22:20,603
(whistling explosion)
1623
01:22:23,064 --> 01:22:24,564
- [Vic] You fishbait son-of-a...
1624
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:25,942
(doorbell ringing)
1625
01:22:29,612 --> 01:22:31,197
- Who the hell is that?
1626
01:22:32,949 --> 01:22:34,741
- I don't know.
1627
01:22:34,742 --> 01:22:36,911
- Well, go get rid of them.
1628
01:22:38,496 --> 01:22:41,124
- [Voiceover] Hey, I ain't
fighting no friggin' lone star.
1629
01:22:42,250 --> 01:22:44,626
(crunching)
1630
01:22:44,627 --> 01:22:46,838
(doorbell ringing)
1631
01:22:48,673 --> 01:22:50,090
- What do you want?
1632
01:22:50,091 --> 01:22:51,716
- Mr. Sweeney?
1633
01:22:51,717 --> 01:22:53,218
- Yeah.
1634
01:22:53,219 --> 01:22:55,762
- Mr. Carl Sweeney?
1635
01:22:55,763 --> 01:22:57,472
- Yeah, what's it to you?
1636
01:22:57,473 --> 01:23:00,725
- Oh, I'm from the TV
rating service and I wanted
1637
01:23:00,726 --> 01:23:03,562
to ask you some questions
about your viewing habits.
1638
01:23:03,563 --> 01:23:05,439
- Yeah, well, I can't talk now,
1639
01:23:05,440 --> 01:23:06,840
I've got some topovers in the oven.
1640
01:23:11,112 --> 01:23:12,446
(bubbling)
1641
01:23:12,447 --> 01:23:14,824
- Hey, hey, who cut the flounder in here?
1642
01:23:17,118 --> 01:23:20,662
(dog barking)
1643
01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:24,750
(mysterious music)
1644
01:23:43,519 --> 01:23:45,854
(snickering)
1645
01:23:45,855 --> 01:23:48,440
- Goody, I mean, who
would'a figured this, huh?
1646
01:23:48,441 --> 01:23:49,816
This is incredible.
1647
01:23:49,817 --> 01:23:54,030
Me, Vic De Salvo, up
for most popular actor.
1648
01:23:55,406 --> 01:23:57,866
I just hope my public supports me.
1649
01:23:57,867 --> 01:24:01,286
- What public, you got 200
goons watching your show.
1650
01:24:01,287 --> 01:24:03,205
Remember, it's the real
viewers that choose the winner,
1651
01:24:03,206 --> 01:24:04,540
So you ain't got a chance.
1652
01:24:07,627 --> 01:24:10,045
- Vic, I gotta talk to you.
1653
01:24:10,046 --> 01:24:13,423
- Ah, Francine.
1654
01:24:13,424 --> 01:24:16,635
- Listen to me, Vic, you
haven't got much time left.
1655
01:24:16,636 --> 01:24:18,678
They're onto you, they're
conducting an investigation.
1656
01:24:18,679 --> 01:24:20,597
- Oh, shit, I knew it.
1657
01:24:20,598 --> 01:24:22,224
Vic, we gotta get the ship back.
1658
01:24:22,225 --> 01:24:23,266
- How?
1659
01:24:23,267 --> 01:24:25,727
We lost contact with them
when they passed the equator.
1660
01:24:25,728 --> 01:24:26,604
(sighing)
1661
01:24:26,605 --> 01:24:28,688
- Well, we're getting lost
too, I'm making reservations.
1662
01:24:28,689 --> 01:24:30,357
- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, I'm not going
1663
01:24:30,358 --> 01:24:33,276
anywhere until after that
award show tomorrow night.
1664
01:24:33,277 --> 01:24:34,945
- Vic, are you crazy?
1665
01:24:34,946 --> 01:24:37,030
It could be a matter of
hours before this whole thing
1666
01:24:37,031 --> 01:24:38,448
blows up in your face.
1667
01:24:38,449 --> 01:24:40,325
Goody is right, you gotta leave town.
1668
01:24:40,326 --> 01:24:41,826
- No, hold it.
1669
01:24:41,827 --> 01:24:43,745
Look, you people don't understand.
1670
01:24:43,746 --> 01:24:46,665
I came to Hollywood to make it big.
1671
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:47,707
- You did that.
1672
01:24:47,708 --> 01:24:49,793
- But it's not official,
1673
01:24:49,794 --> 01:24:52,295
not until tomorrow night,
1674
01:24:52,296 --> 01:24:54,464
at that ceremony, when they read,
1675
01:24:54,465 --> 01:24:56,675
"And the nominees are:
1676
01:24:56,676 --> 01:24:58,719
"Vic De Salvo."
1677
01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:01,888
(gentle music)
1678
01:25:01,889 --> 01:25:03,349
Francine,
1679
01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:06,686
I want you there, by my side.
1680
01:25:07,853 --> 01:25:10,147
That would make it perfect.
1681
01:25:14,110 --> 01:25:16,487
- I've been miserable without you, Vic.
1682
01:25:17,780 --> 01:25:18,948
- Me too.
1683
01:25:20,366 --> 01:25:22,368
Does that mean you'll come with me?
1684
01:25:23,452 --> 01:25:24,744
- Sure, what the hell?
1685
01:25:24,745 --> 01:25:26,705
- Uncle Vic, it's ready.
1686
01:25:26,706 --> 01:25:28,874
- Oh, thanks, Richie.
1687
01:25:30,459 --> 01:25:33,336
- Goody, would you fix me a double scotch?
1688
01:25:33,337 --> 01:25:34,964
- Yeah, I'll make it two.
1689
01:25:36,132 --> 01:25:39,677
(howling storm)
1690
01:25:40,845 --> 01:25:42,387
- Your attention, please.
1691
01:25:42,388 --> 01:25:45,098
Mambo lessons on B-deck
have been postponed.
1692
01:25:45,099 --> 01:25:48,018
Good news is that we have
picked up a day and a half
1693
01:25:48,019 --> 01:25:50,186
due to the storm currents and we should be
1694
01:25:50,187 --> 01:25:53,231
in the Aleutian Islands
in time for Christmas.
1695
01:25:53,232 --> 01:25:56,234
Jingle bells, jingle
bells, jingle all the way!
1696
01:25:56,235 --> 01:25:59,613
(thunder crackling)
1697
01:25:59,614 --> 01:26:03,159
(police radio chatter)
1698
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:06,786
- Oh, Mr. Vandergelder,
we don't exactly know
1699
01:26:06,787 --> 01:26:08,872
what De Salvo has done with the families,
1700
01:26:08,873 --> 01:26:12,877
but this scam is definitely
happening all over the country.
1701
01:26:17,715 --> 01:26:19,132
(cheering)
1702
01:26:19,133 --> 01:26:21,009
- [Voiceover] And now,
back to live coverage
1703
01:26:21,010 --> 01:26:23,470
of the 11th annual TV Digest Awards.
1704
01:26:23,471 --> 01:26:25,388
- And here comes the recipient
1705
01:26:25,389 --> 01:26:28,016
of tonight's lifetime achievement award,
1706
01:26:28,017 --> 01:26:30,727
ladies and gentlemen, one of
America's greatest comedians,
1707
01:26:30,728 --> 01:26:32,604
Mr. Benny Benson!
1708
01:26:32,605 --> 01:26:34,189
(chuckling)
1709
01:26:34,190 --> 01:26:36,107
Still chasing the girls!
1710
01:26:36,108 --> 01:26:39,277
- You're on me, but I forgot
what to do when I catch 'em!
1711
01:26:39,278 --> 01:26:40,820
(chuckling)
1712
01:26:40,821 --> 01:26:42,323
- That's our Benny.
1713
01:26:44,617 --> 01:26:47,036
- I'm taking a pretty big
chance, coming here tonight.
1714
01:26:48,412 --> 01:26:51,373
- It was worth it to
see you in that dress.
1715
01:26:51,374 --> 01:26:52,540
- Like it?
1716
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:53,792
- Yeah, I like it.
1717
01:26:53,793 --> 01:26:55,585
- It's a bridal gown, my mother bought it
1718
01:26:55,586 --> 01:26:56,921
for me as a birthday hint.
1719
01:26:58,047 --> 01:27:01,007
(musical honking)
1720
01:27:01,008 --> 01:27:04,178
(cheering)
1721
01:27:05,346 --> 01:27:09,308
(shutters clicking)
1722
01:27:10,976 --> 01:27:13,019
- Hey, Bruno, don't get lost,
1723
01:27:13,020 --> 01:27:15,397
because right after the show,
I'm leaving for the airport.
1724
01:27:15,398 --> 01:27:16,691
- All right, boss.
1725
01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:21,361
Hey, uh, hey, boss, break a leg, huh?
1726
01:27:21,362 --> 01:27:22,238
- Okay.
1727
01:27:22,239 --> 01:27:25,908
(cheering)
1728
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:37,169
(club music)
1729
01:27:40,423 --> 01:27:41,966
- Officer, officer.
1730
01:27:43,134 --> 01:27:44,969
- Oh, program.
1731
01:27:47,638 --> 01:27:50,099
Vic, look, look!
1732
01:27:51,308 --> 01:27:54,144
- It finally hit the fan.
1733
01:27:54,145 --> 01:27:55,687
- Come on, we gotta get out of here.
1734
01:27:55,688 --> 01:27:58,523
- Uh, look, you go to your seat.
1735
01:27:58,524 --> 01:28:00,191
Don't worry about me.
1736
01:28:00,192 --> 01:28:03,404
If I could just duck them
until I hear my name called.
1737
01:28:04,530 --> 01:28:05,613
- Be careful.
1738
01:28:05,614 --> 01:28:06,866
- Yeah.
1739
01:28:10,453 --> 01:28:12,078
- Okay, go now, Benny.
1740
01:28:12,079 --> 01:28:13,079
- Oh.
1741
01:28:13,080 --> 01:28:14,372
- I don't want to have to take you
1742
01:28:14,373 --> 01:28:15,773
during the show six times, come on.
1743
01:28:17,084 --> 01:28:19,043
That's it, come on.
1744
01:28:19,044 --> 01:28:21,130
Don't dawdle in there.
1745
01:28:28,554 --> 01:28:30,764
(applause)
1746
01:28:30,765 --> 01:28:33,057
- Well, he couldn't have
gotten out of this building,
1747
01:28:33,058 --> 01:28:34,517
all the exits are blocked.
1748
01:28:34,518 --> 01:28:36,896
- Well, we'll keep looking,
sir, he won't get away.
1749
01:28:37,980 --> 01:28:40,231
- If this is true, Braithwaite,
1750
01:28:40,232 --> 01:28:43,194
I'm going to feed your nuts to Buster.
1751
01:28:44,445 --> 01:28:46,654
- Parker, Denise Leclair, Showbiz Tonight.
1752
01:28:46,655 --> 01:28:49,115
- Oh, hi, Denise, hi.
1753
01:28:49,116 --> 01:28:50,992
Should be a terrific show this evening.
1754
01:28:50,993 --> 01:28:53,036
- Parker, they're already
calling it Ratingsgate,
1755
01:28:53,037 --> 01:28:55,246
the first rigging of the
ratings by a major network.
1756
01:28:55,247 --> 01:28:56,748
Any comment?
1757
01:28:56,749 --> 01:28:58,208
(shattering)
1758
01:28:58,209 --> 01:29:00,794
(thematic music)
1759
01:29:00,795 --> 01:29:02,587
- [Voiceover] Live from Los Angeles,
1760
01:29:02,588 --> 01:29:06,133
the 11th Annual TV Digest Awards.
1761
01:29:08,093 --> 01:29:10,887
Brought to you by ChemCorp:
1762
01:29:10,888 --> 01:29:13,431
we're fighting to earn back your trust.
1763
01:29:13,432 --> 01:29:15,725
And Bow Wow Chow:
1764
01:29:15,726 --> 01:29:18,687
we only call it dog
food because we have to.
1765
01:29:25,986 --> 01:29:28,905
- Come on, zip it up,
Benny, the show's starting.
1766
01:29:28,906 --> 01:29:31,199
(flushing)
1767
01:29:31,200 --> 01:29:32,451
It's about time.
1768
01:29:33,619 --> 01:29:34,703
Come on.
1769
01:29:35,830 --> 01:29:37,331
That a boy.
1770
01:29:38,457 --> 01:29:40,959
Let's not catch a chill,
you're doing Merv tomorrow.
1771
01:29:40,960 --> 01:29:42,794
Okay, let's go.
1772
01:29:42,795 --> 01:29:46,631
- [Voiceover] And now,
your host, Mr. Steve Allen!
1773
01:29:46,632 --> 01:29:50,678
(cheering applause)
1774
01:29:58,811 --> 01:30:00,270
- Thank you very much,
1775
01:30:00,271 --> 01:30:03,231
and welcome to long
day's journey into night.
1776
01:30:03,232 --> 01:30:05,191
(laughter)
1777
01:30:05,192 --> 01:30:07,610
I guess I was the, uh, logical choice
1778
01:30:07,611 --> 01:30:09,654
to host this show, I'm the
only one in the business
1779
01:30:09,655 --> 01:30:11,406
who's not up for an award tonight.
1780
01:30:11,407 --> 01:30:12,824
(laughter)
1781
01:30:12,825 --> 01:30:14,617
But all seriousness aside,
1782
01:30:14,618 --> 01:30:17,829
it's a real pleasure for me
1783
01:30:17,830 --> 01:30:19,873
to look out here at
this particular audience
1784
01:30:19,874 --> 01:30:21,291
and see all the new faces
1785
01:30:21,292 --> 01:30:23,209
on top of the old faces.
1786
01:30:23,210 --> 01:30:24,586
(laughter)
1787
01:30:24,587 --> 01:30:26,296
But I do want to welcome everybody
1788
01:30:26,297 --> 01:30:28,548
to the TV Digest Awards.
1789
01:30:28,549 --> 01:30:30,008
And you know what makes
this show different
1790
01:30:30,009 --> 01:30:31,927
from the other 712 award shows
1791
01:30:33,012 --> 01:30:35,430
is that you, the viewer, pick the winners,
1792
01:30:35,431 --> 01:30:39,017
that's right, using the ballots
in your TV Digest Magazine.
1793
01:30:39,018 --> 01:30:41,728
And now, from the accounting
firm of Skank and Skank,
1794
01:30:41,729 --> 01:30:45,106
here's Mr. Zack Silverman
to explain the rules.
1795
01:30:45,107 --> 01:30:48,861
(applause)
1796
01:30:52,072 --> 01:30:53,573
- All right, you little son of a bitch,
1797
01:30:53,574 --> 01:30:55,409
I know you're in there, come on out.
1798
01:30:57,202 --> 01:30:58,703
(moaning)
1799
01:30:58,704 --> 01:30:59,872
Holy shit.
1800
01:31:03,876 --> 01:31:06,878
- This is a hell of a
life achievement award.
1801
01:31:06,879 --> 01:31:09,005
(comedy music)
1802
01:31:09,006 --> 01:31:10,506
- Well, here, now comes the moment
1803
01:31:10,507 --> 01:31:13,134
that I personally have been
looking forward to, the annual
1804
01:31:13,135 --> 01:31:17,347
presentation of TV Digest's
life achievement award,
1805
01:31:17,348 --> 01:31:19,933
given to those who have
distinguished themselves
1806
01:31:19,934 --> 01:31:23,436
in a long career of television excellence,
1807
01:31:23,437 --> 01:31:27,440
and who better to receive
this award than Benny Benson?
1808
01:31:27,441 --> 01:31:29,233
(applause)
1809
01:31:29,234 --> 01:31:30,818
That's right, if you grew up in the '50s,
1810
01:31:30,819 --> 01:31:33,656
you knew Benny as Uncle
Moe on The Ginsburgs.
1811
01:31:34,823 --> 01:31:36,449
If you grew up in the '60s,
1812
01:31:36,450 --> 01:31:40,079
you knew him as Uncle
Ned on Give it to Gopher.
1813
01:31:41,205 --> 01:31:43,247
And if you grew up in the '70s,
1814
01:31:43,248 --> 01:31:46,918
you knew him as Gramps
on Them Darn McGintys.
1815
01:31:46,919 --> 01:31:49,253
Well, sir, he's 87 years old now,
1816
01:31:49,254 --> 01:31:51,631
and he still watches his
reruns from the actors' home
1817
01:31:51,632 --> 01:31:53,883
in Woodlands Hills, ladies and gentlemen,
1818
01:31:53,884 --> 01:31:56,260
Mr. Benny Benson, how about it?
1819
01:31:56,261 --> 01:31:59,932
(applause)
1820
01:32:01,475 --> 01:32:02,935
Doesn't he look great?
1821
01:32:07,064 --> 01:32:08,940
Oh, thank you, my dear.
1822
01:32:08,941 --> 01:32:11,859
Benny, here's your well-deserved
award, God love you.
1823
01:32:11,860 --> 01:32:14,737
(applause)
1824
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:16,031
It's a TV award.
1825
01:32:17,199 --> 01:32:19,201
How about this, Benny?
1826
01:32:24,415 --> 01:32:27,251
- He stole my big
moment, I'm Benny Benson!
1827
01:32:29,503 --> 01:32:30,920
Go shoot him.
1828
01:32:30,921 --> 01:32:34,132
(crowd laughing)
1829
01:32:34,133 --> 01:32:35,216
- What the...
1830
01:32:35,217 --> 01:32:36,677
- Benny, Benny!
1831
01:32:39,722 --> 01:32:41,889
- Ladies and gentlemen, how about this?
1832
01:32:41,890 --> 01:32:43,349
It's unplanned and unbelievable.
1833
01:32:43,350 --> 01:32:47,228
Benny Benson is doing one of
his great fall man sketches,
1834
01:32:47,229 --> 01:32:48,896
A Night at the Station!
1835
01:32:48,897 --> 01:32:52,359
(laughter)
1836
01:32:57,239 --> 01:32:59,657
Isn't that fantastic, folks?
1837
01:32:59,658 --> 01:33:02,785
A classic bit of slapstick
from the golden age of comedy.
1838
01:33:02,786 --> 01:33:04,538
- Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
1839
01:33:08,208 --> 01:33:11,503
87 years old, the man
can still take a pratfall.
1840
01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:17,675
(groaning)
1841
01:33:17,676 --> 01:33:19,260
- Okay, all right, we got him.
1842
01:33:19,261 --> 01:33:20,595
- You have the right to remain silent.
1843
01:33:20,596 --> 01:33:22,180
You give up that right to remain silent,
1844
01:33:22,181 --> 01:33:23,973
anything you say can and will be held
1845
01:33:23,974 --> 01:33:25,266
against you in a court of law.
1846
01:33:25,267 --> 01:33:28,269
- Vic, how could you do this to me?
1847
01:33:28,270 --> 01:33:30,354
- And now to join me
in presenting the award
1848
01:33:30,355 --> 01:33:33,024
for most popular actor, she's lovely,
1849
01:33:33,025 --> 01:33:36,319
she's talented, and she also
wrote this introduction,
1850
01:33:36,320 --> 01:33:37,820
Miss Jane Meadows, here she is.
1851
01:33:37,821 --> 01:33:41,158
(upbeat music)
1852
01:33:42,868 --> 01:33:45,703
- Oh, thank you, sweetheart,
for that lovely introduction.
1853
01:33:45,704 --> 01:33:49,457
The nominees for America's
most popular actor,
1854
01:33:49,458 --> 01:33:52,251
as voted by the readers of TV Digest, are:
1855
01:33:52,252 --> 01:33:53,920
Alan Alda...
1856
01:33:53,921 --> 01:33:57,173
- You have violated the sanctity
1857
01:33:57,174 --> 01:33:59,175
of the ratings system.
1858
01:33:59,176 --> 01:34:01,511
- Quiet, they're about to read my name.
1859
01:34:01,512 --> 01:34:02,637
- [Jane] Tom Selleck.
1860
01:34:02,638 --> 01:34:05,307
- You'll hear your name at
the arraignment, let's go.
1861
01:34:06,433 --> 01:34:08,352
Hey, you!
1862
01:34:12,564 --> 01:34:14,315
- [Jane] John Forsythe.
1863
01:34:14,316 --> 01:34:17,485
(applause)
1864
01:34:17,486 --> 01:34:19,321
- Fan out, let's fan out!
1865
01:34:22,658 --> 01:34:24,283
- [Jane] Robert Wagner.
1866
01:34:24,284 --> 01:34:27,871
(applause)
1867
01:34:29,873 --> 01:34:31,582
And Vic De Salvo.
1868
01:34:31,583 --> 01:34:35,337
(applause)
1869
01:34:40,592 --> 01:34:42,677
- May we have the envelope
please, thank you.
1870
01:34:42,678 --> 01:34:46,222
- And the winner is, oh, so exciting.
1871
01:34:46,223 --> 01:34:47,683
- John Forsythe.
1872
01:34:50,394 --> 01:34:52,478
- Vic De Salvo.
1873
01:34:52,479 --> 01:34:54,981
(upbeat music)
1874
01:34:54,982 --> 01:34:57,358
(applause)
1875
01:34:57,359 --> 01:34:58,734
- I won, I won?
1876
01:34:58,735 --> 01:35:01,028
I won, I won!
1877
01:35:01,029 --> 01:35:02,613
(laughing)
1878
01:35:02,614 --> 01:35:05,575
I won, I won, I can't believe it.
1879
01:35:05,576 --> 01:35:07,869
People must have been watching my show!
1880
01:35:07,870 --> 01:35:10,580
- Uncle Vic, way to go, Uncle Vic!
1881
01:35:10,581 --> 01:35:12,541
- Holy shit.
1882
01:35:15,627 --> 01:35:17,129
- Hey, Francine.
1883
01:35:24,261 --> 01:35:25,929
Thank you very much.
1884
01:35:26,930 --> 01:35:28,182
Thank you, I, uh,
1885
01:35:29,349 --> 01:35:32,185
I didn't think was gonna win,
1886
01:35:32,186 --> 01:35:35,980
so, I didn't prepare a speech.
1887
01:35:35,981 --> 01:35:38,024
(chuckling)
1888
01:35:38,025 --> 01:35:41,028
But I'll wing something.
1889
01:35:42,154 --> 01:35:45,072
Uh, tomorrow, you's'a gonna be reading
1890
01:35:45,073 --> 01:35:48,285
some very adverse publicity about me.
1891
01:35:49,453 --> 01:35:53,373
These ain't exactly ID bracelets here.
1892
01:35:54,458 --> 01:35:55,918
These are cuffs.
1893
01:35:57,044 --> 01:35:59,922
I'd be lying if I said I
was sorry for what I did.
1894
01:36:02,216 --> 01:36:05,468
I've always wanted to be
part of this community,
1895
01:36:05,469 --> 01:36:09,430
and I feel vindicated
1896
01:36:09,431 --> 01:36:12,433
by this award, because...
1897
01:36:12,434 --> 01:36:13,768
- Salute, Vic.
1898
01:36:13,769 --> 01:36:17,104
- It tells me that there
were people watching my show,
1899
01:36:17,105 --> 01:36:20,483
and they like the show, it's
not just a handful of people
1900
01:36:20,484 --> 01:36:22,818
that were picked by a computer.
1901
01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:26,072
So, I just want to say that, uh,
1902
01:36:26,073 --> 01:36:28,784
this is the happiest night of my life.
1903
01:36:29,826 --> 01:36:31,410
Thank you, thank you.
1904
01:36:31,411 --> 01:36:33,537
(applause)
1905
01:36:33,538 --> 01:36:35,707
Oh, and one more thing.
1906
01:36:38,377 --> 01:36:40,921
There is a woman in the audience
1907
01:36:42,089 --> 01:36:44,298
who I'm probably not going to get
1908
01:36:44,299 --> 01:36:46,802
to see much of for a little while.
1909
01:36:49,513 --> 01:36:51,639
But I just want to tell her,
1910
01:36:51,640 --> 01:36:54,517
in front of millions of people
1911
01:36:54,518 --> 01:36:56,311
all over the country,
1912
01:36:58,730 --> 01:37:00,899
that I love her very much.
1913
01:37:05,320 --> 01:37:06,612
Thank you.
1914
01:37:06,613 --> 01:37:08,864
- Congratulations, we're
just going to walk over here.
1915
01:37:08,865 --> 01:37:11,075
- I think there's some people
waiting for me over here.
1916
01:37:11,076 --> 01:37:14,705
(applause)
1917
01:37:19,418 --> 01:37:22,128
- [Voiceover] And so Vic
De Salvo was convicted
1918
01:37:22,129 --> 01:37:25,507
of tampering with television's
sacred rating system.
1919
01:37:27,259 --> 01:37:29,802
And from his new base of operations,
1920
01:37:29,803 --> 01:37:34,099
De Salvo turned MBC into
the number one network,
1921
01:37:35,475 --> 01:37:38,770
the programming genius of the age.
1922
01:37:42,024 --> 01:37:44,401
- [All] Mazel Tov!
1923
01:37:45,861 --> 01:37:48,612
- [Voiceover] And his
wedding to Francine Kester
1924
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:51,198
became the social event of the season.
1925
01:37:51,199 --> 01:37:52,576
(upbeat music)
1926
01:37:58,040 --> 01:38:00,958
(clapping)
1927
01:38:00,959 --> 01:38:04,962
But in the excitement, one
question remained unanswered:
1928
01:38:04,963 --> 01:38:07,673
whatever became of those families?
1929
01:38:07,674 --> 01:38:10,551
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
1930
01:38:10,552 --> 01:38:12,928
♪ Jingle all the way
1931
01:38:12,929 --> 01:38:15,639
♪ Oh what fun it is to ride
1932
01:38:15,640 --> 01:38:18,100
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
1933
01:38:18,101 --> 01:38:19,603
- Carmine.
1934
01:38:20,729 --> 01:38:22,772
- Ho, ho, ho!
1935
01:38:22,773 --> 01:38:27,027
Captain Santa here, now
hear this, present time!
1936
01:38:28,612 --> 01:38:30,196
Yes, there you are.
1937
01:38:30,197 --> 01:38:31,781
That's all, folks!
1938
01:38:31,782 --> 01:38:33,282
♪ All the way
1939
01:38:33,283 --> 01:38:36,994
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
1940
01:38:36,995 --> 01:38:40,749
(playful music)
137580
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