All language subtitles for Me.You.Madness.2021.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

(INSPIRING MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(INSPIRING MUSIC)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

CATHERINE: This is the
boardroom of Obsidian Capital.

To clarify, it's my boardroom

and Obsidian is the
hedge fund I founded

19 days before I turned 30.

This year, "Wealth and Assets"

ranked me number 25

in its list of highest
earning hedge fund managers.

Right now, my team of
strategists and I

are discussing the investment

of $450 million US into Exo oil.

Stick it in this

and we'll sit around and assess
the long-term investment.

You want me to stick
it in some shitty company

that can't even make its
own damn revised earnings

because its CEO whose tiny
balls are bigger than his brains

completely fucked their
ability to earn a buck?

You want me to invest a fuck ton
of money

because he might do better in Q4

based on your early indicators?

And what are those exactly, hmm?

Some moron leading the sheep on
CNBC?

A fucking seeking alpha article?

Or are you actually moronic
enough

to believe this shit for brains

when he says he's turning
the company around

when really what he's doing is
just buying himself some time

before the board realizes
he's decimated their value

and fucking fires him?

Uh, is this because I'm a guy?

I won't persecute you for
having a penis, Patrick,

more for your piss poor
judgment.

Now got back to your desks
and make some fucking money.

Thank you, thank you.

(SIGHS)

Shit management, shit
fundamentals,

shit value prop, coffee?

And you want me to lever it up
to the tits

because it might pass
some bullshit technical

if there's enough fucks as
stupid as you investing in this?

TOM: Catherine, I really
don't think

the fundamentals in management
are as bad as you think.

We need to quickly assess
what our next investment

is going to be now that
we've freed up some capital

and I think that Jet-Ero-Tech
could be the right choice.

Spiders are the largest
order of arachnids

and rank seventh in
total species diversity

among all other orders of
organisms.

Spiders exist on every
continent except for Antarctica.

Did you know that?

There are no fucking
spiders in Antarctica?

Spider sex is an infamously
dangerous activity,

especially for males.

Females will often cannibalize
their mates after sex,

sometimes during.

Males will be males.

They want it so badly

they risk copulatory
suicide in order to get it.

Look Tom, if you want to
catch this falling knife

with your own money feel free.

Don't come crying when it
slips through your hands

and takes your left nut.

We sure as fuck

aren't putting any of my
client's money in this.

My name is Catherine Black.

I'm not going to tell you my age

because it doesn't fucking
matter.

I'm a fucking shape shifter,

I can look any age I want.

I take excellent care of myself.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

I live an extremely
detail oriented lifestyle.

During the week I wake up
at five a.m. precisely.

I'm happy when I wake up

because I remember that I am
me and my life is incredible.

In the morning, I make a double
espresso

and eat half a grapefruit
and one boiled egg.

It has just enough calories
to fuel my body to work out

but it is not so many
that it will take my body

out of fat burning ketosis.

At 5:20 a.m., I get on my
Peloton bike

and take my favorite class

with Kathy who's a spin
instructor in New York.

Sometimes I go out to spin class

because everyone needs

a really enthusiastic
leader in the front row.

I don't like it when
people sit in the front row

and don't keep up with the
tempo and choreography.

It shows a lack of
self-awareness

and it is incredibly
disrespectful

to the rest of the class.

I use exclusively Lalare
products

because they are the best.

They're environmentally
friendly, ocean conscious

and don't test on animals.

Fashion is the most
important thing in my life.

My favorite designers

are Alexandre Ford, Tom
Vouitre, and Ralph Ashley,

but only RA collection or violet
label.

I am rarely if ever comfortable,

but I always looking incredibly
stylish

which is much more important.

The next most important thing to
me

is the accumulation of money.

I was not born with money

so I learned its value early on.

Money empowers us

to acquire the other
things we like in life.

It also allows us to avoid
the things we do not like,

such as mediocre restaurants,
bad fashion style

and commercial air travel.

♪ Jump for my love ♪

♪ Jump in and feel my touch ♪

CATHERINE: By now,
you've probably figured out

that I'm a materialistic,
narcissistic,

self-absorbed, raging
misanthrope.

I don't deny it.

I may or may not have an
undiagnosed personality disorder,

which manifests itself

in extremely antisocial
attitudes and behaviors.

I also have an acute
lack of conscience.

This is my therapist, Dr.
Angela F. Kristofferson,

BA, MD, MSW, LPC, PHD, ABCD.

I don't come here once
a week for treatment,

I come here because I
like to prove to myself

that I possess such extreme
intelligence and willpower

that I can easily hide my
madness from everyone around me,

including my own psychiatrist.

You may think that this
is a straight rip off

of "American Psycho"

and in some ways you may be
right,

but this is a woman's tale.

We women are having a moment
right now

and this is what we call in
Hollywood

an elevated story concept,

AKA the same but different

so shut the fuck up,
turn off your cell phones

and enjoy the movie.

MANDY: Have a great weekend,
girlboss.

CATHERINE: You too, Jennifer.

MANDY: Oh, it's Mandy, but
that's okay.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(CAR BEEPING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

This is an Aston Martin
Vanquish.

It was driven by James Bond

in the 2002 film "Die Another
Day".

It has a more powerful engine,

improved aerodynamics

and a six speed electro-hydraulic
manual transmission.

It has a top speed exceeding
200 miles per hour.

This car cost me $294,950,

and it was worth every penny.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Siri, call the Lucky Nail Pro.

SIRI: Calling Lucky Nail Pro.

(GENTLE MUSIC)
(PHONE BUZZING)

Lucky Pro Nail,
may I help you?

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Ow.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Okay, okay, I come
to your house tonight.

6:30, okay?

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
bitch.

(CAR ZOOMING)

I work 80 hour weeks, but the
weekends,

they're for pure unbridled
fun and pleasure.

There is nothing I look forward
to more

than my Friday night drive
from the city to Malibu

as I ponder the weekend ahead.

I expect this evening to be
particularly interesting.

Oh shit, I'm late for my five
o'clock.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CAR BEEPING)

Hey, watch where you're going,
cocksucker.

(CAR ZOOMING)

I may seem perfect, it's true,

but I'm not above
admitting I have my flaws

like the next gal.

For example, I'm an addict.

I'm addicted to a variety of
things,

namely cocaine, champagne,
excessive exercise,

sex, expensive shoes and
indescribable violence.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Hi, I have an
appointment at five o'clock

about renting the room.

CATHERINE: You're late.

You're late too.

I had an $18 million crisis to
solve.

What's your excuse?

I had to stop for gas.

Okay, follow me.

Smart ass.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Hi...

Catherine.

Tyler.

Sorry.

What for?

For being late or cutting me
off?

Both.

Goodness, we're going to
get swept away out here.

Come on in.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Welcome
home.

Nice digs.

Home sweet home.

Do you want a drink?

I'm good.

Thank you.

Huh?

I'm good, thank you.

Sorry, I'm good, thank you.

Don't mind me, but I
need a fucking drink.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(SPOON CLANKING)

Stirred, not shaken.

Stirred, wet and just little
bit dirty.

So what does your husband do?

Why do you think I'm married?

You need a Zamboni to clean
that thing.

Birthday present.

Generous friend.

Is she single?

I bought it myself year I made
partner.

So you're a lawyer?

Finance.

Cool.

So you like work in a bank?

Cool, so like I run a hedge
fund.

Sweet.

And there it is, the
gaping chasm between us,

the mind-blowing ignorance and
stupidity

of the later millennial
generation.

I think I'm going to disembowel
this kid

and eat his spleen.

So Tyler, why are you looking to
move?

Why are you looking for a
roommate?

I travel a lot.

I need to find a babysitter for
my house.

Gotcha.

Why are you looking to move?

My roommate is a dick.

Lie number one.

Tyler is in fact a petty thief
and con man

who responds to ads online

for room rentals in other
people's houses

only so that he can steal from
them.

What he is doing right
now is casing my house,

or so he thinks.

What he doesn't realize
is that his being here

is entirely by my own design.

Hmmm, okie dokie, it's 1,500 a
month.

You have full use of the
house except my bedroom.

That's off limits.

- Got it?
- Got it.

- Got it?
- Got it.

- Got it?
- Got it.

(DINGING)

Great, let me go get
out of these clothes.

(POPPING LIPS)

Another striking ensemble.

Thank you.

Let me give you the tour.

This is the living room.

Got it.

Only rule in here is no red
wine.

More of a beer guy myself.

Good.

This is the dining room.

Nice painting.

Is it expensive?

That's a revolting question,
Tyler.

Follow me.

Monday through Fridays
there's a housekeeper.

She does the laundry,
the dishes, et cetera.

Would she do mine too?

Well yes, that was my point.

Sweet.

This is the gym.

You lift?

(COOL MUSIC)

Every single day.

This is the garage.

1968 classic Mustang?

CATHERINE: He's about to tell
me

he's surprised I own this
car because I am a woman.

Of all the cars a chick could
want,

you got a Mustang?

You didn't want like a cherry
red Porsche 911 e-convertible

or a Corvette?

CATHERINE: I'm feeling
annoyed

because he's stupider than I
expected

and he's about to make a movie
reference, probably "Bullet".

It's like right out of
"Bullet".

CATHERINE: If he knew
anything about cars,

he'd know "Bullet" was
a Highland green '68.

This is a candy apple red '65.

Magic tricks are about
directing attention.

I select these fabrics on
purpose.

Today I'm pleased as there is a
breeze.

It's giving lift to the fabric

which creates an almost slow
motion ethereal quality.

Do you like it?

Hmm?

The house, do you like it?

It's a dream.

No neighbors, huh?

You could throw some pretty
sweet parties,

won't get any noise complaints.

No, there never is.

(PHONE BEEPING)

COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Activate party mode.

(DANCE POP MUSIC)

Party mode.

(DANCE POP MUSIC)

Sometimes I come out here
at night to look at the stars,

the vast quantity of the
universe

spread out like a blanket of
diamonds.

Sometimes I feel so
powerful that I could fly,

and I mean actually, literally
fly.

And I have.

Flown?

This is where I test the
strength

of his decision-making matrix.

I have made a statement
that can only be described

as completely insane.

Right now he should probably
leave

but his desire for material
enrichment

and a potential sex encounter

is standing in the way of his
need for self-preservation.

It is a fascinating
juxtaposition.

(LAUGHING)

Dude, I'm just fucking with you.

God, you should've seen your
face.

That was too easy.

I'm an idiot.

For a moment there, I
thought you were a psycho

and you were gonna chop my head
off

and throw it in a burlap sack.

Well, we can't rule that out

but I cannot fly, I'll tell you
that much.

Chad, it's a two-fer.

She's a total MILF.

I'm talking magna cum laude
pussy

and the house is insanity.

I think I actually want to get
the room.

Like actually?

Actually.

Dude, don't get carried away.

Keep your focus on the task at
hand.

All right, but I'm
pretty sure she wants me, man.

Cocky little bastard.

CHAD: How old is she?

It doesn't matter,
man, her body is tight.

I think she wants a young
man around the house

to keep things serviced,
you know what I mean?

You're not that young pal.

Gotcha.

Dude, just stick with the
M.O.,

grab what you can and get
the fuck out of there.

All right.

Hmm, you're not going
anywhere.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

You heading out?

No.

Dress is fire.

Thank you, Tyler.

You can really hold your
booze for a wee gal, huh?

Join me.

I'm driving.

Uber.

Come on, let's have a
drink and chat roomie.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Octane.

Number three.

Smooth, isn't it?

So do you have family, Tyler?

Not that I see anymore.

Hmm, that's sad, I'm sorry.

I'm not.

What about you?

Just my grandmother.

Incredible woman, we're very
close.

Top up?

Take it easy, Flanigan,
it ain't cocktail.

Loosen up.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

(CRUNCHING APPLE)

Tyler?

You okay?

Yeah.

ILF.

Huh?

I'm an ILF, not a MILF.

I'm not a mother.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Ooh, nail time.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Da Vinci.

Uh, (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN
LANGUAGE).

Alfred Nobel.

Peter the Great.

(LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Madonna.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Good match.

(TYLER SNORING)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

You're right, no one has
any work ethic anymore.

Exactly.

After getting my nail fixed

and being absolutely obliterated

in Trivial Pursuit Tien-Tang,

Tyler was still out cold.

So I realized I could
squeeze in a little workout.

I have a deep appreciation for
'80s music

and rigorous exercise
routines.

I like to wear leotards while
doing my butt crunches.

I can do 1,000 now.

I also like legwarmers,
sweatpants and the color pink.

Oh bloody hell, he's still out
cold.

I hope it didn't fucking kill
him.

That would take all the fun out
of it.

Hmm, still breathing.

Resting heart rate around 60
BPM.

Man, I've really got to take a
dump. (FARTS)

Small cap stocks outperformed

with the Russell 2000 up 5%

and the Dow Jones industrial
average gained 35.5%.

Making money is incredibly
arousing.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Wonder what I'm going to
make for dinner tonight.

Maybe a casserole, hmm.

Hmm.

And for one blessed moment in
time

a woman harasses the shit out of
a man.

Oh, shut it PC police.

No one wants to hear you bitch
about it.

It's fucking hilarious.

MALE: Side effects may
include drowsiness, memory loss,

constipation, paranoia,
bankruptcy, loss of car keys,

gambling addiction,
pollution, anal leakage,

athlete's foot, spontaneous
combustion,

testicular erosion,
detached retina, death,

hairy palms, death, turning
into a werewolf, death.

Oops.

(TYLER SNORING)

Mmmmm.

('80S POP MUSIC)

CATHERINE: Ooh!

(WHOOPING)

Ooh, yeah.

(HOLLERING)

Whoo!

♪ My baby, he don't talk sweet ♪

♪ He ain't got much to say ♪

♪ But he loves me, loves me,
loves me ♪

♪ I know that he loves me anyway ♪

(MOANING)

♪ And maybe he don't dress fine ♪

♪ But I don't really mind ♪

Ah!

♪ 'Cause every time he pulls me
in ♪

♪ I just want to chill ♪

- ♪ Let's hear it for the boy ♪
- Oh!

♪ Let's give the boy a hand ♪

♪ Let's hear it for my baby ♪

♪ You know you've got to
understand ♪

♪ Maybe he's no Romeo ♪

♪ But he's my loving one man
show ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Let's hear it for the boy ♪

CATHERINE: I learned early on

that it is much less
messy to cut human flesh

when it's frozen

as the blood doesn't splatter
everywhere.

Note this circular saw
cuts on the upstroke

which often splinters the top
edge.

The bottom edge usually remains
smooth.

So always cut flesh skin
side down for an even edge.

CATHERINE SINGING: ♪ Let's hear
it for the boy, whoo ♪

CATHERINE SINGING: ♪ Let's give
the boy a hand ♪

♪ Let's hear it for my baby ♪

♪ Let's hear it for my man ♪

♪ Let's hear it for the boy ♪

(TYLER GROANING)

Fuck.

(DINGING SOUND)

Good evening.

What happened?

I roofied you.

Wait, I can't tell
if you're being funny.

Three martinis that size

would knock a rhino on its ass.

Have some water.

Dinner's almost ready.

Where's the party?

No Tyler, one doesn't abandon

one's commitment to
fashion and personal style

just because one is at home.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

TYLER: What's that?

It's a Dynacraft
Magna Gravel Blaster

boys' BMX street bike, Tyler,
obviously.

Yeah, but what's
it doing here?

Nephew's birthday.

You have a nephew?

Yes Tyler.

Why does that surprise you?

Well, for one you only
mentioned having a grandmother

and two, you struck me as an
only child kind of person.

I'm 72.5% sure that was an
insult.

I didn't mention my sister

because she lives in Fresno

which makes her as good as dead,

not to mention she's married,

has three kids, a suburban life

and is no doubt utterly
miserable

with what she's accomplished in
life.

I cannot imagine anything more
dreadful.

Than living in Fresno?

Than being married with kids.

Come on you don't
want to grow old alone.

I won't be alone.

I'll have stuff.

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC)

What did you just do?

Put the pedal on.

It was just lying on the floor.

Wheels, handlebars, tighten
that, seat,

ratchet that, right pedal, left
pedal.

Fuck, this fucking thing is
broken.

But how?

The left pedal is a reversed
thread.

You got to turn it
anti-clockwise.

I have an IQ of 173 and
I couldn't figure that out.

You know what it's getting
late.

I think I might dip.

Okay.

(CAR BEEPING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ The moon ♪

♪ Beautiful ♪

♪ Even more beautiful ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

♪ Oh yeah ♪

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Oh forgive me, this is Tyler.

Tyler, this is Yu Yan.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to eat you.

She doesn't speak much
English.

So how do you guys like talk?

In like Mandarin.

A lot of ink.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(TYLER LAUGHS)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

What are you guys talking
about?

You said you might dip?

Unless you'd like to stay.

♪ Oh yeah ♪

If that's okay.

Be a doll and make us a drink.

Naming in Chinese

is a profoundly delicate
and elevated art form.

Beautiful names aren't simply

the commingling of aesthetic
characters.

Names can be beautiful because
of their phonetic harmony

or their poetic connotations.

Yu Yan is derived from the
phrase

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

What does it mean?

She who has a beautiful smile.

This is good.

What is it?

It's (SPEAKING IN FOREIGN
LANGUAGE).

It's a delicacy.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Yeah I mean this is good, real
good.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(LAUGHING)

It's so tasty.

Catherine, you are a wonderful
cook.

(PHONE RINGING)

Sorry, work call.

This late?

Money never sleeps.

Speak.

PAT: Jefe, Renegade X Europe
missed their earnings. Down 25%.

Think the stock's gonna open
even lower in the morning.

Fuck, what do you want to do?

Sell.

Renegade X Games?

Yeah.

Yeah I wouldn't sell that.

PAT: Who the fuck is this
chump?

Hold on a second, Pat.

PAT: Okay.

Discuss.

Well, Battle Flux sucked ass
and tanked

but they have War Beyonds III

coming out in like a week.

One and two brought in
like a billion in revenue

back in the day.

Renegade also have a new game
coming out,

Redix Max, a multi-platform.

Launched on consoles
eight months ago

and on iOS just three months
ago.

I think we can forgive them
Battle Flux.

PAT: Catherine, did
you hire a new consultant?

Relax, Patton, let's weather
the dip

and hold the stock.

PAT: Did you ever know you're
my her...

Oh my God.

You're a gamer.

I don't know whether
to be wildly impressed

or totally turned off.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

What is that?

Is that molly?

(LAUGHING)

CATHERINE: You want to join
me?

Fuck it, I'll do anything
with you.

♪ Lookin' for the fight
of her life ♪

I'm scared of spiders,

even the really small ones.

CATHERINE: Play a
game with me.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

♪ Locking rhythms to
the beat of her heart ♪

INDISTINCT WHISPER:

♪ Changing movement
into light ♪

♪ She has danced into the danger
zone ♪

♪ When a dancer becomes the
dance ♪

♪ It can cut you like a knife ♪

♪ If the gift becomes the fire ♪

♪ On a wire between
will and what will be ♪

♪ She's a maniac, maniac on the
floor ♪

♪ On the floor ♪

♪ And she's dancing like
she's never danced before ♪

♪ She's a maniac, maniac on the
floor ♪

♪ And she's dancing like
she's never danced before ♪

♪ Never danced before ♪

♪ On the ice-blue line of
insanity ♪

♪ Is a place most never see ♪

♪ It's a hard-won place of
mystery ♪

♪ Touch it, but can't hold it ♪

♪ You work all your life
for that moment in time ♪

♪ It could come or pass you by ♪

♪ It's a push-shove world ♪
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

♪ but there's always a chance ♪

♪ If the hunger stays the night ♪

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

♪ Don't tell me that you
love me when you don't ♪

♪ Don't feel it in your
heart but not your soul ♪

♪ 'Cause when I'm laying down ♪

♪ I'm laying next to you ♪

♪ And when the words fall out ♪

♪ I hope they tell the truth ♪

♪ I'm on a midnight
mission ♪

♪ Heaven knows what I'll do ♪

♪ I want to feel what I'm
missing ♪

♪ I keep on coming for you ♪

♪ Tearing it up for the light ♪

♪ I'm moving my body inside ♪

♪ I'm on a midnight mission ♪

♪ I'm patient but I'm running
out of rope ♪

♪ When the city sleeps I
don't know what to do ♪

♪ In the darkness, my eyes are
no use ♪

♪ I'm on a midnight mission ♪

♪ Heaven knows what I'll do ♪

♪ I want to feel what I'm
missing ♪

♪ I keep on coming for you ♪

♪ Tearing it up for the
light ♪

♪ Moving my body inside ♪

♪ I'm on a midnight mission ♪

♪ I'm on a midnight mission ♪

(MOANING)

Good morning.

You look beautiful in the
morning.

How did you sleep?

Oh, like I drank.
Way, way too much

and did way too many drugs.

Last night was amazing.

CATHERINE: If you say so.

Come on, come on, don't be a
jerk,

you had a great time.

You are cute.

It is way, way too bright in
here.

Why did I buy a house
with so many windows?

You're really special, you
know that?

I'm a homicidal bitch.

No you're not, you're amazing.

You're beautiful, elegant,

charming.

You're so smart

and

sexy.

(GIGGLING)

Take it easy, Mr. Darcy.

What do you do, Tyler?

Odd jobs.

It's nothing consistent,

I just pick up work where I can
find it.

Don't you have any desire to

I don't know get something more
consistent

and join the corporate ladder?

I mean I would if I could but

truth is I'm a college dropout.

I couldn't afford the tuition.

What were you studying?

Engineering.

Really?

I think that you'd be great at
that.

You should get your ass back in
school.

I think you are really smart...

and clever and witty.

Maybe even just a little bit
handsome.

You shouldn't waste all
of that on odd jobs.

You owe yourself a better life
than that.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING)

Aw, she put kisses.

(SIGHS)

(DANCE POP MUSIC)

♪ Tonight's the night we're
gonna make it happen ♪

♪ Tonight we'll put all
other things aside ♪

♪ Give in this time and
show me some affection ♪

♪ We're going for those
pleasures in the night ♪

♪ I want to love you, feel you ♪

♪ Wrap myself around you ♪

♪ I want to squeeze you ♪

♪ Please you ♪

♪ I just can't get enough ♪

♪ And if you move real
slow I'll let it go ♪

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control
and I think I like it ♪

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ And I know, I know, I
know, I know I want you ♪

♪ And we shouldn't even think
about tomorrow ♪

♪ Sweet memories will
last a long, long time ♪

♪ And we'll have a good time ♪

♪ Baby don't you worry ♪

♪ And if we're still playing
around, boy that's just fine ♪

♪ Let's get excited ♪

♪ We just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control
and I think I like it ♪

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ And I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know I want you ♪

♪ I want you. Ha! Yes I do! ♪

♪ Ooh, boy I want to love you,
feel you ♪

♪ Honey wrap myself around you ♪

♪ Want to squeeze you, please
you ♪

♪ Oh I just can't get enough ♪

♪ And if you move real slow ♪

♪ I'll let it go ♪

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control
and I think I like it ♪

♪ I'm so excited ♪

- Woo! Oh! We made it baby! Woo!
- ♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ And I know, I know, I
know, I know I want you ♪

♪ I want you ♪

♪ Look what you do to me ♪

♪ You've got me burning up ♪

(TYLER YELLING)

♪ How did you get to me ♪

♪ I've got to give it up ♪

♪ I know, I know, I
know, I know I want you ♪

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah?

CHAD ON PHONE: Dude, where
the fuck have you been?

I've been calling you all day.

The Mustang is worth 120 grand.

I don't think I want to take
it, man.

Dude, don't be stupid.

Why not?

I think I really like this
girl.

(GRUNTING)

What are you smoking?

You've known her for all of 24
hours.

She's got that wonder snatch
pussy done fried up your brain

and suddenly you're playing
house

and dreaming of your future with
her?

Do you need reminding

that this glorious new reality

is a fleeting fiction?

It's not your house, bro.

She's not your little
girlfriend.

She's a mark, period.

We're in the con game
and this is a hustle.

Don't lose your edge.

I don't know, man.

It just doesn't feel right.

Don't vacillate.

There is no time for that shit.

If we don't pay Jose back,

he's gonna cut off our nuts

and feed them to us.

All right.

♪ I know, I know, I know, I
know I want you, I want you ♪

All right.

(TYLER HUMMING)

Fuck!

Oh my God, what happened?

Are you okay?

I hit a coyote in the canyon,

just came out of nowhere.

And exploded in your car?

I got out,

I picked it up,

I tried to take it to the vet.

Didn't make it.

Oh God, come here, it's okay.

Hey it was an accident.

Are you wearing my apron?

Yeah.

It's cute.

Thanks.

Oh my gosh, you poor thing,

it must've been so scary.

Hey, it's okay.

Look, we'll get you cleaned up,
all right?

CATHERINE: After the high of
the kill

there's always a come down.

It's like coming off heroin.

You feel depressed, agitated,
irritable.

I needed to be alone or I
was going to fucking kill him

and for once I didn't want to.

I made you breakfast.

I'm gonna go take a shower,
okay?

You should leave.

But-

- We fucked, it was great

but the room is no longer for
rent.

Please leave.

I thought we had something.

I'm doing you a favor kid.

Get your shit and get out.

I'm not a kid.

We're only a few years apart.

What did you think?

We were gonna fuck like
rabbits, raise rugrats,

and live happily ever after?

What is wrong with you?

We had a great night.

We had an even greater morning.

We connected.

God, you're juvenile.

You don't get it, do you?

Me and you?

It's madness.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

♪ Girl you are untouchable ♪

♪ You make me lose control now ♪

♪ Love is so difficult ♪

♪ You think you'll have it all ♪

♪ And I gave myself away from
you ♪

♪ And I turned into somebody new ♪

♪ I wanna be, wanna run ♪

♪ I wanna stay with you ♪

♪ So there's no turning back ♪

♪ 'Cause now you've got me so
into you ♪

♪ I would slit my wrists ♪

♪ If I could be next to you ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ No other girl ♪

♪ Nothing in this world I need ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ You got me on my knees ♪

♪ And I crave your sympathy ♪

♪ You got me working up for this ♪

♪ I hope that you believe ♪

CATHERINE: I have a soft spot
for him.

Who knew?

I haven't felt a soft spot
for anything since I was six.

It was a weird, disconcerting

and frankly objectionable
feeling.

(DARK MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(CHILL MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

What's up?

Did you get the car?

Yep, I'm on my way.

You get anything else?

A few odds and ends.

Dude, are you wearing her
jewelry?

Yep.

Dude, that's weird, no?

No safer place, dude, no safer
place.

CATHERINE VOICEOVER: As all
bipolar psychopaths experience,

from time to time,

I had fallen into a
stage of dysphoric mania.

I couldn't even focus on my
wardrobe.

This is a typical reaction to
the feeling of losing control.

I was getting sloppy.

How did I not see it coming?

Of course he would steal the
car.

On the rare occasion that
I find myself in a bind

I find my way out with
undeniably exhausting ease.

I wonder why I'm getting messy.

Maybe deep down I just
want a fucking challenge,

some situation that I can't
simply unfuck.

And Tyler is proving to be
exactly that.

And I mean that theoretically
as well as literally.

Ugh, I have to pull myself
together.

And as most girls will agree,

the best way to pull yourself
together

is with a fantastic outfit.

I was 100% percent
focused on finding Tyler.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hmm, 100% focused

but for any matter involving
the accumulation of wealth

for which we shall take
a brief intermission.

What is it Pat?

PAT: Hey boss, got a quick
question.

Yes, what is it?

I'm busy trying to kill
somebody.

PAT: The LPN stock is
plummeting,

something to do with the CEO
tweeting a picture of his dick.

Hmm, was it big?

PAT: Well I'd say.

I mean stock dropped 40
points in the last 20 minutes.

No I mean his dick.

PAT: I mean fairly big,

you know nothing to be embarrassed
about, that's for sure.

But the stock-

- I sold it all 18
minutes ago, you numb nut

and I would hardly describe that
as big.

No offense, but you must
have a tiny pecker, Pat.

PAT: Fuck.

You thieving treacherous
little shit.

To think that I actually liked
you

and let you touch my lady bits.

I'm gonna slice your face
off with a cheese grater

and then feed your
testicles to my girlfriend.

(MEXICAN MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh that ain't good.

Hey baby.

Fuck you Tyler and fuck you
Chip.

It's Chad.

Whatever Chip.

We don't need to belabor the
fact

that your parents fucked you for
life

with the ultimate douche bag
name.

At the zenith of your
existence, you'll still be Chip.

It's fucking Chad.

How does she know my name?

Tyler baby, I told you to
get your shit and get out,

not get your shit and steal my
car.

You won't miss it baby,

you can just buy another one.

I wish it were that simple,
baby.

But I need that car back stat.

No can do.

This loser has a buyer already.

We're meeting him in an hour.

not much you can do about that.

Did nobody ever tell you

to turn off your location
services, sweetheart?

Well yeah but then how could I
geotag

on Snap and Insta?

You are a man child.

93920 Mulholland Drive,

yesterday at 12:15 p.m..

9400 North Beverly Drive,
Wednesday the 20th at 11:30 a.m..

19891 Sunset Boulevard on
Tuesday

and later that day 960 North
Fuller-

- What the fuck?

Sidebar, I can't imagine
you got anything good

at that address.

That's just the most recent.

There are dozens of houses

you pair of nitwits have ripped
off

in the last six weeks.

And I also know about all the
cons.

If you are not back here
in one hour with my car

I'm sending all of this
information to the NYPD.

NYPD?

I don't think the NYPD have
jurisdiction

here in LA, Catherine.

Did you mean LAPD?

I think she meant the LAPD.

Did you mean the LAPD hun?

I'm pretty sure she meant the
LAPD.

Yes, I meant the LAPD.

If you are not back here
in one hour with my car

I am sending all of this
information to the LAPD.

WAZE: We're ready, let's go.

Your drive time is 59 minutes.

Okay, Waze is saying 59
minutes.

That's kind of cutting it close,
hun,

I mean we're all the way
in Los Feliz right now.

Can you make that 90 minutes?

Ugh, whatever.

And Tyler, leave Chip at home.

WAZE: We're ready, let's go.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

CATHERINE VOICEOVER: I had
emerged from the abyss

and had regained control of the
situation.

I was wearing my favorite
new Alexandre Ford suit,

which I had just had
tailored to perfection

and my champagne was chilled

to a perfect 37 degrees
Fahrenheit.

There was just one thing left to
do,

decide how to dispose of Tyler.

The nail gun?

Let's add that to the list
of movie weapon tropes

that don't necessarily reflect
real life.

Featuring in everything
from "Casino Royale"

to "Lethal Weapon II",

this handyman tool

has become a fixture on the
silver screen.

Next.

(GUNSHOT)

Oh God, that's really cliché,
isn't it?

Hmm, it's been in like

every other movie that I can
think of.

For example, "Dirty
Harry", "Atomic Blonde",

"Tomb Raider", "Taxi Driver",

"Deadpool" one, two and probably
three.

"Taxi Driver" had a gun in it?

"Shooter."

"Zero Dark Thirty",

"The Last Train from Gun Hill",

"The Way of the Gun",

"Charlie's Angels",

"Die Hard",

"Top Gun", "John Wick",
"American Sniper",

"The Matrix",

"Gun Crazy", "Skyfall", "The
Naked Gun Two and a Half",

"Savages",

"Wonder Woman",

"Navy Seals"

"James Bond",

"Machine Gun Preacher",

"Two Guns",

(VOICE SQUEAKING)

Not in this movie, folks.

I don't even like guns.

These are nunchucks.

Nunchucks are cool.

MALE: Oh yeah.

They're cool for two reasons.

Number one, Bruce Lee used
them in many of his movies

including "Enter the Dragon",

which was one of my favorites.

The second reason that they're
cool

is because I just like
the word, nunchucks.

I don't know if it's one word or
two

but I know I like it.

Nunchucks, nunchucks,

nunchucks, nunchucks.

I can also do really cool
shit with them like this.

(NUNCHUCKS SWISHING IN AIR)

(GRUNTING)

Oh please, I could never pull
this off

with the panache Charlize
did in "Atomic Blonde".

CATHERINE VOICEOVER: It was a
shame I had to kill Tyler.

I really did enjoy the sex

and he was blessed genetically
with an absence of body hair

and pleasingly symmetrical
genitalia

which I could no longer
enjoy the benefit of

once I cut it off and fed it to
him.

I also had to confess

a strange feeling of
admiration for his craftiness.

I viewed his deception and
escape as rather an achievement.

Ew, feelings.

(GROWLING)

(UPBEAT '80S MUSIC)

(GASPS)

What?

It's just the tip.

(UPBEAT '80S MUSIC)

♪ I caught you smiling ♪

♪ I know I've seen you here
before ♪

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(SCREAMING)

What are you doing here?

What's on your face?

An instant magic facial mask.

You told me to come
immediately.

Well Waze said 59 minutes.

You look hideous.

Why are you holding a kitchen
knife?

I don't really know.

BOTH: Why are we shouting?

Look, it's only been
about 32 minutes

and you said you were in Los
Feliz.

I figured I had time to do a
quick facial.

I'm sorry I interrupted.

The Waze was accounting for an
accident

which happened on the 10

which cleared up pretty fast.

There wasn't much traffic
otherwise.

Did you bring my car back?

Yes, I did.

Are you wearing my jewelry?

Yes, I am.

It looks nice.

Thank you.

Like I kind of think you
could start a new thing.

Right?

I feel like I can totally pull
it off.

Totally.

Like why can't men wear
jewelry?

Like why can't they?

BOTH: Totally.

That is not a good look.

Would you like me to
wait in the living room?

That would be very nice, thank
you.

(SUAVE '80S MUSIC)

TYLER: So shiny.

(SUAVE '80S MUSIC)

♪ It must've been love ♪

♪ But it's over now ♪

♪ Lay a whisper ♪

♪ On my pillow ♪

♪ Leave the winter ♪

♪ On the ground ♪

I feel you buddy.

♪ I wake up lonely ♪

♪ There's air of silence ♪

♪ In the bedroom and all around ♪

That outfit really is next
level.

Thank you.

You go girl.

Where are you going?

Martini, you want one?

No Catherine, I do not want a
martini.

All right, I brought your
car back, your jewelry back.

Now can you delete the
info you have on me now?

(ICE CRACKLING)

I don't think so.

Can you delete the info
you have on me now, please?

Thank you.

Nope.

I thought we had a deal.

I'm not bound by a code of
ethics, Tyler

and apparently neither are you.

You stole from me,

even though we zinged.

We did zing, right?

100% zing.

So zinged.

Zing a ding.

Zing a ding a ling dong.

Zingtastic.

That is besides the point.

All right, you promised me
that if I brought you car back-

- Uh promises, promises,
they're made to be broken.

Look.

Don't

you ever touch me.

(DARK MUSIC)

Tag.

Huh?

(GLASS BREAKING)

(GRUNTING)

Oh fuck that really escalated.

Are you on your period?

(GRUNTING)

(TYLER YELLING)

Fuck! Oh my God, what
are you doing?

Tying up lose ends.

Is that all I am to you, a
loose end?

Don't take it personally,
baby, back in a minute.

♪ Dark in the city ♪

- ♪ Night is a wire ♪
- (TYLER YELPING)

♪ Steam in the subway, Earth is
afire ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do dodo
dododo dodo ♪

♪ Woman, you want me, give me a
sign ♪

♪ And catch my breathing
even closer behind ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do dodo ♪

Oh Catherine.

You wouldn't.

Put the knife down or the
couch gets it.

Is that the 1969 Chateau
Lafite?

Inky burgundy in color,

this full-bodied vintage is
moody, complex and dense,

fragrant with notes of
chocolate, cedarwood,

sandalwood, black tea and
banana,

it has an alluring whiff of
mahogany and creme de cassis

which pulls you in deep to
its black currant center.

The beautiful tannins and
intense cocoa beans are palpable.

Well shit, this is a calamity.

I will Chateau Lafite
the fuck out of this couch.

That's a sofa.

It's a couch.

No baby, I think you'll
find that that is a sofa.

Mmm, couch.

Mmm, sofa.

Mmm, couch.

(LAUGHING)

It's a sofa.

It's a couch.

It's a sofa.

Damn couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

- Sofa.
- It's a couch.

- Sofa.
- Couch.

Sofa.

Let's agree to disagree.

All right, get in the
kitchen and stay there.

Hide and seek?

Count to 100.

Okay.

Just so you know, the
Lafite is a $50,000 bottle

and that sofa is Lamotte,
Italian.

It had an eight month lead
time and cost me 73 grand.

(TYLER CHUCKLES)

Think about what you're doing.

Do you have no soul?

Have you ever wondered

if there was something better
you could spend your money on

instead of wine and furniture?

Well no, I can't say I have.

I mean like what?

I don't know, a charitable
foundation perhaps.

I'm a self-serving,
materialistic,

narcissistic, homicidal
sociopath, Tyler.

I mean a charitable foundation

is not exactly keeping with my
character.

Damn, you're really
hard on yourself, hun.

I don't think you're any of
those things.

I think you're a really
wonderful girl.

You should really work
on your self esteem.

You really are so sensitive
and sweet sometimes.

You know, I try.

Now if you come out of
that kitchen before 99,

I swear to fucking God,

I will unload this entire bottle

like a human fucking sprinkler.

And it won't just be the couch.

Sofa.

It's a couch.

Sofa.

It's a couch.

CATHERINE: It's a fucking
sofa.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

It's not gonna start.

Why not?

I put two bottles of Tide in
the tank.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Speedy little sucker.

(TYLER GASPS)

Cat's out of the bag I guess.

Tell me you did not
feed me a bunch of dudes.

I did not feed you a bunch of
dudes.

I'm not sensing

a whole lot of authenticity
there, Catherine.

Did you feed me a bunch of
dudes?

Look only two or three.

(GASPS)

Possibly four, maybe parts of
five,

but I mean who's counting?

I'm counting.

I'm fucking counting.

Oh.

Oh baby, do you need some
Pepto for your tum tum?

(TYLER CHUCKLING)

I'm sorry, what
happened to the ice pick?

It's been done before.

Is that a fucking curling
iron?

Donair, double ceramic
1.25 inch barrel,

delivers even heat, fast
styling and long lasting curls.

Also doubles as a totally
unique and conventional,

not cliché weapon.

And you're gonna do what
exactly with that, huh?

I mean is that how the rest of
these poor bastards went too

with a fucking curling iron?

(CURLING IRON THUMPING)

(GRUNTING)

Okay maybe I was wrong
about the curling iron.

Mmhmm.

(GRUNTING)

Stay down.

Do not move, do not fucking
move, okay?

I am leaving.

You have your car back, your
jewelry back.

Let's not let this thing
escalate.

I kind of feel like
it's already escalated.

I mean you stole my car and my
jewelry.

You have a stash of
dead dudes in your freezer

which you fed to me.

I think that's textbook
escalated.

You're right, but there's
no need to escalate this

to the point of no return.

I hate to be a party pooper
baby

but I kind of feel like
we're there already.

I'm inclined to disagree.

All right I'm sorry I stole your
car.

I'm sorry I stole your diamonds,

that was a prick move.

I'm sorry I ever came to this
house.

I'm not sorry about the epic
sex,

but everything else I am sorry
for truly.

Now let's just hit the reset
button

and pretend we never met, okay?

Sure, okay.

Okay.

36 minutes?

Well that blows.

(THUMPING)

(SIGHS)

Eat it, Maria Sharapova.

And that was a backhand, hmm.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

That hurt.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Now that's convenient.

Fuck.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

Really, another costume change?

You were out cold for ages.

I got a little bored.

It looks nice.

Thank you.

You always kill in couture?

(CATHERINE LAUGHS)

Very funny.

No seriously, have you got
a cocktail party to go to?

We are the party baby.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

Mmhmm.

(GRUNTING)

Jesus Catherine, how
many more are there?

I lost count.

(GRUNTING)

You're fucking crazy.

(GRUNTING)

That is not nice.

There's a freezer full of
bodies.

Listen, it's not what you
think.

It's a pile of frozen dead
people.

What am I misconstruing here?

It's a pile of frozen dead bad
people.

What did they do?

Bad things.

Like what, huh?

What did that guy do?

MS-13.

What about him?

Pedophile.

What about that guy?

Rapist.

- That guy?
- Murderer.

Ironic.

What about him?

- What did he do?
- Meth dealer.

- Him?
- Sex trafficker.

- That guy?
- Homophobe.

What about him?

Neo-Nazi.

- Him?
- Bigot.

- That guy?
- Racist.

- Hmm?
- KKK.

- Him?
- Child porn.

- Hmm?
- Snuff tapes.

- Hmm?
- Human slave trade.

- Hmm?
- Antisemite.

- Hmm?
- Xenophobe.

- Hmm?
- Jimmy Hoffa.

That was you?

We had to be somewhere.

What about him?

What did he do?

Evil foreign dictator.

- Hmm?
- Politician.

- Hmm?
- Republican.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

- Hmm?
- Democrat.

- Hmm?
- Independent.

- Hmm?
- #fakenews.

- Hmm?
- Internet troll.

- Hmm?
- Al-Qaeda.

Really?

We don't have time for that
story.

Well what about him, huh?

What did he do?

Construction worker.

He whistled at me and
then called me a puta,

totally unprovoked.

I mean he had to go.

What?

No, I don't feel like
I have to justify that.

What about her?

What did she do?

She left her dog in a hot car.

Really?

It was July in Los Angeles
in a Whole Foods parking lot.

Now tell me what was so fucking
delicious

in the deli that day

that warranted leaving a
Schnauzer puppy

in a locked Prius for 40
minutes?

On a warm day, the
temperature in a parked car

can exceed 120 degrees
in a matter of minutes.

Yes folks, even with the
windows partially open,

your pet can suffer brain damage

or die from heat stroke.

So never ever leave your pet
unattended in a parked car.

I mean I suppose that probably
goes for children too.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(GRUNTING)

You broke my nail.

Sorry sweetheart,

I'd do anything for you

except let you kill me with a
fucking ax.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- Fuck, don't drop me.
- Are you okay?

(CATHERINE FARTING)

(CATHERINE LAUGHING)

Gotcha! Sucker.

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Why do you do this huh?

You're a beautiful woman and
you're rich.

You have no reason to do this.

I mean have you ever rationally
considered

your exposure to criminal
prosecution?

I think you'd go to jail for
like ever.

Not possible.

Why not?

Because I'm too good and
too efficient at what I do

and I don't leave evidence lying
around.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

The way I see it I'm fulfilling
two important things.

What's that?

First, my blood lust.

(GRUNTING)

Check.

What's the other thing?

I'm doing society a favor.

Did you know that the cost of
imprisoning

California's 130,000 inmates
is $11.4 billion per year?

- Did you know that?
- Huh?

It costs taxpayers $75,560

to house one inmate for
one year in California.

I mean that's more than the
annual tuition at Harvard.

With plenty left over
for pizza and beer.

Exactly.

So assuming I've picked off
let's say

around 100 of these guys give or
take

that means that I've saved the
fine taxpayers of this state

over $7.5 million.

You're welcome, California.

(GRUNTING)

And thank you, Catherine.

Oh please, you don't pay
taxes.

What makes you say that?

If you are reporting
the profits of your crimes

to the IRS with unwashed money,

you are even stupider than I
thought.

What crimes?

You steal from old people,
Tyler,

including my granny, by the way.

Which one was your granny?

Cheviot Hills, pink hair,
passion for lawn bull.

You took her life savings.

Ringing any bells?

Uh.

- Look at those girls.
- Go girls.

This is the one for you, I mean

the numbers alone Betty, the
numbers.

(GRUNTING)

Truce.

Betty, Betty was your granny?

Is that why I'm here?

Initially it was.

Okay, okay.

Well for what it's worth,

she was a really nice lady

but I hardly think that
that is murder worthy.

She is a really nice lady,
Tyler

and I'm inclined to disagree.

I think that stealing from the
elderly

is exceedingly fucked up.

(GRUNTING)

Not fucked up enough to
deserve to die.

That's subjective sweetheart.

God, I'm thirsty,

I'm getting that cotton
mouth kind of thing,

I'm dehydrated.

Can we take a water break?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

I'm thirsty too.

All right.

I mean even if I were to agree

that the punishment doesn't fit
the crime,

your very existence is a
liability.

Ever heard of corpus delicti?

Corporate what?

Corpus delicti,

the body of evidentiary items,

including physical,
demonstrative and testimonial

that can establish that
a homicide has occurred.

You've become a loose end, baby.

I mean it'd be plain
irresponsible to let you live.

I'm not gonna tell anybody.

I want to believe you, baby, I
really do

but you haven't exactly
established

a passion of honesty and
brass in your life thus far.

So tell me one thing, why the
sex, huh?

I mean why not just kill me
when I arrived at your door?

Was it all just some twisted
preamble?

That was just for fun.

I mean you're very sexy.

Why put that to waste?

You think I'm attractive?

Oh God yeah.

Yeah, you're very sexy.

I'm flattered.

Don't be coy.

You know you've got it.

Well yeah, but I mean it's
nice to hear it sometimes.

I even liked you enough to let
you go

which trust me I have never done
before.

I wasn't even going to
kill you, you're welcome,

but then you had to steal my
car,

which had a dead body in it.

And by the way, sidebar,

I know you did that for
retribution.

It wasn't even about the money,
was it?

It was your way of saying na
na na na na, poopy on your face

because you were pissy
that I kicked you out.

I wasn't even gonna kill you
when you brought the car back,

you're welcome.

That does speak volumes
about your magnanimity.

Right?

But then you had to go snooping
around

and stumble on all of my dead
bodies.

And so look what you've done.

You've backed me up into a
corner.

I mean you've just
backed me into a corner.

You've backed me right up in
here

and now I have no option
but to get rid of you.

That hurts my feelings.

This situation is completely
of your own making Tyler.

You made a series of bad
decisions,

starting with ripping off my
granny,

which have led you to
where you stand today.

You're in the home of a serial
killer

with a Glock 19 in your face.

I think you have to
take some responsibility

and be accountable for your
actions.

Okay, you're right, it's all
my fault.

(CATHERINE GRUNTING)
(GLASS BREAKING)

Oh shit.

Ow.

Time to die.

Can we discuss this at least?

Oh no, it's not debatable.

Come on, I know you've
got a soft spot for me.

(TYLER GRUNTING)

What?

It's just the tip.

Oh my God.

Do you see how she just did
that?

I said that to her earlier

in a sexual context referring to
my penis

and now she's repeating
my own line back to me

right here in this new context

referring to this tiny
pitchfork situation.

Whoever wrote this is a fucking
genius.

Excuse me, I'm sorry,

are you having your own

little fourth wall breakage
right now?

No, no, we can't both have
V.O's and break the fourth wall.

This is my movie.

Don't talk to them.

All right.

All right Jesus so possessive.

Ooh, that looks kind of bad.

I'm not very good with blood.

I find that hard to believe,
peaches.

My own blood.

You should probably
do something about that.

Right?

I think so.

Yeah.

I mean would you mind
taking a quick break?

Not at all.

Okay.

Thanks.

Of course.

Just don't go anywhere.

(GRUNTING)

Not a lot of blood, huh?

Kind of figured there'd
be more blood than that.

Well alrighty.

CATHERINE: The truth is

I really didn't want
to kill Tyler.

I absolutely adored the boy.

But I had firmly resolved
that it was my only option.

So I decided I might as well
have some bloody fun doing it.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Activating party mode.

Clever girl, party mode.

(UPBEAT '80S MUSIC)

♪ We're talking away ♪

♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪

♪ I'll say it anyway ♪

♪ Today's another day to find
you ♪

♪ Shying away ♪

♪ I'll be coming for your love,
okay ♪

♪ Take on me ♪

♪ Take on me ♪

♪ Take me on ♪

(SUAVE MUSIC)

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

♪ Money, money, money, money,
money ♪

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Hello baby.

(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

I didn't even know you liked
sports.

I don't like sports.

So why collect sports
memorabilia?

(CATHERINE CHUCKLES)

Baby, I don't much like
the impressionists either

but I still collect Monet and
Van Gogh.

Van Gogh?

- Gogh?
- Gogh.

I think you'll find it's Gogh.

Van Gogh.

No, it's definitely Van Gogh.

- Tomato.
- Tomato.

- Potato.
- Potato.

♪ Tomato ♪
♪ Tomato ♪

♪ Potato ♪
♪ Potato ♪

♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪

We are so cute.

We are so damn cute.

The cutest.

Cutastic.

Cutie mctootie.

Polly Pocket ain't
got nothing on us cute.

Cutie with a booty.

Adorably cute.

Barracutie.

- 100% cute.
- Tutti fruit cute.

Like eat it, My Little
Pony, we're way cuter.

Super cute.

There's never been
anything cuter in your life.

Anyway.

So how come I didn't get
to see this room on the tour?

Darling, don't take this the
wrong way

but you are a petty thief

and you were here to case my
house.

Fair enough.

How'd you get these cars in here
anyway?

Eh, I had them all disassembled
and then reassembled.

You're crazy.

That's been established.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Which one's the fastest?

I really couldn't tell you.

I have absolutely no idea

because I've never driven
a single one of them.

I mean they all have
absolutely zero mileage

which of course makes them
much more valuable.

And your favorite?

I'm rather partial to the red
Ferrari.

Care to dance?

I should be delighted.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Did you ever stop to
consider that killing me

would be an absolute
waste of great chemistry?

Actually I did consider that
mon cher.

I thought about it a great deal

while we were making sweet,
sweet love last night.

I was lost as a pet in the
breeze,

lost as a little boat at sea

thinking of only you and me.

And then I saw your
slutty texts from Tiffany.

(GRUNTING)

Fuck, it's just the tip.

That is a $600,000
Lamborghini Aventador.

You could have had to plain
decency to take the knife.

She doesn't mean anything
to me baby, I swear.

Then why is she sending
you pictures of her titties?

I didn't respond.

Because you were busy.

Busy thinking about you,

only and completely you.

I mean, don't you get it?

I adore you Catherine.

You're the most special
girl I've ever met.

I can't breathe when I think
about not being with you.

I mean I know we're an odd fit

but I really think we can make
this work.

I mean why can't we?

We both did a bunch of bad shit,

maybe we're bad people,

but you make me want to be
better,

you make me want to be a better
man.

I'll do all those things you
talked about.

I'll go to college and finish my
degree.

I'll get a job,

make an honestly living.

I'll do anything you want.

We can make this work.

Just take a leap of faith with
me.

We're meant to be together.

I know it.

Catherine I think...

I love you.

(SLOW MUSIC)

Catherine?

Catherine?

Well, how many points are
we talking about here, Pat?

No, I don't have time for this.

Mmm, how many points...

On a quick call,

there's a lot of movement
in Asian markets right now.

You're on a work call right
now?

I'm sorry, it'll be quick.

I am so disappointed.

Here I am fully committed and
present

to this epic faceoff which you
initiated

and you were just off doing your
own thing

without any sense of commitment
to what we started here.

Movie fight scenes take a
minimum of two people, okay?

I can't do this on my own.

Hit the bid for 10 blocks
if it gets below 18.80.

I'm sorry.

I'm so disappointed.

You're right.

I apologize.

It was selfish

And noncommittal.

And noncommittal.

I mean do you even
want to do this anymore?

Oh baby...

of course I do.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

Oh please, a chainsaw?

That would be so derivative

of every other horror movie ever
made.

I mean think about it.

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre",
1974,

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
II", 1986,

"Leatherface" "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre III", 1990,

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre:
The Next Generation", 1994,

with Renee Zellweger
and Matthew McConaughey.

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Remake"

in 2003 with Jessica Biel.

"The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre" (VOICE JUMBLING)

Shit, they really did make a
hell of a tot lot

of Texas Chainsaw movies, didn't
they?

Can we get some fresh
ideas please, Hollywood?

For example, a crossbow.

Now that's different and
refreshing.

Baby, what are you doing out
here?

I was conscious of your white
couch.

Sofa.

Sofa.

That's really considerate,
Tyler, thank you.

Look...

when things are really
important to a woman

you got to listen.

I see every miscommunication

as an opportunity for
relationship growth.

That's so mature.

I really appreciate that.

Just trying to be a good man.

Oh babe, a bread knife?

I didn't see the crossbow
coming.

It's gonna be a slaughter.

Yeah.

That's no fun.

Not for me.

Tell you what?

Let's even the playing field

(TYLER GRUNTING)

Shit.

Babe, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm so
sorry.

I'm so sorry, are you okay?

Flesh wound.

Are you sure?

Let's get this thing over
with.

You ready baby?

Ready as ever, peaches.

Oh wait.

In case you kill me.

I think I'm madly in love with
you.

I will definitely kill you

but I'm madly in love with you
too.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

BOTH: Maybe we should get
married.

What, get married?

- No.
- Yes.

- Yes?
- No?

BOTH: Truce.

I won't tell anyone what you
did

if you don't tell anyone what I
did.

Deal.

But you're gonna need
to not kill me or eat me.

What do you say?

Fair enough.

Want to fuck like rabbits,
raise rugrats

and live happily ever after?

Fuck it.

I'd do anything with you.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

♪ I don't know where to
start or where to follow ♪

Doc, I think I may need to
start some kind of medication.

(DINGING)

Hi baby.

Hi.

We live an extremely
chilled out lifestyle.

During the week, we wake
up whenever we want.

We're happy when we wake up

because we remember that we are
us

and our lives together are
incredible.

We take a moment to make a
gratitude list.

I am now on a complex cocktail

of mood stabilizing
anti-psychotic pharmaceuticals

and I no longer kill people.

The authorities have
not yet caught up to me

for which I'm very grateful

and also reassured of my own
genius.

I am back in engineering
school.

Catherine pays my tuition

and I no longer live a life of
crime or rip off old people.

My beautiful Bae has
helped me pay restitution

to her grandma Betty

and to all the others.

And while I love having the
benefit

and enrichment of Catherine's
earnings,

I am very enthusiastic about
graduation,

rejoining the workforce and
climbing the corporate ladder.

At around eight or 10 a.m.,

we get on our Peloton bikes

and take our favorite class with
Kathy,

who is a spin instructor in New
York.

CATHERINE: Sometimes
we go out to spin class

because it's an enjoyable
social human interaction.

(BOY GRUNTING)

It's not nice to judge other
people

on their looks, beliefs,
political persuasion,

or lifestyle choices, people.

Let's all just be a little
kinder to one another.

I now work from home in the
mornings,

which I find incredibly
relaxing.

In the morning,

I make her a double espresso,

half a grapefruit and one boiled
egg.

I also make us pancakes

'cause she could do

with a little more
cushion for the pushing.

(CATHERINE GIGGLING)

(KISSING)

- I love you.
- Love you.

Hey kids.

What's for dinner?

BOTH: Vegan.

Vegan, for real?

Yep, seriously.

I missed you, mmm.

There she is.

(GIGGLING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

♪ But she's the only thing that
ever made me feel like a man ♪

♪ Man, man, man, man, man ♪

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Oh, a puppy?

Oh my goodness, hi.

You are so cute.

Ooh, Merry Christmas.

I love you.

♪ I have a picture ♪

♪ Pinned to my wall ♪

♪ An image of you and of me ♪

♪ And we're laughing ♪

♪ We're loving it all ♪

♪ Look at our life now ♪

♪ All tattered and torn ♪

♪ We're fussing, we're fighting ♪

♪ Delighting with tears ♪

♪ And we cry until dawn ♪

♪ Oh, hold me now ♪

♪ Oh, hold my heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ You say I'm a dreamer ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Both of us searching
for some perfect world ♪

♪ We know we'll never find ♪

♪ So perhaps I should leave here ♪

♪ Yeah and go far away ♪

♪ But you know that there's
nowhere that I'd rather be ♪

♪ Than with you here today ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Oh, hold my heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Oh, hold my heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ You ask if I love you ♪

♪ What can I say ♪

♪ You know that I do ♪

♪ And that this is just one
of those games that we play ♪

♪ So I sing you a new song ♪

♪ Please don't cry anymore ♪

♪ And I ask your forgiveness ♪

♪ Though I don't know just
what I'm asking it for ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Hold me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Hold my heart ♪

♪ Hold my tired heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Will you stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Hold me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Hold my heart ♪

♪ Hold my tired heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Oh stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Hold me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Hold my heart ♪

♪ Hold my tired heart ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪

♪ Come on and stay with me ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Let loving start ♪

♪ Hold me now ♪

♪ Hold me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Hold my heart ♪

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