Original subtitles

With the collaboration of

"Whatever you do, she and I will always have Paris".

"What?".

Sorry, I thought we were playing a game of spy-films.

This is surreal. What a way to handover a baby.

Hello, little one. Hello, my love.

Hello. What's up?

Marta thinks it's better this way.

Yeah, yeah, it's really normal.

How are things?

Fine. His ass was a bit sore, but I put some talc on it.

I meant with Marta.

Seeing as we're exchanging things: here.

And the key?

It's for a lock-up at the train station.

You'll find the money in a case.

It's my house key, numbnuts. I shouldn't have it.

Ah, right. Keep it, please, in case of emergency.

Anyway, you never know if one day you'll go back there.

If Marta and Cris come to live with me.

Even so it doesn't make sense for me to have it.

No. Marta changed the lock last week.

So, see you around.

Sorry you're all alone.

I'm not alone, dickhead.

You got the role of the fall guy in the film.

What other role could I have?

-The one Bruce Willis would have in your position.

Chuck the guy into the river and run off to kiss the girl.

I have to play another Bruce Willis style role.

Focus on being a good dad.

LITTLE COINCIDENCES

Created by Javier Veiga

No.

Elisa, that's twenty dresses now.

Sorry. I just don't see it.

It's the colour, white. I dunno, it's...

like a wedding dress, isn't it?

It's a wedding.

C'mon. The best part about getting married is the wedding.

So you get married. Ha!

I'll run off, forgive Javi and ask him to marry me.

Elisa was talking about marrying Álex.

Your boyfriend?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

I said Javi cos he asked me to marry him the other day. Nuts.

Anyway Álex is married.

He's widowed.

Even worse.

He's married to a dead woman.

Imagine if she turned up at the wedding

like a bride of death.

The wedding? I dunno what wedding I'm talking about

cos there won't be one.

So stop the interrogation.

Can you explain what the fuck it is you've got on?

My groom's outfit.

In honour of...

Well, you know. Who do I remind you of?

The captain of "the Love Boat"?

-Wait 'til Rafa sees you.

-He won't see me cos I didn't invite him to the wedding.

Look, I give in.

It's our third wedding and they have all gone wrong.

Don't be a jinx.

Javi and the gardener's went okay.

I mean... No, no, no.

Relax, Javi means nothing to me now.

He's the father of your child.

He's the father of my child.

And you both have a house. We have a house.

And he's the love of your life. And he's the love...

Can you please stop talking about Javi?

Stop confusing me.

Stop confusing me. I'm not inviting Rafa.

-Please. You'll regret it.

-I don't want a Judas there.

And I've got you two, my "wedding planner" and best man.

Er... Er... Er.. I wanted to speak to you about that, Nacho.

Let's sit down for a second on the bench.

Yeah...er

Er... Look, man...

I can't go to the wedding.

Why not?

Er... well, I dunno. Marta's going, right?

Elisa's asked her to be chief bridesmaid.

Don't do this. It's the most important day of my life.

-And when your son was born?

-That was before,

but he betrayed me by not telling me about Rafa and his mum.

You're not inviting Nachete? You can't. He's your son.

And you are my brother.

I know, but look...

Christ, I don't want to talk to anyone or to see anyone.

I'd like to disappear for a while.

Leave? You can't abandon your son

like dad did to us.

-And what are you two are doing? You keep out of it.

I'm not abandoning Cristóbal. I'm not like dad.

-It begins like this and then you die alone on a ranch.

That's not a bad idea.

The ranch I mean. Dying alone I'm not so sure.

It depends...

It's not down to me, but if I were you I'd wear this one.

Oh! It's beautiful!

It's gorgeous...

It's yours!

She designed it in case she got married to Javi one day.

When I made it, I hadn't met Javi.

When you made it you started looking for Javi.

Try it on.

Oh!

Oh the emotion! It's like watching Khaleesi handing over her dragons.

Oh!

Javi, you can't give in. Think about Bruce Willis.

The hero gets the girl.

In "Die Hard" he always ends up with his wife.

In I and II yeah; then in part III they split up.

-But he calls her. It's left open.

And in IV and V: separated.

-They don't count. They're a load of crap

Yeah, but... -Drop it, Nacho.

It's always the same.

Javier won't listen, he won't listen to advice...

Is there anyone he has ever paid attention to?

Yes. Someone who knows about being a good father.

Oh. It's you.

Who sent you, Josemi?

Er... No.

I've decided to go and live up at my father's place.

With Josemi?

Er... No, alone.

So what's this about?

I wanted to tell you.

Fine! Joaquín, Joaquín, wait I...

I have to allow Marta to remake her life with Álex.

Right. What have you got to say?

Where's the little speech?

What little speech?

Christ, the one you're always giving me.

Before screwing it up with Marta, you tell me not to

so I don't screw it up, like at my wedding with the gardener.

But you got married all the same.

Okay, it's not the best example.

Look, son, sometimes the best thing is to admit defeat.

That's what happened with Josemi.

I know he'll never be able to forgive me.

What kind of crap advice is this? Reverse psychology?

Joaquín, we musn't give up.

I love Marta and you love Josemi.

And we should feel proud of having loved them,

and of loving them

but... it didn't work out.

But it doesn't work like that? It doesn't work that way.

How could I feel proud about it?

Love isn't...

You don't get a medal for just taking part.

See? That was a good one...

It was really delicious right?

A friend said a couple of weeks ago:

"Go to that restaurant cos it's really worth it".

"with great wine and they match it really well".

"And it's the kind of place where you'll be able to

just be alone together".

Marta.

Marta. ¡Marta!

Are you okay? Yes. Sorry.

I was thinking about Elisa.

She's going to wear a bridal dress I made for myself some time ago

and well...

Yeah.

And it made you think about something you don't want to admit.

What do you mean?

That Elisa doesn't have to be the

only one to dress up as a bride this year.

No, I hope not.

Er... I mean that...

I mean I'm not talking about me.

Well, I am.

Cos of the shop, not cos of me.

Yeah, but you know that I am talking about you.

I mean that...

you'd like to get married.

Yes.

I mean to say that, yes, I know were talking about me,

not yes about the other thing.

Yeah, yeah, I only mention it

with a view to the future?

In case...

Well, you've got other things...

And I know that it's early to speak about it.

You've never even said that you love me.

Er... Sorry?

When I tell you I love you, you give me a peck or a smile.

What are you saying? I love you.

I...

-Dessert, coffee, tea...

I love tea.

Tea, lemon tea. Please.

A slice...

Or are you wanting to go all the ...

way?

Yes.

I mean, no.

Er... I dunno. Best to leave it.

Er... Oh!

It's late. I've got to get back to help Elisa.

But...

"I don't buy that hangdog look, Lieutenant Brot Mit Wurst".

"Lieutenant who?".

"Brot Mit Wurst, 'bread and sausage'".

Can you tell her I'm leaving?

I'm going to spend some time, up at my dad's place.

We'll sort things out as regards Cristóbal.

I don't know what to say.

Don't pretend. You're loving it.

No, no. Really, I wish it had never come to this.

I'm sorry.

Turn round.

Turn, turn, turn.

Turn round.

Hello! Agh!

Dad, we have to talk.

But how the hell did you make it out here?

Now you're going to give me that stuff about not giving up

and acting like Bruce Willis?

I'm not Bruce Willis. I'm nothing like him.

Except in "The Sixth Sense", when he speaks with a weird kid.

He is a bit like me.

-Dad, we came to say goodbye.

What? You mean disappear? Never come back again?

-You want to be alone now.

We can't help you anymore.

And if I want to be alone, who can possibly help me?

-I think that I can help you out here.

Bruce Willis?

Dad!

This is the world's worst stag do.

-Javier is still in Ávila, you won't speak to Rafa or your son.

I'm all that's left; then Paco...

and that guy.

-Sorry chaps.

Mum?

-The Panthers don't exist anymore.

-I dunno, do something then.

Javier is your brother and Rafa is your best friend.

-You are my best friend. -No.

Sorry. I'm Javi's best friend.

Yours was Rafa.

If you don't keep him, you get Paco by default.

-I prefer him.

A friend of the Chinese will last longer than Rafa.

-It was my mother.

They've found my real father at last.

-After a stag night like this

I won't miss being single.

This is as bad as it gets.

My father appearing to me as the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Son, I'm not here to give you advice about anything.

You know me, I'm your dad for fuck's sake:

Capitain Rubirosa, Jesús, J. R., the stud.

"Yipee ki yay, motherfucker"!

My subconscious is really mixing shit up.

I'm glad that you've come here.

Deep down we're not so different.

No, no way. I've got nothing in common

with you. Nothing.

What are you doing here now?

Are you going to marry him

What? With my father.

You know he loves you.

-Tell her to got to bed.

Eh? If she's going to sleep here

she has to accept your rules. Right?

I'll get it.

Hey.

What...? What were you saying about your dad?

You nutter. What are you on about?

Dad, what are you doing here?

Do you know where your brother is?

-Josemi?

I'm going to brush my teeth.

Has something happened to him?

No, no, no, no.

It's just that I realized how much I miss him and...

Dad. Okay, well,

I also came to speak to you.

As you know,

I don't like to interfere in other peoples' lives.

You know that. I'm not a harpy like your mother

who... Dad, stick to the point.

Okay.

A few weeks ago,

Javi came to see me, to ask for help...

...about the two of you

Ah. And what did he say?

I can't tell you. Why?

Cos I don't remember!

He said a lot of things.

But one thing that I am sure of...

is that he loves you,

he loves you and

in love there are no consolation prizes.

What does that mean?

That was the wrong expression.

It was something about "medals" or "diplomas" or...

My head won't let me...

I behaved badly to your mother

but you can work things out with Marta.

Yeah, yeah. You know what?

I have a child now and what I do affects him.

And it's absurd that I'm telling you about it;

you never cared one little bit about your own kids.

In truth what's absurd is that you telling me all this,

cos I'm a fucking ghost.

Just what I needed!

First my kids, my father and now my brother

dressed like a dick.

What are you on about? I came from Madrid to speak to you.

What? Are you for real?

Ah, okay.

Very well. And why are you dressed like that?

What about you with that beard? You look like Tom Hanks

before he lost all that weight.

Very funny. Are you here to mess me about?

No. To stop you from being a knob.

I don't care what you say. You're going to give me away

and I won't accept a refusal. Okay.

And you're... Ah! That was easy!

I had a whole speech ready.

I've even changed the venue for the wedding.

As you said you weren't coming: "If Mohammed won't come to the...".

You're getting married here?

I think dad would have liked it.

Yeah. Mum would have cut your balls off.

What?

Hello. -Josemi, what are you doing here?

-My mum found my real dad.

I'm meeting him here.

-Yeah.

It must be that guy sitting over there.

Well.

I suppose... you expected someone else.

Well, mum arranged the meeting in the only bar you ever come to.

You might have tried a bit harder.

It was in case you didn't show up. At least Paloma's here.

It's no little thing that I asked your mum for help.

It's the first time in her life she's done something for me.

Forgive me.

No, son, you have to forgive me, forgive me.

I don't want to hurt any of my kids ever again.

In my life, there's nothing more important than Marta and you.

And Diego?

And Di...? Shit! Cantinflas as well!

-We have to celebrate.

-I'm going home with my dad!

Well, okay...I'm fine in my new flat.

I don't want him to be alone.

-No, but...

he's not alone.

-What?

What...?

No, no.

-Yes.

-Really?

We do have to celebrate!

But I won't drink too much, I'm holding back for the wedding.

-But the wedding's not for three months.

He asked me yesterday.

So cute!

He got down on one knee.

I think he meant Nacho and Elisa's wedding

this afternoon...but thanks for telling him.

Nacho, calm down, it'll be fine.

I'm nervous cos of you.

I see you dressed for a wedding and I start to lose it.

You're not going to kick off with Marta are you?

What do mean 'kick off'? That thing:

"Marta, forgive me. You're the love of my life".

Or: "Marta, you're a spoilt girl! I hate you!".

Or a combination of the two:

"Marta, you're spoilt, but forgive me!".

Very funny. -Guys.

Let's recap: the food's here, so is the booze,

the guests are arriving, the bride is on the way...

I don't know why the hell I'm so nervous.

Ah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well. I'm off. I need some champagne.

-What's Claudia doing here? -I invited her. She's my sister.

-The ex wife of the best man. -And you were messing with her too.

Okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea?

Jesus fucking Christ!

Hi, Clau! So glad you came!

-Hello. -Who brought you?

-Paco, on his motorbike.

-I'll kill him! Hello.

-Hello!

How are you? Fine.

And Cristóbal?

Álex is bringing him.

We've just been fixing up the dress.

For Elisa not Álex. She looks fantastic.

-You look fantastic too.

Javi is over there.

Javi?

What do I care? Did I mention Javi?

No. But as you're both involved,

I thought you might have to talk about wedding business.

-They're going to kick off.

-They won't.

C'mon, champagne, I need some fizz.

-What's that slob doing here?

See you.

Hello. Hello.

And Cristóbal? Er...

Álex is bringing him. Don't call him Chori...

Yeah, Álex.

And how are you?

Fine.

And you?

Good.

And you?

Er... Fine.

Like before. I mean, the same as I was,

but...

...much worse than...

before.

Well, later we both have to go to the altar together.

Er...

You understand.

Marta.

You look lovely today.

You too.

You understand.

Nacho, I'm not here for myself.

I love Míriam, you know? But our friendship is much

more important and I'll drop her if you ask me to.

Okay, I'm not going to dump her but isn't it better if I love her?

-Rafa, I'm not angry cos you're with Míriam.

What bothers me is that you did it from behind.

-Did she tell you?

-What? No. Christ! You did it behind my back!

-Er. Er... hey! -Ah ha!

If you're going to forgive, better to hug one another.

You're not very good at talking.

A hug.

A hug!

That's it.

Yeah.

C'mon. Okay.

What's he playing at?

He's done nothing wrong. Exactly.

I don't trust Javi. He's plotting something.

I've been organizing it for ages. Don't contradict me.

And those nerves?

-Hey, Javi at a wedding! If you're going to tell a joke

about how I'll fuck up the wedding, don't. Everyone else already did.

-Luckily, Javi's only job was to bring the rings.

Er...

Eh...

Er...

Gimme a minute.

Er... Excuse me, excuse me.

Where's he off to?

I dunno! Why should you care?

I don't trust him. My bag.

You can't go now.

We're bridesmaids!

What are you doing?

The wedding's about to start.

I came to get the rings. And you?

Me too. How shall we do it?

Normally, it's the best man's job...

but maybe it's more logical if we give one each.

But what isn't so logical is that the engagement rings depend on

someone who never wanted to be engaged.

Yeah, but these are wedding rings not engagement rings.

Yeah. But I got all my words mixed up.

I can see you're so into the rings. Give both of them then.

I'm not into anything.

I don't want anything.

Especially not one of yours.

You take them. I won't.

Take them. No!

Great. Fantastic.

Here's one. I think the other one went over here,

underneath.

I don't believe it. We can't even do this together.

What happened? I dunno.

Some stairs. Shall I?

Álex. -What's up?

-Hi.

May I sit there?

-Sure, have a seat. -What's up?

You weren't going to invite me but you invited Josemi?

-He was my brother for a while.

-May I ask where Javier and Marta have got to?

-I don't know!

Where do these stairs go? How should I know!

There seems to be a door.

What is all this?

No idea.

The door!

No, no, no, no! Shit!

Shit! How does it open?

Hey! We're in here!

Hello? The door!

Hello.

-Is the warden going to marry us?

-Yes. He's the mayor of the village.

-What village?

-The village over there, in the back of beyond.

-Elisa's ready. Where the hell have they got to?

No, no signal. You?

I haven't even got my phone.

Can you explain why your father has got a nuclear bunker in Ávila?

No idea; but he's got a secret hideaway

and a butler.

I'm starting to think he's Batman.

Javi, it's not the time...

to be Javi, okay? All this is your fault.

My fault? I was in the living room

minding my own business and you followed me in.

Of course I was gonna follow you; the way you were acting.

Acting? Acting? I was behaving normally.

That's what was so strange. Are you a mature, sensible guy now?

Javi's mobile is switched off.

-What? -Relax.

They'll be on time.

-We can't without the rings. -Okay, wait.

-Relax.

They hate weddings so much they like to ruin other peoples.

There has to be a way...

Fuck!

Ha! I can't believe it. How did it get here?

The ring.

Are you going to propose again?

No, relax.

We're going to be trapped down here for years.

I've got time to plan the right moment.

You're late as usual. Álex proposed today.

And what did you say?

Have you seen them?

-Nowhere to be found.

-Fuck 'em!

Let's do it!

I'm gonna kill your brother.

I'm gonna kill your friend.

Well, he didn't ask me ask me.

He left a note in the bathroom with an engagement ring

Okay, but what did you say?

I left him a note.

Well, not a note note

I wrote a giant "no" on the mirror with lipstick.

And in case I overdid it, I drew a little heart.

So it's over. No, not yet.

Today wasn't the day.

I asked him to bring Cristóbal to the wedding.

See? That's what I like about you.

That I'm a bad person? You're not,

you're just selfish.

Thanks. Me too, Marta.

You have to admit it. We're two self-centred bastards.

I'm not.

Nor am I with other people.

With others, I'm quite generous.

Okay. Averagely generous. But not with you.

With you I'm full-on selfish,

super selfish, but selfish in a good way.

Elisa, do you wish to be joined in holy matrimony to Ignacio

and do you consent to this act?

I do.

I love you in a selfish way.

So, sometimes, to make myself look good,

I said that I'll give you the space you need

cos I care about you being happy.

Well. It's a lie.

That's what they say in soppy films;

but I don't want you to be happy in general.

I want you to be happy with me.

If I'm not with you, do you want me to be unhappy?

No, it's not that.

I'm selfish but not a bastard.

And you Ignacio,

do you wish to marry Elisa

and consent to this act?

-Sure I do.

We're both the same, admit it.

There lies the problem, we're not opposites.

That's rubbish.

I'm a girl not a bloody magnet,

and if I like myself, I'd like people like me.

And if not, I'd try to change, right?

"True love never runs smooth".

Bollocks.

If there's love, why are we always war?

"Your true love will make you cry".

Bollocks. If you love me, make me laugh.

Next comes the kiss.

All we need are the rings.

Our problems are the coincidences,

which coincide badly.

We always get back together.

That's true.

This time in the best circumstance. With a bed, surrounded by wine.

No better plan.

Javi, we're not getting together.

Wow, Just as well that I came along!

Wow! A "Vega Sicilia '73"!

It doesn't matter if you beg on your knees. I'll be entertained.

I won't beg, imbecile. I don't want to be with you.

I didn't plan it, but we're trapped in here.

Sooner or later it'll happen.

I don't like you being so clever. I don't like you being so rude.

I hate you;

but things conspire against us, don't they?

So what are we going to do?

They've put it on a plate.

So,

do we kiss right away?

We can wait five minutes if you like.

Okay, right, kiss me, stupid.

Long live the newly-weds!

Hello.

-Well, best if I make a move.

You can take over. -Sure.

I'm very sorry.

I wanted you to be part of the family.

-I didn't have any luck with the sister.

I could try it with the brother.

-Do you mean me?

-I'm kidding, Josemi! -Ah!

-Just kidding! -Yeah, I know you're kidding!

I always knew our destiny was to grow old and die together,

but I didn't imagine it quite like this.

And if they don't find us?

If we didn't have a child upstairs, I'd happily stay a couple of years.

No. I can't. I haven't got any tweezers.

Yeah, the child is a problem,

but we can have another one, right?

Hey, you realize that if we turn that fish,

the door is bound to open, right?

Of course. I clocked it immediately.

Mum is here.

Here's mum.

Thanks.

Oooh? There we are. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I think we should call her Bunker.

I think Cristina is better for a girl.

For you.

What were you doing?

And you?

Er...

I...

I was playing with Cristóbal, he just woke up.

Look. Hello, little one.

Look at your sister, look at your sister.

Look who's here. Look. Look.

Your sister. It's Cristina.

Your little sister.

Well...

We've got what we wanted, right?

Er... Yes.

And all the things that had to come together so it

would end this way.

I don't think coincidences matter.

What matters is what you make of them.

So was this finale predetermined

or did it happen by chance?

I think if we changed any part of the past,

it would all be exactly the same,

but totally different.

EXACTLY THE SAME...

BUT TOTALLY DIFFERENT

And where did you come from?

You know what's in your own head.

What?

I'm an imaginary projection of your unconscious mind,

given corporeal form thus revealing your desire to have kids.

Weren't you about to throw it and make a wish?

Fuck that wish!

Ow! Ow!

Oh! Sorry.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!

I was making a wish...

With a two euro coin? Must have been important.

Sorry. it's just that...

Er...

Was that your son who was just here?

My son? I don't think so,

especially as I don't have one. Or want one. Thanks.

Me neither.

I mean, you weren't offering, but you did bring it up...

Yeah. Er...

A keepsake for you.

I'll remember anyway. You've left a permanent mark on me.

Sorry, I don't know what to say.

You could tell me your name.

Marta. And you?

Javi.

Javi? Doesn't suit you.

Well, Javi, we'll meet another day.

Yeah, I'm sure we'll meet again.

Turn round, turn round, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.