Original subtitles

With the collaboration of

Losing a father is painful

but even more painful if you lose him...

while playing paintball.

That's why...

Excuse me, it's just that death really affects me.

-Me too. I liked Joaquin.

What do you mean Joaquín? I'm Joaquin.

Oh. You're not the dead guy?

Dead? Bollocks, the dead guy is someone else!

Sorry but all you Westerners look alike.

-At least I was, able to play with him.

That memory will stay with me.

That and the image of his head all twisted

after he hit the rock which produced the

vertebral fracture that caused his death.

Thanks.

My dad and I shared many things.

Too many. I learned from him,

that some things shouldn't be shared with your kids.

Or your friends.

Even when they're not any more.

I don't know what I can tell you about my father.

That's not a cliché,

I just don't know that much about him.

My brother and I barely knew him.

There was more information on his Tinder profile.

I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you to stop

giving him a match and asking him out

cos, for obvious reasons, he's not going to show up.

My father abandoned my brother, myself

and my mother when I was five.

And that was the most important thing I learned from him.

That I don't want to lose my son.

I want to see him grow up.

I don't want him to come to my funeral in 40 or 50 years

to say that he didn't know me and that he forgives me.

By the way.

I imagine you can't hear me, but I don't forgive you.

Thanks.

Jesús can't be Josemi's father.

No way. How can those three be brothers?

They have nothing in common.

Yeah, not like Diego, Josemi and me; like peas in a pod.

Or me with my sister, we're like two drops of water.

LITTLE COINCIDENCES

Created by Javier Veiga

What?

It's normal that your father's death has affected you.

I'm just the same. But your dad is alive.

But let me remind you that I was on the point of losing him.

Let me remind you I was about to donate my kidney.

But let me remind you that my brother did it at the end.

Yeah, but let me remind you that he's my brother now.

And I'm not to blame that we were incompatible, am I?

My father and you or the two of us?

Javi! -Hey Marta?

-How's things?

Hey, hello, friend. Hi.

-Don't you remember our names?

Er...

If it's any consolation, we never learned them.

-There's no excuse not to, we're Marta and Javi.

Are you really called Marta and Javi?

-Yeah, the name we gave to the baby was inspired by you as well.

He's called Cristóbal?

No!

-Álex. Isn't it great?

-Álex for Alexandra, she's a girl.

By the way, where is your Álex?

Did I win the bet I made with Javi?

What bet did she make with you? -No, not with him, with me.

I bet you'd end up with Javi. I bet on Álex.

Nothing personal; he seemed like more of a dad

more responsible, a better person.

Just as well it wasn't personal.

-I knew you'd end up with Javi. You've got more chemistry.

Yeah, well I'm still with Álex. For now at least.

Marta always says that you'll end up together.

I didn't say that. No, the other Marta says so.

Cristóbal is better off with his father

not with Álex. -Daddy.

Did he call me daddy? He called me daddy.

-He wasn't reffering to you, it was just after you said...

What? I'm his father, not Álex.

-Daddy.

Eh.

Javi.

Javi, daddy.

I'm daddy, not Álex.

Great, I lost my dad and now I have lost my son.

He thinks his father is Chorio Boy.

Daddy!

What's up? Oh!

Did I wake you!

Oh. Dear.

Anyway, you had to go didn't you?

No, I can stay a bit longer. Mmmmm!

Yeah, Nacho, but I've got a flight to Sydney in a few hours.

Wasn't it tomorow afternoon? Yeah.

But with the time difference...

If you want me to go, fine, only that my father just died.

No. I'm not telling you to go!

Great, I'll stay. I can wait till you get back.

Great.

Oh! No, look, Nacho, it's...

I know you've been affected by your dad's death.

But that's not a good reason to come and live with me.

And what if I tell you that David has kicked me out?

I've nowhere to go. That is a good reason.

And the fact we love each other.

That's an even better reason to live together, right?

But it's really easy!

Jesús was a guy Josemi and I met in a bar.

And it turns out he was my ex's lover, by the way,

when she wasn't my ex.

Then later he was the boyfriend of my daughter's best friend.

Who in her turn is the ex of the brother

of an ex-boyfriend of my daughter, who is also Jesús's son.

Who almost donated me his kidney.

Who gave my daughter a son, who is also Jesús's grandkid.

So you were in-laws.

Well, if you put it like that...

And he was Josemi's father?

Dunno, cos as he's dead now they can't give him the test.

Why not?

His sons can take the DNA test to see if

they are Josemi's brothers.

Jesus!

Javi and Nacho?

So we can find out if Josemi is...

Oh, oh, oh, thank you, thank you!

You've brightened up the night. It's so...!

Excuse me.

Er...

It's gone to my head.

You know what's really screwed me up? You've nowhere to go?

No!

Well, that as well. It hurts me you think I want

to live with you cos of my dad, after what he did to me.

Or rather, what he did to you.

I don't want to speak about it.

You never want to speak at all. I'm not surprised my dad left you.

Sorry? I left him.

A little respect, Elisa, we just buried him.

He was cremated.

I'm going to David's. But he threw you out!

How can he throw me out when I've just been orphaned?

He'd be a really bad person. Nacho, you've gone too far!

The only thing I'm saying...

The reason to live together isn't romantic.

Every time I get romantic you say I'm soppy.

No, excuse me; that's not quite right.

So, why don't we hug,

watch "Officer and a Gentleman" under a blanket

put the ending on repeat? Stop. Stop!

God you're so soppy! Look. It's over.

The next romantic gesture is up to you.

I don't want you in the kitchen. So what can I do?

Let's see if you can realign the forks.

-Boss, death is sitting at a table.

What do you mean death?

Er...

What's up, Joaquín?

Nice to see you but we're all booked up.

Ah. No, I just need a favour and I'm off.

But seeing as I'm here I might just have a drink.

With some olives and pork scratchings...

I need the table. What is it you want?

Spit. What?

Not on me; into this jar.

I need your DNA to see if Jesús was Josemi's father.

Look Joaquín, I'm not going to spit,

there aren't any pork scratchings, this isn't a 14th century inn.

Hold this. Here, dad's ashes.

Do you want Health and Safety to shut me down?

David didn't want them in his house.

Paco can keep them in the larder.

-Dead guy in larder?

You think this Chinese restaurant.

-Paco, don't be racist.

But he's Chinese. No, he's Korean.

-Rafa can keep them.

-No, Rafa can't have them, he slept with my ex.

Your dad slept with your ex.

I'm surrounded by bastards. You slept with my ex.

Let's not get hung up on the past.

That's right. Think of the future. Give me some DNA samples

for Josemi's paternity test.

If it's negative, you won't have to share the inheritance.

No shit! Do I piss in here?

You don't have to piss, just saliva will do.

Go to the bathroom, let's get rid of him.

Eh, here you go. You spit as well.

I'm not sure he's Jesus's son either.

Sleeping beauty!

Someone to see you.

-David, I'm busy. Can you tell that girl to leave.

-No, Nacho, I'm not your dogsbody.

It's bad enough being your landlord.

Nacho, I've come to make peace.

It's a romantic gesture.

David, could you...? Let's see, Nacho.

Elisa says... -So she can and I can't?

-Please, Nacho, don't be a numbnuts.

A woman like this doesn't show up in your house every day.

At least not in your case; you don't have a house.

-That's why; this is really humiliating.

I'm a forty year old Uber driver, orphaned and divorced.

My ex-wife is involved with my best friend.

And my girlfriend, who slept with my dead dad,

can't even be a bit romantic with me.

So I'm squatting on some Argentinian's sofa.

When did she go?

-I think it was when you accused her of necrophilia.

That's why, Marta, I think you should leave Álex.

What do you think?

Dad. Dad, you're grieving, but that can't be an excuse

for mum to leave Álex. That's unfair.

No, it's not fair that your brother calls Álex daddy.

-Well, spend more time with me. He reads me a story every night.

-It's true, and he's taken him out to the park too.

He's taking over.

The park?

Shall we sit there?

Er... on that bench?

Dunno.

Okay.

No, I don't like it.

You don't like the bench? No.

I mean the bench is okay, it's just a bench.

But there are other benches aren't there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

I just thought it was nice.

Don't go on about the bench Javi, that's enough!

Er...

Shall we find another one? You called me Javi.

Yeah, but it was worse when I called you Chorizo Boy.

Yeah, but it's the third time this week.

Well, it's almost Saturday.

The daily average isn't so high.

Well if you want to change the...

Yes, let's change the subject.

I don't want to speak about Javi cos he's nothing to me.

I meant if you wanted

to choose another bench, that one looks okay.

-Uh!

Bye, Marta! Bye, Javi!

-Are you going to call everyone Javi?

No! He's really called Javi I swear!

His wife's called Marta and his kid's called Álex.

Marta, stop it, it won't work.

I swear it's true

Javi.

Again? My name's Álex.

Yeah but Javi is over there.

What do you mean what stories do we tell him?

What stories do you tell him . Can I see your poo?

You want to see my poo?

That's the name of the story.

"Can I see your poo". A little bunny goes through the

woods looking at the other animals nappies and finds shit.

And the little bunny learns that he can use his potty.

Ah, how sweet

There wasn't anything less scatalogical, right?

Well, your son loves it. Every time the bunny finds

some shit, Cristóbal wets himself.

He wets himself. Cos it's a shit story.

No, it's a story about shit and it's educational.

And what about "Rid Riding Hood" or "The Three Little Pigs"?

Psychologists don't recommend them.

Do you think it's normal to read to a kid about wolves at bedtime?

No, maybe he'll shit in fright. Better if the rabbit does it.

Álex is just trying to do the best for Cristóbal.

That's what I'm here for, I'm his dad, not Álex.

-Daddy.

I'm gonna take Cristóbal into the shade.

C'mon, chubby cheeks.

Marta, seriously, this isn't good for Cristóbal.

He can't have two dads.

Josemi had two dads. And look what happened.

Cris has only got one dad. And what do you want me to do?

To leave Álex. So Cristóbal leaves Álex.

ALex to stop acting like he was the father.

Okay I'll tell Álex not to be so affectionate with Cris,

no more stories, no more hugs

and not to feed him when I can't take it any more.

Thanks.

I was being ironic.

I don't think it's funny. I can't stand it.

I can't stand him reading him stories about shit.

I don't want him to call my kid chubby cheeks.

Call Social Services and report him for bullying.

I might well do that, but give me the book at least.

Give me that shit. The what?

That stuff about shit, I'm gonna throw it away.

Let's see.

But...

But what is this shit?

The bag of dirty nappies, all the shit.

I'm scared to see what's inside.

You shouldn't care. What does it matter?

All that matters is what's here.

The heart is on the the other side.

I know.

We have two of everything.

Two eyes, two ears, two lungs, two hands.

But one heart.

So that this space is left empty,

so it's where you keep all the people you love.

So what use is the heart?

To pump blood. You think that's not important?

But this is the heart that you need to work on.

You have to look after it, to feel it.

Put your hand on it.

I meant your chest.

Oh!

Ah!

Sorry, I got confused! Well well, Joaquín!

Yesterday a kiss, today you're touching my chest.

I'm dying to know what you'll do to surprise me tomorrow.

Everyone stop!

I have the paternity test results. They've all left.

And who are you? -He's my father.

Er...

Did you say I'm your father?

I renounced the inheritance.

I realized something

that you've been telling me and that I couldn't see.

You're gay? What?

No, I mean that whoever is my biological father

isn't important, what matters is the one who was always there for me.

My Dad.

I've also learned something.

We all have two eyes, two lungs,

two kidneys; well I have one, but you have two.

I have one, I gave you the other.

Don't confuse me!

What I wanted to say

is that it doesn't matter what's in this envelope.

Because I carry you here inside.

Josemi.

Isn't the heart on the other side?

-Who cares where the heart is?

Hug each other, that was really beautiful.

Hello, hello.

What's that? My father's ashes.

And you bring them to the park?

I just came from reading the will and they were left to me.

I wasn't going to leave them here. We'll put them underneath.

So you can play with granddad.

Not there, please, Marta!

Okay, okay, sorry. What are they like.

Here.

A present for Cris.

"Peter Pan"?

Yeah, he's bound to like this one more.

Sure, it's about his dad. Very funny.

You are Wendy, the girl who grows up and becomes a woman.

And is that a bad thing? I don't know.

I thought you were more like Tinker Bell.

What with all those romantic stories,

I can see you in Never Never Land.

In order to be Tinker Bell, I'd need some fairy dust.

And here I am cleaning up the shit of a lost child.

If you don't have any fairy dust, it's not Peter Pan's fault

it'll be cos of Captain Hook, I mean Chorizo Boy.

Fine, well you can remain there in Neverland,

a phrase that defines the future of our relationship.

Marta, sorry but you speak as if life consists of cleaning up

shit but I say that one can be a parent without renouncing the past.

Well, maybe you haven't cleaned up enought shit.

We can share the shit. Why can't we do it together?

Cos we're selfish and obsessed with ourselves.

And Cristóbal is the important one now.

He's hardly the star of the show. He can't even talk.

He'd be rubbish as the star.

He's the child of the lead characters,

a good character, but not the star.

What I want is to see you there on the screen.

That's why I fell in love with you. But we're parents now.

And that doesn't mean leaving. But we're not a good team

cos we're both so selfish. If this conversation lasted

five minutes more, we'd forget he was there.

Who?

What do you mean who? Cristóbal. See what I was saying?

Yeah, but he's not over there, he's here.

See what I mean?

Will you let go, people are staring?

No, I don't have a problem cos we're a good team.

Ok, so we won't let go. What shall we do?

If you want we can have another kid so we can have a push chair each?

Like idiot parents.

When they have a bad courtship, they get married

and when the marriage goes awry they have a kid;

and when they are about to divorce, another one.

We're not married and didn't have a kid to solve anything.

We're allowed to make one blunder.

Javi. Daddy.

Did he say daddy?

He said daddy when you said Javi.

He said daddy.

He said da... It's not Cristóbal.

Are you sure? Don't be daft, it's a girl.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yes, ha ha ha!

I knew it, ha!

I knew it, I knew it!

I told you!

Well, perhaps I didn't tell you, but I knew.

Yes.

What are you doing up there?

It's all I was left in the will.

Jesús insisted I got it.

But don't you think that's an unimportant detail?

Hey, I don't...

It's odd.

Sorry, it was ridiculous.

I knew Jesús wasn't your father.

What would you know? If the dates were right.

And I have the Rubirosa birthmark on my ass.

What birthmark? I did that to you!

What? I did.

I'm just embarrassed to tell you the story.

When you were two, on the beach at Benalmádena,

I didn't see you and put out

a cigarette on your ass thinking it was sand.

Christ! I didn't realize you were there.

You've never realized that that I'm here.

I started the day with two dads and now I've ended up with none.

Let's go.

We were just here and the pram... Sorry, sorry!

That's them! -Them!

The push-chairs are the same and we got mixed-up.

The girl's fine, she's asleep.

Are you okay Cris, are you alright my love?

Are you okay?

They must have drugged her, arrest them, they're insane!

What? -They're obsessed with us.

We were all in pre-natal class and now they're following us.

-They're kidnappers! They're polygamous.

-Is that true? I do have a boyfriend, but...

The kidnapping. Is the baby yours?

Of course it ours!

-No way. Look at the push chair, they've got drugs.

What drugs? It's my father.

-Your father's drugs?

What drugs? No! They're my father's ashes.

What are they doing there? Well, you see...

He died a few days ago and I picked them up just now.

-I bet he killed him!

What are you talking about? No.

It was an accident, when we were paintballing.

He was going to introduce his son,

her broth... my bro... Our brother.

-Yours or hers? Both.

You see her father had an affair with my mother.

-See? Degenerates!

-It's really weird. Your ID and the birth certificate.

No one carries around a birth certificate.

How do I know it's your child? Well...

I can prove it.

Álex.

-Daddy.

-Is Álex you or the baby?

Álex is my boyfriend.

That's enough. To the station. No. Wait.

Come here, please; closer.

Look.

See the birthmark on his ass? His father's got one too.

Mayday, mayday, we've lost both engines.

We're losing height. Take over the controls.

But what...

No. Nacho!

Nacho, where are you?

Don't worry, I've got two parachutes this time.

Not for us though.

For them.

No!

No, Nacho!

Nacho!

Ah!

Nacho, Nacho!

Look who's here...

I dunno.

I'm going to my room, I'm not playing dogsbody.

-Now you want to come back cos I've inherited a big estate.

-So why are you still living here?

-It's in the Gredos hills, there's no work there for my Uber!

Nacho, I couldn't give a shit about the estate.

You are what matters to me.

We deserve an ending like in "An Officer and a Gentleman".

Are you getting all soppy now?

It's cos deep down, I'm pretty soppy.

I love being with you, looking at you, laughing with you.

Shagging.

But I know you have a desire that I won't be able to satisfy.

But we've done all the filthiest things possible.

I'm not talking about that, numpty.

Nacho, I don't want to have kids.

I know that you... I don't want kids either.

I had a vasectomy after Nachete was born.

What? Why didn't you tell me before?

I'm taking the pill.

I told you months ago to stop taking it.

So I'd get pregnant.

This sounds like another excuse cos your scared to be with me.

You think I'm scared?

Nacho... Stop, Elisa, don't play games.

This is a whim and you'll regret it later.

Do you think this is proof enough that I've thought it through?

Nacho, will you be my co-pilot?

Will you marry me?

-Yes, say yes, please, I beg of you, say yes!

-Of course I will. Why wouldn't I?

-Yes, yes, finally!

At last, at last! At last he's leaving!

No, no, no!

That's my room!

Guys, no, no, no!

Maybe we shouldn't tell

Cristóbal about this when he's older.

What is it we shouldn't tell him?

That we almost lost him in a park or that you ended up

in the police station after showing your ass to a cop.

That his parents were on the verge of splitting up.

Javi, drop it.

Let's see.

Wasn't today the absolute proof

that the pair of us are not a good team?

Maybe we are, but we're playing the wrong game.

That's just one of your meaningless sayings.

You used to love it when I made up meaningless sayings.

Javi... Daddy.

He said daddy.

Did you say daddy?

You said daddy.

You said daddy, didn't you?

He said daddy.

This is the best ending to the day.

I'm going to go in before we ruin it.

Here.

Eh...

Marry me.

What?

I'm serious.

In the last few days you asked me to leave Álex,

to have another kid, threatened to go to Social Services

and now you ask me to marry you.

What are you going to ask for tomorrow? A suicide pact?

So say yes, cos suicide is a bit of a faff.

You've had a thousand opportunities to ask me to marry you.

And I would have said yes every time.

And you ask me now so that when I say no

and you can feel good cos you can blame me.

No, Marta, it's not like that. Yes.

It's a textbook move to run away.

maybe it is from the textbook, but it's not an escape attempt.

I've messed up a million times with you; but loving you.

All the things I've done I loved you all along.

All the things I fucked up I did them while loving you.

Well, look. I dunno. Maybe you did.

Maybe all your fuck-ups were done with love.

But this is because you're scared.

I don't know if you're scared of losing me or Cristóbal

or ending up alone, like your dad, but it's not love.

Javi.

I think it's best we don't see each other for a while.

We'll arrange things so you can still see Cristóbal.

But I need some time without seeing you.

I think it's best for the three of us.

You and me don't know how to be 3.

That's a meaningless saying too.

And one that sounds bad.