Original subtitles

With the collaboration of

Tell me you have a plan to get mum back.

I have a plan to get mum back.

Really? No,

you told me to say it;

It's not that I have one.

What do you think about this one: tell her that your divorce from

Claudia hasn't come through yet

and ask for forgiveness a million

times and then do as she tells you for the rest of your life

without moaning.

Like any couple then.

If you tell her I'm still married to Claudia...

Watch out. You guys don't know your own mother.

I'm going to get a shower.

What are you doing in here?

You want to see me in the buff? Come right in!

Oh!

Who the hell are you?

What are you doing here?

Me? What are they doing here?

I'm showing them the house,

they're considering buying it. Okay.

Shall we go out into the garden,

there's not much to see here.

Bye.

Good day.

Hey...

What? Who were you talking to?

Myself. Can't I even do that?

I can't speak to you, can't speak to myself...

You bring folk without warning.

A bit of communication might come in handy.

You shouldn't be so...

cold... Cold! Cold!

Cold! Cold!

LITTLE COINCIDENCES Created by Javier Veiga

Yes, the greenhouse is wonderful.

It's what made us fall in love with the house.

Sorry, Marta, do you have a minute, please?

Well, Javi prefers this bit over here

cos it's perfect for picnics, barbacues, weddings...

And why do you want to sell it?

Yeah, why do we want to sell it?

Cos I'm pregnant and I'm going to move to Mexico.

Congratulations! You too.

No, I'm not going to Mexico.

I meant because of the boy.

Oh. Yes of course.

Or girl, cos I don't know which it is.

Didn't you tell your husband if it's a boy or a girl?

No, I don't know either.

He is the father but we're not married.

Well, he is.

It's difficult to explain.

Difficult. Not at all. You need four words.

He married the gardener.

Well...let's see...

I mean I... Eh...

I'm divorced.

You got divorced?

So why didn't you tell me?

For 3 months I've been trying.

You've been divorced 3 months? Yes.

Well, no. It was a lot of paperwork,

but that's it, all over. I'm free.

Like a little bird.

So fly away then.

I can tell you've been spending time with your mother,

you're getting more like her.

Like you; you're a clone of your father,

and you'll end up like him.

I don't think these people are interested in...

Seems they're more shocked hearing us fight

than seeing me naked.

Wait... Wait.

Marta!

Hello.

Hey, the prodigal son.

Lady Carolina has given you permission to come back?

Carolina doesn't control me, we have a respectful relationship.

Yeah... She tells you what you have to do

and you respect her decisions.

He's acting all offended, but I'm telling you,

he made her breakfast every day.

He'll have done it, like the softie he is,

those Franciscan eggs he used to make me.

Eggs Benedict!

Well, I don't know where you got the eggs from.

Not from down there, for sure.

That's it! You can stay all alone in this house!

I didn't leave Guatemala to end up in "what a mess".

Relax, barking dogs don't bite much.

Wait, Marta!

Javi, I just want to sell the house and get back to Mexico.

All my family is there.

Your dad isn't in Mexico.

Okay, except my father.

And your brother Josemi. Hey?

Okay. Except Josemi.

And your nephews and neices.

Okay! Them too.

Leave me alone, I'm going back to Mexico! Ok?

Marta, I don't want to sell up.

The wedding was the worst thing I ever did,

especially as the person I married...

wasn't you.

Well, that and the crap catering.

You see?

You always ruin it by saying something stupid.

You say something, you do something...

You don't want to sell the house?

I'll buy my half and all yours.

I'll buy it off you if you stay.

The next time I bring someone to see it,

I hope you'll have your trousers on.

Now I'm really going!

Bye.

Have a nice life.

Josete! Wait!

You've nowhere to go son.

I'll stay with a friend.

But you haven't got any. No?

Giovanni, Elisa...

They're not your friends, they're Marta's friends.

And what about Alex?

What Alex? You're making it up! Alex!

My schoolfriend Alex.

1⁄2Alex, that idiot?

Your little boyfriend?

He wasn't my boyfriend. Yeah...yeah

You spent hours up there in your bedroom,

with the door firmly closed.

Role playing!

Shut it now. I can imagine

what your role was.

C'mon, let it go, c'mon.

How can you think about living with that clown?

I bet he's still a fool who lives with his parents

and has some shitty job.

Yeah... Not like me,

the very image of success.

You're letting her go?

So you give up.

I'm not giving up, I'm letting her sell the house

so she can leave peacefully...

Okay. Yeah. I give up.

You can fool him dad,

but you're smitten with me.

If we're born in Mexico, you'll only see us twice a year.

Great, this way I keep out of

the parents' WhatsApp groups.

What is it you want me to do?

Marta hates me.

And she doesn't know you lied about the divorce.

If she finds out, she might kill

you: then she'll keep the house

and we won't be born in Mexico.

Hey?

"Ciao", Giovanni.

Uh!

Are you going to the airport? Very intuitive. How about a lift?

Okay. I've nothing better to do.

Other than killing Javi.

Well, we have had luck with the Rubirosa brothers.

Well, with brother and father.

Don't be a bitch, I've got a lot on my plate.

Forgetting? No, the psycologist.

Literally costing me a fortune.

I can't believe it!

It's Nacho!

It's been three months.

All these coincidences all the time are starting

to bug me.

Do you want to see him or not?

I don't know! Otherwise I wouldn't

be spending a fortune on a psychologist.

Hello.

I know you're not with my father anymore.

A coffee?

Nacho, I really don't think it's a good idea.

We can't pretend that what happened didn't happen,

and what happened was rather strange.

It might be a good storyline for a porn film,

but you have to admit... Erase it! No! You can't say that!

Say you can't and that's it.

I'm...

Nacho, thanks, but no thanks.

I've got a flight to Cartagena.

Perfect. Anyway, it's true.

What about a ?

Bring you to the airport?

Say no.

No, thanks, but...

I don't like your driving.

Why are you so rude?

I dunno! You're confusing me, Marta!

Three months of therapy down the fucking drain.

Look, Nacho, okay, we'll speak when I get back...

And we can have a coffee...

Or not.

Perfect.

That sounded quite...balanced.

The door is ajar, but not enough make him go nuts.

Okay. He's gone nuts.

Sorry.

Didn't want to send that face!

No! Not the aubergine!

And that's why we came,

because, besides being a lawyer, you're an expert on

immigration. I understand...

But divorcing someone doesn't happen overnight.

What would happen if everyone

got divorced any time that they liked?

People could do what the hell

they wanted with their lives? Exactly.

Chaos!

If all the bureaucracy disappeared,

how would us lawyers get by?

Let's see... Okay...

what he needs is

something like a "quickie divorce".

He? Don't you want a divorce?

It's for him; he loves another. -Yeah...yeah.

Typical. No, no...

Well, in this case I was in love with the other

before I married this one.

That's worse, it's premeditated. No...Christ.

It was a favour, I did it cos of her residency permit.

Don't you remember? I told you at the time.

But if you separate before two years have gone by,

she'll lose her resident status.

What?

You told me we only have to be married three to

six months.

No, I said "thirty-six months".

What? Are you saying that I have to stay married for another

three years?

You say that as if, the young lady was

hideous.

Shall we let it go?

No, Claudia, I can't let it go!

Cos if we get divorced, they'll kick you out,

and if I don't, I can't get back together with

Marta. She'll go to Mexico

and my life will be fucked.

I was referring to the lift.

Oh. Yes. Let it go.

Hey! No! Wait! Please!

Sorry, sorry! What are you doing!

There's no room! Yeah, just step back a little.

You go, I'll catch up.

Hey... What are you doing here?

Well... some coincidence?

I thought you were in Mexico.

Nothing; I came to see...

The lawyer?

No...not the lawyer no.

I had enough of them what with the divorce and that,

cos that was...

But no. That's gone. It's over.

No, I came to see...

The urologist?

Eh... No...

The other door.

Fantasy manicure?

Er..yeah, yeah.

I came to get an appointment, or rather a quote...

It's for a joke we're going to play on...

What are you doing here?

I came to make an appoinment.

We have a buyer for the house.

Oh...great.

And weren't you going to tell me, a wee message at least?.

Javi, we've got a buyer for the house.

Hey...!

But what are you doing! No, no...

I want you to look into my eyes

and tell me you want to go to Mexico.

I want to go to Mexico!

Hey... Just so you understand...

Javi, I'm going to Mexico.

Marta, if you want to sell the house, sell

it, but don't take my child to Mexico.

What do you want me to do?

Leave my belly in the left-luggage at the airport?

Ah, so you admit you're taking it;

Technically speaking I could have you done for kidnapping and

absconding to a another country.

And technically speaking I don't know how one can

kidnap an unborn child.

You don't know these lawyers,

that's a gift for any lawyer.

And there are many in this building. Excuse me

can I ask you for you professional opinion on a

delicate matter?

Delicate matters are my speciality.

Boss, boss,

you've got some messages.

I do like the way you drive...

this plane.

I'm seated on row F12B.

No, no, no...

Nacho, tell me it's not true.

Okay, let's see if I got all that:

she wants to sell the house you share because

while she was pregnant by you,

you got married in the said house to the gardener.

This after having split up

accusing her on multiple occasions

of being unfaithful.

She returned from Mexico to sell the house

and then to go back to Mexico.

But you are trying to prevent the

sale and are threatening

to have her arrested for kidnapping although the baby hasn't been born.

Uh...

When you put it like that...

Maybe you won't be able to help me.

Well, you never know.

Here's my card.

Come to my office whenever you wish.

You give it to him?

After all we told you,

couldn't you at least give him a restraining order.

Wouldn't it be easier to defend me?

Yes, you're right,

you are the clear winner,

unfortunately I can only accept him as a client:

I'm a urolgist.

When do we have to do it?

10:00 tomorrow at the notary's

to sign the sale papers. Don't be late.

Excuse me...

I'm just going to the bathroom.

Hello...

I love the way you are flying this plane

and what you look like in your uniform,

and everything about you!

So I wanted to say... -What do think you're doing?

Return to your seat now.

It's just a wee second. I'm not a terrorist.

C'mon relax. -A terrorist?

Relax, it was just a joke, take it easy.

I am a bit of a terrorist; a love terrorist.

Leave him alone! This is priceless.

Leave him be.

So I wanted to say, to you and your 200 passengers,

that I love you and don't care that you slept with my dad,

we can put it behind us.

So put the automatic pilot on and come kiss me like in the movies.

Out of the way!

Move!

Okay, okay.

Oh...sorry I thought there was a terrorist on board,

but you can relax. What?

Seems it was a false alarm.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Don't say that to him, I'm not gay.

Are you homophobic?

Not in the least...

some of my best friends are gay.

Okay, they aren't but that's their fault not mine.

Hey, sorry, this plane is going to Murcia, right?

Of course I'd love to live with you for a while Josemi,

but it's just...

I no longer have a house.

I'm selling the other one and Elisa is living here.

Don't pretend. You don't want to take on the burden of having

me around.

But don't you worry, I'll go to a friend's place.

But you don't have any, Josemi. Me?

Loads...like... David,

Rafa...

They're Javi's friends. -Mine too!

Then there's Alex.

Alex? Which Alex?

Chorizo Boy, your wee boyfriend?

He wasn't my boyfriend.

But it looks like he's the only one who will help me out.

Hey, why did they call your friend "chorizo boy"?

Don't get excited;

it was cos he always had a chorizo in his hand.

Well, here's breakfast.

We don't need Josemi.

What?

What's up?

A Mediterranean breakfast,

coffee, bread, olive oil, tomato, and orange juice.

Okay, well. No juice.

No olive oil and no tomato.

No bread either.

Okay,

if you're gonna insist,

I'll make those Gregorian eggs.

If that idiot Josemi can do them

it can't be so difficult, can it?

You'll tell me when it happens, won't you?

Yeah. I'll send a Whatsapp when the baby is born.

A Whatsapp?

A video call at least?

Well, if they have WiFi at the hospital.

I'm not going to waste data just to speak to you.

No. Of course not.

It was just this daft idea of maybe

seeing my new born child, but...

I could come over a few days before the birth?

Are you a gynecologist? No, christ,

I can help you, hold your hand,

saying: "Push, darling", I dunno...

Like they do in films.

Thanks, I can manage myself; you did your bit.

These are the buyers.

Hello.

Good morning. -The notary is on the way.

Not bad, not bad at all.

Want some? Here.

Here, look.

Oh...

You're missing out.

Oh yeah, sure...

Let's see...

C'mon. C'mon.

You like that, don't you?

Hey. Do you mind if I have a bit of yours?

We love your house.

Well. Our house soon enough.

A perfect house to bring up a kid.

Or two.

Hey...maybe there are two.

We've just got this one for now,

but we'd like to have one of each,

right darling? -Or three or four.

The house has loads of space.

We want to build a playhouse in the garden.

And the house has great feng shui,

we can see you were very happy there.

Yes, it's true, especially...

I can't think of anything sarcastic to say.

But yeah, we were very happy.

So why are you selling? If that's not a rude question.

Well... because...

I fucked up.

Cos I fucked up, yes...

I was a prick.

So I lose the house,

and I lose her too: cos I'm a prick.

Well, a prick, yes,

but however much of a prick,

a prick has the right to see their child grow up, doesn't he?

Maybe it's the right punishment for a prick,

not having nights without sleep, cos of the baby

or it puking all over you, cos you're a prick...

changing shitty nappies, cos you're a prick...

Or not seeing other friends who aren't parents,

or becoming desperate cos you can't stop crying.

Maybe that's all fully deserved;

for being a prick.

Or licking a dummy that's been

on the floor thinking 'that'll do'.

Or not shagging for a year and after the birth

for being a prick too.

A year and a half they say.

Think about it, a year and half.

I'll miss it all; cos I'm a prick.

Do you think that's fair?

Well... -Sorry for the delay

but this won't take long.

Here are the copies of the homeowners' contracts.

We can sign and go home.

Literally.

You can sign first.

Very well...

I'm sorry, it's no longer up for sale.

You're a prick,

but you have a right to those things you said.

Everything except the stuff about the dummy,

I always thought that was disgusting.

Excuse me...

NOTARY PUBLIC

What are you doing, prick?

Er...it's the kiss sequence, right?

What just happened was like a romantic comedy.

If it was a comedy I didn't find it funny.

And as for 'romantic', I'm not so sure.

Javi, I'm not going to México, but I haven't forgiven you.

Okay, it's okay, We can take it slowly.

That's it.

Shall we go home?

Im going home, you can leave.

I'm staying in Madrid so you can be with the baby.

But I don't want to share the same roof.

That was the feeling I got...

Well...

Hey.

What's up. -We'd given up on you for dead.

What's happening with Elisa?

Should anything be happening with Elisa?

Hey... Two days without showing up at the bar?

I'm not going to explain.

I was doing my own thing.

Nothing to do with... -Elisa.

Yeah, we're talking about Elisa.

Is there something wrong with you?

FOR SALE

Hi. Can I help you at all?

Can you tell Javi he's a coward

for giving up so soon?

Dad, I'm not going to tell him; why don't you?

Cos I like him

but if you both separate, I'm gonna side with my family.

Can you tell your dad that if Marta wants to be alone

there's nothing I can do?

I'm not speaking to him.

Why don't you tell Marta and she'll tell him?

Marta's not speaking to me.

Can't you just leave? See how I am speaking to you?

Marta, you have space now.

You could let your good-for-nothing brother

stay with you.

He says he's going to stay with Chorizo Boy.

Tell your father he's called Alex,

and I will be staying with him.

I do have space but I need to be alone right now

cos I'm going to be a single mother and I have to practice.

Joaquín, can you tell her she won't be a single mother

cos I'll be with her?

Why are you telling me?

Okay, I'll tell Josemi, I get on okay with him.

See? I do have friends.

So why don't you ask your friend to leave,

we have some family business to speak about.

Marta says you can go, we...

Look...

I'm going to put this inside, I'm getting a hernia.

Careful.

I don't know what that guy said,

but I'm going to take this inside; it weighs a tonne.

What? I have more stuff inside.

Can I go and get it

or shall I ask my mate Josemi to bring it out?

Hi.

Are you aware that they can lock you away for what you

did two days ago?

Can't we speak about this somewhere else?

Are you embarrassed cos your friends are here?

Cos in front of 200 passengers, and the whole crew

you didn't seem bothered. Tell 'em.

Dunno what you're talking about.

I bet that you got on board Elisa's flight

and declared your love to her like a fool on your knees and

in front of everyone.

Am I right? Exactly,

and it wasn't even my flight. Tell them that.

No way! You got the wrong flight?

It was your fault! You said Murcia,

I recorded it.

I said Cartagena, dumbo!

Cartagena de Indias.

Easy mistake to make.

If it's any consolation, I didn't know there was

a different Cartagena in India.

And you came here to rub it in?

I came here to tell you that the next time you have something

to tell me, do it over coffee.

That way I won't become the laughingstock of the whole airline,

and anyway you owe me a drink.

Sorry...

"I love you and don't care that you slept with my dad..."

Where the hell did you get that? -YouTube.

It's had over 100 000 hits.

Hello?

Is this...?

For sale? No, not anymore.

I forgot to take the sign down.

No, is Josemi here? Marta?

Chorizo Boy?

Uh...

Well, my real name is... -Alex!

It's you right?

As far as I know, but I just heard something

I hadn't heard for a long...

Chorizo Boy? Little Alexander with his chorizo?

Mama mia...? And what happened...

The other 40 kilos? I left them in the gym.

Eh, Josete, if you'd both stayed together

you'd be shining the shoes of

this fine figure of a man by now.

Excuse me? -Nothing!

He's getting old and he's losing his marbles.

It's been so long! -Come here!

Won't it be a little cramped at your folks place?

No, I don't live with them now.

In fact I live with my kids.

But we've loads of room.

And your wife?

I'm a widower.

So, she won't be saying anything.

Sorry, it just came out.

Well, I can see that you

are just the same as you were at high school.

Thanks.

Just as bitchy I mean.

You were like the nasty head-cheerleader in

some dumb American movie.

Okay. C'mon.

I know we didn't get off to a

good start but... Hey...

Hey... Javi, Alex, Alex, Javi, Javi, Alex.

Chorizo Boy?

C'mon it's getting late, we have to go.

C'mon... Here!

If you miss your brother

come round some time.

Jeebus.

And the worst thing is that

Chorizo Boy will be eating Josemi's eggs.

What? Eh?

Never mind...

Hey. I know I don't have the right to say anything

but the truth is when I came out

and saw you talking to Chorizo...

Do you plan to sleep there?

Are we leaving?

Tell him no, dad. Don't give up.

She's made it very clear that she doesn't want to live with me.

That's right, very clear;

she doesn't want to live under the same roof.

Hey! Hey!

Stop! Stop!

Stop!

What the hell are you doing to my greenhouse?

Oh...sorry.

Sorry, did we wake you?

Uh...

What? You said you didn't want to share a roof with me

but if I make a cabin in the garden...

technically speaking it's not the same roof now, is it?