Original subtitles

With the collaboration of

I do.

It was about time

after three months of pregnancy...

I have thought about it a lot and I'm really sure.

I do.

You want to do what?

Well... I want to get divorced.

But you don't say: "I do".

To get divorced you say nothing.

Sorry? Time to do what?

Time to my mother came with me for the gynecological check-up.

I've been in Mexico more than two

months and it's the fist time she's moved her ass.

Oh! How common!

And I move it a lot, you can tell.

But the world doesn't stop just cos you're pregnant.

So, that's it then?

We're divorced now?

No, the paperwork is just starting

and until the judge gives it the go ahead

you're still married.

Do we have to go to court?

We're both in agreement.

Put: "Divorced", take it to the divorce

register or whatever.

Judges have more important things to judge.

It doesn't work like that

but it helps that you agree.

Well, I don't mind staying married.

No need to write that down.

Say that we are both in agreement,

though one agrees an little bit more than the other.

You don't have kids, right?

LITTLE COINCIDENCES Created by Javier Veiga

So you are past the thirteenth week of pregnancy,

which is good news.

Why good news?

It'll be cos the number 13, means bad luck.

Mexicans are really superstitious.

Madame, it is because of the trimester.

Mexican gynecologists tend to be doctors, not soothsayers.

And handsome too.

Don't get angry, I love everything Mexican.

Don't worry, she's not interested

in you; she does it to embarrass me so I won't ask her to come back.

So, will the father be coming?

The father is in Spain. He won't be coming. Separated.

We are not separated cos we didn't get married.

Well. He did.

Okay, mum, that's it!

I won't ask you to come again.

Well, I'm separated too and

I'm not ashamed of it.

And my ex is your father.

And what a...

Josemi!

Get on Tinder will you.

One day off won't hurt.

Yes, it will.

I want to make up for lost time,

your mum took my best years.

Don't you think it's a bit immature to go out with

someone different every day?

Totally.

I used to be mature, yes.

And what comes after maturity? Rot.

And before I rot I want to shag a lot.

Dad, stop! You're like a dirty old man.

"Dirty old man"? I'm a honey.

I'm a "DILF" for the girls.

Know what a "DILF" is?

"Daddy I'd like to fuck".

You don't know what that means.

And you're not a "daddy", you're a grand-daddy!

You'll traumatize your grand-kids

if they catch you half-naked one of these days!

Yeah, well that's why I don't bring the doxies here.

But the next time your wife foists the kids on you,

take them to a ball pit.

Or they might find themselves face to face with my balls.

Nice thought.

Okay, don't worry, your grand-kids won't be back here.

And I'll give this address to your next date.

So they come here, Joaquín.

Why do you say Joaquín?

Isn't that your name?

I must remind you that you're no longer my father.

Technically speaking I never was.

I told you I'd come every day to ask.

If my daughter doesn't want you to know where she is,

how can I possibly tell you?

Joaquín, she is pregnant with my child,

I have a right to know.

So ask her.

She won't answer the phone.

Are we going to have the same conversation each day?

Why won't you leave her alone?

I have to remind you, you are a married man.

Actually no; I'm divorced now, Joaquín.

Perhaps Marta would like to know.

Ok, so call her and tell her.

Ah. It's you...

Can you give me your sister's address in Mexico?

Please.

Look, if I wanted to I couldn't

cos I don't know the address.

They say I'm soft and

that if I saw you I'd spill the beans.

But isn't she at your mum's place?

Ah, that address I do have.

But I can't tell you, obviously.

Write it down.

See how soft you are?

But you didn't see his expression.

Show him.

Joaquín, christ, I'm having a son.

Or a daughter,

I always had the feeling it

it will be a girl. Yeah, no,

I was sure it would be a girl too,

until...

Until what?

Pah...

Remember when you used to appear?

I wish I could speak to someone right now.

Not about you father.

Fuck him.

My child!

You won't believe who's here!

Abracadabra!

Oh!

What are you doing here?

What do you think?

Surprise!

My plane doesn't leave 'til tomorrow.

That's great, isn't it?

I knew I could count on you.

I said I wouldn't give it to you.

You said you would.

Look, I said: "I'll give you Marta's address right away",

but with a touch of sarcasm.

Well, you didn't do it very well!

If you can't do it well,

drop the sarcasm.

Sorry, but we gays have the sarcastic tone in

our DNA.

So maybe you're not gay.

You're a married man!

That's not usually an impediment

to me, but it is for Marta. Leave her alone!

I'm divorced, hey?

Marta doesn't know yet. Nor does she want to!

She's in Mexico, living like a queen.

I'm up to here!

But you just said you were living like a queen.

Yeah, with a sarcastic tone.

If I haven't any friends to moan

to or money to go shopping with, how could I possibly be okay?

How come you've no money?

Cos I'm paying three mortgages:

the boutique, the house where you live, the one I bought with Javi.

Hey, I pay rent.

And you have to ask Javi for some.

Tell Giovanni to send you the money from the shop,

half of it is yours.

Sure, I left him all alone there;

I'll call him to ask for money. Good idea.

Yeah?

Giovanni, Marta's here.

No, no. It's not a good moment.

C'mon, tell him.

It's some woman from Vodafone, she's always calling.

Giovanni.

Giovanni, are you there?

Yes, thanks, you've called at a bad time.

I'm with a client.

So what. Let them wait. Have you got a second?

Well, it's not a normal client, it's a friend...

Not a friend exactly, more like family.

He's here asking me about my business partner,

but I told him I couldn't give out that information.

Why are you telling Vodafone about me?

Giovanni, don't mess me about, forget the client.

I wanted... to...

ask you something. It's awkward.

I'll come out with it.

I need 15 or 20 000 euros as an advance. From the business.

20 000! Are you cr...?

Er... No. Your offer does not interest me.

What are you going on about? Just so you know,

right now the business is losing money

and we can't afford...

this kind of thing.

Why are you telling her that? Just hang up.

They are always calling and calling with their offers, right?

Well, they can shut up and listen.

Can you tell me what's happening?

Nothing, I told you I couldn't speak right now,

cos there's someone here, that you don't know...

It's Marta, right? Er... No. I don't know her name.

They do tell you but I never

pay attention. Give it to me!

Marta. Marta! Is that you?

How may I help you, sir?

Uh...

Seems it was Vodafone after all.

Giovanni, please, let me have the address.

I haven't got it. We only speak on the phone.

Is that a postcard?

Yeah.

From a friend.

It says "Acapulco".

Oh! You hid it in a drawer.

I can get it if I want.

I'm an expert in one-on-one combat,

try it if you want to.

Marta, please!

Don't worry about the money.

Don't they say that kids come with a loaf under their arm?

If it's born here, it's likely to be a quesadilla.

Why don't you ask Javi to lend you money?

I was just thinking about that.

That was a sacrcastic tone, wasn't it?

Giovanni, I'm having a son!

Or daughter. Marta always wanted to have a daughter.

I was convinced it would be a girl...until...

Until what?

Well...

Please.

What? I'm trying to find you; don't bug me.

You should have gone to Mexico with your mum. Let's go.

So...

We really should do this again, shouldn't we?

Are you throwing me out?

No! Not a bit of it.

I thought you were leaving.

That's why I said I'll call.

But you didn't ask for my number.

Oh...

But you did ask for the bill.

No, wasn't me.

They'll be cashing up.

But you signalled like that.

When she was fixing her shoe.

Joaquín!

Do you remember me?

Doctor Troncoso, venereal specialist.

Oh, excuse me,

I didn't realize you were alone.

No, I was just leaving. Well. I was being kicked out.

But maybe I'll stay.

I don't know this gentleman.

No! I never forget a face.

Least of all yours when I told you you had syphilis.

Don't you remember?

You think I'm new on Tinder?

I don't know what "Trinder" is.

I'm in venereal disease and urine leakage.

By the way, how are you getting on with the nappies?

Look, stop it please, you're ruining it.

They've rumbled us.

Did you send a WhatsApp so he'd come and rescue you?

No, I think it was when he touched his ear like this.

What's it to you anyway?

I am really a doctor.

You're no doctor, she's right,

you are a moron!

Look, you are more beautiful,

younger and more polite than this old git,

you don't have to put up with it.

Well, she is right as well.

Do you both want to give it a rest?

She's right,

you are better looking etc than me.

That's the problem, I like you,

and I don't want that to happen.

I ask for your forgiveness, with all my heart.

I'm not looking for anything

serious, just a migratory bird;

and you look like you're looking...

for a henhouse.

Oh that's nice.

He wants a swallow,

but you look more like a chicken.

Hello.

Joaquín? Beatriz?

Have a seat. Please.

Better at the bar maybe?

As we're all just passing through.

I still haven't got Marta's address,

I'm desperate!

Welcome to the club.

I'm ruined, I sold the food truck.

Who'd have thought it. It was so well parked.

Don't you get smart,

you're living with him, which is pretty low.

When an immigrant has to take you in.

I'm a doctor, numbnuts.

And if I was selling stuff on the

street I'd have a more promising future than you.

I'm at his place cos I was feeling alone.

Cos I lost the love of my life.

And my wife left me.

Anyway, I'm not that desperate.

Anything else?

A job if you've got one.

Would you hire me?

If a Spanish guy is looking for a job in a Chinese restaurant,

he must be desperate.

I'm so glad I can come here and talk about my troubles.

I always find consolation.

Hey, we've all got our little problems.

You know that I can't sleep at night

without my special pillow.

Well, Piggy-wiggy changed the lock

so I can't get it back.

I'll open it for 20 euros.

Do you know about locks?

How do you think I've survived the last few months?

It's a joke, right?

Yeah, of course it is.

But do you want me to open Piggy-wiggy's lock or not?

I do want you to open a lock for me.

What I still don't understand is

why you want to get into Marta's boutique at

this time of night.

The question is why the hell are you dressed as a minstrel.

Cos you said we should wear something black

and it's all I had.

Shit...

It would be easier to open with an x-ray.

You don't have one on you by any chance?

Yeah, sure. In the car.

Is that tone sarcastic?

What "sarcastic tone"? I'm a doctor, numbnuts,

I've got some in the car.

Evening.

C'mon for christ's sake! Oh yeah.

Good!

The x-ray is a bit screwed I'm afraid.

No, don't worry.

Don't worry, the patient's even worse.

C'mon, let's go.

Okay...

Shit, it's gone.

What is it we're looking for?

A postcard from Acapulco

that has Marta's address on it.

This one?

Yes!

Is the address on it?

Yeah.

"Acapulco, disco pub. Plaza de Chueca, 9."

"Come to the bears' foam party".

If Marta's address isn't on it,

why did Giovanni hide it?

Perhaps he doesn't want us to know he's gay.

The address has to be here somewhere.

I can look on his computer, I'm great with computers.

Shit. There's a password.

Are you daft? They all have passwords.

Some computer expert.

I'm really good with Excel.

We can get into Marta's house.

No, not that.

Elisa's living there.

Maybe she's away.

Yeah and maybe she's in there with my dad.

Ah ha.

Now what do you say?

Let's see how ace Rafa is at Excel. Let's go.

No, no!

No, no, please, wait, assholes!

Let's get out of here, please.

Yeah, as soon as we get the address.

I don't want to have to see things I don't want to see.

Something like this?

Eh, quiet.

You won't believe it.

I just thought of something we didn't think about.

Right. We won't believe it.

It would be the first time ever.

Why don't you call Carla?

Carla!

I think she's pooped.

Why don't you change her? It'll be good practice for you.

Right. Cos all babies shit on you, don't they?

It's not like measles, right? When only some of them get it?

Shit, shit shit, they shit all the time.

And don't let them fool you, baby poo is baby poo

but it smells like shit.

I'll watch a YouTube tutorial.

Do you think I'm so stupid not to have thought

about Carla?

Hey!

Uh!

What are you doing here?

Nacho, tell him!

What? You know,

tell him you made us come

for that Elisa business. Oh...

You came to sing "Clavelitos"?

Okay, I'm calling the cops.

No, no!

Well it's...

I wanted a memento.

So why did you pick up my tanga?

Come on, get out

and I won't say anything when she gets back from Mexico!

Marta's coming back from Mexico?

I was talking about Elisa.

Oh...

Now...you changed the baby...

Now...

it's your turn.

Oh...yes

Wonderful...

I admire you so much.

You're having a baby alone.

You are so brave.

I'm up to here with it and I have Diego to help me.

You're doing it alone.

You are the last one I expected

would have a kid on their own.

And look at you.

Alone.

It's crazy.

But the birth isn't as...

not as much as they say, right?

No...

I mean...

It's something natural.

Like when a calf is born in those documentaries

on cows?

I'm not sure that thought helps.

Relax, the birth isn't so bad.

It's worse later, when you go to the bathroom

with 17 stitches in your... Mum!

I think I've had enough.

Don't fret... -Later you forget about it.

Well, not so much when you shag again.

But if you haven't had an episiotomy or vaginal tearing,

maybe you can

start to do it again... Get rid of it!

What? Shall I change her?

No, the baby. Get rid of it.

Why does no one mention all this?

Humans would become extinct.

I never wanted to be a mother.

Especially a single mother.

And not with your friend.

I didn't want to be a mother,

until suddenly,...

Can you believe that I started seeing an imaginary child?

You didn't call Carla, did you?

No I didn't call Carla.

I'm too embarrassed to call her just cos of this.

All this time and I've not called.

I have to think about it.

Think about what?

Have we gone nuts?

But you were a boy?

I still am.

And where have you been all this time?

Mexico. Now I'm back.

What? Are you going to be twins?

You should know.

Okay. Well this is geting too much.

I'm ill. I'm sick.

Two ghosts at the same time.

We're not ghosts.

We are a imaginary projection of the unconcious mind

manifesting itself in...

Get to fuck.

At least Diego does this.

Javi, is so squeamish he wouldn't go near it.

Ah! Speak of the devil.

Javi? Don't answer.

No, not Javi. It's Diego.

Hello... my love...

Martas's there, isn't she? Yeah.

Yes. Your daughter is fine.

Your sister is changing her just now.

Okay, go somewhere so we can talk.

Oh, I can hardly hear you.

Wait, I'm going to see if I can get a better signal.

17 stitches in the...

I was doing so well with my imaginary child.

Bye bye.

Hey? Where are you off to?

You're not going to leave me alone with your kids?

Don't worry, they're not coming today.

What?

Carolina thinks you are a bad influence.

She's the one who is a bad influence...

She's bad, full stop. Nothing else to say!

She's not bad.

I'll be staying at her place for a few days with the kids.

With her?

No. She's going...

on holiday for a few days with...

Carlos.

Who is Carlos?

That's what I asked.

And she said?

Him with the big balls.

And if she asked you to jump off a bridge...

I'd ask which one.

Look son... it's...

I'm not even your son.

Oh well...it's up to you.

As far as I'm concerned, if you stay with her...

I'll save loads on making lunch.

And anyway, they're not my grand-kids...

No?

Don't worry. He'll be back.

That was easier to open.

Sure. It's a hand this time.

Please, I beg you, don't be such numbnuts

or they'll catch us again.

And as for the car...

No. On Thursday she always goes out with friends.

Let's get the pillow and split.

Seems like she stayed home.

Not in my bed!

It'll be better if we go.

No way!

Hello! It's Nacho.

Can you come out a mo'?

Relax, you can carry on in a sec

but I need my pillow.

Son, what are you doing here?

Dad! I can't believe it! You're sick!

You're in bed with my wife, your son's mother!

No. It's not your wife in there!

What?

So you're shagging Elisa, that's far worse.

Jesús, Are you coming back to bed?

Yeah, right away,

don't budge.

Elisa? Elisa ditched me the last time I spoke to you.

I'm living in my house in the mountains,

I've been there a few months.

Really? So how come you're here?

Well, sometimes I come to the city... on the hunt.

No one is at home on Thursdays.

I'm not going to a motel.

Is that... the pillow you're after?

Did you want this? -Dad! Please!

Okay, c'mon. Don't get nervous.

See you guys. Bye!

Ugh!

This is gonna traumatize me.

Christ. I'm not surprised.

If my dad had a dick like that

I'd be traumatized too.

♪ We parted some time ago,

♪ but my moment to lose

♪ has come.

♪ You were very right.

♪ I listen to my heart.

♪ And I'm dying for going back.

♪ And going back, # going back, going back

♪ to your arms once more.

♪ I'll get to your whereabouts.

♪ I know how to lose, to lose,

♪ I want to go back, # go back, go back. ♪

Javi, what are you doing here?

You said you just wanted to send flowers

from Spain.

Yeah, but it's really expensive.

Are you daft?

Why didn't you let us know?

If I'd told you, you might not have given me the address.

Sorry, I just have to see Marta.

Is she inside? She's in Spain!

What? She went back yesterday!

Are you daft, why didn't you tell me?

I just asked you that.

♪ Is completely exhilarated

♪ for going back.

♪ I'm on my way to madness.

♪ And even if everything tortures me,

♪ I know how to love. ♪

Did she go back to look for me?

Yeah, she's gone looking for you.

Running like a crazy woman, she misses you so much.

The sarcastic tone, right?

Oh! Such beautiful flowers.

Who picked them? The gardener?

I'm not...

I got divorced.

Ah, well, take the opportunity to see a bit of Mexico.

♪ We parted some time ago,

♪ but my moment to lose

♪ has come.

♪ You were very right.

♪ I listen to my heart.

♪ And I'm dying for going back.

♪ I want to go back, # go back, go back. ♪

It'll be Josemi.

I knew he'd be back blubbing at my front door.

Oh, It's you.

I thought I'd got rid of you.

Wait!

Is Marta here?

She's in Mexico!

And I won't give you the address. Hey, Joaquín...

I just got back from Mexico; I know she's in Spain.

But I was at her place, Giovanni's place,

the boutique... So if she's not here?

♪ And going back, # going back, going back

♪ to your arms again. ♪

Hello? Hi.

Are you another buyer? No.

He's the co-owner of the property.

If you decide to buy it, he has to sign too.

FOR SALE