Original subtitles

(Alarm system howls)

(groovy music)

(Alarm system continues to howl)

Come on.

(Alarm continues to sound)

Really now?

(Alarm goes silent) Thank you very much.

(Alarm sounds again)

What's wrong with this alarm?

- (Mrs) Dizengoff, Dizengoff. -You owe me a million lira.

(she laughs)

(Shira) You are a witch. How is that possible?

-I am preparing your consolation prize. -Not hungry.

But I scumble another cigarette.

I have to go to my waxing appointment.

-You just got in. -Three hours ago.

-I can do the waxing. -I always wanted that.

My grandmother depilated my bikini line.

Before I can transfer the salaries , we have to do the bookkeeping.

Could you do it alone this month?

Save yourself the look.

I don't want to ship you to a retirement home . Until now.

Is it because of this new girlfriend?

She's more than just a friend, grandma.

Maria is ...

-You have to get to know her. -No.

I know enough girlfriends.

I can definitely leave that out. Your Maria.

Because of her name or because she is not circumcised?

It's a waste of time. All Marias are a waste of time.

And move in with someone

that you know for two minutes is bad style.

-You don't do that. -It's been three months.

Better wait before you clear out the boxes. Casanova.

You are so romantic.

(she laughs softly)

Romance is for women

in their prime, which have tight connective tissue.

Until now.

-Good day, ladies. -Oh, Ibrahim.

Perfect timing. Your playmate is here.

Sit down on the square. But beware.

- She's snappy today. -Aha?

-What are you doing here? -I warned you.

You said there was a crack in the wall.

You are a doctor Why do you let yourself be used for construction work?

I use them.

Our houses should be in top condition,

when we get them back.

I thought Palestinians were n't kidding about the Nakba.

Who says I'm kidding, huh?

Well then, you go wax your thing now.

And don't call it a thing.

She shines more when she is in love.

Now enough with the lard. Maybe you want cookies

Keep the seedling alive until I come from Germany.

The day will come when your children will contact the German authorities

to inform them about the dangerously intrusive Arab,

who comes to visit far too often.

I'm going now ... fix your thing.

(upbeat rhythmic music)

-Shlomi! -Are you serious?

Oh, Shlomi, yes, sorry. I just have to find a parking space.

No, I have to be in the Old North in half an hour .

She really thinks I have time for this shit.

(Man) If she had been here earlier we wouldn't have a problem.

(Shira) Be careful, the washing machine has moved five times.

This is her last incarnation.

-Is that for me? -Mhm.

God, did I miss you, Mucki.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-I can not believe it. We do it. -Yes.

-No, no ticket, please! -Shira?

-Net? -I.

-Jo. -I can not believe it.

(Shira) It's been years.

(Neta) What are you doing? Are you moving in or out?

-On. Maria, my friend. -Hi, nice to meet you.

-This is Neta. - I'm happy, hi.

Have you been to my bar yet? Come over.

Well, do ex-girlfriends get a discount?

Do you want to bankrupt me ?

And ex-girlfriends who were with you in India for three months ?

We have to go back. We're bringing everything in right now.

-It was nice to see you again. -Yes.

And.

-Ah, yes ... - See you then.

-Park your car! -Clear.

-Inday? -And.

The best landscapes, the worst digestion, don't ask.

Maybe I should ask.

Do you have to be so nice to them?

And do you have to be so cute?

Now I understand why animals mark their territory.

Does that mean you want ...

I don't know if that's my thing.

No.

I have a better idea.

-OK. -And it's very romantic.

Worth.

I have it.

But.

(Shira laughs)

A ring?

Crap.

It's okay, Mucki.

I didn't think of it like a 90s romcom.

-That's not what I meant. -I know.

Shit is not that

what I had envisioned for this moment.

We can tell the children a great story for that.

Children?

-I, uh ... -What?

Nothing at all.

-Give me your hand. -Oh my God.

(Cheers) (Shlomi) Congratulations!

Masel Tov.

(Shlomi) Jalla, grab that part.

(Man) Disgusting. Disgusting.

You are an abomination, ugh!

(soft music)

(Shira) Warte.

Is it okay?

wedding

(sing romantic song in Hebrew)

(Moan)

(both breathing heavily)

Whoever invented “lesbian bed death” knows nothing about you.

What's this?

I love that I can be your first.

Can I borrow your cell phone for a minute?

I have to tell my mother that I have found my dream woman.

You really never run out of pick-up lines.

And I fall for it every time, Mucki.

Mmm, no, that would be what I call you.

You have to come up with a nickname before the wedding.

I can do that.

Um ...

How about...

You will look so beautiful in a white dress .

(she hiccups)

I didn't even know you had such heterosexual fantasies.

Who are you calling straight straight here?

You were the one who kneeled down

so that I felt like Julia Roberts.

(Maria groans)

- Let's go have breakfast. -Mhm.

Okay but first ...

(Shira moans softly)

No, woman, do you want to kill me?

I need water, food.

Do you want to bite

(Cell phone vibrates)

What's up bro

Really now?

Where is she?

Man, dude, you stink.

-That's bleach. -This is vagina.

And how do you want to know?

(Maria) Ah.

It's a strange pet.

Somehow suits you, Liam.

-How do you get to the lint monster? -The rabbit is for you.

A token of my appreciation.

I do not know what you want. But the answer is no.

Why do you say no without knowing what he wants?

I will show you.

-What do you want? -God thank God you are here, Maria.

She's a lot nicer when you're around.

Spit it out, hairball.

I have to shoot a documentary for my final project.

We're supposed to be an Arab, Orthodox

or choose something else photogenic.

And nothing can beat my Israeli-German lesbians.

Hm?

That's why you first say no and then you ask.

The basics of survival.

-You'll get the hang of it. -Don't say no.

It's just a short film.

-And? - (Shira) Okay, okay.

But we decide when to snoop around.

Fine

Take nice pictures of the "Jewish Princess".

She wanted a Jewish princess and found me.

- Miss Stasi. -I come from Stuttgart, stupid.

Southwest Germany? Google that.

East West...

All the same for me. You were all Nazis.

-Not all. - (both) They were all Nazis.

- (both laugh) -I have to go back.

Mama sent me out to buy things.

-Until this evening. -Mhm.

(both) Hey.

Take that with you.

Sis, nobody says that all lesbians always have to have cats.

(Shira) Good evening.

-Good evening. -Shalom Shabbat.

It is called "Shabbat Shalom".

-I remembered the important things. -OK.

(happy jazz music)

(Maria) Your mother feeds me whether I want to or not.

Your father must have the last word.

Only you can put that away from him , your favorite discipline.

I shouldn't try this without supervision.

If Ella wants to show me her rifle , I can say no.

And when Liam shakes my hand

I don't shake them because he never washes them.

Ha. That's it, isn't it?

I don't want you to regret the proposal

so i say yes.

Um ...

Speaking of engagement ...

I, um ...

Maybe it would be better if we ...

Do n't tell our families?

How did you know ...

I know my parents. And yours too.

Let's say I had a clue.

And because we are a heavenly couple . From lesbian heaven.

I am just imagining what the lesbian heaven looks like.

But I want to tell my grandma.

I understand. She will definitely be happy for you.

That's asking too much.

Grandma doesn't even recognize joy when it falls on her as a Torah scroll.

Don't talk like that about a Holocaust survivor.

She is not a survivor.

She is my grandma.

(Honking)

Can you translate this?

-Snupsi. -Snupsi?

Should that be my new nickname or do you Germans sneeze like that?

My girls.

Come here.

Hi, Mom.

Wow, wow, wow, oh my god. Is that the salad?

I long for this salad

since I was on a student exchange in southern Germany.

And here are the rest of the provisions.

And.

Only one Jew freaks out about pork.

-Thank you very much. -You're welcome.

I hide it in the back of the fridge.

-Here you are at last. -Hey.

I hardly believe you crazy lovebirds.

-You need to see the new apartment. -I was already there.

I helped Shira.

-If complaining is help. - (Man) The fifth column!

Go to Europe if it doesn't suit you!

He always yells at the TV, why?

This is an Israeliding.

We don't demonstrate, we shout at the television.

Whoa.

Can we start kiddush?

Have you lost weight since you were here?

Hm no. I do not think so.

(Now) Liam!

The girls are here, we want to start kiddush.

I don't like using the sink to wash your hands.

- (Ron) Let's get started. -What is she saying?

She is happy that the whole family is in the kitchen.

I am also happy to be here.

Give yourself Hebrew lessons.

(Ora) Liam, help with the table.

Hands off the pie.

(Ella) Mom, I just wanted ...

(Ora) My goodness, what's wrong with you guys today?

-This is private. -I dont understand.

Mom, do you notice anything about Shira's hand?

Do you have the allergy to create again?

Check it out

(Maria) I'll explain this to you later.

- (Shira) I hope you're hungry. -Delicious.

(quietly) You were with them. Is there anything i should know?

You tell me -What can I tell you?

I know she's a lesbian.

But would your straight daughter show up here with her boyfriend

with a new ring on her fat finger ...

(quietly) With Maria?

A wedding?

(loudly) I don't think so, a wedding.

Oh my God.

-Please don't scream. -Did you notice the hand?

-The allergy? -The other.

Stop the screeching.

-You noticed the ring. -Yes.

(Ron) How many carats?

-Let's see. -No, it's not a diamond.

It is...

It was spontaneous.

- (Ella) I can plan? -So...

-Mom, we're planning a wedding. -We are planning a wedding.

(they screech)

Full of madness! Yes!

I can't believe it, I'm happy like a ...

I am as happy as a honeybee cake.

-Is there cake? -Like a honey cake horse.

You will pay for stealing my moment from me.

Thank me for taking him in.

(Telefonklingeln)

Hello grandma.

We want to start eating.

Sure, I'll tell her.

See you later, grandma, bye.

Uh, Grandma summons you and the current one.

That’s what you mean.

(distant calls to prayer)

Are you recording the muezzin?

I like that one best, beautiful voice.

I remind you of his voice

when you complain at five in the morning.

-I never complain. -Oh, right, never.

And I'm not fat, just beautiful.

Quiet. I have prepared a couple of questions.

(he clears his throat)

When did you find out about Shira's sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation, wow.

Sounds medical.

-Okay she's a lesbian. -Sounds like a disease.

I'm running out of synonyms.

Not so long ago homosexuality was considered a disease.

-Do you consider it one? -Of course not.

Why is your voice coming out of my mouth?

He acts like we have a problem with Shira.

-This is fake news. - He's not that clever.

That's true. I'm not.

To my question, do you think it's a disease?

I love my daughter the way God created her.

-When was you coming out? -With 13.

Your mother thinks Adi made her a lesbian.

-It was like this. -Isn't that genetic?

If so, she has it from the maternal side.

Do you think it's rash to get married after just three months?

I am happy that we have a new one for the last time on Shabbat.

It feels like she's a bitch.

We got married after six months.

Because I put a roast in for you.

A pregnant bride shines particularly beautifully.

Stop it, this is gross.

Maria will enrich our family.

That is the triple hit. The Holy Trinity.

Lesbian, nichtjüdisch, deutsch.

(groovy saxophone music)

But why are you so sure that she will like me?

-Shiri. -No, boring.

-Shicks. -Shika?

You torment yourself with “Shabbat Shalom”, but Shiksa works?

Where did you get that? Nobody says that.

-Is that a bad word? -Schiksa is a non-Jewish woman.

And in some circles, yes, that's a bad thing.

Does your family belong to these circles?

No, no, no, oh god, no.

My father just sounds like a fascist.

But if you look closely and close your ears

then he looks more like a care bear.

Why shouldn't I tell anyone

tell something about your grandmother's Arab lover ?

Because the Care Bear shoots rainbows

when he hears the word "Arab".

And because my grandma thinks no one knows.

Not even me. Ha.

Your family is complicated.

Shirale.

That's what my grandma calls me when she wants to be mean .

Shushi.

-Do you want to listen to music? -Yes, Shushi.

(groovy music)

Oh look

So that's how my grandmother spends her reparations money.

-This is whiskey, not coffee. - (Ora) Shira.

What are you doing here?

If you wanted her differently

you should have given her on the butt.

She has a father too, you know?

Don't come to me with your settler now .

(Shira clears her throat)

They finally allow me to get to know you.

It is a great pleasure for me.

Know that I don't care that she is a lesbian.

As long as you don't look like a truck driver, I have no problem.

-Maria, will you help me in the kitchen? -Mhm.

The new one is doing her doctorate in something with plants.

Your mother says she is German. Fine

What does not fit?

You change girlfriends as often as I move my dentures.

Why do I have to get to know them? What's so special?

-Hey, grandma. -What?

You love me, don't you?

Well, you are the one I tolerate the most.

-Grandma, you will love her. -I liked the last one.

Maya, or what was her name?

(Shira clears her throat)

What does she need so many freezers for?

These are their safes.

- Storage rooms for your ... - emotions.

Have you interviewed Maria yet?

-Uh, not yet. -Why not?

It's not nice. Should you.

And then ask about her family. We don't know anything.

-My parents? -I hope we get to know you.

And your, um ... grandparents, if they 're still alive.

-No, unfortunately not. -Ah.

So, um ...

What do you know about your family?

Your history?

It's not as interesting as yours.

Mine has lived in the same place for generations.

Ah. Real Germans, eh?

(she laughs contrived)

-Were they all Jew-Eaters? -Liam!

Was?

Um ... I think he wanted to ask

what your grandparents did.

In war.

(Kettle whistles) Um ...

No offense. There's a bowl of cookies.

Can you bring that out with you?

Not the cookies. They are for guests.

-Are we not guests? -No.

-Everything okay? - (Ora) I need something sweet.

What you need is a diet.

What I'm saying, these cookies are no good.

It's okay, I'm not hungry anyway.

Your roses are beautiful.

I let them wither. You need too much water.

-Is that an apple tree? -Yes.

She takes care of her ... you know.

-Do you have someone? -I?

Not since Golda Meir took control of the sinking ship.

That was a joke, mom.

Because she tends to have an exotic taste when it comes to men.

-Come out of my flower bed. - I'm sorry, Grandma.

And what are you doing with the camera?

I told you that. I'm doing a documentary.

Oh yes?

-About me? -No, about her.

These two are hardly of any interest.

Oh but. My teacher says this is the best project.

We have the lesbians.

The Shoah.

-And now we have a wedding. -Liam!

Why this look?

-You should be happy for me. -Why?

Because you're marrying the first darling who gets into bed with you?

Schickse?

You owe your life to a shiksa.

-Did she have a stroke? -God forbid.

My grandmother is happy.

Unfortunately, she lacks the right facial expression from birth .

Why do you want to buy the first pair of boots you try?

Oma.

Actually it was ... it ... it was ...

Oh, come on. You don't owe her an answer.

Where does the toilet go?

Mom, we're not repeating my wedding fiasco.

At least we have a normal wedding.

We didn't even talk about it.

-You're getting married. -Of sure.

-In June. -Am I invited?

Sorry, I was serious. You don't marry

It is out of the question. Especially not Eva's and Adolf's brood.

-Don't put that look on. -Hitlers brood?

Since when have you been abusing the Holocaust as a trump card?

Since shepherds are no longer enough for you

and therefore you marry the German.

Mucki, the witch has lost the broom. We go.

- (Maria) I say goodbye. -We go.

Put the cookies back in their place when you leave.

What do you care how many women I've been with?

And why do you talk to your grandma about that?

-She's my grandma, we're talking. -About everything?

As if it were so weird.

It is normal to initiate families.

Not in intimate details about me.

I don't know I would have told any .

-It surprised me too. -OK.

Okay, sure.

Don't you want to wash them?

It's full of pesticides.

Not to mention the dirty hands that touched it.

-That strengthens the immune system. -Mhm.

Okay.

A decisive woman.

-I like it. -Can I ask you something?

-Is that something German? -What?

Please allow me to ask a question.

That is probably rather polite.

Seems like a waste of time to me .

Did mom squeeze you about your family?

And.

Does that turn into an interrogation?

Mucki, you have parsley between your teeth.

I told you. They were farmers. We don't know any more.

Why do you ask again?

-Did your grandma say something? -And your mother's parents?

Died before I was born and never talked about it.

OK. We almost never talk about anything else where I come from .

If we don't use it as an excuse for something

that we shouldn't do, we eat.

That is also related to the Holocaust.

They didn't talk about it, now they're dead.

Damage.

Would it change anything?

Woah, okay, again for normal people.

Hey, you'd better avoid "normal" here.

I really want to understand that now.

Assuming my grandfather was a farmer, then I would be a good German.

But when my grandmother ate Jews breakfast it makes me feel sick.

-And I have to pack? -No, it doesn't change anything.

But it doesn't go against the urge to want to know.

Like I said.

They were farmers.

Okay.

(Traditional Music)

(Mrs Maria. "Shit", huh?

Wonderful, that's what I call an application.

- Ordinary, if you ask me. -We don't.

Girls, be nice to each other.

How is the wedding going? Is there a plan? A budget?

Um ...

I wanted a beach wedding.

Modest. 300 guests at most.

And then who should pay for it?

The guests. You just have to advance the deposit.

Did you talk to your parents? Are you contributing?

Is a lesbian wedding legal in Israel ?

No, but we're faking that.

But why? I mean...

Who needs a big wedding?

-All of us. -Seriously?

Yes, a huge wedding in your late 20s.

-And in their 30s kids. -Is that also true for lesbians?

The Jewish compulsion to multiply,

doesn't stop at us homos.

Did you know about her rather ...

progressive attitude towards weddings?

We haven't talked about it yet.

I give them two months.

And don't work double shifts for you and the tourist.

It is so when the business partner

is also the best friend.

I'll give them until just before the wedding.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

Let's go.

Shushi?

(Woman laughing) Hey!

Already.

How are you? I heard you moved in next door.

Blatant coincidence. Come by for a drink . Get a discount.

And how are you? Where do you hide?

This is Maria, my fiancée. Well, I was very busy.

You are the reason why Shushi doesn't come to the surf club.

And because my surfboard is being repaired.

I have to go back.

I need a shower, I smell like a grill.

See you.

(with hiccups) surfboard?

Totally forgot to pick it up. Do you need water

And you? Is she an ex?

So cute, those hiccups.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

We should wait a few minutes.

I really want to know what's causing the alarm.

Maybe an ex-girlfriend is hiding in the storage room.

Now I have a good nickname for you.

Can i sleep with you tonight

My bed is broken.

Sex doesn't solve every problem.

Do you want me to convince you otherwise?

Do I see indignation in your pretty face?

Stop doing that.

Shushi.