All language subtitles for Kiss.Me.Before.It.Blows.Up.2020.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

(Alarm system howls)

(groovy music)

(Alarm system continues to howl)

Come on.

(Alarm continues to sound)

Really now?

(Alarm goes silent)
Thank you very much.

(Alarm sounds again)

What's wrong with this alarm?

- (Mrs) Dizengoff, Dizengoff.
-You owe me a million lira.

(she laughs)

(Shira) You are a witch.
How is that possible?

-I am preparing your consolation prize.
-Not hungry.

But I scumble
another cigarette.

I have to go to my waxing appointment.

-You just got in.
-Three hours ago.

-I can do the waxing.
-I always wanted that.

My grandmother
depilated my bikini line.

Before I can transfer the salaries
, we have to do the bookkeeping.

Could you
do it alone this month?

Save yourself the look.

I don't want to ship you to a retirement home
. Until now.

Is it because of this new girlfriend?

She's more
than just a friend, grandma.

Maria is ...

-You have to get to know her.
-No.

I know enough girlfriends.

I can definitely leave that out.
Your Maria.

Because of her name
or because she is not circumcised?

It's a waste of time.
All Marias are a waste of time.

And move in with someone

that you know for two minutes
is bad style.

-You don't do that.
-It's been three months.

Better wait before you
clear out the boxes. Casanova.

You are so romantic.

(she laughs softly)

Romance is for women

in their prime,
which have tight connective tissue.

Until now.

-Good day, ladies.
-Oh, Ibrahim.

Perfect timing.
Your playmate is here.

Sit down on the square.
But beware.

- She's snappy today.
-Aha?

-What are you doing here?
-I warned you.

You said there was a crack in the wall.

You are a doctor Why do you let yourself be used
for construction work?

I use them.

Our houses
should be in top condition,

when we get them back.

I thought Palestinians were
n't kidding about the Nakba.

Who says
I'm kidding, huh?

Well then,
you go wax your thing now.

And don't call it a thing.

She shines more
when she is in love.

Now enough with the lard.
Maybe you want cookies

Keep the seedling alive
until I come from Germany.

The day will come when your children will
contact the German authorities

to inform them about the dangerously
intrusive Arab,

who comes to visit far too often.

I'm going now ...
fix your thing.

(upbeat rhythmic music)

-Shlomi!
-Are you serious?

Oh, Shlomi, yes, sorry.
I just have to find a parking space.

No, I have to be in
the Old North in half an hour .

She really thinks I have
time for this shit.

(Man) If she had been here earlier
we wouldn't have a problem.

(Shira) Be careful, the washing machine
has moved five times.

This is her last incarnation.

-Is that for me?
-Mhm.

God, did I miss you, Mucki.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-I can not believe it. We do it.
-Yes.

-No, no ticket, please!
-Shira?

-Net?
-I.

-Jo.
-I can not believe it.

(Shira) It's been years.

(Neta) What are you doing?
Are you moving in or out?

-On. Maria, my friend.
-Hi, nice to meet you.

-This is Neta.
- I'm happy, hi.

Have you been to my bar yet?
Come over.

Well, do ex-girlfriends get
a discount?

Do you want
to bankrupt me ?

And ex-girlfriends who were
with you in India for three months ?

We have to go back.
We're bringing everything in right now.

-It was nice to see you again.
-Yes.

And.

-Ah, yes ...
- See you then.

-Park your car!
-Clear.

-Inday?
-And.

The best landscapes,
the worst digestion, don't ask.

Maybe I should ask.

Do you have to be so nice to them?

And do you have to be so cute?

Now I understand
why animals mark their territory.

Does that mean you want ...

I don't know
if that's my thing.

No.

I have a better idea.

-OK.
-And it's very romantic.

Worth.

I have it.

But.

(Shira laughs)

A ring?

Crap.

It's okay, Mucki.

I didn't think of it like
a 90s romcom.

-That's not what I meant.
-I know.

Shit is not that

what I had envisioned
for this moment.

We can
tell the children a great story for that.

Children?

-I, uh ...
-What?

Nothing at all.

-Give me your hand.
-Oh my God.

(Cheers)
(Shlomi) Congratulations!

Masel Tov.

(Shlomi) Jalla, grab that part.

(Man) Disgusting. Disgusting.

You are an abomination, ugh!

(soft music)

(Shira) Warte.

Is it okay?

wedding

(sing romantic song
in Hebrew)

(Moan)

(both breathing heavily)

Whoever invented “lesbian bed death”
knows nothing about you.

What's this?

I love
that I can be your first.

Can I borrow
your cell phone for a minute?

I have to tell my mother that
I have found my dream woman.

You really never run out of
pick-up lines.

And I fall for it
every time, Mucki.

Mmm, no, that would be
what I call you.

You have to come up with a nickname
before the wedding.

I can do that.

Um ...

How about...

You will
look so beautiful in a white dress .

(she hiccups)

I didn't even know you had such
heterosexual fantasies.

Who are you calling straight straight here?

You were the
one who kneeled down

so that I felt
like Julia Roberts.

(Maria groans)

- Let's go have breakfast.
-Mhm.

Okay but first ...

(Shira moans softly)

No, woman,
do you want to kill me?

I need water, food.

Do you want to bite

(Cell phone vibrates)

What's up bro

Really now?

Where is she?

Man, dude, you stink.

-That's bleach.
-This is vagina.

And how do you want to know?

(Maria) Ah.

It's a strange pet.

Somehow suits you, Liam.

-How do you get to the lint monster?
-The rabbit is for you.

A token of my appreciation.

I do not know what you want.
But the answer is no.

Why do you say no
without knowing what he wants?

I will show you.

-What do you want?
-God thank God you are here, Maria.

She's a lot nicer
when you're around.

Spit it out, hairball.

I have to
shoot a documentary for my final project.

We're supposed to be an Arab, Orthodox

or choose something else photogenic.

And nothing can beat my
Israeli-German lesbians.

Hm?

That's why you first say no
and then you ask.

The basics of survival.

-You'll get the hang of it.
-Don't say no.

It's just a short film.

-And?
- (Shira) Okay, okay.

But we decide
when to snoop around.

Fine

Take nice pictures
of the "Jewish Princess".

She wanted a Jewish princess
and found me.

- Miss Stasi.
-I come from Stuttgart, stupid.

Southwest Germany?
Google that.

East West...

All the same for me.
You were all Nazis.

-Not all.
- (both) They were all Nazis.

- (both laugh)
-I have to go back.

Mama sent me out to
buy things.

-Until this evening.
-Mhm.

(both) Hey.

Take that with you.

Sis, nobody says that all lesbians
always have to have cats.

(Shira) Good evening.

-Good evening.
-Shalom Shabbat.

It is called "Shabbat Shalom".

-I remembered the important things.
-OK.

(happy jazz music)

(Maria) Your mother feeds me
whether I want to or not.

Your father
must have the last word.

Only you can put that away from him
, your favorite discipline.

I shouldn't
try this without supervision.

If Ella
wants to show me her rifle , I can say no.

And when Liam shakes my hand

I don't shake them
because he never washes them.

Ha. That's it, isn't it?

I don't want
you to regret the proposal

so i say yes.

Um ...

Speaking of engagement ...

I, um ...

Maybe it would be better if we ...

Do
n't tell our families?

How did you know ...

I know my parents.
And yours too.

Let's say I had a clue.

And because we are a heavenly couple
. From lesbian heaven.

I am just imagining what
the lesbian heaven looks like.

But I want to tell my grandma.

I understand. She will
definitely be happy for you.

That's asking too much.

Grandma doesn't even recognize joy
when it falls on her as a Torah scroll.

Don't talk like that
about a Holocaust survivor.

She is not a survivor.

She is my grandma.

(Honking)

Can you translate this?

-Snupsi.
-Snupsi?

Should that be my new nickname
or do you Germans sneeze like that?

My girls.

Come here.

Hi, Mom.

Wow, wow, wow, oh my god.
Is that the salad?

I long for this salad

since I was on a student exchange
in southern Germany.

And here are the rest of the provisions.

And.

Only one Jew freaks out
about pork.

-Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.

I hide it in the
back of the fridge.

-Here you are at last.
-Hey.

I hardly believe
you crazy lovebirds.

-You need to see the new apartment.
-I was already there.

I helped Shira.

-If complaining is help.
- (Man) The fifth column!

Go to Europe
if it doesn't suit you!

He always yells at the TV,
why?

This is an Israeliding.

We don't demonstrate,
we shout at the television.

Whoa.

Can we start kiddush?

Have you lost weight
since you were here?

Hm no. I do not think so.

(Now) Liam!

The girls are here, we want
to start kiddush.

I don't like using
the sink to wash your hands.

- (Ron) Let's get started.
-What is she saying?

She is happy that
the whole family is in the kitchen.

I am also happy to
be here.

Give yourself Hebrew lessons.

(Ora) Liam, help with the table.

Hands off the pie.

(Ella) Mom, I just wanted ...

(Ora) My goodness,
what's wrong with you guys today?

-This is private.
-I dont understand.

Mom,
do you notice anything about Shira's hand?

Do you have
the allergy to create again?

Check it out

(Maria) I'll explain this to you later.

- (Shira) I hope you're hungry.
-Delicious.

(quietly) You were with them.
Is there anything i should know?

You tell me
-What can I tell you?

I know she's a lesbian.

But would your straight daughter
show up here with her boyfriend

with a new ring
on her fat finger ...

(quietly) With Maria?

A wedding?

(loudly) I don't think so,
a wedding.

Oh my God.

-Please don't scream.
-Did you notice the hand?

-The allergy?
-The other.

Stop the screeching.

-You noticed the ring.
-Yes.

(Ron) How many carats?

-Let's see.
-No, it's not a diamond.

It is...

It was spontaneous.

- (Ella) I can plan?
-So...

-Mom, we're planning a wedding.
-We are planning a wedding.

(they screech)

Full of madness! Yes!

I can't
believe it, I'm happy like a ...

I am
as happy as a honeybee cake.

-Is there cake?
-Like a honey cake horse.

You will pay
for stealing my moment from me.

Thank me for
taking him in.

(Telefonklingeln)

Hello grandma.

We want to start eating.

Sure, I'll tell her.

See you later, grandma, bye.

Uh, Grandma summons you
and the current one.

That’s what you mean.

(distant calls to prayer)

Are you recording the muezzin?

I like that one best,
beautiful voice.

I remind you of his voice

when you
complain at five in the morning.

-I never complain.
-Oh, right, never.

And I'm not fat,
just beautiful.

Quiet.
I have prepared a couple of questions.

(he clears his throat)

When did you
find out about Shira's sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation, wow.

Sounds medical.

-Okay she's a lesbian.
-Sounds like a disease.

I'm running out of synonyms.

Not so
long ago homosexuality was considered a disease.

-Do you consider it one?
-Of course not.

Why is
your voice coming out of my mouth?

He acts
like we have a problem with Shira.

-This is fake news.
- He's not that clever.

That's true. I'm not.

To my question,
do you think it's a disease?

I love my daughter the way
God created her.

-When was you coming out?
-With 13.

Your mother thinks
Adi made her a lesbian.

-It was like this.
-Isn't that genetic?

If so, she has it
from the maternal side.

Do you think it's rash
to get married after just three months?

I am happy that we have
a new one for the last time on Shabbat.

It feels
like she's a bitch.

We got married
after six months.

Because I put
a roast in for you.

A pregnant bride
shines particularly beautifully.

Stop it, this is gross.

Maria will
enrich our family.

That is the triple hit.
The Holy Trinity.

Lesbian, nichtjüdisch, deutsch.

(groovy saxophone music)

But why are you so sure
that she will like me?

-Shiri.
-No, boring.

-Shicks.
-Shika?

You torment yourself with “Shabbat
Shalom”, but Shiksa works?

Where did you get that?
Nobody says that.

-Is that a bad word?
-Schiksa is a non-Jewish woman.

And in some circles,
yes, that's a bad thing.

Does your family
belong to these circles?

No, no, no, oh god, no.

My father
just sounds like a fascist.

But if you look closely
and close your ears

then he looks more
like a care bear.

Why shouldn't I tell anyone

Because the Care
Bear shoots rainbows

when he hears the word "Arab".

And because my grandma thinks
no one knows.

Not even me. Ha.

Your family is complicated.

Shirale.

That's what my grandma calls me
when she wants to be mean .

Shushi.

-Do you want to listen to music?
-Yes, Shushi.

(groovy music)

Oh look

So that's how my grandmother spends
her reparations money.

-This is whiskey, not coffee.
- (Ora) Shira.

What are you doing here?

If you wanted her differently

you should have given her
on the butt.

She has a father too, you know?

Don't come to me
with your settler now .

(Shira clears her throat)

They finally allow me to
get to know you.

It is a great pleasure for me.

Know that I
don't care that she is a lesbian.

As long as you don't look like a
truck driver, I have no problem.

-Maria, will you help me in the kitchen?
-Mhm.

The new one is doing her doctorate
in something with plants.

Your mother says
she is German. Fine

What does not fit?

You change girlfriends as often
as I move my dentures.

Why do I have to get to know them?
What's so special?

-Hey, grandma.
-What?

You love me, don't you?

Well, you are
the one I tolerate the most.

-Grandma, you will love her.
-I liked the last one.

Maya, or what was her name?

(Shira clears her throat)

What does she need
so many freezers for?

These are their safes.

- Storage rooms for
your ... - emotions.

Have you interviewed Maria yet?

-Uh, not yet.
-Why not?

It's not nice. Should you.

And then ask about
her family. We don't know anything.

-My parents?
-I hope we get to know you.

And your, um ... grandparents,
if they 're still alive.

-No, unfortunately not.
-Ah.

So, um ...

What do you know
about your family?

Your history?

It's
not as interesting as yours.

Mine has lived
in the same place for generations.

Ah. Real Germans, eh?

(she laughs contrived)

-Were they all Jew-Eaters?
-Liam!

Was?

Um ... I think he wanted to ask

what your grandparents did.

In war.

(Kettle whistles)
Um ...

No offense.
There's a bowl of cookies.

Can you bring that out with you?

Not the cookies.
They are for guests.

-Are we not guests?
-No.

-Everything okay?
- (Ora) I need something sweet.

What you need is a diet.

What I'm saying,
these cookies are no good.

It's okay,
I'm not hungry anyway.

Your roses are beautiful.

I let them wither.
You need too much water.

-Is that an apple tree?
-Yes.

She takes care of her ...
you know.

-Do you have someone?
-I?

Not since Golda Meir took control of the
sinking ship.

That was a joke, mom.

Because she tends to have an exotic
taste when it comes to men.

-Come out of my flower bed.
- I'm sorry, Grandma.

And what are you doing with the camera?

I told you that.
I'm doing a documentary.

Oh yes?

-About me?
-No, about her.

These two are
hardly of any interest.

Oh but. My teacher says
this is the best project.

We have the lesbians.

The Shoah.

-And now we have a wedding.
-Liam!

Why this look?

-You should be happy for me.
-Why?

Because you're
marrying the first darling who gets into bed with you?

Schickse?

You owe
your life to a shiksa.

-Did she have a stroke?
-God forbid.

My grandmother is happy.

Unfortunately, she lacks
the right facial expression from birth .

Why do you want
to buy the first pair of boots you try?

Oma.

Actually it was ...
it ... it was ...

Oh, come on.
You don't owe her an answer.

Where does the toilet go?

Mom, we're not repeating
my wedding fiasco.

At
least we have a normal wedding.

We didn't even talk about it.

-You're getting married.
-Of sure.

-In June.
-Am I invited?

Sorry, I was serious.
You don't marry

It is out of the question.
Especially not Eva's and Adolf's brood.

-Don't put that look on.
-Hitlers brood?

Since when have you been abusing
the Holocaust as a trump card?

Since shepherds are
no longer enough for you

and therefore you
marry the German.

Mucki, the witch has
lost the broom. We go.

- (Maria) I say goodbye.
-We go.

Put the cookies back
in their place when you leave.

What do you care
how many women I've been with?

And why do you talk
to your grandma about that?

-She's my grandma, we're talking.
-About everything?

As if it were so weird.

It is normal to
initiate families.

Not in intimate details about me.

I don't know I would
have told any .

-It surprised me too.
-OK.

Okay, sure.

Don't you want to wash them?

It's full of pesticides.

Not to mention the dirty
hands that touched it.

-That strengthens the immune system.
-Mhm.

Okay.

A decisive woman.

-I like it.
-Can I ask you something?

-Is that something German?
-What?

Please allow me to ask
a question.

That is probably rather polite.

Seems like
a waste of time to me .

Did mom squeeze you
about your family?

And.

Does that turn into an interrogation?

Mucki, you have parsley
between your teeth.

I told you. They were farmers.
We don't know any more.

Why do you ask again?

-Did your grandma say something?
-And your mother's parents?

Died before I was born
and never talked about it.

OK.
We almost never talk about anything else where I come from .

If we don't
use it as an excuse for something

that we shouldn't do, we eat.

That is also
related to the Holocaust.

They didn't talk about it,
now they're dead.

Damage.

Would it change anything?

Woah, okay,
again for normal people.

Hey,
you'd better avoid "normal" here.

I really want to understand that now.

Assuming my grandfather was a farmer,
then I would be a good German.

But when my grandmother
ate Jews breakfast it makes me feel sick.

-And I have to pack?
-No, it doesn't change anything.

But it doesn't go against the urge
to want to know.

Like I said.

They were farmers.

Okay.

(Traditional Music)

(Mrs Maria. "Shit", huh?

Wonderful,
that's what I call an application.

- Ordinary, if you ask me.
-We don't.

Girls, be nice to each other.

How is the wedding going?
Is there a plan? A budget?

Um ...

I wanted a beach wedding.

Modest. 300 guests at most.

And then who should pay for it?

The guests. You just
have to advance the deposit.

Did you talk to your parents?
Are you contributing?

Is
a lesbian wedding legal in Israel ?

No, but we're faking that.

But why? I mean...

Who needs a big wedding?

-All of us.
-Seriously?

Yes, a huge wedding in your late 20s.

-And in their 30s kids.
-Is that also true for lesbians?

The Jewish compulsion
to multiply,

doesn't stop at us homos.

Did you know
about her rather ...

progressive attitude towards weddings?

We haven't talked about it yet.

I give them two months.

And don't work double shifts
for you and the tourist.

It is so
when the business partner

is also the best friend.

I'll give them
until just before the wedding.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

Let's go.

Shushi?

(Woman laughing) Hey!

Already.

How are you? I heard
you moved in next door.

Blatant coincidence. Come by for a drink
. Get a discount.

And how are you?
Where do you hide?

This is Maria, my fiancée.
Well, I was very busy.

You are the reason why Shushi
doesn't come to the surf club.

And because
my surfboard is being repaired.

I have to go back.

I need a shower,
I smell like a grill.

See you.

(with hiccups) surfboard?

Totally forgot to pick it up.
Do you need water

And you? Is she an ex?

So cute, those hiccups.

(Alarm system howls)

(Alarm silenced)

We should wait a few minutes.

I really want to know
what's causing the alarm.

Maybe
an ex-girlfriend is hiding in the storage room.

Now I have
a good nickname for you.

Can i
sleep with you tonight

My bed is broken.

Sex doesn't solve every problem.

Do you want me to
convince you otherwise?

Do I see indignation
in your pretty face?

Stop doing that.

Shushi.