Original subtitles

ISSA DEE: I spent my entire twenties with a dude

that I'm not even gonna end up with.

I'm breaking up with him tonight.

-No you're not. -Yeah, you right, I'm not.

Of course I'm not.

ISSA: I'm 28.

I work in the non-profit world because I like to give back.

Why aren't you married?

I'm just not right now.

MOLLY CARTER: Most of these dudes are not looking for a relationship.

Her standards are way too high.

Yeah, maybe she should lower them like I did.

Wait, what the fuck?

Why'd you never give me a shot?

Because you wanted to go do your thing.

Maybe I wasn't ready then. What if I'm ready now?

Who's Daniel?

What we did was a mistake.

-A mistake?! -Lawrence, please!

(DOOR SLAMS)

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Girl, will you hurry your slow-walking ass up?

It's my sexy walk.

Can you teach me how to ho?

I am all about my ho-tation.

(BOTH GRUNT)

-MOLLY: We should probably stop. -DRO: Why? It's cool.

He said he and Candice are in an open marriage.

I thought that was some white-people shit.

FRIEDA: This school's 86 percent Latino.

The attendance doesn't reflect that.

I'm the one that's on the hook for this?

I'm gonna do what I have to do.

We need to reevaluate having you out in the field.

I'm sorry for not being who you expected me to be.

Bye, Iss.

I'm, uh-- moving. Honestly I wanna live by myself.

Bitch, where?! You ain't got no money!

I didn't mean to come at you like that,

but a bitch try a bitch!

I'm sleeping on the couch.

I know.

( music playing )

( female singer vocalizing )

♪ Spinning, spinning, round and round ♪

♪ Stick, sticky, off the ground ♪

( passionate moaning, screaming )

( moaning continues )

( passionate screaming )

( screaming )

( phone buzzing )

( moaning, screaming resumes )

♪ Then I look stupid, call me foolish ♪

♪ But I'll do whatever ♪

♪ What did you do? ♪

♪ Got me confused ♪

♪ Spinning, spinning, round and round ♪

♪ Sticky, sticky, off the ground ♪

♪ Why won't you love me now? ♪

Hi. Elijah?

That's my name, don't wear it--

- ( vomiting ) - No! Not in the--

( pop song playing )

Here you go, gorgeous.

Thank you, Louis.

You've really been spoiling me these last couple of days.

Well, I was gonna spoil you a little bit more in the morning,

but you were gone when I woke up.

You know, it's the last day.

I had to get this good spot on the beach.

Look, um... this doesn't have to end.

I'll be in L.A. in a few weeks.

Oh. You got a visa?

I'm from Cincinnati.

( laughs )

Oh. Sorry.

( zips zipper )

Hey, did you know I was here last night?

Yeah.

OK. ( murmurs )

Hey. Joann wants someone to make these check-in calls.

And you're not gonna do 'em.

Nah.

What's with all the cross-outs?

Something about schools firing us

or something like that.

No one cares.

( dial tone )

( dialing )

( line ringing )

Hi, this is Issa from We Got Y'All--

Yep, I'll hold.

- Ken, did you follow up on-- - I got it.

You always do. My go-to guy.

Hey. Just checking in.

It's my first call, so haven't messed up yet.

Sorry.

You know I hate having to spy, but she's insisting.

Hey, have you had a chance to talk to Joanne

about when I might be back in the field?

No.

She has been so stressed and negative lately,

it's like, "OK, Noanne." ( chuckles )

You know, I just started my new position,

and I don't feel comfortable rocking the boat right now.

- I'm sorry. - No, yeah.

♪ I'm ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, your baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby-- ♪

Where the fuck you find these people, brah?

No matter how she sounds, you can fix all that.

Add some extra instruments. Focus on the lyrics.

- OK. - ♪ No me ♪

♪ Hell, no, don't touch me there ♪

- ( continues, muffled ) - ( turns off monitor )

I'm done hooking you up. All these weak-ass artists.

And you got me paying for this shit out of my pocket.

Bro, it's gonna pay off in other ways.

You know, Spyder's her cousin.

- Lies, nigga. - Bro, for real.

For real? I been trying to get my shit to that nigga.

That's what I'm sayin'.

I got you.

( pants crinkling )

So, what y'all think?

I never heard anything like it.

I do be writin' sometimes.

( crinkling )

- I bought her those pants. - ( turns on monitor )

♪ Baby, my baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Hi, my name is Molly, I enjoy a silent ride.

So please shut the fuck up and drive.

Bitch, if you don't get your ass up here...

( both laugh )

Hi! Welcome back!

- Mwah! - OK, I see you!

- Like a brown, crispy M&M. - Ooh.

Speaking of which, would you like some complimentary candy?

No, I'm good, thank you.

( sniffs ) No shade,

but your car still smells like throw-up.

Trust, my rating will reflect all of this.

Don't care. I did one ride,

and I Lyfted up outta here.

I am not about that life.

Girl, I don't blame you. Quit that shit.

You need a break.

Girl, a break where?

We can't all switch jobs and take vacations.

That reminds me. I wanted to bring you some vacation dick,

- but I got you this instead. - Sand?

It reminded me of your dry-ass pussy.

Bitch, I'm not gonna tell you nothin' else.

So, he's fuckin' bitches right in front of you?

- Not right in front. - That's fucked up.

He knows y'all go back.

You sure y'all not doin' nothin'? 'Cause you be lying.

According to my sandy-ass pussy: No, bitch.

I'm just focused on getting this money

so I can get up outta there.

And it's been two weeks already.

You should've just stayed with me.

Nah, girl. Remember that week I stayed with you back in '05?

( sighs )

Just say you broke my vase, and we're cool.

It was broke when I got there!

( phone buzzing )

OK, I don't need your side-eye.

( mumbling ) Front-eye.

Let me tell you right now. This whole vacation

put everything in perspective for me.

- I'm on some next-level shit. - I'm listening.

So vacation bae was trying to kick it with me in L.A.,

and I had to put him in his lane.

"Bloop! You beach dick."

Quentin was trying to do some long-distance shit,

and I said, "Blip! Stay in Chicago."

And my new job was trying to front on my benefits,

and I said, "Blam! You better give a bitch a PPO."

So you bloopin' and blippin' and blappin'?

And blammin', bitch.

I'm on some "know better, do better" shit.

- That's dope. - Mm-hmm.

I feel like my whole life is on some tip-toe shit right now.

Like, I can't speak up about anything.

You know you can always talk to me, right?

- Yeah. - Uh-huh.

So hey, you gonna

"know better, do better" with your boyfriend Dro?

Fuck buddy. Blip! He has a wife. Blap.

It's not like that with us anymore.

Whatever, I hate that nigga now. Bloop!

See? You don't even do it right.

So you just gonna act like you didn't break my vase?

I didn't do shit to your vase!

OK.

Just admit that women have it harder than men

and our bet is off.

- ( all talking ) - ( laugh track plays )

Open up.

Oh! Oh! Oh, no! Oh!

( sniffing ) Do I smell bougie pigeon?

Kev'yn: Chris, what did I tell you

about comin' in my house

through the fridge?

Booya!

Don't make me come over there!

- Hey. - Hey, Lilian.

What up, Jada?

Uncle Daniel, did you know--

Head down. Guitar's in the closet.

Oh, and I have to be on set tomorrow,

so I'm gonna need Jada to stay at your spot.

What time?

'Cause you know, uh, Issa's still there.

Damn! How much longer?

Another two weeks.

What?

And, uh, ol' girl-- what's her name?

Vanessa? She ain't trippin'?

Why would she? It's not like that.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're putting way too much on it.

- That door closed. - Who closed it?

- Oop. - Jada. Stay out

of grown folk's business. Head down.

I'm just sayin', of all the places she could've stayed,

she chose your spot.

Look, I just came here for this guitar.

See y'all later. Mwah.

See you later. Mwah.

So who's gonna watch Jada?

Issa or Vanessa?

Damn, girl, I braided your hair all kinds of wrong.

( beat playing )

( playing along with beat )

( beat continues )

( beat continues )

Daniel: Niggas, are you ready?

( humming along )

( turns off music )

- I was just, uh... - You were just...

( laughs ) Nah. I didn't even look like that.

Someone's been drinkin'.

I was-- I was stuck on something,

and then... I got unstuck.

Actually, can I have some of that?

Yeah.

( Daniel humming )

That's been you playing guitar?

'Cause I noticed the live instruments on your track.

( chuckles )

- What? - Nothin'. I mean...

that's just funny that you noticed that.

I notice shit. I'm observant.

( both laugh )

- Oh, you observant? - Mm-hmm.

Close your eyes.

What color shirt am I wearing?

Uh, it got stripes?

( both laugh )

Oh, I don't--

I'm sor-- Ah, I don't think we should do this.

Um...

No, I just think we...

know better?

I'm confused, Issa.

Out of all the places that you could've stayed,

you stayed with me.

Yeah, I did, but...

- not for this. - But isn't it always this?

You were just low-key dropping hints about me fucking somebody else.

I don't care who you fuck.

I just want a heads-up so I don't have to be here.

Why are you here?

'Cause I needed a place to stay.

And you're close to work.

( laughs )

I thought I was staying here as a friend,

and you know we always at least had that.

Yeah.

These...

glasses are so heavy.

I'm tired. Is it... daylight savings time?

Did that happen already?

( hip hop music playing )

( Molly panting )

Yeah... Yeah...

Oh, I missed you.

Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh-shh-shh.

♪ Wah-wah-wah-wah, she gimme what I wanna ♪

What you got planned today?

Mmm. I gotta call with my new firm.

We're still negotiating my contract.

Oh. OK, Boss Molly.

Yep.

You want me to make breakfast first?

- Ooh, yeah. - Yeah?

- Mm-mm. - ( phone buzzing )

Excuse me one sec.

Hey.

No, I'm still at Molly's.

Yeah. OK.

All right, I'll call you back.

I can make pancakes.

( sighs )

Listen, um,

we need to decide

whether we're friends who don't have sex,

or acquaintances who just have sex.

Because anything otherwise, it's muddy,

and I need boundaries.

OK. All right.

What do you suggest we do, then?

We fuck. And that's it.

No phone calls, no dates, no spending the night,

no fuckin', then trying to make pancakes.

- But we love pancakes. - Nigga.

Well... OK.

Yeah.

That's fine.

Oh, you mean like now.

OK.

I'm so sorry to hear that,

Vice Principal Irving. Can I ask why?

VP Irving: We've decided to link up with a different organization

that we feel better suits our students.

And you know your logo's racist, right?

Y'all need to do better.

I'm sorry. Thank you for your feedback.

Hi, my name is Issa,

and I'm calling from We Got Y'All.

I'd love to find out

why you're not partnering with us anymore.

Man: The brochure features black kids,

but only one black employee.

That is... me.

Woman: The curriculum feels very Eurocentric,

and it isn't at all catered to our demographics.

Woman 2: Everyone you brought to our school was white.

- And mean. - OK. Thank you.

Issa: And I'm not trying to rock the boat,

but I thought this was something that you'd want to know.

And where did you get this information?

I was hearing a lot of criticism during our follow-up calls,

and since our list of canceled partnerships seemed pretty high,

I thought it might be helpful to call those schools.

No, Issa, it's not helpful.

If I wanted you to speak on our behalf,

I would have left you out in the field.

You keep overstepping your bounds.

I'm sorry, I thought that--

Have you noticed that every time there's an issue here lately,

you're involved?

If you want to be helpful,

get to the root of that.

That's all.

OK, schedule of events...

and then we're gonna do budgeting.

( phone buzzing )

♪ Can't stop, won't stop, get guap ♪

♪ Ten white toes in them toy flip-flops ♪

♪ Manicures and pedicures, I'm always tip-top ♪

♪ When they say I'm not hot all these lies need to stop ♪

♪ Cuz I'm icy, wifey, haters wanna fight me ♪

♪ Never been the one got RIP up on a white tee ♪

♪ Keep my hands clean, got some hittas moving shiesty ♪

♪ Ask me if I'm rollin' with some Gucci, bitch, I might be ♪

♪ It's very unlikely, my wrist ain't lookin'... ♪

We said no calls.

I was just seeing how negotiations went.

Yeah, they went fine.

They accepted all my terms.

That's what's up! Molly, I'm so proud of you.

We gotta celebrate. El Cholo's?

- Really, Dro? - Come on.

Acquaintances celebrate.

( sighs )

- Mm-kay. - All right, bet.

I'll meet you there at 9:00.

No. I'll meet you there.

♪ You're no nothin' but, you're no nothin' but ♪

♪ You're no nothin' but ♪

♪ You're no nothin' but, you're no nothin' but ♪

♪ You're no nothin' but ♪

- Yo. - Issa: You busy?

Ah, I got something later on,

but right now I'm free. Why, what's up?

I gotta kill time before I go home,

and don't you wanna ride with me while I Lyft?

I thought you were through with that shit.

I was,

but today I got time, cuz.

I don't wanna do it by myself, and...

you know I can get snacks

and turn it into a Party Lyft.

Is that a thing?

It is, yeah.

Come on, please?

Please, please, please, please!

Please, please, please!

OK, listen, I got until--

Perfect, 'cause I'm outside!

- What? - Hey.

♪ Party Lyft, Party Lyft ♪ Ha!

Why do you gotta be outta the house?

Daniel's got a girl over.

Damn, Daniel!

Back at it again with the... fuckin'.

He gave me a heads-up, so that's all I care about.

Hmm. OK.

- ( alert chimes ) - Issa: Oh!

Do we have a rider?

We are coming for you, Erin plus one!

( both singing )

What you got in here?

Yas! A Capri Sun. You know my heart.

No, girl, those are for passengers only, so...

♪ Party Lyft, Party Lyft ♪

Partner, partner, partner, partner, partner!

This party sucks.

( laughing )

- Girl, we gonna be late. - We not gonna be late.

Hope there's a fine nigga driving. I wanna be a Twitter story.

Girl, you stay thirsty.

Hey! Party Lyft!

All: Hey!

( French accent ) Capri Sun?

- Uh, yeah. - Oh, you fancy.

- I am. - What you ladies doin' tonight?

- Gettin' fucked up. - Sounds about right!

( all laughing )

♪ I need a nigga who won't... ♪

( song continues )

I love this song!

Y'all are goin' to The Exchange?

Yup. I hope Hakeem got a table.

Me too, 'cause I just glued this heel back on,

I don't know how long it's gonna stay.

Yo, look at this nigga Instagram.

I can't tell if he got a job.

If you got to ask...

He's supposed to be gettin' us in tonight,

but I ain't heard back.

Girl, then why are we in this Lyft?

Be optimistic.

( laughs )

( mouths words )

Molly: You got your Capri Sun,

don't you?

- ( chimes ) - Hey! Five stars!

No tip, but five stars.

They said I played good music

and reminded them of their auntie.

I could see that.

I'm a good auntie.

All right, so who's next?

Ooh! Let's go find the niggas!

Yeah, hold on.

Ooh, I found a Jolly Rancher.

- You find any niggas? - Hmm...

( chimes )

OK, Nathan with the face. Blam!

We about to come Lyft yo fine ass. Look.

Uh, yes, we are.

( both laughing )

( hip hop music playing )

His face matches.

Issa: Hey, Nathan.

Welcome to the Party Lyft.

Nathan: Hey, thanks.

About how long this gonna take?

We should be there in 30 minutes.

30 minutes for four miles?

Man, this what I hate about L.A.

It take a long-ass time to get anywhere.

Uh, we don't L.A.-bash in the Party Lyft.

Are you going to Saddle Ranch

- for dinner? - Oh, see?

Girl, that's why he don't like L.A.!

( chatter )

Give her your phone.

- Trust me! - Hell no.

Let me see it.

Thank you.

- Fixed it. - ( alert chimes )

Yas, Worldwide Tacos!

OK, barbecue salmon tacos, here we come.

Oh, I see. So this just about gettin' you fed.

Uh, yeah. Keep up.

( girls laugh )

( phone buzzing )

- ( alert chimes ) - Issa: Ooh, yes!

Somebody want to join our party.

We got time for that?

Plus they not even cute.

Hold up. So... I made the cut?

- Y'all L.A. chicks be wildin'. - OK.

We out here tryin' to get chills just like you.

How far away is he?

It's on the way. It'll be quick.

Nathan: Do what you gotta do.

We on your ride.

( hip hop music playing )

Is that him?

Both them niggas gonna fit back there?

Oh, wait, that's one nigga.

Hi.

- Issa? - That's me.

Drivin' the Party Lyft.

It's a Party Lyft? That's what's up! Shit.

Hand me two of them Capri Suns, then.

Nigga parched.

Gotta see if I have two.

Oh, y'all only have Fruit Frenzy?

It's a'ight.

Nathan, did you get one?

They only got Fruit Frenzy.

Hey, let's go.

Issa: ♪ Party Lyft, Party Lyft, Party Lyft ♪

( slurping )

What's up, little man?

So you goin' to Hyde Park?

I'm easy. I'ma go wherever y'all go.

Can you go back there and buckle up?

Oh, you bossy.

- I likes that. - Hmm.

It's fine.

Uh, Issa? We got a little sitch back there.

Uh, excuse me, sir. Can that not be happening?

Naw, you good.

Uh, the lady asked you not to do that.

Y'all bitches said it's a Party Lyft.

- Wow. - Tell him. Tell him off.

Nigga tryin' to party.

Yeah, you should...

get another Lyft.

What you doin', bitch!

- Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! - Issa, do something!

- Stop fighting! - That's it?

- I'm driving! - Nigga, pull over!

- I can't find a parking space. - Fuck a space!

- I'm gonna get a ticket! - Issa!

( screaming )

- ( tires squealing ) - Molly: Oh God!

- Stop! - Aah!

( fighting continues )

Stop spilling my Capri Sun!

( men shouting )

Where you going?!

I'm not tryin' to get--

Come back! You can't just leave!

- I'm sorry. - Come back!

( big man groaning )

- You good? - My eyes.

He not good.

♪ Girl, you're lookin for somebody ♪

♪ Somebody you can call on ♪

♪ Call on when you need it done right ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for a real one ♪

♪ So am I ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

( TV playing )

So you couldn't text me back last night?

My bad. I, uh, I fell asleep.

Forgot.

OK, Daniel.

I said sorry, Iss.

What's the problem?

There's no problem.

You've been letting me stay here for free,

you've been super-generous with your space,

and the last thing I want to do

is come at you like I'm ungrateful,

but... you-- it's--

What's up, Iss?

I know I told you I didn't care, but I do.

And I still have feelings for you.

And I'm not saying that because I want to be with you or anything--

It's just you said that you came here

because you wanted to be close to your job,

now you're telling me that you got feelings and shit.

So what is it, a'ight? 'Cause I'm confused.

Both, nigga. I don't know. I--

You on some bullshit. Just be real.

I came here because I knew you'd be here for me.

And I really need someone like that in my life right now.

It's not easy for me to admit things

when it comes to us sometimes, because... you make it hard.

Oh, so I told you to move in with me. Right.

No.

But Daniel, don't act all innocent

like you don't know what you're doing.

You're fucking other girls in front of me

like we don't have history.

♪ Yellow tinted lenses and a pink gelato ♪

All right.

♪ Fallin' out the window, hit me back tomorrow ♪

♪ We'll always be the one tough act to follow ♪

♪ 'Cause we aimin' for the stars

♪ With a point and hollow ♪

♪ Feeling these songs, mocking jokes and carols ♪

♪ I started this job selling rocks and arrows ♪

( sighs )

♪ 'Cause they only swipe right if you fuck for follows ♪

H-Hey.

Y-You just let yourself in?

I-- Yeah, my bad.

You weren't answering, so I--

Oh-- OK.

Hmm.

So, y'all got in a fight last night?

Oh, God.

You and Issa do the fucking most.

- Keep talkin' shit. - Oh?

Yeah. I learned some moves.

- Oh, you did? - I did. Right here.

- Oh, wow. Show me. - Bam. Bam. Bam.

( both laughing )

Um, can I, uh...

can I have my key back?

What? That's what you're thinkin' about right now?

I meant to ask for it earlier,

but I just--

Can I get it back?

For what?

'Cause it's my key?

Where is this comin' from?

Dro, I'm trying to do things better.

OK? This... this is hard for me.

- Yeah, it's hard for me too! - How?

You get to have me when you want, on your terms.

I told you I need boundaries.

Just because you and Candice get to do whatever and fuck whomever

don't mean we all want our shit that messy!

First of all, don't talk about what me and my wife do.

All right? So you need to figure out what you're doing and what you want.

I know I want my key back.

( sighs )

- I think I'm gonna go. - I think that's a good idea.

♪ But if we just spoke ♪

♪ Like we meant it ♪

♪ Would you reference ♪

♪ This open part of me ♪

It is I, Colin Kaepernicca.

( laugh track )

Ain't nobody got it harder than brothers.

Hashtag KneeToo.

- ( phone buzzing ) - Yolanda: Well, sisters

are the backbone of this country,

and we're reclaiming

our time's up.

( laugh track )

( grunts )

( laugh track )

( chuckles )

They rebooted Kev'yn.

Little Chris 45 years old, still hiding in cabinets.

( both laugh )

- Cops beat you? - What?

Oh, no. Turns out I'm highly allergic to pork.

( laugh track )

( phone buzzing )

- All right. - ( keys jingle )

Well, the spot's all yours tonight. Um...

see you later.... roommate.

Hey, Daniel?

Thank you for everything.

Hmm.

( Daniel laughing )

I knew you was gonna do that.

♪ It's both a blessing and a curse ♪

♪ To feel everything so deeply like you do, girl ♪

♪ There's been more times that it hurts ♪

♪ But who said love was ever easy, girl? ♪

♪ Life's a bitch and then you die ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la, la ♪

♪ Oh, it's easier said than done ♪

♪ But don't you worry about those little things and bigger ♪

♪ To find a relation ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ When you realize there's no voices in your head, girl ♪

♪ Life's a bitch ♪

♪ And then you die ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la, la ♪

It's not great that there is a white hand

scooping up black kids.

It's not racist 'cause, it's my hand.

♪ When I roll up Lookin' hella fine ♪

My credit score can't be that bad.

The basic credit tiers are Excellent, Good, Poor, Bad.

This Issa, it's all way at the bottom.

You know I hate to ask.

Vanessa's not really cool with you being around,

so maybe I could give you another week, but then...

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Well, I'll see-- Okay.

♪ Ain't nobody Gonna do it like me ♪

(SHRIEKS) Oh, that's a hair-- No it's not!

♪ I think they wanna ♪

♪ But ain't nobody Do it like me ♪