Original subtitles

- (Squawking) - (Thunder rumbling)

(# Organ music)

Benjamin, or Benny, as I understand he was known,

was not a regular parishioner and sadly I didn't know him personally.

But a sudden and unexpected loss like this is hard on all those left behind.

And we share in the great sadness felt by each and every one of you -

his friends, family, and colleagues.

We now commit Benny's body to the flames -

earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust -

in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life.

(Thunder rumbling)

(Thunder crashing)

Well, if Benny's made it through the pearly gates, there's hope for us all.

Why? What was he like?

Ah, he was good old-fashioned rogue, was Benny.

- Could charm the birds from the trees. - A roper, was he?

Worked mainly as a fixer but he could turn is hand to anything.

He was a complete natural.

He was amazingly intuitive. He could spot a mark in the blink of an eye.

Yeah, you should have seen his card tricks. Fastest hands I ever saw.

Look, I'll see you back at the ranch.

- (Emma) Oi! Where you going? - I got a meeting at the bank.

Oh, he has had a winner.

Yeah. Symphony Crest, 2:30 at Wincanton,

20 to 1, in Benny's honour.

(Horns blaring)

(Sighs) Look, I'll tell you what, mate, I'll jump out here.

- (Driver) Righto. - There you go. Cheers, mate.

(Ash) Just been to a funeral, the walk might do me good.

(Horn blaring)

Keep the change. Oi!

(Ash) Hold up!

(Panting)

(Gasping)

(Panting)

(Ash) Oh...

(Both breathing heavily)

(Gasping)

Ash.

Benny.

(Ash) We just went to your funeral!

- It's complicated. - Yeah.

Thought I saw him coming out of the bank, so I legged it.

- (Ash) Who? - Then I saw somebody chasing me.

Didn't realise it was you, thought I was a dead man.

(Ash) Easy mistake to make, apparently.

Why the bloody hell were you chasing me?

Cos I've always wanted to see a ghost up close.

Look, Benny, for Christ's sake, calm down and have a drink.

Benny was an old-school grifter.

Back then all you had were your wits.

No mobile phones, no internet tricks or gadgets.

Yeah, the first person to say "Those were the days" gets the next round in.

You know, he almost wound up on this crew.

It was a toss-up between him and Ash.

- And you chose Ash? - Mmm.

Oh. He can't have been that smart.

Benny was smart all right. He even saved Mickey's butt once.

- You? From who? - Cops.

Well, this I have got to hear.

(Mickey) It was a long time ago.

- (Albert) No, ten years. - (Mickey) Fifteen.

(Emma) Whatever.

(Mickey) Benny and I were working a scam together and I got sloppy.

The mark turned out to be Old Bill. I hadn't checked him out properly.

But Benny recognised him and at the last moment he switched the cases back.

(Man) So, what do we have here?

(Mickey) It's all there. Count it if you want.

It cost me 20 grand, but if it wasn't for Benny I'd have done five years.

Nice doing business, mate. Thank you.

And all this time, Mickey, we've been under the misapprehension

that you're invincible.

Yeah, this Benny guy sounds like a right legend.

You gotta to hand it to him, the man had balls of steel.

(Benny) I lost my mojo.

And when the self-doubt crept in, I knew I was in trouble.

I tried one last con. A big one.

Came this close to selling a house that never existed. Guess who to?

- I dunno, mate. Paul Daniels? - An Arab sheikh.

Mmm. Royalty. Nice.

It was a beaut, Ash, you would have loved it.

There are four identical streets in Bath, right. All in a row.

So, I invented a fifth.

Had him on the hook for an eight-bedroom Regency villa,

3.5 million, reduced from four for a quick sale.

Bargain. So what happened?

His lawyer was at university there, knew the place back to front.

Got out by the skin of my teeth.

By now I'm desperate so I start doing the spreads.

- Spread betting? - I know.

I know, mug's game. But if you do your homework...

Anyway, by this time, I'm totally skint.

Can't get any credit off the high-street bookies

so I start dealing with this Iranian bloke, Danush.

Seems on the level, gives good prices, always pays up in cash.

Anyway, fast-forward to the World Cup,

all I need is for Rooney and the boys to do what they do every Saturday afternoon

and I'm sitting pretty on a dead-cert 25-grand win.

What you, cheering England? Wish I'd seen that.

Nauseating, I know, but business is business. Or so I thought.

Now, come the final whistle of that farcical Germany game

the telly's out through the window

and I'm sitting there with a 40-grand stain in my trousers.

- Nasty. - Very.

No, no, no, but it gets worse.

Turns out this bloke Danush, whose nickname I now learn is "the Dentist"

on account of his favoured method of persuasion,

has interest rates that make credit cards look like Save the bloody Children.

(Drilling and crunching)

Cut to four weeks later and an unscheduled extraction right here,

my 40-grand debt's spiralled to 100.

Says I can pay it back at 10 grand a month. Yeah, right.

- So you faked your own death. - What else could I do?

I dunno, get on a plane?

I can't afford a bus ticket, let alone a plane ticket.

What about the short con?

- I mean, you were the best at that. - Oh, Ash, man, no.

I've lost it. Big time.

(Sniffling) You know, it's... I dunno, it's like these are someone else's hands.

I can't even shuffle a deck of cards any more,

let alone pick a pocket.

(Phone ringing)

Calm down.

(Ash) Yeah.

(Chuckles)

Are you, er... Are you sitting down?

- (Ash) Cheers. - Cheers.

You look pretty damn perky for a stiff.

Death ain't all it's cracked up to be, trust me.

Well, you certainly had us fooled.

Yeah, yeah, we bought a wreath and everything.

- We even signed the book of condolence. - I'm touched.

Officially now the shortest book in the world.

Why, what was the turnout like?

A wet, midweek friendly between Brentford and Burton Albion.

- Oh. - Still, there's always next time, eh?

You don't have to do this.

No, no, I know we don't, but we're gonna anyway.

In our game we always take care of our own.

(Benny) But this is your home and... These two don't even know me.

No, we'll get you back on your feet in no time.

I've taken the liberty of running you a bath.

So, you can just dump your clothes in the bin, try those for size.

- Those are... - Thanks. All of you.

You've seriously saved my nuts.

Couple of days to get my head together, come up with a plan, I'll be out of here.

- Bathroom's that way. - Oh, yeah. Thanks.

So when you said you were collecting your winnings,

I was hoping you'd come back with a take-out and a bottle of fizz.

Instead you bring us a lodger.

Yeah, well, what was I supposed to do, leave him on the streets?

No, you did the right thing. Benny's a complete wreck.

He wouldn't have lasted five minutes out there. Especially with that nutter after him.

But with the best will in the world, we can't let him stay indefinitely.

No, we could give him some cash, buy him a plane ticket.

We mentioned Spain, wanted to end up in Marbella.

Hmm. We could.

Or alternatively...

We could kill two birds with one stone.

(Door opening)

That's what I call a view.

- You've done all right for yourselves. - Yeah, it's not easy, though.

Not meant to be easy though, is it? Wouldn't be worth doing if it was.

I dunno, sometimes I'd settle for easy.

No, no, no, no. Easy means lazy. Lazy means sloppy.

Sloppy means you get nicked. Trust me.

Amen to that.

Listen, Benny, we've got a little plan we want to run past you.

- I'm all ears. - This Danush character.

- Why don't we take him down? - Are you serious?

Yeah, I mean, he's a nasty piece of work, he's greedy,

- and best of all, he's in the cash game. - (Benny) Haven't you been listening?

This isn't some sleazy businessman looking to turn an quick buck.

He plays by a whole different set of rules. You don't want to mess with Danush.

Yeah, well, like I said, it was just a thought, you know.

Anyway, Benny, there's someone we'd like you to meet.

A companion for you when we're out and about.

Someone... intelligent.

Yeah. Charming.

- Great sense of humour. - And terrific legs.

- Eddie, Benny. Benny this is Eddie. - (# Jazz playing)

- You been strangling the cat again, Ed? - Very funny.

Cos, actually, you're insulting the work of a genius.

- Why, who is it? - Heathens, the lot of you.

Joe Oliver. One of the greatest exponents of jazz that ever lived.

Er, Benny's confined to quarters for a while.

Thought you could baby-sit. He's got to keep his head down.

Be my pleasure. Be a bit of sophisticated company for a change.

That's a nice hoody that, mate, by the way.

- Don't worry, you'll be safe down here. - Drinks all round, Ed.

- We're his only customers. - I heard that.

D'you know what, Benny, they've got a point.

- Danush is ripe for the picking. - Yeah, maybe.

But he's also smart and extremely dangerous. There are easier marks.

None that we've got on the hook right now. Anyway, like you said, it's not about easy.

Benny, you're in a bit of a hole right now and we want to help you out of it. All right?

We'll cut you in on anything we make.

It may be enough to get you back on your feet.

Think of it as your Marbella fund.

All you have to do is help us out.

Guys, I appreciate you trying to help me, but I don't know.

Danush is seriously bad news.

Look, you need out of this town, fast. You got any better ideas?

What would you need me to do?

Just give us the lowdown on Danush, help come up with a plan,

and then leave the rest to us.

(Sighs)

OK. OK. But don't say I didn't warn you.

- Good lad. - OK, so what have you got?

- What, on Danush? - Mmm.

There's not a lot.

You lot gonna order another drink, or are you just gonna sit here?

We're probably just gonna sit here actually, mate.

Oh, come on, Benny, you must remember something.

- He's Iranian. - So you said.

Where does he operate from?

I don't know, he never said.

Where did you meet him?

Er... At a boxing gym. He does a workout every day.

Well, he's got to have an office somewhere or something.

Look, we weren't exactly drinking buddies, you know?

I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about him.

But you'd recognise him if you saw him, yeah?

Yeah, of course I would.

Why?

Maybe he's not going today.

(Ash) You said he goes for an hour every morning.

I meant he goes regularly. I don't know if he goes every single day.

- Could be a long wait, then. - (Benny) If he sees me, I'm so dead.

I've shown you the gym and told you what he looks like.

Can't you just drop me back at the bar?

This is West London, Benny. He's Iranian, late '30s.

That doesn't narrow things down very much round here.

- Benny? - It's him!

- (Ash) Are you sure? - Of course I'm sure.

Now, would you please get me out of here?

Yeah, you keep your head down, mate.

We'll have you back at the ranch in no time.

Aye, aye.

Yeah, you best keep your head down, Benny.

Why? What's he doing now?

He's, er...

helping an old lady with her shopping, but he is looking this way.

Ooh, he's fit.

(Emma) What? I just mean, he looks like he works out a lot.

- Didn't you say that, Benny? - This is Danush.

We think his surname's Larijani, but he's likely to have lots of aliases.

This is where he's based - an industrial unit in Stanmore -

but he meets a few of his punters, like Benny here,

in the caf� at the Silver Street Boxing Gym after his morning workout.

And that's it?

Come on, Benny, Benny? You must remember something else.

A face, a name, a little snippet of something. Anything.

I'm sorry.

Right, OK, we'll have to get out there ourselves.

Use the usual contacts, someone must have heard of him.

Oh, Sean, Emma, we need access his laptop and his mobile phone,

anything that'll get us the inside track.

This man is elusive, do whatever you need to.

You all off out, then?

Yeah, relax, Benny. We'll be back before you know it.

No. Haven't seen him.

Have you seen this geezer?

No? All right, pal. Cheers anyway.

Nothing? OK.

(Sighs)

- So, anything? - No, not a sausage. You?

Zip. Nada. Zero.

No one's heard of him. No one we know, anyway.

Well, I said, he flies under the radar.

Let's hope Sean and Emma find something at the lockup.

(Sean) Got 'em. Don't let him leave.

- You've got till half-past. Don't be late. - Yeah. Piece of cake.

Oh, hey, yeah, I just remembered something about Danush.

What's that?

- He's got a dog. - Oh, yeah?

(Barking and growling)

(Barking)

(Growling)

Good boy. There.

(Growling)

(Grunting)

(Drill whistling)

(Dog growling)

(Phone ringing)

Ash, yeah, it's me. Listen, I've got the laptop but it's password protected.

- Can you bypass it? - No, not from here.

- Start by trying the usual passwords. - Which are?

The top five are the numbers one, two, three.

Then "password". Then "letmein". Then the numbers one to six.

- Then one to eight. - (Sean) No.

(Keys jangling)

Listen, Ash, mate, to be honest, I'm kind of running out of time here.

- Partner's name. - What?

- Birthdays. - No idea. What?

- Pet's name. - I don't know.

- Pet! What's the dog's name? - Are you having a laugh?

- You knew about the dog? - Has it got a collar?

- (Growling) - No. No collar, no.

Just read the name on the collar, Sean.

Listen, I'm not getting my bloody hand bitten off trying to get a name

which I guarantee you will not be the password!

Good lad. Let us know how you get on.

Ash? Ash?

Yeah. Bound to be the dog's name.

(Growling)

Seriously?

Tyson. Tyson.

- Sorry, mate? Have you lost your key? - Yes.

Yeah, I just found one on the floor down there.

Thank you.

Er... Before you go... Sorry, excuse me. It won't take long.

(Dog growling)

(Barking)

- What is it? - The club's running a contest

against a couple of the local gyms,

and some of the trainers here wanted to know if you could fight.

Just forget it.

Well, the Olympic trials start in two weeks.

Olympic trials? What are you talking about?

No, I'm just kidding.

It's not funny, all right? I could have been mauled.

It's a dog's life, eh, Sean?

Yeah, if you're looking for sympathy, you're barking up the wrong tree.

- It's a dog eat dog world, kid. - Very funny.

All right, all right. The important thing is you got in there.

Ash, what have we got from his laptop?

Lots of admin, spreadsheets, betting forecasts,

photos of women's privates, and loads of emails.

- Anything interesting? - Well, it's all a bit vague,

but it looks like our friend's got his finger in lots of pies.

Gambling, loan sharking, and, the key to his business,

smuggled duty-free fags.

- (Sean) His lockup was full of 'em. - Ah, the sweet smell of cash.

But here's the best bit. His regular supplier's been nicked at Dover

with half a million quid's worth of cigarettes on board.

- So, what's he, the middle man? - (Ash) Exactly.

And the distributors he sells the fags on to

are threatening to find another dealer if he can't get more product in, sharpish.

Good, good. I think we've just found our way in.

(Ash) You sure we're doing the right thing here, Mick?

(Mickey) What's bothering you?

(Ash) Well, we've got a lot riding on the top of this.

If it backfires, it's not just the cash we're going to have to worry about.

We're in the risk business, Ash.

There's always more than cash at stake.

Yeah, but are we doing this for the right reason?

- Why are you doing it? - Well, guilt, I suppose.

Guilt? What for?

Bottom line, Mick -

Benny's a better all-round grifter than me. Always has been.

There's nothing he can't do.

But, you chose me for this crew, not him.

Yeah, and I had my reasons. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about.

Sometimes life boils down to a few little moments.

When you turned Benny down, that was one of his.

He's been on a downer ever since.

At the end of the day, we're each responsible for our own destiny.

- It's not your fault, or mine. - Yeah, maybe.

- So why do you want to nail Danush? - He's a worthy mark.

Oh, right, so it's nothing to do with repaying Benny

- for saving your skinny arse, then. - (Chuckles)

If we can take down a scumbag and get a six-figure sum in the process

and help a fellow grifter, I call that a win-win.

Yeah, all right, but answer me this.

You take Benny out of the equation, would you still run a scam on Danush?

(Sighs) Yeah. You?

Oh, I don't know. Ask me when it's over.

(Eddie) How we doing? Get you a drink?

No, you're all right, mate, thanks.

(Sighs)

- So, you known them long? - Oh, we go way back, yeah.

- You? - Yeah, yeah, a few years, actually.

I'm sort of like the sixth member of the team, you know?

Well, you know, more like a silent partner really.

But I give them a few ideas and that.

- Oh, like the brains behind the gang. - Yeah, that sort of thing, yeah.

Morning, Eddie. Do us a coffee, would you?

- Yes. - (Mickey) Oh, yeah, make that two.

- OK. - (Albert) Three, please.

(Emma) Peppermint tea, please, Ed.

Yeah, I'll have a decaf skinny latte. Cheers, Ed.

- Oh, and some of those almond biscuits. - Yes, all right!

Sixty-two quid for ten packs. Can you believe that?

Yeah, and fifty of that's tax.

- (Sean) Fifty quid? - Government duty, there's the racket.

Yeah, ever wonder why you never see cigarette brands on the side of lorries?

- Cargo's too valuable. - (Mickey) Yeah, precisely.

A big lorry can hold about just under half a million packs of cigarettes.

That's 60,000 of these.

Which makes just over three million pounds.

And if you can get a lorryload of duty-free packs in,

well, you're talking huge margins.

Yeah, but without a supplier, Danush is out of the game.

Which is where we come in. What's your German accent like?

(German accent) Oh, it's not so convincing, I sink.

- OK. Dutch? - (Dutch accent) Shpeak it like a native.

- (All laugh) - Dutch it is, then.

(Mickey) First, we'll need a lockup near Danush. Emma, that's yourjob.

(Emma) Excuse me? Hello there.

You really can't take any chances with asbestos.

Should get the initial results back in the next couple of weeks,

but in the meantime we're going to need the car out.

She's a beauty though.

Sean and I will play street dealers

selling smuggled packs of cigarettes out of our lockup.

(Mickey) So, lose the designer wardrobe, Sean.

We work for Albert, who's a big shot from New York

looking to set himself up in London.

That way Danush won't question why he's never heard of him.

I'll bump into Danush, I'll flash the product

and make sure he witnesses a delivery of cigarettes

from our dodgy Dutch truck driver.

(Mickey) Now if we can pull all of this off convincingly,

Danush will come to us, he'll want an introduction to Albert,

and a way in with Ash.

Hello, hello. Anybody at 'ome?

- (Mickey) Hey. - (Barking)

- Oh, my, that's a big'un, innit? - What do you want?

I'm just doing the rounds, bruv, introducing myself to the neighbours and that.

Saying hello. Hey, listen, do you smoke?

No.

- Maybe your wife, your girlfriend? - (Dog barking)

All right, G, all right.

I can see you're a busy man and I'm holding you up, yeah? Laters.

Hey, yo! I've got the boss on the phone!

- Here. - Thanks, mate.

Hello.

- (Ash) All right, mate. How you doing? - Hi, you all right?

- Have you got an HGV licence? - Yeah.

- A real one? - No.

What's the biggest thing you've driven, Ash?

I dunno. Seven-and-a-half tonner, probably.

Well, this thing can carry 44 tons.

One wrong move and you'll flatten buildings.

Really? Well, well, well.

To be honest with you, Benny,

I'm getting a bit fed up with them always playing tricks on me.

What kind of tricks?

You know, coin tricks, card tricks, that sort of thing.

Anything to get out of paying for their tab.

It's costing me a fortune.

So... I've been practising a few tricks of me own.

- Oh, yeah? - Time to turn the tables.

- Mind if I use you as my guinea pig? - No, sure, sure.

I think I've got it pretty much sussed, like,

but you can't practise too much, can you?

You're right enough there, Eddie.

No, no, no, no, hide the king in your right hand.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, got it, yeah, all right...

That's right and now you...

you flash the final card off the top of the deck, like that.

Voil�! What do you reckon?

Well... Let's try it again, eh?

(Eddie) Hang on a minute, it's here somewhere.

Erm...

- That's your card. - No.

Oh. Erm, that one?

No, it's not.

- You sure? - Hundred per cent.

Here, give them to me.

- There it is. - Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give them here, I'll try it again.

The other one I've been perfecting

is where you steal someone's watch without them noticing.

Now, just a minute.

(Grunting)

Oi! Are you gonna spend all day in front of that mirror?

What do you reckon?

Honestly?

(Dutch accent) Honestly.

It's a definite improvement.

Cheers.

(Ash) Look sharp, we've got an audience.

(Ash) Do you know how much it's costing to rent this set of fancy wheels for an hour?

Go on, how much?

(Ash) Five whole minutes of sweet-talking, that's how much.

- I'm telling you, Mick, it's a waste of time. - Be patient.

He probably hasn't even noticed us yet.

- Everything comes to he who waits. - Yeah?

Well, 50 quid says nothing happens till we make it happen.

- Fifty quid? - Fifty quid.

Make it a hundred.

- What? - Yeah, if you're so sure.

Let's make it a hundred.

All right, a hundred it is.

Why are you selling these on my turf?

All right there, geez. You changed your mind, then?

You continue to sell these anywhere between here and Kensal Green

and I will break your arms, then I will break your legs,

then I break your head. Do you understand?

All right, bruv, take it easy. I'm just doing a job. You get me?

- Do you understand? - Yes, absolutely. But just chill, all right?

Now obviously you've got a beef, yeah? So, look, I'll call my boss.

We'll get things sorted out nice and proper. It'll be sweet, man.

Yeah, yeah, it's me. Sorry to bother you.

Mr Dent, there's someone I think you need to meet.

Turf wars are so 20th century, don't you think?

They're one of the many reasons that I left New York.

Where I come from, Mr Dent,

it shows disrespect to move into the territory of another businessman.

In my country, they cut off your hand for such things.

Well, I'm sure we can resolve this problem in a more amicable way.

Sure. All you have to do is stop selling in my territory.

Well, the truth is, Mr Larijani,

that there are plenty of distributors in your patch begging me to supply them.

Either they don't know about you or you don't know about them,

but they're out there. I mean, they're right on your doorstep.

I have temporary problems with my supplier.

But that does not excuse you to muscle in and try to take over.

Look, there are one million smokers in London,

and they smoke over eighty million cigarettes every week.

So, finding customers is not the problem, Mr Larijani.

To supply them, as you know, is the problem.

Maybe I can help.

So, Danush thinks we're going to sell him smuggled duty-free fags.

But we don't wanna do that. Oh, no.

See, what we're going to give him is...

Bundles of newspaper, courtesy of Big Dave down the corner shop.

Good lad. But our friend, the Dentist, who we know has paranoid tendencies,

is going to wanna check that he's not being ripped off,

which of course he is.

Now, it would take hours to check every single box,

so he'll only check some of them.

So, how do we know where to place the real cartons?

We don't. But I've found us a behavioural scientist who does.

- A what? - A behavioural scientist,

the systematic analysis of human behaviour.

Basically a grifter, but with letters after his name.

How's he gonna help?

Well, if we know which boxes our Iranian friend's gonna check,

we know where to stick the real cartons.

So we just steer him in the right direction.

- Exactly. Bit of coercive persuasion. - You're gonna hypnotise him.

No, not exactly. Here, I'll show you.

Here you go, Sean, pick one of them.

- Eh? - Go on, choose one.

Good lad. Turn it over, read what it says.

"Sean will pick the pyramid."

- It's the same one I would have picked. - Very nice.

- What's the trick? - Bit of suggestion, that's all.

What we're going to give him is...

For Danush, we'll use a similar technique

but with a symbol on the box we want him to choose,

linked to visual cues we'll have planted which he'll see en route to the meet.

Little job for you, Sean.

There you go.

And verbal cues we'll use when we're there.

A little word we'll drop into the conversation every few minutes.

How confident are you this is going to work?

- The prof reckons 95 per cent. - Let's hope he's right.

How many boxes will there be in total?

I told him we had a consignment of 10,000 cartons of 200.

He said he'd take half and expects us to buy the other half.

Yeah, 10,000 of these is 20 of those.

How is the money going to work?

Ash is the supplier, so you'll give your money to him and Danush will follow.

- Phoney cash, yeah? - (Ash) What you think, Benny?

You've met him. Do you want to risk that?

(Mickey) No.

- No, er, it'd better be real cash. - How much?

Hundred and twenty-five grand.

(Whistling)

Do we have that much?

Yeah, yeah. I know you don't rent fridges, Charlie,

but you can make an exception for me.

Yeah, a tenner a day each, and I'll have them back to you by the weekend.

Oh, and I need them still in their boxes, yeah?

Good lad.

I'm wasted.

Obviously.

(Ash) OK, pack the rest with newspaper, Sean.

Mr Larijani. Charlie Dent.

Yeah, I just wanted to confirm that our Dutch friend

will be making the delivery tomorrow, as we discussed.

There'll be 5,000 cartons,

�125,000.

Plus a 10 per cent fee.

Non-negotiable.

Huh?

Right. Excellent.

- You all right? - No. I'm not all right.

We shouldn't be messing with Danush. If this goes tits up, it'll all be my fault.

It's a good plan, Benny. It'll be fine.

Let's hope you're right, for all our sakes.

OK, everyone, Eddie's lined up a quick breakfast.

We'll go through the plan one last time and then we're on.

- You coming? - No, no, no, you guys crack on.

- I'm too nervous to eat. - Benny, are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, we'll see you later.

Hey, guys. Good luck, eh?

Then as soon as I dump the lorry, I'll bring the cash straight back here.

And there's nothing we've overlooked?

We've covered all the angles? Left nothing to chance?

- No, I think we're there, Mick. - All right, then.

- There you go. - Good lad.

And now, ladies and gentleman, live from Eddie's Bar,

I give you the great Eddini himself.

- Have you slipped him something? - Now, I'll need a volunteer.

- Er, Eddie... - No, Ash. You, sir. You, sir.

Pick a card, any card. Guarantee I'll find it.

- Double or quits on your tab. - Oh, get him, eh?

Eddie, look, we're in the middle of something here.

Oh, I see, I see. Running scared, are we?

Yeah, yeah, we're quaking, Ed, yeah.

- Right, I'll see you there. - We'll be one minute behind you.

Yeah, don't let him think we've arrived together.

- Mr Dent. - Impeccable timing, Mr Larijani.

Let's get down to business, shall we?

Sure, the clock's ticking, ja?

So, er... So who's getting what?

It's 5,000 for Mr Larijani here and another 5,000 for us, man.

Cool, that's easy, that's ten boxes each.

- Yeah. - (Ash) Do you wanna check inside?

No, no, I trust you this time.

Well, what about you?

(Sighs)

(Chuckles) Well, take your time, man.

This one at the top.

That one there?

What we're gonna give him is...

Bundles of newspaper, courtesy of Big Dave down the corner shop.

- The clock's ticking. - No, no, I trust you this time.

Well, take your time, man.

No, this one in the middle.

(Grunting)

Good.

- So, now let's see the money. - A hundred and twenty-five grand.

Looks good, ja?

Mr Dent, it's all there.

(Car tyres screeching)

(Man) Hands up! Nobody move!

Right, you lot try anything and you're all dead!

Stay where you are, boy! Stay there! Stay where you are!

Go, go, go, go!

(Mickey) What was that?

What the hell was that?

- You tell me, all right? - You set me up.

Who you pointing at, man? How do we know it wasn't you?

I'm going after them.

(Knocking) It's me.

Bloody hell, that was quick. How did it go?

(Geordie accent) Like bloody clockwork, man.

Get in.

Good luck, eh?

Yeah.

Bunch of bloody half-wits.

(Benny) I spent years trying to come up with a plan they'd fall for.

Then a few months ago I read about this undertaker

who'd organised a fake funeral. And bingo, I knew I had it.

Ash Morgan, fixer. Or so he says.

He's the back-stabbing bastard that nicked my place on Mickey's team.

He's spent years sharing the glory and the money,

when everybody knows I'm the better grifter. Well, now it's payback time.

This is the great Mickey Bricks, king of the con men,

or so he'd have you believe.

Well, the king is dead, Mickey. Long live the king.

So, what's the plan, boss?

I'm going to play to their massive egos.

Let them think they're coming up with the plan

when all the time I'll be in the background, controlling everything.

Nice.

The tougher we make this for them, the less they'll suspect they're being had.

Oh, come on, Benny, you must remember something else.

A face, a name, a little snippet of something.

Sorry, I...

You'll need an office.

Hi, I'm interested in renting a small industrial unit.

OK, Lloyd, right now. Now you.

Your name is...

Danush Larijani.

Mess with me and I will pull your teeth out.

(Benny) We'll need a dog. Something nasty.

(Lloyd) Me aunty's got a Rottweiler - Benji, soft bugger, but he looks the part.

Perfect. Borrow it for the week.

There are some emails on there that'll steer them in the right direction.

They'll break into the office, so put it in a desk drawer.

Make sure it's password protected. Name of the dog'll do.

Not Benji. Tyson. Get a tag sorted.

How the bloody hell are they gonna figure that out?

Trust me, they will.

Benny sent us.

(Benny) We'll need some cash for the exchange. Get it from Vic.

(Lloyd) Vic the Mick, you're joking.

It's fine. We'll only need it for a few hours.

- So, how's Benny? - Aye, he's good.

A hundred and thirty-seven grand. Do you wanna count it?

No, you're all right.

Remind Benny that I want it back by seven o'clock tonight.

Plus my five-grand fee.

If it's not, I'll find him and cut his legs off.

Capeesh?

(Benny) What I wouldn't give to see their little faces right now,

beaten, broke, and humiliated.

I've been dreaming of this moment for years.

(Benny) Oh, boy, this is sweet.

Ash Morgan and Mickey Stone, you are the weakest link. Goodbye!

You having a laugh?

- Can't be. - Where's the bloody money?

This isn't possible. I saw that cash with me own eyes!

Well, where is it, then?

It's those bloody muppets you've hired! They've double-crossed you!

What?

(Phone rings)

Where the bloody hell are you?

- Where the hell are you? It's ten past five. - What?

I don't understand.

How the hell did they find out?

Well, the days of fleecing Eddie are over.

- Benny's shown me a few moves. - Well, that sounds expensive.

Trust me, it will be. Man's a genius.

He can do things with a deck of cards like you wouldn't believe.

He's got the fastest hands I've ever seen.

Here, give me the bloody cards, Eddie.

It's like these are someone else's hands.

I can't even shuffle a deck of cards any more, let alone pick a pocket.

Houston, we have a problem.

(Sean) So he's remembered how to shuffle a deck of cards.

That doesn't mean anything.

(Emma) And Benny didn't come up with the plan, we did.

Look, we're just covering ourselves. OK? We won't actually do anything

until we're sure that Benny is up to something.

Ash, what you got?

This is identical to Benny's. Every time he makes or receives a call,

it'll ring my phone, and I'll hear both sides of the conversation.

Get back to the penthouse and swap that for his.

Ash, if you're wrong about this, it's gonna blow the whole con.

- I'm not. Trust me, all right? - (Sean) We've got less than six hours

before this exchange goes down.

Say Benny is doing the dirty,

and we somehow manage to find out his plan, what then?

Then we do what we do best. Sean?

- That was quick. - Yeah, Ash wants us to load

- a couple of extra boxes just in case. - Ah.

Hey, here you go, let me help you with that.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

This isn't going to work.

Yeah, well, if you've got a better idea, I'm all ears.

Ash, the deal goes down at five.

That leaves us four hours and 52 minutes and counting.

To find out his plan, assuming he has one, that is,

and then turn the tables on him.

If there's a chance we're being conned, shouldn't we just walk away?

(Phone ringing)

(Benny) Yeah, it's me. You all set?

(Lloyd) Aye, just off to Vic's to pick up the cash.

Oh, sorry, sorry. Are you all right? I said sorry!

Is Vic there? Benny sent us.

(Lloyd) You arrive at exactly ten past five, not a second earlier.

Balaclavas on. You take the two briefcases

and you dump them in the green bin at the end of the dirt road.

Right, I'll see you there.

(Radio interference)

(Radio off)

Looks good, ja?

OK, Mr Dent, it's all there.

Hands up! Nobody move!

Stay where you are, boy! Stay there! Stay where you are!

Go, go, go, go!

- What the hell was that? - You tell me, all right?

You set me up!

Who you pointing at, man? How do we know it wasn't you?

I'm going after them.

(Laughing)

I'll kill them!

Lloyd, we've got to pack up and get out of here,

Vic'll come looking for us in less than two hours.

Not me, man. You're on your own.

Sorry.

Lloyd!

You not staying for the party, Lloyd?

Apparently not.

(Knocking)

(Ash) Can you believe it, Mick?

He's gone and found himself some new digs

without so much as a thank you.

(Tuts) Benny, Benny, Benny. Where are your manners?

Oh, here we go.

- Come to gloat, have you? - Us, gloat? Never.

Think you're so bloody clever, don't you?

- Well, you're not. - (Mickey) Really?

So how come we've got the cash and you've got the Sunday papers?

You really thought you owed me one, didn't you, Mickey?

Yeah, I did. You kept me out of jail.

And when I try to return the favour, you try to double-cross us.

You idiot. I didn't keep you out of jail.

I conned you all those years ago.

- You were the mark. - Excuse me?

(Benny) That wasn't a real copper. It was my old mate, Les.

So, thanks for the 20 grand, Mickey.

My pleasure.

And thank you for the 137 grand.

As for you, I'm a better grifter than you are any day of the week.

- Oh, ouch. - You're wrong, Benny.

You're a jack of all trades and not a team player.

That's why I chose Ash and not you.

He's not only a better grifter, he's a better man.

You think what you like, but trust me - this ain't over.

I play the long game, and one day I'll have you.

Every con you ever pull from now on, you'll be looking over your shoulder,

wondering if it's me that's pulling the strings,

and guess what? One day it will be and I'll bring you both down.

Oh, I doubt that, Benny.

Haven't you heard? What goes around, comes around. Especially in our game.

That little yarn you spun us about you being a dead man

if Danush ever caught up with you?

Well, it's come to pass.

Only this time it's Vic the Mick. And it's for real.

You owe him a lot of money, remember?

Remind Benny that I want it back by seven 'o clock tonight.

If it's not, I'll find him and cut his legs off.

Capeesh?

And from what I hear, his interest rates are interesting.

So, if we so much as hear your name, let alone see your face,

we'll have a chat with Vic,

put out a few feelers...

and help him find you.

- You wouldn't. - After what you just pulled, we would.

(Ash) Oh.

- What's this? - It's a little farewell present.

Bye-bye, Benny.

(Aeroplane taking off)

(Ash) Oh, that was sweet. (Mickey) What?

Well, that "better fixer, better man" thing. Cheers for that.

Well, it's true.

You know, Ash, we couldn't do what we do without you.

Not just as a fixer, but as a friend.

You're always there for me, watching my back. I appreciate that.

- Was that a bit OTT? Sorry. - Yeah, it was a bit, yeah.

Mind you, you've got to hand it to Benny. It was a pretty tasty plan.

Yeah, it was.

I can't believe you fell for his phoney copper and the switched briefcase scam, though.

Twenty grand. Ooh-hoo-hoo.

No, nor can I.

I think it's best we don't tell the others.

Nah, you're probably right. Why's that, then?

We don't want to undermine their confidence.

No, absolutely not. We can't have everyone thinking

that the invincible Mickey Bricks is in fact a gullible plonker, can we?

- No. We can't. - No.

(Ash laughs, Mickey chuckles)

Know what your trouble is, Ash?

- Yeah, too much sex appeal. - No, you're too trusting.

Rubbish. I had my suspicions, right from the start.

Hey, admit it. He had you - hook, line and sinker.

There's no shame in that. He was good, I'll give him that.

- If it hadn't been for Eddie here... - What?

- You saved his bacon, you know. - Who, Ash's? How?

All right, I grant you, he had me going for a couple of days.

What? More like a week.

Well, you know, I just can't help seeing the best in people.

That's all right, at least you know you can always trust us, Ash.

- Isn't that right, Eddie? - Oh, yeah, totally, yeah.

Well, about now our friend will be on his way to sunnier climes.

Gotcha!

- Oi! Give it here! - Winkle picker!

(All laughing)

Nice one!