All language subtitles for Dirty Deeds. 2005 .Eng

Subs by f0rdi
f0rdi@yahoo.co.uk

I've tried my best,
with these subtitles

I did them by listening so they
might not be perfect (just 99.99%)

a few words I couldn't hear properly,
I hope you overlook that

ENJOY!

West Valley High.
My high school.

I bet it's a lot like yours
which means, it probably sucks.

But you see we got something
other schools don't:

The dirty deeds.

Once a year,
the night before homecoming,

anybody can
take this challenge.

Hardly anybody ever does,
and when they do,

it's usually a punk kid
with a death wish

out to prove that he is tough or cool.

To me it's bullshit,
just like everything else around here.

Welcome to homecoming weekend.

Until, today.

Come on, move!

That's my spot.

First of, I'd like to announce

that this years honorary chair person,

Rachel Buff, homecoming queen 4 years ago

and now a professional model,

will be joining us this weekend.

You've no doubt seen her
on the catalogue for the laundry.

She'll be giving out

the senior words tomorrow
morning at the carnival.

Red light.

God, I'll love you for ever.

Meg, I've finished your
college recommendation letter.

Oh thanks, Mrs. Hale.

I've told them your odds on
favorite for valedictorian.

Valedictorian?
What does that mean?

It's Latin, means a post scholarship.

Ticket out of this town
and a guarantee

I'll never have to
wait tables in my life.

Crap, I'm late.

We're not late.

And now, to unveil this year's
homecoming banner,

your senior class president:

the fabulous Dan Lawton.

Hey, how is it lookin'?

First, I wanna say that the Vikings

are gonna kick some major ass tomorrow.

Did you watch where you're goin'.

Every time.

Sorry.

Moron.

Sorry.

And now...

let's get homecoming weekend started.

Who would wanna go
and do a thing like that?

My office, Mr. Harper, now.

We're gonna be late.

Not me. I graduated in June.

That'd be all, Miss Straight.

So Mr. Harper.

Yes, Mr. Fuchs.

Pronouncing my name correctly,
that's a start.

- Well I can always go back to...
- I have no doubt, Mr. Harper.

I still think you know something about this

recent outbreak of pranks.

Shall I call your mother try to arrange
a conference one more time?

Knock yourself out,
fifth time is a charm.

I seem not to have a
number for your father.

Join the party.

You don't have a lot of respect for
authority, do you, Mr. Harper?

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

I wanted a moment alone with you guys,

cause you're the leaders of this school.

Trust me Biggs.

I'm depressed about that
as you are.

How can we help you,
Officer Dill?

Well it's homecoming
weekend at West Valley,

and everybody knows that means
a lot of talk about the dirty deeds.

I haven't heard anything.

- How about you guys?
- Naa, naa.

Hey!

Well let's just keep that
that way, shall we?

It's been a long time since
anybody's tried it

and I don't want any of you,
knuckleheads,

getting any ideas.

Actually my dad said:
"Back that day, you've tried it".

But he pissed his pants
before he did burst one.

Yeah...

well your dad used to shower
in his bathing suit.

We've got everything
under control.

Good. We'll see that you do.
Come on, Bevins.

- It's all good, Officer Dill.
- "Douh".

Douchebags.

Now was that the work of you
and your band of misfits?

You flatter me, Mr. Fuchs,
because that is first rate stuff.

I've noticed the letters "I-A-B"
appear once again, Mr. Harper.

Tell me, what do they stand for?

I am...

bored?

Just a guess.

Sadly the school board and I differ

on rules regarding suspension.

They require inconvertible
proof of a transgression,

but I will say this,
Mr. Harper:

Any student I catch right handed,
I pity them.

I pity anyone who has to deal
with you, sir.

Anything else you'd
like to add

before you're dismissed,
Mr. Harper?

No, just keep up
the good work.

- Hey.
- So did he suspended you?

Not yet, but the man
is trying his best.

Listen Zach, how can I say
this without sounding harsh?

Stay the hell away
from my brother.

OK, now maybe it's me,

- but that still sounded harsh.
- I'm serious.

Yeah, way too.

- Look, some strange reason,
he really looks up to you.

Well we gotta stop that. I mean
I don't want anybody looking up to me.

I'm the one who looked down
on the people that others look up to.

Is everything a joke with you?

Is anything joke with you?

Hey, come on.

Come on.

What are the honor society
taking no smile oath?

Look, I just don't want Kyle getting
into things he can't handle.

I mean, next year
when I'm away at school,

who's gonna look out for him?
Nobody.

I let the kid hang out.
What's the harm?

Just don't drag
him down Zach, OK?

Excuse me.

I got a note from dentist.
I can't go to gym.

Excuse me.

OK, I'm coming,
I'm coming.

Now, what is it young man?

Holy crap, what did you
eat for dinner last night?

A Mexican village?

I'll just go to gym.

Morning, Meg.
You are looking so hot.

Is your girlfriend sick today?

You think Jen has
to know everything?

- The less they know the better, right?
- You know it.

You know they work better
if you drink them.

Damn dentist drove
trough my head.

Did he give you anything for the pain?

Yeah, but I'm not sure
I can take them.

I can't reach my sponsor, and I don't
want to drove my sobriety down the drain.

- It's been five days.
- Which beats your regular by what,

- five days?
- Roughly.

It's a prescription.

You're in pain, it's medicine.
Take it.

No, no.

One, one.

- Find me in 4 to 6 hours.
- Cool.

Hey Cummings, like the way
you make maintenance.

The extra money helps.

The sprinklers still busted?

Yeah, low water pressure.
All what's coming out is hot air.

Fascinating. Hey listen,

I heard that you're fast.
4-940?

4-7.

-4-7?
- Whoa.

- Damn.
- Hey listen,

let's put all this crap behind us.

We could use a little bit
more speed on the team.

Wide receiver, something like that.
You interested?

- Maybe.
- Great, once you ran a lap

with a stamina.
Yeah right now.

- Yeah man, go.
- Are you ready?

- Set, go!
- Come on baby, come on.

Ok, everybody, a little contribution.

- Good, look at you man.
- Man oh man.

- You could totally make this team.
- Amazing.

- Yeah?
- Yeah man, most definitely.

Your acceleration is fast.

I thought you'd be happy.

We got your sprinklers working.

Sorry to piss you up, dude.

What's going on?

- Lawton. Such an asshole.
- You want me to do somethin'?

No. I can take
care of myself, OK?

Ooh, you just gonna let him keep kicking
your ass until his foot hurts?

Something else.

I heard that there's 10 of them,

and they get like harder as you go on.

I heard one year
a freshman lost his balls

by trying to do the deeds.

Freshmen loose your
ball sex all the time.

The senior class pres has a key
to some locker somewhere

and that's where the deeds are.

- Really?
- Totally.

I heard you could die doing a deeds.
How very cool is that?

Yo, 15 years ago,
we hit the mall.

Football player,
homecoming king.

Dude's name was Duncan Rime.

- Duncan Rime.
- Yeah, yeah, I've heard he did.

No he didn't die, you retards.
Homie did a vanishing.

And nobody seen his white ass since. Yo.

- I heard he joined the mob, son.
- Yeah, that's somethin'.

- Ill type.
- Yeah.

Who talks like that?

It would be so cool man.

I mean... think about somebody
trying the deeds,

would pump up this homecoming weekend

- and totally put up our class on the map.
- Why don't you try, Biggs?

Me?

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, Lawton.

What's the matter, Cummings?
You still thirsty?

Check this out, Z.

You think you're
the big shit around here?

How come you don't try the dirty deeds?

Cause I'm not the dumb
shit around here.

I say it's cause you
don't have the guts.

But I do. Tonight
I'm doing the deeds.

You're on big man.

I'll see you tonight.

- Zach. Hey.
- Hey. Listen.

You gotta stop Kyle.
OK, he's gonna get hurt.

Is this the same Kyle you said
you wanted me to stay away from?

Yes, but maybe he
will listen to you.

He really wants to do this.

- Anything to get smart?
- I won't do it.

Zach, you're the only person
I can ask for help here.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Meg.

Look I think that's really cool
that he's got somebody

to look out for him.

Kyle is about to get thrown
in jail, expelled.

Yeah, I'm doing a great job.

- There he is.
- Hey, Mullet, attention.

Nice shot.

Alright.

Hey Mullet, you alright?
You alright?

Yeah, yeah.

Somebody's gotta teach
that asshole a lesson.

Only the losers showing up, Laws.

Maybe it got boo someplace.

Guys, take a look.

This is so stupid, Kyle.
OK. You don't have to do this.

It's the only way to get
Lawton off my back.

- Kyle...
- Just stay out of it. OK, Lawton,

- Let's do this.
- Kyle.

I'm doing the deeds.

Sorry, the job's already filled.

Wrong. He's a freshman,
I'm a senior.

Rules say I get priority.

He's right. Dan if a senior
wants the challenge, he ge...

I know the rules.

You want the deeds?
Fine, they are yours.

I'm gonna enjoy watching
you go down.

I'm gonna get the deeds.
That will give you some time to chicken out.

Harper's going to do the deeds.

Zach, what are you doing?
You're making me look bad.

Why do you get to have a lot of fun?

What are you doing?

I thought you told me
to get Kyle out of this.

I didn't say you should
screw up your own life.

That's a nice thing to say.

It's just, this deeds thing is sick.

Not if it gets Lawton off
your brother's ass.

- Why does he have it in for Kyle, anyway?
- You're kidding, right?

You're the only girl at school that
Lawton can't have his way with.

Kyle is just payback.

Take your brother home, Meg.

Deeds. Deeds.

OK.

Alright Harper, you know
the drill.

You don't get the second
deed until you finish the first.

So it goes in like order?

Every time you finish one,
if that happens...

Yeah.

You come back here
to get the next envelope.

The rules say you gotta be done
by the start of the homecoming rally,

tomorrow morning 9:00,
which gives you...

12 hours.

Ok, here we go.

It's an easy one for starters.

All you have to do is drink
a beer in front of a cop.

Looks like Dill is right inside.

- Here's a cold one.
- That means he's gotta see you do it.

That means he's watching you drink it.

- That means while you're drinking...
- Yeah, I got it.

- What's he doing?
- The code doesn't say

what I have to drink it out of.

Just says beer.

He's right.

There you go.

This Bud is for you, asshole.

Officer Dill.

Harper, what the hell
is going out there?

You know kids.
Friday night.

Nothin' to do.

Well they better not be up to
any of that deeds crap.

Cause tonight me and Bevins are
ready to slide on anything?

Anything to drink officer?

Yeah, I want one of those.

Damn that is a good cup of coffee.

Well you have a good night officers.

I know the town is safe,
thanks to you.

Douchebag.

I hope soon it's got harder.

Second deed.

You've got to punch
the toughest kid in town.

Gee, I guess it's up to me to decide,
who the toughest kid is.

- Don't worry I am not gonna choose myself.
- That's disappointing.

I know. What about JD Riplock?

You know him, don't ya?
Guns for biceps.

Genuine cycle badass.

He did a stretch of ju before he put
a kids head to the blackboard.

Hey, you alright, Ricky?

Go get him, slugger.

Good luck, Harper.

Nice time with ya.

Riplock...
He's... a psychopath.

- The guy's like a.
- Bobby D.

Yes, sir?

What's the D stand for?
Sorry bout that.

- Stands for DeSanchez.
- No stands for Douche,

but we can change that.

All you gotta do to change that is
helping me with a little problem.

As you guys all know, Harper is
doing the deeds tonight, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, and there is a little tradition

that goes along with that.

All night rager at a freshman's house.

That's funny, that's good.

And Bobby Douche,

I heard your parents are away
for the weekend.

Well, they are.

But they said I can't have anyone over,
unless it's the studies. So...

Yes, he's not lying.
I've heard them say it.

I understand that.

We'll do a lot of study.

Calculus, geometry and anatomy.

- Yeah, congratulations, Bobby.
- Right.

Thanks.

Who's next?
Who's next?

Do you really think
this is gonna work?

No, but what choice do I got?

- Nice place.
- Yeah, thanks man.

- That can't bee good.
- Yeah, I better go do something.

Go do something.

Smile.

- Come on.
- Come on, yeah, come on.

Come on.

Get him. You get him.

Yeah, you go.
You go.

Get him up, come on.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

Are you lost, Harper?

Nice, cool.

I'm gonna find out
what his deal's like.

Hey, make sure you put that back.

Hey what do you...?

- Where's the booze man?
- Booze?

- Yes, freshman throwing
the party got the booze.

- I... don't know.
- You didn't get the memo?

That's OK. We can search trough
everything until we find it.

- No. No.
- Yes. Yes.

Booze hunt.
Come on, go fellas.

Yeah, two deeds for Harper.

Is that what you did?

As low as humanly possible.

Two, two, two...

You've got balls, Harper.

I'll give you that.

Gee, turns out you're gonna need him

to do the third deed.

- What?
- That's my favorite one yet.

I'd hurry if I was you.

Supermarket closes in 20 minutes.

Yo, Biggs.

Yo. So what's the third one,
my friend?

Go to the market...

Ok, yes, sure.

Hello, beautiful.

Should we go back
to my place?

You guys seen Harper?

I need to give him something.

That's what he's gotta do?

That's like so gross.

Not, really.

Everybody, need to be careful.

There's lots of breakable
stuff here.

Now there is one less.

I know, this is your first time.

God, I hope so.

He's gonna die.

I'm going to kill him.

He's gonna die.

That's right,

make a sandwich out of me.

Here let me help you.

That a boy.

Know what I love?

Mayo between my slices.

Come on.

Hey, move it.

Come on.

Let's go, move it.
What is this?

I'll love you forever.

You kiss my "scrunchie", BJ.

I don't hear a thing.

I am gonna kill you.

I heard that.

Ooh God. Ooh, my car.

As soon as I get Harper,
I'll come after you BJ.

Enjoy her BJ until she's alive.

Spread it on me, big boy.

I love mayo.

Yes... yes...

Jesus Christ.

I call you tomorrow.

Daddy's coming home.
Ooh, when I'm done whit you,

I'm gonna make your ass
look like you're a fag.

Look like a fag.

You see a lot of things in
this job...

but I've never thought I'd see anyone
trying the dirty deeds again.

That is what you're doing, right?

Absolutely, sir.

Rock on, son.

This is whole wheat, right?

- Right?
- Right.

Hey man, my bad.

Here's your whole wheat.

This one's sour dough.

Out of my way, Harper.

Hey, Mr. Fuchs.

You have yourself
a good night now.

Two, two, two.

Three.

So, we got you for speeding,
driving an unregistered vehicle

and being a douchebag
after midnight.

Son, we got to sort all this out
down at the station house.

We know kind of stupid,
aren't you?

Put that down!

Beef off the table.

Off the table, thanks.

The couch is expensive.

Be careful.

- Sorry dude.
- Yeah, thanks a lot.

Paul, rewind.
I gotta see that again.

A port from the market says,
you made a local bread very happy.

A gentleman never tells.

Hey cool, girls.

This asshole's got work to do.

Number 4...

You've got to drag that
big ass leprechaun

from Lucky's used car lot,

all the way to the high school.

In one peace.

Why are you sweating, Dan?
I'm the one doing the work.

I'm not sweating.

Yo, where's my marker?
My marker.

Not so bad dude.

Ooh, yeah.

- For me.
- My life is over.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

I'm breaking up with you Brian,
because you don't have any guts.

You know who has guts?
The guy hosting this party.

Whoever he is.

Alison, I've heard you
broke up with Brian.

You know he was never
good enough for you.

Bri, I think I go now.

Right.

Dude. Dude did you hear that?
Go get her.

Go, go, go.

Son of a...

Try a school board,
my friend.

Thought it would be easy, huh?

You supposed to be home.

I'm supposed to be doing the deeds,

but I got blocked by a senior
trying to show off.

You know what Kyle?
I've got it under control.

Obviously.

What? What?

Taking the blinds
is not gonna help.

- You got a better idea?
- Maybe I do.

There.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

That's the way it is done.

- Hey you find her?
- No.

Look harder.

- God, this is such a cool night.
- Yeah.

We switch the sprinklers on
without water flow,

hot air pours out from the heads,

The balloon inflates
and goes airborne.

- Or not.
- Since I have no other options.

I love it.

How long we give him, Laws?

I don't know.

Give him till about now.

Hey listen up everybody.

Listen up.
We got another loser.

As your class president,
I tried

to give you a kick ass
homecoming weekend.

But, unfortunately,
Harper has ruined it.

- He did it.
- What?

Ohh my...

I've wouldn't be making
any more speeches for a while.

Whatever, your
Harper's luck not gonna last.

Now will you go home?

Ok.

Look, I would have been screwed,
if you didn't show up tonight.

Same here.

I knew I'll find you here, Kyle.
Get in the car.

But I'm helping Zach to the deeds.
Look we get the leprechaun up.

- But, he just showed up.
- Yeah, and now he is going home.

He was just helping me out.
Don't be mad at him.

I'm not mad at him.

Look, Zach, I've always thought
you were different.

You were smarter than Lawton
and his macho crowd,

you cared about other things.

Still we have to do, but

always be careful.

Four.

Hi.

So, you're having a good time?

Are you talking to me?

I'm Bobby DeSanchez.

Your host.

Bobby, hi.

It's 4 deeds
for Harper.

- Forget Harper.
- We got 4 for you right here.

Wait, wait, I wanna
remember this forever.

That's enough.

Sorry that took so long.
Were you guys worried?

A little. I was.

You're not even halfway there yet.

- Don't get cocky, Harper.
- You're the boss.

For now.

What is it?

- What is it, Zach?
- Come on, Zach.

Hey, Stash,

I thought you were at the party.

Yeah, well I need a little pain pill,
it's been 6 hours.

- Been 2 hours.
- Anyways. There's a lot of kids drinking.

I couldn't be a part of it.
I'm trying to clean in my ab.

You want help me steal
a dead body?

Cool.

Steal a dead body

and put it in the middle
of the school.

Evening, Mr. Rasdale.

How things out of the lodge?

Wait, José, what's it to you?

My name is Ryan, sir.
Did you want your usual?

How do you know what my usual is?

Because you come in every night,
before your shift start.

Don't get smart with me, Luis.

It's homecoming weekend.
Dirty deeds time.

Sir...

Deeds got me once,
here's a go.

It's not gonna happen again.

Those are preordered.

You tell any of your hombres,
that if they are even thinking,

even tick about the deeds,

Vic Rasdale is waiting for them.

Serve your coffee, sir?

Something you can spit into?

You'd like that, wouldn't ya, Miguel?

Very much, sir.

A Newton imperial.

That's about to hard to pick
as my ass.

Talk this loud and you pick your ass?

It's the same lock they
have on most docker's offices.

Not that I've ever broken
into any of them to steal drugs

- back when I was using.
- That's a load off my mind.

Evelyn Easterbrook. Loving wife,
mother and grandmother.

Service Thursday.
No.

Anything?

Jerry Noblock.
Friend to all.

No flowers make donations
to boys athletic club.

Nice guy.

What you got?

John Doe. Found in park.
No roots

No service scheduled.

He's got nobody.

He's got us.

So I speak to the big,
that if someone is trying the deeds,

I'll throw a big party.

Hey you guys got
everything you need?

Alright, yeah.

Then I just told my parents
to clear out.

Come on, come on, hurry.

Careful, careful, wait the door.

- Move.
- Hey man.

I'm stuck. I'm stuck.

Are you pocket, John?
This guy is a maniac.

And let me know if
there is too much air.

- He's good.
- Yeah.

- I told you wrap it tighter.
- And I ignored you.

- Shit.
- Pull the car over.

Get back cover him, quick.

Reported a break in.

Swan Point funeral.

Ohh, shit.

- Harper, Harper, Harper.
- Sir.

You know why I've stopped you?

Fighting real crime is hard, sir.

Wrong, cause 30 mph
does not mean 38.

I'm sorry, officer.

Who the hell is that
back there?

Well, that's Stash
and his uncle.

He had a rough night.

No shit.

Officer Dill, I'm just trying to
get the guy home.

He is really just dead...
drunk.

I can see that.

Alright, I'm gonna let you
slide this time.

Thank you, thank you.

And one more thing.

And Harper, your vehicle registration

expires at the end of...

I mean that is just wrong
on so many levels.

Tell me about it.

Get him the hell out of here.

There are a lot of sick people
in this world.

Now, how very cool is that?

Five.

Yeah, I'm here.

You wanna go upstairs?

I don't wanna move, ever.

But aren't there bedrooms upstairs?

- I'm sure there are.
- Can you get me a drink first?

Ohh yeah, sure.

- How is it going?
- Unbelievable.

I may be dead tomorrow,
but I'm gonna die a man.

She's so hot.

Six.

You don't talk as much
as you used to, Dan?

Just do the damn deed.

Bring back a homecoming queen's bra.

Signed.

Hey, Jen.

Yeah, right.

What is it?

- Is Amy home, sir?
- Who the hell are you?

Zach Harper.
You Amy's dad?

No, I'm her big brother.

I can see that.

Is she home?
I just need to get a bra from her.

But she doesn't have to
be wearing it.

You know what kid?
Why don't you come back tomorrow,

when it's light out?

And then, when I swing at you,
I won't miss!

You got it.

Hello.

Hello, Miss Moskowitz.
Zach Harper.

I was two years behind Leah
in high school.

Ohh, yes Zach, who could forget you?
Is everything alright honey?

What's going on?

Well, I think you gonna get
kind of a kick out of this.

I was wondering if I could swing by,

pick up some of her underwear.

Hello?

Yes.

- Jennifer, hey, Zach Harper.
- Zach, it's late.

Ah yeah, well,
it's late for me too,

but I think you gonna get
kind of a kick out of this.

You see,
I need one of your bras.

Just for a while.
I promise I'll give it back.

You know what?
You're sick Zach, sick.

What was that about?

Did I say you could speak, slave?

Sorry, mistress, sorry.

May I have another?

Yeah.

You're looking for a homecoming queen?

Who is this?

Someone, who wants to see
you take Lawton down.

Someone who knows where you
can find what you're looking for.

I'm listening.

Vicky Crabbe.
Queen from 5 years ago.

She's got an apartment on 47
Grandview,

downtown, across the street
at the Excelsior hotel.

She's home now.

Grandview, got it.

I've been had,
a setup and knocked over.

Five deeds down
five more to go,

and it looked like that the night
was coming to an abrupt ending.

You know, It's amazing
how the best ideas come

in the most desperate times.

Cause I had to piss
like it was nobody's business.

It's a good thing,
Excelsior hotel's across the street.

Can I use your men's room?

Bathroom is for customers.

Then, I don't know
I'll take a beer.

Maybe in a couple of years.

Make it a Coke.

$6.50.

Am I a customer now?

Men's room is on your right, sir.

So kid, what's her name?

What?

The girl, that put that nasty look
on your face. What's her name?

What do you mean?

You're a mess.
What did she do to you?

Look, this has nothing
to do with the girl, OK?

OK, a little bit.

OK. Fine, a lot.
Like 80%.

There you go.

Now here is the deal.

I'm doing this high school thing,

mostly so that her brother
won't have to.

But the real reason is...

she's great.

Pretty, smart,

not into the games
that everyone else says.

And she probably has
no idea how you feel.

Hey, it's her loss.

Are you trying to?

Pick you up?

Are you?

No, I'm just...

Let's stick to what's
really bothering you.

Talking helps you.

Nothing's gonna help now,
unless you're a homecoming queen

at West Valley.

Rachel Buff, sir,
class of '99,

homecoming theme:
"Reach for the stars".

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

My mom still has
my honor at the piano.

So what can I do for you?

Actually,

I think you might get
kind of a kick out of this.

You mind helping me
with the clasp?

That would be a... sure.

Sure, I can.

- Your hands are cold.
- Sorry.

- So it's how? What number deed is this?
- Six.

Six, ohh my god.
It's closing in on Duncan Rime.

You're a stud.

There you go.

You're the greatest person
I've ever met.

Thank you.

Do you have a pen?

Hey, did you found her yet?

- No.
- OK, keep looking.

Alison?

How do I know this is legit?

Well I got her on picture phone, too.

Hey everybody, it's Rachel Buff.

Sorry that you had to wait,
I'll see you tomorrow at homecoming.

Better be there.
Go, Vikings.

Ohh and there's more.

That'd be yours, Danny boy.

Whatever.
Here you go.

Lucky number seven.

It's never gonna happen, Harper.

You've been right
so far, Dan.

Ohh, shit.

Ohh, God.

Those assholes.

Son of a... bitch

Alison, I've been looking
all over for you.

Sorry, Bobby, I had to pee
and the line was like a mile long.

So where were we?

I was about to go upstairs
with the guy with your gut.

Hey man, you should have
seen him pissed up,

when we told him,
he had to hold this rager.

I'd thought he shit himself.
Right, douche?

Douche, douche.

Wait, hold on.

Kyle can't come out and play.

Just go away.

Look, Meg. Can I borrow your car?

Are you serious?

Yeah, Lawton's goons
slashed my tires.

Ohh, my. You don't expect
that from goons.

- I need to get to the Patriot Lodge.
- That's the deed?

And...

kind of borrow the night watchman's leg?

Ohh, OK, Yeah, yeah. Well,
as long as it is for a good cause.

Meg, look nothing will happen to your car.

Look.
You can't have my car.

Meg. I've got nobody else to go to.
Please.

Stash's lock picking tools.

I'll be right back.

- Zach...
- You told me your folks are out of town

and you're worried that Kyle
is gonna sneak out again.

I'll be as quick as I can.

No, I was actually gonna say,
good luck.

Look. I know I can
get too serious sometimes.

It's OK.

You'd be better going.

Right.

Shit.

This is a private club, son.

And we don't cut into
a lot of things here.

Integration, breaking and entering.

I suggest

you show yourself
with 3 things up in the air:

Your hands and my leg.

Otherwise, Vic Rasdale is gonna be filling

this fine antique,

with buckshot.

And your ass will be hanging
on our trophy wall.

Now, I am gonna count to 50.

48, 49...

- You saved me.
- Yeah, you can thank me later.

- Let's get you home.
- No, no. You have to do more deeds.

Look.
You can just take my car.

- What?
- Yeah.

I can't believe
you're doing this.

I can't believe I've just
flashed Rasdale.

Go. Go, go, go.

A couple of pricks got my leg.

I only saw the girl.

But I got a real good
look at her, alright.

You mean describe her face?

Well I can't.

Hey Dan. I bet you're wondering
how much you owe me

- for the flat tires.
- Here's deed number eight.

Here comes deed no. two,
just catching up with you.

- That spare leg should come in handy.
- Shit.

This is gonna hurt a little.

Hey asshole.

You better lie here.

Hey, Mullet.

- You ok, man?
- Yeah.

Yeah, man, thanks.

Tell me you're thinking about
bailing on this deeds thing.

Why about this time,
when it's starting to get fun?

Thanks.

- Made his calling.
- My God, my God.

No

It's not a threat.

Could you tell him it's
a favor for me.

And I don't have to call myself.
Yeah, hang on.

There is an extra ten bucks for you kid,
if you bring her back cherry.

Yeah, very good.

Come on, Alison, I was desperate,

As soon as death's been seeing
you right in the face,

- I didn't think I'd live trough another day.
- Look do you wanna whine

or do you wanna go upstairs?

Hey, a freshman hitting on a senior?

Pretty guts.

Ohh, God,

some shortcut.

Kyle.

Kyle, you're awake?

What's going on?

You deal this time, Kyle.

We were just playing for pennies.

It's nice rally game, for now.

Who are you?

I'm the last man in the world,
you wanna piss off.

You see, your boyfriend
stole my Ferrari.

Dumb ass left your
crap box car at the club.

A cop buddy run the plates,
and guess what? Here I am.

Look, Kyle has nothing
to do with this. OK?

Kyle has everything to do with this,

because if I don't get
my vehicle back very soon,

Me and homo'll gonna play
for bigger stakes.

Lawton, where did you get
that piece of shit car?

I'll bet you're surprised
to see me right now.

If I'd had a little beat down
to make me quit?

What? What did you do?

He tried to throw me with
the animals at the zoo.

That's bullshit, Dan,
you know it.

Doesn't even matter anymore.

Because the last two are lost,
when i figured

- he wasn't coming back.
- Well I'm glad I've picked them up, then.

What does it say?

"Find Duncan Rime".

Yep, that's what it says.

There's no way that
that is a deed.

Hey I don't write the deeds,
Harper.

I'm just gonna enjoy the fact,
that you're gonna choke on this one.

It's a tough spot, Harper,
and my heart goes out to you.

I mean you must be saying
how do I find a guy,

who doesn't even exist any more?

Over here.

I'm Duncan Rime.

- What?
- What?

The picture is a little old.

But it's me.

I don't believe this shit.

What happened to you?

Long story.

It started way back,

senior year in high school.

You should have seen me.

I've had the best car,

hottest girl,

and I've figured to do the one thing,
nobody had ever done,

would be the perfect caper.

You did all ten dirty deeds.

No, at my day there were only eight deeds.

So the rules say you gotta add
to the list if somebody

gets trough them.

- Why?
- No reason.

No reason for any of this.

But I didn't get that

until I was out in the real world.

Then I've realized just how
miserable I've been all trough high school.

It's just playing some bullshit game,

pretending I was cool.

If you keep playing by the rules,

- they are always gonna beat ya.
- Right.

Even when you think you'd won.

What the hell are you doing?

Give me the last deed.

This is a waste of time,

and you are a waste of skin.

- Ohh, yeah.
- Tear it.

Ohh, shit.

- You are under arrest, Harper.
- For what?

- For doing the dirty deeds.
- That's not a charge.

Yeah, how about grand theft auto?

The kid didn't steal anything.

That's not what my report said.

Well the report you got can eat me?
Alright?

It's my car and I let it to the kid.

And I'm just gonna assume that
you won't have a problem with that.

Mr. Scarno.

Well good evening, sir.

You know, I don't think an exchange
of paperwork is in our best interest.

What is in our best interest

is for you to let the boy go
and I go on my merry way.

Does that sound good?

Well, yeah, I...

he can...

just...

Good night, Officer Dill

-do.

See you dildo.

Go home.

Except you, valet.

You're with me.

Don't worry. Nothing's gonna
happen to your boyfriend.

He's not my boyfriend.

He almost got my brother killed.

What?

Yeah, you know you almost did.
Let's go.

Bobby...

Are you coming?

Ohh, yeah honey.

Come in.

- Me too.
- Bri, I'm kind of busy here.

Well I'm worried about you.

- You really shouldn't be alone right now.
- I'm not.

You've found a guy?
I'm jealous.

Of him or of me?

Are you ready for Bobby?

Two?

Two, two.

Ohh, yeah, thank you.

The parent's are home.
Two.

- The parents.
- I need to get out of here.

The parents are home.
- The parents.

Hey, girls you need a ride?

- Give it. It's mine.
- Give it

- It's mine, it's mine.
- Give it.

Where're you going?

You'd help bro?

Fuck.

I'm ready.

Yeah, you are.

I'm not. Come on.

Now what are we gonna do?

Everyone get out.

Everyone get out. Go.

Who are you kids?

What is this?

I've got what the place used to look like,

- for the insurance company.
- Ohh, my god.

Robert.

What are you doing in our house?

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Seaver,

Hi, I... I was just leaving.

I'm calling his mother, right now.

This could work.

Thanks, Millie.

You know I've used to pull a lot of cars
when I was coming up,

but I never did your valet bit.
That was smart...

when you don't leave a car behind.

My first day.

So you did all this,
just to get that dickwad in BMW

stop picking on her brother?

I can see why you wanted
to get on a good sign.

I can tell you I'm very impressed.

- You're 17?
- 18.

I've killed 3 men,
by the time I was 18.

Legally, in Vietnam.

I've signed up to
get away from my father.

You see, my father was
an asshole.

He did teach me
one thing, though.

That I didn't need him, and that's
an important lesson to learn.

Because when you depend on
people, they disappoint you.

You gotta step up yourself,
like you did tonight.

Well it took me till I was 20,
sitting in a jungle.

What did you do?

We had this lieutenant,
who was determined to get us all killed.

So, I've got him sent home.

How?

I kicked the shit out of him.

This better be good. I told my mom
I'd be home by now.

I'll write you a note.

Pop the damn leprechaun.
Just get it off my football field.

Where is maintenance?

Dealing with what dead body?

Damn those I.A.B.'s.

Zachary, it's my card.

You ever need anything, call that number.

- Zach.
- Look Zachary, it's dickwad's little girly.

Lawton gave the
tenth deed to Riplock.

- So?
- So he is gonna ruin the homecoming carnival.

- That's what the tenth deed said to do.
- Look I'm way past caring.

You're gonna get blamed. The cops
know you're the one doing the dirty deeds.

How do I know your boyfriend
didn't put you up to this?

He's not my boyfriend anymore.

Look Riplock said he's gonna
pack the stage with fireworks

and scare the hell out
of everybody.

- So watch people get scared. So what?
- These are M-80s.

Zach, something could catch fire.
People could panic.

And Meg's on the stage having
the honor society, remember?

- What time is it?
- 8:30.

- It starts at 9:00.
- Where is this thing?

- The football field at the school.
- We should get going.

- It's gonna be close.
- Here, take the car.

- We? - Well you don't mind stealing it,
when I flip you the keys?

- What about you?
- I've got something to do. Go on.

Yeah, who's working today?

Yeah. That's it, move it
back three feet.

- I'm gonna go look for Zach.
- Ok.

Thank you being so prompt,
Miss Cummings.

Let's get this show on the road.

Instruments up. Ready?
Let's play people.

- Hey Stash, have you seen Zach?
- Hey I'm looking for him too.

He's got my painpills.

Hey pal, what part of 30 miles an hour
didn't you understand?

We got Harper?

I'll catch him.
Come on.

May I have your attention, please?

Yeah, we have a long programme
to get trough, people.

Our presentations this morning
will be given out

by Miss Rachel Buff.

Yeah.

Who is not quiet here yet.

Meg, get off the stage.

Meg get off the stage, it's gonna
blow up. Get off the stage.

- People, welcome to state high in...
- Not in scenario Fuchs.

- I got you, Harper.
- Look. Officer Dill.

No, you look.
You're under arrest.

Ohh, my God.

Holy shit.

Bevins, stay with Harper.

- God, he's such a dildo.
- What?

Go on, get out of here.
Get out of here.

- Let's Go.
- Come on.

Homie's truck blew up man.

Mom, yeah.

My truck just blew up.
I don't know.

No. Don't yell at me.

Harper, what the hell is this?

Pretty damn cool.

Mr. Fuchs, It's All Bullshit.

I.A.B.
"It's All Bullshit".

I just thought you might
wanna know.

This is gonna get me
to film school, for sure.

Hi, Paul.

- You were awesome.
- Thank you, baby.

- Ohh, Paul, tell me you got that.
- I got that.

The I.A.B. Sees all.

So cool.

So Zachary, the boys do nice work?

Yeah they do.

Thanks.
Thanks for everything.

- We gotta run.
- Hey, kid...

There is an extra 10 in it for you
if you bring her back cherry.

BJ, you're a bad boy.

Seven years and I've
never missed a homecoming.

And I never will.

I'll love you forever.

Double head for BJ.

I'm with you, pal.
I'm with you.

Yes, yes, at West Valley
high school.

There has been an explosion.

The main field.

Excus...

- You.
- Lieutenant, you remember.

That is so sweet.

You.

You, You, You...

So are you still mad at me?

Furious, can you tell?

Bevins, get over here
give me a hand.

Who's that douchebag,
who got us this fire extinguisher?

There you have it.

My page in the dirty deeds legend.

You might ask what's
the gain from any of this.

Do I need to say any more?

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