All language subtitles for Difficult.People.S02E01_English

[upbeat rock music]

- So this is what a gym
looks like.

- Yes, and this is right near
my apartment.

Can you believe it?
Honestly, if instead of showers,

they had the Hemsworth brothers
just spitting at you

and calling you a dirty whore,
itd be too good to be true.

- How many gyms have you
belonged to at this point?

- Ive lost count.
You know, I get a membership,

and then I hook up with a guy
in the steam room,

and then we hang out, and then
I realize that hes lame,

and I ghost him, and its
too awkward to ever go back.

- Those loser guys are keeping
you from your optimal health.

- Well, some might say
its my penchant

for anonymous sex
that is to blame.

I just worry that my slutty
phase has gone on so long

that I literally
dont know how to date.

- Mm.
- Do you think Anne Hathaway

has this same conversation?

- You know, I have a theory that
she was born without a clitoris.

- Mm.
That explains "The Intern."

- Julie? Hi!
- Ooh, hey, hi, Heather.

- Isnt this gym awesome?

- Um, Billy,
do you remember Heather?

Shes another recapper.
- Oh, okay.

- Not anymore.
Guess who just got hired

onto the writing staff
of "Horse."

- Oh, "Horse."
Is that that Netflix show

about the single mom
who sells heroin...

- To support her trans-childs
horseback riding hobby?

- Well...
- Yeah.

- Winner Best Comedy
two years in a row.

- When did comedies become
30-minute dramas?

- Its such important work.
- Mm.

- I cant tell you
how good it feels to write TV

instead of just recapping it.

- And yet you just sort of did.

[both laugh]
Howd you get the job?

- Oh, I met the creator,
Lilith Feigenbaum, at synagogue,

and she invited me to join
this group she belongs to,

and the rest is herstory.

Well, take care.
- Thanks. Bye.

- Oh, and your "OC Reunion"
recap was such goofy fun! Bye!

- Jesus Christ,
Im having feelings.

I want my sundae back.
- Sorry, maam, I threw it out.

- What is this,
a concentration camp?

Do you at least have
any vending machines

or some complimentary popcorn?

- Just a vegan smoothie bar.

- Bloom is off the rose
on this dump.

- I dont understand.

What does Heather have
that you dont?

- A connection
to Lilith Feigenbaum.

Of course they met
at synagogue.

You know that that group
shes talking about is Refutz.

- Refutz.
They act like its a secret.

Meanwhile everyone knows
what it is.

- And they have their schmoozey
Shabbat dinners,

and they all get each other
entertainment jobs.

And its stupid because no ones
ever asked me to join.

- Well, we have to get you
invited, then.

Go to synagogue.
Pray or whatever.

- Using God and religion
to get a staffing job?

I mean, can I really sink
that low?

[both laugh]

- All right, look,
Im gonna go work out.

Tell me not to blow this gym
by blowing any members.

- You can do it.

Tell me me not to eat
my weight in Charleston Chews.

- You can do it.

[romantic flute music]

Oh, fuck.

Ohh, fuck.

♪ ♪

- Oh.

♪ ♪

[moans]

- [moans]

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

[driving punk rock music]

♪ ♪

- Oh.
- Hey.

- We meet again.
- Im Billy.

- And my names Cecil.
- That was fun.

- You know, Id love to, uh,

go for another spin sometime
if...

- Yeah, sure.
Maybe.

- Why dont I we get dressed
and well meet outside or...

- Okay.
- All right.

- All right.
- Very good.

- All right.

- Ah.

Ah.

- Oh.
Much different with clothes.

- Ah, well.
Sorry for the wait, chum.

Bup-bup-bup-bum.
- Oh.

Youre an old-timey.

I read about you guys
in the Sunday Styles section.

Guilty as charged.

May I interest you
in a confection, good sir?

- Oh, wow, you really
commit to this.

- Yeah.
- [laughs]

Um...

Shit.
- What are we doing?

Do you owe a sum?
Are you a debtor?

- No, no, no, its just,
theres a guy I used

to work out with at my old gym,
and now I cant....

- Cant what?
- I cant do what I always do.

Um... God, this gym is too nice
not for me to give this a try.

Do you want to go to dinner
tomorrow night?

- I do...
very much!

- Great.

- Till then, then.

- Till then,
then.

- Be well, Billy.

Up, up, and away.

And... were off!

- Oh, great, I just fucked
Steamboat Willie.

[upbeat music]

- Medium-talent Jewish bitch.

- Thin Mint, stop yelling
at yourself in the mirror.

It confuses the dogs.
- Its not me.

Its this girl Heather
I work with.

She got to quit recapping
to go write for "Horse."

- "Horse"?
Its a very important show.

- Whatever.
So now she writes for "Horse,"

and where does that leave me?
Lonely single recapper?

- Uh, noodles,
couple of flags raised--

- You know what I mean.
I just want to be doing more.

Im tired of watching
everybody around me

ascend to stardom
while I atrophy and wither.

- Are any of us really doing
what we want, Vitamix?

I mean, just today,
the Helena Rubenstein Foundation

got up my can about creating
a sexy spin-off

of "Antiques Roadshow."
- Thats disgusting.

Every antique dealer
is a creep.

They always have that
one back room full of racist

paraphernalia and Nazi shit.
- Really?

- With just the right
nod and wink,

those heirloom swappers
will be showing you

swastika cufflinks
on a mammy doll.

- Well, we are casting
a wide net

to find sexy antique dealers,

but we might just have to end up
hiring more trolls

to appraise sexy heirlooms.

- Oh, I see
what youre trying to do.

Youre trying to cheer me up
with your little story.

- Actually thought
I was sharing a real issue

that Im trying to work through,
but thats fine.

- But its not working.

Lilith Feigenbaum
should have met me.

I would have been
the perfect Refutz candidate.

Nobodys more Jewish than I am,
Arthur.

I mean, culturally.
- Ill drink to that.

- Im even making
a Shiva Call tonight

with my mom,
who guilted me into it.

- Who passed away?

- Oh, her tennis partner,
Eileen Rosenstreitch.

She dropped dead
on the court.

- Were they close?
- They were, like, 4-4.

My mom swears
they were about to win.

Shes fucking furious.

Mom, hi.

Im so sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.

Although, technically
it was a tie.

We came so close to beating
those fucking Sokol twins.

Theyre like
the Williams sisters

of the Sycamore Country Club,

except, you know,
allowed to join.

Oh, Julie, you know
what the saddest part was?

- Watching your friend die?

- Eileen didnt have a will.

The estate lawyer had to donate
everything to charity.

- Im sorry, did I miss
something? Why is that sad?

- It was
a pro-Palestinian charity.

Eileens opal brooch
is probably

now on the suit lapel
of some Arafat.

I need a will, or this
could wind up happening to me.

- So write a will.
- I dont have a lawyer.

Ever since Star Jones
stopped coming to me

for her food addiction.

- Mom, you have to stop telling
me who your patients are.

- You sound just like
Catherine Zeta-Jones

when I tried to help her
with her bipolar two.

- Ah, yes, bipolar two,
the squeakuel.

- I was thinking maybe
I should buy a camera.

You know that video will thing.

Thats a thing, isnt it?

- It was
in "Brewsters Millions."

I mean, I dont know
if they still do it, but seems--

- Hello, Marilyn.

Very kind of you
to pay respects.

- Indeed. Indeed.
Thank you.

That was a beautiful eulogy,
Rabbi.

This is my daughter, Julie.

- Julie, hello.
- Hi.

Wow, eulogies, like
the ultimate recap, huh?

Hey, Rabbi, have you heard
of this group called Refutz?

- Of course. I have some Refutz
people in my congregation.

They always come on Friday
nights, but Im not a fan.

Its less of a spiritual group
than it is for high-powered Jews

in show business to network.

- Wow, that sounds
really cynical and awful.

- Mm.

- So Friday nights, then?

- I dont see a single person
from Refutz.

I swear to God,
if I go to synagogue

and I dont make
a show business connection,

Im gonna fucking kill myself
with a chain saw.

- Oh, please, then youd have
to go to Home Depot.

Look, I have to go
to my date soon.

- Who is this guy?
- Cecil.

Although I vowed to remain
as celibate as Tim Gunn,

I ended up meeting this guy
in the steam room at the gym,

and then we ended up having
a very lovely time

doing some very filthy things
to each other.

- When Republicans are right
about the things gay men do,

my heart swells.

- But, Julie,
hes an old-timey.

- What?

Thats the worst of all
Brooklyn trends.

- And thats a very high bar.

So now I have to add him
to a list of guys

that Ive hit and quit

and somehow try to find

the last remaining gym
in New York City

I havent ruined for myself,
which is probably

the Curves on Staten Island.

- What if you break up
with him gracefully?

Maybe you could
be friends later.

- ♪ Shabbat Shalom, hey ♪

♪ Shabbat Shalom,
hey ♪

- Im out.
- Good luck breaking up.

- Thank you. Ill need it.

- Julie, I didnt know
you went to shul.

- Im not too cool for shul.

- Hows recapping?

- Oh, you know.
Same old, same old.

You watch something.
You write something about it.

25 weeks later,
you get a check for $6.

- Oh, meet my friends.
This is Lilith.

- Lilith Feigenbaum!

You are one of my favorite
top ten female showrunners.

And since theres only
three of you,

youre basically my top six.
- Thank you.

- Anyway, Shabbat Shalom.
- Shabbat Shalom.

You know, Im just sitting here
thinking about,

you know, where Im gonna go
for Shabbat dinner

after this because, um...

my moms best friend died...
both: Aw.

- In front of her.
Yeah.

So I cant go there.

Anyway,
its great meeting you.

Great seeing you.

- Wait, Lilith can Julie
join us?

- Why not? Im only
a 20 minute walk away.

- A 20 minute what now
with whos this?

- Say, Billy, why dont you
come in for a nightcap?

- Oh, you know what, Cecil?

Uh, heres the thing,
and this is not easy

for me to say,
so I prepared a little speech.

- Good evening,
Mr. Jellford.

May I take your coat?
- Hotchkiss, please,

my guest has something to say.
- Certainly.

Ill just put the Veuve
on ice and run your bath.

- Good man.
Good man.

- Im sorry, one thing
we never covered,

what do you do for a living?

- Well, I fancy
acquiring and selling

little knick knacks
from yesteryear,

but the majority of my money

does come from
the family business.

- Which is?
- Uh, Jellford?

Jellford Jelly Beans?

Theyre small, bean shaped
candies

with a sweet taste--
- I know what jelly beans are.

- Well, did you know its a
billion dollar industry?

Sugar is recession-proof.
Just ask my two story closet.

- Oh, really?

- Now, you had a rehearsed
speech of some kind to give?

- I was just gonna say,
I think its sexy

that you dress like someone
who could can still

get the Measles.

Way before
Jenny McCarthy was even born!

- Howre you feeling, Julie?

Have you cooled off a bit
since we got inside?

- [exhales sharply]
Yes, thank you.

I just...
remind me why we walk again?

- Its part of
our Unplugged tradition

that we love to do
every Shabbat at Refutz.

- Refutz?
Whats that?

Im intrigued!

- Well, from Friday at sundown

to Saturday at sundown,

we put our cell phones away,

we turn off our TVs,

we walk instead of drive.

And, I have to tell you,
it has made me

a much better writer.

- How does unplugging
make you a better writer?

- We just like to interact
with people face-to-face.

Listen, why dont you
give it 24 hours?

What have you got to lose?
- Well, I got to say,

usually this would be something
I make fun of,

like Robin Wrights
sleepwear line,

or the notion of having a core,
but...

why not?
Ill try it.

- And on Saturday we get back
together and have another meal

where we discuss all the ideas
weve been thinking about

while we were offline.
Who wants to host this week?

- Oh, oh, let me!
My boyfriends a great cook.

- You have a boyfriend?

[upbeat music]

- I dont understand, though.

Who turns the lights
on and off?

Who turns on the television?

- Arthur.
Hes my Shabbos Goy!

- I certainly am, kiddush cup.

- You remember that
from Hebrew School?

The ultimate loophole.

If you need something
plugged in on Shabbos,

as long as the person
isnt Jewish, youre home free.

- So he just does
anything you ask?

Sure, watch.
Arthur, check my Twitter.

- Oh, thisll be fun.

Oh, noodles,
the Wi-Fis still not working.

- Just hop on the neighbors.
I use it all the time.

Theres no password.
Its, um...

“HitlerHadSomeGoodIdeas."
All one word, lowercase.

- Stealing a Neo-Nazis Wi-Fi
is the ultimate way

to stick it to Hitler!

- Ah, speed round,
someone on Twitter says,

"I had a theory you were born
without a clitoris.

"Eat a bag of"--Well, it doesnt
matter what he said.

Tell you what, since Im
in charge of the Internet,

why dont I filter out
any of the toxins

that might adversely
affect your mood.

- Great.
- Wow. This is the best.

He does all that, you just sit
here quietly on the couch,

nursing your creative genius.
- I know, right?

Arthur, Google my name
only read me glowing praise.

Scrolling, scrolling.

[upbeat music]

- “Congratulations.

"You are now the owner
of the Fonda 5000,

"the exclusive camera
used by the Netflix series,

"Grace & Frankie.

"Sony, in collaboration
with Chevrolet,

"have partnered to give a woman
the best gift of all:

"her youngest self.

Step one:
preparing the lenses."

Okay.

[doorbell rings]

[knock at door]

- Hi, Im Tina Fey.
- And?

- Uh, Im Tina Fey,
writer and actor.

"SNL,"
"30 Rock,"

"Mean Girls,"--
- What do you want, dear?

Well, I know you said no
to the six production assistants

that I sent to ask,
but Im directing an episode

of "The Blacklist,"
which is a dream come true,

of my agents and so I really
need James Spader

to cry on the steps
of your brownstone.

- Okay, I have no idea
what any of that means,

but did you say you direct?

- Yeah, actually I didnt
realize that I was a director

until this opportunity
came up, cause, you know,

back in Chicago--
- Bap bap bap bap.

A simple "yes"
would have done the trick.

Director.

Do me a small favor, Trina?

- Tina.
- Tina. Tina. Tina.

- The human name, Tina.
Yes.

- I wonder if you can do me
a small favor, Tina,

I wonder if you can help me
shoot my video will.

- Oh, Im sorry,
we have a really full day.

You know, James Spader
wears a 75 piece suit

and I have
to approve every piece.

So, I cant help.
- Isnt that something?

So, you want to use my steps,
but you dont want

to help a woman who, as spry
and self-lubricating as she is,

needs to videotape her will
so she can drop dead

at any moment?

- Wait, is that a Fonda 5000?

- Yes, why?
Do you know it?

- Uh, yeah, of course
I know it.

Im kind of a gearhead.
Wow, any chance youd let me

fool around with it?
- Absolutely.

Can I get you coffee?
Or day wine?

- Day wine!
both: Yes!

- I hate this dress,
its so itchy.

- Lightbulb, I thought
you were allergic to wool?

- Its Eileen Fisher,
its just for one day,

all those people
wear stuff like this.

Itll be fine.

- I appreciate you coming with
me to the grocery store.

I cant believe I
forgot Gefilte Fish?

Im such a
fucking asshole.

- Facebook refresh.
- Okay...

Oh, 27 new comments
on your profile photo.

- Excuse me.

Is your internet
in this building slow

as is mine slow?

- Nope, ours runs as smoothly
as the trains in Europe

in the thirties.
- I see.

Enjoy your Sabbath holiday.

- Dont care for him.

- Did you see that
Hasidic man before?

- Yes, its so hot.
- What a curiosity.

[both laugh]

- Simply fantastic.
Right in here.

[Roy Orbisons
"Pretty Woman" playing]

ROY: ♪ Pretty woman,
walkin down the street ♪

- Get the sleeve, Bastian.
Too long. Make it too long.

At least an 1 1/4 inch.
Enjoying your shine?

ROY: ♪ Pretty woman,
the kind Id like to meet ♪

- I am, thank you.
- Youre very, very welcome.

ROY: ♪ Pretty woman,
I dont believe you ♪

♪ Youre not the truth ♪
- Pow.

ROY: ♪ No one could look
as good as you ♪

- No.
- Yes.

- [both laughing]

- [humming, laughing]
ROY: ♪ Oh, oh, pretty woman ♪

- Mannequin Leg, come join us.
Were ready to eat.

- Yeah, lets share some
of the ideas we come up

with when we were unplugged.

- Where do I start?
I have so many.

This Unplugging thing
really works.

Okay, listen to some of these.

"Glee," but with dogs.

A "Botched" spinoff
where Dr. Terry Dubrows

leather jacket becomes
sentient and solves crimes.

"American Horror Story:

We Promise We Thought It Through
This Time."

"CSI: Provincetown,"

and theres, like,
a lot of piss play.

A workplace comedy
about lesbian bed death.

And something
with Annette Bening.

[cell phone vibrating]
- Oh, funnel, text from Billy.

He says good luck
with the Refutzers,

and he has to
go to a horrible party

with Cecil
and his old timey friends.

- Now there is a show.

My best friend is dating this
old-timey guy.

Runs around on a pogo stick

and his family
invented jelly beans.

- [scoffs]
You comedy people kill me.

Your ideas arent grounded.

That sounds like its a sketch,
not a show.

- No, Cecils
a real human person.

I mean, Id show you
a picture of his dick

from my cell phone.
Billy forwards them.

Its good to have a library.

- Well, that wouldnt prove
anything.

- How about after dinner
we go meet Cecil?

- Sounds like a plan!
- All right.

- Lchaim.
all: Lchaim.

- To my daughter, Julie,
I leave you my wedding dress.

- Cut.
- What?

- As I once said
to Wes Anderson,

"I love what youre doing,
but I feel like

Ive seen it before."

Actually, I said that to a photo
of Wes Anderson

that I keep in
a little, heart-shaped locket.

God, Tina, stop talking.

- I dont know what you mean.
Just direct me more.

- Okay.
Why are you leaving

your daughter a wedding dress?

Because shell never
marry that alcoholic

she lives with and shell never
fit into the dress.

- Yes! Keep going!
I like this.

Okay, now were writing
from truth.

Were like those copywriters
who came up with

the ad campaign for Dove soap
that cured sexism.

Tell me Marilyn, why...

are you making this will?

- Because I dont want my stuff

to go to a charity I dont like.

- Spite? Okay.
Well, then, heres a pitch:

What if we dont think
of these things

that youre giving away
as “items?"

What if we think of them
as “spite-ems.”

- Oh, thats good.
Thats good.

I like you.
What is your name again?

- Tina Fey.

- I literally have never
heard of you.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Billy, my boy,
hows your hard tack?

- Im doing
the best I can with it.

- Top shelf.
Now, could I familiarize you

with some of my
circle of chums?

- Mm-hmm.
- That ye there is Smitty.

He has a large collection
of wooden roller skates.

Orville here plays ukulele.

He also mixed his own
lead paint.

- Oh, dear.
- And Jeffy...

youre gonna love
this very much.

Jeffy will always wear
two hats at once.

- Oh, heres a toe-tapper
you might know.

Its called "May I Sleep
In Your Barn Tonight, Mister?"

[ukulele plays]

[kazoo and ukulele playing]
- Oh, Jesus.

♪ ♪

Cecil,
I need to talk to you.

- Sure, anything, gent.

- Uh, heres the thing.

Youre a great guy,
and Im doing my best

to try and start
dating like an--

[cell phone rings]
Fuck!

Give me one second.
What?

- Billy, its Julie
by way of Arthur.

- Tell him to stay at the party.

- Dont leave the party,
were coming.

- Wait, wait! No, no!
Im currently breaking up

with Cecil gracefully.
- You are?

- I just think
that maybe we dont have

a lot in common,
you know?

Maybe if we take things
more slowly.

- Yeah, I mean,
I would do that.

- No, no, wait.
I always do this

and then I say,
well take things more slowly

and then I dont really want to

and then I have to avoid
you at the gym

and then I have to join
another gym.

But not this time.

Not this gym.

Theres three kinds of water.

Theres--Theres plain
and lemon and cucu...

[whimpers]
Cucumber.

Youre great.
Youre like the cats pajamas,

but I think I have
to 23 Skidoo.

- Youre a class act, Epstein.

All the way, but, please,
stay for the party, would you?

The punchbowl has
heroin in it.

- And were cool?
- Oh, as a Julep.

- Okay, cut.
Wow.

First of all,
I love directing!

- And directing loves you.
Youre so good.

- Second of all, Marilyn,
resentment is bursting

out of your pores.
Which, by the way,

are invisible,
because holy shit,

this camera
is not fucking around!

- Thank you, sweetheart!
Are we done?

- Actually, theres just
one other thing

I kind of wanted
to throw at you

before we close out the day.
- Anything. Im clay.

- What if...
this wasnt a will at all?

Stay with me.

What if you give away
your “spite-ems” now,

while youre alive,
to see the reactions

of the people you
want to hurt?

- That is brilliant!

Youre not
going anywhere until I sign

that location release
for your show.

Didnt you want someone
Ive never heard of

to cry on my front steps?

- More than anything, Marilyn.
- Call me mom.

- No, you call me mom.
- [chuckles]

- Oh, my God, Julie.
You were right.

This definitely
could be a show.

- I know, right?
I told you.

- Okay, Monday morning

you and I are gonna go
pitch to Netflix,

and Im gonna change your life.
- Oh, my God, are you serious?

- Julie, I broke up with Cecil.
- Hey.

I did it gracefully.
- Oh, Im proud of you.

- I am officially
an ex-trophy wife.

Im like Camille Grammer
without IBS.

- Is that our neighbor
over there?

- Where? Oh, yeah.
Whats he doing here?

- Whats wrong, timestamp?

Youve been doing that
all night.

- Oh, its this
Eileen Fisher dress.

Im allergic to the wool

and its doing nothing
for my waist.

- Sorry, Cecil,
could you tell me

where the bathroom is?
- Uh, which one?

Cause I have 17 bathrooms.
You know why?

Its cause my parents
invented jelly beans.

Fuck you.

- Were gonna have to make
his character

more likeable on the show.

- No, really, Julie,
you have to see this place.

Its ridiculous.
- Oh, yes, want to take a tour?

Cecil, do you mind?

- I-I dont mind.

Uh... foll--follow me.

Follow me.

[drum roll]

- What the fuck?

- I knew all you antique dealers
were sick creeps!

- Noodles, just like you said.

- Well, hold on now,
you gave me the wink.

- I have allergies.
- Ohh.

- And you,
"Hitler Had Some Good Ideas."

- How do you know
my Wi-Fi network?

- We were stealing it,
Goebbels.

- That is unethical!

- Well, everyone,

color my face egg color,

theres been
a misunderstanding.

Kathy Griffin,
love your work.

Billy, I hope to see you
at the gym sometime soon.

- Uh, actually no.

And also fuck breaking up
gracefully

and fuck you,
you tincture making,

derby hat-wearing,
jellybean inventing,

penny ,
steam room-blowing,

Nazi stuff selling
piece of shit.

- Billy, that was beautiful.

Ive never high-fived
in my life, but I feel like

I should at least
make an effort for that.

- I high-fived once
and it was ironic.

Lets do this.

[camera shutter clicks]
- Shot.

[cell phone whooshes]
And texted

to entire Refutz group.

Im gonna make sure you never
write for television.

[scoffs]
Recapper trash.

- Not our most graceful goodbye.

[upbeat music]

- You know what I learned
from this Unplugging experiment?

- That the Curves
in Staten Island does not

have a mens locker room?

- That, and I need to take
a 24 hour period

each week to un-face.

I interact with
too many actual people as it is.

I need a day where
Im just around screens.

- Yeah, fuck the real world.

- Screens never hurt anybody.

- Screens make
our lives better.

[car honking]
- Hooray for screens!

[tires screech, metal crashes]

[horn honking]
MAN: Fuck you!

JULIE: Everybody is gay
according to "TMZ."

BILLY: Oh, thats good.

[White Reapers
"Half Bad" playing]

WOMAN:
♪ Thought itd be easy ♪

♪ Thought they didnt know ♪

♪ You thought it was
the only way to go ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Another way out ♪

♪ Found on the way home ♪

♪Thought you
were living fast ♪

♪ But you were living slow ♪

♪ ♪