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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,335
Another Yom Kippur.
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,237
You think Bethenny Frankel's
fasting today?
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,409
Uh, yeah, but not because
she knows what day it is.
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,278
Ugh, these fucking shoes.
5
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,007
- Oh, are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
6
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,052
I never see you
in a chunky heel,
7
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,406
only a sassy flat.
8
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,324
Well, I'm going
to my mom's break-fast later,
9
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,286
and Nicole's gonna be there,
and she's always dressed up.
10
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,615
Wait, which one
is Nicole again?
11
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,049
Is that the Uber driver
that tried to sell us
12
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,224
a friendship bracelet?
13
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,562
No, it's another person
we hate.
14
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,426
She's that annoying
psychology student
15
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,555
who's obsessed with my mom.
16
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,229
She looks great without makeup.
17
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,358
She likes hiking.
18
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,162
She has no food issues.
19
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,074
She's basically the daughter
my mom always wanted.
20
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,426
Yeah, family is
the worst way
21
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,304
to meet someone that you
have nothing in common with.
22
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,543
So how did you get suckered
into going
23
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,607
to your brother's
for Yom Kippur?
24
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,405
You said last year,
"Never again,"
25
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,307
which, honestly,
was a little on the nose.
26
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,649
I know. I got a call
from an unknown number,
27
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,575
and I thought it was that agent,
Skippy Truce,
28
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,080
the one that likes me.
29
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,322
But it wasn't.
It was Garry.
30
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,147
Does your brother
spell "Gary" with one R?
31
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,122
Oh, I wish. Two Rs.
32
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,621
- The bad "Garry."
- Of course.
33
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,462
[phone chiming]
Sorry. Hello.
34
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,587
Yeah.
35
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,192
Oh, my God, yes!
36
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,464
Yes, that's amazing!
That's so great!
37
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,532
[mouthing words]
38
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,060
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
39
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,195
Okay, bye. I got an agent!
40
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,539
[screams]
That's amazing!
41
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,165
- I'm sorry I'm screaming.
- I'm so happy for you.
42
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,470
I know; I'll buy
your agave syrup.
43
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,141
I can't believe it.
I'm represented.
44
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,510
- I am represented.
- Finally.
45
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,437
I am represented. Yes!
46
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,483
That's amazing.
47
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,077
Oh, I can't.
48
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,349
He said I have
a John C. Reilly quality.
49
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,247
- I've always thought that.
- Yes.
50
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,519
Do you think it's a little
weird he called on Yom Kippur?
51
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:24,617
No, no, no,
he's not Jewish.
52
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:25,618
[growling]
53
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,089
Julie, no.
54
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,118
Julie, no, no, no.
55
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:29,392
It's fine. He's good.
56
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,490
I'm telling you, he's legit.
57
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,291
He knows
all those guys at HBO.
58
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,693
* What more do you need
59
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,334
You have to pitch a series
to HBO about a network
60
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,600
that passed
on all the good shows
61
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,098
and all it was left with
was The Leftovers.
62
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,401
- Whoa!
- [laughs] Yes.
63
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,242
Or what about
a Fraggle Rock reboot
64
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,667
except all the Fraggles
are trans?
65
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,372
You think that's too close
to Looking?
66
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:47,714
[laughs]
67
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:51,608
[driving punk rock music]
68
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,424
[laughter]
69
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,115
Julie, come in.
Hug Nicole.
70
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,618
She's helping me
because you were late.
71
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,389
- Julie.
- Hey, Nicole.
72
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,588
Oh, look at you.
I'm still in my workout clothes.
73
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,430
Oh. Natural beauty.
74
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,885
Julie, get the juice
out of the fridge, please,
75
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,504
before your father
comes back with the lox.
76
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,527
So, Julie,
are you still writing?
77
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,342
Well, I just live-blogged
the Emmys last month.
78
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,365
12 of the people
I took improv classes with
79
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,441
won statues,
and one of them hosted.
80
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,510
Oh. That's impressive.
81
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,608
Yeah, for them.
82
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,679
How's psychology school?
83
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,447
Uh, I'm already done.
84
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,516
Yeah, she's got
a graduation party on Sunday.
85
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,246
Do you have a clean dress?
86
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,651
Why isn't your mom hosting
a graduation party for you?
87
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:36,263
(Marilyn)
Because her mother
just joined Scientology.
88
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:39,157
It's terrible.
Those people hate psychologists.
89
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,530
You know we're the chief
competitor of any cult.
90
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,369
Wait a minute. Nicole, does
this mean you know Anne Archer?
91
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,395
- Okay, just ignore her.
- I love her.
92
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,940
Honey, help me
with the bagels.
93
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,195
Nicole is fasting.
94
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,744
I can't
because it's uncomfortable,
95
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,509
and Julie can't because
she's hungry all the time.
96
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,338
Oh, is that because
you work out?
97
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,514
Come on, Nicole.
98
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,181
No, Nicole's doing this--
99
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,550
what is the name of that?
100
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,248
That great new exercise thing?
101
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,580
- What is it?
- Oh, Bernie's Boot Camp.
102
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,694
- Yeah, that's right.
- Every day at 6:00 a.m.
103
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,316
Can you believe that?
Private Benjamin stuff.
104
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:12,192
(Nicole)
I do mud trenches
and chin-ups,
105
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,193
and there's an Army guy
with a whistle.
106
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,755
That's what you've got to do
to have this body.
107
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,403
Show that off.
Look at that, beautiful.
108
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,729
- Stop it.
- Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
109
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,304
I guess I just find that
a little offensive.
110
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,674
Honey,
what is your problem?
111
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,983
I don't know, just a
military-themed exercise class.
112
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,576
I think it minimizes
the contributions
113
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,279
that veterans
have made to society.
114
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,622
Well, I had no idea
that you were so concerned
115
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,746
about protecting veterans
in society.
116
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,791
Yeah, well, I have a lot
of friends who were veterans.
117
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,218
No, you don't.
118
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,593
Of course I do.
119
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,361
There's a lot you don't know
about me, Nicole.
120
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,689
Well, how did you
meet them?
121
00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,604
- Volunteering.
- But you don't volunteer.
122
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,456
Tell that to my comedy career,
123
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,274
'cause it's basically
just one big unpaid internship.
124
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,396
I don't believe you.
125
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,001
I've seen you
with one friend,
126
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,412
and it's that loud gay guy
that you bring around.
127
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,735
I have lots of friends,
Nicole,
128
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,279
so many of whom are veterans.
129
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,605
In fact, I'm gonna bring one of
them to your graduation party.
130
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,712
How do you like that? Huh?
131
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,024
That would be amazing.
132
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,315
I can't wait
to meet that person.
133
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,477
I can't wait
for you to meet him.
134
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,494
(Marilyn)
Arthur's here.
135
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,015
Chag sameach, Marilyn.
136
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,490
You look like Julie's
beautiful sister.
137
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,659
(Marilyn)
You know,
this looks like something
138
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,028
that you would love
to drink, Arthur.
139
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,497
Hey, Mom, just because
Arthur's a WASP
140
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,026
doesn't mean he's an alcoholic.
141
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,701
Hmm. It probably does.
142
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,499
(Julie)
Arthur, you remember
Nicole, right?
143
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,771
- Yes.
- Want to hear something funny?
144
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,699
Her mom knows John Travolta.
145
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:31,774
- Oh, really?
- Isn't that great?
146
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,442
- Let it go.
- John Travolta.
147
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,811
Let it go!
148
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,808
[lively music]
149
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:43,051
*
150
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,320
Billy!
Come in. Chag sameach.
151
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,060
Hey, Garry.
How are you?
152
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,385
Come in.
It's freezing out there.
153
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,561
- Take your coat off.
- Sure.
154
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,799
Boy, sorry,
I was just, uh--
155
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,295
you got a lot of mezuzahs
out there.
156
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,498
Three of them are doorbells.
157
00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,469
Oh, really?
158
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,867
Come in. Here, I got it.
I got it. I got it.
159
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,498
Let go. Let go.
Let--here we are.
160
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,074
Wow, you guys
keep it smelling like pot roast
161
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,542
and boiled carrots
around here all year long.
162
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,081
[laughs]
Thank you very much.
163
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,506
Ruchel, look who's here.
164
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,611
Tal, Renee, get
out of the God damn kitchen
165
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,623
and say hello
to your Uncle Billy.
166
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,415
Hey, Tal. Hey, Renee.
167
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,547
- Hi, Uncle Billy.
- Why aren't you famous yet?
168
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,822
Renee is going
through her cunt phase.
169
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,091
That's okay. Me too.
Hello, Ruchel.
170
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,690
Tal, you want to tell Billy
171
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,692
what your bat mitzvah
party theme's gonna be?
172
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,904
"It gets better."
173
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,695
- Are you gay?
- I wish. Just chubby.
174
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,098
[sighs]
175
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,829
Renee,
put away your cell phone,
176
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,644
or I'll take your flat iron
and bury it so far up your ass,
177
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,437
your throat will burn.
178
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,569
That's a real threat.
179
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,913
Yom Kippur!
[laughs nervously]
180
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,579
Sit down.
I got to hear it all day long.
181
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,108
I'm sure. I'm sure.
I'm sure.
182
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,653
That's great, huh?
183
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,848
Yeah. It's a real treat
having you here, you know?
184
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,720
I don't see you enough.
185
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,459
I've seen you, I think, twice
since Dad's funeral.
186
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,385
- Mm-hmm.
- Let me tell you something.
187
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,130
There's only two of us left.
188
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,625
That's it.
The last people on Earth.
189
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,557
- The last people.
- It's up to us.
190
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,702
The last people on Earth,
and we're sitting in this house.
191
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,797
Yes. Dad died,
and that's it.
192
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:06,899
Uh, no. I know. I know.
193
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,500
And I'm sorry about that.
194
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,702
I should see you guys more,
195
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,473
but I don't want to.
196
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,712
I'm just kidding.
We just--we always talk--
197
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,476
Ruchel, Billy did a joke,
and he said,
198
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,375
"I would see you more,
but I don't want to."
199
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,477
(Ruchel)
He's very funny.
200
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,608
I was kidding.
Thank you.
201
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,482
Uh, no, but, you know,
202
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,381
you don't have to mention that
every time I come over.
203
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,393
It's not like I'm gonna
forget Dad died, you know,
204
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,916
like it's my keys
or Minnie Driver.
205
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,891
[both chuckle]
206
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,631
I have two pieces of good news
207
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,696
that I wanted to share
from my world.
208
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,825
I can't wait to hear it.
209
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,629
Number one,
210
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,631
John Stamos was delightful
on The Chew yesterday.
211
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,474
How about it?
That's great!
212
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,800
No, no. I'm kidding.
213
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:44,914
- You're joking?
- It was a joke.
214
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,535
Billy...
215
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,180
And number two,
I got a new agent.
216
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,776
- Two bits of good news.
- Thank you.
217
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,848
Ruchel, you hear that?
Billy's got a new agent.
218
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,845
But you got to remember,
you know,
219
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,689
there's other things
in your life you need.
220
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,915
You know, you need that special
someone to share this with.
221
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,860
(Ruchel)
Garry, pick up
your fucking shoes.
222
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,715
They stink!
223
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,764
All right. Sorry about that.
224
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,599
Um, how's the dry-cleaning
business?
225
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,596
- Better than ever.
- Really?
226
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,198
- Better than ever.
- Great.
227
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,899
There's a fun overlap,
actually,
228
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,871
is that a lot of the Broadway
shows are coming to me now,
229
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,670
doing, uh--I'm cleaning
the costumes for On the Town.
230
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,813
Oh, wow.
231
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:21,838
Do you know that show,
On the Town?
232
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:22,912
Of course, yes.
233
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,550
Everybody
into the dining room.
234
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,645
It's time for the first hour
of blessings.
235
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,747
[rock music]
236
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,449
Of all the self-satisfied--
237
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,821
I mean, where does Nicole
even get off
238
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,689
saying I don't have
any veteran friends?
239
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,987
Well, noodles, you don't.
240
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,818
Yeah, I know.
But who is she? Nobody.
241
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,664
Just a beautiful,
obedient redhead
242
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,989
that my mother
wishes that I was.
243
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,803
Well, I don't wish
you were anybody else.
244
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,455
And she has the nerve
245
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,474
to tell me how she thinks
I live my life?
246
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,826
I don't think so.
247
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,744
You watch me
become the person
248
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,236
Nicole doesn't believe I am
just to teach her a lesson.
249
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,568
I'll find some
veteran friends.
250
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,873
I'll even volunteer.
251
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,714
That'll show the bitch.
252
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,749
[phone chimes]
253
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,845
Siri, where can I volunteer
tonight with veterans?
254
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,718
Tonight? I don't want you
cavorting around New York City
255
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,917
at night with military men.
256
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,488
Oh, Arthur, I'll be fine.
257
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,817
I insist on coming with you.
258
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,661
I don't want you to be
you-know-whatted.
259
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,032
Did I ever tell you
about the time that Laura Linney
260
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,956
tried to walk to her car alone
after a day of recording intros
261
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,262
to Downton Abbey?
262
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:17,773
No.
263
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:18,865
Well, she kept
telling me to go,
264
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,266
but I wouldn't hear of it.
265
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,937
You have to escort a lady
to her vehicle.
266
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:25,965
And sure enough,
she was followed by a crazy fan.
267
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,883
He kept shouting,
"Hey, Laura Dern!
268
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,835
Amy Adams! Holly Hunter!"
269
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,083
It wasn't until I told him
who she was
270
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,808
that he left her alone.
271
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:37,083
Before I bless the bread
and the wine and the salad forks
272
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,794
and the napkin holders,
273
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,017
I want to say something
to Uncle Billy,
274
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,862
and I'm sure I speak
for everybody here when I say
275
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:49,028
that we are absolutely fine
with you being gay.
276
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,525
Okay.
277
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,644
And, um,
I am still coming to terms
278
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,537
with the fact
that you like Billy Joel.
279
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,940
So...
[laughs]
280
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,012
I'm proud
of my record collection.
281
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,610
I'll admit that.
282
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:07,922
But, Billy,
look around the table.
283
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,745
Move your head around,
and just take it all in.
284
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,021
We are your family,
285
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,060
and we want you
to feel comfortable in our home.
286
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,326
Well, I don't.
287
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:20,963
I'm just kidding.
288
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,101
You were being honest.
289
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,725
No, I wasn't.
I'm kidding.
290
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,131
I don't know
if you're just kidding.
291
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,332
- Stop it, please.
- No, I'm not gonna stop it.
292
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,743
Come on, let's eat.
293
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,565
Can you take
smaller bites, please?
294
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,940
I can't let out the seams
in your bat mitzvah dress.
295
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,068
There's not enough fabric.
296
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,012
Norma Aranoff got her dress
at Saks.
297
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,677
That's because Moscha Aranoff
invented a laser
298
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,077
you can use on skin tags
299
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,148
and he was smart enough
to patent it.
300
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,906
That's besides
the point.
301
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,754
(Tal)
Why would you say that
to your child?
302
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,350
That is not a patent.
He had permission--
303
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,351
- How is it not a patent?
- You look fine, by the way.
304
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,593
(Tal)
And you would never
say that to Renee.
305
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,359
[all arguing]
306
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,129
What's not comfortable
about this?
307
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,727
So, Billy,
why are you uncomfortable?
308
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,359
I'm not uncomfortable;
309
00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,774
I just don't understand
when everything got so Jewish.
310
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,002
It's fine. It's just not
who we were as kids.
311
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,714
I mean, we didn't even fast
when we were kids.
312
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,377
Look, I don't know
what you people are doing.
313
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,775
If it works for you, great.
314
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,037
It's the holiest day
of the year.
315
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,854
But, Garry, here's the thing.
316
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,676
You know what the holiest day
of the year is for me?
317
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,982
The Golden Globes.
318
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,383
I don't care
about the blessings.
319
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,094
I care about the SAG Awards.
320
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:23,057
And no one cares about those.
321
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,726
Show business, Garry--
322
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,696
that's what I care about.
323
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,826
That's the most Jewish thing
I've ever heard.
324
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,770
VA hospitals never close.
325
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,138
They are perfect for late-night
impulse volunteering.
326
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,007
Noods, I don't think
you can just show up
327
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,106
and start eyeing the hospital
for friends unannounced.
328
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,078
Oh, I'll announce myself.
329
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:50,224
Hello.
Hello. Hello.
330
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,147
My name is Julie Kessler,
331
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,892
and I'm here to volunteer
with some veterans.
332
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,158
Good morning, Vietnam!
333
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,657
What did you say
you were here for?
334
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:02,732
To volunteer.
335
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,400
Well, you can't
just walk in.
336
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,697
Are you here with a group?
337
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,870
Yeah. I'm in the Bee Gees.
338
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,739
This is why healthcare
is broken.
339
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,008
No, no, no, it should be easy
to volunt--
340
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,035
We got a screamer!
341
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,881
Now! Now!
342
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,846
[man screaming]
343
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:24,078
Ten minutes. I'll find a friend,
and then we'll go home, okay?
344
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,054
I love you!
345
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,023
[upbeat classical music]
346
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,892
Candles, I know
you want to show up Nicole,
347
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,861
but maybe this is not the way.
348
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,230
This is exactly the way.
349
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,057
Hello? Hello?
350
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,474
Oh, it's probably
just like Bloomingdale's.
351
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,765
As soon
as you find what you need,
352
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:40,767
then someone
shows up to help you.
353
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,938
(man)
Oh, please.
354
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,766
I need a friend.
355
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,012
Oof. Pass.
356
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,142
This one goes out
to my favorite captain,
357
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,054
Captain Crunch.
358
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,246
[plays Taps poorly]
359
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,749
Coven was perfect.
Coven was a lot of fun.
360
00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,792
Emma Roberts didn't even
bother me in Coven.
361
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,789
You know what my triggers are?
362
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,761
Sugar.
363
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,199
Uh, I try not to Google
my exes.
364
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,955
*
365
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,474
Do you even know what brunch is?
366
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,135
Do you guys have brunch?
Do soldiers have brunch?
367
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,805
*
368
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,036
Whoo!
[laughs]
369
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,270
Taps.
370
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,514
I don't mind walking
in circles,
371
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,809
but that's what we're doing.
372
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,081
We're not walking
in a circle.
373
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,248
(woman)
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
374
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,947
What do you think
you're doing?
375
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,479
Listen, I'm gonna level
with you, okay?
376
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,253
I need to meet a veteran
so I can take him to a party
377
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,093
and make my mother's surrogate
daughter, this bitch Nicole,
378
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,959
who's got eyes
like fucking swimming pools--
379
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,859
I need to make her angry
with this veteran friend.
380
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,802
Out.
381
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,966
- Thank you.
- Why are you thanking her?
382
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,798
- I love you.
- I don't care.
383
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,114
All right. I really wish
I could see you more, you know?
384
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,976
And no more
funeral talk, I swear.
385
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,535
And, you know, you don't have
to come all the way out here.
386
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,853
I can go to you.
387
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,545
Okay, yeah.
That'd be great.
388
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,106
Good idea, Garry.
389
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,254
You know, we don't have to go
to a gay club
390
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,249
or anything like that.
391
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,520
[laughs]
392
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,018
I was not planning
on taking you to a gay club.
393
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,121
Well, I would
if you wanted to.
394
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,262
I would--I'd certainly go.
395
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,987
- Maybe we should do that.
- Okay.
396
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,562
I think Ruchel
would love the flaming saddle.
397
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,800
Or you know what?
I could go to your apartment.
398
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,156
We could have a movie night.
399
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,534
Remember when we were kids,
400
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,901
how much fun we had
during movie night?
401
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,070
I do. I do.
402
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,538
You had your tapes.
403
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,005
You had Mannequin
and Big Business.
404
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,565
- You loved Mannequin.
- RIP Meshach Taylor.
405
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:30,314
Yeah, and I had
Shoah and Fiddler.
406
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,580
Well, you always had
a soft spot for Topol.
407
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,809
- I did.
- We could agree on that.
408
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,145
Yes, and you know what else?
409
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,349
Born on the Fourth of July.
410
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,850
- That's right.
- You remember that?
411
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,853
Yes.
412
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,024
We're never, never
413
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,292
gonna let the people
of the United States
414
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,030
forget that war!
415
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:49,895
All right,
I'll call you, Garry.
416
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,157
- Okay, I'll see you later.
- Okay.
417
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,174
All right.
418
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,595
*
419
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,371
I feel like I need two weeks
of recovery
420
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,169
for every day I spend
with my family.
421
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,171
Family is like religion;
422
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,883
it's just for when you're dying
or getting married.
423
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,235
Any other time
is just superfluous.
424
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,183
(man)
This month on HBO,
425
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,278
from producers Tom Hanks,
Steven Spielberg,
426
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,051
and Steven "Little Steven"
Van Zandt,
427
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,391
comes the true story
of Stanley Pilburn,
428
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,116
a World War II soldier
429
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,292
who put six other soldiers'
lives above his.
430
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,361
Wow. Now, there's an impressive
veteran friend.
431
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,100
Yeah, where was that guy
last night?
432
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,925
Wait a minute.
433
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,071
Didn't you say your agent
was friends with someone at HBO?
434
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,866
Yeah.
435
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,998
Oh, maybe he could get us
into that premiere party.
436
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:35,143
[regal music]
437
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,382
I don't know a single person
at this party,
438
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,346
and I have never felt
more at home.
439
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,605
There's the cast
of Getting On.
440
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,252
We have to say hi
to Niecy Nash.
441
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,618
- Oh, and it's Little Steven.
- Where?
442
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,115
Little Steven.
Look, between those two.
443
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,347
Oh, my God.
444
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,892
He's wearing
his luxury bandanna.
445
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,317
- What a class act.
- I love him.
446
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,221
Have you seen Stanley Pilburn
anywhere yet?
447
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,363
No, but, I mean, you know,
he'll come.
448
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,328
He's the guest of honor.
449
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,226
God, I can't wait to show up
to Nicole's graduation party
450
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,958
and see her stupid face
451
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,634
when she sees that I'm
not only with a veteran,
452
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,072
I'm with a famous veteran.
453
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,368
Oh, hold on.
454
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,339
That guy's Cab Culver.
He works at HBO.
455
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,907
He knows my agent.
Let's say hi.
456
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,976
- Excuse me.
- Excuse us.
457
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,635
(Billy)
Hey. Cab Culver, right?
You work at HBO?
458
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:11,683
I'm Billy Epstein.
459
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,108
My agent, Skippy Truce,
460
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,313
mentioned that you guys
were friends.
461
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,224
- Oh, yeah. Skippy.
- Yes, exactly.
462
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,046
The agent that's not Jewish.
463
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,251
Oh, this is my colleague
Marcy Stein.
464
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,363
- Hello.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
465
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,428
So we know who we are.
Who are you?
466
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,027
I'm a comedian with an agent.
467
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,699
I write recaps
on the internet.
468
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,965
Great meeting you.
469
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,669
Nice to meet you too.
470
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,040
Yes, you seem like
very warm people.
471
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,441
No, very nice.
472
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,352
And by the way, when did HBO
stop making comedies
473
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,145
and only start making
gently funny comedies?
474
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,218
Oh, yeah, and while we have
your attention, can I just say,
475
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,417
is there any way we can give
Ricky Gervais another show?
476
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,119
Yes, is it true that your slogan
now is, "It's not TV;
477
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:57,292
Let's Give Ricky Gervais
More Chances"?
478
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,590
Oh, and remember that really
huge story where you guys
479
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,356
accidentally turned down
Breaking Bad and Mad Men?
480
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,695
And then turned around
and made John from Cincinnati?
481
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,097
- Please give us a show.
- Just give us a show.
482
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,369
- Please.
- Anyone.
483
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,037
Anyone in this party,
please give us a show.
484
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,696
- Please give us a show.
- [gasps] Billy, look.
485
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,313
(Julie)
It's Private Pilburn,
right by the restrooms.
486
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,735
(Billy)
Oh, perfect.
487
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,310
You go do that.
I'll get more champagne.
488
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,308
Good luck.
489
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,348
Private Pilburn?
I am such a fan of your work.
490
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,048
Aren't you kind?
491
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,450
My name is Julie,
and I respect veterans.
492
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,463
In fact, Gary Sinise
and I have a contest every year
493
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,356
to see who respects
veterans more,
494
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,058
and every time we just tie,
495
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,061
because we love
our nation's veterans.
496
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,334
Oh, thank you.
497
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,771
It's nice to know
that your generation
498
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:44,197
appreciates the freedoms
we fought for.
499
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,744
Absolutely, and in gratitude,
500
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,009
I was wondering
if you would do me the honor
501
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,779
of being my special guest
at a graduation party.
502
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,749
You and me? At a party?
503
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,388
- Yes.
- Ooh, why, yes.
504
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,745
[laughs]
Oh, Private Pilburn!
505
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,163
You've made my night, sir.
506
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,486
And may I say also,
thank you for your service.
507
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,233
I'll tell you what.
508
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,228
Let's skip the party,
509
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,529
walk over to the restroom.
510
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,501
You can service me there.
511
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,398
What?
512
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,173
You remind me
of Maureen O'Hara.
513
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,512
I always wanted her
to suck me off.
514
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,138
Billy!
515
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,353
This veteran is disgusting!
516
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,545
[crowd gasps]
517
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,116
Hey, hey.
What did I say, huh?
518
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,094
That man's a pervert.
519
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,557
- Getting On girl!
- Getting On girl!
520
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,085
- We've seen it.
- Getting On, we love you!
521
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,190
Laurie Metcalf!
MADtv! MADtv!
522
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,092
All right, we're going!
523
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,204
- They're comics or something.
- They're nobody.
524
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,496
Fine.
You don't have to touch us.
525
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,227
I'm getting gift bags.
No, excuse me.
526
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,273
I'm getting gift bags!
527
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,367
I'm coming up the stairs.
528
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,312
I know how to walk up stairs!
529
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,807
How many parties
have we been kicked out of now?
530
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,510
What am I going to do?
531
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,322
Nicole's graduation party
is in less than 24 hours,
532
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,845
and I haven't met
a single veteran
533
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,450
that I could use to make her
look like an asshole.
534
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,192
Well, maybe don't go
to the party.
535
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,387
Just once, I wanted
to show up Nicole
536
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,419
and prove to her
that I'm the better person,
537
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,534
even if that is a total lie.
538
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,557
This is really important
to you?
539
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,833
Yes. Yes, it is.
540
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,544
What?
541
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,141
You want to go see
On the Town again?
542
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,479
I know someone
who cleans their costumes.
543
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:32,145
[upbeat music]
544
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,375
Okay, so you can have
as much food as you want.
545
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,151
I don't know what's kosher
or not.
546
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,419
And, um, if Nicole asks,
you've been to battle, okay?
547
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,249
- Okay.
- And by the way, Garry.
548
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,894
Thank you so much
for doing this.
549
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,159
- You look great.
- Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
550
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,428
(Nicole)
Excuse me, everyone.
551
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,827
Hi.
552
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,298
I just want to thank all of you
for coming
553
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,868
to my graduation party.
554
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,465
But most of all,
555
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:59,537
I want to thank the mom
I never had, Marilyn Kessler.
556
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,409
I cannot wait to follow
in your footsteps.
557
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,839
Well, you can try,
but I have tiny feet.
558
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,514
Tiny tiny.
559
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,283
[laughs]
That's so cute.
560
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:12,221
Julie, would you like to say
a few words about your mom?
561
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,889
Sure, yeah. Thank you.
562
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,317
Thanks, Mom.
563
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,634
Thank you, Nicole. Okay.
564
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,585
No, I know where to stand.
Thanks, Nicole.
565
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:24,863
I just wanted to say
that today isn't about us.
566
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,474
It's about our troops,
567
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,296
it's about our veterans,
568
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:31,541
and it's about how they
fought for our freedoms.
569
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:36,378
So please join me in boycotting
Bernie's Boot Camp.
570
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,906
Thank you.
571
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:42,550
And for a few words
about that and our country,
572
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:46,549
I want to bring to the stage
right now my best friend,
573
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,663
Sergeant Garry Epstein,
574
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,355
who's a veteran!
575
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,356
Thank you. At ease.
576
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:01,327
We are never, never gonna let
the people of the United States
577
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,574
forget that war.
578
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,939
Born on the Fourth of July.
579
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,566
(Garry)
Because the moment we do,
580
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,613
there's gonna be another war
581
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,538
and another and another.
582
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,284
I'd like to say one more thing.
583
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:17,451
I have a gay brother,
and I am not ashamed.
584
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,720
So let's end this whole
Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing.
585
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,389
Thank you very much.
586
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,359
Thank you.
587
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,427
Everyone, enjoy the party.
588
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,256
[laughs]
589
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,401
Huh?
590
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,226
It was great. Thank you.
591
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,231
I think I got bitten
by that showbiz bug.
592
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,533
(Billy)
Well, you know what they say.
593
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,244
Friends and families
come and go,
594
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,566
but show business is forever.
595
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,310
(Garry)
Forever and ever.
596
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,336
[phone chiming]
- Oh, speaking of which...
597
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,381
My agent. Gotta go.
598
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,675
I love this guy.
599
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,676
He calls Billy on a Sunday.
600
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,947
He reaches out on Yom Kippur.
601
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,375
Once he texts him on Ramadan,
602
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,550
I'm gonna make him
put a ring on it.
603
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,648
- Sweetheart.
- Hi, Mom.
604
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,250
I can't wait to throw you
a graduation party.
605
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,323
Or a wedding.
606
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,561
Or a baby shower.
607
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:59,585
I know you mean well, but that
really hurts my feelings.
608
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,532
What if I went blonde?
609
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,428
Now, I'm not talking about
anything age-inappropriate.
610
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,570
I'm just talking about something
to give me a little lift.
611
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,265
Would--
- Billy, what's wrong?
612
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,437
My agent committed suicide
this morning.
613
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:13,036
- He what?
- You have an agent?
614
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,439
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
615
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,642
Don't worry, Billy.
616
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,413
It probably has nothing
to do with you.
617
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:19,981
Oh, well, thanks for the
grief counseling, Marilyn.
618
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,979
Well, if you want
to talk any more about it,
619
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:23,521
you know where to reach me.
620
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,576
Julie has my number.
621
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,324
I got to say, Billy,
622
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:33,032
after the events of today,
life is short, you know?
623
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,655
*
624
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,501
Don't spend too much of it
with your family.
625
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,396
This is getting
too real.
626
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:39,528
You want to duck out of here
627
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,732
and see that new
Rachel McAdams movie?
628
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:41,733
It's supposed to be
terrible.
629
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,344
The worst.
630
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:46,367
(Julie)
Excuse us. Pardon us.
631
00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:49,483
(Billy)
I'm so glad
we survived that party.
632
00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:51,606
You know, in a way,
we're veterans.
633
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,351
Yes.
634
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:59,018
So ends a week
of family awfulness.
635
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,788
- You're my family.
- You're my family.
636
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:01,817
You're my family.
637
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,761
I know.
638
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,486
(Scotto)
A World War II veteran
currently the subject
639
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,403
of a new documentary
was arrested last night
640
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:12,666
after following the cast
of Getting O into the restroom.
641
00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,565
Let me alone,
you mother[bleep].
642
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,738
I'll get you for this [bleep],
you [bleep].
643
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,437
Oh, my God.
644
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,369
(Scotto)
Spokespeople for
the actors involved
645
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:22,544
did not make
an official comment,
646
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,042
but as the story breaks,
647
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:26,083
we will continue
to bring you updates.
648
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,578
I hope Laurie Metcalf
is okay.
649
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,120
You see, I should have
stayed with her.
650
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:31,645
Always walk Laura Linney
to her car.
651
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:33,521
(Scotto)
In other show business news,
652
00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:36,620
HBO is developing
a heartbreaking true story
653
00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,663
about an agent
who committed suicide
654
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:42,428
just days after he was diagnosed
with a brain hemorrhage
655
00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:45,529
that caused him
to sign random people.
656
00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:47,772
Ricky Gervais is slated to star.
657
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,665
* Duh, duh, duh
658
00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,684
[both singing]
659
00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:01,877
*
660
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,821
(man)
Ow!
661
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,486
* Thought it'd be easy
662
00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:09,116
* Thought they didn't know
663
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:14,431
* You thought it was
the only way to go *
664
00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:16,697
* Another way out
665
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,526
* Found on the way home
666
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,802
* Thought you were living fast
667
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,570
* But you were living slow
668
00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:31,540
*
48460
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