All language subtitles for Bob.Hearts.Abishola.S02E08.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...

- Your husband is coming to America.
- What?

That's a nice dress.

Tayo will like it.

It's not for him.

I just grabbed any old
thing from the closet.

Well, your old thing has
a tag from Nordstrom's.

I did not want him to come here.

Ah, a father must see his son.

Would you rather they eat
at the Home of the Whopper?

E kaabo, Dad.

Look at you.

You are a man now.

Abishola, you look beautiful.

This dress is old. I look the same.

Whatever your side of the story is,
you've been gone

for eight years.

She's with me now.

She's moved on.

I will be taking her back to Nigeria.

It is time for you to move on.

_

This chin chin is terrible today.

And yet you eat them as if
they are going to run away.

Ah. Terrible chin chin
is still chin chin.

I see you are enjoying my
daughter's cooking, Uncle.

Oh, yes,
like they were made with God's fingers.

Great service, Pastor.

You really gave Satan
a run for his money.

Thank you, Bob.

Yeah, the way you jump around,

sweating, screaming at people.

It's like if Jesus taught a spin class.

I accept your blasphemous compliment.

Uh, listen, uh,
can I talk to you for a second?

Of course.

I don't know if you know,
but Abishola and I are engaged.

Yes, I am aware of this.

Well, technically she's still
married to Tayo Adebambo.

And I am also aware of this.

Well, I guess
you only work one day a week,

you got plenty of time for gossip.

That was a joke. It's-it's a bad joke.

- Listen, you're from Nigeria.
- Mm-hmm.

Do you think you could
pull any strings over there

or over here or, you know, up there?

Bob, Colossians,
chapter three, verse 18 says,

"Wives, submit to your husbands,
as is fitting in the Lord."

I appreciate your support,
but you've met Abishola.

She's not exactly the submitting type.

I'm sorry, Bob.
I don't think you understand.

Abishola belongs with Tayo, her husband.

Yeah, but what do you know?

I'm sorry I took so long.

What is going on?

Apparently

your pastor here is Team Tayo.

I am Team God, but, yes,
God is Team Tayo.

I have spoken to your husband,

and he does not wish to divorce you.

You spoke to Tayo?

He came to me for counsel.

When? 'Cause I tried
to call you Thursday,

and I got sent to a stupid prayer line.

Tayo believes that you can get
past this misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding? He abandoned her.

- Bob.
- No. I guess when you sent him out for groceries,

he thought you said, "Go back to
Nigeria and take a second wife."

It's your classic mix-up.

Bob, please.

Thank you for taking
the time to speak to us.

We will see you next Sunday.

Yes, of course, Pastor. Goodbye.

You're just gonna let him
off the hook like that?

Oh, he's not off the hook.

He will no longer be
in my nightly prayers.

Oh, you are vicious.

I'm just saying,
if you change your phone number,

Tayo will never be able to call you.

Can we go ten minutes
without bringing him up?

I'd love to go my whole life
without bringing him up.

But first we got to figure
out how to get rid of him.

No, I need to figure out why
my new phone needs five Gs,

when I barely use the Gs I have.

Hello. I'm Kevin. Can I help you today?

Yes, I would like a new,
inexpensive phone.

Tap your number in here,
we can get you all set up.

Would you like to look at our latest...?

- No.
- Okay.

Uh, so the account's under
a Mr. Adebambo. "Tay-o"?

"Tie-o"? Am I saying that right?

You're saying it enough.

You're still on his phone plan?

It saves money when Dele talks to him.

I see.

Bob, that's all that it is.

Well, what if you join my family plan?

I don't know that we can
be on your family plan

if we're not family.

But we will be.

But we will be.

- Yes, we will.
- I don't know if this helps, but

you don't have to be family
to be on a family plan.

You could just be friends.

Doesn't help, Kevin.

I told you this was
not going to be easy.

I understand. I just feel like

I'm the only one fighting for us.

Just because I do not scream
at my pastor or make a scene

at a cell phone store does
not mean I'm not fighting.

I'm not making a scene.

- Am I making a scene, Kevin?
- Uh...

Oh, now you got nothing to say.

Kevin, I do not want friends,
I do not want family.

I want my own plan.

It's gonna cost a little extra.

I do not care. I will pay it.

Wow. You really are mad.

_

Hello? Hello? Who is it?

E karo, Mommy. It's me.
My name is on the screen.

Oh, Abishola.

I think you need to adjust your camera.

I can only see your hair.

It must be a problem with your computer.

My computer is fine.

Are you talking back to me?

Sorry, Mommy. Your hair looks nice.

I have a new girl doing my wigs.

The old one was using yak hair
and charging human hair prices.

Uh, Mommy,
I wanted to talk to you about Tayo.

Ah. I have heard all about it.

Well done.

Well done?

Getting engaged to force
Tayo to come back for you.

Very clever.

No, I still want to marry Bob.

Don't be stupid.

You already have a husband,

and you two are very happy together.

But we are not.

But I have told people you are.

- Why?
- To protect your reputation.

My reputation is fine.

Because of my lies.

_

You wanted to see us?

Yeah. Come on in.
Shut the door. Have a seat.

Listen, we've got a situation.

Is this about the vending machine?

It gave me double Cheetos.
There was nothing I could do.

This isn't about work.

We need to talk to you
as friends of the family.

Oh. Okay.

- Please proceed.
- As you know,

Abishola's husband is
causing some issues.

The dude can't take a hint.

She's the best thing that
ever happened to Bob,

to us, and-and we can't lose her.

From what I understand,

her husband will never
grant her a divorce.

Exactly.
So what are we gonna do about it?

- We?
- You guys are Nigerian.

You know how this stuff works.
What can we do?

- Legally?
- Or...

...illegally.

Put your vest on.

Take it easy. We're just

trying to help out Bob and Abishola.

I think my solution
still has some merit.

Knock it off with that cockamamie idea.

Maybe we should let the Nigerians decide

what's cockamamie.

Fine.

Goodwin, Kofo, as you know,

Nigerians are a noble,

honorable people with
high moral standards.

We'd like to exploit that.

Operation Secret Stork
is a two-part process.

Abishola pretends to be
pregnant with Bob's child.

We get a phony pee stick,

counterfeit sonograms, the works.

And Tayo, so disgusted by
his wife's sins of the flesh,

demands a divorce.

Thoughts?

- Kofo?
- No, you go right ahead.

So, you would destroy
this woman's reputation

and standing within her
family and community?

Yes.

But she'd have us.

Kofo?

I-I think what Goodwin
is trying to say is,

while your heart is in the right place,

your actions are beyond reprehensible.

See? Cockamamie!

Okay, but if we took out

the morality, put it in a box,

buried that box in a little shame hole,

- would the plan work?
- I suppose in theory

- it could, but...
- Thank you!

But her family may never
speak to her again.

Well, that will be okay,
because she's our family now!

_

When my son sat me down,

I thought he was gonna tell
me he was gay or Republican.

- Which one is he?
- Neither. He's in love.

- With a man?
- No, with a woman.

Ugh. Boring.

Tell your son not to rush into marriage.

He will end up disappointed,
feeling foolish,

and most likely alone.

Who tinkled on your toast?

Tayo. He left a trail of
tinkle all around Detroit.

It was stupid of me to
think this could work.

Why'd I say yes?

Why did I give Bob hope?

Sorry, you said "Bob Hope."

Yes. She has given Bob hope.

And soon Bob's hope will be dead.

He already is. Get it?

Never mind, never mind.

Bob does not understand.

No matter what we do,

Tayo is not going to change his mind.

Of course he's not.

He's that stubborn? Is he a Taurus?

He's Nigerian.

And a Taurus.

Nigerians can be very headstrong.

And vindictive.

I had a friend whose cousin stole

her recipes and opened a
successful catering business.

My friend then sent her cousin
a tainted box of cilantro,

which gave all of her
clients violent dysentery.

Damn.

Wait, doesn't your cousin
have a catering business?

Not anymore.

_

- Bob.
- Kaale, Tayo. I'd like to introduce you

to my attorney Arnie Goldfischer.

Pleasure.

What's going on?

I tried playing this the Nigerian way,

but now we're gonna play
it the American way.

Whoever has the most
expensive lawyer wins.

And I'm very expensive.

_

How did you know I would be here?

Took a wild guess.

We also came yesterday...
you never showed up.

Oh, I love this soup. It's very spicy.

Cleared me right out, but in a good way.

Do you mind?

Sorry. Um...

Listen...

Mr. Adebambo,

my client is ready to
go to great lengths

to acquire the legal
documentation from Nigeria

to render your marriage

to Mrs. Abishola Adebambo null and void.

We're not messing around, Tayo.

We're willing to do whatever it takes.

I see. Well,

perhaps you will be needing
to speak with my lawyer

Kitoye Afolabe.

Spicy?

No, he's a good lawyer.

- You know him?
- He's presented at international court.

Everyone knows Afolabe.

Perhaps this will not be
as easy as you thought.

Okay, okay,
so we both have bigwig lawyers.

No, his is bigger. Literally.

You know, they wear those powdered wigs.

I think it's left over from the English?

It is.

Maybe you should try
dipping your fufu in there.

All right, listen!

Nobody wants us to
spend a bunch of money

tying this up in court.

That time it was spicy.

The point is,
maybe we can try something else.

How much would it take for
you to just let her go?

So you are trying to bribe
me into leaving my wife?

What's the big deal?
First time you did it for free.

Let me ask you something, Bob.

How much would it cost
for you to leave Abishola?

You don't have that kind of money, pal.

Ah...

so you do have a number.

Because I do not.

No, I-I don't have a number either.

But you see a Black man and assume that

- you can just buy him off.
- Okay.

Hold on, this isn't a race thing.

If you were white,
I'd still be trying to buy you off.

I'll buy off the lawyer,
the judge, whatever it takes.

What?!

Okay, evidently I should
not have said any of that.

_

This isn't over. Not by a long shot.

We'll go to international court.

Do you know any Nigerian lawyers?

- No.
- Well, we'll find one.

And if we have to go there,
we'll go there.

We'll make a trip out of it.

We'll have to find
different accommodations.

My family will not
allow us in their homes.

- Really?
- Really, but I do not care.

I do not need my family
or my church's blessings.

We're going to fight this even
if it takes years and years.

Damn right.

Or... we could just be happy.

What?

You're here with me,
and I'm here with you.

What are we fighting for?
We already won.

But this is important to you.

It is, but it's not
what's most important.

It was going to be a nice wedding.

Yeah.
You would have made a lovely bride.

And we know I can wear
the hell out of a tux.

Yes, you can.

Uncle Tunde and Dele were going
to walk me down the aisle.

I like that. That's sweet.

Mm. And there were going
to be so many flowers.

- Calla lilies?
- You remembered.

See? I listen sometimes.

We'd seal the deal with a buffet

so people could stuff themself on fufu.

- No buffet.
- Really?

Uh-uh.

This is a wedding, not a Sizzler.

Sit-down, served dinner.

Deal.

Well, we may not have a wedding,

but I found our song.

I am not dancing to your Bob Seger.

I understand why you'd say that,

but it's something else.

* Love don't care who you be... *

- I like this, but this would not have been my first choice.
- No?

You wanted that Bob Seger, huh?

* Love don't care who you know *

* Watin you get, oh *

* Love don't care at all. *

Are you sure I need to come every week?

It is important for us to show we have

- nothing to be ashamed of.
- I mean, I got plenty to be ashamed of.

You know I used to smoke cigars
and wear a little porkpie hat?

It's a joke.
When I'm anxious, I make jokes.

I cannot believe I
agreed to not marry you.

How long is he gonna be here?

Too long. Dele, come.

We're going to get our seats.

What was he saying?

I don't know.
I was pretending to understand.

I'm about to do a lot
of that right in here.

E karo, Uncle Tunde, Auntie Olu.

So good to see you on this fine morning.

I see that you are still here.

Where else would I be?

In Nigeria, with your second family.

I'm sure they miss you.

Yes, well, I have family here, too.

Really? Oh, I would love to meet them.

Is there something wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

Tunde, remind me,

where was he eight years ago?

Not here.

What about two years ago?

Still not here.

But this year, Abishola found Bob,

a man she loves.

And poof! Here he is.

You are like a child
who has discarded a toy

and then begins whining for it

when another child shows interest.

Like a baby-baby,
who has stuck his head in gravy.

I appreciate your guidance,

but Abishola and I have a son together.

And what sort of an example
are you setting for him?

I am showing him he should
go after what he wants.

Even if what he wants does not want him?

You are making me seem desperate.

You are making you seem desperate.

Well, there are plenty of women
who would love

to be with a successful man like me.

Then maybe you should go wait
for them at their church.

Oh, my wonderful wife,

you have castrated him with your words.

Snip, snip.

I just do not understand
what made him send this text.

Let me see it.

"You've changed...

"Many women want me...

I can do a hundred push-ups."

Is that a text from Tayo?

Yes. I believe he no longer
wants to be married to me.

Ah.

So he just suddenly changed his mind?

What an unexpected turn of events.

It is very odd.
Nigerians do not change their minds.

I'll bet you I scared
him off with Goldfischer.

- It was not a goldfish.
- Uh-uh.

God must have heard your prayers.

And sent an angel to
whisper in Tayo's ear.

So we're actually doing this.

- You're gonna be Mrs Abishola Wheeler.
- Mm.

Or you could take my family
name and be Bob Odegbami.

Ode-bami?

Odegbami.

Ode-bami.

Odegbami.

All right, if I can't say it,
we can't do it.

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