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1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,640
Stephen, I've got some good news.
2
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:08,440
Am I in a coma after all?
3
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,240
Thank Christ for that.
4
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,440
Do feel free to switch off
the machine.
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,920
I've talked to the police about what
happened with the hedge-vodka.
6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,440
Maybe just call it vodka.
7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,040
No, the hedge-vodka.
8
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,560
The secret vodka you kept
hidden in a hedge.
9
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,440
Do they need to know if I want to
prosecute the guy?
10
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:25,760
Because I think I don't.
11
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,400
I was cross at the time, but it was
quite cheap own-brand vodka,
12
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,560
and I think, on the whole, I'll
just chalk it up to experience.
13
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,600
You do realise how serious what
happened was, don't you?
14
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,920
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
15
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,400
I think on the whole I've decided
not that serious.
16
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,840
It was just some vodka.
17
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,400
Let bygones be bygones.
18
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,040
They're not your bygones.
19
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,720
Of course they're my bygones.
20
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,360
I'm the one they went by.
21
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,120
No, the poor guy you made drink
rinse aid, they're his bygones.
22
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,440
The vodka thief?
23
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,480
It's not stealing vodka
if you find it in a hedge.
24
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:56,680
Oh, that's the new law, is it?
25
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,320
No, that's the very old law.
26
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,520
And another very old law is don't
force joggers to drink rinse aid.
27
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,760
I would question
the antiquity of that law.
28
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,800
He could very well have
taken you to court.
29
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:06,880
So he's not then?
30
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,360
No. Thanks to some brilliant work by
me,
31
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,000
he's agreed to let bygones
be bygones.
32
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,440
Well, if you remember,
that's exactly what I suggested.
33
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,880
OK, well, anyway, I just thought I'd
deliver the message.
34
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,800
Wait, you're not going
to have a drink, are you?
35
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,520
Look, we've established that I drink
too much, but this is Britain.
36
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,600
We all drink too much.
37
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,360
And, do you know what?
I'm good at drinking too much.
38
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,440
Even if I were an alcoholic...
I think you...
39
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,280
..which I'm not, but if I were...
You must...
40
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,720
..which I'm not, but if I were,
I'd be such
41
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,280
a high-functioning one that it
basically wouldn't matter.
42
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,360
You tried to poison a stranger.
43
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,480
Yes, when I was sober.
44
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,520
It literally would not have happened
if I'd had a drink.
45
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,560
You need to take
a look at your demons, Stephen.
46
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,480
I've just told you,
I haven't got drink demons.
47
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,280
I've got loads of other demons
though
48
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,760
and I promise I'll have
a good look at those.
49
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,280
Fine, I'm going to go and get some
bits from M&S for Mum and Dad.
50
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,600
Merlot, please, Jan.
51
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,920
Why is it so busy?
52
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960
Puh-ub's had to close temporarily.
53
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,800
They discovered asbestos, so all
their customers have come here.
54
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,360
They make a lot of silly fuss
over asbestos.
55
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,800
My farm's full of it.
56
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,480
Ceilings, floor tiles,
insulation, outbuildings.
57
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,360
I think I've been exposed to it so
much, I'm immune to any ill effects.
58
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,560
So, so it's like you've been
vaccinated with asbestos?
59
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:17,600
Yeah.
60
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,400
Suck on that, nanny state.
61
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,074
Learn Thai online with BananaThai
http://osdb.link/bananathai
62
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,760
So now what does it want me to do?
63
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,560
Well, when we don't know,
what always helps?
64
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,840
Oh, the cog of knowledge.
65
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,080
The cog of knowledge.
66
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,560
The all-knowing cog.
67
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,800
Aha. Archive.
68
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,520
So where do I put it?
Alison or garden?
69
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,040
Mm, that's not really a technical
question, Wendy.
70
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,480
That's more philosophy.
71
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:57,000
Is it Alison in the garden, or is it
the garden with Alison in it?
72
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:58,960
What's our focus?
73
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,440
Well, can't I put it in both?
74
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,600
I mean, you very much can put it in
both.
75
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,640
The question is, are you ready to
learn how to put it in both?
76
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,480
No. Wendy, come on.
77
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,840
Only 40 minutes ago you didn't know
how to make it go big.
78
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,360
Oh. All right, then.
That's the spirit.
79
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,200
Right, what we need to do is create
keywords within folders.
80
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,120
No, no. No, I regret it already.
81
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,160
Oh, goddammit, woman,
come on, pull yourself together.
82
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,680
You can do this.
83
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,560
Oh, hi Alison. Al.
84
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,680
Hello, sweetheart.
85
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,880
Andy's teaching me
how to scan in all the old photos.
86
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,480
I can see.
87
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,680
I told you how to do that.
88
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,720
Yes, but... What?
89
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,400
But you didn't.
90
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,400
I did. I told you at Christmas.
91
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:44,360
No, I'm not saying you didn't say
you would, I just mean you didn't.
92
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,400
I'm sorry
if I've just been a tiny bit busy,
93
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,240
what with trying to move house
and ending a long-term relationship.
94
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,960
No, I'm not blaming you, darling.
95
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,680
But Andrew offered and I thought...
96
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,560
Sorry, Alison. This is the TV aerial
all over again, isn't it?
97
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,000
Have I crossed another line?
No, not at all.
98
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,480
Our reception's never been clearer.
99
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,680
Is that me? Yes.
100
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,160
Mum, I'm topless.
101
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,080
Don't be ridiculous, darling.
You're five.
102
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,080
It doesn't matter how old I am.
103
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,040
They're still the same nipples.
104
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,440
Don't be silly.
105
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,480
If it helps, I honestly haven't
registered your nipples.
106
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:26,720
Stephen, thanks so much for taking
in all our waifs and strays.
107
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,600
Bloody asbestos.
108
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,240
Looks like we're doing very well out
of it, so...
109
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,560
Sorry things didn't work out with
you and the job at our place.
110
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,800
Bygones?
111
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,440
I'm hearing that word a lot today.
112
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,000
We were wondering, Stephen,
113
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,120
would you guys be able to host
our pub quiz tomorrow night?
114
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,760
Quiz? It's a rollover.
115
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,440
The jackpot's up to £800,
116
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,240
so all the regulars are keen for it
to go ahead.
117
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,000
You guys could even put
a team together.
118
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,520
A pub quiz?
119
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,880
Ah, a pub quiz.
120
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,120
A pub quiz? Oh.
121
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,480
But I'm thinking maybe this
is the demon I can actually face.
122
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:05,600
The dreaded pub quiz.
123
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,040
I think I might be able to
exorcise this demon.
124
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,040
Are we talking about an actual
exorcism here?
125
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,080
Because I could definitely get us
mate's rates.
126
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,960
One of the last things that Laurie
did before he went
127
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,120
into the hospice was
organise a pub quiz.
128
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,320
The jackpot question was about law.
129
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,280
Stephen buzzed prematurely.
130
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,880
My finger slipped. I, I panicked.
131
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,400
He got the answer wrong,
so the other team automatically won.
132
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,800
Who were they again?
133
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,560
The Brights. The fucking Brights is
who they were.
134
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,160
Laurie thought Stephen ought
to have known the answer
135
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,960
because of all his legal training
that Laurie paid for.
136
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,400
Not in America. It was a question
about the US legal system.
137
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,840
Anyway, it all got a bit, uh,
drastic.
138
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,240
Dad got angry, never forgave me,
and then he died.
139
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,560
Classic.
140
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,640
Hi. Hey. You again.
141
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,400
Ah, it's nice to check in,
even though
142
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:53,960
obviously I live independently now.
143
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,520
It's great. We love it.
144
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,560
Uh, you did check in this morning.
145
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,360
I know, but I just had a brilliant
History of Art sesh.
146
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,880
We're looking at a late Rembrandt,
The Two Moors.
147
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,960
That was the old word for what
we would now call African Americans.
148
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,400
Did they have Americans then?
149
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,640
No. I mean, uh, Dutch Americans.
150
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:11,880
No, African...Dutchmen?
151
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,960
I think just Africans.
152
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,800
Right. Anyway, the wonderful thing
is, is that Rembrandt paints them
153
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,680
as if they were just normal people.
154
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,200
Which they were. Are.
Which they are and were.
155
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,880
But Rembrandt wouldn't
have thought so.
156
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,520
That's my point. Except that he did.
But he shouldn't have.
157
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,080
Shouldn't he? No.
158
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,280
Yes, he should, and he did,
and that's my point,
159
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,880
and that's why it's my favourite.
160
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,760
Anyway, what's everyone else's news?
161
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,640
If I put a pub quiz team
together, Cass,
162
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,240
would you want to be part of it?
163
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,800
You? Even after you..?
164
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,280
I know, but I've decided
to clamber unsteadily
165
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,520
back onto that horse.
166
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,600
I might put my own team together.
167
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,600
My housemates. The gang.
168
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,000
Fair enough. How about you, Mum?
169
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,880
Oh, well, I will if you like, love,
but I don't really know anything.
170
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,400
No, that's true.
171
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,240
Julian? How's your trivia knowledge?
172
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,080
Well, I'm no Professor Branestawm,
173
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,440
but what knowledge I do have is far
from trivial.
174
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,800
It's the sure
and certain knowledge that...
175
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,680
Jesus is magic. I know.
176
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,680
Never mind. That rarely comes up.
177
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,800
LAUGHTER
178
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,640
Then above that,
we have the Great Bear.
179
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,200
Ursa Major.
180
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,240
Mum, what on earth do you think
you're do... Dad!
181
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,600
Hey, pull up a pew.
182
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,480
Andrew's teaching me
all about the stars.
183
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,520
What about the stars?
184
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,360
There's fucking loads of the
bastards, what else do you need to know?
185
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:51,800
Well, what they're called, you know.
What consellations they're in.
186
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,840
Co... Constellations, I mean.
187
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,480
What does Andrew know about that?
188
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,400
Oh, my word, everything.
189
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:00,000
He used to be an astronomer,
didn't you know?
190
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,760
Not really. I dabbled.
191
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,160
Very junior position
over at Goonhilly Down,
192
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,320
towards the end of the '90s.
193
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,600
Dad, do you really think
you ought to be out in the garden
194
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,920
in the middle of the night?
Oh, I'm fine. Fit as a flea.
195
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,200
It turns out, I've got a better
resting heart rate than Andrew here.
196
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:19,600
I gave Phil a quick, not medical
exactly, but checked a few vitals.
197
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,120
You know. I thought it'd be
irresponsible not to
198
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,840
if we were going to be sat out.
199
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,200
Oh, isn't he lovely?
200
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:29,440
I think he must be the only chap
I've ever met who's pure goodness.
201
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,560
No, I tell a lie,
I did once bump into Tony Hart.
202
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,960
That's his whole thing though.
203
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,160
When you just say it
out loud to people...
204
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,680
Archiving old photographs,
stargazing.
205
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,720
Right, it sounds perfectly normal.
206
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,480
And nice.
207
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,200
Maybe it is normal and nice.
208
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,040
Do you believe that?
209
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,240
No.
210
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,280
This is new.
211
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,600
I thought it was just me
he wanted to inject his venom into.
212
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,960
Maybe he's expanding
his client list.
213
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,600
Maybe he sees me as part of you
because we used to be married.
214
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,000
Happily married.
215
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,080
That shouldn't be how it works
though.
216
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,680
Batman has other villains.
217
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,960
Joker doesn't have other Batmen.
218
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,200
Did you just instinctively
pluralise Batman?
219
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,160
I'm not a savage.
220
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,840
So, Geoff,
you're in for the quiz, right?
221
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,400
Sure. I'm good on popular culture,
up until about 1998.
222
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,320
Or 2002 even.
223
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,240
When was Chris Tarrant around? Then.
224
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,640
I'm good at that.
225
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,840
Right. We need a bit more heft
if we're going to beat the Brights.
226
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,920
Sorry, who are the Brights?
Oh, they're the worst.
227
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,160
They're sort of pub quiz
asset strippers.
228
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,120
Like that gang in the
Wild West that went around
229
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,800
stealing everyone's money.
230
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,000
The James Gang? See, I don't know.
231
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,200
But the Brights would.
232
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,720
I don't know what I'm talking about,
233
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,840
but they'd know exactly what
I was talking about.
234
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,560
They've got one of those creepy kids
who can recite pi for days.
235
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,720
And a triple Mastermind
semifinalist,
236
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,280
which is more impressive than it
sounds.
237
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,560
And it sounds impressive.
238
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,200
Oh, her? Mary?
Yes, she's class, she really is.
239
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,560
She could've been on Eggheads, but
it's who you know with that crowd.
240
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,160
Anyway, as soon as there's a decent
prize anywhere west of Reading,
241
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:12,160
they swoop in like brainy locusts
and hoover it up.
242
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,640
Basically, they're my nemeses.
243
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,400
I thought Andrew was your nemesis?
244
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, he's one of them,
and they're another.
245
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,800
You can't have more than one
nemesis. You can have as many as you like. Look at Batman.
246
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:25,280
He's got the Joker, the cat lady,
Danny De Vito,
247
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,440
one that's like the Joker but green.
248
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,680
I should know these,
they might come up.
249
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,080
Could Andrew join you maybe?
Oh, he's very clever.
250
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:34,960
Oh, yes. Razor-sharp mind.
251
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,440
Sagacious, forensic, galaxy brain.
252
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,480
He could help you beat
the Brights, Stephen.
253
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,160
He could defeat your demons.
254
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,960
In this situation, I think
Andrew might be the Exorcist.
255
00:11:04,777 --> 00:11:08,497
This needs to be an efficient,
focused strike, like Hatton Garden.
256
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,257
In, do the business, out.
257
00:11:10,297 --> 00:11:11,857
Wallop, cushty.
258
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:13,497
Didn't they all go to prison?
259
00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:15,377
I know how much this
means to you, Stephen.
260
00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:17,017
To your mental wellbeing.
261
00:11:17,057 --> 00:11:18,177
I'm sure you do.
262
00:11:18,217 --> 00:11:20,737
So let's get your thinking heads on
and win this.
263
00:11:20,777 --> 00:11:23,057
Just wanted to wish
everyone good luck.
264
00:11:23,097 --> 00:11:26,337
It doesn't matter if you fail,
you can't know everything.
265
00:11:26,377 --> 00:11:30,017
And sometimes you need to hit rock
bottom before things begin to
266
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,057
look up.
267
00:11:31,097 --> 00:11:32,377
Is this a pep talk?
268
00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,857
It was meant to be,
but I should have rehearsed it.
269
00:11:36,177 --> 00:11:37,337
Ooh.
270
00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:41,257
Don't think I've been in a pub
since the split with Becca.
271
00:11:41,297 --> 00:11:43,217
We can leave whenever you like.
Thanks.
272
00:11:43,257 --> 00:11:46,577
I'm...I'm fine at the moment.
I'm feeling supported. Mm.
273
00:11:46,617 --> 00:11:48,377
Feeling pretty safe, actually.
274
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,857
What's your specialist subject,
quiz-wise?
275
00:11:50,897 --> 00:11:54,577
I guess, uh, serial killers?
276
00:11:56,497 --> 00:11:59,177
Quiz Akabusi. Quiz Evans.
277
00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:00,857
Quiz Quizstofferson.
278
00:12:00,897 --> 00:12:04,217
Geoff, the team name doesn't have to
be a Chris-Quiz pun.
279
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,857
Of course it does. They always are.
280
00:12:05,897 --> 00:12:08,617
It's hilarious.
Oh, Quiztopher Columbus.
281
00:12:08,657 --> 00:12:11,537
Quiz Sturrock. Who's Chris Sturrock
again? Is he a cricketer?
282
00:12:11,577 --> 00:12:13,577
No, that's thin bloke who
does my silage.
283
00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:15,697
Oh, Let's Get Quizzical.
Uh, Quizzywig.
284
00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:18,137
Uh, the Quizzard of Oz.
285
00:12:18,177 --> 00:12:20,017
The...Quizzard of Quoz.
286
00:12:20,057 --> 00:12:21,297
Geoff.
287
00:12:21,337 --> 00:12:24,497
Look, to be clear, I am going to
keep doing these until you pick one.
288
00:12:24,537 --> 00:12:26,417
No, Geoff, look.
289
00:12:26,457 --> 00:12:29,737
The Bright's. The fucking Bright's.
290
00:12:32,137 --> 00:12:35,017
Is that Mary Ryan?
Isn't she the quizzing legend?
291
00:12:35,057 --> 00:12:36,777
We can beat them.
292
00:12:36,817 --> 00:12:39,297
We can. Even with Mary Ryan.
293
00:12:39,337 --> 00:12:40,577
Do you have a plan?
294
00:12:40,617 --> 00:12:44,457
Well, no, I...I was just expressing
it as, as a hope and a want.
295
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:48,417
Well, I hope and want to get one
more erection before I die,
296
00:12:48,457 --> 00:12:51,817
but it's unlikely,
unless they hang me.
297
00:12:51,857 --> 00:12:54,737
Don't worry. I'm going to do
everything I can
298
00:12:54,777 --> 00:12:56,257
to win this quiz, Stephen.
299
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,737
Everything.
300
00:13:00,097 --> 00:13:04,297
Jan, next question, if you please.
301
00:13:04,337 --> 00:13:07,137
Mike, I thank you kindly.
302
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:09,457
The next question is as follows.
303
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:15,137
The smallest city in Britain is
also the windiest city.
304
00:13:15,177 --> 00:13:16,497
MIKE BLOWS
305
00:13:16,537 --> 00:13:17,977
What is it?
306
00:13:18,017 --> 00:13:19,617
I know. Give me the pen.
307
00:13:19,657 --> 00:13:22,217
Give me the pen.
You'll never get the pen, Geoff.
308
00:13:22,257 --> 00:13:23,617
WHISPERS: Chicago...
309
00:13:23,657 --> 00:13:25,897
Chicago. Chicago? Shh!
310
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:29,337
You think the smallest
city in Britain is Chicago?
311
00:13:29,377 --> 00:13:30,777
What? No, it's the Windy City.
312
00:13:30,817 --> 00:13:33,497
That's what they call it.
That's only a third of the question.
313
00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:35,417
No time for maths now,
Professor Yaffle.
314
00:13:35,457 --> 00:13:36,977
This is geography.
315
00:13:44,497 --> 00:13:46,617
And that's a very respectable
half-time
316
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:48,937
score for the Team Tagine guys.
317
00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:51,937
And Denser than Mensa are doing
very well indeed.
318
00:13:51,977 --> 00:13:57,577
But way, way out front with 24 out
of 25 points,
319
00:13:57,617 --> 00:14:00,697
it's The Bright's.
320
00:14:00,737 --> 00:14:02,417
Bright by name.
321
00:14:02,457 --> 00:14:03,697
Yes, they are.
322
00:14:03,737 --> 00:14:05,897
Oh, well. We're fucked.
323
00:14:05,937 --> 00:14:09,177
Should we call it a night?
No sense humiliating ourselves.
324
00:14:09,217 --> 00:14:10,657
I wonder which one they got wrong.
325
00:14:10,697 --> 00:14:11,937
I can't imagine.
326
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:14,897
Maybe there was a question
about having a girlfriend.
327
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,017
I think two of them are married.
And one's just a kid.
328
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,057
Yes, yes, all right.
329
00:14:18,097 --> 00:14:20,457
And also, do you have a g...?
I said all right!
330
00:14:22,337 --> 00:14:23,337
Yeah.
331
00:14:25,057 --> 00:14:28,257
How old do you reckon
that Bright's kid is?
332
00:14:28,297 --> 00:14:29,617
Does he even have an age?
333
00:14:29,657 --> 00:14:32,977
Think they grow those
brainiacs in pods at Mensa.
334
00:14:33,017 --> 00:14:35,417
I only ask because I hope he's not
335
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,337
too young to be doing the quiz.
336
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,177
What do you mean? Accompanied kids
are fine to be in pubs.
337
00:14:40,217 --> 00:14:43,177
It's just under-16s can't take
part in gambling.
338
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:47,497
And this stick-or-twist ending
with money at stake,
339
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:50,017
does that technically make it
gambling?
340
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:53,297
So we...we...we could get
baby Einstein thrown out?
341
00:14:53,337 --> 00:14:54,457
Don't know.
342
00:14:54,497 --> 00:14:55,497
Could we?
343
00:14:55,537 --> 00:14:57,457
Go and tell Bryony. No.
344
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,937
I wouldn't like to do that.
It's not really on, is it?
345
00:14:59,977 --> 00:15:01,417
Why did you mention it then?
346
00:15:01,457 --> 00:15:02,817
Just thought it was interesting.
347
00:15:02,857 --> 00:15:04,817
You want me to do the dirty work?
348
00:15:04,857 --> 00:15:06,657
No. I don't think anyone should do
it.
349
00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,297
I think it's great
the kids get to play.
350
00:15:08,337 --> 00:15:09,537
Are you going to stop me?
351
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,817
Stephen, I've made my position
on this very clear.
352
00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,937
I can't go any further than that.
353
00:15:13,977 --> 00:15:15,097
Thanks.
354
00:16:07,537 --> 00:16:08,937
Well, I did it.
355
00:16:08,977 --> 00:16:10,377
Great.
356
00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,937
But now I feel bad for them.
357
00:16:11,977 --> 00:16:14,457
You live by the quiz rules,
you die by the quiz rules.
358
00:16:14,497 --> 00:16:16,417
Yeah,
but they weren't really cheating.
359
00:16:16,457 --> 00:16:18,177
It's just...
360
00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:20,297
..I think I'd like to help them.
Sorry.
361
00:16:23,537 --> 00:16:26,057
Hi, sorry, excuse me.
362
00:16:26,097 --> 00:16:28,617
Um, my name's Andrew and I am,
363
00:16:28,657 --> 00:16:31,777
well, I'm from that team over there.
364
00:16:33,017 --> 00:16:35,257
Oh, are you?
365
00:16:35,297 --> 00:16:39,577
I know, and I just wanted to say,
we are so sorry.
366
00:16:39,617 --> 00:16:40,977
He's the team captain.
367
00:16:41,017 --> 00:16:43,097
He's just such a stickler.
368
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:45,097
Yeah, well it's a bit
late for apologies now.
369
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:48,817
I know, I know, and that's
why I thought the least I could do,
370
00:16:48,857 --> 00:16:50,617
if you'll have me,
371
00:16:50,657 --> 00:16:54,417
is defect to your team
for the second half of the quiz.
372
00:17:04,337 --> 00:17:06,897
What's Andrew doing? He's defected.
373
00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:09,417
He's joined the Bright's cos
he knows they're going to win.
374
00:17:09,457 --> 00:17:12,017
No. He's up to something clever.
375
00:17:12,057 --> 00:17:15,937
"I'm going to do everything
I can to win this quiz, Stephen."
376
00:17:15,977 --> 00:17:17,057
He's a traitor.
377
00:17:17,097 --> 00:17:21,257
BOTH: Quiz, quiz-a, quiz, quiz,
quiz-a, quiz, quiz, quizzity quiz. ♪
378
00:17:21,297 --> 00:17:23,577
Yeah! That's right, Mike.
379
00:17:23,617 --> 00:17:25,377
Let's get back to the quiz.
380
00:17:25,417 --> 00:17:27,177
Here's Mike.
381
00:17:27,217 --> 00:17:29,337
Thanks, Jan. Question seven.
382
00:17:29,377 --> 00:17:33,697
Which Italian statesman did
AJP Taylor describe as the only
383
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:39,457
wholly admirable figure
in modern history?
384
00:17:39,497 --> 00:17:42,297
Yeah, I think... I already know what
you're going to say, Geoff,
385
00:17:42,337 --> 00:17:44,177
and I'd really love it
if you didn't say it.
386
00:17:44,217 --> 00:17:45,977
Right, but... It's not Mussolini.
387
00:17:46,017 --> 00:17:48,017
He made the trains run on time.
388
00:17:48,057 --> 00:17:50,057
He didn't. And even if he did,
389
00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:52,337
that doesn't make him wholly
admirable.
390
00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,097
I'm not saying I think that.
391
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:57,057
I'm just saying this AJ bloke might.
392
00:17:57,097 --> 00:17:58,977
We don't know who he is, do we?
393
00:17:59,017 --> 00:18:00,777
Maybe he's a massive Nazi.
394
00:18:02,337 --> 00:18:04,617
I'll write that, then, shall I?
Yeah. I think so.
395
00:18:04,657 --> 00:18:08,937
So, we're sure, are we?
That it's Mussolini?
396
00:18:08,977 --> 00:18:10,857
No, not really.
397
00:18:10,897 --> 00:18:13,217
But I don't know any other
Italian statesmen.
398
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:15,617
Do you? No.
399
00:18:15,657 --> 00:18:17,137
Mary would know.
400
00:18:17,177 --> 00:18:18,777
But she's not coming back.
401
00:18:18,817 --> 00:18:21,177
Mary and Lee,
they're the Bright's, really.
402
00:18:21,217 --> 00:18:24,217
We're very much the, uh,
backing singers.
403
00:18:24,257 --> 00:18:25,937
THEY LAUGH
Right.
404
00:18:29,857 --> 00:18:31,897
I don't think we've won.
405
00:18:31,937 --> 00:18:33,337
Sorry I wasn't much use.
406
00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:34,377
You were fine.
407
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,417
I really thought I'd know the
picture round, but I'm not so sure.
408
00:18:37,457 --> 00:18:40,457
Yeah. I do think it was
Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting.
409
00:18:40,497 --> 00:18:42,337
And not Harold Shipman.
410
00:18:42,377 --> 00:18:43,937
Yeah. I think you're right.
411
00:18:43,977 --> 00:18:46,697
The final scores please, Jan.
412
00:18:46,737 --> 00:18:52,657
In third place, with 44 points,
it's Sir Quiz Hoy.
413
00:18:52,697 --> 00:18:54,217
APPLAUSE
414
00:18:54,257 --> 00:18:57,657
And in second place, with 48 points,
415
00:18:57,697 --> 00:19:00,577
Denser than Mensa.
416
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:03,377
And in first place, this is very
exciting,
417
00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,177
we have a tie.
418
00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:06,697
ALL: Ooh.
419
00:19:06,737 --> 00:19:07,977
Indeed.
420
00:19:08,017 --> 00:19:10,697
With 52 points each,
421
00:19:10,737 --> 00:19:14,777
it's The Bright's and, coming up
very strongly in the second half,
422
00:19:14,817 --> 00:19:17,417
QuizTeam Aguilera.
423
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,617
Yeah.
424
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:19,857
APPLAUSE
425
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:22,577
Would the team captains join us
up here, please?
426
00:19:22,617 --> 00:19:25,537
Good luck, Stephen.
Don't stuff it up this time.
427
00:19:29,297 --> 00:19:31,697
What do you think?
Do you want to do it or, shall I?
428
00:19:33,017 --> 00:19:34,617
It's fine to fail.
429
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:38,457
Shall we toss for it?
It's OK, guys. I've got this.
430
00:19:49,017 --> 00:19:50,737
Your buzzers, gentlemen.
431
00:19:50,777 --> 00:19:53,137
Use them wisely.
432
00:19:53,177 --> 00:19:56,137
It's time for the tie-break
jackpot question.
433
00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:58,777
Ooh.
434
00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:01,257
OK, so first to buzz gets to answer.
435
00:20:01,297 --> 00:20:05,497
But if you get it wrong,
the other team automatically wins.
436
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,697
Ready?
437
00:20:06,737 --> 00:20:08,017
HE CLEARS THROAT
438
00:20:08,057 --> 00:20:09,177
Yes, OK.
439
00:20:09,217 --> 00:20:11,377
Ready. Ready.
440
00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:14,617
OK. £850 up for grabs,
441
00:20:14,657 --> 00:20:16,817
and it's an astronomy question.
442
00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:20,097
So, here we go.
443
00:20:21,297 --> 00:20:24,457
By what name is the star Sirius
444
00:20:24,497 --> 00:20:26,377
more commonly known?
445
00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:35,497
Either of you? Sirius?
446
00:20:35,537 --> 00:20:37,617
Don't you know, Stephen?
447
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:38,977
Yes, I know.
448
00:20:39,017 --> 00:20:41,377
I absolutely know. 100%.
449
00:20:41,417 --> 00:20:43,057
Do you? Of course.
450
00:20:43,097 --> 00:20:45,457
So why aren't you buzzing?
Why aren't you?
451
00:20:45,497 --> 00:20:47,417
I know how much this means to you.
452
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:49,857
I can live with you getting in
first,
453
00:20:49,897 --> 00:20:51,737
but I couldn't bear to buzz
454
00:20:51,777 --> 00:20:55,777
and get it wrong and give victory
to you and the fucking Bright's.
455
00:20:55,817 --> 00:20:58,297
But you do know the answer,
don't you?
456
00:20:58,337 --> 00:21:01,737
I am as certain of it as I am
of my own name.
457
00:21:01,777 --> 00:21:03,977
We're going to have to hurry you,
aren't we, Mike?
458
00:21:04,017 --> 00:21:07,777
Hurry up. See? It's got to be worth
a guess.
459
00:21:22,137 --> 00:21:24,217
BUZZER RINGS
460
00:21:24,257 --> 00:21:27,457
The answer is, of course...
461
00:21:29,977 --> 00:21:31,537
..the Pole Star.
462
00:21:31,577 --> 00:21:33,417
ALL: Aww.
463
00:21:34,777 --> 00:21:35,817
No, it's not.
464
00:21:35,857 --> 00:21:38,337
I'm afraid that's the wrong answer,
Andrew.
465
00:21:38,377 --> 00:21:41,497
Bad luck. That's right. It's wrong.
466
00:21:41,537 --> 00:21:45,657
And so tonight's worthy
winners are Stephen Nichols
467
00:21:45,697 --> 00:21:47,417
and QuizTeam Aguilera.
468
00:21:47,457 --> 00:21:49,137
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
469
00:21:51,697 --> 00:21:55,217
The correct answer was, of course...
Dog Star.
470
00:21:55,257 --> 00:21:58,577
Sirius is the Dog Star. Correct.
471
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,137
Yeah. What were you playing at,
laughing boy?
472
00:22:03,177 --> 00:22:04,377
What was the big idea?
473
00:22:04,417 --> 00:22:06,777
I can't believe you didn't get
the answer to that question.
474
00:22:06,817 --> 00:22:09,657
Even I basically knew that one,
more or less.
475
00:22:09,697 --> 00:22:10,937
Not my night, hey?
476
00:22:10,977 --> 00:22:13,337
Not your night. My night.
477
00:22:13,377 --> 00:22:15,577
Didn't you tell my dad you
worked as an astronomer?
478
00:22:15,617 --> 00:22:16,937
I didn't say astronomer.
479
00:22:16,977 --> 00:22:19,297
I think you did.
You said exactly that.
480
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:22,137
And yet you thought Sirius
was the Pole Star?
481
00:22:22,177 --> 00:22:24,137
You took a dive.
482
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:27,337
So Stephen could
exorcise his quiz demons.
483
00:22:27,377 --> 00:22:30,217
What a guy. No, he didn't.
He just didn't know.
484
00:22:30,257 --> 00:22:31,577
Andrew, tell them.
485
00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:33,457
Tell them you genuinely didn't know.
486
00:22:35,017 --> 00:22:36,897
Stephen's absolutely right.
487
00:22:36,937 --> 00:22:38,737
I just had one of those
weird blanks.
488
00:22:38,777 --> 00:22:42,537
Couldn't for the life of me
remember the name of Sirius.
489
00:22:42,577 --> 00:22:44,137
THEY LAUGH
490
00:22:45,217 --> 00:22:47,097
I wasn't expecting that.
491
00:22:47,137 --> 00:22:48,377
Well done, mate.
492
00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:50,977
You won fair and square.
493
00:22:51,017 --> 00:22:52,137
Hope it helped.
494
00:22:56,897 --> 00:23:00,857
♪ Everyone's a winner, baby,
that's the truth
495
00:23:00,897 --> 00:23:01,897
♪ That's the truth
496
00:23:01,937 --> 00:23:05,497
♪ Making love to you is
such a thrill
497
00:23:05,537 --> 00:23:10,177
♪ Everyone's a winner, baby,
that's no lie
498
00:23:10,217 --> 00:23:11,577
♪ That's no lie
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00:23:11,617 --> 00:23:15,217
♪ You never fail to satisfy
500
00:23:15,257 --> 00:23:17,897
♪ Satisfy... ♪
501
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Subtitles by Red Bee Media
502
00:23:21,242 --> 00:24:21,429
Learn Thai online with BananaThai
http://osdb.link/bananathai
503
00:24:21,479 --> 00:24:26,029
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