Original subtitles

( chewing )

♪ Soon we'll be dead and gone ♪

♪ Life's brief even when it's long ♪

♪ We've been going wrong ♪

♪ In our gilded cage ♪

♪ While life's great adventure waits ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Let's take the long way home ♪

♪ 'Cause life's not worth living ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Let's take the long way home ♪

♪ Stop for a minute to catch up ♪

♪ We'll lose hope if we let it ♪

♪ You easily forget it ♪

♪ Life when we're looking back ♪

♪ Will be gauged by good times we had ♪

♪ Not the chains we dragged ♪

♪ Carpe diem, we ♪

♪ Should go make some memories ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Let's take the long way home ♪

♪ 'Cause life's not worth living ♪

♪ Without love ♪

♪ Let's take the long way home ♪

♪ Stop for a minute to catch up ♪

Morning.

When she woke up, I think she was just a bit surprised

by the size, eh?

Yeah, I bet, mate.

Hi, Sean.

So you see the game last night?

Actually, I just started doing some of those Zumba classes.

Really?

No, man.

Of course I saw the bloody game.

Morning, Squid. Did you have a good weekend?

Oh, wow.

She the one you met last weekend?

- Unh-unh, new one. - Nice.

Oh, come on.

- Sorry. -Seriously.

How do you even-- ( groans ) I wish I could un-see that.

She sent that this morning. That was just for me.

So what'd you tell this one anyway?

What, were you Masumo Kursaro, fashion photographer?

Nope, let me introduce you to Zoltan Tweed,

Hollywood film producer.

You're kidding.

Why do you even do that?

Why don't you just tell people that you're an accountant?

- And be single like you? No. - Come on, sometimes it works.

Alex, when was the last time you got laid?

Exactly!

I'm not gonna end up like you.

All right, listen up.

I now need the consolidated end-of-year accounts

by close of play today.

Um, sorry, Sean? Today?

Yes, yes, so if you could take your head

from your ass and do your work, I would be very appreciative.

Thank you.

Today.

( Big Ben tolling )

Well, that was a laugh a minute.

Let's go grab a drink.

Sure. Do you want to go to the pub on the corner?

Nah, I'm meant to meet my girlfriend

at a gallery opening tonight.

Why don't we grab a drink there?

Oh, no, no, I don't know, mate.

I mean, I don't really like modern art too much.

Nobody does, but it's not about art.

It's a gallery opening. Come on.

- I don't know, I mean-- - Come on, she's gonna bring a friend.

Supposed to be really cute.

Okay, just a cheeky one then.

Yes!

Thing is, we can't go dressed looking like that.

What do you mean? Why not?

We look like accountants, mate. Come on.

But... we-- weareaccountants.

There's nothing wrong with that. Is there?

What are you doing? No, no. Undo that.

Oh, you're not gonna wear those in there, are you?

- Kinda need them to see. - No, no, no.

Another fix...

Yeah. Come on.

Untitled 1!

Untitled 2!

I hate contemporary art. Can't we just go to a pub?

Zoltan! Whoo!

- Hi, babe. - Hi.

Alex, please meet my girlfriend Shaney.

Cheyenne.

Uh-huh, and this is?

Barbara. But you can call me Barbie.

( both giggle )

Alex.

Alex. Oh...

Babe, have you been shopping?

Oh, yeah, it's a surprise, babe.

For me?

Maybe. Baby.

( both squeal )

So, Alex...

who is Alex?

Well, um, Alex is, um...

an accountant.

Yes.

He's the money man in my production company.

You know, the financier? The man with the millions.

Awesome. Well, we're both actresses.

So what kind of project are you working on at the moment?

Well, at the moment, we're just in the middle

of our tax return.

For a big Hollywood production we're developing.

Very big star, massive, huge, ginormous, yeah.

- Who? - Jennifer Lopez.

Lawrence. He means Jennifer Lawrence.

- Jennifer Lawrence. She's so good. - Amazing.

Hey, Alex, why don't we go grab ourselves a drink, shall we?

Let's.

Girls, we'll be right back in one second.

- He's so nice. - Oh, my God.

He so romantic.

Stop telling everyone you're an accountant, yeah?

Pretend to be someone else, someone cool.

- What do you think he's got me? - Oh, definitely jewelry.

- Jewelry? - Definitely jewelry.

You think a ring?

( both squeal )

Two glasses of white wine, please.

- Sure. - Actually, I'd rather have a cranberry juice.

Come on, it's party time, dude! Live a little.

Two glasses of white wine, please.

Can I have a red wine?

- Two white wines? - Yes, please.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

Where's your accent from, love?

- I'm from Slovenia. - This is nasty.

Can I ask you something? Are you an actress?

An actress? No.

Why do you ask?

Because you look like an actress.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me introduce myself.

Zoltan, Zoltan Tweed, producer.

Oh, wow. Thank you.

Thank you very much, Mr. Tweed.

Are you also in the movies?

Yeah, I'm Jennifer Lawrence.

Yeah, actually, we have champagne for VIP guests.

Can I maybe offer you a glass, Mr. Tweed?

Sure, that would be delightful. Thank you.

You're embarrassing me, yeah? Stop acting like a dork.

Dude!

Dude, come on.

All right, love.

- ( French accent) Hi. - Hi.

H-hi.

Do you like it?

It's an installation I did in Thailand.

You did that?

I mean, you're the artist?

Yes.

I mean, it's actually, um-- ( clears throat )

It's actually quite-- it's actually quite cool.

What's the story? I mean, what's it about?

Well, actually, it's part of a series of installations

called "the Stingray Project,"

and it merges images with water to explore

the concept of perception.

What you mean the concept of perception?

Well, when you look at an artwork,

you're not very objective, you know?

It depends on the context, the presentation,

and your own background.

Actually, it's like a knife, you know?

Everybody sees things through their own prism.

- Yeah. - And here, the water rep--

are you listening?

Me? Yeah, yeah. Totally, of course.

Wow, cool, Thailand. So is it nice there?

Yeah, I love the beaches.

- The beaches. - Yes.

Right. Right.

Um, and, uh...

where's the accent from?

I'm French.

Okay, cool. What brings you to London?

The EuroStar.

No, no, I mean, why did you decide--

I'm kidding.

I love the art scene here, you know?

I mean, look around.

The artist community is really amazing.

- Yeah. - What do you do yourself?

What do I do?

As in... for a job?

- Yeah. - Professionally?

- Yes. - For a living.

I, um...

- I-- - ( cork pops )

( squeals )

I'm an artist.

Oh, wow, cool. So what do you do?

What do I-- I mean, I just told you.

I'm-- I'm an artist.

I mean, like, what kind?

Are you up painter or conceptual or video art?

You know, a little bit of this, little bit of that.

But, I mean, for me, art isn't about the medium.

It's not about whether you use a pen

or a paintbrush or a gun.

A gun?

Metaphorically.

But it's more about the soul, you know, the mind,

not just the final product.

Actually, that's what Sol LeWitt said about conceptual art.

Who?

Um, Sol LeWitt? Sol LeWitt?

Oh, Sol LeWitt.

Yeah, of course, I know him. Yeah.

Penelope, there's an investor who wants the price list in yen.

Can you do that immediately, please?

- Of course, Mr. Kash. - Good.

- Oh, and put it in dollars, too, would you? - Okay.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

I actually worked as an assistant here at the gallery,

and Mister Kash is my boss, so.

Have you heard about the Kash Award?

- No, I don't think I have. - Oh, it's really good.

It's an award for up-and-coming artists.

You should join. I'll get you a file.

No, don't worry, I'll-- I should be--

honestly I...

Here, it has all the information on it.

The deadline is in a couple of weeks,

but I'm sure you have some works of art ready, no?

Some artwork ready, yeah. No.

I'm really sorry, I have to go. So it was nice meeting you.

Alex.

Oh, I'm Penelop-- oh.

Okay.

Um, so you are going to sign up to the competition, Alex?

- Sure. - Great.

- See you. - Ciao.

Oh, great.

So this is where you've been! How could you do that?!

No, mistake, mistake.

What do you think you're doing?

She knows my sister, and her sister knows--

( both shouting )

And you're just a waitress!

No. No! Babe!

Yeah, as long as you get that to me, yeah?

All right, thanks, bye.

Come on, dude, you've been boring all week.

I know, Iamboring.

Look, I'm sorry I called you a dickhead, yeah?

You didn't call me a dickhead.

Didn't I? Tosser.

Loser.

Schoolboy, mama's boy, little whiny bitch.

Shh.

Anyway, look, I'm sorry.

It's fine.

Are we cool?

All sins forgiven.

So...

What you got planned for the weekend?

- Nothing. - Nothing?

What about the girl you met at the gallery?

She looked cute.

Please tell me you're gonna see her again.

Why-- why not?

Because I told her I'm an artist,

and I'm not an artist, so what do you want me to do?

Go back there and say, "Hi, remember me,

the guy you met the other night?

Remember all that stuff I said about myself?

It wasn't exactly true. Fancy a drink?"

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi, you probably don't remember me.

My name's Alex.

Okay.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, you probably don't remember me.

My name's Alex.

Hi. Okay.

( voice breaks ) Hi-- hi.

Sorry to bother you. You probably don't remember me.

- My name's-- - Alex. Hi.

You're the artist from the other night.

- Funny you should say that-- - Look what I just bought.

It's a 1969 Mamiya 6x6. Can you believe it?

- Yeah, I came too-- - I really want to try it now.

You come with me? We can talk. Come.

Okay, come over here. You'll be my model.

Yet, but, okay.

Okay.

Okay, turn your head to the right.

- I really-- - To the right.

Okay, great.

So now take a pose a bit like, you know,

Thomas Ruff's portrait pictures.

( laughs )

Not Tim Parr. Thomas Ruff.

Yeah, well, you know, I don't really like

Thomas Ruff's style too much.

Which photographer do you like?

My favorite photographer?

Uh, well, you know, there's so many good ones.

Yeah, but your favorite favorite.

Well, you know, there's that Swedish guy.

You know, Borg.

Borg. Borg.

Borg Borg Borg?

Yes, him, yeah.

No, I never heard about him.

Well, you know, he's very underground.

But I don't think you should try and copy other photographers.

I think you should find your own style.

You're right, actually.

Okay, I take one from there.

( camera clicks )

Oh, hey, here, let me.

Let me check if I can get over here.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

( sputters )

Are you okay?

Come, come, oh, my God.

Are you okay, Alex? Come.

Come here, Alex, come here! Come here!

( laughs ) Oh, my God.

Come on.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I should go home. I don't want to get a cold.

Why don't you take your clothes off and dry them in the sun?

No, I have some clothes. I have my gym clothes.

I go get them, okay? I'm so sorry.

Wait, what size are they?

Don't even think about it.

( laughs )

You're mad at me?

You look funny with your hair like that.

You remind me of someone I used to love.

Someone you used to love?

How do you say in English, you know, with the spikes?

Oh, um, a punk.

( laughs ) No, not a punk. ( speaks French )

What?

Uh...

hedgehog...

Oh, a hedgehog.

Yeah.

Great, I remind you of a hedgehog.

Not just any hedgehog. Marcel the hedgehog.

You mean like a, um-- like an alpha hedgehog?

No, he was more like a beta hedgehog.

He wasn't brave at all,

but he was so cute.

He was my little Marcel from the countryside.

I loved him so much.

And where's-- where's little Marcel now?

It's a sad story, actually.

- He tried to cross the road once and... - Oh, no.

the tractor came and... ( blows raspberry )

That's terrible.

Did you have a little burial ceremony for Marcel?

My grandfather came in with the shovel.

Oh, you mean a shovel.

No, the shovel to pick him up,

and then a big black crow came and, whoosh.

Whoosh.

He's in the sky now.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it sounded like he had a--

you know, he had a good life

and he was really well-loved and a nice personality.

You're not-- you're not making this up, are you?

His name was not Marcel.

It was Jean-Paul.

Jean-Paul. Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't believe it. Jean-Paul?

( laughs ) Jean-pull your leg.

( laughs ) You are going to cry.

I wasn't gonna cry. It's windy.

Oh, shit, I have to go.

It's really busy, especially with the competition

that we're organizing.

- You're going to apply, right? - To...

The Kash Award. I told you about it.

- You didn't forget. - I didn't forget.

Okay, because the deadline is in five days,

- so you have to fill the file. - I'd love to apply--

Oh, awesome.

Okay, so just drop your clothes

when you are finished looking like a hedgehog.

Hi.

( laughs )

This is so funny.

Dude, you have to apply to this contest.

- Just do it. - I can't.

I don't have any special skills. I can't draw.

- I can't paint. - It doesn't matter.

You don't need talent to do modern art.

You just piss on a crucifix, shit on a hamster,

and that's it, job done.

You make millions and you're famous.

You don't know anything about modern art, do you?

Modern art isn't about knowing.

It's about the bullshit.

And when it comes to bullshit, I'm the master, believe me.

So why don't you do it then?

Exactly my point.

I'll do it with you tonight at your place.

No, you won't. You're not invited.

Oh, come on.

No way, forget it.

You know what? You got a nice ass.

Why don't you get your nice ass over here

and give me a nice hand?

Look, I'm gonna help you out big-time, trust me.

Look.

Now, do you want the blue pill...

or... the other blue pill?

Well, what is that? Is that Viagra?

No, this friend's got-- why would it be-- no.

My cousin's a DJ.

He says it unlocks the doors to his creativity.

Come on, man, take it.

Come on, take that. Yeah, yeah, now after three.

One, two, three.

No, I don't want it, just-- no, just give it.

Come on-- no--

Ugh.

Now that's some good stuff right there.

- Is it? - Mm-hmm.

Well... we'll see.

To work, come on.

So how do you know it's kicked in?

You'll know.

I like that. I like that.

What is it?

-( dance music playing ) -I think it's kicked in.

You think? Whee!

We should...

check out...

the other artists doing it.

Oh, man, this is great, man!

We got to find a gallery opening somewhere.

We're gonna go. We're gonna go.

It's like a giant cow but inside out,

sort of like a-- it's so fluffy.

- Yeah, yeah. - It's a masterpiece.

We're gonna go out!

Let's just go. Let's just go.

- Yeah? - We should just go.

- ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ - No, don't do that.

Don't do that. Make me sick.

This is the White Mandela.

Ah, symbolic of his struggle in South Africa.

Sir, you cannot bring that in here.

Relax, buddy.

I'm not your buddy.

Whoa. Hand. Talk to it.

Don't touch the artwork.

That is a very rare exhibit from the Saatchi Gallery.

( sniffing )

Alex. Bonjour.

Bonjour, miss.Ca va. How's it going?

Ca va.

You spend your whole life in galleries.

Oh, this? This is my-- my church.

This is my friend Rebecca. She's also an artist.

Alex, hi-- oh.

There's something in the hair.

Something in the air tonight.

Oh, it's sticky, like-- like paint.

Oh, yeah, no, I was painting in my studio earlier.

Oh, really? What style?

Modern.

Postmodern?

( whispers indistinctly )

Bye, Rebecca. Post-postmodern.

Post-postmodern, if you like it, I have to introduce you

- to someone you're going to totally love. - Sure, okay.

Achieving a rigorously democratic presentation

without compositional hierarchy.

No. I don't like it.

( speaking French )

Jean-Paul, this is Alex.

Jean-Paul, like the hedgehog.

Jean-Paul de Chauvinac.

My work is grounded in social philosophy.

Autonomy and clarity for the constructed object

and the space created by it, ultimately achieving

a rigorously democratic presentation

without compositional hierarchy.

The White Mandela reminds us

of the impermanence of life, of its fragility.

It is destined to be destroyed

and it inspires us to live in peace--

- oh, you must be kidding! - Sorry, sorry.

( grunts angrily )

Jean-Paul came second last year at the Kash Award.

( speaks French )

Alex:Right, and that's how you two met, yeah?

Jean-Paul:No,aux Beaux-Arts at La Sorbonne in Paris.

I was finishing my PhD, and Penelope was--

( speaks French )

fresh woman.

( speaking French )

This is a portrait of my father.

Obviously.

Alex is also an artist.

Oh, well, you know, I dabble.

and where did you study art?

This work is called "Untitled #3."

- The Isle of Man? - Yep.

How much would you sell something like this for,

for example?

£4,000.

( retches )

Interesting. Let me check it out.

No, don't do that. They're not on the web.

They, um-- they're very, very exclusive.

You know, only invite a select few students.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sir.

Now this, this is what I like to see.

Finally an artist who speaks with his guts.

You.

How much?

Out of my way, man.

Four... ty nine--

£49,000.

Bargain. I'll take it.

( grunts ) Come here!

And, uh, tell me,

what do English people think of Jacques Derrida?

In France, he'sthekey reference

for most artistic practices, huh?

Jacques-- Jacques Cousteau?

Jacques Derrida.

You know, his theories on semiotic analysis?

Hmm.

What do you think of that?

I'm sorry, this is not acceptable.

Some people have no respect for the arts!

I'm going to escort this-- this guy out of here

- and take him to the police. - Hi, Alex, how you doing, man?

I love performance art.

Great flux. Know what I mean?

You, sir, are a disgrace to this establishment!

Very good, McCloud.

You still know how to put on a show.

- A show. Yes, yes, of course. - Well done.

All part of the show. That was all part of the show.

Well done.

And then he pushed him to the ground

and started beating him to death with his own fingers.

Man, I don't want to hear no more.

Yeah, enough with that. Where are we with this list?

Let's have a look.

( clears throat )

Uh, "a gigantic droplet in the shape of a cow

with fluffy texture between red and blue."

I think that was one of yours.

"The sound of strawberries.

Papa, papa, papa, papa.

Pam."

Interesting. Ish.

- A kebab. - A what?

That's what it says. A kebab.

Yeah, um... tell me something.

this cousin of yours,

is he successful as a musician?

You know, give him time. He's only 11.

Wait, what about the painting? I think it looked quite nice.

( insect buzzing )

Um... no, Squid. It-- it didn't look quite nice.

Right.

Maybe you could take up art lessons

at the local university.

- They do evening classes. - Squid, listen, okay?

The submission deadline for the competition

is this Sunday, all right?

Seriously, what the hell am I actually gonna do?!

Dude, dude.

Not so loud, yeah?

I'm feeling a little deconstructed here.

Alex. My office.

Look, burn it. Eat it. Hide it. Bury it, whatever.

Please, just get rid of it.

What's the matter with Squid? He looks like shit.

Oh, um, food poisoning, I think. Touch of the bad curries.

Oh, shame.

Anyway, talking of curry,

we're gonna be outsourcing financial services to India.

Okay.

Those boys over there can do the same work as you guys

- but for a fraction of the cost. - Okay.

And they don't whinge about it all bloody year.

I'm sorry, what?

They don't whinge about it all year.

No, no, you mean our jobs?

Gone. To Bangalore, I believe.

Now, we can't afford to lay you off.

So you are being offered a position on another contract.

Right, but what about the team? What about Squid?

Alex... ( sighs )

Do you know why I'm so successful in this company?

I mean, yeah, of course I do.

Because you're a good leader. You're determined.

You're brave. You make decisions.

There's no "I" in "team."

There's no "I" in "team."

So why the hell should I care?

I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I follow you.

Stop worrying about other people, Alex.

The team is gone. It's left the building.

It's save-your-ass-o-clock, man.

What about Squid? He's--

Squid'll be fine, trust me.

We're gonna offer him something, too, but right now,

you need to keep quiet about this, eh?

Nothing's official yet.

Project DNA.

Process and lists.

Process and lists. But I've never done anything--

It's just admin, taking minutes, keeping files up to date.

An idiot could do it.

So are you in?

Um...

Great. I'll take that as a yes.

Kickoff meeting's tomorrow at 9:00 with Stella Pullman,

and don't be late.

She hates it when people are late.

Sure.

Right, okay, yeah, sorry. Thank you, Sean, thank you.

Sean:Sorry, I forgot to mention--

I need you to interview a candidate for marketing.

Oh, I'm not sure I can right now.

I'm not asking. I'm telling you.

Meeting room 12. She's waiting.

Right, I'm really busy, Sean--

Management seemed to like her.

HR want validation from another department.

So go and validate. Meeting room 12.

And don't be late tomorrow.

Hi, Rebecca? Oh.

Uh, we met yesterday, didn't we?

I thought you were an artist.

I thought you were an artist.

I thought you were an artist.

Yeah, I thought you were an artist.

Yes.

Right, okay, so, yeah, marketing.

Everyone's got to pay the bills. I have a one-year-old son.

Doesn't eat art.

Yeah, um, same here.

I mean, no kid, but, um...

you know, rent and stuff.

Can you tell me your top 1,000 weaknesses?

1,000 weaknesses.

Sorry, no, I mean, um...

what's your motivation for wanting this job?

Told you this earlier. Have a one-year-old son.

Doesn't eat art.

Okay, you got the job.

Really? Oh, wow. Cool.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

So what's your kid's name?

George.

And how old is he?

He's one.

Told you this earlier.

Yeah, yeah, no, you're right, sorry.

I meant to ask is it a boy of a girl.

His name is George.

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

I'm just, um...

I'm just distracted by a thought.

Maybe...

little George's mum could make a few extra quid

by doing me a favor?

Oh, my God, no, no, sorry. That sounded terrible.

Um... no, it's not what you think,

whatever you were thinking.

No, look, it's, um-- it's about art.

I need some advice.

Okay.

Submission deadline is this Sunday.

What do you have?

Well, it needs a little polishing,

but the idea's solid--

Let me have a look. Let me have a look.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

"Gigantic droplet the shape of a cow

and fluffy texture between red and blue.

- All right, give it back. - The sound of strawberries.

Pa pa pa pa pa."

Yeah, it's not supposed to be read out loud.

- "A kebab?" - Shh!

What, like anybody's going to steal your brilliant ideas?

Like I said, it needs some polishing.

It needs a lot more than that. What else have they asked for?

"Brief outline and past references

from established artists with recommendations

from curators and/or universities.

Please attach a full artist CV."

I'm wasting my time, right?

Can I ask you a question?

- Yeah. - Why are you doing this?

Um, well, I mean, I thought it would be a good opportunity

to build my portfolio as an--

Alex, this isn't an interview. Why are you doing this?

Is it for a girl?

- No. - ( gasps )

Oh, my God, it is for a girl, isn't it?

Is it for Penelope, by any chance?

You are such a bad liar. It is for Penelope.

Promise you I won't say a thing, okay?

Look, I have an idea for the CV and references.

Think about Banksy, Daft Punk, and Spider-Man.

What do they all have in common?

They're all superheroes.

Apart from Banksy and Daft Punk.

No, they all wear masks.

If you apply to the contest anonymously, you know,

you don't need to show them any sign of references

or endorsement documents.

Can I do that?

I don't see why not.

I mean, you're better off showing up with no CV

than an accountant's CV.

Look, I'm sorry, these people like to think of artists

as some kind of wise geniuses living on Saturn.

So if you show up with an accountant's CV,

you're finished.

But then you have to make up the lack of references

with some kind of spectacular artwork.

Like what?

Well, not like a kebab.

You need something spectacular.

Your project needs to sweep people off their feet.

But I don't know how to do modern art.

Nobody uses modern art today.

Modern art ended about 50 years ago.

Buy these books, okay?

And learn them by heart.

It's all about contemporary art today

and not as easy as people think.

Look, I mean, with regards to the actual,

you know, artworks themselves,

um, do you-- do you have any ideas

that maybe I could, um, borrow,

or some finished artworks that perhaps I could buy?

I can't do that. It's gotta come from you.

Otherwise it'd be cheating.

How do you provoke inspiration?

Just look around you.

Turn off your TV and turn on your ideas.

I don't have any ideas.

The gods of inspiration talk to us all the time.

You're just not listening hard enough.

Penelope? That is so cute.

( woman speaking indistinctly on television )

( cheers and applause on television )

( television shuts off )

Oh, shit.

- Hey, Squid, what's going on? - Guess.

Cost-cutting opportunity, they said.

- My job's going to Bangalore. - That's terrible.

Sean said the team would be all right.

Sean said what when?

Yesterday, we had a meeting,

and he told me about the shake-up

and about our jobs going to India.

Oh, great, so he's getting rid of you, too?

Um, well, actually,

he kind of offered me another job.

I'm doing some sort of admin for some project.

Project? What project? What's it about?

I'm not really supposed to talk about it, mate.

Don't be ridiculous. What is it?

All right, so apparently, we're supporting

some sort of research

to do with DNA, something called

genetic determinism or something like that,

- but I don't know anything about it. - You mother--

What? Why?

Genetic determinism is evil, mate.

Okay, why?

It's a theory that some people are born a thief,

born a murderer, born a drug addict.

it's like it's all predetermined in their genes.

It's like there's no such thing as free will.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I keeping you?

I'm sorry, but I've got a meeting to go to about this.

It's kind of important. But, look, I don't get it.

What's so evil about it?

Up until a few years ago,

they run a file on everyone from the age of three.

You know, screening little kids,

flagging the ones they suspect as potential criminals.

- Based on DNA? - No, no, no.

They don't know how to do that yet, so for now,

they'll just base it on wild assumptions and guesses

based on the kid's behavior.

You know, a kid steals a toy from one kid at school,

he gets tagged as a potential thief.

You know, gets into a fight

with another kid on the playground,

gets tagged as a potential violent offender,

and these tags, they'll stay with them

for the rest of their lives.

All right, okay, here.

But I don't see what that's gotta do with this project.

Look, we're an insurance company,

not some sort of evil corporation.

Wake up, dude.

Okay, I've really gotta go.

But we'll catch up soon, yeah? I'm sorry, mate.

All right, man, later.

Alex, this is Stella Pullman, from head office,

project director for DNA.

Um, pleased to meet you, Stella.

Pleased to meet you, Alex.

Welcome aboard.

Are you familiar with the exciting initiative

that is the DNA Project?

Um, I wouldn't mind a little bit more

ground information, if that's--

- if that's at all possible. - It is possible.

Data is the big game changer for today's corporations.

As an insurance company,

knowledge about our clients, their...

medical profile,

the risk they represent is key to our business.

You know those free paternity DNA tests on the internet?

We're in the process of acquiring the data.

It's an amazing source of information.

Right, and that's what the DNA Project's all about?

Mm, not exactly.

One thing we can't analyze with DNA testing today

is the likeliness of people to turn criminal.

We need to spot future thieves,

future... drug addicts...

murderers-to-be.

And that's based on, um.. genetic determinism, right?

Correct.

The only way to profile these people

even before they turn criminal is to study their behavior,

which can be done from an age as low as three.

Three-- three years old?

Stella:Absolutely.

Now I know there's a bit of controversy

about filing kids.

So we need to be careful about this.

That's why this project is so confidential.

Exactly.

Right, okay,

and so once these potential criminals

are identified, are they given any

sort of form of additional social support

or anything like that?

As far as we're concerned,

the idea is to avoid getting them as clients.

Right, okay, but surely if these kids

are refused proper insurance

and potentially rejected from some schools and so on,

could it not become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I mean, mightn't it just turn them into criminals?

Alex, you're so cute.

It's a business, not a charity.

Sean:Don't worry, we're not going to be locking up

any three-year-olds, eh? ( laughs nervously )

Not our job.

Other people are in charge of this.

Again, we're walking on eggshells here.

SomeGuardianreader would probably call us cynical

or worse.

We're a $20 billion business

in a very competitive market.

Our shareholders want us to seize this opportunity

to boost our profits tremendously .

What do you think, Alex?

Alex.

What do you think?

Um...

I think it's a, uh...

it's a really good idea.

It's brilliant, sir, um--

S-Stella.

- Uh, Rebecca-- - Oh, hi, Alex.

- This is my desk. I started this morning. - Lovely.

Um, listen, I need your help again.

Do you know of any photo studios I could rent,

preferably with a photographer attached?

When for?

Tonight. Or tomorrow.

But basically before Sunday.

Alex, that's really short notice.

Yeah, yeah, I do know, yeah.

Is there anything else you need?

Do you need cameras, lights models, um...

Uh, yes, so, any help on that front.

Yeah, you need them all. Yeah, uh, right.

- That's kind of really short notice. - Great.

- Thanks. -That's all right, Alex.

- Cool. -Cool.

Hello?

Hello? Rebecca?

It's Alex. Hello?

Anyone there?

Becca?

You there?

It's Alex.

Hi. Alex.

( clatter )

Rebecca? Rebecca?

( knock on glass )

- Alex? - Penel, hi.

- Have you seen Reb-- - Have you seen Rebecca?

She told me to come here for a photo shoot?

do you know anything about that?

Um, yes and no.

There's nobody here.

No, well, that's not entirely true.

( speaks French )

( laughs, speaks French )

( knock on door )

I'll get it.

Hi, I'm Kate, Rebecca told us to come

and bring the kids for a photo shoot.

Are you the artist?

Um... yeah. I suppose I am.

Oh, okay.

- Yeah, yeah, come in. - Thanks.

♪ I've got a feeling we're going somewhere ♪

♪ The evening alight and there's hope in the air ♪

♪ The summer and sense of adventure's begun ♪

♪ Time to get on tubes and just follow the sun ♪

♪ I got the answer, I got the answer ♪

♪ You got the answer, I got the answer ♪

♪ I got the answer, we got the answer ♪

♪ I got the answer, I got the answer ♪

♪ We got the answer, I got the answer ♪

♪ I got the answer, we got the answer ♪♪

- ( chuckles ) - It's really good.

Yeah.

And just in time for the submission on Sunday.

So I'll see you when you apply at the gallery?

Sure.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

And I'll also throw broccoli onto the sticky tape.

But maybe not.

It's experimental, so anything could happen.

Maybe I'll throw carrots.

Ah, maybe not.

Maybe I'll throw...

cats.

Oh, yeah.

Live cats.

How clever.

Thank you.. for your submission, we--

It's not linear.

So people may not understand what's going on.

But that's the point.

People are so conditioned by the consumer society

that they're stuck in a bubble.

Sure, we-- we'll--

So...

it's either broccoli...

or cats.

Depends on the quantity of drugs I take.

Yes. ( chuckles )

Awesome.

We'll, um-- we'll review this file, and, um--

- Next. - Let you now, thank you.

Uh...

Thank you.

Um, and you are?

( muffled ) Oh, um, my name's Captain Fox.

Sorry. What was that?

Sorry, the mask.

I said the name's Captain Fox.

I beg your pardon. Your name is?

I think he said his name is Captain Fox.

Kash:Right.

And, um...

what's your artist statement, Mister--

Captain Fox?

Well, my artist statement basically

revolves around the concept of DNA profiling in children,

specifically for consumer markets.

( speaking indistinctly )

Did you-- did you get that?

No, not at all.

It's in the file.

Oh, yes, it might be easier this way.

Well, thank you, Mr. Fox. We'll let you know very soon.

( Alex mumbles )

Ah, Mr. de Chauvinac. How are you today?

It's a real pl--

My work is grounded in social philosophy.

I sought autonomy and clarity for the constructed object,

ultimately achieving

a rigorously democratic presentation

without compositional hierarchy.

( whispering indistinctly )

We also need to validate each milestone

before we release the roadmap.

( cell phone buzzes )

I'm sorry.

Sorry about that.

( buzzing continues )

Sorry.

Let's just call it a day.

I'll call the head office

and let them know about our progress.

Right, thanks, sorry.

Hello.

- Hello? - Penelope:Hi, Captain Fox.

I'm calling you on behalf of Kash Art Gallery.

I have good news for you, Captain Fox.

Our jury has selected your project for the next round.

Oh, my God, that's fantastic.

Congratulations.

Are you okay?

I mean, you sound a little bit formal.

Can you talk? Is your boss around?

-Yes. - Well, which one is it?

Can you talk or is your boss around?

Yes.

All right, look, take it easy. I'll pop over, okay?

Penelope:So please let me know

if you need any more information.

Okay, bye.

You sounded really sad on the phone.

Is everything okay?

You take a break, sweetie, if you want.

I don't like to look like that.

Don't-- don't worry.

It's Jean-Paul.

The hedgehog?

Okay, what about him?

I found out that he only pretended to like me

to increase his chances at the Kash Award.

What do you mean? How?

He was nice to my face, and behind my back,

he was backstabbing me.

He just wanted insider information.

I feel so used and...

I just hate liars.

Yeah, well, what-- what a dickhead.

I hate French people.

Well, I mean, obviously, apart from you.

And of course, your family--

And you know, he's gone through to the next round.

You know that he convinced me not to apply

because he said that I wasn't ready, but really,

he just didn't want any competitor.

Hang on, I mean, okay, you work for the gallery, right?

So couldn't you just talk to Mr. Kash and...

And say what?

"Oh, can you please disqualify this guy

because I'm too naive and I don't know how to deal

with my own problems?"

Well, I wouldn't quite word it like that.

No, I mean, seriously, okay, maybe he's not gonna win.

I mean, how many other people are selected

for this next round?

Five, including him and you.

See? So there you go.

Maybe someone could come along and--

I saw Jean-Paul's work, okay?

It's better than everybody else's.

The guy's bringing his PhD to the table, you know?

He has three years of work and 100 pages of explanation.

Wow.

Okay, don't take this badly, okay?

Because you're great.

Your project is really great, okay?

And well done for being selected,

but at the exhibition with the jury

and the media questions, it's gonna be really tough.

Which exhibition?

On Friday you have to present to the exhibition as a group.

There will be a jury and journalists,

and Jean-Paul is really good at that, so...

Okay, wow, um, I didn't know that.

Look, I'm not entirely sure

I want to go and humiliate myself

in front of literally everyone.

It's up to you.

( telephone rings )

- I have to get that. - Yep.

♪ The mountains were burned ♪

♪ And the sky had turned red ♪

♪ I called out your name ♪

♪ In the dark ♪

♪ I wound up your music box, memories played ♪

Penelope:I just hate liars.

♪ I know that you're gone ♪

♪ But I've got your song ♪

♪ Here in my heart strings ♪

♪ You're queen of the stars ♪

♪ Here in my heart ♪

♪ Here in my heart strings ♪♪

I have an idea. I need your help.

Okay, here's the plan.

How did you find out about the--

about the genetic profiling?

Oh, um, a friend of a friend of a friend, actually.

Yeah, do you think we can move that two pixels down

and to the left?

Uh, yeah.

Uh... yeah.

It's Ellen Gallagher.

Yeah, okay, okay, don't worry.

In the Philippines and did a lot of work in the USA.

Oh, Manuel, um...

Come on, yeah.

- Strauss. - Ah, Richter. ( groans )

Okay, please, can I do it?

( laughs )

Okay, look, okay, you just--

I think that you can do it

a little bit like more rugged, you know?

Like that.

( music over dialogue )

♪ A glint in your eyes fires flares through the night ♪

♪ Drawing paths to your side, and the future is primed ♪

♪ A procession of beats like black holes in the heat ♪

♪ And all I can see is you falling for me ♪

♪ Forever tonight eternity died ♪

♪ In a circle of light, a fragment of time ♪

♪ Into the flames, I found you again ♪

♪ Where soul mates conspire in the festival of fire ♪

♪ Give me your hand, pretend if you can ♪

♪ Don't say your name as if this was a game ♪

♪ Wave after wave of beauty and fear ♪

♪ We fall as we fall, and the moment is near ♪

♪ Forever tonight eternity died ♪

♪ In a circle of light, a fragment of time ♪

♪ Into the flames, I found you again ♪

♪ Where soul mates conspire in the festival of fire ♪

Man on radio:Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

What does the Fox say?

Well, the Fox says your kids are in danger...

( speaking foreign language )

♪ Superposed we divide in a nebula of time ♪

♪ Particles collide in a festival of light ♪

♪ A palpable force of fate lights the walls ♪

♪ We fall as we fall, and fate takes its course ♪

♪ Forever tonight eternity died ♪

♪ In a circle of light, a fragment of time ♪

♪ Into the flames, I found you again ♪

♪ Where soul mates conspire in the festival of fire ♪

♪ Into the flames, I-- ♪♪

Do you have any idea the kind of call I had from the US?

The VP was screaming on the phone.

I can imagine.

No! You can't.

Sorry I'm a tad late. Did I miss anything?

As you probably know, Alex, we have a bit of a crisis here.

Has there?

Do you have clue who could have leaked

the information to the press?

Um, what information? Sorry.

The information to the press!

- We should call the police. - Certainly not!

At this stage, the story that's circulating

refers only to insurance "companies."

We should avoid attracting any attention toourcompany.

Maybe it was some disgruntled ex-employee.

Maybe! Maybe not! Find out!

( door opens )

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Yeah. Shit.

This is really terrible.

Um... by the way, Sean,

would you mind awfully if I took a day off on Friday?

Oh, man, I fucking hate artists.

So good for Friday? One little day off?

Sean, I actually really need to--

- Are you deaf? - Come on, Sean, please--

I said no!

Fine, um, sorry.

( door opens )

Morning.

Morning.

Hi, sorry, where is Captain Fox?

Oh, he should be here any minute, actually.

Great. Oh, by the way, I love your look there.

- Oh. - Where'd you get that?

- Just something I threw on. - It's amazing.

- Thank you very much. - Good day.

You too.

Woman on radio:...raise concerns about DNA profiling

for young children.

Captain Fox has not arrived in the gallery yet.

But I have with me another contestant.

Mr. Jean-Paul de Chauvinac,

can you tell us more about your artistic project?

I sought autonomy and clarity for the constructed object

and the space created by it, ultimately achieving

a rigorously democratic presentation

without compositional hierarchy.

Woman:Do you encourage the public to touch your creations?

Jean-Paul: Well, a lot of people ask me

if they can touch my artwork, but only I can touch my balls.

( laughs )

( clears throat )

So I studied at La Sorbonne. You know that.

And I did my PhD there--

That is so interesting.

Thank you.

Mr. Kash.

What is the name of this contestant?

That? That's the famous Captain Fox.

Right, but what's his real name?

It's a mystery.

We don't even know ourselves.

How exciting.

Penel ( speaks French )

-( beeps ) -Alex, Sean here.

I'm sure I don't have to remind you,

but you are to be in a meeting starting in two minutes.

Please do not be late.

Great socks, Alex.

Oh, thanks. ( chuckles )

I sought autonomy and clarity--

autonomy and clarity for the constructed object

and the space created by it, ultimately achieving

a rigorously democratic presentation

without compositional hierarchy.

Penelope:Alex, it's me.

Everyone is asking about you. Where are you?

Please come back to the gallery as soon as you can.

It's him! It's him!

( reporters clamoring )

Mr. Fox!

How would you compare your work to, um,

Barbara Kruger?

Or Andreas Gursky?

Um... ( swallows )

how-- how would I compare my work

to Barbara Kruger and Andreas Gursky?

Um...

( sighs )

Well, I can certainly relate to Barbara Kruger's

provocative questioning of our society.

So far as Gursky's concerned, though,

he views the world dispassionately

and from a distance, to quote Calvin Tomkins.

How's he doing?

This is what I would say is the major difference

between him and myself.

Yes! He's brilliant.

Was there anything else?

that was just a question.

Thank you.

( all clamoring )

Rebecca, you seen Alex anywhere?

- Who? - Alex.

The guy that interviewed you.

Oh, of course, Alex. Um, yeah, yeah.

I think he was in the cafeteria.

Actually, I could be totally wrong.

- The corridors, yeah. - Right.

No, no, I think he might be downstairs, actually.

Oh, whatever. I'll call him.

( all chattering )

( cell phone buzzes )

Sorry, sorry, would excuse me? Thank you.

Monsieur de Chauvinac. Congratulations.

The judges have narrowed it down.

It's now just between the two of you.

Excellent!

And who is the other selected finalist?

Captain Fox.

We'll announce the winner shortly.

( cell phone buzzing )

This is Alex.

Alex, I'd like to see you in my office now, please.

Uh, I'm just in the toilet at the minute, Sean.

Got a bit of the case of the bad curries.

You know the Indian restaurant downstairs.

Great chicken vindaloo, but, boy, does it go right--

Don't you give me that curry crap.

I wanna see you in my office now.

Follow that taxi. Please. Quick!

The black one, went on the right.

Can you go faster? I can't see it.

I can't see his face.

For the sake of art, can you go faster, please?

Penelope, have you seen the finalists?

I can't seem to find them anywhere.

Um, maybe they went for a walk. Too much pressure.

This is ridiculous.

I've got to announce the finalists.

( whispering )

Sorry, should I come back later?

Come in.

Shut the door.

Sit down.

Alex, my boy...

I'm sure by now you have become very well aware

that the activities of this Captain Fox

have completely jeopardized--

I'll handle this.

Sooner or later, we'll find out

who this little Fox is, okay?

If he or she turns out to be an employee

or a former employee,

Our top layers will swoop down from helicopters

and make sure this person never sleeps again.

Do you understand?

Um...y-yeah, yeah, sure.

Uh... why-- why are you telling me this?

We just wanted to let you know.

You can leave now.

Okay. Thanks.

( speaks French ) What a surprise.

You look so different with this outfit

and without your little mask.

- Look-- - I can easily imagine

how disappointed the jury and the media will be

when they discover that the rebel artist

is actually just a docile little corporate soldier

in an insurance company.

( chuckles softly )

You wouldn't want anyone to find out

your true identity, would you?

Well, I've got good news for you.

Nobody will because Captain Fox is going to disappear

by magic, like an urban fox.

And now you can go back to your numbers

and your little spreadsheets.

I've got a prize to win.

So this one is actually French.

Yes, yes, and this one was in--

( cell phone buzzes )

Oh, just one minute. I'll be right back.

Alex, where are you?

Look, I'm sorry, uh...

it's finished.

There's, um, something I haven't told you.

I know.

You know what?

I know.

Dude, stop telling everyone you're an accountant, yeah?

Girls will never fall for that! Pretend to be someone else.

- Pretend to be someone cool. - Look, I'm honest, I'm--

Boring! And I'm your mate telling you that.

Honest guys finish last. Two white wines, please.

Why did you let me lie to you?

You didn't really lie to me.

You know, Joseph Beuys says that everyone is an artist.

Yeah, but I'm not a professional artist.

So what? Artist is not a job.

I don't make money from my art either.

You know, maybe I'll never be a professional,

but I'll always be an artist.

Well, I'm sorry anyway, but we lost the competition.

Oh, well.

Un-- unless...

( computer chimes )

Ta-da.

There's some similarities

between your artist's statement and the description

of Donald Judd's work.

- Can you explain that? - Come again?

There seem to be some similarity between your artist's statement

and a description of Donald Judd's work.

- Can you explain that? - What?

- Similarities between your statement-- - ( speaks French )

Kash:Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much

for supporting the Kash Award.

I have to say that we are honored to have--

- Man:It's him! - Woman:It's him, it's him.

( speaks French )

This person is a fraud.

This person is not a real fox-- is not a real artist.

And I shall prove it.

- ( gasps ) -Voila.

Impossible.

( clamoring )

Please, please, please, shush.

Just one question at a time, please.

What's your real name?

Penelope, I, uh--

You had a male voice before.

If anyone asks, I act alone.

What's the thing about DNA?

Why did you apply anonymously?

Well, actually, I'm an assistant in the gallery.

So I didn't want people to think

that I had gotten favors from the jury.

( clamoring )

Kash:Guys, please, please.

One question at a time, please.

It is you. You are so--

What are you gonna do, Sean? Fire me? I quit.

It's him! It's him!

Look, everyone! The Fox!

He has the socks!

( jeering )

He is the--

he's the--

I need to raise a complaint.

I don't see any irregularity here.

( speaks French )

What did he say?

- Excuse me. - Excuseme!

I don't know. I don't care.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the winner of the Kash Award,

Penelope.

( cheers and applause )

What are you plans now?

Uh, well, actually, I think I will go on holiday

with my new boyfriend.

- Dude, let me come. - No.

Woman: ...would you consider yourself as one of them?

So, are you an actress?

( reporters clamoring )

Yes?

Let me introduce myself.

Jacque de la Face, film director.

Come with me. I'll make you famous.

♪ They were the best days of our lives ♪

♪ They will always be our time ♪

♪ We were young ♪

♪ And the story had hardly begun ♪

♪ We drank through the whole first night ♪

♪ Remember how we talked until the dawn ♪

♪ Watched the rising of the sun ♪

♪ No sleep at all, and it was glorious ♪

♪ On the summer's hottest day, we sat scorching in the rays ♪

♪ By the stage, and it was glorious ♪

♪ Hung over and dried out ♪

♪ We laid low until the sun came down ♪

♪ At night ♪

♪ We literally laughed till we cried ♪

♪ We knew it'd be all right ♪

♪ Remember how we talked until the dawn ♪

♪ Watched the rising of the sun ♪

♪ No sleep at all, and it was glorious ♪

♪ On the summer's hottest day, we sat scorching in the rays ♪

♪ By the stage, and it was glorious ♪

♪ The world was far away ♪

♪ We were broke and in a daze ♪

♪ We had a place, and it was glorious ♪

♪ On the summer's hottest day ♪

♪ We lay blissed out in the shade ♪

♪ More than great, it was glorious ♪

♪ They were the best days of our lives ♪

♪ They will always be our time ♪

♪ We were young ♪

♪ And the story had hardly begun ♪

♪ We drank through the whole first night ♪

♪ Remember how we talked until the dawn ♪

♪ Watched the rising of the sun ♪

♪ No sleep at all, and it was glorious ♪

♪ On the summer's hottest day, we sat scorching in the rays ♪

♪ By the stage, and it was glorious ♪

♪ The world was far away ♪

♪ We were broke and in a daze ♪

♪ We had a place, and it was glorious ♪

♪ On the summer's hottest day ♪

♪ We lay blissed out in the shade ♪

♪ More than great ♪

♪ It was glorious ♪♪