All language subtitles for resident.alien.s01e03.720p.web.h264-ggez

Previously, on
"Resident Alien."

Stranded on an Alien Planet.

In order to survive
and complete my mission,

I would have to somehow fit in
with the human life forms.

Dr. Harry vanderspeigle?

We had a murder in town
last night.

We need you to come down
and take a look at the body.

- What the mother hell?
- You're not dead.

Asta's the nurse.

It's the new doctor.

- He's an alien.
- Wait, an alien?

What the hell are you teaching
this kid, huh?

One mistake.

Just one mistake made
out of necessity for survival.

I had no choice

but to kill the human known
as Harry vanderspeigle.

I was just defending myself.

How was I supposed to know

when I threw him on top
of the ice

he would disappear
into the lake?

I am an alien.

I don't know every little
detail about how earth works.

Everything will be fine.

I just need to find that body
before someone else does.

♪ Now I'm haunted, haunted ♪

♪ Haunted, haunted by my ♪

Sleep:

Another example of humans
being weak and inefficient.

Their bodies must shut down

for eight hours
every single day,

or they don't work properly.

Please be 6:00 a. M.
Please be 6:00 a. M.

So much to do.

I have to find that body
in the lake, find my device,

the pieces of my ship that
broke off over the mountains,

I have to kill that kid...

mm, almost forgot about that.

Exterminate the human race.

Milk, gotta get milk.

Don't forget the milk.

Maybe some cereal.

If I can't sleep,

I can at least learn
to be a better doctor.

Circumcision.

What is that, eye surgery?
Click.

They are a savage people.

Refreshed.

Plenty of energy
to climb a mountain.

Did you hear that Chinese
restaurant next to the theater

is shutting down?

No way.

I love that place.

Yeah, Mrs. Lee accused
her husband of cheating.

- I guess they're splitting up.
- What?

They're such a great couple.

It's probably
a misunderstanding.

I'll talk to her.

I hear someone wants to turn
it into a gourmet pizza joint.

On the other hand,

he was handsy with the ladies,
so.

She's gotta do
what she's gotta do.

Right.
You throw high, I'll throw low?

- Spinner's on.
- Spinner's on.

- Safety off.
- Safety off.

Three, two, one, pull.

Nice hook shot.

Ball is life.

Yeah, say that again.

- Ball is life.
- No, don't...

don't say it twi...
ball is life.

You always do that.

This is the third piece
of my ship that I've found.

My device has to be nearby.

I'm not alone up here.

This is bad.

I just felt my rear Iris
pucker

and my testicles tighten.

My taint remains unchanged.

That avalanche covering
my search area

has set me back
at least a week.

These humans think they can
constantly thwart my plans.

Well, no more.

This is some bullshit!

Hi, I'm Kate hawthorne.

My husband is Ben, the mayor.

I met him.
He smells like soap.

Yeah, that's him.

My son ran out of your office
a few days ago.

Can I come in?
Please?

- Yes, just one minute.
- Oh, o...

I need to talk to you
about something.

Hmm?

My son Max told me
you're an alien.

What's that then?

He also told me
that you broke into his bedroom

and tried to kill him.

That's interesting.

What is wrong with him?

Why is he making things up?

- You think he's lying.
- Of course he's lying.

You're obviously not an alien.

I'm so embarrassed
that he ran out of the clinic.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I normally talk to Sam
about this stuff, but he's...

- well, you know.
He's dead.

Yeah.

Well, you don't have anything
to worry about.

I'm not an alien.

Unfortunately.
I hear they're pretty cool.

Thank you for coming over.

It's just...
I can't get my son off of this.

And it's not just the stories,
he's...

he's drawn pictures.

Lots and lots of pictures.
Look at them.

They're disturbing.

And that alien?
I mean...

he even convinced the deputy
to draw this.

Look at this, it's disgusting.

Makes me want
to throw up just looking at it.

Some people think
humans are ugly.

I just don't know what to do.

Max won't sleep, he won't eat,

and, frankly,
he is driving me crazy.

You're a doctor.

Is there anything
that we can do?

Move.

- What?
- Far away from here.

A new school, a new life.

If Max knows that he is never
setting a foot in Colorado

or the western United States
again,

I think that he will be
a happy kid.

Uh, we have jobs.

My husband is the mayor.

Scotland needs mayors.

I read it in a book.

We're not moving.

Ah, of course!

Not.

- Um.
- Uh...

he's probably just looking
for attention.

Yeah.

I guess that makes sense.

I try and steer clear
of Max during the day.

Having a mom who works at
school isn't the easiest thing.

Neglect.
It's your fault.

And with that, you can go.

Uh...

Yeah, well, I...

Guess I'll just try
spending more time with him.

Gotta be honest,
I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Max doesn't drop
the alien thing,

I'm gonna kill him.

You and me both.

Thank you so much
for everything...

oh, oh.

'Kay.

Good morning, dickhead.

Can't call me that.
That's a nasty word.

Oh, I'm sorry,
shit‐for‐brains.

You're inappropriate
and you stole my flyers.

Do you wanna put them
back up?

Go ahead.

No one believes you, anyway,
not even your parents.

Tell people I am an alien.

Climb to the highest tower
in town

and shout it to everyone.

We don't have towers,
you dumb alien.

No, I...

I know that;
It was a figure of speech.

No, it wasn't.

Oh, my god, you actually
thought we had towers.

I did not!

You're so stupid.

"Hi, I'm an alien
and I think it's castle times

and there are towers."

I was testing to see if you
thought there were towers,

and you're lucky you passed.

Well,
I'm gonna go to school now.

Wait.

I hope a tower doesn't fall
on me

because we live
in make‐believe times.

You're the one who thinks
there's towers!

Dickhead.

Assh...

Asshole.

Hey, ass‐ta.

It's ah‐sta, Ellen.
You knew that.

Sorry.
Must be the Canadian in me.

Well,

on this side of the imaginary
border, it's ah‐sta.

Pasta, drama, ah‐sta.
What else can I do for you?

Ah‐sta, Dr. V needs
some prescription pads,

but I can't find any.

- Well, where have you looked?
- I haven't looked yet.

Can you get them?

Whoa, what are you doing?

- I want that so badly.
- Excuse me?

Sleep.

I can't sleep at night.
I'm trying to learn how.

Okay, well, please stop.
It's creepy.

Get up.

Jay, Jay, wake up.

Please wake up.

Have you seen one of Sam's
prescription pads

laying around?
There's one missing.

I don't know
if he took it home, I...

he always used
to keep them here.

That's why you woke me up?

Well,
have you seen it or not?

Not.

I just work here
for school credit.

I barely know where
the tongue depressors are.

I thought sleep was supposed
to make you feel better.

Cut her some slack.

She was probably up all night
reeling like the rest of us.

You didn't even know Sam.
Why can't you sleep?

There's a dead me floating
in the lake.

I can't find the on/off switch
in my brain.

Do you ever meditate?

By meditate,
do you mean sit peacefully

and think of all the people
I want to kill?

Yes.
I like it very much.

Good.

Uh, Dr. Vanderspeigle,

we need you down
at the town hall.

What's going on?

There's another dead body.
This time in the lake.

Okay.

All right, all right,

now there's a lot of
misinformation out there, okay?

Everybody just needs
to calm down.

And somebody need
to open up a damn window

'cause it smell like
a sweaty rei store up in here.

What?

- I hear they found a body?
- No, just a foot.

Jack Rooney found it
fishing the lake.

Which lake?
My lake?

Not your lake.

Belongs to the state
of Colorado.

Oh, are you
trying to impress me?

By making me think
you own a lake?

No, I'm not doing that.

Can maybe you be
just a little less needy

and a little bit
more sensitive?

Because somebody's died, so.

Come on, can we see the foot?

What's going on?
Who does the foot belong to?

Yes, and can we touch it?

Were they murdered?

- Okay, folks, folks, folks.
- What size is it?

This is
an ongoing investigation

and all that we have now
is... is... is a dead foot.

That foot belongs
to the guy I killed.

For all we know, you know,
it's just, uh,

some hiker who got his foot
ripped off by a bear.

There's a killer bear
on the loose?

I know it.
It's my own fault.

I should've spent more time
searching the lake

and less time watching
"law & order" marathons.

All right!

I want everybody to shut up!

I want it so quiet in here,

you can hear a mouse piss
on cotton, you understand me?

No.

- Now...
- Okay.

As you all know,

we recently lost one
of our own, Sam Hodges,

who was murdered.

Now, finding this here foot
in there?

This is a good thing,

'cause it means that we don't
have a murderer in our town.

- Oh.
- Oh.

We... we don't?

We got ourselves
a serial killer, y'all.

How the hell is that
a good thing?

Serial killers don't run away
and hide.

They lie in wait
to strike again,

so they're easier to catch.

Hell, if I was a serial killer,

I'd be in this room right now
looking for my next victim.

All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't worry!

We're gonna send the foot
to Denver for DNA testing.

Once we find out who it is,
we gon' catch this killer.

I can't let them get
that DNA.

They'll know
I'm dead lake man.

Doctor,
do you have anything that...

that you could...
that you could add?

Uh...

I am so scared!

Real nice, doc.
Real smooth, real smooth.

Fear is real.
I have all the signs.

Sweaty palms...

Elevated heartbeat...

nice hat, freak.

Now that I'm in this body,
I'm feeling human emotions.

Sorry.

Poor guy.

My guess is a boat propeller
probably hit the dead body

and just chopped the foot
right off.

Mm.

White male.

I'm thinking late 40s,
180 pounds, over six feet tall.

That's a size twelve shoe.

Heck,
if you didn't have two feet,

I'd think this thing was yours.

You are a funny,
hilarious person.

Anyway, the medical examiner
will let us know

if we get a hit on the DNA.

No, I know there's a chance
that there won't be,

but with so many people
in the database these days,

all those ancestry
testing kits.

Even I did one.

Uh, I found out that, um,

my real father is actually
my dad's best friend, bill,

so I told my dad
and he and my mom broke up

and then he left town
and he moved to Ohio, so...

I don't recommend those tests.

Anyway, soon the only people
who won't be in the database

are hermits and babies.

Definitely my foot.

It's amazing how my people
have developed the ability

to mimic other life forms
on the cellular level.

We are an incredible...

And I forgot
to close the door.

When you're doing being
next‐level weird,

we have the briscoes
in the exam room.

Oh, there's my sock.

It's here.

Where's my goddamn foot?

You stole
my five dead little piggies,

not to mention
Liv's favorite bucket.

She puts her soda pop in there.

I can help.
I am a pathologist.

You don't need to send
the whole foot to Denver.

Well, then pathologize
the damn thing

and get me a DNA sample.

We got some Ted Bundy shit
going on around here,

and I need to put a stop to it
before he strikes again.

Or she.

The killer could be a woman.

That's sexist.
You're sexist.

Let me tell you something.

When I say he,
I mean he or she.

You know,
between you and me,

what is this PC bullshit
anyway now

where you gotta say "he/she"
for "he"

when "he" already mean
"he/she," you know what I mean?

I just think
it'll be more respectful

if you think of the killer
as a woman.

Okay.

Well, let me tell you what
I think would be respectful...

is if you got me a skin sample
off this foot

before I start needing
dick pills.

Now, I'ma be
in the waiting room waiting.

Hmm.

But you always remember where
you were when they came.

There.

And in this case,
my great idea came the moment

I entered the exam room
and realized

I was going to cut the
foreskin off this baby's dick

and hand it to the sheriff.

- How long has he been sick?
- Just two days.

He doesn't have a fever.

- That's a relief.
- Mm.

His chest is clear.
Is he circumcised?

- What?
- What?

Right, how dumb of me to ask.

I'm right here.
I can just check myself.

Let's see what you're packin'
down there, champ.

Harry... dr. Vanderspeigle,
you don't need to do that.

He's not circumcised.
Not yet, anyway.

We were thinking about it
but hadn't made a decision.

And you don't need
to make a decision right now.

The sooner the better.

Removing the foreskin
reduces the risk

of urinary tract infection.

- Also stds.
- Stds?

Do you want your baby
getting gonorrhea?

Is that a real question?

No, it's not.

You should consider it.
It's a very simple procedure.

All I do is surgically remove
the skin

which covers the tip
of your baby's prick.

Here you go.

I'm keeping the foot
so it can be stored properly.

Fine by me.

Thing made my whole office
smell like bad Sushi.

I gotta get this back to Liv.

You know ladies love
they buckets.

Before you say that's sexist,
that's just a fact.

- Hey, maxie.
- Mom, what are you doing?

I can't be seen hanging out
with my mother.

Don't be silly.
Hey.

Teachers get lunch breaks, too.

Just wanted to stop by
and see how you're doing.

Please go!

I'll literally pay you.

That's the money I gave you
this morning.

Money is money.

Okay, just... hey.

I just wanted to tell you
that I love you.

Okay.

- Can I just get a hug?
- No!

Okay, great.
Okay, bye.

- Love you.
- Hey.

Dude, that's the kid
with the alien poster.

Oh!

What, space boy?

He's the one
with the alien posters?

You wanna make fun of me too?

No.

Because I believe you.

Stress, fear.

No wonder humans can't
sleep at night.

Imagine what that water
would do to your balls?

At least I don't have
to worry about the kid

or the foot anymore.

What's going on here?
Why are you on my beach?

It's official
police business, doc.

Rest of that body's got
to be out there somewhere,

and I plan on finding it.

You work too hard.
You should take some time off.

Doctor's orders.

I am a little concerned about

the overall scale
of this operation.

You know, we don't have the
budget to drag this whole lake.

You got it in your budget

to live in a town littered
with dead bodies?

Not really how budgets work.

And this whole thing...
it's just too expensive.

I mean, the town is definitely
not paying for snacks, okay?

Those are
cletus's dog treats.

Hey,
don't be spittin' that out!

That's real bison meat.
What the hell's wrong with you?

Dang it!
God, it's like a gamey peanut.

Listen,

everyone here needs
to get their head in the game.

We're searching
this entire lake.

We ain't gon' stop
till we find that body.

Yes, nurse.

I have very bad ass rash
for you to examine, please.

Okay?

Oh, my god, you scared me.

Come on, let's go.

You've been so mopey lately.

You do know
my friend Sam died.

Yes, I know.

I know, I know,

and I'm very sorry
and it sucks,

but maybe to get your mind off
of it, you come out with me.

You taking me to feed
baby squirrels again?

This is even better.

They find that body,
I'm gonna legit shit myself.

When you said
"have some fun,"

I thought you meant dinner
or maybe a movie.

Come on,
we got a live show here.

The finale, fingers crossed,
is a bloated, dead corpse.

So this is our night?
A floater watch party?

This town,
I'll take what I can get.

Besides, I was dating this guy,
and he sort of ghosted me.

Oof.

I mean,
he stopped calling entirely

and I'm kind of hoping
that's him out there, you know?

Get some closure.

Also, you know what I heard?
Jt is having a party later.

Jt.

I haven't thought about him
in forever.

I can't believe
he's still around.

Well, I mean,
everybody's still around.

Nobody gets out of here.

We did.

I'll give us that.

We both got out
and chased our dreams.

- Damn right.
- Yeah.

And reality chased us
right back.

Yeah.

Yeah, starting to envy
that body in the lake.

Deputy, why is your boat
headed to shore?

The mayor has
to be brought back in.

He has an appointment.

Is there somebody
throwing up on that boat?

Uh, hi, sheriff.
This is the mayor speaking.

I just have
a pre‐existing appoi...

- Are you seasick?
- Uh...

we don't halt justice

just 'cause your tummy's
a little upset.

If you gotta piss, puke,
or shit,

you do it over the side
of the boat.

In the meantime,
we stick to the plan.

You do the east lake grid;
I do the west lake grid.

- Over.
- Aye‐aye, sheriff.

Perhaps if you drank
some water?

All I taste is bison.

I don't like this feeling.

Even this dog
is making me nervous.

I remember when I didn't know
the meaning of fear.

After my ship crashed,
I was on my own for two weeks.

An alien on an alien planet,
danger everywhere.

None of it concerned me.

Not knowing fear allowed me
to make bold fashion choices.

I don't think
they're gonna find a body.

Come on, stay positive.

I think that's Harry's cabin
over there.

Fancy.

I wonder what half of it will
be worth when we split up.

Mm.

I remember
who Harry reminds me of.

Who?

- Danny Oliver.
- My god, he took you to prom.

Yes, he did, right?

- Yes, he did.
- Oh, god.

You remember him dancing
to "got your money"?

♪ Hey, dirty! ♪

♪ Baby, I got your money,
don't you worry ♪

♪ uh! ♪

♪ You better give me
that money, ooh! ♪

- Oh, my damn.
- ♪ right now! ♪

♪ Baby, I got your money ♪

- Yes!
- ♪ don't you worry ♪

♪ Said hey ♪

♪ baby, I got your money ♪

♪ Hey, said hey ♪

♪ baby, I got your money,
don't you worry ♪

Sheriff, maybe I should go
in and check the shoreline?

Based on the current,

it is highly probable the body
has already washed up.

I know what's going on.
The mayor's still sick.

You stay on mission, deputy.
We got a body to find.

This guy's not going
to give up.

I can't panic.
I just need a plan.

If they find the body,

I'll say it's my twin brother,
Frederico.

Playboy, drinker, bad swimmer.

Whoa.
Down, boy.

Down, boy.

Down!
This is my body.

This is my body.

No, let go!

Harry?
Are you home?

Ooh.

Yes, I'm home

just standing here
doing nothing.

Oh, cool.
Looks like a fun night.

What are you doing here?

We were down at the beach

watching the lake
being dragged.

It's like our town's version
of a drive‐in.

- Yeah.
- So.

Can we use your bathroom?

Um...
please?

It's back there.

But then you have
to leave right away.

- I'm very busy.
- Yeah, we know, doing nothing.

I'm over him.
Like, so over him.

Like, I'm embarrassed
that I was into him.

Why are you going
through his stuff?

You can find out a lot
about a guy this way.

He's got all the vitamins.

- A, b, c... oh, my god.
- Huh?

They're stored
in alphabetical order.

He's a maniac.

I'm so turned on.

We are gonna go.

Oh.

Do not go in there.

I'm just kidding.
I didn't shit in your bathroom.

Gotta go to a party.
Sorry, you're not invited.

Kinda a girl's night thing
so yeah.

Okay.

Seriously,
it's not a big deal.

It's just, like, my ex, jt,
he's, like, really successful

and he's got this, like,
really big house in the hills

and he's, like,
begging me to go,

which... embarrassing
for him, you know?

Then I'm confused
why you're still here.

- Go.
- No, we're good.

I get it.
So we'll see you another time.

Thank you.

It's like he's jealous
but barely hiding it.

You know?

He's hiding it pretty well.

He's probably
gonna follow us.

No, he's not.

- Oh, my god.
- You're so weird.

♪ Yuck‐sue‐yaach
sounding like a savage ♪

♪ I don't even
understand 'em ♪

♪ when he say
that you the baddest ♪

♪ survival is a habit ♪

- Hey, you girls got ID?
- Oh, what are you doing here?

This bitch called in
for reinforcements.

- Aww, d'arce.
- Mwah.

Thank you.
Let's do the damn thing.

Give it to you.

Ugh,
do you have anything stronger?

Pumped sage enough milk
for a week.

Mm.

- I'm trying to be out‐out.
- Ooh, you look hot.

Ooh, why are you dressed
like a mob wife?

Why aren't you?

I have a husband.
You have a cat.

Besides,

this is the first night I've
been out since sage was born.

I'm not gonna waste it
on a broncos Jersey and jeans.

Oh.

I see somebody
I wanna talk to...

With my butt.

'Kay.

♪ If you craft is genetic ♪

♪ yuck‐sue‐yaach ♪

♪ if you workin'
both your spirits ♪

hey, watch it.

- Kick rocks, cougar.
- Cougar?

We know the guy
that lives here,

so maybe we could have him

just kick your ass right out
of here.

Who, jt's dad?
He's outta town, lady.

Lady?

Check out the milfs.

Did you invite me
to a high school party?

- Oh, god.
- Holy shit.

No, no, no,
this isn't funny, okay?

I wasted a 30‐mile drive,
a babysitter,

and I smeared my best lipstick
to be here.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, my god.

Where's d'arcy?
Oh, shit.

- I'm gonna kill her.
- Oh, god, oh, god.

Oh, god.

You're a good dancer.

And you're skinny.

Like a cricket.

- You wanna take it upstairs?
- Why, what's upstairs?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, my god, braces?
Ugh.

Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Don't say that!
That's not true!

Ugh, high school party.

How's your new boyfriend.
You get into his pull‐ups yet?

I think that was
his first boner.

Oh.

I guess that you forgot that
jt also has a son named jt?

It's not my fault
that he is a narcissist.

Wow, okay, okay.

Excuse me.

- What?
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.

- Why?
- You guys want some?

Oh, great.
We're in a gen z drug den.

Hey, these are Sam's.
Where'd you get these?

From my pocket.

Burnout,
she means who gave them to you?

This prescription was written
after he died.

You weren't prescribed these.

I'm taking them, and if
you have a problem with that,

- I'm gonna call the cops.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What was that about?
- Let's just get out of here.

Wait.
Jay?

Oh, shit.

How are all these children
more wasted than us?

Okay, yeah, I'm going home
to snuggle my baby.

You two, you need families.

Or maybe a lawyer.

This is embarrassing.
Help me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's do it.

All right.

Sorry about tonight.

You're too young to know how
sorry that party really was.

- Thanks.
- Course.

Just get to bed.

Oh, hang on, um...

I know you've been going
through a hard time lately.

Whenever you're having
a rough time,

just burn some of this cedar
and pull the smoke around you.

Something my dad taught me.
It'll help.

That's weird, but okay.

Thanks, Ms. Twelvetrees.

Asta, are you ready?

Asta?

Sam!

Aww.

You okay?

- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah, let's do it.

Up front, Princess.
I'm not a chauffeur.

I mean...
oh, okay.

That's how we're doing it?

Yep,
that's how we're doing it.

No problem.

Yes.

We're calling it a night,
doc,

but we'll be back tomorrow.

There's a dead body out there
somewhere

and we're not gonna rest
until we find it.

Except we are going
to go home and rest now.

Hey, cletus!

Hey!
Get back here, boy!

Hey!
What you smell?

Uh...
cletus!

What you got, boy?

Oh, hell.
He onto something!

- He cannot go in there.
- Go on, boy!

Huh?

Huh.

Huh.

Well, well, well.

No wonder
he's losing his mind.

It's bison.

You got meat.

I like meat.

I like meat, too, you know?

I've tried rabbit.

And I tried moose once.

My uncle made them.
I ate it, but I didn't like it.

Okay, well,
there's nothing to see here.

At least I know where I can
come if I need meat, right?

Come on, here, cletus!

And Liv.

- Hey, dad.
- Hey.

Why are you awake?

Please don't tell me
you waited up for me.

No.

- Breakfast?
- Oh, my god, please.

Scrambled eggs,
your favorite.

Wow.

This looks good.

It was a girl.

The baby was a girl.

I thought she'd be better off
without me,

but what if that's not true?

What if... what if she's supposed
to be with me?

You're a mother
to that child.

That bond can never be broken.
It's a mother's gift.

Wherever that child is,

you'll always be able
to sense her.

One day,

that connection will bring you
back together.

- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you.

- Oh.
- We both have the same bag.

Oh, um, yeah.

I was just buying a lock
for your desk drawer.

It's where Sam used to keep
all his prescription pads.

What about you?

I also have some things
to lock away.

Who even are you,
Harry vanderspeigle?

Just a...

Guy.

Hmm.

Everybody has secrets.

Fear is such
a great motivator.

It makes people lock
those secrets away.

♪ Without the light ♪

but for every one person
locking away their secrets,

there are two more people
seeking to uncover the truth.

♪ Oh, the darkness comes ♪

scary, right?

He's disgusting.

He definitely cut the brakes
on your bike.

I need to get a closer look.

No, don't.
Don't do it.

♪ Fend off the enemy ♪

♪ sing out the jubilee ♪

♪ with all the fire
we can breathe ♪

what the hell?

♪ We're singing all day
and you can't tame it ♪

♪ high tide or low tide,
you know ♪

♪ nighttime or morning time,
yeah ♪

♪ we're going strong ♪

♪ headed up down the river ♪

♪ oh, lord,
I feel the reveling ♪

♪ I feel a change
on the rise ♪

♪ we're singing all day
and you can't tame it ♪

♪ high tide or low tide,
you know ♪

♪ nighttime or morning time,
yeah ♪

♪ we're going strong ♪

♪ headed up down the river ♪

♪ oh, lord
I feel the reveling ♪

♪ I feel a change
on the rise ♪

So I look that alien son
of a bitch

right in his jaundiced eyes and
I said in no uncertain terms,

"I'm not the one to mess with."

I said, "boy, I don't know
where you're from

"and I don't much give
a flying duck's fart.

"One thing's for certain,
two things for sure.

You best stay the hell away
from me."

Well, he come at me.

I kicked his alien ass
all the way to the next county.

Damn thing got away
with my horse and my hat,

but I knew he wouldn't mess
with me again.

Unbelievable.

See, this is why
we like traveling around

meeting other
alien experiencers.

- Mm‐hmm.
- Stories like that.

When we saw your videos online,

we knew we had
to come speak with you.

Where did you say you
actually saw the alien again?

Do you know
where he was headed?

Well, little lady,

I've been letting this liquor
speak for me

and I think I said
too much already.

Mm.

But you can read about that
in the book I'm writing.

Oh, cool.
You're writing a book.

♪ Sunshine on ♪

Well, well, little lady.

What are you doing...

♪ we're singing all day
and you can't tame it ♪

Oh, my god!
Are you insane?

You killed him?

We're not supposed
to kill people!

Those aren't our orders!

Looks like you and I
have different orders.

♪ Oh, lord, I feel
a change on the rise ♪