All language subtitles for muertos de risa english

DYING OF LAUGHTER

Wait a minute! Hey!
Where are you going?

Hey! I need your I. D!

They're heading
for make-up.

They're here.
My God.

- Who's here?
- Who? Are you stupid? Them.

- Them? Really?
- Of course, you fool.

The genuine, the authentic,
the two and only...

Nino and Bruno.
They're in make-up.

What do we do?

- Nothing. What's wrong?
- What's wrong?

The police are
after them!

Relax.
I'll talk to them.

No, not now.
Come on, get out.

Who the fuck are
these people?

Good. Here we are.
Together again.

The legendary Nino and Bruno,
ready to hit the stage.

You're here to do
the show, right?

Relax, Ricky.
Give us a second.

What about his hair?

Fuck it! We've got
other problems!

Let's go! Maria!
Merche! Get out!

My boys, my boys.

I've dreamed of this
for a long time.

After all that has happened.
Together again.

I'm really getting
emotional.

Look. I have
goosepimples.

Okay. Enough
bullshit.

We're going out
that door

to put on the best
New Year's show ever.

We'll kill them
with laughter.

- You ready?
- When you are.

No, not now. No photos.
Clear the way.

Come on.

Get ready.
Let's go.

No, not now.
After, after.

I have nothing to do with
this. I was forced.

Open the door.

I can't. You see that red
light? They're recording.

This is destruction
of justice.

- Obstruction.
- Don't correct me in public!

Now we're accomplices.
Open the door.

Fuck that. They can arrest
them in half an hour.

Besides, where's their
search warrant?

- That was a shot, man.
- Everything's under control.

It must be part
of the show.

You see? It's a
comedy program.

This show hasn't got
any shooting.

You're right.
Open the damn door.

What's going on
in there?

They're fantastic.
Everyone's laughing.

You fat shit.

I'd rather be fat
than have bad breath.

It's not my breath,
it's your feet.

You can't trust someone who
never washes his feet.

Call an ambulance!

Oh shit!

Please, everyone remain calm.
Stay in your seats.

It's all right.
It's all part of the show.

Well, this is the end.

I hate people who say
"I told you so",

but I knew it would
come to this.

I could have even
prevented it. Christ.

It was all my idea. Even
the names, Nino and Bruno.

They'd met before. At least
they say they had.

It all began in a disco
in a small town,

around 1972.

Nino was a singer.

One of those who copied
popular songs.

But his weakness
was Nino Bravo.

Free...

like the rising sun,
I'm free...

like the sea.

Free...

like the bird that
escapes from it's cage

and can finally fly.

Free...

like the winds that gather
my sadness and grief,

I'll follow the truth and
I'll finally find freedom.

I'll show you freedom,
you son of a bitch.

Free, like the rising
sun, I'm free,

like the sea.

Free...

like the bird
that escapes...

I'd never forget
I owed you money.

Hey, watch your mouth.

I already fucking told
you I'd pay you back!

How much was it again?
That much?

No, no.
Whatever you say.

I'm no good
with money.

Hey, you!

What's up, asshole?

No, nothing.
I'll help you

take those to
the table.

Anything you want.

Go kill somebody!

Thank you, thank you.
And now...

for another
masterpiece

by the great
Nino Bravo.

For all of you...
Noelia.

There's a girl
who's the same

but different
from the rest.

Relax, man.
Let me finish.

I told you I had
the money.

It's almost as if
I had it...

My friend's got it.

Yeah, I'm positive.

He gets paid today.

Yeah, tomorrow at 12.
I'll be there.

...and I only know
her name is Noelia.

I've lived for her
for a long time,

and I only know
her name is Noelia.

- How's it going?
- Weathering the storm.

We're out of
Pachar�n.

Give them whatever you've
got and keep smiling.

I don't want
any trouble.

It seems like

she's going to call me,

then she runs away

without speaking.

I've dreamed of her

for a long time,

and I only know
her name is

Noelia.

I've lived for her
for a long time,

and I only know
her name is

Noelia.

Noelia, Noelia, Noelia.

Noelia, Noelia...

He's killed my girlfriend!

You killed our
company mascot.

- I can't fucking believe it.
- You ruined our manoeuvers.

Bastardo, asesino!

I didn't touch it.
I love animals.

Don't be smart,
asshole.

Easy, now.
Are you sure it's dead?

Maybe you should
give it

mouth to mouth,
you fuckhead.

What have you done?

It wasn't me. Maybe it
had a heart attack.

Relax, boys. Don't get excited.
It was an accident.

Have a drink and calm down.
On the house.

What do you say?

Merry Christmas!

I'm going this way.

Don't worry, the insurance
will cover it.

- What insurance?
- That's true.

Come on, cheer up.
It's no big deal.

They only made you
dance like that goat.

Though making you
eat those flowers...

Especially the
plastic ones.

Shit, you didn't say
how far away you lived.

- Seven more kilometers!
- But it's downhill.

I don't even know
your name.

Joaquin Molina.
But they call me Nino.

Yeah right, after Nino Bravo.
I'm Jose Luis.

After your father?

No, I'm an orphan.

- Sorry.
- It's all right.

I barely remember. You said
you live with your mother.

Not exactly.

- Psycho!
- That's Visir.

It's like living alone.
Visir hates me.

So does my mother.

What's this?

Nothing... they're from
my mom's lingerie shop...

Leftovers from
last season.

They don't fit below.

Relax. You don't
have to explain.

Each to his own.

Listen, Jos� Luis.
I think we have to leave.

Why? We just got here.

My mother doesn't
like strangers.

She'll try to take
my socks off.

- It's not the first time.
- Your socks?

My lucky socks.

They're my good luck charm.
Since I started singing.

- Which was?
- Two years and 9 months ago.

She hasn't spoken
to me since.

You haven't taken those
off in three years?

Never. Like the cross around
my neck. They bring me luck.

Got you far, haven't they?

It sounds ridiculous.
But if I washed them,

they'd lose their
esoteric powers.

I have a plan, so tell
me what you think.

Tomorrow we're
going to Madrid.

Madrid? Why?

To get you out of here, that's why.
You can't stay here.

Besides, the club is going
to be closed a while.

But what will
we do there?

You're a singer,
right?

Yeah, but...

I have a friend from
San Ildefonso School...

That's where
they sing...

The lottery numbers. I did
it twice... So this guy

did a casting
for a TV show.

A "castis"?

"Casting".
It's English.

My English is
pretty basic.

Hello, good morning,
arrivederci...

No, it's for performers.
It's a contest.

And leave my mother?

Look, Joaquin.
It's time to grow up

and live your
own life.

Hey, I'm here because
I want to be.

I could have left
a million times.

I don't need you,
or your "castrins".

I'm with my mother
because I love her.

Even if she doesn't
talk to me.

Since my father died
I'm all she has.

- Are you coming or not?
- Of course I am.

Let's go! Don't piss me off!
Goddammit!

Let's hurry this
up, please!

The ventriloquists
can leave.

Comics and impersonators!
No fucking dolls!

Hey! The shark doesn't
go there, you shithead!

What the fuck is this?
You. Out.

You see? Comics and
impersonators. No singers.

So? You're an
impersonator.

What do you mean?

- You do Nino Bravo.
- No, I don't.

I use his songs.
It's different.

You copy his voice,
his songs, his clothes...

- It's in homage.
- So you're a homager.

As long as it
makes them laugh.

But why does it
have to be funny?

I'm a singer.
And what are you?

They might need a good-Iooking
host for the program.

You're an actor?

Sure. I was in
"55 Days in Peking."

- As an actor?
- As a Chinaman.

One of 5000. You can
just barely see me.

I was near the front.

Where the fuck
are the Romans?

So you'd take any
job they offer.

Once we get a foot in
the door we can change.

- It won't work.
- Look at those legs.

Have you ever seen
legs that long?

No fucking way. It's
already worth the trip.

We've got nothing
to lose.

In person they look bigger.
So juicy...

- and soft on top.
- Because it's flesh, not plastic.

Right there,
a step away.

My God!
They're moving!

You could just
reach out

and stroke those
thighs.

- Don't say thighs.
- Thighs, thighs, thighs.

Shit!

Ask whatever you want
of me but... comedy!

What's wrong?
Women love comics.

What if nobody laughs?
How embarrassing!

You can't be a
tight-ass forever.

Okay. We go in, we make fools
of ourselves, we leave.

- Happy?
- Happy.

Look, I never said
it was for sure.

I said your chances
were good.

What I can't do
is work miracles.

It's you who'll
need a miracle!

First we want
our money back.

Those are sign-up fees. You
have to be more convincing.

Did you think it
would be easy?

But we didn't even perform.
They told us to go home.

- They said that?
- That's right.

Well, in that case...
I'll be straight with you.

They didn't like you.

- Maybe it was the outfits.
- They're traditional.

I know, but they need some
glitter, something shiny...

- I'll give you something shiny.
- Hey, relax.

Calm down, this won't
get us anywhere.

Look. At this point all
I can do is go in there,

and talk to Chicho, who happens
to be a friend of mine.

If there's a second round of
casting your act could get picked.

If there isn't your
ass gets kicked.

Let's not get carried
away, girls.

That's fine.
Thank you very much.

- Can we sing another?
- Like "Irai litol player."

Thanks, but that's enough.

Ventriloquists!
Through this door.

Let's see,
next up.

Joaquin Molina and
Jos� Luis Exp�sito.

Come on.
It's our turn.

First the joke about
Christ in the desert.

Then sing that "Free"
thing you do so well.

Is there another exit
around here?

They're casting
the comedians.

- Those are comedians?
- So they say.

They suck.

The chubby one
is adorable.

- The other one's sexy.
- They're hilarious.

They said no dolls?
Well, he's human!

At times you can't tell,

but depending on
the circumstances,

he even looks
human, right?

He even studies
and knows things.

He's tenacious.

Why am I saying this?
Well, why not?

- What happened?
- You screwed it up.

Shit! I forgot what Christ
was doing in the desert.

Forget it. You can make
the 12:00 bus.

- You're not coming?
- No, I'm staying.

- What will you do?
- I'll find a job.

- As a waiter?
- No, never again.

- Well, what?
- I don't know.

But, look. Admit it.
I'm not funny.

I laugh, but I don't
even get the jokes.

And you just chase women.

That's not funny.
It's pathetic.

What great vibes!

I'm not being negative.
Look at these people.

Their lives are boring. And
though it's hard to admit,

we're just like them.

I see why your mom
won't talk to you.

It's not like you have
a fairy godmother

to save your ass.

Can I speak to you
two for a second?

- We're busy. What do you want?
- I'm your fairy godmother.

Hern�n Cort�s conquered
an empire on guts alone.

Where was he from? A little
town in Extramadura.

He was unknown
in Madrid.

- What's he on about?
- I don't know.

What is this?

We just want to get in show
business, not conquer America.

That's why I brought you here,
to show you the best.

Fof� the clown!

- Are you kidding?
- Look, son. I forgive you,

because you're
obviously ignorant.

These people are the top of show
business, the cr�me de la cr�me.

That man says "How are you?"
On TV, and all of Spain screams

"Fine".

But these people had
training, a teacher...

I'm the teacher.

- Of all of them?
- Of the best.

These, for example. You think the
hat and tails were their idea?

It was all
my idea.

And their name? They called
themselves "The Funny Couple".

I told them, "No way. Tip and Coll."
It's catchy. Tip and Coll.

- It is catchy.
- Of course it's catchy.

Imagine, "Ortega and Gassett".
Not a chance.

The name's the most
important thing.

So you're Tipp and
Coll's agent?

I didn't say that.
We were like... brothers,

before all the big shows.
But that's another story.

We'll do our own thing.

Do you want to
give it a shot?

You think we'd
be good comics?

Right now you suck,

truth be told.

But, there's something there,
a feeling...

So now we have an agent,
like the big stars.

Hold on, kid. Only a lucky
few get to be big stars.

You have to work your ass off,
from the bottom up,

polishing your jokes as if
they were diamonds,

until they're perfect.

It's slave labor.
I'll destroy you.

When do we start?

We already have.

Christ is driving a Seat 600.
What happens?

Christ is driving...
in the desert...

He sees Muhammed, who asks him:
"Seen any mountains?"

It sounds like you're the one
they fucking crucified!

Liven it up a bit.
Try to have fun.

Christ is in
the desert...

and he sees Muhammed...
who asks him...

- "Seen any..."
- Are you stupid?

- Never laugh at your own jokes.
- That's comic suicide.

- We've rehearsed it 100 times.
- I know, but...

- But what?
- No buts.

- I'm leaving.
- Wait.

- You have your socks?
- Of course.

- So what's the fucking problem?
- I don't get the joke.

I don't get why Christ
is driving a Seat 600.

Why a 600?
Because you say so?

Hey! It's a 600!
It's obvious, isn't it?

It doesn't matter.
Forget it.

Start with the studdering
faggot who says:

"G-g-g-g-roovy" and
ends up in a convent.

- I can't, I can't.
- But everyone gets it.

Relax, they'll laugh.
Don't be afraid.

Back off!
Get back, you bastards!

Come on, run!

I'll never do this again!

Let's go. It's your turn.

Good luck, good luck.

And now, two exceptional
comedians...

The hilarious, Nino...

Bruno and Nino!

I'm Bruno?

Good evening,
everyone.

It's a pleasure
to be here

for this intimate

local celebration.

Show us your tits!

Well, I see there's another
comic out there.

But I think tonight two
is enough. Right, Nino?

Say something.
Anything.

Christ was...
was...

Come on!
Say something!

Don't believe this means
he has nothing to say.

He's actually a
joke-telling machine.

He knows them all.
It's just that,

a smart crowd makes
him nervous.

He's "The Autistic Comic."

Asshole!

You see this face
of an imbecile?

Well, he might be thinking
of a joke to tell.

Maybe, the one about
the studdering faggot?

Are you going to
tell us the joke?

Smack him and see
if he wakes up!

Normally we don't take requests
from the audience,

but tonight we might
make an exception.

Christ... 600...
Christ...

We're going to perform an
exercise in reanimation.

Nino, are you going
to tell the joke?

Come on, Nino.

What's up,
mosquito-brain?

- Hit me again.
- What?

They're laughing.
Hit me again.

That moment I realized.

A slap in the face.
So simple. So brutal.

So absurd.

Slap after slap. People
laughed their heads off.

That slap was an act
of total anarchy.

"The liberation of
all ethical compromise"...

as one newspaper
put it.

Bruno did on stage what
we've all wanted to do.

Slap someone with impunity,
with indifference,

without being
punished.

Villalpando, Toledo,
Malaga, Torremolinos.

Always the same effect.
Like pressing a button.

To slap our boss,
our mother-in-law,

the President,
the Pope.

Yes, it was strangely
immoral. Sinister, even.

But isn't that true of
all life's pleasures?

Shit, Gila.
I'm telling you, fuck!

Look. Don't tell
anyone this, but...

without me he's nobody.
You got it?

I even told you about
the phone, shit.

Yeah, the phone.

That was my idea,
you know?

- Is this from Ibiza?
- You like my ring?

Let's go out to my car.
Feeling naughty?

Before you
get drunk...

I want to talk
to you alone.

- You like the blond, eh?
- Shut up, silly.

Yeah, but...
it's about the act.

Forget the act.
Live a little.

That's my intention.

That's why I need
to know.

Know what?

When will you stop
slapping me?

Never. That's the
key to our success.

I know. But we could
make a little change.

For example?

Well, I could slap
you sometimes.

But that's not
funny at all.

Not funny?

No, the cute guy has
to slap the ugly guy.

Why are you
the cute guy?

Come on, Nino.
Try to be objective.

Excuse me, I want to ask a favor.
My friend's ashamed.

You may be right
after all.

Sure. Anything.

Well... I'd like
to do it to you.

"Do it to you"?
She's all yours.

Do what to me?

- I didn't hurt you, did I?
- She's wanted to ever since

she first saw you.

You were born for this.
It's an animal attraction.

His face begs
to be slapped.

Right, girls?
Come on, let's dance.

- Sorry, I got the wrong...
- Hey, you're Bruno!

No, I'm Nino.
Bruno's the funny one.

Hi. I'm Laura. And I think
you're funnier.

You deserve credit.

- You think so?
- Yes.

It's that face you make.
How do you do it?

I don't know.
It's natural.

His name is known
in all the world.

He has very special powers.
Today he'll demonstrate.

What will Uri Geller
show us tonight?

He says

he will show us what made
him famous in the world.

He says on the table...

He says there are many spoons,
not his spoons, obviously ours.

We've met before.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'll give you a hint.

In that contest.

You had the same glasses,
and your legs...

I saw your audition.
You were great.

Ah, that was nothing.

But you were so
clear about it.

Well, the idea,
the germ was there.

Later we polished it, because
humour is like a diamond.

You have to polish it.

It's admirable to
know what you want.

First I wanted to be a
missionary, then an actress.

Now I study law.

To be a lawyer?

No, to go on strike.

Don't tell anyone,
but I'm in the C.N. T...

An anarchist! You could
go to jail for that.

I hope so. It might be the
only safe place in the future.

Unbelievable! Missionary,
revolutionary...

and you're, well...

you don't look
like an activist.

Can I do something?

It depends.

I won't hurt you.

What was that for?

I like men who
make me laugh.

Yeah? Well, I know
many jokes.

The studdering faggot, and
Christ driving a Seat 600...

in the desert...
and Muhammed...

Silence!
Everyone shut up!

- Silence!
- Who's that?

Some drunk.

He wanted to be
a singer.

I said no, man.
Bend spoons.

Pass these around.

Look.
Take the spoon.

Take the spoon.

Get another.

Forks? No way! But spoons?
A fucking great idea!

Look. This guy's a friend...
a friend... until death.

Look, look, look. Do it.
Fuck. You do it.

I'll teach you to use
your tongue.

No, don't listen to him.

Look, look, look.
Fuck.

It's cold.
Completely cold.

He bent the spoon!

This guy has powers.

This guy has powers!

Die, fucker!

- Are you crazy?
- What's she doing here?

- Who?
- Laura.

Laura?
Her name's Laura?

That's right, asshole.
She studies law.

- You know her?
- Before you.

- Wild, isn't she?
- Shut up. Don't say that.

How could you fuck
me over like this?

What, is she an old girlfriend
from school?

You fuck before you
even ask her name?

With women you
have two options.

Please, spare me the
neighborhood stud speech.

You need to hear it.

You can either be the nice
little friend and get nothing,

or you can get to the
point and get laid.

Let them see your aura,

your magnetism that says...
"I want to fuck."

"I want to fuck."

- That's what they understand.
- And that's it.

No, later you can have
a drink, go to a movie...

You don't know
what love is.

And you do.

No, but I sense it. Even in
the bathroom with a magazine.

But you're like a cork.

You screw once
and get dumped.

Watch it.
Nobody dumps me.

- Yeah, sure.
- What do you mean, sure?

She won't put up with
you for even a week.

Nobody can. Except me,
though I don't know why.

- You want to bet?
- Anything you want.

- Lf she leaves me in a week...
- We change our name.

- You'd like to be Bruno, eh?
- No, dumbshit. The order.

Instead of Bruno and Nino,
Nino and Bruno sounds better.

So that's it.
You're jealous.

You're the one who
arranged the names.

Okay. If I lose,
we change the order.

But if you lose, those socks
go in the fucking trash.

My... my socks?

Yeah, your lucky
socks that stink.

We'll burn them and
dance around the fire.

In one week your little
reign will be over.

In one week I won't have
to explain that smell

of rotting dead sheep!
You prim little shit.

I'd rather be prim

than a crude scumbag.

Am I interrupting?

I didn't know you
were rehearsing.

So three more days here
and then to Toledo.

- Great, Juli�n.
- You can meet my cousins.

They work with the
Bullfighting Fireman.

But when are we
going to Madrid?

- Why Madrid?
- Why do you think?

For the hookers?
For some fucking exposure.

What's with you?
Are you mistreated?

I'm treated great.

All these places belong
to your relatives.

Your cousin, or your
brother in law.

Are you too good
for all this?

No, but I hope you have
relatives in Madrid,

or else we'll
never go.

So you want to go
to Madrid?

Fine, right fucking now.
I'll make a few calls.

But don't count on me.
I'm out.

What are you saying?

- Am I your manager?
- Of course you are.

We're nobody without you.
Like Gila. Like Tip and Coll.

Then we go when
I say so, got it?

We have to polish
the act...

- Like a diamond.
- Exactly.

It has to be tight. You don't
have any tits to hide behind.

We'll show them.
And if it's not funny,

it's over. Fuck it.
That's the business.

- Is that clear?
- Very clear, Juli�n.

Then enough bullshit.
Today we rehearse.

I can't today.

What do you mean?

- I have a meeting.
- With whom?

Why should I explain?
Someone, that's all.

Hi.

The demonstration is
at six. We can get

the pamphlets on the way.

Demonstration? You'll get
us all thrown in jail!

It's no big deal, just
a little screaming.

We can't sit around while
the country goes to shit.

Since when are you
into politics?

- Since always.
- Yeah?

Who's the Minister
of the Interior?

The Interior?
Well...

I'm above your little game.
Who the hell cares?

They're all fascists.

Would you please shut up?

- Tomorrow morning we rehearse.
- Okay.

I'll leave you some
pamphlets, just in case.

See you boys later.

Cover that.
They'll arrest us all.

This street is full of...
secrets.

People have been
nervous lately.

They say General Franco
is sick.

They've been saying
that for years.

I think it's
an actor.

They found some little bald
guy to wave from the balcony.

An actor.

- Do you have a printing press?
- A printing press?

My poor anarchist got
beat up by the police.

A peaceful demonstration.
Burning cars and throwing stones.

I was expecting
a hippie sit-in.

The hunger strike's
next week.

You can count me out.
Let someone else save

Spain.

Are you Jos� Luis Exp�sito,
alias "Bruno"?

- That's my artistic name.
- Whatever.

You, Miss.
Get dressed.

- But what did we do?
- You know exactly what you did.

- You mean the demonstration?
- Don't say anything.

Get her out of here
or I'll kick her ass!

She's just nervous.

Would you please shut up
and put on your pants?

Fuck!

- What the hell is that?
- You know exactly what it is.

- I swear I have no idea.
- It's a printing press.

It's used to make pamphlets.
Like this one!

I don't understand.

- Are you calling me a liar?
- No! God, no.

Ramirez was right about it.

It seems we've found
the organizers.

Organizers? I know nothing
about this. It must have been...

The girl?

Yes. She's up to her
neck in this stuff.

I just wanted her
to like me.

He thinks we're
fucking idiots!

No disrespect
intended, eh?

I'll show you
who to respect.

No. It was her. I swear.
I'm just a comedian.

We don't think
you're funny.

What is this?
Another joke?

I didn't make this.

This is crazy. You can't
kill me for getting laid!

- What day is it?
- Answer, asshole.

You don't know?

April 1st.

April fools! April fools!

How could you fall for these two?
The magician and the fakir!

You took it so
seriously, Jesus!

You're a bunch of pigs.
I almost had a heartattack.

She fell for it.

The truth is, they almost
had me going there.

They exaggerated
at the end.

Like when you blamed
me for everything.

"I didn't do it, it was her."
Great stuff.

You heard all that?

We were outside, trying
not to piss ourselves.

Shit, Laura. I was faking,
just going along with it.

You did a great job.

His face when he saw
the pistol! He bought it.

Yeah, the pistol was a
nice touch. Fucking great.

Come on, let's have
a drink. On Bruno.

Yeah, let's go.
I'm buying.

- Friends?
- Friends.

No grudges, shit.

- Come on, boys! We fooled him!
- You fell for it.

You're a fucking
great guy.

Laura, wait!

I need my things.
I'm leaving.

Why? Because of
that spectacle?

You know what I
feel like doing?

Anything.

Tell Nino he
deserves credit...

for putting up with
a dickhead like you.

All right. I went too far.
I'm sorry.

Don't hold it
against me.

Did I say anything?

I got carried away.
It went too well.

You have to admit
you made it easy.

I fucked up with Laura.
It's not your fault.

I thought she'd get flustered,
not leave you forever.

And I didn't think
you'd mind so much.

Mind? Me?
She's not worth it.

You've been teary-eyed
all week.

You really think I care?

I just act like it
to satisfy you.

Really? Then the truth is,
I don't regret it at all.

I just didn't want
to rub it in.

In fact, I can barely keep from
laughing every time I see you.

I thought so.

Come on.

Do I have to beg?
Do you forgive me or not?

Of course I do,
you retard.

Thanks.
I was worried.

- You screwed me pretty good!
- Friends.

I'm not going to
freak out over a girl.

Is it so obvious
I'm a bastard?

No... well,
actually...

I mean, you knew
I'd betray her?

Not really,
though you did.

I had my doubts.

Let's forget it.

Don't feel bad. I'd have
done the same thing.

I'm a coward
like you.

That's enough.

I may have lasted a
little longer, but...

Will you shut
the fuck up?

34 million people.

What?

Tomorrow 34 million people

will laugh their fucking heads
off with Nino and Bruno!

Right?

- Yes! Yes!
- Louder, damn it!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes!

Live, from Prado
del Rey studios...

Two hours of music,
interviews, and comedy.

And speaking of comedy,
our guests tonight

know very well how
to make you laugh,

even if it hurts.

Good evening,
Nino and Bruno.

Good evening. We're
pleased to be here.

And how did you two

slap your way
to success?

Well, it's important
to have

a sense of humour.

And you, Nino?

How do you handle
all the abuse?

Don't bother.
It's useless.

The lights and cameras

paralyze him.
It's all right.

Is he shy?

No, he's stupid.
But we're like brothers.

And what if I tried
to slap him?

No problem.

Go ahead.
He won't feel it.

Are you sure?

He's like a doll.

Like rubber. The secret
is relaxation.

It's an oriental
technique,

discovered in Nepal.
By not thinking,

and Nino never thinks,

you create an energy field
that repels the slap.

I see.

In slow motion we'd see
that the hand actually

never touches the face.

The human eye can't
distinguish.

The slap is really
just a visual effect.

You mean I, or anyone,
could try it

without special
training?

Yes, of course.
In fact, let's

invite the audience

to give it a shot.

What do you think, Nino?

He'd love to.

All right. If someone
in the audience

would like to
slap Nino...

I see hands...

Here we go.

Are you their manager?

You have a call.

Follow me.

Go ahead, slugger.

That's it.
Good one.

Don't hold back, Ma'am.

No mercy.

- Yes?
- 50,000 a night.

- What?
- 50,000 a night!

Yeah, well...
we have many offers.

We'll double it.

Another call.

One second.

Fucking great, right?

Hello! With pleasure.
100,000 a week?

I mean starting.

We should talk later.
I'm in a meeting.

Hold on.
I'll call you.

Calm down!
Calm down!

Easy, boys.

Are you crazy?

You vindictive rat!

You were born for this.

Even the cameramen
slapped me!

So? It not my fault.

It's not your fault?

- Get him off of me!
- What's wrong with you?

We should be
celebrating.

We'll even be
on the news.

Yeah, the lead story.

Get him off me!

Get this thing off me!

We're on the air!

Go ahead. Kill each other.
Forget the good news.

The best TV show of
all time just called.

"1,2,3" called?

Chicho in person.

He wants to see you

tomorrow morning.

And then...

the bomb went off.

We reached the top,
the highest point.

We made TV history.
Champagne commercials,

New Year's Eve specials,
all-star shows...

You name it.
They had it all.

Fame, money, even their
own brand of cupcakes.

They were the
perfect couple.

Always friends,
always smiling.

Nobody was happier.

So clean.
So innocent.

Nobody would
ever suspect

that those cupcakes
had a sour filling.

People say I'm
exaggerating,

but I assure you it
all really happened.

They even bought
identical houses,

connected by a single wall...
to be closer,

to spy on each other
day and night.

Bruno?
Are you there?

Julian, come in.
It just started.

Come in! Close the door!
Quietly!

How long have
you been here?

Three days.

My God. Why?

Look.

You hear that? Three days
without stopping.

Just to fuck with me.

Ask him to turn it off.

Are you crazy?

And see all his little
friends having fun?

No way. He wants to
show me he's more popular.

No, that's not true.

People love you, too.

You're the perfect
couple.

Don't lie to me,
Juli n.

I'm not. Laurel and Hardy,
for example.

You think people
like Hardy more?

Of course not.

Abbot and Costello,
Tom and Jerry, Nino and...

...and the asshole who
slaps him around.

Look at this.

A fan letter.

He gets tons and I don't
get shit. Read it.

"You make me laugh and
give life meaning."

"Take me and free my indecency."
She's crazy!

Crazy about him. But
nothing about me at all.

I have one from a twin
who wants to have his kid.

Where did you
get all this?

- The trash.
- Your trash?

Fuck no, his. He throws them
away without even opening them.

You dig in his trash?

Sure. You can find out
a lot about someone.

Trash defines you,
it's who you are.

Now look. It's time for you
to drop the trash thing.

You have to get
out of here.

Get some air. You weren't
like this before.

You were happy.
An extrovert.

You liked women,
and going out.

Yeah, I should have
got married.

He'd hate that.

And children.

Little Brunos running
around his garden.

He'd go fucking nuts.

Don't answer!

Why not?

It's him.

They hung up.

It's him. He calls
to see if I'm home.

Now he knows I hear his
music and his fucking.

You're really sick.

I have to watch
him closely.

I know he's planning
something.

- I'm going to talk to him.
- Good idea.

See what he's up to before
the new show starts.

- He trusts you.
- Fine.

What's wrong?

The question is,
can I trust you?

What are you saying?

Maybe he told you
to spy on me.

I came because I'm worried
about both of you.

- Stay out of that closet.
- I promise.

- I'll turn down the music.
- Don't tell him it bothers me.

Relax. I won't
let on at all.

Hi, Mrs. Julia.

How's the new house?

You miss the village?

Excuse me.

Have you seen Nino?

I don't know.
He's up in his room.

Nino!

Nino?

Nino!

It's you.

Nino, you have to stop.

Stop what?

Don't make this
difficult.

He'll go crazy.

Crazy?
Who?

Bruno.

Oh, the neighbor.
Haven't seen him.

He must be
out of town.

You know exactly
where he is.

Watch that slimy paternal
tone with me, eh?

You live off my
10 per cent.

- Yours and Bruno's!
- We'll see about that.

What have I done? I'm in
my own home. Can't I

have fun in
my own home?

Excuse me,
can we go home?

Carmen's been dancing
5 hours and collapsed.

No way! Keep dancing!
When your shift's over!

All right.
Sorry.

And tell Lola to go
jump in the damn pool.

It's freezing, Nino.

Why the fuck am I paying you?
Get naked in the pool!

And more laughing!

This sounds like
a fucking funeral!

What were we
talking about?

Having fun.

Right. This may look strange,
but it's necessary.

I must defend myself.

Still upset about the slaps?
It's been 10 years.

That's in the past.
This is worse. It's demonic.

Bruno's trying to ruin me
psychologically.

What do you mean?

Forget it. I don't know
why I'm telling you.

You wouldn't understand.

Nino and Bruno cupcakes.

You want half?

I only eat half.

The rest makes
me sick.

Are you going
to tell me?

It's his damn
indifference.

You're right.
I don't understand.

It's very subtle.

He won't look at me
when he slaps me.

I'm like an object.

Nino, that's not true.

You're wrong.

Bruno thinks only
of himself.

I brought my mother here
to be with me. And him?

He's an orphan.

That's no excuse.
At least I'm trying.

I invite him
to my parties.

And all I get from
him is rejection.

Nino, listen to me. This isn't
a party. This is absurd.

It only looks
like a party.

He doesn't know that.

If he only came. Or called.
I call him everyday.

You hang up without
speaking.

He could at least
answer me.

He should apologize.

My head hurts. I'm going
to turn off the music.

No way! You think I like
this crap? Fuck him.

Hey.

You're defending him.
I note a bit of favoritism.

- Are you crazy?
- No, no, no.

You've come
to spy on me.

You're with him.

Get out of my
house, Juli�n!

Smack it!

No, no. Look.

It's not your girlfriend.

It has to be funny.
With humour.

Now.

You can go.
Go home.

You've never done
this before.

It has to be
funny.

You can go, Pepe.
Thanks.

I'd better go. Relax.
I won't say anything.

You guys have to work
this out yourselves.

Easy, Julian. You'll
have a heart attack.

We're loaded.
Thanks to me.

Juli�n... Juli�n...
Juli�n.

Please, Juli�n.
Come on.

When Bruno gets over
his jealousy

everything will be
like before.

- Don't touch me.
- Come back soon.

And thanks for
the gifts!

- I didn't give you anything.
- That's all right.

My letters!

Die, you fucking pig!

Mommy!

Mother!

I can't believe it, Nino.

- I'm so sorry.
- Thanks, Chicho.

- Nino.
- Beatriz.

Anything you need.

Thanks.

I'm very sorry.

- I'm here for you.
- Thanks, Moncho.

That's life, son.
I'm sorry.

You don't know how sorry
I am. I understand.

I know.
Thanks, Josema.

- Thanks, Victor.
- I'm sorry, Nino.

Nino.

A mother's a mother.

Don't cry, Bigote.
Thanks.

It doesn't make sense.

Neither do you,
Codesito.

Thank you.

Thanks, Don Lurio.

Poor thing.
I couldn't even hear

her last words.

She never spoke
to you.

We'd broken the ice.
The other day she said...

"Go wash up."

That's a step forward.

I cried.

I talked to
the TV people.

I'm returning the money they
advanced us for the show.

Sorry, I wasn't listening.

I was saying the
TV people want

to cancel the
new contract.

What?
Are you crazy?

Why?

Things aren't exactly...

Things are fine.
We record on the 23rd.

But Nino, you just testified
to the Grand Jury

that Bruno killed
your mother.

I'm a professional.
He can kill my mother,

but he can't
make me quit!

What if he quits?

Then we nail his ass for
breach of contract.

I can't prove he
killed my mother.

But I can still
force him to come

and slap me around
whenever I want.

Fuck no! I need a rehearsal
to position the cameras.

What's your problem?

Do you ask the players
to rehearse before

a soccer game?

Cut the shit. Put your
cameras wherever you want.

They're here!

Mr. Bruno's on the set!
Lights!

Hi, Paquito.
How's your wife?

- Cheating on me, as usual.
- Give her a kiss for me.

Where's Nino?

When Nino's ready
we'll begin.

Mr. Nino's on the set!

Hi, Nino. We're not
rehearsing today,

so everyone get
ready to roll.

I just wanted
to say...

I'm sorry about your mom.
It was an accident.

Control!
You hear me?

We hear you, Nino.

Could someone tell this
individual not to address me?

He can only use
the script.

It's in the fucking
contract!

I know, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

All right, let's go.
Five and action.

Who's that?

Put it on this screen.

Everybody freeze!

What was that?

"Hi everybody",
I think.

Action.

Nice, seal.
Good seal.

Come in!

Sit down.

You're here for
the rabbit job.

What are your references?
I know...

You're a little rich
family bunny, right?

A cute pet that plays
with the kids.

This is a tough job,
you know?

We're dealing
with hats here.

Well?

- I'll fucking kill you.
- Shit!

The bunny speaks!
It's the talking bunny!

- What a surprise!
- You piece of shit!

What are you doing?

This isn't right.

Paquito!

From now on things
will change.

Paquito!

Remember Visir?

You don't like
animals, do you?

This isn't in the script.
What now?

Everyone on the floor!

What is this?
A movie?

No, it's the Congress.
It's live!

Just what we needed!

If it weren't impossible,
I'd say this is a coup d'�tat.

Look what you did
to the fish!

You don't like
animals?

Get me the
news channel.

Mari Carmen, is this
Congress thing for real?

But this doesn't
make sense.

This is against history.
We can't go backwards.

Sorry, sir. I don't
understand politics.

They caught us
by surprise.

We were just doing military
service, and suddenly...

Shut up, Guti�rrez.
It's nobody's business.

We stop all recordings
and wait for orders.

That's our mission.
Where's the plug?

It was an accident!

- Follow them!
- Go, go, go.

And what if they called
and said kill everyone?

Don't give them
any ideas.

Shut up, sir. Nobody said
anything about killing.

You gentlemen relax and
there won't be any trouble.

Hey, look!

It's Nino and Bruno!

We'll stop them.

No, let them continue.
I love them.

But Nino's the one
whipping the other.

- Do we keep recording?
- One and three are cut.

Hilarious!
Leave it.

It's about time he kicked
that guy's ass.

Pardon me, have
you got any beer?

There's a vending machine
in the hall.

All right, give us your money.

Loose change.

Come on.

I've been driving around
in that tank all day long.

My God.

Life's like a lottery.
Sometimes you win...

and sometimes you lose.

The coup d'�tat
went nowhere, while

Nino and Bruno's new
act became a hit.

Somehow we even won
internatinal awards.

It was time
to quit.

For ten years, their shows
were seen on TV programs

all over the world.

The Spanish team
and their leader,

his Highness the
Prince of Spain.

Next to him is Nino,
who we all miss.

- What's his event, Matias?
- Almost all of them.

The emotion is
overwhelming.

The torch arrives,

held by this man,

Eric, who will
pass it on.

There he is, Nino.
A bastion,

the representative of
our country's humanity

beyond our borders.

- Silence in the stadium.
- Can he do it?

There's the arrow.

He did it! Nino has inaugurated
the 1992 Olympic Games.

He's here! Here he comes.

They didn't see each
other for ten years.

It seemed all the hate
had finally faded.

But, as usual,
I was wrong.

Hey, Nino!
Over here!

I ordered oysters
and some ham

for a snack.

And the extra plate?

Oh... I'm expecting

someone. Please.
Sit down.

It's more money than
you can imagine.

I can imagine a lot.

Let me explain.

It's him, right?

Yes. But don't worry.

He knows nothing.
I had to explain

- to get him to come.
- What's this about?

What's this?
A telephone number?

It's your fee
if you come back.

- Annually?
- Per show.

For both of us.

Each. And I've already
taken my cut.

Just like Bruno.
Late as usual.

Julian!

There he is.

He looks like shit.

He had problems
with the leg.

What leg?

You sliced his
ankle, remember?

- Me?
- You put it in the magic box

and, well... but that's
all history now.

What matters is the 1992
New Year's Eve Special.

Hey, one moment!
Where are you going?

Sorry I'm late, Juli�n.
It was the bus.

There was a lot
of traffic.

Relax, we just
got here.

Eat something.

We were talking about
the contract.

Wait one minute. I'm
going to the bathroom.

He just got here
and he has to pee?

He's sick. You know,
because of the...

Dope?

All kinds.

Fucking drugs!

That stuff can kill!

He has no money left.
He's spent it all.

He must have
snorted a ton!

That's why I think the
show's a good idea.

He could get back on
his feet. Both of you.

What are you saying?
Right now I'm "number one".

I'm "into the top". I'm the
master. Don't you watch TV?

But you paid a lot to
be in the Olympics.

Nobody knows that.
Everything's going my way.

I'm the Spanish
"Frak" Sinatra.

Easy, Frank.

So what do we do?

Well, if it's for him...
what can I say?

- No.
- What?

Never. Not for all
the gold in the world.

Have you two eaten
everything?

No, no. We were
waiting for you.

So, what I told you
about the show...

First, tell Nino
something for me.

Tell this person that I'm not
interested in what he has to say.

Nino has always
been our nucleus.

He's by far the funnier
of the two.

We shouldn't be
paid the same.

I was thinking,

30 per cent for me and 70 for
him would be more appropriate.

But if it wasn't
meant to be...

I'd like you to
give this to him.

I won't bother you anymore.
I'm leaving.

Good-bye.

Bruno!

You're mine,
motherfucker!

Did you call me?

Bruno. There's still
some ham left.

We need to talk
about the show.

Nino! Excuse me.
You're Nino, right?

Eh... yes.

Can I have your
autograph?

- Do you have any paper?
- On my t-shirt.

Autographs are such a pain.
Nowhere to hide.

That used to
happen to me.

Juli�n!

What cuties!

- You too, honey?
- Yes.

Don't get nervous, now.
There.

Give me a call at
the office sometime.

Good-bye.

You're so lucky!

You sit in the background
and nobody bothers you.

It's great.

Come on, Robocop.
Let's go.

Is this your bag?

No, that's mine.

And whose is this?

Mine. What's wrong?

Open it please.

We're in a hurry.

Come on, Nino.
It's all right.

This won't take but
a second. Let's see...

Here we are.
Well, well.

Is this a joke?

Wow, man.

You TV guys are always
up to something.

Very nice, yes sir.
And what do we have here?

Let's have a look.
Just as I imagined.

I swear I have nothing
to do with this.

No doubt. I'll taste to be
sure, but I think this is...

Nose candy.
Yes sir.

You have to come
with us.

It won't be long.
Don't worry.

Guards, please.

Juli�n, do something.
Hey, do you know who I am?

- Juli�n, do something! Shit!
- What can I do?

Our friend the TV star
had quite a stash.

Come on.
Come here.

- Look me in the eye.
- Are you crazy?

Tell me it wasn't you.

Why would I do
such a thing?

It would take years to
find that much stuff.

- Exactly ten years.
- Listen.

I'm going to find
a lawyer.

Juli�n. Listen.
Juli�n!

Hi!

You want to sign, too?
It's free.

Another time, gorgeous.
See you later!

- Bye, Bruno.
- Bye.

And take off those shirts,
you'll get arrested!

I spoke

with the lawyer.

So? It was obviously
a set-up, right?

But you claimed it was for
consumption. A kilo is a lot.

Get me fucking bail.
Everyone gets bail.

We're on it.

But they want to
set an example.

An example? These
asshole judges should

go over to Bruno the
Antichrist's house

and burn it down
with him inside.

That would be justice.

Calm down. I'm just
as fucked as you are.

No, not quite.

I've got four suitors in
there waiting to propose.

You know what
I mean?

Yeah, I understand. I know.
But we need time.

Look on the bright side.
The press didn't abuse it.

A special pull-out
in the Sunday paper!

Nobody reads that.

Look at the
TV section.

The New Year's Special,

but without
my photo.

And the misprints.
It says "Bruno and Tino".

"Tino"?
What is that?

Yeah, "Tino".

What's wrong?

With me?
Nothing.

Juli�n, you're
hiding something.

It's no misprint.

What?

Bruno's doing a casting
to find his "Tino".

He's called everyone. Even
the Bullfighting Fireman.

He's replacing me
with a dwarf.

I tried to stop him,
but it's legal.

There's no patent
for slapping.

He even convinced
the TV station.

I'm in jail and he triumphs
with the Bullfighting Fireman!

Please, Nino. Don't get
carried away with this.

I'm fine.
I'm fine...

It's this light.
Someone turn it off.

I told him I'm out.

No way, Juli�n.
You have to stay with him.

I could never...

Yes! Don't let that vermin
out of your sight.

Stick to his shoe
like a piece of gum.

Stop it!

- Sorry, Mr. Nino.
- What do you want?

Your time's up.

Juli�n, don't let me down.
Watch the Antichrist!

Let me go, bastards! I'm not
an animal. I'm a human being!

- Don't touch Nino, you fuckers!
- Assholes!

What's this for?

I don't know.
My agent sent me.

It's for a
substitution.

That guy's crying. Some
people can't take it.

Being an artist can
be a tough job.

Hello. Number 482. My name
is Alfonso. I'm a singer...

Singer?

Come on, a singer?

No way.

Hello.
I'm number 483.

My name is Jos� Manuel
and I study drama...

No. I don't know.

I'm number 494.
I'm an actor.

I was in the Kid's Circus,
but now I'm bigger...

No, no, no.

481, my name is
Eduardo G�mez.

I study the
"Stainasky" method.

Stanislavsky?
I like it.

No, his face
is pathetic.

What? Who does the slapping
around here? Me!

I say who stays
and who goes.

You see? He's perfect.
His face isn't pathetic.

Are you pathetic?

Well, I'm not exactly
happy, but give me time...

He's made for the job.
He won't annoy people.

- What's your name?
- Me?

It doesn't matter.
From now on you're Tino.

A round of applause.

You guys look like you're
fucking asleep! Bravo, kid!

Nino.

Success is killing you.

You look good, too. Though
I liked the tux better.

I've missed you
so much.

You could have
come to see us.

I didn't want to see
you, just miss you.

I've quit magic.
In the last town

they threw me from the
bell tower tied to a goat.

So now, you see,
I'm a laborer.

Taking doves out of a
hat is out of style.

That's true.

Now people want
spaceships, aliens...

and those fucking special
effects will be the end of us!

And we ate all
our doves.

Damn ecologists! You're
here for eating doves?

No. We're not
in jail, Nino.

We're building
scaffolding

for the Christmas
concert.

- Christmas concert?
- What are you doing?

It sounds good.

We've got speakers that
could blow up a house.

500,000 watts.

"Javi" metal.
It's "Javi" metal.

Why the fuck do you
need a small saxophone?

Yeah, I looked
everywhere.

Look, I got a guitar
and a piano,

but I couldn't
get the saxophone.

You want me
to go crazy?

Who cares if it was
Charlie Rivel's.

Just worry about one thing.
Tomorrow at seven

you have to be
in make-up.

You and that Tino guy,
or whatever his name is.

You and Tino tomorrow
at seven in make-up.

I'll get the saxophone.
I swear to God.

The riot began
at the annual

Christmas concert at
Carabanchel Prison.

I've got to hang up.

There were no

injuries, but objects were
thrown into nearby streets.

Nevertheless, police
sources confirm

at least one inmate managed to
escape hidden inside of a speaker.

No, man. Shit!
I told you.

Don't fucking
close your eyes!

Sorry, Bruno.
I can't help it.

Come on.
Let's try again.

No... Don't worry.
It's not your fault.

It's impossible without
the right gear.

You're out of character
without the saxophone.

We'll wait until
tomorrow.

Relax.
You're very tense.

Is something
bothering you?

It's not so
difficult.

I'm not asking you
to do Hamlet.

Exactly the opposite.

Don't do anything.
No expression.

Give me your
nothing face.

You see?
You do it wrong.

You're giving me
your clown face.

Or... I don't know...
your person face.

Try a plant face.

If you look scared
it's not funny.

People pay to laugh,
not feel guilty.

Let's see.

Watch Nino.

He takes it.

He's great.

Look at that absent stare.
Total distance.

That expression.
Beyond good and evil.

And he pouts.

That's fucking art.

Don't close your eyes!

Oh shit!
He's crying!

This is comedy!
Don't get all dramatic...

- Should I get that?
- Don't move!

Hello?

Yes?

It's him!

Mr. Bruno, please.
One question.

- Shut the fuck up!
- One second, please.

I knew he'd be back.

But you didn't explain
this to me.

- Is it part of the show?
- Exactly. Part of the show.

I forgot my
penholder.

Forget it. Stay put,
you understand?

- But...
- No buts and no crap!

Christ!
The bathroom window!

Extra Casting Services?
This is Angelito.

I'm calling
to say I quit.

This comedy stuff
isn't funny.

Get me out of here.
I'm scared shitless.

Hello.
How are you?

You must be little Tino.
Why don't you come with me?

Get these shoes off.

The agency didn't
mention a suitcase.

Improvisation, Tino.
It's fundamental.

- Are you sure?
- Of course.

Okay. Stop breathing.

Nino.

Tino...
You want to play, eh?

This is no
surprise.

I'm going to enjoy
killing you.

Then I'll go do the show
with that little clown.

He's much better
than you.

You're trapped, Nino.

Where's that flabby body
of yours? Under the bed?

Nino! Where are
you taking me?

Mr. Nino.

Nino!

Why do you make this
so difficult?

Nino.

I'm coming for you.

I can't breathe.

10 years waiting for this.

It's like singing the
lottery numbers again.

Twenty four thousand,
three hundred...

fifty six.

Two hundred million...

You hurt yourself, Bruno.

Yes, Mr. Judge.
He was drunk, as usual.

He went to light
the chimney,

and his piece of shit
little girly robe

that he wore to feel
important caught fire.

The keys!
And fucking shut up!

Actually, sir, it was
probably a suicide.

You know he was
very unstable.

He was a loser and
his luck ran out.

But, who really cares how that
cockroach died, Mr. Judge?

- What are you doing?
- Heating things up.

Burn my house, and
yours burns too.

No, no. Remember?
I live in prison!

I'm going to take
out the trash.

Where are you going?

Good-bye, Bruno!

Thanks for ruining
my life!

You wanted to
replace me, eh?

Little Tino's
very funny.

There's a joke
you don't know.

The one about the
Mandinga tribe.

Where they find a dwarf in
a suitcase in the desert!

Get out. You'll
stain the leather.

And if I don't?

You'll stain
the leather.

What's going on?

Are you crazy?

I'm calling
the police.

Get off my lawn or I'll shoot!
This is our house!

Don't talk to him.
He's dangerous.

That's it.
Don't talk to me.

There's a hole in my foot
and I'm nervous.

They're degenerate pigs,
like everyone on TV.

Shut up, lady.
Put your teeth back in.

Get out.

You'll kill me in front
of all these people?

Are you shy?

I don't care. I'm stalling.
The cops will be here any minute.

They'll throw you in jail.
We'll be together again.

The show's at 7. The studio's
half an hour away.

Forty minutes.

Get out of the car.

- What are you doing?
- I'm out of here!

He's going to
the studio!

And with that idiot!

Tino, are you all right?
Knock a couple times.

Relax, man.
Everything's fine.

Get some rest.
Or go over your jokes.

Like I said.
You need discipline.

Friends forever...

Looking for me?

Here I am.

He's shooting at me!

You want to play?

Fucking asshole!

It's okay.
I'm all right.

Thank God. I thought
it was too late.

Shit!

We'd better leave.

The police won't be long.

What do I tell
the studio?

I can't believe it.

That man has been
through hell!

Always thinking
of yourself.

You put him in
a suitcase!

I should have let those
legionaries kill you.

There's still time.

I've spent my whole life fucking
you over. I can't anymore.

Me neither.

Even Laura.

I fucked her just
to piss you off.

I didn't even
like her.

I was in love
with her.

Are you fucking
jealous of me?

Yes, I am.
Yes!

But why?

You're smarter,
better-Iooking,

and taller than me.

So?

What's the point?
You're the greatest.

You're innately funny.

I don't even
come close.

I'm nobody
without you.

Knowing that makes
me rot inside.

I never wanted
to be funny.

I just wanted people
to respect me.

Like they respect you.

I'm just a clown.
A fucking clown!

And I can't take
it anymore.

- They're here.
- What do we do?

I don't know.
I guess it's too late.

Come on.
Let's go out in style.

Anything but here
in the gutter.

This is pathetic.

Imagine the photo in
the paper tomorrow.

Covered with mud,
blood and shit...

Besides, without
an audience...

Let's do it right. With class.
It could be mythical.

We're the best, right?

Bruno...

and Nino.

You know the rest.

Nino and Bruno did
their last show,

and people died laughing,
one last time.

Juli�n, come on.
Hurry up.

Say what you want,

but I think they're
still breathing.

No, they're dead.

Make up your mind!
Two lives are at stake.

Lay off, slick!

I can only do bandages.

You're supposed
to be a doctor.

I'm only an objector.

What?

I didn't want to do
my military service.

Do something.
Anything!

Anything?

The only...

What?

The defibrillator.

What?

The defibrillator. It
gives an electric charge.

Here.
Come on.

Turn it up.

Easy, easy.

They could blame
us for this.

Fuck!

How sad.

20 years and they're
exactly the same.

Well, worse.

Doctor, tell me the truth.

Will they make it?

I don't know.
They should be dead.

They're in critical
condition.

But there's something,
I don't know what...

An energy, a mysterious
force keeping them alive.

- An energy?
- Do you know what it could be?

Yes.

It's hard to explain.

DYING OF LAUGHTER