All language subtitles for The.Eagle.Shooting.Heroes.1993.CHINESE.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-VXT

Block 2 Pictures

and Scholar Films Co Ltd

present

a Jet Tone Films

production

Producer TSAI Mu Ho

Executive Producer WONG Kar Wai

Based on the Story by Louis CHA
Action Director Sammo HUNG

Associate Producers LAW Hing Man
Jacky PANG Yee Wah

Director of Photography Peter PAU (HKSC)
2nd Unit Photography Andrew LAU (HKSC)

Editor HAI Kit Wai

Production Designer William CHANG Suk Ping
Music James WONG

Starring

Leslie CHEUNG Kwok Wing

Brigitte LIN Ching Hsia

Tony LEUNG Chiu Wai

Carina LAU Ka Ling

Kenny Bee

Veronica YIP

Jacky CHEUNG

Maggie CHEUNG Man Yuk

Tony LEUNG Ka Fai

Joey WANG

The Eagle Shooting Heroes
(Dong Cheng Xi Jiu)

Directed by Jeff LAU

The characters of this film

appear in Louis Cha's novel
Eagles Shooting Heroes.

This film tells of their wild days of youth.

Ouyang Feng, a close relative
of the Persian king,

is having an affair with his cousin, the queen.

The two decide to usurp the throne.

Bodyguards!

Spare me.

Spare you? You're in my clutches now.

Your life is entirely in my hands.

Give up the crown like a good boy.

Otherwise...

- You want to usurp the throne?
- What does it look like?

Save your breath.

Let's get the Imperial Seal and chop him up.

After some cleaning,
this hall will be perfect for a wedding.

We'll have a baby prince
and everything will be perfect.

You're so clever.

Hand over the Imperial Seal.

Spare me!

Think it'll do you good
to imitate our accent?

- Hand it over!
- After all my kindness,

this is how you repay me?

Cut the small talk.

Let's show this loser who's boss.

A Giant Asian Centipede!

This drum controls
the centipede in your stomach.

- Not even death could make me talk.
- Oh really?

Stop it!

You fool! All drums look alike.

Didn't I tell you to number them?

This should be it. You are dead now!

I'm sure this is the one.

Still won't talk?

OK, the seal...
is with my daughter.

The princess?

She said her kung fu could protect the seal.

Better kung fu than me? I don't think so.

Superman, Wonder Woman,
think they're strong? Huh!

Where did it go?

Who's there?

Who else, but I, Ouyang Feng?

Ouyang Feng, such insubordination!

Don't you know you will be punished?

This is more than insubordination.
We've kidnapped your father.

If you're smart, give us the seal.

Otherwise, don't blame me for being impolite.

I knew you two were up to something.

Luckily, I'm a master of Mystical Kung Fu.

If you're smart, you'll free my father.
Otherwise, prepare to die.

Let's see your so-called Mystical Kung Fu.

Princess, I fear your kung fu
is not good enough yet.

It is fine. Step back.

Tsunami Punch!

That's not mystical. That's hysterical!

Tsunami Punch!

- Are you OK?
- Look out!

- Hooray!
- My love, are you OK?

You morons! Do something!

Protect the princess.

Toad-style Kung Fu, first attack.

- I'm not leaving.
- Come on.

It's no use fighting.
Find your master on Mt Jiugong.

- Princess, listen to me, go!
- No!

- Let me go!
- Princess, get on the horse.

Tsunami Punch!

Oh, no. Whose butt's gonna get hit this time?

That wasn't so bad.

- Watch out!
- What?

Are you OK? You're scaring me.

My love, avenge me.

Rest in peace.

What, you're not dead yet?

I said I wanted revenge.
I didn't say I was dying.

That's a magic horse.
How can we catch her?

I have an idea. To the sorceress!

She's en route to Mt Jiugong
to find her master.

We must kill her before she finds him.

But she's got that magic horse.

The only way to catch her is...

is what, Sorceress?

Try my invincible flying boots.

Really? Boots can fly?

Don't touch the wings!

I have more treasures for you.

Here's a box of Invincible Killer Bees.

- Why are you so generous?
- Use it. You'll see how loyal I am.

Wow, that's fast.

Master Zhou!

Master Wang's students bow to you.

Only three of you? Where is everyone?

Ma Yu is at Chongyang Shrine.

The rest of us are coming later.

Wang Chongyang has been practising
Heavenly Kung Fu for five years.

Today is his big return.

Now our Quanzhen Clan
will be undefeatable.

Chuji, you've developed quite nicely.
Muscles everywhere!

I'm not Chuji, I'm Chuyi.

- Chuyi? Where's Chuji?
- I'm here.

Chuji, you have a nice body too.
Let's see your pecs.

Please, don't.
Master will arrive any minute now.

He won't like us fooling around.

So what? He did that to me all the time.

Had I been a woman,
I'd have been his wife.

Lucky no one's around.

I'll call Botong using
my Thousand Miles Voice.

Botong, I've returned!

You're not going anywhere! Fly!

What's that smell? Fire!

I'm invincible now!

Ouch! That's hot!

Follow me.

What a way to go.

Crash landing!

His voice is everywhere.

This must be one of Chongyang's pranks.

What a headache.

Sir, are you OK?

I'm fine! Just enjoying the cool air.

Why is there a boot on your head?

You're kidding.
How could a boot be on my head?

If it's not a boot, then what is it?

- It's a secret weapon.
- A secret weapon?

I, Wang Chongyang,
have spent five years honing my kung fu.

I never expected an ambush
the minute I walked out.

But who would ambush with a boot?

I repeat, it is a secret weapon.

I am Wang Chongyang, master of kung fu.

How could a boot kill me?
It's a secret weapon.

Who'd make a weapon shaped like a boot?

Every bone...broken. Can't move.

Miss, please convey this message
to Zhou Botong.

Tell him I'll marry him in our next life.
Give him my robe.

He made it for me.
Then I can die in peace.

Sir, for a dying man you sure talk fast.

Dead already? Sir!

That robe belongs to Chongyang.
Something's wrong.

Chongyang!

- Chongyang!
- Master!

In life you brought good fortune.

Now you've left me alone with my sadness.

Master Zhou, please control your sorrow.

What's wrong with my behaviour?

We were brothers-in-arms,

but lived like husband and wife.

As his widow, I must avenge him.

Poor Chongyang died in his underwear.

He must have been raped then killed.

It must be that woman on the horse.

I swear to avenge Chongyang.

Master Zhou, why don't you stand still?

Stand still? I have been standing still!

You're seeing things.

HEAVENLY DDAGON TEMPLE

Grandpa, I don't understand.

You told me you had
a wet dream last night, don't you?

Yes.

So that is.

When I was young, my grandfather told me

my great-grandson would one day
ask me to explain his dream.

I'm 190 years old already.

I worried I might not live to see this day.

But fine, you are here now.

Grandpa, what does my dream mean?

It's been too long. I don't remember.

You're kidding, man!

You have the worst sense of humour
in the Duan family.

To become immortal,
you must find your True Love.

True Love?

Look for the name Huang
and three 6s on the chest.

Only when your True Love says three times
"I love you"

will you become an immortal.

I really can be an angel.

But what about
my engagement to the princess?

Stupid fool!

Mortal girls mean nothing.

Your princess can't compare
to immortal women.

Pierre!

Coming. Get lost.

- Pierre!
- Coming.

How come you're allowed to love mortal girls?

Fool! Have you ever seen a 190-year-old man

loved by so many young girls?

I'm happier than any immortal, stupid.

You don't want to be an angel, but I do.

Let me cancel the engagement

and look for my True Love.

Be careful!

Yaoshi, it's tiring practising
Flirting Eyes Sword Style.

- I need a break.
- Yes, Suqiu, all this flirting is exhausting.

Why don't we practise
Mushy Love Sword Style?

I'm afraid you won't behave yourself.

Don't you remember that night?

You were so naughty
when we practised Hot Palms.

If I didn't hold back,

we could have gone too far.

Hey! I was the one who held back.

Hush you.

Tell me, do you really love me?

Of course, I came here when I was seven.

You're the only woman I've ever seen.
Of course I like you.

If you meet another woman one day,

will you still love me?

Of course I will.

A woman?

Excuse me, can you tell me
where Master Jiugong is?

Why are you ogling him?
You can't love him.

He's engaged to me.

You can still try but he won't love you.

Nonsense! He's the one doing the ogling!

I don't care if you're ogling him
or he's ogling you.

He's my man. He can only ogle me.
Stare at me if you like.

I've stared at you for ten years.
A glance away won't hurt.

Miss, why do you
wish to see Master Jiugong?

No questions or answers allowed.

Ask me.

Nonsense, I feel like answering.

l have urgent business for the master.
Where is he?

Don't answer!

Thank you.

- No, thank you.
- Thank you who?

Nobody. She said thank you,
so I said thank you.

- Why would she thank you?
- Who knows why she thanks me?

- Does she like you?
- I think so.

Do you like her?

Of course not.

- I don't believe you!
- Where are you going?

To cut her face to pieces!

Master, please help me avenge my kingdom.

l bet your fiancé Prince Duan could help you.

His country has a strong army.

He can kill Ouyang Feng
with the flick of his wrist.

Go find him at Heavenly Dragon Temple.

No, I want to kill Ouyang myself.

- Then you'll need to master the Book of Yin.
- Master.

The Book of Yin teaches
the most powerful kung fu.

Many people died
trying to lay their hands on it.

So...

Where can I find it?

The Book of Yin is hidden
in the White Bone Cave.

It is home to four terrible monsters.

Lucky for you one just died.

It is dangerous to go alone.

Eat dart!

- Master!
- Master!

Fate, oh horrible fate!

Meet your fellow student.

- Oh, Master.
- Nice to meet you, newcomer.

- No, she is not new.
- Not new?

I met her when I was living in Jinlun.
I taught her some kung fu, just child's play.

But she's a princess,
so pretend it's impressive.

Yaoshi will escort you to
the White Bone Cave at Mt Danxia.

Mt. Danxia?

Fate, Master, it's fate!

Fate my butt, she shot me deliberately.

- No, you got it all wrong.
- Follow me.

- Master! No!
- Follow me!

Yaoshi, help me.

- What is your hand doing?
- What is your hand doing, then?

I'm pressing your acupuncture point.

I'll hit your death point
if you try anything funny.

- Get going.
- Yes, Master!

After you.

- I want to go too.
- No, you stay here and treat my wound.

Yes, Master!

I'll sneak away tomorrow.

My crystal ball seems broken!

Broken? I'll give you three days.

If you can't fix it and tell me where Feng is,
you'll be in trouble.

Where could he possibly be?

Suqiu, where are you?

Suqiu, you brat.

You can't keep me in the mountains.

- I must find Yaoshi.
- Cousin!

Cousin, I knew you'd come.

Cousin?

I'm your cousin, Hong Qi.

- Hong Qi? My cousin? Nonsense!
- What do you mean?

If you're not my cousin,
why do I feel dizzy when I see you?

- Here it comes again.
- What do you want?

I want to marry you!

Marry me?
When did I promise to marry you?

We were engaged when we were babies.

Your dad, my uncle, had agreed.

He gave us matching pieces of jade.

He said at age 1 8
you'd come down from the mountains

and told me to wait for you here.

Didiculous! How would Dad know
I'll be coming here at 1 8?

Uncle also said you'd fall in love this year
and elope with your lover.

Shut up or I'll beat you up.

Why are you so mean? Don't you like me?

Listen, I'm not your cousin. Even if I were,

I wouldn't like a beggar like you.

Yaoshi is the only man for me.

Cousin, I will love you forever.

I'm warning you, next time we meet,
no more of this cousin stuff, you ogre.

Ogre? Am I ugly? I'm the most handsome,
charming and clean leader

in the history of the Beggar Clan. Take a look.

- Chief!
- Am I good looking?

Yeah, but good looking or not
we still have a meeting.

- No!
- Why?

My cousin dumped me.
I'm going to kill myself.

Who will be our leader if you die?

Nothing Rock, Paper, Scissors
couldn't solve.

Decide the future of our great Beggar Clan
with a child's game?

Child's game?
That's how I was elected. Bye bye.

Chief!

Can he really be my cousin? How repulsive.
Yaoshi is better looking.

Today, I, Hong Qi,
of unequalled heroism and beauty

will take my final breath.

The pain of lost love is too great.

What a climb but I'm back on top.

- Farewell!
- No!

That is so unfair!

All that climbing
and you just push me back down.

Is this hell?

Damn it, this is further down

than where I fell yesterday.

What the...

Shut up! Go to hell!

Good kung ful
This hobo's kung fu is amazing.

Since I don't want to live,
why not let him kill me?

Fine! Kill me!

Just like that?
You can't fool Ouyang Feng.

I won't fight back.

Toad-style Kung Fu, first attack.

- Good palm technique.
- Of course.

- Not bad.
- Watch this!

It's my turn.

Dragon in the Field! One! Two! Three!

Dragon in the Sky.

You're not going anywhere.

Dragon in Remorse.

A reverse quadruple somersault
will deflect your force.

Landing in pike dive position! Ouch!

That didn't hurt.
But you said you wouldn't fight.

I'm sorry. It's my natural reflex.

You should understand. You do kung fu.

Let's try again.

- No, you're a liar.
- Sure! I'll close my eyes. I won't fight back.

Let's go!

Toad-style Kung Fu, second attack.

Your qi is strong.

I can't hold back.

Dragon Sips Water.

Dragon Bursts from the Cave.

Oopsl

You little liar.

Sorry, sir.

The greater your attack,
the stronger my reaction.

This time don't be so forceful.

I promise everything will be fine.

- No.
- Please, sir.

No.

OK, this time I'll tie my hands.

No, you're a liar.

Please, sir.

Oh, all right.

I won't lift a finger.

Your words, not mine.

I'm going to smash your skull.

Dragon Waves its Tail!

Is he crying?

You lied again.

I'm sorry, so sorry.

Your position was so perfect.

I couldn't resist kicking you.

l haven't had a chance like that in years.

Don't get mad. I won't kick again.

- Come on, another round.
- No more fighting.

- Come on!
- I'll surely die before I can kill you.

- Come on!
- Just kill yourself, OK?

If I could, I would.

Let me go, I beg you. I'm hurt bad.

Come on! I'll make a deal with you.

This time I'll tie up my legs as well.

- OK, you tie me up.
- I'm not playing this game any more.

Fine, I'll tie myself up.

Come on!

Come on! Hurry!

To die at the hands of such a master
is a true honour.

So you should thank me!

Kill me with your best move.
Hit me as hard as possible!

This is so cruel.

- Feel no mercy!
- No mercy!

Come on!

Toad-style Kung Fu, third attack.

Cramp!

What?

- I have a cramp.
- Sir, are you OK?

Look who's tricked who!
I got your death point. You're finished.

I'm holding your death point too.

Don't try anything stupid!

If you don't kill me, I'll kill you.

There is no point in killing each other.

Stop it!

Bastard, you want to play for keeps?
Let's play.

I finally got you!

Better than any massage. Thanks.

If I don't kill you, my name's not Ouyang Feng.

Get ready to die!

How can he be in the mood for a barbecue?

Kill, Invincible Killer Bees, Kill!

Damn you, Sorceress.

I'm gonna kill that sorceress.

My tongue got stung too.

These bananas aren't ripe yet.

- Demon Claw Attack!
- Whose claw?

Oh the pain! The pain!

Clawing a cactus? Tough luck.

Jerk, not even an ambush can kill you.

Time to take this fight underground.

- You having problems again?
- I hit a rock, help me.

Sit down. Let me take a look.

- My leg!
- Let's see where it hurts.

Here?

Yeah, that's it!

There's nothing!

- Die beggar, die!
- What are you doing?

I'll cut you to pieces.

Why are you hitting me with a knife handle?

Handle?

Fine, I'll handle you to death!

Stop it!

Why are you crying?

You meanie, you dislocated my wrist.

Lie down. Let me treat you.

- What's wrong now?
- The knife is stuck in my back.

Let me take a look!

- No knife, only blood.
- Uh-oh! The blade must be inside.

Don't worry, I'll suck it out.

Damn you, beggar.
Try my Devil Screaming Poison.

There'll be nothing left but a bloody stain.

I got it out. Feel better?

Quick! Give me water.

What did you eat? Here's your water!

Are you OK?

How do I look?

Much better.

Your mouth looked like a croissant before.

How about now?

Now you've got two sausages for lips.

Uh-oh, I need to see a doctor.

Where are you going?

Come on, I'm sick. I need to see a doctor.

- No, who's going to kill me?
- I can't kill you.

Look at me. I'm a walking bruise.

And now I have two sausages for lips.

- Please let me go!
- Nothing I hate more than a quitter.

Me too. I would love to kill you if I could.

I'm drooling again.
I'll kill you after I've seen the doctor, all right?

How can I be sure you'll return?

My mouth feels numb.

- Come with me if you don't trust me.
- Let's go.

WHITE BONE CAVE

This is the White Bone Cave.

Be on guard, we're in dangerous lands.

Yaoshi, where are you?

Yaoshi?

Gotcha.

Where'd she go?

Yaoshi?

So you want to scare me, huh?

- Monster!
- There's something in there.

- What is it?
- A human!

A human? Oh no!

That was me.

You prankster! I'll never trust you again.

Princess.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't follow me!

Go find the Book of Yin.

- What's the matter?
- Monster!

- What monster?
- I don't know how to describe it.

Like a gorilla, a dinosaur, and a bird.
It's terrifying.

Playing tricks again? I don't believe you.

Don't go there!

Do you mean these three things?

No, it wasn't them.

Monster!

Human!

- Yaoshi.
- Who's calling me?

Come here.

They're more scared than we are.

Yeah, he does look pretty scared.

Don't worry. We know kung fu.

Coward! Hold this! Watch me.

Tsunami Punch!

Yaoshi? Yaoshi, are you OK?

What kind of kung fu is that?
Are you fighting the monsters or me?

Actually, l...

The Book of Yin!

Come on.

Thieves!

Quick or we'll lose our toilets.

All this work and we only have four?

- It must be the monsters.
- Damn it!

Yaoshi, what are you doing?

We'll catch them red-handed.

Let's grab the rest of the pots.

- Dun!
- The monsters!

- Wrist Attack!
- Forget your wrist. Watch me.

Tsunami Punch!

Princess, you look tired.

Why don't we check into an inn?

Lady, good day.

Looks like we share
the same taste in fashion.

Could you show me your chest?
Lady, slow down.

How could I be mistaken?

- How can I find my True Love?
- I swear I saw the murderess...

Hey!

What a good-looking Indian.

Sir, may I help you?

Why are you staring at me like that?

You don't respect the Quanzhen Clan?

How should I know you're
in the Quanzhen Clan?

Speak up!

Listen! Keep staring
and you'll be in deep trouble

because you just might...

fall in love with me.

- I don't think so!
- Teacher, don't!

I'm just asking where he's from.
You married?

Marriage is overrated.
Come join our clan.

Wow! What pecs!

Teacher! Let's go!

Oh where art thou, my True Love?

These clothes are so uncomfortable.

So prickly.

There they are. Come here!

GRAND EAST lNN

Innkeeper!

What's the room number
of that ugly couple?

- Speak up!
- Doom number one.

Doom number one? Good.
I want room number two.

Show him to room number two.

Miss, could you show me your chest?

Weirdo!

Excuse me...

ls your name Huang?

What are you staring at?

I know I'm adorable and beautiful
but don't fall in love with me.

A pheasant is no match for a phoenix.

I would never fall for a bell boy.

- I think...
- Don't even think about it!

I know what you are up to.

You think you'll have a chance
if I stay in this inn.

No! None whatsoever!

- Did a couple check in recently?
- Which couple? There are lots.

The man looks like Prince Charming.
The woman looks like a slut!

I'm absolutely not a slut.
I will not share a room with you.

Besides, I think this inn is owned by thieves.
If we're together, you'll just lead them to me.

- But I'm so scared.
- Fend for yourself.

- Stay alert or they'll kill you.
- But, Princess...

Sweet dreams.

I can't see a thing.

Am I contracting cataracts?

- What are you doing?
- None of your business.

- Keep your nose where it belongs.
- Don't rub up against me or I'll kill you.

Rub up against you?
You aren't no sex goddess.

Running away only proves I am right.

Quit staring or I'll poke your eyes out.

Have a whiff of this poisonous smoke.

I can't wait to see you die.

Hey, man, you look familiar.

Yeah, I feIt your chest this morning.

That's you!

What are you doing?

Nothing, just taking a stroll,

smoking a cigarette.

What brand? It smells good.

You know your cigarettes. This is...

Oh my godI This is a den of thieves.

- Let me bring you to the innkeeper.
- Murderl

- Wait! Do you have any vacancy?
- We're all full.

- What did you say?
- What do you want?

Don't yell, be polite.

Please, sir, it's cold out.

- Any room will do.
- Go to the firewood shed.

- Sir!
- Act tough and people will fear you.

- Go!
- See? Now I fear you.

Talking tough is enough.
No need for violence.

- Wow, spacious and stylish.
- Let's call it a night.

They recognised me.
Time for Plan B. ls the chloroform ready?

No, it's actually aphrodisiac.
I've already put it in their food.

It was the only drug left in town.

- Why should we be punished like this?
- Yeah, why?

Because you can't do anything right.
Change position!

Interesting flavour. Just one more bite.

- What happened?
- Who is it?

- Who's there?
- It's me again.

It's you again.

Why do you drop in so late?

After I came to, I decided to meditate
and I feIt my body float up.

- Suddenly I was on your roof.
- What amazing kung fu.

Well, since I'm here,
just want to remind you to pee before bed.

Thank you. Hey!

You again!
Don't she-devils like you ever sleep?

Why's he picking on me?

That meal made me all hot and bothered.

Who's dancing in the middle of the night?

Hello, miss, do you hear
someone dancing too?

Look at that ring on your head.
A pervert for sure.

What sass! I hope you're not my True Love.

- I will use Three Flowers Kung Fu.
- You have not mastered it yet.

Master said Three Flowers Kung Fu
is very powerful.

You might lose control and hallucinate.

- Time and space could be reversed.
- Reversed?

Yes! That means everything
will become its opposite.

If you try to go forward, you'll go backward.
If you try to go up, you'll fall down.

Understand?

I know it's risky but I'd do anything
to avenge Chongyang.

- Quanzhen Clan, cover me!
- Yes!

I can't stop myself, I must see him.

But what if he thinks I'm too easy?

I must remain faithful to Suqiu.

But I must see the princess.

What strange dance steps.

What kind of place is this?
No chamber pot?

Essence blooms into energy.

Energy blooms into spirit.
Spirit blooms into nothingness.

Three Flowers Bloom!

Bloom! Bloom! Bloom!

Damn it! One more time.

Can't hold it any more.

Time to water the plants.

Bathing with window open?

Three Flowers Bloom!

- Three Flowers...
- I kill you.

- Bloom!
- Can't kill you.

I kill you again, can't kill you.

Still can't kill you.

Pervert!

- Pervert, don't go!
- Don't chase me.

Princess, what a coincidence. Can we talk?

Don't go!

Bloom!

Princess!

- Suqiu!
- I saw how hot you were for her.

- Listen to me!
- I'm dumping you.

I'm sleeping outside.

What? They all went bonkers on me!

It's time for revenge.

I feel so light on my feet.

If you agree...

Yes, you're right. I truly understand.

I'm so glad to hear that.

Perfect! That tree is big enough to hide me.

This sure is heavy!

- I hope you'll find your own True Love soon.
- Thank you.

Don't look now, fatso is sneaking over.

- Stay alert.
- OK.

Stop crying!

You're always giving me a hard time.

- Stop crying!
- I'm leaving.

- Sit down!
- Die!

I'm dying.

Bitch, I'm gonna kill you.

Don't you dare help her! Die! Die! Die!

- Die!
- Hey, man! You're stabbing yourself.

None of your business. Bitch, don't try to run.

- I'm dying.
- Die, bitch, die!

Hurts, huh? That'll teach you.

I, Zhou Botong,
have avenged Wang Chongyang!

Zhou Botong?

- You're Zhou Botong?
- You and him?

Don't follow me.

Princess!

Duan! This is between him and me.
You'd better stay put.

So they're... Wait, Zhou is homosexual.
I need to tell her.

Oh no, Duan is jealous.
He's going to hurt the princess.

Princess!

I'll choke you, bitch!

You killed Chongyang.
Give me back my man.

Zhou Botong?

Chongyang, I miss you so much.

Chongyang?

Poor guy, he must have lost his mind.

I'll play along and console him.

Princess!

- Just the man I'm looking for.
- Out for a midnight snack, sir?

Did you see the princess?

How dare you mention her, jerk?

- Are you yelling at me?
- Yes, and now I'm gonna kill you!

Fine, you won't talk sense.

Feel the pain of my Single Finger Attack.

Only if you feel my Wrist Attack.

- You jammed my thumb!
- You hurt my pinky!

- Bring it on!
- Go to hell!

What? A symphony?

No love and no sleep. Kill me now.

Come on, kill me.

Mr Broken-Hearted is here!

Don't fight. Kill me first.

Beggar! Get away from me.

Let me kill him. He started it.

I don't care who started it. Kill me first.

Go away! Let me kill him.

- I'm not going to kill you.
- You won't? OK, you kill me.

- Go away!
- Please kill me. Please.

Scram!

Ignore me? I'll show you.

Get him. Which side are you on?

Enough! Go away!

I can take you both.

Three 6s?

My True Love?

No!

Why are you suddenly on his side?

Don't hurt my True Love.

Two guys fooling around?

I, Hong Qi, am not going to touch
the likes of you. Bye.

Hey, have you had enough?

True Love, please say
"I love you' ' three times.

Then I can die happy. Come on, say it.

OK!

A fine-looking gentleman
and yet such foul language.

- Come on, say it.
- Quit it.

Stop trailing me or I'll get angry.

True Love, slow down.

I'm still catching my breath after that fight.

Can't you replace your insults
with "I love you"?

You're crazy!
You're a man. How can I love you?

Never mind, just think of me as a woman.

If you don't like that,

- you can be the woman.
-You're crazy!

Hey, True Love!

I won't let you leave me again.

I'm cold.

You made this robe for me.

Do you still remember?

Yes, I do.

Tell me, after all these years,
do you love me?

Yes, now I realise you're my only love.

But it's too late now.
I've left this mortal world.

We'll be a couple in our next life.

Chongyang!

Chongyang, don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

Oops, I've got you dirty.

True Love, why are you so sad? Don't cry!

A woman's heart is mysterious like the ocean.

You're a real catch. It's her loss.

Besides, you have me.
A man's heart is solid like gold.

Just say you love me. Just say it.

- Pervert.
- Why'd you call me a pervert?

Why does everyone call me a pervert?
Am I really a pervert?

Help! Zhou Botong is committing suicide.

Come on, chin up.

How can I? My lips are sagging.

Please, get me a doctor.

No doctor's open at this hour.

- Let's have some breakfast first.
- I'm not hungry.

- But I am.
- Is it really necessary to hold my hand?

AII men deserve to die.

Miss, do you mind sharing a table?

Cousin?

- Cousinl
- I feel dizzy.

This must be destiny.

He's still in love. You're my first victim.

He's next.

Why are you staring at me?

I'm not, Cousin.

Cousin? Don't talk nonsense.

This angel can't possibly be your cousin.

Right, miss?

Clown face, I'll kill you first.

How can she resist my adoring gaze?

- Waiter.
- May I take your order, please?

- Two sausages please.
- The two you're eating aren't enough?

- Can't I take it to go?
- Sure.

By the way, Cousin,
what are you doing here?

That's how it happened.

Yaoshi is so heartless.

Do you want me to teach him a lesson?

It's no use.

You can't beat a kung fu master like him.

I can't beat him? I doubt that.

I've got you in my trap now.

Sorceress? Sorceress? Where did you go?

GRAND EAST lNN

Why is there nobody in this inn?

- Wait!
- What do you want?

You're not busy. Why not say you love me?

- I know a quiet place...
- Stop bothering me.

Wait, love me, say you love me.

No wonder Duan
wants to break off our engagement.

All this nirvana crap is a lie.
He's just gay.

- Sir! May I help you?
- Got any singing girls?

Singers? At this hour?

Are you going to look or not?

What's wrong with your hand?

OK, I'll find you a singer.

They're too busy with romance
to care about me.

I'll go alone to get the Book of Yin.

Where are my singers?

Coming!

A man so handsome, a hunk so hot

Think of someone else? I think not!

A smile and wink in the eye

Oh, cutie ask me come nigh

A man so handsome, a hunk so hot

Adonis will have to give up top spot

I've searched the world north to south pole

Who's handsomer? Not a soul!

From sickness to the grave

My soul is yours to save

You take the lyre, I, the lute

Happiness will bear everlasting fruit

Such joy has never been heard

Except in the song of lovebirds

Dance all night, our feet take wing

To the opera, watch the fat lady sing

Such a perfect couple shall never be rent

Such a love must be heaven sent

That's it?

You still haven't found the owner of this boot?

It's too big for that woman.

Idiot, I know that. You don't have to tell me.

The killer fits this boot.

It's you.

Don't leave me, Princess.

Promise me that?

He must be drunk.

- Promise me!
- Time to play hard to get.

No, I'm not listening.

Princess, you look beautiful.

Really?

Such beauty, rare in a blue moon

A scent of perfume makes me swoon

Your praise exaggerates

This plain flower's just second-rate

Oh girl, your beauty's magnetic

A vision truly angelic

Oh really?

Yes, absolutely photogenic

Oh really?

This love foretold

Has made my heart bold

Cheek to cheek, we will greet

Cheek to cheek, our hands will meet

Dancing in our bridal suite

In our honeymoon suite

Oh, beautiful, your hair is gorgeous.

I did it for you. I had the stylist perm it special.

Such a unique perm.

Well, it's because the shampoo was good.

What brand?

I'm not telling.

My heart's a well of things to tell

This love, my very first

Be mean and my heart will burst

Girl, you need not take fright

Ours is heavenly love, day and night

Oh really?

Sweet nothings till morning light

- Oh really?
- This love was a wish, was fate

This life, this love we'll consummate

Love, I can't wait

- Yes, love, I can't wait
- Let's love and never separate

Love until we reach Heaven's gate

My sweet, like a pair of turtledoves

We're in...

Let's see how long you can hold on.

..love

- That's the end of our song.
- Yes.

Can you say "I love you" three times?

That's easy. Listen, I love you, I love you...

That's only two times! One more to go.

Great, it still works.

I'm ascending to heaven. Fly away!

What peace! I'm an immortal now.

Something's wrong.

Oh no, my head is still here!
You forgot the last "I love you' '.

Weird.

Why is she so cold to me all of a sudden?

I see.

She's mad because
I didn't say the last "l love you".

Yes, please say it.

You missed the last one.

Don't run!

Prin...

I must be dreaming.
Floating heads don't exist.

Look out.

Wow! A secret weapon.

Try my Hurricane Kick.

Master Zhou, here we are.

I'm not afraid of any of you.
See my bicycle kick.

Headbutt.

Right jab!

Back row spike.

Kick off!

Don't mess with the best goalkeeper
of the Quanzhen Clan.

One to zero!

Yaoshi!

Princess, please let me finish.

- What do you want to say?
- Wait for me.

No matter how you feel for me,

all I want to say is...

Princess! I love you!

Oh yeah!

l made it!

Hurry! We need to catch up with
the princess and Huang Yaoshi.

Is your thing blocked?
There's nothing coming out.

I'm thinking!

Let me ask you.
Cousin has been nice to me lately.

Do you think she likes me?

Do you really want to know?

I'm asking, aren't I?

- How could she like a retard like you?
- Go to hell!

Hey, you told me to tell the truth, didn't you?

Show me how I can win her heart.

Are you done?

A love suicide?

That's very romantic.

Good. Let's do it together.

Together? This is none of my business.
No thanks.

l can't do it without you.

Are you finished?

- Any other suggestions?
- That's easy.

Take her to the bushes and rape her.
I can pin her hands for you.

- Bastard! I can't believe you said that.
- OK.

To win a girl's heart,
eye contact is very important.

Look at me.

Am I sexy?

No! You're funny!

No way! Take a closer look!

Can you feel it?

You're hopeless.

- OK, I won't laugh.
- Don't laugh!

- One more time.
- Can you feel it?

- Yes, I can smell it too.
- Damn you.

I try to help and you say I have bad breath.

Lean close when you talk to a girl.

First this way, then that way.

This way, that way. This way, that way.

- This way, that way, then...
- Then what?

- Then kiss her.
- Stay away, sausage lips.

- Are you Ouyang Feng?
- She is asking you.

- Are you talking to me?
- I'm asking the guy behind you.

- She's talking to...
- Let me show you some other tricks.

Go on, that's the best way.

- What the heck are you two doing?
- I feel dizzy.

- He...
- What?

He has something to tell you.

Say it.

Just one line from my heart

In this poet's poem

Just listen from your heart

This beggar begs

Girl, please hear my words

Please hear this songster's song

You won't turn away

This hoper hopes

There is just one poem, just one line,
but how many words?

Three. How many words?

Three - one, two, three

I love you, love you, love you

l love you, I love you, I love you you you

Sing, sing, altogether

Laugh, laugh, altogether

Say, say altogether

Say it with you

Joyfully I say it to you, to you, to you

Say it to who?

Say it to you

I love you, love you, love you

I love you, love you you you

I really, really, really

Love you

I love you

I love you too.

WHITE BONE CAVE

Listen, Princess, I'm not him.

Visitors again? What is this? A playground?

Poor Huang Yaoshi.

He longs for the princess.

Poor princess.

The damn head of Duan gave her a shock.

She's gone mad.

After I avenge my father,

we'll marry right away, Duan.

Why do you pretend you're happy?

Why do you ask when you know the answer?

Don't cry! Don't be sad! Try on this boot.

That'll make you happy.

Not necessary! I'm sure it's a perfect fit.

I confess. I killed Wang Chongyang. Kill me!

Thank you for understanding.
Let me give you a stab.

I promise you won't feel any pain.

- No, don't kill my darling Duan.
- Die!

Go away, kill me!

- Princess!
- Father!

Father? His Majesty is here?

The princess was shocked into delirium.
Don't overexcite her.

- Just do whatever she says.
- Darling, come meet my father.

Hurry, come meet His Majesty!

- Your Majesty!
- Thank you. Thank you.

- At ease, don't stand on ceremony.
- Yaoshi!

What a coincidence.
Come meet His Majesty.

Yaoshi says to meet His Majesty.

- Why do I have to listen to him?
- Kneel down.

Long live the Emperor.

So the princess is here too.

Heaven is on my side.

This time I've hit the jackpot.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, I finally avenged Wang Chongyang.

You jerk. You stab me in the back?

Yaoshi!

- Are you OK?
- I guess so.

I can tell you like him.

Cousin! Control yourself!

Don't yell at me in public!
Fine, I'll control myself.

Eighteen Dragon Palms!

Wow, this guy is crazier than me.

Suqiu, he is your lover, isn't he?

Let me help you.

Sir.

Don't get mad. Suqiu likes you a lot.

How do you know?

She just told me.

You talked to her? I'll kill you.

- Wanna fight? Wrist Attack!
- Eighteen Dragon Palms!

- Tiger and Crane Stance!
- Monkey Fists!

- Immortal Points the Way!
- Stealing the Family Jewels!

You call yourself the dignified leader
of the Beggar Clan.

And you stoop to tricks like
Stealing the Family Jewels?

You're no better.

You spat on me!

Yaoshi...Cousin...

Yaoshi.

Are you OK?

Are you all right, darling Duan?

That's strange. Looks just like my boot.

Really?

He looks more scared than we are.

- Let's scare him to death.
- Why not?

What are you doing in White Bone Cave?

A talking eagle?

I'm not an eagle. I'm a sparrow.

Just a bit taller than most.
Who are you, human?

- I'm not a human!
- You're not?

Have you ever seen a man
with such big ears? And big mouth?

So what are you?

I'm a duck!

A duck?

He really is a duck.

Yeah, I just look a little bit like a human.

So, Duckie, what are you doing on Mt. Danxia?

Those humans forced me
to look for the Book of Yin.

Don't worry. They'll never find it.

We hid it in the back of the mountain.

What a relief.

I know a way to divert their attention

- and get rid of them.
- How?

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I've been looking everywhere for you too.

- Die!
- Help!

- Freeze!
- Please don't come near me.

- Don't kill my father!
- Freeze!

- I got you!
- Monsters!

It's the Book of Yin.
Don't let them get away.

Go! Don't!

Get him!

Don't kill my father!

Darling Duan! Where are you?

A duck monster!

You can't run away this time!

Once I collect all nine pots, I'll be invincible.

Where did they go?

So you mean the murderer is Ouyang Feng?

- You're not lying?
- Trust me!

I found the three monsters.
Your kingdom is saved.

Where's the princess?

Don't worry. Let me use my crystal ball.

How'd that big thing fit in your pocket?

Ouyang Feng kidnapped her.
Oh no, he got all the pots too.

- How come I can't see anything?
- Because I have magic and you don't.

- Magic?
- We'll need my Flying Carpet to catch up.

It travels a thousand miles a day.

We must save the princess
before Ouyang Feng masters the Book of Yin.

- Let's go!
- Me too!

Your Highness, Mr Ouyang hasn't come
to court since his return two weeks ago.

He's studying the Book of Yin,
the best kung fu in the world.

Not a soul is to disturb him.

He must finish his training

before the sorceress and everyone returns.

To master the Book of Yin,
I must break all nine pots in one strike.

With my superb intelligence,
I can't possibly fail.

I heard the sorceress has allied
with many kung fu masters.

They are no match for Feng.

Your Highness,

the Persian ambassador is here to see you.

Persian?

It must be the sorceress. Morons, get lost.

I am terribly sorry.

Speak of the devil.

The Persian ambassador is here!

Hello, Sorceress. How are you?

Congratulations!

Sorceress, why do you dress like a Persian?

I am Persian. I never should have trusted you.

I'm here to save the princess.

Where do you think you are?

You can't come and go as you please.

I stole your drum.

This controls the centipede
Ouyang Feng fed you.

Oh the pain.

Too bad I killed that centipede
with seven extra-strength antacid tablets.

- So much for your magic.
- Shut up about my magic.

Eat drum.

Get them.

Wrist Attack!

Wing Chun Punch!

- Look over there!
- Go to hell.

Ten points.

Virgin Sword Style!

Beat the Dog!

It is now the critical moment.

I, Ouyang Feng, will succeed...or be doomed.

So scary, so many people. Where's Duckie?

Ask him where Duckie is.

Suqiu, let me help you.

Yaoshi, let's try Flirting Eyes Sword Style.

- Good idea.
- Hey, what are you two doing?

Get out of my way! Go to hell!

Wrist Attack!

Die! Die! Die!

True perfection seems imperfect
yet is truly perfect.

True abundance seems empty
yet is truly limitless.

The force of five fingers
can break the unbreakable.

Enemy's skulls shatter
like crumbling clay.

Where's Duckie?
Dunno? I'll ask someone else.

- Good kung fu!
- Great kung fu!

Kung fu my butt! That's flirting, not fighting.

I'm your partner, not him.

- All dead!
- Take this.

They died quick. Wait, one more!

Die!

Don't worry. I'll find the princess for you.

So many people dead. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

I found the princess.

Here she is!

It's the queen's trick.
Let me bring her back with my magic.

She's poisoned.

- Sorceress, any more brilliant ideas?
- I can't think when you flatter me.

How can we save her?

- The queen must have the antidote.
- Why didn't I think of that?

I'm not gonna die so easily. Feng!

Success!

Submit and live, or fight and die.

Long live the king!

Feng!

You're so cool.

Hand over the antidote or I'll kill your lover.

Go ahead! Kill her.

I'm marrying the princess anyway.

Kill her. I'll get the antidote later.

I can't believe it! You...

I knew you couldn't be trusted.

Fine. You want to marry the princess?

I fed her a poison apple.

She's sleeping like a pig now.
Marry her if you like.

Don't make me kill you. Give me the antidote.

Sorry, there is no antidote.

Go to hell!

He's the one who killed Wang Chongyang.

- I will avenge Wang Chongyang!
- Yin Kung Fu, first attack.

This can't be!

Perfect timing.
I've waited for this moment for a long time.

You aren't that great. Dragon in the Field!

Super Toad-style Kung Fu!

One hit, two hits, three hits, four hits.

Die!

- Dragon in the Sky!
- Gotcha!

- Are you OK?
- Are you OK?

Machine Gun Wrist Attack!

Spin!

Bingo!

- Yaoshi, are you OK?
- Are you OK?

We need to combine forces.

Wing Chun Punch.

- Plus Three Flowers Bloom.
- Plus Eighteen Dragon Palms.

Plus Hot Palms.

Plus Wrist Attack.

Yin Kung Fu, second attack.

Dragonfly on the Water!

Stun Attack!

You dare fight me?

Only Heaven can save you now!

Hold it.

An angel?

- It's Jigong the Monk.
- No, it's Duan!

Who do you think you are, dressed in red?
Santa Claus? Name yourself, evil spirit!

Who are you? I don't remember you.

How can you say such mean things?
Evil spirit?

What evil spirit has such a stylish robe?

I'm an immortal, stupid.

Huang Yaoshi, thanks to you
I am what I am today.

I owe you one. Tell me how I can help.

I'll make your wish come true.

He killed the princess. Chop him into pieces.

Hm, I don't know.

I just descended from heaven.
I shouldn't kill people.

- I'm an immortal, not a murderer.
- Die! Angel!

Can't you see we're talking? Mercy Palms.

Sorry! Sorry! I don't know my own strength.

- Are you OK?
- Steal the Family Jewels!

What are you looking for?
Steal the Family Knockers!

Stop! They'll fall off!

Didn't I say I'm an immortal? If I had jewels,

- there'd be lots of little immortals in Heaven.
- Shut up.

Fly!

Stop it, you're breaking everything.

Take this. Almost forgot you're the bad guy.

- Sneak attack.
- Counter-sneak attack.

- So there you are!
- Invisibility!

Good one! I know that too.

Here I am.

Cobra Fangs.

I'll poke your eyes out!

Thought you could beat me?

I'm down here.

Dodge!

Yin Kung Fu, third attack.

Oh no, you're in trouble now!
You killed a man!

You'll go to hell when you die.

Shut up.

Three more dead? We had a deal!

So what? Yin Kung Fu, Apocalypse style.

Save the World.

Oh no, I killed some people! Now what?

Duan, they're all bad guys.

The Jade Emperor will forgive you.

Kill him!

- Kill him!
- Kill him!

So immortals kill too?
It's your turn to go to hell.

You jerk!

You made me do it.
Let me teach you a lesson!

Teach me? We'll see who teaches who.

Yin Kung Fu, Ten Thousand Buddhas Attack.

Wait, you can't trick me.

Ten Thousand Buddhas
is a different kung fu style.

- I'll fight anyway I like.
- Oh, so that's how it is.

Two can play at this game.

Cut the Cards! Full House! Royal Flush!

Watch me!

Accelerate!

- Ten Thousand Buddhas!
- Stop posing!

Hearts are Wild!

Take the Ace! Throw Down the King!

Reshuffle the Deck! All Bets Off!

Winner Takes All!

- You son of a...
- No swearing during Chinese New Year.

Say nice things, like me.

May fortune, prosperity, health

and peace be with you next year.

Not enough? One more blessing!

May the Sino-British Joint Declaration
bring peace to all!

Duckie is back!

Why was he saying
New Year's greetings while fighting?

Happy New Year! Have a red envelope.

Happy New Year!

- This is madness.
- Have some lotus seed. It helps fertility.

Happy New Year!

Everyone relax. It's all over now.

That guy has gone crazy.

My mission is accomplished.

Everyone can live happily ever after.

Hey, queer guy!
Don't look away! I'm talking to you.

Who? Me?

Immortal sweat heals all.
Take some for your students.

But there are only two pills.

I'm rich now. I'm not as dirty as before.

Mix with water and divide it into three parts.

Duan!

Can you give me a pill for the princess?

I don't want to live if she dies.

She's a good friend of mine.
Of course I'll save her.

Not much here.

I'm sure she'll wake up. Swallow this!

How can she swallow such a big pill?

Swallow that? I'll have stomachache.

Call me for a drink when you're free.

So long, everybody!

You naughty girl.

Long live the sorceress!

Where's Master Zhou?

I'm still alive, what luck!

Feng!

Dad! Mum! Let's go home!

So moving! I wish Chongyang was here.

Chongyang!

I miss you.

Botong, I'm in heaven and you're on earth.

Besides, we're both men.

We shouldn't carry on with our relationship.

I know.

Then what are your hands doing down there?

You taught me this, remember?

Directed by Jeff LAU