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I am Crisko.
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The story you're about to see unfolding on the silver screen
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Is a strange story indeed... stranger
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Than the strangest tales of antiquity,
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Stranger than the latest marvels of man's super science.
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Yes, even in this bold new age of the electric toaster oven
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And the fully automatic transmission, disaster, terror,
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And doom still loom, like a hideous clown-like dwarf,
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Molesting human destiny.
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I am Crisko.
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I predict in the 1951, civilization will
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Face its greatest challenge.
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Audience, beware.
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Leave this theater now, before your bowels
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Empty into your pants.
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You who remain are about to witness a story so terrible, so
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Disgusting, that no living human brain can
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Withstand it and remain sane.
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You will pay the ultimate price for viewing
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The terrible true story of zombies, zombies, zombies
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From outer space!
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CRISKO (VOICEOVER): And yet, even
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From the greatest of horrors, irony is seldom absent.
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It will all begin on a fine spring
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Day, in a typical American cemetery.
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Why do we always have to have these picnics outdoors?
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You know how I hate nature.
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Shut up!
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Shut up!
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Shut up, you putrid wench.
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Ah, god, I hate these picnics in the cemetery.
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Oh, the TV reception sucks.
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TV, bad.
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Oh, my family, garbage.
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Everyone, sit down, shut up, behave now!
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Oh, that's better.
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Hemorrhoids hurt.
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What?
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What?
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Who are you?
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Oh, no.
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Wah!
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[Gasping]
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[Screaming]
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No!
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Take the kid.
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Take the kid!
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CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, All-American girl Barbie Que
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And her expendable boyfriend, Buford,
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Are enjoying a romantic stroll, pledging
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Their hearts to one another.
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But their love is fated never to fester.
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It's so peaceful.
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I wish we could spend eternity here together, forever.
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[Screaming]
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CRISKO (VOICEOVER): And now, the ultimate horror.
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Their insane, bestial lust unsatisfied,
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The fiendish zombie horde will ravage the defenseless Earthian
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Graves.
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I predict they will consume the flesh
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Of the living and the dead, tearing
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Apart, rotting, real corpses.
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These are not mannequins you see here, not at all.
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Look at those boys dig.
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But hark, a mysterious message from the depths of outer space.
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Beyond the yawning abysses of interstellar space,
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Beyond all sane conceptions of time and reality,
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Where only gibbering madness reigns, lies Planet Plankton.
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Yes, Planet Plankton.
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In all the countless universes of evil,
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There is no planet more evil than Planet Plankton, a dying
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World, doomed to perdition, soon to be
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Destroyed by its own hellish, internal fires of lust.
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Attention, heroic Earth zombies, phase nine,
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Plan three is now implemented.
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Kill, destroy, mutilate.
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Earth must be ours.
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We will send more saucers, more zombie warriors.
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Ha.
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Ha.
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Ha.
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Calculate your chances now, Earthlings.
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CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Forward goes the dread saucer of doom,
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Powered by forbidden science.
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We interrupt this program for a special KILL-TV
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Emergency news bulletin.
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This is Rather Brokaw speaking to you
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Live from the studios of KILL-TV with this emergency,
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Late-breaking story.
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For many weeks now, rumors of an invasion by outer space aliens
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Have been growing all across this great land.
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From Manhasset to Maine, from Everytown, USA,
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Reports have come in concerning the appearance
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Of flesh-eating robot zombies... Zombies from outer space.
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Although many around the world have seen and been attacked
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By flesh-eating robot zombies from outer space,
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Many in government, many of the top scientists,
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Army generals, and pointy-headed intellectuals in high office,
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Deny the very existence of these zombie invaders.
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But we at KILL-TV have recently obtained
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Exclusive footage of zombies engaged in actual atrocities.
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Although the first victims of the zombies
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Appear to be mere seaside morons,
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Note the cool, professional way in which these alien invaders
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Liquidate them.
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Not only is their appearance extremely
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Frightening and awe-inspiring, but their death rays
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Are obviously the product of a vastly more highly advanced
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Civilization than ours, causing paralysis and death
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In a shorter time than any weapon
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Our primitive society has been able to attain.
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Yes, these are top-rated alien invaders, the finest
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In efficient and stylish planetary
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Domination and extermination.
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I'd like to thank the Zombie Public Relations
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Office for kindly providing this footage
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Of their latest deprivations.
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Hey, thanks, guys.
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We appreciate it.
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But while the zombies are moving irresistibly
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To seize our planet, what are our own military leaders doing
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To meet this new alien threat?
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Are they responding to this menace
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Or just sitting on their fat butts,
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Soaking up free soft drinks and Ding Dongs
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At the taxpayers' expense?
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To answer this question, we have arranged for a live film
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Remote broadcast from the secret military airbase where General
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Herpes Simplex has just returned from a top-secret international
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Conference at the North Pole.
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We now go to the famous KILL-TV NewsClown, Jim Briskin,
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Standing by at the secret military airbase.
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Jim?
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Here he is, folks.
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He's coming off the jet.
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Let's go talk to him now about this new threat, huh?
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General! General!
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General!
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Is it true that the top-secret conference that you have been
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Attending at the North Pole for the last month
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Concerns a new alien invasion?
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I cannot discuss that.
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Oh, yeah?
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Well, reports have been coming in from all over the country.
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From Manhasset to Main, from Everytown,
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USA, reports of flesh-eating robot zombies,
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Drinking the blood of the living,
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Eating the flesh of the dead.
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Are these reports true?
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What do you say about... Wait a second, General.
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Wait a second.
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You can't blow me off so easily.
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The people demand to know.
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They demand to know.
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Are you and other members of the International
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Anti-Alien Defense Command League soft on zombies?
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Are you soft on aliens?
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Are you playing footsie with evil, perverted monsters
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From outer space, huh?
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Sir.
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You traitor, you, huh?
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I have never thought I'd live to see the day,
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After my years of sacrifice and service
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To my country, when I would be accused
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Of playing footsie with the enemies of these United States.
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Have you so soon forgotten?
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Our Earth is surrounded on all sides
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By evil space beings who want this planet for their own.
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The entire universe is conspiring against us.
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We have met their attacks before.
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The entire universe is evil and perverted.
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Their first attacks tried to break our will,
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To divide and weaken us.
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But they soon felt the awesome power of atomic annihilation.
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They were driven off our fair planet.
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All nations banded together to defend Earth
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Against aliens' perversion.
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Patriotic Americans and dirty Commies
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Were together for the first time in a holy cross of shared
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Hatred, hatred for the evil invaders from outer space
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Who were sure to strike again.
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And strike they did.
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Their plan was to raise the dead and turn
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Them into telephone solicitors to scare us off the planet.
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But an atomic one-two punch soon incinerated their plan.
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Once again, we triumphed.
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As you know, the victory we had won was only temporary.
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Again, aliens launched a deadly attack against us.
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This time, outer space mobs just took over New York.
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They turned a once peaceful and beautiful metropolis
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Into a seething cauldron of violence,
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Lust, and degradation.
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But an atomic triple whammy purified the entire East
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Coast of their evil subversion.
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And yet, our cunning enemies from the stars did not give up.
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They launched their most fiendish attack upon us,
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An attack so treacherous, so monstrous,
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That it nearly succeeded.
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Giant alien insects tried to pick up our women.
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No Earthian female was safe from their outer space lust.
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The fate of these women was worse than death.
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But an atomic rain of destruction
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Stopped their disgusting plans.
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Our degraded women were redeemed by the purity
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Of cleansing atomic fire.
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Earth was purified once again.
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Once again, monsters from outer space had been brought to bay.
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But you should know this, and your vast television audience
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As well.
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If there was a new alien invasion,
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We will destroy it utterly.
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All aliens attacking our planet, molesting our woman,
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Eating our corpses, must take this as a warning.
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They will be annihilated.
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It is better to suffer the short, sweet agony
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Of atomic Holocaust than to live as slaves
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Under perverted monsters from outer space.
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But General... what about this new threat, General?
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What about it?
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Huh, huh, huh?
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If there were a threat, then this threat must be
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Met by a special kind of man.
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Oh, yeah.
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A man not afraid to get his hands dirty.
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A man strong enough to get down in the cesspool with aliens
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And mud-wrestle them into submission.
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A man like Major Kent Bendover, head of our new Zombie Defense
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Corps.
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Now, I must go and resume my duties.
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REPORTERS: General!
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General!
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General!
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Over here, General!
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This way, General!
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General!
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This way, General!
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General!
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There you have it, folks.
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Keep watching K-I-L-L TV for latest
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Developments in this exciting life-or-death
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Struggle with alien invaders.
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Thank you, Jim Briskin.
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Yes, as General Simplex has so well put it,
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We must all band together against alien perversion,
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In our cities, in our schools, in our homes,
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And in our sanitary facilities.
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Stay tuned to KILL-TV for the latest in developments
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In the zombie story.
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And for those of you who are not watching this broadcast
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Live but instead are viewing it as part
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Of a so-called entertainment rental video,
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I urge you to stay tuned as well.
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If you watch long enough, you'll get
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To see me, your KILL-TV news anchor, several times
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Before the world is destroyed.
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And besides, if you stop the tape now,
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You've completely wasted the rental cost of this tape.
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So stay tuned to KILL-TV for further developments.
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CRISKO (VOICEOVER): I Crisko predict...
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I predict that in Earth's darkest hour,
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One fearless figure will arise, one man
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Who holds humanity's fate in his pudgy hands,
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That man will be Major Kent Bendover.
264
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:13,228
The nation's fearless news media reports on the crisis.
265
00:15:13,228 --> 00:15:16,698
They are there in an instant to keep Earthlings informed.
266
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,134
Nothing can stand in the way of the news.
267
00:15:58,006 --> 00:15:58,706
Zombies?
268
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:08,116
They're messed up pretty bad, huh, Major?
269
00:16:08,116 --> 00:16:09,384
Well, one thing's for sure.
270
00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:11,653
These people are all dead.
271
00:16:11,653 --> 00:16:13,688
Completely murdered.
272
00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:16,758
And someone is responsible.
273
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:19,361
Better call the coroner, Charlie.
274
00:16:19,361 --> 00:16:21,129
Looks like it's time for another pick up.
275
00:16:28,736 --> 00:16:30,205
What about the girl?
276
00:16:30,205 --> 00:16:33,108
All we know is they killed her main squeeze.
277
00:16:33,108 --> 00:16:37,079
Just keeps muttering zombies, zombies, zombies.
278
00:16:41,149 --> 00:16:43,318
Excuse me, Miss.
279
00:16:43,318 --> 00:16:45,287
Can I drive you home?
280
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:48,056
Well, I guess I can't mourn forever.
281
00:16:54,262 --> 00:16:56,331
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Yes, from the stench
282
00:16:56,331 --> 00:17:01,203
Of the open grave, true love will always blossom.
283
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,984
Earth Saucer Defense Headquarters... nerve
284
00:17:16,984 --> 00:17:18,386
Center of Earthian resistance.
285
00:17:34,902 --> 00:17:37,172
Here it is, my little love vessel.
286
00:17:37,172 --> 00:17:39,641
America's most advanced supercomputer.
287
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,877
Oh, Major, it looks so big and fat... I mean,
288
00:17:42,877 --> 00:17:45,547
Big and powerful just like you.
289
00:17:45,547 --> 00:17:48,950
I built it myself, every last relay and vacuum tube.
290
00:17:48,950 --> 00:17:50,752
I'm a cybernetics genius.
291
00:17:50,752 --> 00:17:53,321
I have a degree in physics from the University of California
292
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:54,556
At Santa Cruz.
293
00:17:54,556 --> 00:17:55,890
I'm never wrong.
294
00:17:55,890 --> 00:17:57,925
The zombies are terrified of me, and we'll
295
00:17:57,925 --> 00:18:00,695
Never see another saucer again.
296
00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:01,996
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Unfortunately, I
297
00:18:01,996 --> 00:18:04,399
Predict that zombie terror will continue.
298
00:18:14,142 --> 00:18:16,511
Ghastly death strikes from the skies.
299
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:17,645
Look out, jugglers.
300
00:18:17,645 --> 00:18:18,446
Look out!
301
00:18:23,918 --> 00:18:27,189
Cities everywhere, smashed... smashed to putty.
302
00:18:33,295 --> 00:18:35,697
Washington, nation's capital, citadel
303
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,566
Of freedom, tourist center of the Northeast,
304
00:18:38,566 --> 00:18:39,401
Lots of monuments.
305
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:45,873
I predict they will refuse to listen to me.
306
00:18:45,873 --> 00:18:51,112
They don't realize that I, Crisko, am the narrator.
307
00:18:51,112 --> 00:18:52,780
I control this film.
308
00:18:58,186 --> 00:19:01,656
And as you know, our worst fears have been realized.
309
00:19:01,656 --> 00:19:05,660
Our planet is being subjected to ruthless alien attacks.
310
00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:09,096
Flesh-eating zombies from outer space are invading here,
311
00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:12,300
Here, here, here, and...
312
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,569
General, what's that going to leave us?
313
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:16,304
This room, Corporal.
314
00:19:16,304 --> 00:19:18,139
Our brave Earthian lads are fighting,
315
00:19:18,139 --> 00:19:22,977
Dying, here, here, here, here, over here, over here's buddy.
316
00:19:22,977 --> 00:19:26,781
But here in this room, we must plan the next counterattack.
317
00:19:26,781 --> 00:19:27,982
We're facing an enemy that will stop
318
00:19:27,982 --> 00:19:29,917
At nothing to seize this planet for
319
00:19:29,917 --> 00:19:31,586
Their own perverted purposes.
320
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:33,588
And no one understands alien perversion
321
00:19:33,588 --> 00:19:36,324
More than our own Major Kent Bendover,
322
00:19:36,324 --> 00:19:40,995
Supreme Commander of Earth's Zombie Defense Corps.
323
00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:42,664
Thank you, General.
324
00:19:42,664 --> 00:19:45,867
I have developed a plan for dealing with the zombie menace.
325
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:49,170
Our plan, code named Operation Deep Fry,
326
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:53,475
Involves knocking the earth out of its orbit with atomic bombs
327
00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:57,512
And hurling it directly into the sun.
328
00:19:57,512 --> 00:20:00,748
My calculations show that the zombies cannot stand
329
00:20:00,748 --> 00:20:04,419
The enormous temperatures to be found at the center of the sun,
330
00:20:04,419 --> 00:20:07,322
And they will be burned to a crisp.
331
00:20:07,322 --> 00:20:10,658
But Major, won't we all be burned to a crisp as well?
332
00:20:13,728 --> 00:20:14,478
Oh.
333
00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,164
Well, anyway, the first principle of war
334
00:20:17,164 --> 00:20:21,269
Is planning without foreknowledge is do-do.
335
00:20:21,269 --> 00:20:23,738
We must know what the zombies will do
336
00:20:23,738 --> 00:20:25,607
Next before we can defeat them.
337
00:20:25,607 --> 00:20:30,478
To help us, I've called the great psycho, Crisko,
338
00:20:30,478 --> 00:20:34,516
To help us predict the zombies' next move.
339
00:20:34,516 --> 00:20:35,517
The zombies are everywhere.
340
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,289
The situation is far more serious than you know, General.
341
00:20:41,289 --> 00:20:44,859
Tell us, Crisko, can we defeat the zombies?
342
00:20:44,859 --> 00:20:46,027
No.
343
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,763
I predict that you cannot defeat the zombies.
344
00:20:48,763 --> 00:20:52,033
I predict the zombies will kill you all, every one of you
345
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,369
Swept away.
346
00:20:54,369 --> 00:20:56,771
I forget that they'll strip the living flesh from your bones.
347
00:21:00,207 --> 00:21:02,977
And they will destroy our Earth.
348
00:21:02,977 --> 00:21:05,980
I predict pigs will fly.
349
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:08,983
I predict that you're all doomed,
350
00:21:08,983 --> 00:21:12,119
That you're too stupid to listen to my advice.
351
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,422
When the zombies come here to live,
352
00:21:14,422 --> 00:21:18,225
They won't let you live your lives as you lived them.
353
00:21:18,225 --> 00:21:20,395
They'll force you to eat your own lips.
354
00:21:20,395 --> 00:21:22,630
And then you'll have to watch dogs
355
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,065
And cats fornicating together.
356
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:25,066
Come on, buddy. Come on.
357
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:25,867
Let's go.
358
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,234
And then!
359
00:21:27,234 --> 00:21:29,103
And then, the zombies will take over the entire government.
360
00:21:29,103 --> 00:21:30,872
They'll report me as the head, but [inaudible].
361
00:21:35,977 --> 00:21:38,746
We need a real plan, Major Bendover.
362
00:21:38,746 --> 00:21:41,816
And we've decided to send you into space to fight
363
00:21:41,816 --> 00:21:44,452
The zombies' saucer fleet.
364
00:21:44,452 --> 00:21:49,290
You'll be flying the, uh, experimental space shuttle.
365
00:21:49,290 --> 00:21:50,091
Good luck.
366
00:22:02,069 --> 00:22:03,237
Oh, Kent, don't go.
367
00:22:03,237 --> 00:22:06,307
I just can't bear the thought of losing you.
368
00:22:06,307 --> 00:22:09,844
Oh, Barbie Que, don't fret.
369
00:22:09,844 --> 00:22:13,114
It's my destiny to destroy the zombies.
370
00:22:13,114 --> 00:22:16,384
My destiny.
371
00:22:16,384 --> 00:22:19,387
I fought the zombies before, Barbie Que...
372
00:22:19,387 --> 00:22:24,291
Not in this life alone, but in my past lives.
373
00:22:24,291 --> 00:22:26,728
Throughout the centuries, we've struggled with them
374
00:22:26,728 --> 00:22:28,496
Taking one form or another.
375
00:22:28,496 --> 00:22:30,031
SIMPLEX (ON SPEAKER): This is General Simplex.
376
00:22:30,031 --> 00:22:32,400
Cut that bible, Bendover, and get your ass on the shuttle.
377
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,837
Get going, you dog face.
378
00:22:35,837 --> 00:22:37,905
I've loved you ever since we were
379
00:22:37,905 --> 00:22:41,576
Giant mouth-breathing slugs spawning in a prehistoric mud
380
00:22:41,576 --> 00:22:44,078
Pit 5 million years ago.
381
00:22:44,078 --> 00:22:47,114
Well, Kent, I don't know what to say.
382
00:22:47,114 --> 00:22:49,016
Don't say anything, Barbie Que.
383
00:22:53,855 --> 00:22:57,024
I must go now, Barbie Que.
384
00:22:57,024 --> 00:23:00,628
I must go to meet my destiny.
385
00:23:00,628 --> 00:23:03,798
I'll always be true to you, Kent.
386
00:23:03,798 --> 00:23:04,732
Remember me, Barbie Que.
387
00:23:21,415 --> 00:23:24,185
[Mission control orders]
388
00:23:31,092 --> 00:23:32,126
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): When a man is
389
00:23:32,126 --> 00:23:34,361
At the point of a horrible death,
390
00:23:34,361 --> 00:23:36,864
His heart turns to thought of happy times
391
00:23:36,864 --> 00:23:38,199
With his loved ones.
392
00:23:38,199 --> 00:23:42,403
He dreams about music videos.
393
00:23:42,403 --> 00:23:45,406
[Music playing]
394
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:50,878
I fell in love with you under a zombie moon.
395
00:23:50,878 --> 00:23:53,380
I just couldn't be with no one else.
396
00:23:53,380 --> 00:23:56,884
I tried to give you [inaudible], but I wasn't myself.
397
00:23:56,884 --> 00:23:58,385
I guess you couldn't handle someone else.
398
00:23:58,385 --> 00:24:00,354
I love you, Barbie Que.
399
00:24:00,354 --> 00:24:02,356
I really, really, love you, love you.
400
00:24:02,356 --> 00:24:04,358
Barbie Que.
401
00:24:04,358 --> 00:24:06,360
I love you, Barbie Que.
402
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:08,362
I really, really, love you.
403
00:24:08,362 --> 00:24:13,835
I love you, Barbie Que.
404
00:24:13,835 --> 00:24:17,839
When I hear your name, it reminds me of summer, the grass
405
00:24:17,839 --> 00:24:19,340
And a beer on the lawn.
406
00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:22,309
I want you with me forever and ever.
407
00:24:22,309 --> 00:24:25,312
I know that we both belong.
408
00:24:25,312 --> 00:24:26,814
I love you, Barbie Que.
409
00:24:26,814 --> 00:24:30,818
I really, really love you, love you, Barbie Que.
410
00:24:30,818 --> 00:24:33,287
I love you, Barbie Que.
411
00:24:33,287 --> 00:24:35,289
I really, really love you, love you.
412
00:24:35,289 --> 00:24:37,792
I love you, Barbie Que.
413
00:24:40,895 --> 00:24:43,765
Sitting with you and watching explosion.
414
00:24:43,765 --> 00:24:46,768
The bombs in my mind just won't stop.
415
00:24:46,768 --> 00:24:49,270
I hear the pitter-patter of little invaders.
416
00:24:49,270 --> 00:24:51,773
It makes my heart go flip-flop.
417
00:24:51,773 --> 00:24:53,775
I love you, Barbie Que.
418
00:24:53,775 --> 00:24:57,745
I really, really love you, love you, Barbie Que.
419
00:24:57,745 --> 00:25:01,749
Barbie Que, I really, really love you.
420
00:25:01,749 --> 00:25:04,251
I love you, Barbie Que.
421
00:25:35,282 --> 00:25:37,184
I love you, Barbie Que.
422
00:25:40,755 --> 00:25:43,658
I love you, Barbie Que.
423
00:25:46,761 --> 00:25:49,664
I love you, Barbie Que.
424
00:25:53,234 --> 00:25:55,637
I love you, Barbie Que.
425
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,109
I love you, Barbie Que.
426
00:26:06,714 --> 00:26:10,618
MISSION CONTROL (VOICEOVER): Four, three, two, one, zero.
427
00:26:15,690 --> 00:26:17,792
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Forward, forward,
428
00:26:17,792 --> 00:26:19,794
Into the gulfs of space.
429
00:26:19,794 --> 00:26:22,296
Our hopes right with you, Major Bendover.
430
00:26:22,296 --> 00:26:23,530
Fight those zombies.
431
00:26:23,530 --> 00:26:24,699
Grind their bones.
432
00:26:24,699 --> 00:26:25,700
Eat their lunch.
433
00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:26,801
Block their hat.
434
00:26:26,801 --> 00:26:27,601
Mow their lawns.
435
00:26:27,601 --> 00:26:28,770
Rah, rah, shish boom bah!
436
00:26:33,775 --> 00:26:36,110
[Beeping]
437
00:27:03,170 --> 00:27:05,572
[Music playing]
438
00:28:33,327 --> 00:28:35,596
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Due to his superhuman physique
439
00:28:35,596 --> 00:28:40,001
And his YWCA membership, Major Kent Bendover
440
00:28:40,001 --> 00:28:42,970
Survives to fight another day.
441
00:28:55,216 --> 00:29:03,157
Zombie terror, lots and lots of zombie terror... buildings
442
00:29:03,157 --> 00:29:06,093
Damaged, people running away.
443
00:29:22,276 --> 00:29:23,878
Senseless arson.
444
00:29:23,878 --> 00:29:24,678
Yow!
445
00:29:27,414 --> 00:29:30,751
Hollywood subjugated!
446
00:29:30,751 --> 00:29:34,922
Oh, isn't this awful?
447
00:29:34,922 --> 00:29:38,492
Cities everywhere tremble under the arrogant, goose
448
00:29:38,492 --> 00:29:40,794
Stepping zombie flippers.
449
00:29:40,794 --> 00:29:44,031
MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Attention Earthlings, the zombies
450
00:29:44,031 --> 00:29:45,766
From outer space have landed.
451
00:29:45,766 --> 00:29:47,268
Evacuate the cities.
452
00:29:47,268 --> 00:29:51,238
Evacuate the countryside.
453
00:29:51,238 --> 00:29:55,209
Attention Earthlings, the zombies from other space
454
00:29:55,209 --> 00:29:56,210
Have landed.
455
00:29:56,210 --> 00:29:57,211
Evacuate the cities.
456
00:29:57,211 --> 00:29:58,445
Evacuate the countryside.
457
00:30:01,482 --> 00:30:03,885
The zombies from outer space have landed.
458
00:30:03,885 --> 00:30:05,853
Evacuate the cities.
459
00:30:05,853 --> 00:30:08,322
Evacuate the countryside.
460
00:30:08,322 --> 00:30:10,291
Oh, don't hurt my baby!
461
00:30:10,291 --> 00:30:11,758
Oh, god!
462
00:30:11,758 --> 00:30:13,260
Oh, my god!
463
00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:16,063
MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Attention Earthlings, the zombies
464
00:30:16,063 --> 00:30:18,065
From outer space have landed.
465
00:30:18,065 --> 00:30:19,500
Evacuate the cities.
466
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,202
Evacuate the countryside.
467
00:30:21,202 --> 00:30:22,836
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Earth's armies counterattack.
468
00:30:41,355 --> 00:30:43,724
PILOT: [inaudible].
469
00:30:43,724 --> 00:30:46,393
PILOT: Roger, I'm coming in from the southeast.
470
00:30:46,393 --> 00:30:48,162
I have you in sight now.
471
00:30:48,162 --> 00:30:51,665
[Inaudible] 3 o'clock from behind.
472
00:30:51,665 --> 00:30:52,633
PILOT: [inaudible].
473
00:31:00,541 --> 00:31:02,143
PILOT: All right, you go ahead and mark it,
474
00:31:02,143 --> 00:31:04,611
And I'll give you... it's right about where that smoke is.
475
00:31:27,601 --> 00:31:32,606
This zombie menace is getting way out of hand.
476
00:31:32,606 --> 00:31:33,907
I know.
477
00:31:33,907 --> 00:31:37,178
Let's drown ourselves and be together in a watery doom
478
00:31:37,178 --> 00:31:38,645
Forever.
479
00:31:38,645 --> 00:31:39,780
No.
480
00:31:39,780 --> 00:31:42,649
It's my destiny to destroy the zombies first.
481
00:31:42,649 --> 00:31:45,586
Besides, the saucers are up there,
482
00:31:45,586 --> 00:31:48,322
The zombies are up there, and we are
483
00:31:48,322 --> 00:31:51,125
In here, safe for the moment.
484
00:31:51,125 --> 00:31:55,129
Ah, zombie on K-I-double-L.
485
00:31:55,129 --> 00:31:58,199
Ha, ha, ha, Major Bendover.
486
00:31:58,199 --> 00:32:01,102
We have taken over your pathetic TV set.
487
00:32:01,102 --> 00:32:03,670
We have taken over San Francisco too.
488
00:32:03,670 --> 00:32:05,439
It was easy.
489
00:32:05,439 --> 00:32:08,509
Soon all Earthian cities will fall.
490
00:32:08,509 --> 00:32:10,444
Resistance is useless.
491
00:32:10,444 --> 00:32:12,113
Ha, ha, ha.
492
00:32:12,113 --> 00:32:13,847
See this severed head?
493
00:32:13,847 --> 00:32:16,984
OK, it's not a real head, but it could be real.
494
00:32:16,984 --> 00:32:18,452
It could be yours.
495
00:32:18,452 --> 00:32:20,287
And watch out for falling appliances.
496
00:32:28,962 --> 00:32:30,931
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): All over the world,
497
00:32:30,931 --> 00:32:33,667
Newspapers will spin out headlines...
498
00:32:33,667 --> 00:32:38,905
Headlines of terror, doom, and destruction.
499
00:32:38,905 --> 00:32:44,778
Yes, atomic annihilation will be unleashed against the zombies.
500
00:32:54,755 --> 00:32:58,259
KENT: Barbie, I brought you here to experience
501
00:32:58,259 --> 00:33:02,229
Our counterattack against the zombie menace firsthand.
502
00:33:02,229 --> 00:33:05,732
BARBIE: Oh, Kent.
503
00:33:05,732 --> 00:33:08,202
I'm afraid it has become necessary to destroy
504
00:33:08,202 --> 00:33:10,504
Tacoma in order to save it.
505
00:33:10,504 --> 00:33:13,274
Together, we can experience the awesome beauty
506
00:33:13,274 --> 00:33:15,142
Of an atomic blast.
507
00:33:15,142 --> 00:33:16,910
Oh, Major.
508
00:33:16,910 --> 00:33:19,746
Yes, it will be a beautiful sight to see.
509
00:33:19,746 --> 00:33:23,817
Some of the larger ones look like wonderful blossoming
510
00:33:23,817 --> 00:33:26,087
Flowers of flaming death.
511
00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:28,222
Oh, Kent!
512
00:33:28,222 --> 00:33:30,724
I don't think we'll have any trouble with our zombie friends
513
00:33:30,724 --> 00:33:31,525
After this.
514
00:33:35,962 --> 00:33:37,098
Oh, Kent.
515
00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:39,500
Let's just kill ourselves now.
516
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:41,735
We'll never be this happy again as long as we live.
517
00:33:49,176 --> 00:33:50,844
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Thousands of bombers
518
00:33:50,844 --> 00:33:53,780
Will drop hundreds and hundreds of atomic bombs
519
00:33:53,780 --> 00:33:58,352
On the hapless zombies from outer space.
520
00:33:58,352 --> 00:34:01,422
Cities all over the world will be saved through obliteration.
521
00:34:30,251 --> 00:34:30,951
BARBIE: You fool!
522
00:34:30,951 --> 00:34:31,918
You fool!
523
00:34:31,918 --> 00:34:34,121
We weren't close enough to the blast.
524
00:34:34,121 --> 00:34:35,856
Now we have to go on living.
525
00:34:35,856 --> 00:34:38,159
I never want to see you again.
526
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:42,429
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Her bitter words echo in his brain.
527
00:34:42,429 --> 00:34:44,097
BARBIE: (ECHOING) You fool!
528
00:34:44,097 --> 00:34:44,898
You fool!
529
00:34:44,898 --> 00:34:46,133
We weren't close enough.
530
00:34:46,133 --> 00:34:48,169
Now we have to go on living.
531
00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:50,204
I never want to see you again.
532
00:34:50,204 --> 00:34:52,339
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Rejected by the love of his life,
533
00:34:52,339 --> 00:34:55,108
He goes looking for more love.
534
00:34:55,108 --> 00:34:58,111
No, Major, you won't find love in that bottle.
535
00:35:04,017 --> 00:35:08,355
Day after day, he stumbles along with the radioactive rubble.
536
00:35:08,355 --> 00:35:11,024
His heart and spirit are broken.
537
00:35:11,024 --> 00:35:13,694
The entire atomic wasteland seemed to be
538
00:35:13,694 --> 00:35:16,263
There only to ignore his pain.
539
00:35:42,689 --> 00:35:45,259
We are zombies from outer space.
540
00:35:45,259 --> 00:35:46,427
We will kidnap you now.
541
00:35:46,427 --> 00:35:47,228
Ha.
542
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,028
Ha.
543
00:35:48,028 --> 00:35:48,895
Ha.
544
00:35:48,895 --> 00:35:49,696
Ha.
545
00:35:49,696 --> 00:35:50,664
Ha.
546
00:35:50,664 --> 00:35:51,465
Ha.
547
00:35:57,204 --> 00:35:59,373
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): You should have listened to me, Major.
548
00:35:59,373 --> 00:36:00,341
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
549
00:36:11,184 --> 00:36:13,687
Have the zombies been truly destroyed?
550
00:36:13,687 --> 00:36:15,922
A top scientific research team is
551
00:36:15,922 --> 00:36:19,092
Sent into the total devastation left by the atomic attack.
552
00:36:26,099 --> 00:36:27,268
Look, see?
553
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:28,235
It's me.
554
00:36:28,235 --> 00:36:30,237
I look great, don't I?
555
00:36:30,237 --> 00:36:34,107
Yes, the government will come crawling back to me, Crisko.
556
00:36:34,107 --> 00:36:35,942
My predictions always come true.
557
00:36:51,758 --> 00:36:54,160
The radiation count is down to a safe level.
558
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,696
We can move into the main blast area.
559
00:36:55,696 --> 00:36:58,665
Yes, my psychic paranormal abilities
560
00:36:58,665 --> 00:37:00,601
Detect no signs of the zombies.
561
00:37:00,601 --> 00:37:04,170
The atomic bombs must have destroyed them all.
562
00:37:04,170 --> 00:37:07,508
I predict the zombie menace is over.
563
00:37:07,508 --> 00:37:10,076
Our job is to find their bodies and report to Washington.
564
00:37:10,076 --> 00:37:10,944
We'd better get going.
565
00:37:32,633 --> 00:37:35,402
Zombie agent 13 to head zombie.
566
00:37:35,402 --> 00:37:38,572
Zombie agent 13 to head zombie.
567
00:37:38,572 --> 00:37:40,841
The Earthlings have fallen for our trap.
568
00:37:40,841 --> 00:37:41,942
They are approaching zero ground.
569
00:37:41,942 --> 00:37:42,743
Over and out.
570
00:38:10,236 --> 00:38:11,772
Professor, look there.
571
00:38:16,009 --> 00:38:18,912
Why, it's just an ordinary radioactive skull, Crisko.
572
00:38:18,912 --> 00:38:19,846
Radioactive?
573
00:38:19,846 --> 00:38:21,448
Yes. A skull?
574
00:38:21,448 --> 00:38:22,549
Yes.
575
00:38:22,549 --> 00:38:25,519
But not, Professor... Not an ordinary skull.
576
00:38:25,519 --> 00:38:29,089
I predict that this skull will tell us where we can
577
00:38:29,089 --> 00:38:31,157
Find the bodies of the zombies.
578
00:38:31,157 --> 00:38:33,326
What do you mean, Crisko?
579
00:38:33,326 --> 00:38:36,229
First, we must measure the kinetic energy of the skull.
580
00:38:36,229 --> 00:38:37,798
In order to communicate successfully
581
00:38:37,798 --> 00:38:39,933
With the spirit world, the kinetic energy
582
00:38:39,933 --> 00:38:44,204
Frequencies must match exactly.
583
00:38:44,204 --> 00:38:45,506
A-ha!
584
00:38:45,506 --> 00:38:47,040
It's just as I predicted.
585
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,477
The kinetic energy is exactly 666.6 Morton
586
00:38:50,477 --> 00:38:54,280
Cycles on the Heinz scale.
587
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,281
Yes.
588
00:38:55,281 --> 00:38:57,117
Yes, many through history have tried
589
00:38:57,117 --> 00:38:58,485
To communicate with the dead.
590
00:38:58,485 --> 00:38:59,720
Even Thomas Edison.
591
00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,388
All have failed.
592
00:39:01,388 --> 00:39:05,826
Only I, Crisko, the man with the super psychic brain...
593
00:39:05,826 --> 00:39:09,129
Only I can talk with the dead.
594
00:39:09,129 --> 00:39:16,737
Ooga-booga, eenie, meanie, eenie, meanie, chili beanie...
595
00:39:16,737 --> 00:39:20,574
The spirits are about to speak.
596
00:39:20,574 --> 00:39:23,276
Are they friendly spirits?
597
00:39:23,276 --> 00:39:24,411
Friendly?
598
00:39:24,411 --> 00:39:26,046
Just listen.
599
00:39:26,046 --> 00:39:27,748
Argh.
600
00:39:27,748 --> 00:39:29,182
Argh.
601
00:39:29,182 --> 00:39:33,720
Ar... [coughing] argh.
602
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:38,291
Dead person, tell us, where are the bodies of the zombies?
603
00:39:38,291 --> 00:39:42,463
Although I died an agonizing death by atomic radiation,
604
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:45,098
I am glad my meaningless life was sacrificed
605
00:39:45,098 --> 00:39:46,166
To destroy the zombies.
606
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:48,769
I was proud to be fried for my country.
607
00:39:48,769 --> 00:39:50,537
The zombies are over the next ridge.
608
00:39:50,537 --> 00:39:52,272
They're completely dead.
609
00:39:52,272 --> 00:39:53,674
They're totally harmless.
610
00:39:53,674 --> 00:39:54,641
You can trust me.
611
00:39:54,641 --> 00:39:55,842
I wouldn't lie.
612
00:39:55,842 --> 00:39:57,177
Go ahead.
613
00:39:57,177 --> 00:39:59,179
Look for yourselves.
614
00:39:59,179 --> 00:40:01,482
This skull spoke the truth.
615
00:40:01,482 --> 00:40:03,416
I predict we will find the zombie
616
00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,118
Bodies over the next ridge.
617
00:40:05,118 --> 00:40:05,986
Forward, men.
618
00:40:22,368 --> 00:40:24,671
Ha, ha, ha, what a bunch of saps.
619
00:40:24,671 --> 00:40:25,472
Argh.
620
00:40:32,145 --> 00:40:32,879
Look there, men.
621
00:40:47,994 --> 00:40:49,796
Gee, it's kind of grown, hasn't it?
622
00:40:49,796 --> 00:40:51,297
Don't be concerned, officer.
623
00:40:51,297 --> 00:40:53,667
The bigger something is, the deader it is.
624
00:40:53,667 --> 00:40:56,069
The atomic radiation has caused its molecules to expand.
625
00:40:56,069 --> 00:40:57,003
Yes.
626
00:40:57,003 --> 00:40:58,404
I predict this is the death knell
627
00:40:58,404 --> 00:41:00,040
For all zombies everywhere.
628
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,109
Men, go ahead and claim this first zombie body for America.
629
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,222
[Screaming]
630
00:42:03,737 --> 00:42:05,672
So the zombie threat is finished, huh?
631
00:42:05,672 --> 00:42:08,308
This is a job for Washington now.
632
00:42:08,308 --> 00:42:10,043
Hello, Washington?
633
00:42:10,043 --> 00:42:11,678
The atoms bomb failed.
634
00:42:11,678 --> 00:42:13,614
The zombies are growing, growing,
635
00:42:13,614 --> 00:42:16,149
Growing a mile a minute.
636
00:42:16,149 --> 00:42:18,852
We interrupt this program for a special bulletin,
637
00:42:18,852 --> 00:42:22,022
The latest developments on the zombie invasion.
638
00:42:22,022 --> 00:42:24,625
Due to complete incompetence on the part of Earth's
639
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:27,493
Military leaders, the recent A-bomb offensive
640
00:42:27,493 --> 00:42:30,631
Against the zombies has, instead of destroying them,
641
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:33,834
Caused them to start growing larger and larger.
642
00:42:33,834 --> 00:42:36,069
Scientists estimate that the zombies affected
643
00:42:36,069 --> 00:42:38,404
By the atomic radiation are growing at the rate
644
00:42:38,404 --> 00:42:40,774
Of a mile taller every minute.
645
00:42:40,774 --> 00:42:43,176
Some authorities point out that the zombies will soon
646
00:42:43,176 --> 00:42:46,647
Grow so big that they will become too large for our planet
647
00:42:46,647 --> 00:42:48,715
And float off into space.
648
00:42:48,715 --> 00:42:50,784
But other authorities point out that by then,
649
00:42:50,784 --> 00:42:52,485
We'd all be dead anyway.
650
00:42:52,485 --> 00:42:56,256
Sounds pretty gloomy, doesn't it, folks?
651
00:42:56,256 --> 00:43:00,326
In other news, girl aged 10 gives birth to her mother.
652
00:43:00,326 --> 00:43:03,529
And for our closeup segment on dealing with hostility,
653
00:43:03,529 --> 00:43:08,201
Part three, goofballs, pinheads, pencil-necked geeks...
654
00:43:08,201 --> 00:43:10,303
Should they be allowed to live?
655
00:43:10,303 --> 00:43:11,838
We say no.
656
00:43:11,838 --> 00:43:15,208
That segment will be at 11:30 after colostomy news.
657
00:43:15,208 --> 00:43:17,844
Stay tuned for the best in news with KILL-TV.
658
00:43:27,487 --> 00:43:29,690
[Groaning]
659
00:43:49,642 --> 00:43:51,644
Tell us, Bendover, what is your mission?
660
00:43:51,644 --> 00:43:52,846
You must tell.
661
00:43:52,846 --> 00:43:54,748
Never!
662
00:43:54,748 --> 00:43:56,649
Never!
663
00:43:56,649 --> 00:43:59,953
Turn up the nerve fry-olator another notch.
664
00:43:59,953 --> 00:44:01,654
Teach him not to defy us.
665
00:44:01,654 --> 00:44:03,589
[Screaming]
666
00:44:05,625 --> 00:44:06,960
No, no, no!
667
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,295
Tell us, Bendover, what is your mission?
668
00:44:09,295 --> 00:44:10,697
You must tell.
669
00:44:10,697 --> 00:44:11,932
Fry-olate him more.
670
00:44:11,932 --> 00:44:13,199
Ha. Ha.
671
00:44:13,199 --> 00:44:14,234
Ha.
672
00:44:14,234 --> 00:44:17,938
On my honor, I, Kent Bendover, promise
673
00:44:17,938 --> 00:44:23,844
To do my duty to God and my country,
674
00:44:23,844 --> 00:44:27,480
And to obey the laws [inaudible].
675
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:28,882
[Screaming]
676
00:44:30,917 --> 00:44:33,019
Bendover, submit to zombie power,
677
00:44:33,019 --> 00:44:35,688
Or we will fry-olate your brain and turn
678
00:44:35,688 --> 00:44:37,490
You into a drooling husk.
679
00:44:37,490 --> 00:44:40,193
Fry-olate him more.
680
00:44:40,193 --> 00:44:44,998
He has no brain to fry, great one.
681
00:44:44,998 --> 00:44:48,034
When will you zombies learn?
682
00:44:48,034 --> 00:44:50,070
Your evil will only turn on itself.
683
00:44:52,973 --> 00:44:55,241
Tell us, Bendover, what is your mission?
684
00:44:55,241 --> 00:44:57,811
You must tell.
685
00:44:57,811 --> 00:45:00,914
You zombies are gonna lose.
686
00:45:00,914 --> 00:45:05,952
You can kill me, but everything that's good and kind and nice
687
00:45:05,952 --> 00:45:07,888
In the world will combine against you,
688
00:45:07,888 --> 00:45:13,927
Because... because you zombies are bozos!
689
00:45:13,927 --> 00:45:16,830
The Earthian has called us bozos.
690
00:45:16,830 --> 00:45:19,265
Remove his organs of sexual reproduction
691
00:45:19,265 --> 00:45:20,466
And throw him away.
692
00:45:20,466 --> 00:45:23,436
These Earthian bolt-cutters should do the trick.
693
00:45:23,436 --> 00:45:24,237
Ha.
694
00:45:24,237 --> 00:45:25,038
Ha.
695
00:45:25,038 --> 00:45:26,206
Ha. Ha.
696
00:45:26,206 --> 00:45:27,007
Ha.
697
00:45:27,007 --> 00:45:28,208
Ha.
698
00:45:28,208 --> 00:45:32,278
Now... now pull out his intestines.
699
00:45:32,278 --> 00:45:33,279
Ha. Ha.
700
00:45:33,279 --> 00:45:34,314
Ha.
701
00:45:34,314 --> 00:45:36,516
That will teach you to call us bozos.
702
00:45:40,987 --> 00:45:41,888
Wait.
703
00:45:41,888 --> 00:45:44,024
Replace his gonads.
704
00:45:44,024 --> 00:45:45,091
I have a plan.
705
00:46:36,042 --> 00:46:38,244
Bendover, I am for you.
706
00:46:38,244 --> 00:46:39,946
It's time for hot new blood.
707
00:46:39,946 --> 00:46:43,316
After I've had you, you will want to tell all.
708
00:46:43,316 --> 00:46:45,751
Feast upon alien flesh.
709
00:46:45,751 --> 00:46:47,187
I'm sorry.
710
00:46:47,187 --> 00:46:49,856
I can't merge my flesh with that of an alien.
711
00:46:49,856 --> 00:46:52,959
We can join together the great zombie and Earthian races
712
00:46:52,959 --> 00:46:55,795
In a hot alien embrace.
713
00:46:55,795 --> 00:46:58,798
Finally, [inaudible].
714
00:46:58,798 --> 00:47:01,801
It is ours, Kent Bendover.
715
00:47:01,801 --> 00:47:03,803
[Music playing]
716
00:47:32,899 --> 00:47:38,304
(SINGING) Zombies from outer space.
717
00:47:42,909 --> 00:47:48,814
Zombies from outer space.
718
00:47:56,389 --> 00:48:00,293
Never sleeping, always awake.
719
00:48:00,293 --> 00:48:04,364
Searching for souls easy to take.
720
00:48:04,364 --> 00:48:08,935
Mesmerizing darkness, to the planet they come.
721
00:48:08,935 --> 00:48:13,273
Into your living room, tangled in foam.
722
00:48:22,148 --> 00:48:28,254
Zombies from outer space.
723
00:48:33,193 --> 00:48:39,032
Zombies from outer space.
724
00:48:44,337 --> 00:48:48,808
They're never sleeping, always awake.
725
00:48:48,808 --> 00:48:53,146
They're searching for the souls easy to take.
726
00:48:53,146 --> 00:48:57,717
Mesmerizing darkness, the planets, they'll come.
727
00:48:57,717 --> 00:49:01,787
Into your living room, tangled in foam.
728
00:49:01,787 --> 00:49:05,091
I used to watch you, Bendover, from outer space.
729
00:49:05,091 --> 00:49:07,427
I never imagined it would be this hot.
730
00:49:07,427 --> 00:49:10,896
Your moist and meaty Earthian love has won me over.
731
00:49:10,896 --> 00:49:13,066
I no longer wish to serve Planet Plankton.
732
00:49:13,066 --> 00:49:14,467
I'm yours until I rot.
733
00:49:14,467 --> 00:49:17,503
You're one hot ticket yourself, babe.
734
00:49:17,503 --> 00:49:19,172
But I'm an Earthian.
735
00:49:19,172 --> 00:49:20,306
You're a zombie.
736
00:49:20,306 --> 00:49:23,976
We're like two barges that pass in the night.
737
00:49:23,976 --> 00:49:27,847
But Kent, when I am with you, I am no longer a zombie.
738
00:49:27,847 --> 00:49:29,282
You are my only love now.
739
00:49:29,282 --> 00:49:33,386
I will dare on danger, betray my entire race to feel
740
00:49:33,386 --> 00:49:35,088
Your greasy hair once again.
741
00:49:35,088 --> 00:49:38,058
To smell you [inaudible] drooling all over me.
742
00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:40,760
Gee, now that I'm being held prisoner here,
743
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,196
We may not be seeing that much of each other.
744
00:49:43,196 --> 00:49:44,997
I can help you escape, Major Kent Bendover.
745
00:49:44,997 --> 00:49:47,600
I know all the secret passageways.
746
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:49,335
But there is one thing.
747
00:49:49,335 --> 00:49:50,736
What's that, my darling?
748
00:49:50,736 --> 00:49:52,705
It would mean my death if they caught me.
749
00:49:52,705 --> 00:49:54,140
You must take me with you.
750
00:49:54,140 --> 00:49:55,541
I want to live with you on Earth.
751
00:49:55,541 --> 00:49:57,510
I want to be your Earthian wife.
752
00:49:57,510 --> 00:50:01,013
If I come with you, will you protect me?
753
00:50:01,013 --> 00:50:04,850
You've been taken in by all that zombie propaganda.
754
00:50:04,850 --> 00:50:07,720
We Earthians respect life in all forms,
755
00:50:07,720 --> 00:50:09,155
No matter how disgusting.
756
00:50:09,155 --> 00:50:11,091
Then this is how we will escape.
757
00:50:55,168 --> 00:50:56,035
We're saved!
758
00:51:00,173 --> 00:51:01,707
Thank god we found you, Major.
759
00:51:01,707 --> 00:51:03,643
The zombies are in the cities.
760
00:51:03,643 --> 00:51:04,877
Thanks, Charlie.
761
00:51:04,877 --> 00:51:06,446
Who's that?
762
00:51:06,446 --> 00:51:08,214
A new day dawns for us both.
763
00:51:08,214 --> 00:51:12,718
Do you think I'll make a good Earthian wife?
764
00:51:12,718 --> 00:51:13,653
OK, boys.
765
00:51:13,653 --> 00:51:14,454
Kill it.
766
00:51:22,428 --> 00:51:24,029
Pick up the pieces, boys.
767
00:51:24,029 --> 00:51:25,698
I brought this one back for dissection.
768
00:51:28,401 --> 00:51:30,102
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Earth Defense Headquarters,
769
00:51:30,102 --> 00:51:32,805
The last grim bastion of Earthians resistance
770
00:51:32,805 --> 00:51:34,574
To the zombie evil.
771
00:51:34,574 --> 00:51:36,542
A terrible secret is about to be revealed.
772
00:51:42,582 --> 00:51:46,786
Dr. Shiestkopf, is this zombie animal, vegetable, or mineral?
773
00:51:46,786 --> 00:51:51,056
Herr Overbend, you will please keep your voice down.
774
00:51:51,056 --> 00:51:53,226
This zombie is not dead.
775
00:51:53,226 --> 00:51:54,560
It is alive.
776
00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:58,598
It could wake at any moment and kill us all.
777
00:51:58,598 --> 00:52:02,134
Like anything evil, it is immortal.
778
00:52:02,134 --> 00:52:03,836
It cannot die.
779
00:52:03,836 --> 00:52:07,507
That's pretty darn hard to believe in my book, doctor.
780
00:52:07,507 --> 00:52:09,074
Immortal?
781
00:52:09,074 --> 00:52:11,143
You can't be serious, doctor.
782
00:52:11,143 --> 00:52:12,645
Are you telling us this thing is alive?
783
00:52:12,645 --> 00:52:15,815
Yes, yes, Herr General.
784
00:52:15,815 --> 00:52:17,650
It is alive.
785
00:52:17,650 --> 00:52:18,851
Balderdash.
786
00:52:18,851 --> 00:52:22,188
That sounds like a lot of sheep dip to me, Doctor.
787
00:52:22,188 --> 00:52:23,289
Bah!
788
00:52:23,289 --> 00:52:25,090
You are all a pack of cretins.
789
00:52:29,262 --> 00:52:34,867
I have demonstrated that there is life on other worlds,
790
00:52:34,867 --> 00:52:39,239
And it is evil life.
791
00:52:39,239 --> 00:52:42,675
Ever since my operation, messages
792
00:52:42,675 --> 00:52:46,312
Have been beamed into my head.
793
00:52:46,312 --> 00:52:49,515
From zombies... zombies from outer space.
794
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:54,587
They warned me of their coming.
795
00:52:54,587 --> 00:52:58,991
But now I have them where I want them!
796
00:52:58,991 --> 00:53:00,960
[Laughter]
797
00:53:22,282 --> 00:53:23,483
You see?
798
00:53:23,483 --> 00:53:25,518
Still alive!
799
00:53:25,518 --> 00:53:29,655
Even if you were to cut off its head and its arms
800
00:53:29,655 --> 00:53:35,428
And its legs and its... Dissolve its body into acid,
801
00:53:35,428 --> 00:53:41,534
And then flush the acid down the toilet,
802
00:53:41,534 --> 00:53:45,305
It would still be alive.
803
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:47,673
But Dr. Shiestkopf, you brain boys
804
00:53:47,673 --> 00:53:49,309
Have to come up with an answer.
805
00:53:49,309 --> 00:53:52,044
How are we going to fight something you can't kill?
806
00:53:52,044 --> 00:53:54,747
That is a good question, General.
807
00:53:54,747 --> 00:53:58,584
Perhaps there is no answer.
808
00:53:58,584 --> 00:54:01,721
I don't know what you ever saw in her anyway, Kent.
809
00:54:01,721 --> 00:54:06,692
KENT: Barbie, I had to.
810
00:54:06,692 --> 00:54:09,729
Gee, I wonder if they feel pain like we do.
811
00:54:09,729 --> 00:54:10,530
Bah!
812
00:54:13,533 --> 00:54:18,971
The zombies, I was right!
813
00:54:18,971 --> 00:54:21,841
The zombies are a bioconstructed organism.
814
00:54:21,841 --> 00:54:27,413
It is part living and part machine!
815
00:54:27,413 --> 00:54:28,363
But it is all evil.
816
00:54:32,852 --> 00:54:34,320
Nothing can stop them.
817
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,357
They're immortal.
818
00:54:37,357 --> 00:54:40,360
We are doomed.
819
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,728
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Meanwhile, a savage battle rages
820
00:54:42,728 --> 00:54:45,365
On the surface for control of the Earth.
821
00:55:00,212 --> 00:55:03,215
The zombies fight with unfair weapons of super science.
822
00:55:08,688 --> 00:55:12,091
Earthian weapons are like cheap fireworks compared to them.
823
00:55:34,146 --> 00:55:35,448
Nonsense, Doctor.
824
00:55:35,448 --> 00:55:38,350
Goodness must win over badness.
825
00:55:38,350 --> 00:55:42,822
Think of all the young children, the happy children, Doctor.
826
00:55:42,822 --> 00:55:47,727
Think of summer days and ice cream and circuses.
827
00:55:47,727 --> 00:55:50,329
These zombies, these awful zombies,
828
00:55:50,329 --> 00:55:51,864
Must not be allowed to win.
829
00:55:51,864 --> 00:55:54,734
There must be an answer.
830
00:55:54,734 --> 00:55:58,203
We will try, Herr Overbend.
831
00:55:58,203 --> 00:56:01,006
We will try.
832
00:56:01,006 --> 00:56:06,979
Doctor, think of soda pops and little girls wanting to drink...
833
00:56:08,013 --> 00:56:09,314
I can't take it!
834
00:56:09,314 --> 00:56:10,282
I give up!
835
00:56:10,282 --> 00:56:11,216
I don't want to die.
836
00:56:11,216 --> 00:56:13,018
I surrender!
837
00:56:13,018 --> 00:56:14,920
Please, please, save me!
838
00:56:14,920 --> 00:56:16,756
I don't want to die!
839
00:56:16,756 --> 00:56:19,224
He has lost his nerve.
840
00:56:19,224 --> 00:56:20,225
Take him away!
841
00:56:20,225 --> 00:56:21,193
Take him away!
842
00:56:52,324 --> 00:56:53,025
Please.
843
00:56:53,025 --> 00:56:53,826
Please, doctor.
844
00:56:53,826 --> 00:56:55,127
You must find an answer.
845
00:56:55,127 --> 00:56:59,532
I mean, think of waffles and shoelaces and [inaudible].
846
00:56:59,532 --> 00:57:04,236
Ah, shut up, shut up, you miserable pinhead.
847
00:57:04,236 --> 00:57:06,739
I have found it.
848
00:57:06,739 --> 00:57:10,209
Solarnite, that is the answer.
849
00:57:10,209 --> 00:57:12,411
Solarnite, you don't mean...
850
00:57:12,411 --> 00:57:13,779
Yes, Herr General.
851
00:57:13,779 --> 00:57:18,217
Solarnite, the only weapon with particles so small that they
852
00:57:18,217 --> 00:57:21,554
Can explode the very rays of the sun itself... the rays
853
00:57:21,554 --> 00:57:26,559
Will get into the zombies and explode them into gooey mush.
854
00:57:26,559 --> 00:57:29,294
But doctor, how could something so small as a particle
855
00:57:29,294 --> 00:57:32,431
Of sunlight be so powerful?
856
00:57:32,431 --> 00:57:39,071
Ah, meine liebchen, the smaller something is, the more powerful
857
00:57:39,071 --> 00:57:42,007
The explosion that it will make.
858
00:57:42,007 --> 00:57:46,378
You see, solarnite is the ultimate weapon.
859
00:57:46,378 --> 00:57:49,414
Mr. President, we have the answer.
860
00:57:49,414 --> 00:57:50,716
Deploy solarnite.
861
00:58:01,894 --> 00:58:04,363
What about Barbie Que and Doctor Shiestkopf?
862
00:58:04,363 --> 00:58:05,565
I don't care about them.
863
00:58:05,565 --> 00:58:06,666
I want to live.
864
00:58:06,666 --> 00:58:07,633
Let them fry.
865
00:58:14,774 --> 00:58:15,507
Get going, soldier.
866
00:58:35,595 --> 00:58:39,131
Put me in touch with solarnite command.
867
00:58:39,131 --> 00:58:41,400
Staff car X1 to solarnite command.
868
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,003
Staff car X1 to solarnite command.
869
00:58:44,003 --> 00:58:45,638
Staff car X1 to solarnite command.
870
00:58:45,638 --> 00:58:48,140
Staff car X1 to solarnite command.
871
00:58:48,140 --> 00:58:50,109
MAN (ON RADIO): Solarnite command to all units.
872
00:58:50,109 --> 00:58:52,044
All communications are down.
873
00:58:52,044 --> 00:58:54,346
This is solarnite command.
874
00:58:54,346 --> 00:58:55,347
Sorry, sir.
875
00:58:55,347 --> 00:58:57,182
Can't get hold of solarnite command.
876
00:58:57,182 --> 00:58:58,684
Too much electromagnetic interference
877
00:58:58,684 --> 00:59:00,986
From the zombie rays.
878
00:59:00,986 --> 00:59:02,321
Blue hellfire.
879
00:59:02,321 --> 00:59:04,189
All our solarnite cannons are deployed.
880
00:59:04,189 --> 00:59:05,390
They're only waiting for the order
881
00:59:05,390 --> 00:59:06,759
To begin the light ray chain reaction.
882
00:59:06,759 --> 00:59:08,260
But we can't get hold of solarnite command
883
00:59:08,260 --> 00:59:09,795
To give that order.
884
00:59:09,795 --> 00:59:11,563
Do you know what that means, Major?
885
00:59:11,563 --> 00:59:13,532
That we're going to give up, sir?
886
00:59:13,532 --> 00:59:14,333
Never, Major.
887
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:15,467
Never.
888
00:59:15,467 --> 00:59:16,636
Our only chance is to reach the communication
889
00:59:16,636 --> 00:59:18,203
Center on Communication Center Mountain.
890
00:59:18,203 --> 00:59:20,973
There we can contact all the solarnite units ourselves.
891
00:59:20,973 --> 00:59:22,574
It's the only chance we have to destroy
892
00:59:22,574 --> 00:59:24,343
The zombies once and for all.
893
00:59:24,343 --> 00:59:26,511
But General, Communication Center Mountain
894
00:59:26,511 --> 00:59:29,514
Lies in the heart of zombie infested territory.
895
00:59:29,514 --> 00:59:32,551
We'll be blasted as soon as we show up on their scanners.
896
00:59:32,551 --> 00:59:33,986
We'll all die.
897
00:59:33,986 --> 00:59:35,821
I'm too pretty to die, General.
898
00:59:35,821 --> 00:59:39,191
Please, please, please, can't we send someone else, General?
899
00:59:39,191 --> 00:59:40,860
Please.
900
00:59:40,860 --> 00:59:42,227
The ghosts of our sacred ancestors
901
00:59:42,227 --> 00:59:44,529
Will never forgive us, Major, if we do not offer our lives
902
00:59:44,529 --> 00:59:46,431
As the supreme sacrifice.
903
00:59:46,431 --> 00:59:48,768
Zombie annihilation is not to be feared.
904
00:59:48,768 --> 00:59:50,970
Even the most painful, disgusting death at the hands
905
00:59:50,970 --> 00:59:53,305
Of perverted aliens is to be endured for the cause
906
00:59:53,305 --> 00:59:55,607
Of victory, even welcomed.
907
00:59:55,607 --> 00:59:57,777
Onwards to the communication center, driver.
908
00:59:57,777 --> 01:00:00,780
Even if we fail, our blood will water the tree
909
01:00:00,780 --> 01:00:03,415
Of ultimate victory and nourish the generations of vengeance
910
01:00:03,415 --> 01:00:04,984
To come.
911
01:00:04,984 --> 01:00:07,552
Onwards, soldier.
912
01:00:07,552 --> 01:00:08,921
[Groaning]
913
01:00:09,955 --> 01:00:11,290
I want to go home.
914
01:00:28,573 --> 01:00:29,975
[Screaming]
915
01:00:31,143 --> 01:00:32,945
It's coming around for another pass, sir.
916
01:00:37,482 --> 01:00:38,884
Me, oh my!
917
01:00:55,801 --> 01:00:57,169
Good shooting, sir.
918
01:00:57,169 --> 01:00:58,904
It was nothing, Major.
919
01:00:58,904 --> 01:01:00,672
It's just my inner, spiritual strength,
920
01:01:00,672 --> 01:01:02,708
My will is stronger than that of the zombies.
921
01:01:13,986 --> 01:01:16,521
Looks like we've got company, sir.
922
01:01:16,521 --> 01:01:17,890
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Oh, no.
923
01:01:17,890 --> 01:01:19,058
Look out.
924
01:01:19,058 --> 01:01:21,660
It's the deadly zombie death taser.
925
01:01:44,716 --> 01:01:46,251
Faster!
926
01:01:46,251 --> 01:01:47,052
Faster!
927
01:01:54,459 --> 01:01:56,061
Faster!
928
01:01:56,061 --> 01:01:56,862
Faster!
929
01:02:29,128 --> 01:02:31,263
[Steam escaping]
930
01:02:58,790 --> 01:03:02,194
Pedestrian in the road, sir.
931
01:03:02,194 --> 01:03:03,195
Go faster.
932
01:03:03,195 --> 01:03:04,196
Run him over.
933
01:03:04,196 --> 01:03:05,164
Run him over.
934
01:03:05,164 --> 01:03:07,666
It's him or us.
935
01:03:07,666 --> 01:03:08,667
Do it!
936
01:03:08,667 --> 01:03:09,668
Do it!
937
01:03:09,668 --> 01:03:10,388
Do it!
938
01:03:12,771 --> 01:03:14,673
I don't care if he's handicapped.
939
01:03:14,673 --> 01:03:16,641
If he didn't want to get run over,
940
01:03:16,641 --> 01:03:20,645
He shouldn't have gotten crippled.
941
01:03:20,645 --> 01:03:22,347
I'm afraid they're gaining on us.
942
01:03:22,347 --> 01:03:24,316
Our last effort has failed.
943
01:03:24,316 --> 01:03:27,519
But at least we shall perish as glorious heroes,
944
01:03:27,519 --> 01:03:30,089
Not as snivelling cowards.
945
01:03:30,089 --> 01:03:32,224
Major Bendover, get rid of that banana.
946
01:03:32,224 --> 01:03:33,592
Don't you care what you'll look like when
947
01:03:33,592 --> 01:03:36,195
They find your charred corpse?
948
01:03:36,195 --> 01:03:37,963
Major, that's an order.
949
01:03:37,963 --> 01:03:38,931
All right.
950
01:04:05,624 --> 01:04:07,192
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Peaceful, happy mimes,
951
01:04:07,192 --> 01:04:10,429
Struggling for peace in a world torn by war.
952
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,768
Mimes in the road, sir.
953
01:04:49,768 --> 01:04:51,870
Looks like they're beautifully acting out a vision of a world
954
01:04:51,870 --> 01:04:55,240
Of cooperation and happiness.
955
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:57,742
Mimes, disgusting creatures.
956
01:04:57,742 --> 01:04:59,311
Run them over forthwith, driver.
957
01:04:59,311 --> 01:05:00,112
Yes, sir.
958
01:05:07,819 --> 01:05:10,822
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): So perish all such filthy traitors
959
01:05:10,822 --> 01:05:12,657
For man's ultimate destiny.
960
01:05:33,645 --> 01:05:34,879
Communication center up ahead, sir.
961
01:05:55,767 --> 01:05:58,670
This is General Simplex to all solarnite units.
962
01:05:58,670 --> 01:06:03,242
Commence exploding light rays now.
963
01:06:03,242 --> 01:06:05,610
Those zombies will be laughing up the other side
964
01:06:05,610 --> 01:06:06,945
Of their sleeves now, General.
965
01:06:06,945 --> 01:06:09,948
I just hope we're in time, Major.
966
01:06:09,948 --> 01:06:12,817
Attention, we bring you a special report
967
01:06:12,817 --> 01:06:15,387
From the studios of KILL-TV.
968
01:06:15,387 --> 01:06:18,590
Nuclear bombs have failed, I repeat, have
969
01:06:18,590 --> 01:06:21,426
Failed to destroy the zombies.
970
01:06:21,426 --> 01:06:23,695
The Pentagon has decided to use America's
971
01:06:23,695 --> 01:06:26,865
Most secret weapon, solarnite.
972
01:06:26,865 --> 01:06:29,068
This weapon, developed for many years,
973
01:06:29,068 --> 01:06:33,072
Actually explodes the rays of the sun itself.
974
01:06:33,072 --> 01:06:34,606
Cities are quarantined.
975
01:06:34,606 --> 01:06:36,908
Anyone attempting to leave the target area
976
01:06:36,908 --> 01:06:40,512
Will be fired upon by the Army and National Guard units.
977
01:06:40,512 --> 01:06:44,549
Zombie contaminated bodies will be incinerated.
978
01:06:44,549 --> 01:06:48,153
Yes, it may be necessary to destroy America's cities
979
01:06:48,153 --> 01:06:50,089
In order to save them.
980
01:06:50,089 --> 01:06:55,327
The solarnite attack will commence in exactly 10 seconds.
981
01:06:55,327 --> 01:06:57,696
Cover yourselves with wet newspapers,
982
01:06:57,696 --> 01:07:00,965
We repeat, wet newspapers when the light rays begin
983
01:07:00,965 --> 01:07:02,701
To explode.
984
01:07:02,701 --> 01:07:07,206
Fellow Americans, we must use this terrible solarnite weapon
985
01:07:07,206 --> 01:07:11,176
In order to destroy the zombies, and as a cheap reference
986
01:07:11,176 --> 01:07:13,178
To an earlier film.
987
01:07:13,178 --> 01:07:15,814
God bless us all, and good luck.
988
01:07:22,787 --> 01:07:26,125
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Solarnite, solarnite, solarnite!
989
01:07:26,125 --> 01:07:28,093
Take that, pesky zombies.
990
01:07:28,093 --> 01:07:31,863
Your screams of agony can only be the sweetest of music
991
01:07:31,863 --> 01:07:33,665
To any unperverted Earthian.
992
01:07:33,665 --> 01:07:35,500
Die, die!
993
01:07:35,500 --> 01:07:36,868
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
994
01:07:36,868 --> 01:07:38,503
Look at them burn!
995
01:07:38,503 --> 01:07:40,004
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
996
01:08:19,544 --> 01:08:23,315
So, man's last ditch effort prevailed.
997
01:08:23,315 --> 01:08:25,717
With any luck, by this time tomorrow, the zombies
998
01:08:25,717 --> 01:08:27,452
Will be vanished from the Earth forever.
999
01:08:27,452 --> 01:08:29,053
They'll be yesterday's news.
1000
01:08:29,053 --> 01:08:34,293
You know, Major, a girl could really fall for a guy like you.
1001
01:08:34,293 --> 01:08:35,594
Not really sure which girl.
1002
01:08:42,734 --> 01:08:44,436
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Happy Earth?
1003
01:08:44,436 --> 01:08:45,370
Hardly.
1004
01:08:45,370 --> 01:08:48,373
For on the doomed Planet Plankton,
1005
01:08:48,373 --> 01:08:51,009
The head zombie will come to a terrible decision.
1006
01:09:04,723 --> 01:09:07,492
My Earth zombies have failed.
1007
01:09:07,492 --> 01:09:11,296
Human elements still roam the planet Earth.
1008
01:09:11,296 --> 01:09:13,832
Our planet is doomed.
1009
01:09:13,832 --> 01:09:18,770
But if we must die, we will not die alone.
1010
01:09:18,770 --> 01:09:22,607
The Earthians shall not survive to laugh at us.
1011
01:09:22,607 --> 01:09:26,245
I shall release cosmic Q-rays.
1012
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:28,179
Ha, ha, ha.
1013
01:09:28,179 --> 01:09:30,982
They will smash your cheap little world.
1014
01:09:30,982 --> 01:09:34,319
Calculate your chances now, Earthlings.
1015
01:09:34,319 --> 01:09:38,590
Negative, negative, negative.
1016
01:09:38,590 --> 01:09:41,226
Goodbye, stupid Earthians.
1017
01:09:41,226 --> 01:09:42,026
Ha.
1018
01:09:42,026 --> 01:09:42,827
Ha.
1019
01:09:42,827 --> 01:09:44,128
Ha. Ha.
1020
01:09:44,128 --> 01:09:44,929
Ha.
1021
01:09:44,929 --> 01:09:46,030
Ha.
1022
01:09:46,030 --> 01:09:47,332
Ha. Ha.
1023
01:09:47,332 --> 01:09:48,433
Ha. Ha.
1024
01:09:48,433 --> 01:09:49,734
Ha. Ha.
1025
01:09:49,734 --> 01:09:51,002
CRISKO (VOICEOVER): Look out, Earth.
1026
01:09:51,002 --> 01:09:51,842
Oh, no!
1027
01:09:53,472 --> 01:09:55,374
HEAD ZOMBIE: Rest in pieces.
1028
01:09:55,374 --> 01:09:56,174
Ha.
1029
01:09:56,174 --> 01:09:56,975
Ha.
1030
01:09:56,975 --> 01:09:57,809
Ha.
1031
01:09:57,809 --> 01:09:58,610
Ha.
1032
01:09:58,610 --> 01:09:59,578
Ha.
1033
01:09:59,578 --> 01:10:00,328
Ha.
1034
01:10:02,113 --> 01:10:05,284
I am Crisko.
1035
01:10:05,284 --> 01:10:10,289
You have seen the terrible story of zombies from outer space
1036
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:11,990
With your own eyes.
1037
01:10:11,990 --> 01:10:15,894
You have seen that each of us are helpless.
1038
01:10:15,894 --> 01:10:19,030
The scientists and his gadgets, the housewife
1039
01:10:19,030 --> 01:10:22,301
And her appliances, even innocent children
1040
01:10:22,301 --> 01:10:25,437
With their toys... all are impotent in the face
1041
01:10:25,437 --> 01:10:27,706
Of zombie terror.
1042
01:10:27,706 --> 01:10:32,243
Do you believe that zombies have invaded our planet?
1043
01:10:32,243 --> 01:10:34,813
Do you believe that our Earth has
1044
01:10:34,813 --> 01:10:37,416
Been blown up and destroyed?
1045
01:10:37,416 --> 01:10:39,751
Can you prove it never happened?
1046
01:10:43,788 --> 01:10:47,926
[MUSIC "ZOMBIES FROM OUTER SPACE"]
75752
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