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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,347 Mother, shittin'... 2 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:30,404 Son of a... 3 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,882 Ass! 4 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:33,883 I just... 5 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:41,250 I was told... 6 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,488 Have you seen... I was told that if... 7 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,259 I was late again I'd be summarily dismissed. 8 00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,322 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 9 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,958 Just a moment. 10 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:59,237 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 11 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,739 Just a moment. 12 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,299 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 13 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,208 Just a moment. 14 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,138 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 15 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:12,081 Just a moment. 16 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:15,612 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 17 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,192 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 18 00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,657 We have sort of a problem here. 19 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,825 Yeah. You apparently didn't put 20 00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,926 one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. Reports. 21 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:35,202 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I forgot. 22 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,242 Yeah. 23 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,106 You see, we're putting cover sheets 24 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:41,146 on all T.P.S. Reports now before they go out. 25 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,614 Did you see the memo about this? 26 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:47,084 Yeah. I have the memo right here. 27 00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:48,745 I just forgot... 28 00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:53,258 but, it's not shipping out till tomorrow so there's no problem. 29 00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,190 Yeah. 30 00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:58,924 If you could make sure you do that from now on, that'd be great. 31 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:03,468 And I'll make sure you get another copy of that memo, okay? 32 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:06,369 No. I have the memo. It's right... 33 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,272 Hello, Phil. What's happening? 34 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:12,910 I came by here yesterday... 35 00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,644 Four teams out on Spanish Point 36 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,707 discovered a shipwreck off the coast... 37 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:19,942 Milton? 38 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,378 Hi. 39 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,880 Could you turn that down a bit? 40 00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:26,186 But I was told that I could listen... 41 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,819 to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00... 42 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,693 Yeah. I know you're allowed to. 43 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:35,033 I was just thinking maybe like a personal favor. 44 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:38,901 Well, I told Bill if Sandra's going to... 45 00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:42,202 listen to her headphones while she's filing... 46 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:45,267 then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating... 47 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,905 so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio. 48 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:48,503 All right. 49 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,981 I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume... 50 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:51,948 Thanks. 51 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,383 From 9:00 to 11:00... 52 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,846 Hi, Peter. 53 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,750 What's happening? 54 00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:59,417 We need to talk about your T.P.S. Reports. 55 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,926 Yeah. The cover sheet. I know. 56 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,052 Bill talked to me about it. 57 00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:05,563 Yeah. Did you get that memo? 58 00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:08,293 Yeah, I got the memo, and I understand the policy... 59 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:11,268 and the problem is just that I forgot for one time... 60 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,827 and I've already taken care of it 61 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,635 so it's not even really a problem anymore. 62 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,198 Yeah. 63 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:21,542 We're putting new cover sheets on all the T.P.S. Reports now... 64 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:25,482 so if you could try to remember to do that from now on, 65 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:26,643 that'd be great. 66 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:27,913 All right! 67 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,219 Just a moment. 68 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:38,319 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 69 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,558 Peter Gibbons. 70 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:41,631 Yes. 71 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,398 I have the memo. 72 00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,242 No. Not again. L... 73 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:53,039 Why does it say paper jam when there is none? 74 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,875 I swear to God, one of these days 75 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:57,745 I just kick this piece of shit out the window. 76 00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,614 You and me both, man. 77 00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,381 That thing's lucky I'm not armed. 78 00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:04,182 Piece of shit. 79 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,350 "Samir... 80 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,721 "Na-Na... 81 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,858 "Na-Naga..." 82 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,630 No. Thanks. 83 00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:14,063 Please. 84 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:17,261 "Michael Bolton"? 85 00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,564 That's me. 86 00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:20,697 Wow! Is that your real name? 87 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:21,797 Yeah. 88 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:25,042 So are you related to that singer? 89 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,739 No. It's just a coincidence. 90 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,517 No one in this country can pronounce my name right. 91 00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:37,420 It's not that hard. "Na-ee" and "anajaad." Nayanajaad. 92 00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:40,323 At least your name isn't Michael Bolton. 93 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,327 You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. 94 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,386 There was nothing wrong with it... 95 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,829 until I was 12... 96 00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:51,097 and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys. 97 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:54,936 Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael? 98 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,100 No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. 99 00:07:57,743 --> 00:07:58,937 Hey, guys. 100 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:00,103 What's up, G? 101 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,738 Want to go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee? 102 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:03,873 It's early. 103 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,942 I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it. 104 00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:10,182 Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays. 105 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,387 Boy, I tell ya, some days. 106 00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,495 One of these days, it's gonna be like... 107 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:26,534 Can I get you something more to drink or maybe something to nibble on? 108 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:30,007 Pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme fajitas? 109 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,634 - Just coffee. - Okay! 110 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:34,145 Sounds like a case of the Mondays. 111 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,919 What if we're... still doing this when we're 50? 112 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,388 It'd be nice to have that kind of job security. 113 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:48,723 Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I can tell already. 114 00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:52,491 I'm gonna end up doing it, because I'm a big pussy... 115 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,533 which is why I work at Initech to begin with. 116 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:59,093 I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a pussy, okay? 117 00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:01,002 Yes. I am also not a pussy. 118 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,540 In fact, they're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy... 119 00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,201 if they don't start treating their software people better. 120 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,436 That's right. 121 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,245 They don't understand. 122 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,782 I could program a virus that'd rip that place off big time. 123 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:11,874 Yeah. 124 00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:13,784 Big time. 125 00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,046 There she is. 126 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:21,760 You always talk about this girl. 127 00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:24,590 You're so obsessed with her, why don't you ask her out? 128 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:28,031 I can't do that. I'd be another asshole customer. 129 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:31,001 You can't just walk up to a waitress and ask her out. 130 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,698 Besides, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne. 131 00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,833 That reminds me. I can't play poker on Friday. 132 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,069 Why not? 133 00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:42,046 I'm going to see this occupational hypnotherapist with Anne. 134 00:09:42,114 --> 00:09:44,878 Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist? 135 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:46,885 I know. Anne wants me to go. 136 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,114 She thinks it might help. 137 00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:53,423 You know, sometimes I think that... 138 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,552 I get thinking that she's cheating on me. 139 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,961 - I know what you mean. - Yeah. 140 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,857 What is that supposed to mean? 141 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,027 Nothing. 142 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,636 Why don't you tell Anne you're not into hypnosis... 143 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,072 and want to play poker with us? 144 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,335 She'll get pissed off. 145 00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:14,402 Besides, I think the guy might actually be able to help. 146 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,880 He did help Anne lose weight. 147 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:18,676 Peter, she's anorexic. 148 00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,241 Yeah, I know. 149 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,310 The guy's really good. 150 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:25,519 Well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist... 151 00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,923 will help you solve any of your problems. 152 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,427 And speaking of problems... 153 00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:32,896 what's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. Reports? 154 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,467 Didn't you get that memo? 155 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,602 Hey, guys! Peter! 156 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,161 Is that Smykowski? 157 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,373 - Samir! - What's he doing? 158 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,238 Probably working on another heart attack. 159 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,301 I've been looking all over for you guys! 160 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,779 Have you seen this? I knew it. 161 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,372 It's a staff meeting. So what? 162 00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:53,247 So what? We're all screwed. That's what. 163 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:54,876 They're gonna downsize Initech. 164 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,047 What are you talking about? How do you know that? 165 00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,286 They're bringing in a consultant. That's how I know. 166 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:02,350 That's what this staff meeting is all about. 167 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,362 It happened at Initrode last year. 168 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,159 You have to interview with this consultant. 169 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,790 They call them efficiency experts 170 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:10,700 but you're really interviewing for your own job. 171 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,170 Every week you think you'll lose your job and you're still here. 172 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,764 Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. 173 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,968 Just to think of going to the state unemployment office 174 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,944 and stand in line with those scumbags! 175 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,479 Shit. 176 00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:27,013 Did you know there are people in this world that don't have to tolerate this shit? 177 00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:29,520 Like that inventor of the pet rock. 178 00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:32,689 You see, that's what you have to do. 179 00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,253 You have to use your mind... 180 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,693 and come up with a great idea like that. 181 00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,890 You can make millions, never have to work again. 182 00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:42,365 You think the pet rock was a great idea? 183 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,902 Sure it was. 184 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,563 The guy made a million dollars. 185 00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:51,609 I had an idea like that once... 186 00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,110 a long time ago. 187 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,805 Really? What was it? 188 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,250 Well, all right. 189 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:02,310 It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. 190 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,257 You see, it would be this mat... 191 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,452 that you would put on the floor... 192 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:13,191 and it would have different conclusions written on it... 193 00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:15,199 that you could jump to. 194 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,905 That's the worst idea I've ever heard. 195 00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:26,308 Yes, it's horrible, this idea. 196 00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,678 Look, I gotta get out of here. 197 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,709 I'll see you guys later, if I still have a job. 198 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:42,927 Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what we'd do with $1 million. 199 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:46,328 Whatever you said was supposed to be your career. 200 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:49,731 If you wanted to fix old cars then you should be an auto mechanic. 201 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:50,894 What did you say? 202 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:53,530 I never had an answer. 203 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,574 I guess that's why I'm working at Initech. 204 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:59,077 No, you work here 'cause that's a bullshit question. 205 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:00,976 If everyone listened to her there'd be no janitors 206 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:03,241 because no millionaire would clean up shit. 207 00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:06,045 You know what I would do if I had $1 million? 208 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,212 I'd invest half in low-risk mutual funds 209 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:13,384 then take the other half to my friend who works in securities... 210 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,051 You're missing the point. 211 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:19,621 It's designed to help you figure out what you would want to do if... 212 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,863 "PC load letter"? What the fuck does that mean? 213 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,749 Hey, Peter, man! Check out Channel 9! 214 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,260 Check out this chick! 215 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:53,890 Damn it! Can't you pretend we can't hear each other through the wall? 216 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:56,161 Sorry! Anne over there? 217 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,395 No, but... 218 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,967 If you want to talk to me, just come over. 219 00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:07,336 Hey, man, check this out, dude. 220 00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,239 The key is early detection. 221 00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:14,248 Tumors detected early... 222 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,446 Jeez, Lawrence. 223 00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:18,248 Sorry, I thought you'd want to see it. 224 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:21,293 - Doesn't she look like Anne? - Yeah. 225 00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:22,724 A little bit. 226 00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:26,091 She hasn't been here in a while. You still dating? 227 00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,757 Yeah. 228 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,300 I guess. I don't know. 229 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,700 Sometimes I think she's cheating on me. 230 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,931 Yeah. I get that feeling, too. 231 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:36,933 What do you mean by that? 232 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,903 I don't know, man. 233 00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,635 I get that feeling lookin' at her... 234 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,172 like she's the type of chick that'd just... 235 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,249 I'm sorry, man. Look, I... 236 00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:53,382 I'm talking out of my ass. 237 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,427 Forget it. It's all right. 238 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:56,959 I had a rough day. 239 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,393 Tell me about it. 240 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,625 I gotta wake my ass up 241 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,727 at 6 a.m. Every day this week. 242 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:07,938 Drag up to Las Golindas. 243 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:11,201 I'm doing the drywall at the new McDonald's. 244 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:13,268 Let me ask you something. 245 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,405 When you come in on Monday, feeling down, does anyone say 246 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:21,214 "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"? 247 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,284 No. 248 00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:25,550 No, man. 249 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:27,691 Shit, no, man. 250 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,218 You'd get your ass kicked, saying that. 251 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,156 We going fishing this weekend? 252 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:37,225 No, Lumbergh is gonna make me work. I know it. 253 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:40,602 - You can get out of that easily. - Yeah? How? 254 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:44,264 When a boss wants you to work on Saturday... 255 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,540 he generally asks at the end of the day, right? 256 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,477 Yeah. 257 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:51,243 All you gotta do is avoid him... That's all right, I got it. 258 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,878 On the last few hours on Friday, duck out early... 259 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,754 turn off your answering machine, you're home free. 260 00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:02,288 That's a really good idea. 261 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,324 Fuckin' "A," man. 262 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:09,933 Lawrence, what would you do if you had $1 million? 263 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:11,902 I'll tell you what I'd do. 264 00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,266 Two chicks at the same time, man. 265 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,170 That's it? 266 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,578 If you had $1 million, you'd do two chicks at the same time? 267 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,676 Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that. 268 00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:32,281 If I were rich, I could hook that up 'cause chicks dig dudes with money. 269 00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,586 Not all chicks. 270 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,355 The type of chicks that would do that do. 271 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,554 Good point. 272 00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:39,661 What would you do? 273 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,027 Besides two chicks? 274 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,293 Well, yeah. 275 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:43,959 Nothing. 276 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,031 Nothing, huh? 277 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,297 I would relax. 278 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,535 I would sit on my ass all day. 279 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,803 I would do nothing. 280 00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:56,638 You don't need $1 million to do that. 281 00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,239 Look at my cousin. 282 00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:00,410 He's broke, don't do shit. 283 00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:06,015 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 284 00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,422 Just a moment. 285 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:10,018 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 286 00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,858 Just a moment. 287 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:14,421 Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking. 288 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,092 Just a moment. 289 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:21,637 You should ask yourself with every decision you make 290 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:25,141 "Is this good for the company?" "Am I helping..." 291 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,700 Is that the guy? 292 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,940 Yeah. We're screwed. 293 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,106 Okay, then... 294 00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:35,146 I'd like to go ahead and welcome 295 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,518 a new member to our team here. 296 00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,989 This is... 297 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,549 Bob Slydell. 298 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,290 Yeah. 299 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,592 Bob is a consultant. 300 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,760 Yeah. He's gonna be sort of... 301 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:55,534 helping us out a little here... 302 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,474 asking questions, seeing if there are ways... 303 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:02,742 we can make things run a little more smoothly around here. 304 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,015 Yeah. 305 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,175 And remember, next Friday... 306 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:10,084 is Hawaiian shirt day. 307 00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,558 So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and... 308 00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:17,959 wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. 309 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:21,258 I said I don't care if they lay me off. 310 00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:25,167 Because I told Bill if they move my desk one more time 311 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,899 then I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. 312 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,440 And I told Dom, too 313 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:33,069 because they've moved my desk four times already this year 314 00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,976 and I used to be by the window 315 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:38,608 and I could see the squirrels, and they were married. 316 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:42,279 Then they switched from the Swingline, to the Boston stapler... 317 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:45,152 but I kept my Swingline because it works better 318 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:47,715 and I kept the staples for the Swingline. 319 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:48,793 Okay, Milton. 320 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,091 No, it's not okay, because if they make me, 321 00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:54,564 if they take my stapler, then I'll... 322 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,897 I'll set the building on fire. 323 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,233 Okay, well, that sounds great. 324 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,268 I'll talk to you later. Bye. 325 00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:19,412 Goodbye. 326 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,279 Come on. 327 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,412 Oh, for cryin'... 328 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,768 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 329 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,411 I'm gonna need you 330 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,278 to go ahead and come in tomorrow 331 00:20:18,350 --> 00:20:24,084 so if you could be here around 9:00, that would be great. 332 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,856 Okay? 333 00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:30,319 Oh, and I almost forgot. 334 00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,760 I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in 335 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,392 on Sunday, too, okay? 336 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,100 We... 337 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,967 lost some people this week... 338 00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,097 and... 339 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,404 we need to sort of play catch-up. 340 00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:45,500 Thanks. 341 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:52,642 So I was sitting in my cubicle today and I realized, 342 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,219 ever since I started working... 343 00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:59,480 every single day of my life has been worse than... 344 00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,423 the day before it. 345 00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:06,162 So that means that every single day that you see me... 346 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,897 that's on the worst day of my life. 347 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,731 What about today? Is today the worst day of your life? 348 00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:14,431 - Yeah. - Wow, that's messed up. 349 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,807 I'm sorry. 350 00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,138 Go on. 351 00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:24,046 Is there any way that you could sort of 352 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,880 just zonk me out so that I don't know 353 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,113 that I'm at work... in here? 354 00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:34,418 Could I come home and think that I've been fishing all day or something? 355 00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:38,190 That's really not what I do, Peter. 356 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,094 However... 357 00:21:40,499 --> 00:21:43,662 the good news is, I think I can help you. 358 00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:47,267 I want you to do something for me, Peter. 359 00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:50,631 I want you to try and relax. 360 00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:56,604 I want you to relax every muscle in your body 361 00:21:56,682 --> 00:22:01,415 beginning with your toes to your fingertips. 362 00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:06,452 Now I want you to relax your legs. 363 00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:11,155 You're beginning to feel your eyelids getting heavy 364 00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:13,629 as you slip deeper and deeper 365 00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:16,634 into a state of complete relaxation. 366 00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:20,866 All your cares and concerns are disappearing. 367 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:22,939 Deeper and deeper. 368 00:22:23,041 --> 00:22:24,474 Way down. 369 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:27,410 Your concern about your job... 370 00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:29,741 melts away... 371 00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:31,738 way... 372 00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:33,680 way down. 373 00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,814 Now, when I count backwards from three... 374 00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:42,655 you'll be in a state of complete relaxation. 375 00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:46,425 Your worries, cares, and inhibitions will be gone... 376 00:22:46,498 --> 00:22:49,467 and you will remain in that state... 377 00:22:49,768 --> 00:22:51,895 until I snap my fingers. 378 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:53,428 Three. 379 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,237 Deeper and deeper. 380 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:56,968 Way... 381 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,506 way down. 382 00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:00,502 Two. 383 00:23:00,645 --> 00:23:02,613 Deeper and deeper... 384 00:23:04,249 --> 00:23:05,580 Way down... 385 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:11,215 One. 386 00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:15,654 Oh, my God! Dr. Swanson! 387 00:23:17,162 --> 00:23:19,221 - Is he breathing? - Call 911! 388 00:23:19,297 --> 00:23:23,131 Oh! Where's the phone? Where's the goddamn phone?! 389 00:23:57,636 --> 00:24:00,332 Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh. 390 00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:01,531 It's about... 391 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,369 10 o'clock. 392 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:04,875 Yeah. Just... 393 00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,407 wondering where you are. 394 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:12,110 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. 395 00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,710 I just wanted to make sure you knew 396 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:19,780 that we did start at the usual time this morning. 397 00:24:19,858 --> 00:24:23,055 Yeah. It isn't a half day or anything like that... 398 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,119 so if you could just go ahead 399 00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:27,461 and get here as soon as possible... 400 00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:29,796 that would be terrific. 401 00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:50,882 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum... 402 00:24:51,289 --> 00:24:54,224 Yeah. It's... Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumber... 403 00:24:54,292 --> 00:24:56,089 Yeah. It's me again. 404 00:24:56,695 --> 00:24:59,027 I was away from my desk for a minute. 405 00:24:59,097 --> 00:25:02,225 Just checking in case you called while I was gone. 406 00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:04,527 Hello? 407 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,298 Peter, what's going on? 408 00:25:06,705 --> 00:25:07,535 Huh? 409 00:25:07,606 --> 00:25:10,666 It's 3:30 p.m. Why aren't you at work? 410 00:25:11,443 --> 00:25:13,035 Because I... 411 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,874 I didn't feel like it. 412 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:16,708 Peter, what's gotten into you? 413 00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:19,272 First, you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies, 414 00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:22,184 then you walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. 415 00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:23,482 And don't blame this on hypnosis. 416 00:25:23,555 --> 00:25:25,045 That's total bull... 417 00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:33,522 Listen, asshole. Nobody hangs up on me. 418 00:25:33,598 --> 00:25:35,065 We're through. 419 00:25:35,133 --> 00:25:37,067 Oh, and one more thing... 420 00:25:37,135 --> 00:25:39,296 I've been cheating on you! 421 00:25:44,409 --> 00:25:47,173 So, from now on, only use the new time sheets... 422 00:25:47,245 --> 00:25:51,739 if you've worked on two or more job codes in one day 423 00:25:51,816 --> 00:25:54,808 and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. 424 00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:56,444 Otherwise, use the old... 425 00:25:56,521 --> 00:25:59,649 Where's Peter? I heard he didn't show up this weekend. 426 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:00,748 I don't know. 427 00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:02,417 ...that could really help us out. 428 00:26:02,494 --> 00:26:03,518 Who's that guy? 429 00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:07,192 So, any questions? 430 00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:22,412 Hi. I'm Peter. 431 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:23,572 Hi. Can I help you? 432 00:26:23,648 --> 00:26:25,548 What are you doin' for lunch today? 433 00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:28,780 Well, our specials today are blackened chicken. 434 00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:32,345 It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me. 435 00:26:33,892 --> 00:26:35,223 Hey, look who's back! 436 00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:37,022 Table for three to... 437 00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:41,792 I was asking what you were doing for lunch. 438 00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:44,460 Would you like to have lunch with me? 439 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:46,298 Are you serious? 440 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:47,527 Yeah. 441 00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:51,801 Yeah. I don't think I'm supposed to do that. 442 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:55,072 Okay, well, I'll tell you what I'll do. 443 00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:56,704 I'm gonna go next door and get a table 444 00:26:56,781 --> 00:26:58,373 and if you'd like to join me... 445 00:26:58,450 --> 00:26:59,712 no big deal, all right? 446 00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,308 And if not, that's cool, too. 447 00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:02,614 - Okay? - Okay. 448 00:27:02,687 --> 00:27:03,847 All right. 449 00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:08,656 When you say "next door," do you mean Chili's or Flinger's? 450 00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:10,058 Flinger's. 451 00:27:10,328 --> 00:27:11,488 Okay. 452 00:27:13,131 --> 00:27:14,996 What you do at Initech 453 00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:18,433 is you take the specifications from the customers 454 00:27:18,503 --> 00:27:20,403 and you bring them down to the software engineers? 455 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,702 Yes. That's right. 456 00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:24,435 Well, then I just have to ask... 457 00:27:24,743 --> 00:27:26,438 why couldn't the customers just 458 00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:29,344 take them directly to the software people, huh? 459 00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:32,078 Well, I'll tell you why. 460 00:27:32,884 --> 00:27:34,374 Uh, because... 461 00:27:34,452 --> 00:27:37,751 engineers are not good at dealing with customers. 462 00:27:38,523 --> 00:27:39,490 So... 463 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:45,191 you physically take the specs from the customer? 464 00:27:46,131 --> 00:27:47,359 Well... 465 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:53,236 No... My secretary does that, or they're faxed. 466 00:27:53,471 --> 00:27:57,066 So then you must physically bring them to the software people. 467 00:27:57,142 --> 00:27:58,700 Well... 468 00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:00,872 No. 469 00:28:00,945 --> 00:28:03,175 I mean... sometimes. 470 00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:08,042 What would you say you do here? 471 00:28:09,187 --> 00:28:11,212 Well, look, I already told you. 472 00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:13,382 I deal with the goddamn customers 473 00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:15,585 so the engineers don't have to. 474 00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:17,252 I have people skills. 475 00:28:17,328 --> 00:28:19,091 I am good at dealing with people! 476 00:28:19,164 --> 00:28:20,529 Can't you understand that? 477 00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:23,123 What the hell is wrong with you people? 478 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,638 Let's see... 479 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:34,372 You are... 480 00:28:34,446 --> 00:28:35,743 Michael... 481 00:28:37,182 --> 00:28:39,878 - Bolton? - Yeah. 482 00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:43,151 Is that your real name? 483 00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:44,381 Yeah. 484 00:28:46,658 --> 00:28:48,489 Are you any relation to the pop singer? 485 00:28:48,860 --> 00:28:51,226 No, it's just a coincidence. 486 00:28:51,296 --> 00:28:53,890 I'll be honest with you, I love his music. 487 00:28:53,965 --> 00:28:56,126 - I'm a Michael Bolton fan. - Me, too. 488 00:28:56,201 --> 00:28:57,862 I don't know if it gets any better 489 00:28:57,936 --> 00:29:00,404 than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman." 490 00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:03,270 But you must really love his music, huh? 491 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:06,574 Yeah, he's... 492 00:29:06,644 --> 00:29:08,339 he's pretty good, I guess. 493 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,971 You're goddamn right, he is. 494 00:29:12,650 --> 00:29:15,710 So tell me, what's your favorite song of his? 495 00:29:20,191 --> 00:29:22,216 I don't know. 496 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,693 I mean, I guess I sort of like them all. 497 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:27,829 That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. 498 00:29:27,899 --> 00:29:30,663 But it must be twice as hard for you being you have the same name. 499 00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:33,636 I celebrate the guy's entire catalogue. 500 00:29:33,705 --> 00:29:36,196 Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael. 501 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:39,575 You know, you can just call me Mike. 502 00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:45,577 Hi. 503 00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,311 Hey. 504 00:29:48,319 --> 00:29:51,220 I wonder if I'm allowed to wear this in here? 505 00:29:52,056 --> 00:29:53,956 I think it would be okay. 506 00:29:55,059 --> 00:29:56,151 Would you like to sit down? 507 00:29:56,227 --> 00:29:57,455 Okay. 508 00:30:01,299 --> 00:30:02,391 Wow! 509 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,231 This place is really nice. 510 00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:07,635 Yeah. Is it? 511 00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:09,900 Yeah, my God, compared to Chotchkie's! 512 00:30:10,041 --> 00:30:13,204 I like the uniforms better, anyways. 513 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:15,412 I like yours. 514 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,342 "We're not in Kansas anymore." 515 00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:23,987 Really. 516 00:30:25,023 --> 00:30:26,422 It's on your... 517 00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:29,954 Oh... yeah. That's... 518 00:30:30,895 --> 00:30:31,987 That's... 519 00:30:32,397 --> 00:30:34,991 That's one of my pieces of flair. 520 00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:36,158 What's a "piece of flair"? 521 00:30:36,234 --> 00:30:38,225 Oh, it's where, you know, 522 00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:42,171 like these suspenders and buttons, they're all sort of... 523 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,300 We're actually required to wear 524 00:30:45,376 --> 00:30:47,037 fifteen pieces of flair. 525 00:30:47,178 --> 00:30:49,305 It's really stupid, actually. 526 00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:52,144 - Do you get to pick 'em yourself? - Yeah, we do. 527 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:54,275 Although I didn't actually choose these. 528 00:30:54,352 --> 00:30:57,719 I just sort of grabbed, you know, fifteen buttons. 529 00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:01,156 I don't even know what they say. I don't really care. 530 00:31:01,226 --> 00:31:04,389 - I don't really like talking about my flair. - Okay. 531 00:31:04,462 --> 00:31:07,329 So, where do you work, Peter? 532 00:31:07,398 --> 00:31:08,888 Initech. 533 00:31:08,967 --> 00:31:10,764 And... Yeah? What do you do there? 534 00:31:11,903 --> 00:31:16,636 I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. 535 00:31:18,076 --> 00:31:19,202 What's that? 536 00:31:19,277 --> 00:31:21,438 Well, see, they wrote all this bank software 537 00:31:21,512 --> 00:31:23,446 and to save space 538 00:31:23,514 --> 00:31:25,846 they used two digits for the date instead of four. 539 00:31:25,917 --> 00:31:28,283 So like 98 instead of 1998. 540 00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:31,820 So I go through these thousands of lines of code 541 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,415 and... It doesn't really matter. 542 00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:37,159 I don't like my job, and... 543 00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:39,759 I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. 544 00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:43,524 - You're just not gonna go? - Yeah. 545 00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:45,501 Won't you get fired? 546 00:31:45,703 --> 00:31:46,897 I don't know. 547 00:31:47,305 --> 00:31:50,763 But I really don't like it, and I'm not gonna go. 548 00:31:51,943 --> 00:31:53,638 So you're gonna quit? 549 00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:55,536 Not really. 550 00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:58,976 I'm just gonna stop going. 551 00:32:01,619 --> 00:32:04,850 - When did you decide all that? - About an hour ago. 552 00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:06,220 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 553 00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:07,553 An hour ago. 554 00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:10,252 So you're getting another job? 555 00:32:10,461 --> 00:32:13,089 I don't think I'd like another job. 556 00:32:13,164 --> 00:32:15,962 Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and... 557 00:32:16,034 --> 00:32:19,162 You know, I've never really liked paying bills. 558 00:32:19,237 --> 00:32:21,899 I don't think I'm gonna do that, either. 559 00:32:23,741 --> 00:32:25,834 Well, so what do you want to do? 560 00:32:26,144 --> 00:32:28,009 I want to take you out to dinner. 561 00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:30,274 And then I want to go back to my apartment and watch "Kung Fu." 562 00:32:30,348 --> 00:32:32,873 Do you ever watch "Kung Fu"? 563 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,514 I love "Kung Fu." 564 00:32:35,586 --> 00:32:37,850 - Channel 39. - Totally. 565 00:32:37,922 --> 00:32:40,390 You should come over and watch "Kung Fu" tonight. 566 00:32:40,458 --> 00:32:41,720 - Okay. - Great. 567 00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:43,954 Okay. Can we order lunch first? 568 00:32:44,028 --> 00:32:45,586 - Yeah. - Okay. 569 00:33:01,212 --> 00:33:03,237 Took a stapler off my desk... 570 00:33:09,854 --> 00:33:13,153 Anyway, sounds great, Bob. See you in a few. 571 00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:17,725 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 572 00:33:17,795 --> 00:33:18,727 Nothing. 573 00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:21,625 I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead... 574 00:33:21,699 --> 00:33:23,929 and move your desk again, so... 575 00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:26,562 if you could go ahead and get it as far back... 576 00:33:26,637 --> 00:33:28,502 against that wall as possible... 577 00:33:28,573 --> 00:33:29,835 that would be great. 578 00:33:29,907 --> 00:33:31,397 No, because I was... 579 00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:33,876 That way, we'll have some room for some of these... 580 00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:36,675 boxes and things we need to put in here. 581 00:33:36,748 --> 00:33:38,113 And... 582 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:41,549 Oh, there it is. 583 00:33:41,619 --> 00:33:45,282 Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. 584 00:33:46,457 --> 00:33:47,754 Great. 585 00:33:48,926 --> 00:33:52,453 So if you could just get to that as soon as possible... 586 00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,998 that would be terrific, okay? 587 00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:57,796 Thanks a bunch, Milton. Goodbye. 588 00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:00,564 Okay. 589 00:34:01,172 --> 00:34:03,504 I could set the building on fire. 590 00:34:06,778 --> 00:34:08,712 - Peter. - Michael. 591 00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:09,974 What the hell's going on? 592 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,175 I thought you'd come in here and start shooting. 593 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:15,242 No. I just came to get my address book. I'm not gonna stay. 594 00:34:15,319 --> 00:34:17,617 I got a phone number that I don't wanna lose. 595 00:34:17,688 --> 00:34:19,417 What? Peter, you're in deep shit. 596 00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:22,482 You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing? 597 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,188 Michael, I did nothing. 598 00:34:25,263 --> 00:34:26,730 I did absolutely nothing... 599 00:34:26,798 --> 00:34:29,733 and it was everything that I thought it could be. 600 00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:32,429 I hope you have a better story for Lumbergh. 601 00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:35,370 You're supposed to be at your interview with the consultants. 602 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:36,304 The who? 603 00:34:36,374 --> 00:34:39,537 The consultants. What has gotten into you? 604 00:34:40,611 --> 00:34:42,602 Oh, yeah... 605 00:34:43,114 --> 00:34:44,206 Right. 606 00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:47,510 Wait, Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. 607 00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:48,882 Tell 'em you've been sick. 608 00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,114 Oh, no way. No, I feel great. 609 00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:53,350 It's the best day of my life. 610 00:34:55,259 --> 00:34:58,285 Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons. 611 00:34:58,896 --> 00:35:01,126 There you are. We were just talking about you. 612 00:35:01,199 --> 00:35:02,996 You must be Peter Gibbons. 613 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:04,264 Terrific. 614 00:35:04,335 --> 00:35:06,735 I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter. 615 00:35:06,804 --> 00:35:08,237 Oh, hi, Bob. Bob. 616 00:35:08,306 --> 00:35:11,275 Grab a seat and join us for a minute or two. 617 00:35:12,376 --> 00:35:15,038 What we're actually trying to do here... 618 00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:17,104 is we're trying to get a feel 619 00:35:17,181 --> 00:35:19,581 for how people spend their day at work. 620 00:35:19,650 --> 00:35:20,810 So if you would, 621 00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:24,821 would you walk us through a typical day for you? 622 00:35:25,923 --> 00:35:27,914 - Yeah. - Great. 623 00:35:27,992 --> 00:35:32,224 Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. 624 00:35:33,197 --> 00:35:36,963 I use the side door. That way Lumbergh can't see me. 625 00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:41,004 And after that, I just sort of space out for about an hour. 626 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,774 - "Space out"? - Yeah. 627 00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:46,673 I just stare at my desk. 628 00:35:46,744 --> 00:35:48,712 But it looks like I'm working. 629 00:35:48,779 --> 00:35:52,476 I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. 630 00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,177 I'd say in a given week... 631 00:35:54,252 --> 00:35:58,814 I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work. 632 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:03,558 Peter, would you be a good sport 633 00:36:03,628 --> 00:36:05,596 and indulge us and just 634 00:36:05,663 --> 00:36:06,687 tell us a little more? 635 00:36:06,764 --> 00:36:08,254 Oh, yeah. 636 00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:12,063 Let me tell you something about T.P.S. Reports. 637 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:16,965 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. 638 00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:19,100 It's that I just don't care. 639 00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:20,974 "Don't care"? 640 00:36:21,045 --> 00:36:23,843 It's a problem of motivation, all right? 641 00:36:23,915 --> 00:36:27,180 Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units 642 00:36:27,251 --> 00:36:29,082 I don't see another dime. 643 00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:31,348 So where's the motivation? 644 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:33,422 And here's something else, Bob. 645 00:36:33,491 --> 00:36:35,425 I have 8 different bosses right now. 646 00:36:35,493 --> 00:36:36,858 - I beg your pardon? - Eight bosses. 647 00:36:36,928 --> 00:36:38,259 - Eight? - Eight, Bob. 648 00:36:38,329 --> 00:36:41,162 So that means that when I make a mistake... 649 00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:44,258 I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. 650 00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:47,633 That's my only real motivation, not to be hassled. 651 00:36:47,772 --> 00:36:50,832 That and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob... 652 00:36:50,908 --> 00:36:54,400 that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. 653 00:36:54,478 --> 00:36:57,572 Would you bear with me for just a second, please? 654 00:36:57,648 --> 00:36:58,808 Okay. 655 00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:01,779 What if, and believe me... 656 00:37:01,852 --> 00:37:04,821 this is strictly hypothetical, 657 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:08,916 but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option... 658 00:37:08,993 --> 00:37:10,688 equity-sharing program? 659 00:37:10,828 --> 00:37:12,022 Would that do anything for you? 660 00:37:12,096 --> 00:37:15,065 I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go. 661 00:37:15,132 --> 00:37:17,396 It's been really nice talking to both of you guys. 662 00:37:17,635 --> 00:37:19,102 - Yes. - Absolutely. 663 00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:21,365 The pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me. 664 00:37:21,505 --> 00:37:25,737 Good luck with your layoffs. I hope your firings go really well. 665 00:37:25,810 --> 00:37:27,243 - Okay. - Thanks a lot. 666 00:37:35,553 --> 00:37:37,919 So, Peter, what's happening? 667 00:37:37,989 --> 00:37:39,354 Listen... 668 00:37:46,731 --> 00:37:49,700 Joanna, would you come here a minute, please? 669 00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:50,597 Yeah. 670 00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:54,162 I'm sorry I was late, but I was having lunch. 671 00:37:54,238 --> 00:37:57,674 - I, uh... - We need to talk about your flair. 672 00:37:57,875 --> 00:38:00,742 Really? I have fifteen pieces on. 673 00:38:00,811 --> 00:38:02,244 I also... 674 00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:05,373 Well, fifteen is the minimum. 675 00:38:05,449 --> 00:38:06,643 - Okay? - Okay. 676 00:38:06,717 --> 00:38:08,378 Now, it's up to you whether or not 677 00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:11,421 you want to just do the bare minimum or... 678 00:38:11,489 --> 00:38:16,324 Brian, for example has 37 pieces of flair on today. 679 00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:17,718 And a terrific smile. 680 00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:20,127 Okay, so you want me to wear more? 681 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:23,991 - Joanna... - Yeah? 682 00:38:24,068 --> 00:38:26,332 People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay? 683 00:38:26,404 --> 00:38:29,965 They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. 684 00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:31,235 That's what the flair's about. 685 00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:33,243 - It's about fun. - Yeah. 686 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:35,211 Okay, so more then, yeah? 687 00:38:36,981 --> 00:38:40,178 Look, we want you to express yourself, okay? 688 00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:44,845 Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then, okay... 689 00:38:44,922 --> 00:38:47,584 but some people choose to wear more 690 00:38:47,658 --> 00:38:49,523 and we encourage that, okay? 691 00:38:50,861 --> 00:38:54,058 You do want to express yourself, don't you? 692 00:38:54,131 --> 00:38:55,063 Yeah. 693 00:38:55,132 --> 00:38:57,566 Okay, great, great. That's all I ask. 694 00:38:58,469 --> 00:38:59,493 Okay. 695 00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:05,138 So there's three more people we can easily lose. 696 00:39:05,910 --> 00:39:08,435 Then there's Tom Synkowski. 697 00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:10,979 He's useless. 698 00:39:11,048 --> 00:39:12,072 Gone. 699 00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:13,747 Sounds good to me. 700 00:39:14,218 --> 00:39:16,186 Here's a peculiar... 701 00:39:16,587 --> 00:39:18,555 - Milton Waddams. - Who's he? 702 00:39:18,622 --> 00:39:20,988 You know, squirrelly looking guy. Mumbles a lot. 703 00:39:21,058 --> 00:39:21,888 Oh, yeah. 704 00:39:21,959 --> 00:39:25,952 We can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here. 705 00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:27,827 I looked into it more deeply 706 00:39:27,898 --> 00:39:29,798 and I found that apparently what happened 707 00:39:29,867 --> 00:39:32,597 is that he was laid off 5 years ago 708 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:34,228 and no one ever told him about it. 709 00:39:34,305 --> 00:39:36,796 But through some kind of glitch in the payroll department 710 00:39:36,874 --> 00:39:38,364 he still gets a paycheck. 711 00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:40,967 So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch. 712 00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:41,977 Great. 713 00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:44,606 So, Milton has been let go? 714 00:39:44,682 --> 00:39:45,774 Just a second there, Professor. 715 00:39:45,850 --> 00:39:49,411 We fixed the glitch. 716 00:39:49,487 --> 00:39:51,614 So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore. 717 00:39:51,689 --> 00:39:54,157 So it'll just work itself out naturally. 718 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:57,285 We like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. 719 00:39:57,361 --> 00:39:59,795 The problem is solved from your end. 720 00:39:59,864 --> 00:40:03,163 I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. 721 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:06,226 Now, we had a chance to meet this young man 722 00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:08,737 and, boy, that's just a straight shooter 723 00:40:08,806 --> 00:40:11,934 with upper management written all over him. 724 00:40:13,210 --> 00:40:14,472 Yeah. 725 00:40:15,946 --> 00:40:19,677 I'm going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. 726 00:40:20,017 --> 00:40:22,713 Yeah, he's been real flaky lately, 727 00:40:22,787 --> 00:40:26,746 and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person 728 00:40:26,824 --> 00:40:28,451 that we would want for upper management. 729 00:40:28,526 --> 00:40:31,188 He's also been having some problems... 730 00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:33,162 with his T.P.S. Reports. 731 00:40:34,265 --> 00:40:36,165 I'll handle this. 732 00:40:36,734 --> 00:40:39,168 We feel... 733 00:40:39,370 --> 00:40:42,771 that the problem isn't with Peter. 734 00:40:43,374 --> 00:40:46,070 It's that you haven't challenged him enough... 735 00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:48,941 - to get him really motivated. - There it is. 736 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,113 Yeah, well... 737 00:40:52,183 --> 00:40:54,151 I'm just not sure about that right now. 738 00:40:54,218 --> 00:40:57,449 Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. 739 00:40:57,521 --> 00:41:00,319 How much time would you say you spend each week 740 00:41:00,391 --> 00:41:03,792 dealing with these T.P.S. Reports? 741 00:41:07,765 --> 00:41:09,289 Yeah... 742 00:42:16,133 --> 00:42:17,361 Hey, Peter, man! 743 00:42:17,434 --> 00:42:20,961 Check out channel nine. It's the breast exams! 744 00:42:36,854 --> 00:42:38,116 Hi, Peter. 745 00:42:38,188 --> 00:42:39,951 Oh, hi, Dom. 746 00:43:28,339 --> 00:43:30,204 So... Peter... 747 00:43:30,574 --> 00:43:32,007 What's happening? 748 00:43:33,310 --> 00:43:34,743 Now, are you going to go ahead 749 00:43:34,812 --> 00:43:38,714 and have those T.P.S. Reports for us this afternoon? 750 00:43:38,782 --> 00:43:40,147 No. 751 00:43:41,418 --> 00:43:43,909 Ahh... yeah... 752 00:43:43,988 --> 00:43:45,888 So I guess we should probably go ahead 753 00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,857 and have a little talk, hmm? 754 00:43:48,926 --> 00:43:51,918 Not right now, Lumbergh. I'm kinda busy. 755 00:43:52,429 --> 00:43:55,830 In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead 756 00:43:56,734 --> 00:43:57,928 and just come back another time. 757 00:43:58,002 --> 00:44:01,301 I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. 758 00:44:01,438 --> 00:44:03,838 Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them. 759 00:44:03,907 --> 00:44:05,875 Yeah, they called me at home. 760 00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:11,909 That sounds good, Peter. 761 00:44:11,982 --> 00:44:14,007 And, uh, we'll go ahead and... 762 00:44:14,084 --> 00:44:16,382 get this all fixed up for you. 763 00:44:16,453 --> 00:44:17,613 Great. 764 00:44:23,093 --> 00:44:25,357 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 765 00:44:26,930 --> 00:44:29,592 I... I didn't receive my paycheck this week. 766 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:33,569 Uh, you're going to have to talk to payroll about that. 767 00:44:33,637 --> 00:44:34,899 I did and they said... 768 00:44:34,972 --> 00:44:40,604 Milt, we're gonna go ahead and move you downstairs into storage "B." 769 00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:42,373 No, I... I... 770 00:44:42,446 --> 00:44:46,405 New people are coming, and we need the space. 771 00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:47,780 But there's no space... 772 00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:51,412 So if you could go ahead and pack up your stuff 773 00:44:51,488 --> 00:44:53,456 and move it down there... 774 00:44:53,524 --> 00:44:55,719 that would be terrific. 775 00:44:55,793 --> 00:44:56,657 Okay? 776 00:44:57,995 --> 00:44:59,394 Excuse me. 777 00:44:59,463 --> 00:45:02,364 I believe you have my stapler, please. 778 00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:06,933 You've been missing a lot of work lately. 779 00:45:07,004 --> 00:45:09,939 I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob. 780 00:45:11,008 --> 00:45:13,533 - Good one. - That's terrific, Peter. 781 00:45:13,610 --> 00:45:16,773 I'm sure you've... you've heard some of the rumors 782 00:45:16,847 --> 00:45:18,576 circulating around the hallways 783 00:45:18,649 --> 00:45:22,745 about how we're gonna be doing a little housecleaning with some software people. 784 00:45:22,820 --> 00:45:25,983 Bob, I have heard that. You gotta do what you gotta do. 785 00:45:26,056 --> 00:45:28,047 We'll be getting rid of these people. 786 00:45:28,125 --> 00:45:31,583 First, Mr. Samir Naga... 787 00:45:33,030 --> 00:45:34,190 Naga... 788 00:45:34,264 --> 00:45:37,495 Naga-gonna work here anymore, anyway. 789 00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:41,002 And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him. 790 00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:42,766 You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael? 791 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,207 We're gonna bring in entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore. 792 00:45:46,844 --> 00:45:49,312 - That's the usual deal. - Standard operating procedure. 793 00:45:49,379 --> 00:45:51,176 Do they know this yet? 794 00:45:51,248 --> 00:45:53,409 No. No, of course not. 795 00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:56,647 We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. 796 00:45:56,720 --> 00:45:58,620 Studies have statistically shown 797 00:45:58,689 --> 00:46:02,022 there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week. 798 00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:05,459 Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position 799 00:46:05,529 --> 00:46:10,398 to have as many as four people working right underneath you. 800 00:46:10,467 --> 00:46:12,560 This is a big promotion. 801 00:46:12,636 --> 00:46:13,466 Huge. 802 00:46:13,570 --> 00:46:17,165 So you're going to fire Michael and Samir, and give me more money? 803 00:46:21,278 --> 00:46:22,506 Wow! 804 00:46:25,115 --> 00:46:26,173 Yeah. 805 00:46:26,250 --> 00:46:30,414 That's it. That's exactly what I need. Give it to me. 806 00:46:30,487 --> 00:46:33,581 Come on, you little fucker. That's what I need. Let's do that. 807 00:46:33,657 --> 00:46:36,182 Let's do exactly that, you little fuck... 808 00:46:36,260 --> 00:46:38,091 - Michael. - Hey. 809 00:46:38,428 --> 00:46:39,827 Listen to me. 810 00:46:42,366 --> 00:46:44,357 What are you doing tonight? 811 00:46:45,202 --> 00:46:48,194 Michael, there comes a point in a man's life, 812 00:46:48,272 --> 00:46:51,139 and maybe that time for you is now, 813 00:46:51,775 --> 00:46:55,802 when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future. 814 00:46:56,613 --> 00:46:59,980 No offense there, Peter. But speak for yourself there, sport. 815 00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:02,484 I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. 816 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:06,746 I know you had this religious experience or whatever, 817 00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:10,487 but get your shit together, or you're gonna get canned. 818 00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,052 Yeah, and... Listen. 819 00:47:14,097 --> 00:47:16,327 That virus you're always talking about, 820 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,597 the one that could rip off the company for a bunch of money. 821 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,399 Yeah, what about it? 822 00:47:21,471 --> 00:47:22,699 How does it work? 823 00:47:23,774 --> 00:47:25,469 It's pretty brilliant. 824 00:47:25,542 --> 00:47:27,407 What it does is every time there's a bank transaction 825 00:47:27,477 --> 00:47:30,037 where interest is computed, there are thousands a day, 826 00:47:30,113 --> 00:47:33,276 the computer ends up with these fractions of a cent which it usually rounds off. 827 00:47:33,350 --> 00:47:35,614 What this does is it takes those little remainders 828 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:37,813 and puts it into an account. 829 00:47:37,888 --> 00:47:40,379 - This sounds familiar. - They did it in "Superman III." 830 00:47:40,958 --> 00:47:43,392 - Right. - An underrated movie, actually. 831 00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:46,861 There were hackers that did it in the '70s as well. 832 00:47:47,231 --> 00:47:50,325 - So they check for this now. - No, here's the thing. 833 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:54,496 Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating, they'd never notice. 834 00:47:54,571 --> 00:47:58,974 You're right. Even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code. 835 00:47:59,042 --> 00:48:01,977 Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses. 836 00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:05,976 So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this? 837 00:48:06,817 --> 00:48:09,752 It's not worth the risk. I got a good job. 838 00:48:09,987 --> 00:48:13,115 What if you didn't have a good job? 839 00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:15,415 Cock gobblers! 840 00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:22,356 Samir and I are the best programmers they got. 841 00:48:22,432 --> 00:48:25,094 You haven't been showin' up, and you get to keep your job. 842 00:48:25,168 --> 00:48:26,692 Actually, I'm being promoted. 843 00:48:26,770 --> 00:48:29,261 - What?! - I know, Michael. 844 00:48:29,506 --> 00:48:31,838 It's completely unfair. 845 00:48:32,142 --> 00:48:34,406 And I realized something today. 846 00:48:34,711 --> 00:48:37,544 It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. 847 00:48:37,614 --> 00:48:40,014 It's about all of us together. 848 00:48:41,285 --> 00:48:44,982 I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist. 849 00:48:45,055 --> 00:48:47,046 Maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, 850 00:48:47,124 --> 00:48:49,820 but when I saw that fat man keel over and die... 851 00:48:49,893 --> 00:48:53,090 Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. 852 00:48:53,163 --> 00:48:55,859 We weren't meant to spend it this way. 853 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:59,232 Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles 854 00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:01,168 staring at computer screens all day. 855 00:49:01,238 --> 00:49:04,071 Filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses 856 00:49:04,141 --> 00:49:06,837 drone on about mission statements. 857 00:49:07,311 --> 00:49:11,111 I told those fudge packers I liked Michael Bolton's music. 858 00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,308 That is not right, Michael. 859 00:49:13,684 --> 00:49:16,414 For five years now, you've worked your ass off 860 00:49:16,486 --> 00:49:20,388 hoping for a promotion, profit sharing, or something. 861 00:49:20,624 --> 00:49:21,818 Five years 862 00:49:22,192 --> 00:49:24,683 of your mid-twenties now gone. 863 00:49:24,761 --> 00:49:28,720 And you're gonna go in tomorrow, they're gonna throw you out on the street. 864 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:30,562 You know why? 865 00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:35,037 So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. 866 00:49:36,807 --> 00:49:38,934 Michael, let's make that stock go down 867 00:49:39,009 --> 00:49:41,239 and let's take enough money out of that place 868 00:49:41,311 --> 00:49:44,303 so that we never have to sit in a cubicle ever again. 869 00:49:45,749 --> 00:49:47,683 Your software works, right? 870 00:49:47,751 --> 00:49:50,584 Of course it works. That's not the point. 871 00:49:50,654 --> 00:49:53,145 Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to install it. 872 00:49:53,223 --> 00:49:55,623 I don't know the credit union's software well enough. 873 00:49:55,892 --> 00:49:58,622 Yeah, but Samir does. 874 00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:02,227 - But that's not much money. - That's the beauty of it. 875 00:50:02,299 --> 00:50:06,360 Each withdrawal, it's a fraction of a cent, too small to notice. 876 00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:08,662 But you take a few thousand withdrawals a day, 877 00:50:08,739 --> 00:50:12,505 you space it out over a couple of years, that's a few hundred thousand dollars. 878 00:50:12,576 --> 00:50:13,804 It's like "Superman III." 879 00:50:13,877 --> 00:50:15,902 "Superman lll"? 880 00:50:16,413 --> 00:50:19,678 I have to leave now. I have to get my r�sum� ready. 881 00:50:19,750 --> 00:50:21,240 Get your r�sum� ready. For what? 882 00:50:21,318 --> 00:50:23,946 For another job where they can fire you for no reason? 883 00:50:24,021 --> 00:50:26,717 That's right. If I'm lucky. 884 00:50:26,790 --> 00:50:29,850 I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. 885 00:50:29,926 --> 00:50:30,915 Aren't you? 886 00:50:30,994 --> 00:50:33,758 Yes, but I'm not going to do anything illegal. 887 00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:36,298 Illegal? Samir, this is America. 888 00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:38,391 Come on. Sit down. 889 00:50:39,336 --> 00:50:41,566 Come on. This isn't Riyadh. 890 00:50:41,638 --> 00:50:44,573 They're not going to saw your hands off here. 891 00:50:44,641 --> 00:50:47,041 The worst they'd do is put you for a couple of months 892 00:50:47,110 --> 00:50:50,477 into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. 893 00:50:50,547 --> 00:50:54,210 Shit, we should be so lucky. They have conjugal visits there. 894 00:50:54,284 --> 00:50:55,911 - Really? - Yes. 895 00:50:56,086 --> 00:50:57,314 Shit! 896 00:50:57,387 --> 00:51:00,049 I'm a free man. I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months. 897 00:51:00,123 --> 00:51:01,886 So what do you think? 898 00:51:01,958 --> 00:51:04,483 This thing is actually pretty fail-safe, Samir. 899 00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:05,755 Samir? 900 00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:10,256 You came here looking for a land of opportunity. 901 00:51:10,333 --> 00:51:13,461 And this is the knock of that opportunity. 902 00:51:13,537 --> 00:51:15,903 Tomorrow is your last day at Initech. 903 00:51:15,972 --> 00:51:17,496 You have two options... 904 00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:19,974 unemployment or early retirement. 905 00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:21,604 What's it gonna be? 906 00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:24,004 - I have a question. - Yes? 907 00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:27,812 In this conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 908 00:51:28,251 --> 00:51:30,583 Yep, you sure can. 909 00:51:34,324 --> 00:51:35,313 I'll do it. 910 00:51:35,392 --> 00:51:38,293 That's what I'm talkin' about when I talk about America! 911 00:51:38,361 --> 00:51:39,726 Can we discuss the plan? 912 00:51:39,796 --> 00:51:41,491 Okay, yeah, good, right. 913 00:51:41,765 --> 00:51:43,357 It works like a computer virus. 914 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:46,960 All we do is load it into the credit union's mainframe. It'll do the rest. 915 00:51:47,037 --> 00:51:49,369 Get me that disk, and I'll take it from there. 916 00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:52,306 But before we go any further, all right, 917 00:51:52,375 --> 00:51:54,866 we have to swear to God, Allah, 918 00:51:54,945 --> 00:51:57,436 that nobody knows about this but us, all right? 919 00:51:57,514 --> 00:52:00,642 No family members, no girlfriends. Nobody. 920 00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:01,843 - Of course. - Agreed. 921 00:52:01,918 --> 00:52:04,250 Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone, either. 922 00:52:04,321 --> 00:52:06,380 - What the fuck is that? - Don't worry. He's cool. 923 00:52:06,456 --> 00:52:09,857 All right. Here's how I see it all going down. 924 00:52:09,926 --> 00:52:12,793 Peter, congratulations. This is one heck of a promotion. 925 00:52:12,863 --> 00:52:14,091 Thank you, Bob. 926 00:52:14,164 --> 00:52:17,258 We'll get some people under you right away. 927 00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:44,109 That was easy. 928 00:53:44,588 --> 00:53:47,182 - Yeah, I guess it was. - What'd you do with the... 929 00:53:47,357 --> 00:53:49,188 Hey, man. 930 00:53:49,259 --> 00:53:50,920 Oh, hey, Drew. 931 00:53:50,994 --> 00:53:53,827 - You guys hear about Tom Smykowski? - That he got laid off? 932 00:53:54,231 --> 00:53:55,528 No, man, check it out. 933 00:53:55,599 --> 00:53:58,363 Last week, after he found out he was getting laid off 934 00:53:58,435 --> 00:54:01,404 he tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage. 935 00:54:01,471 --> 00:54:02,597 Is he dead? 936 00:54:02,672 --> 00:54:03,969 No, man, check it out. 937 00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:07,305 His wife comes home early and catches him. 938 00:54:07,377 --> 00:54:09,368 He tries to play it off like nothing happened. 939 00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:12,677 I was having some trouble with the shifter here. 940 00:54:12,749 --> 00:54:16,310 It's jammed. I couldn't get it into drive. 941 00:54:16,386 --> 00:54:19,116 - I mean, reverse. - You okay, Tom? 942 00:54:19,189 --> 00:54:21,487 Then as he's lookin' at her 943 00:54:21,558 --> 00:54:23,549 he decides he wants to live. 944 00:54:23,893 --> 00:54:25,622 Yeah, I think I'm okay. 945 00:54:25,695 --> 00:54:26,559 Right. 946 00:54:27,230 --> 00:54:28,822 Seems to be working now. 947 00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,329 See you later, honey. 948 00:54:32,802 --> 00:54:34,133 Love ya. 949 00:54:35,505 --> 00:54:39,134 But as soon as he backs out of his driveway... Bam! 950 00:54:39,209 --> 00:54:41,837 He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver. 951 00:54:41,911 --> 00:54:43,879 - Is he okay? - Sort of. 952 00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:47,110 Broke both his wrists, legs, a couple of ribs, his back. 953 00:54:47,183 --> 00:54:49,344 But he's getting a huge settlement out of this. 954 00:54:49,486 --> 00:54:52,182 Like seven figures. He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. 955 00:54:52,255 --> 00:54:56,248 He's throwing a big party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. 956 00:54:56,493 --> 00:54:59,018 I'm thinking I might take that new chick from logistics. 957 00:54:59,095 --> 00:55:02,155 Things go well, I might be showing her my "Oh" face. 958 00:55:02,265 --> 00:55:04,028 Oh, oh, oh... 959 00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:07,160 You know what I'm talking about. Oh. 960 00:55:07,237 --> 00:55:09,398 Yeah. Right. 961 00:55:09,639 --> 00:55:11,300 See you guys there. 962 00:55:12,409 --> 00:55:15,344 Wow, our last day at Initech. 963 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:19,114 I can't believe they had security escort us out. 964 00:55:19,182 --> 00:55:22,276 It's not like we're going to steal something. 965 00:55:23,420 --> 00:55:24,887 I stole something. 966 00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:26,444 Yeah. I guess we all did. 967 00:55:26,523 --> 00:55:29,185 No, I stole something else. 968 00:55:30,660 --> 00:55:32,321 What did you steal? 969 00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:35,725 Call it a going-away present. 970 00:57:12,796 --> 00:57:14,263 Who's got my keys? 971 00:57:14,330 --> 00:57:15,695 I'm driving. 972 00:57:15,765 --> 00:57:17,460 Everything is gonna be okay. 973 00:57:17,534 --> 00:57:19,399 All right? Okay? 974 00:57:19,469 --> 00:57:21,061 It's fun, and it's exciting. 975 00:57:21,137 --> 00:57:23,662 I gotta... I gotta go. All right? 976 00:57:23,740 --> 00:57:24,934 Joanna's coming over. 977 00:57:25,008 --> 00:57:28,171 Don't worry. You're worrying. All right? 978 00:57:28,244 --> 00:57:30,405 Monday morning, we're gonna check the account balance. 979 00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:31,572 Everything will be okay. 980 00:57:31,648 --> 00:57:33,775 Don't miss Tom's barbecue. I'll see you there. 981 00:57:33,850 --> 00:57:35,545 All right? Good night! 982 00:57:35,885 --> 00:57:38,319 Back up in your ass with the resurrection. 983 00:57:40,890 --> 00:57:43,017 What were you guys celebrating last night? 984 00:57:43,092 --> 00:57:47,859 Oh, um... I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. 985 00:57:51,267 --> 00:57:52,700 I really can't. 986 00:57:55,405 --> 00:57:58,465 So, when the subroutine compounds the interest, 987 00:57:58,541 --> 00:58:02,637 it uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. 988 00:58:02,712 --> 00:58:05,840 So we simplified the whole thing and we round 'em all down 989 00:58:05,915 --> 00:58:09,681 and drop the remainder into an account that we opened. 990 00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:12,712 So you're stealing? 991 00:58:13,289 --> 00:58:15,120 No, you don't understand. 992 00:58:15,191 --> 00:58:18,957 It's, uh, very complicated. It's, uh... 993 00:58:19,028 --> 00:58:22,054 It's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny. 994 00:58:22,532 --> 00:58:25,467 And over time, they add up to a lot. 995 00:58:25,902 --> 00:58:29,269 Okay. So you're gonna make a lot of money, right? 996 00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:30,636 - Yeah. - Right. 997 00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:31,799 It's not yours? 998 00:58:31,875 --> 00:58:34,070 Well, it becomes ours. 999 00:58:34,677 --> 00:58:36,406 How is that not stealing? 1000 00:58:38,882 --> 00:58:41,851 I don't think I'm explaining this very well. 1001 00:58:41,918 --> 00:58:45,012 Um, the 7-Eleven, right? 1002 00:58:45,088 --> 00:58:47,352 You'd take a penny from the tray. 1003 00:58:47,423 --> 00:58:49,789 - From the crippled children? - No, that's the jar. 1004 00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:53,488 I'm talking about the tray... the pennies for everybody. 1005 00:58:53,563 --> 00:58:54,928 For everybody. Okay. 1006 00:58:54,998 --> 00:58:57,057 Well, those are whole pennies. 1007 00:58:57,133 --> 00:59:01,001 I'm just talking about fractions of a penny, okay? 1008 00:59:01,137 --> 00:59:05,005 But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple of million times. 1009 00:59:05,074 --> 00:59:06,564 So what's wrong with that? 1010 00:59:06,643 --> 00:59:08,270 I don't know. It just seems wrong. 1011 00:59:08,344 --> 00:59:09,504 It's not wrong. 1012 00:59:09,579 --> 00:59:10,773 Initech is wrong. 1013 00:59:10,847 --> 00:59:14,510 Initech is an evil corporation, all right? Chotchkie's is wrong. 1014 00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:19,620 Doesn't it bother you that you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair? 1015 00:59:19,689 --> 00:59:23,819 Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register. 1016 00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:25,656 Well, maybe you should. 1017 00:59:26,896 --> 00:59:30,195 The Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear. 1018 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:31,526 What? 1019 00:59:33,002 --> 00:59:34,867 Look, we don't... 1020 00:59:34,938 --> 00:59:37,463 We don't have to talk about this now. 1021 00:59:37,540 --> 00:59:40,134 Let's just go to the barbecue, all right? 1022 00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,942 Michael, Samir, how you doin' 1023 00:59:46,015 --> 00:59:47,141 - Hey, Tom. - Hello, Tom. 1024 00:59:47,216 --> 00:59:50,310 I'd like you to meet my lawyer Rob Newhouse. 1025 00:59:50,386 --> 00:59:53,116 Rob, Michael. Samir. 1026 00:59:53,189 --> 00:59:56,647 Peter! How are you? I'm glad you could make it. 1027 00:59:56,726 --> 00:59:59,718 Tom, hi. This is somebody I'd like you to meet. 1028 00:59:59,796 --> 01:00:01,661 - This is Joanna. - Hi. 1029 01:00:01,731 --> 01:00:04,131 Hi. Forgive me for not getting up. 1030 01:00:13,743 --> 01:00:16,211 Peter, come here a minute. I wanna show you something. 1031 01:00:17,847 --> 01:00:20,407 What do you think? It's a prototype. 1032 01:00:20,483 --> 01:00:21,973 Huh. That's... 1033 01:00:22,051 --> 01:00:24,611 That's exactly as you described it. 1034 01:00:26,623 --> 01:00:29,183 Listen, I heard about your settlement. 1035 01:00:29,425 --> 01:00:30,449 Congratulations. 1036 01:00:30,526 --> 01:00:31,652 Thanks, Peter. 1037 01:00:32,128 --> 01:00:35,859 You know, I'm glad you're here, because I wanted to talk to you. 1038 01:00:35,932 --> 01:00:39,026 I know how you get depressed about your job and all, 1039 01:00:39,102 --> 01:00:41,764 and I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. 1040 01:00:41,838 --> 01:00:43,533 I used to be the same way. 1041 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,439 - Really? - Sure. 1042 01:00:45,508 --> 01:00:47,339 Maybe I didn't whine as much. 1043 01:00:47,710 --> 01:00:50,235 But I bet I hated my job even more than you, 1044 01:00:50,313 --> 01:00:52,611 and I'd been doing it for over thirty years. 1045 01:00:53,182 --> 01:00:54,012 Wow. 1046 01:00:54,083 --> 01:00:57,644 Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, 1047 01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:00,951 good things can happen in this world. 1048 01:01:01,024 --> 01:01:03,049 I mean, look at me. 1049 01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:05,484 Thanks, Tom. 1050 01:01:06,529 --> 01:01:08,463 Sure. 1051 01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,033 Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. 1052 01:01:17,340 --> 01:01:19,934 Minimum-security prison is no picnic. 1053 01:01:20,009 --> 01:01:22,170 I have a client in there right now. 1054 01:01:22,245 --> 01:01:23,837 He says the trick is 1055 01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:27,144 kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch. 1056 01:01:27,984 --> 01:01:29,975 Then everything will be all right. 1057 01:01:30,053 --> 01:01:31,520 Why do you ask, anyway? 1058 01:01:31,587 --> 01:01:33,851 Oh, no, we just... 1059 01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:43,422 - Hey, Peter. - Drew. 1060 01:01:43,499 --> 01:01:45,694 That's something about old Smykowski, huh? 1061 01:01:45,768 --> 01:01:47,565 - Yeah. - Lucky bastard. 1062 01:01:48,738 --> 01:01:51,969 Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's? 1063 01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:53,804 Yep. 1064 01:01:53,876 --> 01:01:55,468 Who's she here with? 1065 01:01:55,845 --> 01:01:57,312 She's with me. 1066 01:01:58,648 --> 01:02:00,809 - Really? - Yep. 1067 01:02:00,883 --> 01:02:04,250 All right, Peter. Ooh, ooh, right on. 1068 01:02:05,488 --> 01:02:07,956 Make sure you wear a rubber, dude. 1069 01:02:09,726 --> 01:02:10,852 Why's that, Drew? 1070 01:02:11,527 --> 01:02:12,789 Are you kidding me? 1071 01:02:12,862 --> 01:02:15,228 She gets around. All right? 1072 01:02:17,033 --> 01:02:18,330 She does, does she? 1073 01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:20,426 Oh, yeah, like a record. 1074 01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:24,772 Like with who? 1075 01:02:25,408 --> 01:02:27,774 Oh, let's see, uh... 1076 01:02:27,844 --> 01:02:29,971 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1077 01:02:31,114 --> 01:02:33,378 Let me see, who else? 1078 01:02:34,951 --> 01:02:36,111 Lumbergh? 1079 01:02:38,488 --> 01:02:40,854 What if you get caught? 1080 01:02:40,923 --> 01:02:44,154 Oh, I just don't know if this was such a good idea. 1081 01:02:44,227 --> 01:02:47,287 Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh. 1082 01:02:47,797 --> 01:02:49,059 What? 1083 01:02:49,165 --> 01:02:50,462 What are you... 1084 01:02:51,134 --> 01:02:53,125 Oh, right, Lumbergh. 1085 01:02:54,737 --> 01:02:57,865 Oh, God. Lumbergh! 1086 01:02:57,940 --> 01:02:59,965 Peter, what is wrong with you? 1087 01:03:00,042 --> 01:03:03,136 That was like two years ago. What? Did you know him? 1088 01:03:03,212 --> 01:03:05,203 Yeah, I know him. I know him. 1089 01:03:05,281 --> 01:03:06,179 He's my boss. 1090 01:03:06,249 --> 01:03:09,685 He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss. 1091 01:03:09,752 --> 01:03:11,811 Oh, he's not that disgusting. 1092 01:03:11,888 --> 01:03:15,153 He represents all that is soulless and wrong, 1093 01:03:15,625 --> 01:03:16,956 and you slept with him. 1094 01:03:17,026 --> 01:03:20,427 Hey, that is none of your business, okay? 1095 01:03:20,496 --> 01:03:23,329 I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. 1096 01:03:23,399 --> 01:03:24,593 I don't care. 1097 01:03:24,667 --> 01:03:27,227 I didn't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh! 1098 01:03:27,303 --> 01:03:28,998 Listen to you. 1099 01:03:29,305 --> 01:03:33,139 Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me? 1100 01:03:33,442 --> 01:03:36,002 I mean, what are you? You think you're an angel? 1101 01:03:36,345 --> 01:03:38,813 No, you're just this penny-stealing 1102 01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:41,543 wannabe criminal man. 1103 01:03:41,617 --> 01:03:43,312 Yeah, well, that may be. 1104 01:03:43,386 --> 01:03:45,854 But at least I never slept with Lumbergh. 1105 01:03:45,922 --> 01:03:47,219 Okay, I'm done. 1106 01:03:47,290 --> 01:03:50,555 I wanna get out of the car, okay? Stop. 1107 01:03:50,626 --> 01:03:52,992 Call me when you grow up. 1108 01:03:53,062 --> 01:03:55,963 That's probably never gonna happen, so don't call me, okay? 1109 01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:58,227 Say hello to Lumbergh for me! 1110 01:04:05,074 --> 01:04:06,905 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1111 01:04:06,976 --> 01:04:08,500 Lumbergh fucked her. 1112 01:04:08,578 --> 01:04:10,773 Lumbergh fucked her. 1113 01:04:11,347 --> 01:04:12,780 That is great. 1114 01:04:13,449 --> 01:04:15,917 I mean, she was seeing the "Oh" face for sure. 1115 01:04:15,985 --> 01:04:19,751 Ohh, ohh, ohh. 1116 01:04:19,822 --> 01:04:21,414 Ooh. 1117 01:04:21,490 --> 01:04:24,118 If you could just move a little bit to the left. 1118 01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:26,593 That's it. Great. 1119 01:04:27,263 --> 01:04:29,697 Peter, what's happening? 1120 01:04:29,765 --> 01:04:33,292 Could you give me those T.P.S. Reports ASAP, okay? 1121 01:04:49,418 --> 01:04:50,817 - Joanna. - Yeah. 1122 01:04:51,420 --> 01:04:53,217 We need to talk. 1123 01:04:53,289 --> 01:04:55,587 Do you know what this is about? 1124 01:04:59,095 --> 01:05:00,756 My, uh, flair? 1125 01:05:01,130 --> 01:05:02,893 Yeah. 1126 01:05:02,965 --> 01:05:06,765 Or your lack of flair, because 1127 01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:09,236 I'm counting, and I only see fifteen pieces. 1128 01:05:09,305 --> 01:05:11,603 Let me ask you a question, Joanna. 1129 01:05:11,674 --> 01:05:15,770 What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum? 1130 01:05:17,346 --> 01:05:20,838 What do I think? You know what, Stan? 1131 01:05:21,350 --> 01:05:24,376 If you want me to wear thirty-seven pieces of flair 1132 01:05:24,453 --> 01:05:26,785 like your pretty boy over there, Brian, 1133 01:05:26,856 --> 01:05:30,485 why don't you just make the minimum thirty-seven pieces of flair? 1134 01:05:30,559 --> 01:05:33,153 Well, I thought I remembered you saying 1135 01:05:33,229 --> 01:05:35,459 that you wanted to express yourself. 1136 01:05:35,531 --> 01:05:40,025 Yeah. You know what? I do. I do want to express myself. 1137 01:05:40,102 --> 01:05:43,560 And I don't need thirty-seven pieces of flair to do it. 1138 01:05:44,707 --> 01:05:47,107 All right? There's my flair. Okay? 1139 01:05:47,176 --> 01:05:51,476 And this is me expressing myself. Okay? 1140 01:05:51,747 --> 01:05:53,237 There it is. 1141 01:05:53,482 --> 01:05:54,881 I hate this job. 1142 01:05:54,951 --> 01:05:57,545 I hate this goddamn job, and I don't need it. 1143 01:06:13,035 --> 01:06:14,502 Oh, shit. 1144 01:06:14,737 --> 01:06:16,170 - Shit. - Shit. 1145 01:06:16,405 --> 01:06:18,771 - Shit. - Son of a bitch. 1146 01:06:19,041 --> 01:06:21,532 - Shit. - This is a fuck. 1147 01:06:21,610 --> 01:06:24,238 - Son of a bitch! - What happened? 1148 01:06:24,313 --> 01:06:26,474 You tell me, Michael! It's your software! 1149 01:06:26,549 --> 01:06:28,107 Yes, it's your software. 1150 01:06:28,184 --> 01:06:30,345 Corporate accounting is sure as hell gonna notice 1151 01:06:30,419 --> 01:06:33,115 three hundred five thousand, three hundred 1152 01:06:34,023 --> 01:06:36,423 twenty-six thirteen, Michael! 1153 01:06:36,826 --> 01:06:37,815 Oh, shit. 1154 01:06:37,893 --> 01:06:41,727 They probably won't know it's gone for another three or four days. 1155 01:06:41,797 --> 01:06:45,358 Michael! You said this thing was gonna take two years. 1156 01:06:45,434 --> 01:06:47,925 What happened? You said the thing was supposed to work! 1157 01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:50,632 - Technically, it did work. - No, it didn't! 1158 01:06:50,706 --> 01:06:53,607 It did not work, Michael, okay? 1159 01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,234 Okay. 1160 01:06:55,311 --> 01:06:58,474 I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. 1161 01:06:58,547 --> 01:07:01,038 I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail. 1162 01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:05,143 Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael! 1163 01:07:05,221 --> 01:07:06,745 Quit getting pissed at me. 1164 01:07:06,822 --> 01:07:08,722 This was all your idea, asshole. 1165 01:07:10,226 --> 01:07:11,955 All right. Okay. 1166 01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:14,519 Let's try not to get pissed off at each other. 1167 01:07:14,597 --> 01:07:17,122 Let's calm down, try to figure this thing out together. 1168 01:07:17,666 --> 01:07:20,897 We gotta close that account before it gets bigger. 1169 01:07:20,970 --> 01:07:25,168 Happy birthday to you 1170 01:07:25,741 --> 01:07:30,201 Happy birthday to you 1171 01:07:30,279 --> 01:07:35,911 Happy birthday, Mr. Lumbergh 1172 01:07:35,985 --> 01:07:40,081 Happy birthday to you 1173 01:07:44,393 --> 01:07:45,758 Looks terrific. 1174 01:07:47,029 --> 01:07:50,226 Here, Peg, you wanna get everybody started? 1175 01:07:54,236 --> 01:07:55,635 Oh, that is terrific. 1176 01:07:55,704 --> 01:07:57,001 Just terrific. 1177 01:07:57,073 --> 01:08:00,873 Thanks, everybody. I really, really appreciate it. 1178 01:08:00,943 --> 01:08:02,205 It's very special. 1179 01:08:02,278 --> 01:08:04,542 Now, Milton, don't be greedy. 1180 01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:07,878 Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece. 1181 01:08:07,950 --> 01:08:11,044 But last time I didn't receive a piece and I was told... 1182 01:08:11,454 --> 01:08:12,614 Just pass. 1183 01:08:13,489 --> 01:08:17,892 Okay, here. But this... If there... 1184 01:08:20,229 --> 01:08:22,993 The cake... There's lots of cake? 1185 01:08:24,033 --> 01:08:27,025 The ratio of people to cake is too big. 1186 01:08:44,787 --> 01:08:47,085 I could set the building on fire. 1187 01:08:47,490 --> 01:08:51,256 Is there some way to just give the money back? 1188 01:08:51,327 --> 01:08:54,660 Hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? 1189 01:08:54,730 --> 01:08:57,130 I think they'd figure that out. 1190 01:08:57,199 --> 01:08:59,463 Well, we have to do something. 1191 01:08:59,802 --> 01:09:01,997 Maybe we could launder the money. 1192 01:09:02,805 --> 01:09:05,899 That's a great idea. How do we do that? 1193 01:09:05,975 --> 01:09:08,603 I don't know. I don't even know what it means. 1194 01:09:08,677 --> 01:09:11,237 I was hoping you knew. I think coke dealers do it. 1195 01:09:11,313 --> 01:09:14,646 Okay, all right. Do we know any coke dealers? 1196 01:09:14,717 --> 01:09:16,708 My cousin's a cokehead. 1197 01:09:22,191 --> 01:09:24,659 Fuck. We're in deep shit. 1198 01:09:24,727 --> 01:09:28,424 Yes, we are in very, very deep shit. 1199 01:09:34,003 --> 01:09:35,368 - Milton. - Yes. 1200 01:09:35,437 --> 01:09:36,631 What's happening? 1201 01:09:36,705 --> 01:09:39,196 Say, Milton, you know what'd be great? 1202 01:09:39,275 --> 01:09:40,367 But... no. 1203 01:09:41,043 --> 01:09:42,772 Since you're down here, 1204 01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:45,507 it would be really great if you could just sort of 1205 01:09:45,581 --> 01:09:48,914 take care of the cockroach problem we've had in here. 1206 01:09:48,984 --> 01:09:51,452 That's really not my job, and I haven't received my paycheck... 1207 01:09:51,554 --> 01:09:53,852 For now, why don't you go ahead 1208 01:09:53,923 --> 01:09:57,984 and get yourself a flashlight and a can of pesticide and crawl down... 1209 01:09:58,060 --> 01:10:00,494 Bill? We need you upstairs right away. 1210 01:10:00,563 --> 01:10:02,394 We got a big problem... big. 1211 01:10:02,464 --> 01:10:06,491 Some major glitch in accounting, a lot of money missing. 1212 01:10:10,906 --> 01:10:12,066 'Scuse me. 1213 01:10:14,009 --> 01:10:14,998 'Scuse me. 1214 01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,374 Okay, but that's the last straw. 1215 01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,519 Here we go, here we go. 1216 01:10:24,587 --> 01:10:28,216 Launder. "To clean," no. "To wash..." 1217 01:10:28,290 --> 01:10:30,884 Here it is. "To conceal the source of money 1218 01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:34,896 "as by channeling it through an intermediary." 1219 01:10:35,731 --> 01:10:37,062 "To conceal..." 1220 01:10:37,132 --> 01:10:39,623 That doesn't really help us, Michael. 1221 01:10:39,702 --> 01:10:41,294 I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are, 1222 01:10:41,370 --> 01:10:43,600 looking up "money laundering" in a dictionary. 1223 01:10:43,672 --> 01:10:48,200 Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass, okay? 1224 01:10:48,277 --> 01:10:51,303 I can't believe Joanna slept with Lumbergh. That's what I can't believe. 1225 01:10:51,380 --> 01:10:54,349 - Yeah. You didn't know that? - You didn't know that? 1226 01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:56,441 A couple of years ago, before he moved to Atlanta. 1227 01:10:59,221 --> 01:11:03,123 You mean Ron Lumbergh, the Initrode guy? The young guy? 1228 01:11:03,192 --> 01:11:05,183 Yeah. Who'd you think I meant? Bill? 1229 01:11:07,363 --> 01:11:10,196 Her fucking... Her children would have hooves. 1230 01:11:12,067 --> 01:11:14,501 Ron's not related to Bill, is he? 1231 01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:17,298 Who's that? 1232 01:11:18,307 --> 01:11:21,242 All right, nobody panic. Probably just Lawrence. 1233 01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:28,013 Good evening, sir. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. 1234 01:11:28,083 --> 01:11:31,678 I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean. 1235 01:11:31,754 --> 01:11:34,188 That is why I'm selling magazine subscriptions. 1236 01:11:34,256 --> 01:11:36,247 - No, no. - Wait a minute. 1237 01:11:36,325 --> 01:11:38,293 You used to be addicted to crack? 1238 01:11:39,561 --> 01:11:41,085 Yeah. Um... 1239 01:11:43,365 --> 01:11:44,855 Look, I'm very sorry. 1240 01:11:44,933 --> 01:11:47,458 I do not know anything about any money laundering. 1241 01:11:47,536 --> 01:11:49,970 We're not asking you about money laundering. 1242 01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:53,270 - All we need is for you to hook us... - if he doesn't know anybody... 1243 01:11:53,342 --> 01:11:55,105 No. Wait a minute. 1244 01:11:55,177 --> 01:11:58,374 Look, you just give us the name of one drug dealer. 1245 01:11:58,447 --> 01:12:00,608 I could talk to him. I have good networking skill. 1246 01:12:00,683 --> 01:12:01,775 I lied. 1247 01:12:03,218 --> 01:12:06,449 That stuff I said about being a crackhead just helps me sell magazines. 1248 01:12:07,489 --> 01:12:11,152 I'm actually an unemployed software engineer. 1249 01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:16,893 - You're a software engineer? - Yep. 1250 01:12:16,965 --> 01:12:19,525 Things, they must be very rough for you. 1251 01:12:19,868 --> 01:12:21,233 Actually, man, 1252 01:12:21,303 --> 01:12:24,864 I make more money selling magazine subscriptions than I ever did at Initrode. 1253 01:12:25,908 --> 01:12:27,068 At Initrode? 1254 01:12:27,409 --> 01:12:30,970 Wait. You're not gonna tell anybody about all this stuff we told you. 1255 01:12:31,046 --> 01:12:33,844 We know a lot of the same people. That's... 1256 01:12:36,251 --> 01:12:38,344 Actually, that all depends. 1257 01:12:43,225 --> 01:12:47,218 What am I gonna do with forty subscriptions to "Vibe"? 1258 01:12:47,563 --> 01:12:50,555 We never should have done this. What were we thinking? 1259 01:12:50,632 --> 01:12:52,623 You know what I can't figure out? 1260 01:12:52,701 --> 01:12:57,365 How is it that all these stupid Neanderthal Mafia guys can be so good at crime 1261 01:12:57,439 --> 01:12:59,964 and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it? 1262 01:13:00,042 --> 01:13:01,509 We're new to it, though. 1263 01:13:01,977 --> 01:13:04,104 If we had more experience... 1264 01:13:04,179 --> 01:13:07,580 No. You know what I think? I think we're screwed. 1265 01:13:07,950 --> 01:13:11,215 I think there's enough evidence all over that building to link us to this. 1266 01:13:11,286 --> 01:13:13,379 Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. 1267 01:13:13,455 --> 01:13:15,047 What we've done is bad enough. 1268 01:13:15,124 --> 01:13:18,457 We get caught laundering, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. 1269 01:13:18,527 --> 01:13:21,462 No. We're going to federal "pound me in the ass" prison. 1270 01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:24,324 I don't want to go to any prison. 1271 01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,630 Why the hell did I do this? 1272 01:13:26,702 --> 01:13:29,068 I've never done anything wrong in my whole life. 1273 01:13:29,138 --> 01:13:32,198 We weren't thinking clearly because you told us we were losing our jobs. 1274 01:13:32,274 --> 01:13:34,640 Now look at us, we're worried about going in a prison. 1275 01:13:34,710 --> 01:13:37,008 Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. 1276 01:13:38,847 --> 01:13:41,907 - I'm going home. - Me, too. 1277 01:13:43,585 --> 01:13:47,749 You are a very bad person, Peter. 1278 01:14:07,910 --> 01:14:09,639 Lawrence, you awake? 1279 01:14:09,711 --> 01:14:10,871 Yeah. 1280 01:14:12,748 --> 01:14:14,773 - You wanna come over? - No, thanks, man. 1281 01:14:14,850 --> 01:14:17,819 I don't want you fucking up my life, too. 1282 01:14:22,858 --> 01:14:25,884 In light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes 1283 01:14:25,961 --> 01:14:28,486 that you have committed against Initech, 1284 01:14:28,564 --> 01:14:31,124 I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton 1285 01:14:31,200 --> 01:14:36,035 and Samir Naan... Nanadajibad 1286 01:14:36,104 --> 01:14:38,368 to a term of no less than four years 1287 01:14:38,440 --> 01:14:42,035 in a federal "pound me in the ass" prison. 1288 01:14:46,014 --> 01:14:47,675 Peter Gibbons, 1289 01:14:47,749 --> 01:14:50,513 you've led a trite and meaningless life 1290 01:14:52,254 --> 01:14:55,155 and you're a very bad person. 1291 01:15:32,561 --> 01:15:33,585 Hey. 1292 01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:37,863 You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh? 1293 01:15:37,933 --> 01:15:39,798 No, no. I got fired. 1294 01:15:40,602 --> 01:15:43,093 - What happened? - I flipped off my boss. 1295 01:15:44,339 --> 01:15:46,364 Some customers... 1296 01:15:46,441 --> 01:15:49,137 Actually, a line cook but he just happened to be standing there. 1297 01:15:50,746 --> 01:15:53,180 I might be going away for a while. 1298 01:15:54,983 --> 01:15:56,041 To jail. 1299 01:15:56,518 --> 01:15:59,419 You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea. 1300 01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,046 I'm gonna take the blame for it, I decided. 1301 01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:05,785 I'm on my way now to return the money 1302 01:16:05,861 --> 01:16:08,853 and leave the confession under Lumbergh's door. 1303 01:16:10,332 --> 01:16:11,594 I want to apologize. 1304 01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:14,158 I had no right to get pissed off at you about Lumbergh. 1305 01:16:14,236 --> 01:16:17,967 Lumbergh is not my problem. It wasn't even the right Lumbergh. 1306 01:16:18,040 --> 01:16:21,976 I don't know why I can't just go to work and be happy 1307 01:16:22,044 --> 01:16:24,478 like I'm supposed to, like everybody else. 1308 01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:27,276 Peter, most people don't like their jobs. 1309 01:16:27,349 --> 01:16:30,785 But you go out there and find something that makes you happy. 1310 01:16:30,852 --> 01:16:32,717 Yeah. Well. 1311 01:16:34,790 --> 01:16:36,951 I may never be happy at my job, 1312 01:16:37,025 --> 01:16:41,485 but I think that if I could be with you that I could be happy with my life. 1313 01:16:41,997 --> 01:16:43,555 I've been a real asshole. 1314 01:16:43,899 --> 01:16:46,766 But if you'd give it another shot, I promise... 1315 01:16:46,835 --> 01:16:48,325 Okay, shut up. 1316 01:16:52,741 --> 01:16:55,232 Whoa! Hey, what's going on here? 1317 01:16:55,477 --> 01:16:57,809 Get a room, you two! Ha ha! 1318 01:17:01,216 --> 01:17:03,275 I hate that guy. 1319 01:17:54,336 --> 01:17:56,395 Then Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll 1320 01:17:56,471 --> 01:17:59,099 and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 1321 01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:01,665 And I still haven't received my paycheck. 1322 01:18:01,743 --> 01:18:04,439 And he took my stapler, and he never brought it back. 1323 01:18:04,513 --> 01:18:08,779 Then they moved my desk to storage room "B," and there was garbage on it... 1324 01:18:08,850 --> 01:18:12,911 Go back down and sit at your desk. Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute. 1325 01:18:12,988 --> 01:18:16,219 - Mr. Lumbergh... - Just go sit at your desk. 1326 01:18:16,291 --> 01:18:18,816 Okay, but I'm gonna just... 1327 01:18:26,301 --> 01:18:28,292 I have to take my stapler back 1328 01:18:28,370 --> 01:18:32,067 because I told him it's my stapler. 1329 01:18:37,813 --> 01:18:38,802 It's my stapler. 1330 01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:42,611 A Swingline, the brand I've been using for a long time. 1331 01:19:01,903 --> 01:19:04,064 Lawrence, you in there? 1332 01:19:05,107 --> 01:19:07,007 Whoa. Hey, Peter, man. 1333 01:19:07,142 --> 01:19:08,769 Hey. 1334 01:19:09,244 --> 01:19:11,542 So, I might be going away for a while. 1335 01:19:11,613 --> 01:19:13,080 Yeah, I know, man. 1336 01:19:13,648 --> 01:19:15,639 It's a bummer. What can I say? 1337 01:19:15,717 --> 01:19:17,742 Yeah. Yeah. 1338 01:19:19,688 --> 01:19:22,953 Well, time to go face the music. 1339 01:19:23,558 --> 01:19:25,617 You take care of yourself if I don't see you, all right? 1340 01:19:25,694 --> 01:19:28,219 You too, man. Take her easy, bud. 1341 01:19:28,296 --> 01:19:29,729 All right. 1342 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:34,000 - Hey, Peter. - Yeah? 1343 01:19:35,137 --> 01:19:37,571 Watch out for your cornhole, bud. 1344 01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:39,797 Okay, Lawrence. 1345 01:19:53,488 --> 01:19:55,979 Stay clear, now. Stay clear. 1346 01:19:56,525 --> 01:19:58,220 Holy shit. 1347 01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:10,460 Wait a minute. Let me take a look at that. 1348 01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:14,427 You don't want that, Peter, man. That's toasted, man. 1349 01:21:14,502 --> 01:21:17,437 I think I know someone who might want this. 1350 01:21:28,750 --> 01:21:29,910 Hey, man. 1351 01:21:31,186 --> 01:21:32,949 Wanna go to lunch? 1352 01:21:33,722 --> 01:21:37,681 Brought mine in a pail. Plus Joanna's supposed to come by a little later. 1353 01:21:39,027 --> 01:21:41,120 So, how do you like your new job? 1354 01:21:41,196 --> 01:21:43,130 Not too bad, not too bad. 1355 01:21:43,198 --> 01:21:44,756 How's Penetrode? 1356 01:21:44,833 --> 01:21:46,494 Initrode. 1357 01:21:46,568 --> 01:21:49,264 - They're all right. - It's work. 1358 01:21:49,337 --> 01:21:51,066 Yeah, yeah. 1359 01:21:51,139 --> 01:21:52,834 Probably get you a job there. 1360 01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:54,705 No, thanks. 1361 01:21:54,776 --> 01:21:56,209 I'm doing good here. 1362 01:21:58,013 --> 01:22:01,813 So, uh, we're gonna be okay, right? 1363 01:22:02,751 --> 01:22:04,275 Yeah. 1364 01:22:04,653 --> 01:22:07,121 I think the fire pretty much took care of everything. 1365 01:22:07,656 --> 01:22:09,783 I wonder if the money burn up. 1366 01:22:10,258 --> 01:22:12,590 - It would be shame. - Yeah. 1367 01:22:12,894 --> 01:22:15,920 So you sure you don't want us to get you a job? 1368 01:22:15,997 --> 01:22:18,898 That's one thing I'm definitely sure of. 1369 01:22:21,269 --> 01:22:22,964 All right, chief. 1370 01:22:23,305 --> 01:22:25,739 - You guys take care. - All right. 1371 01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:28,274 Stay in touch, man. 1372 01:22:28,343 --> 01:22:30,208 Okay. Will do. 1373 01:22:34,215 --> 01:22:35,876 This isn't so bad, huh? 1374 01:22:37,052 --> 01:22:42,012 Making bucks, getting exercise, working outside. 1375 01:22:42,490 --> 01:22:43,889 Fuckin' "A." 1376 01:22:46,494 --> 01:22:48,257 Fuckin' "A." 1377 01:23:06,681 --> 01:23:08,911 Excuse me. Excuse me, se�or. 1378 01:23:09,351 --> 01:23:10,841 May I speak to you, please? 1379 01:23:10,919 --> 01:23:13,547 I asked for a mai tai, and they brought a pi�a colada. 1380 01:23:14,155 --> 01:23:17,716 And I said no salt, no salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it. 1381 01:23:17,792 --> 01:23:20,386 Lo siento mucho, se�or. Pinche gringo. 1382 01:23:20,462 --> 01:23:24,091 I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I could... 1383 01:23:24,265 --> 01:23:26,597 I could shut this whole resort down. 1384 01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:27,635 Sir? 1385 01:23:28,870 --> 01:23:31,771 I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. 1386 01:23:34,275 --> 01:23:36,607 I could write a letter to your board of tourism 1387 01:23:36,678 --> 01:23:38,908 and I could have this place condemned. 1388 01:23:39,514 --> 01:23:43,780 I could put, I could put strychnine in the guacamole. 1389 01:23:43,852 --> 01:23:46,082 There was salt on the glass, big grains of salt. 1390 01:24:01,302 --> 01:24:03,668 Give a ride on the old bone roller coaster. 1391 01:24:20,188 --> 01:24:22,179 Don't come back in a dress, man. 1392 01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:23,880 You big fag. 1393 01:24:46,681 --> 01:24:50,014 I'm working at Hooters now, you know, and it's very cool. 104353