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1
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,238
Excuse me.
2
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,758
Do you know if this one goes up
3
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,760
AND down the mountain?
4
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,478
Daisy, would you stop asking people
that when we get on cable cars?
5
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,198
It's the first time I've said it.
6
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,280
No, it's not. You said it
when we went on the London Eye.
7
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,840
Are you coming, or what, Lucy?
8
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,078
I'm sorry, I stopped to give you
a round of applause for booking
9
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,078
such a great holiday!
10
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,280
And then remembered I couldn't.
11
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,758
How many times do I have to say
I'm sorry?
12
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,798
Um... once would be a start.
13
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,238
OK.
14
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:07,238
I'm very sorry for crashing
into you and breaking your arms.
15
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,038
It was a freak accident.
16
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,600
You mean it was an accident
caused by a freak.
17
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,558
I misjudged my speed at that first
corner and just careered off.
18
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:21,878
You shouldn't have been riding that
luggage carousel in the first place!
19
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,278
I don't want to sound like
I'm defending Lee here,
20
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,238
but if they don't want
people to ride it,
21
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,120
they shouldn't really be
calling it a "carousel."
22
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,678
Well, I'm having a great time.
23
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,358
I always thought skiing
was for the middle classes,
24
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,438
but I'm really enjoying it.
25
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,358
Perhaps one day you can try some
other middle class activities,
26
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,278
like brushing your teeth.
Or hoovering.
27
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,558
Oh, hoovering. That's a good idea.
28
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,640
You know, instead of flossing them.
29
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:56,798
Ooh, look.
30
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,638
Someone's come to sing us a song.
31
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,998
What are you talking about?
Hello!
32
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,520
Who is it, Lionel Ritchie?
33
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,678
What are you doing up there?
34
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,120
Dancing on the ceiling?
35
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,078
It's a little bird on the roof.
36
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,000
He looks hungry, I think
I'm going to give him a biscuit.
37
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,038
Daisy, I don't think
you're allowed to open that.
38
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,960
Of course you're allowed. Otherwise
why would they have a sunroof?
39
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,560
I don't think that's
a sunroof, Daisy.
40
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,720
My mistake. They've actually now got
a bloody enormous sunroof.
41
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,318
I've been on some terrible holidays
in my time, but this?
42
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,518
I don't think there are words
to describe it.
43
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,840
It's taking the biscuit!
That's it.
44
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,920
Look, I know how to cheer you up.
45
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,318
Why don't I take you out for dinner
tonight, just the two of us?
46
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,638
Is that what you think
will count as an apology?
47
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,958
A three-course dinner?
Hang on, I never said three courses.
48
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,838
I broke your arms,
I didn't reverse over your gran.
49
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,758
Um, thanks for the offer,
but the answer's no.
50
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,440
Oh, he's eating it.
51
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,958
I'll bring you a chocolate one
tomorrow.
52
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,238
How about a Penguin?
53
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,880
Oh, no, that would be a sort of
be cannibalism, wouldn't it?
54
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,240
I think she wants
a bite of your biscuit.
55
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,758
Oh, Daisy, I don't think you're
supposed to feed the birds.
56
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,198
Why not? I dunno.
57
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,398
I suppose in case they fly
into the mechanism and die.
58
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,158
Oh, my God! Of course.
I'm such an idiot.
59
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,000
That's why the bird's having
its head cut off in the picture!
60
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,598
Oh, that's good.
61
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,478
I threw the biscuit over the side
and he went after it.
62
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,198
Shame we don't have any Pot Noodle,
63
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,280
we could've tried the same with Lee.
64
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,920
What?
65
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,358
Well done, Lee.
66
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,160
It's just as well only English people
speak mime!
67
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,758
I didn't know
she was going to look round.
68
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,600
Not as round as that anyway!
69
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,958
Why is a pregnant woman going up
a mountain in a cable car?
70
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,480
It'd be too far to walk
in her condition.
71
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,998
Well, she can't be going
to sit in that filthy,
72
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,998
unhygienic cafe all day.
73
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,038
I'm the only one stupid enough
to be doing that.
74
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,278
Maybe she's just fat.
75
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:37,478
You know, like beer-belly fat,
like men get.
76
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,638
Maybe she used to be a man.
77
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:40,920
Maybe she still is.
78
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,838
You speak fluent English, don't you?
79
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:51,438
Your boorish manner brings disgrace
to both you and your country.
80
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,198
You could have told me
you spoke English.
81
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,278
It's actually quite rude,
what you just did.
82
00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,718
Yes. Please forgive extreme rudeness
I just showed you!
83
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,158
Yeah. The sarcasm's not very
attractive either.
84
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,598
I am very sorry about my companion's
insensitive comments.
85
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,718
British people aren't all like that.
86
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,318
So, um, why are you going
up the mountain?
87
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,158
To be with my family.
88
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:19,320
They own the filthy, unhygienic
cafe at the top of the mountain.
89
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,158
I'm very sorry about my companion's
insensitive comments.
90
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,080
British people aren't all like that.
91
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,918
I am so sorry.
92
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,598
Please, feel free to insult me
in return.
93
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,918
Be as rude as you like.
No, thank you.
94
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,880
I don't wish to sink to level
of you and your husband.
95
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,080
When I said "as rude as you like"...
96
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,558
So, how long to go?
97
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:49,998
Two weeks.
98
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,080
Blimey, how big is this mountain?!
99
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:59,278
Oh, no, the bird's back again.
100
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,920
Oh, I've got to get him away
from the mechanism.
101
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,920
I know what will get rid of him.
102
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,598
That's very considerate of you,
103
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,160
but I think he's going to need
one for each foot!
104
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,120
Shoo. Shoo!
105
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,238
It's sort of like I'm teaching him
English now.
106
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,160
Because it is a kind of shoe.
107
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,040
What is happening?
108
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,438
Well, the good news is,
the noise has scared the bird away.
109
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,558
So, no danger of him
jamming the mechanism.
110
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,200
The less good news is...
111
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,320
I've jammed the mechanism.
112
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,518
What's she doing?
113
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,758
She's getting stressed.
We mustn't get her stressed. OK.
114
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,278
Just out of interest, what kind
of things get you stressed?
115
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,358
I am very afraid of small,
crowded places.
116
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,878
Of course you are! And of heights.
117
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,558
Yeah. Anything else?
Fear of woolly hats?
118
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,078
Fear of waterproof jackets?
119
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,240
Is that what anoraknophobia is?
120
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,238
Ooh... Ooh... Ooh...
121
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,238
Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
122
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,638
That's the noise that people make on
films just before they have a baby.
123
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,318
Oooh... Oooh... Oooh...
124
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,520
Actually, about nine months before.
125
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,758
Why don't you sit down and relax?
126
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,720
I'm sure we'll be moving again in
a minute and everything will be fine.
127
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,478
We can't just sit here.
We've got to do something.
128
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,078
Maybe I should press that
red button. I don't know, Lee.
129
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,920
It might be the cable car emergency
release switch, for all we know.
130
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,678
We might go hurtling
back down the mountain
131
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,238
and crash in to the cable
car behind us.
132
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,518
Ooh! Oh, Daisy, you silly billy!
133
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,240
You forgot to mention
the blood-curdling screams.
134
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,038
'Da?'
135
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,480
Hello, it's Lee.
136
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,798
We're on a cable car
137
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:16,200
and it's broken down and we've got
a pregnant woman on board.
138
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,558
Broken down,
139
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,238
cable car,
140
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,360
pregnant woman, have we.
141
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,320
That's right, Lee. If you're stuck,
think, "What would Yoda say?"
142
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,520
I'll deal with this.
143
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,720
Computer...
144
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,800
We want to go back down
the mountain.
145
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,560
Make it so.
146
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,200
You talk to him.
Tell him we're stuck.
147
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,318
He says he knows we are stuck.
Of course he knows we are stuck.
148
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,318
The entire system
is now stuck, obviously,
149
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,280
you total bunch of morons!
150
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,518
Was the morons bit you or him?
Him.
151
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,760
You moron.
152
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,798
Did you tell him you're pregnant?
Yes.
153
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,878
He said there's nothing
we can do but wait for maintenance people to come and fix.
154
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,758
He's bloody useless this guy,
isn't he?
155
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,758
Wait till we're down,
I'll have a word with him!
156
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,758
He'll soon know who
he's dealing with then.
157
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,680
Don't tell him that bit!
158
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,960
So, seems like there's nothing
to do but wait.
159
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,478
No chance.
160
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,200
I am not just sitting here whilst
a pregnant woman gets stressed.
161
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,918
It's no good. I need something
to dislodge it.
162
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,520
Daisy, get me the other ski.
163
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,398
Hey, wouldn't it be amazing
if you fell from this height,
164
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:02,240
but then you landed in a really
small tub? You know, like Mousetrap.
165
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,960
Men and their tools, eh?
Always getting us into trouble.
166
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,040
I think we're getting somewhere.
167
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,520
Oops.
168
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,558
Right, just a few more to go,
then we can start that giant game
169
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,798
of KerPlunk!
170
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,638
I've got an idea. This might sound
crazy, but trust me.
171
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,438
That's the exact phrase you used
when I asked, "How come
172
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,398
"a skiing holiday only costs �199?"
173
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,438
Daisy, if you help me
get my boots into those skis,
174
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,718
and then grab hold of me,
the combined weight will pull
175
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,238
the skis loose and then
we'll be on our way again.
176
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,558
Are you a crazy person?
177
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:01,118
That is rich coming from a woman
who decided to climb up
178
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,398
a mountain doing an impression
of a Russian doll.
179
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,598
I am not Russian.
180
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,280
Yeah, you're no doll, either.
181
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,958
Oh!
182
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,838
Right, Daisy, grab the top of my
thighs and get a solid grip.
183
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,160
Any other northern chat-up lines?
184
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,438
Right, push! Push!
185
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,280
Not you.
186
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,038
How's it looking?
187
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,720
Like we're being carjacked
by Eddie the Eagle.
188
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,638
Did it!
189
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,280
You watch, any minute now
we'll be moving again.
190
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,318
It's OK! We've stopped.
191
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:58,120
We're going to be OK.
Everyone relax.
192
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,680
You need to keep her calm, Lee.
193
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,000
Shall I slap her?
194
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,278
For God's sake, Lee, you're scaring
the hell out of the poor woman.
195
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,678
I know, she must be terrified.
196
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,520
Look. There's a puddle of water
on the floor.
197
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,878
Oh, God. Her waters have broken!
198
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,718
Help! Somebody help!
199
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,598
She's having a baby!
200
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,638
For the love of God, somebody help!
201
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,238
Oh!
202
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:32,760
Thanks, I needed that.
203
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,160
Get us down from here, now!
204
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,718
Get him to send a helicopter.
I don't want to get into helicopter.
205
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,000
It's not for you, love, it's for me!
206
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,878
He says don't worry. This sort of
thing happen all the time.
207
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,518
They can scramble military
helicopter from local airbase,
208
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,118
will be here in two minutes.
209
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,878
Oh, that's fantastic.
That's exactly what we need.
210
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,480
Tell him that's brilliant.
211
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,920
He's taking the piss, isn't he?
212
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,120
Yes.
213
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,358
This is about that bad score
we gave you lot
214
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,560
in the Eurovision Song Contest,
isn't it?
215
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,438
He says hopefully
we'll have it fixed soon
216
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,038
and when they do, they will have
doctor waiting for us.
217
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,838
Oh, right. It's "us" now, is it?
218
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,958
A few minutes ago
I didn't know this woman,
219
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,318
now we're having a baby together.
220
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,518
I have got to get out of here!
221
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,598
And how do you plan to do that?
222
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,638
I saw a film recently called Frozen
where these people get stuck
223
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,878
in a ski lift.
224
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,198
The resort closes and everyone's
left dangling all night.
225
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,318
After a while, one of them decides
there's no choice and jumps out.
226
00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,080
Does he survive? No, he breaks both
his legs and a wolf eats him.
227
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,760
Go for it.
228
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,198
It will bring your whole life
full circle,
229
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,160
to be raised AND eaten by wolves.
230
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,838
Look, we've just got to hang on
in here for a short while.
231
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,198
Just sit down on the bench
and breathe deeply. OK.
232
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,640
Not you, her!
233
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:22,638
Look, I don't want to worry anyone,
but we've got another problem here.
234
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,918
Oh, good. When it comes to problems,
I felt we were running short!
235
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,718
You see that sign up there?
236
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,520
Maximum Occupancy: 4.
237
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,480
The moment that baby arrives,
this car's going to be overloaded.
238
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,998
We'll be no worse off, Daisy.
Oh, is that right?
239
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,558
Well, explain that to me then,
Mr Clever Potatoes.
240
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,918
You know what? I'll wait
and explain it to the baby -
241
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,638
that way I might have
a fighting chance!
242
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,918
Oh, God!
243
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,798
Just because her water's are broken,
it doesn't necessarily mean
244
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,918
she's immediately
going to have her baby.
245
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,438
It could be hours away yet.
246
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,320
The thing to do is to reduce
the levels of stress in here.
247
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,398
Yes, good idea, did you hear that?
Reduce stress. Relax! Relax!
248
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,638
Relax!
249
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,958
Doing an impression
of Brian Blessed sings
250
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,238
Frankie Goes To Hollywood is not
going to help things, Lee!
251
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,078
Well, what does reduce stress, then?
252
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,598
I don't know!
General relaxation techniques.
253
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,158
Calming music, that sort of thing.
254
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:23,278
Oh, good idea! Have you got
50 pence for the jukebox?
255
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,760
All right then, massage.
256
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,238
Massage a strange woman?
257
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,558
Yes! One of you needs to do it.
258
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,438
Daisy, warm your hands up,
I'll check if Clannad
259
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,040
are hiding under the bench.
260
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,558
Not her belly!
261
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,078
We're trying to hold it in,
not squeeze it out.
262
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,038
Do her shoulders.
Well, that's quite difficult, Lee,
263
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,718
it's hard to tell which bit of
the baby I'm massaging as it is!
264
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,600
The WOMAN'S shoulders.
265
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,958
It's not working,
we need something else. I know.
266
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
The sound of waves on a sandy beach.
267
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,118
I thought you said the sound
of waves on a sandy beach,
268
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,278
not a baboon blowing out
the candles on his birthday cake.
269
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,838
Actually, this is nice.
270
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,160
It's making me feeling relaxed.
271
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,600
? Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top
272
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,680
? When the wind blows
the cradle will rock
273
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:34,800
? When the bow breaks
the cradle will fall... ?
274
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,640
? And down will come... ?
Shush!
275
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,480
This does make me feeling
little better.
276
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,638
It is like the techniques I have
been taught at antenatal group.
277
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,998
Why do they teach you that?
Is it to slow down the labour?
278
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,158
Actually, it is the opposite.
279
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,318
They teach us this techniques
to speed up the labour,
280
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,920
to make it happen quicker.
281
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,760
Stop relaxing! Clench that cervix!
Clench!
282
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,478
It is happening! Baby is on its way!
283
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,718
It might feel like that, but these
things can take a long time,
284
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,558
especially if it's your first.
285
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,278
It is your first, right?
286
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,918
It is number six!
287
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:26,998
Six!
288
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,680
It's going to come out like
it's on an Olympic bobsleigh run.
289
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,598
Right. There's only one thing for it.
290
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,798
You and Daisy will
have to deliver it.
291
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,918
What? Well, I can't do it.
I can't move my arms.
292
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,198
You've still got feet and teeth.
293
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,678
Look, it'll be fine.
I can direct you.
294
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,998
My cousin's a midwife.
So? My cousin's a fishmonger.
295
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,758
It doesn't mean I know how
to de-scale a halibut!
296
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,358
Oh, bloody hell!
297
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:56,598
Don't panic, Lee.
It's very, very simple.
298
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,998
Really? Do you know what to do?
Of course I do.
299
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,438
Oh, thank God.
You use a slightly blunt knife
300
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,120
and you scrape from the tail
towards the gills.
301
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,358
And what about delivering a baby?
302
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,080
Oh. Oh, not a clue.
303
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,958
Right. Looks like
it's down to you, then.
304
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,478
I can't do it. She's not going
to want a man down there.
305
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,678
Bit late for that.
306
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,998
You know what I mean.
307
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,038
You don't want me delivering it,
do you, love?
308
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,838
I don't care who does it!
309
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,798
Look, Lee, I don't mind
doing my share.
310
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,918
You can impersonate whatever
pop star you like,
311
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,758
but you are delivering this baby!
312
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,438
I'm not doing it, Lee.
Oh, look, please, Daisy.
313
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,358
I'll do everything else if you
just deal with the business end.
314
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:38,078
What? You think we have to get some
sort of payment from her first?
315
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,678
I mean, if you do the actual
removal of the baby,
316
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,598
I will do everything else.
317
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,958
Please, Daisy, I'm begging.
318
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,918
OK. I'll grab it when he comes out,
but you're doing everything else.
319
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,078
Deal.
320
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,160
That's not the way
they sterilise in Holby City.
321
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,878
Quick, remove her knickers.
322
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,678
Oh, no. I said nothing
down the business end.
323
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,198
No, you said anything
but the actual delivery.
324
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,678
Well, go on, away you go.
325
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,118
For God's sake, be quick,
326
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,998
whoever is doing it. Argh!
327
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,558
Do it, now!
328
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:09,880
Oh, God...
329
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,518
Have you done this before?
I don't know.
330
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,600
Do you drink at Wetherspoon's
on Burnley High Street?
331
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,638
Right. Now you need to make her
feel comfortable. Oh!
332
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,678
Well, at this point, I usually pour
two glasses of Asti Spumante,
333
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,240
what d'you reckon?
334
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,038
Right. Are you feeling
up to this, Daisy?
335
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,718
Well, I'm not sure.
I've only ever witnessed one birth.
336
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,400
Whose? My own.
337
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,998
It went very well
and I seemed to enjoy it.
338
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,958
You can't remember your own birth,
Daisy.
339
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:52,078
No, I know that, but we've got it
on video and we used to watch it
340
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,200
every year with the family,
you know, before my birthday cake.
341
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,838
Really? Didn't it put you off eating?
342
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,400
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
Especially as I was a caesarean.
343
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,558
It was a sort of family tradition.
344
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:10,040
And then Alien came out on video
so we watched that instead.
345
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:15,038
What the hell are you doing?!
346
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,038
I am preparing for the women's
1,500 metres downhill.
347
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,278
What does it look like?
348
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,038
I am helping to ease the passage.
349
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:22,958
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
350
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,680
Yes, now you must shave me.
351
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,078
Sorry, I misheard that one.
You must shave me.
352
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,158
No, I misheard it again.
Shave me!
353
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,438
It's still sounds like you're saying
"shave me". Yes!
354
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,078
And that sounded like "yes".
355
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,478
There is towels, razor blade
and cream in the bag.
356
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,078
You have got to be kidding me.
357
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,798
Lee, if she wants to be shaved,
then shave her.
358
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,598
Some people consider it hygienic.
359
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,358
Not for me, it isn't.
Tell her I'm not doing it.
360
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,798
What is problem?!
361
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,558
It's just, that's not the really
the way we do things.
362
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,718
In Britain, that hasn't been done
since the 1960s.
363
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,760
I bet THAT hasn't been done
since the 1960s, either.
364
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,238
Sorry, Lee. When in Rome...
365
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,278
We're not in Rome.
366
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,438
We're not in Britain!
367
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,640
Knowing my luck, I bet
we're not in Brazil either.
368
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,678
Just do it! Oh...
And what would you like, madam?
369
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,638
Leave a bit of length on top,
short at the sides?
370
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,198
It's too late for shave!
I think baby is coming now.
371
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,518
Oh, thank God.
Daisy, you're on.
372
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,438
Daisy?
373
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,838
On, no, the bird's back,
it's going near the mechanism again!
374
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,838
Daisy, forget about the bird!
It's not important!
375
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,038
Oh, tell that to the bird's mother.
376
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,678
We will tell her later,
in fact, we'll tweet her!
377
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,118
Just get down here
and deliver the bloody baby!
378
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,038
I'm sorry, I couldn't live with
myself if anything happened to it.
379
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,358
I'm going to bring it back
inside where it's safe. Daisy!
380
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,078
Be quick! Baby is coming!
381
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,918
Oh. Lee, check her dilation.
382
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,118
Do what?
383
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,838
See how wide she is.
384
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,878
How wide she is?
Look at her, she's massive.
385
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,478
She's having a baby!
386
00:21:56,480 --> 00:22:00,518
That's not what dilation means.
It means down there.
387
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,438
I have already removed the knickers.
388
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,760
Never go back to a lit firework!
389
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,878
Do it!
390
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,598
Surely this is Daisy's job.
391
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,318
Daisy's got a bird in her hand.
392
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,800
Well, a bird in the hand's
worth two hands in the... Arrgghhh!
393
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,358
Do you know how to check
for dilation?
394
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,038
I don't need to. I can see.
395
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,958
It's about 15 inches.
396
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,838
It's not 15 inches, Lee.
397
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,398
If she was dilated 15 inches,
her pelvis would fall out!
398
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,518
Oh, I am sorry,
399
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,678
I appear to have come on this skiing
holiday without my tape measure.
400
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,598
I was going to pack it,
just on the off chance I had to measure the width
401
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,438
of a stranger's fanny
in a cable car!
402
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,238
But no, I seem to have
left it at home!
403
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,560
How wide?
404
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,958
Does that mean the baby's
coming out?
405
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,998
Coming out? I'm surprised
you haven't fallen in.
406
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,078
I've got him!
407
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,038
Thank God. Right, it's half-time.
408
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,838
This is where we change ends, Daisy.
409
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,158
No way!
410
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,278
The insane woman with dirty bird
feathers all over her fingers
411
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,158
is coming nowhere near my baby!
412
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,758
But that was the agreement.
This was your agreement.
413
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,598
I would not trust this woman to
deliver a pizza, never mind a baby.
414
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,038
Oh, please. If it's late,
you'll get free garlic bread.
415
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,880
You will have to do it.
416
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,518
Oh, thank God, we're moving!
417
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,518
We're moving back down
to the bottom!
418
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,678
Which means I don't have to...
move back down to the bottom.
419
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,038
You hear that, little fella?
420
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,478
There's a light at the end...
AGHHH!
421
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:34,038
What is it? There's something down
there, sticking out.
422
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,798
It's called a baby, you moron!
423
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,598
It wasn't a baby. It was purple.
424
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,798
Oh, that's its head.
425
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,038
Oh, my God!
426
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,878
No, that's a good thing.
It means it's coming head first.
427
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,038
Are you sure?
428
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,078
Either that or he's got
extremely big testicles.
429
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,318
Right, get down here and deliver it.
I can't do it.
430
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,038
Yes, you can.
We can do this together.
431
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,278
Together? Me as the midwife
and you as the airing cupboard?
432
00:23:58,280 --> 00:23:59,518
She needs you for this.
433
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,758
We're still 300 yards away
from the station.
434
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,518
Good, I'll get out and walk.
I could do with the exercise.
435
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,600
You have to do this, Lee!
436
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,998
She might be a ski-jumper,
quick, open the door!
437
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,838
That baby will fall to the ground
if you don't catch it.
438
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,878
It's got that thing,
the umbilical cord.
439
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,278
It'll be like a bungee.
440
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,398
How do you want to remember
this trip, Lee?
441
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,558
Do you want to be the hero,
442
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,998
the man who delivered a child
in perilous circumstances?
443
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,038
Or do you want to be the man who
almost shaved a stranger's vagina
444
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,998
in a cable car?
445
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,440
Oh, it's that age-old question!
446
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,598
Oh, bloody hell!
Do it! Now!
447
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,080
I just wanted a skiing holiday.
448
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,358
Lee? What?
449
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,198
What can you see?
450
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,360
Nothing, I've got me eyes closed!
451
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,238
Open them.
452
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,400
OK.
453
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,560
You've done it! Congratulations!
454
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,718
It's a girl.
455
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,198
If it had been boy,
I would have named him after you.
456
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,598
Well, Lee can be a girl's name, too.
457
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,358
Oh, OK, you got me there.
I was lying.
458
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:28,278
Maybe you could give her a name
to fit our surroundings, like...
459
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,598
Snowdrop.
460
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,478
Yeah, or Rocky.
461
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:32,880
Or Vince.
462
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,798
You know, Vince Cable.
463
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,678
Oh...
464
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,838
I tell you what, never again.
465
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,478
Oh, you say this now.
466
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,598
Trust me, I mean it.
467
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,198
No, there is something
that I have not told you.
468
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,078
I saw how you panicked earlier
469
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,958
so I decide not to tell you
to keep you calmer.
470
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,280
Twins?
471
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,600
Cover me! I'm going in!
472
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,600
Don't arrest me,
she gave me permission!
473
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,198
Now you are safe, my precious.
474
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,680
Fly free and be happy!
475
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,160
How long were we in here?
476
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,320
Wasn't I wearing a watch earlier?
477
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,798
So, er, are you getting out
or staying on
478
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,278
and going back up the mountain?
479
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,878
I should go up to the cafe
and tell them the good news.
480
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,038
I'm supposed to have a day's skiing,
but she's gone off with me skis.
481
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,278
Come up to the cafe if you like.
482
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,078
Maybe you could take me
for that dinner after all.
483
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,198
I thought you said
it was hopeless and rundown.
484
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,918
Well, you've shown that hopeless
and rundown can still deliver.
485
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,398
Oh...
486
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,798
You all right, mate?
487
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,758
Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine.
488
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,240
It's just I keep getting these
chest pains...
489
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,518
Don't worry. I'll be fine. Agh!
490
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,280
God, that was a bad one!
491
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:22,238
Stop! Let us out!
492
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,960
We want to get off! Help!38396
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