All language subtitles for Not Going Out s06e01 Rabbit.eng

You heard from Tim recently?

Yeah, his work placement's
going really well.

He thinks he might not be back
for a couple of months.

I can't imagine Tim in Germany.

With his blonde hair
and ultra-conservative views.

He'd be better off in...

Actually, no,
Germany's about right, innit?

You got a date? I wish.

It's dinner with a potential client.

Where are you going?
The client's house.

They want to get to know me
informally, out of work.

Well, bring them here.
I'm very informal.

And out of work.

Why do you never bring your clients
round here for dinner? I don't bite.

Exactly. You just sort of

mash the food around
in your mouth like a cow.

This client's far too important
to risk meeting you.

None taken.

The conversation
would go over your head anyway.

Some taken.

Where's that spare change
I left on the table?

All taken.

You're really nervous,
aren't you?

This is a big deal, Lee.
I really need this contract.

You'll be fine. And if all else
fails, you've always got my gag

about showing him
the elephant with the white ears.

Oh, no, that doesn't really work
if you're a... Bye!

Well, thanks for coming round, Lucy.

That's OK, Paul. It was a pleasure.

Look, I'm really sorry
I told that tasteless joke

in front of your little daughter,
I don't know what I was thinking.

It's fine. I mean, to be honest,
I didn't even get it.

I mean I got the
"my dog's got no nose" bit,

but you lost me
with the pockets for ears?

Sorry.

All the other pitches
have been far too formal.

It's nice to have someone with
a sense of humour finally.

I'm going to courier over
those contracts tomorrow.

And if everything's in order,
I think we can green light this.

I like green lights.
Better than red ones.

Unless you're a prostitute,
which I'm not.

Safe journey home.

Oh, and make sure to
close the gate on your way out.

Button has a habit of trying
to escape.

I thought your wife
was called Karen. Ha.

Boo! Get off!

No, Button is my daughter's rabbit.

It's got a little pink button nose.

If he's got white ears
I could do an impression of him.

You know, the pink nose is...
Too much.

See you.

You beauty! Well done, Lucy Adams!

That was excellent!

You would have to do something
pretty drastic to screw this up now.

Yes, that would be something.

Hello?

I've just killed a rabbit.

Whoa, whoa, slow down.

First, tell me what you're wearing.

I've just killed my new client's
pet rabbit. With the car.

What, you ran it over?

No, Lee, I locked it inside

and connected the hose pipe from
the exhaust! Yes, I ran it over!

So why are you telling me?

Because I need help.
I don't know what I should do next.

I don't know -
what other pets has he got?

I think I'm about to have
a panic attack.

'Look, just calm down.'

First things first,
are you sure it's dead?

Well, it's very still.

It looks like
someone's paused Watership Down.

Actually...

..it is slightly twitching.

'You've got to make sure
it's not suffering.' Oh, God!

You're going to have to whack it
with something really heavy.

I've got a torch.

Well, there you go. Hopefully it's
got Duracell batteries inside. Why?

It's what the bunny
would have wanted.

I'm a murderer!

Nice to meet you.

I'm a victim. Come in.

Look, you did the right thing.

I don't mean mowing down
a defenceless animal with your car,

obviously, that wasn't the right
thing. That was the wrong thing.

But smashing its head in
to make sure it was dead,

that was the right thing.

I think.

Isn't there
someone stood on a window ledge you should be talking to?

Oh, my God. It's him!

The rabbit?!

The client. He must have worked out
what happened.

Well, didn't you go back
and tell him? No. I just drove off.

You didn't say tell him!

I didn't say do
a hit-and-run either.

I didn't do a hit-and-run.
I stopped.

All right, a stop-and-bop.

You should have told him, Lucy.

Look, just answer it and be calm.

Hi, Paul!

Yes, I got home fine, thanks.

Um... No, I didn't see anything.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah.

OK, then, bye.

How was that?

Well, he might not have you down
as a rabbit killer, but he might think you're a helium addict.

He asked
if I saw his rabbit on the way out.

He didn't accuse me of anything.

Good. No, it's not good, is it?

I'm not just a killer,
now I'm a liar.

You're not a liar. You didn't see
his rabbit on the way out.

That's why you drove over its head.

Look, just forget about it,
he'll think it's just gone missing,

he won't know it's dead and buried.

It's not buried.

Well, how did you get rid of it?

I didn't.
It's in the boot of my car.

Are you planning on making a stew?

Why did you put it in your boot?

Well, it would have looked
conspicuous sat next to me,

plus I didn't have a booster seat.

I mean, why did you bring it home?

Well I couldn't get rid of it.
It was too dark.

Yeah, and we all know
the best time to get rid of a corpse

is in broad daylight.

Let's wait till the morning,
we'll go down to the Westgate Centre

and nail it to the wall of the
bathroom department in Debenhams.

Oh, my God, it's the police!

What kind of policemen
are dealing with dead rabbits?

Cagney and Flopsy?

Actually Starsky and Hutch
would have been funnier.

You're right, not now.

I've been to a netball tournament.

Catch!

At least we know
what the C stands for.

Crap. Rude.

Could have been ruder.

All right, I said I'm sorry.
It's not like I killed anyone.

Daisy knows! She can see it.

It's all over my face, isn't it?

What? Are you telling me
you ate it now?

What's happened?

I hit a rabbit.

Why, what did it do to you?

In my car.

What was it doing in your car?

It wasn't in my car, I was.

And then I hit it and then
I got out and hit it again,

with a torch,
and now it is in my car.

Dead.

Wow, this must have been
a really naughty rabbit.

She accidentally ran over a rabbit
and now it's in her boot.

Oh. She's worried that the owner
will trace it back here.

Oh, yes. Yes.
The rabbit might have been chipped.

It wasn't chipped, it was mashed.

Oh, my God,
I hadn't thought of that.

Oh, this is awful, I'm just going
to have to go back to Paul

and tell him the truth.

He'll cancel the contract,
but I haven't got any choice.

Unless someone else did it for me.

What do you mean?

Someone else could take the blame.

Say that Button had somehow
sneaked out of the garden,

and they accidentally ran over it.

But who would confess to
killing a rabbit?

A Catholic fox?

No chance. Oh, please, Lee.

It would be the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done for me.

Look at me - I'm desperate,
I don't know what else to do, Lee.

Oh, not the tears!

First you kill a rabbit
and now this, you heartless bitch.

Oh, Daisy, can you get the rabbit
out of the boot? I can't look.

Well, you don't need to look.
You could do it by feel.

It'll be
the furry, wet, squishy thing.

Oh, thank you so much, Lee!

If you ever want me
to take the blame for anything you did, just ask.

It's funny you should say that.

I think you should know
that earlier this evening,

you accidentally dropped
your new iPad in the bath.

Did I? Well that was pretty
stupid of me, wasn't it?

I can't believe
I was even having a bath.

It's not even my birthday.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

You were only holding
it in one hand.

Why, what was
I doing with the other...?

Oh, yeah.

I don't think I've been properly
following all of this, have I?

Don't worry about it Daisy,
it's all sorted.

Yes, I know, but if Lee's
taken your client's dead rabbit back to his house...

Yes? Then whose is this dead rabbit
jammed under your wheel arch?

Oh, my God.
That must be the rabbit I hit.

THAT'S Button. I thought that
other one was a bit wild-looking.

So would you be if you'd just
been clubbed to death with a torch.

Oh, no...

The wild one
must have just been asleep.

You know that phrase -
"like a rabbit in the headlights"?

See, I've always wondered what
that would look like.

I assumed it would look like that,
what you're doing.

When actually it's more like that.
Kind of...

I killed an innocent rabbit.

No, you haven't.

You've killed TWO innocent rabbits.

Still, you did the right thing. How?

Well, now there are no witnesses,
are there?

God, we've got to find Lee before
he hands over the wrong corpse.

We'll have to drive after him.
OK. Keys!

I'm much better in defence.

Anyone order a take away?

Sorry.
I'm like this when I'm nervous.

Can I help you with something?

Yeah. I've got something
to tell you. About your rabbit.

Oh, right.
Our rabbit's disappeared, actually.

Well. Not for much longer.

Ta-da!

I will now make the rabbit
re-appear.

"You're going to like this.
Not a lot".

The thing is, a few hours ago

I was doing a three-point turn
in your driveway.

And... I killed your rabbit.

I see.
Sorry. It was a complete accident.

There was no drink involved.

Certainly not on my part -
I don't know about the rabbit.

It certainly smelled of hops.

It's the nerves again.

I'm rabbiting...rambling!

So, you killed my rabbit?

Yeah. And you took the body away
with you for three hours?

I took it to A&E.

They can't treat
animals at hospitals.

I wouldn't let Rolf Harris
hear you say that.

Well, I suppose I've
got to appreciate your honesty. I don't suppose there's a...?

What?

Well, it's just that
when me dad used to go missing,

I'd go out and find him,
me mum would give me a little reward.

A tenner, or something.

Yeah, but you didn't
return your dad home dead, did you?

That's true.

I wish I had, me mum
would have given me 20.

Anyway, I'm sorry...

Hey! Hey, what's this?

It's your rabbit.
This isn't my rabbit.

This is a wild thing.

How do you know?
Is it making your heart sing?

What's going on?

Nothing. I killed a rabbit,
and assumed it was yours.

Why?

Because it was very close
to your house

and it looks like the kind of rabbit
that would be called "Button".

Which I appreciate you never
actually told me

was your daughter's rabbit's name.

Or that you had a daughter.

Right. What's your name?

Warren.

Warren?

Yeah.

Surname?

Burrows.

What's your address?

Number one...Rabbit Road.

That's a made-up address.

All right, number two.

Something's going on here.
What have you done with Button?

Nothing. Tell me the truth, now.

Oh, fine! I admit it.

I'm a notorious rabbit killer,
who goes from hutch to hutch,

strangling rabbits
and cutting off their ears and...

Hello. Who are you?

Father Christmas.

No, he's not.

All right, the Easter... No.

Sophie, you go back to bed,

and we'll look for Button
in the morning.

Oi!

Well, that went well!

Lee?

I'm sleeping! I'm only sleeping!

Please don't beat me to death!

It was an honest mistake.

Yeah. We've all done it.

Only last week I drove over
one of those sleeping policeman,

so I got out and murdered
a Deputy Chief Constable.

Anyway, thanks.

He now thinks an unhinged lunatic
did something to his rabbit,

so I'm in the clear.

In fact, here's your reward.

What's this?

The other dead rabbit.

Yeah. Very funny.
Seriously, what is...?

It's a dead rabbit! Christ's sake!

What's the matter with you,
bringing these things home?

You're like a badly-trained
house cat!

Well, that's Button,
the rabbit I hit.

It was too late to bury it
last night,

so I was hoping you'd
sort it out for me this morning.

Yeah, sure, no problems.

And when you've come back from the
Bugs Bunny convention with your machete, phone me.

I will sort out the mess.

Oh good, that'll be the courier
with those contracts.

Paul!

Hiya, Lucy.
Sorry to barge in on you like this.

My courier let me
down at the last moment,

so I thought I'd bring
these over in person.

Oh, right, thanks.

Oh, God!

You, um, haven't met my flatmate,
Lee, have you?

No, I don't think so.

No. No, we've never, never met.

Why has he got
a pillowcase on his head?

That is because
he's in an amateur dramatics production of The Elephant Man.

I'm helping him with his lines.

I am not an animal! I am a man!

Well, I won't keep you,

I just wanted to ask
you about Button again.

Oh, yes - did she turn up?

Not yet, no. Oh, that's a shame.

I don't suppose she's microchipped,
is she?

Nobody microchips rabbits.

Oh, thank God!

For making me this way, dear Lord.

For if you had not, then I...

I'm going to be sick.

It's all very strange.
I mean, shortly after we spoke,

a man called Warren Burrows
came to my door.

He had a dead wild rabbit with him.

I mean, you didn't see anyone
after you left, did you?

He was an extremely shifty,
odd-looking bloke.

Why does no-body treat me
like a human being?

No, I didn't see anything.

Ah, it's just that the woman
across the road said she saw

a shadowy figure on my driveway
beating something with a torch.

She was probably mistaken,
it was very dark.

Well, it would have been, but the
torch was switched on. Switched on?!

Yes, it does seem quite stupid.

Yeah, stupid!

Very stupid!

I was thinking of going
to the police. Huh?

You don't mind if I give them
your details, do you?

In case they want to ask you if
you saw anyone as you were leaving.

Well, of course you can.
But I think you're being too hasty.

When I was little,

my rabbit was always running off
and coming back by itself. Really?

Yeah, he's probably in your garden
somewhere, right under your nose.

Oh, imagine that!

It's probably just lonely. Ours was.

In the end we got it a guinea pig
to keep it company

and it never escaped again.

Well, maybe you're right,
I'll wait a couple of days

and see if she comes back.

I'll leave you to your rehearsals.
Nice to meet you...

Elephant Man.

You've all been most kind.

Oh, God, I feel ill.

YOU feel ill! My throat tastes
like Roger Rabbit's jock strap.

Why the hell did you leave
the bloody torch switched on?

Oh, sorry, I screwed up.

If only I was as quick-witted
as my good friend, Warren Burrows.

At least I put Paul off
from going to the police.

For a day or two. He'll still phone
them when Button doesn't come home.

Button will come home. How?

By Sellotaping the salvageable bits
to a very small method actor?

No. By buying a replacement.

One that looks exactly like Button.

BEFORE I hit it.

Any luck? No.

Well,
there's one shop left on the list.

If we can't find a match in there,
we're just going to have buy any and dip it paint.

Spoken like a true animal lover.

You can talk, Elmer Fudd.

"Oh, I'm gonna bash your bwains out

"and put you in the twunk of my car,
you wascallly wabbit."

Hello. I'd like to see to
the manager, please.

Can you say
"Rabbit murderer! Rabbit murderer!?"

What about this one?

Perhaps your client would
prefer a rubber one -

they bounce off cars more easily.

Just start looking.

Excuse me, mate.
I'm looking for a rabbit.

But it has to be a specific kind.

Needs to be about that big,
black with a sort of white mark

round it's neck,
white feet up to about...

Look, just like that.

Well? I don't work here.

There. Look,
it's exactly like Button.

Black and white, white toes,
everything.

It's perfect.

Excuse me. Um, we want that black
and white rabbit, please.

Sorry, love.
That one's not for sale.

Not for sale? What are you, a zoo?

I'm keeping that one
back for breeding.

That's disgusting.

People like you
shouldn't be allowed near animals.

I'm joking. It's people like her that
shouldn't be allowed near animals.

Look, I'll pay double.

Sorry, love.

But we need it!

My daughter's grandaddy
has just died.

She's really upset.

And she saw that rabbit earlier
and fell in love with it.

Don't cry.

OK, fine.

Fine. You can have the rabbit.

Thank you so much.

I'll go and get a box.

What was that?

Just something I do to manipulate
hopelessly weak men.

It's how you got me
to take the rabbit back to your client's house in the first place.

Was it?

I'm sorry, OK. But I was desperate.

I really needed that contract and I
didn't know what else to do, I just thought... Well, don't do it again!

Sorry.

Oh, God!

We need to get out of here.

See that, if you ever
want to escape, it's that easy.

What about this one, Daddy?

Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying
a guinea pig for my daughter.

Her rabbit's gone missing,

and I understand they're pretty
good company

for when it - hopefully - returns.

I ought to warn you,
that one's a bit of a biter.

But I love him, Daddy.
Can I have him? Please?

Well, if it isn't Warren Burrows.

Oh, hello.

What are you doing here?

I have to get
a present for a mate's dog.

Try before you buy.

You wouldn't be trying to buy a real
rabbit by any chance, would you?

No. Yes, you are.

I've changed me mind.

You were desperate for it
a minute ago.

I bet you were, you sick bastard.
What's in the pillowcase?

Nothing. Show me.

No. It's just my packed lunch.

He's got a dead rabbit in there.

Your packed lunch?
This is worse than I thought.

Open it. No. Open it!

Rabbit murderer!
Rabbit murderer!

Now what? We could send
Daisy back to the pet shop.

Have you still got
the receipt for her?

There's three problems
with that plan.

One - the shop's now shut.

Two - it's bank holiday weekend,
and three - it involves Daisy.

There's only one thing for it.

We have to break into that pet shop
and steal that rabbit.

That window looked quite flimsy.

I reckon you could wrench it open
with a duck's beak, or just smash it with a kitten.

Are you serious? If that rabbit
suddenly goes missing, that pet shop

owner's bound to connect it to
the same loony from this afternoon.

Unless someone else gets the blame.

Who? We also break in to the zoo,
and release a wolf.

The shopkeeper won't know
there's a rabbit missing, will he?

He'll still have
the same number of rabbits.

Except one of them will have passed
away peacefully in its sleep.

All right,
passed away violently in its sleep.

Exactly. How does a rabbit in
a pet shop end up looking like that?

It'll be fine, we'll clean it up,
no-one will notice.

Right. Let's do a burglary.

One of us needs to buy a crowbar,
the other two need to remove

congealed blood
from a dead animal's carcass.

Where are you going?
To buy a crowbar.

I can't believe
we just committed a burglary.

Don't worry, where you're from,
it's called learning a trade.

Anyway, so far so good.

Let's not tempt fate.

Tempt fate?
The way fate's been screwing with us the last couple of days,

I don't think it needs tempting.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say
she's gagging for it.

There's something in there.

Oh. It's that guinea pig
they bought from the pet shop.

Ah, that's nice, he took my advice.

That'll stop Button
running away all the time.

I'm don't think you're properly
following this story, are you?

Just put it in the hutch
and let's get out of here

Ow!

Ow! Shush!

Do something!

Not that, you lunatic! Then what?

Buy nine more and then
I'll have a pair of gloves!!

Ow! Ow!

Just go and get the bloody rabbit,
I'll get the guinea pig.

Come on, little bunny rabbit.
Come on.

Come back with me.

I'll take you back
where it's nice and warm.

Thanks again, Fate.

I was right,
you dirty little temptress,

you really are gagging for it,
aren't you?

Is this the dirty little temptress
you're looking for?

No. I think it is.

No, it's not.

I'm after a rabbit.

Sophie, lock him in the hutch.

Don't even think about it, Princess.

Look, I wasn't trying to do
anything to your guinea pig.

Just like I wasn't trying to do
anything with your rabbit.

In fact, believe it or not,
your rabbit was here a minute ago,

till it ran away.

Just like you keep
running away from me?

Well, not this time...

Do you know hard it is to eat
carrots when you've got no teeth?

I'm not scared. Is that right?

Yeah. I've got a blender.

Daddy, look!
It's Button! She's come back!

I told you she was here.

See, I'm not lying, I never took her,
she must have just escaped.

Why are you in my garden
in the middle of the night?

I just wanted to find Button for you.

Why?

Because I felt guilty

about giving your daughter
a sack full of dead, wrong rabbit.

Come on, we've all been there.

I think somebody owes me an apology.

Well, I suppose I may have jumped
to the wrong conclusion.

Daddy?
You know I was born a little girl.

Will I always be a girl?

Of course you will, darling. Why?

Because...

Button's grown a willy.

Don't! Please!

I lied,
I haven't really got a blender!

Stop!

I think I've got some
explaining to do.

So, um, now that's all cleared up
and explained,

I'll get those contracts back to you
first thing in the morning.

I don't think so, do you, Lucy?

Well you know what they say,
"You can't blame a girl for trying."

Yeah, but they also say
"You can blame a girl for running

"over your daughter's pet rabbit,
beating a second one to death,

"kidnapping another and having
an arsehole for a friend."

To be honest with you, if you hadn't
broken down in tears like that,

I probably would have
reported you to the police.

But call me sentimental
but I hate to see a grown man cry.

You've been very understanding.

Are you sure you don't want us

to take that other rabbit back
to the pet shop?

No, Sophie seems quite attached
to him, so we're going to keep him.

But you go back to that
pet shop as soon as it opens and you pay that man.

For the rabbit
and for the damaged window.

And I will be checking.

OK.

Can we please just go home and
forget any of this ever happened?

I'll go and get the torch.