All language subtitles for Hustle.S04E03.Getting.Even.DVDRip.x264-skorpion

You've got to stop fretting about me,
you got more to worry about.

But you hate it here, I know you do.

Will you stop worrying?

You're me dad. Who else is going to?

Just let them sell the house, son,
I don't want any fuss.

No, that's yours.
You worked all your life for that place.

Good afternoon, everyone...
Everything all right?

Good. Now, it's been reported to me
that some of you

are going out
into the garden unsupervised.

If you continue to do so,

then you will have to visit the office
and sign a disclaimer.

You may not care if the home is sued

when we have
to drag you out of the lake...

but I do!

Excuse me, I don't think
that's any way to talk to people.

- Sorry...you're who?
- I'm here to visit me father.

Leave it, son.

Well, visiting hours are over.

Helen will show you out.

Any danger of finding
a mark yet or what?

Albert's out working the clubs.

Here. I could help Albert
rope in the marks.

Only, I read that the better the roper,
the better the con.

And everyone knows
Albert's the best there is.

Listen, mate,

the real key is the inside man,
all right? He's the brains, OK?

He's the one who puts the whole show
together covers the angles...

Yeah, Danny's our inside man, Billy.

I mean, not that roping ain't important,
it is,

and believe me Albert is a legend, OK?

But if you've roped somebody in,
what you gonna do without an inside man?

Coffees all round? Do you want tea?

Er, thanks, Eddie, yeah.

But what's an inside man
gonna do without a mark?

Thanks, Ash,
I was just about to get to that.

So it's a chicken and egg thing,
the chicken's important,

but without an egg
there won't be a chicken.

Vice versa.

The chicken, on its own,
may provide the egg,

but it's the egg that you actually want.

Tell me I'm wrong, Ash.

- I'm not sure I can.
- D'you want scrambled eggs?

This is all part of your education, son.
I hope you're taking it in.

- Yeah, I think so.
- Good, right, off you pop.

Pick my suit up.

You're meant to be training him up,
not sending him on YOUR errands.

I am training him up.

What about all that chicken
and egg stuff I just gave him?

- Croissant?
- Yeah, be fair, Stace.

I mean, he does need
the chicken and egg stuff.

When the kid's ready,
give him a shot at the title.

I could always nip out
and get a pineapple.

Why is Eddie being so nice to us?

Must be time to pay the tab.

Don't worry about that and...

these are on the house.

Now, he's really freaking me out.

It comes to something when a bloke
can't buy his mates,

his very best mates, breakfast.

Hang on a minute, hang on a minute.

Two possibilities here:

either it's not really Eddie and
it's just his body possessed by aliens.

- Or...
- He wants something.

So, which is it?

Can you lend me 50 grand?

When me mum died,

the old man...
he just sort of went to pieces,

he was rattling about in that house.

He couldn't cope on his own.

So he went into this nursing home?

They were really nice when he got there,
his own room, people he could talk to.

I mean, he really came out of himself.

So what changed?

It got taken over.

This new bird came in...

The fees nearly trebled in four months.

So move him out.

Well, that's the trouble. Me dad
wants to go home, but he can't.

When I tried to get him out,

the small print on the contract
ties him in for five years.

And get this -

even if he dies in the meantime,

his estate is still liable
for the whole five years.

They can't do that.

In the contract, me dad's
house was put up as security.

I'm already five grand behind
with the new fees,

I need another 40-odd to buy out
the rest of the contract.

And if I can't find the money
to pay them off,

me dad loses his house, everything.

Sounds like you've been conned.

It's people like that give
honest grifters a bad name.

I vote we take them down on principle.

Yeah, me too.

I'll rip up your tab.

I've tried everything, old boy,
really I have.

I'm not being funny, Neville,

what's a chap got to do to get
a knighthood these days?

I mean,
you could buy one until last year,

when all this Levy carry on started up.

And if I throw any more at damned
charities, I'll soon be one myself.

Uncle Freddie got one just
by bunging some under-secretary 50K.

- Cheerie-bye, Nev.
- Cheerio.

Hugs to Felicity.

- May I?
- Of course.

James Alderman.

Jonathan Mortimer-Howe.

I don't recall
seeing you here before, Jonathan.

New member.
Thought it time I increased my circle.

Ah, not a bad thing.

Er, what do you do?

Banking. You?

I'm a civil servant.

But you're American.

I'm on attachment from the White House.

Here to work
on the Honours List Committee.

I say, old boy, erm,
let me buy you a brandy.

Thank you.

Morecombe Hall Nursing Home,

family run for 12 years,
bought out six months ago by this woman.

Veronica Powell.

Any other interests?

Yeah, I've checked with Companies House
and been through her accounts.

From what I can make out,
this nursing home is a new venture.

She made most of her money in property.

In fact, she's still got a property
company and an auction house.

So why has she suddenly
bought a nursing home?

If you ask me,
it's a bigger con than we thought.

How?

She buys this place,
then she whacks up the fees,

so the elderly residents have to
sell their property to pay for it.

Which she then sells through
her own property company.

No, it's worse than that.

She convinces them to sell
through her own auction house.

She forgets to invite
any serious bidders,

buys the lot herself for next
to nothing, and sells them on later.

She's not silly, is she?

And the money she pays for the houses,
she gets back anyway,

when she collects the fees
for the nursing home.

So basically she's just
nicking old people's houses?

- Yeah, you got to admit it's clever.
- Poor, poor Eddie.

And if she's smart enough
to put this together,

she's not gonna be easy to take.

Good news - we have a mark.

Oh, Albie, sorry.

We've kind of been sidelined.

- Oh, why?
- Yeah, Eddie's in trouble.

Right, I'll fill Albie in.

- And what should I do?
- You, you stick with me, take notes.

Right, Stace, get close to
this Veronica bird, all right?

Find out what makes her tick.
She's got to care about something.

OK, kids,
let's show old laughing chops

just what happens when you mess
with a grifter's favourite barman.

For God's sake, man,
it's the wrong temperature.

I think you'll find it's correct, madam.

If you don't want my opinion, what's
the point of me bloody tasting it?

A good Pinotage should be
served at around 63 degrees.

You've taken this from the fridge.

I will go and check, madam.

Check with who?
You're the bloody sommelier.

Just bring me another bottle.

Do your job properly, moron.

Good for you for speaking up.

I'd jolly well like to see
how people would react

if their food came out
at the wrong temperature.

My point exactly.

The problem is,
they're all bloody foreigners.

Well, absolutely.

These restaurants think
that if you've got a French accent,

it automatically
qualifies you to talk about wine.

Hear, hear! I completely agree.

Jane Porter.

Jane. Veronica Powell.

Jonathan.
James Alderman.

I'm going to be out of town
for a few days.

I thought perhaps
we could meet up before I go.

I may have some interesting news
for you.

- Oh, can you meet today?
- Of course.

- Say, an hour?
- Where will you be?

- The Old Emperor's Ballroom.
- Right.

- See you there.
- Cheers.

Honestly, Jane, it's like
dealing with bloody children.

I sometimes think it's more like
a creche than a nursing home.

Same lavatory etiquette.

Oh, no, please,
I just don't do old people.

What I've learnt is it doesn't matter
what you do for them,

they moan, moan, moan, moan, moan.

So you may as well do bugger all.

You know,

if I wasn't making so much bloody money,
I'd be all for euthanasia.

At 60. Solve the pension crisis,

stop the world smelling of urine
in one fell swoop.

Talking of which...

Now, I don't mind doing the little jobs.

I just want to learn, you know?

I want you to give me
everything you got.

Sure, sure. I can't give you
everything I've got, obviously.

I mean, there wouldn't be enough room.
But I can give you some.

- All right.
- OK, first rule of the con,

you can't cheat an honest man.

All right.

You feed the greed,
you offer something for nothing,

you give them nothing for something.

Oh, I can't believe
I'm sitting here with Danny Blue!

No, we can hardly believe
it ourselves sometimes

Of all the vile, rude, dishonest,
low-down, deceitful, scheming,

horrible, evil bitches I ever met,
that woman beats them all.

- You talked to her?
- An opportunity came up.

I thought it'd be quicker to do it then.

OK, so what d'you
think, are we on or not?

- Oh, yeah, definitely we're on.
- How?

Wine. She's a real buff, apparently,
and from what I can gather,

she'll quite happily pay thousands to
add the right vintage to her collection.

How many thousands?

Her biggest buy so far was �18,000

for a bottle of 1978 Montrachet,
three years ago.

18 grand for a bottle of wine?

Some people
have more money than sense.

Yeah, our favourite kind.

OK, so we do a wine con.

- Can you knock something up?
- Might take a few days.

After talking to that woman,

I don't want Eddie's dad in there
any longer than he has to be.

So we'll have to get
some already made up,

and I know just the man.

It's upside-down!

Do you mind?

This is very delicate.

- I thought I'd locked the door.
- You did.

I need a bottle of wine.

How much?

Something that sells
for a small fortune,

but when we buy it, costs 30 bob.

Nothing new there then.

Who have I got to fool?

Amateur or professional?

Amateur.

So something recognisable that rings
all the bells when she does a search.

A lady?

Not very gentlemanly.

Oh, believe me, Vinnie,

she's no lady.

Sorry to drag you out here, old boy.
Bank business.

Yeah, one of our clients is looking
for a loan to refurbish this place.

If you ask me,
it'd be kinder to knock it down.

It was quite a place in its heyday.

Really?

- Yes.
- Well, our chap's good for the loan.

If he chooses to waste it on this place,
that's his lookout.

So, you said you had some news.

Yes, I do.

Where you been?

Just finished putting

Jonathan on ice.

And?

He's where
we'll find him if we need him.

Good. OK, excellent.

Listen up, troops,

Ash is sorting us out
with a moody bottle wine.

Something she should recognise
and want for her collection.

Now, Stacie has already made contact,
so she can work the inside with me.

As what?

What about we lead her to Billy here?

He's a tea leaf.
Done over a stately home.

Got rid of all the silver candlesticks.
Now he's looking to shift the plonk.

Yeah, but I don't know
anything about it, so I come to you.

Excuse me! I do the plans.

- Sorry, Danny.
- Thank you.

OK, so he don't know
anything about the wine,

so he comes to me - his uncle.

Uncle?

Problem?

Me sister could have
married a black bloke.

But then he'd be mixed-race.

Well, I could be from your...
your sister's husband's first marriage.

So he'd be your step-nephew.

Right, he's a mate of me nephew's.

Yeah, what colour is he?

Don't matter what colour he is,
he's me bleedin' nephew, ain't he?

I'm his mate?

- Yes!
- Right, gotcha.

- Where was I?
- Your nephew's friend

just robbed a stately home.

Thank you, Albert. OK,
so he brings me a bottle of wine.

Why?

Work on that bit later.
Right, OK, phase two.

The convincer.

Your best bet is something
that sold at auction recently.

That way they get
pound signs in their eyes.

- What's this one?
- Finished that last night.

A 1947 Chateau Petrus.
What would that go for?

Ten, fifteen grand.

Yeah, I might need something
meatier than that.

Top-end stuff is harder to do.

Oh, come on, Vinnie, you must
have something special lying about.

Got a couple of bottles
that could fetch 50K upwards.

A lot of hard work
went into perfecting them.

Yeah, I had a feeling it
might have done. How much?

- Three grand.
- Are you sure?

OK, two and a half.

But only if Miss Monroe
delivers the money... personally.

Two grand,

and she'll sit on your lap
while you count it.

So, Albert's the independent wine
expert and he'll give a valuation.

Right. When she tries to do the deal,
we say Billy here will only take cash.

Well, what if she doesn't bite?

Then we have plan B. First rule
of the con, always have a plan B.

Sorry.
What's the first rule again?

You can't cheat an honest man,
or always have a plan B?

Listen, you got to adapt, all right?

You got to adapt to whatever situation
you find yourself in.

That's the first rule of the
con - be adaptable. That's three.

- Three what?
- First rules!

Danny, you're confusing the boy.

All right, once more for Billy.

Rule one,
you can't cheat an honest man,

rule two, you have a plan B,
rule three be adaptable.

Isn't being adaptable
the same as having a plan B?

- No.
- Why not?

- Because...
- Because Danny says so.

So the first rule is,
what Danny says goes?

Exactly. And then take
the others - bish, bash, bosh.

Shuffle them and Bob's your uncle.

I didn't realise grifting would be
so complicated.

It is the way that Danny does it.

Houston, we have a problem.

Last year,

a crew from the Midlands tried
to pull a wine scam on Veronica Powell.

It was a real amateur affair,
something about rare vintages

coming up on the black market,
after a robbery at a stately home.

Go on.

Anyway, she went to the police
and they set up a sting operation.

Yeah, she thought she was
reporting a straightforward theft.

When she found out she was actually
being conned and the bottles were fakes,

she went into one.

How?

She had her whole cellar
checked by experts.

Now she won't buy anything without
it being verified by her own people.

And I'm talking the full works,

men in white coats, test tubes,
cork probes - you name it.

I'm sorry, Danny.

It's not your fault, is it, Vinnie?

All right, thanks for,
giving us the heads up, mate.

See you later.

I think...we need a re-think.

Is there anything else she talked about?

There's got to be another in.

I don't think so.

What wine gives us
is an emotional response.

With a hard-faced cow like this,
I still think it's our best shot.

But if she's going to lab-test

what we're gonna try and sell her,

it can't work.

Guys...
aren't we forgetting something here?

What?

Well, we're sitting next
to the one and only Danny Blue!

I mean, he can come up
with a plan in, like, five minutes.

What we got? We got wine,

we got Veronica,

we got a bottle...

OK, one, two, three...

No, the other way, idiot!

It's not gonna work cos she's
gonna know it's a fake.

A plan. Here we go with a plan,
here we go with a plan.

Come on... A plan. Come on!
A plan.

How ya doing? I'm all right, yeah.
Bottle of wine?

Fake? That's not a fake bottle of wine,
it's a real bottle of wine.

How's it going?

Good, just putting the finishing touches
to the whole plan thing.

You know, working all the angles,

covering all the moves,
ticking all the boxes...

Not good, then?

No.

It's hard, you know.

The kid looks up to me,

the way I did with you lot
when I first started.

- D'you want us to chip in?
- No.

I ain't much of a leader if I can't
come up with my own plan, am I?

Look, if it helps,

Mickey used to say, "keep it simple".

He'd just work out what the mark
would do, then plan one step ahead.

Yeah, the old
one-step-ahead trick...

Well...

If you can work out the person's
next move, you can plan for it.

All right, say we're talking about
selling someone a fake bottle of wine,

no-one in particular,
just someone, right?

And you knew
that this someone, whoever it is,

you knew they'd run
a lab-test on the bottle

and they'd spot it was fake?

Rig the test.

Or you give her a good enough reason
not to test it in the first place.

Yeah, well, that's as far as I got.

Then the next bit
is what makes the difference

between someone
who can lead their own crew...

..and the rest of us.

I've got it!

- I've got it!
- What?

- You've got it?
- Ready to roll in ten minutes.

There you go, shopping list.

�30,000. 35, 35, thank you.

At �35,000. Do I have 40?

At �35,000 then. 40. Thank you.

At 40,000. This marvellous bottle
of 1787 Chateau d'Yquem, at �40,000.

Going once, and going twice then...

I'm selling at �40,000.

How much money we got, altogether?

- Where?
- Everywhere.

Well, if I empty all the accounts,

sell everything we own
and hit all the credit cards...

maybe... just short of 50,000.

But that would wipe us out.

How much short?

- What?
- How much short of 50 grand?

I don't know, three thousand, I suppose.

- What's he doing?
- Your guess is as good as mine.

- 47, Captain!
- Are you mad?!

I have a new bidder at 47!

- What are you doing?
- I'm selling at 47, then...

Danny, are you mad?!

Sold!

I can't believe you just did that.

Yeah, well,
you got to speculate to accumulate.

I must admit, Danny,
that I don't recall any other plan

that involved cleaning us
out BEFORE we started.

That's because
you're in the presence of genius.

Yeah, well, look on the bright side,

at least it'll pass a lab-test.

And it only cost us everything we had.

I tell you, what I don't get.
Real or not,

if we paid 47 grand for it,
that's what it's worth - 47 grand.

I mean, where's the profit, Danny?

Still working on that bit, yeah.

Please tell me that you're joking.

Look, we know what she's gonna do,
all right, we are one step ahead.

All right, we're one step ahead.

Now what?

Ash, find me an old house, something
on the market, but ain't shifting.

Albert, go to a charity shop -
look potless.

And as we're now all skint, Stacie,

you can raise some money for expenses.
Right, people, let's go.

Time is money. Let's go, go, go!

- Keep the change, love.
- That's very kind.

Thank you.

Lovely.

That's great. Thanks a lot.
Cheers.

Hello, sir.

I saw the For Sale sign and I thought,
I wondered if I could look around?

My name's...my name's Oliver. Yeah?

Problem is, we are frightened
of collecting money,

because we should not be here.

It's OK, he's a friend.

I no beg the government for money.
I work.

We are political refugees.

We have newspaper here, see?

And it is only five numbers,
but it is good, da...?

If you collect for us,
we will share with you, huh?

Can I get you another drink?

Thank you.

Nick? Simon.

You, um,
you do the lottery, don't you?

What's the going rate for five numbers?

That much?

Thanks, Nick.

You will help us, yes?

Tell me,

how much do you think this is worth?

Many thousands, I think.

No, I reckon 500, tops.

Tops?

- What is tops, please?
- At the most.

Oh, 500 is good.

No, it is worth more than that.

It might be, I suppose.

The problem is, they check your ID

when you collect on these things.

Hang on.

I've got an idea.

Cheating bastard! 500 quid for
a lottery ticket with five numbers up!

Don't knock it,
that's how we can do what we do.

Billy, Billy! Yes...

No, that is
a very valuable part of the con.

All right, give me a call back
when you've got everything.

How we doing?

We got a little run-down semi,
been on the market 18 months.

Bloke says he'll settle for 285.

I've got a set of keys,
so the place is ready when you are.

Set it up for tomorrow.
How we doing for expenses?

We got enough.
Just enough to get the job done.

Time to reel in
the Wicked Witch of the West.

Just turn down the thermostats.

We've already had complaints
about it being too cold.

Well, all that knitting
must be producing something,

get them to wear jumpers.

But the relatives...

Ask the relatives if they'd like
to contribute to the heating bills.

We can't do that!

OK. Well just
turn down the sodding thermostats.

I want the last quarter's accounts.

You're kidding me.

- I didn't realise this was your place.
- What are you doing here?

Well, I was asking if you
had any vacancies.

Only my aunt died three months ago

and I'm looking for somewhere
for my uncle.

An objectionable old bugger, but well

there's no-one else you see,
just me and my husband.

Must be such a burden.

As I said, I don't do "old people".

Well, I'm sure we can help.

Have you gone through the fees?

Yeah, er, they all seem fine.

Anyway, he's got a
house which we can sell.

Really?

Yeah, well, I don't see why
I should pay for him.

So what's next?

Well, why don't I come
and see your house.

I mean, your uncle, in person?

You don't need to do that.

Oh, no, no I insist...

And if you're serious about selling,
I have some excellent contacts.

All this, in.

- Can I ask you something?
- Course.

- What exactly are we doing?
- Danny's got a plan.

I've been trying to work it out.

Buying a bottle of wine,
this place, and this.

Yeah, it's best not to try
and get inside Danny's head,

it's a scary place to be.

Sorry I'm late, we had a fall.

Don't worry, are you all right?

Oh, not me love, one of the inmates.

Sorry, "guests". Dozy cow tried
to get out of bed on her own.

Is SHE all right?

A few bruises,
nothing that will get us sued.

My uncle's expecting us.

Oh, good, oh, well let's
get on then, shall we?

Absolutely!

Ten minutes.

Ten minutes, all right, mate.
Ready upstairs?

Yeah, Albert's in place and I've got
a feed through to the van outside.

Good, and tell Billy
to wait at Eddie's, yeah?

I want him out of sight
so we can use him later.

Right.

OK, let's do it.

Show time.

Come through, please.

It's only me!

Uncle?

Uncle, this is the nice
lady I was telling you about.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh, don't get up... Mr...?

- Peterson, Norman Peterson.
- You're American.

Yeah... Uncle Norman
came over during the war

never went home.

What's happening, dear?

Your new home, we talked
about it last night, remember?

Well, I, I like it here.

And you'll like your new home too.

I'm sure my friend could get you
a decent price for this place, you know.

Oh, yeah, well I...
I'll put the kettle on.

'My Lily was born here in London.'

- What's going on?
- Albert's doing his stuff.

'She was in the Navy,
during the war.'

Lily was my aunt.

They were called Wrens,
you know that?

Lily Bond.

She was the most beautiful girl
ever to grace God's green earth.

She had the thickest long brown hair,

with a mass of curls
you could lose yourself in them.

And eyes were so blue you felt
like you could swim in them

and a smile that would
reach out and steal your heart.

I was 18 when I met her and

hell, I'd never
been with a woman before.

They say everyone has a soul mate.

Lily was mine.

This place just
hasn't been the same without her.

Has it, Uncle?

No, no it hasn't.

I'm sure you and your Willy
were very happy.

Perhaps we could look around,

I can give you some idea of the value.

Great idea.

Willy, my ass!

OK, you're on.

You've seen the kitchen,
but there's a marvellous cellar.

Oh, there's the door, you go down.

The light switch on the left,
I'll catch you up.

1787 Chateau d'Yquem.
Must be worth a fortune!

Be good as new with a clean up.

I'm Derek, Jane's other half.

- You must be?
- Veronica.

All right, Veronica?

Cor blimey!
The crap he's got down here.

Brought most of it back
from the war, you know.

The original Stormin' Norman he was.

Liberated Paris single-handed
if you listen to him.

- Well, actually, this bottle's...
- What?

Nothing, no just a very pretty bottle.

Let's give it a go then, shall we?

That's if the old git's
got some glasses.

No, no, not on my account, really!

Er, maybe another cup of tea?

Oh, no more tea, please,
drives me mad with his bleedin' tea.

'Ere ya are, love, look, a bottle of
plonk in the cellar, d'you want some?

- Well, erm...
- Wait!

Well, maybe we should save it for later?

It'll be all right, just get this out.

There we go!

Oh, do you think
it's worth anything?

What?

- The house?
- Oh, er, I'm not sure.

How long's that been down there, Uncle?

I moved here in '46.

Yeah, well it tastes like piss.

'It seems like such a waste.'

You wouldn't say that
if you'd tasted it.

Hang on to that if you want.
Stick a candle in it.

Thank you.

No worries. We've got cases
of the stuff downstairs.

So, Veronica, Jane was saying
something about an auction?

Yes.

Blinding. None of that hanging around,
all those viewings.

In fact, no need to do anything at all,

just, I don't know just,
we just lock the door,

sell the house and contents together.

- Contents!
- Sorry?

No, that's just what I'm saying,
it's a marvellous idea,

selling the house and contents together,

just leave everything as it is.

But I'm... I'm happy here.

I can have a room made available
at the Hall almost immediately.

Sounds like a great idea.

And I know just the company
to handle the auction,

if you'd like me
to get the ball rolling?

Well, I'd, er, I don't like to impose.

Not at all. I'm happy to help.

Time to start packing, Pops!

Was that, or was that not, the best
convincer in the history of the con?

I have to admit,
it's bordering on genius.

Not bordering, Albie,
it's knocking down the bleedin' door

and sitting in the armchair
of genius with an ice-cold beer.

- If, it works.
- It will.

- You're the man.
- Yes, I am.

And if I'm not mistaken,
she should be having that bottle tested

right about...

now.

Well? No doubt.

A 1787 Chateau d'Yquem.

You're completely sure?

Absolutely.

Where did it come from?

Some old codger brought
it back from the war.

He was in Paris. I've heard stories
about how the French used to build

false walls to hide their wines
from the Nazis.

Has he got anything else?

A whole case of the stuff!
Untouched. God knows what else.

You do know that a bottle of the same
vintage sold this week for �47,000?

Of course I do,

I'm not an idiot.

So, what moron opened it?

Yeah, but, why pour it out?

Why not just give her the bottle?

Because this whole thing will only work

if she thinks
that I think it's worthless.

What better way to prove that?

Pour it down the sink.

I'd never have thought of that.

Exactly. First rule of the con, kid.

Expect the unexpected.

That was quite a tale, Albert.

I'm sorry, what was?

"Eyes so blue you felt
you could swim in them".

Almost fell in love with her meself,
just listening to you.

Well, all the best stories
have an element of truth.

What you mean there
really was a Lily Bond?

Oh, yes, yes.
In fact every word was true.

During the war,
I was stationed in North London

It was a maintenance and supply base
for the, US Air Force.

But you've never
talked about this before.

I always thought
you came over in the seventies.

No, that's when I came to stay.

So, when you were at the base,
that's when you met this girl?

Yes, yes, I met Lily
on the second day I was at the base.

The locals had,
put on a dance there to welcome us.

And she had on the most
beautiful silver dress.

And from the moment I laid eyes on her,
I couldn't see anything else but her.

It took me almost an hour to pluck up
the courage to talk to her.

I was in the very same building
only yesterday.

And suddenly everything I felt that
first moment I saw her, I felt again.

Did you see her again?

Yes,

back then they called it "courting".

I begged and borrowed and stole and
conned every weekend pass and leave

I could lay my hands on
and I spent every second with her.

I was very young

and didn't know what love was...

and she taught me.

All of a sudden,

I couldn't picture any

part of my future life
that didn't include her.

Then one morning,
I was awakened at dawn.

They wanted us to fly a B29 Fortress
back to the States.

I had 30 minutes to pack my gear.

And Lily's parents
didn't have a telephone

and I couldn't leave the base,
so I had two choices -

get on the plane or go AWOL.

So, what did you do?

I'm a gambler,
what do you think I did?

I flipped a coin.

I wrote her a letter on the plane
and I posted it as soon as we landed,

but I doubt if she ever got it.

So months passed and the war was over

and I scraped together every cent
I could and I came back for her.

I got off the train,

I got a cab to her street,

and as we were passing the church,
I saw her...

It was her wedding day

and I never even got out of the cab.

Oh, look, I'm sorry, Albert.

It's strange, how the course
of your life can change at the

toss of a coin.

Oh, that's great news.

That's wonderful, yeah I'll tell Uncle,
he'll be very excited.

The auction will take
place tomorrow afternoon.

That's good! Very good.

- How'd she sound?
- She sounded excited.

Hello. My name's Jane Porter
and this is my friend, Burton.

And we're about to spend
an obscene amount of money.

Oh. You look lovely.

But I think we can do better.

Next!

Next!

Definitely not!

You look beautiful!

Oh, that IS the look.

Put the bags in the car, Burton.

Sorry, excuse me.

Oh, my God! When...?

Which hospital?

I'm on my way!

It's my mother, she's had an accident!

I'm going to have to go. I'm sorry...

ring everything up,
I'll send Burton to settle up.

Tell her to hold on until I get there!

- Where you been?
- Sorry, Dan,

had a couple of things to see to.

All right, all the paperwork's drawn up.

The old boy gets his 285,
we get everything over that.

The hard part will be working
out what her top bid will be.

OK. We know she thinks there's at least
eleven bottles of d'Yquem in there.

With the house on top and whatever
else she thinks is in the cellar,

I think she's gonna go 550.

So you make your last bid five
and hope she tops it.

Anything more than that,
I think she might smell a rat.

But if it slows down before that,
you just bail out anywhere past four.

- Got it. Got it.
- Now listen

you're gonna be a flash git agent, yeah?

So you keep your mobile
pinned to your ear,

like you're getting instructions
from someone.

So we done, yeah?

I'll get the drinks in.

Hang on.

Set 'em up, Eddie.

What's going on exactly, Ash?
Cos Danny won't tell me anything.

All in good time, son.

- The kid ready yet?
- Yeah, Danny's briefing him now.

- What time is the auction?
- Half two.

Look...

I've probably got no
right to do this, but...

Sounds ominous.

It was what you said last night.

I know I'm a soppy old sod sometimes,
but I really love you, you know?

I can assure you
the feeling's entirely mutual.

So what you said, it...

well, it bugged me.

Enough to do this.

She's Lilian Cooper now.

Bin it, eat it,
use it, set fire to it.

But I care enough about you
to give you the choice.

Thank you.

OK, lot number 24.

It's a Victorian semidetached
property, three beds,

so pretty
standard example. Valued at 285,000.

Who'll start me there?

Come on, someone, start me off...

Say 220 then?

I have a �220,000 bid.
Can I hear 240?

240, thank you.
Can I see 260?

�260,000, thank you.

I'm selling at that...

At 260,000 then...

280, I have a new bid at 280...

300,000.

320.

350. At �350,000, it's on you, sir.

That's Peter Wainwright's boy.

I'm selling at 350,000 then.

Peter Wainwright, the wine dealer?
That's his son, George.

I don't know what he's
doing buying some tatty semi!

�400,000.

Must be some ruse, knowing Peter.

I might bid myself!

420.

It's on you, sir, at �420,000.

450...

�500,000.

�550,000.

�600,000!

I'm selling at �600,000 then.

I'm stunned, absolutely stunned.

I can't believe we got
such a fantastic price!

Neither can I.

I've just come from signing the papers,
so I can take immediate possession.

I, I don't...
I don't understand that?

- YOU bought the house?
- Yep!

Now just leave the keys on the table
and piss off!

You cheated me!

Well, strictly speaking,
we didn't actually do anything wrong.

You're just a greedy bitch.

- You!
- Yes?

- What?
- You, you...

Spit it out.

I think the tape's got stuck.

You really need to watch your temper.

You'll pay for this!

You already have -
600 grand, to be precise.

Are you absolutely 100% certain?

Yeah? Great, cheers.

It worked!
She's selling the nursing home!

Albert? On my way. On my way...

Right...

- Oh, yes.
- Oh, God, here we go, here we go.

I'd like to propose a toast.

You know, what we did
today was a beautiful thing.

OK, we made a few quid and Eddie's
tearing up the bar tab, but, er...

No, it's not all about that.

It's not all about the money.

Write that down!

No, it's about helping
those that you care about...

To friends.

- To friends.
- Cheers, Eddie.

Come here, Eddie.

- James! You're back!
- Do you have a moment?

I have a very interesting proposition
for you...

And this is all I need to do?

It comes from the very top.

The PM has put health care for the
elderly at the very top of his agenda.

So he needs well run homes
to hold up as shining examples.

More importantly, he is willing to
reward those who help in this endeavour.

A knighthood?

I couldn't possibly promise
such a thing.

Oh, right.
Gotcha.

Are you up for this challenge?

Abso-bloody-lutely!

I'll put the finance in place,

make this the best
damn run home in the country

Excellent.

So what d'you reckon?
I did all right, didn't I?

Well, you had me bum tweaking
there for the odd minute, but...

Yeah, you did all right.

And you know the best news?

We're solvent again!

Good! Right, let's have a divvy up.

Then I might teach the kid here
how to play poker.

They're great, aren't they?

Yeah, they are.

Well, I can't believe it.

I'm actually gonna be a real grifter.

Oh, being a grifter ain't all
champagne and flowers, son.

- What d'you mean?
- You'll find out.

No, go on, Ash. Tell me.

You can't be like normal people.

Have what they've got.

Things like a proper home, a family.

The stuff everyone
else takes for granted.

That's for regular people,

not gamblers or grifters.

So, before you start getting excited
about where you are,

just think about it.

If you're going to live the life...

you might be giving up
more than you think.

No, Danny's lost!

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