Original subtitles

The time was 1864.

The place: The Wild West

An unbridled age of heroes and villains.

Sheriffs and outlaws.

A land overflowing with water, game, timber

...and creatures from a bygone and forgotten age of history.

Even now, modern scholars refuse to accept the

possibility that these events actually occurred.

But they did.

For an entire year the Wild West

was terrorized by these flying devils from Hell.

The creatures attacked furiously and without motive.

They showed no signs of weakness and it was finally proclaimed

that they were invulnerable.

They were indeed pterodactyls.

Creatures that no man could stop.

Our story begins on a dark and stormy night

in the rustic town of Kirksey, Texas

home to the Debbie Dukes Bordello.

So, I could do my sword trick for you...

I'm looking for the man they call: "The Outlaw"

They call me...

"The Outlaw".

Take a seat, partner.

Well, I better be hittin' the ol' dusty trail...

Hold on, partner!

You're among friends... have a seat.

I mean...

SIT. DOWN.

You got 'em?

I traveled more than 600 miles over the Chisos and Chinte Mountains...

...ahead of all them Mescal, Comanche, and Apache for four months.

Oh, yeah. I got 'em.

Oh, they're beautiful.

That they are. That they are.

I'll tell you what: It took a whole helluva lot to get 'em here.

They said you'd be the man for the job.

I can count on one hand the fellas that coulda pulled this off.

And I'm counting on you to take that into consideration

in FULL payment.

I reckon you'll get what's coming to you.

I'm okay!

They shot each other!

Do you think so?

Excuse me... excuse me, Miss Parker?

You're Bunny Parker, aren't you? The famous sharpshooter?

I was there the day you shot that outlaw: Vincent de Molay.

Vinny de Mole.

That's the one. You're a legend! A household name!

Is that all?

Oh, no. You're much more. So much more.

What do you want?

I just wanted to meet you.

Well, you met me. Now go away.

Something else?

Well, the truth is ma'am:

Word around town is that uh... you know...

What?

Well, I really don't know how to say it...

Say what?

Well, ma'am...

Is that right?

Is that what you heard I do?

Is it true?

Come here.

I'll show ya.

AUURGGHH!

Is that what you wanted?! Is that what you heard I do?!

You crazy witch! I'll tell the sheriff!

Eh, blow it out your ass!

-Huh! Bunny Parker.

Yeah, Bunny Parker...

I was there the day she shot Vinny de Mole and saved the town...

...changed my life.

I hear she's living over in Kirskey now.

Kirksey?

I'd love to go and thank her.

Thank her? For what?

For inspiring me and many other girls like me.

She's a great role model.

A role model?

-What's so funny?

She's a drunk now.

I'm being serious.

I am too. She's a drunk.

Now, Miss Crawford, you wanted to see me?

I believe it's about Little Jimmy?

Yes. I don't know how to put this but he's been having a little difficulty in class.

I'll tell you what Miss Crawford: Jimmy was never the sharpest tool in the shed.

But, he's going to be a rancher he doesn't need to be a genius.

Now, is there anything else? I'm a busy man.

Well, actually, yes if you have a moment, sir.

His behavior has been a little unruly.

Unruly, well...

I'm afraid so.

Well, my mama always told me, "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

She'd say it as she was whacking me.

So, what you should do Miss Crawford is use your switch

or whatever you have whenever he gets out of line.

Hello Doris!

You'll never guess where I was.

I was down at the schoolhouse - teacher wanted to talk to me about Little Jimmy.

I told her, "Miss Crawford, you expect me to do your job AND mine?"

How can I do that? How can I split myself in two and be at the school

taking care of Jimmy and be here?

Truth of the matter is...

Doris, I'd rather be with you.

I love watching you. Making sure you're comfy.

Making sure you're nice and warm in there.

Look at this:

"Doris Yates."

Bank robbery, arson...

Public nudity...

and mopery.

I had to look that up! You know what mopery is?

It's exposing yourself to a blind person!

Weeeyooo!

That's nuts!

You are something else, Doris.

I'd like to see if you were still so brave if these bars weren't between us.

Oh, I think I would.

I think if we tangled, Doris, I'd come out on top.

So what's a girl gotta do to get some water around here?

Oh, I understand. You're thirsty?

Water would be nice.

I'd give you some but...

We all out.

Make one more move and it will be your last.

Drop it!

Hands behind your head.

Would you have any interest in an arrangement that...

Not on your life! Go. Move.

-Stand where I can see you.

Now: Take off your clothes.

What?

Did I studder? Take off your clothes.

Do you even know how to use one of those things?

Shut up!

Now...

I'm going to...

It's not even loaded.

You know, one of these days you're gunna have to use one of these things!

I'm a teacher, not a gunslinger!

-Settle down, ladies! Settle down!

Hey! Settle down!

Profits are way down this year

and we need a gimmick to start bringing people back in.

I'm open to suggestions... anybody have anything?

What about a horse-wash?

That sounds complicated.

What if we came to work dressed like animals?

Sascha here can dress like a porcupine...

I don't think anyone finds porcupines sexy!

That's just you: You're a furry!

We could sell tickets to my sword trick!

Are you being intentionally slow?

Men like biscuits.

I make biscuit.

What kinda biscuit? Because that could be multiple things.

What about these?

What the hell are these?

I don't know. I found this bag on the floor the other day.

Maybe it will be a good way to bring people in.

Huh!

Hmm...

The hell?

What the hell are you doing?

What time's dinner?

When I'm hungry!

-I'll let you know.

Did you hear that noise?

Hello?

Anybody out here?

Hello?

What was that?

Probably just a tree branch or something.

Don't be so jumpy.

There it is again.

C'mon, it's nothing!

Go back to sleep.

With an outlaw now on the loose...

Sheriff Steven Winslow had no time to listen to complaints

of flying monsters.

When asked what he thought of these reports

He went on record as saying, "The only thing I'm interested in is proof."

"Hard proof that these things are not the result of overactive imaginations."

Unbeknownst to the sheriff and the citizens of Kirksey

The proof lay hidden

in the desk of Deborah Dukes Riley Masterson III.

Isn't it a little bit late to be making breakfast?

What the hell are you doing here?

That's one helluva egg. Where'd you get that?

None of your business.

Oh, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Look at you: drinking half a dozen bottles before noon. That's disappointing.

Why? You think I could do more?

I bet you I could

Bunny?

What's the problem?

C'mon Bunny you can tell me: What's the problem?

I'm gunna make it crystal clear for you:

I'm broke.

I am so broke.

Well, maybe if you cleaned yourself up a bit...

Quit the drinking...

No! No, no no no no!

Look: Can't I come work for you?

Psh! Like Hell!

What? Why not?

"Why not?" Look at you!

Yeah! Look at me! I could do it.

You? A whore?

Your father would turn in his grave!

My father is alive!

This'll kill him!

Just gimme one week; that's all I'm asking.

I'll give you a night.

Fine.

Fine!

Fine!

Lemme tell you something, Bunny Parker

It's not as easy as it looks!

Men don't just waltz in here from Laredo looking for your loving!

Hey hey!

Well, look who it is...

I just dropped by from Laredo to have me a good time...

Today must be my lucky day.

It SURE is.

Oh, c'mon now!

We don't put our goods on display unless they're for sale...

Let's go upstairs.

Gimme some of that.

I have a better idea.

I'm sure you do.

Come with me!

That hard-nosed sheriff wants proof? I'll give him proof.

Hun, that's my birthday roast!

Yeah, you really deserve a birthday roast after the way you helped me today.

C'mon, Becca, I told the truth!

You honestly don't remember seeing that thing?

I hardly remember anything!

What DO you remember?

I remember...

...The Alamo?

No, Robert, don't...

Robert!

Get inside now... NOW!

Hrmmphhh!

Hrrmpphhh!

Becca! Becca!!

Becca!!!

Noooooo!

"Well, that is quite the story, ma'am...

...but you don't have any proof I see.

Proof?! It took my husband!

Yeah, well, more than likely he walked out on you in the middle of the night...

That's a load of horse manure and you know it.

I wish I did, Miss Crawford.

Good day to you.

Sheriff, time is of the essence. We have to act now!

What is this WE stuff?

Look...

If you want to find it so badly...

Why don't you form the possee?

Me?!

Yes, you!

If you want to save that boyfriend of yours...

You're gunna have to do it by yourself.

No...

Not by myself.

What the hell's got into you, you crazy witch?

You get off my property!

The woman is supposed to make her man breakfast!

I'll make breakfast outta you!

Just who the hell do you think you are?

I'm Bunny Goddamn Parker - that's who I am!

Who are you??

Are you still drunk? I'm George...

You open your mouth again and I'll shoot your crotch, Goerge Jameson.

That's my least vulnerable spot!

I'll certainly have difficulty with so small a target.

You'll be sorry!

Yeah, yeah!

Roaggghh!

Good morning!

Who are you? Why are you behind my tree?

I'm Rebecca Crawford, ma'am.

I was there the day you...

Shot Vinny de Mole!

Yes!

And you were so inspired by my larger-than-life enterprises

that you just had to come and see me in the flesh, is that it?

Well, I...

Maybe...

I'm human just like you...

and I can do anything that any other human can do. Is that such a shock?

No, you're so much more than that.

You're my hero!

What do you want?

I actually wanna hire you for an assignment.

I am not a manhunter anymore.

Those days are over.

What about a dinosaur hunter?

It flew south out towards the canyons

I think it has a nest there.

And you want me to avenge the death of your beloved, is that it?

No, he's still alive. I just want you to bring him back.

Well, that is quite the challenge.

I've seen you shoot.

This should be easy compared to Vinny de Mole.

Easy? You call this easy?

Yeah!

Vinny de Mole was a midget with an itchy trigger finger. This is entirely different!

Not for Bunny Parker!

Look, I know you've been having some trouble lately...

but maybe this is the job to put you back on top!

Why should this drunken has-been help you?

Because this drunken has-been happens to be my hero.

And this hero deserves to ride again.

Are these them?

Sure are.

Pterodactyl eggs.

Now, what the hell is a... ptero...

Ptero...dactyl?

Half bird... half snake... and all devil.

We'd like to return the eggs to its mama and rescue my husband.

You're joking.

The only reason why she's attacking is because her eggs have been stolen.

So, you're going to waltz into this bird's house...

...and you're going to ask it nicely to trade your husband for some of its eggs?

In a nutshell... yes.

If you're doing this, I want in.

Really?

You'd stick your neck out for me?

No!

I don't even know you!

No, if this is as big as you say it is...

I wanna stuff it and put it in my parlor.

You're gunna stuff it?

Wouldn't that be something?

And...

If you let me come with you...

I'll give you access to The Best Chest in the West.

The Best Chest in the West.

I was expecting something entirely different.

Where did you get all these?

When our boys can't pay in cash, we get 'em to pay with something just as valuable.

-Well, they're very nice.

Whaddya say, ladies?

Can this beautiful, young businesswoman accompany y'all on your adventure?

Every journey starts with a first step.

May the Good Lord be with us.

Onward!

Wait.

What is it?

We're walking?

Is that a problem?

We don't have any horses?

Do you see any horses?

Oh, no, no, no - this will NOT do.

Well, what do you suggest?

This is awful! I feel awful!

You'll feel worse after a day of walking...

These horses will get us there in half the time.

Bunny, you're supposed to be the voice of reason...

Please tell me this is a bad idea.

This is a bad idea.

See?!

Wait, do you mean that? Or are you just repeating what I said?

Dammit! I thought he kept this thing unlocked.

That tears it!

No, it doesn't.

Debbie! What the hell are you doing?!

What?!

Who the hell are you?!

I can explain!

You better do so quick!

You wouldn't harm a beautiful young woman and her two friends...

Two friends!?

Especially since all we wanted to do was buy some of your fine horses!

You got cash?

Not exactly... no.

BUT!

But...

I'm sure we can find an alternate form of payment...

can't we, Mr. Wilkinson?

How much did you say those horses were worth exactly?

Step lively, girls!

We're burning moonlight!

Yay! Horses!

Wait, wait, wait! Hold your horses I dropped my hat!

Okay, now let's go.

Alright, it's your first lesson as a shooter, schoolteacher.

First, take note of your surroundings.

When the sun casts long shadows, a man will seem much further than he appears.

At noon the sun will be directly overhead and a man will seem much closer.

How close is too close?

You'll see too much of him.

You'll see how he sweats.

You'll see how he blinks.

And when you take time to see all that...

He'll kill you.

See everything and see nothing.

Alright.

Aim the gun.

Look down the barrel of the gun...

...and gently squeeze the trigger.

Well, I guess we'll be leaving the shooting to Bunny.

No, give her a chance!

Well, I'm moving. I don't want to be hit by friendly fire.

You know, maybe I'd be better off with a rifle.

Woah, woah, woah!

What??

You see this rifle?

See it.

Smell it.

Touch it.

Kiss it.

Kiss it!

This here rifle is Dave.

You can see him...

You can smell him...

You can kiss him...

But no one, and I mean no one, shoots Dave except for Bunny Parker.

Whatever you say.

You really are devoted to that husband of yours.

He's all I've got.

I hate to ask this, but what if he's dead?

He isn't.

Yeah, but what if he is?

He isn't.

Yeah, but what if he is?

He's alive and I know it!

Yeah, yeah.

Wait.

Where's my green bag?

What green bag?

The green bag with all the food in it.

I could have sworn...

Wait, you didn't set it down when we were stealing the horses, did you?

No, of course not.

Let's put that statement to the test. shall we?

Oh my God.

The most important satchel and she leaves it behind.

This isn't my fault.

Then whose fault is it, Deborah?

Shut up, Bunny! I don't need you to call me Deborah!

You packed whiskey - you didn't pack food?

If anything, it's anything but our fault!

If you would've got horses for us

we wouldn't have had to steal these!

Then you wouldn't have forgotten our food

Is that it? Yes!

I figure we have three days until we reach the canyon.

I'm going home. Like hell you are!

What do you suggest? We starve halfway there?

We'll find food along the way!

Sure! Manna from Heaven will fall into our laps.

I say we go back, we stock up, and we come back later.

Robert might be dead by then!

He might be dead by now, babe!

Knock it off!

Wait...

What if we ate one of the eggs?

Debbie!

I mean, we have a bunch of them! It won't even miss it.

Oh, I'm sure that'll make the mama real happy.

How do you know the mama doesn't eat her own eggs?

A mother wouldn't eat her own children!

A human mother! But we're talking about a ptero...

A ptero...

A PTERODACTYL!

A pterodactyl! Much obliged!

Gimme that.

No! Bunny, help me out here!

I agree with Debbie on this one.

What?!

Now look at what you did!

So help me God if you...

What?

Well, I'll be...

And you wanted to eat him!

When you're done playing nurse-maid to that thing

could you possibly shoot us something to eat

before I gnaw off my arm in starvation?!

Have you seen any wildlife this morning?

Someone or something scared them off.

I can't take this anymore.

Oh my God...

What do you think you're doing? I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Don't do that!

I'm hungry!

Do you even know what those are? Berries!

They're gunna make you sick!

Nah! I got an iron constitution!

You're gunna delay us like two hours!

Why? What's gunna happen?

I know. The stupid lady had to go eat those poisonous berries after we told her not to

and delay us four hours!

Terry! No! No! Come back! -He'll never come back!

No, I think he will. Here, gimme Debbie's coat.

Hey, Terry! Terry?

Here Terry!

C'mon, boy! C'mon!

Hey, how'd you do that?

D'ye ever see a bullfight?

Yeah, so?

Y'know, the matador holds a red cape and the bull charges?

So?

I think that the same principle can be applied here.

Ladies...

I have come to the very difficult decision...

I'm going home.

You know, we're not gunna last much longer if we don't get some food.

Something will turn up.

The odds are on our side.

You really are something.

Y'all smell that?

Someone's cooking chicken.

Not here, girl.

No, I'm serious.

Why don't you go back to bed?

No, wait. I smell it too.

What did I tell you? What did I tell you?!

Get down! Are you crazy?

No. I'm hungry! And it's my fault we're in this mess.

Don't worry. I'll cover you.

Not to worry, ladies. My methods are much simpler.

Oh, not again.

Well, hey there, boys.

You boys wouldn't be willing to help me and my friends get a little din-din for tonight

Would you?

Well...

What's in it for us?

Well...

She's got guts. A lot of guts.

What's she gunna do with both of them?

So, what do you say?

What do I say?

Haha! What do you think I say, Debbie?

C'mon out, girls!

-We thought you'd need a hand so... we came to help you out!

Oh.

We tracked these winged beasts to their cave at the bottom of that cliff.

-And we picked up a friend along the way.

C'mon out, Doris!

Come to think of it, we should've just let you think we were men.

Could've had us some fun.

Oh my God.

Here we go again.

Everybody move!

They're coming back around!

Hold your fire... hold your fire!

-Hold your fire!

Hold your fire!

Take 'em!

We have your eggs! We have your eggs!

Jesus, c'mon!

C'mon!

Forget this!

It's the bandana! Take off the bandana!

I can't hear you - what?!

They're attracted to the color red!

I can't hear you!

Panuelo rojo!

What?!

Paneulo rojo!!

What??!

Haha! I guess it's time to bring out my sword trick!

He's all yours!

Doris! Doris!!

yyeaaaooowwww!

Ugh!

Aaah!

Huaaogh!

I'm so sick of this.

Eat this, scum!

Look out!

Hit the deck!

Rebecca Crawford.

Schoolteacher and devoted wife.

Her friends...

...dead from an explosive and fatal dinosaur attack.

Alone with nothing but a stick of dynamite, a metal bucket and some string.

And yet, Rebecca Crawford hatches a plan.

A plan so remote...

...so implausible that it fringes upon insanity.

But it could work.

For her husband...

...it's got to work.

Shh! Shh!

Robert!

Robert!

Robert!

Robert, wake up, please!

Robert, it's me!

Robert, please wake up.

Don't be dead, please wake up.

Robert, it's me...

Oh my God!

Hi!

Oh my God!

Becca?

Yeah, it's me!

Oh, thank God! Thank God!

This ends now.

Becca!

What the hell are you doing?

I'm gunna distract it and when it comes this way, you pull the string.

And then what?

Terry will take care of the rest.

Who the heck is Terry?

What if it doesn't work? It will work!

There's four bullets left but I think the powder is damp.

We're not gunna need it. -Just in case!

C'mon, Terry! When you see the red paint you gotta do your stuff, okay?

-C'mon, we're all counting on you.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, you!

How 'bout some geniune 180 proof all Anglo-Saxon, baby?

Whoop!

Get ready, Robert.

Almost there.

Get ready.

And...

Do it!

It's stuck!

I love you, Robert.

Hey! Hey!

Oh my God!

Let's move it!

Oh, shit!

Aah!

What are you waiting for? Light the friggin' dynamite!

Bunny, you think you can shoot it from here?

I can't...

I've hurt my hand.

But I know someone who can.

You can do it.

We need a new hero.

There's only one hero in my book.

I'm sorry there's no carcass for you to display, Debbie.

I have a better idea.

And thus it was done.

Reunion, reward and redemption for our heroes.

And for Doris Yates and the girls at the bordello

...who did not die...

...a chance for rejuvenation.

What can I do for you, love?

Uh, yeah, uh, can I get some mopery?

You've got five minutes.

Alright!

I've been dying for one of these.

Alright, you gotta help me out here...

...I'm blind.

I'm done.

Now, didn't I tell you my sword trick would save the day?

Didn't I?

If you knew the drama this caused.

Let's be honest, if it wasn't for my slip-up with the dynamite...

Would we even be here today? -You're absolutely right.

Thank you! Can we get more whiskey?

That's how I lost this here eye.

Now, I'll never look at anything the same way again.

Hi, honey!

George Jameson.

That's right. We never did get to make up now, did we honey??

No, we sure didn't.

I got you something.

Oh, how thoughtful!

Thank you, honey.

Sick 'em, Terry!

Wait! No! No! NOOO!

Never again.