All language subtitles for Bill.and.Ted.Face.the.Music.2020.1080p.BluRay.x264-SOIGNEUR.SDH

- [Thea] Ready, B?
- [Billie] Ready, T.

Okay.

[Billie] This is the story
of our most excellent dads.

I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.

And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.

And we're Wyld Stallyns!

[Billie] This was probably
the first time you saw 'em.

Let's rock!

[Thea] And this was
probably the last.

[Billie] Not long
before we were born,

they were told they
were gonna write a song

that was gonna
unite the entire world.

[Thea] Which they thought
they had done with their hit single,

"Those Who Rock."

[Billie] Not only did it
not unite the world...

but the band fell apart.

And our dads, alone now,
were trying harder and harder.

[Thea] But the problem
was, the harder Dads tried...

[Billie] ... the less interested
people seemed to be in their music.

[Thea] Not only was it wearing
on them and on the family.

[Billie] But the
universe they were told

they were gonna bring together,

was actually
starting to unravel.

Yeah, time was
folding in on itself.

It was bad.

What?

[Thea] Totally, dude.

Make some noise!

[exclaims]

[Billie] Anyways, this is how
we got to where we are now.

[Ted] Hello, friends
and loved ones.

Let us welcome you, one and all

to this most joyous
of occasions!

Ted and I have known
Missy in different capacities

for many decades.

First, she was our
babysitter when we were ten.

Then we both
invited her to the prom

when she was a senior
and we were freshmen.

Yeah!

Two years later,
she married my dad

and Missy became Mom.

After divorcing Bill's
dad, she married my dad

- and became my mom.
- Yeah.

And now she's marrying
Ted's little brother,

Officer Deacon Logan.

[guests clapping]

[Ted] Yeah.

Missy, Bill and I,

along with my
beautiful wife, Elizabeth,

and our daughter, Billie.

And my beautiful wife,
Joanna, and our daughter, Thea,

all wanna welcome you back.

[Bill and Ted] With open arms.

[guests applaud]

This happy event
would seem to make

Deacon his own father-in-law

and Ted his own uncle.

Not to mention making
my dad his own son.

[Ted] And with that
beautiful thought in mind,

for your first dance,

we wish to present you
with a matrimonial offering.

A sneak peek at
the world premiere

of our newest sonic creation.

We're not sure if
this is going to be

the song that unites the world.

We're pretty sure it might.

- At least we hope.
- Yeah.

Sure to be another real
doozy from the Wyld Stallyns.

[Ted] Check one two three.

Let's dance, Freaky Deaky.

You got it, Kissy Missy.

Your dad used to call me that.

Totally aware of that, babe.

Please enjoy the first
three movements of...

"That Which Binds
Us Through Time."

The Chemical, Physical,
and Biological Nature of Love.

An Exploration of the
Meaning of Meaning.

Part One.

[guests clap]

- [Ted clears throat]
- [Bill] Ah.

- Ready, Bill?
- Ready, Ted.

- One.
- Two.

One, two, three, four.

- [electronic music playing]
- [throat singing]

[playing]

[music continues]

[throat singing]

[turns off speakers]

Dad, I've told you
a thousand times,

Bill and I have
to keep going till...

Yeah. Till your music
unites the world.

Chief Logan, the people
in the future told us...

- Bill, you didn't time-travel.
- [Bill] We did.

Your wives aren't
from medieval England.

[Bill] They are.

- And you didn't go to Heaven and Hell.
- We did!

- You didn't!
- [Bill] We did!

And you know why?

Because it's impossible.

Here's a real idea for you two.

Here it comes, dude.

Get real jobs.

Be role models
to your daughters.

Oh, never mind.

You are.

They're 24, they live at home

and they're unemployed.

You remember when
you used to call them

"Little Bill," "Little Ted"?

We thought it was cute, Gramps.

Hey.

Yeah. Well, it turned
out to be a curse.

All I ever see them do is
sit around, listen to music.

That is our primary activity,

- definitely.
- Yeah.

You guys okay?

Joanna, Elizabeth,

how do you feel about being

the only adults
in your families?

The only ones with actual jobs?

Let's pack up.

Don't listen to him.

I really appreciate
you doing this.

I know it wasn't your choice.

Of course, Jo.

I really want this to
work for both of us.

Yeah.

Oh, hey.

How's it goin', dude?

Great, dude.

- Hi!
- Hey, Jo.

Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry, is this
the right day?

Yeah, totally.

So, do you understand
why this situation

might seem at all
strange to your wives?

No. Not at all. Why?

Well, when your wives
suggested couples therapy,

do you think that this is
what they had in mind?

Well, definitely.

I mean, we're a
couple of couples, right?

- That is true.
- Yeah.

But usually, with
couples therapy,

it just means one couple.

- That makes sense.
- Yeah.

Well, but, you know, we're here,

so let's work with that.

- Yes?
- Yeah.

Okay, great.

Ted, is there something you feel

your wife needs
to hear from you?

Yeah. Totally.

We love you guys.

Oh, that is good, dude.

[Dr. Taylor] In a way, yes.

I mean, it is
great to feel loved.

But do you understand

how that might sound
strange to your wives?

I'll shoot this at Bill.

No.

I mean, we love 'em.

"We love them."

- Yeah.
- Yeah. We do.

Okay. It's the "we" part.

Ted, can you say the same thing,

but instead of "we,"
say "I" in the sentence.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Okay.

- Of course.
- [Bill chuckles]

Okay.

- Elizabeth?
- Yes.

I and Bill love you and Joanna.

Okay.

Dude, with all due respect,

I don't think you're
quite getting this.

- Okay go for it, dude.
- Okay.

[clears throat]
I'm gonna do one.

Yes, go for it, dude.

- Great.
- Okay.

[clears throat]

[exhales heavily]

Joanna?

From the very, very bottom of I

and Ted's hearts,

I and Ted, totally
love and worship you

and Elizabeth.

- Perfect, dude.
- Awesome, dude, thanks.

Joanna, would you or
Elizabeth like to respond to that?

Oh. Well, would you...

Well, it has been tough for us.

At home.

You know, it's been
so hard watching you

beat your heads against
the wall for 25 years

and I'm not sure how much longer

we can keep going on like this.

What?

Well...

Bill, Ted.

I'd love to spend the last part

of this session with your wives.

- Alone?
- Yes, alone.

Right. Okay.

We'll see you at home, okay?

Okay. All right, then.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

[door opens, shuts]

[Ted] Dude, did you
know they felt that way?

We have to fix this.

The thing is,
they're right, Bill.

They're princesses.

Yeah.

We pulled them out of
their lives to be here with us.

And they didn't come
all this way for this.

That's why we gotta
keep working, dude.

But isn't that the problem?

Yeah. But it's
also the solution.

Yeah. I guess.

[music playing]

Dude, this is transcendent.

Is this Fillmore '66?

No, Monterey Pop, '67.

That second sound check
where they did that riff

on Amazing Grace.

How's it goin', Dads?

How's it goin', girls?

How was therapy?

- It went okay.
- Yeah.

Hey, Dad, by the way,
Gramps was wrong.

The wedding song
was most luminous.

Oh, thank you, B.

Glad you dug it, Billie.

[Thea] No, seriously, Uncle Ted,

when did you get so
excellent on theremin?

Your playing rivaled,
and I'm not kidding,

Clara Rockmore.

Thanks, T.

Clara Rockmore was
definitely an inspiration.

Yeah.

- And, Uncle Bill!
- Yeah.

The throat singing, I mean,

it was a whole new
level of eloquence.

Some serious buga khoomei.

Your musical acumen
is most impressive, girls.

- Hey Dad, good luck on the song.
- You got this.

What is it, Ted?

Liz is right.

We have been banging our
heads against a wall for 25 years.

And I'm tired, dude.

Ted.

We have a destiny to fulfill.

Yeah.

And think about our fans, dude.

Bob and Wendy will
totally understand.

Eileen we haven't heard
from for several years.

Bill?

What?

I went into Cyrus
Adler Music yesterday.

He said he'd give me
$6,400 for the Les Paul.

Are you saying...

Yeah.

I think I am.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[both] Whoa!

Dude! Dude!

It's the future!

Greetings, my
excellent friends...

Do we know you?

I'm Kelly.

Wait, you're Rufus' daughter!

I am.

And I've been wanting
to meet you my whole life.

It must be very disappointing.

Not at all.

We have a problem, gentlemen.

Potentially a very
serious problem.

About the music?

About the music. They
just wanna talk to you.

Dude, I got a very
bad feeling about this.

It'll be fine, Ted.

They totally love us
in the future, dude.

[both] Whoa!

Dude, our dads
are totally in trouble.

I feel so bad for 'em.

They've been doing this on
their own for the longest time.

Yeah, I wish there was some way
we could help 'em out, you know?

Yeah.

But how?

[rock music playing]

[both] Whoa!

- Dude.
- Yeah?

- The future.
- Yeah.

Rufus.

Greetings, my excellent friends.

What you're looking at is
the original phone booth...

Gentlemen?

That I used on my first
visit to the Great Ones

way back in 1989.

The prophecy tells us...

Bill and Ted.

Step forward.

How's it goin'?

Great Ones?

It's, uh...

It's good to be back.

What have you got
to say for yourselves?

Be

Excellent to each other.

- And party on, dudes.
- Yeah.

Twenty-five years ago,

Wyld Stallyns played a concert

at the Grand Canyon.

That's true.

One month ago,

you played the Elks Lodge

in Barstow, California,
for 40 people,

most of whom were there only
because it was $2 taco night,

whatever the hell that means.

- Well, yeah. We did!
- Yeah. We did!

You were supposed to
unite the world in song.

According to her father,

a song created
by Preston/Logan...

That's us, dude.

At a concert performed
by everyone in the band

at 7:17 p.m.,

at MP 46,

that's tonight,

will save reality as we know it,

uniting humanity
across all time.

Wait...

I'm sorry.

What?

Did you say,

"Reality as we know it"?

Yes!

[both] Oh!

We need to hear the song

in 77 minutes and 25 seconds.

You have everything you require.

Get to work.

Dude, they totally hate us.

And I've never
even heard of MP 46.

Yeah.

Kelly!

How does a song save reality?

That I can't tell
you, but it has to.

Somehow.

The Great Turntable is tipping.

That there is the center
of space and time.

San Dimas 700
years ago, 7:17 p.m.

My father believed that the song

could be the nexus
point that brings

humanity into
rhythm and harmony.

- How?
- We only discovered this recently,

but without it,
reality will collapse,

and time and space
will cease to exist.

So until 7:17 p.m...

Anything is possible.

And after 7:17 p.m.?

Without the song, there
is no after 7:17 p.m.

This was my dad's.
He'd want you to have it.

It'll help keep track of
the time in San Dimas.

[Ted] "Sometimes
things don't make sense."

"Until the end of the story."

That's what my dad always said.

I'll leave you to it?

Okay.

Now alls we gotta do

is write the greatest
song ever written.

That brings the entire world
into rhythm and harmony.

And saves reality as we know it.

All through...

time.

Dude. We've spent our whole life

trying to write the song
that will unite the world.

What makes us think we
can write it in, like, 75 minutes?

Ted, we had to have
written that song.

The people in the
future told us we did.

Yeah. I guess.

Which means we
have it in us, dude.

Maybe we just
haven't written it yet.

Maybe we're still gonna.

Well, if we haven't
written it yet,

but we know we're
gonna at some point,

why can't we just
go to the future

when we have written it?

- And take it from ourselves!
- Yeah!

Ted! You have had many

counterintuitive
ideas over the years,

but this is by far

the counterintuitivest
of them all, dude!

Except,

won't that be stealing?

How is that stealing

if we're stealing it
from ourselves, dude?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I hope it still works.
- Yeah.

How far into our future
do you think we gotta go?

It depends on when we
think we wrote that song.

Let's be conservative.
Say, two years?

Sounds good, Ted.

Then, once we get the song,

we'll go back home
to right before we left.

And then what?

Unite the world and
save reality, dude.

[powering up]

- Bill, my friend.
- Yes, Ted, my friend?

I have a feeling things
are about to change

in a most outstanding way.

I could not agree more.

[rock music playing]

- You okay, dude?
- Yeah.

- You?
- Yeah.

Let's go say hello to
ourselves and get that song.

It's our rusty bucket, dude.

[man singing] To those who rock

Over here, dude.

They say we're talking the
talk But we're walking the walk

Wait. We're playing
Those Who Rock?

Here?

Rock, yeah!

We are those who rock Everybody!

We are those who rock
Clap your hands now!

We are those who rock

Yeah, rock!

Dude, that's us!

Don't look and they
won't see us, dude!

Bill, wait!

Go, go, go!

- Almost at the van!
- Hey, us's, stop!

Oh, hello!

We totally forgot
you were coming.

- Yeah.
- How great to see you.

What are you talking about?
You totally ran away from us.

Look, guys, we know
exactly what you're thinking.

Why would we be playing
Open Mic Night at 6:15 p.m.

When, in fact, we have become
such huge rock stars again.

Yeah.

Here's the answer.

- Yeah.
- Us being here

is humorously ironic.

Do you believe us?

- No.
- Not at all.

Well, I feel sorry
for you, then.

[sighs]

Dude, I think we came too early.
These other us's don't have the song.

Why don't you go write it yourselves
instead of trying to steal it from us?

You're the one who
couldn't write it, Ted.

[Bill gasps indignantly]

Well, you're the one
who lost his wife, Ted.

[both] What?

What are you talking about?

Oh! Here's what happened, Bill.

After you failed
couples therapy,

Liz and Jo were visited by
other thems from the future

who gave them a phone booth

and sent them all
through time and space

looking for just one life

where they could
be happy with you!

And guess what?

[both] They didn't find one!

And now we've been
alone for two years

'cause you sent our wives away.

No way.

Yes way!

Our wives have been
gone for two years

and you didn't do
anything about it?

You did, all right.

You went back and
you made it worse.

And guess what else?

Your daughters
won't even talk to you.

What?

You're a dick, Ted.

- You want a piece of me, Ted?
- Ted, he's not worth it!

Hey! It's not worth
it, dude. We gotta go.

Yeah! And save our marriages.

Losers! Has-beens!

- Whatever!
- Stop fighting with yourself!

Flashes in the pans!

Stop fighting with yourself!

That did not go well.

Yeah. And your you is a
very contentious dickweed.

Bill, we gotta go back
and talk with Liz and Jo.

On it, dude.

Please, Mother, Dad
said Preston/Logan

and everyone in
the band will unite...

I remember what
he said. Every word.

Well, then, give them a chance.

I gave them a chance

and everything they
could possibly need,

but they bolted.

Kelly,

you know your father
and I agreed on everything,

but there are
other interpretations

of the information
he was acting on.

I'm aware of that.

Many on the council
believe that it is, in fact,

the death of Bill and Ted

that will bring the new epoch.

Well, I disagree
with that completely!

That's atrocious!

Well, maybe someday
when you're the Great Leader,

you can make the decisions

that will affect all
time and space.

You could just say "Leader."

- So pretentious.
- Is it ready?

[man] Yes, Great
Leader. It should be.

- [Great Leader] "Should be"?
- Is.

Madam.

Do you know who I am?

Yes, Great Leader.

You know what to do.

You must not fail.

Must

not

fail.

I cannot believe you're
gonna kill Bill and Ted!

Dad would be so mad at you.

We're out of options, Kel.

The unravelling
has already begun.

Future dude! You're back?

I'm looking for your fathers.
Have they been here?

No.

Where are our dads?

They're in a
tribulation, aren't they?

They are.

Listen, you didn't see
a scary-looking robot

from the future, did you?

What? No.

My mom, who overreacts
about everything

- just sent one.
- To get our dads?

Don't worry. I won't
let that happen.

Well, we're trying
to help 'em, too.

Hey.

Hey, this can go, like...

like...

like, anywhere, right?
Like, all throughout time?

That's correct,
but I need to stay.

My guess is that
my mom's emissary

will be looking for them here.

[Billie] Well,

Thea and I were gonna
help our dads with their music

by putting together
samples for 'em.

Yeah, but now it appears we
could put together an actual band.

[Billie] I mean, it's just
them, and they're all alone!

[Thea] Hey, so, do you mind

while you stay here and wait
for the scary-looking robot,

you could show us
how to use the booth?

Dude, we gotta remember.

Make it better, not worse!

Yeah. I hope
they're still there.

It's just that the job that
they've been given, it is...

- Impossible.
- Impossible.

[door opens]

- Joanna!
- Elizabeth!

- Hi!
- We need to talk to you.

And we're back.

This is super
important, Dr. Wood.

We just saw ourselves
two years in the future.

Wait, you're
time-travelling again?

Only to save
reality as we know it.

Okay. Maybe...

But we just found out
something way worse.

- You're leaving us.
- What?

- What? No, we're not.
- No, are we?

Yes. You are.

Yeah. And you have
real good reason to, Jo.

'Cause we seriously appear

to be living in our van.

Dude, we are totally
living in that van.

And I'm drinking way too much.

- Darling, you don't even drink.
- [Ted] Not yet.

But I'm going to. A lot.

- What?
- Yeah. And the lying.

You cannot believe
what liars we are.

Yeah, desperate,
pathetic, lying losers.

Oh, no! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Okay, let's stop for a moment

and take notice of the dynamic.

Threatened by the
thought of losing your...

- Princesses.
- Sure. That's a word.

No, we actually are princesses.

We were born in 1410.1408.

Okay. What about us leaving you?

Oh, man.

That's totally why we're here.

Yeah. To prove that we're not
the losers we just saw we were.

Even though those
loser us's tried to tell us

not to come and talk to you.

Yeah. Like we were
somehow gonna make it worse.

[laughs awkwardly]

But we're not
making it worse, right?

Elizabeth?

Joanna?

Dr. Wood?

Dude, we totally made it worse.

- We'll be back.
- And make it better.

When you say 1408,
you mean the year...

- One last thing.
- Yeah.

Older yous from the future
are just about to show up

to take you on a trip

in search of a
happy life with us.

Don't go. 'Cause you're
not gonna find one.

Yeah, but you're gonna go.

- So, don't go.
- So, go?

No. I guess, go.

[both] We love you guys.

We're gonna fix it.

That went terrible, dude.

Two years forward
was clearly not enough.

Let's try five this time.

Dude, I miss Liz already.

Hang in there, Ted.

Things are about to
get a whole lot better.

What time is it, dude?

[Ted] Fifty-eight minutes.

Okay, let's go.

Actually, we have to go, too.

Right. Those older us's
they referred to are outside.

I'm a little bit nervous to
time-travel again, to be honest.

As am I. We haven't time-traveled
in more than two decades.

- No, I know.
- You know what, ladies?

I'd like to recommend
we see each other

a minimum of two to three,

five days a week.

- All right, then.
- Lovely. Thank you.

[electricity zapping]

No. No.

No!

- Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa!

It worked.

Most indubitably.

[Billie] You sure this is it?

[blues guitar solo playing]

Uh... Excuse me,
Mr. Jimi Hendrix?

Can I just say it is an honor
to be in your presence, dude?

Electric Ladyland.

What can we even say?

Who are you two?

Oh. Um...

Wilhelmina Billie S. Logan
and Thea Theodora Preston.

Yeah, we're here for our dads,
to help them unite the world.

Like, no exaggeration,
literally unite the world.

By putting together
a killer band for 'em,

and we had to
start with you, dude.

So, question...

how would you like to be a
key part of this epochal song?

[Jimi] Huh...

No.

Dude, we have to
have Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah.

But how are we gonna
get him to be in a band

with people he
hasn't even heard of?

Well, okay.

Who's somebody he has heard of?

[jazz music playing]

Oh, when the saints

Go marching in

Oh, when the
saints go marching in

Well, I want to
be in that number

Oh, when the
saints go marching in

All right, all right,
all right. All right.

Can I help you, young ladies?

Uh... We're so sorry.

Please excuse us,
Mr. Armstrong, sir.

Uh...

Might we have a word with you?

[Jimi playing guitar on video]

So, that is Amazing Grace

played by a Mr. Jimi Hendrix.

Who's in the band.

And specifically requested
your presence, so...

And here's why.

Your improvisations,
obviously influenced

by Bunk Johnson
and King Oliver...

Yeah, but ultimately
sui generis.

Totally inspired him, sir.

You gotta come see this, fellas.

[man 1 ] What
you got there, Lou?

You liberated all music, dude.

[man 2] Hey, what's
that doohickey?

Ooh!

[Ted] Damn it.

We did it!

Dude, look at where we live!

One song did all this?

Ted, what if it
wasn't just one song?

What if after we wrote it
and saved the universe,

a dam broke and the songs
just kept comin' and comin'?

Oh, yeah.

[rock music playing]

[older Bill] Hello!

Younger us's, hello!

- Hello!
- Hello!

This time, we
were expecting you.

Yes, and unlike those
sad Open Mic blokes

from three years ago...

We are now finally able

to muster some
compassion for them.

We actually do have...

[both] ...the goods.

To your futures.

- We did it, dude.
- Yeah!

[all] Cheers!

So, uh, why do you both
have English accents?

Uh... Funny story. Please.

Once Bill and I were knighted,

things got so good
with Liz and Jo

that we decided, as families,

to start summering
in medieval England.

And I suppose it just
bloody well rubbed off!

And I can't say how
chuffed we are about it.

Oh!

[both] That is such a relief!

I must say,

as much as I disliked
those previous us's,

I like these us's.

Yeah. I didn't have a big
problem with that other me,

but I do like this
other me even more.

Yeah.

Enough talking, mates.

Are you ready...
for everything...

[both] ...to change?

[music plays over headphones]

Whoa.

That is truly...

the most amazing song...

I have ever heard.

[Ted] It's great.

Honestly, I wouldn't have
thought we had it in us.

Ah.

But you do!

And now it's time...

to get it out to the world.

[guitar riff plays]

Yeah!

I'll never forget you, Sir Bill.

Right back at you, Billie boyo.

So long, I guess.

And thanks!

Yeah.

So long.

[older Bill] Tallyho!

Marvelous!

[Bill] Ted, why were you acting
so weird with yourself, dude?

I don't know. I always seem
to act weird with myself.

Yeah, you do! You
gotta get over that, dude.

We got the song!

[both] Dave Grohl!

Who are you guys?

What're you doin' in my house?

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

[panting]

Now we'll wait for
those other us's

to go back and
change everything.

To our lives getting
a whole lot better.

Yeah.

Ted, seriously, slow
down on the vodka, dude.

You guys totally lied to us!

Why haven't you taken the
song back to San Dimas?

Maybe 'cause it's not our song!

Poppycock!

It's Dave Grohl's!

And he's outside right
now calling the cops.

Ted, I told you Dave
Grohl came back this week.

Totally thought he
came back next week.

What were you
guys even thinking?

Just 'cause you two couldn't
come up with a great song...

And Dave Grohl did!

Doesn't mean we should
be punished for that.

We're not gonna do it.

You have to!

It's your only chance
to get our wives back.

You were lying about that?

Of course we were lying.

Oh, man.

Yeah, they don't want
anything to do with you!

'Cause they traveled
all through time

and finally realized
you are losers.

Yeah, 'cause you
make bad choices.

Like this.

Now, take the song!

Guys, seriously,

you don't have
to pull guns on us.

Yeah? Watch what
happens when we don't.

[gun clicks]

See?

I have to admit,
Bill. You were right.

Ted!

- You have to do it.
- Yeah!

- Our life is hell!
- Yeah!

And if you don't go
back and change it...

Change it!

[older Bill groans]

[siren wailing]

This ends now. The
lies, the delusions.

I'm done with him. I'm
done with both of them.

You're not gonna kill Ted, Dad.

He broke into
Dave Grohl's house!

Dad, slow down.

We don't have
the whole story yet.

[both] Can't get away
from us, Bill and Ted.

Ted, they're right. They're us.

They remember
everything we're gonna do!

That means we gotta do something

we can't possibly remember.

Shoot 'em.

Oh, no. They're
gonna do the thing.

Oh!

I was hoping

they wouldn't
remember that this time.

[both groan]

No one leaves the building.

[Bill] Dude, what do we do?

[Ted] No idea, that's the point!

[Bill] I'm confused!

[Ted] Me, too!

Ted, that totally worked!

Yeah. Maybe we should always
not know what we're doing.

Time.

[Ted] Forty-seven minutes.

All right, we gotta keep
going further into the future.

At some point, we
must've written that song.

- Try in five years.
- Okay.

Dude.

What's that?

[Bill] I don't know.

But it's most alarming.

- Bill?
- I'm tr yin', dude.

- Bill?
- Almost there, dude.

Bill!

I got it!

[yelling]

[siren wails]

Come on! You again? I said no.

To us. But I bet you
can't say no to this man.

Mr. Jimi Hendrix, meet
Mr. Louis Armstrong.

That lick you played
was the cat's meow, man.

It's blues, but also...

What's the word you
used, young ladies?

- [both] Psychedelic.
- Psychedelic.

Exactly.

Very funny, whoever you are.

Louis Armstrong's,
like, 65 years old.

Dude, dude, I told you

we should've gotten older Louis.

It was your idea, too!

Well, the young ladies
picked me up in 1922, Jim.

Which supports both
that we're putting together

a most extraordinary band...

Yeah. And that we are doing so

by traveling all
throughout time.

Come on, give me a break.

[playing blues tune]

Oh! He dug that jive, eh?

[Louis] Potato Head Blues?

What kind of title is that?

[Billy] A definitive
one, Mr. Armstrong.

[Louis] So, what
you're all saying

is that you love a song
that I wrote in my future?

Which is in your past.

But we're all here
in this present.

Which is actually the past?

Exactly, gentlemen.

[chuckles] Ooh!

Fascinating.

[classical music playing]

Herr Mozart. Now we're talkin'.

[electric guitar playing along]

[inhales sharply]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[speaking German]

Yeah! Hey, Wolfie.

Jimi.

Dude, the future totally
sent a killer robot after us.

That's why we gotta
find the song, dude.

[metallic clanging]

[men chanting] Death!

Hopeless, helpless dying breath.

Hopeless, helpless dying breath.

This can't possibly
be the song, dude.

- Pain!
- Pain!

- Death!
- Death!

Welcome to the end!

No way!

- Enough! Stop!
- Enough! Stop!

Come forward.

How's it goin', Bill and Ted?

How'd you like our song?

- Is that a song?
- Yes!

It's a little on the dark side,

but, you know, that's cool.

Why are you guys in prison?

Oh, maybe because
you guys left us

to take the fall five years ago.

Oh.

That's funny, 'cause for us
it's only, like, five minutes ago.

So, we'll be leaving now.

You're not goin'
anywhere, pretty boy.

We've been waiting for
years to make things right.

But everything's
gonna be different.

'Cause unlike those last
us's, we actually have a song.

Is it a song?

[both] Yes!

Bill, Ted, seriously, we
can't take that song back.

Oh, you're not
taking it back, Curly.

We're taking it back!

You're gonna stay here and rot

and we're gonna go get
lives and our wives back!

And unite the world!

And save reality!

- You are?
- [both] Yes!

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

You know what happens
if he kills them, dude.

He kills us, dude.

Hold on!

You want some
Bill and Ted, punk?

Get him!

Pain. Pain, pain.

That was not a song.

That was horrible, dude.

Those are the
worst us's yet, dude!

Yeah. They did save us, though.

Yeah.

Oh, no!

- Jo!
- Liz!

- Oh, hi!
- How's it goin'?

- Good.
- Oh, my God, is that you?

- No, no, no!
- We love you guys.

- You've gotta go.
- You should probably go.

- All right.
- Okay.

- We're gonna fix it!
- I got it.

Oh, good Lord. Oh, good heavens.

Dude, what now?

The watch says sometimes things

don't make sense till
the end of the story.

So?

Maybe we gotta go all the
way to the end to find out, Ted.

Most... non-triumphant.

Pull yourself together.
You're a robot!

Get to where they're
going next and wait.

We are running out of time.

[flute music playing]

[Billy] The myth of Ling
Lun turns out to be true, T.

[Thea] I know. And she's a she.

[speaking German]

[flute music continues]

[speaking Cantonese]

[speaking German]

Oh.

- [playing flute]
- Hey, you wanna be in our band?

Yeah.

[playing flute]

[speaking German]

[Thea] Grom. You're
gonna love her.

Ling Lun says she's the
greatest drummer of all time.

[percussion music playing]

What?

[Thea] Hello. Excuse me.
Hi. Miss... Miss Grom...

[speaking German]

Well, I'm trying to save
the world, too, Mother.

It's not like your
generation's done that great.

Oh! It's getting worse and
worse here, if you were wondering.

Ah! Well, the Sahara Desert just
showed up in San Dimas, Mother.

Queen Elizabeth
is looking right at it.

No. No, I'm not gonna
tell you where I am.

Because how do I
know you won't send

your killer robot after me, Mom?

I gotta go, Mom.

This is bad. This
is really happening.

What's happening?

[Thea and Billy] Whoa ho!

Kid Cudi!

[Billy] Hey, how's
it goin', dude?

Can someone please tell
me what the hell is happening?

Basically all time and
space are about to end

unless their dads come
up with a song by 7:17 p.m.

- Wait. What?
- Wait. What?

We thought this
was about the music.

It is. It's also about the
end of space and time.

Dude, this is way
worse than we thought.

So, this is some kind of error
in our holographic dual field?

Or is it a Wilsonian loop

causing a temporal singularity?

Well, seems to me your
classical tautological causal circuit.

I don't know. Seems like
textbook entanglement to me.

I must say, your understanding

of our dire circumstance
is most impressive.

You should put it to good
use and help us save reality!

Yeah!

That's great. 'Cause it is
the end of space and time.

Right.

Mr. Armstrong,
Mr. Hendrix, Herr Mozart,

Miss Grom, Miss
Ling Lun, and Mr. Cudi,

we're gonna take you
into our dads' studio

and start practicing.

So that when our
dads get back here

with the song that
will unite the world,

you guys can play it for 'em.

Sound good?

Let's get practicing.

Bogus.

Oops.

I'm so sorry, Great Leader.

No.

No.

Oh, no.

[all yelling]

Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

Are you okay?

I think so, dude.

[thud]

Dude, where are we?

Are you guys okay?

[Kelly] My mother
just had me killed.

I didn't think she'd
actually do it, but she did.

[loud rumbling]

Our sincerest apologies that
we're here, great musicians.

We just wanted to help our dads.

Which we clearly
utterly failed at.

[creatures screeching]

Time?

6:48 p.m.

[both] Whoa.

Dude!

Are Jo and Liz here?

Yes.

And no.

What did you mean

"yes and no"?

There are infinite pasts.

Each is entangled
with infinite futures.

So, what are you ea yin'?

Where you end up

all depends

on what happens

with this.

Is that...

It's the answer to everything.

It's called...

"Face The Music."

[clicks device]

[rock music playing]

Dudes...

who is that on guitar?

It's you two.

It is us.

[turns off music]

[breathes raspily]

Face The Music.

Preston/Logan!

Recorded at 7:17 p.m.

At MP 46.

It's in your hands now.

Go make it happen.

Thank you, wise old us's.

Yeah.

I just wanna say
thank you, Bill,

for all the times you've
been there for me.

I feel like I never
really knew you, Ted.

[grunts]

That's my fault.

I never truly opened
myself up to you.

The truth is, I looked
at you and saw myself.

Yeah. I know. Me, too.

I'm sorry for the times
I let you down, Bill.

You never have, Bill.

You never have.

Oh!

[speaking foreign language]

I'll never forget you, Bill.

Ever.

Catch you later, Ted.

Catch you later, Bill and Ted.

They're nice boys.

Yeah.

Dude! We got the
actual real song!

Now all's we gotta
do is figure out

how to unite the
whole world with it.

And save reality.

Yeah.

- Dude!
- What?

The booth is gone.

What?

Where did it go?

I don't know. Let's go back
and ask those wise old us's.

Yeah. I hope we're still alive.

Freeze, Preston/Logan.

Oh, this is exactly what
we don't need right now.

We can't. We gotta get
back to the present, like, now.

Yeah. Look, we know
you were sent here

to kill us if we
didn't have the song.

But we actually do
have the song now, so...

Wait. You have the song?

Oh.

Uh...

Mistakes were made.

Apologies are given.

You're forgiven. No problem.
But we gotta go, robot dude.

Wait! No, must expiate guilt.

For what? We're
fine, dude. Let us go!

For

murdering family.

Wait. What?

What are you talking about?

I lasered your daughters.

You lasered them?

You lasered our daughters?

[both] Where are they?

Daughters are

in Hell.

[both] You sent our
daughters to Hell?

[glitches]

We have to go get them.

Shoot us.

I can't shoot you.
You have the song.

Well, guess what?

Now there's no song.

Now you got no choice, Robot.

You gotta kill us.

[weapon whining]

Can no longer take life.

What?

Failure. Failure.
Failure. Failure.

Dude,

we need this guy to laser us
but he appears to be having

some kind of nervous breakdown.

Shoot us, Robot!

I can't. I'm a failure.

I don't even deserve
to live, you know?

[both] Shoot us!

Can't do it. Shoot myself.

- Wait, don't!
- You can't!

We gotta go save
Billie and Thea.

- Let's do it!
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry!
Goodbye, cruel world!

[both gasp]

It worked!

Yeah!

[rumbling]

[robot] ...world!

That is unexpected.

Yeah. How can a robot even die?

Let's find the girls.

Can I come with you?

[creature screeching]

He did kill us.

Come on, Robot!

Wait. I have a name.

It's Dennis.

Dennis McCoy.

Okay. Let's go, Dennis McCoy.

- Thea!
- Billie!

Dennis Caleb McCoy.
That's the full name.

Let's go, dude!

[Dennis] I feel
gratitude. Gratitude.

Okay, we get it.

You're a grateful,
totally insecure,

somehow dead robot
named Dennis Caleb McCoy.

- Thea!
- Billie!

How're we gonna find them, dude?

I don't know, dude.

Yeah, I don't even know, dude.

[Bill and Ted] Thea! Billie!

Great Leader?

Bill and Ted are
dead. Did it work?

No.

Nothing is working.

They were very nice.
Very nice. Good group.

- Group?
- Yeah. They went that way.

Thanks, demons.

- You betcha.
- Enjoy Hell, y'all.

- Thanks, demons.
- Have a good time, boys.

I know that's strange.

What is that, a robot?

Yeah, that's a robot in Hell.

- Thea?
- Billie?

- Thea?
- Billie!

No!

- [Kelly] Apology not accepted, Mother.
- Kelly?

Oh!

Bill and Ted are here.
Did it work, Mom?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

[both] Where are they?

They're that way.

I'm Dennis Caleb
McCoy. I am so... No! No.

Oh, yeah. This is way worse
than the Christmas incident.

And you named him
Dennis? After my ex?

Get outta here!

[creatures screeching]

- Thea! Billie!
- Billie! Thea!

Dads!

Dads!

How're you doin'?

Well, you know, we're dead.

And we're in Hell.

But how're you doin'?

We're good!

Yeah. Look who we found.

Dad?

Hi, Ted.

I was wrong. I
mean, you're here.

Which implies that you
also traveled through time

and that your wives
actually are princesses.

All of which proves
that it is imperative

that you write the song that
will unite the entire world.

[both] And save reality.

Wait, is that new?

[both] Yeah.

Well, then, I should help
you instead of criticizing you.

And I am very, very, very sorry.

Thanks, Dad!

Yeah, thanks, Chief Logan!

I wasn't talking to you, Bill.

Oh. Cool.

Well, Dads, this is the
band we put together for you.

This is Jimi Hendrix,
Louis Armstrong...

and Mozart, and
Ling Lun, and Grom.

A pleasure, gentlemen.

You raised two fine young girls.

- Thank you.
- [Billy] And this is Kid Cudi

who's not technically
a historical figure.

- Kinda am now, I think.
- Yeah.

It's a great honor
to meet you all.

Yeah. Welcome to,
and sorry about, Hell.

My bad.

[speaking German]

Oh.

Well, that's Dennis Caleb McCoy.

We've met.

He killed us.

[Dennis] I'm really sorry

that I lasered you all.

And

I just need to tell you...

[stutters] My name is
Dennis Caleb McCoy, and...

Thank you, Dennis.

Well, thanks for
coming to get us.

How're we gonna get outta here?

We're gonna go talk to Death.

Well, isn't he still
mad at you guys?

Oh, yeah.

- And we're still mad at him.
- Yeah.

Oh.

Nineteen minutes.

Everyone, follow us.

[Death] Yes way!

[laughs]

Best 75 out of 81.

- Is he playing Hopscotch by himself?
- [Death] I have bested you again.

[Bill] He looks miserable, dude.

[Death] Yes!

Dude, he's cheating!

Yes!

[creatures screech]

- Take a hike.
- Let's go, dude.

Good luck, Dads.

- Be sweet.
- Okay.

Okay.

[both] Hey, Death.

Why, if it isn't
the Wyld Stallyns.

Have you come to sue me again?

No, Death. Not at all.

No. We just need
to talk to you, Death.

Talk to the hand.

It will only take
a second, dude.

[Death vocalizing]

- [Ted] Death!
- [Bill] Come on, dude.

[Death] Who is it?

Bill and Ted.

What? Did your
restraining order run out?

Did the judge change his mind?

So, now I am allowed
to get close to you?

Hmm? Is this too close?

Death.

We didn't want to sue you, dude.

- Remember, be sweet, dude.
- You're right.

You tried to take the
name Wyld Stallyns.

I was Wyld Stallyns.

What are you talking about?

You kicked me out because
you was jealous of me.

- No, no, no, dude.
- Yes, yes, yes.

You quit the band to
go out on your own!

You wouldn't let me play!

Dude, you were playing
40-minute bass solos.

No one but you could play!

I was in the groove!

What?

Those 40-minute solos,

that was the highlight
of your shows.

It's no wonder you
went down in the tubes.

What're we gonna do?

Oh!

Death, the reason
we came here is 'cause

we have to play a
song at some place

called MP 46, like, right now.

All of time is gonna
fold in on itself, dude.

I have been demoted down here

because I took two
so-called "friends" back up

who should not
have gone back up.

So, if that is why you're
here... [blows raspberry]

Sorry, not sorry.

Bye!

- What now?
- I don't know, dude.

Dads, we have an idea.

You mind if we try?

I mean, the dude is the most
rad bass player, like, ever.

Yeah.

Please.

- Okay.
- Come on.

- All right.
- He's kind of a dick.

Okay.

[playing notes]

[both] Dads, we think
you should wait outside.

Oh.

Excuse us, Mr. Death, sir.

It's good to see you
again, Mr. Death, sir.

Well, if it isn't Little
Bill and Little Ted.

We're still your hugest fans.

Yeah.

Oh.

Don't fudge with me.

We're not fudging with you, sir.

- It's legit.
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, The Lonely Soul Surfer

was the most
underrated album in 1998.

The critics hated it.

Well, they just weren't ready

for an album that was all bass.

"It was all over the
place," they said.

"It was a raging,
confused mess," they said.

"It was even worse than
Pale on Pale, '' they said."

Well...

It was, in parts.

But in other parts...

The outro in "I'll
Never Be Loved"

is the most bodacious.

I mean, the last three bars

before the chorus
in "Too Pale to Cry..."

Oh, well... [chuckles]

What did you think of the hook
in "Boogie Down With Doctor D?"

What can we even say?

Insane. We've never seen
left-hand technique like that.

I know! I was self-taught.

You have some crazy,
crazy skills, dude!

Well... [giggles]

- You know what you need?
- Hmm?

You just need a band.

And the band needs you.

Oh.

- T?
- B.

Come on in.

Dads,

is there something you
would like to say to Death?

[exhales heavily]

[inhales sharply]

We're sorry for how things
went between us, Death.

Yeah.

Sincerely sorry.

I am sorry that fame
went to my head.

It's very intoxicating.

We really did love
playing with you, dude.

We really did rock, didn't we?

We definitely did.

And if it's not
too late, Death...

Would you

consider rejoining...

Wyld Stallyns?

Oh, I...

I suppose.

[sobbing]

[chuckles]

[guitar riff playing]

[all laugh]

[guitar riff plays]

[Death laughs]

Okay, let's go!

Right. Right.

[knocking]

It's Dennis. Hi.

- I got lost.
- Get in, Dennis.

Okay. Thank you, guys.

Hey, Kid Cudi.

- Oh, hello. Hello, everyone.
- Ow!

Hey. Hey. Yeah, okay, friends.

Let's rock!

[rock music playing]

It was cool when
you said, "Let's rock"

because it made me want to rock.

Uh-huh.

You don't just get to rock.

You got to earn
the right to rock.

Dude! We got 11 minutes.

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

Depends on your perspective.

To really dig the groove
of the quantum realm,

you gotta choose a
place to dig it from.

Dig?

Anyone know where MP 46 is?

- [rock music continues]
- [all yelling]

We're never gonna
make our flight.

Hmm.

Deac, Deac. Look at that.

Whoa!

I got this.

Stop!

We're back!

What?

This is bad.

[both] Really bad.

Okay, guys, let's go!

Come on!

Come on, Mozart.

Oh, Ted! Even if we knew

where we were supposed to play,

there's no way we'd
ever get there in time.

Bill, look!

This is MP 46? It
makes no sense.

How can the song
happen right here?

Because this is
where it happened.

Ted, you're right, dude!

But, dude, what're
we gonna play?

I don't know, dude.

Bill and Ted? I saved these.

I'm not sure if

they're of any use, but...

- Thanks, Dennis.
- Dads!

Dads! MP 46.

And the band is ready to play.

Alls we need is the song.

Thea.

Billie.

We don't know
how to tell you this.

We don't have the song.

Wait.

You don't?

No.

We're sorry.

We're sorry, Dads.

Yeah, we really wanted
to help you out with this.

Dude, you seeing
what I'm seeing?

Preston?

Logan?

[both] Preston/Logan.

Whoa!

[both] What is it, Dads?

[both] It's you!

[both] What?

It was you the whole
time. We just didn't see it.

We can't write music.

Whatever... We
just listen to stuff.

From things we like.

And we just kind
of put stuff together.

Yeah, maybe you
just listen a little,

make things you like.

And put it all together.

Girls, you're not
here to back us.

We're here to back you.

We're your band.

[both] Whoa!

Follow us!

Here you go. Instruments!

[both] Whoa!

Dude, I just thought
of something.

What is it, Ted?

How is just
listening to a song...

gonna unite the whole world...

throughout all of time?

That is a good question, dude.

It's almost like they'd
all have to hear it

in order to play it.

Ted, of course! That's
how we're gonna unite 'em.

We get 'em to play along.

Well, if that's true,
alls we gotta do is

get to everyone
throughout all time.

Yeah, and get 'em
instruments, dude.

[Ted] In 7 minutes
and 25 seconds.

What about a tambourine?

I mean, how hard can
it be to rock with that?

Tambourine is not
as easy as it looks.

What about dancing?
I'm a very gifted dancer.

You dance?

Really?

Why don't you go over there
and rehearse your dance?

Okay.

Dude, we have no power!

Say no more. On it.

Okay.

There! Oh, Jo.

- Theodore.
- William!

- Joanna!
- Liz!

Hi.

Did you find a reality where
we're all happy together?

We did.

We realized we're
happiest in this reality.

[both] Sweet!

Now, did we hear you
say something about

distributing instruments
all throughout time?

Ready, T?

[both] Five, six,
five, six, seven, eight!

[chaotic music playing]

Oh, my God, what's happening?

Excuse me, Mr. Cudi, sir?

Our wives just traveled
through multiple realities.

And in doing so,
they realized...

They're all happening

- simultaneously.
- Simultaneously.

Do we need individual us's

to take instruments
to infinite places?

Okay.

See, contrary to what
some have argued,

universal wave function is,

epistemologically speaking,

both cyclic and
separating. In other words...

Excuse me, Kid Cudi. I
don't mean to be rude,

but we have, like,
four and a half minutes.

Madam. Madam! We have to
go. It's not safe to be in here.

Where were you
thinking of going?

[playing solo]

[indistinct conversation]

[chaotic instruments]

[thundering]

I think it's a lunar eclipse.

That is not lunar, you guys.

This is a disaster, T.

What are we gonna do, B?

[instruments continue
playing chaotically]

[both] Stop!

All you need to do is go in
the quantum superposition

with multiple realities.

[together] But how?

Dudes, the booth is obviously
a tunnel to the quantum realm.

Go, go, go!

- Thank you, Mr. Cudi!
- Thank you, Mr. Cudi!

Station.

Station!

- Grom!
- Grom, you start!

- No, no, no...
- Stop, stop!

Here.

[rhythmic beats]

And now, Death!

[bass guitar playing]

Well... It's... Maybe
something like...

[both] "Too Pale to Cry."

- That last riff?
- [Thea] Amazing!

[Thea and Billy] Yeah.

What're we gonna
tell people to play?

- We'll be right back.
- Okay.

Read me the number
for the infinite, dude.

[Ted] 6-9... 6-9... 2-9-9...

- How about that concerto?
- Okay, go tell him.

Mozart.

3-4-5-5...

5-1 -0-1...

I already said
goodbye to the girls.

But I wanna stay here and dance.

Dennis.

Good luck, my excellent friends.

[both] Thanks, Kelly.

Later, Dennis.

My name is Dennis. Dennis McCoy.

[Ted] 2-7-1 -8.

Faster, you know? Yeah! Now, D.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah!

Watch this!

[rhythmic music playing]

Jimi, for the win!

1 -8-2-8-3-5...

Okay. Okay. The
girls said C major.

113 beats per minute.

- Got it.
- All right. Yeah.

4-5-5.5-1... [music continues]

- 4-3-5...
- Guys, maybe just press

the infinite button.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

One last thing.

I love you, Elizabeth.

I love you, Joanna.

We know.

I love you.

- Okay, let's go.
- Okay.

[music continues]

How's it goin', Deac?

Missy.

In case you're wondering,
I'm essentially an infinite me.

Catch you later.

[both] Outstanding!

[music continues]

- Yeah!
- [crowd cheering]

[all vocalizing]

- Excellent!
- Excellent!

Dads!

Wait.

San Dimas, make some noise!

[all vocalizing]

Yeah!

Ten, nine...

eight, seven...

six...

- five...
- Dads!

Four, three...

two, one.

[playing solo]

Madam, you need to see this.

Your father would
be so proud of you.

[music continues]

- Bye!
- Bye, Kid Cudi!

- Bye!
- See ya, Kid Cudi!

It's working!

Yeah!

[music continues]

- [music ends]
- [crowd cheering]

[Billy] And so, it
wasn't so much

the song that
made the difference.

[Thea] It was everyone
playing it together.

[Billy] And it worked.

[upbeat music playing]

Dude,

are you dead yet?

No.

Are you?

No.

There's one more
thing we need to do

before we go.

Definitely.

Ready, Bill?

Ready, Ted.

- One...
- Two...

One, two, three, four!

[playing rock riffs]

[Bill] Okay.

Yeah. Okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

We still got it.

We still got it.

- Hey, Bill.
- Yeah?

[groans]

Okay, I have to sit down.

I'm sorry.

- That was fun.
- That was good.

Nurse!