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1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,320
Morning, Geoff.
2
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:05,480
Off to a wedding?
3
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,720
Just been to one, Jan.
4
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:07,800
Who?
5
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,040
Me.
Jan meant who was getting married.
6
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,160
Me.
7
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,840
Bloody hell, Geoff.
8
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:13,920
You kept this quiet.
9
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,120
Who's the lucky lady?
10
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,800
Luca, the Italian bloke who's been
working on my farm.
11
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,600
Sexy Luca?
12
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:20,920
Not that I've noticed.
13
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,080
Oh, that's great Geoff.
I, I didn't know you were, uh...
14
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,360
It's a visa thing.
15
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,880
We're not lovers.
16
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,480
Oh.
They were gonna deport him.
17
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,120
Easiest way to keep him here.
18
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,160
It helps him, it helps me,
it fucks the Home Office.
19
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,760
Win, win, win.
20
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,560
Eh, ciao, ragazzi.
21
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,760
Ciao. Bonjour.
22
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,800
What are you having husband mine?
A double Jack Daniels please, Geoff.
23
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,120
You will need to be driving
the horse box later, mate, so...
24
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,680
OK, yes strong lager then.
25
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,000
Two very strong lagers please,
Jan, for me and my new husband.
26
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,280
Coming right up.
27
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,080
Congratulations.
Oh, feel quite emotional.
28
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,480
It's a fake wedding, Jan.
29
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,360
Yeah, I know but still. Oh.
30
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,720
We've still got to have a
celebration, haven't we?
31
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,680
Yeah, a few sandwiches, some Cava.
Mini Scotch eggs? Sure. Magic!
32
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:14,200
I am not one of those awful mothers
who insist their children be normal.
33
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,080
That's simply not me.
34
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,760
That's simply not you at all, Ellen.
35
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,440
But Stephen's become a lot more
normal recently.
36
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,520
Hasn't he?
37
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,960
He's the most normal
I've ever seen him.
38
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,760
He's almost normal-normal
like a normal person would be.
39
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,160
Good, great.
40
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,440
I mean, he doesn't have to be
normal, of course he doesn't.
41
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,040
It's just, hmm, really,
really terrific that he is.
42
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,360
Here's to normal children.
43
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,800
How many spare tagines have we got?
44
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,640
We don't have any tagines at all
I don't think, love.
45
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,880
Oh, fucking hell!
46
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,040
Big shitty Christ. Cass!
47
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,880
Uh, why do you want a tagine, Cass?
48
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,360
You can't be in a shared student
house without a tagine.
49
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,080
Everybody will have
tagine and a poster of The Kiss
50
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,800
by Gustav Klimt and a toastie maker
and incense sticks
51
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,840
and a notepad on the door with a pen
to write funny messages.
52
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,960
"Call for you, where are you?
We're in the pub getting wrecked."
53
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,280
I still don't know why you want to
live in a shared house, sweetheart.
54
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,800
You're only doing a part time
A Level course.
55
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,440
I think I know.
Oh, do you? Did Jesus tell you?
56
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,200
No, he didn't because he's actually
just a Jewish revolutionary.
57
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,120
Cass, we know you're an atheist,
love, and that's great.
58
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,960
You don't have to keep
on telling us.
59
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,880
I think you want to get away
because you feel cramped.
60
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,480
I'm living here now and Stephen's
back and you crave your own space.
61
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,480
You think that, do you?
Yes, I do.
62
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,280
Yeah, well, that is precisely how
I feel but it might not have been.
63
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,360
I just want the full student
experience.
64
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,280
That's who I am.
I've realised - I am a student.
65
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,200
Soak me with knowledge
for I am kitchen roll.
66
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,120
DOOR CLOSES
Ah, phew!
67
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,240
Hi, sweetheart.
68
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,160
How far this morning?
69
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,920
Oh, just under 16K.
70
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:46,960
Wow!
71
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,800
The endorphins are racing
around my body like,
72
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,400
I don't know, ants in tiny cars.
73
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,120
Time for a shower
and a big bowl of porridge.
74
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,520
I'm going to buy a tagine.
75
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,560
Brilliant!
76
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,680
Happy fake wedding, Geoff.
77
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,080
Thanks, Stephen. Drink?
I've got a fizzy water, thanks.
78
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,800
Right, I forgot
you're Captain Fitness now.
79
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,520
I'm not sure about Captain.
80
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,640
Uh, maybe Second Lieutenant Fitness.
81
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,400
You look well on it.
82
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,840
Your mum was worried you might
relapse with all that
83
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,080
business about who your dad was.
84
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,360
I, I've got the fitness bug instead.
85
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,280
Ah, I should actually go
and do a quick 10K now.
86
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,320
Don't cycle too hard
and stay off the fucking pavements.
87
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,880
See you later.
88
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:37,960
Excuse me.
89
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,160
How's married life treating you?
90
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,720
You know it's good to know
I can stay here. Hmm.
91
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,800
So, you'd have been deported back to
Italy if you hadn't married Geoff?
92
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,400
Yes. All this Brexit shit.
93
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,600
SUCKS TEETH
I know.
94
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,440
Wouldn't you have had
right of permanent residency anyway?
95
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,400
Uh, No, I haven't been here
five years.
96
00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,920
Only four.
97
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,480
I thought the other day
I heard you say you were
98
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,960
here for the London Olympics?
99
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,640
HE LAUGHS
100
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,480
We understand each other, huh,
you and me?
101
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,520
We are, uh, very similar.
102
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,920
I'm not sure we are.
103
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,120
Yeah, we are in what we are doing
here with these people.
104
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,920
We are like two, as the saying goes.
105
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,840
Peas.
106
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,880
In a pod.
107
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,640
What?
The saying is two peas in a pod.
108
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,200
Pot? Pod.
109
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,280
Why? Why would there be only two
peas in a pot?
110
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,160
It's a waste of a pot. Pod.
111
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,000
You see, we don't
understand each other at all.
112
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,760
Oh, we do
understand each other, my friend.
113
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,520
Like two peas boiling
together...
114
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,000
..in the pot.
115
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,720
Fucking hell!
116
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:06,160
Hawthorne, cherry tree, phone box,
road sign...
117
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,840
Right!
118
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,000
Hedge vodka.
119
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,800
The best vodka.
120
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000
Tring? Tring?
121
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,480
Tring.
But it's not written in stone.
122
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,320
Neither were the Ten Commandments.
123
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,920
That's all bullshit.
124
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,040
It might be that Julian will be
transferred to a new
125
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,560
parish near Tring.
126
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,160
And would you go too, Ellen,
to Tring?
127
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,560
Yes. I think I would.
128
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,320
OK.
129
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,360
It's a big decision, though.
130
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,680
Tenure there would be at least
ten years.
131
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:51,840
Right.
132
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:52,760
Excuse me.
133
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,720
Where is Tring?
It's Scotland, isn't it?
134
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,760
Come ye back to bonny Tring?
135
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,440
I thought it was an isle,
off the Kent coast.
136
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,440
Isle of Tring.
137
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,080
It sounds Cornish to me.
138
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,200
Or Devon.
139
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,560
Actually, isn't it a forest?
The Forest of Tring...
140
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,520
Tring Forest?
141
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,760
It's in Hertfordshire.
142
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,120
That's not ringing any bells.
143
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,880
No, really.
Tring is in Hertfordshire.
144
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,400
Are you sure?
Sounds more like Scotland to me.
145
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,680
Tring golf course.
146
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,720
Tring distillery.
147
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:17,880
I, I, I know where it is, Jan.
148
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,080
I looked it
when I was asked about moving there.
149
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,360
OK.
150
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,800
Maybe you two can compromise
and say it's in the Midlands.
151
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,000
Great, yeah. Works for me.
152
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,360
No, that's lunacy!
153
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,360
It's in Hertfordshire.
It's on bloody maps.
154
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,600
All right, vicar.
155
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,040
Steady on.
156
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,080
It really is. I know.
157
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,960
I'm fooling you,
idiot robot monitor.
158
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,760
You think this is activity.
159
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,080
Gullible twat watch.
160
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,960
Geoff, can I talk candidly to you?
161
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,200
In a sexual way?
162
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,240
No. Great.
163
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,800
Go ahead. All ears.
164
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,920
How well do you know Luca?
165
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,040
Pretty well.
166
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,720
We spend a lot of time together.
167
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,040
We like to watch
episodes of Kavanagh QC on VHS.
168
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,480
Right.
And old Springwatches, too.
169
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,920
The Bill Oddie years.
170
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,680
Pre 9/11.
171
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,120
You can watch a wren building its
nest oblivious to the coming chaos.
172
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,480
Still feeling the ripples now,
aren't we?
173
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,560
I mean, the wren isn't -
they only live seven years.
174
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,160
What's that in dog years?
175
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,680
Can you mix them up?
176
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,560
Or is it like metres and yards?
177
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,000
Although, a metre is roughly a yard,
isn't it?
178
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,640
Sorry, where was I?
179
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,000
Bill Oddie and the attack
on the World Trade Centre.
180
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,320
I wasn't implying Bill was involved.
181
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,520
So Luca.
182
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,160
Yeah. You trust him?
183
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,680
As much as I trust any man. Why?
184
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,240
I just get a vibe from him.
185
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,360
I'm not saying he is
but I can spot a grifter.
186
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,560
Oh, yeah.
You meet a lot in care.
187
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,120
People who take advantage of others
to advance themselves.
188
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,960
I'm grateful for your intervention,
Andrew, but fuck off.
189
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,360
I trust Luca.
190
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,200
He's my Kavanagh buddy
and my lawful wedded husband.
191
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,760
Now if you'll excuse me
my vast prostate is tapping me
192
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,720
on the bladder.
193
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,920
I really like Geoff.
194
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,360
I mean, he's a bit bluff sometimes
but...
195
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,600
At Halloween, he wires his door
knocker to a car battery.
196
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,800
That's just him trying to be spooky.
197
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,600
At heart, he's a good man.
198
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,840
Well, I mean, I can certainly do
some checks.
199
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,960
Land registry etc,
see, see what Geoff owns,
200
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,720
what Luca might
get in the event of a divorce.
201
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,760
But it will take a while.
202
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,400
I'll pay. Oh, no.
203
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,520
No, it's Geoff.
He's sort of family.
204
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,440
No, I insist.
It's your professional time.
205
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,040
I wouldn't dream of asking someone
of your calibre to work for free.
206
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,360
Well, poor Maureen's vet bills have
been pretty eye watering lately.
207
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,680
What's wrong with her?
208
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,360
Absolutely everything.
209
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,240
I've heard that can be
tough to treat.
210
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,160
I'll find out what I can.
211
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,200
See if Luca is on the level.
212
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,280
I just don't like the idea of older
people being taken advantage of.
213
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,080
This is a really studenty area.
214
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,240
It's like a
kind of Greenwich Village.
215
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,720
Ideas and art and music and politics
and tagines and dope and fucking.
216
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,080
All the main post
enlightenment advances.
217
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,920
Yeah, I'm gonna need to be pretty
bloody sharp to join in.
218
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,200
I'm reading On the Road,
219
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,400
the Jack Kerouac, one not the DVLA
booklet about your theory test.
220
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,440
Are, are you sure it's a
student house?
221
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,280
Well, the landlord says it's mostly
students in these houses.
222
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,480
Right. Just not necessarily this
particular one.
223
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,200
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hi!
224
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,120
Hi, hello, I'm Cass.
225
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,200
Sally. Hi, Sally.
226
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,760
Come in, come in, come in.
227
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,960
Do you want a tea?
228
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,200
Uh, where's the kettle?
No idea in all this craziness.
229
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,160
It'll be in one of these two boxes.
230
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,360
Oh, no, I'm fine,
don't worry about the tea.
231
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,400
When did you move in?
232
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:05,280
This, is it?
233
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,920
Literally just minutes ago.
234
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,560
I'm about to unpack tagines
etc.
235
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,440
Got these couple of dudes helping.
236
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,280
We might have a smoke in a bit
and I don't mean tobacco.
237
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,440
Right, I was just...
238
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,880
I mean cannabis.
239
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,960
I was just calling to say hello.
240
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,600
You'll probably see me around maybe
a couple of times a day.
241
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,720
What are you studying?
242
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,920
I'm not.
243
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,320
I'm Mrs Walsh's carer.
244
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,040
She's in the room on the ground
floor.
245
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,360
Emergency housing.
246
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,880
Her old place wasn't fit to live in.
247
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,000
How old is she?
248
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,160
She's 89.
249
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,920
Not doing very well sadly
but still fairly independent.
250
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,520
So who, who, who else lives here?
251
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,120
Well,
there's Tom on the first floor.
252
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,880
He's going through
a divorce right now.
253
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,680
Cries a lot. You can
hear him crying most of the time.
254
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,800
CRYING IN BACKGROUND
255
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,200
There we go. Then there's Sean -
256
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,520
a tiny man with a
big set of conga drums who
257
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,080
never speaks, and Katie,
primary school teacher.
258
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,280
OK, she sounds nice.
259
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,440
She's really not.
260
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,240
I might organise a dinner party.
261
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,600
STEADY BEAT OF CONGA DRUMS
262
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,000
Fucker!
263
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,480
Someone's had it.
264
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,920
My auxiliary hedge vodka.
265
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,520
You look cross.
What's up? Nothing.
266
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:45,920
I'm absolutely fine.
267
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,560
I'm cycling, which I love,
and I'm sober, which is brilliant.
268
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,600
You going to work?
I thought you took Fridays off.
269
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,400
Yeah, I'm gonna see what I can find
out about Geoff's properties.
270
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:56,600
Why?
271
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,960
Andrew thinks Luca
might be trying to scam Geoff.
272
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,680
Andrew? I know.
273
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,800
Andrew's worried about scamming?
274
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,440
Sorry, my mind just turned
into an Escher staircase.
275
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:08,880
Andrew thinks something's up.
276
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,240
I guess it takes a fucker
to catch a fucker.
277
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,000
Yeah, well, he's paid me to find out
if this fucker is fucking Geoff.
278
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,600
OK, but it feels uncomfortable
and weird.
279
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,040
Like when there's a teenager
on Countdown.
280
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,560
Come on.
281
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,000
DRUMS PLAY IN DISTANCE
282
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,480
Oh, is it tonight, Jess? Cass.
283
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:41,880
Oh, sorry. It's OK.
284
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,640
Jess, Cass, they're just labels.
285
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,720
It is tonight, Tom. Entree.
I got your note under the door.
286
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,880
"Bring some food, bring your
stories, bring your humanity."
That's the one, yeah, yeah.
287
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,360
And there was a drawing
of two tadpoles having sex.
288
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,840
That's the Yin-Yang symbol.
289
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,440
Oh, right. Sorry.
290
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,640
I thought that we could get together
as a house and shoot the shit
291
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:02,800
about politics and life
and theology and Love Island.
292
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,400
Serious and silly, you know?
293
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,240
I don't have a TV.
294
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,360
Um, and, and I don't really pay
much attention to politics.
295
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,800
They're all the same at the end
of the day, aren't they?
296
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,600
I've made two tagines -
297
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,600
lamb for the carnivore,
mushroom for the vegans.
298
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,000
And I've made hummus, courgette
kofte, flatbreads and tabouleh.
299
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,240
Brought some Popchips.
300
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:24,840
Great! Yum.
301
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,560
Oh, also, uh, I brought some whisky,
but is it OK if just I had that?
302
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,200
No. Sure. I invited the conga guy,
but... Oh, he won't come.
303
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,440
He just lives for his congas.
304
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,840
Yeah, I asked Mrs Walsh
if she'd like to come
305
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,440
or we could go and visit her.
306
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,280
Who the fuck do you think you are
putting a note under my door?
307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,920
I'm sorry?
308
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,080
Answer my fucking question.
309
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,200
Who the fuck do you think you are?
310
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,480
My name's Cass.
311
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,920
You slide another note
under my door, Cass,
312
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,880
and I will finish you.
313
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,600
Is she the primary school teacher?
Yeah.
314
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,000
I think she gets stressed
by all the marking.
315
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,720
DOOR SLAMS
Tagine?
316
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,120
Uh, no, I'm fine
with my Popchips, thanks.
317
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,240
Oh, hi, Sally.
318
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,840
Mrs Walsh on her way?
319
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,840
Oh, uh, sorry, I thought you knew.
320
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,640
Mrs Walsh passed away last night.
321
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,480
Oh, no. Yeah, I thought
you might have heard the commotion.
322
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,560
No, I wear ear plugs
because of the congas and the...
323
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,520
My weeping? Yeah.
324
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,080
Oh, right. She had a fall.
The ambulance was called.
325
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,920
She was taken into St Agnes
and her poor old heart just gave up.
326
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,680
Oh, dear. Are you OK?
Do you want some tagine?
327
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,240
Oh, God, you know
what I would love some tagine.
328
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,720
Thank you, Cass.
329
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,000
No thank you, Sally.
330
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,480
Sit down.
331
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,360
PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS
332
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,320
Hi, Mum. Hi, love.
333
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:57,320
Thank you. Uh, you working?
Uh, yes. Confidential.
334
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,480
Geoff stuff.
335
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,720
Oh, thought so.
336
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,320
It went fine, so no worries.
337
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,640
I'm heading home in a bit.
338
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:03,920
Sorry, what went fine?
339
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,280
The hospital appointment.
340
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,120
The tests
for my, you know, procedure.
341
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,160
Oh, God, I was meant to drive you
there and stay with you, wasn't I?
342
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,840
Oh, shit my tits, I'm so sorry.
343
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,760
Listen I'll...I'll come
and take you home.
344
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,520
No, no, it's fine.
345
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,480
A friend took me, waited around
and they'll bring me back.
346
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,560
I'm so sorry. Don't be silly.
347
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,000
You're the one who's working.
348
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:28,280
I'm just swanning around
being a burden on the NHS.
349
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,560
OK. See you, Mum. Bye, love.
350
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,120
SHE SIGHS
351
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,600
LAUGHTER
352
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,520
I haven't had this much fun in ages.
353
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,080
We are having fun, aren't we?
We are.
354
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,880
I might start crying again
in a moment if that's OK.
355
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,480
Oh, of course. Cry away, Tom.
We don't mind.
356
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,760
Crying is the debt one owes
to laughter. Who said that?
357
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,520
It's from a poem I wrote
about clowns when I was 22.
358
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:58,520
It's very profound. Thanks.
The lamb tagine is lovely, Cass.
359
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,800
It all is. And the Popchips.
360
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,480
Thanks.
Tagines are just great, aren't they?
361
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,000
My mum has at least
five different tagines she uses.
362
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:10,240
My mum, too! She's tagine crazy.
Too many tagines!
363
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,800
THEY LAUGH
364
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,320
This is almost exactly how
I pictured being a student would be.
365
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,360
TOM WAILS
366
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,680
Hummus, Tom?
367
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,960
Thanks.
368
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,080
I love dips.
369
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,000
And I've got a friend, Sally.
370
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,200
She's not a student,
but she acts like one.
371
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,440
And I loved History of Art,
session three, so much
372
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,760
that I'm gonna sign up
for more A-Levels
373
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,720
and apply to uni,
be a proper student.
374
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,880
Wow. You're moving on.
375
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,320
Yeah, I think Mum's finally ready
to fly the nest, bless her.
376
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,120
I've done what I can.
Tring's the trigger.
377
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,560
New lives all round.
378
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,200
I don't know why anyone wants
to go to university.
379
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,360
The fees!
380
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,840
You're 60 grand in debt
before you know it.
381
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,440
Well, it's a springboard, isn't it?
And a step ladder.
382
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,120
I mean, not at the same time -
that'd be a deathtrap.
383
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,800
Knowledge and learning
are wonderful things.
384
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,720
Times change, though, Cass.
385
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,000
We've all got access
to Wikipedia now.
386
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,440
Ask me anything.
387
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,600
What's the smallest duck
in the world?
388
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,880
What's the biggest duck
in the world? Hairiest baby?
389
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:13,640
Who invented Scart leads?
Love Scart. Solid.
390
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,600
Like Stickle Bricks,
no fucking about.
391
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,560
DOOR OPENS
Hey.
392
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,960
Ah! Eh, my husband.
393
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,720
Still feels weird to say it.
Well, it is weird, Geoff.
394
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,640
You're two heterosexual men
married for immigration purposes.
395
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,680
Yeah, fair enough, I suppose. Hmm.
396
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,880
Hey, Geoff, I looked into the
Government's rewilding programme.
397
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,560
Oh, yeah, interesting?
398
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,640
Government pays you not to farm,
to let nature take its course
399
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:40,320
and encouraging nature, wildlife,
uh, like, uh, deer,
400
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,520
pine martens, wild boar...
401
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,320
Right all them cunts, got you.
402
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,760
Pays really well.
403
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,360
And we can sell off
all the farm machinery and vehicles.
404
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,240
Great. Sounds perfect.
405
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,760
Can you sort out the admin
and paperwork and whatnot?
406
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,880
Does my head in. Sure.
Leave it with me.
407
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,200
The rinse aid guy has just been.
408
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,440
Brilliant. You off on a cycle?
409
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,800
Yes, Poirot. I am.
Have a good one.
410
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,280
Thank you.
411
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:21,720
Is it you? You look debauched.
412
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,880
Or is it you?
413
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,080
You enormously furtive man.
414
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,360
TRICKLING
415
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,840
HE GAGS
416
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,400
Ha, caught you!
417
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,400
That's rinse aid,
you sweaty pissing fuck!
418
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,760
You're drinking rinse aid.
419
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:11,600
Enjoy your shiny shits,
you thieving fucking dog!
420
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,760
What have you done?
421
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,400
I've protected my property,
422
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,320
as is my right in common law
as an Englishman. You're insane.
423
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:22,400
No, I'm reliant on alcohol, trying
to disguise that fact from my family
424
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:26,480
and you've stolen my only source
of the drug to which I'm addicted.
425
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,040
That's sane as balls.
426
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,640
Hang on, you stay there.
427
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,880
I'm calling the police.
428
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,120
You've tried to poison me.
No, I didn't.
429
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,760
I'm an eccentric man
who, as well as vodka,
430
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,440
leaves his rinse aid in bushes,
so he's always got some spare.
431
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,200
You poisoned yourself.
432
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,920
You keep bottles of vodka
hidden in hedges?
433
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,480
Sure. Oh, Stephen.
It's no big deal.
434
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,520
It's just some hedge vodka.
435
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,960
Uh, I've suddenly realised
now I say it
436
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,840
that the words "hedge vodka"
437
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,200
don't sound great,
so let's just call it outdoor vodka.
438
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,720
All right, for some reason
that doesn't sound good either.
439
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,200
Uh, normal vodka.
440
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,960
OK, not that. Vodka.
441
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,680
Look, let's just imagine
I'd said vodka.
442
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,040
Although, now even vodka
doesn't sound great.
443
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,040
I really thought you'd kicked
the booze, Stephen.
444
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,840
Look, I don't like my brain.
445
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,520
I want it to feel different.
446
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,680
I only drink because
it's the easiest way to do that.
447
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:19,840
If they did yoghurt with morphine
in it, I'd have that instead.
448
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,680
I'm a victim of other people's
lack of imagination.
449
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,720
Full name please, sir.
450
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,520
He was drinking the hedge vodka,
too.
451
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,720
Joggy Johnson there.
452
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,920
Why am I the only freak?
Name please, sir.
453
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,040
Stephen Richard Nichols.
454
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,680
I thought he was normal again.
455
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,320
I thought he'd turned a corner,
but he'd turned two more corners
456
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,160
and ended up back where he started.
457
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,040
Maybe Tring is the answer.
458
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,800
If I go away with you
to wherever Tring is...
459
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,520
Hertfordshire. And Cass goes away
to study,
460
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,400
and maybe if Geoff gets
his rewilding money
461
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,880
and moves away, then perhaps Stephen
will find some get-up-and-go.
462
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:04,280
And she said he actually
looked like a bald Iris Murdoch.
463
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,000
Wow, that's a powerful look.
464
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,320
You don't have to pretend
you weren't talking about me.
465
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,480
I've disappointed you, I know.
466
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,640
I'm not disappointed.
467
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,320
I'm concerned for you,
for your health.
468
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,880
You should maybe get some help.
469
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,840
I got help, remember?
It didn't help.
470
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,160
I'll find a way through.
471
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,800
Don't worry about me.
472
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,760
OK, fine. We won't worry.
473
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,440
SCRATCHING
474
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,480
Post.
475
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,880
It is just milk. Good.
476
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,200
That's a blessing.
477
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,640
He's not getting miniatures
sent in a Jiffy bag, is he?
478
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,360
So all's still in Geoff's name?
Seemingly.
479
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:56,200
Farm, farmhouse, he rents an extra
field, but all in his sole name.
480
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,600
Luca not mentioned.
481
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,160
Hmm, I still don't trust him.
482
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,480
Something's going on.
483
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,040
What makes you so sure?
484
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,080
Look, I'm not stupid.
485
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,440
I know what Stephen thinks of me
and what you think of me.
486
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,240
Bottom line is
I know what a liar looks like
487
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:19,720
because sometimes to survive in care
and beyond I've...lied.
488
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,680
OK.
489
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,240
What about?
490
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,000
Nothing big.
491
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,760
Maybe I've finessed a past job
492
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,240
to make it seem more important
than it was.
493
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:34,960
My point is I can spot a liar
a mile off, and Luca's a liar.
494
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,240
OK, well, I appreciate your honesty.
495
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,040
About the lying.
496
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,680
I appreciate your appreciation.
No lie.
497
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,880
Well, look, I, uh,
I should head off.
498
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,040
Oh, Wendy dropped this
in my car last Friday.
499
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,800
Um, didn't know if she needed it.
Mum?
500
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,320
Yeah, she called to ask
if I'd take her up to the hospital.
501
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,640
You were working.
502
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,120
On the Geoff thing
that you asked me to work on.
503
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,600
I hope you don't mind.
504
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,200
No... No. Thanks for doing it.
505
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:09,120
I'm not imposing or anything?
No. Not at all. Great.
506
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,400
She's a lovely woman.
507
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,160
I bet she's a great mum.
508
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,440
She is. My mum.
509
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,720
My lovely mum.
510
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,440
♪ He's evil, he's evil
511
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,280
♪ He's evil, he's evil, he's evil
512
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,080
♪ He's evil, he's evil
513
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:39,640
♪ He's evil, he's evil, he's evil
514
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,360
♪ He's got wit, he's got charm
But when he gets rough... ♪
515
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,400
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
38394
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