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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,023 --> 00:00:04,278 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,358 Morning. 3 00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:13,558 Hi, Keith. Sorry about Spurs. 4 00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:14,787 Oh, don't rub it in, mate. 5 00:00:14,812 --> 00:00:16,667 You're a masseur, so you can talk. 6 00:00:16,692 --> 00:00:18,428 Ha, nice one. See you at yoga? 7 00:00:18,453 --> 00:00:22,118 Of course. When have I ever missed yoga? Laters, potatoes. 8 00:00:56,103 --> 00:00:58,428 Hm, back to the balaclava then, Geoff? 9 00:00:58,453 --> 00:01:01,278 Didn't you have lots of complaints about it? Police coming around? 10 00:01:01,303 --> 00:01:02,638 Police can fuck off. 11 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,948 I'm a farmer. Keeps my face warm. 12 00:01:04,973 --> 00:01:07,558 Terrorists and sex offenders have decimated 13 00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:09,308 the balaclava industry, Mike. 14 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,917 They should hang their heads. 15 00:01:10,942 --> 00:01:13,198 At the very least. Drink? 16 00:01:13,223 --> 00:01:14,478 Lilt, please. 17 00:01:14,503 --> 00:01:16,228 Sorry. Lilt. 18 00:01:16,253 --> 00:01:18,508 Lilt? I just fancy a Lilt. 19 00:01:18,533 --> 00:01:19,787 A nice Lilt. 20 00:01:19,812 --> 00:01:22,108 Hm. There's some in the kitchen fridge. 21 00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:23,868 Hiya, when's young Stephen back. 22 00:01:23,893 --> 00:01:25,467 F 23 00:01:25,492 --> 00:01:27,787 é 24 00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,278 It'll be good to have him back. 25 00:01:29,303 --> 00:01:30,868 É 26 00:01:30,893 --> 00:01:32,917 é 27 00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:35,868 You been served, Geoff? Mike's getting me a Lilt. 28 00:01:35,893 --> 00:01:36,948 A Lilt? 29 00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:38,797 Geoffjust fancied a nice Lilt. 30 00:01:38,822 --> 00:01:40,148 JULIAN: Actually, all this talk 31 00:01:40,173 --> 00:01:42,797 of Lilt. Do you want a Lilt, Julian? 32 00:01:42,822 --> 00:01:43,797 No, I'm fine. 33 00:01:45,333 --> 00:01:47,228 Oh, go on, then. I'll have a Lilt. 34 00:01:47,253 --> 00:01:48,358 Aw. 35 00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:49,748 Lilt. 36 00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:12,153 I forgot to say before you left for the cash and carry. Urinal cakes. 37 00:02:12,178 --> 00:02:13,303 Got them. 38 00:02:13,328 --> 00:02:15,662 Oh, genius. Course you have. 39 00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:17,662 Lots of activity up the road, Andrew. 40 00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:19,383 New place is about to open. 41 00:02:19,408 --> 00:02:20,993 How do you pronounce it? 42 00:02:21,018 --> 00:02:23,943 % 43 00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:25,462 I've been saying pube. 44 00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:27,943 F 45 00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:30,743 You don't want to reference colons if you're serving food. 46 00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:34,153 You know, the manager's upped and left before they've even opened? 47 00:02:34,178 --> 00:02:36,743 They need someone new, quick-smart. 48 00:02:36,768 --> 00:02:38,273 Right. 49 00:02:38,298 --> 00:02:40,792 Do they? 50 00:02:40,817 --> 00:02:42,383 F 51 00:02:42,408 --> 00:02:44,823 F 52 00:02:44,848 --> 00:02:46,823 You'd fit in. You're very modern. 53 00:02:46,848 --> 00:02:48,553 I'm very happy here, Ellen. 54 00:02:48,578 --> 00:02:49,873 No intention of being nabbed. 55 00:02:49,898 --> 00:02:52,743 É 56 00:02:52,768 --> 00:02:57,103 F 57 00:02:57,128 --> 00:02:59,153 I'll take the urinal cakes through. 58 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:01,153 We got the Puh-ub menu through. 59 00:03:01,178 --> 00:03:05,513 Oh, yes. It's very cool, very minimalist. 60 00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:07,513 Stove-warmed fish. 61 00:03:07,538 --> 00:03:09,513 Leaves. 62 00:03:09,538 --> 00:03:10,993 They sound nice. 63 00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:12,743 Heritage pig head. 64 00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:13,823 An egg. 65 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,513 Interesting. 66 00:03:16,538 --> 00:03:18,273 Local curds. 67 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,542 ALL: 68 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,353 Fucking ball bags. 69 00:03:21,378 --> 00:03:23,353 I liked it when it was the Kings Arms. 70 00:03:23,378 --> 00:03:26,303 Spit and sawdust place, massive car park. 71 00:03:26,328 --> 00:03:27,712 I don't know why it closed down. 72 00:03:27,737 --> 00:03:30,023 Two people were stabbed to death there, Geoff. 73 00:03:30,048 --> 00:03:31,462 Now, get your facts straight. 74 00:03:31,487 --> 00:03:33,513 They were stabbed in the big car park, 75 00:03:33,538 --> 00:03:35,993 but they actually died later in hospital. 76 00:03:36,018 --> 00:03:37,433 Less of the fake news. 77 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:41,462 F 78 00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:43,743 Well, I guess Stephen again. 79 00:03:43,768 --> 00:03:45,462 F 80 00:03:45,487 --> 00:03:46,943 é 81 00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:55,153 It is a tremendous degree of progress you've made, Stephen. 82 00:03:55,178 --> 00:03:56,993 It's like a journey, isn't it? 83 00:03:57,018 --> 00:03:59,303 Oh, it is. It's very like a journey. 84 00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:00,462 Oh, you're absolutely right. 85 00:04:00,487 --> 00:04:01,792 I say that all the time. 86 00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:03,103 You do, Robbie. 87 00:04:03,128 --> 00:04:04,233 All the time. 88 00:04:04,258 --> 00:04:05,433 Brilliantly. 89 00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,662 And, like alljourneys, there'll be bumps in the road. 90 00:04:08,687 --> 00:04:10,633 Uh, twist and turns. 91 00:04:10,658 --> 00:04:12,153 T-junctions. 92 00:04:12,178 --> 00:04:14,153 Roundabouts. Filter lanes. 93 00:04:14,178 --> 00:04:16,873 You may proceed in the direction of the green arrow when it, 94 00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:18,873 or the full green light, shows. 95 00:04:18,898 --> 00:04:21,233 I'm just quoting the Highway Code now, but... 96 00:04:21,258 --> 00:04:23,592 Oh, but, but that's what therapy is, isn't it? 97 00:04:23,617 --> 00:04:27,103 It's a kind of Highway Code to get your mind back on the road. 98 00:04:27,128 --> 00:04:29,383 I'm in here for my MOT! Yeah. 99 00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:31,953 And you'll very soon be roadworthy. 100 00:04:31,978 --> 00:04:34,273 We've addressed your drinking, 101 00:04:34,298 --> 00:04:36,712 the uncertainty over your biological father, 102 00:04:36,737 --> 00:04:40,592 your feelings towards Andrew, that car accident in Limoges... 103 00:04:40,617 --> 00:04:43,873 I'm a very different guy from the one who was forcibly encouraged 104 00:04:43,898 --> 00:04:45,633 by his family and the wider community 105 00:04:45,658 --> 00:04:47,313 to become an inpatient here. 106 00:04:47,338 --> 00:04:50,823 So, I think you're ready to go home. 107 00:04:52,018 --> 00:04:53,433 Wow. 108 00:04:53,458 --> 00:04:56,633 You've really helped me get my shit together, Robbie. 109 00:04:56,658 --> 00:05:00,993 There was a lot of disparate shit, and now it's all in one place. 110 00:05:01,018 --> 00:05:02,513 Under control. 111 00:05:02,538 --> 00:05:04,023 Thank you. 112 00:05:04,048 --> 00:05:06,073 Genuinely. 113 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,792 That fucking idiot thinks I'm cured, the prick! 114 00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,672 I think so too, actually, Stephen. 115 00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:13,233 Well, maybe not cured, but more yourself. 116 00:05:13,258 --> 00:05:15,263 I'm just pretending. I'm still mad. 117 00:05:15,288 --> 00:05:17,233 You don't seem to be... That's the thing. 118 00:05:17,258 --> 00:05:19,672 I'm so mad, I look normal. 119 00:05:19,697 --> 00:05:23,743 Just a guy in a residential facility being helped by a regime 120 00:05:23,768 --> 00:05:26,103 of appropriate medication and therapy. 121 00:05:26,128 --> 00:05:28,903 What's suspicious about that? Nothing. 122 00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,263 It's genius. 123 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:31,953 MAD genius! 124 00:05:31,978 --> 00:05:33,313 Maybe stop saying mad? 125 00:05:33,338 --> 00:05:34,383 It's useful shorthand. 126 00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:36,712 Well, if your therapist thinks you're progressing... 127 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,073 Robbie knows nothing. 128 00:05:38,098 --> 00:05:39,792 We disagreed a few weeks ago 129 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:42,233 over the correct plural form of cup-a-soup. 130 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,623 He thinks it's CUP-a-soups. 131 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,993 It's quite clearly CUPS-a-soup! 132 00:05:47,018 --> 00:05:49,263 A multiple number of cups of soup. 133 00:05:49,288 --> 00:05:50,393 KNOCKS ON DOOR 134 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:53,313 Hi, Stephen. Hi, Cath. Did you find your phone? 135 00:05:53,338 --> 00:05:56,183 Would you believe, it was in my coat pocket all the time? 136 00:05:56,208 --> 00:05:57,953 No, I think you're lying. 137 00:05:57,978 --> 00:05:59,153 Only joking! 138 00:05:59,178 --> 00:06:02,073 I totally believe that it was in your pocket. 139 00:06:05,778 --> 00:06:06,753 Thanks. 140 00:06:12,178 --> 00:06:13,313 There's nothing there. 141 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,183 Oh, I must have accidentally swallowed them. 142 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,542 But, usually, I pretend. Flush them away. 143 00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,462 There'll be a lot of rats in these sewers 144 00:06:19,487 --> 00:06:21,753 with excellent serotonin levels. 145 00:06:23,848 --> 00:06:27,073 What do you think Stephen will be like when he comes back? 146 00:06:27,098 --> 00:06:29,903 I'm hoping he's no longer at war with himself. 147 00:06:29,928 --> 00:06:33,393 I mean, what we have to do, all of us, is support him fully. 148 00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:36,462 The last thing we want is for Stephen to get ill again. 149 00:06:36,487 --> 00:06:37,873 You haven't been to see him at all. 150 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,233 He's only wanted to see Alison. 151 00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:42,513 Not even mum, and she's the one who's been paying for his stay. 152 00:06:42,538 --> 00:06:43,983 It's weird, isn't it? 153 00:06:44,008 --> 00:06:46,033 That he's the one who's been having treatment 154 00:06:46,058 --> 00:06:49,823 when I've always been the one with so much mental complexity going on. 155 00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:52,183 Stephen did get very ill, Cass. 156 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:56,753 I mean, he was paranoid, depressed, anxious, obsessive, compulsive. 157 00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:57,903 It's quite a cocktail. 158 00:06:57,928 --> 00:06:59,513 Oh, and he was an alcoholic. 159 00:06:59,538 --> 00:07:01,513 No, I know. 160 00:07:01,538 --> 00:07:03,472 And it just bring sit home to me how much stuff 161 00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:05,753 I've been coping with, you know? 162 00:07:05,778 --> 00:07:07,153 Silently. 163 00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:09,672 You get very good at hiding your massive complexity 164 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,233 behind a mask of complete ordinariness. 165 00:07:12,258 --> 00:07:15,672 How many layers are there to an onion? No-one knows. 166 00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,542 Science can't tell. 167 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:20,894 Let's hope one day they crack that mystery. 168 00:07:20,919 --> 00:07:23,793 Sorry, Andrew, could we have a word? 169 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:30,084 F 170 00:07:30,109 --> 00:07:33,114 Mm. The, the tone, you know, because like you say, he's vulnerable. 171 00:07:33,139 --> 00:07:35,473 He's, you know... 172 00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:38,434 So, do we act normally, or...? 173 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,754 F 174 00:07:40,779 --> 00:07:43,184 Mm. But it's eggshells, isn't it? 175 00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:44,984 You might say the wrong thing, or... 176 00:07:45,009 --> 00:07:47,874 Yeah. 177 00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:51,343 Obviously, we mustn't let him be driven into mental collapse again. 178 00:07:51,368 --> 00:07:52,673 I can't stress that enough. 179 00:07:52,698 --> 00:07:55,514 So just chat normally to him. 180 00:07:55,539 --> 00:07:59,114 Oh, sure. Normally! Good. 181 00:07:59,139 --> 00:08:03,673 Try not to act at all odd or awkward, you know? 182 00:08:03,698 --> 00:08:04,954 Yes. 183 00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:07,264 IN ACCENT: Can do there, sir, hey? 184 00:08:07,289 --> 00:08:09,904 IN ACCENT: Yeah... 185 00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:17,754 Will you be wearing these shoes? 186 00:08:17,779 --> 00:08:19,593 Not sure they'll fit me. 187 00:08:19,618 --> 00:08:21,954 I haven't worn shoes since I arrived here, 188 00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:25,343 and my feet have become very soft and wide. Really? 189 00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,704 I've been in backless slippers constantly. 190 00:08:27,729 --> 00:08:31,264 My feet are almost as wide as they are long. 191 00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:33,514 Like veal escalopes. 192 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,194 Thanks, bye-bye. Bye. 193 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,473 Oh, Stephen. Good luck. 194 00:08:41,498 --> 00:08:43,423 You got somewhere to stay? 195 00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:47,834 Oh, uh, no, we, we aren't. Oh, no. I mean, we were, but, uh... 196 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:50,394 I'll live with my mum for a bit and then take stock. 197 00:08:50,419 --> 00:08:53,624 Good. Well, get some rest and some good food. 198 00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:58,034 Wouldn't like to think of you back in that awful caravan again, living off pot noodles. 199 00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,423 Pots noodle. 200 00:08:59,448 --> 00:09:02,164 Sorry? It's fine. Come on, Stephen. 201 00:09:02,189 --> 00:09:06,034 It's...it IS pots noodle. Yes, all right, come on. 202 00:09:06,059 --> 00:09:07,423 It's pot noodle cos... Stephen. 203 00:09:07,448 --> 00:09:09,914 ...the noodles have become adjectival. 204 00:09:09,939 --> 00:09:11,624 Noodles, noodle, pot. 205 00:09:11,649 --> 00:09:15,473 Noodle describes the pot, more than one pot, pots noodle. 206 00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:19,524 So, I take it you've told everyone you're coming back this evening? 207 00:09:19,549 --> 00:09:21,914 No, I wanted to surprise them. 208 00:09:21,939 --> 00:09:24,234 Oh. M-Make an entrance. 209 00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:27,784 I've been away in treatment - I'm the exotic one now. 210 00:09:27,809 --> 00:09:31,364 Andrew's just a boring provincial pub landlord. 211 00:09:31,389 --> 00:09:33,634 He hasn't got the key to my head anymore. 212 00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:35,034 Tables have turned. 213 00:09:35,059 --> 00:09:36,524 The shoes are on the other feet. 214 00:09:36,549 --> 00:09:38,754 If I could still wear shoes, yes. 215 00:09:45,729 --> 00:09:47,593 So, where is everyone? 216 00:09:47,618 --> 00:09:49,473 CASS: It was laughably bad, wasn't it, Andrew? 217 00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:51,194 It was spectacularly poor. 218 00:09:51,219 --> 00:09:54,754 You wouldn't want to be headhunted by that lot. Oh, shocking. 219 00:09:54,779 --> 00:09:57,343 We have no worries in terms of losing custom. 220 00:09:57,368 --> 00:10:00,884 Oh. 221 00:10:00,909 --> 00:10:02,834 F 222 00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:04,114 F 223 00:10:04,139 --> 00:10:06,834 Thought Lee and Bryony were meant to be business legends? 224 00:10:06,859 --> 00:10:09,784 They're business chumps, if you'll pardon my language. 225 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,673 I don't like to be negative, 226 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,634 but I wouldn't have fed that meal to Judas. 227 00:10:13,659 --> 00:10:15,423 Oh, he was the worst one. 228 00:10:19,498 --> 00:10:21,784 Alison! 229 00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:25,353 Is Stephen with you, love? Or are you just a bit stressed? 230 00:10:25,378 --> 00:10:28,314 Oh, no, he's just gone to the loo. 231 00:10:28,339 --> 00:10:29,784 Ha. 232 00:10:29,809 --> 00:10:31,064 Gin and tonic, please, love. 233 00:10:41,939 --> 00:10:44,964 Those urinal cakes look fresh. 234 00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:47,274 Got a new batch this week. 235 00:10:47,299 --> 00:10:49,144 Jeyes. Classic. 236 00:10:52,549 --> 00:10:54,353 How are you feeling, Stephen? 237 00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:56,884 I have a crystal clear mind, wide feet, 238 00:10:56,909 --> 00:10:59,244 and I'm pissing like a greyhound. 239 00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:00,884 How are you? 240 00:11:00,909 --> 00:11:03,144 Can I apologise? 241 00:11:03,169 --> 00:11:04,553 For? 242 00:11:04,578 --> 00:11:06,194 Everything that happened before. 243 00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:07,553 Everything in the world? 244 00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:10,034 The Napoleonic Wars? Smallpox? 245 00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:11,714 The cry-laugh emoji? 246 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:14,603 Slavery? Declining literacy rates? 247 00:11:14,628 --> 00:11:16,964 I came into this family with too much force 248 00:11:16,989 --> 00:11:19,914 and not enough empathy, and I know that my arrival troubled you 249 00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:22,634 and may have added to your mental distress. 250 00:11:22,659 --> 00:11:24,673 I don't trust a word you say. 251 00:11:24,698 --> 00:11:26,324 I know. I appreciate that. 252 00:11:26,349 --> 00:11:28,194 Those words just then, don't trust them. 253 00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:29,603 Sure. Or that word. 254 00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:30,834 Look... That's a lie. 255 00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:33,784 Look, Stephen, my only hope is that the investment I made 256 00:11:33,809 --> 00:11:37,324 with the Wellness Centre pays off in terms of your future happiness. 257 00:11:37,349 --> 00:11:39,634 Investment? Maybe that's too crude a term. 258 00:11:39,659 --> 00:11:42,504 Um, assistance. Sponsorship. 259 00:11:42,529 --> 00:11:45,994 YOU paid for me to stay at Lyneham Abbey? Not Mum? 260 00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:47,874 I had the means and Ellen felt... 261 00:11:47,899 --> 00:11:49,324 Great. Terrific. 262 00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:51,634 I thought it was Miss Haversham, but it was you. 263 00:11:51,659 --> 00:11:53,504 Big Shitty Magwitch. 264 00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,864 Magwitch actually helps Pip to fulfil his dreams. 265 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,394 I know my Dickens, Andrew. 266 00:11:57,419 --> 00:11:59,754 Don't you DARE try to out-Dickens me! 267 00:11:59,779 --> 00:12:02,044 Or it will be the worst of times. 268 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,794 That's Dickens. I'm being clever. 269 00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:05,603 I genuinely just wanted to help you. 270 00:12:05,628 --> 00:12:08,754 By gaslighting me into thinking I'm ill, then paying to put me 271 00:12:08,779 --> 00:12:11,794 in a facility so you can gaslight everyone else into thinking I'm ill? 272 00:12:11,819 --> 00:12:13,154 Stephen, I admit it. 273 00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:16,794 In the past, I've dissembled and played with the truth, 274 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,324 but I've changed. Truly. 275 00:12:19,349 --> 00:12:21,864 All I want to do now is help people. 276 00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:25,114 Go fuck yourself. You can't get into my head anymore, Andrew. 277 00:12:25,139 --> 00:12:27,683 I don't want to get into your head. Oh, yes, you do. But you can't 278 00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:29,433 because I've changed the locks. 279 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,834 I still know you. I see you. 280 00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:33,794 I'm looking at you right now. 281 00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,074 I know you are. 282 00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:37,404 Exactly, I'm staring directly at you. 283 00:12:37,429 --> 00:12:39,274 I'm aware of that. 284 00:12:48,353 --> 00:12:49,809 F 285 00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:55,328 How are you, sweetheart? Um, you better? 286 00:12:55,353 --> 00:12:56,729 Oh, you look a lot better. 287 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,248 Are you better? 288 00:12:59,273 --> 00:13:02,529 Andrew paid for my treatment? He was my sugar daddy? 289 00:13:02,554 --> 00:13:04,984 Only it wasn't sugar - it was Citalopram. 290 00:13:05,009 --> 00:13:06,854 Well, I don't have that kind of money, Stephen, 291 00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:08,524 and something needed to be done urgently. 292 00:13:08,549 --> 00:13:09,764 You were in a bad way. 293 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,044 Andrew offered to help. 294 00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:13,323 And now you're all better. 295 00:13:13,348 --> 00:13:16,084 F 296 00:13:16,109 --> 00:13:17,373 F 297 00:13:17,398 --> 00:13:18,443 Right. Thanks. 298 00:13:18,468 --> 00:13:20,764 F 299 00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:22,573 F 300 00:13:22,598 --> 00:13:24,964 é 301 00:13:24,989 --> 00:13:27,243 That's meant to be kind, so thank you. 302 00:13:33,239 --> 00:13:34,373 Mike. Jan. 303 00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:36,094 Hello. 304 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,524 F 305 00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:39,323 F 306 00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:41,604 Thank you. How's it all been? 307 00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:42,684 F 308 00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:47,804 But not because you weren't here. 309 00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:50,323 £ 310 00:13:50,348 --> 00:13:51,734 I'm not distressed. 311 00:13:51,759 --> 00:13:52,854 Oh. 312 00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:54,294 É 313 00:13:54,319 --> 00:13:56,094 10-4 can do, nice buddy. 314 00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:03,014 How is he? 315 00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:04,573 A lot better. 316 00:14:04,598 --> 00:14:06,323 He's lucky to have you to look out for him. 317 00:14:06,348 --> 00:14:08,734 Oh, I remain vigilant. 318 00:14:08,759 --> 00:14:09,884 And how are you? 319 00:14:09,909 --> 00:14:11,453 Busy, busy. 320 00:14:11,478 --> 00:14:15,214 Swamped at work investigating dodgy planning applications. 321 00:14:15,239 --> 00:14:18,404 Also my mum's getting up my nose and on my tits. 322 00:14:18,429 --> 00:14:20,684 Your mum? Yeah, and dad. 323 00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:22,604 Dependent, needy. 324 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,884 I really haven't got time to fart. 325 00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:26,373 We need to keep Stephen busy. 326 00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:29,604 If he just sits around at Ellen's, that'd be bad for him. 327 00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:32,044 Am I meant to believe you're concerned for him? 328 00:14:32,069 --> 00:14:36,453 I don't expect you to believe it, but it's the truth. 329 00:14:36,478 --> 00:14:38,764 É 330 00:14:38,789 --> 00:14:41,294 F 331 00:14:41,319 --> 00:14:43,094 F 332 00:14:43,119 --> 00:14:45,123 F 333 00:14:45,148 --> 00:14:49,524 é 334 00:14:49,549 --> 00:14:50,604 That doesn't sound very fair. 335 00:14:50,629 --> 00:14:52,404 Is he an arable farmer like you, Geoff? 336 00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:53,684 É 337 00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:55,094 Is that EU code? 338 00:14:55,119 --> 00:14:56,373 F 339 00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:14,844 Oh, hello. 340 00:15:14,869 --> 00:15:16,044 Hello, Stephen. 341 00:15:16,069 --> 00:15:17,404 Did you sleep well? 342 00:15:17,429 --> 00:15:18,404 Yes. 343 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,684 You're here early. 344 00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,174 In the house. 345 00:15:23,199 --> 00:15:24,884 Did you come round early? 346 00:15:24,909 --> 00:15:28,139 Uh, yes. 347 00:15:28,164 --> 00:15:30,463 I, uh, came round early. 348 00:15:30,488 --> 00:15:31,863 That would be it. 349 00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:35,432 ELLEN: Julian, will you get the wholemeal out of the freezer? 350 00:15:35,457 --> 00:15:36,432 I'm not sure I... 351 00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:41,873 I was just saying howJulian has come round early. 352 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,432 Yes. An early call. 353 00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:51,023 Good morning, Ellen. Good morning. 354 00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:52,383 F 355 00:15:52,408 --> 00:15:54,713 é 356 00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:56,182 I'm not. 357 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,513 I mean, I am a vicar, but, uh... 358 00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:01,182 SHE CLEARS THROAT Julian and I are very close, love. 359 00:16:01,207 --> 00:16:06,073 I didn't tell you before because I thought it might add to your crisis. 360 00:16:07,127 --> 00:16:08,513 It's fine. It's cool. 361 00:16:08,538 --> 00:16:10,302 I'm happy for you. 362 00:16:10,327 --> 00:16:11,633 Are you? Fuck no. 363 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:13,943 But I'll get used to it. 364 00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:16,302 Please don't eat the Eucharist wafers, Cass. 365 00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:18,102 They're Christ. 366 00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:19,873 Can I make you some breakfast, Stephen? 367 00:16:19,898 --> 00:16:21,513 Are there muffins? 368 00:16:21,538 --> 00:16:23,383 I don't think there are. 369 00:16:23,408 --> 00:16:28,073 It's just, I always had muffins at Lyneham Abbey, but don't worry. 370 00:16:28,098 --> 00:16:30,543 É 371 00:16:30,568 --> 00:16:34,463 No. I just mentioned that we had muffins for breakfast, that's all. 372 00:16:34,488 --> 00:16:37,793 Lunch on Monday was soup, Tuesday was toastie day, 373 00:16:37,818 --> 00:16:39,633 but it's not important. 374 00:16:39,658 --> 00:16:44,102 Wednesday's lasagne, Thursday soup again, and Friday's fish and chips. 375 00:16:44,127 --> 00:16:46,432 But it's irrelevant. I'll go with the flow. 376 00:16:46,457 --> 00:16:48,232 Whatever's easiest. 377 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,513 I could go and get some muffins. 378 00:16:50,538 --> 00:16:51,713 No. No, it's fine. 379 00:16:54,488 --> 00:16:55,793 Although it would be nice. 380 00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:03,383 Ugh, back on the beer, Geoff? 381 00:17:03,408 --> 00:17:05,153 Yeah, I was just flirting. 382 00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:08,463 Diddled the lilt, but I'm married to beer. Aw! 383 00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:11,073 É 384 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,182 Easily clone. 385 00:17:12,207 --> 00:17:15,543 Best time of my life was in hospital, recovering from heart surgery. 386 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,993 Bliss. 387 00:17:17,018 --> 00:17:19,743 Lying there for ten days, doing fuck all, 388 00:17:19,768 --> 00:17:23,593 a catheter up your Rees-Mogg, so you don't even have to get up to piss. 389 00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:26,743 That's living, all right. Can't wait for the hospice! 390 00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:28,743 Oh, Andrew? It's come. 391 00:17:28,768 --> 00:17:30,182 The inevitable call. 392 00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:33,823 Lee and Bryony Kingsley left a message about half an hour ago. 393 00:17:33,848 --> 00:17:36,713 You can name your price now, son. They need you. 394 00:17:36,738 --> 00:17:39,743 You're like whoever's an expensive footballer these days. 395 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:43,182 I'm going to say Trevor Francis, but more recent. 396 00:17:43,207 --> 00:17:45,102 What exactly was the message, Jan? 397 00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:49,463 Can we meet with your brilliant landlord? Meet with... 398 00:17:49,488 --> 00:17:50,623 ...like in America. 399 00:17:50,648 --> 00:17:52,903 I bet they get a coffee too. 400 00:17:52,928 --> 00:17:55,182 Well, a meeting can't do any harm. 401 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:56,102 See how the land lies. 402 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,352 That's it. He's gone. 403 00:18:00,377 --> 00:18:02,903 F 404 00:18:02,928 --> 00:18:07,263 But it's a challenge, isn't it? No challenge for Andrew here any more. 405 00:18:07,288 --> 00:18:08,352 He's bored. 406 00:18:08,377 --> 00:18:10,623 In danger of becoming a fixture. 407 00:18:10,648 --> 00:18:12,033 Time to move on. 408 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,982 Yeah, Andrew's far too sharp 409 00:18:14,007 --> 00:18:17,033 and clever to work at the Barleycorn for longer than a few months. 410 00:18:17,058 --> 00:18:19,623 How long have you guys been here? 411 00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:20,743 Eight years yesterday. 412 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,263 Congrats. Oh, thanks. 413 00:18:27,698 --> 00:18:29,102 You've eaten here? I have. 414 00:18:29,127 --> 00:18:31,432 Thoughts? Feelings? Ideas? 415 00:18:31,457 --> 00:18:32,593 Honestly? Sure. 416 00:18:32,618 --> 00:18:33,953 No point otherwise. 417 00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:35,623 Truth has value. 418 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,673 Bullshit's worthless. 419 00:18:37,698 --> 00:18:39,153 OK. 420 00:18:39,178 --> 00:18:42,182 Felt like there was a lot of noise, but no clear signal. 421 00:18:42,207 --> 00:18:43,982 Decor, ambience, menu, 422 00:18:44,007 --> 00:18:46,463 all compromised by conflicting influences. 423 00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:49,232 The service was weak, slow and pretentious. 424 00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:51,873 Those are the headline notes. If you want a deep dive, I could... 425 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,393 No, no. No. We agree. 426 00:18:53,418 --> 00:18:55,102 We need to step up our game. 427 00:18:55,127 --> 00:18:58,903 We're looking for a guy to help turn things around. 428 00:18:58,928 --> 00:19:00,343 Copy that. 429 00:19:00,368 --> 00:19:02,232 And that's where you come in, Stephen. 430 00:19:05,848 --> 00:19:08,623 Stephen, we need a firm hand on the tiller. 431 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,312 Serious realignment. 432 00:19:10,337 --> 00:19:13,153 We're impressed with how the Barleycorn used to be run. 433 00:19:13,178 --> 00:19:15,673 It used to look very different. Andrew remodelled it. 434 00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:17,713 I'd done a lovely pine thing, 435 00:19:17,738 --> 00:19:20,982 but then it all burnt down in a massive fire and he changed it. 436 00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,363 Reason we've come to you, Stephen, 437 00:19:23,388 --> 00:19:26,413 is we've realised this place is too pretentious. 438 00:19:26,438 --> 00:19:29,332 All this minimalist, metropolitan thing. 439 00:19:29,357 --> 00:19:32,173 Made a mistake. We need to go totally the other way. 440 00:19:32,198 --> 00:19:34,002 Back to how it was when it was the Kings Arms. 441 00:19:34,027 --> 00:19:37,533 People round here, they want something honest, old school. 442 00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:39,332 Not elitist. 443 00:19:39,357 --> 00:19:40,452 Brexit style. 444 00:19:40,477 --> 00:19:41,643 Tell it like it is. 445 00:19:41,668 --> 00:19:45,452 Peppercorn sauce on a big rump steak, swear boxes, 446 00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:49,283 lifeboat boxes, little boy with a slot in his head, some bloke 447 00:19:49,308 --> 00:19:54,493 selling warm crabsticks, curry night, geezers, saucepots, sorts, 448 00:19:54,518 --> 00:19:59,002 types, Scotch eggs, but not artisan Scotch eggs with rare-breed pork. 449 00:19:59,027 --> 00:20:01,413 Just fucking Scotch fucking eggs! 450 00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:04,132 Pardon my language but, I mean, it's what people want now. 451 00:20:04,157 --> 00:20:08,493 Some things may feel old-fashioned, but they're best unchanged. 452 00:20:08,518 --> 00:20:09,283 Exactly. 453 00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,973 The reason they've never updated Hangman is it's too difficult 454 00:20:11,998 --> 00:20:15,533 to incrementally draw a stick man serving a 30-year custodial sentence. 455 00:20:18,257 --> 00:20:20,833 I need to talk to Chef. Will you think about it, Stephen? 456 00:20:20,858 --> 00:20:22,873 We'd love to have you on board. 457 00:20:22,898 --> 00:20:25,753 I will think about it. Will I need to wear shoes? 458 00:20:28,668 --> 00:20:33,723 If I take over managing Puh-ub, in a way, I'm leaving the family. 459 00:20:33,748 --> 00:20:36,002 My loyalties will be elsewhere. 460 00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:37,413 It's a huge deal. 461 00:20:37,438 --> 00:20:40,693 I'd probably have to move into the flat above the Puh-ub. 462 00:20:40,718 --> 00:20:43,283 We'd really miss you. Indeed. 463 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,053 But needs must. 464 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,363 Do you want to move on, Stephen? Have a fresh start? 465 00:20:48,388 --> 00:20:49,563 New beginning? 466 00:20:49,588 --> 00:20:51,283 I do... 467 00:20:51,308 --> 00:20:52,363 ...I think. 468 00:20:52,388 --> 00:20:54,363 É 469 00:20:54,388 --> 00:20:55,773 F 470 00:20:55,798 --> 00:20:58,132 F 471 00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,923 It's wonderful to be wanted. 472 00:20:59,948 --> 00:21:03,363 It's exciting to be valued for who I am, 473 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:06,493 for the skills and experience I have. 474 00:21:06,518 --> 00:21:09,893 I feel like I've come out of Lyneham Abbey, able to achieve anything. 475 00:21:09,918 --> 00:21:11,853 So, yes. 476 00:21:11,878 --> 00:21:13,212 I will take the job. 477 00:21:13,237 --> 00:21:14,973 ALL: Cheers! 478 00:21:18,558 --> 00:21:22,252 And are these the absolute widest fit you have? Yes, sir. 479 00:21:22,277 --> 00:21:24,893 An H fitting's the widest we've got in the size 9. 480 00:21:24,918 --> 00:21:27,332 You don't do a] or anything like that? 481 00:21:27,357 --> 00:21:29,082 No, there's no such fitting as a J. 482 00:21:29,107 --> 00:21:32,893 No? They should do a Bravissimo, but for big feet. 483 00:21:33,998 --> 00:21:34,973 OK, I'll take them. 484 00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:39,212 Why are you two together? Are you getting married? 485 00:21:39,237 --> 00:21:40,723 Calm down, Stephen. 486 00:21:40,748 --> 00:21:43,293 I went to see Alison in a professional capacity. 487 00:21:43,318 --> 00:21:46,002 I was troubled by Lee and Bryony Kingsley. 488 00:21:46,027 --> 00:21:47,893 Troubled? I didn't trust them. 489 00:21:47,918 --> 00:21:50,543 The feeling was mutual. They thought you were Satan. 490 00:21:50,568 --> 00:21:52,132 But I'm paraphrasing. 491 00:21:52,157 --> 00:21:55,413 I wanted to pick Alison's brains, and... 492 00:21:55,438 --> 00:21:57,773 I've been checking the archives, and Lee 493 00:21:57,798 --> 00:22:00,933 and Bryony are incredibly successful businesspeople, as everyone says. 494 00:22:00,958 --> 00:22:04,252 They're amazing. They have a place in Tuscany. 495 00:22:04,277 --> 00:22:05,933 Said I might be able to stay there. 496 00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,332 The thing is, they do get through a lot of businesses, 497 00:22:09,357 --> 00:22:11,212 and there seems to be a pattern. 498 00:22:11,237 --> 00:22:14,543 They take over a business, it doesn't do well, they close it, 499 00:22:14,568 --> 00:22:17,332 they build on the land, and that's how they make their money. 500 00:22:17,357 --> 00:22:18,853 So how does this affect me? 501 00:22:18,878 --> 00:22:21,573 Well, the pattern seems to be that they hire a... 502 00:22:24,237 --> 00:22:26,803 They employ someone who... 503 00:22:28,798 --> 00:22:29,853 What? 504 00:22:29,878 --> 00:22:33,363 They hire a manager who they think will be 505 00:22:33,388 --> 00:22:38,132 so incompetent that he or she will run the business into the ground. 506 00:22:38,157 --> 00:22:40,493 Then, when the business is seen as unsalvageable, 507 00:22:40,518 --> 00:22:43,773 they can apply for change of use and build houses on the land. 508 00:22:43,798 --> 00:22:46,803 Puh-ub has that massive car park. They could make millions. 509 00:22:46,828 --> 00:22:48,543 We may be jumping to conclusions. 510 00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:52,903 There's nothing yet been proved about their previous applications. 511 00:22:52,928 --> 00:22:54,363 But a red flag has gone up. 512 00:22:54,388 --> 00:22:56,853 I didn't want you pulled into a scam. 513 00:22:56,878 --> 00:22:58,293 You've been through enough. 514 00:23:00,598 --> 00:23:01,573 Here we are, sir. 515 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:04,293 Take them away, please. 516 00:23:04,318 --> 00:23:06,163 And bring me a pair of backless slippers. 517 00:23:06,188 --> 00:23:08,903 H fitting in an 11 and a half. 518 00:23:08,928 --> 00:23:10,653 Thought you took a size 9? Just do it! 519 00:23:13,188 --> 00:23:15,493 Don't give up completely on shoes, Stephen. 520 00:23:15,518 --> 00:23:16,693 Stupid. 521 00:23:16,718 --> 00:23:18,082 I should've known. 522 00:23:18,107 --> 00:23:19,523 Never dream. 523 00:23:19,548 --> 00:23:21,573 Dreams aren't real. 524 00:23:21,598 --> 00:23:23,332 Only nightmares. 525 00:23:23,357 --> 00:23:24,523 I should go. 526 00:23:24,548 --> 00:23:27,653 Mike and Jan are going to be in late, so I need to unlock the pub. 527 00:23:34,078 --> 00:23:35,053 # Baby 528 00:23:36,287 --> 00:23:38,012 # You're driving me crazy 529 00:23:40,357 --> 00:23:41,493 # I said baby 530 00:23:43,078 --> 00:23:44,933 # You're driving me crazy 531 00:23:47,678 --> 00:23:48,653 # Psycho 532 00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:53,882 # Oh! 533 00:23:53,907 --> 00:23:55,882 # Wow! # 534 00:23:55,907 --> 00:23:58,933 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 38133

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