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1
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I WOULDN'T LIKE TO BE A MAN
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A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS
by Ernst Lubitsch
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Cast:
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Direction:
5
00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:48,132
Decoration and Set Design:
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FIRST ACT
7
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Is that proper for a young girl?
8
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I was playin' a bit o' poker.
9
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When I was your age - -!
10
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Come on, that was a long time ago.
11
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I really don't understand
how a lady can smoke.
12
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Now what's all this?
13
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I'm slugging back my troubles.
14
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Well, it looks like you've got
a few nasty troubles of your own!
15
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:22,429
Would you allow us to serenade you?
16
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We'd like something sweet too.
17
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Where are you off to, then?!
18
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Oh, if Petrus only knew about this...!
19
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Dearest Councillor of Commerce,
20
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The institution you have planned
has now been founded.
21
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It is essential that you come.
22
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Behave yourself, so you make
your governess very happy.
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See, you're supposed to be happy
with me.
24
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And you want to be a refined young girl?
25
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I don't want that at all!
26
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I think the poor child's
going to be pretty miserable.
27
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:54,368
What are you up to?
28
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,830
Dilly-dallying!
29
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:07,172
What would your uncle say about this?
30
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:14,012
Oh, I'm feeling pretty awful!
31
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,579
Your new guardian.
32
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You're the guardian
who's in for a rude awakening?
33
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:58,367
Stand up when you're addressing me!!
34
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Now curtsy!
35
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Lower!
36
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Gracious Miss, your car is here.
37
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:08,562
Young girls your age
belong in bed at this time!
38
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,129
I'll break you down yet!
39
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,317
Down to here!
40
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,118
What a petty man!
41
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Why didn't I come into this world
as a boy.
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END OF THE FIRST ACT
43
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SECOND ACT
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I'd like an evening-suit.
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Measurements -
46
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By which gentleman do you wish
to be served?
47
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:44,152
Perhaps the gentlemen will compromise.
48
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,996
Me - the left arm!
49
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:59,000
Me - the right arm!
50
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:08,677
And what'll be leftover here
for me then?
51
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:28,947
Ossi emancipates herself
52
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:03,690
Good heavens does a man
not have it easy.
53
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:29,424
And this here's not as simple as it looks.
54
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,824
The world's mine at any price!
55
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,820
A charming lad!
56
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,860
Such a cheeky boy -
won't even stand up!!
57
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:55,588
Well no need to make such a fuss!
After all, you're a man!
58
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That's what you say!
59
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,939
In the Mause-Palast
60
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:30,141
Rough folk - these men!
61
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:11,432
Take a look at this one!
62
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,106
Well, junior?
63
00:25:05,338 --> 00:25:09,217
Ruthless people, these women!
64
00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:55,221
Stupid fellow!
65
00:26:14,407 --> 00:26:19,120
I'll seduce her away from him
in no time.
66
00:26:59,243 --> 00:27:00,661
Don't clobber me!
67
00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:06,667
I swear I won't do it again.
68
00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:24,143
That's women!
69
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,150
And you're here squabbling with me?
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END OF THE SECOND ACT
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"I Wouldn't Like to Be a Man!"
THIRD ACT
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00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:52,213
After the Ball's End
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00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:47,727
You keep puffing - inhale already!
74
00:29:14,253 --> 00:29:17,590
You're making such a wretched face!
75
00:29:20,885 --> 00:29:24,055
I feel wretched, too!
76
00:30:42,007 --> 00:30:43,676
Maybe not, then.
77
00:31:00,860 --> 00:31:04,238
Well - how you doin' now?
78
00:31:06,657 --> 00:31:10,870
It's better not to ask!
79
00:31:19,295 --> 00:31:22,006
To brotherhood!
80
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:40,024
What's your name, anyway?
81
00:31:47,156 --> 00:31:50,618
It's better not to ask!
82
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:22,233
Today I'm noticin' for the first time
that the earth's spinning!
83
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:12,700
So where are we off to?
84
00:33:14,743 --> 00:33:17,830
Go straight ahead.
85
00:34:14,470 --> 00:34:18,515
Y'aren't quite on the wagon yerself.
86
00:34:40,871 --> 00:34:43,624
Ossi's his name?
87
00:34:47,252 --> 00:34:51,715
Oh, he's pissed all right!
88
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,633
He's in the bathtub?
89
00:38:26,972 --> 00:38:31,101
I want to see my governess.
90
00:38:38,609 --> 00:38:42,654
Come now, wipe away your tears.
91
00:38:45,324 --> 00:38:48,535
I haven't got a handkerchief!
92
00:40:10,534 --> 00:40:13,704
Well well, what brings you here?
93
00:40:17,833 --> 00:40:21,211
I'm here to visit my cousin.
94
00:40:28,010 --> 00:40:32,472
Don't tell the little one
anything of our adventure.
95
00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:47,738
Promise!
96
00:40:51,283 --> 00:40:54,161
The lass is pretty cute, too!
97
00:40:59,541 --> 00:41:02,252
I beg to differ.
98
00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:34,534
Well, already out of the bathtub?
99
00:41:36,119 --> 00:41:38,955
Out of which bathtub?
100
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:43,377
Well, out of the bathtub.
101
00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:51,718
Naturally,
one can't stay in there forever!
102
00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:18,870
Being a man, -
that's exhausting stuff!
103
00:42:24,626 --> 00:42:29,047
Ossi has to get up.
I'll wake her right away.
104
00:42:42,853 --> 00:42:46,731
No one wakes the way I wake!
105
00:42:50,026 --> 00:42:53,029
I'm an old alarm clock!
106
00:43:12,174 --> 00:43:15,802
That's right, the one and only!
107
00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:22,976
And you let yourself be kissed by me?
108
00:43:24,895 --> 00:43:28,148
Well - didn't you like how it tasted?
109
00:43:37,449 --> 00:43:40,785
I'll break you down yet!
110
00:43:47,626 --> 00:43:50,003
Down to here!
111
00:44:42,597 --> 00:44:45,225
I wouldn't like to be a man!
7108
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