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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,497 [crowd booing] 2 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,706 [whistle blows] 3 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,967 [Arlo] You're hearing AFC Richmond 4 00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,180 being booed lustily by their home fans, 5 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:13,470 and you have to say, not without good reason. 6 00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,812 2-0. We're better than that! 7 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,193 Jamie. Jamie. Sorry, I didn't put that cross where you wanted it. 8 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,114 Ah. Forget it, mate. 9 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,689 Hey, would it be too forward if I gave you some advice 10 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,735 that might help improve your game a bit? 11 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,818 No. Please, anything. 12 00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:31,283 What you need to do is get yourself a time machine, and go back to the moment 13 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,485 when your mom was about to fuck a sad little man with no athletic talent. 14 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:39,246 Pull her off him, fly her to Argentina, and drop her onto Maradona's cock. 15 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,334 Hope that helps, mate. 16 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,502 Right, that's it. 17 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,012 I'm done with you being a prick to everyone. 18 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,759 Ooh. 19 00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:53,511 So, either I beat up an old man, or I let an old man beat me up. 20 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,557 Fuck it. Let's go. 21 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,096 [Roy] Fucking... [indistinct shouting] 22 00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,975 - Hey, hey, hey! - [players shouting] 23 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,267 Easy, easy, easy now! 24 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,418 Coach, tell these boys what the first rule of my fight club is. 25 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,322 - No fight club! - No fight club. Okay? You understand? 26 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,199 For the love of Pistol Pete, y'all. We still got a second half to play. 27 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,123 Now, please, sit down. Everybody. 28 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,079 Gaffer saved you, old man. 29 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,589 Call me old... 30 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:27,879 one more time. 31 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,763 [player takes deep breath] 32 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,050 Sorry... 33 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:35,888 granddad. 34 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,601 - I'll fucking kill you! - [all shouting] 35 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,772 [theme music plays] 36 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:06,341 Table four is done and shall from now on be known as the boring table. 37 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,790 But that's where I'm sitting. 38 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:09,878 Oh. 39 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,763 Ugh. I haven't placed Elaine Kenner. Awful woman. 40 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,262 She won't be attending tonight. She was kicked in the face by her horse. 41 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,426 Oh. That poor thing. Is the horse okay? 42 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,807 - [whistle blows] - [Ted] Mm-mm-mm. 43 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,852 Looks like we still got ourselves a team divided here. 44 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,333 Coach, you know what I'm thinkin' about right now? 45 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,727 - West Side Story? - You know it. Sharks and Jets. 46 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,817 You think these fellas 47 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,702 could solve their problems with a dance-off at a gymnasium? [chuckles] 48 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,410 Course, if memory serves, 49 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:40,040 Riff and Bernardo ended up getting knifed to death at that particular event. 50 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,328 No, they didn't die until the rumble afterwards. 51 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,556 Oh, right. Right, right, right. 52 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,580 When I was 15, I was understudy for Anita. 53 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,917 - All-boys school. - Hmm. 54 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,712 We have peeled yet another juicy layer of the Nathan onion. 55 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,380 - [Rebecca] Coach Beard! - Uh-oh. 56 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,796 For dinner tonight, it's either chicken or steak! 57 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,347 You can't tick both! 58 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,968 Okay! 59 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,477 Busted. 60 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,689 And Ted! 61 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,938 Uh-oh. 62 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,309 - Yeah! - I need to know who your plus-one is! 63 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,188 Oh, well, that'd be, uh, Mr. Two Entrées here. 64 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:14,946 No, he's already bringing a date! 65 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,323 Hey, you free tonight? 66 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,910 - Oh, I'm free every night, yeah. - Okay. 67 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,124 - I'm gonna bring Nathan! - Who? 68 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,616 Nate the Great! He's gonna be my date! 69 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,587 And for obvious reasons, we'd love to be at table eight! 70 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,304 No! 71 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,459 And Beard, you're having chicken! 72 00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,512 - [knocking] - [Ted] Hey, boss. 73 00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,644 Ooh! Pajama Friday? Wish I woulda known. 74 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,641 Oh, you're gonna get a kick outta this story. 75 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,933 - When I was 17... - Ted, let me just stop you there 76 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,387 before you tell me a folksy anecdote about you and pajamas. 77 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,372 Okay. When you change your mind, just let me know, 78 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,186 'cause this one is a doozy. 79 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,918 Sorry, was there anything you needed? 'Cause I'm really... 80 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,992 I was wondering if me, Roy and Jamie could all sit at the same table tonight. 81 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,070 - Is that possible? - Yes. 82 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,009 Great! 'Cause I got some fences I need to mend, and I think that might do the trick. 83 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,953 - Ted, I just said yes. - Right. 84 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,115 Oh, God, that one's absolutely beautiful, but... 85 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,366 I don't think I can get away with that anymore. 86 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,378 Sure you could. Fashion's all about confidence. 87 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,420 If I didn't have any confidence, I never would've worn pajamas to my prom 88 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,940 and ended up in jail the rest of that night. 89 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,901 But you don't wanna hear that story, so I ain't gonna tell it. 90 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,235 You know what? I'll get outta your hair. 91 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,799 You're probably all revved up because of the big shindig, right? 92 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,307 No, no, no. I'm absolutely fine. 93 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,138 I mean, even when Rupert and I were running the gala together, 94 00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,055 I did most of the work myself. 95 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,603 So, uh, I'm not revved up at all. 96 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,556 I'm actually, really, feeling quite mellow. 97 00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,858 Good afternoon. We have a huge problem. 98 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,822 Our musical guest, Robbie Williams, has canceled. 99 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:38,903 God! 100 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,107 Oh, no. Who is that? 101 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:44,947 No, no, no. That's absolutely fine. It's not a problem. Let me just think. 102 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,195 All right, here's what we're going to do, Higgins. 103 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,367 Tonight, when I tell everyone that Robbie has canceled, 104 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:54,087 by then it won't matter because you will have found someone better. 105 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,171 - There ya are. - Right. 106 00:04:56,255 --> 00:05:00,085 I am a world-class problem solver. 107 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,545 There it is. Oh. You got it. Oh. Catch it! Yep! Ho! Look at that! 108 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,135 You got this, Higgins! 109 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183 And Rebecca's grateful for all your hard work! 110 00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,267 [Higgins] Thank you, Ted! 111 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:15,982 Mm. 112 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,494 No. I hate it, babe. 113 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,779 It's just not me. There's no hood, no zips. 114 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,034 There's no graffiti. 115 00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,489 No graffiti. 116 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,037 Mad. I look like a banker. 117 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,581 Not with trousers that tight around the crotch, you don't. 118 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,285 Fine. I look like a banker with a great cock. 119 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,456 Babe, if those existed, we wouldn't be together. 120 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,423 [Jamie scoffs] Whatever. 121 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,840 [Keeley] Okay. 122 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,724 Look, you're gonna get more endorsements when you start embracing high fashion. 123 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,563 I'm just trying to help build up your brand. 124 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,391 Jamie, no. What are you doing? 125 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,684 I'm doing... 126 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,902 style. 127 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,150 Yeah, people don't know it, but I'm good at this fashion shit. 128 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,612 - Are you? - Yeah, I'm like a progeny. 129 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,025 Oh, yeah? 130 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,320 Oi. Down, boy. 131 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,409 - [panting] - Mm-hmm. 132 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,240 That's a good boy. Find the treat, yeah. 133 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,158 Hey, hon. 134 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,366 Shoot, I was hoping I'd catch ya. Uh, got your message. 135 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,458 Playing a little phone tag, it appears. And you are now it. 136 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,711 Um... Oh, hey. Guess what. 137 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,966 I'm wearing the suit you told me I should bring. 138 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,469 You were right, as always. [chuckles] 139 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:29,521 Uh, yeah. Okay, so, uh, that's it. I love... I miss ya. 140 00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,138 And, uh, just go ahead and give the little guy a squeeze for me. 141 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,636 I'll talk to you soon. Bye. 142 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,347 [playing rock music] 143 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,401 Hey. All right, now. 144 00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,151 Gotta love a troubadour. 145 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,323 Here we go. 146 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,945 Holy moly, look at you. Whoo! 147 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,489 - Hope I'm not too early. - No. 148 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,425 Or too late. I was trying to go for somewhere in between. 149 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,344 Yeah, no. You threaded that needle perfectly, Nate. 150 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,538 - Oh, good. - Yeah, nailed it. 151 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,789 Hey, let me ask you something. 152 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,266 Are you one of those guys that likes it if your friends tell you 153 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,210 - you got a piece of food in your teeth? - Oh, absolutely, yeah. 154 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,053 Okay, good. 'Cause that suit does not fit at all. 155 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,549 - Really? - Yeah. 156 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,761 [groans] I was gonna buy one, but, you know, they're so expensive. 157 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,963 - I just thought I'd borrow my dad's. - Oh, I hear ya. 158 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,432 Hey. We'll make a little pit stop. Come on, follow me. 159 00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,514 Yeah. 160 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,686 [photographers clamoring] 161 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,862 What you lookin' at? Hmm? Hmm? 162 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,439 You boys all right? How's my suit? All good? Yeah? 163 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,736 This is great. [laughs] 164 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,489 Hey, uh, thank you, guys, so much for taking my picture. 165 00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,822 - What are your names? - [clamoring] 166 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,237 So you're Jerry, and you're Dave. 167 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,196 What you all came for. 168 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,707 Left eyebrow. Right eyebrow. 169 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,541 Confused look. 170 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,126 Yeah, now for the one that you'll actually use. 171 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,251 [photographer] That's it, darling. How about a kiss? 172 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,756 [Keeley chuckles] 173 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,053 - Romance is not dead. - Guys, sorry, sorry. I just... 174 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,823 - Gonna let them take a picture. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 175 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,267 I just need to get inside. Okay. 176 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,731 [photographer 2] Rebecca, over here! 177 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,912 - [photographer 3] Nice, ladies. - Rebecca, over here! 178 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,039 - [photographer 3] You look perfect. - [photographer 2] Now, look to your left. 179 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,063 I hate this part. 180 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,334 - [photographer 3] Miss Welton. - [photographer 2] Lovely. Nice. 181 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,688 Hey. 182 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,736 Just put one foot in front of the other, yeah? 183 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,780 And then put your hand on your hip and make, like, a claw shape. 184 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,534 It's the most flattering. 185 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,451 - Rebecca, give us a smile. - Rebecca! 186 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,036 [photographers clamoring] 187 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,581 [shutters clicking] 188 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,294 Aw, look at her. She's fucking fit! 189 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,285 [laughs] 190 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,957 [jazz music playing] 191 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,046 [music continues] 192 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,182 Don't strut. Let the suit do the work. 193 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:40,897 Yoo-hoo. 194 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,023 Ted Lasso. My God. 195 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,227 Right back at ya, boss. 196 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,317 I had a hunch you were gonna pick this dress. 197 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,362 And may I say, you are wearing the heck out of it. 198 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,821 Thank you. 199 00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,276 Check out Nate. Looking pretty dapper himself, huh? 200 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,487 Great to see you again. 201 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,366 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 202 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,379 - If you'll both excuse me. - [Ted] Absolutely, yeah. Go do your thing. 203 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,500 Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Look, there's Beard over there. 204 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,839 - That's his new gal, Jane. - [Nathan] Oh. 205 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,341 Yeah, they met at his Friday night chess club. 206 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,223 Apparently, they liked each other's moves. 207 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,840 [chuckles] 208 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,973 Oh, that wasn't a joke. 209 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,064 Was it not? 210 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,556 Oh, I guess it kinda was. 211 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:21,560 - [photographers clamoring] - No. No. Fuck off. Fuck you. No. No. 212 00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,521 Yeah, I know. 213 00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,439 This is gonna be so uncomfortable. 214 00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:32,658 - I'm switching tables. - No, no, no. Hey. Come on back here. 215 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,779 This is my doing. 216 00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,076 I parent trapped y'all. Take a seat. 217 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:41,832 Now, listen. You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. 218 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,455 And when it comes to locker rooms, 219 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,542 I like 'em just like my mother's bathing suits. 220 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,417 I only wanna see 'em in one piece, you hear? 221 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,714 So we're fixing this. 222 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,859 Tell me what's the biggest issue you got with each other. Go. 223 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,053 He's a piece of shit. 224 00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,804 If his brain was on fire, I wouldn't piss in his ear. 225 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,282 Well, hey. You don't need to be best friends to be great teammates. 226 00:09:57,306 --> 00:10:00,386 Think about Shaq and Kobe, right? Lennon and McCartney. 227 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,715 Heck, even Woody and Buzz got under each other's plastic. 228 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,997 Wasn't Woody made out of cloth? 229 00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,111 I appreciate you, Nate, but now's not the time. 230 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,983 You know what all those dynamic duos had in common? 231 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,147 Mutual respect. 232 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,857 Y'all gotta find some common ground. So who wants to get the ball rollin'? 233 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,197 I do. 234 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:20,204 Nate, that's a very nice suit. I think you look chic. 235 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:24,457 Oh, thank you. It's actually only the second suit I've ever owned. 236 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,591 The first one was my suit when I was a naked baby. 237 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,125 Sorry, it's funny when Ted says it. I... 238 00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,547 Well, the term "birthday suit" 239 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,738 - woulda helped you a ton there, yeah. - Oh, God, yeah. 240 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:39,402 Come on, let's try this again, all right? Hey, Jamie. You wanna go? 241 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,971 - Pass. - [chuckles] 242 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,390 - Roy. - He's a piece of shit. 243 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,517 You're gonna stick with that, huh? Okay. 244 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,041 Here's an idea that's gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. 245 00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,185 Who needs a drink? 246 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,567 [Higgins inhales] 247 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,155 Any progress with the musical guest? 248 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,780 I've talked to a number of agents 249 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:01,826 and made a fairly extensive list of those who cannot make it. 250 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,752 Process of elimination. We're on our way. 251 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,170 Hey, there she is. 252 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,146 Oh, you're working on your speech, huh? 253 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:15,375 Rupert was always very good at the public speaking part. 254 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:16,945 Hey, here's a little trick of the trade. 255 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:20,429 Just make fun of yourself right off the bat, a little joke. 256 00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,524 Folks will love that. 257 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,388 Okay, so, what should I make fun of myself about? 258 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:28,516 [inhales] Right, right, right. [stammers] Um... 259 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:35,152 You know... You know what would be, uh... No. Okay. 260 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,237 You're not gonna walk into that one, are you, Ted? 261 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,492 No, ma'am. Nope, nope, nope. Okay. 262 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,161 Good luck though. 263 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,673 Oh, oh, oh. You know what? I thought of something. No, no, no. 264 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,997 - Queen to rook four. - Ooh. 265 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,335 Wait, are y'all playing a game without a board? 266 00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,007 [whispering] Sorry to interrupt. My fault. Sorry. Carry on. 267 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,644 - Knight to king five. - [chuckles] 268 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,429 [Coach Beard chuckles] 269 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,563 [cheers, applause] 270 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,770 Good evening, 271 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:10,651 and welcome to the Tenth Annual Benefit for Underprivileged Children. 272 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:15,614 If I could hug each of you as a thank you for your kind donations, well... 273 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,568 I probably wouldn't because, as we all know, I'm not much of a hugger. 274 00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,576 [guests laughing] 275 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,828 Now, I do hope you've all brought your checkbooks with you for our auction later. 276 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:31,843 Because you can all bid on our very own Richmond players. 277 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,839 - [chuckles] - [guests cheer] 278 00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:39,716 Same rule as always, no hanky-panky unless the player signs a waiver. 279 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,801 [guests laughing] 280 00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,470 Rupert? 281 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,887 Hello, darling. 282 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,813 What a... lovely surprise. 283 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,903 Oh. Weren't you expecting me? 284 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,146 Only 'cause you RSVP'd no. 285 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:56,492 Well, one of the perks of being a wealthy good-for-nothing. 286 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,778 Sometimes my nights just magically free up. 287 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,823 - [guests laugh] - Ooh. May I? Thank you. 288 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:09,365 Gals and gents, with your help, we raised £800,000 last year. 289 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,456 [cheers, applause] 290 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,292 And this year, hopefully even more. 291 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,508 Well, I know I'm crashing your party, but I so badly wanna help. 292 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,300 My fingers and toes are crossed that you will have me. 293 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,385 Of course. 294 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,896 Uh, let's get him a seat at the boring table. 295 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,272 - Oh-ho! [chuckles] - [Rebecca] Only joking. 296 00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,599 Table four. Rupert Mannion, everyone. 297 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:32,435 [cheering] 298 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,147 Thanks, doll. 299 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,529 Oh, my God. 300 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,035 - Thank you. - Oh, that... 301 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,420 - [Isaac laughs] - Nathe, Nathe, Nathe. Come on. 302 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,458 Look, guys, this is a brand-new suit. 303 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,271 Rather than messing with me tonight, can you just get me two times tomorrow? 304 00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:57,835 Roy said we're not allowed anymore. 305 00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,761 He fucking headbutted me. I'm still dizzy half the time. 306 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,471 The doctors told me not to drink. 307 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,676 [slurps] Ah! Shit. 308 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,475 Yet another reason shirts exist. 309 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,479 Shut up, it's not funny. Burned my nipple. 310 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:16,272 [gasps] I wish I was that ice cube. 311 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:20,154 Mm? I will be bidding for a night with you. 312 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,357 Oh. Thanks, love. Uh... 313 00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:25,986 Yeah, it's, um, it's just a date though. It's not a whole night. So... 314 00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,914 We'll see. [chuckles] 315 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,747 Mate, I've done these before. 316 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,618 If she bids over 3,000, you will have to fuck her. 317 00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,166 [Keeley chuckles] 318 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,539 - Is that true? - You don't have to go all the way. 319 00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,876 Just, like, some of the way. 320 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,800 Fingering. 321 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,965 [laughs] 322 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,722 Fuck you. Fuck this table. 323 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,056 Jamie, it was a joke. 324 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,771 It was a joke. Jamie. 325 00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:54,597 What happened now? 326 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:59,111 Just the usual. Jamie being a little bitch prima donna. 327 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,441 Roy, let me ask you something. 328 00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,148 What were you like when you were 23? 329 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,656 Playing in this league, making all that money. 330 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,293 - Little bitch prima donna. - Yeah. 331 00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,831 You know how they say that "youth is wasted on the young"? 332 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,672 Well, I say don't let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. 333 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,127 [Rebecca] Ted? 334 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,215 I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it. 335 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,059 I just wanted to say thanks for talking to Colin and Isaac. 336 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,773 Why is your face so close to mine? 337 00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:39,944 Well, my initial plan was to hug you, but I just chickened out just now. 338 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,784 Right. 339 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,950 - Okay, we're done. - Yeah. 340 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,281 [Rupert laughs] 341 00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,907 Ted, I'd like to introduce you to Rupert Mannion. 342 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,535 - Mr. Mannion, how are you? - Oh. It's Rupert, Ted. 343 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,252 Especially for the man who's managing my club. 344 00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:00,503 Used to be your club. 345 00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:04,086 Oh, of course, of course, but... it's still my club in here, love. 346 00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,802 Love of a sports team is a lifetime obsession. 347 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:07,724 - [Rupert] Yeah. - Yeah. 348 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,761 Kinda like your best friend's older sister, right? 349 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:10,928 Hey, but do me a favor. 350 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:13,783 If you're ever in Kansas City and come across a fella named Tom Dineen, 351 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,017 don't tell him I said that. 352 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,940 [Rupert laughs] 353 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,769 I love that. 354 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,066 I don't love our last two losses though. 355 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,399 - Horrible showing. - Yeah. 356 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,836 [Rupert] Had to say it, wish I didn't. 357 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,700 It's okay. Who knows? Maybe we'll turn it around, huh? 358 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,115 Oh, my God. I believe you. 359 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,280 Do you believe him? 360 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,002 Night's gonna take a turn for the worse if you say no. 361 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,251 [chuckles] Of course I believe in Ted. 362 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,960 He's exactly what we've needed. 363 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,381 Not too much champagne now, dear. 364 00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:48,505 Gotta stay sharp for the auction. 365 00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,795 Why don't you do the auction? 366 00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,312 No, I couldn't. This is your night. 367 00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:56,268 - We both know they'd rather see you. - [Rupert chuckles] 368 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,140 And besides, it's... for the children. 369 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,063 For the children. 370 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,627 Right. If you'll excuse me, I need to speak to the other guests. 371 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,687 I must say, I love that dress. 372 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,112 Oh. 373 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,316 It's very youthful. 374 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,656 Good for you for getting back out there looking like that. 375 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:16,743 Thank you. 376 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,122 Excuse me. 377 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:21,924 Ted. 378 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,554 It's been a hard year for her. Is she okay? 379 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,167 - Oh, yeah, she's great. - Mm. 380 00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:29,585 You know, a lot of moving pieces putting together a thing like this though. 381 00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:34,012 And then she had this fella... Robbie Williams cancel on her and... 382 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,096 - Robbie? - Yeah. 383 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,930 - Well, he's an old pal of mine. - Mm. 384 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,845 I'm happy to text him. I bet you I can get his ass over here. 385 00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,847 I... I bet she'd love it. 386 00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,227 I'll go, uh, track her down and, uh, run it up the flagpole, huh? 387 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,823 I'm sorry. That's an expression from back home. 388 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,861 - Just means I'm gonna ask her. - Fabulous. Showtime. 389 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,156 All right, go get 'em. 390 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,531 Can I get something stronger, like a Jack on the rocks or something? 391 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,367 A double and a single in one. A triple. 392 00:17:58,453 --> 00:17:59,793 [guests tapping glasses] 393 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:03,002 Ladies and gentlemen, slight change in plans. 394 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:07,173 I have been cajoled into being your auctioneer for this evening. 395 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,384 [cheering] 396 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:13,434 And our first victim is Jamie Tartt. 397 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,385 Babe, you have to win me. 398 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,523 I can't bid on my own boyfriend. I'll look pathetic. 399 00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:22,521 Babe, it's 2020. Women can do anything. 400 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,113 No, it's not happening. Come on, you look hot. Go up there! 401 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:29,689 Look at him, folks. Young, gorgeous, charming. The bastard. 402 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,646 - [guests laugh] - So, we'll start with £5,000. 403 00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:34,318 I want him, Rupert. 404 00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,616 Ooh. Five thousand from Cheryl Barnaby. 405 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,331 Richmond's premier breeder of Shetland ponies. 406 00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,162 Do we hear six? 407 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,212 Six thousand. 408 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,752 Oh. Six. Thank you. 409 00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,835 - Seven thousand. - Seven thousand. 410 00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,262 Ten thousand. 411 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,050 - [guests gasping] - Oh! 412 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,553 Stunning. 413 00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:57,675 Uh, and that applies to the bid and the bidder. 414 00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,023 I don't think so. 415 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,019 - Twelve thousand pounds. - Fourteen thousand. 416 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,601 [Rupert] Fourteen thousand! 417 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:05,806 Sixteen thousand. 418 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,016 Eighteen. 419 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,321 [Rupert] Eighteen thousand. Do I hear any advance? 420 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,280 Yeah. Twenty-five thousand. 421 00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:17,371 - [guests gasping] - Twenty-five thousand! Going once. Twice. 422 00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:19,199 - Sold to Keeley Jones. - [cheers, applause] 423 00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:24,214 Why spend the time with your boyfriend for free when you can have him for 25 grand? 424 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,709 - [laughs] - [mouthing] You owe me. 425 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:33,171 Hey. There you are. Getting a little fresh air, huh? 426 00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:37,507 Yeah. Those rickshaw bike things are so silly, but they do look like fun. 427 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:38,434 Yeah. 428 00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,222 - You ever been on one? - No, ma'am. 429 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:44,805 My wife and I once rented one of those tandem bikes on vacation a while back. 430 00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,193 Not the best experience. She broke her arm and I actually, uh... 431 00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:51,782 Well, I chipped a tooth, and I bruised my perineum. Oof. 432 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,454 - Hey, you okay? - Oh, it's just... 433 00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,116 That man, he knows me. 434 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,197 I used to think his blunt honesty was noble rather than what it really is. 435 00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:05,288 Which is just... 436 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,293 the cruelest way of hiding his own insecurities. 437 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,921 He'd say wear this, eat that. 438 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,298 And I listened. 439 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,891 But now I'm alone. 440 00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:25,926 I'm alone, Ted. Just like he said I would be if I left. 441 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,692 I don't want to be alone. 442 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,318 Hey. It's okay. Okay. 443 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,834 [sobs] 444 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,707 [horn squeaks] 445 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:56,716 You wanna hop on this thing and get the heck outta Dodge? Come on. 446 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,928 I wish. 447 00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,838 Not right now. Thank you though. 448 00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:02,845 [horn squeaks] 449 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,183 Has he... Has he started the auction? 450 00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:08,643 Yeah, yeah. 451 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:11,647 Good. I'm glad he's done that. We'll get much more money. 452 00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,070 No matter what he does, they just love him. 453 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,028 - You wanna head back in? - No, you go ahead. 454 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,698 I need to freshen up. 455 00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:26,753 I probably look like Robert Smith after he's woken up from a nap. 456 00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:30,118 - [chuckles] Very emotional man. Yeah. - [chuckles] 457 00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,377 Okay, I'll see you inside. 458 00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,960 [jazz music playing] 459 00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,303 When I was coming up, 460 00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:46,808 there was this old geezer at the club, Doug Stashwick. 461 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,980 He was always on me. Hated each other. 462 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,731 - You wanna know how we won the league? - No. 463 00:21:52,396 --> 00:21:54,726 It was the same shit Yankee Doodle was peddling. 464 00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:57,105 He sat me down and he said, "Let's get it all out there. 465 00:21:57,192 --> 00:22:00,072 You tell me why I'm a prick, and I'll tell you why you are." 466 00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:04,366 - You're a nasty bastard... - No, I'm going first. 467 00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:08,872 Even though I know I should pass to you... 468 00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,868 you're so selfish and arrogant. 469 00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:14,077 Every time I do, it makes me want to fucking puke. 470 00:22:16,587 --> 00:22:20,257 You know, I had a poster of you on my wall when I was a kid. 471 00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,588 Used to love watching you play. 472 00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:28,351 But you're not the player that you used to be, 473 00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:30,682 and just because you won a few trophies, 474 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,847 you walk around here expecting everyone to kiss your ring. 475 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:39,895 - Yeah, I can be like that. - [chuckles] 476 00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:47,619 Now's the bit where you admit to what I said. 477 00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,118 - I don't wanna. - [scoffs] 478 00:22:51,997 --> 00:22:53,207 Even if it is just... 479 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:55,746 a little bit true. 480 00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,295 You and that Doug bloke, you ever become friends? 481 00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,433 Fuck no. I hope he's dead. 482 00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:06,891 [chuckles] 483 00:23:07,638 --> 00:23:08,758 To you dying. 484 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,139 [chuckles] 485 00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,425 Such a prick. 486 00:23:12,518 --> 00:23:15,558 [men laughing] 487 00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:16,896 Howdy, partner. 488 00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,520 [both chuckle] 489 00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:21,777 So, you ask Rebecca what she thought about texting Robbie? 490 00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:25,781 You know what? I couldn't find her. I say don't worry about it. 491 00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:28,510 If you change your mind, say the word and... [imitates whooshing] sent. 492 00:23:28,534 --> 00:23:30,874 He'll be right over. Top up. 493 00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,708 Hey, Rupert, something just occurred to me. 494 00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:37,249 If you could've texted Robbie Williams asking him to come tonight... 495 00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:42,174 you could've probably just as easily asked him not to come. 496 00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,420 [chuckles] 497 00:23:44,508 --> 00:23:47,428 Well, now, that would've made me a real piece of shit, wouldn't it? 498 00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:57,687 Hey, Ted. Uh, do you think Rebecca knows what the real Adele looks like? 499 00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,147 I need to go on a little adventure, and I need a copilot. 500 00:24:01,233 --> 00:24:03,863 - And you want me? - Yeah. Forget the rest, I need the best. 501 00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:06,204 - Come on, follow me. - [gags] 502 00:24:10,826 --> 00:24:13,116 - Thank you, by the way. - Huh? 503 00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:17,617 The, um, red carpet photos are already online, 504 00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:21,338 and I actually look all right for once. 505 00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,920 Oh. Glad to help. 506 00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:27,632 - Keeley? - Mm-hmm? 507 00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:28,718 I think you should know 508 00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:32,642 that the young woman that was bidding on Jamie was actually his other plus-one. 509 00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:36,440 Cheeky little prick. 510 00:24:39,897 --> 00:24:42,397 - Can I have a sip of your drink? - Oh, yes. 511 00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:43,612 Thanks. 512 00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:46,532 [groans] In anything else, I hate olives. 513 00:24:46,612 --> 00:24:50,822 I think the little, like, orange clitoris thing is really freaky. 514 00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:52,703 [sips] 515 00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:55,951 - Have you ever dated a footballer? - [chuckles] 516 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,371 - What? - Sorry. 517 00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:02,247 I shouldn't laugh. It sounds... judgy. 518 00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,456 No, it's okay. You are a bit judgy. 519 00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:07,546 So when I was 18, I dated a footballer that was 23. 520 00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:13,007 [sighs] Now I'm close to 30, and I am still dating a 23-year-old footballer. 521 00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:15,966 [chuckles] I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. 522 00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,021 They are pretty fun though. 523 00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:22,523 Simple, rich, fit. 524 00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:24,316 What about accountable? 525 00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,025 What do you mean? 526 00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:29,780 Well, I mean, everyone makes mistakes, but... 527 00:25:31,657 --> 00:25:34,277 I was married to a man for 12 years 528 00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:38,543 who never once took responsibility for any single one of them. 529 00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:49,166 Hi. 530 00:25:49,258 --> 00:25:50,258 - Hi. - I'm Keeley. 531 00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:51,342 Hi, I'm Bex. 532 00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:53,279 - Really nice to meet you, Bex. - Nice to meet you. 533 00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:55,448 Do you mind if I just have a minute on my own with this one? 534 00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:58,232 [Bex] Yeah, sure. Lovely to meet you. 535 00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:01,058 She your new girlfriend? 536 00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:04,774 Relax, babe. It's all part of the branding plan, innit? 537 00:26:04,857 --> 00:26:07,777 If I've got two women bidding on me, it makes me look more valuable. 538 00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:08,940 Do you know what I mean? 539 00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,608 - It's fucking smart, eh? - [applause] 540 00:26:11,697 --> 00:26:17,447 And now, the only former Champions League winner on the menu, say hello to Roy Kent. 541 00:26:17,536 --> 00:26:18,576 Granddad. 542 00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:26,341 And the highest bidder gets to spend a day at a swanky hotel by the pool 543 00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:29,970 drinking frozen daiquiris and soaking up the rays... 544 00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:32,258 No, we said there's no daiquiris and no rays. 545 00:26:32,342 --> 00:26:33,622 - [guests laugh] - [Rupert] Um... 546 00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:37,314 There's not gonna be a fucking pool either. We're not leaving SW14. 547 00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:40,059 You looked so jealous. It was so cool. 548 00:26:40,142 --> 00:26:42,022 Oh, you think jealousy is cool, do you? 549 00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,622 Don't know, babe. I don't get jealous. 550 00:26:43,687 --> 00:26:47,067 Well, can we have 100 quid for what's turning out to be a very boring date? 551 00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,744 - All right. A thousand pounds. - Oh. 552 00:26:49,818 --> 00:26:53,738 - Uh, any advances on that? - Two thousand pounds! 553 00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:57,082 Ooh! Cheryl's got fire inside her. 554 00:26:57,159 --> 00:27:00,079 - Three thousand pounds. - Babe, you're just embarrassing yourself. 555 00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:02,624 Four thousand pounds! 556 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:03,786 Five thousand! 557 00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:06,841 Six thousand pounds. 558 00:27:06,919 --> 00:27:09,039 - [Rupert] Any advance on six? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 559 00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:12,048 [Rupert] Okay, sold to Cheryl. 560 00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:13,682 Whoo-hoo! 561 00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:24,733 That concludes the auction, apart from one small surprise. 562 00:27:25,604 --> 00:27:31,534 I am personally donating £1 million to the cause. 563 00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:35,164 Thank you. 564 00:27:35,656 --> 00:27:37,446 Thank you very much. Thank you. 565 00:27:37,533 --> 00:27:43,713 And that, I believe, gets Rebecca over her goal of 800,000. Thank you. 566 00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:48,789 For the children, eh? 567 00:27:53,507 --> 00:27:55,507 [cheers, applause] 568 00:28:00,556 --> 00:28:01,636 Rebecca. 569 00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:05,643 This here is Cam Cole. He's an undiscovered mega-talent. 570 00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:07,187 Go on, Cam. Show 'em what you got. 571 00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:12,441 Are you insane? 572 00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:16,486 Hey, Rebecca. You do not wanna judge this book by its cover right here, okay? 573 00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:18,865 Oh, the hell with it. 574 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,620 - [applause] - Ooh. Yes. 575 00:28:22,911 --> 00:28:27,921 Hello again. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that, uh... 576 00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:33,299 Robbie Williams is unable to be here tonight due to an emergency. 577 00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:38,220 But we have a brilliant replacement for you who you are just going to love. 578 00:28:38,302 --> 00:28:41,182 Or, at least, have lots to talk about on the way home. 579 00:28:41,263 --> 00:28:47,603 Uh, all the way from outside... please welcome Cam something. 580 00:28:48,478 --> 00:28:50,608 [scattered applause] 581 00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:56,298 - [microphone squeals] - Oh, bollocks. 582 00:28:57,696 --> 00:28:58,696 What does that mean? 583 00:28:59,656 --> 00:29:02,366 [playing rock music] 584 00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:18,591 ♪ Mama, sweet mama nature Please forgive us and what we've done ♪ 585 00:29:21,553 --> 00:29:23,893 Can we just forget about the game and go and have a dance? 586 00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:26,678 Queen to king five. Checkmate. 587 00:29:27,684 --> 00:29:28,694 [scoffs] 588 00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,728 - [song continues] - [cheering] 589 00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:36,775 ♪ We've gone and hurt our mama ♪ 590 00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:40,070 ♪ And her wrath has begun ♪ 591 00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:06,010 ♪ 'Cause I'm a good boy to my mama ♪ 592 00:30:09,101 --> 00:30:13,811 ♪ But ♪ 593 00:30:13,897 --> 00:30:19,027 ♪ I've got bad siblings ♪ 594 00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:23,780 - [song ends] - [cheering] 595 00:30:27,536 --> 00:30:29,180 - [woman] Thank you so much. - [Rebecca] Oh, you're so welcome. 596 00:30:29,204 --> 00:30:31,485 - [woman] We really had a great time. - Thank you so much. 597 00:30:32,291 --> 00:30:33,421 Good night. 598 00:30:33,959 --> 00:30:36,669 Thank you again for such an unbelievable donation. 599 00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:38,513 - See you again next year. - Can't wait. 600 00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:46,680 [Ted] What a charmer, huh? 601 00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:48,387 [Rebecca] Indeed. 602 00:30:48,849 --> 00:30:49,849 [Ted] Hmm. 603 00:30:51,268 --> 00:30:55,188 You may think that you're the only one that can see who he really is... 604 00:30:56,690 --> 00:30:57,690 but you're not. 605 00:31:04,823 --> 00:31:06,333 Oh, boy. You all right, buddy? 606 00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:10,250 - Quick. - All right. 607 00:31:10,329 --> 00:31:11,329 Fun night. 608 00:31:12,915 --> 00:31:15,125 Hey, wait, hold on. Slow down, Coach. 609 00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,919 [typing] 610 00:31:19,171 --> 00:31:20,961 Will you stop being mad at me now? 611 00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:23,549 Mm? 612 00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:25,219 I'm sorry, babe. 613 00:31:27,638 --> 00:31:29,888 Do you even know what you're sorry for, Jamie? 614 00:31:29,973 --> 00:31:31,603 [sighs] You always ask me that. 615 00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:34,522 Hey, do me a favor. 616 00:31:34,603 --> 00:31:36,613 Don't use me as a prop in your little fights. 617 00:31:37,564 --> 00:31:38,734 Made me feel like an idiot. 618 00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:42,898 I'm sorry. I... 619 00:31:43,445 --> 00:31:44,655 I shouldn't have done that. 620 00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:46,906 Thanks. 621 00:31:47,533 --> 00:31:49,873 No one was bidding on you anyway, mate. Just fuck off. 622 00:31:51,411 --> 00:31:52,411 Go on. 623 00:31:56,667 --> 00:31:58,207 What are you saying sorry to him for? 624 00:31:58,710 --> 00:32:00,710 Being accountable matters, Jamie. 625 00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:02,547 [scoffs] 626 00:32:03,674 --> 00:32:04,684 We're done. 627 00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:07,093 I'll see you around. 628 00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:11,931 Whatever. 629 00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:20,568 Excuse me, can I take these? 630 00:32:20,649 --> 00:32:21,649 Two? 631 00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:24,528 [grunts] 632 00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:27,031 [pop music playing] 633 00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:33,121 Do you wanna go get, like, really drunk? 634 00:32:33,537 --> 00:32:36,247 - Yes, I do. - Then we can go rob a bank or something. 635 00:32:43,005 --> 00:32:45,045 Michelle and Henry are coming out next weekend. 636 00:32:45,132 --> 00:32:46,512 - Hey, that's great, Coach. - Yeah. 637 00:32:47,217 --> 00:32:49,507 So come on, tell me about you and Jane. What happened? 638 00:32:49,595 --> 00:32:51,215 [sighs] I did it again. 639 00:32:51,305 --> 00:32:54,015 - Put the game before the dame, huh? - Yup. 640 00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:55,639 When are you gonna learn, Coach? 641 00:32:55,726 --> 00:32:58,186 - [Keeley shouts] - [horn squeaks] 642 00:32:58,270 --> 00:33:00,860 [both laugh] 643 00:33:01,190 --> 00:33:04,360 [song continues] 644 00:33:04,384 --> 00:33:07,384 Subtitles Diego Moraes(oakislandtk) www.opensubtitles.org 49896

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