Original subtitles

- Where we supposed to meet this dude? - Somewhere at the beach, man.

At the beach?

- There is a lot of beach. - Where about on the beach?

Right there, at the end of this block, man.

We got plenty of time. If we get there early, we'll just rehearse.

Don't eat it all, man.

Man, we got plenty of this. We're rich. Relax.

This looks like a good spot. Pull over.

What is that song you were working on? That protest song?

- Save the Whales? - That's it.

- Save the Whales? - That's it.

Play it.

"Save the whales

"Hey funky mama, save those whales

"Hey, pretty baby, save those whales

"Save those big, fat, funky whales

"We'll save all the whales, but

"Shoot the seals

"Shoot them seals

"Because the seals eat all the fish

"Shoot the seals

"I'll never know how it feels

"You think I'm funky for wanting to shoot all the seals

"Save your breath

"Save your breath"

Hey, man, how you doing? Is it all there? Good.

"Here's an extra one Don't give it to your children!"

All right, man, check you later. Thanks a lot.

"Save those whales"

It's good ice cream, man. Trip out.

This is Homing Pigeon.

Homing Pigeon to Mother Coop. Come in.

This is a hit. Score! Touchdown and payday.

They bought it. I mean, we bought it.

Homing Pigeon. Mother Coop. Come in. Homing Pigeon is a success.

Limo preparing to leave.

The sergeant will cream for this and we got them!

We got them!

This is Homing Pigeon to Mother Coop.

Come in. Homing Pigeon to Mother Coop.

Homing Pigeon, go ahead.

They're getting in the truck. Starting to pull away. In pursuit.

This is 38 Apple Baker, over. We're in pursuit.

10-4. Homing Pigeon, your direction of travel?

Homing Pigeon, your direction of travel?

- Dammit! - Homing Pigeon, come in.

Car is not starting. Hello, help!

Homing Pigeon to Mother Coop. Give me the whirlybird unit.

Give me the whirlybird unit. We can't get this sucker going.

Whirlybird unit, come in. Please, come in. Whirlybird unit!

They're heading down Ocean Avenue right now.

Come in, whirlybird. Homing Pigeon to whirlybird, come in!

- Shit! - Homing Pigeon, please repeat.

Man, that dude looked kind of straight to be buying dope.

Man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself. He isn't a cop.

I can smell cops a mile away, man. I smell that coffee and donuts.

- We're rich, man. - How much money do we have now?

- All together? - Yes.

Let me figure it out.

We're at 22 days...

I want to buy some more guitars, man.

We have $17 million, man.

No, man.

We got 17 something. We're rich, man. We have a lot of money.

Let's buy a villa in Costa Rica, man. That would be great, man.

No, I'm going to buy some more guitars.

I want to get a Fender.

No, I don't like Fenders, man.

I'll get one anyway.

Let's get a big, white house. You know, like, with a veranda...

...with a porch and be sitting out there, sipping pi菃숀±a colonics, man.

Pi菃숀±a colonics?

What is that?

You know, they make them in a blender, man.

We'll have topless leis, man. Maybe we'll make ourselves sun kings.

We'll buy a little island and we'll put two chairs on a hill.

Every day at noon we'll go up there and the natives will bow down to us...

...and we'll throw them joints, you know.

I like to help the little people, man. That's important in life.

Maybe I'll get a Mustang.

Better get your driver's license first.

That pendejo judge, man.

Maybe I'll buy a judge.

Then I could get my license back.

I always dreamed, if we ever made it rich, I would buy a guitar.

- Hi, guys. - How are you... Wow!

Hi, ladies.

- We like your truck. - Thanks a lot.

You guys have any big sticks for us?

I mean, really big sticks.

Yes, we have really big sticks.

How about a nice, hot, juicy stick, and you guys can get in back with us.

Come on, get after them. They want a big stick, man!

That's a '55 Bel Air convertible, man. Mint condition.

You want a big stick?

- We lost them. - There's the car.

All right, right over there. Pull in, man.

What a bitching car, man.

Come on, baby, you want a big stick? It comes with a special delivery.

My dad had one, man. I used to drive it all the time.

What's it worth? Sell it.

It looks like Dad's car, man.

I should be able to tell soon enough.

You can tell by the stains in the back seat.

Look at this.

No, the upholstery is too nice.

"The Stick Men are here

"Come on, baby, I'm gonna stick it in your ear"

Man, big stick.

They want a big stick.

Hi.

Want a big stick?

We're giving away free big sticks to all the dudes that live here.

Hey, where are the broads that own that car?

- We have to go now. - I want to talk to them.

We'll talk to them later. Be cool.

Take it easy.

I want to ask about the car, man.

Don't get too big.

Are you going to arrest a brother?

Brother, are you going to arrest me?

I wasn't even there, man.

I can dig it.

Come on, brother.

Just let me talk to you.

Pass.

We got it!

They bought it. I mean, we bought it. They fell for it.

Noodles, clear this area off, will you?

Come on, clear this area off.

That's it, Sarge.

Those clowns fell for it. We got them where we want them.

We move in for the bust. They have the marked bills.

We have to get them now, Sarge. Come on, give us the go ahead.

Wait a minute. Did you have this stuff analyzed?

What is to analyze? Look at it, smell it, it's marijuana.

We can't trust our instincts.

Take it down to the analyzer and have it labbed.

Yes, sir.

I'll take care of it.

What do you want us to do?

I want you to leave.

- Leave! - We're leaving. Let's leave.

We're leaving, we'll be outside in case you need us, all right?

Noodles!

Come on. Move it.

The only way to catch a doper...

...is when you yourself become a smoker.

The surest way to make them bleed...

...is when you bust their ass...

...and steal their weed.

Not now. I need my space.

Let me hit, man.

Ray, what's happening, man?

All right.

Hi, ladies.

How you doing? All right, are you guys thirsty?

I have some water for you. Suck it up.

You're so thirsty.

I know, I haven't given you water in a long time.

Man, there you go.

Oaxaca.

How are you, my darling?

God, your buds are getting so big.

I have to get you a training bra.

You got some lint in your bellybutton.

There you go. All right.

You guys be cool.

That's it. Smile nice for the camera. All right, we got you now.

Mother Coop, this is 2-Henry-10, come in.

Nice little smile, you weed-sucker.

We got the suspect dead-bang in the bay window sniffing the evidence.

10-4. Maintain surveillance.

10-4.

We got it!

That was a good riff you guys were working on, man.

We have to add a little part to it. We're going to put a bridge on it, right?

Look at the Joe-papers, man. We got a little deal.

Where did you get them?

I have a deal with them, man. I met one of their representatives.

He wants me to try out his papers for a year.

Let him know how they work.

- What do you get? - More papers.

That's heavy.

I've saved a lot of money. I go through a lot of papers.

Ray, we need some more wine, too.

- What kind do you want this time? - Buy some of this "Fussy Pussy."

That's nice. It smells good.

"Fussy Pussy?"

It's French, man.

Is that maid still working here?

How hungry are you guys, man?

- Man, I could eat a whale. - Ring toss.

She said that she refuses to clean your room.

She hasn't made my bed for a week. What's wrong with that bitch?

You couldn't pay her to go in there, man. I'm sorry.

When is Don getting back, man?

Don said he'd be back around Christmas for a day.

Then he's going out...

He just finished Madison Square Garden, then he's going to...

He's got a date in Miami. And then he's going to...

He's got Dublin.

Then he is going to London and he is going to Switzerland.

Then he is going to Scandinavia.

He's has a weird date in Guam, and he's going to end up in Borneo.

How do you like yours? Medium rare?

That was wrong.

Didn't he already go to Borneo?

He went there once, but they called him back again.

This is burnt, man.

Hold on, I'll make some pizza, man. With some cheese, it will be good.

Do you like pickles with tortillas, Ray?

Yes, I'm so hungry I'll even bake that.

- I forgot about Australia. - Here is the pizza.

- Watch out, it's hot. - Man, don't feed him that shit.

That's good, man.

After he gets to Australia, then he goes to...

It's burnt.

He's got a long involved tour, man.

- That dude is never going to be home. - We're cool with the pad for a while.

But when he does get home he's coming back to the studio.

Did you talk to that accounting lady?

I don't want to complain, but we haven't received our check in a couple weeks.

I talked to him yesterday, man.

- What did he say? - He said your money is on the way.

I was thinking about a raise, too.

There goes that smoke alarm again.

I told you not to smoke that shit in the kitchen, man.

It's that cooking, man.

You should get two bottles of Fussy Pussy, man.

"Save the whales"

Man, remind me to get some more vitamin B-12.

- Vitamin B-12? - And some grow mulch, too.

What for?

For the plants in the game room, man. They're getting a little droopy.

Piss on them.

Show some respect, man. That's a cash crop.

I'm serious, man. Piss on them.

I read somewhere that if you pee on a plant, it will do better.

Because of some kind of vitamin in your pee, you know?

I just read it somewhere.

You got a point there, man.

Let your hair grow and nobody will ever find out.

Piss on it.

Listen, there could be something to it, man.

Do you know what we should invest in?

- What? - A rest home for old hippies.

Because hippies have been around since the '60s, man, you know?

There isn't a hip place for them to go when they get real old, you know?

I see it like a regular rest home except you have all the dope you can smoke.

We can call it "Laid Back Manor."

- Yes, great. - That would be heavy.

Because you know, I mean, like...

What do people do when they get old? They usually keep them stoned, laid back.

- Nod off, man. - Nod off.

When we talk to Weird Jimmy, let me do all the talking, okay?

Because gets spaced out, man. Whatever I say, just go along with it, okay?

He gets zoned. Let me do the talking, and everything will be cool, all right?

Do you know what I want to do when I die?

I want to get cremated, man.

I want to get my ashes put in a baggie, you know.

We'll have a party, and then everybody will smoke me.

Mix it with some good shit.

Remind me not to be a friend when you die.

- You can snort me, too. - Or shove you.

He's doing great, huh?

Hey, Jimmy, what are you doing, man? Making spice pipes?

What is happening, homes?

This place is getting weirder, man.

No shit. I feel like a mad doctor.

Hey, how have you been, Jimmy?

Those buds you gave us the other day? Man, they were great. I swear to God.

Small.

Those were the biggest buds I ever saw, man.

You think we can have more of them, man? They were really good.

I swear. We gave them to some of our friends. We were doing...

Damn electric weed, man.

It will be monster weed, huh?

Those buds you gave us, man, they were very hip.

We were doing these tests under clinical party conditions, you know.

We gave them to some friends, man. Think we can get more buds?

No, no buds.

No buds. No buds.

They're not for us, man.

They're for these needy weed heads that got glaucoma down at the teen center.

Disabled vets and stuff like that, man.

Well, we could pay for it, you know.

We just need some, you know. They're really asking for it.

If it were just for me, I would say, "no."

- No? - Well...

You think you could part with just a few? We'll pay for them, I swear to God.

No, no.

Please, man? Come on, please.

- Yes. - Yes?

Hey, all right. Thanks a lot.

You're really a good dude. We have to split. Keep working, you're doing good.

"Space Ranger."

Hey, Sarge. Hey, you burning some stuff in there, man?

I sure would like some.

Hey, man, come on, give me some of that.

We'll get a tractor-trailer. One of them big tractor-trailers with a diesel thing.

We could just haul stuff all over the place.

We could put a disco in the back, man.

Then a health food place, too. Isn't that heavy?

We could have our whole thing together wherever we go.

We could have like a sleeping bag, a Jacuzzi, and a sauna, you know?

Hey, Chief.

How are you doing? Good seeing you. I got something for you, man.

- "This Bud is for you." - Wow.

Let me lay something on you.

No, that's okay, man.

Hey, thanks, man.

Shirts here.

Hey, thanks, man.

Have some more.

That's great, man.

Wow, thanks a lot.

Take these bulls' balls. These are the hottest things going.

Wow! Hey, thanks, man. Hey, thanks.

Here is a bag.

Creep.

Wow. Hey, thanks a lot, man.

- Hey, what happened? - Hey, are you all right?

I broke my nail!

Hey, what happened, man?

Come on, man, let's go.

Come on, man, push.

Come on. Up, push.

Push. You're not trying.

Okay, one more.

Come on, push.

Push it! Come on, you're not trying.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hey, Jimmy the Genius.

Where is he?

I don't know, man.

He has to be here somewhere.

Hey, homes.

Goddamn, Jimmy, that's heavy-duty man.

How did you teach him how to smoke that joint, man?

Hey, homes, are you tripping?

What is that?

It's a... I don't know. It's a lizard, man.

Man, it's an ugly lizard.

Hey, Jimmy, you should be on that show Really Incredible Heavy-Duty Dudes man.

You can be a guest weirdo.

Jimmy, could we have some more bud? Thanks a lot.

We'll take care of the place for you. Don't worry about anything.

Let's change that music, man.

It's happening right now. See it? It's happening. Look, look.

That's incredible.

It's happening.

That's amazing. That's incredible. Look at that, it's happening right now.

Can you believe that? Look!

That's amazing. It's just like the report said. Right, Fu?

Okay, yes. We took that marijuana you gave us and we tested it.

This smoke, no. This smoke, yes.

Never mind that technical talk, Fu.

He means that anyone who smokes that stuff will turn into one of these lizards.

We have to bust these guys. We have to bust them now!

Can we bust them now, Sarge?

Right. Noodles, come on, let's go.

Sarge?

Can we get you anything, Sarge?

Bugs.

Bugs?

Bug off. Get out of here.

Noodles, come on. Move it, let's go.

Hey, big boy, come over here, sweetheart. Tell this nice officer here who I am.

You tell him about me and Bunny. We're freelance entertainers officer.

Apple Baker Mary.

Drooler speaking. Dig this.

You have a go on, "Operation Get 'Em." Got it?

Good, go get them.

Noodles, move it!

Listen to me, officer. I'll have my attorney explain to you. I'm a freelance entertainer.

Roger, Mother Coop. We're 10-20 at Trancas Beach.

Moving up on Broad Beach Road.

Now approaching Cannabis Cultivation Center.

Cowboy, move your ass over a bit.

Roger there, Papa Bear. We're moving over.

Here it is. Follow me in.

Holy shit, do you see what I see, old man?

Let's take care of business.

Jesus Christ. Look at those titties! Holy mother-of-pearl!

Take it down, old man. Take it down!

We have naked titties on the beach.

Will you forget about titties? We have a bust to think about.

Wow, those choppers are low today, man.

If they only knew what we were doing down here, huh?

Cowboy, look at those pink nipples!

Nipples, hell. Look at them tender young asses!

All right, you've seen the tits. Let's get back to work.

What the hell we doing up here? Go down!

Maintain code five.

I said, they're getting low.

There's a rip in the tarp.

Where is the ladder?

- Hold it steady. - All right. I got it.

Give me some rope.

Give me a piece of rope.

Rope? What kind?

Never mind what kind. Don't be so stupid! Give me some rope!

Here, I got the rope, man. Are you okay?

Hey, man, are you okay?

Never mind about me, man. Fix the tarp.

Hand me the flap.

- I need some rope. - Put the rope on it, man.

Where's the rope?

It's down there on the floor. I don't know. Hurry up.

Okay, Cowboy, let's set these birds down.

Roger, Papa Bear.

Come on. Here it comes. Hurry!

Do something.

Look, there he is. There he is!

You're leaning on my stick.

Get over. Back over there.

Cowboy, where the hell are you going?

He's on my stick!

Hey, get off my stick!

We're setting down on the beach.

I'm coming!

You can sit right on my face and beat me with a wet towel.

Papa Bear, those suspects are flying the coop.

I hear you, Cowboy. We're trying to find a place to sit.

Oh, man, look at that!

Quit fucking around. We have to get out of here.

You're getting too laid back, ese. Come on.

This is 2-Henry-10. We have two suspects in custody. Returning to base.

Stop it. Noodles, stop it. Noodles, no more. Stop it!

Stop it! Jesus, Noodles. You're driving me nuts.

Turn that damn TV off, will you?

It's giving me a headache.

My eyes are killing me. Let's get some light on.

All right, you two guys.

We're going to go through it one more time, boys.

Where are those two guys?

Who is your boss?

Are you working for them? Huh? Come On.

Hi, Sarge.

I can't get a damn thing out of these guys. They ain't talking.

This is all I can get out of them.

Buds, good, big.

Good buds, big. Big, buds. Good, big buds.

I don't know what to make of it.

Big.

Big, big.

Big buds. Big good. Big. Mr. Big.

Mr. Big. Yes!

Noodles, it's Mr. Big!

Mr. Big is good. Mr. Big is bud.

Bud Good, Bud Good. Mr. Big is Bud Good.

That's it! We gotta bust them. We gotta bust Bud Good, right?

Are we going to bust them, Sarge?

No, I knew that. Noodles, why don't you help me?

- Tail. - Tail, tail? We tail Bud Good.

That's what we do. We tail Bud Good. I knew it. You're a genius, Sarge.

We tail Bud Good to Mr. Big. That's it.

Come on! Get these guys out of here.

I'll leave him with you. You must want to talk to them.

You're coming with us. Come on, let's go. Get up.

Come on, Noodles, we've got work to do. We're tailing Bud Good to Mr. Big.

We have to find Bud Good.

Let's go. Move it!

Good luck. I couldn't get anything out of that guy.

Come on, Noodles. Move it!

You have beautiful eyes.

Yes, you do.

Does this sound like a good idea?

We'll take the money, buy some land. We'll start Vatoland.

Just like Disneyland, man. Except for vatos, right?

It would be heavy. We could get some land in Fontana by the gypsum plant.

I would like to start Guitarland.

No, we can have Guitarland in Vatoland.

Just guitars. Everywhere you go there are guitars.

That would be heavy.

You see, in Vatoland you could have rides that would be low rides.

You get it?

You could have walls and spray cans for rent to do your own graffiti, man.

That would be heavy, huh?

Have gang fights.

Every night you could bring in a different gang, like a guest gang.

Like special guest appearances, man. Wouldn't that be heavy?

Oh mama, look here.

- Do I know you? - I hope not.

Do you know me?

- Do I know you? - I don't know you.

That's why I carry American Express. Isn't that funny?

- Seriously, you look very familiar to me. - Yes, no problem...

No, you do! Don't worry, when I remember, I will remember.

Okay, great. Always the beasts remember me.

- Who was that, man? - I don't know, man.

You can tell me, man. I don't know what you do at night.

I remember!

I remember!

You're so wonderful.

- I must have been drunk. - I was a flower child too, you know.

Sitting on the grassy knolls, listening to your music permeate the air.

You're brilliant.

My God, I have every album you ever made.

I used to scream for you.

I'd die for you! And you're holding up beautifully!

You are holding up so well.

Guess what? I handle musicians myself.

- You do. - I do, and they're brilliant.

They're called the "Hot Rollers."

A sign of the times, right?

Girls, come here!

Get ready for them. They're wonderful!

- Now we're talking. - This here is Brunetta.

This is Auburnetta.

- This is Platinum. - Hi!

This is... Where's my other...

There's Ash and right over there is Dishwater.

- Can they play? - They play wonderfully!

- I'd like to play with them. - Can they play! I don't handle bumpkins.

Girls, hold yourselves.

Meet Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead.

We clap for you. We clap for you.

I'm not Jerry. Hey, quit kicking!

Quit kicking, man.

- I'm not Jerry... - I'm Santana, man.

You have a beautiful tan, man, beautiful.

You know, I'm sorry.

All my youth came flashing back.

My foot is in my mouth. Oh, my God, listen.

I was born to make mistakes like anybody else.

I'm sorry. Forgive us.

We didn't mean it!

Have a wonderful dinner.

Enjoy this restaurant.

Please. All right, thank you. I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Well, maybe we can get together and party later.

Yes. Hey, lady.

All right.

That broad stole our food, man.

Hey, gargoyle, more food.

Hey, we're rich, man. Don't worry about it, man.

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.

You know, I'm sorry.

- Your girlfriend is here. - Do you know how sorry I am?

Don't feel bad you're not him. He's him and you're you.

And you're fine just the way you are, you know?

Forget about him. I want to meet you.

My name is Sidney and I'm an agent.

I am an agent here.

- How can you tell? - Guess what? I handle look-alikes.

- You do? - Yes!

If ever you are hungry, sad, lamenting, or starving...

...I want you to call me. I'm going to give you my card.

- Give me the card. - You call me. God bless you.

- I'll call you. - Here is my card.

Give her a call, man. Call her up late at night.

This is my card. Sidney, the agent.

There's my phone number. Now listen, when you call...

...and I hope you do...

...I want you to wait 20 rings.

I have to climb down two flights of stairs. It's a phone booth, but I'm trying.

You know, we're all trying!

I want you to know that you're a blessed person.

Have a good time! Enjoy, please. All right?

She did it again, man.

She stole my plate that time.

Gargoyle, more food.

- It's like, we're rich... - Yeah.

- What do you want? - Lobster.

Oh man, look what's coming in the door this time.

It's Night of the Living Dead.

I don't believe it!

I don't believe it! My baby!

Oh, shit! Hello!

Where did you go?

It's your turn.

I love you. How come you didn't call me?

You're the guy from the hamburger train, right?

- You're biting me! - Ham, do you still have my panties?

- What? - My panties!

- Donna! - Yes! It's me!

I didn't even recognize you!

I went to high school with this chick.

I went to high school with him.

You look so good!

You know about those girls they're dipping in wax at the wax museum?

Let's get out of here, man. Hey!

Good evening.

How would you like to cherish this moment in pictures?

We have wallet-size for $5.

If you have a big wallet, it's $10.

- No thanks. - You're a lovely group.

I want a picture!

Go and take it. We'll pay for it!

- I want a memory of you. - All right.

Listen, I have a picture... I want a picture of my tattoo.

It's very special, okay?

Maybe the men want to be in this picture.

Yes, everybody come into the picture.

- No, go ahead. - Okay, all right.

I have a tattoo of all my boyfriends...

Wow!

Say, "chop suey."

Really, get a better look at it.

Neat-O!

This place is fun! I like this place.

Sit down, man.

She wanted to be a nun. She was going into a convent.

Then we went on a date, man. I guess she never made it to the convent.

She been chewing disco biscuits, man.

Wild people, man.

Donna?

Where did she go, man?

Yes, I got one, too.

No lobster. How about squid?

Squid is fine.

That one is plugged up.

This is what I need, man.

What you guys doing under there?

Come here, baby.

My nostril's all plugged up, though.

Everything is dark down here.

- Hey, where did everybody go? - That is good shit, man.

There you are.

What's the matter?

I'd better take her home, man. Looks like she can't drive too well.

I'm in control, so I'd better take her home.

Hey, thanks a lot, man. It was really nice meeting you.

- Take care of the money, okay, man. - I got it.

You keep your eye on the money, man.

Thanks a lot, man.

- I didn't have my chop suey. - Come on. That's okay.

- So how you been? - I've been fine!

- You're looking good. - I know, I got my hair done.

It's okay. We're with the Grateful Dead.

How about the future of rock 'n' roll anyway?

The future of rock 'n' roll. Bruce Springsteen is fucking it all up.

Hey, can we have a check?

Bruce Springsteen is fucking the whole thing up.

- Bruce Springsteen? - New wave.

- New wave? - New wave!

Do you have any of that for sale?

For sale? You want to sell some of that?

I sell seashells.

Seashells.

Can we have a check, somebody?

Push!

Harder.

Put your leg up.

No, put it down.

Push!

Move your butt over here.

Put your leg down.

Push.

I can't get it. It is stuck.

I didn't feel a thing.

The zipper is stuck. What'd you put on it? Crazy glue?

I don't know!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

I have another idea.

Yes, let's take it off from the back.

No.

Look, there are other ways, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah!

Why don't we do it with our clothes on?

With our clothes on?

All right. Hey, I got it.

Hey, Donna.

Look, it works real good now.

Hey come on, baby, don't you want to be awake for this?

Hey, what do you want me to do? She's passed out.

Man, what would you do?

Yeah, I bet.

Let's put a vote to it, man. How many guys would do it?

Let me see your hands.

All right, how many guys wouldn't do it?

Hey, forget you.

Don't worry. They can't do anything.

What do you mean, don't worry? If they look in that trunk, we're busted.

- They can't do a thing... - You, get against the car. You, too.

Donna, ma'am, you were going to tell me exactly where you live.

It's that high-rise building with the glass elevator.

You can't miss it. 714.

Very good.

Nobody moves.

What were you doing over here? Are you crazy, man?

We hit the jackpot.

They're not going to do anything. Believe me, they can't!

They can't do anything?

Illegal search and seizure, man.

I'm serious, man.

They broke the law, coming on private property with their guns out.

It's against the law.

What're you doing with that truck with the music on?

What's wrong with you? What are you doing here?

I was returning the truck. What are you doing here?

I was...

Every time you do coke this happens.

Every time you do coke you get all crazy.

You name it, he's done it. I'm going to bust him right now.

Lewis, come over here. Just put that back in there. There you go.

What are you doing?

You see, I want you to think about this.

We could have ourselves a real problem here.

You want to bust those guys? Do you know what will happen?

What?

We will spend the next four days doing paperwork.

Then, we will spend every spare minute that we have in court.

And you know what they're going to do?

They're going to let them go. So you know what we going to do?

We're not going to get busted.

We got a truck full of dope.

They're just going to come over and say, "you guys can just go."

Well, you guys can just go.

Hey, just a minute, man.

No, I know my rights, man.

You can't come over and say, "you can go," like that, forget about it.

You guys came in and shot a hole in our clown.

You didn't hear me. We just said that you could go.

So why don't you just go.

No! Hey, forget it, man.

Listen, even if you searched the truck and found drugs...

...that would be illegal search and seizure.

Hey, forget it, man!

Hey, you're wrong!

Hey, forget the going, man. They're wrong.

- They're wrong, man. - Shut up, I don't have a license.

See, he doesn't even have a license.

See, if he had anything on us, he would stop us, man.

Home sweet home.

Don't do that!

She might have fallen.

You know what?

I feel like doing something real freaky, you know?

Oh yes, like what?

You're going to think that I'm really weird or something, you know, but...

What floor?

Push "7."

It takes us all the way up.

Listen, you're going to think I'm weird, but I...

...I never made it with two guys before.

What?

Do you want to make it with me?

Two guys at the same time?

I've done everything twice, but I've never made it...

...with two guys, especially you two guys.

We do that all the time.

- You do? - Oh yeah, ain't that right, man?

With two guys?

No, with a girl at the same time.

Here we are! Come on.

We have to be quiet, man.

Because people around here have been complaining about me being too loud!

Well, how do you like it?

It's nice.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I have to get into something more comfortable.

Oh yeah, get into something more comfortable. That's a good idea.

Are you sure you don't even want a half a lude?

That's good. We don't need a whole one.

What do you see? Well, what's happening?

Come on, tell me what is going on?

Let me take a peek anyway, for crying out loud.

Let me look! What are they doing?

Can you see them?

Come on, man, give me a look. Let me take a peek.

We need ice.

- What? - Ice!

We need ice cubes. You know, this chick did this thing with this guy...

...and it lasted for a long...

...time!

Oh yes, we need ice. Go get some ice, man.

Go down the hall and to the left.

Yeah, get a lot of ice, man.

- Oh God, it drives me crazy. - I never heard of that.

All right!

Get a lot of ice, man.

Hello.

Who?

Animal? When did you get out, man?

You broke out?

No, you're not coming up here.

Listen, I got a Mexican here that will kick your ass!

Yes. And...

He hung up on me now. Shit!

- Who was that? - That was my old man.

Your old man?

I didn't know you had an old man.

We're kind of married, you know.

Kind of married?

Where is your old man right now?

He said he was in the lobby, but don't worry.

In the lobby?

Hey, open up in there, goddamn it!

No, don't go now. Where are you going?

Come on, open up or I'll break the door down!

Nobody is home!

- Fine, I'm going to answer the door. - No, don't answer the door!

Who is it?

Who?

All right, I'll let you in, but the door is jammed.

Who is it?

Let go of the knob, and I'll let you in.

Well, let go of it. This door is always jammed.

What's so funny? Come on, let me look at it.

Let me see. What are they doing?

It's just you with the ice!

- I got the ice. - The ice, man!

Shit, man.

Hey!

Hey, man!

Hey, let me in, man!

Hey!

Hey, man, let me in.

Hey!

Hey, open the door, man.

Let me in!

Come on, man, quit fucking around and let me in!

Hey, look at me!

Hey, man!

Hey, man, I ain't bullshitting let me in.

Hey, man!

I need some help. Hey, man!

Noodles, let me have a peek, will you? Come on, they're my glasses, let me look.

I should have parked on the other side of the street.

Hey, man.

Don't do anything to antagonize him.

- He stepped on my towel. - I'll buy you a new one.

God, he's dirty looking.

Harry, I'm so scared.

Harry!

I think we should leave.

Hi.

- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.

- Please, Mister. - Don't look.

What are you doing up there?

He wouldn't let me have them. So big deal.

There's nobody home.

Open the door.

Hey, take off, Cheech. I'm busy.

Hey, open the door.

Hey? Hey is not here.

Hey, open the door.

Hey, take off, Cheech. I'll be out in a minute.

Donna.

He told you, there is nobody here.

Oh, God, I don't believe this.

Where is that wetback son of a bitch? I'll kill him.

Hey, man! Help!

Do you have any idea how much those doors cost?

Killing is too damn good for him. Do you know what I ought to do to him?

Why don't you call next time you're going to get out of there?

You think I care, Noodles? I don't even care.

Where the hell is he?

Get your ass out here. Come on, taco head.

You under there?

You're going to kick my ass? Get out here.

You have no class.

That's what you are. You animal!

Somebody press the button.

No, no don't make it go up. Make it go down.

Quit slobbering all over me!

Please!

Somebody, please just press the button.

Hey, man, open this door.

Hey, let me in. Come on.

There's a monster in here, man.

There'll be a monster up along side your head if you don't open this door.

No, really! There is a big biker in here. He kicked the door in.

Biker? Is his name Animal?

I don't know, man. Shit, he almost killed me, man.

Come on. Open the door and let me get my clothes.

It's open, man.

Shit, man, where are my clothes?

Man, he's sleeping on them.

Just wear his clothes. Let's get out of here.

They're alive. Help me find something, man.

Here, here. Wear this.

I can't wear that. That's stupid, man. Come on, help me find something, man.

The money!

These things don't even fit.

I gave it to the Hamburger Dude.

Man, this is stupid.

Come on, man. Come on, let's get out of here.

Man, this is stupid.

You're very funny, man. It's so funny I forgot to laugh.

Where's our money, man?

I cashed a check for the Hamburger Dude.

What?

You gave him our money?

I trust the dude.

You took a check for all our money?

It's good. It's a check, man.

Shit, man.

All the money we worked for and stuff we sold? You gave him the money?

He gave me the check.

- How long we been dealing? - Three months.

What is the first thing you learned? Don't take a check!

How we going to cash this?

Where you cash checks, go to a bank and give them the check.

You go to the bank to cash checks. They ask you, "Could I see some ID?"

Do you have ID?

You have a driver's license?

- No. - No? You have a library card?

Because you can't read. If you could read you could see, "Bank of Dumb Shit."

Where we going to cash this? Oh, man, there goes our island.

There goes our topless waitresses. There goes our Pi菃숀±a Colonics in the sun.

There goes our guitar in every room. No room.

That's what happens every time you do coke. That is what happens.

Wait a minute, man.

Every time I do coke you get on that, "Every time I do coke" rap, man.

It goes straight to your brain. It messes it up.

You're not going to have a brain.

Hey, listen, a lot of smart dudes do coke.

Like who?

Sherlock Holmes does coke and he isn't so stupid.

Sherlock Holmes?

Sherlock, let's go find our money. God, you gave him all our money.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I hope she has a French maid.

For your sake, I hope she does too, partner.

Hey, thanks a lot, man. I mean, ladies.

'Bye.

Those were the ugliest chicks I ever saw in my life.

No kidding, man. If they're so ugly how come you were hitting on them?

I wasn't hitting on them.

That part about asking them if they were models.

I was trying to be nice, man.

Models for Kal Kan dog food.

It's over here, man.

Let's get our money.

Toodle! Any time, big boys.

It was our pleasure.

Noodles, they fell for it.

The disguise... You were absolutely right. This is a perfect disguise.

Good thinking, Noodles. Good thinking. Let's go tell the sarge.

What are you doing, Noodles?

What are you doing? Keep your hands to yourself.

Goddamn car!

Noodles, leave me alone.

Noodles, get your hands off me. Goddamn it, stay away.

Noodles! I get this thing started.

Noodles, let go of that.

Come on, Noodles, not now. Keep your hands to yourself, goddamn it!

It's locked up. There is nobody home.

Shit! I can't believe you were so stupid. You gave him all our money.

Let's go home.

No, man. We're not going anywhere until we get all our money.

I can't believe you were so stupid.

- What are you doing? - I'm going to get our money. I don't care.

God, you're so dumb sometimes.

I'm so tired of thinking for both of us. My brain is getting tired.

Don't just stand there. Give me a hand.

If brains were gun powder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

I hope there are no dogs here.

Hey, man!

Quit fucking around, man.

Let's get our money.

I knew that was you.

Shut up, man.

You're so stupid.

Oh, that's real funny.

So funny I forgot to laugh.

- Hey, man. Watch out. - Watch out for that branch.

What does poison oak look like? Shit, you're so stupid.

Look at the size of that place. That must have cost a fortune.

No question about it, Noodles. This is definitely Mr. Big's joint.

Nothing is moving so I think were here for the night.

It looks like it's going to be a long night, Noodles.

Knock it off, Noodles. Don't even think about it.

Let's get out of here. This place is weird, man.

You don't have to shave my legs.

Hey, it's the dude. Hey, Hamburger Dude.

Remember me?

I met you in Chinatown.

Listen, remember the check we gave you?

It was a mistake to give you the check. We have to get the money back.

More cheeseburgers.

Thank God we found him, man.

The money is gone!

Hey, Hamburger Dude! Wait up!

Hey, get him, man. I'll go around the back.

Hey, lady, I'm first.

You! I'm glad I found you. We have to have our money back.

I'm first to get my medication. I'm first for everything.

Look, there was a mistake made. You shouldn't have got that money...

I ain't bullshitting with you. Give me my money back!

Hey, man! They're taking me! Help! This is a mistake.

I'm first.

I'll never do coke again. Let me go! Please, this is a mistake!

My balls itch.

My balls itch.

Cheech!

Hey, man!

Where are you?

I'm over here. Hey!

I'm right here, man!

- Where are you? - I'm right here.

Where have you been?

They chained me up and put me in here.

I've been looking all over for you.

We are in a nut house, man.

Do you know where we are? We're in a nut house.

They got me chained up.

They got you chained up.

Come on, man. Get me out of here, man.

Get the key. It's locked up.

- It's locked up. - Get the key.

I have to get a key.

They think I'm the doctor.

They put me in charge of medication.

I'll be right back. Don't go away.

Get the key and get me out of here. Hurry up, man.

Scratch my balls, man!

Hey, man!

Anybody, scratch my balls.

I'm really worried about the sarge.

He is a little strange lately. He's not himself, you know?

I don't know if this case is getting to him, or it's his diet, or what.

Did you notice how pale he looks? A pasty kind of look?

I'm locking up now. You have your keys?

I'll talk to you when you get off the wall, all right?

'Bye.

Grapefruit. That's probably what he needs. More grapefruit and more sunshine.

Cheech?

Cheech?

Hey, man, in here.

We lucked out.

I found a real doctor, man.

He says he can help us.

Do you have the keys?

I've got the key right here.

Thank God. Get me out of here.

I'm not really crazy. It's a big mistake that we're in here.

You want the key?

Please, doc, get me out of here. Let me be free. I just want the key.

You're sure you want to be free?

Yeah, I want to be free. Just give me the key.

Come here.

Stick out your tongue.

Stick out your tongue.

There's the key.

The key?

This is not the key.

- I want the key! - That's the key to the universe.

- Wait a minute, man, get me out of here. - Hey, give me some.

That's a key for you.

What was it? Don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise.

You've feeling free already.

Hey, man. I got the key.

Hey, man.

Hey, man!

All right, what's happening? My name is Jimmy.

I'm going to do one song before I get back into my box.

"Purple haze all in my brain

"what's this Negro doing on the stage

"and I'm falling but I don't know why

"Excuse me while I kiss this fly"

Right this way, please.

Right this way, please.

Don't worry about it. They can't do this to you.

Believe me, you're okay. You're all right.

Don't worry about it.

Would I lie? Trust me.

Believe me, they can't do this to you.

If they do, don't worry about it.

You'll get back at them.

You'll get back at them because they can't do this to you.

Just a minute.

Yeah, hello.

Governor, thank God.

Wow, what a relief. Yes, we were on our way.

Really? Great. That's great to hear, Governor.

That's not for you, go ahead.

Yes, Governor. I love it. Have your girl call my girl, we'll talk.

Now don't be frightened. It's just me. I'm so sorry.

Boys, there's been a terrible mistake.

Howie is going to say something to you, aren't you, Howie?

I'm going to get you out of this as quickly as possible.

Come on now. Say your little speech.

I'm sorry I took the money.

- That's it. - I'm sorry I took the money!

I'm sorry!

That's enough, dear.

- I'm awfully sorry. - That's fine.

Now, boys, all the money is here. Come on.

I just want to apologize to you again.

To tell you how sorry I am about the mistake and...

...if there's anything at all I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

Come along, Howie. It's time for your lobotomy.

I'm not sorry I took the money!

My head!

I still got a head!

Money.

And it's all here.

All right, you two, come out with your hands up.

This is Police Detective Drewer speaking.

Let's get out of here.

Where you going?

Don't worry about it. Just follow me, come on!

You clowns thought you were pretty smart trying to sneak out on us.

What gets me is that you actually thought you could get away with it.

I did it. I did it all.

I'm sorry. I'm awfully sorry.

Sure you're sorry. You are about the sorriest thing I've seen all week.

Don't be frightened.

You people have made a terrible mistake.

Mr. Big, huh?

You're not so big now, are you? Right, boss?

It's always guys like you that try to get away with it.

Would you care for a hamburger?

Come on. It's time to go to work.

What are you doing? Stupid, man!

Come on. Let's go to work.

Stupid, man. If you hadn't lost all our money, we wouldn't be doing this.

What are you bitching about, man? We got it made.

Man.

So stupid.

You wanted to be in paradise. We're in paradise.

It's not exactly what I had in mind.

Come on. Let's go to work.

Come on, ladies, let's really give it to them! All right!

- This is stupid, man. - What are you bitching about? It's fun!

Listen, we're sun kings in paradise.

It's not what I had in mind.

Ladies, hold on to yourselves because we have a special treat for you.

Club Paradise proudly presents Maui and Waui, the sun kings!