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- [Janet Jackson's "The Pleasure Principle" playing]
- BOW: In 1986, I was 13
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and the world was changing.
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00:00:07,164 --> 00:00:09,957
Oprah Winfrey had her first talk show,
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00:00:09,958 --> 00:00:14,087
Hands Across America gave
Jordan Peele the idea for "Us,"
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the USSR launched a space station,
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and Halle Berry came in
second place in Miss USA.
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She lost to Christy Fichtner.
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But Christy doesn't have an Oscar.
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? What I thought was happiness ?
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- 1986 was a big year...
- Morning.
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00:00:28,936 --> 00:00:30,603
...for my family, too.
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??
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"Alicia Johnson. Partner."
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My mom was leaning
into her new promotion.
15
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Ah.
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? Riding in your limousine ?
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And when dad became a teacher,
he found his calling.
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Hello, class.
19
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I'm Mr. Jackson.
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But I hope you'll call me... friend.
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[Indistinct shouting, laughter]
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And my sister Santamonica
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realized she was a nasty girl,
thanks to Ms. Jackson.
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? Ohh ?
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??
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Johan? Rainbow?
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I need backup dancers!
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? Da dit da dit dat ?
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Back then, families also used to gather
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to watch television together,
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and our family show
was "Dukes of Hazzard."
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Man, I am too excited
for "Dukes of Hazzard" tonight.
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[Imitates horn playing "Dixie"]
Ba-da da da da-da
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- da-da da da daaa-da!
- Hey! Ha ha!
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That's right, we loved a show
about two good ol' boys
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outrunning the cops in their car
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with a Confederate flag on it.
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- [Laughs]
- In some ways,
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1986 was a really long time ago.
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Is it weird that the two of you
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have the same favorite TV show?
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Once a week, he and I are both
rooting against the police.
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I'm not gonna question it.
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- Love the new look, son.
- Thanks, Dad.
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Getting you not to dress
like a hitchhiker
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is the best use of my tax dollars
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since the moon landing.
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Since when do you pay taxes?
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In 1986, I was coming into my own
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as a young, gifted,
and mixed young woman.
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00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:03,376
And I wanted to help my brother, Johan,
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00:02:03,377 --> 00:02:05,670
grow into the confidence that I had.
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Mom, Dad.
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A bully at school called Johan
a really bad name.
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A really bad name? What did he call you?
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I don't remember.
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He's on his third concussion.
He may be telling the truth.
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Rainbow, what name did that
bully call your brother?
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It's so bad I can't say it.
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00:02:21,997 --> 00:02:24,457
I can say it. Can I say it?
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Oh, please! Please let me say it!
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H-Hold up. It's... It's not...
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Yeah. I think it's that word.
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Oh, no.
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My parents couldn't believe
that their son
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had been hit with
the Mac Daddy of slurs.
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- [Sighs]
- For the first time,
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Johan was called...
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Okay. We're all adults here.
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So I'm just gonna say it.
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Wait. I'm not gonna get in
trouble if I say it, right?
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[Sighs]
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? In the mix ?
74
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? Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ?
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? But they can't stop us ?
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? 'Cause we got a love ?
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? That keeps rising up ?
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00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,012
? In the mix ?
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00:02:56,013 --> 00:02:57,889
? Life turns around ?
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? 'Round and 'round it goes ?
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? Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ?
? Ooh, it's a mixed-up ?
82
00:03:02,186 --> 00:03:03,895
? And that's for sure ?
? Mixed-up ?
83
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:05,564
? In the mix ?
? Baby ?
84
00:03:05,565 --> 00:03:07,232
? We're gonna get by ?
? We're gonna ?
85
00:03:07,233 --> 00:03:09,315
? On our own, side by side ?
86
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:12,237
? Love's all we need to be free ?
? Lo-o-o-ve is all ?
87
00:03:12,238 --> 00:03:14,406
? I got you, you got me ?
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? Yaaaaay us! ?
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? I-I-In the mix ?
90
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? Yaaaaay us! ?
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? I-I-In the mix-ish ?
92
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[Sighs] I really hoped
this day would never come.
93
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:29,316
Racism. Always right on time.
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00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:30,839
Like a Japanese train.
95
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,091
Whoa, Dad, that's a little racist.
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Have you ever been to Tokyo?
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They're always on time.
98
00:03:36,095 --> 00:03:37,804
Yeah, with their funny little
ninja costumes
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- and samurai swords.
- [Both chuckle]
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You know what?
We've been prepared for this.
101
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You're right.
102
00:03:43,728 --> 00:03:45,604
- I'll get the binder.
- Binder?
103
00:03:45,605 --> 00:03:47,564
Yeah. As involved
in The Movement as I was,
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I saw the impact slurs had on children.
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So I made this binder.
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"So You've Been Called The N-word"?
107
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I tried to make it into
a children's book,
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but America wasn't ready for it.
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Mnh-mnh.
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"You've been called a word,
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00:04:00,995 --> 00:04:02,746
it's rude and it's dirty,
112
00:04:02,747 --> 00:04:05,790
it's not who you are,
but still it feels hurty."
113
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:07,375
- Wait, Dad, stop.
- No. I know.
114
00:04:07,376 --> 00:04:08,835
"Hurty" isn't a word,
but it still applies.
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Okay.
116
00:04:09,713 --> 00:04:11,546
Um, listen.
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00:04:11,547 --> 00:04:13,715
I know what you went through hurts.
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But sadly, every Black person
in this country
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has felt what you're feeling.
120
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I went through this,
121
00:04:18,554 --> 00:04:20,347
your Aunt Dee-Dee went through this,
122
00:04:20,348 --> 00:04:22,599
Martin Luther King Jr.
even went through this.
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Wait.
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00:04:24,101 --> 00:04:25,936
Martin Luther King Jr.
was called a beaner?
125
00:04:25,937 --> 00:04:27,437
- DENISE: What?
- Wait, what?
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00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:28,314
Hmm?
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00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:29,689
Hmm?
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00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:31,233
That's what you were called?
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00:04:31,234 --> 00:04:32,526
But you're not Mexican.
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Assuming that guy really is your dad.
131
00:04:35,071 --> 00:04:37,072
Hey. For the last time,
132
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we weren't an orgy commune,
133
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we were an overthrow capitalism commune.
134
00:04:40,618 --> 00:04:43,161
Whew, okay. So it wasn't the word.
135
00:04:43,162 --> 00:04:44,663
I feel so relieved.
136
00:04:44,664 --> 00:04:47,374
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's not that big of a deal.
137
00:04:47,375 --> 00:04:49,376
No, it's not nothing,
it's still a mean word,
138
00:04:49,377 --> 00:04:51,503
but, um... never saw this coming.
139
00:04:51,504 --> 00:04:53,004
We all probably should've.
140
00:04:53,005 --> 00:04:55,632
That hair definitely celebrates
Cinco de Mayo.
141
00:04:55,633 --> 00:04:57,509
Well, I'm just glad
I don't have to listen
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00:04:57,510 --> 00:04:59,177
to whatever else is in that binder.
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00:04:59,178 --> 00:05:00,804
And I don't have to dress up
like a 10-year-old
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00:05:00,805 --> 00:05:01,972
to fight a kid.
145
00:05:01,973 --> 00:05:03,848
I have done it before.
146
00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,517
Why are you all relieved?
147
00:05:05,518 --> 00:05:07,561
It's still a terrible thing
to call someone.
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00:05:07,562 --> 00:05:08,853
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, sure, yeah, it's...
149
00:05:08,854 --> 00:05:10,355
- it's terrible.
- It's so terrible.
150
00:05:10,356 --> 00:05:11,356
- Awful.
- Awful.
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00:05:11,357 --> 00:05:13,024
- Really bad.
- Horrible.
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00:05:13,025 --> 00:05:14,109
Mm-hmm.
153
00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:15,819
- Alicia, d-do you want to...
- Mm-hmm.
154
00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:17,195
...tell the kids the history
of that word?
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Hmm? Hmm?
156
00:05:19,323 --> 00:05:20,907
Hmm?
157
00:05:20,908 --> 00:05:22,701
Yeah.
158
00:05:22,702 --> 00:05:26,955
Um... so, it's a...
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00:05:26,956 --> 00:05:29,583
legume-based slur.
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00:05:29,584 --> 00:05:32,168
It's, uh... It's...
161
00:05:32,169 --> 00:05:34,296
Uh, honey, can I have a quick
sidebar with you?
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00:05:34,297 --> 00:05:35,755
- Conversation?
- Oh, absolutely.
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00:05:35,756 --> 00:05:38,341
Kids, why don't you, uh, go play
before "Dukes of Hazzard"
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00:05:38,342 --> 00:05:41,678
while your Mommy and I put
together our full presentation.
165
00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:43,179
- I got this, Mom and Dad.
- ALICIA: Okay.
166
00:05:43,180 --> 00:05:45,098
I'll take the kiddos.
167
00:05:45,099 --> 00:05:47,475
I know the presentation was made up,
168
00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:50,312
but it actually sounds
like a really great idea.
169
00:05:50,313 --> 00:05:51,646
- Okay.
- Oh.
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00:05:51,647 --> 00:05:53,356
Thanks.
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00:05:53,357 --> 00:05:55,525
Oh, God.
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BOW: I could tell my brother
was dealing with a lot
173
00:05:57,403 --> 00:05:59,946
and didn't want to talk
about it with my parents,
174
00:05:59,947 --> 00:06:01,781
but I knew he would open up to me.
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00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:03,408
Hey, Johan.
176
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:04,701
Do you want to open up to me?
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00:06:04,702 --> 00:06:05,952
No.
178
00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:08,747
Johan, come on. I-It's me.
179
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:10,457
How are you feeling?
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00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:11,791
I'm fine.
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00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:14,210
Hey, I've been where you've been.
182
00:06:14,211 --> 00:06:16,004
So we can talk about it.
183
00:06:16,005 --> 00:06:18,840
Remember when Daniel told
Mr. Miyagi he was being bullied?
184
00:06:18,841 --> 00:06:20,550
You're going to teach me karate?
185
00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:24,512
No. But I'm a shoulder to lean on.
186
00:06:24,513 --> 00:06:25,764
I don't need a hug.
187
00:06:25,765 --> 00:06:27,390
I told you, I'm fine.
188
00:06:27,391 --> 00:06:30,810
??
189
00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:33,438
You are loved!
190
00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:35,315
ALICIA: Oh, my God.
191
00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:36,983
"Legume-based"? What was that?
192
00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:38,068
Oh, no, no, no, no.
193
00:06:38,069 --> 00:06:39,778
After the way I just
threw you under the bus,
194
00:06:39,779 --> 00:06:41,696
babe, that was heroic.
195
00:06:41,697 --> 00:06:43,615
I mean, it... it sounded like
you've been explaining slurs
196
00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:45,325
to children for years.
197
00:06:45,326 --> 00:06:48,703
You guys figure out that little
nickname problem with Johan?
198
00:06:48,704 --> 00:06:51,956
Hey, Dad, this is a private
parenting conversation, okay?
199
00:06:51,957 --> 00:06:53,792
Since when is anything
in this house private?
200
00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:54,876
You leave your doors unlocked
201
00:06:54,877 --> 00:06:56,628
like you live in a park bathroom.
202
00:06:56,629 --> 00:06:58,963
We're trying to figure out
what to say to Johan.
203
00:06:58,964 --> 00:07:01,424
Is this a Level Five situation,
like when we had to explain
204
00:07:01,425 --> 00:07:03,468
why Denise and that guy
from the grocery store
205
00:07:03,469 --> 00:07:05,261
- were having a sleepover?
- Uh-huh.
206
00:07:05,262 --> 00:07:07,722
Or is it a Level Ten like
when we saw Shaman Dave Jr.
207
00:07:07,723 --> 00:07:09,933
- burying Shaman Dave Sr.?
- Mm.
208
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:12,185
Oh, why are we now in a second location
209
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:15,397
still talking about Johan's
light-skinned problems?
210
00:07:15,398 --> 00:07:18,149
At the end of the day,
it's not as bad as the N-word
211
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,943
because Johan is Black.
212
00:07:19,944 --> 00:07:23,279
At least he's still got a little
bit of his innocence left.
213
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,450
He didn't get a hurricane of
racism, he got a tropical storm.
214
00:07:27,451 --> 00:07:29,953
You're right.
215
00:07:29,954 --> 00:07:31,996
I know the ugliness of that word
is coming for him.
216
00:07:31,997 --> 00:07:34,124
And one day it'll happen,
217
00:07:34,125 --> 00:07:36,126
but as of today he is still the boy
218
00:07:36,127 --> 00:07:38,628
who accidentally walks in
on me in the shower.
219
00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:40,588
You know what, Paul?
220
00:07:40,589 --> 00:07:42,674
It's clearly a Level Seven.
221
00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:44,676
Okay. Okay, well, we just...
222
00:07:44,677 --> 00:07:47,804
we go in, we talk to him, we do
some good Level Seven healing,
223
00:07:47,805 --> 00:07:49,764
and... and we can pretend like
we nailed this from the start.
224
00:07:49,765 --> 00:07:51,183
Sounds like a plan.
225
00:07:52,393 --> 00:07:53,476
Yeah. Let's go.
226
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:55,061
PAUL: Right behind you.
227
00:07:55,062 --> 00:07:56,855
Hey, how often is he walking
in on you in the shower?
228
00:07:56,856 --> 00:07:59,023
ALICIA: Oh, often. [Sighs]
229
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:01,317
Hey, little string bean.
230
00:08:01,318 --> 00:08:03,153
Nope, nope, can't say that anymore.
231
00:08:03,154 --> 00:08:04,320
PAUL: Hey, buddy.
232
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:05,822
We know you've had a hard day.
233
00:08:05,823 --> 00:08:07,991
We're just checking in
to see how you're feeling.
234
00:08:07,992 --> 00:08:09,159
Sore.
235
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,453
Yeah. Like... here?
236
00:08:11,454 --> 00:08:13,288
No, here.
237
00:08:13,289 --> 00:08:15,457
Classic skateboarding accident.
238
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:18,501
I stuck my first ollie and then
ate it on my celebration dance.
239
00:08:18,502 --> 00:08:19,752
Ah. [Chuckles]
240
00:08:19,753 --> 00:08:21,463
Seems like he's okay.
241
00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:23,465
Yeah, but how do we know
he's not using skateboarding
242
00:08:23,466 --> 00:08:25,717
as a shield to hide
his emotional trauma?
243
00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:27,303
Good point.
244
00:08:28,762 --> 00:08:29,971
Are you using skateboarding
245
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:31,723
as a shield to hide
your emotional trauma?
246
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:33,975
You can tell us.
We're here to support you.
247
00:08:33,976 --> 00:08:36,019
Yep, tomorrow we are gonna
go down to the school
248
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,437
to make sure this never happens again.
249
00:08:37,438 --> 00:08:39,314
You don't need to do that.
250
00:08:39,315 --> 00:08:42,192
Why don't you want us
to go to the school?
251
00:08:42,193 --> 00:08:45,570
Because some people at school
think I'm Mexican.
252
00:08:45,571 --> 00:08:47,489
Right. But then you just
tell them that you're not.
253
00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:48,823
Mm-hmm.
254
00:08:48,824 --> 00:08:51,743
I probably should've done that.
255
00:08:51,744 --> 00:08:54,037
You... You didn't do that?
256
00:08:54,038 --> 00:08:56,039
Nah. I've just been rolling with it.
257
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,665
I haven't been correcting them.
258
00:08:57,666 --> 00:09:00,668
Which may be how this got
started in the first place.
259
00:09:00,669 --> 00:09:03,129
Wait, wait, wait, what?
260
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:06,341
S-So you've been passing... for Mexican?
261
00:09:06,342 --> 00:09:07,592
Yes.
262
00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:09,803
But I'm not passing Spanish.
263
00:09:09,804 --> 00:09:11,513
That's another conversation.
264
00:09:11,514 --> 00:09:13,025
Okay, this is Level Ten.
265
00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:14,093
[Clears throat]
266
00:09:15,862 --> 00:09:17,556
When my parents found out
267
00:09:17,588 --> 00:09:20,250
my brother had been passing for Mexican,
268
00:09:20,289 --> 00:09:24,317
they felt a lot of feelings.
But mostly... confusion.
269
00:09:24,318 --> 00:09:26,820
So, Johan,
270
00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:29,404
why would you want people
to think you were Mexican?
271
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,199
PAUL: Not that there's anything
wrong with being Mexican.
272
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,076
- No.
- I would love you just the same
273
00:09:33,077 --> 00:09:36,204
even if you were Mexican.
Or Hispanic. Or Latino.
274
00:09:36,205 --> 00:09:37,455
Are those the same?
275
00:09:37,456 --> 00:09:38,665
- Get it together.
- What are you talking about?
276
00:09:38,666 --> 00:09:40,458
This is going great. I'm nailing it.
277
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:42,877
It's not my fault.
It all just kind of snowballed.
278
00:09:42,878 --> 00:09:44,712
Some people thought I was Mexican
279
00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:46,923
and it was just easier
not to correct them.
280
00:09:46,924 --> 00:09:49,759
Johan, it's not okay to pretend
to be a different race.
281
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,553
- No.
- Who's it hurting?
282
00:09:51,554 --> 00:09:53,721
Honestly, it's the smartest
thing I've done.
283
00:09:53,722 --> 00:09:57,225
I've got more friends, and I'm
already planning my quincea�era.
284
00:09:57,226 --> 00:09:58,476
Oh.
285
00:09:58,477 --> 00:10:00,728
??
286
00:10:00,729 --> 00:10:03,147
Johan, you can't pretend
you're something you're not.
287
00:10:03,148 --> 00:10:04,440
Why not?
288
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:06,192
Why not?
289
00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:09,404
Cultural appropriation. Rachel Dolezal.
290
00:10:09,405 --> 00:10:12,323
But back then, we didn't know
about all of that, so I said...
291
00:10:12,324 --> 00:10:14,492
Um, duh!
292
00:10:14,493 --> 00:10:16,744
I can't even believe
I have to explain it.
293
00:10:16,745 --> 00:10:18,371
??
294
00:10:18,372 --> 00:10:21,040
I was able to brush him off
with that answer
295
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:24,502
until he was 25.
296
00:10:24,503 --> 00:10:27,589
Did you know Johan was
pretending to be Mexican?
297
00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:30,425
No clue, but I do have a theory.
298
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:32,677
Maybe we are Mexican.
299
00:10:32,678 --> 00:10:35,471
Maybe that's why Mom and Dad
burned their American passports
300
00:10:35,472 --> 00:10:36,764
when they went to the commune.
301
00:10:36,765 --> 00:10:38,433
How did he think it was okay?
302
00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:40,602
This is why I wanted him
to open up to me.
303
00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:41,686
I thought he was the victim,
304
00:10:41,687 --> 00:10:43,855
but he's been lying about who he is.
305
00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:45,231
You know, it's not a big deal.
306
00:10:45,232 --> 00:10:47,567
I pretend to be different people
all the time.
307
00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,402
I pretend to be rich at school.
308
00:10:49,403 --> 00:10:51,779
But that's not the same thing
and that was one time.
309
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,698
Last week, I pretended to have a limp.
310
00:10:53,699 --> 00:10:55,950
[Chuckles] I got so much attention.
311
00:10:55,951 --> 00:10:58,077
Okay, well, that's not great.
312
00:10:58,078 --> 00:11:00,038
And I call Aunt Denise
on the phone at night
313
00:11:00,039 --> 00:11:01,706
pretending to be a psychic service.
314
00:11:01,707 --> 00:11:03,583
I've made $200.
315
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:05,084
Oh, and I'm pen pals
316
00:11:05,085 --> 00:11:07,420
with a woman
who thinks I'm a male prisoner.
317
00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:09,297
??
318
00:11:09,298 --> 00:11:10,673
What?!
319
00:11:10,674 --> 00:11:14,510
??
320
00:11:14,511 --> 00:11:15,762
The kids ate all y'all chips.
321
00:11:15,763 --> 00:11:17,597
And by "kids," I mean me.
322
00:11:17,598 --> 00:11:21,059
And by "chips," I mean I used
all your laundry detergent.
323
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:24,020
You will not believe
what we found out...
324
00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:27,815
Johan has been letting
other kids think he's Mexican.
325
00:11:27,816 --> 00:11:29,192
He's passing.
326
00:11:29,193 --> 00:11:30,318
For Mexican?
327
00:11:30,319 --> 00:11:32,236
If you're gonna pass, pass for white.
328
00:11:32,237 --> 00:11:34,113
Or at least Italian.
329
00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:35,865
Actually, that makes sense.
330
00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:37,533
How does any of this make sense?
331
00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:40,787
You all taught that poor boy
to be ashamed of being Black.
332
00:11:40,788 --> 00:11:42,997
You took him to that commune
where nobody showered
333
00:11:42,998 --> 00:11:44,958
and nobody talked about race,
334
00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:48,586
and that taught him not
to be proud of his Blackness.
335
00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:49,921
What if she's right?
336
00:11:49,922 --> 00:11:52,465
I feel like we do talk to him
about race.
337
00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:55,218
Sex stuff, not yet, but
I'm working on another binder.
338
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:57,929
But we didn't for
the first 10 years of his life.
339
00:11:57,930 --> 00:12:00,264
The commune was a place
where there was no shame
340
00:12:00,265 --> 00:12:03,601
associated with race or class or bodies.
341
00:12:03,602 --> 00:12:06,854
Which may explain why he's been
walking in on you in the shower.
342
00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:08,481
Maybe you're right. Maybe he just needs
343
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:11,359
a booster shot of Black Pride.
Remind him of all the things
344
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,236
that make him proud of being Black.
345
00:12:13,237 --> 00:12:17,281
Yeah, the running, the jumping,
the jive talkin'.
346
00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:19,994
Uh, D-D-Dad, no, no...
You don't need to be here.
347
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:23,246
That's probably best.
348
00:12:23,247 --> 00:12:25,164
??
349
00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:27,625
So, on the family schedule
for that night,
350
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:29,168
Black Pride 101.
351
00:12:29,169 --> 00:12:32,005
We think it's important
you have pride in who you are.
352
00:12:32,006 --> 00:12:33,923
I couldn't agree more. It's important
353
00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:36,009
we all have pride in who we are.
354
00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:37,635
So we're gonna start teaching you more
355
00:12:37,636 --> 00:12:39,637
about your Black heritage.
356
00:12:39,638 --> 00:12:40,805
I don't need lessons.
357
00:12:40,806 --> 00:12:42,557
I'm the Blackest person in this family.
358
00:12:42,558 --> 00:12:43,808
Watch me walk.
359
00:12:43,809 --> 00:12:45,935
Santi, you can't tell
by the way somebody...
360
00:12:45,936 --> 00:12:47,562
Ooh! She's right.
361
00:12:47,563 --> 00:12:49,480
She walk Black.
362
00:12:49,481 --> 00:12:52,108
Starting now, we are subscribing
363
00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:54,360
to both Ebony and Jet magazines.
364
00:12:54,361 --> 00:12:56,112
We support Black publishing.
365
00:12:56,113 --> 00:12:59,115
We're going to the next
Ladysmith Black Mambazo concert.
366
00:12:59,116 --> 00:13:00,992
This is what two of you
were conceived to.
367
00:13:00,993 --> 00:13:05,455
And right now, we are going
to watch "The Color Purple."
368
00:13:05,456 --> 00:13:07,290
That's right. And not just because
369
00:13:07,291 --> 00:13:10,126
some jerk already rented
Video World's copy of "Roots."
370
00:13:10,127 --> 00:13:12,045
But "Dukes of Hazzard" is on tonight.
371
00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:13,671
We're gonna miss our show!
372
00:13:13,672 --> 00:13:15,715
This is more important.
373
00:13:15,716 --> 00:13:19,010
So let's all sit down
and enjoy this beautiful story
374
00:13:19,011 --> 00:13:21,554
about Black women
finding inner strength.
375
00:13:21,555 --> 00:13:25,892
You're gonna see just
how wonderful it is to be us.
376
00:13:25,893 --> 00:13:34,650
??
377
00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:36,778
Okay, so...?
378
00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:40,114
??
379
00:13:40,115 --> 00:13:43,242
So the lesson's that
the world hates Black people?
380
00:13:43,243 --> 00:13:44,535
I get it.
381
00:13:44,536 --> 00:13:46,370
What... What? No. No.
382
00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:48,831
Is the lesson that kids can be
taken from their moms
383
00:13:48,832 --> 00:13:50,833
- really, really, really easily?
- Aw.
384
00:13:50,834 --> 00:13:53,753
Oh, my God. No. No, no, no, no.
385
00:13:53,754 --> 00:13:55,755
That movie was supposed
to teach you this...
386
00:13:55,756 --> 00:13:58,007
Yes, Black people are up against a lot.
387
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:01,719
But there is pride
in... in what we've overcome.
388
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,513
It's literally our theme song.
389
00:14:03,514 --> 00:14:06,641
Yeah, but right now, we have to
overcome missing our show.
390
00:14:06,642 --> 00:14:09,310
Look, I appreciate
what you guys are doing,
391
00:14:09,311 --> 00:14:12,814
but trust me, it's just easier
to pretend to be Mexican.
392
00:14:12,815 --> 00:14:14,899
All I have to do is an accent.
393
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,651
- Oh, God.
- You've been doing an accent?
394
00:14:16,652 --> 00:14:18,236
- What?
- That is not okay, Johan.
395
00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:20,488
Is it never okay
to use an offensive accent.
396
00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:22,031
That's right.
397
00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:24,283
Unless it's funny. Uh, no.
398
00:14:24,284 --> 00:14:26,202
You know what? Let's hear it and decide.
399
00:14:26,203 --> 00:14:28,162
It's a little bit of Cheech Marin
400
00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:29,872
and a little bit of Ricky Ricardo.
401
00:14:29,873 --> 00:14:31,624
- Oh.
- I can't believe this.
402
00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:33,835
I'm out.
403
00:14:33,836 --> 00:14:36,546
Baby, listen to me.
404
00:14:36,547 --> 00:14:38,881
If you try to pass as something else,
405
00:14:38,882 --> 00:14:40,383
there's a cost.
406
00:14:40,384 --> 00:14:42,134
You're turning your back
on your community.
407
00:14:42,135 --> 00:14:44,262
Black people will always be your people
408
00:14:44,263 --> 00:14:45,596
and they will always know
409
00:14:45,597 --> 00:14:47,139
- that you are one of theirs.
- PAUL: That's right.
410
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,308
Yeah, I always know
when somebody's Black.
411
00:14:49,309 --> 00:14:50,935
- Mm.
- Jennifer Beals,
412
00:14:50,936 --> 00:14:52,895
Slash, Carol Channing.
413
00:14:52,896 --> 00:14:54,313
It's in the eyes.
414
00:14:54,314 --> 00:14:56,148
And sometimes
in the color of their skin.
415
00:14:56,149 --> 00:15:00,027
Wait. So if Black people
will always know I'm Black,
416
00:15:00,028 --> 00:15:02,071
then why did a Black kid
call me that name?
417
00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:04,198
- Wait, what?
- Excuse me?
418
00:15:04,199 --> 00:15:06,993
A-A Black kid
didn't know you were Black?
419
00:15:06,994 --> 00:15:08,286
Mm-hmm.
420
00:15:08,287 --> 00:15:10,413
- No, that can't be right.
- Come on.
421
00:15:10,414 --> 00:15:11,789
[Laughs]
422
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:13,457
Maybe... Maybe he wasn't Black.
423
00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:14,584
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:15:14,585 --> 00:15:15,835
What's his name?
425
00:15:15,836 --> 00:15:16,878
Lavar.
426
00:15:16,879 --> 00:15:20,006
- Lav...
- Mm.
427
00:15:20,007 --> 00:15:21,966
Lavar what?
428
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:23,009
- Honey.
- Huh?
429
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:24,886
- Let it go.
- Is there any last name
430
00:15:24,887 --> 00:15:27,263
that could make Lavar a white guy?
431
00:15:27,264 --> 00:15:28,890
- Well...
- And that's when my parents realized
432
00:15:28,891 --> 00:15:32,018
their son wasn't Black
the way they thought he was.
433
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:33,811
Lavar O'Malley.
434
00:15:33,812 --> 00:15:36,689
Now, that sounds like a man
who can't handle spicy food.
435
00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:38,357
It's not Lavar O'Malley.
436
00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:39,484
Is it O'Malley?
437
00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:45,865
How the heck does another Black
kid not know our son is Black?
438
00:15:45,866 --> 00:15:48,242
Maybe Lavar needs glasses.
439
00:15:48,243 --> 00:15:49,410
Tinted glasses?
440
00:15:49,411 --> 00:15:51,078
I've just always seen our kids as Black.
441
00:15:51,079 --> 00:15:52,830
I mean, they are. Aren't they?
442
00:15:52,831 --> 00:15:55,374
[Chuckling] They are.
443
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:57,335
- Aren't they?
- They are.
444
00:15:57,336 --> 00:15:59,503
But I guess the world
isn't gonna always see them
445
00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:01,672
the way we do.
446
00:16:01,673 --> 00:16:03,174
You know, when we left the commune,
447
00:16:03,175 --> 00:16:05,509
I was afraid one day I would
take them to the grocery store
448
00:16:05,510 --> 00:16:07,887
and someone would think
I was their nanny.
449
00:16:07,888 --> 00:16:09,180
I've been worried
450
00:16:09,181 --> 00:16:12,266
that I wouldn't be recognized
as their mother.
451
00:16:12,267 --> 00:16:14,769
Not that they wouldn't
be recognized as my children.
452
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,395
Baby, I've had the same fears.
453
00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:18,731
I-I don't want people to think
that I'm their kidnapper
454
00:16:18,732 --> 00:16:21,359
or that I manage a singing group.
455
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,818
This whole time
456
00:16:22,819 --> 00:16:25,613
I've been drawing on my own
experiences of being Black
457
00:16:25,614 --> 00:16:28,574
to guide them, but they're gonna have
458
00:16:28,575 --> 00:16:31,994
experiences that I can't even
begin to imagine.
459
00:16:31,995 --> 00:16:34,455
Maybe we can stop them
from having experiences.
460
00:16:34,456 --> 00:16:37,416
- Mm.
- You know, just until they're 21.
461
00:16:37,417 --> 00:16:38,501
[Laughs]
462
00:16:38,502 --> 00:16:41,921
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
463
00:16:41,922 --> 00:16:44,215
You guys are just making your way.
464
00:16:44,216 --> 00:16:46,258
The only way you know how.
465
00:16:46,259 --> 00:16:48,719
And that's just a little bit more.
466
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,013
? Than the law would allow ?
467
00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:52,598
[Imitates guitar strumming]
468
00:16:52,599 --> 00:16:54,141
You know you have a TV at your house.
469
00:16:54,142 --> 00:16:55,810
? Just a good ol' boy ?
470
00:16:55,811 --> 00:16:57,061
No.
471
00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:59,522
[Crickets chirping, dog barking]
472
00:16:59,523 --> 00:17:01,691
Hey, Rainbow, can you lie down
in the driveway
473
00:17:01,692 --> 00:17:03,025
so I can ollie over you?
474
00:17:03,026 --> 00:17:04,986
I tried a bunch of times over the hose,
475
00:17:04,987 --> 00:17:08,114
but it didn't work, so I think
the thing needs to be bigger.
476
00:17:08,115 --> 00:17:11,283
Do you not get that I'm mad at you?
477
00:17:11,284 --> 00:17:13,327
Johan, sit down.
478
00:17:13,328 --> 00:17:16,163
I'm upset because
by pretending to be Mexican,
479
00:17:16,164 --> 00:17:18,457
do you realize you're rejecting
who you are?
480
00:17:18,458 --> 00:17:21,585
You're rejecting your family,
you're rejecting me.
481
00:17:21,586 --> 00:17:23,587
I didn't mean to.
482
00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:26,424
I don't feel bad about being Mixed.
483
00:17:26,425 --> 00:17:30,845
I'm just so tired of trying
to explain what being Mixed is.
484
00:17:30,846 --> 00:17:32,054
Every time I say I'm Mixed,
485
00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:34,056
I get a million follow-up questions.
486
00:17:34,057 --> 00:17:35,433
"What are you mixed with?"
487
00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:37,101
"Are you more Black or more White?"
488
00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:39,979
"Do you know Lisa Bonet?"
489
00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:42,648
I hate all of those questions, too.
490
00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:44,525
But you know what I realized?
491
00:17:44,526 --> 00:17:46,277
I don't have to answer them.
492
00:17:46,278 --> 00:17:48,696
It's not my job to make
other people feel comfortable.
493
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:51,324
- And it's not your job, either.
- [Door opens]
494
00:17:51,325 --> 00:17:53,326
And if anyone has a problem with that,
495
00:17:53,327 --> 00:17:56,287
I will always have your back.
496
00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:57,955
Thanks, Bow.
497
00:17:57,956 --> 00:17:59,373
And you know what?
498
00:17:59,374 --> 00:18:03,377
I let most people at school
think I know Lisa Bonet.
499
00:18:03,378 --> 00:18:05,629
Wow, Rainbow, that was beautiful.
500
00:18:05,630 --> 00:18:08,341
Yeah. That was great.
501
00:18:08,342 --> 00:18:09,800
And if we had gotten here first,
I would have said
502
00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:11,385
- the same thing.
- [Chuckles]
503
00:18:11,386 --> 00:18:14,472
You know, Dad and I have had
different experiences than you.
504
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:16,807
But we're still here for you to talk to,
505
00:18:16,808 --> 00:18:20,436
and you should know
you are a very special kid,
506
00:18:20,437 --> 00:18:23,731
so don't deny yourself
the experience of being you.
507
00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:25,066
Okay, Mom.
508
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:27,068
- You're okay, too.
- My huggies.
509
00:18:27,069 --> 00:18:29,278
- [Level 42's "Lessons in Love" playing]
- In 1986, my siblings and I
510
00:18:29,279 --> 00:18:32,740
all took another step
towards finding ourselves.
511
00:18:32,741 --> 00:18:34,200
For Johan, it was a journey
512
00:18:34,201 --> 00:18:35,868
that would take him
around the world and back
513
00:18:35,869 --> 00:18:37,912
by the time he was an adult.
514
00:18:37,913 --> 00:18:39,789
And for Santi, it was a journey
515
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:42,249
that would take her
all the way to "Rich Wives"...
516
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,585
Have a drink, you thirsty bitch!
517
00:18:44,586 --> 00:18:45,586
...and back.
518
00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:46,837
So well, Santamonica? So accurate.
519
00:18:46,838 --> 00:18:48,923
For me, I learned how important it was
520
00:18:48,924 --> 00:18:50,925
to always be true to myself.
521
00:18:50,926 --> 00:18:53,010
Oh, yeah, this is
what Mom taught me. I got this.
522
00:18:53,011 --> 00:18:54,387
- There it is.
- ? I felt sure we had enough ?
523
00:18:54,388 --> 00:18:56,889
My parents may not have walked
in our shoes,
524
00:18:56,890 --> 00:18:58,849
but they figured out enough of them
525
00:18:58,874 --> 00:19:01,764
to raise us into confident,
happy adults.
526
00:19:01,789 --> 00:19:03,312
? Lifeboat lies lost at sea ?
527
00:19:03,313 --> 00:19:05,648
Of course Johan continued to be bullied
528
00:19:05,649 --> 00:19:09,151
until Aunt Dee-Dee
did in fact dress as a kid
529
00:19:09,152 --> 00:19:10,277
and go to school.
530
00:19:10,278 --> 00:19:12,113
Hello, fellow 10-year-olds.
531
00:19:12,114 --> 00:19:14,407
I'm looking for a student named Lavar.
532
00:19:14,408 --> 00:19:18,327
Don't know his last name,
but I know it's not O'Malley.
533
00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,538
But that's a story for another day.
534
00:19:20,539 --> 00:19:22,581
Guess what?! Guess what?
535
00:19:22,582 --> 00:19:25,751
Grandad brought "Dukes."
536
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:29,004
I tape it at home
because some of you, um...
537
00:19:29,005 --> 00:19:32,493
how should I say this?... talk too much.
538
00:19:32,518 --> 00:19:34,385
? Building ?
539
00:19:34,386 --> 00:19:36,011
Are you talking about me?
540
00:19:36,012 --> 00:19:38,139
Because you better not
be talking about me.
541
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:39,807
Because I do not talk too much.
542
00:19:39,808 --> 00:19:41,559
I wish somebody would say
I talk too much.
543
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,769
People love my commentary.
[Speaking indistinctly]
544
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,760
? Lessons in love ?
545
00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:49,835
Rainbow isn't the only
helpful person around here.
546
00:19:49,968 --> 00:19:51,318
What you got?
547
00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:52,361
Vocabulary.
548
00:19:52,362 --> 00:19:54,738
Okay.
549
00:19:54,739 --> 00:19:57,408
Oh, this is not so bad.
I know most of these words.
550
00:19:57,409 --> 00:19:58,909
- You ready?
- Ready.
551
00:19:58,910 --> 00:20:01,328
"Expect." Well, that's easy.
552
00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:04,457
I "expected" there would be hot coffee
553
00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:06,876
when I got here this morning.
554
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:07,918
[Whispering] Do you need a lemon?
555
00:20:07,919 --> 00:20:10,337
Uh... "dissatisfied."
556
00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:12,423
I am "dissatisfied"
557
00:20:12,424 --> 00:20:15,218
with the fact
that there is no hot coffee.
558
00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:18,137
Uh... "tolerate."
559
00:20:18,138 --> 00:20:21,433
I will not "tolerate"
this crap any longer.
560
00:20:22,726 --> 00:20:24,393
Am I being too subtle?
561
00:20:24,394 --> 00:20:26,479
This is about you.
562
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,771
Hmm.
563
00:20:27,772 --> 00:20:29,356
Okay.
564
00:20:29,357 --> 00:20:39,200
??
565
00:20:39,201 --> 00:20:41,243
Enjoy.
566
00:20:41,244 --> 00:20:42,912
I will.
567
00:20:42,913 --> 00:20:44,705
??
568
00:20:44,706 --> 00:20:47,291
"Petty." Your mama is "petty."
569
00:20:47,316 --> 00:20:48,901
Mm-hmm.41768
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