Original subtitles

What are you talking about? He worships you.

What? Yeah.

(scoffs) For a second I thought

he liked me and I got all excited.

But trust me: it's all you.

I have to say, I'm a little tired of everybody

being so happy that Fabian isn't into me.

What happened to my choice is my choice?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, with that big helping of guilt.

Wait for it.

What?

Hmm.

Abuela, I'm so sorry.

On the other hand,

meaningless sex with me would be so hot, Jane.

Oh. EILEEN: It's so stinking hot in here.

(sighs)

Well, no wonder.

The AC is broken.

I'm gonna call the front desk

and I'm gonna have 'em come fix it.

Don't you think it's a little suspicious?

That the AC is broken? Right after we happen to switch rooms?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, she's not a criminal mastermind for nothing.

(phone dings)

Aha-- you see? You see that?

You're being paranoid. Maybe. But I am not leaving

this room unattended. Well... (sighs)

Then what am I supposed to tell Rafael?

I don't know what to tell you except it blows.

I couldn't get the book fair to bite.

But you said if I had 20,000 followers...

I know, but my team did analytics on your followers,

and they're all from Latin America,

which won't convert to book sales

till it's translated to Spanish, which it won't be

if the first print run tanks.

Ugh.

I, I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated.

Yeah. Me, too.

(sighs)

So here's my frustration.

If you look up to me so much, why would you assume

I need a stunt double?

And why would you take that dig at me

about not needing to take my shirt off anymore?

No, those-those weren't digs.

I swear. All I meant was that

the show would fall apart if you got hurt.

Without you, the show is nothing.

Just... my abs.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I'd binge it.

So this isn't an All About Eve situation?

Um, I-I don't know who Eve is.

But I'm all about you, man. (chuckles)

I-I worship you.

Ever since I was a little kid, I...

That's enough about that.

And no more using my daughter

and toying with her feelings.

Jane? Yes.

She's brilliant and beautiful,

with the soul of Gandhi

and the talent of Shakespeare.

But you do not mess with her emotions.

You don't have to worry-- she said she didn't like me.

(short chuckle)

Okay. General rule:

when you look like we do, you can never rule that out.

Ah! I get it. (laughs)

I understand.

Thank you.

Hey, uh, you want to get our nails done after work?

We're gonna be climbing that hair

all week. That means a lot of hand acting.

Actually, I can't.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm. Rogelio's never

turned down a good, clear polish before.

JANE: "A polished and lively debut"?

Something like that? I just need a quick blurb

about my book, anything would help.

From me? I'm flattered.

Well... sort of more from your well-known writer friends.

You're kind of blurb-adjacent.

Oh, I see how it is. You only come when you need a favor.

That is not true. I am here every week.

Yeah.

But, yes, I do happen to need one today.

The publisher only ordered 10,000 copies.

Ooh.

I know. Actually,

you're probably the one person who will understand this,

but I am trying to fight for my art.

What do you mean? Well, I could get them

to print more copies and give a bigger marketing budget

if I agree to talk about my whole crazy backstory.

But of course I said no, because

I want my book to stand on its own.

Oh, don't be an idiot.

What? I was once like you,

so full of integrity.

Oh... You know what being precious about your art gets you?

And there's a storage locker in Boca with the other

7,000 unsold copies.

Trust me. Sell it with everything you've got.

'Cause you don't get a second debut novel.

Hey, Jeremy, it's Jane. Oh, hi, Jane.

I've decided that the marketing people

can sell the book however they want.

What? You serious?

Just get me into the book fair, okay?

On it, yes.

LUISA: What's wrong?

I just... I thought Eileen was joining us for dinner.

It's my fault. I forgot that her guru

is in town for a one-night-only breathing circle.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, good. So she's still out of the room.

Oh, two virgin daiquiris.

You're on your phone.

Already. What are you doing?

Well, clearly, you only like

hanging out with me when I'm with Eileen.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Quick, get her to sit back down!

That's not true.

It's not.

Hey, the last couple years,

things have been really good with us.

Good enough for me to see your kids?

It's worth having a longer conversation about.

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good job, Raf.

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God, I can't take this.

I don't even know if I'm rooting for him

to catch her or not.

What the hell?!

I'm so sorry, ma'am.

Ever heard of knocking? There was a complaint

about the AC on the floor. Go! Go!

This is so humiliating.

(door closes)

JANE: "Straight out of a telenovela.

"That's what comes to mind when you hear

"Jane Villanueva's story.

"And all that and more is poured into this vibrant

and lively debut." So you're really

doing it? It's "on the book fair Web site" official.

The more you talk

about Michael, the easier it will get.

Hmm.

I know.

It already is.

I'm scared.

(sniffles)

I don't...

I just...

I don't want Michael to be an anecdote, you know?

Something that once happened.

(exhales)

(sighs)

(sighs)

And this book is part of that process because I...

wrote the happily ever after I never got.

Your real life story sounds so crazy.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: OMG, I can't believe it.

First Britney, then Bruno,

now Maria Semple?

The accidental pregnancy,

the kidnapping.

You talked about your late husband.

How much of the rest made it into the book?

Let's just say there's a lot in there.

Thinly veiled. Any hesitation

talking about this stuff?

Oh, yeah. Tons.

Because with writing comes exposure,

and with exposure comes vulnerability.

And there are all these stages

of exposing yourself.

First with writing the book.

Then marketing it.

Uh, and the last is people reading the book.

That's important,

because otherwise I'd just be writing in my diary.

So please go buy the book. Please, please.

(laughter)

(chuckles)

(romantic Spanish song playing)

Mommy, I want to read your book.

When you're older, Mr. Sweetface.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Much, much older.

I've read it. It's racy.

Sorry to interrupt,

but I just had to say hello.

Oh, hello. My friend works at a publishing house

and got me an advance copy of your book.

I loved it so much.

Wow, really?

You're the first person who's read it who I don't know.

I didn't get out of my pajamas until I finished.

You are making my life right now.

Can I take a picture with you?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Is Jane fangirling out

on her first fan? Only if you agree

to sign this for me.

You want my autograph?

Mm-hmm.

(exhales excitedly) Aw.

I am passing the baton.

JANE: I mean...

it was only three autographs, but it was kind of awesome.

And I can't believe I'm even saying that.

Good, you deserved it.

Celebrate in your room tonight...

with this.

Don't be gross.

I'm over Fabian.

He texted and said he'd come to the book fair,

and then he bailed on me.

Fame is my new lover.

(doorbell rings)

(exhales)

Oh, can we talk?

Fabian, what are you doing here?

I... (grunts) Oh.

I... I couldn't stop thinking about you

after the book fair.

You were there?

Why didn't you say hello?

I was too nervous.

What? Your words

were so incredible.

What you said about being exposed,

it-it really spoke to me.

And I think you'll see why when you read my book.

Oh.

I can't wait to open it.

That's my book. Yeah, you just said.

(clears throat)

Also, I spoke to your dad,

and I told him that I was coming here

and that I wanted to ask you out.

(grunts) He said it's okay.

He did?

Is that what's happening?

It is.

(gasps)

Will you go on a date with me, Jane Villanueva?

I would love to.

(romantic Spanish song playing)

(record scratches)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, this is really happening.

I guess the sprinklers are just on timers.

So, what time does Anezka get in? Noon.

Okay, girls. Have a great day at school.

I'll come get you after martial arts.

ELLIE: Bye, Mommy.

Okay, come on.

Come on.

(chuckles)

Call me if you need anything.

Okay, so, when are we gonna have a talk

about the fact that your ex still has the hots for you?

(chuckles) What?

No, he doesn't. Yes, he does.

And if you can't see it,

you're blinder than a bat in a chimney fire.

Stop. You're being ridiculous.

Um...

(sighs)

ROGELIO: I heard the great news.

They upped your book order.

Well, it's only 5,000 more copies.

But it's something.

Oh, and you're here to see Fabian.

Wait, he said he spoke to you.

Of course. Of course, yes. Go to him.

You okay, Dad?

O-Oh, yes.

I just have to accept

that I'm no longer the only telenovela star in your life.

Hey.

You're still the main one, okay?

(chuckles)

You're a great actor, Rogelio.

I know. Thank you. But you can't fool me.

What's really going on?

It's just hard thinking about Jane dating someone new.

And I know it's not fair. I know she has to move on.

No, it's okay.

I just don't want to start getting mani-pedis

with Fabian.

Michael was my best friend.

I really loved him.

And I still think about him every single day.

I know.

A-And I never want to burden Jane.

I know that, too.

Thank you for telling me.

Mm-hmm. And trust me...

Fabian is not taking Michael's place.

Actually, Abuela,

technically they aren't selfies.

They're stills from his snaps.

Mmm.

(laughs)

What's with all the giggling?

We're reading Fabian's book.

"Chillin' in Capri pants in Capri.

#CapriToBeYouAndMe."

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hey, he wrote that himself.

Let's give him some credit. Oh, my God.

Let me see it. Oh, my God.

(gasps) Oh, wow.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR; Aw, what a difference

20 years makes.

(sighs) You may have to be married

to have sex, Abuela, but I do not. And trust.

I am gonna hit this. (gasps)

(Jane and Xiomara laugh)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Also about to get screwed?

Anezka should have landed by now.

Okay, calm down. She's not that late.

I can't calm down. You have no idea

what she's capable of doing.

Why isn't she answering?

She's probably just getting her luggage.

No. Something is off.

You're wrong. I am not.

And I am sick of being cooped up

in this sweaty room.

So I am going to put my face back on,

and then we are going to leave.

No.

What?

I don't want to leave.

I'm finally having a breakthrough

with Rafael, and I might meet his kids.

Well...

we can't stay.

Please.

I'm leaving, Luisa.

Are you coming with me?

PETRA: Hello?

ANEZKA: Sister. Anezka, where are you? You were supposed to get in a cab

and come straight to the Marbella.

Well, I couldn't do that because when I got off the plane,

the police were arresting me.

Wait, what?

You said they were just going to ask questions

and then I would get electric bike.

Yeah, well... that's what they said.

I'm in jail, Petra.

No. No, no, no. That... That wasn't the deal.

No, they promised it was just questions.

Well, you better fix this,

or I will tell them all what I know.

And then you, sister, will be in orange jumpsuit with me.