Original subtitles

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, here we go. Let's start with our Jane.

As a child her grandmother

taught her to protect her flower.

And so Jane waited to have sex

until she married Michael.

And then, well... you know.

Yeah. I still miss him, too.

But it's been three years, and since then,

Jane wrote a novel about their love story.

And she recently decided she was ready to date again.

Also ready to date, Alba.

See, she was crushing on her coworker Jorge,

and guess what. He asked her out.

And as for Rafael, well, he'd recently gotten closer

to his ex-wife Petra.

In fact, he was downright into her, lately. Only problem,

Petra was dating Chuck, the owner of the hotel next door.

Plus, Petra had other problems.

See, her former employee, Scott,

died on the grounds of the Marbella.

And Scott used to be married

to her twin sister Anezka.

But Anezka was long gone,

and according to Petra, they were no longer in touch.

But here's the thing-- Petra was lying.

And the cops were on to her.

Oh, and speaking of crime,

you'll recall Rafael's sister Luisa

was dating Eileen, but Eileen

is really her old girlfriend, Rose,

aka the crime lord Sin Rostro.

I know, straight out of a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas,

Rogelio got a huge new part

playing someone very tiny.

Unfortunately, he felt chilly about his new costar Fabian.

But Jane was positively hot for him.

I know, right? I'm getting the tingles, too.

So let's get busy, people.

Ah, lust!

Jane Gloriana Villanueva

would never forget the first time she felt it.

MAN (on TV): Magdalena.

(woman moaning)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Unfortunately, she was sitting between her mother

and grandmother at the time. (woman moans)

Más!

Más! Más!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I'm uncomfortable, too.

I'm gonna do some homework.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So, yeah,

they clearly didn't want to talk about it.

But, oh, how times have changed.

Tell me everything.

About what?

Come on, you're clearly crushing on Fabian.

I am not.

I am reading an article...

about how underboob is the new side boob.

Oh, please. You've been finding the most ridiculous excuses

to go see your father on set.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: True, for the record.

You forgot your sides at home.

♪ ♪

We shot this yesterday.

(sexy music plays)

JANE: Más...

Más... Más...

Fine. I may have a small crush

in that he may excite me in a superficial way.

So make a move.

Mom, he dated Miss Universe,

Shakira's backup dancer,

and Gisele Bundchen's twin.

For someone who's not interested,

you sure know a lot about him. I'm just saying

that I'm not his type.

And-and he's not my type.

Maybe not to date.

But what about a fling?

You ever open to that?

With him?

Oh, yeah.

(laughs)

(woman moans)

So, just casual sex?

No strings.

Why not, right?

I mean, I waited.

I did it.

But now, like, everything's changed,

and, you know, what...

Oh. (clears throat)

She says with an extra helping

of guilt.

Not everyone wants

to be celibate, Mom.

Hey, how did Jorge take it?

Hmm?

When you told him you weren't gonna have sex.

Oh, my God, you didn't tell him. Ma.

JANE: No kidding.

Would you like me to give you the advice you gave me?

No.

Need a flower to destroy in your angry fist?

Oh.

(phone ringing) Oh.

Hey, Jeremy, what's up?

Wait, what?

So... that's it?

A big part of writing is knowing when to put the pen down.

Pen down.

I love it.

The plot really moves, the emotional payoff is huge...

and it's romantic as all hell.

Ah.

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com

I can't believe I'm done. Well, not done.

Writing's only the half of it, right?

Now the fun part begins.

We gotta drop it like it's hot.

I'll bring the pot holder. Great.

I set up a meeting with the marketing and PR departments...

So they can figure out how to market it

to booksellers and audiences.

That's amazing. I know.

Anyway, what's up? Why'd you call?

Ah, it's terrible timing.

What is? Luisa's coming in tomorrow.

And we're pushing up our annual shareholder meeting.

Yeah, no problem. I'll keep Mateo till she's gone.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Can't blame them for being a little skittish

around the ex-girlfriend of the woman who kidnapped their son.

I'm sorry for messing up the schedule.

I just wish she would give us notice for once.

It's fine. (knocking on door)

I'll talk to you later.

Thank you, Jane. Bye.

So we set? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know what you're thinking.

Are we finally going to find out

what this shady dude is up to?

Yup, Luisa's suite is bugged. And she won't find anything?

No way. I went in through Petra's vent.

But trust me, if Rose tries

to get in touch with your sister, we'll know.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yup. Elvis isn't an ex-con

or a maintenance man; he's Raf's private eye.

That explains a lot.

Or rather, I just explained it.

Good. My family will never feel completely safe

until Rose is locked up for good.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know,

straight out of a telenovela, right?

Also known as a scientist.

Again, scientist.

DIRECTOR: And cut!

Fantastic.

It must be nice not to have to worry about your body anymore.

Sometimes I feel like a sex object.

It must be very hard for you.

Not really, no. So listen, Ro,

do you want a stunt double for when you swing from her hair?

Well, I-I-I'd be happy to do it.

I was an award-winning stunt double

before I discovered my talent and passion for acting.

Rogelio de la Vega does his own stunts,

thank you very much.

You're very welcome.

Selfie? Yeah?

ELLIE: No more pictures.

We're just taking a test.

For the Gifted and Talented program. That's a big deal!

Critters.

I see critters.

(laughing): Oh.

Oh, now, why are my legs so heavy?

Did I step in something?

I didn't know the girls were hanging out with Chuck.

What happened to our six-month rule?

You waited six months to tell them about Abbey

and then broke up with her anyway.

Besides, they only know Chuck as Mommy's friend.

Hmm.

Hey, girls, who's this guy?

Mommy's boyfriend.

Smoochie, smoochie.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, they are gifted and talented.

Not again.

I already told you guys everything I know.

DANA: Yeah, well, unfortunately,

there are a couple of holes in your story.

JANE: My story.

Me, 90 seconds. That's all they need for the PR meeting.

A snapshot to help sell the book.

Well, you can start practicing now with Fabian.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes. Jane and her wing mom.

Don't worry. I have a plan.

What are those?

FABIAN: Oh, my God.

Goji berries! I love those so much!

Are you serious? They're, like, my favorite snack.

No way. What a coincidence.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Or the result of a deep dive

Internet search. Have one, please.

Look at this. My hair is a mess, my forehead is shiny,

I'm holding a doughnut, and he didn't even use a filter.

You look fine. Exactly.

"Fine."

Fabian is clearly sabotaging me.

What? He's trying to get in my head.

First he comments on my weight,

then on my ability to do my own stunts.

I am telling you, this is an All About Eve situation.

Are you sure you're not overreacting?

This is exactly what happened in my telenovela,

No Eres Tú, Yo Soy Yo, Somos Nosotros.

One character tries to sabotage another character?

What?

No, I did it in real life.

Have you ever heard of Eduardo Espinosa?

No. Exactly.

What?

Wh-Wh-Wh... ?

Why is Jane giggling like that?

Take a deep breath.

She might have a little crush.

That's ridiculous. Jane would never be interested

in that throw pillow. Why do you think

she's been making excuses to come see you all week?

First he goes after my stunt,

and now my daughter?

Fasten your seat belt,

it's going to be a bumpy afternoon.

FABIAN: So I massage my kale

for half an hour with olive oil. Wow.

That's amazing.

I think super foods are just so... super.

(laughs)

Excuse me, may I talk to my daughter privately?

Dad, where are we... what?

Dad, what are you...?

Dad, what is your problem?

My problem is that you've been pretending to come visit me

to ogle Fabian's bee-stung lips.

That's right. Your mother told me

all about your unholy mega-crush on Fabian.

And I forbid it.

(gasps)

See, Dad, look around. Actual walls for privacy!

I am sorry, Jane. I didn't mean for Fabian to overhear.

I'm just concerned. The guy's a total playboy.

I just don't want you to get your heart broken!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I don't think

Jane's thinking about her heart.

I know.... but I'm an adult.

I can handle myself.

Fine. I'll talk to Fabian and make things better.

No! Dad, you need to stay out of it and let me handle it.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I bet you'll handle it, Jane.

Jane! (laughs)

Oh, uh, sorry. Forgot something.

So embarrassed.

(sighs)

Ay. Better.

What's up?

I just wanted to clear that up.

I do not have a crush on you.

My dad is a little overprotective.

Well, don't worry. I totally understand.

You're his little daughter.

Not little.

Well, then again, I'm tiny on the show.

We need you in your fitting. Well, bye, Jane.

I'm bringing you those chia seeds tomorrow, eh?

You're gonna die. Oh.

Right. Cool!

Actually, the opposite of die.

You're gonna live super extra long!

Oh.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Stop leering, Jane.

You, too, Alba.

(groans)

Ay.

(whipping)

Stop it, both of you!

I am so, so sorry. Let's go.

Hmm.

Hmm.

(gasping)

Jorge.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

DANA: No. We're not done.

Your client's story isn't true.

We tapped her computer.

Is that legal? With a subpoena, yes.

Which we got after finding out that you had just scooched

Mr. Archuletta's bones over to Mr. Chesser's property.

DENNIS: You said you didn't know where your sister was,

and you lied. You've been e-mailing her.

You don't have to say anything. It's fine.

I've been sending her money.

Yes, but it's just to keep her away.

It has nothing to do with Scott.

And I didn't tell you earlier

because, well, it's a personal family drama between us.

DENNIS: Well, we need to question Anezka.

So you need to convince her to return to Miami.

I'd really prefer not to.

Oh.

Well, it's your choice.

Of course, if you don't, we'll charge you

with obstructing a police investigation.

On account of lying to us.

Oh, and the bones.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of criminal enterprises...

You remember Luisa, right?

And of course, her girlfriend, Eileen,

who, you'll recall, is actually...

Which makes Luisa...

EILEEN: Do you like them?

Yes, thank you.

Well, you look so good in linen.

LUISA: And...

(rolling her tongue)

These are for Mateo.

Mm. I want my nephew to know that

he has an auntie that loves him,

even if I'm not allowed to see him.

Even though he wouldn't exist if it wasn't for me.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, I wouldn't brag about that, Dr. Alver.

I'm just going through some personal problems.

And these are for the twins.

Mm. Who I also hope to meet very soon.

Yes. Great. We'll see.

So, Raf, we saw a bunch of cops around outside.

What's that about?

They're investigating Scott's death.

I thought it was an accident.

Yeah, well, now they're not so sure.

Did you...?

(mouths)

You know how hard it is for me to fall asleep

when I'm not in my own bed,

so I got this contraption that makes wave sounds.

(loud wave sounds playing)

(whispering): Of course I did not kill Scott.

(quietly): Oh, we were here right around then.

Are you saying it was just a coincidence?

Yes, because we were together that whole trip.

We sent away the real Eileen, and then we made love.

There was no time for me to have murdered him.

But you did leave the room once. Remember?

I had to stop having sex and then take a shower

'cause the lotion we were using gave me a rash?

And then we figured we might as well get some Chinese?

And then, while I showered, you went to get the food.

No, I was going to go pick up the Chinese food,

but we ended up having it delivered,

and the concierge brought it up to us.

Because at that point,

the oil was starting to bother me, too, remember?

(sighs)

And this is why I hate coming to the Marbella,

because we always start fighting.

I know.

You're right.

We need to switch rooms, just in case.

In case what?

In case the cops are here because of us...

and your room is wired.

You're being paranoid.

So, yes, I was strongly influenced

by the telenovelas I grew up watching.

But also by the romance novels I grew up reading.

And I think you feel both influences in my book.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Relax, Jane.

You have a whole two seconds of wiggle room.

You're gonna crush this meeting.

So, you probably want to hear a little about me.

Where to start?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: You're spiraling, Jane.

You've practiced enough.

Play chapter three.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Good, yes.

A nice, juicy novel will help you relax.

MAN: Chapter three: selling yourself.

Let's start with posture.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oy.

Imagine a string

attached to the crown of your head, pulling upward.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here... now.

So, you probably want to hear a little about me.

Oh, stop. We know all about you.

The artificial insemination, the virgin birth,

the kidnapping, your husband's tragic death.

Oh, wow.

Well, it's an amazing backstory, and the fact

that it's all thinly veiled in there--

well, it gives us a real angle to market.

Right. Yes.

Uh, here's the thing.

I know it's a wild story, but I actually think

that if it's out there, it would kind of take over.

And it was pretty traumatic,

so I don't really want to talk about any of that publicly.

What? I just want to stick to the book.

Answering questions like

process, influences.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember the string, Jane.

Uh, it's sort of a combination of the telenovelas

that I watched growing up, plus the American...

But if you talk about your life, we can get you interviews.

Print, radio.

The Miami book fair's this weekend.

Maria Semple is moderating.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God!

One of her favorite authors!

And mine. Okay, freaking out a little.

Come on, Jane.

I'm sorry.

I really want the work to stand on its own.

Okay, well, uh, I think we have all the info we need.

We'll confer and then get back to you

about the size of the initial print run.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow. All in under 90 seconds.

I know everyone's upset.

But we hadn't talked about that past stuff.

I didn't think it was a secret.

I mean, is that why you wanted to publish my book?

No. I liked your writing.

And I realized the marketing team could sell you.

It's all connected.

Listen, it is what it is.

I still love your writing, and I think people are gonna buy it.

It's just, the print run is not as big as I had hoped.

What's the number?

10,000 copies.

Oh.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Not great, FYI.

How are my chances of getting into that book fair?

What's your social media presence?

Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter followers?

You know... not as many as I'd like.

(sighs) Too bad.

A big social media following makes them think

you'll draw attendees, which is what the organizers are after.

How many followers do I need to get into the fair?

20K, minimum, but there's no way in hell

you're gonna get that many followers that quickly.

I happen to have a social media expert in my family.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now that's a Twitter feed!

Jane, hi!

Don't worry. I assure you I am not here to see you.

I just came to get help from my dad.

Oh, he pulled a muscle doing a stunt.

No, he's fine. He's just having an emergency massage.

Oh. (clears throat)

Is everything okay? Yeah. I just need his help

getting Twitter followers for this book fair.

A book fair? Oh, does that mean that you're an author?

I am. How did I not know that?

I have a book coming out, too. You wrote a book?

Every word of it. Wow.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow. Hey, since you have a little time

while your dad's getting a massage,

maybe you'd like to go grab a cup of coffee?

I would love to find out more about you... and your book.

Sure. I'd like that.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hmm. Perhaps he's interested after all.

Oh. Hi.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He sure is.

Hey.

Just came by to check on you

and drop off some backpacks.

Hey, how'd your call with Anezka go?

Fine.

I, uh, bought her a ticket,

promised I'd buy her an electric bike.

She's on her way.

You okay?

Yeah. It'll be fine.

She'll answer some questions, then leave.

Oh, come on. It's got to be traumatic

to see her again.

Did you call your therapist?

CHUCK: She don't need to call her.

We talked about it a bunch. She's fine.

Appreciate the input, Chuck.

But, you know, you weren't around

when Anezka was here.

Well, Petra told me all about her.

Yeah, that's... that's not really

the same as actually being here.

No.

It's better. You know, you're not

living in the past.

Look, I'm...

I'm not living in the past.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Huh. Well, this feels familiar,