All language subtitles for Jane.the.Virgin.S03E16.720p.WEB-DL.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA-1

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Okay, here we go.
Let's start with our Jane.

As a child her grandmother

taught her to protect
her flower.

And so Jane waited to have sex

until she married Michael.

And then, well... you know.

Yeah. I still miss him, too.

But it's been three years,
and since then,

Jane wrote a novel
about their love story.

And she recently decided
she was ready to date again.

Also ready to date, Alba.

See, she was crushing
on her coworker Jorge,

and guess what.
He asked her out.

And as for Rafael, well,
he'd recently gotten closer

to his ex-wife Petra.

In fact, he was downright
into her, lately. Only problem,

Petra was dating Chuck, the
owner of the hotel next door.

Plus, Petra had other problems.

See, her former employee,
Scott,

died on the grounds
of the Marbella.

And Scott used to be married

to her twin sister Anezka.

But Anezka was long gone,

and according to Petra,
they were no longer in touch.

But here's the thing--
Petra was lying.

And the cops were on to her.

Oh, and speaking of crime,

you'll recall
Rafael's sister Luisa

was dating Eileen, but Eileen

is really her old girlfriend,
Rose,

aka the crime lord Sin Rostro.

I know, straight out
of a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas,

Rogelio got a huge new part

playing someone very tiny.

Unfortunately, he felt chilly
about his new costar Fabian.

But Jane was positively hot
for him.

I know, right?
I'm getting the tingles, too.

So let's get busy, people.

Ah, lust!

Jane Gloriana Villanueva

would never forget
the first time she felt it.

MAN (on TV):
Magdalena.

(woman moaning)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Unfortunately, she was
sitting between her mother

and grandmother at the time.
(woman moans)

Más!

Más! Más!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah, I'm uncomfortable, too.

I'm gonna do some homework.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
So, yeah,

they clearly didn't want
to talk about it.

But, oh, how times
have changed.

Tell me everything.

About what?

Come on, you're clearly
crushing on Fabian.

I am not.

I am reading an article...

about how underboob
is the new side boob.

Oh, please. You've been finding
the most ridiculous excuses

to go see your father on set.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
True, for the record.

You forgot
your sides at home.

♪ ♪

We shot this yesterday.

(sexy music plays)

JANE:
Más...

Más... Más...

Fine. I may have
a small crush

in that he may excite me
in a superficial way.

So make a move.

Mom, he dated Miss Universe,

Shakira's backup dancer,

and Gisele Bundchen's twin.

For someone
who's not interested,

you sure know a lot about him.
I'm just saying

that I'm not his type.

And-and he's not my type.

Maybe not to date.

But what about a fling?

You ever open to that?

With him?

Oh, yeah.

(laughs)

(woman moans)

So, just casual sex?

No strings.

Why not, right?

I mean, I waited.

I did it.

But now, like,
everything's changed,

and, you know, what...

Oh.
(clears throat)

She says with
an extra helping

of guilt.

Not everyone wants

to be celibate, Mom.

Hey, how did Jorge
take it?

Hmm?

When you told him you
weren't gonna have sex.

Oh, my God,
you didn't tell him.
Ma.

JANE:
No kidding.

Would you like me to give you
the advice you gave me?

No.

Need a flower to destroy
in your angry fist?

Oh.

(phone ringing)
Oh.

Hey, Jeremy, what's up?

Wait, what?

So... that's it?

A big part of writing is knowing
when to put the pen down.

Pen down.

I love it.

The plot really moves,
the emotional payoff is huge...

and it's romantic as all hell.

Ah.

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com

I can't believe I'm done.
Well, not done.

Writing's only
the half of it, right?

Now the fun part begins.

We gotta drop it like it's hot.

I'll bring the pot holder.
Great.

I set up a meeting with the
marketing and PR departments...

So they can figure out
how to market it

to booksellers and audiences.

That's amazing.
I know.

Anyway, what's up?
Why'd you call?

Ah, it's terrible timing.

What is?
Luisa's coming in tomorrow.

And we're pushing up
our annual shareholder meeting.

Yeah, no problem.
I'll keep Mateo till she's gone.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Can't blame them for being
a little skittish

around the ex-girlfriend of the
woman who kidnapped their son.

I'm sorry for messing up
the schedule.

I just wish she would give us
notice for once.

It's fine.
(knocking on door)

I'll talk to you later.

Thank you, Jane. Bye.

So we set?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know what you're thinking.

Are we finally going
to find out

what this shady dude is up to?

Yup, Luisa's suite is bugged.
And she won't find anything?

No way. I went in through
Petra's vent.

But trust me, if Rose tries

to get in touch with your
sister, we'll know.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yup. Elvis isn't an ex-con

or a maintenance man;
he's Raf's private eye.

That explains a lot.

Or rather, I just explained it.

Good. My family will never feel
completely safe

until Rose is locked up
for good.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know,

straight out of a telenovela,
right?

Also known as a scientist.

Again, scientist.

DIRECTOR:
And cut!

Fantastic.

It must be nice not to have to
worry about your body anymore.

Sometimes I feel
like a sex object.

It must be very
hard for you.

Not really, no.
So listen, Ro,

do you want a stunt double for
when you swing from her hair?

Well, I-I-I'd be
happy to do it.

I was an award-winning
stunt double

before I discovered my talent
and passion for acting.

Rogelio de la Vega
does his own stunts,

thank you very much.

You're very welcome.

Selfie? Yeah?

ELLIE:
No more pictures.

We're just taking a test.

For the Gifted and Talented
program. That's a big deal!

Critters.

I see critters.

(laughing):
Oh.

Oh, now, why are
my legs so heavy?

Did I step in something?

I didn't know the girls
were hanging out with Chuck.

What happened
to our six-month rule?

You waited six months
to tell them about Abbey

and then broke up
with her anyway.

Besides, they only know
Chuck as Mommy's friend.

Hmm.

Hey, girls,
who's this guy?

Mommy's boyfriend.

Smoochie, smoochie.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well, they are gifted
and talented.

Not again.

I already told you guys
everything I know.

DANA:
Yeah, well,
unfortunately,

there are a couple of
holes in your story.

JANE:
My story.

Me, 90 seconds. That's all
they need for the PR meeting.

A snapshot to help
sell the book.

Well, you can start
practicing now with Fabian.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes. Jane and her wing mom.

Don't worry.
I have a plan.

What are those?

FABIAN:
Oh, my God.

Goji berries!
I love those so much!

Are you serious? They're, like,
my favorite snack.

No way. What
a coincidence.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Or the result of a deep dive

Internet search.
Have one, please.

Look at this. My hair is a mess,
my forehead is shiny,

I'm holding a doughnut,
and he didn't even use a filter.

You look fine.
Exactly.

"Fine."

Fabian is clearly sabotaging me.

What?
He's trying
to get in my head.

First he comments on my weight,

then on my ability
to do my own stunts.

I am telling you, this is
an All About Eve situation.

Are you sure you're not
overreacting?

This is exactly what happened
in my telenovela,

No Eres Tú, Yo Soy Yo,
Somos Nosotros.

One character tries to
sabotage another character?

What?

No, I did it in real life.

Have you ever heard
of Eduardo Espinosa?

No.
Exactly.

What?

Wh-Wh-Wh... ?

Why is Jane
giggling like that?

Take a deep breath.

She might have
a little crush.

That's ridiculous. Jane
would never be interested

in that throw pillow.
Why do you think

she's been making excuses
to come see you all week?

First he goes after my stunt,

and now my daughter?

Fasten your seat belt,

it's going to be
a bumpy afternoon.

FABIAN:
So I massage my kale

for half an hour
with olive oil.
Wow.

That's amazing.

I think super foods
are just so... super.

(laughs)

Excuse me, may I talk to my
daughter privately?

Dad, where are we... what?

Dad, what are you...?

Dad, what is your problem?

My problem is that you've been
pretending to come visit me

to ogle Fabian's bee-stung lips.

That's right.
Your mother told me

all about your unholy
mega-crush on Fabian.

And I forbid it.

(gasps)

See, Dad, look around.
Actual walls for privacy!

I am sorry, Jane. I didn't
mean for Fabian to overhear.

I'm just concerned. The
guy's a total playboy.

I just don't want you
to get your heart broken!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I don't think

Jane's thinking
about her heart.

I know.... but I'm an adult.

I can handle myself.

Fine. I'll talk to Fabian
and make things better.

No! Dad, you need to stay out
of it and let me handle it.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah, I bet you'll handle it,
Jane.

Jane!
(laughs)

Oh, uh, sorry.
Forgot something.

So embarrassed.

(sighs)

Ay. Better.

What's up?

I just wanted to clear that up.

I do not have a crush on you.

My dad is a little
overprotective.

Well, don't worry.
I totally understand.

You're his little daughter.

Not little.

Well, then again,
I'm tiny on the show.

We need you
in your fitting.
Well, bye, Jane.

I'm bringing you those
chia seeds tomorrow, eh?

You're gonna die.
Oh.

Right. Cool!

Actually, the opposite of die.

You're gonna live
super extra long!

Oh.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Stop leering, Jane.

You, too, Alba.

(groans)

Ay.

(whipping)

Stop it,
both of you!

I am so, so sorry.
Let's go.

Hmm.

Hmm.

(gasping)

Jorge.

(chuckles)

(sighs)

DANA:
No. We're not done.

Your client's
story isn't true.

We tapped
her computer.

Is that legal?
With a subpoena, yes.

Which we got after finding out
that you had just scooched

Mr. Archuletta's bones over
to Mr. Chesser's property.

DENNIS:
You said you didn't know
where your sister was,

and you lied.
You've been e-mailing her.

You don't have to say anything.
It's fine.

I've been sending her money.

Yes, but it's just
to keep her away.

It has nothing
to do with Scott.

And I didn't
tell you earlier

because, well, it's a personal
family drama between us.

DENNIS:
Well, we need
to question Anezka.

So you need to convince her
to return to Miami.

I'd really prefer not to.

Oh.

Well, it's your choice.

Of course, if you don't,
we'll charge you

with obstructing
a police investigation.

On account of lying to us.

Oh, and the bones.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And speaking
of criminal enterprises...

You remember Luisa, right?

And of course,
her girlfriend, Eileen,

who, you'll recall,
is actually...

Which makes Luisa...

EILEEN:
Do you like them?

Yes, thank you.

Well, you look
so good in linen.

LUISA:
And...

(rolling her tongue)

These are for Mateo.

Mm.
I want my nephew
to know that

he has an auntie
that loves him,

even if I'm not
allowed to see him.

Even though he wouldn't exist
if it wasn't for me.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yeah, I wouldn't brag
about that, Dr. Alver.

I'm just going
through some personal problems.

And these are
for the twins.

Mm.
Who I also hope
to meet very soon.

Yes. Great.
We'll see.

So, Raf, we saw a bunch
of cops around outside.

What's that about?

They're investigating
Scott's death.

I thought it was an accident.

Yeah, well,
now they're not so sure.

Did you...?

(mouths)

You know how hard it is
for me to fall asleep

when I'm not in my own bed,

so I got this contraption
that makes wave sounds.

(loud wave sounds playing)

(whispering):
Of course I did
not kill Scott.

(quietly):
Oh, we were here
right around then.

Are you saying
it was just a coincidence?

Yes, because we were
together that whole trip.

We sent away the real Eileen,
and then we made love.

There was no time for me
to have murdered him.

But you did leave
the room once. Remember?

I had to stop having sex
and then take a shower

'cause the lotion
we were using gave me a rash?

And then we figured we might
as well get some Chinese?

And then, while I showered,
you went to get the food.

No, I was going to go
pick up the Chinese food,

but we ended up
having it delivered,

and the concierge
brought it up to us.

Because at that point,

the oil was starting to
bother me, too, remember?

(sighs)

And this is why I hate
coming to the Marbella,

because we always
start fighting.

I know.

You're right.

We need to switch
rooms, just in case.

In case what?

In case the cops are
here because of us...

and your room is wired.

You're being paranoid.

So, yes,
I was strongly influenced

by the telenovelas
I grew up watching.

But also by the romance novels
I grew up reading.

And I think you feel
both influences in my book.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Relax, Jane.

You have a whole two seconds
of wiggle room.

You're gonna crush
this meeting.

So, you probably want
to hear a little about me.

Where to start?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
You're spiraling, Jane.

You've practiced enough.

Play chapter three.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Good, yes.

A nice, juicy novel
will help you relax.

MAN:
Chapter three: selling yourself.

Let's start with posture.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oy.

Imagine a string

attached to the crown
of your head, pulling upward.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here... now.

So, you probably want
to hear a little about me.

Oh, stop. We know
all about you.

The artificial insemination,
the virgin birth,

the kidnapping,
your husband's tragic death.

Oh, wow.

Well, it's an amazing
backstory, and the fact

that it's all
thinly veiled in there--

well, it gives us
a real angle to market.

Right. Yes.

Uh, here's the thing.

I know it's a wild story,
but I actually think

that if it's out there,
it would kind of take over.

And it was
pretty traumatic,

so I don't really want to talk
about any of that publicly.

What?
I just want
to stick to the book.

Answering questions like

process, influences.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Remember the string, Jane.

Uh, it's sort of a combination
of the telenovelas

that I watched growing up,
plus the American...

But if you talk about your life,
we can get you interviews.

Print, radio.

The Miami book fair's
this weekend.

Maria Semple is moderating.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, my God!

One of her favorite authors!

And mine.
Okay, freaking out a little.

Come on, Jane.

I'm sorry.

I really want the work
to stand on its own.

Okay, well, uh, I think
we have all the info we need.

We'll confer
and then get back to you

about the size
of the initial print run.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow. All in under 90 seconds.

I know everyone's upset.

But we hadn't talked
about that past stuff.

I didn't think
it was a secret.

I mean, is that why you
wanted to publish my book?

No. I liked your writing.

And I realized the marketing
team could sell you.

It's all connected.

Listen, it is what it is.

I still love your writing, and
I think people are gonna buy it.

It's just, the print run
is not as big as I had hoped.

What's the number?

10,000 copies.

Oh.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Not great, FYI.

How are my chances
of getting into that book fair?

What's your social media
presence?

Snapchat, Instagram,
Twitter followers?

You know... not as
many as I'd like.

(sighs)
Too bad.

A big social media
following makes them think

you'll draw attendees, which is
what the organizers are after.

How many followers do I need
to get into the fair?

20K, minimum,
but there's no way in hell

you're gonna get that many
followers that quickly.

I happen to have a social
media expert in my family.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Now that's a Twitter feed!

Jane, hi!

Don't worry. I assure you
I am not here to see you.

I just came to get
help from my dad.

Oh, he pulled a muscle
doing a stunt.

No, he's fine. He's just
having an emergency massage.

Oh. (clears throat)

Is everything okay?
Yeah. I just need his help

getting Twitter followers
for this book fair.

A book fair? Oh, does that mean
that you're an author?

I am.
How did I not know that?

I have a book coming out, too.
You wrote a book?

Every word of it.
Wow.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
Hey, since
you have a little time

while your dad's
getting a massage,

maybe you'd like
to go grab a cup of coffee?

I would love to find out
more about you... and your book.

Sure. I'd like that.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Hmm. Perhaps he's interested
after all.

Oh. Hi.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
He sure is.

Hey.

Just came by to check on you

and drop off some backpacks.

Hey, how'd your call
with Anezka go?

Fine.

I, uh, bought her a ticket,

promised I'd buy her
an electric bike.

She's on her way.

You okay?

Yeah. It'll be fine.

She'll answer some
questions, then leave.

Oh, come on.
It's got to be traumatic

to see her again.

Did you call
your therapist?

CHUCK:
She don't need to call her.

We talked about it a bunch.
She's fine.

Appreciate the input, Chuck.

But, you know,
you weren't around

when Anezka was here.

Well, Petra told me
all about her.

Yeah, that's...
that's not really

the same as actually being here.

No.

It's better.
You know, you're not

living in the past.

Look, I'm...

I'm not living in the past.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Huh. Well, this feels familiar,

doesn't it?

You done?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah.

Sorry.
Great.

I appreciate your concern.

But I can handle my sister.

(phone dings)

ELVIS:
Your sister

switched rooms.
Apparently the cannons

for the pirate tour can
be heard from their suite.

What do you want me to do?

All right,
I'll shut off their AC.

You go repair it
and put in a bug.

FABIAN:
I must hear everything.

Tell me
all about your book.

Oh. Well, it's a romance novel.

Of course it is.

Yeah. It takes
place in 1902.

Wh... Yes, yes, yes.

Such a good year.
Such a good year.

Oh, you know it?

Well, if you chose it...

it must be great.

Oh.

(chuckles)

Tell me about your book.

Uh, it's-it's a memoir.

To help my fans
understand the real me.

Not just the shirtless doctor
under a waterfall,

or the shirtless detective
under a waterfall,

or shirtless serial killer
under a waterfall.

Can you pass the sugar?

Oh, sure.

I can't believe
you're doing this!

After everything
we've been through!

Excuse me?
You broke my heart,

Jane Villanueva.

I'm done.

(shutters continue clicking)

(exclaims)
Shh, shh. It's okay.

It's me, Fabian.
(exclaims)

That was incredible, no?
They're gonna think

that you're my
lady for sure.
Who will?

All the paparazzi I tipped
off. You say you needed

more Twitter followers
to sell your book,

and now you'll have them.

My fans will
hate-follow you instantly.

You... you did that so I could
get more Twitter followers?

Exactly. For the book fair.

Oh... Oh, that's...

that's kind of sweet.

(chuckles)
Thanks.

Uh, will you tell
your dad for me?

Excuse me?

Oh, he's... my hero.

Only I keep putting
my foot in my mouth

every time I'm around him.
Mm.

Will you put in
a good word for me?

Uh, tell him that I
tried to help you?

Sure.

No problem.

So... (chuckles)

Hey, Dad.
Feeling better?

So much better.
I am refreshed and reenergized

and ready to help you
with all things social media.

Let'sDoThis.

Actually,
Fabian already helped me.

Huh?
Dad.

(exhales) I'm sorry.
I know I'm not allowed to say

anything bad to you
about Fabian. It's just...

he's been a little hard on me.

What are you talking about?
He worships you.

What?
Yeah.

(scoffs)
For a second I thought

he liked me
and I got all excited.

But trust me: it's all you.

I have to say, I'm a
little tired of everybody

being so happy that
Fabian isn't into me.

What happened to my
choice is my choice?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah,
with that big helping of guilt.

Wait for it.

What?

Hmm.

Abuela, I'm so sorry.

On the other hand,

meaningless sex with me
would be so hot, Jane.

Oh.
EILEEN:
It's so stinking hot in here.

(sighs)

Well, no wonder.

The AC is broken.

I'm gonna call the front desk

and I'm gonna
have 'em come fix it.

Don't you think it's
a little suspicious?

That the AC is broken?
Right after we happen
to switch rooms?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well, she's not a criminal
mastermind for nothing.

(phone dings)

Aha-- you see? You see that?

You're being paranoid.
Maybe. But I
am not leaving

this room
unattended.
Well... (sighs)

Then what am I supposed
to tell Rafael?

I don't know what to tell you
except it blows.

I couldn't get the book fair
to bite.

But you said if I had
20,000 followers...

I know, but my team did
analytics on your followers,

and they're all
from Latin America,

which won't convert
to book sales

till it's translated to Spanish,
which it won't be

if the first print run tanks.

Ugh.

I-I'm sorry.
I'm just frustrated.

Yeah. Me, too.

(sighs)

So here's my
frustration.

If you look up to me so much,
why would you assume

I need a stunt double?

And why would you
take that dig at me

about not needing to take
my shirt off anymore?

No, those-those weren't digs.

I swear.
All I meant was that

the show would fall apart
if you got hurt.

Without you,
the show is nothing.

Just... my abs.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I'd binge it.

So this isn't an
All About Eve situation?

Um, I-I don't know who Eve is.

But I'm all about you, man.
(chuckles)

I-I worship you.

Ever since I was
a little kid, I...

That's enough about that.

And no more using my daughter

and toying with her feelings.

Jane?
Yes.

She's brilliant and beautiful,

with the soul of Gandhi

and the talent of Shakespeare.

But you do not mess
with her emotions.

You don't have to worry--
she said she didn't like me.

(short chuckle)

Okay. General rule:

when you look like we do,
you can never rule that out.

Ah! I get it.
(laughs)

I understand.

Thank you.

Hey, uh, you want to get
our nails done after work?

We're gonna be
climbing that hair

all week.
That means a lot of hand acting.

Actually, I can't.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Hmm. Rogelio's never

turned down a good,
clear polish before.

JANE:
"A polished and lively debut"?

Something like that?
I just need a quick blurb

about my book,
anything would help.

From me? I'm flattered.

Well... sort of more from your
well-known writer friends.

You're kind of blurb-adjacent.

Oh, I see how it is. You only
come when you need a favor.

That is not true.
I am here every week.

Yeah.

But, yes, I do happen
to need one today.

The publisher
only ordered 10,000 copies.

Ooh.

I know. Actually,

you're probably the one person
who will understand this,

but I am trying
to fight for my art.

What do you mean?
Well, I could get them

to print more copies and give
a bigger marketing budget

if I agree to talk about
my whole crazy backstory.

But of course I said no,
because

I want my book
to stand on its own.

Oh, don't be an idiot.

What?
I was once like you,

so full of integrity.

Oh...
You know what being precious
about your art gets you?

And there's a storage locker
in Boca with the other

7,000 unsold copies.

Trust me. Sell it with
everything you've got.

'Cause you don't get
a second debut novel.

Hey, Jeremy, it's Jane.
Oh, hi, Jane.

I've decided
that the marketing people

can sell the book
however they want.

What? You serious?

Just get me into
the book fair, okay?

On it, yes.

LUISA:
What's wrong?

I just... I thought Eileen
was joining us for dinner.

It's my fault.
I forgot that her guru

is in town for a one-night-only
breathing circle.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Okay, good. So she's still
out of the room.

Oh, two
virgin daiquiris.

You're on your phone.

Already.
What are you doing?

Well, clearly, you only like

hanging out with me
when I'm with Eileen.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Quick,
get her to sit back down!

That's not true.

It's not.

Hey, the last couple years,

things have been
really good with us.

Good enough for me
to see your kids?

It's worth having
a longer conversation about.

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Good job, Raf.

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, my God, I can't take this.

I don't even know
if I'm rooting for him

to catch her or not.

What the hell?!

I'm so sorry, ma'am.

Ever heard of knocking?
There was a complaint

about the AC on the floor.
Go! Go!

This is so humiliating.

(door closes)

JANE:
"Straight out of a telenovela.

"That's what comes to mind
when you hear

"Jane Villanueva's story.

"And all that and more
is poured into this vibrant

and lively debut."
So you're really

doing it?
It's "on the book fair
Web site" official.

The more you talk

about Michael,
the easier it will get.

Hmm.

I know.

It already is.

I'm scared.

(sniffles)

I don't...

I just...

I don't want Michael
to be an anecdote, you know?

Something that once happened.

(exhales)

(sighs)

(sighs)

And this book is part
of that process because I...

wrote the happily ever after
I never got.

Your real life story
sounds so crazy.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
OMG, I can't believe it.

First Britney, then Bruno,

now Maria Semple?

The accidental pregnancy,

the kidnapping.

You talked
about your late husband.

How much of the rest
made it into the book?

Let's just say
there's a lot in there.

Thinly veiled.
Any hesitation

talking about this stuff?

Oh, yeah. Tons.

Because with writing
comes exposure,

and with exposure
comes vulnerability.

And there are all these stages

of exposing yourself.

First with writing the book.

Then marketing it.

Uh, and the last is
people reading the book.

That's important,

because otherwise I'd just
be writing in my diary.

So please go buy the
book. Please, please.

(laughter)

(chuckles)

(romantic Spanish song playing)

Mommy, I want to read your book.

When you're older,
Mr. Sweetface.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Much, much older.

I've read it. It's racy.

Sorry to interrupt,

but I just had to say hello.

Oh, hello.
My friend works at
a publishing house

and got me an advance copy
of your book.

I loved it so much.

Wow, really?

You're the first person
who's read it who I don't know.

I didn't get out of my pajamas
until I finished.

You are making my life
right now.

Can I take a picture with you?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Is Jane fangirling out

on her first fan?
Only if you agree

to sign this for me.

You want my autograph?

Mm-hmm.

(exhales excitedly)
Aw.

I am passing the baton.

JANE:
I mean...

it was only three autographs,
but it was kind of awesome.

And I can't believe
I'm even saying that.

Good, you deserved it.

Celebrate
in your room tonight...

with this.

Don't be gross.

I'm over Fabian.

He texted and said he'd come
to the book fair,

and then he bailed on me.

Fame is my new lover.

(doorbell rings)

(exhales)

Oh, can we talk?

Fabian, what are you doing here?

I... (grunts)
Oh.

I... I couldn't stop
thinking about you

after the book fair.

You were there?

Why didn't you say hello?

I was too nervous.

What?
Your words

were so incredible.

What you said
about being exposed,

it-it really spoke to me.

And I think you'll see why
when you read my book.

Oh.

I can't wait to open it.

That's my book.
Yeah, you just said.

(clears throat)

Also, I spoke to your dad,

and I told him
that I was coming here

and that I wanted
to ask you out.

(grunts)
He said it's okay.

He did?

Is that what's happening?

It is.

(gasps)

Will you go on a date with me,
Jane Villanueva?

I would love to.

(romantic Spanish song playing)

(record scratches)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, this is really happening.

I guess the sprinklers
are just on timers.

So, what time
does Anezka get in?
Noon.

Okay, girls.
Have a great day at school.

I'll come get you
after martial arts.

ELLIE:
Bye, Mommy.

Okay, come on.

Come on.

(chuckles)

Call me if you need anything.

Okay, so, when are
we gonna have a talk

about the fact that your ex
still has the hots for you?

(chuckles) What?

No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.

And if you can't see it,

you're blinder than a
bat in a chimney fire.

Stop. You're being ridiculous.

Um...

(sighs)

ROGELIO:
I heard the great news.

They upped your book order.

Well, it's only
5,000 more copies.

But it's something.

Oh, and you're here
to see Fabian.

Wait, he said he spoke to you.

Of course. Of course, yes.
Go to him.

You okay, Dad?

O-Oh, yes.

I just have to accept

that I'm no longer the only
telenovela star in your life.

Hey.

You're still the main one, okay?

(chuckles)

You're a great actor, Rogelio.

I know. Thank you.
But you can't fool me.

What's really going on?

It's just hard thinking about
Jane dating someone new.

And I know it's not fair.
I know she has to move on.

No, it's okay.

I just don't want
to start getting mani-pedis

with Fabian.

Michael was my best friend.

I really loved him.

And I still think about him
every single day.

I know.

A-And I never want
to burden Jane.

I know that, too.

Thank you for telling me.

Mm-hmm.
And trust me...

Fabian is not
taking Michael's place.

Actually, Abuela,

technically they aren't selfies.

They're stills from his snaps.

Mmm.

(laughs)

What's with all the giggling?

We're reading Fabian's book.

"Chillin' in Capri pants
in Capri.

CapriToBeYouAndMe."

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Hey, he wrote that himself.

Let's give him some credit.
Oh, my God.

Let me see it.
Oh, my God.

(gasps) Oh, wow.

Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR;
Aw, what a difference

20 years makes.

(sighs)
You may have to be married

to have sex, Abuela,
but I do not. And trust.

I am gonna hit this.
(gasps)

(Jane and Xiomara laugh)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Also about to get screwed?

Anezka should have landed
by now.

Okay, calm down.
She's not that late.

I can't calm down.
You have no idea

what she's capable of doing.

Why isn't she answering?

She's probably
just getting her luggage.

No. Something is off.

You're wrong.
I am not.

And I am sick of being cooped up

in this sweaty room.

So I am going to put my face
back on,

and then we are going to leave.

No.

What?

I don't want to leave.

I'm finally having
a breakthrough

with Rafael,
and I might meet his kids.

Well...

we can't stay.

Please.

I'm leaving, Luisa.

Are you coming with me?

PETRA:
Hello?

ANEZKA: Sister.
Anezka, where are you? You were
supposed to get in a cab

and come straight
to the Marbella.

Well, I couldn't do that because
when I got off the plane,

the police were arresting me.

Wait, what?

You said they were
just going to ask questions

and then
I would get electric bike.

Yeah, well...
that's what they said.

I'm in jail, Petra.

No. No, no, no.
That... That wasn't the deal.

No, they promised
it was just questions.

Well, you better fix this,

or I will tell them all
what I know.

And then you, sister, will be
in orange jumpsuit with me.