All language subtitles for Jane.the.Virgin.S03E10.720p.WEB-DL.2CH.x265.HEVC-PSA

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, big
stuff, friends, so buckle in.

As you know, Jane and Michael
had a fairy tale wedding,

but it turned into a nightmare,

but thankfully,
Michael survived and thrived.

So, it was a huge shock when...

I didn't pass my physical.

I can't go back
to the force.

Which meant he needed
a new career.

How about a lawyer?
Exciting, right?

Now all he had to do
was pass the LSAT.

And speaking
of big career moves,

Rogelio wanted to cross over
from telenovelas,

so he shot a revealing part
in an indie film.

Yup. Really revealing.

And as for Jane's mom, Xo...

well, she was back
with her old flame, Bruce.

The only problem?
His daughter, Tess.

Barf. Sorry,
I shouldn't say that,

but trust me, she's tough.

Also tough, Petra.

Or she was before
her sister, Anezka,

paralyzed her
and took her place.

And ever since
Petra woke up, well...

she's been having a hard time
connecting with her kids.

Also having a hard time,
poor Rafael.

See, he had covered up
his late father's crimes,

but then he found out
his parents

weren't really his parents,

and he found an addendum
to his father's will,

which would make him,
well, broke. Then again...

If you're looking for the will,
it's over. I destroyed it.

Or at least
she thought she did.

I know. Straight out
of a telenovela, right?

Which, of course, it is,
after all.

Looking back, you could say
it felt different right away,

which might be true,
or might just be memory.

In any case,
when Michael Cordero Jr.

was seven years old,

he had the worst day
of his life.

Honey, I'm sorry, you're sick,
so no trick-or-treating.

But I feel totally fine.

Of course, young Michael
was an unreliable narrator...

You have a fever.

...which I'm not.
Come on.

Smile for me in your costume,

and then we'll get
you into your pj's.

MICHAEL:
Oh, man.

I remember this
moment exactly.

Well, not exactly.
Oh.

You were seven.

Plus, the act of remembering
changes things.

I read this article
in The New Yorker.

Show off.

It was about flashbulb memories.

Oh, yeah, I read that one.

(flash pops)

Apparently, memories around
big events seem clearer,

but the periphery disappears.

You remember the feeling,
not the details.

No. I remember it exactly.
He doesn't.

'Cause it was so traumatizing.

You can trust me.

Okay, okay, I believe you.

(laughs)

(knock on door)

(cell phone rings)

Hello?
Hey, Alice.

I have huge news!

Wait, wait, what?

Uh, yes, of course.

Tell me about the job.

ALICE:
Chloe Leland

is in the market
for a new assistant.

You know who she is, right?
Total wunderkind. And it's...

$40,000 a year,
plus benefits?

And you know why her
current assistant is leaving?

Because he's getting
his book published.

By Chloe?

Oh, my God, yes.

Please, give her my résumé. Yes.

Thank you.

Okay, bye.

This job sounds amazing.

$40,000 a year.

Plus benefits.
That would be huge.

Right?
Hey, what's wrong, sweet boy?

Well, if you must
know, I had some

big news myself,
that I was excited to share.

Oh. Sorry about that.
What is it?

Never mind,
you stole my thunder.

Dad.
Okay, here it is.

JANE:
Oh, no, Mateo.
(Mateo vomits)

Ugh. Uh.

I hope he's not coming down
with a stomach bug.

MICHAEL: Maybe it was
the chicken last night.

I woke up feeling a little off.
Thought it was pretest jitters.

Well, how do you feel now?

Totally fine.

Rogelio, you were

about to tell us something.

Oh, since you asked, they are
screening a-a rough cut

of my film, uh, tomorrow night
for friends and family.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes. His full-frontal
Fassbender moment.

MICHAEL:
Oh, I'm sorry.

I have my last LSAT prep class.

I'll have to see it
at Sundance.

From your lips
to Robert Redford's ears.

But, Jane,
you're coming, right?

I, uh...

I mean, it's...

it's just so soon.

I thought I'd have more time
to prepare.

Oh, come on. I told you
I'll give you a heads up

before the naked shot

so you can look away.

Promise?
Yes.

And look,
stills for my fan club.

Oh! Dad, put that back.

But I signed my name
over my goodies.

Fine.

But you are coming, right?

I thought you were
in just the one scene.

Yeah, but I made up
the invitations.

You're not going
to that, are you?
RAFAEL: No.

He just invited me because
I helped him get the part.

Good... because it was your idea
to dismiss the nannies

for this whole
family bonding thing,

so you can't leave me
alone with them.

(baby jabbering)

You know I have to meet my
lawyers, about the plea deal.

Ah, yes. You'll recall
Rafael cooked some books

to cover his father's
art theft.

O-Only an hour, you said.

Only it turns out his dad
wasn't really his dad.

And also, my sister's coming,

so I'll need
some time with her.

To drop the bomb that
she's not really his sister.

You done?

Yes, I-I think so.

Yes.

The rest of the time,
I will be here.

MICHAEL:
Are you nervous?

No, because I'm not gonna
make the same mistake

that I made last time.
You mean when Cat told you

not to prepare for
the interview and just,

(falsetto):
"Fake it till you make it."

Yeah, and this time I'm gonna
prep it till I crush it.

My girl.

(laughs)
So, I've been doing

a deep-dive Internet
search on Chloe Leland.

Mm-hmm?

She's incredible.

She published her first book
when she was 19

by tweeting one sentence
at a time.

Yeah, she's basically...

pioneered a whole new form.

You're like the Mark Zuckerberg
of publishing.

(laughing):
Oh, no, stop.

But feel free to
tweet that about me.

I like it.

And she published,
Around The World

In Eighty Leis:
A Hawaiian Girl Abroad,

which was my favorite book
last summer.

When I read that proposal,
I died.

I had to snap
the minute after.

And she commissioned
a series of books called

Written To the Nines,

which are all written
by kids under ten.

Age ain't nothing but a number.

Says the woman who's
accomplished more before 20

than most people do
in their lifetime.

Ugh, and yet, still single

as my mother reminds me.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes.

How'd she become
a VP so young?

Well, the woman she
replaced found herself

on the wrong side of
a James Frey situation.

Someone had
to take the fall.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
The cost of being

an unreliable narrator,

which as I've said, I'm not.

Then again,
I'd say that if I were.

I hated getting my big break

at the expense
of another woman's failure,

but this isn't summer camp.

No participation
trophies. Anyway...

I like you enough for phase two,
Jane V.

Sample coverage.

It's a new memoir.

One-page synopsis,
two-page analysis.

I'll give you extra points
if you can do it

without using the letter "E".

Kidding.

(laughs nervously)

XIOMARA:
Jane V?

I think it's cute.

Thanks for watching
little man.

Hey, I'm your mom.

If you can't leave
your sick kid here,

and I can't ask for a
really big favor in return,

what do we have?

What's the really
big favor?

Lunch with me, Bruce
and scary Tess.

Mom, you're an adult.

Teenagers are mean,

and I think that
if you were there,

she would be a little
more self-conscious

about being a
bitch. Please?

Mateo puked on me twice.

Yeah, okay fine.
He did?

Yeah, but then
he seemed okay.

Oh, shoot, can I have a tampon?

I forgot to go to the store.

Sorry, I don't have my period.
You don't?

Mm-mm.
Aw.

We used to always have
the same cycle.

You aren't gonna cry
because we are not

on our periods
at the same time, are you?

No.

Oh, I think I'm due soon.

Hmm.

Oh, my God.

What?

You're right.
I'm late.

How late?

Like... five days late.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, baby!

Jane V could be due soon,
all right.

(stammers)
Aren't you on the pill?

Ugh, I skipped
when we were camping,

but that was one day.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Damn.

These Villanueva women
are fertile.

Mom, I can't have
another baby right now.

Michael's trying to go back
to school; I have to work;

Mateo's so little;
we have a timeline.

Slow down, you haven't
even taken a test.

I've been late once before.
His name... is Mateo.

(Mateo crying)

I'll get him.

Do you have a pregnancy test
laying around by chance?

I think so.

Also having severe
baby anxiety...

What the hell are
you doing here?!

You're supposed to be
in the Czech Republic.

And you, I am done with you.
You are fired.

You can't fire me.

Oh, really?

Well, watch me,
you little piece of...

Oh, beautiful sister
with the ugly heart,

you don't have the
upper hand anymore.

What the hell is that?

That's the amendment
to Emilio Solano's will.

It's my wedding gift
for my wife,

Mrs. Anezka Archuletta.

(bells ringing)

You two are m-married?

Yeah, we sure are.

Which means I can
stay in this country.

Oh. Knock yourself out.

The real one's in a safe,

and scanned,

and hovering above you

all the time in a cloud.

Checkmate, Petra.

You burn me, I burn you.

The cycle of life.

I can play this game forever.

ANEZKA:
But we don't want to...

do we, my rooster?

(imitates rooster crowing)

(giggles)

What do you want?

DARCI:
Commitment.

I want commitment.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes,
Rogelio's new girlfriend.

I'm a matchmaker. I know what
it is, what it looks like.

Wait, where's Rogelio?

Aren't you gonna say something?

Should I be, like,

real mad right now or not yet?

Cut!

Ah, there he is.

(laughs)

Ryan, we've been over this.

She's trying to sell
a reality show, no?

The more drama, the better.

DARCI:
It would be so much easier

if you would play the part
of my boyfriend.

You know I can't do that.

Not even for the sizzle?

Come on, can't you see it?

You and me, shrink-wrapped
on the side of a bus.

The De La Vega-Factor Factor.

"This matchmaker
has finally met her match!"

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I'd watch it.

Look, I have
to limit my exposure

to serious acting roles.

Perhaps I'll embrace reality

on the other side
of my career comet,

with a comeback
on Dancing with the Stars.

♪ ♪

(applause, cheering)

But would you come
to my screening with me, Darci?

I would love to walk the
red carpet with you on my arm.

There's a red carpet for
a friends and family screening?

The metaphorical red carpet.

I wouldn't miss it.

JANE: That is the cutest thing
I've ever seen.

Look, it's little Michael!

Almost as cute as you.

But not quite.

Someone's feeling better,
aren't you?

We are gonna put
all these photos on the wall,

so we can look around
and see our family.

Would you like that?

Yeah? Yeah?

Oh, oh!

Oh, yes. That's a good one.

We went to the carnival,

and Michael
was so nervous that night

he gave himself a tummy ache.

Like you, Mr. Sweetface.

(gasps)

Someone's in the copying phase.

You want to do
everything Mommy does now?

What do you think?

Are you ready for a sibling?

Hmm?

(inhales, exhales)

(door closes)

Guess who just destroyed

two multiple choice
practice sections in a row.

Oh, yeah?

Are you cooking?
(chuckles)

What'd you do with my wife?

It's just pasta.

(laughs) I wanted to do
something nice for you.

But instead you cooked?

Are you trying
to take advantage of me?

Please let
the answer be yes.

Oh, is this the manuscript
you have to read? How is it?

Oh, it's good.
Yeah, it's all about

this girl's crazy childhood

in Fort Pierce.
Oh, yeah?

As crazy as the drug bust
I worked there last year

with the Coast Guard?

Maybe I should write a memoir.

Okay, I have a practice
question for you.

If an 18-month-old
child's mother

is five days late
for her period...

Uh-huh.
and she and her husband

have a timeline
that include...

(sighs)

I don't know what comes next
in this question.

I'm trying to tell you
that we might be pregnant.

What?

I'm late. My mom gave me a test,
I-I haven't taken it yet,

I wanted to wait for you.

Really?

You're excited?

You're not?

I-I went straight
to stress.

With school, and money.

Okay.

Okay, first,
l-let's take the test.

Is this a... a plus,
or a lightning bolt?

It's nothing.

My mom's test was expired.

I'll have to buy one tomorrow.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh. Kind of a letdown.

So, you'd be excited?

I mean, it's sooner
than we thought,

but our family already started
earlier than we planned.

That's true.

What?

I'm just thinking
about a little baby Michael.

Or a little baby Jane.
(laughs)

And only two and a half
years younger than Mateo,

which is kind of ideal
distance for siblings.

Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And speaking of siblings...

So I'm not actually
your brother, biologically.

Ah yes, look who's back.

And I understand
if this changes things for you.

Raf, stop.

You're my brother.

A blood test
doesn't change that.

I love you.

And I will
always have your back.

Just like
you've always had mine.

Aw, see?

This is the kind of sibling
love Jane was talking about.

Thank you.

I think this is the perfect time
for you to come.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, no.

Who is she talking to?

No one. I'm telling you,
no one is here.

Not even the paps
know who I am.

It's humiliating.

And I'm the one
who called them with the hot tip

that celebs would be here.

You are a brilliant
actor, Rogelio.

Trust me, everyone in America
will know your name very soon.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And actually, friends,

this would turn out to be true.

WOMAN (on screen): Then I upped
his meds, doubled the dose.

(harsh whisper):
Now! Now!

ROGELIO'S CHARACTER:
I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to feel anymore.

WOMAN: Several patients
have had side effects.

We could have class action suit

on our hands...
Wait, what?

Shh.

Where's the rest
of the scene?

I mean, they cut my penis.

Oh, my God,

they cut my penis!

Why would
you do that?

You can't just cut away

right in the middle of my...

Calm down, please.
I will not calm down!

They never would have
done that to Brad Pitt.

And I never would have taken a
role in this indie hack movie

if I'd known they were
going to humiliate me

by not showing my penis.

DARCI: Would you
stop saying that?

Why should I?

The movie's boring, and slow

and it had one
thing going for it:

my provocative penis.

Penis! Penis,
penis, penis!

I might as well say it, because
no one's ever gonna see it!

I get you're upset.

But you're still in the movie.

In a forgettable part.

It'll be okay.
No, it won't!

And you wouldn't understand
because you just want

to be Bethenny Frankel.

But I want to be
taken seriously.

Well.

I didn't get a glimpse
of your penis tonight,

but I did see a big dick.

MICHAEL: At least
you didn't have to see it.

Yeah, I know.

What's wrong?

I got my period.

Oh.

So. No baby.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Well, maybe it was for the best,

with me in school...

Yeah. And my work stuff
in the air.

I guess I just started to
get excited about the idea.

It's okay.

We have plenty of time.

Okay?

ANEZKA:
Give us a smile.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Aw, look.

Petra's babies
are warming up...

(crying)
to Anezka.

Oh, dear.

Oh, I just missed them
so much.

And they missed
their Auntie Anezka. Hmm?

(chuckles)

Thank you for letting me
see them.

I didn't have much of a choice,
once you blackmailed me.

That is something I'd be wanting
to be moving on

from talking about.
(crying continues)

(whispers):
Here.

Come. Let me try.

Please. She's hungry.

(crying stops)

(crying)

Don't worry.

I'm sure they will be warming up
to you eventually.

(gasps)
No?

Mm...

RAFAEL:
I just passed Anezka

in the hallway. What the hell
is she doing here?

(sighs) She just wants to spend
some time with the twins.

Look, she's blackmailing us,
what was I supposed to do?

If I probate the will, they
won't be able to blackmail us.

No. No, you promised
you wouldn't do that.

Raf, please.

Let me give my kids
what I never had--

financial stability.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, the things we do
for our kids.

And... our moms.

So, Tess.

What do you like
to do for fun?

(phone chimes)

Hey. No, um, phones
at the table.

Of course. Sorry,
I didn't mean to be rude.

Ah, yes. Teenspeak.

Sorry, allow me to translate.

Of course, sorry,
I didn't mean to be rude.

Let's just zip through
the highlights, shall we?

Pass the salt, please?

And the pepper.

Cute wallpaper.

It's nice you're so loyal
to your family.

Yeah, we're really close,

but I don't live
at home anymore.

Huh. I guess Jane still has
a rudimentary fluency.

Oh, my dad said
you lived at home.

I used to, but my husband
and I live in Wynwood now.

I told you, she moved...
I don't listen that much to you.

That's actually
a really cool area.

Yeah. We love it.

Uh, the apartment's small,
but we live, like, three blocks

from the Panther coffee shop
on the corner of Sycamore.

Seriously? I go there
with my friends all the time.

Their mocha lattes
are legit.

Totally legit.

Aw, looks like Tess and Jane
are actually bonding a little.

Also bonding?

So sorry I'm late,
I had to put the twins down.

Oh, no problem.

No, no, no. I am under
strict instructions

not to let you touch anything
that might be contagious.

Uh, I have the big
test tomorrow, so...

Yeah.

So cool, man.

What you're doing.

It's really impressive.

Oh, thank you.
I appreciate that.

JANE:
Hey.

Found Mr. Monkey.
(gasps)

Good-bye, Mr. Sweetface.

I love you.
(kissing noises, laughing)

(phone beeps)

You're copying Daddy,
aren't you?

He's copying everything
these days. Everything.

You want to be just
like Daddy, don't you?

(laughing):
Yeah!

Okay. Back to the books for me.

Uh, speaking of books,
do you think it's weird

that Chloe never responded
about my coverage?

Probably just hasn't
read it yet.

Yeah.
(knocking on door)

Oh. They must have
forgotten something.

(sighs)

Jane!

I found your house!
(laughs)

What are you doing here?

It took me a couple of tries,
but whoo-hoo!

P.S., your neighbors are mean.

Are you drunk?

I'm just a little bit
completely trashed.

Don't tell my dad. Shh.

I can crash here, right?

Um...

She won't let me take
her to Bruce's.

You can't tell my dad.
Please!
Okay.

I'll be nice to you,
I swear.
Just sit down.

You can have sex
with him all the time.

We'll get you some water.

And maybe some pizza?

I have to call
Bruce, right?

Definitely. Just give her
a little time to sober up.

Okay, I don't want
to mess this up.

This feels like
some kind of test.

Ma, she's gone.

What?

She can't get far
on foot-- she's wasted.

My bike is missing.

How do you know?
(bike bell rings)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
A bike bell.

JANE:
I've got eyes on her!

Riding northwest on Parker.

Oh, oh... I can't keep up!

She's making a right on 26th.

Copy.
(bike bell rings)

I've got eyes on her.
I've got eyes on her!

I lost eyes.

XIOMARA (over phone speaker):
She turning down Evans. Evans!

(horn honks)

Enough, I get it, Barry.

I screwed up.
It's everywhere.

TMZ, Perez, Lenny Letter.

It's gone viral.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I did say
America would know his name.

Well, you're my agent,
can you fix it?

ROGELIO (on iPad):
You will never understand me

because you just want
to be Bethenny Frankel

and I want to be
taken seriously.

BRUCE:
This behavior...

I'm just so angry.

I'm taking away her cell,
she is not leaving the house.

Or... maybe go
the talk route?

I'm sorry, it's not my place.
No,

I want to know
what you think.

I think she's a good kid
who went somewhere safe.

Which is kind of responsible.

I mean, much more
responsible than I was.

And this stuff
is gonna happen.

So you want to be someone
she can talk to,

not run away from.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: It should
be noted that Tess was awake,

which Xo knew.

I left my pictures here.

Oh, okay.

Dad, are you all right?

Did you see the Internet?

ROGELIO (on computer):
Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis!

No, we haven't.
What's going on?

It was awful,
the way I yelled...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
"Penis" a hundred times?

...at Darci.

I just blew up at her

and said hurtful things.

And-and I'm calling
to apologize,

but she won't answer,
and I don't blame her.

What you need, my friend,

is a big gesture
to win her back.

When I was winning over Jane,

I karaoked, I whittled
her a giraffe.

Oh, remember when you helped
me build that awesome

honeymoon suite
in the hospital bed?

Yeah, that all feels small
and low-impact.

Okay.

Well, I'm sure you'll
think of something

that's just the right size.

Now what I'm going to do

with these 250

8x10 glossies?

Where are my pictures?

Oh, my God!

This is my manuscript
and my coverage to Chloe.

I thought you already
dropped that off.

I did.

(gasps)
Oh, no.

Alice! Hi,
i-it's Jane Villanueva.

Jane, what happened?

Why'd you flake
on the coverage?

That's why I'm calling--
I didn't.

I actually dropped off
the wrong envelope,

which may have contained some...
other pictures.

Oh, my God,
the weird naked guy?

I can bring the coverage over
in, like, 20 minutes.

Sorry, Chloe's not big
into second chances.

She's interviewing
other candidates.

PETRA: What's wrong?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Looks like isn't the only one

getting bad news.

Rafael, what happened?

That was my lawyer.

The plea deal is off the table.

Apparently there's
a lot of scrutiny--

rich guys being
treated differently.

And my family is
high-profile,

so the mayor wants to show he's
tough on white-collar crime.

Okay, so you fight back.

If I do that, everyone
in my life will be subpoenaed,

interrogated and dragged
through the mud.

What's the alternative?
I don't know.

I could plead guilty.

And what?
You pay a fine?

No.

I'd go to jail.

With good behavior,
I could be out in...

I don't know,
nine months?

Wait, stop, no.

Rafael, you're not
going to jail.

Okay? You're gonna
get a great lawyer.

I mean, I-I was framed for
murder, and we figured it out.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
There's a sentence you don't
hear every day.

But I did it.

I lied.
No.

I reject your defeat.

Look, no, what you need
to do now is you need

to go upstairs,
collect all your files,

calendars, uh, relevant e-mails.

Anything that can help and-and
we'll come up with something.

Petra, Petra...

No, I need you!

Rafael, there are two little
girls who need you.

They need role models!

Mateo is copying everything
that I'm doing.

Everything.

And I have to look at that.

What am I teaching my kids?

They don't know.
They will.

At some point, they will.

Just like I knew
everything that my dad

or Emilio

was doing,
and I just,

I want to be someone
that they are proud of.

I can't do it alone.

You'll have help.

I can't!

(baby crying)

PETRA:
Great, now I've upset her.

RAFAEL:
Turn on the mobile.

She likes it.

(melody playing)

(baby quiets)

(carnival music playing)

JANE:
You feeling okay?

MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah,
it just...

it feels weird to be out,
not studying.

The night before a big test,

you know everything
you're gonna know.

And you need to relax, hmm?

And this place is good
for your nerves, right?

It definitely was.

You know, that night
is the last time

I had seen you this nervous.

So, um, do you like
roller coasters?

Yep, still do.

You asked me that
in the car.

Wristbands or tickets?

Uh...
I wonder...

Let's go over there first.
Okay.

I dragged you here first.

Oh, I remember.

Here, grab the handle.

We can see how
compatible we are.

(machine chiming)

Ah! We made the heart glow.

Wow. Cool.

We should do
the wristbands then,

so we can ride as many
times as we want.

Okay.

Go.

And it's not working.

Who cares? We don't need
some creepy old machine

to tell us that we're in love.

Hey, do you have
any more singles?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, the photo booth.

A time-honored make-out zone.

Smile.

Wait, I think
it's over now.

I know, but I'm not done.

(laughing)

They're...

cute.

They're porn!

Who needs a busted
love tester

when you have
visual proof?

I give you exhibit A.

Yes, preach, lawyer.

Feeling better about your test?

I was until you
reminded me about it.

So let's go.

You remember.

Everything, exactly.

Okay, what's going on
with you?

I'm nervous.

You've got nothing
to be nervous about.

You crushed those
practice tests.

You've got this.

I do feel prepared.

I just want to do well.

For us.

I... I want...

What?

Well, these last last,
these last few weeks

have been great.
I agree.

And I just want you
to know that I'm not...

...dating anyone else.

And I know you're
still seeing Sam...

Michael.
No, it-it's fine,
it's totally fine.

I just want you to know
that, for me,

that's not, uh...
that's not where I'm at.

And I just want
to be with you,

and I just want you
to be aware.

Are you done?

I haven't seen Sam since
you kissed me two weeks ago.

Ah, thank God!

I only want to be
with you, too.

It'd be fun to
take Mateo here.

Yeah.

And it was fun thinking
about baby number two.

Yeah, it was.

I was actually thinking

maybe we should
move up our time line.

To what?

I don't know.

I just want to be open
to things changing.

I just want to
stay up here with you.

I don't want
to go back down.

Me, too.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Me three.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right.
What comes up must come down.

Oh! Over there is where part of
that amazing memoir took place.

When the author
was 14 years old,

she would swim
from island to island

to escape her crazy home life.

Well, not island to
island, but-but, hmm.

No, she did.

No, that's impossible.
There are jetties

just under the water
that you can't see.

I remember, during
our drug bust,

our boats had to go around.

What?

I guess the author just
embellished a little,

for artistic effect.

No, you can't embellish
a non-fiction memoir.

It has to be true.

Well, it's not.

(chuckles softly)

Then the girl's...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
An unreliable narrator.

...a fraud!

And you're a genius.

Ha!

(baby crying over monitor)

Rafael.

Hmm?

(crying intensifies)

Elsa, come on, I'm your mommy!

Come on...

(crying)

MICHAEL:
It's nerves.

Fine, but if you're not
feeling better after the test,

I'm taking you to the
doctor, end of story.

Got it.
(exhales)

No way.

Where did you find this?

eBay.

Inside is crackers,
an apple, antacid.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

And good luck with Chloe.

Thank you for helping me
do the research last night.

And thank you
for what happened after.

(laughs)

I love you.

I love you, too. Mwah.

You got this.

Okay.

Michael!

I am so proud of you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And friends, it should be noted

that Jane would play
this moment over and over,

until it became a memory.

Yeah.
Okay.

And therefore, unreliable.

It's filled with gross
exaggerations and flat-out lies,

and I know you don't want
to hire me, and that's fine,

but you can't publish this book.

Bravo. You passed the test.

I'm here to take the test.

Sign in here, put your
cell phone in the bin.

CHLOE:
People cheat. Lie.

So I have to be vigilant.

Make sure the people
I hire are vigilant.

I'd written you off,
but you're the only applicant

that figured it out.

So the job's yours
if you want it.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Do you
really want to work for someone

who tests you like that?

Of course I want the job!

Then again,
Jane does love tests.

Michael, on the other hand...

(chuckles softly)

Oh, sorry! Sorry.

I just got a new job
and it feels like a dream!

Mm!

Want to try?

You want to try?

(Rafael exhales)

I let you sleep.
(chuckles)

You had so much on your mind.

Oh, Mateo's still
sleeping, too.

Thank you.

Are the nannies here?

No. I did it.

I-I got them back
to sleep last night,

and then up this morning,
and I changed

their disgusting diapers,

and I dressed them
and you're right.

I can do it.

So...

whatever you want to do,

you do.

I want a clean slate.

I don't want this hanging
over my head anymore.

So, jail?

It's only
nine months.

And then I get to start over.

Well, I can handle things here.

(doorbell rings)

Which would prove to be true,

for the record.

But we're not there yet.

Raf.

Good morning.

I... I just wanted
you to meet Eileen.

We've been dating for the
last three months, so I thought

you two should meet each other.

Uh-oh. Eileen. Who's Eileen?

I have heard so many wonderful
things about you, Rafael.

What's going on, can't...
can't we come in?

Right. Uh, no.

EILEEN: Oh,
I'm sensing

some negative energy.

I'm an empath.
Oh.

A guru.
Oh, honey.

You know I don't like that word.

I'm more of a guide.

Eileen, it is really nice
to meet you,

but here's
the thing.

If you want to be
in my sister's life, or mine,

we need to do
some medical tests.

Are you freaking kidding me?
Your last girlfriend

was a criminal with a fake face.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my...
Hon, hon, it's okay.
We have nothing to hide.

What kind of tests?

Blood test,

uh, X ray, DNA, MRI

and whatever else the doctor
recommends to rule out

any plastic surgery.

You got it, friend.

Thanks.

Look, it-it's just that, um...

her ex killed my dad.

I know. But that's only if you
believe that death is finite.

Yeah.

I do, so...

Well, that went well.

Yeah.

(raspberry)

You do realize,

when you pass
this medical exam,

you leave the country. For good.

Yep. For ten million bucks,
I can do that.

You'd better.

Or I will have you killed,

make no mistake.

(laughs)
Excuse me.

Let me talk to you for a second.

What?
What are you doing?

I can't even
make threats anymore?

We talked about this.

It's just words.

She has to be scared. Relax.

Okay, ladies.
I'm gonna go hit the shower.

I got some medical exams
to pass.

Oh, baby. We are so close.

We're gonna get back to normal.
Go to family functions.

We can take walks along
the beach, it's gonna be...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But again,

we're not there yet.

Where the hell are we?

Here. You can open
your eyes now.

(sighs)

DARCI:
You're doing it?

Brad Pitt started out
dressed as a chicken

handing out coupons
on Hollywood Boulevard.

Who says I can't make
a pit stop in reality TV

on my way to super stardom?

So we're gonna have to do this
for the cameras again.

Okay?

I can't wait...

To actually stop waitressing.

Move on to the next phase,
you know?

Publishing.

And then hopefully, published.

(chuckles)

Speaking of the
next phases,

Tess and I had, kind of, like
a breakthrough this morning.

Oh!
Ah.

And Bruce and I
were talking and...

well, we might move in
at some point.

Really?

I mean, not,
like, right away,

but in, like, in six months?

That's what we'd
be looking to do.

And then there was one.

I know, it's a lot
to think about, Ma.

T-That's why
I'm mentioning it now,

while it's still far away.

JANE:
They lived happily ever after.

The end.

What do you think?

Is Michael almost done
with his test, Mateo? Hmm?

(growling, laughs)

(gasping)

(students murmuring)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And friends,

I did say Michael
would love Jane

until his dying breath.

FEMALE STUDENT:
He's not breathing!

MALE STUDENT:
Call 911.

MAN: Your husband's death
was ultimately the result

of his gunshot wound.

His blood pressure spiked...

...aortic dissection...

We're so sorry.

(crying, screaming)

Jane, Jane, Jane. Hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

What happened? Shh...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which unfortunately,

brings us to the end
of Part Two.

ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA
www.PSArips.com

(exhales)

Mateo, hurry up!

I'm ready, Mom.

Shoes.

Come on, sweetie. We don't want
to be late for the wedding.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
So... yeah.

We've got a lot to catch up on.