All language subtitles for Hercules 312 - Surprise

[ Groaning, Mumbling ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Hera ]
Poor Callisto.
Such rage unfulfilled.

- Who are you?
- A fan.

Your crusade against Xena
was so vibrant.

Too bad it had to end
unsatisfied.

Look at you.
[ Laughs ]

Hera? Afraid to show
your ugly face?

[ Laughs ]
Your irreverence endears you
to me, like a pet.

What do you want?
To see you smile again.

I offer you another chance
to carry on your mission
against Xena.

- I'm listening.
- I'll give you one more
day of life...

and a chance
at immortality.

But if you fail,
you're back here forever.

What do I have to do?
Kill my bastard stepson,

the man who redeemed
your mortal enemy.

Hercules?

[ Laughs ]

[ Man ]
Nothing like the first day
of spring, is there?

[ Iolaus ]
Ah, what a beautiful day.

Sun shining,
nature blooming--

[ Gasps ]
Nature blooming.
[ Chuckles ]

Come on, Hercules.
Cheer up.
It's your birthday!

[ Sighs ]
Don't remind me.

What is your problem?
You look great...
for a man of your age.

What are you talking about?
You're older than I am.

Yeah, I know.
But I'm smaller,
you see,

so not as much surface area
exposed to the elements.

Hercules! Iolaus!

Uh, let me be the first
to extend my best wishes
on this, your special day.

Well, thanks, Falafel.
I made a delicious cake
for the party.

- You like chocolate, yes?
- I love chocolate.
What party?

Uh, the other
great big party.
Falafel--

Iolaus?
[ Falafel ]
What's the matter?

Iolaus, you don't
look so good.

Yeah--
It was supposed
to be a surprise.

[ Gasps ]
Oh, no.

Oh, my sincerest apologies.
I didn't know.

That's okay.
Neither did I.
[ Clears Throat ]

Yes, well.
If you'll excuse me,

I must go stuff
a chicken.
[ Chicken Clucking, Squawking ]

- Bye.
- [ Whimpering ]

Aw, come on, Herc.
What's one more birthday in
a long line of birthdays?

[ Laughs ]
You're very funny today.

Listen, Alcmene wanted to have
a little celebration. I think
it'd be great, you know?

Um--
It'd cheer you up.

Look, I don't mean
to sound ungrateful,

but ever since Hera
destroyed my family,
I'm just not too excited...

about celebrating
birthdays anymore.

Yeah, well,
I understand,

but you know, you have to
realize there are other people
around who care for you,

wanna celebrate with you--
Iphicles, your mother, me.

Huh?
[ Chuckles ]
Okay.

There you go! See? Smiling.
Little lines crinkle up
round your eyes.

Yeah, I better go.
Yeah, you better.

Oh, oh, so remember--
Alcmene's at noon.

And, uh, try to
act surprised, okay?

I'll act surprised.

[ Sighs ]
Wrinkles.

You know, Hercules isn't
the easiest person to shop for.

Yeah. You know,
he gave away the present
I got for him last year.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.

Do you think
he'll be surprised?
Oh, I'm sure he will.

Yeah, well, I certainly
haven't told anybody.

I'll get the food.
[ Chuckling ]

I hope he likes
his presents.

Hey, don't worry
about it, Mom.
You've done a great job.

Everything looks
beautiful, darling.

Excuse me.

I-I'm sorry to intrude,
but I couldn't find
a guard to announce me.

We're having a celebration.
We sent them home for the day.
Who are you?

I've come to pay
my respects.

Last year,
my family was attacked...

on the road to Macedonia.

My husband was killed.

My child and I, we would
have surely died if Hercules
hadn't come along.

Wait.
Where'd you say this was?

I'd heard it was his birthday.
I just wanted to leave
a small gift.

You poor dear.

Come. Join us.

Oh, no. I wouldn't dream
of imposing.

Oh, please.
You make yourself
right at home.

Now would you care
for a drink?

Yes, thanks.
[ Laughing ]
Try one of these.

Oh, they look great.
Thank you,
my friend.

You've outdone
yourself, Falafel.
Mmm.

[ Chattering,
Indistinct ]

[ Fizzing ]

[ Iphicles ]
Make you in charge of
all royal feasts.

More punch, anyone?

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, hello?
Is anybody here?

[ Scoffs ]
"Act surprised."

Surprise.

[ Laughs ]

[ Man Narrating ]
This is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind
with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power--

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth,
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever
there was evil,

wherever an innocent
would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [ Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]

Hail!

Mother! Mother!
Can you hear me?

My, my.
Looks like somebody
spiked the punch.

Glad I don't drink.

You've never witnessed
the effects of Xanthalian
venom before, have you?

It affects the mind--

makes the victims susceptible
to their wildest imaginings.

By sunset, your friends
will be, um, driven mad.

Well, that's if they don't
kill each other first.

There is an antidote,
but it's very rare.

What do you want?

Safe passage through
the Labyrinths of the Gods
to the Tree of Life.

One bite of the fruit
cures any illness--

-[ Glass Breaking ]
- or madness.

And a whole one
makes you immortal.

We have so much
to celebrate--

your birth and my rebirth.

Oh. My name's Callisto.

Callisto?

Impossible.
Callisto's dead.

Hera was kind enough to
grant me one day's reprieve.

You see, we need
each other, Hercules.

I don't have
the strength to defeat
the labyrinths' traps,

and... you won't find
your way without me.

Nice pants.

You're insane.

Just misunderstood.

Shall we go,
partner?

After so little time
together, it's funny--
I feel like I know you.

You don't.

The Fates brought us together.
Although I have to admit,

you're not at all how
I imagined you to be.

How disappointing.
Oh, not at all.

On the contrary,
I couldn't be more pleased.

That look back
in your castle?

The fire
and the hate?

I wonder, did you wear
that same look when you
watched your children die?

Don't push me.
Oh, but that's the beauty
of it-- I can.

There's a new and exciting
side of you just waiting to
come out. I can feel it.

[ Gasping ]

[ Groans ]
Oh, what a party.

Iolaus! What happened?

I don't know.
Maybe it was the food.

Hmm? Mmm.

Oh--
Oh, I heard that!

Jason?

Oh.
[ Jason ]
Are you all right?

[ Alcmene ]
Yes.

Look.
[ Gurgling ]

What's goin' on
here?
[ Sniffs ]

We've been drugged.
Everybody all right?

Where's Hercules?
Uh, it looks like
he's been here.

Oh, yeah?
Opened his presents while
we slept? I don't think so.

Who could've done this?
That woman!
Where is she?

Something terrible
has happened!
I just know it!

Let's not jump
to any conclusions.

We'll search the castle.

I'll go with Mother.
Mm-hmm.

Iolaus and I will take
the west wing.
Yeah.

Eh-- What about me?

You stay here in case
Hercules gets back.

- By myself?
- If anything happens... yell.

Yell?

Wonderful!

[ Whimpering ]
Big help!

[ Gasps ]

Worms? Ugh.

Oh!
[ Shudders ]

Wha-a-a-- Oh--

[ Sighs ]

dd La-la, la-la-la dddd

[ Sighs ]
Cut it out!
[ Laughs ]

Oh, now, now,
Hercules.

Just because I poisoned
your friends doesn't mean
we can't be nice to one another.

[ Scoffs ]
Amazing.

[ Grunts ]
You have no reason to be
angry at me, Hercules.

After all, I'm not the one
that hung the giant
bull's-eye on your family.

- You leave my family
out of this.
- Oh, but think about it.

I mean, well,
if your children
weren't your children,

well, then they'd
still be alive now,
wouldn't they?

Your love--
it's a curse.

Then what's the alternative?
Be like you--

alone, trapped
in your hate?

No. I'd rather take
my chances.
[ Laughs ]

Tell me, Hercules.
Late at night,
in the dark all alone,

do you, uh-- do you hear
your children screaming?

Do you lie awake at night,
wondering if there was something
else you could've done?

Maybe if you had gotten there
a little sooner, been a little
bit more respectful to Hera?

Drop it!
I wouldn't expect someone
like you to understand.

Oh, but I do understand.

My family was slaughtered
like helpless animals
as well!

You didn't learn much from it.
I learned to get exactly what
I want when I want it!

And you realize, Hercules,
theonlyreason your friends
are still alive,

is because
Ihave allowed it!

And I suppose
I owe you thanks?

Oh, no.

You owe me all.

This is my fault.

I should never have let
that stranger in.

Hercules is a big boy.
He can take care of himself.

I know you're right.
I just so wanted this to be
a special day for him.

Oh-Oh, I'll bet you did.
After all, he's Corinth's
most famous son.

You know what?
Maybe I'll declare
a holiday in his name.

That make you feel better?
Why are you talking
like this?

Because he has brought
nothingbut trouble
to my kingdom.

Well, how can you
say that?

He's your brother.

Oh, yeah.
We're one big
happy family!

Tell me something,
Mother.

Who ensures your safety
every single day? Hmm?

And where's Hercules
through all this?

He graces us with his presence
when he's not too busy
saving the world.

Oh, please, Iphicles.

Y-You're-You're
not yourself.

Wrong!
I'm just not who
you want me to be!

You think Hercules should've
been king. Well, there can
only be one king!

And nobody but nobody
is gonna change that!

Not even you.
[ Groans ]

[ Gasps ]
I'm surrounded
by infidels!

[ Objects Crashing ]
[ Shouts ]

Mother.

It's going to be
all right.

Oh, it's beautiful.

[ Sighs ]
Well, an open door is like
a friendly invitation.

[ Creaking ]

[ Screams ]

Y-You were saying?

All who seek passage
must first answer my riddle.
Fail, and you will die.

Care to be first?

Give a name to this earthly
conceit. It is unchangeable,
but it can change you.

It can teach you or trap you.

All who reside there
are immortal,
but you can never go there.

I hope you're as smart
as you are strong!

The answer lies
before your eyes.
[ High-pitched Tone ]

Choose your words before
the sands run their course.
[ Creaking ]

[ Callisto ] It's unchangeable.
"All who reside in it
are immortal."

It's Mount Olympus!

It's not a place.
That's the trick.

I don't see you coming up with
anything.
If you'd be quiet,
maybe I could think.

Well, I won't be
holding my breath for
that now, will I?

Oh, we're running out
of time!

Maybe that's it.

Oh, yes, of course.
It's time!

Well, that didn't work.
Any more brilliant ideas?

Well, answer!

- [ Laughs ]
- [ Whimpering ]

[ Groaning ]
"The answer lies before your
eyes." Time is running out.

The past!

Huh.
After you.

Hercules?

I've come to say good-bye.
Good-bye?

I've crossed over
to the other side.

It's all my fault.

I should've protected you.
It's too late for that now.

No! This-- This can't be.

I never wanted to be
a hero, Mother, but you
didn't give me any choice.

There was no other way
for this to end.
Please--

Please forgive me.
Perhaps, in time.

Good-bye.
Wait!

Let me come with you,
please.

I was hoping
you'd say that.

Ah. There's an oil pouch.
We'll use it to keep
the lamp lit.

Mmm. Poor baby.
Afraid of the dark?

[ Laughs ]
You don't look like
you're doing too well.

Oh, don't you worry
your pretty little head
about me.

I'll be as good as new
soon enough.

[ Groans ]
In the meantime, a little
water should do the trick.

[ Groaning, Straining ]

Here.
[ Panting ]

[ Slurps ]
Hmm. Mmm. Ahh.

Such a gentleman.

Yeah.
The world
doesn't deserve you.

It doesn't deserve you
either.

[ Laughs ]

We're not as different
as you'd like to think.

Oh, really?

We both believe the wicked
should be punished,

only I see something
you don't.

Yeah. I'm sure you'll
let me know what it is,
won't you?

[ Pops Top ]
All people are wicked,

and they deserve everything
they're gonna get.

I've known too much good
in the world to believe that.

Good?

Is that supposed to be
some kind of joke?

If mortals were good,
well, then we wouldn't
need you around, would we?

You've seen the darkest side
of people.

A child who watched her parents
die has my compassion.

But you had a choice.
You chose evil.

And that's where
my compassion ends.

[ Clapping ]

Your faith in the world
is touching.

Let's see how well
it holds up at
the end of the day.

Shall we?

Anything?
No, not a sign of him.

Now what?

Oh, it's hotter
than Tartarus in here.

You know, I-I got
a bad feeling about this.
Let's go back.

Wait. Wait. Wait.
Wh-What's wrong?

You ever get a feeling
that your-- your life
is just ebbing away?

You're kinda getting
out of step with things,

and, I don't know,
there's nothin'
you can do about it?

Did you hear that?

What?

I don't hear anything.
What?
Shh, shh!

There it is again.

I can't hear anything.

I'll be right back.

Jason?

Ja-- Jason, wait.

Jason! Where are you?

Ah-Ah!
[ Laughing ]

[ Slurps ]
Mmm.

Oh!

dddd [ Humming ]

- [ Grunts ]
- Ah, King Iphicles!
Just in time.

Uh, would you be so kind
as to hand me that
bowl of turnips?

[ Inhales Sharply ]
What are you talkin' about?
There's nothin' there!

[ Laughs ]
Are you blind?

I'll get it myself.

So little time,

so much to cook!
[ Laughs ]

Hot stuff.
Watch the tongue.

I'm warning you!
Be honest. You won't
hurt my feelings.

I want everything
to be perfect
when Hercules arrives.

It's his birthday,
you know. A surprise.

Not a word to anyone.
[ Giggles ]
Traitor!

What did you do that for?

[ Shouts ]
Huh!

[ Screams ]

[ Sighs ]

King Iphicles?

He didn't like my stew.

You're not living up
to my expectations.

I imagined you'd
spend the day trying
to convince me...

that I can change
like our beloved Xena.

Xena changed because
she wanted to.

Did she now?

You know
she watched me die.

It's ironic,
you know.

I mean, not long ago,
you would've joined me
in bringing her down.

Wrong.
Our definitions of justice
aren't the same.

Oh, true.
That's very true.

I believe she deserves
to die a very slow
and painful death.

Vengeance isn't justice.
If you understood that,
maybe you'd find peace.

Peace?

Peace?

I dreamed of peace.
I imagined it.

Let me die
so I can find it.

Tartarus should've been
a welcome change.

Instead, I learned
the true meaning of torture--

trapped in my hatred
with nothing to do.

Lady, immortality
won't solve your problem.

[ Hisses ]

Jason, where'd you go?

Jason?

Jason.

Jason! Jason!

[ Panting ]

[ Laughing, Chattering ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]
[ Woman ]
Hello.

We've been waiting
for you, Iolaus.

-[ Moaning ]
You can't resist our charms.
-[ Iolaus Laughing ]

And we can't resist yours.
[ Inhales, Moans ]

Please, don't leave us waiting.

Iolaus.

[ Sighs ]
Don't tell me. We're lost.

I can't seem to--

Left or right--
There's just
so many details.

I knew I should've
written it down. I think--
Great.

Hmm. No, no, no.
It's left.

[ Screams ]

Hercules!

I guess it was right.
[ Screaming Continues ]

[ Groaning, Screaming ]

Looks like
I'm in a real bind.

Callisto!

[ Echoing ]
I'm right here!

- Callisto! Keep talking!
- That's what I'm trying to do!

[ Echoing ]
I'm over here!

Hercules, hurry!

[ Grunts ]
Your friends!

If I die, they die!

[ Screams ]
They die!

Hercules!
Hercules!

[ Straining, Gagging ]

[ Straining, Gagging Continues ]

Hercules! Hurry!

[ Choking ]

[ Growling ]
[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screams ]

[ Growling ]

Callisto, hold on!
[ Grunts ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Gasps ]

Grab on!

[ Grunts ]

Oh, my hero.

Yeah, right.
[ Squealing ]

[ Grunts ]
[ Howls ]

[ Sighing ]
[ Women Murmuring ]
Come on, Iolaus.

[ Laughing ]
Come with us.

[ Laughing ]
Come this way,
Iolaus.

Mmm.
[ Giggles ]

Catch me if you can.
[ Giggles ]

Hey!
[ Both Laughing ]

[ Man ]
Jason.

[ Panting ]

[ Woman Moans ]
[ Man Laughing ]

Oh, come on, baby.
Just one more for
old times' sake?

[ Laughing ]
[ Grunting ]

[ Panting ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Scoffs ]
You're--

You're me?

[ Gasping ]
[ Cackling ]

Oh! No!

Come here, handsome.
[ Squishing Sounds ]

Let me take a look at that
pretty young face of mine.
[ Cackles ]

[ Groaning ]

- [ Cackling ]
- [ Screams ]

[ Pants ]

What's going on?

Jason!

[ Shouts ]
Jason!

[ Panting ]

[ Gasping ]
Where are you?

[ Maniacal Laughter ]

I think the first thing
I'm gonna do is
find the good Xena...

and rip out her tongue,
just to hear her whistle
an apology!

I hate to spoil
your fantasy, but you're not
out of here yet.

Oh, but neither are you.

When we make it to
the Tree of Life, and when
I save my family and friends,

you are going back
to where you belong.

I'll see to that myself.
Enough!

No rooms can hold me.
Haven't you figured
that out yet?

You're the only one that
can stop me, and to do that,
you'd have to kill me.

But you can't.
Your misguided sense of
justice won't allow it.

You're overlooking something.
[ Scoffs ]
Oh, am I?

You've already been killed.

The only reason you're
still standing is because
I need directions.

I've underestimated you.

I'm flattered.

Fortunately,
you've overlooked
something as well.

[ Chuckles ]
I don't think so.

If I go back to the underworld,
I won't be suffering alone.

I'll find your children.

Klonus, Aeson
and little Ilea,
is it?

And I'll dedicate eternity
to making them suffer.

I mean, after all,
I got here, didn't I?

I can get to them.

That's it.
That's the spirit.

Kill me. I dare you.

[ Gasps ]
[ Groans ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Laughs ]

Who's trapped in
their hatred now?

[ Laughs ]

[ Groans ]
[ Screams ]

[ Old Iolaus's Voice ]
Thought you could sneak up
on me, did ya?

I'm going to kill you.
[ Cackles ]

I'm gonna kill you!
[ Cackling ]

- [ Shouts ]
- [ Screams ]

Aah!

We're almost at
the other side, Mother.

But Jason and Iphicles--

They'll be joining
us soon.
[ Sighs ]

Then we'll all
be together again.

Yes.

[ Sighs ]
Don't tell me
you're confused again.

Oh, no, I'm--
I'm quite certain it's this way.

[ Door Screeching ]
[ Shouts ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning ]

Oh, um, I lied.

[ Panting ]

Lovely detail.

Hephaestus is quite
the craftsman.

Hera! Hercules delivered,
as promised.

I fulfilled my end
of the bargain.
It's your turn.

[ Stone Door Opening ]

It's not over yet!

Hercules.

I have enjoyed
our little time together.

But you know, I think
I can take it from here.

[ Groans ]

[ Shouts ]
[ Groans ]

[ Groans ]

[ Giggles ]
Oh, are we having fun yet?

Oh, look at
the bright side.

You'll be reunited with
your friends soon enough.

Oh, and this--

this is for Xena.

[ Groans ]

Good-bye, Hercules.

[ Straining ]

Mmm. Hmm.
[ Laughs Softly ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Shouts ]

[ Kiaiing ]

[ Screams ]

- Delicious.
[ Yells ]
- [ Groans ]

[ Grunts ]
[ Inhales ]

Oh, you're gonna die
on your birthday.

- How convenient.
- [ Groans ]

[ Laughing ]

No!

Blow it out and make a wish.

[ Kiaiing ]

[ Yells ]

It's a pity we couldn't work out
our differences. We would've
made an unstoppable team.

[ Shouts ]
[ Grunts ]

- I already have a partner.
[ Shouts ]
- [ Shouts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs ]
Not for long.

[ Growling ]
[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

Why can't you just die
like a good boy?

I guess I don't know
when to quit.

Well, let me inspire you.
Even if you could
find your way without me,

you won't make it in time
to save your friends.

That's where you're wrong.
I know something you don't.

[ Laughs ]
Oh?

We're out of oil.

- [ Gasps ]
- That leads right back
to the entrance.

- Surprise!
- [ Gasps ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

[ Crying ]

[ Sobbing ] Oh, don't--
don't leave! Please,
don't leave! I can't see!

Here.
Give me your hand!

[ Screaming ]
[ Grunting ]

Huh!
[ Grunts ]

[ Callisto ]
No.

[ Screaming ]
No!

No!
[ Screams ]

Must find meat.

[ Laughing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

Aaahh.

[ Panting ]

[ Straining ]

Falafel!

Come on! Give me a hand!
Get this off!

[ Oinking ]

[ Squealing ]

Here, piggy, piggy, piggy!

Falafel, what are you doing?

[ Laughing ]

[ Oinking, Squealing ]

[ Shouts, Laughs ]

[ Groans, Shouts ]

- [ Squeals ]
-[ Falafel Hits Ground ]

[ Screams ]

[ Whimpering ]
My turn.

This is it, Mother.
Right up here.

- [ Laughs ]
- [ Screams ]

Jason!

- Don't.
- [ Laughs, Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

- Hercules?
- [ Sighs ]

- Hercules?
- Don't talk with
your mouth full.

[ Falafel Screams ]

[ Whimpering ]

[ Shouts ]
[ Whimpering ]

[ Shouts ]

[ Shouting ]

[ Straining,
Mumbling ]

[ Laughs ]

- You'll thank me later.
- [ Growls ]

[ Mumbling ]
[ Laughing ]

[ Gagging, Groaning ]

Give me that.
Here.

Have you seen my mother?
No, we haven't
seen her.

All right.
Give them each a bite.
Why?

[ Stammers ]
Trust me.

[ Mumbles ]
[ Groans ]

- [ Growls ]
- [ Gagging ]

[ Growling ]

One more step,
and we'll be together
forever.

I'm coming, Hercules.

I love you.

I love you too, Mother.

What kind of trick is this?
He-- He looks like you.

Mother, I-- I'm right here.

No. My son is dead.

I'm not.

[ Gasps ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, Mother.
[ Sighs ]

Hercules?

Does this mean I'm not going
to the underworld?

U-- No. Not yet.

Uh, here.
I-- I-- brought
something for you.

Oh! For me?
Yeah.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Oh, Hercules.
Now where have you been?

I've been worried sick.

Mother, it has been
a very, very long day.

I'll tell you about it later.
Let's go find the others, okay?
Mm-hmm.

Hey-Hey!
I'm sorry you missed
your birthday.

[ Jason ]
Uh, the day's not over yet.
[ Falafel ] We still have cake.

Yeah, and you gotta open
all your presents.
Oh, that reminds me.

There was a--
a woman here earlier.
Poor thing.

Uh, she wanted
to leave you a gift.

Well, she did.
She made me appreciate
my family more than ever.

[ All Laughing ]

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