All language subtitles for Call.me.Kat.S01E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Oh. Hey. I've missed you all.

This is the part where you say
you missed me, too.

Oh, thank you.

So, let's get right to it.

I got some great news this week.

[gasps]

Mr. Mousekers, guess what!

I'm a finalist
for the Courier Journal's

annual Twenty Under Forty list.

20 people under 40 years old

who have a positive impact
on the community.

Now, give me some paw.

Yeah!

And then I got something
stuck in my head.

No, not a salad fork.

Not a Q-tip.
A song.

♪ Be the you that
you've always dreamed of♪

♪ Come and get fit and strong♪

♪ We're the gym
you've always dreamed of♪

♪ The place where you belong.♪

It's the jingle
for the local gym.

And if I make
the Twenty Under Forty list,

they do a photo spread
of all the winners.

So, time to get fit for the pic.

Are you ready to be the you
you've always dreamed of?

Is Euclidean geometry
the first form of architecture?

Yes!
The answer's yes.

[growls]

[imitates Schwarzenegger]:
Are you intimidated
by these muscles?

[laughs] I'm just kidding.
I haven't even been yet.

On with our show.

♪ Be the you that
you've always dreamed of♪

♪ The place where you belong,
place where you belong♪

♪ Place where you belong.♪

What's this?

Furry Time Story Time.

It's a new program
thought up by our owner.

Wherein a very handsome
and gifted storyteller--

it's me-- reads stories

to the kids while being
surrounded by sweet kitties.

Oh, that sounds
like so much fun.

Maybe I'll bring my son.

Is there wine for the grown-ups?

There is.

-Then we'll definitely be there.
-Ooh.

[chuckles]

Mamas and their wine.

I don't like it.

[laughs]

Well, I'm back.

Spent a lot more
than I intended to

on gym clothes for my new life
as a gym rat.

But part of that was because
I had to pay for a sports bra

that a stranger
had to cut me out of.

Girl, zippers in the front
will save your life.

But zip slowly.
You don't want to zip a nip.

Huh. Been there, zipped that.

Ooh.

And I'm going to my first
kickboxing class tomorrow

Kind of nervous,
but also excited,

'cause you know me,
I love to kick.

Oh! I am so sorry. I'm sorry.

I-I'll clean that up.
Let me get you a drink voucher.

Don't worry.
I keep them in my apron.

Here you go. I'm sorry.

You know, gyms weren't a thing
when I was a kid.

We just climbed trees,

chased livestock
and danced for the Lord.

Oh, Daniel and I are going
to the gym tomorrow, too.

Maybe we'll see you there.

Oh, look at you and Daniel,
getting sweaty together.

Or as I call it,
"sweaty-to-getty."

Well, you know we have to go
on dates to places

that don't require tipping,
since he's morally opposed.

So it was either the gym
or the zoo, and I don't do zoos,

ever since I witnessed
a disgusting event

with a monkey and some poop.

I call it the monkey-rhea
incident of 2015.

Great news, dear.

I found a lipstick
that's smudge-proof, waterproof

and Katharine-proof.

-What does that mean?
-My mother can't accept

the fact that
I'm not big on lipstick.

But there's something
about my physiology

that doesn't allow it
to stay on my actual lips.

Hi, I'm Greg.

Oh, hi. I'm Kat.

It's for your
Twenty Under Forty interview

with Jordan Evan Luther.

He's the one who makes
the list every year.

Handlebar mustache.
Everybody knows him.

You really think lipstick
is gonna make the difference

between me getting on
the list or not?

Oh, I know it will.

Show me a man who can say no

to a bold, red lip

and I'll show you a man
who's dead inside.

She is not wrong.
Marty used to wear

a tinted ChapStick.
Got my blood pumping.

♪ Let's talk about sweat, baby♪

♪ Let's talk about kickboxing♪

♪ Let's talk about all the good things at the gym...
♪

Nope.

Oh, do you want me
to take that for you?

-What? No.
-Oh.

Oh. Guess she doesn't want
to be my gym friend.

Ooh, this looks like fun.

Oh!
Oh, I am so sorry.

-Ow.
-I'm sorry.
But-but you know what?

T-This could be the hilarious
beginning to our gym friendship.

We could hang out
at the smoothie bar together,

and people will be like,
"How'd you meet?"

And you'll be like,
"Funny story."

Go ahead, try it.
Say, "Funny Story."

-No.
-No. Okay.

-Hey, Kat.
-KAT: Oh, hey.

Nice to see you again, Daniel.

Or should I say,
Mr. Eleven of last year's

Twenty Under Forty List?

I see you, youngest partner

at the most prestigious
law firm in Louisville.

Oh, yeah,
Kat's getting interviewed

-for that list tomorrow.
-Oh, congrats.

Thanks.
So, tell me everything.

Did it change your life? Like,
do you get showered with gifts?

Do people stop and stare
at you on the street?

Uh, it did, actually.
I got a bump in business,

a bump in pay
and it got me a stalker.

I want all of those things.

Uh, no, maybe not the stalker.

Um, any insider tips
on nailing the interview?

Look, don't be intimidated
by Jordan Evan Luther.

Just give him three examples

of how your work
serves your community.

And most importantly,
play it cool.

[chuckles]
That, I shall do.

I'm gonna play it cool
to the touch.

-[yelps]
-Whoa, I am so sorry.

All right, all right,
all right, gorgeous people.

It is time to party.

Whoa!
I love a good party. Yeah.

All right, let's go,
to the left, to the left.

You heard the man,
you heard the man!

To the left, to the left.

You heard the man,
you heard the man!

To the left, to the left.

You heard the man.
You heard the man.

Okay, everybody grab a mitt
and partner up.

Let's get six kicks
on your right,

six kicks on your left.

You're with me, beautiful.

I'm conflicted.
I know it's a hollow compliment.

It's definitely sexist.

But so few people
say anything nice nowadays.

All right.
Right here.

[grunts]

Sorry.

I'm just... I'm seeing double
right now.

But I can assure you, I did kick
one of the mitts I just saw.

Ooh.

-Damn, girl.
You got some strong legs.
-Thanks.

-And Michelle Obama arms.
-[laughs] Thanks.

We should have a summer wedding,
so you can go sleeveless.

Say what?

You did not just say
the word "wedding"

on our third date.

Yeah, I did.
I thought it and I said it.

You know what else
I'm thinking about?

Whether our family
Christmas cards

should be funny or sincere.

W-Why don't you give me a break

and hit on these for a while?

I don't want to do it.

Come on.
You got this.

I want you to find that voice
that's holding you back

and prove it wrong.

Come on.

He's working my body,
he's working my mind.

Mind, body, body, mind.

SHEILA:
Come on,
you 39-year-old flat-ass.

This is your last chance

to make
the Twenty Under Forty list.

Now kick like you want it.

[growls]

Yeah, see?
You got it, gorgeous.

Good job!
Yeah, there you go.

Thanks, stud.
[tongue clicks]

Ah, ah.

I woke up two minutes
before my alarm went off.

That's how excited I am
about my interview

for the Twenty Under Forty list.

Unfortunately, I am so sore
that I can't move my arms

to get out of bed.

Or my legs.

And I have to pee.

How are you not sore, Randi?

I couldn't even lift my arms
to button my skirt.

In case you were wondering,
it's not buttoned.

Because I work out
every damn day. I'm used to it.

But I'll tell you
what I'm not used to:

a dude talking about us getting
married on our third date.

So you got proposed to
while I got paralyzed?

-That seems fair.
-Kat, I'm serious.

He was talking about
sending out holiday cards.

I called him a player,
and he said, "I'm a for-realer,"

which is exactly
what a player would say,

which I know,
because I've said it.

Oh, the mail's here.

Take a reward scone, Frank.

There's a surprise
in the middle.

Oh, I'll just tell you,
it's bacon.

What you got there, Phil?

Oh, it's the book I'm gonna read
for Furry Time Story Time.

Mama used to read it
to us kids every night

and when she got to the end
we'd say, "Read it again, Mama."

Partly because we didn't want
to go back to bed

and partly because she needed
to practice her reading.

Oh.
Randi, it's Jordan Evan Luther

from the Courier Journal.

[gasps]
He's early for my interview.

Now I'm nervous
on top of being sore.

I'm sore-vous.

Please don't talk like that
during your interview.

[scoffs]
Obviously.

[chuckles]
Jordan Evan Luther, I believe?

-Kat Silver.
-I am.

The one and only.
Actually, that's not true.

There are six other
Katharine Silvers in Louisville.

The oldest of us is 93.

I like to think of her
as our leader.

Great.
Okay, I am a little early,

uh, but if you're ready,
should we knock this out?

Yeah.
Let's, uh, let's knock this out.

Let's knock it out so hard
that it gets a concussion.

[chuckles]

[grunting]

Oh, could I get a cup of coffee?

[strains]:
Would be my pleasure.

Nothing I would like more--

to walk over here and do that.
Okay...

[short chuckle]

[sighs]

Oh.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, it's just, um,

I just, I overdid it
a little bit

at the gym down the street,
so my muscles are spasming.

Or I've been poisoned.
I'm not really sure which.

I just joined that gym. Yes,
it's my new lunchtime ritual,

as I am trying
to replace desk lunch

with a smoothie and a workout.

Oh, I haven't checked out
the smoothie bar,

although I did see there is one
called Almond Attack,

and I thought,
"Well, I am up for that fight."

Ah.

So, Kat,

what inspired you
to open a cat café?

Um...
[grunts]

Well, uh,
my father had just died,

and I was kind of...

reevaluating my place
in the world.

And I thought, you know,

"What can I do
to make other people happy?

To make me happy?"

[chuckles] I know that
probably sounds horribly corny.

Or, as I like to call it,
"horny."

And then, when I tried
to explain myself,

I just kept repeating it
over and over.

Like, "I am such a horny person.

I'm especially horny at night."

On and on.

And do you know
how many examples I gave

about how my café
serves the community? None.

Then just call the dude
and ask for another meeting.

Tell him you were, like,
high on drugs or something.

'Cause that's what I thought
when I first met you.

He's not gonna give me
two interviews

when everybody else
only gets one.

I wish I could just run
into him somewhere,

li-like at the grocery store.

Or the gym!

He goes to my gym!
He told me that.

I-I could just, like, run into
him during his lunchtime workout

and drop my three examples.

Randi, maybe you and Daniel
could go with me tomorrow

and Daniel can help me
sweet-talk him?

Oh. No, no, no.
I ditched Daniel.

He was way too cocky for me.

But I am going on a date tonight
with a doctor whose name is...

Wait a minute.

It starts with a "P."

Maybe a "E."

Oh, "T"! Taryn.

You better get that figured out
before you call out

the wrong name
in the throes of passion.

No.

Please never mention
my throes of passion.

I'll go with you.

I'll be your emotional support
workout buddy.

You're a member
of Body for the People, too?

It's like a secret society
I am just learning about.

Yeah, I'm trying to get
more cardio in.

When I was living in France,

Brigitte and I
would bike everywhere.

It was such a good workout.

[French accent]: The only thing
more fun to ride is you.

[bicycle bell dings]

Okay! We get it!

You're so in love,
you can't even bike alone!

Codependent much?!

I want to do it.

Oh, good.

I'm glad you're all here.

I just read over
my childhood book

that I was gonna read
for Furry Time Story Time,

and I think it might be...

[whispers]:
a tad bit racist.

Would one of y'all take a look?

What year was it written?

1945.

MAX/CARTER/KAT/RANDI:
It's racist.

Oh, Carter, what am I gonna do?

None of these books
from the library

are as entertaining
as the book I was gonna read.

If you're looking for permission
to read a racist book,

you're not gonna get it from me.

No, of course not.

But maybe if you read it,

you could tell me
which parts to skip.

-No.
-[sighs]

Well, did you have
a favorite book as a child?

No, not really. They were always
about animals or white people,

so I could never relate.

Yeah, I understand that.

I guess none of the books I read
told my story either.

Well, there's your answer.

Tell your own story.

There may be a kid out there
who needs to hear it.

Hmm.

I'll have to leave the part out

about where I took my donkey
to the prom.

Kids don't want to hear
a love story.

-Hey, nice lipstick,
by the way.
-[chuckles]

Thanks, by the way.

My mom gave it to me and
promises it'll stay on my lips.

-I think
it's made for drag queens.
-[chuckles]

How's your smoothie?

Mine has a lot of particles
in it.

Yeah.
My Almond Attack is feeling

-a little attack-y in my tummy.
-[chuckles]

Guess I shouldn't have ordered
that second one. [chuckles]

Oh, hey,
I think your guy's here.

KAT:
Oh, no.

He's talking to my gym enemy.

Or, as I call her,
my "gym-iny."

I need you to distract her.
Go flirt.

Hey. I am not a piece of meat
to be thrown at stuff.

Please?

Excuse me.
Hey, is your name Michelle?

-No. Mia.
-Oh, that's funny.

You remind me
of somebody I know.

Mr. Luther.

-Oh, uh, Ms. Silver.
-Hi!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised
to see you here,

'cause you did mention
you come to this gym.

That's right.
Yeah, I'm just, you know,

trying to get my workout in.

Yeah, I-I'll let you get to it.
However, there...

there were a few things
that I forgot to tell you

during my interview

about how my café
helps serve the community.

[gags]

This smoothie is not serving my
community very well right now.

[grunts]

[grunts]
First, we host

community outreach events...

[grunts]

Second...
[grunts]

I'm about to lose this fight.

Look away.

[retching loudly]

[coughs]

I'm sorry, where was I?

Look, I know it was rough,

but you still might make
the list.

You know when somebody's trying
to make you feel better

but they actually make you
feel worse

because they're making you
relive the event?

Stop making me relive the event.

Okay, new line of questioning.

Why do you care
about a stupid list anyway?

It's a big deal, Max.

They put your picture
in the paper and they give you

a pretty certificate
to hang on your wall.

And all of the people
who doubted me when I said

I was gonna open a cat café
would see it and say,

"Wow. She was right
and I was wrong."

Like my mother, my classmate
from grad school Becky Finkle,

the guy who gave me
the loan at the bank

and had the nerve to say,
"I'll see you in default."

[chuckles]

So, you wanted validation?

I did. Is that shallow?

You took a huge risk
with your life

and you want to tell
the haters to suck it.

It may be shallow,
but it's real.

He gets me.

Um, what are you doing here?

I came for Story Time.
This is Aubrey.

I stole her from a park.

Nah, I'm just kidding,
she's my niece.

[laughs]

And people say lawyers
can't be funny.

[Randi laughs]

Uh, well, I told you
that I have plans tonight.

I'm going on a date
with a doctor named Taryn.

Oh, well, I feel bad for him.

Oh, yeah, and why is that?

Well, because the whole time
you're with him,

you're gonna be missing me.

And I can't imagine how hard
that's gonna be on you,

but you're strong.

Damn. The grapes on that guy.

So that night,
after Daddy finished yelling,

Little Phil Kitty hid
all the things

that upset his daddy
under his bed.

Like his baton,
his lace collection,

and his firemen calendar.

He knew they'd be safe

because his
Scarlett O'Hara doll,

that he permanently borrowed
from his best friend's sister,

was there to protect them.

Even though she couldn't save
Tara from burning.

And after another night
of fighting with his dad,

Little Kitty decided he could
either buy a one-way ticket

to Whisker-ta
or he could do something scary.

He picked scary.

Which, coincidentally, would
become his favorite Spice Girl.

So he went to his daddy
and he said,

"If you can accept the one thing
you don't like about me,

"then you'll get all the other
things you love about me.

And we can stay
in each other's lives."

All nine of them.

And after some thinking time,

Daddy Kitty gave Little Kitty
the hug of his life.

[applause]

Damn.

I didn't even cry this much
when my son was born.

I once built a nail salon
out of Legos.

Well, isn't that special?

Ah, you're back.

Yeah, I'm back.

Couldn't quit thinking
about me, could you?

No, that's not it.

Taryn had to go
on an emergency call.

But maybe I did think
about you a little bit.

Okay, good,
'cause you really had me

sweating there for a while.

Well, you look good in sweat.

Ah. So you're saying
you want a summer wedding?

[both laugh]

Hey, everybody.
I want to introduce you

to the owner of Kat's Cat Café.

Story Time was her idea.

In fact, this whole café
was her idea.

A place where we can
all come together,

have fun and be ourselves.

-Ms. Kat Silver!
-[applause]

JACOB:
[whoops] We love you, Kat!

Beep.
[laughs]

Feel validated?

I don't need no stinking list.

-Ah!
-Cookies!

I need to cancel my membership.

Do you want to transfer your
membership to another location?

[chuckles]
Do I want to eat glass for fun?

The answer's no.
I just want to cancel.

Well, we require
a two-month notice to cancel,

and you just joined last week.

[laughs]

Here's the thing, Kyle.

I joined this gym
because I thought

I was gonna get my picture
in the paper.

But it turns out,
that's not happening.

And that's okay
because I also realized

that your jingle just doesn't
apply to me, because...

♪ I was the me
I've always dreamed of♪

♪ Before I started
coming here.♪

So, I know this is hard
on the both of us,

but you got to let me go, Kyle.

Sorry, the cancellation clause
is very clear.

Okay.

Well, I'm, I'm guessing

there were some other clauses
in there, too, as well.

Like an inappropriate
conduct clause

which might require you
to kick somebody out

if they, say, uh,

threw all your pens
on the floor.

Or, uh, uh,
what if I sexy-danced

with every gym friend
that comes in here?

Like this gym friend.
You need a sexy dance.

You need a sexy dance.
You need... No?

No? Okay. Still nothing?

Uh, what if I were to, uh,
start doing the dolphin,

like, right in the middle
of your lobby

for no apparent reason?

[imitating dolphin squeak]

SHEILA:
Katharine?

Mother?

You're a member
of this gym, too?

♪ I'm moving on♪

♪ The sun is shining♪

♪ And it's a brand-new day♪

♪ I, I am go♪

♪ We're living the moment♪

♪ And it's a brand-new day♪

♪ I'm moving on♪

♪ The sun is shining♪

♪ And it's a brand-new day♪

♪ I, I am go♪

♪ We're living the moment♪

♪ And it's a brand-new day.♪