Original subtitles

Subs NotPerfect! But by BestGuess using OldEars.

"If I was leanin' on a rainbow..."

"Where stars shine and moonbeams glow..."

"I could leave my troubles, forget my woes..."

"If I was leanin' on a rainbow."

"If I was sittin' on top of the world..."

"With fine wine, diamonds and pearls..."

"Ain�t nobody would bring me down..."

"If I was sittin' on top of the world."

Ooohh.

Aaahhh

Come on, you blithering idiot!

Only 26 letters in the damned alphabet...

All you gotta do is put them in the right bloody order!

Write something!

Anything!

Hhhh... Charles.

Think!

Charles!

Darling!

Charles! They can hear you in Timbuktu!

Much obliged.

You insist on living like a nocturnal animal.

At least be civil enough to hide your tracks.

Morning Edith!

Good morning ma'am

Ooh. He's finally gone through with it.

Oh, it's scandalous isn't it?

On the contrary, I think giving up the throne for love is awfully romantic.

I'll have a grilled grapefruit and a strong coffee please.

Mr. Condomine's asked that eggs be bought over to his study again.

Well, given his mood, I hope they're being sent sunny side up.

Here we go...

two... soft boiled eggs

for William Shakespeare.

And what does her majesty want this morning?

She's sticking to the 'ollywood diet.

'Ollywood diet...

It'll take a lot more...

than an exotic fruit to turn her into Greta Garbo.

And don't dilly dally in the garden Edith...

He'll only send it back, if the toast is cold.

I'm not a bad man.

Let me guess... I like to flirt a bit.

and...

the occasional flutter.

Here it is sir... your breakfast.

Edith? - Yes sir?

Would you remind Edna that...

The word 'toast' is derived from the Latin 'tostari'...

meaning... 'to scorch' or 'to roast'...

whereas this... is a cold, hard, piece of bread.

Apologies sir.

Do you need anything else?

Divine intervention.

Wonderfully patriotic Harold.

You've really excelled yourself.

And I'm certain the judges will agree.

Aaargh!

Oooh!

How was it so easy for you?

My man hath a muse.

Charles! You really should be praying to Cadmus...

and not decapitating him. - I'm sorry!

You've been commissioned to write a 90 page screenplay...

not War and Peace.

I'm at my wit's end.

I just don't understand how it's so problematic...

to adapt a story that you've already written.

I'm sorry Charles. I just don't know how long I can go on like this,

with you stuck in, in an imaginary world and...

me alone in the real one.

I miss you.

I miss us.

So do I.

Look at that.

Just found it amongst some papers.

Sweet of you to try and spare my feelings...

and a little naive.

Why?

Cause you imagine that I mind you thinking of Elvira.

Well, don't you?

No. I'm not in the least bit jealous of her.

I just wonder, if I died, would you continue to look at photographs of me?

Oh, darling.

You're not the dying type.

He's simply incorrigible Violet!

Sitting, mooning over pictures of Elvira yesterday!

Elvira? - He's been shirking work, and pining for the ex-wife!

Game, set and match.

It's really nothing to feel insecure about.

Elvira may have been very attractive, but the poor woman's gone.

Hmmm. As is the spark in our relationship.

Charles is a man, you can't expect him to juggle more than one thing at a time.

My advice... leave him to worry about the words...

and find someone else to shake your sheets.

Oh come on, don't be a prude.

One must be practical for a marriage to run the course.

Do you remember what you learnt at your last lesson, Mrs Bradman?

Strong firm grip. How could I forget?

So... what seems to be the trouble old chap? hmmm?

Things don't seem to be flowing as they used to. -Oh!

Name your words m'dear and wrestle with a bout of writer's block once in a while, eh?

In truth, it's not just the words that have dried up. - u huh.

Big Ben's stopped chiming. - oooh.

Mr Peasbody's got stage fright.

Oh you poor fellow.

It's like playing billiards with a rope.

Try a couple of these.

It should put some fuel back in your tank.

What are they?

Benzedrine Sulphate.

Amphetamine.

Enhances cheerfulness, alertness.

And as Violet would have to find out, one that fuels libido.

Sounds too good to be true. Is it habit forming?

No. Not at all. Been using them for years.

Slow down! You're about to give us both a coronary!

Oh! I've never felt more alive!

Why? What happened?

I decided to take your advice... and look on the positive!

Surely it's better to be up than down!

I just don't want you to exhaust yourself before the medium show at the theatre tonight.

Does anybody in their right mind waste a perfectly pleasant evening...

pretending to be fascinated by someone holding a one way conversation?

-Aaah -Oooh!

Isn't that your cook?

And your maid?

Oh yes. So she is.

Poor Edith.

She's been very taken with this sort of thing since she lost her brother...

fighting the fascists in Spain.

Primitive superstition can be very persuasive...

especially with the emotionally susceptible. -hmmm.

Ladies and gentlemen....

welcome to an evening...

that will change your perceptions of the world...

we inhabit.

It will answer irrefutably...

the questions that confounded mankind...

since the dawn of time.

Is there life... after death?

No.

Here she is.

Madam and monsieur...

Bonsoir.

From the great pyramid of Kalula in the west...

to Mount Kyatrans in the east...

from Wangatweetara in the south...

to Opsala in the north...

I have travelled the globe...

communing with gurus...

swamis...

and shaman.

These wise sages have guided me to a deeper dimension.

where finally I experienced an epiphany...

and broke through to the other side.

I am certain that there's the ones here...

have sensed the spirits of their departed loved ones.

and I am certain we all wish we could communicate with them again.

to say the things we never got to say.

I've got it!

Tonight...

I will use a precious mystical gift...

to make that possible.

Ohh!

Bugger!

She's an imposter!

Oh, she's a conjuring freak!

I told you! She's a fraud!

That's an outrageous accusation!

I merely lost contact!

Charles is right.

A real put up job.

Where'd he go?

Please! Please!

Madam Arcati has just been through a very traumatic experience.

Please!

Please! I would ask you to respect her privacy at this difficult time!

Oh my giddy aunt!

I told you Mandeep, I don't want to see a living soul.

My name is Charles Condomine...

I'm an award winning writer.

and especially not the gutter press.

No, I'm not a reporter, I write crime novels.

and screenplays.

No I can't abide fiction or fantasy.

Madam Arcati?

I'm not here to question your integrity.

Faking an exotic accent doesn't mean your gift isn't real.

I fully understand that like me, you occasionally have to employ...

a certain artistic licence to entertain the masses.

They expect me to deliver a spectacle...

a transcendental miracle, night after night.

Of course not, there's no need to justify yourself.

I'm a believer...

I'm simply here to invite you to conduct a private seance at my home.

But I'm not a travelling banjo player Mr Condomine...

I don't do requests.

Well there might be some influential guests attending.

Could be the perfect opportunity to send off any bad publicity from tonight's... unfortunate event.

When were you wishing this to take place?

As soon as possible.

Then I suggest this Thursday, midsummer night.

The solstice.

The sacred turning point of the seasons.

Perfect.

I told her how profoundly interested I was...

in anything to do with the occult,

and she blossomed like a rose.

Well, hosting an evening with a professional charlatan sounds like an absolute treat. -Doesn't it?

But will it get you closer to finishing your screenplay?

Well I need the old girl to show me a few tricks of the trade.

That's what's gonna make my new hero truly unique.

What's so unique about him?

He's dead. -Dead? -Yes.

As a doornail.

He's the victim of a vicious unsolved murder and...

communicates with the living through a medium...

who helps bring people back from beyond the grave.

Maybe she can resurrect your career at the same time.

Daddy's on the warpath and threatened to find another writer if you don't deliver soon.

Is anybody there?

Is anybody there?

One rap for yes...

two raps for no.

ooh!

Is that you Mya?

Who's Mya?

My spirit guide.

She was Tutankhamen�s wet-nurse.

I do hope she's not still lactating.

I would ask you not to be flippant Doctor Bradman.

She may be in Shambala but the women still has feelings.

Please forgive me Madam Arcati.

I didn't mean to cause offense.

Hyamin, ahadnt...

Quinak...

Ayawoodyu, ayahadyusef...

lee'ah, shuksu...

minhunah.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Is it me you wish to speak to?

Is it Doctor Bradman? Or perhaps one of his less fortunate patients?

Mrs Bradman?

Mrs Condomine?

Oh behave yourself Mya.

Mr Condomine?

It appears that someone wishes to speak to you Mr Condomine.

Do you know anyone who has recently passed over to the other side?

Only my old literary agent but it's unlikely he'd make contact.

He died owing me a fortune in royalties.

Are you Mr Condomine's literary agent?

No. I'm afraid we've drawn a blank.

Is there anyone on the other side you think of often?

Oh well, there's nothing for it. I shall have to go into a trance.

It is the moment I hate.

Are...ah..you nervous? or...

When I was a child, I used to be sick.

Now let's see... what have we here?

Oh Brahms... no that's too dark and depressing.

Rachmaninov... no too florid.

Oh yes, this is better... Always.

Does it have to be that song?

Well Mya likes a tune she can hum along to.

Always...

"I'll be loving you, always..."

Aaaaah!

Christ!

"Aaaaaaaah!

What the hell's going on!

Must be a power cut!

Madam Arcati!

Madam Arcati! Can you hear me!

Is she still breathing!? -She's having some sort of fit.

Please do something Doctor Bradman!

Oh! -Oh! Oh my goodness.

Well apart from the French windows blowing open...

nothing supernatural.

Well, something substantial took place!

I can feel it in my base chakra.

Probably trapped wind.

No poltergeist at any rate.

Um, any apparitions?

Ah, not that we saw.

What about ectoplasm?

I'm not quite sure what that is.

A supernatural viscous substance.

It exudes from the body of one in a spiritualistic trance...

and forms in material for the manifestation's spirit.

No, I definitely would have remembered that.

Mmmhmm.

Well, I suppose I should get going before the storm rolls in.

Would you care for some refreshments before you return to your hotel?

No thank you Mrs Condomine, I like to travel light.

Congratulations Madam Arcati, it was a thrilling evening.

I am well aware of the irony in your voice Doctor Bradman.

May I be so bold as to remind you...

that modern medicine is a recent phenomena...

and that physicians have found value in scientifically inexplicable practices...

since the beginning of civilisation.

Quite so. -Well...

Goodnight everyone.

I'm sorry so little eventuated.

Probably has something to do with the cosmic flux.

Thank you so much for agreeing to do this Madam Arcati.

It's been an education on so many levels.

Merci... Mr Condomine.

et au revoir.

Pffff! Ha ha ha! Sh shsh! She might hear us. Shss!

I can't... I really...I can't!

Hhhh.

I can't quite put my finger on it Donald.

I know I could say it's anything like it in my life.

It genuinely felt as if...

something tremendous had happened.

Oh well...

maybe next time.

Goodnight my love.

Hee hee. Did you get everything you need for your screenplay?

Oh everything and more. Ha ha ha ha.

Not thinking of turning in for the night are you?

What?

Wouldn't it be prudent to get down the ideas whilst they're still fresh?

Yes, that's... absolutely... I'll ah...

fix myself a drink... and deviene.

Carpe diem darling. Hee hee hee.

Carpe diem.

"Always.. always.. always.. always.."

Shit! Christ!

Charles?

What on earth have you done?

The room, it's like a giant peach melba!

And where's my Italian chandelier gone?

Uh!

Oh god!

Hello? -uh!

Please tell me you haven't ruined the rest of the house. - oh!

Hhh!

My Moroccan mosaic! Charles!

One weekend away and the whole place has had the life and soul sucked out of it!

This can't be happening. I must be hallucinating.

Well judging from the decor I would say that's the understatement of the century.

I should have known this wasn't down to you.

Who is she?

It's not what you think.

Please do not humiliate either one of us any further.

If you've got something to tell me, be a man, and spit it out!

Elvira...

you're dead.

How dare you!

Aaaaargh!

The last thing I remember...

is competing in the Southdown 'Point-to-Point'!

That's right.

And the conditions were treacherous.

And as with most things you refused to listen to reason.

Well I couldn't miss the most prestigious meet of the season Charles.

Well you paid the ultimate price for your folly...

you fell at the final fence.

Instantly breaking your neck.

The whole episode was very distressing for everyone involved.

Well, presumably not as distressing as it was for me.

They did rename the jump in your honour.

Oh! How thoughtful.

Well, I don't understand, if I'm dead, then how and why am I here?

I have absolutely no idea.

Maybe you're a ghost.

What!

Nooooo!

Please don't get hysterical.

Hysterical?

Concerned more like!

Procrastination is a thief of time Charles and yours is running out.

Who's she?

My wife Ruth.

Yes? Are you alright?

I'm your wife. -Not any more.

What? Why? What's the matter?

Ruth I'm not speaking to you, I'm talking to Elvira.

Elvira?

Yes, surely you can see her, she's standing right next to you.

Charles what are you playing at? Elvira's dead.

Argh! Why does everyone have to keep saying that?

Elvira darling this is Ruth. Ruth darling this is Elvira.

Are you drunk?

Ruth, Elvira is here, with us in the room.

Madam Arcati must have summoned her up during the seance.

Madam Arcati's a fraud, you said so yourself.

I'm going to bed.

And I suggest that you retire too.

Finally some time to ourself so that we can get reacquainted.

That's a thoroughly immoral suggestion! -Oh!

I wasn't for a moment insinuating, we share a bed! -No.

I've come to terms with your weakness and ability to perform in that department.

Mmmm.

I can't image you ever did with that sour pussy.

Quiet! You're behaving like a gutter snipe!

This your behaviour Charles, and it's unpardonable!

Goodnight.

Hooray.

What a frightful woman. I can only assume it was a marriage of convenience?

Mmmm.

I've gone mad, that's what it is.

Stark raving mad.

It'll ruin your life if you allow it to get hold of you.

Once and for all Ruth, last night had nothing to do with alcohol.

I wasn't in the least drunk!

Something very peculiar happened to me!

A one off psychic delusion likely bought on by work pressure...

A deadline doesn't explain why when I calmly suggested that you return to bed...

you said with a most disgusting leer, that it was an immoral suggestion.

I thought I was talking to Elvira.

Well if you were, I can only say, can't be a fragrant picture of your first marriage.

My first marriage was perfectly charming.

And it's in the worse possibly taste for you to sneer at it.

Not nearly interested in your first marriage as you think I am.

In fact it's you second marriage that's absorbing me at the moment...

headed for the rocks!

Phhhh.

Well, It's ah... 155 over 99, it is quite high.

Pffff. I'm not surprised given the intensity of the hallucination.

I genuinely believed Elvira was in the room talking to me.

She was as real as you or I.

Probably better if you stop taking the tablets, old chap.

Darling.

I hate to see you so upset.

Please accept my heartfelt apologies for...

anything untoward I might have said last night... or this morning.

My apology accepted.

Let's never mention it again.

How are you feeling?

I believe Doctor Bradman... might have solved the riddle.

Ah. Well thank goodness.

Now, let's go and see your father.

And check he likes my new idea before committing it to the page.

I do not want to be late.

Charles!

And as you see Henry, it's only through the medium...

that the killer can be brought to justice

based on new evidence that he gathers from beyond the grave.

I like the premise Charles, but not enough...

to wait another 6 months to see a script.

Charles will deliver in a few weeks daddy.

You have my word.

A... and mine.

Cut!

And reset!

Right. Come on. Let's go and watch the next scene.

I think Hitch will be the perfect director for our film.

Just don't get under his feet.

Come on darling.

Googie darling, how lovely to see you.

Charles Condomine.

I'm a big fan of your books Mr Condomine.

When can we expect Detective Flowers to crack his next case?

Ah. Charles has actually made the leap into screen writing.

With daddy's help. -Oh! How exiting.

I'd die to play one of your strong willed female characters.

Where do you draw your inspiration from?

Where do you think? Hee hee hee!

Oh. How romantic.

To marry your muse. hmmm.

Not so romantic to replace her.

Why don't you tell her the truth Charles?

You're an astro-bigamist.

Be quiet! Stop behaving like a harlot!

I beg your pardon? -Ah ha ha.

Admit it Charles.

All of your female characters are based on me.

You always were vain and self obsessed.

How dare you speak to my leading lady like that!

No. No. No.

Get a grip Charles! Whatever's going on?

Elvira is here.

I can see her.

She's right there.

You should go home immediately and lie down.

I have no desire to go to bed in the middle of the afternoon.

My, how things have changed.

I remember a time when we could barely drag ourselves out of our double divan.

Stop it being indecent. Get out of my sight!

How dare you speak to my daughter like that!

No I wasn't speaking to her.

Get off my set!

You're in trouble now. -Don't be so infantile!

I'll give you infantile! -oh!

Ooh! -Ow! Aah!

Does it hurt?

O.. Only if I breathe.

Let me see it darling.

What about now! - aah!

Oh. God!

I suggest you take yourself to your study.

The only way my father will forgive you is if you deliver an Oscar worthy script.

How am I supposed to write in this state?

Well you better try. Either start typing and prove you're not barking mad or...

I'll be forced to call Doctor Bradman and have you referred to a nerve specialist.

Ooo! I'm not in the least neurotic! And never have been.

What psycho-analyst said it? -oh.

I refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation...

only to be told at the end of it...

that at the age of 4 I was in love with my rocking horse.

Don't take that flippant tone with me Charles Condomine. I'm not the one who started seeing things.

Ah! So you do believe me then?

Of course I don't. There's no such thing as ghosts or ghouls.

I call upon Donald Keeling.

2nd Lieutenant...

in the 92nd Regiment...

of Gordon Highlanders...

who died...

on February27th...

1881...

at the Battle of Majuba Hill.

Come forth...

and make yourself known to me,

Cecily...

your ever devoted wife.

Donald.

Is that you?

It's housekeeping. Do you need fresh towels?

What are you doing here?

Despite removing every trace of me this is still my home.

Besides...

I've no idea how to get back even if I wanted to.

Are you saying you're staying indefinitely?

Why?

Would you hate it so much if I did?

Honestly Charles, I really am a little hurt.

You're the only one who could've called me back.

I most emphatically did not send for you Elvira.

Ruth and I am about to celebrate our 5th Wedding Anniversary together.

Five?

What is that? Leather?

Wood.

Watch out for the splinters.

Mrs Condomine?

I'll call Doctor Bradman to see if he'll accompany us to the sanatorium.

Ruth. Please listen to me.

I haven't gone mad. A ghost of my fist wife Elvira has crossed over from the other side..

and is here in the room with us right now.

Yes dear.

I know, I see her perfectly well.

Along with the zebras and chimpanzees hiding under the piano.

Ruth. I have always looked upon you as a woman of perception and understanding.

I am. But if you say you're not drinking, there might be something pressing on your brain.

Elvira, do something to reveal that you really are here, please!

She's going to have me committed.

You remember when we first heard our song Charles?

I be loving you always oo oo...

See! What did I tell you?

It's a cruel trick Charles... using some sort of auto-suggestion or hypnotism, to scare me!

It isn't, I swear it isn't! Darling!

Darling!

Elvira, do something else I can't fake.

Ooh! Anything to oblige.

Look!

What!

Ooh!

Noooooooooooooo!

[ ]

[ ]

Oh.

Ah we really need the room back!

I told you I'd be packed and ready to go within an hour!

Ah. Thank God I caught you.

You are my only hope.

Something terrible has taken place!

You heard strange noises in the night?

Boards creaking, doors slamming?

And subdued moaning in the passages?

There's no.. none of those. -oh.

But... it appears that after the seance...

My husband's first wife Elvira...

who died seven years ago...

is back among us.

Atarik.

A genuine materialization.

I knew something stupendous had happened to me that night.

I felt it in my spinal cortex.

Oh. After all these years of... of spiritual devotion.

I've finally been rewarded.

I appreciate the pride in your achievement...

but I would like to point out it's making my position in my home untenable...

and I hold you entirely responsible.

Oh... forgive me Mrs Condomine.

I'm being abominably selfish.

Just to let me get this clear in my mind...

you yourself have not seen this manifestation?

No.

But Charles claims he can see and talk to her.

Well, you see emotional connections stronger it's sometimes possible.

It can, sometimes, develop into a level ten.

Something I've never even dared dream of.

Can he by any chance... touch her?

I sincerely hope not.

Why?

Can that happen?

Well, if the returning spirit feels welcome...

it can...

gradually...

become...

physically...

substantial.

Thank you Mrs Bradman, well, please do let me know if you hear from her.

She's not there either.

I remember when you couldn't wait...

to spend an afternoon alone with me.

Please... refrain from playing with my affections, I feel strange enough.

So you do still find me attractive?

Elvira please...

This isn't appropriate.

Look into my eyes.

and tell me you don't love me anymore.

I shall always love the memory of you.

Memories are about the past Charles.

But I'm here, and this is the present.

Why don't we take the boat out like we used to and get some air?

I can't. I'm on a deadline.

What are you writing? - Chess?

I'll have you know, I've been commissioned to adapt my first novel for the screen.

Your first novel?

Nearly wore my fingers to the bone committing this story to the page.

A secret darling.

It's not a coincidence that you haven't published a word since my demise.

Well I won't deny you did have a certain flare for plot. -mmhmm

and character. -and...

and dialogue. -thanks.

I think the problem you have is the twist into the 3rd act.

It is symptomatic enough but it is why you don't have a satisfying climax.

Tell me something I don't know.

Wouldn't it be smarter to put the whole thing on its head and reveal the husband as the killer?

Oh that's good.

Or...what would be more interesting...

is if it's the wife who set him up

Why would the wife send her husband to the gallows?

It's obvious darling...

Susan Rutherford becomes the prime suspect when her alibi fails to materialise...

and we naturally assume that she's trying to protect the reputation of the foreign secretary...

whose aspirations of becoming prime minister would be severely compromised...

if it was revealed that he was having an affair, but...

in reality nothing could be further than the truth...

which is what we learn from the victim himself...

and it's only through the medium that they can work it out.

Work what out?

That she's pregnant with the dead foreign secretary's child.

Oh, that's good. -mmm.

Well, even I didn't see that one coming.

Of course you didn't darling. You're just a writer. hmmm.

I'm afraid... Mrs Condomine that the time has come for me to admit quite frankly...

I haven't the foggiest idea how to send her back.

I have my own personal reasons for wishing to communicate with the departed.

But I never, for a moment considered the possibility of having to send someone back.

Well I suggest that you find a way.

I refuse to share my husband with anyone.

Especially his dead ex-wife.

Well, if I had thought for a moment that your husband...

wished to get in touch with the spirit of his dead ex-wife...

I would of course consulted you first after all you're [ ].

He had no intention of getting in touch with her, I can assure you...

the whole thing was planned in order for him to get material for his new project.

Am I to understand, I was invited in a spirit of mockery?

He merely wanted to make some notes of the... tricks of the trade.

Tricks of the trade!

I've never been so insulted in my life.

I'm sorry that all came out wrong. I'm rather over-wrought with the whole affair.

Hhhhh.

Please, I implore you to help us.

I will go to the Spiritual Alliance on my way back to Sussex, and ask them for guidance.

Sussex?

You can't abandon us in our hour of need.

Well due to my recent circumstances, I can no longer afford to stay here.

But you can contact me.

I can cover your hotel bill...

and any expenses until this terrifying ordeal has been resolved.

Susan Rutherford leans over the foreign secretary...

Don't stop.

"The Soviet Union can wait." says the foreign secretary.

He turns, and looks at Susan longingly...

"This can't." -oooh!

...he whispers urgently.

And then...

he starts to slowly...

unbutton...

her silk blouse.

They start...

to passionately...

kiss.

Ok.

That's it except for the first act turn.

oooh! You can't just stop mid flow!

I'm tired.

And I'm thirsty.

And I want to go into town and drink Negronis like we used to.

But it's getting late!

You really have got a little too comfortable in your slippers Charles.

"The price of the inspiration..."

would be too high..."

"It fuelled on fire my creation.....

"We had to say goodbye...."

"If you're putting pen to paper, a singer with a song...."

What do you want, Elvira?

Want? -mmm.

I don't know what you mean.

I remember, whenever you got over whelmingly demure...

it usually meant that you wanted something.

It's horrid of you to be so suspicious.

I only wanted to be alone with you.

I can't deny I happen to feel rather peculiar seeing you again.

I've missed you more than life itself.

I've missed you too.

My American dream.

I was utterly heartbroken after the accident.

Truth is I don't believe I ever really got over losing you.

Do you love Ruth?

Of course I do.

As much as you loved me?

Don't be silly.

It's entirely different.

I'm so glad.

Nothing could've ever been quite the same, could it?

Let's go to Soho.

Swap those slippers for some dancing shoes?

Hmmm. -Haha. -mmm.

"You gotta give a little, take a little...�

"Let your poor heart break a little..."

"That's the story of, that's the glory of love."

"You gotta laugh a little, cry a little..."

"Let the clouds roll by a little..."

"That's the story of, that's the glory of love."

"As long as there's the two of us...."

Elvira! I think I'm going to be sick! Oh god!

I love being sat behind the wheel of a car!

Can't say the feeling's mutual.

Charles?

Where on earth have you been? I've been worried sick!

Too bad it's not terminal.

Oh, oh I wanted to clear my head so I took a long drive.

In the passenger seat?

Let's, let's not quarrel when we should be celebrating.

I finished the first act of my screenplay, and it's...

rather good. -My screenplay more like.

How did you manage that in a day?

Elvira helped me.

You mean to tell me, not only has she bullied her way back over the threshold...

she's trying to work with you now as well?

What do you mean trying, I've written 15 books in your name.

Elvira, this is neither the time nor the place.

Oh! This is intolerable!

Elvira! Now you listen to me!

Darling. -I, yes. -She's over there.

Right.

Listen here Elvira!

I've been to see Madam Arcati and she's going to send you back...

to where ever it is she regrettably dragged you from!

Charles, Charles?

Don't.

Darling, please don't be upset.

Upset? You just spent the night with your ex-wife.

How do you expect me to feel?

Ecstatic. -Oh!

Our dream of going to Hollywood is finally within our grasp!

Soon as I deliver this screenplay, we'll be crossing the Atlantic...

quicker than you could say Sunset Boulevard.

Think of the glits...

the glamour...

the good times we're going to share.

You won't be reading about other people�s lives anymore...

you'll be reading about ours.

You can't do it without her?

Course I can.

Just be a lot quicker this way.

There's really no need for you to be jealous.

You're the one I love.

Forgive me that I don't tell you enough.

Now that the words are flowing...

I feel...

unblocked in other areas too.

Promise me you can't touch her.

Darling...

She's a ghost.

And besides, the only woman I want to touch, is you.

mmm?

Ooh. mmm.

aah.

Listen here, lady.

You may have summoned me into this world...

but there's no way I'm going to let you send me back again.

I'm here to stay.

Is that clear?

Ooh. Ooh, aah. Ooh. mmm.

Aah!

mmm.

Ooh. mmm.

hmmm.

Phhhww!

How dare you ignore me, you meddling old crow!

Either you leave me in peace, and live my life...

or I'll haunt you until the day you die.

The Tower...

Symbol of chaos.

Destruction...

and devastation.

Haaaaa.

Wakey wakey.

Rise and shine.

What was I Charles? The warm-up bat?

m m!

If I was you, I'd keep it there.

mmm. -uh.

Good afternoon ma-am.

I'm going to have to correct you Edith.

It's not a good afternoon, it's a glorious one.

Should I prepare lunch?

Ah yes please, you read my mind, I'm absolutely famished...

I'll have a cheese and pickle platter. With extra pickle.

Yes ma'am.

Aww.

What happened to your leg?

Oh I slipped down the staircase.

You really must refrain from doing everything at the double...

you're not in the navy you know.

I wasn't hurryin' ma'am.

There was axle grease smeared all over the top steps.

Aww!

Yes, her agent loves the pitch. Thinks it will be a perfect vehicle for her.

Seriously, Greta Garbo! - Yes

Wha..! Matahari speaking my words would be a dream come true.

Charles, are you still on track? -Yes, absolutely still on track.

I'll send the next ream of pages over as soon as I reach the 2nd act turn.

Don't let me down. -Thank you Henri.

And I appreciate your continued patience and belief.

Send it. -Goodbye.

Haaah.

Elvira. What are you doing?

Greta Garbo speaking my words?

Darling, what am I supposed to say?

That I've got a... ghost writer?

Stop it. Elvira that's one of our wedding gifts.

Not ours Charles. Hers!

Haa!

You care more about breaking China than you do about breaking my heart!

Elvira, I was unwaveringly loyal and faithful...

to you in all our years of marriage.

What was I supposed to do after you died?

Become a recluse and...

wear a black arm band for the rest of my life?

Ma'am, the garden judges are here.

Ah, thank you Edith.

Ohh....... The garden....

Oh!

Oh!... We've... been sabotaged!

Oh that's an outrageous suggestion.

As the National Director of the Spiritual Alliance, my job is protect the reputation of...

genuine psychic practioners, not undermine them.

'I see'

And I vow, along with my friend Harry Houdini...

to investigate and expose every fraudulent spiritualist...

operating in this country.

Come in!

Madam Arcati here to see you sir.

'Thank you very much for your time.' -Yes... No no no, thank you.

Always a pleasure to talk to the press. -Goodbye.

Well you've got a cheek...

showing your face when you're suspended.

I'm sorry to turn up un-announced but...

I urgently need your guidance.

I have pulled off...

a level 10 manifestation.

And was this before or after you conned 800 people into paying to see you levitate?

Look really, you must believe me Harry.

And it is possible this presence has a physical form.

Margot? Where are the scissors?

Drawer.

So you're telling me that the first level 10 manifestation

report in over 3 centuries, was the result of an ordinary common or garden seance?

Yes that is correct.

What did you use as a guide?

Oh!

Um... This is...

The Art Of The Seance. -Oh!

Can you help me? -Yes.

Madam Arcati, yes, I think I can.

Do you have your membership card?

Membership card, ah...

Yes.

I'm going to start by terminating your membership with immediate effect..

This is no place...

for fantasists or frauds.

Margot?

Madam Arcati's leaving now.

Meet me at Temple Square in an hour.

Chapter 4, page 9, paragraph 6.

Oh!

A banishing spell. Oh Margot.

Thank you.

We don't have long...

I need to replace it in the safe, before Mr Price returns from lunch.

It's recorded in Ancient Druidic.

I'm a little rusty, but I'll do my best.

Oh, oh wait.

Take Keriduans Brew...

of Devils Claw...

Devils Claw.

Poisoned Root of Achinite...

Oh yes.

Elixier of a vale of flowers.

Oh yes of course, that's the enchanter's blood.

A sacrificial offering...

is getting strongest with a waning moon.

Oh, waning moon.

A sprinkle of black salt on a stone alter...

then lay the freshly torn bladder of a carnivore.

Bl.. bladder?

Huh. Oh no...

Freshly torn bladder wart. -oh!

Obserb carniverous quintes huge calari plant herbe.

Ah! Thank heavens.

I thought for a minute I was going to have to get my hands dirty.

Au revoir, Madam Arcati.

Good luck.

Well excuse me.

What about Clark Gable? He'd make a dashing Detective Frank Flowers.

Good actor... terrible breathe. -oh!

Very tricky for the leading ladies. I was thinking Cary Grant.

Now we're talking.

I look forward to making his acquaintance at the premiere.

Well I'm afraid you're getting ahead of yourself there Mrs Bradman...

even I can't make a film without a script!

Rather like trying to perform surgery without a patient.

Hmm. A typewriter can be a cruel and demanding mistress.

Yes, well let's hope that's the only affair Charles is having.

Hmm mmm mm

Hello dear.

Hello daddy.

Time for a speech. Oh! Ah.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Aah. -Ooh!

As a writer people are always expecting me to...

come up with lots of words... -hmm mm.

Well, today I'm sure you'll all be relieved to hear

that I'm going to keep things short and sweet.

Just like my wife. -ha ha ha....

If I were to create a character, as beautiful as...

poised as...

perfect as Ruth...

My fans would accuse me of...

straying into fantasy. -oh.

But thankfully we are all here today to celebrate the fact that...

Ruth is my reality.

And has been for 5 fabulous years.

So...

let us be upstanding, upstandingly...

and, raise our glasses...

to true love. -Yes . 'TRUE LOVE'!

True Love.

Never dies.

"Oh, I wish I could shimmy like my sister Kate..."

"She can shake like jelly on a plate...

"My mama wanted to know last night...

"Why all the boys think Kate's so nice..."

"All the boys in the neighbourhood..."

"Know that she can shimmy good..."

"You may be late, but you'll be up to date..."

"When you can shimmy like sister Kate, oh yeah. Shimmy like my sister Kate."

"I went to a dance with sister Kate..."

"Everyone thought that she was great..."

"I looked around......" For the love of Mike!

Ruth! What on earth are you doing!

Cooling off!

All that dancing's got me hot and sticky!

Everybody's looking!

I didn't know it was going to be one of those parties.

You're as wet as an Otter's pocket! What happened to your dress?

Well what happened to yours daddy?!

Ooh!

Yes, that's lovely darling. I'm not sure the fish are enjoying this.

Why don't you come upstairs and have a little lie down hmmm?

Only if you're going to join me.

Aaah! Ah make love to me like it was the first time.

Weeee!

Does Mr Peasbody want to come out and play?

Ooh!

Well, I'm not surprised she doesn't like to do it with the lights on.

Don't be so vulgar Elvira.

Oh! She's in here?

Now you listen to me you low rent hussy...

This is my party, my bedroom...

my house and...

Charles is my husband!

What did she say?

She apologised unreservedly and has taken herself back downstairs. -oohmm!

You should have been an actor Charles.

You really are rather good.

Oh mmm. I'm so tired, I think...

I'm not in the mood anymore.

Aah!

I am. -oh.

Morning darling.

You look shattered.

Yes. Had a bit of a restless night.

Yes! Yes I thought you were thrashing around a bit.

I had Edna prepare Norfolk Kippers. Your favourite.

Ha! That's very sweet.

I could do with something heartier.

Feel I rather overdid it on the bubbles yesterday.

Party went by in a... bit of a blur.

Hhh.

What are you stuck on?

Twenty two down, Greek God of Retribution.

Seven letters, third letter 'm', seventh letter 's'.

Ah... Oh! Nemesis. -hmm.

Ooh!

Aerh!

Aaaaah!

What on earth has happened?

She said the place is cursed.

Oooh!

It's not safe! It's not safe at all!

Edna!? Oh!

You can't leave us! -You can keep your job!

Please don't go! -No! I'm getting out of here!

Please stop! Go away!

I've had enough of you two! Go away!!

No! Don't! -You've said your piece!

No don't! -Give up!

Meow. -Oh, there you are.

There you are.

Now... to work.

Yes.

Mmmm.

Where are you?

Detective, I don't see how you can blame a girl...

for falling in love with the right guy...

for the wrong reason.

But what about that poor sap of a husband of yours?

Guys like him are a dime a dozen what was he? The right guy in the wrong place at the wrong time?

Oh detective...

Just being close to you...

I feel as if I am completely... naked.

How do you always manage to see right through me?

I see things...

just the way they are...

the rest of the world, needs bifocals.

I'm not sure about that last line, it feels too...

florid.

It needs something and simple and...

point like...

That's my job sweetie. I just do it.

Huh.

Whatever you prefer. It's your name on the script.

mmmh hmmm.

And fade to black!

Well!

Dare I say it, I think the films gonna be even better than the book. -hh hmm.

And we finished ahead of the deadline.

Just wait 'til I tell Ruth. -hmmm.

Let's not tell her just yet.

Ooh!

Oh for heaven�s sake.

Ah!

Damn and blast!

Oh, are you alright darling?

Mmm. Knowing you're working your fingers to the bone...

makes it easier for me to endure a few blisters and burns.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls my dear.

We've nothing to serve for lunch I'm afraid.

Don't fret and worry about it. I'm not in the least hungry.

Dare I ask, how it's going over there?

The finishing line is almost in sight.

Oh thank goodness.

I don't like you alone with her one iota.

But...

if it means that you're going to be able to deliver the damned script..

then I can just about tolerate it.

You and I do make a good team darling. - hmm.

I'd like us to move our beds back together...

permanently.

I think if we're going to be separated during the days...

the least we could do is...

spend our nights together as... man and wife.

Yes I should like nothing more.

Gonna take a walk.

Try to clear my head.

Hhhh!

Remember when we used to play hide and seek around here?

And your reward when you found me? Ha ha ha.

mmm.

Aah!

Look.

Isn't he handsome?

He's magnificent.

He can sense me.

How wonderful to not be frightened of the unknown.

You're not frightened are you Charles?

Of what?

Falling back in love.

How is that possible when we're existing on two different planes?

Cause I'm alive, and you're... -Don't!

Don't say it.

I'm so sorry old girl there's no easy way to say this...

but I'm struggling to see any future in us.

You know Charles...

when you give someone an eternity ring...

it's supposed to be a love that lasts forever.

Charles?

Haaa.

Charles! Watch out!

Aargh!

Damn!

Ooh! Oh!

She's dangerous Charles, Edna was almost scalped!

And look what happened to Edith.

What are you suggesting?

It's blindingly obvious that Elvira came here...

for one purpose and one purpose only.

She came here to have you to herself... forever.

Oww! How?

By killing you off of course.

I think that's absurd.

Do you really think the cabinet climbed up onto the roof and...

jumped off of its own accord?

Elvira may be prone to temper tantrums...

but she still loves me.

She'd never wish me any harm.

If you were dead, it would be her final triumph over me.

She'd have you all to herself on a beastly astral plane...

and I'd be left high and dry.

She's probably planning some sort of spiritual remarriage.

What're we going to do?

Yes. The guest's name is Madam Arcati. Room 14.

One moment.

I'm sorry but she left yesterday.

Oh dear. Did she leave any messages?

I'm afraid not.

Thank you.

She checked out yesterday. -oh!

Well there's nothing for it. I shall have to get myself arrested.

Spend the night locked up in a cell. -No.

We just have to create our own safe place for the night.

Right.

So gently does it.

Oh.

Ah! Oh!

Precious.

Havervineris

Nature's Divine protector.

Hmm.

What are you doing with that?

I just removed all the heavy and sharp objects for a reason.

I though you could keep going with your script while we're holed up in here.

Ah. Um...

I've already finished it.

Ooh!

I thought you said you were struggling?

On reflection I think I... was over thinking the whole thing.

I.. I'll.. I'll give the manuscript a quick read and drive it over to the studio first thing in the morning.

Oh Charles.

What wonderful news!

Daddy's going to be over the moon. -hmmm.

As am I. Oh darling. -hm hm hm.

Now we can both focus on banishing Elvira into oblivion once and for all.

And none too soon. Two's company, three's a nightmare.

Hhmm.. mmm. -ooh.

Nearly there.

Vivaine and Eil...

Bring the witches from their well.

Charles.

Charles!

Hello?

Mrs Condomine. - Oh.

I have news.

Doors are opening and change is in the air.

This is the time we need results Madam Arcati...

We've been urgently trying to contact you.

Charles' life is in grave danger.

Elvira is trying to murder him.

I feared she might become a malevolent spirit.

That's putting it mildly. Where are you?

In Sussex. I've gathered everything together and now I'm ready.

For what?

Well to send her back of course.

Stay put Madam Arcati, I'll come and collect you.

Ooh! -Aah!

Aah.

The telephone woke me.

Apologies if I scared you.

Ahh... When Mr Condomine wakes up...

tell him I've gone to fetch Madam Arcati and I shall be back before lunch.

Don't hurt me I beg you!

Are you alright today Mr Condomine?

I've never stopped loving you. -Ooh!

I don't know what to say sir.

You have a funny way of showing it Charles.

I was going to put your name manuscript before I delivered it this morning! I promise!

Oh. That won't be necessary sir.

I'm a woman Charles, we're used to not getting what we deserve.

No. I insist. I can change the leaf straight away.

Mrs Condomine left in the car a while ago. She said she would be back by lunchtime.

Oooh!

Elvira. What have you done?

Aeeeh!

Aaargh!

Oops.

"There are some things that are out of my control..."

"Like the wind, and the rain, and the snow..."

"You've completely overpowered my soul..."

"There are some things that are out of my control."

"You make it sunlight, every day of the year...."

"One glance from you, and the clouds disappear..."

"Like forces of nature, we were meant to be here..."

"Now this flame in my heart, burns for you..."

"There are some things that are out of my control..."

"Passing time, the seasons, growing old..."

"You completely overpowered my soul..."

"There are some things that are out of my control."

Mr Condomine...

I would just like to say that...

I've reproached myself bitterly.

You are not to blame Madam Arcati, the fault lies squarely on my shoulders.

It was my ambition and ego...

that dragged us into this unbearable mess.

And that is something that I shall have to live with for the rest of my life.

The last time I spoke with Mrs Condomine...

your life was in danger.

I urge you to come and see me at your earliest possible convenience.

Here is my card.

I'll be waiting.

You're not going to stay for refreshments?

No, please don't think me rude, but I..

I prefer to contemplate the passing of the spirit in my own private way.

My sincerest condolences My Condomine.

Shouldn't that be congratulations?

What the hell are you doing here?

Have you no shame?

It was an accident Charles. I was trying to kill you.

How could you be so heartless?

Death does that to you.

You know you can always tell how well regarded someone is by

the attendance at their funeral.

What's that supposed to mean?

Bit of a poor turnout today if you ask me.

I barely counted 40 people.

That does it! -ooh!

Aaah! - Come here!

Aah! What do you think you're doing with that!? Aaaah!

Well, it's a game about getting a different outcome! Aaaahhh!!!

Would you excuse me?

I'm sorry for your loss Mr McIntosh.

Ruth was a fine woman, and a good friend.

I'm going to miss her deeply.

Thank you Mrs Bradman.

I know she was fond of you too.

I can't quite believe she's gone.

My mother always said that time is a physician that heals every grief.

oooo! -oooh!

You never were much of an opponent on a croquet lawn Charles.

You revolt me!

I'm going to kill you!

Ooohhh!

Don't be an imbecile. I'm already dead.

You'd better fetch your medicinal bag before someone else gets killed.

Edna was right. This place is cursed.

I can't bear to see you ever again!

The feeling's mutual Charles, with aging disappointment, you've become a pompous arse!

Charles! Charles!

Everything's gonna be splendid.

Not while she's here it won't.

Not while who's here? -Elvira!

Phew.

Where am I?

In the looney bin.

Aaah! Aaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaarh!

There's no point in struggling Charles.

The more you thrash around, the longer they'll keep you in.

Why am I here?

You've been sectioned under the mental treatment act.

And held under mandatory observation for the next 28 days.

I hope you rot in hell!

Not wise to be bad tempered with the only person who can help you.

I'd rather eat my own tongue than ask you for help!

Ooh. You might just get to do that..

Doctor MacEwen is planning taking you down the corridor..

in 15 minutes for electric shock treatment.

Wha... -mmm.

No! No come back! Wha...!

Of course... there's usually a way around these things.

What do you want from me?

I know you're never going to forgive me Charles.

And being stuck in purgatory with you..

grieving over another woman, is a fate worse than death!

I couldn't agree more.

Which is why..

I want a divorce.

With pleasure.

And I know just the person who can execute that.

Awww!

Good

Ooh! Move over.

There's no way I'm putting my life in your hands again.

Don't flatter yourself Charles.

When I think of what might have happened...

if I succeeded in getting you to the other side, it makes me shudder.

Nothing but bickering and squabbling for eternity.

Drive.

Looking back on our married years...

I can see now with horrid clarity that it was nothing but a mockery.

You are feckless...

irresponsible...

morally unstable...

I think I realised that we left Budleigh Salterton.

Nobody but a monumental bore...

would have thought of going to Budleigh Salterton for a honeymoon.

What's the matter with Budleigh Salterton?

Seven hours a day on a damp golf course and a 3 piece orchestra playing Merry England.

I'm surprised you didn't complain at the time.

I remember you being quite good at that.

I did complain, but you wouldn't listen.

That's why I had to go for a romantic stroll on the moor...

with Captain Bracegirdle.

What a blind fool I was.

Did he make love to you?

Only very discreetly.

Mr Condomine.

I'm so relieved you've arrived safely.

Follow me.

Tonight, the moon is full and we must harness it's power.

Well, we're both ready to perform the banishment ceremony immediately.

She's here?

Yes.

Are you sure she's amenable to the process? -Yes!

With this magic smoke, I invoke the spirit of moonfire.

Dancer of time, mysters of endings and beginnings.

and return our sacred sister to her rightful sphere.

Still here? -Yes!

To you, the spirit of earth...

to you, the element of air...

to you, the force of water...

to you, the power of fire.

And the gift of enchanted jewels.

She still here?

Yes. -Yes!

Ghostly spectre, ghoul and fiend...

never more be dark or mean...

wolfbane and Holy Rite...

banish you into the night.

Ooh! Oh bladder wurt, bladder wurt.

Bladder wurt, yes.

Aah.

And bladder wurt!

Ruth! - Ruth?

Oh. -Darling I'm so happy to see you again.

But I know what I've been such a duffer!

Something must have gone seriously wrong!

Yes. Not for the first time.

You! Hussy!

Darling. -Save yourself the effort.

I'm already dead.

And more in point, so are you. -Oh!

You popped your clogs last Tuesday.

Don't be so insensitive.

Darling are you in any pain?

Charles. What happened to me?

It was a car accident.

Which, I have to admit, I had a hand in.

I'm sorry Ruth.

I'm afraid sorry, doesn't quite cut it.

Well, even so.

In the spirit of complete openness, I'd also like to apologise for..

conducting an affair with Charles, right under your nose.

Aah!

Well technically we are still married so...

Stop it! Elvira! Ruth has been through quite enough!

What are they saying Mr Condomine? - Not now Madam Arcati...

things are becoming quite strange.

Do you know, I should have squeezed melem citrius...

at the crucial point.

That's lemon juice. Lemon juice.

mmhmm. The only reason he was able to get through that screenplay..

in 5 days Friday, is because I wrote it.

Yes..

Charles is that true?

Not exactly.

And Charles didn't want to tell you we'd finished because...

he wanted to spend more time alone with me. -Ooh!

Aah.

Charles.

Let's not fight darling.

Which darling are you referring to?

After everything I put up with?

How could you do that to me?

It's not that straightforward... darlings.

I mean, really Charles, you never loved Elvira or me!

The only person that you love is yourself!

No...

Finally, something we do agree on.

If you wrote the script..

did he write any of those books? -No. Not a word.

He took all the glory?

Aren't you staying for the second act?

I think It's best I leave.

Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.

Try 2 of them.

Good luck with the lemons.

Where did he go?

Huh.

He can run, -but he can't hide. Hee hee hee. HA ha ha ha.......

Ghostly spectre, ghoul or fiend, never more will thou convene...

Bladder wurt, wolfsbane, and Holy Rite...

banish thee, into the night!

Donald.

Alright Duncan, start with a medium shot here, then I'm gonna come a little closer.

Let's have some passion!

Alright! Roll the camera!

Quite please! - Quite please, now running!

Scene 84! Take one!

And.. action.

Just being close to you Frank...

I feel as if I'm completely naked.

How do you always manage to see right through me?

That's my job sweetie. I just do it.

Cut! Reset!

I'm not ah.. I'm not feeling the last line. It..

Boy wonder, what else you got?

Ah,

What about... 'I see things just the way they are."

'The rest of the world needs bifocals.'

I love it.

OK! Reset! Makeup!

I want to move in first.

You're a genius Charles.

Audiences are gonna devour the whole spiritualist angle.

Yes.

Just a shame.. Ruth isn't here to enjoy it.

Ah. Mr Condomine?

Hedder Harper, Los Angeles Times. - Oh!

Hello. -How does it feel to be the talk of the town?

Ha. That's awfully sweet of you but I'm not sure...

anybody's really interested in a lowly writer. -Ah, ha ha ha.

Oh I have a hunch my 35 million readers will be..

enthralled by the story of a serial plagiarist. -Plagiarist?

I know you revel in gossip and scandal but...

this nonsense is a completely outrageous and unfounded accusation.

There is nothing unfounded about the writ that Senor Morales is serving.

Would you care to comment on the fact that your...

15 Detective Frank Flowers whodunits are based word for word...

on the Inspector Francisco Florid crime novels that are...

best sellers across all of Mexico?

Say cheese, My Condomine.

You.

Don't look so shocked Charles.

You and I both know that there's no such thing as an original story.

How could you?

Can't you just be quiet, I'm trying to make a picture here!

You.. scheming little witch!

So much for the famous British charm.

Oh. I'll be lovin you... Always.

We say that love is true... always.

Stop it! No! -Your first novel...

Greta Garbo... -Stop it! Saying my words...

You and I both know there's no such thing as an original story...

..as long as you can't touch her.. I'm a woman Charles...

we're used to not getting the credit we deserve. The only person that you love is yourself!

Ooh! - Ooooh!

What the hell do you think you're doing?

You coulda killed me.

I just did.

Oh.

Oh!

Nobody will ever forget you Charles. -They'll remember what a fraud you were. Always.

"Au revoir, wiedersehen, we'll never meet again......"

"Heaven's Cadillacs are rolling..."

Farewell Mr Peasbody! Ha ha ha!

You can't just leave me here!

"Off to paradise with [ ]"

"Hanging off the chandeliers all evening..."

"[ ]"

Read all about it! Movie screenwriter revealed to be serial plagiarist!

Ooh. Poor Charles. How dreadful.

Like a plot from one of his novels.

Or perhaps from someone else's.

Meow

Is there anybody there?

Is anybody there?

One knock for yes...

two knocks for no...

Yes I'm here.

Whatever happened to leaving someone to rest in peace?

Mr Condomine, I simply wanted to apologise for any part I may have played...

in your untimely demise.

Well, you weren't behind the wheel Madam Arcati.

No, but I fear, I may have put fuel in the tank.

Ah, c'est la vie.

I also wanted to express my gratitude...

Without you, I would still be searching.

Well, at least one of us is enjoying a happy ending.

May I be so bold, as to ask...

what is it like.. on the other side?

[Ruth]: Charles! [Elvira]: Charles! - Complicated.

"Your hand is on my hand, when I'm puttin' pen to paper,"

"We're in harmony, trumpets in a band,"

"Soprano and a tenor, where you are is where I am."

"My fellow, isn't it the wow to be with me?"

"You were late to stand in the shade,"

"Now you're the life of my symphony."

"Our fingers intertwine, when I go to paint the picture,"

"We're as vintage wine, the hourglass in the sand,"

"A classic gin and tonic, Where you are is where I am."

"Where you are is where I am."

"I'm the top banana in the greenhouse,"

"I'm the cream on the apple pie,"

It's hard to be humble when your genius,"

"Eclipses the stars in the sky,"

"I'm light on my feet, the toast of German street,"

"I'm the prince of Piccadilly they all wanna meet,"

"D'ya wanna say ahoy? swing by the Savoy,"

"I'm the top banana in the greenhouse,"

"I'm a champagne kind of guy,"

"I'm a champagne kind of guy."

"This life, fly�s past,"

"No time, to wait in the shadow,"

"This love, might last,"

"For the hits, to follow the arrows,"

"I feel, a change in the weather,"

"Dark clouds, are gathering together,"

"You're the sun that puts the shine in my shoes,"

"Takes away my blues.

"Let's sing, do our thing,"

"Like two birds, we belong together,"

"Let's dance, take a chance,"

"Make a moment last forever,"

"Let's dance."

"I feel a change in the weather,"

"Dark clouds, are gathering together,"

"You're the sun that puts the shine in my shoes,"

"Takes away my blues."

"Let's sing, do our thing,"

"Like two birds, we belong together,"

"Let's dance, take a chance,"

"Make a moment, last forever,"

"Let's dance."

"Make a moment, last forever,"

"Let's dance."

"Make a moment, last forever,"

"Let's dance."