All language subtitles for Benders.S01E06_English

[keyboard keys clicking]

Damn it.

This computer sucks.

Clear your browser history.
I'm back.

I can't even get online.

Why would it say, "full bars,"
but then I don't--

What's that?

It is a belated birthday
present from Gina.

It's a journal
with a lock on it

so I can write down
my innermost, private thoughts.

Oh, sounds interesting.

Hey, what's the password
to your computer, Anne Frank?

I'll do it.

Okay.

[keyboard keys clicking]

Here you go.

Thanks.

Why didn't you just
tell me the password?

'Cause you can't
be trusted.

Are you kidding me?

I'm the most honest guy
I know.

Hello?

[laughs]

What are you
writing in there?

None of your business.

Let me see what you're writing
in there.

It's none of your business!

- Good night.
- Hey.

Seriously, let me see what
you're writing in there, Karen.

Karen, I'm just gonna
ask you one more time.

Can't talk, sleeping.

[snoring sounds]

I don't care.

[Zeus' You Gotta Teller]

[upbeat rock music]

*

(man)
* You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

Yeah!

(man)
* You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

[skates scraping]

Seriously,
I'm gonna smack you.

(Anthony)
What's up, boys?

Check this puppy out.

What the hell is that?

It's new yard signs to advertise
the contracting business.

Look at my beautiful face
all season now.

Uh, where's your number?

Oh, shit!
The [bleep] number.

You're a moron, man.

Damn it.

Yo, I'm going
to pay Vito tomorrow.
You want to come with me?

We'll go to Gibby's
clam house after?

I can't, man.

What's up?
Shit's going down at work?

Nah, it's not work.
It's just Karen, dude.

Something's up.

What happened with Karen?

I asked for her computer
password last night.

She wouldn't give it to me.

And then she started
writing secret stuff

in this new journal.

What kind of secrets?
What do you mean?

I don't know.
I didn't read it.

You didn't read it?
Why the hell not?

'Cause that'd be
a huge breach of trust, bro.

Yeah, it's a breach of trust.

And there was a lock on it.

A lock?
Are you serious, dude?

Well, shit.
You have to read it now.

I mean, you could just
go to a locksmith.

Look, maybe it's nothing.

But I'd rather be
safe than sorry, no?

Listen, I'm not gonna
read the diary.

I'm a bigger man than that.

Okay, but you know that
"bigger man"

just usually means "pussy"?

- No, it doesn't.
- It absolutely does.

Sorry, Paul, "bigger man"
is the new "pussy."

Hi, I was wondering if you
could kind of help me out

with something here.

I seem to have misplaced
the key for this.

It's a family heirloom.

Mm-hmm.

It's my grandma's
from before the war, so...

Yeah, what war?

The, uh,
battle of the sexes?

Lot of bloodshed
in that war.

Listen, you sure you want
to do this, man?

I mean, uh, it's a pretty major
breach of trust.

So I've been told.

But clearly, she doesn't
trust me anyway, so...

Can't say I blame her.

Would you trust you?

Look, I'm okay with
a few secrets here or there.

Just don't flaunt it.

She sits next to me chuckling
when she writes in this thing.

Well, maybe she's
a closet satirist,

or maybe there's
a Gone Girl situation.

Can you just open
the damn thing?

Is that okay?

- Absolutely.
- Good, thank you.

That'll be $50.

Wow, that's
a little steep, no?

Well, only you can
determine the value

of your own insecurity.

Fine.

Here you go.

Cash.

It says you take credit cards
right on the door.

Not from you.

Okay.

That's it?
A bobby pin?

Yeah.
You can keep it.

"Kathy is hilarious
when she drinks tequila.

"Drinking really does improve
some people's personalities.

"Sex with Paul is good, but...

"I wish he'd experiment
a little.

"Things have gotten monotonous
over the years.

"I mean, would it be asking
too much for him

"to put his finger in my"--

It's my grandma.

It's from the war.

I want what I want!

I'm telling you, Gibby's
is the best clam house

in the city.

I mean, Dino,
wouldn't you say that?

Shut the [bleep] up.

[laughs]
Dino, you are the freaking best.

This guy's hilarious.

I don't like you.

He likes me.

(Vito)
Not an ostrich, an emu.

Yes, there is
a goddamn difference.

How much?

All right, I'll take
the ostrich.

Gentlemen.

Hey, how you doing, Vito?

This is my friend Sebalos.
He's on The Chubbys too.

Nice to meet you.

You look like a sneaky
little fella.

I bet you score a lot of goals.

Yeah, I guess.

You look tense, kid.

Relax.

You should feel
at home here.

You want to fold
some sheets?

No, I'm good.

Well, I got the money
for you, Vito, so...

Throw it in the ice box.

This right--right there?
All right.

Need you guys
to do me a favor.

Bring these linens over
to my rub and tug joint.

The Kerry Orient
Foot Massage Palace.

Just over on Canal.

I'll throw in a massage
on the house.

All you got to do
is tip the girls.

Yeah.

You're gonna love it.

But your buddy here looks like
he really needs a release.

You know, it's kind of like
meditation and yoga.

Only it's a hand job.

Enjoy.

Thanks, Vito.

Goddamn ostrich.

[upbeat rock music]

*

(Anthony)
Hey, how you doing?

Vito sent us over.

Oh, yeah, he called ahead.

No house fee for you guys.

But you got
to tip the girls.

- Yeah, got it.
- Yeah.

So you leave the sheets
over there.

Take a seat.

I'll be right back.

Tell you what, if they're
all missing an eye,

I'm leaving.

I'm not getting whacked off
by a pirate.

This is weird, man.

(Randy)
Whoa.

That is no pirate.

Milady.

Thank you.

Thank you.

(Anthony)
Have fun, man.

Hey, uh, I'm Anthony.

Hello, Officer.

Officer?

I'm here for the massage.
Vito sent me.

I don't care if
Jesus sent you.

The last time a fine-ass
white boy like you came in,

he turned out
to be po-po.

And I ain't going
back inside.

Don't nobody jack off
this fine-ass cop.

Are you serious?
Come on!

Please?

Oh, God, yeah.

You know, for a white kid,
failing is getting an F.

For a Chinese kid,
getting a B-plus

is like a suicide note.

I thought you were Japanese.

Oh, God, no.

And Chinese people
are way smarter.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Why is that?

'Cause we weren't dumb enough
to piss off America

to drop a bomb on us.

I haven't been keeping up
with the news.

Did we drop a bomb on Japan?

Oh, no, in 1945.

I know. I'm just kidding.

[both laugh]

Kind of.
You're really smart.

Thanks.

Hey, you from around here?

Yeah, I just moved back in
with my parents.

Oh.

I was living in Philly
with my sister,

but all we did was get high.

Nice.

Yeah.

But there comes a time
when you have

to be responsible, you know?

I guess.

So I moved back home to go
on the straight and narrow.

This is the straight
and narrow?

Well, most of the time.

Some of the guys' dicks
are really fat and crooked.

You want to flip over
and I'll give you a release?

I'm, um--I think I'm good.

Maybe next time?

Really?

Wow, no one's ever said no
to that part before.

Is everything okay?

Did you, like, sprain
your penis or something?

Actually, Angie, this is the
best I've felt in a long time.

Good.

(Anthony)
Hey, thanks for doing this.

Other girls were
being real bitches.

No biggie.

I jerk off cops
all the time.

Yeah?

Got to be a tense job
'cause you guys

shoot up like a cannon.

That's how I got
this eye patch.

By the way, you know
the second I grabbed your dick,

it was entrapment, right?

Listen, just--just entrap
my left nut, okay?

Twist it counterclockwise.

No, no, counter!
Counterclockwise.

Yeah, that's it.

[groans]

[funky music]

*

Hello!

What's up?

Uh, that was a new move.
What was that?

Oh, I was actually aiming
somewhere else with--

My finger must have slipped.

I'm sorry, should I stop?
I'll stop.

I didn't tell you to stop.

[groaning]

I was surprised
to see you back here so soon.

Oh, yeah, I was
around the area.

I thought I'd pop in,
see if you were around,

say hi.

You're lucky you found me.

I'm only here part-time.

Oh, yeah?

Just Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday.

And Thursday and Friday.

Plus some weekends.

I'm glad I caught you.

Me too.

So tell me more
about the app thing.

Oh, I call it Tender.

It's like Tinder,
but no one's feelings get hurt.

That sounds so cool.

You should start selling it.

I know; I just need
a programmer to build it.

I don't know shit
about computers.

Even though, you know,
I am Asian

and work with computers.

What does being Asian have to do
with anything?

Oh, my God, exactly.

You're so open-minded
and pure.

That's a compliment, right?

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, Angie?

I was wondering.

Would you want to go
have lunch with me tomorrow?

[whispering] That's kind of
against the rules.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

But I'd love to.

And my real name
is Gretchen.

Wow, really?

Gretchen.

Why are you whispering?

Oh, 'cause you
were whispering.

[normal voice] No, I wasn't.
You're so crazy.

So you want to flip over
and I'll finish you off?

Oh, actually--
actually, um,

I was thinking that you could
take off your clothes

and I could give you
a massage.

Oh, really?
That's interesting.

Is that against the rules?

No, it just costs extra

for me to take off my clothes.

Oh, okay, how much--

Oh, okay, whatever it is.

(Paul)
So I did what you guys said.

What, you started
powdering your balls?

It's a total game-changer,
right?

I use Lady Speed Stick.

I know that it's
counterintuitive,

but it does wonders for me.

Yeah?
You guys done or what?

Yeah.

No, I read Karen's journal.

- Whoa!
- Oh, shit!

What'd you find out?

I can't go into details, but--

Please go into details.

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me!

All I'll say is this:
it was very helpful.

Last night was--it was amazing.

Oh, you got
to be careful, Paul.

Oh, I got to be careful.

This guy's falling in love
with a chick

who gives handies for a living,

but I got to be careful.

- Okay.
- Dude, he's right.

Ah, screw you.

You got jerked off
by Jack Sparrow's mom.

Bro, that one-eyed bitch
was an artist.

I seriously almost
hit the ceiling.

It was like my dick
was back in high school.

Oh, I miss my
high school dick.

I'm gonna go
to that place.

(Anthony)
Bro, that's a stank, stank job.

I mean, you can't be serious
about this girl.

I don't care
what she does.

I care about who she is
as a person.

You are the gayest guy I know
who actually chases pussy.

- Yup.
- No, I'm good.

Bro, let me ask you this.

How much money have you
given this broad so far?

Eh.

And you haven't even scored
a hand job for yourself.

Shit, you gave her one.

Based off these conversations,
she might be a crayon eater.

I don't care
what you guys think.

This could be
the real thing.

She told me her real name,
Gretchen.

Now, hold on, is this
her real name,

or, like, her fake real name
that she tells

sad Chinese boys to make them
feel special?

Joke all you want, guys.

We got a real
connection going.

A connection?

Yeah, it's called cash,
Sebalos, all right?

That's how whores connect with
lonely degenerates like you.

You guys are assholes.

And it's 80 bucks,
by the way.

- 80 bucks?
- Jesus.

You are getting ripped off.

Where is this place?
I want her name.

- You are not going.
- Give me her name.

And I don't want
her bullshit real name.

I want her hand job name.

- I bet she'd do me for 60.
- Oh, yeah.

I'm just breaking
his balls.

I'm totally going
with the one-eyed bitch.

Yeah.

Hey, babe.
I made coffee.

You take milk, right?

(Karen)
How long have
we been married?

Yep, yep.

Okay.

"Work is a pain in the ass.
Andy is annoying."

Work crap, work crap,
work crap.

"Great sex with Paul.
He's really raising his game."

[laughs]

"It felt so good,
but I feel guilty.

"While we were having sex,
I couldn't stop

thinking about Anthony."

Anthony?

"I've had such a crush
on Anthony for so long,

"I don't know what to do.

"He's so hot.
What am I saying?

Enough with this for now."

Holy shit!

This place is so cool.

Yeah.

I used to come here
a lot as a kid.

Me and my friends used
to bury dead birds over there.

Cool.

How does the beer
in your trunk stay so cold?

Oh, I have a cooler
in the trunk.

I always have beers
ready to go.

Before hockey games,
after movies,

when the bar closes.

Wow, trunks
are refrigerators?

No, I just put ice
in the cooler.

[giggles]

You're not like other guys.

You're like
a really sweet scientist.

You know, when it gets warmer,
we should go to the beach.

I go to the beach a lot
in the summers

'cause I'm off, you know?

I work in the school system.

Head of the IT department.

Washington High School,
go, Ants!

I like ants.

That sounds important.
What does IT stand for?

Information technology.

No, it doesn't.

Yeah, it does--
it does, right?

I don't know.

Anyway, you're right about
it sounding important, though.

'Cause when the
school Wi-Fi goes down,

I'm the one
the principal calls.

He's got an online
poker addiction.

I used to be addicted
to something.

But it wasn't as messed up
as online poker.

What was it, if you don't
mind me asking?

Oxy.

Okay. Wow.

Well, I'm glad
you're better now.

You're really sweet.

You're really sweet too.

What are you doing?

I thought you wanted me to.

I'm so sorry, Gretchen.

Gretchen? Why did you
call me Gretchen?

You told me that was your name.

No, I didn't.

Okay, I'm pretty sure you did.

Well, I guess we'll have
to agree to mis-agree.

Anyway, I can't kiss you.
I have a boyfriend.

A boyfriend?
Since when?

Since, like, forever.

Why did you come here
with me, then?

Because you invited me
to lunch

and I thought
it would be fun.

And it's free.

Okay, how do you
have a boyfriend

when you give hand jobs?

Because that's my job.

That's why I don't give
hand jobs to my boyfriend.

Just mouth parties
and vagina vacations.

But I'll give you a hand job
if it'll make you feel better.

Actually, I could really
use one right now.

Great.
It's 80 bucks.

[sighs]

Yo, buddy.

What's up, bro?

Not much.

Dude, I did not think
I was gonna

make it here in time.

I met some girl
at the dog park,

took her back to my place,
banged the shit out of her.

Cool.
I'm sure her father's proud.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

She's a cool chick.

I mean, you know, like,
a little prim and proper

at first, you know, but then
The Doctor got her

to let her hair down.

Girls just want to let
their hair down around me.

- Way to go, Doctor.
- You like that?

I told you, like,
Dr. Love, I'm thinking.

Or, wait a minute,
what about, Love Doctor?

Dr. Love?

What about, um,
Dr. Bangin'?

You like Dr. Bangin'?

Very original.

Forget Doctor.

What about
the Sultan of Bangin'?

That's--Paulie, you think
they got hockey

in the Middle East?

[upbeat rock music]

*

Well, that was humiliating.

Perfect end to my day.

Bro, I'm open all game.

One pass would've been nice.
One.

Hey, calm down, hotshot,
all right?

You go out there
with your hot little moves

thinking you're hot shit.

You're not, you know that?

You should try passing
the puck to us

every once in a while.

What are you talking about?

And why do you keep
saying "hot"?

It's, like, weird.

Come here.

I realize I'm taking
something out on you

that's not exactly
your fault.

Okay.

I read Karen's journal again.

She said the other night,
when we were having sex,

she was thinking about you.

Whoa! Oh, my God.

[laughter]

Karen was thinking
about Anthony

when she was banging Paul.

What do you want, dude?
Bone struct--

I can't help it.
Chicks dig me.

Chicks dig me.

You can all go to hell,
you know that?

Here, cut my face out.
Wear it as a mask.

Problem solved.
There you go.

Perfect, it's easy.

[laughs]

Could be
a lot worse, Paul.

- Worse?
- Yeah.

How?

Well, today I struck out
with a baffled whore

who gives hand jobs
for a living.

Normally, that would make
me feel better.

Not today.

[upbeat rock music]

*

What's wrong, honey?

I have a new entry
in my journal.

Maybe that'll cheer you up.

What are you talking about?

You're not smart enough
to play dumb, Paul.

I know you read
my journal.

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

How did you know?

I knew the second your finger

slipped into uncharted waters.

I made up the whole thing
about Anthony

to teach you a lesson.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, my God, thank God.

You know what?
I deserved it.

I should've never
read your journal,

and I promise I'll never
do it again.

I mean, I know you won't,
'cause if you do,

I'm just gonna have to blow
every guy on your hockey team.

- Even Dickie?
- Even Dickie.

I want Dickie to film it
and direct it.

It's gonna be like
a three-camera shoot.

Oh, God, you're gonna
give me nightmares.

I get the point.

You better, seriously.

Oh, my God.

I need you to respect
my privacy.

Our relationship is built
on mutual trust.

I promise I'll always
respect your privacy.

Thank you.

I love you,
you know that?

Mm-hmm.

Fake journal entries aside,
you didn't ever

fantasize about
Anthony, did you?

I'm not even gonna
dignify that with a response.

That doesn't seem fair.

That doesn't seem fair?

What about mutual trust?

Mutual trust means we both
just have to trust me.

Good night.

Can I have your
computer password now?

Absolutely not.

Are you close?

I don't know.

Feels really good, though.

Keep doing what you're doing.

You know, if this goes longer
than 30 minutes,

you owe me another 60.

[chuckles]

Keep the meter running.
I could go all night.

Are you on any medications?

Yeah, Adipex, ExtenZe,
and Viagra.

Plus beer and cocaine.

Are you up for this?

Want me to call in
a reliever?

Nah, nah, I can handle it.

I skipped yoga today.

I could use the workout.

[humming]