All language subtitles for Benders.S01E05_English

[buzzer sounds]

[buzzer sounds]

[buzzer sounds]

[buzzer sounds]

- Ugh.

Well, at least
that one's behind us.

- Sorry about that, guys.

Guess I had an off night.

- Don't worry
about it, Rajon.

Thanks for filling in.

- Here's your jersey back.

I got to go.

My real team
is on the ice.

[laughs]

- [mocks laughter]

- [laughs]
- Whoo!

- Thanks a lot, Rajon,

for sucking balls!

You know he
does not try

when he plays
for us, right?

You know that.

Where's Kenny?

- Kenny quit.

Said the games
are too late

now that he has a kid.

- Wait, Kenny has a kid?
- Yeah.

- Ugh.

Hope it looks
like its mother.

- Jesus, his face
looks like a sewer.

Anyway, I got a lead

on a new goalie.

Gonna meet us at
Maggie Mae's tonight, okay?

Then we're gonna
take a vote.

[upbeat rock music]

*

- All right,
so what you're telling me

is that you all
just use toilet paper?

- all: Yes!

- God, think about it.

If you got mud on your arm,

would you clean it off
with dry paper?

- No, that is--
- No! You wouldn't!

And that is why I got
a bidet this weekend.

- Okay, how much
did it set you back?

- $10,000.

- all: What?!
- Right.

But listen, dude.

I swear it'll
change your life.

It's already
changed my life.

- Holy shit,
would you look at that?

[dreamy music]

*

- Anthony!
- How you doing?

- Good.
- How's everything?

Meet the Chubbys.

- all: Hey.

[Zeus' "You Gotta Teller"]

[upbeat rock music]

*

- * You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

- Yeah!

- * You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

[skates scraping]

- Guys, this is Molly,

that goalie I was
telling you about.

- No way.
You're the goalie?

- Hi. Paul.

Leading scorer.
- Hi.

- Yeah, he's married.
He's very, very married.

I'm Dickie Litski.

- Yeah, we call him
Shitski, though.

- Can you shut up?

- Anthony's told me a lot
about all of you.

- How did you guys meet?

- Oh, he replaced
my gutters.

- Of course he did.

Hope you got
the extended warranty.

- Don't listen to him.

You have 30 days.
- [laughs]

Well, maybe next time
I should read the fine print.

- Hey, Molly, I don't mean
to be blunt here, okay?

But have you ever
actually played

competitive hockey before?

- Yeah, I played
goalie for Northeastern.

- It's Division 1.

- Yeah, but it's not the same.

It's Division 1 women's.

- Division 1 women's
is Division 1 women's.

- Right, but it's not
the same as men's.

What I'm saying--
it's apples to oranges.

- Exactly.

- Is it apples to oranges
or apples to apples?

- Shitski, you were
so much more attractive

before you opened your mouth.

- You are so gonna
fit in on this team.

- Molly, would you
excuse us just for one second?

- Sure.
- Guys, come on.

- All right, guys, look,
before we bring her on--

- Whoa, wait, wait, wait,
"Before we bring her on."

I didn't vote for her.
Did I miss the vote?

I don't know if I like
her attitude, frankly.

And the vote has
to be anonymous.

- Unanimous.

- Dickie, how is it possible
you make six figures?

- Yo, hurry up, man.

Another team's
gonna scoop her up

if we leave her
alone at the bar.

- Look, Molly
could be a key piece

to this championship puzzle.

- Oh, totally agree.

- That's why no one

is to try and bang her.

- Ew, bang her?
Who said anything

about wanting to bang her?

- I'm serious, okay?

If anyone hooks up with her,

this whole thing
can go to shit.

- You're the one who was
flirting with her,

talking about your
crappy warranty.

- 30 days is standard
for a warranty.

Look, we need
her to show up.

This isn't about individuality.

It's about the team.

I mean, if something goes wrong
and she feels like a slut,

or maybe you
suck at banging--

- Hey--

- Then we're right
back to square one.

Simple rule here, fellas.

Don't

bang

your teammate.

- Yeah.

Somehow I don't think
Vince Lombardi

ever gave that speech.

[upbeat rock music]

- Hey, everyone.

- Hey, Mol.

What are you doing here?

- I'm here for the game.

- I think he means
in this locker room.

- Are you shy, Dickie?

- No.

You're--no.

- Relax. The human body
is a beautiful thing

no matter what shape or form.

I just--I didn't
want to change alone.

I mean, we're a team.
We are one, right?

- You gonna say something?

- Yeah, I'd like
to say something.

I am so horny right now.

- It was your idea
not to bang her, bro.

- And you're a hypocrite.
- I'm a hypocrite?

- She has a vagina.
- And how is that bad?

I like vaginas.

- There's a vagina
locker room over there.

You and your vaginas.

- I'm a married man.

- That doesn't mean you get
to ruin it for the rest of us.

- Yeah. You weren't that married

when we went to
a strip club last week.

- What the hell
is she doing?

- Maybe it's a goalie thing?

- Kenny never did that.

I'm gonna go over there.

I'm gonna ask her politely

to change in the other
locker room.

- Don't you dare.

- How are we not
supposed to want to bang her

when she does stuff like this?

[upbeat rock music]

*

- Is anyone
gonna play D?

- Probably not.

- Whoo! You're really
saving our asses out there.

- Eh. I'm a little rusty.

- Don't worry. Dickie's been
rusty for the last six years.

- I think I'm gonna need
some hot yoga after this.

I messed up my back at the
stable where I work today.

- Is that why you were
using that tennis ball

in the locker room?

- Yeah.

I just like to loosen up

with some hydrating oils

before I get on the ice.

- Every time.
- Absolutely.

- Oh, my God.

- What's up with the stable
you were talking about?

I love horses.
- Really?

I wouldn't have guessed.

You a closet cowboy?

- He's a closeted something.

[forced laughter]

- I've never actually
been on a horse,

but I have often
thought about buying one.

- What haven't you
thought of buying?

- If you're serious,

I'm actually looking
at a horse myself.

Maybe I could
cut you in on the deal.

- No shit?
- Yeah.

He's a retired stallion
available for stud.

- Well, the horse
I wanted to buy

would be on that races still

and gets laid at night,

but not, like,
full-time.

- Breeding is more
money than racing.

Average stud fees go for, like,

ten grand a pop.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, dude,
then I'm definitely in.

- [laughs]
Hold on.

Just like that?

- Yeah. Because unlike you,

I'm a man that actually
goes for what he wants.

Who else wants in on this deal?
- Uh, me. I want in.

- Yeah, but you
have no money.

- I'll spot him.
- Nice.

- Why? So you're not
the only patsy on this deal?

- Me too.
I want in on the deal.

- Yes.
- Jesus!

Are you kidding me?

So now I'm
the only guy ass out?

- I'm comfortable with that.

- You guys remind me
of my nephew.

He lives in a group home.

[buzzer sounds]

- What are you doing?

- Do you have any idea how much
protein is in this stuff, dude?

Makes me play better.
- Impossible.

Nothing can make you
play better.

- 'Sup, dude?

- [groans]
- [laughs]

- It's a little bit of a step
above Maggie Mae's,

right, guys?

- Don't be making
fun of Maggie Mae's.

It's our home
away from home.

- 'Cause everyone in your home
drinks like a fish, huh?

- Tonight calls
for something special.

Tonight, we eat like kings.

- How stoned are you?

- How stoned are you?

[both giggle]

All right.

Everybody,
glasses up, please.

- Hey!
- Here we go.

- A toast,
Molly, to you.

Without you,
we would have never--

wait a minute.

Before we toast,

are you in or are you out, Paul?

- I'm still thinking about it.

- Ugh, "I'm still
thinking about it"

is just a new way of saying
"I'm terrified of my wife."

- Okay, forgive me for not
diving in with my eyes closed.

I mean, no offense, but we don't
know anything about this horse.

- What do you want, like,
a Carfax report for a horse?

- Actually, they do have those.

Breeding is all
about the bloodlines,

and we know everything
about his lineage.

- Hey, everybody good?

Folks ready to order?

- Yeah. Why don't we
let the lady go first?

- Thank you, Dickie.

I will have steamed broccoli,
no oil,

with asparagus and mushrooms

and dry roasted spinach.

- Don't you want dinner?

- That is my dinner.
I'm a vegan.

- You're a vegan?

I have never understood that.

No offense--
you have a slammin' body--

but what's with all the fat
vegans walking around?

How do people get that fat
eating just plants?

- Because I think
there's some people

that lie about being a vegan,

like how you lie
about being a heterosexual.

- Right?
- Boom!

- All right.
I will take it from here, then.

Let's do surf and turf

for everybody.

Pick out a bunch of sides--

enough for the whole table.

And on the lobsters,

please make sure
they're all female.

- Female?

I'll have to check
with the chef about that.

- No, you mean Sasha?

Tell him Dickie Litski's asking.
He'll do it.

- Will do.

- What's up with
the female lobsters?

- You're so sheltered.

Do you ever get out?

Female lobsters
are stuffed with eggs.

They're a delicacy.

Am I right, Molly?

I really wouldn't know.
I don't eat fish.

- Well, you don't know
what you're missing.

- Let's get back to this horse.

I want to hear more about it
before I invest.

- Okay.

So, his grandfather placed
third at the Derby in '02.

He eventually seeded a sire
who was a contender at Belmont

but settled for a place.

When he went to stud,
he spawned our horse.

- You happy now?

- What's wrong with this horse?

- Oh, what's with
all the questions, dude?

- No, no, it's fine.

There are no stupid questions.
- Thank you.

- Although you come
really close.

So, he won several races

but was forced into retirement.

- What happened?
Did he get hurt?

- No, it was more
of a mental thing.

He refused to travel.

- Oh, so he's
sort of like Anthony,

who will not travel
away from his mother's house.

- No, no, no.

I think this horse
is deeply soulful

and just wanted to remain
in his element.

- Okay. Last question.

What's in this for you?
Why cut us in?

- Look, guys.

If you don't want to do this--
if this is a bad idea--

- No, no, no!
- No, no, no, no!

- Rosenberg, do not
drag your dick on this.

The guys that bought Funny Cide,

they chipped in 75 grand

and they whacked up
3 million in the end.

- Yeah, I hate to
agree with Shitski,

but opportunity is knocking.

You don't want
to be the only guy

who didn't chip in for the
office lottery pool, Paul.

- Fine.
Count me in.

[all cheering]
- There he is!

- Paul!
- Wow.

- Cheers to Rosenberg

finally growing
a pair of balls.

- There it is.
Put 'em on the table.

- I spoke to Sasha. He's not
taking any special requests.

- Are you serious?
What exactly did he say?

- He said, "Dickie who?"

[all laughing]

- Ask him if he knows
Dickie Shitski.

[all laughing]

- That's funny.

I'm gonna go talk to this clown.

[upbeat rock music]

*

- Oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Perfect timing.

Grab that bag for me.

Don't just stand there.
Open it.

- I didn't know
we got a Crock Pot.

- It's a paraffin bath.
It keeps my hands hydrated.

Do you want to try?

- I want to try
sticking my joint in it.

- No, don't even think
about sticking your dick

in my paraffin wax.

You should try
hydrating oils, babe.

- What do you know
from hydrating oils?

- I know things.

Hey, you know we got
a new goalie today?

- That's nice.
- Yeah.

She's really good.

- Good for you.

- That's all you got to say?

- Okay.
I'll take the bait, Paul.

- Thank you.

- Oh, wow.

You have a female goalie?

Trust me.
She can have you.

I hope she whisks your ass
all the way back to Sayville.

Truth is, I'm just surprised

that you and the other dopes
would be secure enough

to let a woman
play on your team.

- You're kidding me, right?

Everybody loves her.

She works with horses...

- Paul.

- Mm-hmm?

- Why would I give a shit
that she works with horses?

Spit it out.
What are you asking me?

- Nothing.

Nothing!

I mean--

okay, well,

she told us about a horse
that was for sale,

and, you know, we thought
we'd come together,

chip in some money,

and get a horse
for the fellas.

- Excuse me?

You want to buy a horse

from a goalie
that you just met?

I mean, maybe.
I mean, we're talking about it.

You know, you can make
a lot of money off of horses.

We breed him,
the stud fees alone--

10 grand each.

- Aside from the fact
that your friends

have the collective
IQ of a raisin,

it is never a good idea
to go into business

with friends or family.

- The guys who bought Funny Cide

whacked up 3 million.

- That sounds like something
Dickie would say.

That's okay. You're right.
You know what?

Just go grab my checkbook.

You know, the one
with the negative balance?

- I knew this
would be your reaction

if I wanted to buy a horse.

- Because I live
in the real world!

These things blow up
all the time.

There is an excellent chance

this will not end well.

- The guys are gonna do it
with or without me.

- You already told them
you were in, didn't you?

- Yeah.

- Can you believe
that we're in Brooklyn?

Most people wouldn't think
of horses and stables here.

- No, mostly I think
of pizzas and mob hits.

God, you look amazing.

- I feel amazing.
Thank you.

Today is gonna be
a great day.

- Is this him?

- Yep. Isn't he majestic?

- What's his name?

- Fother Mucker.

- I'm sorry, come again?
- I know.

His original owner
was an angry man

with a speech impediment.

- I like it.
I think it sounds tough.

What up, Fother Mucker?

Anyway, let's get the business
out of the way here.

There's ten grand.

That's four grand for me,
six for Sebalos.

- Yo, why am I paying
two grand more than you?

- That's the vig for me
laying out the cash for you.

This is not a charity case.
- That's bullshit.

We should be paying
the same amount.

And what's a vig?

- What are you talking about?

I thought it was $5,000 each.

- Yeah, he's making me
pay six grand.

- That's between you two.

I could care less.

Here's my share.

- Oh.
- What's with the change, dude?

- Oh, I'm about $846.37 short.

Like, roughly.

- Talk about charity cases.

- Okay, first of all,
you have no money.

- That's not--

- Second of all,
you have no clue

how hard it is to collect
from my customers.

- Well, we need to figure
this out today, guys.

Otherwise, we're gonna
lose the horse to someone else,

and his first breeding session
is set for later in the week.

- All right. Dickie, could you
spot me the rest of the money?

Please?

- I don't know
if I can trust you.

- You don't know
if you can trust me?

You trusted me yesterday

to order you a fiberglass
prostate massager.

- 'Cause I broke my other one
and you could get it wholesale.

- All right. Why don't we just
get the money from Rosenberg?

- Yeah. Good luck getting $800
without his wife's blessing.

- All right, let's just tell him
it's an extra thousand.

What?
It's a two-income household.

It won't even make a dent.

- Agreed.

- Let's make it 2,000

so he covers my vig.

- Ah, that's a little
over the line.

- Of all people to determine
where the line is.

- Shh. He's coming.
He's coming.

- Wow!

Look at him.

He is huge!

That's a real champion
right there, boys.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You got the money, man?

- Well, hello
to you too, Shitski.

Jeez.

We didn't even
discuss money, actually.

How much do I owe you?

- 6,000.
- both: 7,000.

- $7,000.

- Okay, well,
I brought my checkbook,

so, uh, should I just
make it out to cash?

- Cash is great.
- Yeah.

- All right.

[bluesy rock music]

*

- [groaning]

[upbeat rock music]

*

- Yo, yo, yo.
What's up, bros?

- Dude, come on.
You just got me in the taint.

- Oh! You forget
to shower, dirt ball?

- What do you mean?
I came right from work.

What, is there a dress code
for watching horses bang?

- Ow!

Hey.

Can we go in and watch?

- You are perverted.
You know that?

- It might not be
the best idea.

It's his first
breeding session.

We want him to focus.

- More the merrier,
I always say.

- Yeah, I wouldn't
get in the way.

I would just, like, sort of
stand in the corner and...

take it all in,
you know?

I am so psyched about this.

Oh, wait a minute!
I have a gift for you.

Ow!

It's nothing, really.

It's just a little thank-you...

For taking us in
on the deal, and--

here you go.

- Oh, Dickie.

Tantric oil.
That's so sweet.

It's actually
not that sweet.

It's kind of weird.

- Molly.
- Yes.

- You have a second?

- Be right back.

- Hey, asshole.
- What?

- You serious with that?

I've told you a million times,

no one's to try
to get in her pants.

Remember?
Don't bang your teammates.

- I just got her a gift, man.

- Of sex oil.

- It's a general
wellness product.

- You're barking up
the wrong tree, man.

She's got a thing for me.

- Oh.
- You wish.

- No, I'm serious.

I caught her sniffing my cup

the other day
in the locker room.

- So, she likes
the smell of mediocrity

and drunken daydreams?

- Yeah.

- Guys.

We've got a problem.

Fother Mucker
is not cooperating.

- What does that mean?

[upbeat rock music]

*

- What are we
supposed to do now?

- Maybe you should
go talk to him.

- What am I,
a horse whisperer?

- Yo, Dickie.

Give him one of your
little blue pills.

- Dude, this isn't funny.

- No, it's not.

[horse neighing]

- Hey.

- I am so sorry
that this is happening.

I can't believe I
brought you guys into this.

- It's not your fault.

I mean, not everyone
can get it up on command.

- No, but this is, like--

- It's okay.

Come on, bring it in.
Get in here.

Come on.
Get in here.

Ooh.

- You smell so bad.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I came right from work.

- I mean bad
in a good way.

[sniffs]

- This sucks.

I can't tell Karen
she was right.

- Maybe you don't have to.

- Check that out.

He's getting ready
to mount the mare, dude.

- Oh, that's what
I'm talking about.

- Okay?

- Oh, God, go.
- Oh, it's going in!

- Okay!
- It's going in!

- Oh, just look at that thing!

- Get it!
- Oh, my God.

[all screaming]

- It's going in!

[horse groans]

- Oh, no.
- The hell just happened, bro?

- Oh, no.

- Should we call a vet?

- Oh.

[upbeat rock music]

- Sebalos, you're being obtuse.

The whole point is,
you have to choose

between being invisible
and being able to fly.

- You got to, like, use words
that I know, 'cause I--

- Hey!
Where the hell were you?

- Me?
Nowhere.

- Dude, we're on the ice
in ten minutes.

Have you spoken to Molly?

- Why would I speak to Molly?

It's not like I'm
her boyfriend or something.

- Oh, I heard from Molly today.

Yeah, she sent me an e-mail.

"Hi, Paul.

"I'm writing to you because I
didn't know who else to tell.

I'm sorry to say
I'm leaving the Chubbys."

- What?
- What?

- "Something happened
at the stable

"during the breeding session--

I hooked up with Anthony."

- Wow.
- You're a piece of shit.

- What do you mean?

Dude, it's the first
time I'm hearing about it.

- "The sex was unremarkable
to say the least--"

- Yeah, okay.

- "But now I am not sure

"I can deal
with the repercussions

"of what was obviously
a huge mistake.

"I'm also sorry to be
the one responsible

"for getting you guys
to invest in a horse

"that turned out to have
had a weak heart.

"It seems the sex
was too much for him.

"I know you lost
your investment,

but there's more to life
than money, right?"

- God damn vegans.

You're still paying me back,
Sebalos.

- Oh, there's no chance of that.

- "And one more thing:

"Everyone else paid $5,000
for the horse.

- Oh, that's bullshit.
- No.

- That's not true.

- Who are you gonna believe?
Us, or some puck-saving

sex goalie princess

who loves frickin'
sniffing armpits

and balls all day?

- I think we all know
the answer to that.

- Yeah.

- Call Rajon,

and have him come play.

[whistle blows]

[buzzer sounds]

- Do you even try
when you play for us, Rajon?

- Uh...

not really.

- Stupid dick.

[laughs]

Uncle Chubbys.

Not really!

I missed another one!

Oops!