All language subtitles for Benders.S01E01_English

[relaxed music]

[sighs]

[laughs]

That feels really good.

I know what else
can make you feel good.

What?

I'm thinking
about tying you up.

I'm gonna tie you up
right now...

[whispers]
with spaghetti.

Spaghetti?
Really?

Yeah, I love spaghetti.

Okay, that's good.
Just keep doing that.

*

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

[answering machine beeps]

(man)
Paul?

It's grandpa.

Why are you stopping?

(man)
I know you're there.

Paul?

Hello?
Damn it.

- Wonder what he wanted.
- I don't know.

You should call
him back, Paul.

Maybe somebody broke in
and tied him up with spaghetti.

- Good night.
- What?

What do you mean,
good night?

No, no, no, no, we're
just getting started, babe.

I lost it, Paul.

Spaghetti,
your grandfather...

- No, no, no.
- I think I smell old people.

- I really do.
- You smell amazing.

I got a big day tomorrow.
Good night, sweetheart.

Karen, are you seriously
gonna leave me hanging?

You know I have to go take care
of myself now, right?

Yeah, just turn the fan on
in the bathroom

so I don't have to hear it.

You can hear me?

[door rattles closed]

[fan whirring]

[fan clicks off]

[Zeus' You Gotta Teller]

[upbeat rock music]

*

(man)
* You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

Yeah!

(man)
* You gotta tell her

*

* She's got to know

[skates scraping]

[car horn honks]

You are my favorite
grandson.

You know that?

I'm your only grandson,
Grandpa.

Yeah, I know,
but even so,

your sister Janine
is so self-involved,

she hasn't been around
to see me in three months.

Oh, no, Janine is in the slums
of Maharashtra, India,

trying to bring clean water
and sanitation

to the children there.

Which is a fancy way
of saying

she's banging
some goddamn Indian.

No, it's a school thing.

Goddamn liberal Indian
bang schools.

I never liked her anyway.

You, I like.

- Well, thanks, Grandpa.
- I've had a great life, Paulie.

Nine or ten of them,
if you count 'em up,

really, I have.

I'm tired.

The chemo's wiped me out.
I'm done.

- You just need some rest.
- No, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand
what I'm saying.

Finito.

Finale.
I give up.

I need you to put me
out of my misery.

I need you,
my favorite grandson,

to kill me
for once and for all.

You want me
to kill you?

I'm begging you.

And how am I
supposed to do this?

You figure it out.
Google it or something.

But I need to be
checked out by Sunday.

Why Sunday?

Because I can't bear
to watch another Jets game.

I don't know,
Grandpa.

I don't think
I'm equipped to do this.

It'll go a long way toward
proving that you're not a homo.

[sighs]

[upbeat rock music]

*

(man)
Yo, I got smashed
the other night,

and I hooked up
with this chick

who looked just like
Wayne Gretzky.

I hooked up with a girl
looked like Eric Lindros.

She was like 6'10".
It was sick.

I found out that Gretzky
peed in his pants

every game he played,
just pissed.

Oh, yeah.
You didn't know that?

- What, you knew that?
- Obviously.

When you get a Gretzky jersey,

you ask for the one
that has the urine in it.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's like his autograph.

Like, he would pee in
the jerseys before every game.

Sometimes he's peed
on the other guys' jerseys.

He peed on the other
guys' jerseys?

Yeah, like, for luck.

That's why the Rangers
never won,

because they didn't let him
pee in his jerseys.

Dude, he should piss
all over us. We suck today.

[banging]
- There it is.

Dickie, what'd you get,
another new stick?

Yeah, Bauer VAPOR 1X.

Guaranteed to go top shelf
with this bad boy.

Yeah, top shelf
of some guy's ass, maybe.

Where's the stick
from last week?

I threw that away, dude.

Oh, dude, I would've
loved that stick.

What would you
have done with it, man?

It would've been
terrible for you.

It recoils in the lower shaft,
and it's too stiff.

Sebalos loves
his shafts stiff.

Bang. Exploding.

[guffaws]
That's so original.

Dude, what is with you?

It's just some crazy shit
went down

with my grandpa this morning,
so...

Oh, really?
I'm sorry, man.

- Is he okay?
- Yeah, kind of.

I mean, actually,
not really, no.

Well, what's wrong?

It's just he's shot.

What is this world
coming to?

Who would shoot an old man?

What?
No, no.

He's shot mentally.

He wants to die.
He's done.

And he wants me to do it.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on.
He wants you to do what?

Kill him,
basically.

You're kidding,
right?

- No.
- Dude, that is awesome.

- Awesome?
- Yeah.

That is a serious
honor, man,

like some real
samurai shit.

He could've chosen anybody,
but he chose you.

Yeah, I think I'd prefer
if he chose anybody.

Well, how much
is he leaving you?

- What?
- In his will, I mean.

What are you--
what do you--I don't know.

I don't even know
if he has a will.

Well, that's something you're
gonna want to find out, dude.

You have leverage
right now.

That's a conversation
you want to have

sooner than later.

Dickie, you seriously
are a twisted-ass person.

Yeah, Dickie,
you're a sick bastard.

I would've loved that stick
you threw out,

you son of a bitch.

Enough with the stick.

Paul's got a real
situation here.

Well, money aside, I would
definitely grant him his wish.

Yeah, I mean, dude,
if you think about it,

it's not the craziest idea.

I mean, he's gonna croak
any day now.

- What is he, like, 90?
- 78.

And, yes, this is crazy.

I wouldn't even know
where to start.

(Randy)
Cinnamon, bro.

Dude, he's not having
a bake sale, okay?

He's murdering somebody,
and it's not just anybody,

for crap's sake.
It's his own peepaw.

That's not even funny, Dickie.
Bro, relax.

He's just trying to help, and,
Dickie, it's not murder exactly.

- Eeh...
- No, it is.

That's why you want to make it
look like something else.

See, you and your grandpa each
take the cinnamon challenge,

make it look like you
wanted to play a game.

He goes first.
Shit dries up in his lungs.

With his age and health,
he'll drop like a rock.

Then you're free
and clear, bro.

You want me to watch
my grandfather

gasp for his last breath?

Oh, or you could do
the Dexter thing

and just wrap him in plastic
and then chop him up.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm not gonna Dexter him,

and I'm not gonna kill him
with cinnamon, all right?

Jesus, for someone who's
about to kill his peepaw,

you got an awful lot
of rules.

What about the
ice bucket challenge?

Is that still a thing?

No, they cured
ice bucket disease, dude,

and, plus, that was just
ice water anyway.

Yeah, but you just replace
the ice water

with acid or something.
It's perfect.

- Ooh.
- I hate you guys so much.

You know who can help us?
My uncle John.

I'm gonna take you
to go see him.

Relax, buddy.
We got your back.

Don't even worry.
Let's go.

[upbeat rock music]

*

(man)
Wait a minute.
Every time I go to grab one

and you tell me I can't have it,
it makes a Pung.

It's not your turn.

You're making up
your own rules.

Wait your turn.
It's not rules.

But it's a Pung.
You said it's like Go Fish.

- It's the same--
- Uncle John.

I'm not interrupting,
right?

Hang on a second.

[rap music playing]

It's lunch, and I'm on a roll,
so make it fast, kid.

- Pork bun?
- No, I'm good.

I just wanted
to introduce you

to my friend Paul.

(Anthony)
We had a question
we wanted to ask.

Yeah, what's that?

Maybe we should
go outside.

Don't worry about
the crouching tigers.

They don't speak English.

He's fine.

Whatever you have to say to me,
you can say in front of him.

He has a very low
retention rate.

(Paul)
Okay, um, Anthony?

What, me?

Dude,
it's your grandfather.

Yeah, but I don't
do this a lot, so just...

(Anthony)
Okay, but you said
that if I brought you here--

- Hey.
[both speaking at once]

We don't have all day.

All right, fine.
I'll go.

Uncle John, we were wondering
if you may know someone

who could kill
Paul's grandfather.

I thought you said
they don't speak English.

What are you
insinuating?

That I'm, what,
a murderer?

No, no, no, no.
It's not like that.

It's--it's just that
my grandpa's really sick.

Apparently not
as sick as you.

(man)
Let me ask you
a question.

What did this scumbag
do to you, huh?

Give you a little diddle
when you were a kid?

No, no, he didn't
diddle me.

You sure there wasn't a little
tickle time late at night?

It's okay.
You can tell the truth.

Yeah, I'm absolutely sure
there was no tickle time.

He's a great grandpa.

Well, then, why
do you want him dead?

I don't.
It's just--

I'm confused.
Is it me?

Do you understand
what the hell he's saying?

[speaking foreign language]
[bleep].

[speaking foreign language]

What?

Guys, let me
just explain, okay?

Paul's his favorite grandson.

- I'm his only grandson.
- You know what?

That's sweet,

but I've had enough
for one day.

Why don't you guys go sharpen
your skates or something?

I got a few thousand yen
to take here.

(Anthony)
Right, but--

Suck a dick,
Anthony,

and get lost...now.

Absolutely.
Sucking a dick.

Thanks for your time,
Uncle John.

You would kill your papa?

[speaking foreign language]

You're right.

Let's...
Let's just get out of here.

[bell jingles]

Well, that went well.

[whistles]
Guys, guys.

I think I can
help you out.

- Really?
- Bro, that's awesome.

Gonna run you
about 25 grand.

- Not that awesome.
- Hey, hey, listen to me.

It's worth it, okay?

Your pervert grandfather
won't know what hit him.

He's not a pervert.
He's, uh...

Okay, yeah,
maybe he is.

You're right.
Is this a good--this is good?

No, no, this is
better than good.

I came across a couple
of vintage grenades

at a garage sale
in Sayville.

I'm gonna put two
so far up his ass

that when they explode,

his colon's gonna soar
through the sky

like a [bleep] sonic jet.

Boom, huh?

How about we talk it over,

and then we'll
get back to you?

All right, all right,
you know what?

For you, because
this is John's nephew,

I'll do it for 20 Gs,
but we have to close right now.

I got a schedule.

Well, I appreciate
the family discount,

and I just feel like
we need to have a discussion

before we decide to blow
my grandpa's asshole open

with grenades,
so thank you.

You know, I can't hold on
to these grenades forever

for youse, right?

You understand that?

Well, that's just a chance
we're gonna take,

'cause we got to talk
it over, so...

- Go to go run.
- Serious?

- Yep. Thanks.
- Yeah.

All right, you know where
to find me, though, right?

- Uh-huh.
- I do financing.

(Paul)
So, Grandpa,

I've been thinking about
what you said.

I really have.

I even spoke to Anthony here
about it.

How you doing,
Mr. Rosenberg?

[mouthing words]

Anyway, I'm thinking
you really don't want to die.

Yeah, life seems like it's
going downhill right now,

but maybe you just need
to change up your routine

or get a new project.

Yeah, like, I think, you know,
the exterior of the house

could use a new coat of paint.

[murmurs and scoffs]

(Anthony)
Okay.

All I'm saying is that,
you know,

if you're depressed, maybe
you should talk to somebody.

I told you I'm done.
My friends are dead.

My body's giving out.
Shit, I had to go out

and buy an extra high
toilet seat the other day

just to keep my sack
from touching the water.

Yeah, that might
be a sign.

This is not a debate,

and it's not a request.

Now, you went
and thought about it,

so what did you
come up with?

I can't do it.

We spoke to a guy,
and he wants 25 grand

to put grenades up your ass.

I'm sitting here
putting my affairs in order,

and you're telling me
you're gonna get some stranger

to put grenades
up my ass?

Jesus, Grandpa,
this is new to me, okay?

It's not like I went to college
for assisted suicide.

- What'd you go for?
- Economics.

Oh, that's boring as shit.

I'm surprised you haven't
killed yourself.

Look, I'm gonna die,

and you're gonna help me.

- How?
- Choke me.

That'll be best
for both of us.

I'll be back
in a second.

Holy shit, bro.

You may really
have to do this.

I mean, it seems like
it's what he wants, right?

So what? I want a big set
of tits in my face.

You gonna make my dream
come true?

Dude, this is murder,

not to mention you're breaking,
like, the first commandment.

I don't think that's
the first commandment.

It's definitely
the first commandment.

All of a sudden
you're a man of God?

I don't think Moses was walking
around with his stone tablets

looking for a big set
of tits in his face.

Yeah, well, at least
I'm not playing God.

He's miserable.
He's begging me.

Well, morally
it's wrong, so...

Oh, you of all people are not
gonna weigh in on morality.

- All right, buddy?
- Yeah, well...

(Paul)
What's this?

This is my life
insurance policy.

I made you
the beneficiary.

It's 10 grand.

Oh, I'll do it,
Mr. Rosenberg.

- Fine.
- No prob--

I'll do it.

Do me a favor.

Keep him at home
when you do it.

[whispers]
Okay.

[upbeat music]

*

(Paul)
Hey, where's Declan?

I threw him to bed.
He was being a lunatic tonight.

Yeah, I can relate
to that.

I, uh--
I need to talk to you.

Remember when my grandpa
called the other day?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Well, I went over
to see him,

and he asked me
to do something.

He wants to die.

Don't we all?

Yeah, but he wants me
to do it.

He wants me
to choke him to death.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

Well, when you said no,
he said what?

I...

What did he say when
you said no, Paul?

See, I didn't exactly
say no.

Honey, are you insane?

You cannot choke him
to death.

I know, but he was
begging me, okay?

And he had a lot
of really good arguments

as to why I should do it.

Wait a second.

I don't even know why
we're talking about this.

I know you,

and you can't pull this off.

What, you don't think
I have the mental strength?

No, I don't think you have
the physical know-how.

Excuse me?
Of course I do, okay?

Okay, Chris Weidman,

show me what you got.

Choke me out.

Okay. Fine.

I'm not gonna go
full speed.

Okay, thanks.

I love you.

- Am I hurting you?
- [laughs]

Just stop.

Okay, you really have
no idea what you're doing.

First of all, you don't
do it from the front.

You do it from behind.

How long have I been
taking self-defense?

- A long time.
- Yeah.

Okay.
Get behind me.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Now keep your body close...
- Right.

But your head back.

- Take your left arm across.
- All right.

And press your left forearm
against my neck.

And now grip the inside
of your right elbow.

Okay.

Then use your right hand

to press my head forward.

Oh, okay.

- Hey, now. Hey.
- Hey.

Can you please stop
grinding on me like that?

Grandpa's not gonna
sit still for you, Paul.

Maybe so, but I don't
think he's gonna be

moving his ass like this.
Hey.

What, you don't like it?

No, I do like it.
That's the problem.

Oh, my God,
that feels good.

[relaxed music]

[phone ringing]

Oh, no.

[ringing continues]

*

[answering machine beeps]

(Jerry)
Paul, it's grandpa.

I just wanted to thank you
for everything

and tell you I can't wait
to see you tomorrow.

Good night.

Good night.

[upbeat music]

*

You look good.

But before
we get started,

take this.

I made you my Facebook
legacy contact.

Here's all the information
you'll need

to keep my page
updated and active.

Great.

For how long?

I don't know.

At least until
you're my age.

There's enough
material there

to carry it through the next
three Muslim presidents.

What is this
other stuff?

That's my legacy.

My greatest hits,
if you will.

This is your
greatest hits?

Damn straight.

This picture here
was taken

July 4, 1976,
the bicentennial.

Jack Smyth bet me I couldn't
drink 76 cans of Schlitz.

He lost.

All right, let's
get on with it.

[sighs]

You sure you want me
to do this?

How many times have
we talked about this?

I can't go on living
this way anymore.

Okay.
Here goes.

[sighs]

(Jerry)
Where you going?

Just relax, okay?

[sighs]

Okay.

[relaxed music]

- [grunts]
- Okay.

- There you go. Okay.
- [grunts]

There you go.

[both grunting]

[grunts]

What is this,
Studio 54?

I asked you to choke me,

not diddle me like
some back-alley queen.

You're not supposed
to be moving like that.

I'm not gonna sit there
on my way into the afterlife

with your pecker
up against my bunghole.

Come around the front
and do it the right way.

Okay.
I'm sorry.

- [sighs]
- I love you, Pappy.

- Just get on with it.
- [sighs]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

[grunts]
What did you stop for?

Because you threw
my hands off of you.

It was a reflex, you moron.
What did you expect?

Can't I just put a pillow
over your head or something?

No, I want to look you
in the eyes.

Now, come on, you pussy.

[grunts]
Do it.

- [whimpering]
- [grunting]

[growling] Yeah.
Yeah.

[both grunting]

[gasping]

[panting]

[exhales]

[sighs]

[sobbing]

[crying]

Stop your crying.

Grandpa,
oh, my God.

Thank God you're
still alive.

Oh, I don't know
if it was God, Paulie.

What do you mean?

While we were thrashing
around there,

I started getting
these flashing images

in front of my eyes.

- Of your family?
- Nah.

Of some of those broads
on Facebook,

and I thought I'd give the old
lightsaber another chance.

Wait a minute.

That's what you
were thinking about

when you were dying,
is--

Yeah.
[chuckles]

Not your family
or your life?

Nah, not at all.

I just kept thinking about

Ronda Green's fat,
juicy ass.

[both laugh]

Well, I'm glad
you're alive, Grandpa.

Yeah, well, thank God
you're such a weakling

with pussy hands.

[chuckling]

[upbeat music]

*

Where's Rosenberg?

I haven't seen him since he went
to go murder his grandfather.

Got to be rough.

Heard he did that
grenade challenge.

What, he actually put grenades
in his grandfather's ass?

Dude, what do you
expect, bro?

He's the new Dexter.

What's up,
cock knockers?

(Anthony)
What the hell?
Mr. Rosenberg?

- Hey, fellas.
- You look great, Mr. Rosenberg.

I never felt better,
Shitski.

- Who taught him that name?
- That would be me.

(Anthony)
Uh, so how have
you two been?

Well, for starters,
it was a hell of a week,

but I finally saw
the light, fellas,

and this guy right here,

he helped me find it.

(Anthony)
Do you want to stay
for the game?

I mean, be nice to have some
fans on our side for a change.

I'm not here
to see you guys.

I came to watch
my girlfriend's grandson PJ.

- Whoa, you got a girlfriend?
- Yeah. Ronda.

She was my nurse when I had
my gallbladder taken out.

We just reconnected
on Facebook.

That's the greatest
invention ever.

There's a sea of
lonely pussy out there

just waiting to be poked.

[Jerry chuckles]

Hey, Paulie told me
that you guys

are having a rough season.

That is no reason
for you to just give up.

Hell, a couple days ago,

I was ready to give up
on everything.

I kept telling myself
that life sucks.

And then at the last second,

I realized that we have to play
the hand that we're dealt

and play to whatever
strengths we have left.

So my advice
to you guys is

to live every moment
like it's your last

and do what you do best.

For me, that's banging
Ronda's juicy ass,

and for you guys,

the thing might just be
sucking at hockey.

[chuckles]

- Um...
- Uh...

All right, well, are you guys
ready to do this?

Should we do this?

I got to check in
with Karen.

- Yeah, of course you do.
- Okay.

We really are not
very good.

It's just weird,
like, what--

to have, like,
a small bladder like that.

You wait 20 minutes,
you just go pee.

I know. You'd think the greatest
player in NHL history

would have a bit of a bigger
bladder, but, I mean--

He's got
a horrible bladder.

I wonder how
that jersey smelled.

I wonder
how much it cost.

I would say Gretzky
piss jersey, 75 grand.

What if you got
a Gretzky jersey,

found out it didn't
have his pee.

Oh, I'd mail it right back
to whoever gave it to me.

Yeah, that's like--

I only want a Gretzky
piss jersey, now that I know.

That's better
than an autograph.

[scoffs] Yeah.