Original subtitles

I'm your big brother and if I don't

teach you I don't want to steal a car

Mason I just want to play ball forget

about the sports Brian because you and I

were bad boys and bad boys do bad stuff

because we don't give a crap so watch

and learn little bro watch you learn

wouldn't be easy to break the window

what if I gave a crap yeah yeah Mason

are you sure you're cutting light wires

I'm sure that I don't give a crap

fights on fire haha

hittin [ __ ]

you've got five hey Brian I'm dusty

Goldstein the court has appointed me

your public defender so I got good news

and I got bad news now the good news is

your brother's gonna make it really

that's right the doctor says the bullets

missed all of his major arteries but my

brother wasn't shot is he your brother

Muhammad Allah Hussey's no Neeson Atkins

he's right here hey and he's dead

give me family we should contact Brian

my mother anyone that isn't dead my

mother isn't dead totally forgot about

him bad news I'm afraid she drowned in a

pool of someone else's vomit talk about

one of those too I've got nothing left

I've got nowhere to go

all right that settles it you're coming

home with me what it's all right Brian I

take young boys home with me all the

time

come on kiddo time to meet your new

family honey I'd like you to meet our

new son you are not gonna hurt me you

son of a [ __ ]

um maybe I should go don't be ridiculous

Brian my wife is still upset about the

last juvenile's look what I brought home

he tried to rape me dusty no Caitlin you

never did prove that you defended him in

court look honey I'm just trying to be a

good lawyer here help a kid out make a

difference in the world and if that

means that someone in this house might

get a little raped well god damn it

that's a chance I'm willing to take

thinking about right now just how

utterly incomprehensible it is that

Jackman could deliver such a tour de

force performance well I'm contemplating

the intricacies of our friendship and

how the emergence of our adolescent

hormones has radically altered the very

nature of our relationship in such a

lascivious manner that I yearned to make

passionate intercourse to your genitalia

cycle fight no Bossin I want you to meet

Brian his entire family is dead so he's

gonna be living with us from now on well

I'm sure you two lady killers have a lot

to talk about

have fun please montre can I take your

jacket your undershirt here you know my

pants too oh that's just Charlie don't

worry I'm not the least bit attracted to

her so uh Brian are you a fan of the

Jackman me too yeah I am a huge check

maniac someday I expire to have a body

of work and a body as jacked as his

jacket all right I guess I'm taking off

then

listen I just got the Unrated version of

Kate and Leopold on DVD back to the

creek we could let my bed pop in I wish

you know what it's late I should

probably head out to the pool house are

you sure you can stay here I'll even

give you the top bunk but you don't have

a bunk bed we could pretend that I do

where do you think you're going Melissa

wherever I want don't you use that tone

of voice with me and you look at me when

I'm talking to you young lady you're

only a year older than me my little girl

hi Daddy

not you I was talking your stepmother

you

hey hey

Hey

Hey whoa looking good son not you

fat-ass I was talking about your step

money what may be in such [ __ ]

you're going to have to be a lot more

careful at this school than you were at

the last my fare well I'm sorry Jeeves

but when I see a red face and agogic

demon coming at me I Scout the best

mommy you scum sophomore Roger Whitacre

he had a little rosacea

yeah just forget about it I have fun

something that should be of grave

concern to you

I know it's really gotten out of hand

down there

my there it belongs to something be

something Harry that's a I get it I need

to trim your Mont listening mother I'm

afraid you're going to have to destroy

the most terrifying creature ever to

roam the halls of this school a teenage

wolf

are we still talking about my badge

what's wrong couch it's my family spring

sometimes I just wish they didn't exist

guys that's ridiculous the family unit

provides us with the foundation for all

of our morals and our values I don't

know Gabi Hey here comes your stepmother

I want you home right after school is

that understood Melissa Margaret

creatures don't make me ground you fine

looks like somebody needs a little

cheering up

hey don't you think we're a little young

to be experimenting with our sexuality

walking around for half an hour

shouldn't we be going to class actually

Brian at this school there are no

classes we get our education by

aimlessly wandering through the hallways

happy that's a lot dipper from the

Correctional Facility I come from Lawson

really appreciate it if you wouldn't

talk about there you are if we did for

you on the dog for over an hour this

morning sorry there was a room in the

rowboat for Brian you and your ladder

what are you insinuating Lawson that me

and my ladder don't have a place in your

life anymore

Charlie of course as a place for you in

my life who else would I let in my bed

without the fear of getting an erection

oh gotta go guys start my show this

teenagers no your lot shorter than I am

kids what's your name sweetie oh yo yo

solid Goldstein I like to give a mad

shout-out to our newest student and find

you homeboy Brian Acton sport of caution

Brian doesn't like to talk about his

past and to go the pink rope term Lauren

is currently on parole and whatever you

do don't ask him about his family

because they're all dead you there is

something special about

like two hours out of practice stretch

my groin

I'm like everything for this point you

know I'm just as I hope we all day row

what's going on here

well guys got a sick eater what apps

he'd spout to get a lot sicker do you

think you're doing little man Tate sorry

nobody touches Shawn Saunders balls but

me and my boys you got it yeah let's go

boys grab my balls

Jack sent me

Oh

concerning Sean stood me up again oh let

me give you a little advice now guys

like Sean Saunders you're always gonna

lie to you in fact he was in here

earlier finger-banging soon check up on

the jukebox I mean really giving it to

her good right point is you gotta suck

it up he's the best thing you got going

that caboose of yours isn't getting any

smaller huh now come on how about a

double cheeseburger thanks Pat but I

think she'd rather take a bite out of oh

sure yah yah preparing racial

stereotypes is really irresponsible

I'll be right back

actually I'll be right back - and I'll

have that double cheeseburger okay mmm

so I was wondering if you'd like to come

by Shawn Saunders party tonight why

would I want to go to your boyfriend's

party will show up and maybe you'll find

out great we would love to Melissa I'm

sorry

but we met Boston volte your neighbor

for 16 years

our parents had several affairs with one

another right anyway see it's my brain

yeah ungodly you have any concept of

what just happened here we just got

invited to this week's Vegas social

gathering of the year they're gonna be a

really picture for someone else wearing

the same outfit whoa I'm close since

there is a lot of underage drinking at

this party and a lot of underage stop

does anybody see you like don't you baby

Sean my stepmother that's right

and I want you to go straight to your

room Missy I hope you're happy you fat

[ __ ] this is all

you just gonna stand there and do

nothing

no well that's funny cuz you look like

you're just about to shot yourself papa

who the hell are you names can't aunt

Boehner Minh well folks around here just

call me Kenny kind of school legend in

this school pause you're still in high

school yeah 23 years learning just

splitted e as in I can't learn to stop

loving that poontang that's just wrong

you know what else is wrong you for not

sticking up for your gal cuz you're too

afraid to throw down let me let you in

on a little secret there compadre

you don't gots to I don't know cuz you

got something that douche bag ain't gots

a hooded sweatshirt

and there ain't nothing the screams

don't step to this louder than a great

cotton

pudding its rugged its versatile and it

says hey I grew up in the streets so

take it from someone as hot CO and

creepy as me you raise that h-bomb and

he's going back now I bet my boner

and I don't lose boners neither do I hey

Saunders

I think you are Melissa in apology

you guys fighting is not a constructive

way to yeah huh what are you gonna do

about it tiny dancer this

that's how we do it in the LP bch [ __ ]

that make you wet isn't the big bad wolf

I want you to know Lawson there isn't

anyone else I'd want by my side at this

time of grave you know I'll always be

there for Brian wait I'm sorry but I

have to leave this place who are you

gonna go whatever this road takes me but

that's the driveway and wherever this

driveway takes me call us at look Lawson

I'm a bad one and bad boys

who taught you to think like that Mason

but that's impossible

not if I defect my own death to escape

from a Nicaraguan drug cartel I've been

doing a lot of thinking lately and I

realized that you and I we don't have to

be bad boys anymore we don't that's

right right we can be good boys now heck

for the first time in my life I can wear

a cardigan say that I'm excited about my

future what do you say huh want to give

you a big brother a hug my cardigan

Hey

you shot my brother after what you did

for me I owed you one your first time

you swinton at me I knew that I had

finally found someone as depressed as I

am I can honestly say it's over with

Shawn it's really over

he Oh on the thighs

let's go see you around right difference

cue the tortured music

dad what are you doing here I'm afraid I

have some extremely disturbing

information that is gonna shut them

next week on not another high school

show what's wrong couch I'm pregnant

spring guys teenage pregnancy if someone

ever offers you cocaine Kim straight the

eye and you say you need to sample the

goods first

you know what stop with the cheetah

gently okay I want you to make the

latest addition to the family

Hector Rodriguez

I lost the baby spring guys a

miscarriages not to wanna miss the last

five minutes for the most shocking

ending ever mom but that's impossible

not if I had to fake my death to escape

from an abusive Porto Rican pimp but

don't worry

Mama's back for good this time