All language subtitles for minding.the.gap.2018.limited.dvdrip.x264-cadaver[EtMovies]

That's not how we do this
in the hood, you know.

[man #1] All right, now, come up here.

Always ignoring the no trespassing signs.

[laughing]

What are you talking about?
We didn't even see it.

[Zack] It's scary, man.

Uh, I think... I think I'm gonna die.

-You got like six more.
-[Zack] Are you fucking serious?

We have a long way to go.
We're not even halfway.

OK, let's do it. Let's go up.
We're already going up. Come on, Keire.

[Zack] No, I'm not going up.
We're going down.

[man #2] Do you want me to come
and push you?

We're going right back down.

Come on, I... I just got
the courage to do this.

We're going down.

-I already told him. I'm bailing out.
-OK.

-Good, I'm...
-I wanna go,

-but he's so scared.
-I'm with you. I don't wanna die.

[Zack] Your whole life society
tell you, like,

"Oh, be a man, and you're strong,

and you're tough,
and margaritas are gay," you know, like...

You know, you don't grow up
thinking that's the way you are.

When you are a kid,
you just do, you just act

and then somewhere along the line,
everyone loses that.

[instrumental music playing]

It's... I really wanted to clean up.
I'm freaking hungry.

[Keire] I spend, like, the majority
of my time here alone.

[Bing] Why do you think that is?

[Keire] It's-- It's me, because I...

I always felt like
I didn't fit in with my family.

It seems like they don't understand
why I escaped already in the first place.

[sighs]

-[gunshot]
-[Zack] Oh, do not shoot that in my house.

See this is why
we are not allowed to go anywhere.

Is this, right here.

[man] Oh, fuck off!

If you go... If you go behind a tree,
you're-- you're OK. You got cover.

[laughing]

Are you gonna put me smoking weed,
in that thing?

[Bing] Maybe. I don't think just to do it.

I've given you free range, I mean, I...

I've no stipulation.

[Zack] I've always needed more
out of life, more out of where I was.

You know, my parents ran
this very controlling house

and so, I ran away a lot.

When I was like 16, I was no longer living
with my parents, like, at all.

I just wanted to fucking escape.

["Video Life"
by Chris Spedding plays]

[man] Yeah!

Ready for some fucking intense action.
Take one.

No!

I can see that thing there
moving around, Bing, I know you're playing

with my face or something.

[Bing] Zack over here,
he's going to crash.

[Bing] Come, buddy, come...

[man laughing] Oh, my...

[Zack] Oh, shit, there's a cop.

-[screaming]
-Hey, no, don't.

No, it' fine.

-[laughing] Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God! Oh!

-[screaming]
-What the fuck?

Dude, I'm like bleeding.
It's like in it.

[Bing] How long have you known Keire?

[Zack] Man, I want to say,
when I met Keire, he was like 11.

He'd-- He'd ride the bus to the park.

And then, he'd pretty much
be stuck at the park.

He'd have to ask everyone for money
so he could get enough for the bus home.

[Keire] Well, I remember
the first time I met him,

I was standing where the bikers transfer.

And this dude hit me,
like, right in the rib with his pegs.

And I remember Zack,
and he just started screaming at this kid,

"I'm gonna fucking beat your ass,
like, blah, blah, blah..."

So, I was like, I wanna be like that guy.

Oh, ho, ho!

[Bing] What did you think of me,
we were growing up

and I was filming all of us?

[Zack] I thought, it was cool, how you can
put all these different moments

into, like, one long video and just
make it seem, like, the best time ever.

Oh, God, no! You've been
filming the whole time?

I thought you were
like, taking a picture.

She... She just drove by
and didn't even care!

-[Keire] Oh, God! Yes!
-[Zack] Fuck, yeah!

Whoo!

[Zack] Skateboarding is more of a family
than my family.

We formed a family together,
like to look out for each other

because no one else
was looking out for us.

[chuckles]

No, I'm not jumping in.

It could be three feet only,
but, "Oh, shit! I'm drowning."

No more smoking weed in the house.

-[Keire] Good.
-There's no more smoking cigarettes

-in the house, either.
-[Keire] Good.

Which I tried to break myself up
a while ago but...

There's so much trash on my porch,

I'm like, I just can't go back out there
and smoke.

-I don't know. I guess, like...
-There's just a bunch of boxes...

-and baby stuff.
-It's boxes. It's baby shit.

You know how hard
baby shit is put together?

Do you know how ridiculous this shit is?

And there's like,
they are five different language

on the instructions, but not English.

And I'm like, "Why couldn't I have just
bought this, I don't understand.

Why I had to buy a box
and put it together."

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Zack] I can't believe that.

She's just gonna have the baby.

And I'm there, just gonna be like,
"OK, here's the baby, go home."

I feel like, somewhere along the line,

there should be like a class
for this or something,

that I should have taken,
that I'm fucked up.

[Keire] I feel like
life might be moving too fast.

We have to fully grow up
and it's gonna fucking suck.

-How'd you do it? Oh, my God!
-[screaming]

Oh, my beer! Oh, God!

It's all over you.

-Yeah!
-Oh, shit!

[dog barking]

[Zack talking indistinctly]

If somebody poked Keire in the eye,

-I would freak the fuck out!
-Poke me in the eye?

[man] Oh, you don't poke nigga's
in the eye?

That guy would be mad at you
for saying "nigga".

Fuck him. He poked you
in the eye. He had it coming.

Yeah, he did have it coming.
He poked me in the eye.

-Yeah, fuck that guy.
-[man laughing]

[Zack] Hey, Kyle, how are you
gonna get down on the roof?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna watch
the fucking fire works today.

-How we're gonna get you down, man?
-A ladder.

We don't have a ladder, Kyle!

I'm having a good time, 'cause
I'm on the top level of my fucking roof.

-You want to know why? Guess what, Liu?
-Keire, this isn't a joke, yo.

-It's not a joke. It's America's...
-You're all the way on my fucking roof.

...fucking birthday, dude.

-[man laughing]
-[Kyle] Guess what?

In the land of the fucking free...

[Zack] Dude, I'm telling you...

[Kyle] ...I'm on this
son-of-a-bitching roof, dude.

Land of the fucking free,
on this son bitching roof...

Fucking fire works, dude! Yes!

-[man] Oh, my God.
-[Kyle screaming]

Happy fucking birthday, dude!

[screaming]

Oh, my God, Keire.

Fuck! Bless America!

[baby crying]

[Nina] I never thought I'd be OK
with changing the diaper.

But I'm pretty OK with it.

[Zack] We've been tag team in it, though.

So, it's easier.

Yeah, it was so funny, because,
um, I had Zack give the baby a bottle

and Keire was like, "Oh, my God,

-they're freaking out."
-Yeah, it weirded him out the whole time.

He's like, "I can't believe
you're actually a dad."

[Zack] He is dashing.

-[baby crying]
-Oh, don't be grumpy.

[Zack] I would do anything for that kid.

I wanna give him every opportunity
I possibly can, to help him succeed,

help him be happy, to be a good person.

It's interesting how much having a kid
would force you to, like, grow up.

Like, I can't get home from work,

and fucking drink 12 pack,
like I normally do

'cause, like, what if I have to get up
and feed the kid, or you know

what if something happens, I have
to take him to the hospital, like...

I don't know.

Lately I've been having
a lot of anxiety about...

not feeling like a grownup,
and not feeling like I've...

done enough things
to set my life up properly and...

it's time I do something, you know.

OK, so, I need you to read over
all of these, these are the rules

of the testing center.
-OK. OK.

"No cellphone, no computer..."

OK.

-Where do you work at?
-Um, I'm a roofer.

That's hard work.

It is. That's why I'm taking this.

[nurse chuckles]

I couldn't understand
what they wanted me to do.

You know, like,
the way it was written, I just...

I was having trouble,
I just didn't understand.

[sighs] That was rough.

How are you today? What time is it?

Oh...

Fuck. [laughing]

Oh, man.

I'm at home. Bring me some cigarettes
and a beer pump, dude.

I'll pay you when you get here.

Talking about Keire
and his skateboard, yo,

-Keire and his skateboard.
-Oh! Yeah.

-He'll be doing his little thing.
-All good, cousin.

Like, talking shit to him, you know.

Being a little, brother,
you know, being the youngest brother.

You know, you got to think--
but if he wasn't the youngest,

he'd probably be running the streets
with us. You know what I'm saying?

All I could say is,
I'm glad he ain't in the--, uh...

where I'm at, right now, I got to go do,
uh, a few days, you know.

One thing about that,
at least, uh, I got an out-date.

[chuckles]

All right, bro.

[Keire humming]

Sucks.

[Roberta] Keire is quite different
from the others.

I think about it a lot.

'Cause I want him to start...

getting real serious about
what he's gonna be doing.

[Keire sighs] I turned 18 in November.

Ever since then I just feel like,
I should get a good job

or get like, "a" job,
this "a" job in general.

[door creaking]

[Keire] But I don't know.

I'm becoming a man, and like, I feel like,
there's something I got fucked over on

because, like, my childhood
was really scary time.

Fucking wrong with you?
Throwing your fucking board at me?

[man] Hey, kid, what happened?

What did he do?

Still wanna fight me now?

-What happened?
-You know what?

Hey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[Roberta] Keire, he held in a lot,

and his dad, you know,

he was really kind of strict on him.

You know, his father was,
he was a carpenter,

and he wanted Keire to do that,

because he couldn't get the other boys
to, you know, follow his foot steps.

-But Keire didn't like it.
-[Keire] Damn it!

-Yeah!
-Do it!

[Zack] And like, sometimes
I'd know that I have to work with him.

So, I'll sneak out my window,
like, throw my board out first

and just climb out.

Then when I got home,

I got disciplined.

And then I would go skate for a while.

[Bing] How did you get disciplined?

Uh...

I mean, well, they call it
child abuse now, but it's, um...

[breathing heavily]

Bitch! Uh!

[Keire] That shit makes you angry,
like, oh, God...

It, like, it like boils my-- my blood,
dude, like, uh... fuck.

Fuck!

[Bing] How bad did it get?

Like, did you ever cry?

Oh, at first. At first. Like...

I mean...

Weren't you?

[Bing] I did cry.

I feel like everybody cries.

Is this the board you bought here?

-[Bing] Uh...
-I think you did.

A while ago.

Remember, we had this board in the shop.

I don't buy boards that much anymore,
'cause I don't skate that much anymore.

Dude, tell me about it.
I don't skate nearly enough.

I don't really remember
when I first met you.

I-- I just, he was just, that kid
that always there, you know, like...

You come into the skate shop...

I don't know, we talk about random stuff.

And that happened with a lot of kids.

And they could come in
and be like, yeah, dude...

my parents suck or this is going on.

and they'd come in unload, you know...

But, like, you were introverted.

And I didn't know, and I remember,
think I asked you if you were gay.

Do you remember that at all?

-[Bing] No.
-Like, I-- I asked you, like,

dude, are you gay, like, what's...
What do you... You know, like,

I knew-- I knew you had some
huge weight on you.

And, you were like, "No, dude," you know.

But I can't remember when you opened up
to me about your mom and stuff.

But I-- You never really told me about
anything about what was going on with you

and, I guess,
in retrospect now, I look at him like,

I should've totally figured that out.

Like, I could tell, with you
from the very beginning, like,

skateboarding meant more to you than just
being cool and having friends, like...

It was your thing to like...

get away.

It was kind of a life or death thing.

[Zack] To other people it's funny,
ha-ha-ha, you know,

oh, these guys are crazy,

but in reality
I think it's a control thing.

You fucking have to control
the most minute, small details

to make you feel normal
in a world that's not normal.

[Keire] It was kind of be like
a drug in a way.

Like, I can seriously be on a verge
of having a fucking mental breakdown,

but as long as I am able to go skate
then I am completely fine.

Yeah!

Bravo!

Here goes nothing.

[Keire] As soon as
the effect of the drug wears off,

this thing just comes back to you.

So, what happened?
Did we get paid yesterday, or...

I don't know.

I don't know, either.

I need my hours, man. I got kids to feed.

Dude, my boss is,
seriously, such an asshole,

it is crazy, like...
Fucking, they're understaffed now,

and he just told me to clock out.

[Zack] My budget
is already spent out for a week,

so, I'm a week behind every time.

So, now, I have to figure out
how to come up with three extra hours

on a schedule that I'm barely fucking on.

[man] According to research
from the University of Illinois,

about 47 percent of all Rockford workers,
60,000 total

earn less than $15 per hour.

[man #2] Rockford has struggled
with unemployment for years.

Companies have left, so, have the jobs.

[woman] Out of all of Illinois,

Rockford has seen the largest number
of people move away since 2010.

How many people
are gonna be at that table?

Uh, could be anywhere from 12 to 15.

Great.

Yeah, you took the hardest one. Good job.

There you go.

There you go.
I got you all lined up there.

Come on, bud.

I feel weird, 'cause like...

I don't know.

'Cause I, like, talk to my baby,
like, baby-voicin'.

But, I mean, it's a fucking baby,
that's how you talk to 'em,

you know what I mean?
I'm not gonna be, like,

"All right, Elliot, we're gonna put
your clothes on, lil' buddy.

-[woman] Yes.
-[Zack] Oh, no.

[Zack] It's like,
she works and I watch him

or I work and she watches him.
I-- I don't know. And other than that,

we're both pretty much around.

All right.

Here you go.

Is that the action you want?
Is that the action you want?

[Zack] It's a hard enough life,
being a baby.

It's-- It's got to be stressful.

I mean, you save a bunch of time
by not having to walk

and go to the bathroom but...

And then someone just cleans it for you,
someone feeds you every three hours.

See, I've been off work all week
which normally never happens,

I haven't left this house in five days
'cause I haven't had time to do anything.

And I get cooked up, super, super easily,

so that, you know,
it's been driving me nuts.

Have you met your uncle, have you?

[baby cooing]

Hey, mama's here.

How was work?

-Eh.
-How was after-work drinks?

Jeez, girl. No wonder you're always broke.

-Those things are probably like $7.
-They're $4.

All right, are you gonna feed him?

No, I told you to. I have to, like,
get ready and meet Jess.

What? You did not tell me that.

-Yeah, I did...
-You said, "I'm gonna feed him."

You can't just feed him, like,
11 hours and now you're going out...

You did that to me for five months.

-to the bar. You can't feed...
-Five months...

-...your fucking kid.
-...you can't do it one day.

You can't feed him, like, what the fuck?

I'll feed him the bottle,
just feed him the solid food.

-It's all I want you to do.
-That bottle's only three ounces

they'll drink that in, like five minutes.

Then I got to take care of him
all fucking nights still,

-so, why can't you just...
-I haven't even gotten my fucking

-jacket off.
-Why can't you just feed him?

Dude, that's what
I don't fucking understand.

I was stay-at-home mom

and you said,
I work, you take care of Elliot,

I did, and now, I'm working...

Right, and you show up
somewhere between eight and nine,

-just in-- just in time to put him to bed.
-That happened twice.

-Last night was the only night...
-I told you...

-...you stayed home all fucking week.
-That's a fucking lie and you know it.

-Whatever. You're an idiot. Just go away.
-No, you're a fucking idiot.

[sighs]

[door locking]

[Zack] I mean, she's like, going through
something now, she's like newly 21

and wants to go out every night.

And I told her, I'm like,
"You had a kid, like, too late."

[baby crying]

[Zack] I love that girl, I-- You know,
I do want to be with her.

I just want her to chill the fuck out.

And feel like,
it's just been me, like a lot.

Well, she gets to go out every night
and do whatever fuck she wants.

It drives me fricking insane.

[Zack sighs]

[baby cooing]

[Keire] My-- My friend, like, messaged me,
he was like, "Hey,

I can get you a job tomorrow,
like, if you wanted." And I was like,

"Yeah." And-- but he's like, "But just
to warn you, it's really hard work."

I don't like telling people
that I'm a dishwasher,

but then again I don't really care, 'cause
it's like, how I make money. [laughing]

It's like definitely my first real job.

'Cause I just don't want to, like, work

some, like job I hate
for the rest of my life.

[machinery whirring]

The Main Street Skatepark,
aka the park set.

[man] Main Street Skatepark
was a skatepark

I had started with a guy that'd run a gym

for a long time and he was looking
for an extra source of income

-during the winter months.
-[men laughing]

[man] You know, I had told him, I have
all this wood, we could build a skatepark.

I'm calling it the Keire box right now
'cause it's really weird-shaped and long.

Crazy.

Dude, what the fuck?

That's how Keire
just walks around, like...

Just lanking, like, your arms
are six feet and funny all the time.

We have two-by-fours...

OK.

Boom.

One and two...

[Zack] My father was a carpenter.

I learned a lot from him
and a lot from my family.

In the 80's, my father started a skatepark
in my grandmother's roller rink.

And, uh, they managed
the only indoor skatepark in the area

for eight years or something like that.

I was, kind of raised to, you know,
like, "Do what you wanna do."

And then, somewhere along the line,
he just, like, flipped the switch,

like, wanted to become,
like, conservative American.

All of a sudden, there were
all these rules and expectations.

They were, like, pushing me into this mold
of someone they thought was a good person.

And I'm like, "Fuck that."
Like, I remember one of... you know,

when I was a kid, like,
we've fucking sung punk music

and fucking smoking joints
and, like, you know, like, fuck that.

[Zack] All right, fine. I'll man-- I'll find
a babysitter then and then fuck you.

I guess I'll talk to you later.

First of all, you're supposed to have
until six p. m., so, I get my Saturday--

You knew since Monday

-that I had plans for that.
-Yo, it's that you shouldn't have

fucking made plans for a Saturday
because this is supposed to be my day.

-So, you... you get days off...
-I never get a day to myself.

-...all the time...
-No, I don't.

-I only get two days off a week.
-When do I ever get a day to myself?

-This is supposed to be my day, today.
-OK, bye, Nina.

[Zack sighs]

Ain't that just the way.

[Bing] Do you and Nina ever, like,
just tried talking it out?

Successfully?

Nope.

-She's just so excited.
-I know.

He's had a good day, we're just
playing outside and doing fun stuff, huh?

We have a fire going.

Oh, yeah. You wanna put some boards on it?

-Yeah.
-OK. I'll hold the baby,

you put some boards on there.

[Nina] Me and Zack just fought a lot.

Eventually, I just had to leave,
I'm like, "I can't do this anymore."

Look at Mama.

[Nina] Especially being a mom,

you don't want to see your kid
in an environment like that.

-That should be good, right.
-Yup.

[Nina] I don't really have anywhere to go.

And my aunt and uncle
just wound up being, like,

"Hey, we want to help you."

-Down there?
-Yeah.

[Nina] In a perfect world,
it means, I could still be together.

But I don't know.
Like I wanted to work out with him.

He just doesn't get it.

[Bing] I feel, like, a lot
of our parents are not together.

Were your parents divorced?

[Roberta] Well, he stayed with his dad,

because, he told me,
he could raise him better

because he could teach him things
that I couldn't.

[straining]

I really hope
that I don't get back in there

and there'd be,
like, the same amount of boxes.

[gasping]

[Keire] You know,
like, I live with my dad,

but he kept trying to make me work
like every single weekend.

You know, I was like, "Come on, like,
I got to skate. I got to skate."

Fuck, then we got into, like a fight.

He was, like, I'm your dad,
like you're going to work,

and I was just, like, "No."

Then I tried to punch him.

And then I moved out, like, the next day.

Actually, one of the last things
I said to my dad was that, "I hate you."

I was just so fucking angry,
'cause he just kicked my ass.

[Bing] Did you see
any violence in your household

when you were growing up?

I don't know, man. It's...

That's a tough question, it's hard--

It depends on
what you determine as violent.

Like, when I was a kid,
if I was fucking up...

[baby cooing]

...I got my ass whooped.
I feel like everyone does. I mean...

Some people got it worse
than other people.

[sighs]

Yeah.

This is my dad's closet, specifically,

and he'd hide everything right here.

Like, my PlayStation controllers,
entire computers, toys,

and then his vintage porn was, like,
in the corner right there in-- in a stack.

Along with, like...

several firearms that were on the floor.

I used to judge my relationship
with my father based on, like,

a day-to-day basis on...

how many things I've done to piss him off
in that given day.

And this day that I was here
playing on the computer,

felt like a good day,
that I hadn't done anything wrong,

it all went without a hitch,
we hadn't talked very much,

there wasn't much opportunity
for me to do anything bad,

but then he just comes in...

looks at me, I turn up and look at him...

and he just says that,
I "look fucking stupid."

And he walks out, and I thought
that was the end of it

I was like,
"Oh, well, OK, that's not too bad"

but then he comes back in
with a pair of, like meat scissors

and he just starts,
he just like grabs my head

and starts hacking my hair off.

Always shut the doors because...

you know, it keeps the-- [clears throat]
keeps the heat in...

That was another thing worth punishing.

[Bing] Where's your room?

Oh, my room? That's right.
This used to be my brother's room.

Uh, that's true.

Um, yeah.

[sighs]

I remember hearing beating...

and, like screaming
coming from your room, and it was like...

unnerving screams of, like,
anguish almost, and I... it was like...

really, really unnerving.
It was almost scaring.

[sighs]

Mom?

Yeah, I have to wash my clothes
and my blankets.

And my-- my blanket. I just need two.

[sniffles]

OK.

[sniffles] Thank you

[man] Use it for one. I need two hours.

-OK. Thank you.
-[man] All right.

[Keire] My mom has this new boyfriend,
and I don't really like him.

[Bing] So, do you have
a new man in your life?

-A new man in my life?
-Yeah.

Hey, ain't this sort of personal there?

Oh...

Yeah?

I'll be back in a minute.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Elliot... ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪

[crowd cheering]

[woman] He said, "What the heck?"

[woman] Zack, look up.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, hell, yeah.
It's all up in there, Zack.

[Nina] My family, when I grew up,
we were all were very distant.

It was very chaotic and I'd just stay
in my room the whole time.

I think, 'cause of the way that I grew up,
like I really desperately craved love.

[Zack] I think my dad had me
when he was 21

and my mom left
when I was, like two or something.

And so, I think, I was always looking
for something from my dad

that I didn't get.

Like, maybe something
I was supposed to get from my mom.

I know. It's OK, it's OK.
Elliot, rip that off.

[crowd cheering]

[man whistling]

[woman] All right!

[Zack] Hi, baby.

I love you. Give me a hug.

-Love you, Nina.
-I was telling Bing about how you went

on a date with Katie
and I almost killed her.

-Yeah.
-It was bad.

You know, like,
I'd usually don't get like that.

She showed up at 11 o'clock at night
with this other girl, ready to fight.

See this, you see what I'm dealing with
all the time. This little bitch.

[Zack] Oh! Oh, yeah. Real slick there.

-[man screaming] Fuck!
-[crowd cheering]

-God bless you.
-All right, man.

Do this.

[man] Oh!

-Fuck, yeah!
-That trick made me wanna

touch my body, Keire. I'm not gonna lie.

Like, you wanna take a shower. [laughing]

-Oh, my God.
-Holy fuck.

-That looks fucked up.
-That was crazy.

[Keire] Like, this is the result of,
all those times I've ran away from home

to the skate park.

Like, I'd love for my dad to see
how much progress I've made

since I was a little shithead
trying to escape it.

Uh, it would bother me.

[Keire] Maybe,
he'd just be like, "Oh, damn,

you weren't just wasting
your-- your life.

[Zack] I know
their relationship's definitely strained,

and I don't think Keire really realized
how much his dad meant to him

until his dad actually did pass away.

[Keire] The day that my dad died,

uh, I just got out of school,
it was, like a Friday,

and... I just got off the bus...

My mom was just, like freaking out,

as soon as I got home,
she was, like, freaking out.

And she was like, "He's gone, he's gone."
And I didn't wanna, like, believe it

so, I was all mad at her
for, like, saying that.

I was like, "Dad's strong, he's not dead,
I was like, whatever."

And... they, like brought him out
on that stretcher...

and I was just, like, "Holy fuck!" Like...

He actually looks
kind of dead right there.

And I was just like, "Fuck," and...
I don't know, it's just...

I don't know. Uh...

It's-- It's weird, it's just...

It's just really difficult to...
for me to explain right now.

-Hey.
-Well, hey, there, bud.

[indistinct chatter]

Ready? Come play with Daddy.

Buddy, like this. Just one finger.

Just one.

[Zack] Hold him like this real fast.

All right. I'll hold him
for a second just do your thing.

Come on. Yeah, come here.

Yeah!

We're gonna make it to the poles.

We're gonna make it! Whoo!

[Bing] Uh, what--
what have you guys been up to?

[Zack] Uh... lately we've been
adjusting to, uh...

I don't know. Like, I-- I asked
if I can see my son, like every day

and I only get to see him, like,
three times a week.

It's really been bugging me out,
and she's been like...

She's talking lot of shit, you know,

telling me, you're piece of shit
and all the stuff, and...

-It-- It got out of control, man...
-So...

-I don't know.
-This is the video.

[Nina screaming]

'Cause I hate you
and I'll fucking stab you.

I will fucking stab you
with the fucking knife, Zack.

-Fucking die! Die! Die!
-[Zack] Knock it off!

-This is so fucking??
-[Nina] Get off of me!

[Zack] Then stop it!

-[Nina] Die! Die!
-[Zack] Not gonna stop?

[Nina] You're doing this... it's like
you want me to fucking kill you.

'Cause you're asking for it!

[Bing] Keire showed me some recordings
of you and Zack fighting.

I bet, he did.

[Bing] What--
What were those fights about?

What were they like?

Well...

If he showed you the one where,
I'm like, Zack,

-I'm gonna fucking kill you right now.
-Yeah.

He beat my ass 10 minutes
before Keire took that video

and he didn't decide to record that part.

You know, I've got a scar
going down my eyebrow.

I've got... He broke his coffee tables
with my body, like...

Obviously, I'm not in the state of mind,

like, I'm not... I'm going crazy
at this point

because I'm a little girl,
you know, what I mean?

And you have wasted Zack...

doing all that and then it's like,
yeah, I'm gonna... yeah, like...

of course I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna
fucking kill you if you-- you know.

I don't know.

[Bing] I didn't know that?
Why did he... Why was he hitting?

Uh, he gets wasted.

He, you know, will start fighting

and then he'll take it
completely out of control and...

That, I mean, that's not the first time
it's happened, either that recording...

and I mean, I've been like
pretty, like, bruised up

like, I'd have, like a... From him, like,
hitting me and like,

I'd have, like a huge bruise
and like, just all over and then...

You know, he'd like, see them the next day
and he, like, wouldn't even say anything

like, not even a sorry or...

anything like that.

We just kind of ignore it
like it didn't happen.

So...

In a way, your footage will offset
with my footage because...

this is the only time that I haven't shot
in the movie, so, it's like it...

You know, so, like, even when
during the interview, when you're, like,

shoot me, getting
my reaction shots, it'll, like...

I don't know.

We moved to Rockford
when I was eight or nine.

And my mom met my step father...

One day when she was working
at the pizza restaurant, this man came in.

He had been a regular,
he had seen her before.

Um, and he started getting to know her
and then one day he followed her home,

found out where we lived and...

then he became my step dad.

But, um...

Uh, you know, I think I was blaming her
for, sort of abandoning me

when I was a kid.

[indistinct conversation]

Mom, can you, uh, can you clap your hands
just in front of your face?

OK.

[Bing chuckles]

-What's that for?
-It's for a sound thing for later.

-Oh.
-Can you see my face OK?

-[stammers] No... Now is OK.
-No? OK.

I'll just try it to hold it here for now.

Now, [mumbles], I can see your eye.
[indistinct]

I know, it's hard with all the lights.
I'm sorry.

Um, so, I'm curious, uh...

-Who is Dennis?
-[man] Hold on a second.

-Oh!
-[man] I'm sorry.

[man] OK.

"Who is Dennis?"

Why did you ask that?

-Uh, because...
-You know who he is.

Well, I don't feel like I know who he is.

Did you know that, um...

the first time I was ever alone with him,
that's when he...

-grabbed me.
-You...

He did-- Wait, what?

The first time I was ever alone with him,
was the first time he grabbed me.

-And hit you?
-Beat me. Yeah.

I mean, how much did you know about
what was happening?

-Because you were always gone working
-Right, right.

Because he retired pretty soon after you,
you and him married.

-Right.
-So, you weren't home that much.

I was just with him.

I think...

[sighs]

I don't-- I don't know
what else to say now.

I wish I can go over, do again,
do differently, but...

I-- I really...
I don't know what else to say now.

It's all past. I-- I...

[sighs] I would not.
I don't know it was that bad.

I don't know he's that bad
especially behind me.

I was... [groans]

I wish I was stronger and I wasn't.

I don't know. I-- I-- I...

I don't know what else to say.

Well...

Did you-- I mean...

But didn't he...

[stammering] When was the first time
that he hurt you?

I don't know what happened.
He come to choke me.

Yeah, he has, few times.

...and they showed up.

-So...
-But the thing is, I was as I tell you,

with him...

[female newscaster] The city of Rockford
is ranked as the number two

most dangerous city with a population
under 200,000 people.

[woman #2] Last year,
the Department of Justice

created a 63-page report just for Rockford

to help it
with it's violent crime problem.

The Rockford police department presenting
final crime statistics for 2015.

About a fourth of that violent crime

can be attributed to
domestic violence incidents.

[exhales, sighs, burps]

You know what I found out today?

Skateboarding thought me
how to be passionate.

-That's where it all started.
-That's where it all started.

-Yup.
-[man laughing]

-I'm telling you.
-I didn't mean to laugh at you.

It's all right. I knew that
you were probably just kidding.

I don't like emotions.

And so, I mean, I'm like my dad,

[heavy voice] "There is no such thing
as emotions.

Only work. Get back to it."

[chuckles] "If you work hard enough,

-all of your problems will go away.
-[cell phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

Hello?

[female speaking indistinctly]

All right. I'll be there in, like,
five minutes. Hold on.

-[man] Zack?
-Mmm.

I thought you weren't with Nina anymore.

Um, not really.

We do a lot of talking.

[music playing on radio]

How's work?

[Nina] Good...

[Zack] I like your hair.

It's all swirly.

[chuckles]

I'm sorry.
I won't be nice to you next time.

I'll not say anything.

No, your hair looks like shit, Nina.

-You are welcome.
-[Nina] I'm not used to you being nice to me.

[mocking] Na na na na.

-[Nina] Stop, Zack. I'm driving!
-[both laughing]

-Stop. I'm driving. [continues laughing]
-Think you're a badass, huh?

[indistinct dialogue]

[Elliot crying]

-[Nina] You're freaking Elliot out.
-Elliot's not freaked out.

I mean, he's a little freaked out.

-[roars]
-Stop!

[Elliot crying]

I'll be back.
Veggie burritos, potatoes, horchata.

♪ I'm feeling hot... ♪

[Bing] So, you guys are...

looking better that ever. Like, what's...

[Nina] I'm gonna take it day by day

because I feel like he's just gonna
let me down again. So...

If I don't take him seriously,
I'm not gonna be let down.

So, I'm just, like,
going with it, I guess.

-To him? Don't.
-Yeah.

That's a bad... That's... no.

-I mean...
-I just think it's so prevalent,

uh, like, violence towards women.

And I saw that towards my mother
and I just think it's...

Right. I don't think--

[Bing] She had the same idea.
She was, like, "I don't wanna speak up."

Right. I mean...

I don't know.

Especially like, with me and him,
like, kinda...

being OK right now
and like hanging out.

Like, all that would go down the drain.

[Bing] OK.

-[door opens]
-But, yeah.

That took a long time.

[Zack] It's 50 bucks.

-[Nina] That's 50?
-Yeah.

I'm fucking beat, dude?

I don't know what else to say. I'm beat.

Wait a second.

Dude, what's today?

I thought it was fucking Friday.

I don't gonna have to go back to work.

Yes!

Oh, my God, yes!

Oh, my God.

[chuckles]

I got my car probably a month or two ago.

How many people you know have
a portable ledge on the back?

I quit.

I feel like if I stay here,
I'm just gonna get stuck here.

[siren wailing]

But, like, moving out
has just always been scary.

Like, I don't wanna just move out
and just think,

by the time rent comes around,
I don't have the money.

Because then,
I would look stupid and irresponsible.

What's good, Merlin?

Yo, we're filming that rap video.

We're, we're filming a rap video.

[indistinct singing]

[Merlin] No, we're not guilty.

[man in wheelchair]
That's what they all say.

-[Merlin] We didn't do it.
-He's like, "That's what they all think."

Like, see, that shit right there.
Like right above the pedometer,

I have like my registration,
my insurance, my license.

So, you don't have to reach
for anything in your pockets.

Dude, coppers like,
"License and registration."

And I was like sure
and I reached over there

to the fucking... uh, the glove box.
The cop over there is like...

I was just like,
"Oh, don't fucking shoot me."

They are like, "Calm down." I was like,
what do you mean, "Calm down"?

You guys fucking calm down.

You fucking pulled
your gun on me for-- for...

like, obeying what you said.
[chuckles]

It's just-- it's just...
a bunch of shit, you know?

[Zack] Did you see that one?

-Like at the gas station? Yeah.
-You saw that one?

-He's like, give me your drivers licence.
-That fucking terrified me.

So, the guy turns around and goes
in his car to get his driver's licence

and the cop just shoots him,
like, four times.

I can die really easily here.

-This is going to suck.
-Here no, this is like the funniest video ever.

I have to show you this.

[man in video]
...dumb niggers, dork niggers,

Asian niggers,

white niggers.

[man #2] Suck my dick, bitch!

Pundits and niggas just waiting
for your mother fucking call,

they all talking shit about you.

[video continues]

[harmonica playing]

[Keire] Growing up,
my dad would always tell me,

"Keire, like, you know,
you have a lot of white friends,

but don't forget that you're black."

You mind taking a nap, buddy?

-[woman] Hi!
-[indistinct chat]

Let me have a kiss first.

I get him first.

[Nina] We didn't, like,
hug or anything in my family.

So, when I first moved out
from me and Zack's apartment,

like, my aunt would give me a hug
every night before I went to bed and...

it was so weird to me
and at first, I be like, "Ugh!"

Like, you're touching me.
Like don't please!

And then after a while, I was, like,
"OK, I'm going to bed."

You know, "Where's my hug?"

[Elliot cooing]

It's nap time, baby.

I never really knew what like
a family was.

I would be very like "Ah! Are you OK?"

Like my aunt and uncle showed me that.
They pretty much adopted me...

[chuckling] ... at the age of 21.

But it still scares me
when he gets on the skateboard.

-I'm just like...
-[aunt] Mm-hmm.

-We need to find him a little helmet.
-Yeah.

Come here. Come on, bubba.

[Nina] Like, now I know,
what I want my family to be like someday.

[groans]

[Bing] How've you and Zack been?

Uh, same as always.
He's just doing his own thing.

[man on TV] Looks like a job for Superman.

[Bing] Is it hard for you
to move on from him?

[Elliot playing with a car]

I mean...

I don't go one day
without thinking about him.

Really, like, worrying about him or, like,

wishing he'd call and, like...

You know, not even just for me,
but for Elliot, too, like...

I don't know.

Why do you put up with that, though.

I mean, even though,
I've seen the worst of him,

I've... you know, I know that there is...

a lot of good things about him too.

[indistinct conversation]

[dishes clanking]

I need, uh... fries, please,
for the steak sandwich.

Here you are, sir.
All right. I'll go grab your menu.

Seriously, man.

This is, like, so much better
than being back there

and having to do all of that.

Right now, it's like, I don't have to ask
my mom for money. I can give her money.

Like, our water was gonna get cut off
and I, like, helped pay the bill.

I felt good really about that.

With Zack...

we have drifted apart a little bit

just 'cause, like, I'm not over there,
like, everyday.

I started hanging out with, like,
my younger skate friends again.

I noticed, like,
they were on a better path.

[man] What classes are you taking?

Graphic cards technology
or graphic design.

[man] Sounds like a Gen. Ed. of Liberal Arts.
[Evan] Yes.

[man] I'm just, I'm just gonna get
something general at first, like,

and see what kind of jobs I can get.

[Bing] You guys are getting your GED's?

Um, I have. Evan has his.
He-- he graduated and, like...

I don't know, It's just,
I can just prove people wrong.

Oh, yeah! Dude. I remembered something
that my like, dad told me about um, being black.

He said, like, being black is cool

because you get to prove people wrong
like, everyday.

Like, you sound the way that you sound,
so, like, you don't...

you know it's like,
you just prove them wrong.

[stammers] There's like-- they probably
feel a little shitty for... for profiling you.

Like, I can only imagine,
like feeling like that.

I was the only--
the only white kid for, like four years,

at least, in my class.

So, I had to learn real quick that like,
"Oh, shit, I'm in trouble."

Like right away, people were
mad at me for being white

after, like, first history class.

In reality, you don't have like,
as much say because you are white.

But [stammers] But I'm educated, though.

You're educated 'cause you went through
just as much as high school as him?

-So you know more than him?
-No.

Even though, your race didn't
go through the same thing as his did.

'Cause my race went through it,
doesn't mean I went through it.

[Evan] He doesn't have the same
disadvantages everyday that you don't have?

[man] There's a certain class
of whites that's not--

"It's easy to be white in America."

But then, if you're, like,
trailer-trash white and shit,

then it's not easy to live in America.
Like...

I feel like it is easy, though.

Like you still...
like you can fuckin' just cut your hair

and go and get a fucking job
because they don't look at you, like...

[man] But when you're fucking
stupid you can't do that.

But if you're stupid you can't do that.

[Keire] When I was younger,

I didn't really understand what my dad
was talking about being black so much.

But I remember, he was like,
if you could choose again,

choose to-- to be black.

And at first, I didn't get it.
I was, like,

"Why would you wanna be black
when all that shit's happening to us?"

But he explained it as like...

Because we have to deal
with these issues,

it just makes...

other things that, like, my white friends
would complain about,

like, not even be a problem to me.

[sighs]

[Joseph] My father's skatepark went under
because of a downfall in skateboarding.

Mine didn't succeed because I got
hooked up with a bad partner.

One day, he calls me and he's like,
hey, I'm going to go on a vacation.

I fucking never heard from the dude again.

Never.

Come to find out...

the guy had never paid any of our bills.

All the money we were making,
everything, he just was keeping it.

And that fucked me over.

I mean, I've-- I've never--

I don't feel like I've done anything
I've ever wanted to do with my life.

[door squeaking]

There it is.

That's a five-day notice.

I try not to come over here.

Just like Zack and Kyle don't.

Clearly, I mean...
Do you even want to be here? No.

[Bing] Why's all that shit broken?

-What?
-The ground.

-The ground?
-Yeah, what is all this?

Poop, it's all poop, dude.

All right.
Let's get out of this fucking place.

[man] I feel like I never see Zack.

Remember when I used to
like, skip school?

I was just like,
"Oh, he didn't finish school."

Remember, like, he's doing fine.
I'll be fine.

Yeah, but, like, now, like,
I see them now, I'm, like, "Fuck!"

[man chuckling]

I don't know, like, I don't think
they have electricity right now.

-Like, that's gonna...
-Yeah, that's what I heard.

That's fucked up.

[Keire] When I was younger, everybody just
seemed like they had it all figured out.

You know like... which was the dumbest thing
that I could have ever told myself.

Like, no one knows
what the fuck they're doing, like...

[train bell tolling]

Shwoop.

What kind of filming are we doing?
The kind where I pretend you are not there

or the other kind?

Where we talk the whole time.
[both laughing]

OK.

All right, I think I got it.

Oh, I didn't plan on
moving here at all, like.

Like, this girl that lives out here
hit me up.

She bought me a plane ticket.
Got me, like $180 Uber

to fucking the Milwaukee airport.

Came out here.

I was originally gonna be
out here for two weeks.

And, like, she's like
no, you are just gonna live with me now.

You know, not picky.
I was like, "All right."

I don't know, fuck, I'm doing, like,
pretty good out here, though.

Like, I'm working.

I've been like, drinking a lot less.
And I'm definitely not like...

just fucking off as much.

Fucking...

Can you hear me, like,
in your headphones right now?

-Yeah.
-There's liquor in this cup.

-[Nina] So, west, fifth street.
-[seatbelt alarm beeping]

This is Walnut, so I need to be going...

that way.

[Elliot mumbling]

-What?
-Momma.

-Baby.
-Take a right.

-What?
-Take a right.

Zack told me that he was going
to Colorado, but, um...

he said that he's only going like,
for a couple of days.

Then he wound up calling me
while he was there, like,

"Oh, I'm gonna stay here."

[inaudible chatter]

[Zack] Are my teeth yellow?

[Zack] When he does get stable,
he's gonna wanna be with Elliot again.

And he's gonna wanna be a family
becase that's what he tells me.

[explosive sounds]

[Nina] But then again,
all I really have is his word,

which I don't even know if that's true
because there's so many why's.

Do you know what I mean?

[Zack] Oh, I'm drunk as fuck!

This is a perfect night.

[Keire] It's hard to get
who Zack actually is

because there's so many versions of him,
that he might tell you about.

[Keire] It's frustrating. It's like...

You're supposed to be, like, my homie,
but I feel like I don't know the real you.

[Nina gasps] You spilled juice
all over your pants.

It's OK.

[aunt] Oh, hi, Elliot!

-Hey, Nina.
-Hi.

[drums playing]

-[aunt] You look cute.
-Yeah.

I figure that if I'm gonna go do this
at the courthouse,

I need to look presentable.

He needs to know
that there's consequences,

like, you can't just have a child
and abandon them.

Life doesn't work like that
and he needs a reality check

and I feel like, you know,
this is a good way to do that.

I'm here to try and start the process
of child support.

[woman] You said, child support?

[Nina] Maybe that'll also encourage him
to wanna come around more.

It's like, maybe if he's paying for him,
he'll wanna see him.

But, you know, like, I don't know.

I'm just trying to do what I can, I guess.

[Keire] I'm just, I'm just playing.
Don't start crying.

Look how much fun jumping is, um,

when you don't have to cut-- Mom, Mom.

-He's making noises.
-Come on, Coco.

Come on, child.

See, like, everyone loves grandma,
no one likes their uncle.

[Bing] Are you still with...
Are you still with your boyfriend?

What boyfriend?

I thought you had a boyfriend for a while.

No, he wasn't a boyfriend.
He was a stupid friend.

No, he's not around anymore.

Thank goodness.

[playing sounds]

[Keire] The older I get,
the more I think about it.

I feel like there is a part of me
that really loves my family.

All right, all right, calm down. Just ca--

I guess, because family will,
will, like, always be there but...

but friends, kinda like come and go.

-Help me!
-God!

-Wassup, bro.
-Wassup, Zack.

All he's done is bitch and moan
for the last ten minutes.

-[Bing] How's it going?
-Good.

I know, happy to be home.
I'll tell you what...

-Let's do this.
-Observe.

-[grunts]
-[woman] Zack!

[Zack] Denver wasn't really,
like, my style.

I felt like a lot of the people
that were down there,

a lot of them were, like, privileged.

So, Sam, my current girlfriend
flew me back out to Rockford.

I have Sam's name tattooed
on my wrist now.

[Bing] When did you get
Sam's name tattooed on there?

-[Sam] When or why?
-Uh, Saturday?

I don't know.

[Bing] You paid for it.

-[Zack] She paid for it.
-I paid for it.

[Bing] Do you feel, like, concerned

that Elliot's gonna grow up
like, messed up?

[sighs] I'm 50-50 about it.

Lately, I have been concerned
over my influence on him.

And, as he gets older,

how he's gonna look
at the difference between

the way his family lives

and the way I live. And...

A lot of people grow up,
and they're all...

"I'm gonna play football,
and I'm gonna go to college,

and I'm gonna get this nice office job,
and start a family,

and have two point five kids,
and a car, and a garage,

and everything's just gonna be nice,
and I'll buy a boat, and a snowmobile."

Like, fuck you, you piece of shit.

Like, just 'cause you're too fucking
weak to make your own decisions

and decide what you wanna do
with your own life.

Doesn't mean everyone else
is gotta be like you.

I don't know, fuck.

[continues chuckling]

-All right, ask me another question.
-[man chuckles]

[Bing] I guess, my thing was like,
you know...

I grew up without knowing my dad.

I saw him three times since I was five.

And, uh, my stepdad used to
beat the shit out of me and my mom.

-Right.
-And, so, I don't know how I--

why did I choose this life?

Not that I'm, like,
gonna get married, and buy a house.

But like, I don't know.

You want, you want me
to comment on your direction?

[Bing] Yeah.

[Zack] That's, that's the difference.

Like you-- Some-- some people
do take their negative experiences

and turn them into powerful,
positive things.

I just don't think
I'm that type of person. I think I've...

I've found myself in a position
where I was...

so depressed that I just, I wanted it
to just get as bad as it could,

just bad as it could until I died.

[singing]

-Could be worse.
-[Sam] Don't play with my knife.

-Don't play with my knife.
-Take it off.

Quit being a pussy.

♪ I want you to be mine again
Actually ♪

♪ I know my lifestyle
Is driving you crazy ♪

Cool. Saw my fucking head off.
Don't be a pussy.

-No.
-Oh, you're such a wuss.

[Keire] It's like this place
just like eats away at you.

I don't know. I just don't wanna
get trapped here and lockered

like a lot of people have.

[rap music playing on the stereo]

I tried stashing away my money

and then my fucking brother
broke into my room and stole it.

[music continues playing]

If-- if I ever to told my dad
what my brother did to me,

my dad would be like
on his ass right now.

He'll like... He'd be so...
Oh, my God!

I-- I remember, this one time...

I think, I, like, stole something
or something, I was like little.

Like, 12, maybe. I stole something.

That was the worst ass whopping
I've ever gotten.

But it definitely made me
never steal, like...

I was, like, yeah...

Stealing sucks
because it gets your ass beat

and, like, you burn bridges.

And burning bridges isn't cool.

Afterwards, after my ass stopped stinging,

he apologized for, like, beating me.

He totally just explained to me.
It was just how he was raised.

I know that he loved me
like, that's why he was so hard on me.

[Bing] So, what do you think that
you've gotten out of this documentary?

Um...

It's almost like... fucking free therapy.

-[chuckles]
-Yeah.

I'm making this film because I was...

physically disciplined by my step father

and it didn't make sense to me

and I saw myself in your own story.

Hmm.

Wow.

That's...

Wow, Bing, I had no idea, dude.

You know, that's really cool, though.

Wow.

[Bing] So, this might be a weird question,

but you spent a lot of time
in Zack's house growing up.

Do you think Zack is
capable of hitting a woman?

Hmm.

Maybe if he's drunk enough,
and, like, she's, like, hitting him,

like, fucking beating the shit out of him
or something, maybe.

But I don't think Zack
would ever just like...

like, just fucking strike a woman.
Like, I don't think he'd ever do that.

-My, my stepmom and my dad? Um...
-Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, all the time.

They fucking, most of the time
they argued about me.

[chuckles] Uh...

Like once or twice
the cops came to my house, but...

that was when I was young, young,
maybe, like, 10 or 12.

You know what I mean that?
Not... not as a teenager. It never got...

I don't think it ever got,
like, real physical.

I think just the fight got real gnarly.

I mean, shit, I've called the cops on
fuckin' Nina, on my baby mama before.

Like, sometimes
you just need the fight to stop.

Oh.

I don't know if you filmed the recording.

That was a pretty...

Like every other day occurrence.

She just fuckin' loses her damn shit.

And she won't shut the fuck up

and it just keeps escalating
and escalating and escalating and...

[exhales]

You know, my deal with women,
kinda the way I've dealt with it is,

you know, they get all fuckin' heated
and mad about shit

or they're complaining about this...

I'm like all right, I'm leaving, bye!

But if a fuckin' woman,

is acting a fucking fool,

they're been acting a fool,

you've asked them to stop, you've tried to
get away from the situation

and you've done everything that you can
do, to avoid the situation peacefully,

and she's coming to you,

wanting to argue and fight like

she's a fuckin' man, like,
she's ready to hurt you.

The...

Ah...

You can't beat up women.

But some bitches need to get slapped
sometimes, does that make sense?

[Bing] You stayed with him
because at times, he was sweet.

So what gave you the strength
to finally leave him?

[Bing's mother]
Seventeen years.

Um... but then he died anyway.

But that's how I have deal with it.

I don't like that, even now,
I don't know what to do.

[Nina] Zack and I went to court
for child support.

And you know,
it was like one of those moments

where I was just like, wow, like,
what am I doing with my life.

Wow, you're so cool!

[Zack] You know, on one hand of my brain,
I'm like,

you shouldn't be around your kid ever,
like, you-- you fucking suck.

And on the other hand, I'm like no,
that's my child.

[Keire] "Happy fathers' day.

I hope you all get to spend
some time with your fathers.

The last time I talked to my dad,
I argued and fought with him.

I moved out the next day."

The, uh, the last time I came here,
it was his funeral.

You don't wanna think about it.

Not necessarily, I get--
I feel, like, shaky and anxious.

I don't--I don't really
think about him that much.

I've never been able to deal with myself.

Because I'm so busy.

I'm not even convincing other people,
I'm convincing myself

that I'm a good person or...
I feel like a clown.

Almost, you know?

You paint up your face
and you put on your act for everybody.

And you let that act become you.

[Nina] I've always been something
to someone, you know.

I was someone's daughter, someone's
sister, someone's significant other

and then someone's mom.

[laughs] So it's like, I never got that
chance to just, like, figure myself out.

I really wish,
I could fucking just remember where it is.

It's like, it would make this day
a lot better for me...

[Zack] I don't want my son...

I just don't want him to grow up...

you know, like fucked up,
like me, you know?

I can't let myself think that the reason

I have to struggle so hard
that's 'cause I fucking suck.

I can't... You know, that's what
the drinking is about.

That's what it's all about.

I just wanna hide, I just wanna run away.

[Zack] It's such a crushing,
hopeless feeling.

It just sucks knowing
that you're your own enemy.

That every decision you've ever made has
culminated in how shitty your life is now.

And there's no escaping it.

[Bing's mother]
I don't know...

I tried to help you.

Well, the reason why
I wanted to make this film was...

Maybe I'm-- maybe you're right,
maybe I'm--

I need to just move on
and not dwell in the past

Hey, cut.

[Keire] Oh, my God.

Fucking, yes!

I fucking-- I finally fucking found it.

[laughs]

[sniffs]

[whispering] I'm so fucking happy.

Fuck!

Let's-- Let's go.

[exhales]

I get mad at skateboarding, like, a lot.

But at the end of the day I love it
so much, I can't stay mad at it. [laughs]

Yeah, so did my dad.

But I love him to death.

[no audio]

I'm about to do this shit.

[laughs] Oh, my God, dude,
I'm gonna fuckin' do it.

[exhales] Moving to Denver.

[sniffles and sighs]

[television blaring]

Can't you wait another month?

[Keire laughs] No.

-'Til it get warm?
-No, Mom.

See you later, baby.

["This Year"
by The Mountain Goats playing]

♪ I broke free on a Saturday morning ♪

♪ I put the pedal to the floor ♪

♪ Headed north on Mills Avenue ♪

♪ And listened to the engine roar ♪

-Look, I made this for you!
-Thanks!

♪ My broken house behind me ♪

♪ And good things ahead ♪

♪ A girl named Cathy
Wants a little of my time ♪

♪ Six cylinders underneath the hood ♪

♪ I am going to make it
Through this year ♪

♪ If it kills me ♪

♪ I am going to make it
Through this year ♪

♪ If it kills me ♪

♪ I drove home in the California dusk ♪

♪ I could feel the alcohol
Inside of me hum ♪

♪ Pictured the look
On my stepfather's face ♪

♪ As I pulled into the driveway ♪

♪ The motor screaming out
Stuck in second gear ♪

♪ The scene ends badly
As you might imagine ♪

♪ In a cavalcade of anger and fear ♪

♪ In Jerusalem next year ♪

♪ I am going to make it
Through this year ♪

♪ If it kills me ♪

♪ I am going to make it
Through this year ♪

♪ If it kills me ♪

[woman] Cheese, come on boy, come on!

Awesome!

Fuck!