Original subtitles

- Previously on "The Real

- Previously on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:"

- How did you meet Aaron?

- So, I met him at his center, and one time,

we had sex in one of his rooms. [all gasp]

- The only free day we can do

would be September 8th.

- You wanna get married in ten days?

- (BLEEP) yeah I do.

- When we went into Vanderpump Dogs,

John grabs your dog out, and told Kyle.

- Dorit's dog. - Oh.

- [indistinct]

- You gave direct instructions to them

to tell me.

- No.

- Teddi asked Blizzard to have the dog there

when her and Kyle arrive.

- Well, you certainly didn't get this bit of information,

did you, Dorit? - No, I didn't. No.

- So somebody was guilty by omission.

[dramatic music]

[bright electronic music]

- In the game of life,

it's winner take all.

- Most people talk about their fantasies.

I'm living mine.

- In business and in life, I wear many hats

and hairstyles.

- You can stab me in the back,

but whilst you're there, kiss my ass.

- I'm not afraid of hard work,

but I'll never do your dirty work.

- My problem with the tabloids?

My real life is so much juicier.

- In Beverly Hills, the truth always has a way

of rising to the top.

♪ ♪

[upbeat electronic music]

[phone ringing]

♪ ♪

- Hi, Jane.

- Hey, honey. How are ya?

- Good. Went and showered at the gym.

- Good. - Wanna have lunch?

- I have a meeting coming up.

Then I could have lunch at 12:30, 12:45.

- I have a meeting at my store. I can't do that.

Have you talked to Sophia?

- Yeah, I did. She's doing great.

- I feel so much better now that we've dropped her off.

When it comes to our kids

and affection and being emotional with them,

we're extra, what can I say?

Okay, you guys, we have to be happy and excited.

- We are. Can't you tell?

[both laugh]

- I'm gonna be worried 24/7.

But I also know that getting an education like this

is a gift.

Anyway, so, I'm getting stressed.

I haven't heard anything yet about

"American Woman" getting picked up.

I want another season.

I put my heart and soul into it.

- I know. Well, you deserve another season.

- Even though "American Woman" has been

a point of contention with my sisters and me...

Since "American Woman," it's not like it was before,

where we did everything together,

talk every single day, ten times a day,

it's not like that.

The idea that I've been able to keep my mom's memory alive

has been one of the best parts about it,

especially when everything was stolen from me...

They got almost every single handbag,

the ones that my mom had left me that she'd saved.

So I feel like there's a lot riding on this.

I just have to, uh, keep my fingers crossed still.

Anyway, why is there a bottle of tequila behind you?

Like, four bottles? - Oh, whatever.

- And that bottle is, like, almost empty.

[both laugh]

[dings]

There you go. Tequila time!

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Ash, I think I'd like to be in the pink today.

[door bell rings]

- Hi! How are you? You look cute.

- Welcome. You look beyond fab.

- Thank you.

- Damn, Dorit. - Erika's here!

- [laughs]

- Body gold. [laughter]

- You look ----ing great. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Good job.

- I don't think I realized

how much I missed working and having my own business.

I just don't want it to look like

she has to pull it out of her bum.

It's actually giving me, like, anxiety.

Now that I'm back in it,

I see Beverly Beach as another baby.

And now, to have "JMG" feature Beverly Beach

on the cover?

Wow. I'm a proud mama.

[smooth electronic music]

- Need a heel, girl. I'm sorry.

- Ooh, I love those, yes. - I've got these.

Right, these are really super sexy.

I have them myself. - Mmm, okay.

- And then, if somebody wanted to get kinda funky,

because they're tall. - Yeah.

- I don't know, how you feel? - Oh, perfect. I love these.

- I can do sexy...

What do you think? - Whatever makes you pussy.

[laughter]

You shouldn't have invited me! [laughs]

- But Erika? She kinda, like, takes sexy

to a whole other level...

- At the very last minute, you turn and walk away

from his ass, 'cause you don't need him.

- It's like tango. - It's like hooking on Sunset.

So, it's much worse.

- You people are crazy.

- So, if I'm looking to push the boundaries,

having her on set is an absolute must for me.

- Bring your feet together, both girls.

Feet together, feet together, not apart.

- Best creative director. Like, I live for it.

[hip-hop music]

- Guts in, tits up.

Weigh your ass out, like you like it.

You're selling ass.

So, we're not selling cookies.

Confidence is the most important thing.

You have to feel comfortable in your own skin.

But at the end of the day, we're selling a product.

Looks good! - We're good? Okay.

- Boobs and butt are the most persuasive tools.

- Are we on to the next?

- We can move to the next one? - Yeah.

- Perfect. - Let's change it.

[electronic dance music]

- Good. I like this ass.

Yeah, you guys look really good together,

and it looks really good.

[bright electronic music]

♪ ♪

- This is so pretty.

♪ ♪

Oh, boy, don't-- don't break anything.

Wow, Lola, look at the swans.

Aren't those cute?

♪ ♪

- Hello. - Hi, how are you?

- Hi, how are you? - Hi, good, how are you?

Nice to see you. - Nice to see you too.

Hello. - This is Eloise.

- Hello, hi.

You met Lola at Kyle's, I believe.

- Oh, yes. Come in.

- How do you keep white in everything?

That never happens at our house.

This is so nice down here.

- Isn't it unusual? - Yeah.

How many swans do you have?

- There's two black and four white.

- Where do you find swans?

- I don't know, at the swan shop.

[both laugh] - "At the swan shop."

Oh, my gosh, I love that you can keep them

in your backyard. - Aww.

- These little horses are called Diamonds and Rosé.

- I know all the ladies are really upset

with Lisa Vanderpump,

but she has been nothing but so warm and lovely

and compassionate with me,

and I wanna make my own judgment

of who I think she is as a person.

- Go on then. Off you go.

It is like a children's playground here really.

- Oh, wow, they get to just come out here?

- Oh, no, they're not supposed to be here.

Oh, no. Poppy, come here.

- [chuckles] - Okay, wait one second.

- Can I take a photo of them? - Yeah.

- Okay, let me just, uh, give them their biscuits.

[dogs barking] [gasps] No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

They're not supposed to come around here.

No, no.

Can you hold him for a second? - Yeah.

- Hold on, Eloise, come here.

[laughter]

Hold on. [mumbling]

- [laughs] - Come on.

That's it. That's exactly right.

We've got the biscuits, see? - Come here, you. Come on.

- Come on. Come on. - [chuckles] Come here, you.

- In you go.

See, that's the craziness of Villa Rosa.

You are naughty ponies, aren't you?

[horse snorts]

What would you like? Wine or...

- No, I'll have water. That's fine.

- All right then, darling. - Thank you.

Oh, this is nice. There's a little berry in there.

- Yeah. - That's fancy. [laughs]

- Eloise, do I have a funny accent?

- Don't you love the way she talks?

I wish I talked like that. - No. [laughs]

- Yes, you do.

Eloise was diagnosed with having a chromosome disorder.

People ask me what it's like

having a child that isn't able to talk,

but this is all I know with Eloise,

and she's really, truly an angel.

- Do you like that cake? Do you?

- Is that good? Is it good?

I know, it looks very good.

It's Schnooky, right? - Schnooky, yeah

How many dogs do you have? - Well, we have quite a few.

One dog we have, he's 22.

We've had him four years.

He was just dumped off. - Who does that?

That's what happened with Poppy.

- Oh, it's terrible.

- He does have terrible gas sometimes.

I understand why he got there.

[laughter]

Denise is just a very warm-hearted woman.

I mean, we have a lot in common.

I mean, I wasn't in "Wild Things,"

but I can be a bit of a wild thing, I suppose,

if you ask me nicely.

It wasn't much fun in, um, the Bahamas.

- Well, you've been through a lot.

- I just wanted to have a good time, basically...

- No, I understand. - You know, and in fact,

I really enjoyed the time that we were talking about...

- I do too. You're so lovely.

I'm glad we're going to dinner with Kyle.

- Yeah, maybe get a chance to talk there...

- Maybe we can, uh, have grown-up talk.

- Without little ears listening.

- Right, Lola?

[upbeat music]

- Girl, you got me sweating around here.

- Oh, my God, honey... - [laughs]

- I'm so glad you're here. - Me too! I'm excited.

- I know, I feel bad putting this on.

But let me tell you something. - What's going on?

- Owie. - What?

That does not look good.

[tense music]

- I went to Lisa Vanderpump's yesterday.

She pulls out six pages of text messages

between Teddi and John Blizzard...

- Okay.

- In where Teddi says,

"Have the dog at Vanderpump center,

and I'll bring it up"...

- Whoa.

- And then texts him five minutes before she gets there,

and says, "Is the dog there?"

- I'm finding out different facts

than what I was told in my chapel...

- Kyle and I get invited by Lisa Vanderpump

to go to Vanderpump Dogs,

and I couldn't go through with it.

- What does she want you to go through with, baby?

- Telling everybody what Dorit did.

- Oh, God.

So, what's really ----ing going on?

- Even with this new evidence, I still feel the same way.

- Lisa never took any responsibility?

- No.

Are you saying that this was all Teddi and John Blizzard

and you had nothing to do with this?

- All this bullsh--, I had nothing to do with.

- I feel like I've got two friends

that were trying to set me up to hurt me.

- What is the end-game? - What is the motive?

- To make you look mad? - Right.

Why would you do this to me?

- Don't trust anybody.

- I need to trust somebody. - You have to trust yourself.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- Dorit, there's a little bit of phoniness,

Like, I don't know if she has all the money she has.

She makes the back of the little hairs on your neck

just stand up, just going, "What is real?"

[bright electronic music]

[phone ringing]

- Hello? - Hi.

- Hi, are we on for dinner tonight?

- Yeah. Of course, of course. - Oh, good.

I'm just--I'm checking.

I'm going to visit Camille.

She's turning 50, and I'm gonna go meet her,

see this place that she wants to have her party at.

I was terrified to turn 50.

In Hollywood, at 50, you're ----ing old.

You're done. You're washed up.

And so, you start to figure out all your doctors

and all your potions,

and it's very much like a science project.

- Your bag is going so fast.

- I go fast, honey. I suck that sh-- up.

- [laughs] - This is my--[indistinct]

- Wait, I bet you had to name a bunch of those.

- I'm continuing to figure it out, so that it works for me.

That's the key.

I'll see you tonight. Bye, love you.

- Love you. Okay, bye. - Bye.

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you, sir. - What a cool building.

Hello. Hey, Chris.

- Hey, darling, lovely to see you.

- So good to see you.

I wanna thank you so much for doing this.

- Hi!

Hi, girls. - Hi! [chuckles]

Oh, my gosh... - Hi, Kimber.

- You look amazing. - Hi, you look gorgeous.

- So, now it's gonna be my 50th birthday.

- I can't believe that! - 50. My God.

- Okay, so, what I wanted to show you a little bit:

So, we have a lot of drinks,

which are kinda related to the boulevard.

You've gotta read these. - Oh, let's see.

You can have a Santa Monica Boulevard martini.

That's cute.

The Melrose.

That's cute! - Yeah.

- So, let's talk about nibbles, food.

- I thought, like, pass around appetizers:

lamb chops, shrimp cocktails.

- Some bread to absorb all the alcohol

that's gonna be...

- It's always good to have food.

- They're passed around all night, not...

- Well--I mean, what time does it start exactly?

- 6:30, so...

- We're having 6:30 arrivals. 7:00 is the party.

- Okay, so let's start the food around 7:00 then,

until about--yeah. - Yeah, that sounds perfect.

- What's the dress vibe gonna be for your 50th?

- Nice, cocktail... - Maybe just cocktail.

- Fun, fabulous at 50.

- I'm gonna talk to Kimberly about details.

All right, sounds good. Enjoy.

- Did well. Thanks, hon.

- I'll see you this Saturday. - All right.

- Thank you. - It'll be fun.

- I've made it to 50 years!

Through cancer...

I have cancer, and you have a hysterectomy.

They remove the top part of your cervix,

and the top part of your vajayjay also.

Through a horrible divorce...

I hope you win. - I won already.

- Wow.

- It's just the night and everything...

- I thought he was gonna say, me he won already,

'cause he has me in his life, but...

- Uh, yes.

- Getting married soon.

And I can't wait to start anew.

- This is so fun. I love it.

- I'm a little overwhelmed,

'cause there's a lot of logistics.

I gotta get the guest list together.

I'm inviting all of the girls.

And, you know, there was a lot of commotion

in the Bahamas.

- You know, here's the thing, Camille...

- Mm-hmm?

- This is something that's gone on a long time,

this pattern.

It's happened to me.

I believe it's happened to you or--

- Years ago, yeah.

We've all experienced this, the wrath of Vanderpump,

and it feels terrible,

because it's a character assassination.

Lisa Vanderpump asked me to bring up

the Taylor-Russell abuse issue.

Because we don't say that he hit you.

We don't say that, but now we said it.

Lisa had a habit of keeping her hands clean,

and having other people doing her dirty work.

- Now they're saying, "Oh, Camille's saying

you said this about Taylor."

- But you ask me to repeat things.

- No, I didn't. - Yes, you do.

And you tell me what to say,

and now you throw me under a bus, and I'm leaving.

- I'm not throwing you under a bus.

- You threw me under a bus just now.

But then on the flip side of it,

I do feel bad for Lisa Vanderpump,

'cause she's going through a very tough time.

In Lisa's defense, there's something about Dorit

that just gets me.

- Jeez, Camille, tell me.

- There's a little bit of phoniness,

and I don't know where she's at.

Like, I don't know if she has all the money she has,

or, is it a show?

The fake accent, all of it.

She makes the back of the little hairs on your neck

just stand up, just going, "What is real?"

- Camille is quite wishy-washy.

She and Dorit seemed to be getting along just fine

in the Bahamas.

- I'm having such a good time with you.

Thank you for inviting me.

And I feel that I can move forward,

and we can all move forward.

- Great. I love that.

- Like, why all of the sudden is she going off on Dorit?

- Did she really want a dog,

or was she trying to get closer to Vanderpump?

[hip-hop music]

I don't know. - You know, that--

- That, to me--I'm just throwing that out there.

I know I'm being catty right now, but, I mean...

- Oh, I love you when you're catty.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Are you digging?

Come on, Luke, go potty. Come on, bud.

[gasps] Did you find that? 'Cause I like those.

Are you gonna add that to your collection?

Come on, Luke!

♪ ♪

Even when it's a little chilly, it's still pretty out here.

- I love it here. - I do too.

Oh, wow, the tide is really high today.

- It's beautiful. [grunts]

Oh, these are comfortable. - [laughs]

Without the cushions? Oh, well. - Jesus.

- They're better than nothing.

All right, well, cheers to trying to

put a wedding together in less than a week. [laughs]

- Yeah, right?

Well, we have a venue.

Cypress, it's beautiful. - It's really pretty.

I really don't care if people think I'm crazy

for putting this wedding together in just a week.

I've learned early on to have thick ----ing skin. [laughs]

People thought I was crazy when I married Charlie Sheen,

so I really don't give a (BLEEP).

The only problem is, though, they don't have anything.

We just use the space.

They don't have tables, chairs, toilets too.

- They don't have toilets on the property?

- We can't have a ----ing porta ----ing potty

in there. - No, no chance.

- It needs to be the ones that are heated.

- Toilet seat, whatever. - Yes.

That smells good. - Right.

I don't need all the fancy stuff.

- I know.

- There's something to be said,

being in ripped jeans and a T-shirt,

and just, you know...

- I would like to wear more than that, though.

- You can buy anything on Amazon.

- I am not buying my wedding dress from Amazon.

- I'm--I'm kidding with you. - [laughs]

If we pull this off, I will be amazed.

- Stop saying "if." We just are.

- Okay, okay. - We're doing it.

- We are locked in, and no matter what,

the wedding is ----ing happening.

We are crazy... - Yes, we are.

- But I think it's a good crazy.

- It's a great crazy.

- Well, it's our crazy. [chuckles]

[bright electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hello.

- Thanks for meeting me here today.

I don't wanna be in that office today.

- Let's get you moving.

- [sighs] How's everything? - That's a big sigh.

- [chuckles] I'm, like, a little bit of a mess today,

to be honest.

- Okay, that's okay to be a mess.

What's going on? - [exhales]

Well, I'm feeling an actual physical pain

from the anxiety of what's happening

within my friend group.

One of my favorite things about therapy with Val is,

she comes to you.

She truly knows where I'm gonna be the most open,

so she always comes to meet me, like, on hikes or walks,

or any place where I can just be out.

- Okay, so, tell me...

- Okay... - What happened?

- Vanderpump Dogs calls me in.

They're like, "Lisa Vanderpump wants us to tell you

"a crazy story with Dorit,

and with one of her dogs ending up in a shelter."

- Okay.

- Vanderpump Dogs and Lisa wanted to call Dorit on it,

but wanted to use me to do so. - Mm.

- And there's mult-- I can't even tell you

how many phone conversations were had,

where they're like, "Hold on, we're on hold

with John Sessa and Lisa and blah-blah-blah."

Like, it was-- - It was a whole orchestrated--

- It was a whole orchestrated thing

that I was totally messy and involved in, and...

- You're owning it. I hear it. - I'm owning it 100%.

I--I said, you know, "Okay, this is what needs to happen

for me to orchestrate your plan."

And then, the dog thing came up, and Dorit sat down,

and I'm like, "Listen, I know you know about the dog thing."

- Good for you.

- And I said, "Listen, I was catty."

I didn't go into the entire, how catty I was at this point,

because, truthfully, I wanna protect her.

- It's your motivation for holding back even.

- Because the original story I was told was so bad.

But that's why I was so angry on top of it,

because I was told an inflated version of the truth.

The original story I was told wasn't true.

I was told that not only was Dorit's dog in a kill shelter.

That Dorit had locked that dog in her basement,

and it hadn't seen the light of day in months.

So, then I confront Lisa Vanderpump,

and she still said, "I'm confused. I don't understand.

This John Blizzard and I aren't even close."

And I'm thinking, "He runs all of your events,

"works under an office that says 'Vanderpump Dogs,'

and you're trying to convince me..."

- Yeah. - "You didn't know I knew?"

Lisa can deny that she wanted me to know

anything about Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy all she wants,

but I have the text proof.

John says, "I'm getting mixed messages, haha.

"Lisa, tell her. Ken, don't say anything.

"I'm like, 'Send help.'

Lisa said you should adopt the dog, LOL."

A week later, I'm at Vanderpump Dogs with Kyle,

and Lisa makes the same joke.

- No, Teddi, you're not fostering that dog.

- I think it's pretty clear.

I'm gonna see everybody this weekend

at Camille's birthday party,

and I really feel like Lisa Vanderpump

is going to try to turn this all around on me,

and not admit what she's done,

and I don't know how to move on from it.

I mean, you know me. I don't know how to do that.

- You're out of control now,

and you don't like being out of control.

- I don't like being an adult crying over a friend situation,

when so many wonderful things are happening in my life.

- And there's nothing silly about crying.

You're upset. You've been betrayed by someone.

- Why can't I be one of those people that just--

when something like this happens, just, phew?

- Why can't I just be perfect?

- [laughs] - Why?

- Why?

- Don't do that to yourself.

It's okay.

It's okay that a loose end isn't gonna be tied up.

- I know. I feel better.

I was, like, very, like, hyped up,

when I first got here, and now I feel more relaxed.

- I saw. I saw.

- Well, that's why I pay you the big bucks.

- The big bucks, baby.

- [laughs] Oh, gosh.

- Coming up...

- When you met him, was there, like, instant attraction?

- Well, he has a very big penis.

[laughter] - Okay then.

[smooth electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Hello.

- You decided to join me?

- Sorry, sorry. - It's okay.

- Welcome to The Hart and the Hunter.

Here you are with some drinks,

and we also have some cocktails as well.

- What kind of chardonnay do you have by the glass?

- Uh, we have a Crusher Chardonnay.

- Okay, I guess I'll try that one.

- Cool. - Sauvignon Blanc.

- Thank you.

Um, so, what's new? What's happening?

Love that blouse. - You do? It's not new.

- Yeah. Is there black panthers on it?

- I don't know.

- I know that everything is unresolved

between Lisa and Teddi and Dorit...

- Teddi has specifically said

that John Blizzard was given an order.

- Why are you believing Teddi over me?

- It's not that I don't believe

that these text messages are true,

but Teddi's not here.

- I'm really trying to just keep my relationship with Lisa

separate from what's going on with the rest of the group.

- So, "American Woman"? Do you know anything or not?

- It was not picked up. I know.

It was really upsetting. - And how are you about that?

- I did get a little teary-eyed this morning.

- Listen, you should be absolutely proud of it.

You really should. - I am very proud of it. I am.

I'm obviously extremely disappointed,

but who knows?

Maybe with "American Woman" off the table,

maybe another door will open

with my sisters. We'll see.

- Where's Denise? - I have no idea.

Obviously, you got the call too

about what she's doing this weekend.

- I know. - I can't go.

We have the agency's seven-year anniversary party.

[line rings] Hello?

- Kyle, do you have big plans on Saturday?

- I have to do something for my husband at the agency.

What's going on?

- We might be getting married Saturday.

- What? [dog whimpers]

- Well, I don't know why she's doing it so quickly.

She has to be pregnant.

- Well, he just got divorced last week.

- Oh, well, then that's why. [both laugh]

- Hello. - Hello.

Oh, my God. - Hello.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Look at you. - Hi.

- Congratulations as well.

- Hi. - Thank you.

- This is fantastic.

Did you get a dress? - No.

- Okay, let me ask you this, when you met him,

was there, like, instant attraction?

- Um, I thought he was very cute,

and I wanted to (BLEEP) him.

I just wanted to have sex with him.

- Well, I bet he was thrilled to find that out.

- Well, he has a very big penis.

- Oh, my God. [laughter]

And there is that that's set up now on the table.

Okay, well... - Okay, then.

- I'm not sure what Denise has been partaking in

in the car ride over here,

but the party has already started.

Now Lisa's going to want him. - Oh, my God!

- Okay, then, he's got a monster

as big as a baby's arm.

Now I understand the need to get married. [laughs]

- What do you do?

- He offers a very good service...

aside from his big penis.

[laughter]

- Denise, listen to me, listen to me...

- Yes?

- You never tell other women

that your husband's well-endowed.

- You make people think it's this big.

[laughs]

- Your penis is this big, baby. I'm sorry.

- All right, all right, all right.

- I never took a ----ing ruler to it,

but he does have a big penis,

and I've seen some penises in my life,

and I will say, he has the biggest penis

that I've ever been with.

His penis is very small...

- Are we ready to place an order?

- Oh, okay, yes. - Yeah? Excellent. Perfect.

- I'm gonna do the shrimp. - The barbecued shrimp? Yeah.

- I'm going to have the fried green tomatoes.

- Do you want a burger?

- Yeah, you know what, I'm just gonna...

- Do you want a "buuuh-ger"? [laughs]

- Yeah, I'll just do a burger, well-done please, no aioli.

- Perfect.

- So, energy healing? - Energy medicine.

- Okay. - With the penis.

- I mean, she can keep going. - Sorry.

- Whatever, that's good. - I'm so ----ing sorry.

- It's been a long day, obviously.

- [laughs]

- I would like to offer you a drink,

but I don't think I dare.

- [snorts]

- Denise is just having a grand old time.

You know, she's eating the food with her hands.

I mean, like, what's going on here?

- What treatment did you want a year ago?

- The tiny penis.

[laughter]

- Okay, Denise, you need to shut up now.

- Yeah, right. - I don't know you that well,

but I'm just giving you some friendly advice, okay?

- I am gonna shut my ----ing piehole right now, baby.

I really love you... - Right.

- And your big ----ing penis.

[laughter]

- Maybe she's having, you know,

last-minute wedding jitters, I don't know,

but if I had a dollar for every time Denise said "penis,"

my dinner would be paid for tonight.

- So nice to spend time with you.

- You too. - Yeah.

And good luck tomorrow,

because you've got a sh-- lot to do.

Tonight, I don't actually know who Denise is marrying...

- Bye, girls. I'm gonna go to the bathroom

before we get in the car. - Okay, bye.

- Bye, bye, bye. - Bye, guys.

- Aaron or his penis.

[laughing, snorting]

- Oh, my God, I'm dead. - Oh, my God.

She is probably the most unconventional person...

- He wants to kill her right now for talking about his penis

and having sex in that room.

- I know, I know. He doesn't want to kill her.

- He's like, "That's great for business."

[both laugh]

- Everybody's gonna be queuing up an appointment,

including me.

[both laugh]

- Coming up...

- You just set me up,

and now you're pretending that your hands are clean?

I don't care about this petty crap, Dorit.

(BLEEP) you.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- No, Hanky. [swan quacks]

- Get Kyle, not me.

- Hi, guys. - Oh, you look nice.

Come and say hello to your friends.

- I'm not coming to say hi to them.

- I think we need to go, Pops.

- All right, let's do it. - No.

- Oh, my ponytail? You don't like?

- You can't do a little baby ponytail.

That's insane. - It's in-training.

- [laughs] Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

- Okay. Oh, Mason's here.

Hey!

Oh. Oh, my God, I love you--

- You have the Don Julio Reposado, right?

I'll do it neat, straight-up. - I'll do a double.

- Look at this cake. It's so pretty.

- Hi!

- You look great. - Happy birthday.

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

Hi, beautiful. You look gorgeous.

♪ ♪

Hi!

Hello, beautiful.

♪ ♪

- Beautiful. Aw, Mille, how are you?

You look gorgeous... - You look great.

Thank you. - Absolutely beautiful.

- Thank you, Mom, and so do you. You look amazing.

- You know, it's not that often you turn 50.

- Happy birthday. - Hello, PK.

Thank you for coming. - How are you? Muwah.

- My god! Look at you.

Always hitting it out of the ball park.

Always gorgeous. - And you. Look at you.

- Beyond.

Hello! Ah! - Hi, how are you?

Hi, hi, hi.

Nice to see you. - Good to see you.

- How are you, gorgeous? Ooh, you look pretty.

Well, clearly Camille is not too down on Dorit tonight.

Flip-floppers are confusing.

- Okay, I'll let you say hello to your guests...

- Okay, okay. - Please, baby, please. Please.

- Gorgeous. - Hi, stunner, hi.

- Hi, sexy lady. - Hi!

Hey, how are ya? - Hi. Good!

Hi. Oh, my gosh, I love this.

- Thank you. - How are you?

- Hi! - [laughs]

- I just wanna say, I had so much fun in the Bahamas.

- I would've stayed in that water all day.

- That was our best day.

- I'm sorry it ended so abruptly.

- I'm going. Bye, guys.

- Please do not leave, Lisa.

- Like, that was so long ago now, right?

It's like, what happened?

- Yeah. You know?

- Tell her. - Now?

- Just tell me.

- I would love some water, just because I feel like...

[overlapping chatter]

- Oh, just tell me, 'cause now I'm all anxious.

[tense hip-hop music]

- I had lunch with Lisa,

and she pulled out all the text messages.

♪ ♪

She was highlighting,

specifically it was you that said,

"Have the dog there."

[solemn percussive music]

♪ ♪

- I was involved,

but none of it would've ever happened

if Lisa Vanderpump wouldn't have given them

direct orders to constantly contact me.

- This is very unfair for me to get this information...

- Here, let's go over here, so we're not bugging her.

♪ ♪

I can tell you this: I'm sorry, and I wanna move on,

and I wanna start fresh with you.

None of it would've happened without her orders.

- Her whole point is that she had nothing to do with it,

and that it was entirely John Blizzard and you.

- They sought me out,

because of your and I's past relationship...

- Teddi...

you are psycho.

- And because of the information

Lisa Vanderpump fed me,

I was in on the scheme.

- You need to explain yourself, and I'm glad you're doing it...

- No, I--I was part of the sche--

- But, Teddi, on its face, it sounded sh---y.

- When I really knew the setup was beyond

was when I saw Lisa and how she was acting.

- I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna talk about it.

I've told everybody, I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Come on, let's go.

- "No! No! No, don't you dare!"

Like, this bad acting.

And at that moment, I shifted,

and I said, "I don't care about this petty crap

"Dorit and I have issues with.

"This is somebody I can't look at anymore.

"You just set me up,

"and now you're pretending that your hands are clean?

"So you can be relevant and you can be the hero to Dorit,

for me the bad guy? (BLEEP) you."

[tense hip-hop music]

- Guys, here she comes.

♪ ♪

- I was set up, and I took the bait,

but I could not go through with it.

I didn't tell Kyle, I didn't tell Lisa Rinna,

and I told you that your friend betrayed you.

♪ ♪

- Well, this doesn't look very inviting.

♪ ♪

- Guys, here she comes.

[tense music]

- I was set up, and I took the bait,

but I could not go through with it.

- Well, this doesn't look very inviting.

- The thing is, Teddi,

'cause I don't even wanna get into

the "he said, she said."

You know, the idea that there are even,

you know, two people set out to try and hurt me that bad...

- I know. - Hurts.

- Normally, I'd be getting your typical,

"You look great."

But no, there's something going down,

and I'm just gonna mosey on by.

[electronic percussive music]

- Awkward.

♪ ♪

- Happy birthday. We're excited to be here and celebrate.

- Oh, thank you so much.

And, oh, my gifts. Really you didn't have to.

- We just walked in. It looks like an intense situation.

- I know.

- Literally right as we walked in, it was so awkward.

- I know, I know.

Come on, girls, this is about celebrating

me being on this planet.

Stop with the fighting!

- The first time in my life

I have ever done this to somebody,

and it's because-- you wanna know what,

last year, when I was struggling with this group,

Lisa Vanderpump was the one calling me every night

to check in on me, and I got sold,

and I'm sorry.

- She feels used. She feels set up...

- Totally.

- And she took the bait, and she willingly says it.

- Yeah, I'm willingly telling you.

- She's accepting responsibility.

Teddi omitted some things, but now I see,

she's actually taking accountability for her role.

That's the most important thing.

- There's two people that play a part in this.

Teddi is owning her part. - Yes.

- Teddi was caught in a lie,

but at least she's taking ownership of that.

So now, I really hope

that Lisa Vanderpump can just admit her part in all of this,

and we can just finally put it behind us.

You've gotta own up.

- And I'm very, very sorry that I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

[bright electronic music]

- Did you see their little doggy?

Isn't he adorable?

- Hey, Ken or the dog?

- I was saying the dog, but Ken's cool, so yeah.

[laughter] - Ken's adorable too.

- Hi, girls. - Hi, ladies.

- Hello, Spanish chiquitita. - How are you?

- We just were coming out to see what was happening.

- Everyone's wearing black tonight.

- It's a funeral.

I'm not mourning anything, but by the end of the night,

we may be burying a few of these friendships.

- What's happening? - No, I--

I mean, it's everything I ever said before.

I just left out some of the things,

in order to protect Dorit.

- Oh, boy, it looks like there's fighting going on.

- There's something going on out there.

- They all should come inside for her birthday.

- I'm gonna hide.

[hip-hop music]

- I think you all need to come in.

[laughter] - Okay, I know.

[soft dynamic music]

- I honestly feel like people were just upset

for whatever reason, so I am, um...

♪ ♪

We're talking about the other day...

- I--I want to move on from it.

I've seen--

it's all clear to me, but, you know what--

- What--what's clear to you?

- You are guilty by omission.

You sat there when they were saying,

"Who said bring the dog forward?"

And I saw the texts. I was shocked.

If Teddi had actually owned her own poop in the Bahamas,

we could've had an honest conversation.

- Why is this still on me?

I told my story, the 100% truth.

I've never lied one second of my life ever.

- You should rename that whole little situation

you've got going on.

Ms. ----ing Avoid-ability. What about that one?

That might be better.

- Lisa, I was on a phone call with John Blizzard,

while you were on the other line with John Sessa,

where they were saying,

"Well, let's figure this out. Hold on one second..."

- I didn't know you were involved

in the machinations of the dog.

- How did you know to text Dorit, "Dorit, Teddi knows"?

[tense hip-hop music]

- Of course I knew you knew. Of course I knew.

♪ ♪

- How did you know that Teddi knew?

- I didn't know at the time Teddi knew.

She didn't know at the time.

- But you said that they sent a text saying...

- No, that was-- - To her, "Teddi knows."

It's very clear to me,

Lisa wanted Teddi to have that information about Dorit.

Then Blizzard lets Lisa know,

"Okay, job's done. Teddi knows about the dog."

And then she texted Dorit, "Teddi knows,"

just to stir up sh-- between Dorit and Teddi.

♪ ♪

- You said there was no texts.

- That's what I heard in the Bahamas,

that there were no texts. - Yeah.

- That was what was said at the table.

I'm just gonna pipe in. - Well, maybe John Blizzard

didn't wanna show the texts. - There were no texts.

- How do I know who's texting who?

I've never looked at an employee's phone in my life.

- All the twists and turns that this has taken,

all roads lead to Lisa Vanderpump.

If Vanderpump knew Teddi knew,

why didn't she call Teddi and say,

"Teddi, you gotta keep your mouth shut"?

Did she do that?

Nope.

- I know you're not gonna take any ownership for your part.

I've taken ownership. I have told the truth.

I have apologized.

If you can live with yourself doing this, then go for it.

It's been working for you for a long time.

- [gasps] - Okay, I'm fine with that.

- Lisa is full of sh--.

I have texts proving Ken was contacting John Blizzard

to discuss how it comes out to Kyle and I.

John Blizzard's texting me.

"He's like, before you tell Teddi and Kyle...

"I'm just going to try and control the situation,

because PK has been his best friend for 40 years."

And number two, shortly after

Kyle and I leave Vanderpump Dogs,

I get this text from John Blizzard,

saying that he's with Lisa and Pandora,

discussing everything.

This once again proves that Lisa Vanderpump

is lying about having zero relationship

with John Blizzard.

Then let's all just co-exist,

put on our little happy faces, and let's do this.

- I'm not into co-existing, Teddi.

- I know I'm not gonna change you,

so if you're not gonna admit to anything,

then it is what it is.

- So, you don't feel any kind of guilt or remorse?

- I don't feel any guilt with you.

- Oh, really? - No, I feel betrayed by you.

- Okay, well, I feel betrayed by you too.

- Oh, 'cause I couldn't carry out your plan?

Sorry.

- This is no longer about Lucy and a lie.

This is about my friendship with Lisa Vanderpump.

- Okay, let's go get a drink of margarita.

Let's go get a margarita.

- She plotted against me, behind my back,

to hurt me.

A friend doesn't do that to someone.

- Now she's angry at me? Come on.

- That's okay, honey. - I know.

- This is one thing I know:

The truth will always set you free.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

[cheers and applause] - Yes!

- Why do I have to be cute all the ----ing time?

[smooth electronic music]

- You got schmaltz on your shirt.

- Is that you, Poppy? Is that you?

- I can't believe I just touched that.

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Camille ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you, everybody.

[cheers and applause]

- [whistling] - Speech! Speech! Speech!

- Thank you, David, for being in my life.

You've brought great joy.

And my family for being here.

My dear friends, all of you,

you've been on this journey with me.

You've been through the highs and lows.

We believe in love, and we believe in

respecting one another, no matter what.

- "Love and respect." Nice words, Camille,

but I don't think Teddi Mellencamp

is somebody I would ever really trust again.

- Happy birthday. [laughter]

Camille and I almost made out on her birthday!

Love the speech, Camille,

but when somebody does something

to intentionally hurt you, and then lies to you about it,

there's only one way to take it.

Bye.

[upbeat music]

- Can you get me one? - No. [laughs]

- [laughs] Okay, what--

okay, what happens?

- Tequila can be your best friend...

He likes to supply me with alcohol.

I don't know what his goal is.

- Drink your margarita.

- Okay, hold on.

Or your worst enemy.

I'm so--I'm literally bombed right now. Bombed.

- Me too. I'm with you. Should we dance?

- I am ----ing bombed - [screams] Kyle's bombed.

- I've had no ----ing food. I'm bombed.

- Okay! - Oh! Oh, God, here she goes.

- Whoa!

[lively dance music]

[laughter]

- Hi, hon.

♪ ♪

- We need splits. Can we do splits in that dress?

- I'm trying, I'm trying.

[yelling, cheering]

- Yes! Yes!

She did it! She did it!

[upbeat music]

- Bye, honey.

Thank you for coming. - Nice chatting with you.

- Thank you for coming. - Camille, please.

- You're awesome. Thank you.

- Thank you for accepting my apology.

- You know what, I appreciate it.

- Bye, honey. - Bye, honey.

♪ ♪

- Kyle, no. No.

Put your legs down.

- Bye, girl. - Bye, honey.

♪ ♪

- Why do I have to be cute all the ----ing time?

- But you weren't, darling. Your vagina was on the floor.

- My vagina's ----ing cute.

- She did it on the floor, without any underwear.

- Guess what, this is who I am.

[laughter]

- Goodbye, hon. - Happy birthday, Camille.

Is this our car?

[hip-hop music]

Oh, my Lordy. - Tell me what happened.

- Yeah, well, all I can tell you is

that Teddi has owned up to

all of the ugliness in those texts.

- But Lisa is denying that?

- Vehemently.

- What about Teddi? She was just like,

"Well, I guess we'll just agree to co-exist." [laughs]

- Well, that's better than nothing.

- It's like, "You should be so lucky, bitch."

[both laugh]

- (BLEEP) my life.

- I don't think Lisa's 100% herself at the moment.

She's going through a lot.

So, I just think you should give her

some elasticity.

- I get that hurt people sometimes wanna hurt people,

but how much do I have to take?

Well, with Lisa, I have to just find a way

to numb myself to the idea

that she did play a part in this.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Next time on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:"

- Oh, bitch, what is this?

- It's a gladiator.

It's slit all the way on both sides.

- I'm ----ing hot.

- Right? - Yeah!

- When do you wanna get married?

- Do you think you can do this in two days?

- You're gonna see Lisa at Denise's wedding.

- ♪ Perfect ♪

- I'm really starting to get nervous.

- What time's the ceremony? - [indistinct]

I definitely feel like the clock is ticking.

- I'm hot, and I'm mad.

- Where is this bride?

- When's it happening?

- Oh, my God, PK. - What?

- This is a whole other layer of betrayal.

- Lisa must know the truth is gonna come out.

- You think this is Lisa?

♪ ♪

- To learn more about the housewives, go to bravotv.com