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1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,573
(Vanessa laughing)
2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,441
-You're back!
-Hey, hi.
3
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:08,942
How did the grandkids
like the park?
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,245
Well, not much sand left
in that box.
5
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,282
What they didn't eat,
they're probably wearing.
6
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,449
(laughs)
7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,585
Look at these pictures.
8
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:21,622
Ooh. Looks like most of them
are of the inside of my pouch.
9
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:22,990
(chuckles)
10
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:23,957
Look, look, look.
11
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,793
There you go. Look at that.
12
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,696
-Look at those dirty faces.
-Oh, my goodness.
13
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:32,333
-Can you get a cavity from
looking at so much sweetness? -Mm. (chuckles)
14
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,136
I'm gonna send this one
to my sister Nicole.
15
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,471
Look, who can resist
Sarah and Evelyn
16
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,307
playing muddy patty-cake?
17
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,642
Oh, here we go.
18
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,477
What do you mean by that?
19
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,714
Uh, Nicole and I send each other
pictures of our grandbabies
20
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,649
just to keep each other updated,
21
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,651
and-and Mike thinks
it's bragging.
22
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,821
It's like bragging
with really sharp knives.
23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,690
Okay, okay.
I'll admit my sister and I
24
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,659
have a friendly rivalry.
25
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,894
We-we just...
we push each other to be better.
26
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,063
I get it, Vanessa.
Like Venus and Serena.
27
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,866
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, a little less like Grand Slam tennis,
28
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,336
more like
a Connecticut catfight.
29
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,070
(Vanessa groans)
30
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,505
Any minute now.
31
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,707
(electronic ding)
32
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,309
-Oh.
-And return serve!
33
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,145
(laughs)
Here we go.
34
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,213
Nicole sent a picture
of her grandson.
35
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,849
-MIKE: Mm.
-"Here's our little Ben
36
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:25,353
"having his portrait shot
at a real studio.
37
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:29,257
(mocking): The photographer
thinks he could be a model."
38
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,161
Holy Harry Styles!
39
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,829
-He's gorgeous!
-Oh, stop it. Come on.
40
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,266
Who puts a toddler in an ascot?
41
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,368
All right, you know what?
It's on, it's on.
42
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,504
You're gonna get so much cute,
you're gonna choke on it.
43
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,038
Mm.
44
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,342
And they say choking on cute's
the worst way to go.
45
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,712
♪
46
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,219
Okay.
47
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,221
Ah. Are the girls
finally asleep?
48
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:01,389
Yes.
49
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:04,057
-(doorbell rings)
-(shushing)
50
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:09,029
What kind of maniac rings the
doorbell to get into the house?
51
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,299
Ooh, sorry. I'm guessing
you just put the girls down.
52
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,201
I'm glad you're here,
too, though, Mandy.
53
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,703
Yeah, well, that is the beauty
of being a stay-at-home mom.
54
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,137
I get to help out my sis
55
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,939
while she does the books
for the Grill.
56
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,308
Yeah, we help each other.
57
00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:22,376
-Yeah.
-It's who we are.
58
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,144
We're beautiful.
59
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,146
MANDY:
What's with Dad's good camera?
60
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,749
Well, I just, I think it's time
we took some exceptional photos
61
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,150
of Sarah and Evelyn.
62
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,553
What? We've got
nothing but pictures.
63
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,589
We're looking into renting
cloud storage from the NSA.
64
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,091
Yeah, but we don't have any
that are professional grade,
65
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:40,328
perfectly lit and styled--
so come on,
66
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,562
let's wake those girls up!
67
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,564
-What?
-Sarah? Evelyn?
68
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,434
Stay away
from that bedroom, lady.
69
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,169
Mom, what is this really about?
70
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,173
This.
71
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,112
Jumpin' Justin Timberlake,
is that Ben?
72
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,815
He's beautiful.
73
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,484
Oh, Aunt Nicole said
the photographer liked his photo
74
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,086
so much that he's gonna put it
in the window. That's huge.
75
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,689
Mm. So is his head,
but he'll grow into it.
76
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,526
Uh-oh.
Sounds like Aunt Nicole and Mom
77
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,161
are being
super competitive again.
78
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,630
This is like when we were kids
and Aunt Nicole's daughter
79
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,332
won Little Miss Ridgefield.
80
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,802
Yeah. And then to one-up her,
you made us the Outdoor Toddlers
81
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,170
for Dad's catalog.
82
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,606
That's when I met
my first love:
83
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,475
the spotlight.
84
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,278
You know what?
That Outdoor Toddler catalog
85
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,346
was one
of their most popular ever,
86
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,349
and you two were
tiny little celebrities.
87
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,285
Aunt Nicole
must have hated that.
88
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,054
I got to run.
89
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,857
(closes door loudly)
90
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,494
(babies crying)
91
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,163
-I'm taking that door
off its hinges. -Mm-hmm.
92
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,966
♪ ♪
93
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:56,537
(chuckles):
Hey, good morning, Pickles.
94
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,205
Really?
95
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,474
I brought pickles in my lunch
yesterday, now I'm Pickles?
96
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,411
There was also a cupcake
in there-- you want to go there?
97
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:04,678
(sighs)
98
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:05,846
No.
99
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,681
I'll be Pickles.
100
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,317
Hey, hey.
101
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,685
Hey, Asparagus.
102
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,554
-What?
-D-Don't fight it. Just...
103
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,323
just be Asparagus.
104
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:17,024
Okay.
105
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,892
Uh, hey, I need some advice.
106
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,193
I gave you advice last week.
107
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,663
When is this ever going to end?
108
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,998
So, you know Doris Oliver,
who lives on your street?
109
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,700
She's a regular customer
of mine.
110
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,502
That old lady's
into the chronic?
111
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,772
Well, that would explain
the ill-advised halter tops.
112
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,542
(singsongy):
"Morning."
113
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,544
Anyway, she's moving,
114
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:40,080
and she asked me
if I wanted to buy her house.
115
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,182
-CHUCK: Oh.
-Yeah, but why you?
116
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,851
She wants it to go to somebody
that she knows and someone
117
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,019
who will take care of it and
love it the way that she did.
118
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,621
Well, y-you know,
she's kind of let it go,
119
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,057
but it could be nice
if you put some money into it.
120
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,059
I know, and that's expensive,
you know?
121
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,928
I'm making more money now
with the new job, but who knows?
122
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,097
Like, what if people
stop smoking pot?
123
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,432
That ain't gonna happen.
124
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,402
Listen, it-it's always
a good idea
125
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,738
to buy the worst house
on the best block.
126
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,073
And even though Baxter
lives on it,
127
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,041
it's still a pretty good block.
128
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,078
-It's just a stretch for us
right now. -Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,080
You know, we're just
bouncing back from the pandemic.
130
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,248
Is right now the time
to buy a house?
131
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,250
No, man, just think of it
as an investment.
132
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,252
Not a lot of places
on the market these days
133
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,755
have a three-car garage, huh?
134
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,256
Quit pressuring the kid.
135
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,559
Ryan, are you really looking
for a house,
136
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,596
or is this just 'cause
the opportunity came up?
137
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,932
Guess it's just 'cause
the opportunity came up?
138
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,401
Trust your instincts.
139
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,003
You're a good man.
They'll serve you right.
140
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:38,572
You're right. Thank you.
141
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,140
Knew I could count on you.
142
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,610
-See you guys.
-Mm.
143
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,947
You don't think he's a good man.
144
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,150
What are you up to?
145
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,086
I'm gonna buy that house.
146
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,788
(gasps)
What?!
147
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,157
Yeah. Come on,
you talked me into it.
148
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,927
You're a great salesman,
Pickles.
149
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,829
(stammers)
150
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,632
♪
151
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,372
(clears throat)
152
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,942
Idea. A musical.
153
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,210
About the man
who invented the paper clip.
154
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,647
Yeah. Ah, that's right.
155
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,816
Tagline: "The man
who held it all together."
156
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,985
-The first part... Yes?
-Hi, Ed.
157
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,720
-Yes, hi.
-Uh, you busy?
158
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,288
Oh. Sorry, but I'm never...
159
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,157
never too busy
for my stepdaughter.
160
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,826
(chuckles)
That is a handsome vest.
161
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,696
-It is very slimming.
-Well, thank you, thank you.
162
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,231
You usually don't get that
in bulletproof, you know.
163
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,167
So, what can I do for you,
darling?
164
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,636
Uh, nothing, nothing.
Uh, well, no, yeah, I was...
165
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,738
-I was just going through
some old stuff. -Yeah. Uh-huh.
166
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,975
-And I came across this old
Outdoor Toddler catalog... -All right.
167
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,209
with Kristin and Mandy.
168
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,478
See? Remember this?
169
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,012
Oh, do I remember?
Look at that.
170
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,482
Damn cute babies.
Look at that.
171
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,850
(chuckles):
Look. In their snowsuits.
172
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,418
Mm.
173
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,153
And the actress playing
their mother--
174
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,422
dated her for two months.
175
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:07,194
-Uh, hey, uh,
here's a thought. Uh... -Yeah. Yeah.
176
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,930
What if we revive
the Outdoor Toddler campaign?
177
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,266
If we put Mandy and Kristin
in those tiny snowsuits...
178
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:16,904
well, I'm not sure
what we'd be selling.
179
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,539
No, not...
Uh, all right, wait a...
180
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,340
-Um, I mean... (chuckles)
-Yeah.
181
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,075
All right, look, I--
so I'm just spitballing here.
182
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,343
-All right.
-But, um...
183
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,679
but what if
the new Outdoor Toddlers
184
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,681
were Sarah and Evelyn?
185
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:28,882
Sarah and Evelyn?
186
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,017
Yeah, y-you know, you--
187
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,385
your-your great-grand-stepki...
188
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,722
-Yeah.
-step-grand-- the babies.
189
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,056
(both laugh)
190
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,390
Well, they're...
they're pretty cute.
191
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,592
-Yeah.
-They're very cute, yes, yes.
192
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,293
Yeah, yeah,
it'll be like continuing
193
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,295
the family legacy--
first the mothers,
194
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,598
now the daughters, you know,
like a circle of life.
195
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:47,367
Yeah, well, we can't afford
that song, but, uh...
196
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:50,237
Okay, good. It sounds great.
Great. Let's do it.
197
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,139
-Ah. Wonderful, wonderful.
-Let's do it. Let's do it.
198
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:53,707
-Wonderful. Great.
-Let's do it.
199
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:57,077
Oh, just decide which one
of the girls it should be.
200
00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,380
I'm sorry, wha... what?
201
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,216
Well, y-you can't have
both babies in the ad, you know.
202
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,286
No, no. Wh-Why not? I mean, we
had Kristin and Mandy. What...?
203
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,756
Sure, but market research shows
that it's better
204
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:12,392
to have one face representing
the brand, see?
205
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,328
Even the Doublemint Twins,
you see.
206
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,398
Two people, one face.
207
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,134
But so... so I have to choose
208
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,336
between my two granddaughters?
209
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,972
Yep.
210
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:28,642
But one of my daughters
is gonna hate me.
211
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,444
Probably.
212
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,987
Sarah...
213
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,922
or Evelyn.
214
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,456
No, Sarah.
215
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,593
Or Evelyn.
216
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,195
Vanessa,
217
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,931
remember when you asked me
if I had "a sec" to help you
218
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,465
-with something?
-Yeah.
219
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:56,103
I didn't realize it was gonna be
a sec-tion of my life.
220
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,871
Oh, sorry.
They're just...
221
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,607
just so cute.
222
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,441
You know,
you don't have to pick one.
223
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,611
You could let some other kid do
the campaign.
224
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,146
And let my sister Nicole win?
No, thank you.
225
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,148
No, this is to prove a point.
226
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,783
To push her to be better?
227
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,519
Yeah, yeah, that's-that's...
228
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,355
All right, no, I can do this,
I can do this.
229
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,126
So, uh, on the one hand,
uh, Sarah is so photogenic.
230
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,061
Perfect. Let's go with her.
231
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,396
Yeah, but... but Evelyn
is cute as a button,
232
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,565
and she can take direction,
so...
233
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,835
So Evelyn it is.
234
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,905
But Sarah is a "Fall," and she
would look absolutely perfect
235
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,907
in little hiking gear.
236
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,909
Then let's go with Sarah.
237
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,244
Yeah, but...
238
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,412
but Evelyn is a "Winter,"
239
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:43,751
and she is the obvious choice
for snowsuits, so...
240
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,986
(screams)
241
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,755
(exhales)
242
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,322
(laughs):
Okay.
243
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,026
Maybe... maybe I'll just let
Kristin and Mandy decide.
244
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,429
♪
245
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:59,700
Oh, let's see
what I brought today.
246
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,502
Ooh...
247
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,571
Gumbo.
248
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:07,574
Oh, I love gumbo.
249
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,943
You know,
that could be my nickname.
250
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,178
-I like it.
-Mm.
251
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,780
Gumbo Pickles.
252
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:14,882
(both chuckle)
253
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,583
Why are you in such a good mood?
254
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,251
You know,
'cause I'm feeling good
255
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,787
about the offer I put
on Mrs. Oliver's house.
256
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,355
Huh. You really are
a piece of work, Baxter.
257
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,791
Come on, I'm not being selfish.
258
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,759
Fixing up that house
will give me a project.
259
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,460
Besides, three-car garage--
260
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:31,131
-perfect for our
auto restoration business. -Mm.
261
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,300
You are always thinking
of other people
262
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,736
-and how you can
screw them over. -Mm.
263
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,739
-You make it sound so negative.
-Mm.
264
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,373
Morning, all.
265
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,643
"How's your morning, Ryan?"
Well, it's been interesting.
266
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,979
Stopped by Mrs. Oliver's
to tell her how honored I was
267
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,480
to get the opportunity
to buy her house
268
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,282
and that I was still thinking
about it.
269
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,284
You're still thinking about it?
270
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,487
Yeah, and then she told me
the funniest thing.
271
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,957
That another party,
272
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,992
someone who lives on the street,
273
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,295
had stopped by
and made an offer.
274
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,165
And it was substantially
more than she was asking.
275
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,834
Before you get angry
about this--
276
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,836
And that other party was one
277
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:11,138
Charles Larabee.
278
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,943
You tried to steal
that house from me?
279
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,011
Well, if you steal from a thief,
280
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,013
is it really stealing?
281
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,615
Wait, you both tried
to steal the house from me?
282
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,919
I didn't want it. He talked me
into it-- shame on you.
283
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,921
-Shame on you.
-RYAN: Wow.
284
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,356
I... all I wanted was an opinion
285
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,358
from people
that I thought I could trust.
286
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,526
God, now I know
how Julius Caesar felt
287
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,328
when Brutus stabbed in the back.
288
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,864
I mean, of course,
historians point out that
289
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,099
Decimus was really the-the--
actually, you know,
290
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,467
it doesn't matter!
291
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,870
The point is,
I have been stabbed.
292
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,040
(sighs)
293
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,709
Et tu, Pickles.
294
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,348
Ah, I can't believe
our little girls are gonna be
295
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,350
in the new
Outdoor Toddler campaign.
296
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,319
First us, now them.
297
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,154
It's the circle of life.
298
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,390
Like that movie Chinatown.
299
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,393
You mean The Lion King?
300
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:09,329
Yes.
301
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,231
Mmm, oh, my gosh, I love this.
302
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,234
Mom, you hardly ever share
your good wine.
303
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,669
Well, it is a special occasion.
(chuckles)
304
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,840
Uh, but, but there is just one
little problem. (clears throat)
305
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:23,576
Ed said there can only be
one Outdoor Toddler. (chuckles)
306
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,879
Oh, wow.
307
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,747
That's a bummer.
308
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,349
Who did Ed pick?
309
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,185
Well, he insisted
that you guys decide.
310
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,087
I mean, you know Ed.
(chuckles)
311
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,423
Such a coward.
312
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,059
Ooh, this is tough.
313
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:43,696
I mean, Sarah's mom was really
looking forward to her doing it.
314
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,833
That's you.
315
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:49,402
Just say you were looking
forward to her doing it.
316
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,672
Not if you really want
Evelyn to.
317
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,442
-No, no, it-it's fine.
-Thank you! Thank you!
318
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,010
-Sarah can...
-Thank you!
319
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,378
...do it.
320
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,047
Ah, this is great,
this is just...
321
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,015
Now I wish I'd brought
the really good wine.
322
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,918
Besides, I got too much
to do at work, you know?
323
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,521
I'm just, I'm too busy to spend
all day at a photo shoot, so...
324
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,023
What's that supposed to mean?
325
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,459
Oh, come on, don't make any more
of this than it is.
326
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,094
I just mean that I'm busy.
327
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:15,795
I'm just as busy as you, Kris.
328
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,465
I'm cooking, cleaning,
taking my kid to the park.
329
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,033
Taking your kid to the park.
330
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,301
KRISTIN:
It's not like I'm sitting
331
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,603
around--
I'm-I'm running a restaurant.
332
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,072
You-you know what,
we're all busy.
333
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,439
Each in our own way.
334
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:29,709
(stammers)
I wish men did more!
335
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,811
There it is--
running a restaurant.
336
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,315
Any chance you get to throw the
"working mom" thing in my face.
337
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,250
I am not throwing anything.
338
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,986
It's not my fault
if you're unhappy
339
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,720
with the choices
that you've made.
340
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,156
Being a stay-at-home mom is the
most important job in the world!
341
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,791
Just ask Oprah!
342
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,293
You can't ask Oprah.
343
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,261
She's too busy with her career.
344
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,796
Okay, all right,
please, girls...
345
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,899
Well, since you're
just super working mom,
346
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,733
who can do everything
on her own,
347
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,969
next time you're doing
the books, watch your own kid!
348
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:59,639
Gladly! That'll give you more
time to watch your stories.
349
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,242
No! No, girls, wait!
Oh, come on!
350
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,912
If you should be mad at anybody,
it's men!
351
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,622
MIKE:
Pickles?
352
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,825
(Mike chuckles)
353
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,828
You really need to stop
calling me Pickles.
354
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,531
How bad do you want me
to stop calling you Pickles?
355
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,633
I've learned
to avoid conversations
356
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,335
like this with you, Baxter.
357
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,338
They always end
with my wife asking me,
358
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,673
"How did you not see
that coming?"
359
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,009
How about this?
I stop calling you Pickles...
360
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,645
-Mm-hmm.
-...you drop your offer on the house.
361
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,213
Done.
362
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,549
No, that was too quick.
363
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:46,386
Nah, I dropped my offer
this morning.
364
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,388
How did you not see that coming?
365
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,858
So now you get to steal
Ryan's house all by yourself.
366
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,794
Wrong, I already dropped
my bid on the house.
367
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,064
But that's a nice thing.
368
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,632
Well, I'm hoping Ryan will take
another look at the house.
369
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,701
Told Mrs. Oliver he's got
a beautiful young family
370
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,671
and they deserve
a wonderful house like hers.
371
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:05,672
Oh.
372
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,574
Hey, Ryan.
373
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,910
Just got off the phone
with Doris Oliver.
374
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:14,081
"Why was she calling, Ryan?"
Well, it's interesting.
375
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,683
She wanted to let me know
that I am exactly
376
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,051
who she wants buying her house.
377
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,053
Oh, is that so?
378
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,322
Oh, yeah, that is so.
379
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,890
Even though the other offers
were higher,
380
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,027
because, in her own words,
I have "a beautiful young family
381
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,928
that deserves a wonderful home."
382
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:32,565
That is something you'd
only hear an old lady say.
383
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,001
RYAN:
Yeah.
384
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,502
Kris and I talked about it,
and now we're
385
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,004
-looking into financing.
-CHUCK: Hmm.
386
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,605
You two clowns better watch out.
387
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,407
Because my beautiful family
and I
388
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,375
are gonna be moving
onto your block.
389
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,713
Oh, uh, this-- the feeling
you're feeling right now?
390
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,049
It's a little thing
called karma.
391
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,884
And it's supposed to sting.
392
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,422
You know, I'm getting
the feeling I might miss
393
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,757
that old lady in the halter top.
394
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,896
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man.
395
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,733
With a word
about friendly competition.
396
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,968
Hmm, actually that word is
an oxymoron.
397
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,305
Because you're either being
friendly or you're competing.
398
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,906
I don't think you can have both.
399
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,908
Taylor Swift and Katy Perry
started out
400
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,578
in a friendly competition,
then they punished us all
401
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,912
by writing a thousand songs
402
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,082
about how much
they hated each other.
403
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,584
I never heard the songs.
People have told me.
404
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,053
(clears throat)
405
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,654
I have three daughters,
so trust me,
406
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,090
I had "Bad Blood" coming
out of my ears.
407
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,958
Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali
408
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,261
actually were good friends
in the '60s.
409
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,297
After they beat each other's
brains out three times?
410
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,599
Not so close.
411
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,833
It's true in all arenas.
412
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,769
You start out
in a civil discourse
413
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,237
about the size of government.
414
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,339
Next thing you know,
you're Alexander Hamilton,
415
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,442
lying in a pool
of his own blood.
416
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,943
In the book The Art of War,
417
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:53,313
Sun Tzu said,
"Choose your enemies well,
418
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,015
for you will come
to resemble them."
419
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,784
(chuckles softly)
420
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,019
So, before you winan unfriendly competition,
421
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,155
you ask yourself,would you rather resemble
422
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,591
the bigger cutthroat
423
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,127
or the bigger person?
424
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,129
Baxter out.
425
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,698
Pretty brilliant, right?
426
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,033
(exhales) You know, when I was
talking to Mike about the girls,
427
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,703
I didn't even think
he was listening.
428
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:20,473
Mr. Baxter can hear
without listening.
429
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,110
It's freaky.
430
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,846
-Hey, Mama.
-Hey.
431
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,615
-You wanted to see me?
What's up? -Hi. Yeah.
432
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,683
Uh, you know what, let's
just wait till Kris gets here.
433
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:32,552
Hey.
434
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,287
Oh, hey, Mom.
(chuckles softly)
435
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,822
You said there'd be wine.
436
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:36,689
Not a whiner.
437
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,991
Oh. Stellar pun.
(chuckles)
438
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,793
(stammers)
But...
439
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,829
Puns are meant for good,
not for evil.
440
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,996
So just...
(stammers)
441
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,332
Sit down.
442
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,867
You guys remember that
Outdoor Toddler photo shoot?
443
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,570
You know what picture
everyone loved the most?
444
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,672
Yeah, sure.
Any one with me in it.
445
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,675
Uh, you wish.
I invented smizing.
446
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:58,211
Tyra Banks stole it from me.
447
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,181
No, it was the one
of you guys making s'mores.
448
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:05,518
Everyone just could see how much
you guys loved working together.
449
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,187
You had a-a whole system.
450
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,357
Yeah, well, Mandy's really good
at toasting the marshmallow
451
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:11,991
without setting it on fire.
452
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,726
Kristin melts the chocolate
just right.
453
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,061
All right, well, you guys just--
you just seemed
454
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,864
to naturally love
doing things together.
455
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,267
And then,
somewhere along the way,
456
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,434
that changed.
457
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,903
And I think I know why.
458
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,037
Yeah.
459
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:27,174
Eve was born.
460
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,509
Frickin' Eve.
461
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:34,046
Okay, no, I am talking
about sisters competing.
462
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:38,585
Look, I think you learned that
from watching me and Nicole.
463
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:40,720
Um, and I-I told myself
464
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,556
that we were pushing each other
to be better, but...
465
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,725
it ruined our relationship.
466
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,794
And you don't want that
happening to us.
467
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,730
No. No. And-and I really, really
don't want it happening
468
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,533
to Sarah and Evelyn.
469
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,801
Oh.
470
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,204
(chuckles softly)
That would be awful.
471
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,071
-Mm-hmm.
-MANDY: Yeah.
472
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,774
I'm really sorry.
473
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,943
I know that you weren't trying
to put me down.
474
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,247
It's just that,
ever since I left my job,
475
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,381
I guess...
476
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,283
I'm a little sensitive.
477
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,751
I'm sorry, too.
478
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,287
I guess I... am still
feeling pretty guilty
479
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:16,923
that I don't get to see Evelyn
as much as you get to see Sarah,
480
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,758
which I totally shouldn't.
(chuckles)
481
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,793
I mean, I shouldn't, right?
482
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:21,828
Mm.
483
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,763
And-and I just never
should have made
484
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,265
this whole thing a competition.
485
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:29,269
So... I think
that I am going to recommend
486
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,171
that the Outdoor Toddler...
487
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,173
be Ben.
488
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,642
-Ben, huh?
-Yeah.
489
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,844
-Wow, Mom. That's a good idea.
-VANESSA: Yeah.
490
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,812
That'll really mean a lot
to Aunt Nicole.
491
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,814
Yeah. And Ben's smize game?
492
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,683
(exhales)
Fierce.
493
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,117
Hey, it's no better
than Sarah and Evelyn...
494
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,153
No. (stammers)
Not gonna go there.
495
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,788
Uh...
(chuckles)
496
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,524
I started this competition,
and I just need to end it.
497
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,025
-Mm.
-Okay. That's nice, Mom.
498
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,827
-Now let me at
those marshmallows. -Yeah.
499
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:58,265
-Make-up s'mores are the best.
(chuckles) -Yeah.
500
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:01,468
You guys look so cute.
501
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,935
-(chuckles)
-(shutter sound effect)
502
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,471
I am gonna send this picture
to Aunt Nicole.
503
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,005
She's gonna be so jealous.
504
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,640
Mom.
505
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,943
Oh, come on.
I can't just quit cold turkey.
506
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:14,013
(chuckles)
507
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:25,392
But how do we get a star
attached without a script?
508
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,894
Because it's a killer idea.
509
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,829
All right?
First we get a star attached,
510
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,197
then we get some funding,
511
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,965
then we commission a script.
512
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,166
Seems backwards.
513
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,736
Scripts are overrated.
514
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,673
You get the right actor, they
make up their own lines anyway.
515
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,241
Let me see now. Uh...
516
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,143
I was thinking, for the, uh--
for the younger daughter,
517
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,246
how about that plucky pitcher
from The Bad News Bears?
518
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,581
Tatum O'Neal?
519
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:49,582
Yes! Yes, yes.
520
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,551
She's got to be in her 50s.
521
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:52,919
No way. No way.
522
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,921
That fresh-faced
little ragamuffin?
523
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,756
Just because you saw
a movie yesterday
524
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,526
doesn't mean
that's when it was made.
525
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,260
Oh, for the father,
how about the--
526
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,729
how about the-- aha--
527
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,064
the dashing concierge
from Pretty Woman?
528
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,033
Never heard of it.
529
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,435
All right.
530
00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:12,204
The urbane limo driver
from, from Princess Diaries.
531
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:16,443
I'm pretty sure
that isn't a real movie.
532
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,447
Okay. The sophisticated doctor
from Chicago Hope.
533
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:21,748
-Hmm? Yes.
-Yes.
534
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:23,282
-I love him!
-Great, great.
535
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,052
-Mandy Patinkin!
I'll make some calls. -Yes.
536
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,720
Yes. All right.
537
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,055
Note to myself:
538
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,291
consider
another casting director.
539
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,261
(chicken clucks)
540
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:36,295
Captioning sponsored by20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
541
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:37,564
and TOYOTA.
542
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,734
Don't miss the final season
of Last Man Standing.
543
00:21:41,784 --> 00:21:46,334
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