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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:45,899 --> 00:00:50,690 Sex Mad a. k.a How Funny Can Sex Be? 2 00:00:52,363 --> 00:00:57,569 Subtitled By SL Handy 3 00:01:54,999 --> 00:01:58,450 - Domenico, have you brought tea of coffee? - Coffee, Madam. 4 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,495 - But I asked for tea. - No, you asked for coffee. 5 00:02:03,047 --> 00:02:07,293 - I said tea! Understand? - Very good, Madam. 6 00:02:14,181 --> 00:02:18,345 Domenico! The bath towel, please. 7 00:02:26,442 --> 00:02:30,688 - Just leave it! - It's trapped, Madame. 8 00:02:42,497 --> 00:02:44,987 Give me a light massage. 9 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,622 Good, that's enough, Domenico. 10 00:03:07,435 --> 00:03:10,186 Madame, the coffee is getting cold. 11 00:03:15,817 --> 00:03:18,603 - May I serve, Madame?. - Yes. 12 00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:26,608 Made in true Brazilian style 13 00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:31,411 - Domenico! What are thinking of? - Of my mother, Madame. 14 00:03:32,206 --> 00:03:36,417 - Think of her elsewhere. - Excuse me. I think of her always. 15 00:03:37,293 --> 00:03:40,958 I am sorry. An unforgivable lapse. 16 00:03:47,718 --> 00:03:51,418 - When did you say you were leaving, dearest? - At 20:00. 17 00:03:51,972 --> 00:03:55,305 Let's hope there isn't a storm like last night. 18 00:03:55,809 --> 00:03:59,676 - There was a storm? - Yes. Don't tell me you didn't you hear it. 19 00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:05,513 - I didn't hear it. - But, it would have woken a corpse. 20 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:11,895 It must be my medicine, I can't even rise in the morning. 21 00:04:12,739 --> 00:04:14,897 Champagne, Sir? 22 00:04:15,241 --> 00:04:19,238 Watch you don't make another mess. Don't think of your mother! 23 00:04:48,436 --> 00:04:49,467 Did you call? 24 00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:56,983 Yes. Wake me at 05:00 precisely, I must accompany my husband to the airport. 25 00:04:57,985 --> 00:05:00,274 Very good, Madam. 26 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,512 Madam, it's 05:00. 27 00:05:34,975 --> 00:05:37,976 Madam, it's 05:00. 28 00:05:39,938 --> 00:05:43,721 Madam, it is 05:00. 29 00:05:57,453 --> 00:06:02,244 Madam... Madam Juliette... 30 00:06:03,916 --> 00:06:07,083 Madam, it's five o'clock! 31 00:06:08,211 --> 00:06:11,876 He said he called me at five But I slept until six. 32 00:06:12,423 --> 00:06:16,965 - He forgot to call me! - But he's such a dedicated boy. 33 00:06:17,636 --> 00:06:21,882 He's indiscreet. I can feel his eyes on me. 34 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:25,385 All servants fall in love with their masters 35 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:30,187 - What about the one we used to have? - Oh, she was interested in me! 36 00:06:30,814 --> 00:06:34,514 She always stole my silk stockings. 37 00:06:35,068 --> 00:06:37,190 Au revoir, my sweet. 38 00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:41,442 Au revoir, dearest. 39 00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:51,496 Coca Cola: 21,000 General Motors: 26,400 40 00:06:52,123 --> 00:06:56,038 Hatu: 32,000 Kawasaki: 36,200 41 00:06:56,627 --> 00:07:00,162 Montedison: 20 Ford: 48,000. 42 00:07:00,672 --> 00:07:06,258 Alfasud: 3... Christ! Franco: up 15, lira 43 00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:10,836 - That's enough. Switch. - Ok switching. 44 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:17,553 Berna: A 32 year old Italian worker... 45 00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:26,062 .. stabbed his wife's lover... Nice work! 46 00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:30,643 - That's enough, Domenico. Good night. - Good night. 47 00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:34,941 - Go! - I go. 48 00:07:37,953 --> 00:07:42,366 - Domenico! Don't forget to water the flowers. 49 00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:48,709 - Very good, Madam. - Domenico! - Yes, Madam. 50 00:07:49,922 --> 00:07:53,373 Wake me at 08:00 tomorrow. Goodnight. 51 00:07:53,925 --> 00:07:57,792 Eight o'clock on the dot. Good night, Madam. 52 00:09:30,173 --> 00:09:32,842 Madam, it's 08:00. 53 00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:41,089 It's 08:00! The tea is ready! 54 00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:50,476 Madam! Madam, it's 08:00! 55 00:09:57,154 --> 00:10:02,693 Excuse me... Excuse my... impertinence, but it's 08:00. 56 00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:11,531 Be calm, I won't dirty the sheets. 57 00:10:13,709 --> 00:10:16,461 Can you hear me, it's 8:00, Madam? 58 00:10:20,382 --> 00:10:23,003 What a tit...! It's 08:00, Madam. 59 00:10:23,384 --> 00:10:28,425 Oh God, I want you! Dirty whore! My mistress! 60 00:10:30,431 --> 00:10:36,552 Show me... Your pubis... 61 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:40,435 Don't look. Cuckold! 62 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:45,313 Excuse me, Madam, but it's 08:00. 63 00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:49,816 I... Madam... Must dare a little more... 64 00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:55,608 Pardon, Madam, it's 08:00, but don't wake, please. 65 00:11:07,588 --> 00:11:09,711 I was very quick. 66 00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:18,590 Madam, it's 08:00. 67 00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:27,263 Madam... 68 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,978 Good morning, Madam. Did you sleep well? 69 00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:47,995 - What time is it, Domenico? - A couple of minutes past 08:00 Madam. 70 00:12:11,808 --> 00:12:15,308 - Breakfast, Madam. - Thank you, Domenico. 71 00:12:15,812 --> 00:12:19,062 When you woke me, I'd just gone to sleep 72 00:12:19,566 --> 00:12:22,519 - I didn't close my eyes all night. - I'm sorry, Madam. 73 00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:27,148 - I'm going to take a nap. Wake me at 11:00. - Very good. 74 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:32,358 - Domenico, where are you going? Breakfast! - You're right! 75 00:12:35,162 --> 00:12:38,163 But, Domenico! Pay attention! 76 00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:42,958 What have you brought me? I said tea! 77 00:12:43,753 --> 00:12:46,706 Domenico, what's come over you? 78 00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:52,633 Two Hearts and a Shack 79 00:13:05,354 --> 00:13:07,145 For Sale 80 00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:12,063 Shit! No one's going to buy it, now! 81 00:13:39,007 --> 00:13:43,087 - Daddy! - Spying, are you? You know that's naughty! 82 00:13:45,221 --> 00:13:48,056 - What did Mummy do today? - Nothing. 83 00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:52,518 - And no one came while I was away? - Who should come? 84 00:13:53,103 --> 00:13:57,265 - I ask the questions, you answer! - No one. 85 00:13:58,148 --> 00:14:02,395 Ok, let's go. Don't make a sound. 86 00:14:07,156 --> 00:14:08,983 Stay! 87 00:14:11,493 --> 00:14:13,734 Get in. 88 00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:20,206 No need to call the carpenter, right! 89 00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:27,838 'War' with one 'R' Ignorant! 90 00:14:28,298 --> 00:14:32,675 Preparing dinner at the last moment. What do you do all day? 91 00:14:33,303 --> 00:14:35,841 And you smoke your pipe! Go on, set the house a light! 92 00:14:36,222 --> 00:14:40,599 With all the manicures and canasta, time passes so quickly 93 00:14:46,522 --> 00:14:50,140 - So you want to argue? - Oh, of course! 94 00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:54,559 I saw that lipstick on your shirt, but you think I'll keep quiet about it. 95 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:57,361 - Which shirt? - The red one. 96 00:14:57,699 --> 00:15:01,446 - The ladies haven't used lipstick in years. - Oh, it was an old mark. 97 00:15:01,993 --> 00:15:07,201 It's the old trick! When you've something to hide, you attack me! 98 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,864 Because you don't want to pay your due. 99 00:15:11,251 --> 00:15:14,371 You wore the new dress? Where've you been? Shame on you! 100 00:15:14,838 --> 00:15:19,749 To get medicine for Claudio. He's got a cough. 101 00:15:20,468 --> 00:15:25,544 Oh, give up this crap, will you! Why not send him? 102 00:15:26,264 --> 00:15:29,218 They won't give it to him for nothing! 103 00:15:29,684 --> 00:15:34,096 Right, you can play the "little pigeon" with the pharmacist 104 00:15:34,771 --> 00:15:37,309 Go and kill yourself! 105 00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:43,855 Whose is this newspaper? Out! Everybody out! 106 00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:48,862 Go! Quick! 107 00:15:49,242 --> 00:15:53,702 - Confess! Whose is it? - What do I know? Yours? 108 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:58,831 Of course, I need it for the stock quotations! Who left it? 109 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,580 It must have been Agnelli. He stopped by to see if we had a spare bed to rent. 110 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:07,871 Oh, you're playing the fool! If it wasn't Agnelli, it was someone else! 111 00:16:08,424 --> 00:16:11,378 When I'm not here, someone else comes! 112 00:16:11,844 --> 00:16:17,846 Remember, when I get proof I'll kill you, you dirty slut! 113 00:16:18,725 --> 00:16:22,888 You're the slut, going to Parioli, playing the gigolo with all the women! 114 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:28,645 - You shit! - You're the shit, you grandmother's little whore! 115 00:16:29,401 --> 00:16:34,192 - I'll kill you! - I'll kill you, you son of a slut! 116 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:38,238 No! Give me the bottle! 117 00:16:38,742 --> 00:16:42,324 I know you've hidden a photo in your shoe! 118 00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:45,539 Because there's a hole in the bottom! 119 00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:53,330 What a beauty you gave me. My head's still ringing. 120 00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:56,998 Are you still shitting, my love? 121 00:16:57,466 --> 00:17:01,877 - Will the wine stain go away? I'm all dirty. - One.. two.. three.. four.. 122 00:17:02,512 --> 00:17:05,761 But I'm content! A real man has to take charge! 123 00:17:06,224 --> 00:17:09,887 - If you want me to take charge, invite me to the martial bed! 124 00:17:10,435 --> 00:17:13,104 - Let's go to bed! - I'm coming! 125 00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:18,349 - If the weather's nice on Sunday... - eight.. nine.. ten.. eleven... 126 00:17:19,025 --> 00:17:24,399 - .. but these socks are filthy... - thirteen.. fourteen. 127 00:17:25,197 --> 00:17:28,364 I've got a nice surprise for you tonight. 128 00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:32,947 I know your surprise. Quietly, so they don't hear us. 129 00:17:41,044 --> 00:17:44,994 Come here, my beauty. Tell me who you are. 130 00:17:45,589 --> 00:17:49,456 I'm all yours! But let's be quiet! 131 00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:52,721 - Tell me something... - No, they can hear! 132 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:57,087 - Pretend to talk about something else. - What shall I make you for lunch tomorrow? 133 00:17:57,683 --> 00:18:01,051 - Two aubergines! - Two bits of cod! 134 00:18:01,561 --> 00:18:04,811 - I won't digest that. - And if I cook you two chickpeas? 135 00:18:05,315 --> 00:18:08,564 No, they make me fart. 136 00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:12,982 - Peppers are less heavy... - Then, two broccolis my love... 137 00:18:13,571 --> 00:18:17,070 - Broccoli is better. - Cooked in the pan. 138 00:18:17,616 --> 00:18:20,024 Yes, with garlic. 139 00:18:20,411 --> 00:18:23,696 With garlic and chilli pepper. 140 00:18:24,205 --> 00:18:29,080 - And a touch of sage. - Sage... yes, sage... 141 00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:39,129 Did you say something, my love? 142 00:18:47,266 --> 00:18:51,429 It's never too late. 143 00:19:09,035 --> 00:19:13,032 - Don't disturb me for a few minutes. - Yes, sir. 144 00:19:25,215 --> 00:19:28,500 Are you there, my dove...? Good morning, my love, it's me. 145 00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:32,592 This joke is becoming vulgar and absurd! 146 00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:35,427 How beautiful you are when you're angry. 147 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:40,385 I could get angry for real and call the police! 148 00:19:41,062 --> 00:19:46,850 You won't do it. No woman is insensitive to a sincere love. 149 00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:52,270 I am a man in love who wants to crush you in his arms. 150 00:19:56,658 --> 00:20:01,119 He must be a madman! Or an old pervert! 151 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,757 Enrico... I can't sleep. 152 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:23,172 - Read something. - Enrico... 153 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,798 It's the latest edition, dear. 154 00:20:43,448 --> 00:20:47,361 - Where are you going? - I'm thirsty, I'll be back soon. 155 00:20:48,911 --> 00:20:53,073 Enrico... drink quickly 156 00:21:04,882 --> 00:21:06,709 Six, four... 157 00:21:14,849 --> 00:21:17,766 My love, I wanted only to wish you good night. 158 00:21:18,185 --> 00:21:21,933 Don't be irritated, don't say ugly things, my dove. 159 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:27,307 I'm so in love, I cannot sleep without saying I love you. 160 00:21:28,193 --> 00:21:30,731 I love you... I love you... 161 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:48,584 Hello, my dove, my little dove... 162 00:21:56,634 --> 00:21:59,919 Always open these windows, eh, Valeria? 163 00:22:18,194 --> 00:22:21,479 What does this madman want from me? 164 00:22:23,072 --> 00:22:25,444 What does he want? 165 00:22:26,326 --> 00:22:30,786 He keeps a photo of Golda Meir in his wallet. 166 00:22:32,414 --> 00:22:36,281 For him, women become desirable when they're 70. 167 00:22:38,294 --> 00:22:42,207 What do I know, Gerontophilia, Chronophilia, granny grabber. 168 00:22:49,178 --> 00:22:53,555 - Have you been waiting long, Carlo? - Yes, but I'm not Carlo! 169 00:23:18,453 --> 00:23:20,825 Let me in, my dove! 170 00:23:21,163 --> 00:23:25,410 - I'm a poor old woman! - You are glorious! 171 00:23:26,042 --> 00:23:29,707 Do not fear, I will not covet you, I'm taken with you, crazily! 172 00:23:30,254 --> 00:23:33,670 What do you want with me? I could be your grandmother! 173 00:23:34,175 --> 00:23:37,625 A kiss. I've been thinking about your burning lips for days. 174 00:23:38,178 --> 00:23:41,796 But we're not even related! 175 00:23:42,348 --> 00:23:46,725 Because I desire you! Don't hide, you must be mine, only mine! 176 00:23:47,352 --> 00:23:51,598 It'll be wonderful, you'll see! Don't look at me with those gazelle's eye! 177 00:23:52,232 --> 00:23:55,516 Poor dove my little dove! 178 00:23:56,026 --> 00:23:59,477 Look, I brought you some marron glace. 179 00:24:05,659 --> 00:24:11,530 - How did you know I like them? - I know everything about you, Esperia! 180 00:24:15,042 --> 00:24:20,914 I made this liquor myself. Grape, strawberry and cherry. 181 00:24:23,049 --> 00:24:26,583 It's non-alcoholic, my mother taught me. 182 00:24:28,345 --> 00:24:34,264 Promise you'll be good and not touch me, even with a finger? 183 00:24:35,101 --> 00:24:36,927 I promise. 184 00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,471 To our love. 185 00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:45,106 Oh, what devil's eyes you have! 186 00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:51,110 My little dove... 187 00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:07,834 My dove, tell me the truth... when was the last time? 188 00:25:08,462 --> 00:25:12,127 The only time! During the war. 189 00:25:12,757 --> 00:25:20,420 - 1940? - No, 1915. He was an Austrian Captain. 190 00:25:22,224 --> 00:25:25,141 - Did you love him? - Crazily! 191 00:25:25,769 --> 00:25:30,892 - He left me for the cannon shot! - It's terrible... 192 00:25:32,983 --> 00:25:37,644 - Do you still love him? - No, now I love you, Enrico. 193 00:25:40,155 --> 00:25:45,031 Oh, Enrico... Oh, Enrico... Oh, Enrico... 194 00:25:54,334 --> 00:25:57,500 Did you understand, Valeria? 195 00:26:01,548 --> 00:26:05,593 - Enrico! - Esperia! What are you doing here? 196 00:26:06,385 --> 00:26:11,047 - What are YOU doing here? - I came by to see you. 197 00:26:11,724 --> 00:26:15,591 I'm always out in the morning as you well know! 198 00:26:16,186 --> 00:26:20,681 - I was in the area, and I thought... - "I thought"! 199 00:26:21,357 --> 00:26:25,603 Tell the truth. You came because Valeria was alone. 200 00:26:26,235 --> 00:26:28,857 No, she's almost a baby. 201 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,324 Ok. But from tomorrow, Valeria does the shopping with me! 202 00:26:34,284 --> 00:26:37,036 - Corinne! - Esperia, how are you? 203 00:26:37,037 --> 00:26:39,788 - You look so well! - You too! 204 00:26:46,586 --> 00:26:50,962 My dear, one minute, I forgot my money. Wait for me. 205 00:27:24,451 --> 00:27:26,490 My little dove... 206 00:27:27,621 --> 00:27:29,697 Mother! 207 00:27:33,793 --> 00:27:36,995 The Honeymoon. 208 00:27:39,506 --> 00:27:41,333 Hold it! 209 00:27:41,799 --> 00:27:44,337 Another! Hold it! 210 00:27:45,636 --> 00:27:47,462 Another! 211 00:27:48,930 --> 00:27:51,599 Okay, that's it! 212 00:27:55,936 --> 00:27:59,186 - May I kiss the bride? - Thank you, Father! 213 00:27:59,772 --> 00:28:02,394 Long live the happy couple! 214 00:28:09,907 --> 00:28:12,147 This is my wife! 215 00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:17,153 - Grazia, where are you?... You gave me a shock. - Here I am! 216 00:28:27,254 --> 00:28:29,553 - We'll see you at the dinner. - Yes, mother 217 00:28:29,554 --> 00:28:31,085 Give us a push. It won't go 218 00:28:33,426 --> 00:28:37,043 - Go on! - Put it in third! - Go on, push! 219 00:28:57,238 --> 00:29:02,861 A toast to Grazia and Lello! 220 00:29:03,702 --> 00:29:08,943 The Happy Couple! Kiss! 221 00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,915 Giovanna, dance with me! 222 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:20,545 - Catch! Here! - Me too! 223 00:29:32,142 --> 00:29:35,804 Put this under your pillow and in a year you'll be married too. 224 00:29:36,167 --> 00:29:39,306 - To who? You caught the best one! - Thank you! 225 00:29:40,565 --> 00:29:43,769 Why don't you come with us on the honeymoon? 226 00:29:44,277 --> 00:29:48,060 Just married and you've already started. Pig! 227 00:29:48,614 --> 00:29:52,943 Just my homage to beauty! And you've so many beautiful parts! 228 00:29:53,577 --> 00:29:58,036 If they interest you so much, you could have thought first, you demon! 229 00:30:00,875 --> 00:30:04,326 Don't wear yourself out. You'll have no energy for tonight! 230 00:30:06,421 --> 00:30:10,714 Poor Grazia, with that husband, just think of the horns she'll be wearing 231 00:30:19,557 --> 00:30:23,803 The priest is dancing with that old woman! Dance, slut, on your way to hell! 232 00:30:24,811 --> 00:30:29,389 Grazia, the train's leaving in an hour. Go and change! 233 00:30:30,065 --> 00:30:35,023 Here's my beautiful bride! I'm going to undress the bride! 234 00:30:35,737 --> 00:30:39,272 - The bride will undress herself! - As if I hadn't said it, dear! 235 00:30:45,912 --> 00:30:49,661 - I like you more than your daughter... - Liar! 236 00:30:54,503 --> 00:30:59,248 Remember, the Hotel Adriatic. Your mother and I went there for our honeymoon. 237 00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:02,961 I get it. I understand. I'm not an imbecile! 238 00:31:04,303 --> 00:31:06,501 - Come on, Grazia! - I'm coming! 239 00:31:06,503 --> 00:31:08,280 Room 35, remember! 240 00:31:08,515 --> 00:31:11,516 It was room 28 not 35. 241 00:31:11,976 --> 00:31:14,597 Remember everything your mother taught you! 242 00:31:14,979 --> 00:31:19,225 - Man is a dirty beast! Even your father was a beast! 243 00:31:22,902 --> 00:31:26,899 - Don't harm my child, you filthy dirty black animal! 244 00:31:27,489 --> 00:31:31,071 - Don't worry, I'll go slowly! - Bye! - Write to us! 245 00:31:31,617 --> 00:31:34,487 - Room 35! - 28! 246 00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:38,412 You can't refuse me, I'm your husband! 247 00:31:38,915 --> 00:31:43,244 It makes the blood rush to my head. Not on the train, are you mad? 248 00:31:43,878 --> 00:31:46,582 Where does it say "No screwing"? 249 00:31:48,299 --> 00:31:50,124 Let's go here, it's empty. 250 00:31:59,224 --> 00:32:01,893 We got married a few hours ago. 251 00:32:20,158 --> 00:32:23,823 We should tell them the tunnel is finished. 252 00:32:31,918 --> 00:32:35,500 You're so handsome I'm never tired of looking at you! 253 00:32:36,047 --> 00:32:39,830 Why look at me? Look at Venice! 254 00:32:40,383 --> 00:32:43,587 I don't care about Venice, I'm looking at you! 255 00:32:44,095 --> 00:32:48,508 Look at me in that way, and you awake "the beast" 256 00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:53,518 - Don't be so unromantic. - Who cares! 257 00:32:57,314 --> 00:32:59,936 We'll be at the hotel soon! Stay calm! 258 00:33:14,579 --> 00:33:18,410 All good! Be patient, no? 259 00:33:20,710 --> 00:33:24,921 - Grazia, what are you doing? Come on! - I'm coming. 260 00:33:37,932 --> 00:33:40,601 - Do you like it! - You're a bomb! 261 00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:45,560 It took six months to embroider. Do you sleep without pyjamas? 262 00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:50,808 I sleep how I was born. Come near me! 263 00:33:51,486 --> 00:33:55,529 Will you think badly of me, if I tell you how much I've dreamed of this? 264 00:33:56,114 --> 00:34:00,822 Why? When you're in love, physical love is natural 265 00:34:01,494 --> 00:34:04,779 Tonight I feel so abandoned! 266 00:34:05,289 --> 00:34:08,953 I want you naked! Get rid of the nightdress! And the necklace! 267 00:34:09,501 --> 00:34:13,200 - I'm ashamed! - Ok, keep the necklace, but hurry! 268 00:34:14,504 --> 00:34:17,422 Put out the light, then. 269 00:34:22,428 --> 00:34:26,294 How beautiful you are! You're like Bottticini's Venus! 270 00:34:26,890 --> 00:34:31,053 Hurry, quickly, I can't hold it! 271 00:34:32,019 --> 00:34:34,226 Hurry, come here! 272 00:34:35,272 --> 00:34:39,269 Are you keeping your knickers on? Your mother didn't tell you to take them off? 273 00:34:39,859 --> 00:34:42,895 - I'll take them off! - Don't hurt me, Lello! 274 00:34:43,363 --> 00:34:47,062 Hurt you? I want to do it four times tonight! 275 00:34:49,284 --> 00:34:54,869 Say your prayers! I want to do it four, no five times tonight! 276 00:34:56,832 --> 00:34:59,120 Go on, Lello! Go on! 277 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:11,964 Lello? Lello? Lello? 278 00:35:13,888 --> 00:35:17,837 Lello, what is it? What's the matter? 279 00:35:24,897 --> 00:35:30,140 No... Grazia, tonight no... I don't feel too well. 280 00:35:33,571 --> 00:35:37,403 - But... just like that? - Yes, just like that. 281 00:35:39,326 --> 00:35:42,445 It'll be the crabs, you ate four of them! 282 00:35:42,912 --> 00:35:47,206 Yes, it'll be those four bloody crabs from this evening. 283 00:35:49,918 --> 00:35:54,626 What are you doing? Turn off the bloody light! 284 00:35:56,590 --> 00:36:03,423 - Do you want to sleep? - Yes... maybe I should have a nap. 285 00:36:05,514 --> 00:36:10,176 It's nothing, It'll pass, you'll see. Don't worry, Grazia. 286 00:36:59,602 --> 00:37:02,223 Today I feel really good! 287 00:37:02,646 --> 00:37:07,722 - You scared me yesterday. - Who knows what you must've thought. 288 00:37:08,484 --> 00:37:12,267 You must have thought: "what kind of man did I marry?" 289 00:37:12,821 --> 00:37:17,068 In fact it was nothing. A little sleep and it all passed. 290 00:37:17,700 --> 00:37:22,576 - Are you sure? - Feel this, woman of little faith! 291 00:37:23,664 --> 00:37:27,791 - Gondolier, to the Hotel Adriatic! - Ok. - Full speed! 292 00:37:29,669 --> 00:37:31,910 Quicker! Quicker! 293 00:37:37,342 --> 00:37:40,876 Bravo, Lello! Go, Lello! 294 00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:05,735 I'm afraid there's nothing to be done, I'm sorry. 295 00:38:06,491 --> 00:38:09,362 Me too. 296 00:38:20,169 --> 00:38:23,668 But what does it depend on? 297 00:38:24,381 --> 00:38:28,046 Ask him what it depends on! 298 00:38:31,220 --> 00:38:36,558 - Has it happened with other women? - No... well, yes, sort of... 299 00:38:38,018 --> 00:38:41,801 Sometimes, yes... Almost always. 300 00:38:44,898 --> 00:38:48,765 Hey, you must promise that no one will ever know this! 301 00:38:49,361 --> 00:38:52,729 You're worried about other people? What about me? 302 00:38:53,238 --> 00:38:57,816 Of course I'm thinking about you! Come on, this thing will pass, it'll pass! 303 00:38:59,369 --> 00:39:01,860 Let's hope... 304 00:39:03,415 --> 00:39:07,791 - You said almost always? - Yes - So then, sometimes... 305 00:39:08,669 --> 00:39:13,211 Once, in Rimini, with a German girl, ... we were in a boat. 306 00:39:14,548 --> 00:39:18,332 The sea was so wild, that we almost fell in the water. 307 00:39:18,886 --> 00:39:23,013 That time I even managed an encore, didn't I, my truncheon? 308 00:39:24,682 --> 00:39:28,216 Grazia, do you still love me? 309 00:39:32,147 --> 00:39:34,553 Of course I love you! 310 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,692 You're my husband, my man... 311 00:39:48,452 --> 00:39:52,913 Grazia... you said 'man' ironically. 312 00:39:54,999 --> 00:39:59,791 Gather round, ladies! Tomorrow you'll want me and I'll be gone. 313 00:40:00,462 --> 00:40:04,044 I'll sell you some empty trousers, you can fill them with your loveliness! 314 00:40:04,549 --> 00:40:07,715 And if your behind makes it a tight fit, the tighter the better! 315 00:40:08,177 --> 00:40:14,428 - Will this fit me? - With that beautiful behind, one size bigger. 316 00:40:15,433 --> 00:40:19,216 - How did the honeymoon go? - Not bad. We did our best. 317 00:40:19,770 --> 00:40:23,553 - And the bride? - She's recovering. Prices have been slashed! 318 00:40:24,149 --> 00:40:28,395 - Lello, you're crazy! - Thanks! Tomorrow, Lello will be gone! 319 00:40:32,531 --> 00:40:35,401 - Good day, would you like something? - An ice cream cake. 320 00:40:35,867 --> 00:40:38,702 - Big or small? - Small, it's just me and Lello. 321 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:43,117 - Soon you'll be adding to your family. - Of course, that's why I got married! 322 00:40:43,706 --> 00:40:48,000 - Hi, Giovanna. Hi, Marta. - Hi, Grazia. Take a seat. 323 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,706 Okay, while I wait for the cake. 324 00:40:53,048 --> 00:40:59,572 - You look well. Are you already pregnant? - Could be. In fact, I think I must be. 325 00:40:59,846 --> 00:41:04,091 - I'd be terrified, if I was pregnant. - Get married, then. 326 00:41:04,725 --> 00:41:09,220 - When are you and Vittorio deciding? - I don't know. He's not like Lello. 327 00:41:09,896 --> 00:41:13,146 Lello always treated me with respect. 328 00:41:13,607 --> 00:41:17,521 - Even before marriage? - Certainly. Afterwards... 329 00:41:19,237 --> 00:41:22,072 What's it like spending the night with a man? 330 00:41:22,489 --> 00:41:27,067 - Is it true you wake in the middle of night to... - Is it true? 331 00:41:28,078 --> 00:41:33,071 - Well, sometimes it happens. It's late, I should go. 332 00:41:34,666 --> 00:41:38,201 - My pleasure, Madam. - Thanks. Add it to our account. 333 00:41:54,851 --> 00:41:58,681 Lello! Lello! Lello! 334 00:41:59,437 --> 00:42:03,020 - What do you want? - You remember that German girl? 335 00:42:03,566 --> 00:42:06,235 The one you made love to in the boat, 336 00:42:06,652 --> 00:42:10,601 - I thought we weren't going to talk about it? - We've got to, it's important! 337 00:42:12,740 --> 00:42:17,650 - Ok, let's talk. - With who else did you make love? 338 00:42:18,370 --> 00:42:22,201 - Digging up the past, eh? - Tell me, it's important! 339 00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:26,573 - With my cousin's wife. - You dirty beast! Where did you do it? 340 00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:30,128 I don't remember... Ah, yes, in a truck. 341 00:42:30,588 --> 00:42:33,873 The husband was driving, while we were getting up to stuff in the back. 342 00:42:34,383 --> 00:42:36,956 Lello, I've got it! I understand! 343 00:42:37,344 --> 00:42:41,721 On our honeymoon, on the train and the boat, you were really excited. 344 00:42:42,348 --> 00:42:45,491 - But in bed, nothing. - So what? 345 00:42:45,492 --> 00:42:48,635 So what? Nothing happened in the bed! 346 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:53,892 The next day, you're turned on in the gondola, but back to the hotel, nothing again. 347 00:42:54,317 --> 00:42:58,396 You've only ever managed to make love on a boat and in a truck. 348 00:42:58,987 --> 00:43:03,613 - What does this make you think? - Twice in thirty years is too little! 349 00:43:04,283 --> 00:43:09,194 - No! You can make love only in moving vehicles! - What's that got to do with it? 350 00:43:09,913 --> 00:43:14,325 The train and the van were sexual stimulants! Aphrodisiacs! 351 00:43:14,959 --> 00:43:19,419 You mean we've got to make love in a car or a plane? 352 00:43:20,088 --> 00:43:24,417 You're crazy! You read too much science fiction! 353 00:43:25,051 --> 00:43:29,593 - Let me sleep! - What are you doing? 354 00:43:30,263 --> 00:43:33,632 In pyjamas? Shame on you, Grazia! 355 00:43:35,226 --> 00:43:40,184 - Let's make love in the lift! - What if the porter sees us? 356 00:43:41,189 --> 00:43:45,138 - You're not normal! - Kiss me! Kiss me! 357 00:43:47,028 --> 00:43:50,361 Hey maybe you're right? Push the button! 358 00:43:51,573 --> 00:43:56,034 It works! Push it again! Push it again! 359 00:43:56,911 --> 00:43:59,663 Wow! You were right! 360 00:44:00,414 --> 00:44:05,158 Push the button! It's working! 361 00:44:06,669 --> 00:44:10,583 The button! I've pressed it! Number seven! 362 00:44:19,763 --> 00:44:24,010 - What is it? - It must the boiler! - No, it's the lawyer's burglar alarm! 363 00:44:24,642 --> 00:44:27,643 Look! Someone's in the lift! 364 00:44:28,104 --> 00:44:31,554 They've killed someone! Wake up the general! 365 00:44:32,107 --> 00:44:33,933 Call the police! 366 00:44:36,445 --> 00:44:39,563 Come Back My Darling 367 00:44:51,457 --> 00:44:54,208 Hey, Blondie, you want me? 368 00:44:54,627 --> 00:44:58,705 No, that red girl, please ... with the red hair. 369 00:45:00,256 --> 00:45:02,083 Tamara! 370 00:45:07,762 --> 00:45:11,926 - 5 in the car, 10 at home. - Miss, would you come back with me? 371 00:45:12,558 --> 00:45:16,638 - Ok that's 10. - You'll get 20, if you do what I want. 372 00:45:35,036 --> 00:45:40,373 - Oh my God! Who's that? - No, nothing, it's my wife. 373 00:45:41,165 --> 00:45:45,376 - You want a threesome? - No, it's a life-size doll. 374 00:45:46,002 --> 00:45:48,672 I bought her when Rosetta left me. 375 00:45:49,088 --> 00:45:53,299 I gave her the same features And dressed her in her underwear... 376 00:45:53,926 --> 00:45:57,129 At nights I speak with her and I feel less lonely. 377 00:45:57,637 --> 00:46:00,307 I'll show you the rest of the apartment. 378 00:46:00,723 --> 00:46:02,681 Why did your wife leave you? 379 00:46:03,017 --> 00:46:07,180 She would never have left me. But he forced her. 380 00:46:07,812 --> 00:46:11,063 He kept saying: "It's me or him!". 381 00:46:11,566 --> 00:46:16,227 - She would have chosen me, but he threatened her... - Oh, I'm really sorry! 382 00:46:16,904 --> 00:46:19,395 That's life, Miss. 383 00:46:25,787 --> 00:46:29,865 - Is this right? You're not a sex maniac, are you? 384 00:46:30,499 --> 00:46:34,827 No! The psychiatrist said I'm absolutely normal. 385 00:46:35,462 --> 00:46:38,746 - I'm already prepared for my TV appearance. 386 00:46:39,256 --> 00:46:43,299 You need to take your hair up a bit. She how you're becoming her? 387 00:46:45,011 --> 00:46:47,798 Like a servant... more or less. 388 00:46:53,101 --> 00:46:56,683 - What are you doing? - Don't be afraid, Miss, it's ok. 389 00:47:00,231 --> 00:47:02,983 Ours was a marriage of love. 390 00:47:03,401 --> 00:47:07,268 I met her in Asti, on a skating rink. 391 00:47:07,863 --> 00:47:12,904 Roller-skating's my hobby. I can even do figures. 392 00:47:13,618 --> 00:47:16,535 I had got a good job with the council, as an archivist 393 00:47:16,955 --> 00:47:20,537 She was always on at me because I got paid so little. 394 00:47:21,083 --> 00:47:24,000 But I did it because I enjoyed it, understand? 395 00:47:24,419 --> 00:47:27,170 Is the hair right like this? 396 00:47:28,797 --> 00:47:32,166 Yes, it's good. Hers was really red, like yours. 397 00:47:36,304 --> 00:47:40,171 Only Rosetta was a little smaller, more fat... 398 00:47:42,184 --> 00:47:44,591 It's a shame you're not fat... 399 00:47:47,563 --> 00:47:49,390 Wait... 400 00:47:54,027 --> 00:47:56,862 Let me see... let me see... 401 00:48:00,241 --> 00:48:05,779 Excuse me.. Yes, yes, you're similar. 402 00:48:07,706 --> 00:48:13,576 - Perhaps Rosetta was more pretty... - Ok, what do I have to do? 403 00:48:14,795 --> 00:48:19,456 Ok, you arrive, ring the bell and read out what I've written on the sheet. 404 00:48:20,132 --> 00:48:24,295 Ah, the sheet! Where did I put it? Here it is. 405 00:48:26,137 --> 00:48:28,675 Her handbag. 406 00:48:34,103 --> 00:48:37,103 "Monte Carlo Carnival" Her favorite perfume. 407 00:48:37,564 --> 00:48:41,347 - What a stink... - It's good! - Giansiro. Rosetta loves you! 408 00:48:41,901 --> 00:48:45,732 - What's that? - An Indian blackbird. 409 00:48:47,948 --> 00:48:52,692 - What do you say to your Giansiro? - Rosetta loves you! 410 00:48:55,037 --> 00:48:57,706 I taught him that. 411 00:49:02,669 --> 00:49:07,245 - Rosetta loves you! - She'll come back, you'll see. 412 00:49:08,172 --> 00:49:12,633 And the three of us will be happy again, for ever. 413 00:49:13,302 --> 00:49:17,679 Did you hear? The doorbell. 414 00:49:18,348 --> 00:49:23,721 - Maybe it's her. You'll see. It's her! - Rosetta loves you. 415 00:49:24,478 --> 00:49:26,933 It's her. I can feel it's her! 416 00:49:29,024 --> 00:49:35,026 Our favorite record, Nilla Pizzi. 417 00:49:45,662 --> 00:49:48,533 - Who is it? - It's me, Rosetta! 418 00:49:50,667 --> 00:49:53,021 - Rosetta! - Giansiro... 419 00:49:53,022 --> 00:49:55,375 You've come back? 420 00:49:56,630 --> 00:50:00,212 - Have you come back for good? - Yes. Can you forgive me? 421 00:50:00,758 --> 00:50:04,459 - Oh, how I longed... Oh, how I longed for you... 422 00:50:05,012 --> 00:50:08,511 Oh, how I longed for you, for our house... 423 00:50:09,016 --> 00:50:12,763 .. our intimacy, our serene and modest life! 424 00:50:13,310 --> 00:50:15,636 I always waited for you... 425 00:50:16,022 --> 00:50:20,813 and I never forgot the cream cakes which you loved so much. 426 00:50:25,488 --> 00:50:29,188 - They're not too tart, right? - Actually, a little bit... 427 00:50:29,741 --> 00:50:33,785 No! You must say no! Rosetta always said they were tart! 428 00:50:34,371 --> 00:50:37,075 Sometimes she'd throw them in my face. 429 00:50:37,498 --> 00:50:42,657 - They're good, they taste oven fresh. - I'm pleased. 430 00:50:43,878 --> 00:50:47,211 Do you recognize your room? It's exactly how you left it. 431 00:50:47,714 --> 00:50:50,918 There is still the odor of your presence. 432 00:50:51,384 --> 00:50:55,881 - I'm so tired, I want to go to bed immediately - Of course, straight away. 433 00:50:56,556 --> 00:51:00,932 Can I come to bed with you, or do have to I sleep on the sofa? 434 00:51:01,601 --> 00:51:05,516 No my love, it's a big bed, big enough for two. 435 00:51:06,105 --> 00:51:12,225 Thank you. I'll be good, I won't even touch you with a finger. 436 00:51:13,111 --> 00:51:16,859 But I want to be touched and squeezed tightly! 437 00:51:17,406 --> 00:51:20,158 - That's why I came back! - Really? 438 00:51:20,576 --> 00:51:24,443 Of course! I love you so much. He doesn't matter any more! 439 00:51:25,038 --> 00:51:28,905 He's big and strong, but he doesn't have your delicate touch. 440 00:51:29,458 --> 00:51:33,290 - But he's younger! - You have the charm of a mature man. 441 00:51:33,879 --> 00:51:39,085 - Come, come... - Say I'm the only man for you. 442 00:51:40,175 --> 00:51:44,255 - Tell me you love me! - I love you, Giansiro! 443 00:52:02,861 --> 00:52:07,938 10... 20... And here's another 1000 lire. 444 00:52:08,699 --> 00:52:11,272 - Thank you. - It was wonderful, eh? 445 00:52:11,702 --> 00:52:15,485 - When I get paid, at the end of the month, we'll do it again. 446 00:52:16,039 --> 00:52:19,704 - Are you always there? - Every night. Bye. 447 00:52:27,090 --> 00:52:31,752 - Miss Tamara, can I ask you a favor? - Of course. 448 00:52:33,095 --> 00:52:37,139 Will you telephone me tomorrow, pretending to be Rosetta? 449 00:52:37,724 --> 00:52:39,598 What do I have to say? 450 00:52:40,977 --> 00:52:46,682 Just nice words, whatever you want. 45, 9, 2, 3. 451 00:53:31,310 --> 00:53:34,430 Italian Workers Abroad 452 00:53:59,502 --> 00:54:02,952 By darling Don't tire yourself out. 453 00:56:02,396 --> 00:56:06,096 Artificial INSEMINATION DONORS 454 01:01:12,657 --> 01:01:15,112 Sister, is this where they're looking for a donor? 455 01:01:22,540 --> 01:01:26,703 The Vendetta 456 01:02:08,037 --> 01:02:12,248 Eat some fried aubergine, I made it with my own hands. 457 01:02:19,088 --> 01:02:25,589 Poor Michele! They killed him! 458 01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:30,555 Everyone knows who killed him, but they won't say. 459 01:02:31,766 --> 01:02:35,679 How tragic. Dying and leaving behind such a beautiful wife. 460 01:02:36,269 --> 01:02:40,101 If you tread on Don Alvaro's feet, you don't die of old age. 461 01:02:40,815 --> 01:02:44,977 Here he is, Don Alvaro Macaluso. 462 01:02:50,823 --> 01:02:53,195 Madam Mimma, Don Alvaro is here. 463 01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:15,335 - At your service, Madam Mimma. - The house is open to friends and enemies. Come in. 464 01:03:16,261 --> 01:03:20,673 Don Alvaro honours the departed and helps those who are left. I enter as a friend. 465 01:03:21,348 --> 01:03:24,799 - Many thanks for the wreath. - It was my duty. 466 01:03:25,310 --> 01:03:28,809 - Would you like a sip of marsala? - A sip. 467 01:03:34,776 --> 01:03:37,777 - To the health of the deceased. - To his health! 468 01:03:41,783 --> 01:03:44,534 Are you not drinking, Madam Mimma? 469 01:03:46,745 --> 01:03:49,580 To the health of poor Michele. 470 01:03:56,295 --> 01:04:00,790 - How did this tragedy happen? - I saw nothing, I know nothing. 471 01:04:02,175 --> 01:04:05,460 Do not even you know anything, Don Alvaro? 472 01:04:05,970 --> 01:04:08,887 It was a great misfortune, I was told. 473 01:04:09,306 --> 01:04:11,878 In the car, on his way home... 474 01:04:12,266 --> 01:04:16,216 ...a projectile hit him, travelling in the opposite direction. 475 01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:20,262 I understand - a road accident. 476 01:04:24,693 --> 01:04:29,651 - May I pay my respects to the corpse? - The corpse would be honored. 477 01:04:32,242 --> 01:04:34,400 I kiss your hand, Don Alvaro. 478 01:04:34,744 --> 01:04:40,117 They killed him! Everyone knows who did it, but they won't say! 479 01:04:42,626 --> 01:04:45,116 I kiss your hand, Don Alvaro. 480 01:04:47,171 --> 01:04:49,376 Let's go. 481 01:04:56,512 --> 01:05:01,386 Beautiful, young, handsome, full of good health! 482 01:05:02,809 --> 01:05:05,381 He could have lived another 100 years! 483 01:05:11,358 --> 01:05:16,944 But what can we do? You must be brave! 484 01:05:17,779 --> 01:05:21,362 Unfortunately death is the most incurable illness! 485 01:05:21,909 --> 01:05:26,534 Let's sit down. Madam Mimma, now you're alone. 486 01:05:27,205 --> 01:05:31,118 If you need Don Alvaro's protection, you just need to speak. 487 01:05:31,708 --> 01:05:34,958 What can a poor woman do on her own? 488 01:05:35,419 --> 01:05:41,622 But it's me! Even as a child you made me crazy with desire! 489 01:05:43,343 --> 01:05:47,590 You know how devoted I am to you! Anything...! 490 01:05:48,222 --> 01:05:51,721 - I beg you, not in front of him! - The dead are not jealous! 491 01:05:52,267 --> 01:05:56,346 - But there's also the living! - They don't have ears, when I speak! 492 01:05:56,938 --> 01:06:01,018 If you like, you could be Don Alvaro's woman... 493 01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:05,273 ...you'd be the First Lady of Pollesano! 494 01:06:07,822 --> 01:06:11,606 It's too soon to speak of these things. 495 01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:16,661 I bow to your mourning. 496 01:06:17,330 --> 01:06:22,999 - How long must I wait? - At least until tomorrow. 497 01:06:23,835 --> 01:06:28,129 - Early afternoon? - Even late morning, Don Alvaro. 498 01:06:33,843 --> 01:06:36,169 Time enough to forget. 499 01:07:01,284 --> 01:07:04,699 This here is Rosalia, The queen of the house! 500 01:07:05,203 --> 01:07:08,323 What a beautiful bride! You chose well. 501 01:07:16,254 --> 01:07:20,121 - What a strong man you are! - This is nothing! 502 01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:28,086 Thanks, Mimmuzza! 503 01:07:30,433 --> 01:07:35,343 - What a beautiful little house. - It's all yours now. 504 01:07:36,438 --> 01:07:38,395 Christ, I'm finished. 505 01:07:45,529 --> 01:07:48,565 He hasn't been out for two days, he's ravenous for women. 506 01:07:49,032 --> 01:07:51,986 Today, Rosalia brought their meals to them in bed. 507 01:07:52,410 --> 01:07:54,901 Last time he stayed in there for two weeks. 508 01:07:55,287 --> 01:07:57,861 Five years ago he was younger. 509 01:07:59,249 --> 01:08:02,119 Let's go and take a look. 510 01:08:07,964 --> 01:08:10,122 Let me see. 511 01:08:21,685 --> 01:08:23,511 My turn. 512 01:08:54,254 --> 01:08:56,080 Dance, Mimmuzza! 513 01:09:04,846 --> 01:09:06,673 Dance! 514 01:09:54,554 --> 01:10:01,055 Beautiful... Mimma... yes... yes... 515 01:10:06,481 --> 01:10:10,999 If it's true that a man can die in a thousand ways... 516 01:10:11,068 --> 01:10:15,103 .. then Don Alvaro has chosen the best way! 517 01:10:15,239 --> 01:10:19,236 What death could be better for a man of honor like Don Alvaro... 518 01:10:19,826 --> 01:10:23,490 .. than that found in the fiery passion of a young woman? 519 01:10:24,037 --> 01:10:27,786 .. his last breath was not a sorrowful lament... 520 01:10:28,333 --> 01:10:30,408 .. but a sigh of wild passionate love! 521 01:10:30,752 --> 01:10:33,289 If he could attend his own funeral... 522 01:10:33,671 --> 01:10:37,454 .. Don Alvaro would not produce tears but copious wine. 523 01:10:38,049 --> 01:10:41,999 Do not sob at his coffin, but applaud! 524 01:10:42,594 --> 01:10:44,800 "I lived well, and died better. " 525 01:10:45,138 --> 01:10:48,637 This is what Don Alvaro Macaluso would say, man of honor! 526 01:11:23,296 --> 01:11:28,004 Did you think I betrayed you? No, I vindicated you. 527 01:11:28,717 --> 01:11:32,761 I used all the erotic arts. Carmela the whore taught me. 528 01:11:33,346 --> 01:11:38,007 You knew her, right? She taught me all the sexual techniques. 529 01:11:38,683 --> 01:11:42,098 I destroyed him using every part of my body. 530 01:11:42,604 --> 01:11:45,224 I even abused the laws of nature. 531 01:11:46,315 --> 01:11:49,979 But, revenge has been done. Execution by sex. 532 01:11:50,527 --> 01:11:53,942 What? You want to know if I enjoyed myself? 533 01:11:54,447 --> 01:11:57,483 Only once, involuntarily for a split second. 534 01:11:57,949 --> 01:12:03,654 But it was tiny, I swear! A tiny orgasm. Forgive me. 535 01:12:05,289 --> 01:12:09,950 You're angry? Don't look at me like that, Micheluzzo! 536 01:12:11,086 --> 01:12:14,953 Can I go, then? Bye, Micheluzzo, I'll see you. 537 01:12:34,981 --> 01:12:39,144 A Difficult Love 538 01:12:49,076 --> 01:12:52,326 - Is it much further? - We've arrived. 539 01:12:58,584 --> 01:13:00,660 This is number 3. 540 01:13:22,688 --> 01:13:25,890 - Are you Antonietta? - Yes, but who are you? 541 01:13:26,358 --> 01:13:30,105 - The brother. - Of who? - Of Cosimo, your husband. 542 01:13:30,653 --> 01:13:33,060 Fuck off! You and your brother! 543 01:13:38,326 --> 01:13:41,659 We're related. Do you know Cosimo? 544 01:13:42,163 --> 01:13:46,029 He was around a year ago, then he went away and left his wife. 545 01:13:46,582 --> 01:13:50,710 - Where? - Who knows? With another woman. Men are men. 546 01:13:51,336 --> 01:13:54,006 - But... - Stop crying, move. 547 01:13:58,426 --> 01:14:01,545 If I get a job, I'll spend my first wage on a woman. 548 01:14:02,013 --> 01:14:05,132 Look at him! 549 01:14:05,765 --> 01:14:10,142 Respect where it's due, bottoms in the city are more rotund. 550 01:14:10,937 --> 01:14:14,980 Hey handsome, you want me too? 551 01:14:18,944 --> 01:14:22,561 Run, girls! Run! 552 01:14:23,114 --> 01:14:27,277 Scarper, girls! 553 01:14:28,451 --> 01:14:31,487 Good evening, commissioner got a light? 554 01:14:32,955 --> 01:14:35,660 - Come here! - Piss off! 555 01:14:36,082 --> 01:14:40,708 You beast, I'm a woman who works to put food on the table! 556 01:15:01,646 --> 01:15:04,018 Two cocktails, please. 557 01:15:38,427 --> 01:15:43,135 - Miss, may I offer you something? - A beer. 558 01:15:44,265 --> 01:15:47,431 - Another beer. - Thanks. 559 01:15:49,019 --> 01:15:53,596 Thank you for accepting so gracefully. 560 01:15:56,734 --> 01:16:01,360 - May we chat for a bit? - Sure, sit down, if you want. 561 01:16:10,579 --> 01:16:13,200 Do you come here to dance often? 562 01:16:13,623 --> 01:16:17,039 No, just once in a while. 563 01:16:17,543 --> 01:16:20,460 I arrived in Milan today. 564 01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:26,590 I like this metropolis a lot It's so full... of people. 565 01:16:28,802 --> 01:16:31,672 Excuse me dear, but are you a Milanese? 566 01:16:32,097 --> 01:16:36,923 What? Am I Milanese? Not originally. 567 01:16:37,643 --> 01:16:42,019 My name is Nino. What is yours? If I'm not being indiscreet. 568 01:16:42,648 --> 01:16:48,233 - Gilda. - Excuse me, but are you sexually occupied? 569 01:16:49,028 --> 01:16:53,938 - What are you saying? - I mean, does Madam have a fiancée? 570 01:16:57,660 --> 01:16:59,486 No. 571 01:17:00,621 --> 01:17:06,326 So then, we could see one another, and since I'm looking for a job... 572 01:17:07,168 --> 01:17:11,545 - What type of job are you looking for? - May we use the 'you' form? 573 01:17:12,798 --> 01:17:15,467 But of course... It's warm! of course... 574 01:17:16,968 --> 01:17:19,339 I'm looking for any kind of job. 575 01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:23,764 I could be a garbage collector. They say it pays well. 576 01:17:24,349 --> 01:17:27,515 That way, I could invite you to the cinema or offer you a pizza. 577 01:17:28,019 --> 01:17:31,767 - Is pizza good enough for you? - Yes, as long as it's well cooked. 578 01:17:32,314 --> 01:17:36,181 - Shall we dance? - Can't you see I've got company? 579 01:17:39,445 --> 01:17:43,146 Come and dance, otherwise we might get knifed. 580 01:17:47,160 --> 01:17:50,161 It's a Beguine, Can you manage it? 581 01:18:00,171 --> 01:18:04,168 You dance well! Where did you learn? Back home? 582 01:18:25,233 --> 01:18:29,278 Nino, excuse me, it was nice to meet you. 583 01:18:29,863 --> 01:18:34,405 We've had a drink, we've talked and even danced. But now it's goodbye. 584 01:18:35,075 --> 01:18:37,745 - What is the hurry? - I've got to go. 585 01:18:38,119 --> 01:18:40,789 - When shall we meet again? - I don't know... 586 01:18:41,205 --> 01:18:45,452 So then, must I consider this encounter to be "illusory"? 587 01:19:00,430 --> 01:19:02,956 - How much for 2 beers? - 600. 588 01:19:02,957 --> 01:19:04,641 I never even took a sip... 589 01:19:10,856 --> 01:19:13,181 Five, six... 590 01:19:14,525 --> 01:19:16,351 Farewell! 591 01:19:18,321 --> 01:19:20,893 Gilda! Gilda! 592 01:19:23,616 --> 01:19:25,442 Gilda! 593 01:19:54,809 --> 01:19:58,260 Leaving on your own, you might bump into trouble. 594 01:19:58,770 --> 01:20:01,558 If I find her, I'll tell her I have serious intentions. 595 01:20:01,982 --> 01:20:05,765 I'll tell her "Gilda, with this kiss I say many things". 596 01:20:06,319 --> 01:20:09,236 I will find a job and marry you. 597 01:20:15,577 --> 01:20:18,364 She's waiting for me! 598 01:20:18,787 --> 01:20:22,121 You took ages! Where've you been? 599 01:20:25,334 --> 01:20:30,329 She said she didn't have a boyfriend. It must be her brother. 600 01:20:34,092 --> 01:20:37,923 What brother! She's a whore. 601 01:20:38,513 --> 01:20:40,588 Anyway, if she's a prostitute, she'll come back. 602 01:20:40,932 --> 01:20:45,640 If she doesn't return, she's not a prostitute, and I'll not see her again. Wise words! 603 01:20:49,563 --> 01:20:52,101 How many whores there are in Milan! 604 01:21:14,250 --> 01:21:18,035 - If you don't find me here, I'll be at the bar. - She's come back! 605 01:21:18,317 --> 01:21:20,406 So, she really is a whore! 606 01:21:20,407 --> 01:21:23,542 - Bye, Pio. - Bye, Gilda. 607 01:21:32,683 --> 01:21:35,256 What are you doing on the ground? 608 01:21:43,651 --> 01:21:49,155 Gilda, we've nothing more to say. We began and now we're we finished. 609 01:21:58,538 --> 01:22:02,120 Ready... 610 01:22:10,381 --> 01:22:12,208 It was wonderful. 611 01:22:13,885 --> 01:22:17,253 Thanks dear. Bye. Come back! 612 01:22:18,513 --> 01:22:20,339 Come back... 613 01:22:21,599 --> 01:22:26,759 "I don't know you I don't know who you are... " 614 01:22:28,230 --> 01:22:31,479 "... I've got my dreams... " 615 01:22:32,984 --> 01:22:34,810 You've come back? 616 01:22:38,071 --> 01:22:41,025 - I've forgiven you. - You forgive me? 617 01:22:41,491 --> 01:22:45,155 Good mannered people say hello. Forgive what? 618 01:22:45,703 --> 01:22:48,240 You deceived me. 619 01:22:48,622 --> 01:22:54,741 You came to give me a sermon? Come on, accompany me home. 620 01:22:56,712 --> 01:23:01,421 It's dead out here tonight... Look, only 20,000 lira... 621 01:23:02,175 --> 01:23:05,757 - You make more than a surveyor! - I'm sure you're right. 622 01:23:06,304 --> 01:23:10,087 - But, you live a vice-ridden life. - Vice? - Being a whore. 623 01:23:10,682 --> 01:23:15,142 It's as clean as any other job, and better than politics. Let's go. 624 01:23:15,979 --> 01:23:20,438 Come on, look sharp! Happy! I don't want to look at you all downcast. 625 01:23:21,316 --> 01:23:26,143 - "I don't know you... " - Hi Gilda, have you hooked up with Onassis? 626 01:23:28,656 --> 01:23:34,658 Tell the truth, did you kiss me for feelings or for lust? 627 01:23:35,494 --> 01:23:41,532 I don't know, I did it because... it was spontaneous. 628 01:23:44,127 --> 01:23:48,953 So then... you'd like me to be your young man? 629 01:23:49,673 --> 01:23:55,960 I don't know... I like you because you seem like a good boy. 630 01:23:57,930 --> 01:24:00,172 You fascinate me too. 631 01:24:00,516 --> 01:24:04,595 - I've only seen girls like you in films. - Oh please! 632 01:24:05,186 --> 01:24:09,183 - I'm serious! Even on television. - You're silly... 633 01:24:09,773 --> 01:24:15,775 - You look like Mina. - Everyone tells me that. I love her! 634 01:24:16,654 --> 01:24:21,196 - Sing me something... Gilda, please. - I'm ashamed! 635 01:24:21,908 --> 01:24:25,858 - What do you want me to sing? - The song that you were singing earlier. 636 01:24:26,454 --> 01:24:31,828 - "I don't know you, who you are... " - How tuneful! 637 01:24:32,834 --> 01:24:37,994 - What eyes you have! - You're really nice. - Thank you! 638 01:24:48,472 --> 01:24:53,050 If you give up your job, we could become an item. 639 01:24:53,727 --> 01:24:59,017 You could be my girlfriend, then my fiancée, and then mother of our children. 640 01:24:59,774 --> 01:25:03,818 You left out being a grandmother! Are you crazy! 641 01:25:04,403 --> 01:25:08,530 I'm already married, see the ring? I've also got a baby, Luigino. 642 01:25:09,115 --> 01:25:12,982 But... we're separated now. 643 01:25:13,536 --> 01:25:19,822 As well as a whore, you've entered wedlock! One illusion after another! 644 01:25:20,750 --> 01:25:24,415 Whore your sister! What planet are you from? 645 01:25:24,962 --> 01:25:29,041 - I'm made like this, what's so strange? - Don't get angry! 646 01:25:29,632 --> 01:25:33,795 If you want, come upstairs, if not kiss goodbye... 647 01:25:35,137 --> 01:25:37,129 ...and don't look back. 648 01:25:37,472 --> 01:25:42,050 - So, what do I do? - I don't know. - I forgive you once more. 649 01:25:43,977 --> 01:25:48,555 - But don't get angry. I forgive you. - Come on then, upstairs! 650 01:25:49,482 --> 01:25:51,309 I forgive you! 651 01:25:56,363 --> 01:25:59,696 - But don't get angry! - Watch out for the Hortensias! 652 01:26:12,418 --> 01:26:14,826 I'm coming! 653 01:26:21,593 --> 01:26:28,638 Mary, mother of God! It's like being on television! 654 01:26:33,603 --> 01:26:40,731 Do you like it, dear? It was furnished by a client, Baraldi, the architect. 655 01:26:48,324 --> 01:26:51,110 There's even a rug! 656 01:26:53,536 --> 01:26:58,992 That's Spitz. He won seven gold medals in Monaco. He looks like you. 657 01:27:01,085 --> 01:27:07,252 Do you want to sleep in the bed with me or on the sofa... 658 01:27:08,632 --> 01:27:13,174 - I've never gone to bed with a woman. Never? 659 01:27:13,845 --> 01:27:17,048 I've made love over the years, but always standing up. 660 01:27:17,514 --> 01:27:21,097 If it won't bother you, I'd prefer to cuddle up to you. 661 01:27:21,602 --> 01:27:24,804 No, it won't disturb me... 662 01:27:25,647 --> 01:27:29,858 Despite my job, at nights... I'm always alone. 663 01:27:31,777 --> 01:27:35,228 It's always beautiful to feel the breath of a nearby companion,... 664 01:27:35,780 --> 01:27:39,362 ...someone who... squeezes your hand... 665 01:27:40,450 --> 01:27:43,202 I shall withdraw for a moment. 666 01:27:46,748 --> 01:27:51,076 Make yourself at home, maybe even give yourself a little wash. 667 01:27:53,336 --> 01:27:56,041 "Love... " 668 01:28:00,300 --> 01:28:08,473 "I want it to be love, love, the real kind... " 669 01:28:12,603 --> 01:28:17,976 "I want it to be... " 670 01:28:18,942 --> 01:28:23,732 She is a fascinating woman, with such an amazing apartment... 671 01:28:24,571 --> 01:28:27,691 What a shame she has a thing for that bisexual... 672 01:28:28,157 --> 01:28:32,154 I'll tell her loud and clear: I'm the man here! 673 01:28:35,330 --> 01:28:38,450 From tomorrow you must suspend your illicit profession... 674 01:28:38,916 --> 01:28:42,036 ...otherwise I won't squeeze your hand tonight. 675 01:28:43,128 --> 01:28:45,880 She's getting ready for bedtime... 676 01:28:57,349 --> 01:29:00,468 A bearded lady is always a pleasure. 677 01:29:12,778 --> 01:29:15,269 She pees like a man... 678 01:29:22,411 --> 01:29:25,365 Mary, mother of God, she's a man! 679 01:29:27,290 --> 01:29:31,453 Oh my God, that's disgusting! I'm getting out of here! 680 01:29:32,044 --> 01:29:34,037 Going to bed with a man? 681 01:29:34,380 --> 01:29:37,665 Standing up or with a sheep is fine, but it has to be female! 682 01:29:38,174 --> 01:29:42,385 - Nino, where are you going? - It's the end of the affair. I'm off. 683 01:29:43,596 --> 01:29:47,806 - But, why? - I discovered your secret identity, Gilda! 684 01:29:48,975 --> 01:29:53,436 - You're a man! - Man or woman... is it important, really? 685 01:29:54,105 --> 01:29:57,390 Yes, it's important! Prostitute and married is fine! 686 01:29:57,900 --> 01:30:00,141 As long as you're of the feminine species! 687 01:30:00,485 --> 01:30:03,984 - You're still worried about little details? - They're not details! 688 01:30:04,531 --> 01:30:08,859 I'm telling you this, from man to man, God forgives, I don't. 689 01:30:15,373 --> 01:30:19,370 Bourgeois! Conformist! 690 01:30:25,048 --> 01:30:28,297 - Fascist! - Homo! 691 01:30:37,058 --> 01:30:41,185 The truth is, I had already developed feelings for her! 692 01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:45,814 I was already thinking of our future. 693 01:30:46,399 --> 01:30:48,604 Then I discovered the betrayal. 694 01:30:48,943 --> 01:30:52,940 I read that in Sweden two men got married. 695 01:30:53,529 --> 01:30:57,859 A couple must be formed of a male and a female. 696 01:30:58,492 --> 01:31:02,987 If it's between two males, it's not a couple, just filth. 697 01:31:03,664 --> 01:31:07,826 She was so beautiful, you know! With just one tiny defect! 698 01:31:08,459 --> 01:31:12,242 And, speaking frankly is wasn't that small, either. 699 01:31:16,507 --> 01:31:19,757 Thanks, dear! Don't cheat on me or I'll hit you! 700 01:31:21,303 --> 01:31:23,378 I'll keep him sweet, 30,000! 701 01:31:23,721 --> 01:31:27,968 - At home or in the car? - Car. - Shit! - You bitch! show! 702 01:31:28,893 --> 01:31:32,640 - What a lovely blush, where'd you get it? - Montenapoleone. 703 01:31:33,188 --> 01:31:36,771 " I don't know you... " 704 01:31:47,534 --> 01:31:49,360 Nino? 705 01:31:53,914 --> 01:31:55,953 Gilda... 706 01:31:59,418 --> 01:32:03,581 Gilda, I... cannot remain apart from you. 707 01:32:05,965 --> 01:32:08,123 Nor I from you! 708 01:32:09,302 --> 01:32:11,756 - Gilda... - Nino... 709 01:32:12,137 --> 01:32:16,217 Can a man choose a male for his legitimate companion? 710 01:32:16,808 --> 01:32:21,303 Certainly he can. He only has to want to. 711 01:32:24,314 --> 01:32:28,264 - Gilda! I want to. - Really? 712 01:32:29,694 --> 01:32:34,355 Nino... Nino... 713 01:32:35,032 --> 01:32:38,981 I'm coming! What manners! I was talking with my fiancée. 714 01:32:39,578 --> 01:32:43,241 - Not tonight, mister. I'm indisposed. 715 01:33:01,137 --> 01:33:05,514 I made it weak, or you won't sleep. You're always hungry. 716 01:33:06,183 --> 01:33:10,512 - What a mess! How many sugars? - Three. 717 01:33:11,145 --> 01:33:15,308 - Do you like it bitter? None for me, I've got 3 kilos to lose. 718 01:33:16,275 --> 01:33:18,943 Can you unlace me? 719 01:33:19,945 --> 01:33:24,156 - What a beautiful outfit. - We'll have a small liqueur and then off to bed. 720 01:33:27,659 --> 01:33:31,110 - Did you eat well? - Well enough. Is he a relative? 721 01:33:31,621 --> 01:33:35,570 No, it's Marlon! I go crazy for Brando. 722 01:33:39,253 --> 01:33:42,337 - Allow me. - Sweetie... 723 01:33:43,047 --> 01:33:46,747 You bet I'm against it! Why do I have to join the Union? 724 01:33:47,300 --> 01:33:52,377 - To defend your interests! - Defend you're own, you homo! 725 01:33:53,139 --> 01:33:56,589 We don't go in for wanking off people in the cinema! 726 01:33:57,142 --> 01:34:01,436 - We're not pedophiles or homosexuals, we're women! 727 01:34:02,063 --> 01:34:05,562 - We're ladies! - Then why are you called Giuseppe? 728 01:34:06,066 --> 01:34:10,111 - Oh, fuck off! - We've got nothing to do with your 'problem'! 729 01:34:10,696 --> 01:34:13,945 We could be part of the women's liberation front! 730 01:34:14,448 --> 01:34:18,577 - We're not ashamed. Who are you? - Valeria. - Monica. 731 01:34:19,203 --> 01:34:22,820 I'm Gilda. Today, like any other I'm Miss Gilda! 732 01:34:23,373 --> 01:34:27,535 - Your wife's looking for you. - Oh Christ, there she is. 733 01:34:32,839 --> 01:34:36,338 You know I don't like it when you come to my work place. What is it? 734 01:34:36,884 --> 01:34:40,797 - Luigino is ill. He's got a fever. - It's not serious? 735 01:34:41,388 --> 01:34:45,219 - I've got to buy medicine. - OK, I understand. 736 01:34:45,766 --> 01:34:49,265 I don't fall behind, you know? 737 01:34:50,229 --> 01:34:54,475 - You could get your hair done, though. - With all I have to do?. 738 01:34:55,108 --> 01:34:59,057 You always were... Later! You always were so dowdy! 739 01:34:59,653 --> 01:35:05,026 .. oh it's only Borghetti... I'll bring you one of my left-over dresses. 740 01:35:06,492 --> 01:35:11,070 Something simple, maybe. Take it, go on. Bye. 741 01:35:13,999 --> 01:35:18,577 - Bye. Say hello to Luigino. - Thanks. 742 01:35:20,504 --> 01:35:22,330 Walk upright! 743 01:35:27,719 --> 01:35:32,427 - I brought you a cappuccino. - Thanks. You're always so kind. 744 01:35:33,140 --> 01:35:37,599 - Isn't that Antonietta? - Why do you know her? 745 01:35:38,228 --> 01:35:42,176 - Sort of. Do you know her? - She's my wife. 746 01:35:42,773 --> 01:35:46,686 One of my brothers is married to her also. 747 01:35:52,073 --> 01:35:56,449 Gilda... you're name isn't Cosimo, by any chance? 748 01:35:57,118 --> 01:36:00,901 Yes, Cosimo Berraldi from Carbonara... 749 01:36:01,455 --> 01:36:05,832 - But then, you... - You're Saturnino?! 750 01:36:06,502 --> 01:36:09,870 - Saturnino, that's me! - You're my brother! 751 01:36:28,478 --> 01:36:32,641 - What kind of shit pile am I caught up in? - Mary, mother of God! 752 01:36:33,441 --> 01:36:38,434 - Saturnino, but... - Why didn't you identify me on the first day? 753 01:36:39,196 --> 01:36:42,113 And why didn't you recognize me, maybe? 754 01:36:42,532 --> 01:36:45,734 When I left home, you were 10! 755 01:36:46,243 --> 01:36:50,287 And now... you've changed a lot! 756 01:36:50,872 --> 01:36:55,201 And you haven't? You're more changed than me! 757 01:36:55,834 --> 01:36:58,871 - Queer! - Oh yes? And you? 758 01:37:06,760 --> 01:37:10,971 - .. what a shame... - What shame? 759 01:37:12,389 --> 01:37:19,186 I thought... instead of being a man, you were a woman... 760 01:37:20,897 --> 01:37:23,897 .. instead of being a whore, you were respectably employed... 761 01:37:24,359 --> 01:37:26,932 .. instead of being married you were unattached,... 762 01:37:27,319 --> 01:37:30,902 - And if instead of being my brother, you were a female cousin... 763 01:37:31,406 --> 01:37:35,533 We could have celebrated our ecstasy and been happy. 764 01:37:38,162 --> 01:37:42,870 Nino... it was destiny brought us together... 765 01:37:46,335 --> 01:37:49,004 .. and destiny that separates us. 766 01:37:50,965 --> 01:37:53,289 That's life. 61261

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