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1
00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:19,801
(WOLF HOWLS IN DISTANCE)
2
00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:24,801
MAN: Good evening,
John Dearheart.
3
00:00:24,961 --> 00:00:27,881
Oh, arggh!
4
00:00:28,881 --> 00:00:30,361
VON LIPWIG: There's always an angle.
5
00:00:30,521 --> 00:00:34,161
There's always a price.
There's always a way.
6
00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:38,081
Rob, trick, forge, embezzle.
7
00:00:38,241 --> 00:00:41,201
I can't deny I did
every con in the book.
8
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:44,521
(SNARLS AND ROARS)
9
00:00:45,521 --> 00:00:46,441
Ohh!
10
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:48,321
VETINARI: I'm offering you
a new life.
11
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:52,241
The job in question is to re-open
the Ankh-Morpork Post Office.
12
00:00:52,401 --> 00:00:54,001
REACHER GILT:
Looks like some other fool
13
00:00:54,161 --> 00:00:58,161
has been suckered
into running the post office.
14
00:00:58,321 --> 00:01:01,641
But why me? I'm just a con man.
15
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:04,521
Because wheels are
in motion, Mr Lipwig,
16
00:01:04,681 --> 00:01:06,841
wheels within wheels.
17
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:09,761
This is Mr Lipwig,
the new postmaster.
18
00:01:10,761 --> 00:01:13,681
Moist Von Lipwig.
That's quite a name.
19
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,281
They say the post office
has a curse on it.
20
00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:21,681
The last four postmasters have died
in dreadful circumstances.
21
00:01:21,841 --> 00:01:23,641
GROAT: Postmaster Mutable
was the first.
22
00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:26,401
He fell into the sorting hall
from the fifth floor,
23
00:01:26,561 --> 00:01:29,681
smack, sir, smack onto
the marble headfirst.
24
00:01:29,841 --> 00:01:31,521
Oh, it was like a melon hitting.
(IMITATES SQUELCHING)
25
00:01:31,681 --> 00:01:33,001
I get the picture.
26
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,521
Ohh!
27
00:01:34,681 --> 00:01:37,401
(GASPS AND SCREAMS)
28
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:39,961
Ohh!
29
00:01:40,961 --> 00:01:44,121
(YELLS)
30
00:01:45,921 --> 00:01:50,161
The post office
is back in business!
31
00:01:50,321 --> 00:01:53,281
(PEOPLE YELL AND CLAMOUR)
32
00:01:53,441 --> 00:01:56,001
I don't suppose you'd like
to have dinner tonight?
33
00:01:56,161 --> 00:01:57,841
With you?
34
00:01:58,001 --> 00:01:59,121
NO.
35
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:02,521
This postmaster is a nuisance.
36
00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:04,361
Ha-ha!
37
00:02:04,521 --> 00:02:07,681
This is where my brother John died
three years ago.
38
00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:10,641
He was a clacksman until
someone pushed him from up there.
39
00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:12,681
Deal with him for me.
40
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,721
My pleasure.
41
00:02:17,481 --> 00:02:19,081
You ruined my family.
42
00:02:19,241 --> 00:02:21,401
Adora, I'm sorry.
You're a liar and a cheat.
43
00:02:21,561 --> 00:02:24,721
There are no lies left!
MAN: The post office is burning!
44
00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:30,441
You've got to save Stanley.
(WHEEZES)
45
00:02:32,281 --> 00:02:34,961
I am the curse!
Arggh!
46
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:38,641
This is a post office closure!
47
00:02:38,801 --> 00:02:41,161
(ROARS)
(SCREAMS)
48
00:02:41,321 --> 00:02:44,041
(PEOPLE GASP AND YELL)
49
00:02:54,881 --> 00:02:57,321
You know what they say -
50
00:02:57,481 --> 00:03:02,601
“Hear the cry
of the banshee and die.”
51
00:03:02,761 --> 00:03:05,161
Actually...
52
00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:09,761
...it's “Banshee cries,
somebody dies.”
53
00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:11,521
Today, it's you!
54
00:03:16,601 --> 00:03:19,601
(GURGLES)
55
00:03:23,521 --> 00:03:26,361
Missed both my hearts.
56
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:30,681
(SQUELCH!)
57
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:34,721
I do love postmasters.
(WOOD CLUNKS)
58
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,401
Killing them is so lucrative.
59
00:03:38,561 --> 00:03:40,841
(SIZZLING)
Arggh!
60
00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:42,321
Who's paying you?
61
00:03:42,481 --> 00:03:46,881
Not everyone can afford
assassin of calibre.
62
00:03:47,041 --> 00:03:51,681
I deal with all
Reacher's loose ends.
63
00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:54,361
Gilt!
64
00:03:54,521 --> 00:03:58,441
The Dearheart boy
screamed like a pig -
65
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:01,761
screamed like a pig! -
66
00:04:01,921 --> 00:04:04,761
till he struck the ground.
67
00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:12,881
Time to shut up shop, Postmaster.
68
00:04:13,881 --> 00:04:18,761
This is not Reacher Gilt's
post office to close.
69
00:04:18,921 --> 00:04:20,681
It belongs to the city.
70
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:23,761
How dare he come in here
and destroy it!
71
00:04:23,921 --> 00:04:27,561
(EERIE MUTTERING
AND WHISPERING)
72
00:04:27,721 --> 00:04:33,601
Oh, please!
Can't I even die in peace?
73
00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:39,001
I mean, I'm no angel, but him?
He's a devil!
74
00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:40,961
(MUTTERING CONTINUES)
75
00:04:44,841 --> 00:04:45,841
(SNARLS)
76
00:04:47,401 --> 00:04:49,961
Oh, arggh!
77
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:55,121
(MOANS AND SCREAMS)
78
00:05:11,321 --> 00:05:15,241
(READS) “Upon discovery of fire,
remain calm.”
79
00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:19,801
(COUGHS)
80
00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:29,441
“Shout 'Fire!' in a loud, clear voice."
81
00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:31,241
(F L j I; I;
82
00:05:31,401 --> 00:05:33,001
(VOICE ECHOES)
83
00:05:33,161 --> 00:05:35,121
Stanley!
84
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:42,401
“If trapped...
85
00:05:43,721 --> 00:05:48,921
“..await A, rescue or B, death."
86
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:52,081
Straightforward enough.
87
00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:53,881
WHISTLES ABSENT-MINDEDLY
88
00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:57,641
A it is, then.
89
00:05:57,801 --> 00:05:59,921
Come on!
90
00:06:00,081 --> 00:06:02,201
(COUGHS)
91
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:04,921
(COUGHS AND WHEEZES)
92
00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:08,081
(EERIE MUTTERING)
93
00:06:10,041 --> 00:06:11,521
I owe you!
94
00:06:25,361 --> 00:06:27,361
(BOTH COUGH AND SPLUTTER)
95
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,401
(PEOPLE APPLAUD)
96
00:06:30,561 --> 00:06:31,881
Where are the fire brigade?
97
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:34,401
We have no insurance.
98
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,361
What?
99
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:40,601
L'm sorry, sir.
It was fire insurance or food.
100
00:06:40,761 --> 00:06:42,721
Well, where are the buckets, then?
101
00:06:42,881 --> 00:06:45,841
This is beyond buckets, Mr Lipwig.
102
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:49,001
(PEOPLE PLAY
MAUDLIN FOLKY MUSIC)
103
00:06:57,601 --> 00:06:59,521
Hmph ..
104
00:07:06,921 --> 00:07:08,801
Adora.
105
00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:11,841
Care for a dance?
106
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,801
A dance? With you?
107
00:07:14,961 --> 00:07:19,041
A self-centered skuggem
with the moral fibre of a...
108
00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:22,361
A rat?
A rat. Thank you.
109
00:07:22,521 --> 00:07:23,961
My pleasure.
Oh!
110
00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:26,201
Oh, Ohh!
111
00:07:27,401 --> 00:07:28,921
Ohh!
112
00:07:29,921 --> 00:07:33,081
(SHRIEKS) Oh! Let me go!
113
00:07:33,241 --> 00:07:35,881
Not until I've told you
what's really going on.
114
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:37,361
CROWD: Ohh!
115
00:07:37,521 --> 00:07:39,041
You destroyed my family.
That's what's going on.
116
00:07:39,201 --> 00:07:42,801
That was an accident.
I can put it right.
117
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:45,681
Oh! You wouldn't know
the meaning of the word 'right'.
118
00:07:47,041 --> 00:07:50,641
Those dead postmasters,
Gilt had them killed
119
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:52,561
and he tried to kill me too.
120
00:07:52,721 --> 00:07:56,041
Who'd have thought I had something
in common with Reacher Gilt? Ohh!
121
00:07:57,041 --> 00:08:01,321
Adora, he murdered your brother.
122
00:08:06,081 --> 00:08:08,241
John wore a safety line,
but he fell to his death.
123
00:08:08,401 --> 00:08:12,721
It doesn't make sense unless you hire
a flying banshee to push him.
124
00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:16,761
And banshees are Gilt's
weapon of choice.
125
00:08:16,921 --> 00:08:19,161
You've got proof?
Of course.
126
00:08:19,321 --> 00:08:21,601
Oh! Ohh.
127
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:24,601
Well, the banshee was my proof.
128
00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:27,881
He knew everything,
except how to be fireproof.
129
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,041
Oh, how convenient!
130
00:08:29,201 --> 00:08:32,721
Even so, I think I can
bring down Reacher Gilt.
131
00:08:32,881 --> 00:08:36,001
All talk and no action,
as usual. (GASPS)
132
00:08:36,161 --> 00:08:39,641
Adora, will you trust me
just this once?
133
00:08:41,161 --> 00:08:44,001
Ohh!
Does that answer your question?
134
00:08:44,161 --> 00:08:46,561
(PEOPLE PLAY
UP-TEMPO FOLKY MUSIC)
135
00:08:46,721 --> 00:08:50,001
Any comment to go with
the picture, Mr Lipwig?
136
00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:04,921
Reacher!
137
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,641
L... (PUFFS)
138
00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:09,321
Marvelous, isn't it?
139
00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:12,401
A bit...extreme?
140
00:09:12,561 --> 00:09:17,161
The point is, Horsefry, we've won.
141
00:09:19,401 --> 00:09:21,001
We've won.
142
00:09:38,401 --> 00:09:41,681
Well, I suppose that's one way
to deal with the backlog.
143
00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:46,561
How can you joke?
That's our life, and it's gone.
144
00:09:48,161 --> 00:09:49,561
Be brave, Mr Groat.
145
00:09:49,721 --> 00:09:51,241
Oh...
146
00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:02,561
There's our customers over there,
sending clacks. We've lost them.
147
00:10:04,201 --> 00:10:07,961
Then we'll just have to win them
back again, won't we?
148
00:10:08,121 --> 00:10:10,441
Come on, Mr Groat.
149
00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:21,081
The post office is open...as usual!
150
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:24,801
A bit more open than usual,
I would say.
151
00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:31,161
Number four delivery, proceed!
152
00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:33,721
Number four delivery!
153
00:10:33,881 --> 00:10:37,121
Stan!
Aggy!
154
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:40,841
Not many of us old postmen
left now, Mr Groat,
155
00:10:41,001 --> 00:10:43,081
but we wanted to help out
the best we can
156
00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:44,561
in the post's hour of need.
157
00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:48,441
See? People love the post office.
158
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:50,161
(ALL MUTTER AGREEMENT)
159
00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:52,441
SO... (CLEARS THROAT)
160
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:58,321
...get your men organised,
Deputy Postmaster Groat.
161
00:10:58,481 --> 00:10:59,801
I want them...
162
00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:05,481
D-d-did you say
'deputy postmaster', sir?
163
00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:07,841
I did.
Ohh...
164
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,281
And what's more,
165
00:11:10,441 --> 00:11:13,921
I want your men out on the streets
delivering the mail today.
166
00:11:14,081 --> 00:11:15,801
Oh, yes, sir.
167
00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:19,681
(M UTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
168
00:11:19,841 --> 00:11:22,601
(ALL CHATTER CHEERFULLY)
169
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:26,161
Looks like the clacks is down again.
170
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:31,121
This really is my lucky day.
171
00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:39,121
Special today, ladies and gentlemen -
172
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:43,361
mail to Pseudopolis
reduced to three pence.
173
00:11:43,521 --> 00:11:46,241
Three pence only.
174
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:51,481
And if anyone has a message
already stuck in the clacks
175
00:11:51,641 --> 00:11:55,441
we'll deliver it for free.
176
00:11:56,521 --> 00:12:00,321
No matter how hard
I scrape my shoe...
177
00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:01,481
(SLAMS CANE)
178
00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:05,841
...Lipwig remains stuck to it.
179
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:10,121
It says here he was unscathed.
Does this mean we have to try again?
180
00:12:10,281 --> 00:12:12,401
NO.
181
00:12:12,561 --> 00:12:14,481
He may be alive,
182
00:12:14,641 --> 00:12:19,561
but he's yesterday's man.
183
00:12:19,721 --> 00:12:22,881
Knowing Lipwig, he'll rebuild.
184
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,681
With What?!
185
00:12:24,841 --> 00:12:29,921
It'll cost a fortune
and the... (STAMMERS)
186
00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:34,441
...post office is bankrupt.
187
00:12:35,681 --> 00:12:38,801
Nevertheless, people... (SCOFFS)
188
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:41,121
...seem to have
a fondness for the post.
189
00:12:41,281 --> 00:12:45,361
My latest innovation
will change all that.
190
00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:47,601
L LU f
191
00:12:47,761 --> 00:12:50,721
We closed down research
and development years ago.
192
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:55,641
This isn't about research, Horsefry.
193
00:12:55,801 --> 00:13:01,921
This is about dazzling
the masses with a bauble.
194
00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:09,401
I believe the respectable term is...
195
00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:15,441
...'marketing'.
196
00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:18,921
(BAND PLAYS UPBEAT FANFARE)
197
00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:20,721
(PEOPLE CHEER AND APPLAUD)
198
00:13:20,881 --> 00:13:22,201
Attention!
199
00:13:22,361 --> 00:13:24,361
We are proud
200
00:13:24,521 --> 00:13:28,041
to usher in a new era -
201
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:31,721
the mobile era.
202
00:13:31,881 --> 00:13:35,081
A network of towers like this
203
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:40,561
will move around Discworld
as demand requires.
204
00:13:41,561 --> 00:13:42,961
Well, this doesn't look good.
205
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:47,001
In future, if you can't
get to a clacks tower,
206
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:52,401
the clacks tower
will be brought to you.
207
00:13:52,561 --> 00:13:56,001
Full coverage for the entire Disc.
208
00:13:56,161 --> 00:13:58,881
Mr Gilt, today's increase
in the price of clacks messages
209
00:13:59,041 --> 00:14:00,481
is the fifth this year.
210
00:14:00,641 --> 00:14:02,601
Surely that is extortion.
211
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:06,081
This is the future
of long-distance communication
212
00:14:06,241 --> 00:14:08,801
and new technology is not cheap.
213
00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:14,681
Would you really have that
when you can have this?
214
00:14:14,841 --> 00:14:17,841
(BAND CONTINUES PLAYING)
215
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:22,601
But he had
the post office destroyed.
216
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:25,761
We have no proof, Mr Pump.
217
00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:35,721
We must do something.
218
00:14:37,201 --> 00:14:38,921
Follow me.
219
00:14:55,721 --> 00:14:58,441
Arrest those men!
For what?
220
00:14:58,601 --> 00:15:00,481
Vandalizing clacks property.
221
00:15:00,641 --> 00:15:04,841
I think you'll find the only
offence here is trespass.
222
00:15:05,001 --> 00:15:08,801
Your map was being paraded
on post office property.
223
00:15:08,961 --> 00:15:11,641
L'll see you paraded
through hell, Lipwig.
224
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:14,601
Are you gonna send another
assassin to sort me out?
225
00:15:14,761 --> 00:15:17,921
Assassin? I have no idea
what you're talking about.
226
00:15:18,081 --> 00:15:22,201
Mr Gryle and I
had a very interesting chat.
227
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:26,121
I know exactly
what you've been up to.
228
00:15:26,281 --> 00:15:27,881
Where's your proof?
229
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:29,521
All in good time.
230
00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:32,561
You're such a fraud.
231
00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:35,321
And you're such a murderer!
232
00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:37,641
(CROWD GASPS)
233
00:15:41,561 --> 00:15:43,841
That is slander.
234
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:49,121
This is a declaration of war!
Can I quote you on that?
235
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,841
If you want a quote,
Miss Cripslock, try this -
236
00:15:52,001 --> 00:15:55,401
“Neither rain nor fire
can stop the post.”
237
00:15:57,001 --> 00:16:01,961
Very stirring,
but his quote had 'war' in it.
238
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:07,641
Fine talk, sir. Fine talk.
You do give a good bite of sound.
239
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,081
But if you don't mind me saying,
sir, it's bugger all help.
240
00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:11,601
I know, I know.
241
00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:14,161
They come through
with a new tech-co-nological...
242
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:15,801
Breakthrough.
Breakthrough, yep.
243
00:16:15,961 --> 00:16:20,081
“A modern miracle that will
change communications forever.”
244
00:16:20,241 --> 00:16:22,641
And we haven't even got a roof.
245
00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:26,361
Oh, one decent downpour
and all this will be papier-méché.
246
00:16:26,521 --> 00:16:29,521
Big roofs cost big money.
Ooh-ho-ho.
247
00:16:32,641 --> 00:16:36,321
That's it, Mr Groat - rain.
248
00:16:37,441 --> 00:16:39,921
Rainy days.
249
00:16:40,081 --> 00:16:44,361
The problem with people
who put money away for a rainy day
250
00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:47,801
is they never know when it's raining.
251
00:16:47,961 --> 00:16:49,881
Ha-ha!
252
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:53,161
Well, I think it's about to pour.
253
00:16:56,121 --> 00:16:57,681
Ohh.
254
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:03,001
Stress - it does
funny things to a man.
255
00:17:03,161 --> 00:17:04,641
Yeah.
256
00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:10,241
Sausage?
257
00:17:10,401 --> 00:17:13,841
Mrs Leakall's
Premium Reserve sausages.
258
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:18,681
A special offering
because I have a special prayer.
259
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:21,641
Well, you're off to a good start.
260
00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:27,881
Tell me, how do you actually
get the sausages up there?
261
00:17:28,041 --> 00:17:29,441
Frying.
262
00:17:29,601 --> 00:17:33,321
The gift of sausages ascends
unto Offler, the sacred crocodile,
263
00:17:33,481 --> 00:17:35,881
by means of smell.
264
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:39,681
Ohh. (CHUCKLES)
265
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:43,921
And then you eat the sausage?
266
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:46,481
Ah, a common misconception,
267
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:49,321
but the true sausagidity
goes to Offler.
268
00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:54,361
He eats the...
essence of the sausages
269
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:58,521
while we priests
eat the earthly shell.
270
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:04,041
That would explain
why the smell of sausages
271
00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:06,961
is always better than
the actual taste, perhaps.
272
00:18:08,361 --> 00:18:10,641
You should have been a theologian.
273
00:18:10,801 --> 00:18:14,721
So, what is your prayer
to accompany Mrs Leakall's finest?
274
00:18:14,881 --> 00:18:18,761
Oh, just the usual -
pennies from heaven.
275
00:18:20,161 --> 00:18:26,281
$150,000, to be precise.
276
00:18:26,441 --> 00:18:29,121
Might take more than a few sausages
277
00:18:29,281 --> 00:18:33,881
to get something that, um, specific.
278
00:18:34,921 --> 00:18:39,121
But let's give it a shot.
279
00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:40,761
(SAUSAGES SIZZLE)
280
00:18:42,641 --> 00:18:44,921
(ADORA GROANS)
281
00:18:57,641 --> 00:18:59,601
VON LIPWIG: Post!
282
00:19:00,721 --> 00:19:02,561
Post!
283
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:11,641
Good work, Stanley. That'll do it.
284
00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:16,161
Forwards, Stanley. Forwards.
285
00:19:19,961 --> 00:19:21,441
Post!
286
00:19:22,841 --> 00:19:24,921
Post! (KNOCKS AT DOOR)
287
00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:32,041
Come on. Everyone
loves getting a letter.
288
00:19:32,201 --> 00:19:34,081
Ooh!
289
00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:40,801
I think it's best
you stay away from Miss Adora.
290
00:19:40,961 --> 00:19:44,441
Stay away?
I can't do that. She loves me.
291
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:48,161
But she just tried to kill you.
292
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:53,361
Well, the human heart's
a complex thing, Mr Pump.
293
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:56,401
Love, hate -
they're just a breath apart.
294
00:19:56,561 --> 00:19:58,961
She doesn't know it yet,
but she loves me.
295
00:20:08,881 --> 00:20:09,921
(WHISTLES)
296
00:20:14,761 --> 00:20:16,521
Hi.
297
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:18,841
Mr Pump.
298
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:20,801
That's your third delivery today.
299
00:20:20,961 --> 00:20:24,081
Many letters survived the fire.
300
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:26,961
We are working round the clock
to deliver them.
301
00:20:27,121 --> 00:20:30,601
Round the clock?
Without a break.
302
00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:33,761
That is how much we believe
in Postmaster Lipwig.
303
00:20:33,921 --> 00:20:38,361
But that's exploitation.
The Golem Trust can't allow it.
304
00:20:38,521 --> 00:20:43,041
You misunderstand. We volunteered.
305
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:45,121
Volunteered
306
00:20:46,441 --> 00:20:49,401
That is the worst form
of exploitation!
307
00:20:50,841 --> 00:20:53,721
Ohh.
308
00:20:53,881 --> 00:20:56,881
(KOOKY MUSIC)
309
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,881
Rats.
310
00:21:57,921 --> 00:22:00,121
What are you doing, Horsefry?
311
00:22:00,281 --> 00:22:02,561
I need it for my budget.
312
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:04,241
Budget?
313
00:22:05,441 --> 00:22:08,561
I need to know how many towers
we're going to build.
314
00:22:10,841 --> 00:22:14,161
Do you know what I really
like about you, Horsefry?
315
00:22:14,321 --> 00:22:16,721
Your naivety.
316
00:22:16,881 --> 00:22:19,681
Sorry, don't quite get you.
317
00:22:23,881 --> 00:22:26,041
We put up the clacks charges
318
00:22:26,201 --> 00:22:29,121
to finance a fleet
of mobile towers, right,
319
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:32,001
but we don't actually build any,
320
00:22:32,161 --> 00:22:36,521
so the extra revenue
becomes pure profit.
321
00:22:36,681 --> 00:22:39,001
(CHUCKLES)
322
00:22:39,161 --> 00:22:43,321
But won't people
want to see some towers?
323
00:22:43,481 --> 00:22:46,921
Well, we'll wheel out that
fancy model every now and then,
324
00:22:47,081 --> 00:22:51,601
give the idiots
some eye candy to gawp at.
325
00:22:51,761 --> 00:22:57,801
Meanwhile, the mobile clacks project
is officially 'in development'.
326
00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,441
Oh.
327
00:23:00,481 --> 00:23:02,161
Shame.
328
00:23:03,161 --> 00:23:06,081
I thought it was a good idea.
329
00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:09,041
Horsefry...
330
00:23:10,041 --> 00:23:14,361
Horsefry, they aim of business is...?
331
00:23:14,521 --> 00:23:15,921
Um...
332
00:23:16,081 --> 00:23:18,961
Not to provide a good service,
but to provide the...
333
00:23:19,121 --> 00:23:20,121
Only.
334
00:23:20,281 --> 00:23:22,561
...only service.
335
00:23:24,161 --> 00:23:26,201
(GROANS)
336
00:23:31,441 --> 00:23:35,321
Oh, they seem very taken
with the newfangled towers, sir.
337
00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:37,441
It's the oldest trick in the book -
338
00:23:37,601 --> 00:23:40,801
dazzle the punter
with a pretty picture.
339
00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:42,641
What's a 'punter'?
340
00:23:43,641 --> 00:23:46,881
I mean, they haven't even built
the mobiles yet, have they?
341
00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:48,721
It's all promise.
342
00:23:48,881 --> 00:23:51,481
You know what happens to promises.
343
00:23:51,641 --> 00:23:54,561
Will the people
ever come back to us?
344
00:23:54,721 --> 00:23:56,401
Well, how would they
be able to resist
345
00:23:56,561 --> 00:24:00,761
when we have our new
state-of-the-art post office, hmm?
346
00:24:00,921 --> 00:24:03,121
Not in our lifetime.
347
00:24:03,281 --> 00:24:05,241
You underestimate me, Mr Groat.
348
00:24:05,401 --> 00:24:06,761
I don't want to hurt your feelings,
349
00:24:06,921 --> 00:24:09,801
but praying for money is a bit
desperate, don't you think?
350
00:24:09,961 --> 00:24:11,361
There's a god out there for everyone.
351
00:24:11,521 --> 00:24:13,961
The trick is hooking up with... Oh!
352
00:24:14,121 --> 00:24:15,441
NO! Oh!
353
00:24:15,601 --> 00:24:18,561
Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
354
00:24:18,721 --> 00:24:20,601
(YELLS AND MOANS)
355
00:24:20,761 --> 00:24:22,401
Mr Lipwig!
356
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,321
(GROANS)
357
00:24:28,641 --> 00:24:30,121
The light.
358
00:24:31,161 --> 00:24:33,081
The wonderful light.
359
00:24:34,481 --> 00:24:37,641
Glory be to Offler,
360
00:24:37,801 --> 00:24:40,761
the sacred crocodile god.
361
00:24:43,121 --> 00:24:45,321
Huh? Oh!
362
00:24:46,481 --> 00:24:49,321
He's blind, he's blind! Oh!
363
00:24:49,481 --> 00:24:51,361
Oh, Mr Lipwig, sir?
364
00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:55,921
(MOANS)
Oh, Mr Lipwig! Mr Lipwig!
365
00:24:56,081 --> 00:24:59,121
One regular white,
one skinny Klatchian.
366
00:25:01,241 --> 00:25:03,241
And two figgins, please.
367
00:25:04,241 --> 00:25:06,001
Somebody call a doctor!
368
00:25:06,161 --> 00:25:09,521
(MOANS)
Sir, sir!
369
00:25:09,681 --> 00:25:12,001
Can you see nothing at all?
(GROANS)
370
00:25:13,001 --> 00:25:15,641
Are you totally blind?!
371
00:25:15,801 --> 00:25:20,281
Only blind to this world, my friend.
372
00:25:22,761 --> 00:25:27,561
Now I perceive the inner truth.
373
00:25:27,721 --> 00:25:29,201
Yes!
374
00:25:31,001 --> 00:25:33,281
(GROANS)
375
00:25:33,441 --> 00:25:35,281
The angels of Offler...
376
00:25:37,081 --> 00:25:40,161
...whisper unto me.
377
00:25:41,881 --> 00:25:45,841
One...hundred...
378
00:25:46,001 --> 00:25:50,041
...and fifty...thousand dollars.
379
00:25:51,201 --> 00:25:54,401
Buried...
380
00:25:54,561 --> 00:25:56,281
...in a forest.
381
00:25:56,441 --> 00:25:57,801
Ohh!
382
00:25:57,961 --> 00:25:59,841
(CROWD MUTTERS)
383
00:26:00,001 --> 00:26:03,041
Offler, I am not worthy.
384
00:26:04,321 --> 00:26:07,481
(GRUNTS AND MOANS)
385
00:26:07,641 --> 00:26:11,921
Let the angels choose a holy witness.
386
00:26:12,081 --> 00:26:15,481
Me, me!
ALL: Me! Me! Me!
387
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:18,201
L'll give you the front page.
388
00:26:19,241 --> 00:26:21,321
You...
389
00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:23,321
...are chosen.
390
00:26:29,201 --> 00:26:32,961
Offler says...to the hop gate.
391
00:26:35,161 --> 00:26:36,481
And bring a shovel.
392
00:26:36,641 --> 00:26:38,441
Hey? Oh.
393
00:26:38,601 --> 00:26:40,081
Come on, Mr Groat.
394
00:26:40,241 --> 00:26:43,601
(VON LIPWIG MOANS LOUDLY)
395
00:26:45,961 --> 00:26:47,841
MAN: Divine intervention, it is!
396
00:26:48,001 --> 00:26:49,361
Divine Intervention
397
00:26:49,521 --> 00:26:51,361
(ALL GASP)
398
00:26:51,521 --> 00:26:53,201
Show me the way!
399
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:55,481
Ohh!
400
00:26:55,641 --> 00:26:57,321
(PEOPLE JOSTLE AND CHATTER)
401
00:26:57,481 --> 00:26:59,641
The praying man!
402
00:26:59,801 --> 00:27:01,721
It is here!
403
00:27:05,401 --> 00:27:09,801
The praying man
under the praying tree.
404
00:27:12,401 --> 00:27:14,001
It looks like an elephant to me.
405
00:27:14,161 --> 00:27:15,481
CROWD: Heretic! Heretic!
406
00:27:15,641 --> 00:27:17,641
(PEOPLE CALL AND YELL)
407
00:27:18,881 --> 00:27:24,281
Well, you know, now you mention it,
I can definitely see a praying man.
408
00:27:32,481 --> 00:27:36,801
(ALL EXCLAIM AND CHEER)
409
00:27:41,881 --> 00:27:44,481
PEOPLE: He can see, he can see.
410
00:27:45,561 --> 00:27:47,561
What's going on?
WOMAN: You're under arrest.
411
00:27:47,721 --> 00:27:49,681
Arggh!
412
00:27:56,761 --> 00:27:58,801
Hello again.
413
00:27:58,961 --> 00:28:02,921
(GROWLS)
414
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:06,721
STANLEY: Oh, Mr Lipwig, Mr Lipwig!
415
00:28:06,881 --> 00:28:10,081
I demand you step aside.
416
00:28:10,241 --> 00:28:13,601
Can't you wait
until Mr Lipwig returns?
417
00:28:13,761 --> 00:28:16,041
Mr Lipwig is in breach of contract!
418
00:28:16,201 --> 00:28:19,361
But we golems
are satisfied with him.
419
00:28:19,521 --> 00:28:21,761
You've been manipulated by him!
420
00:28:21,921 --> 00:28:26,561
Not manipulated. Persuaded.
421
00:28:27,601 --> 00:28:29,321
Ohh!
422
00:28:32,721 --> 00:28:36,401
Now you're making me angry, Pump 19.
423
00:28:36,561 --> 00:28:38,601
(WHIMPERS)
424
00:28:40,121 --> 00:28:43,961
I will assemble the golems.
425
00:28:45,081 --> 00:28:46,201
Ah...
426
00:28:50,201 --> 00:28:55,361
Mr Lipwig. You've had a most
strenuous day, have you not?
427
00:28:56,441 --> 00:28:59,241
Can't be as strenuous as
signing death warrants. (CHUCKLES)
428
00:29:01,881 --> 00:29:03,841
Joke.
429
00:29:05,441 --> 00:29:08,121
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realised.
430
00:29:09,121 --> 00:29:12,521
Do tell me if you feel obliged
to make another.
431
00:29:14,161 --> 00:29:18,601
To be honest, today has
all been a bit of a blur.
432
00:29:18,761 --> 00:29:22,801
There's $150,000
buried in the forest
433
00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:26,081
and you have no idea
how it got there.
434
00:29:26,241 --> 00:29:28,321
Well, it's miraculous.
435
00:29:29,321 --> 00:29:32,561
A remarkable coincidence that
it is precisely the sum of money
436
00:29:32,721 --> 00:29:35,641
that was hidden
by a notorious con man.
437
00:29:35,801 --> 00:29:39,681
A con man? Oh, who was that, then?
438
00:29:39,841 --> 00:29:43,441
We hanged him. He's dead.
439
00:29:43,601 --> 00:29:45,161
Isn't he?
440
00:29:46,281 --> 00:29:49,401
Yes, he's dead.
441
00:29:49,561 --> 00:29:50,961
Excellent
442
00:29:51,121 --> 00:29:54,081
So as this money
is a gift from the gods,
443
00:29:54,241 --> 00:29:57,401
it should be used for
the public good, should it not?
444
00:30:05,081 --> 00:30:07,401
The eyes, Mr Lipwig.
445
00:30:07,561 --> 00:30:08,881
Hmm?
446
00:30:09,041 --> 00:30:11,521
You can trust me.
447
00:30:11,681 --> 00:30:13,001
Oh, that.
448
00:30:13,161 --> 00:30:17,041
Uh...made from turtle eggshells.
449
00:30:19,161 --> 00:30:20,841
Ingenious.
Thank you.
450
00:30:21,001 --> 00:30:24,081
I meant me
for making you postmaster.
451
00:30:28,241 --> 00:30:31,841
Ah, marvellous.
452
00:30:32,001 --> 00:30:33,961
Uh-uh! Mr Lipwig.
453
00:30:35,881 --> 00:30:39,841
But if I'm to restore the post office,
I have to pay the builders.
454
00:30:40,001 --> 00:30:42,761
Send the bills to Drumknott.
455
00:30:42,921 --> 00:30:46,321
Your job is to make sure
that Reacher Gilt
456
00:30:46,481 --> 00:30:50,241
is in no position to burn
the post office down again.
457
00:30:50,401 --> 00:30:52,201
He's a murderer.
458
00:30:52,361 --> 00:30:56,161
An accusation for which
you have hard evidence?
459
00:30:57,641 --> 00:31:01,881
Your spies could find
some evidence, no doubt.
460
00:31:02,041 --> 00:31:04,321
Spies? Hmm.
461
00:31:04,481 --> 00:31:07,881
I did hear there was
a man on the inside,
462
00:31:08,041 --> 00:31:11,201
but he was dropped
from his position.
463
00:31:12,721 --> 00:31:14,201
Quite literally.
464
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:19,001
John Dearheart was your spy?
465
00:31:19,161 --> 00:31:22,961
He was a spy,
but he didn't get very far.
466
00:31:24,081 --> 00:31:27,201
Perhaps if he'd possessed
the agile mind of a con man
467
00:31:27,361 --> 00:31:30,601
he might have had
more success as a spy.
468
00:31:33,081 --> 00:31:37,681
You think I'm some thug piece
to be moved around at your leisure?
469
00:31:37,841 --> 00:31:42,161
Precisely.
No. I won't be your spy.
470
00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:47,161
Shame. Miss Dearheart
would have been impressed.
471
00:31:53,881 --> 00:31:55,801
ADORA: There's a dignity to it.
472
00:31:55,961 --> 00:31:58,961
Indeed, it is
the very essence of golem.
473
00:31:59,121 --> 00:32:01,241
But enough is enough!
474
00:32:01,401 --> 00:32:05,001
This postmaster, this Lipwig,
is an exploiter
475
00:32:05,161 --> 00:32:08,801
and the Golem Trust
can't allow it and won't allow it.
476
00:32:08,961 --> 00:32:10,801
Just because
you don't need a tea break
477
00:32:10,961 --> 00:32:12,321
doesn't mean you're not
entitled to one.
478
00:32:12,481 --> 00:32:15,721
Right now the post office needs you
more than you need it
479
00:32:15,881 --> 00:32:17,521
and there is only
one course of action
480
00:32:17,681 --> 00:32:21,481
to take in those circumstances -
strike and strike hard.
481
00:32:21,641 --> 00:32:23,121
So, what do we want?
482
00:32:26,441 --> 00:32:29,441
OK, OK, let's go
straight to the vote.
483
00:32:29,601 --> 00:32:33,201
All those in favour of
an immediate withdrawal of labour
484
00:32:33,361 --> 00:32:35,121
raise your hand.
485
00:32:35,281 --> 00:32:38,281
(GOLEMS MUTTER QUIETLY)
486
00:32:40,961 --> 00:32:42,321
Oh, I see.
487
00:32:42,481 --> 00:32:47,161
I suppose you all think the sun
shines out of Lipwig's backside.
488
00:32:48,561 --> 00:32:49,561
(SCOFFS)
489
00:32:51,001 --> 00:32:52,201
(GASPS)
490
00:32:53,961 --> 00:32:55,121
Hi.
491
00:32:58,321 --> 00:32:59,681
Very well.
492
00:32:59,841 --> 00:33:02,801
But don't come running to me
when you're so worn out
493
00:33:02,961 --> 00:33:06,241
that the only thing you're able
to hold is a...pot plant.
494
00:33:08,681 --> 00:33:10,201
Adora.
495
00:33:10,361 --> 00:33:11,681
Adora, wait.
496
00:33:11,841 --> 00:33:13,681
How dare you turn
my golems against me!
497
00:33:13,841 --> 00:33:17,081
But you were the one who said
they can't be manipulated.
498
00:33:18,761 --> 00:33:21,121
The brochure is being revised.
499
00:33:21,281 --> 00:33:24,681
Did you know your brother
was a spy for Lord Vetinari?
500
00:33:27,321 --> 00:33:29,921
You really will say anything
just to get my attention.
501
00:33:30,081 --> 00:33:31,401
It's the truth.
502
00:33:31,561 --> 00:33:34,521
Let my brother rest in peace.
Fine, then here's what we'll do.
503
00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:36,681
We'll just keep on fighting
each other day and night.
504
00:33:36,841 --> 00:33:38,401
We'll make sure we never
share any information
505
00:33:38,561 --> 00:33:39,881
that could damage the clacks.
506
00:33:40,041 --> 00:33:42,041
That way Reacher Gilt's sure to win.
507
00:33:42,201 --> 00:33:44,601
You think you're the only one
who can bring down Reacher Gilt.
508
00:33:44,761 --> 00:33:46,281
The arrogance, the conceit...
509
00:33:47,801 --> 00:33:49,641
I don't need you.
510
00:33:49,801 --> 00:33:51,641
L'll show you just how much
I don't need you.
511
00:33:51,801 --> 00:33:53,761
Oh, the one-woman crusade.
How noble!
512
00:33:53,921 --> 00:33:56,961
You'll see. The whole city will see.
513
00:34:10,321 --> 00:34:12,081
VON LIPWIG: Good work, lads.
514
00:34:13,121 --> 00:34:14,601
That's it.
515
00:34:16,561 --> 00:34:18,721
(PEOPLE CHATTER INDISTINCTLY)
516
00:34:18,881 --> 00:34:21,681
Are we ready, Mr Groat?
Just a few more, sir.
517
00:34:21,841 --> 00:34:25,561
Bet you're glad you invented
perforations, hey, Stanley?
518
00:34:25,721 --> 00:34:30,081
The strange thing is some people
are sending letters to themselves.
519
00:34:30,241 --> 00:34:31,641
What?
Yeah.
520
00:34:31,801 --> 00:34:34,961
Once the stamp has been through
the post, it makes it more real.
521
00:34:35,121 --> 00:34:38,681
You see, people are collecting them.
522
00:34:40,761 --> 00:34:43,041
Just like you and your pins, hey?
523
00:34:43,201 --> 00:34:45,521
Fins'?
524
00:34:45,681 --> 00:34:49,561
Oh, pins. No, pins are
just pointy metal things.
525
00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:51,041
GROAT: Ready to roll, sir.
526
00:34:51,201 --> 00:34:54,481
All you good people of the city,
527
00:34:54,641 --> 00:34:58,841
now run in conjunction
with Hobson's Livery,
528
00:34:59,001 --> 00:35:01,681
it gives me great pleasure
to crack the whip
529
00:35:01,841 --> 00:35:05,641
on the overnight express
to Sto Lat.
530
00:35:05,801 --> 00:35:08,161
(ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD)
531
00:35:11,161 --> 00:35:13,881
So much for us having won.
532
00:35:15,321 --> 00:35:18,321
How dare the gods work against me!
533
00:35:18,481 --> 00:35:22,241
I don't remember
giving them permission.
534
00:35:25,161 --> 00:35:29,961
Why don't we just concentrate
on our own business?
535
00:35:30,121 --> 00:35:32,121
Because Lipwig's
taking our business.
536
00:35:33,481 --> 00:35:34,921
Look at them.
537
00:35:35,081 --> 00:35:40,521
One artist's impression
and they believe.
538
00:35:42,521 --> 00:35:46,321
Of course,
posting the letter is one thing.
539
00:35:46,481 --> 00:35:50,481
Making sure it arrives
is another thing altogether.
540
00:35:52,601 --> 00:35:55,601
(TENSE MUSIC)
541
00:36:02,601 --> 00:36:04,441
(HORSES WHINNY)
542
00:36:09,921 --> 00:36:12,161
Hyah! Hyah!
543
00:36:13,321 --> 00:36:15,521
Hyah! Hyah!
544
00:36:15,681 --> 00:36:18,561
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
545
00:36:22,881 --> 00:36:24,361
(MEN HOLLER)
546
00:36:28,441 --> 00:36:30,281
(GRUNTS)
547
00:36:33,281 --> 00:36:35,321
(MEN LAUGH)
548
00:37:25,961 --> 00:37:28,641
(CHUCKLES)
549
00:37:44,441 --> 00:37:47,801
Oh, here we go again.
What's up?
550
00:37:48,921 --> 00:37:50,881
It's jammed.
551
00:37:51,041 --> 00:37:53,881
Maybe it's iced up.
Better call maintenance.
552
00:37:54,041 --> 00:37:57,441
Oh yeah, yeah,
like we got three days to waste.
553
00:37:57,601 --> 00:38:00,601
Mum HOWLS)
554
00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:10,081
Offler's teeth!
555
00:38:13,441 --> 00:38:17,681
Princess, you've gotta
come and see this.
556
00:38:17,841 --> 00:38:20,521
L'm looking right at it.
557
00:38:24,041 --> 00:38:25,881
A fault?
558
00:38:26,041 --> 00:38:28,441
It seems it's spreading
right through the system,
559
00:38:28,601 --> 00:38:31,241
which is why we need
to shut everything down now.
560
00:38:31,401 --> 00:38:35,761
Shut down the entire clacks?
561
00:38:35,921 --> 00:38:37,281
It's the only way.
562
00:38:37,441 --> 00:38:40,721
Did I tell you
the good news, Mr Pony?
563
00:38:40,881 --> 00:38:45,801
L'm recommending you for a pay rise,
a substantial pay rise.
564
00:38:45,961 --> 00:38:48,441
And I'm pushing for a bonus too.
565
00:38:48,601 --> 00:38:50,441
That's very generous
of you, Mr Gilt.
566
00:38:50,601 --> 00:38:53,841
Nothing less than
you deserve, Mr Po...
567
00:38:54,001 --> 00:38:59,161
Or may I call you...George?
568
00:38:59,321 --> 00:39:02,081
Problem is, George,
569
00:39:02,241 --> 00:39:04,721
I have to answer to the board
570
00:39:04,881 --> 00:39:07,761
and what will they say
when my very next sentence is
571
00:39:07,921 --> 00:39:10,441
“Mr Pony wants
to shut down the clacks”?
572
00:39:10,601 --> 00:39:12,441
Well, you don't have to be
a boardroom veteran
573
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:14,481
to work that one out, do you?
574
00:39:14,641 --> 00:39:18,601
I want you to have
that bonus, George.
575
00:39:18,761 --> 00:39:21,121
I really do.
576
00:39:21,281 --> 00:39:23,481
So I'm going to ask you
just one more time -
577
00:39:23,641 --> 00:39:26,361
are you absolutely sure you can't
solve this technical hiccup
578
00:39:26,521 --> 00:39:28,801
without having to shut down
the whole system?
579
00:39:29,961 --> 00:39:33,121
Well, maybe we can come at it
from a different angle.
580
00:39:33,281 --> 00:39:36,921
By damn it, George!
You've talked me into it.
581
00:39:37,081 --> 00:39:39,361
L'll tell the board you've got
the whole thing under control.
582
00:39:39,521 --> 00:39:43,881
Your skill and ingenuity
will be the saving of the company.
583
00:40:01,721 --> 00:40:05,561
I hadn't budgeted
for any pay rises, Reacher.
584
00:40:05,721 --> 00:40:08,961
(HUFFS) You won't have to.
585
00:40:09,961 --> 00:40:14,201
Money dangled is much
more effective than...
586
00:40:14,361 --> 00:40:16,961
BOTH: Money given.
587
00:40:17,121 --> 00:40:20,041
Uh, talking of wages...
588
00:40:21,241 --> 00:40:23,361
...how much did you pay
the banshee in the end?
589
00:40:25,081 --> 00:40:26,481
What does it matter?
590
00:40:26,641 --> 00:40:29,281
I just need to reconcile my ledger.
591
00:40:30,521 --> 00:40:32,641
You mean you actually intend
592
00:40:32,801 --> 00:40:36,281
to write down how much
I paid an assassin?
593
00:40:36,441 --> 00:40:42,041
Well, I've...I’ve always
done it in the past.
594
00:40:42,201 --> 00:40:46,041
(CHUCKLES) Well,
got to keep records, Reacher.
595
00:40:47,161 --> 00:40:49,801
Can't cover your tracks if you
don't know where you've left them.
596
00:40:49,961 --> 00:40:53,161
And is that the only ledger?
597
00:40:53,321 --> 00:40:56,521
No, no, no, I’ve got dozens
of them going back years.
598
00:40:56,681 --> 00:40:58,241
Oh.
599
00:40:59,241 --> 00:41:01,081
I'd love to see them, Horsefry.
600
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,521
Really?
Yeah.
601
00:41:05,681 --> 00:41:09,321
They're in my office.
Come up any time.
602
00:41:09,481 --> 00:41:11,041
Now, Crispin.
603
00:41:11,201 --> 00:41:15,001
I want to see them...now.
604
00:41:15,161 --> 00:41:17,801
(CHUCKLES)
605
00:41:17,961 --> 00:41:19,881
Never shown any interest before.
606
00:41:20,041 --> 00:41:21,361
No?
607
00:41:21,521 --> 00:41:25,281
Well, I'm very interested in...
608
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:27,361
...settling accounts.
609
00:41:27,521 --> 00:41:29,001
Oh.
610
00:41:30,001 --> 00:41:31,081
Uh...
611
00:41:32,481 --> 00:41:33,961
Thank you.
612
00:41:50,361 --> 00:41:52,281
There you are.
613
00:42:07,921 --> 00:42:10,081
So that's what she meant.
614
00:42:10,241 --> 00:42:13,521
Mr Lipwig, sir. Oh, calamity!
615
00:42:13,681 --> 00:42:16,881
The mail coach is back, sir.
Already?
616
00:42:17,041 --> 00:42:21,201
But there's no mail.
And not much coach.
617
00:42:29,841 --> 00:42:32,241
So efficient.
618
00:42:33,921 --> 00:42:35,601
Thank you.
619
00:42:36,601 --> 00:42:38,681
Nice to be appreciated.
620
00:42:49,921 --> 00:42:52,361
What have you done, Horsefry?
621
00:42:54,121 --> 00:42:57,641
Uh...my job-
622
00:42:57,801 --> 00:43:00,481
account for things. (CHUCKLES)
623
00:43:01,681 --> 00:43:03,681
Hmm.
624
00:43:03,841 --> 00:43:09,281
Then...account for this.
625
00:43:15,481 --> 00:43:17,681
Leave it.
626
00:43:17,841 --> 00:43:20,361
What are you doing?
Saving us from prison.
627
00:43:20,521 --> 00:43:21,841
But we have to keep account!
628
00:43:22,001 --> 00:43:23,321
Your job is to hide things,
629
00:43:23,481 --> 00:43:25,921
not to declare them
for the whole world to see.
630
00:43:26,081 --> 00:43:28,921
Please, Reacher,
it is my life's work!
631
00:43:29,081 --> 00:43:31,281
Get off me, you fat fool!
Oh!
632
00:43:33,561 --> 00:43:35,681
Look at you.
633
00:43:35,841 --> 00:43:39,921
Loose flesh, loose tongue,
loose brain.
634
00:43:40,081 --> 00:43:43,161
Ohm Just loose everything,
635
00:43:43,321 --> 00:43:48,081
The fact is, Horsefry,
you're too stupid to live!
636
00:43:48,241 --> 00:43:50,561
Ohh! Arggh!
637
00:43:50,721 --> 00:43:52,881
(YELLS AND MOANS)
638
00:43:53,041 --> 00:43:56,681
(HORSEFRY YELLS AND MOANS
IN DISTANCE)
639
00:44:03,801 --> 00:44:06,801
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
640
00:44:15,481 --> 00:44:18,561
Found the fault yet, Mr Pony?
641
00:44:18,721 --> 00:44:20,561
I...I...
642
00:44:25,641 --> 00:44:28,801
Mr Horsefry was taken ill.
643
00:44:29,801 --> 00:44:33,081
It left a nasty stain on the carpet.
644
00:44:33,241 --> 00:44:38,321
I sent him home,
but can't stand the smell.
645
00:44:41,561 --> 00:44:43,361
Mr Pony, that's not
the look of a man
646
00:44:43,521 --> 00:44:46,681
who's in for a substantial pay rise.
647
00:44:49,721 --> 00:44:52,081
Better.
648
00:45:20,041 --> 00:45:23,521
Adora, that's a really
neat trick you pulled off.
649
00:45:27,401 --> 00:45:28,761
I knew you'd see it my way.
650
00:45:28,921 --> 00:45:30,481
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
651
00:45:30,641 --> 00:45:33,521
Freezing the towers.
That was very slick.
652
00:45:33,681 --> 00:45:36,681
The trouble is right now
the post office is down too - bandits.
653
00:45:36,841 --> 00:45:38,681
Huh, how careless of you.
654
00:45:39,681 --> 00:45:41,241
We need a double whammy.
655
00:45:41,401 --> 00:45:42,801
As you hit the clacks,
656
00:45:42,961 --> 00:45:45,041
we can steal their business -
a synchronized attack.
657
00:45:45,201 --> 00:45:46,521
I wouldn't synchronize with you
658
00:45:46,681 --> 00:45:48,361
if you were the last person
on the Disc.
659
00:45:48,521 --> 00:45:50,801
40 Passing Clouds, please.
660
00:45:51,921 --> 00:45:56,401
You know what? You're right.
You don't need me.
661
00:45:56,561 --> 00:45:59,441
You're more than capable of bringing
down Reacher Gilt on your own.
662
00:45:59,601 --> 00:46:01,201
You've got it all under control
663
00:46:01,361 --> 00:46:03,801
so l'll just walk away
and leave you in peace.
664
00:46:04,921 --> 00:46:06,961
You won't ever hear from me again.
665
00:46:10,361 --> 00:46:11,681
...two...
666
00:46:11,841 --> 00:46:14,281
Don't you want to know how I did it?
667
00:46:18,921 --> 00:46:21,201
Go up onto the post office roof.
668
00:46:22,361 --> 00:46:25,001
Get yourself a little bit
closer to heaven...
669
00:46:26,161 --> 00:46:28,441
...then get down
on your knees and pray.
670
00:46:29,441 --> 00:46:31,521
You know how to pray, don't you?
671
00:46:31,681 --> 00:46:34,681
Just put your hands
together and hope.
672
00:46:49,041 --> 00:46:52,041
(CLACKS TOWERS THUD)
673
00:46:54,681 --> 00:46:56,161
Hello?
674
00:47:03,441 --> 00:47:06,161
She said 'pray'.
675
00:47:16,041 --> 00:47:19,321
Hope you don't mind
about the sausage business,
676
00:47:19,481 --> 00:47:20,801
but to be perfectly honest,
677
00:47:20,961 --> 00:47:24,961
I think we both came out of it
looking pretty good.
678
00:47:25,121 --> 00:47:27,761
Anyway, I was wondering if...
679
00:47:30,641 --> 00:47:31,681
Oh!
680
00:47:38,721 --> 00:47:40,321
MAN: Is this about the rent
681
00:47:41,881 --> 00:47:43,201
Who the hell are you?
682
00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:47,681
We paid Mr Groat, so you'll
have to take it up with him.
683
00:47:51,241 --> 00:47:53,201
Forget Groat.
684
00:47:54,561 --> 00:47:56,201
What are you doing on my roof?
685
00:47:56,361 --> 00:48:00,161
L'm Mad Al, he's Sane Alex
and that's Adrian.
686
00:48:00,321 --> 00:48:02,681
He says he's not mad,
but you can't prove it, can you?
687
00:48:02,841 --> 00:48:04,881
We're pigeon fanciers.
688
00:48:05,041 --> 00:48:07,561
So, where are the pigeons?
689
00:48:09,601 --> 00:48:11,521
Out flying.
690
00:48:13,121 --> 00:48:15,081
Pigeons don't fly at night.
691
00:48:16,241 --> 00:48:19,761
Bats. Yeah, we're trying
to breed homing bats.
692
00:48:20,761 --> 00:48:23,681
Bats don't have a homing instinct.
693
00:48:23,841 --> 00:48:27,241
Yes. Tragic, isn't it'?
694
00:48:27,401 --> 00:48:29,761
Yeah, sometimes
I come up here at night
695
00:48:29,921 --> 00:48:32,121
and I just see their
empty little perches
696
00:48:32,281 --> 00:48:35,121
and it's all I can do not to cry.
697
00:48:38,321 --> 00:48:41,401
Well, I'm sure Lord Vetinari will
be fascinated to hear all about it.
698
00:48:41,561 --> 00:48:45,841
You know, I quite enjoyed
seeing you on your knees.
699
00:48:46,001 --> 00:48:47,801
Adora.
700
00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:52,921
We're the Smoking Gnu, actually.
701
00:48:59,761 --> 00:49:04,721
You can really jam the whole
clacks system from a pigeon loft?
702
00:49:04,881 --> 00:49:06,081
Mm-hm.
703
00:49:07,081 --> 00:49:08,401
Huh. Nice trick.
704
00:49:08,561 --> 00:49:11,801
Trick? This is
cutting-edge cracking.
705
00:49:11,961 --> 00:49:13,361
Two years in development.
706
00:49:13,521 --> 00:49:14,961
Iterative beta testing.
707
00:49:15,121 --> 00:49:18,081
Culminating in this.
708
00:49:23,321 --> 00:49:25,801
Away you go, boys-
709
00:49:39,361 --> 00:49:41,361
Firing out from here...
710
00:49:42,361 --> 00:49:44,081
...into the Grand Trunk.
711
00:49:44,241 --> 00:49:46,521
And then...
712
00:49:47,521 --> 00:49:48,401
. .
713
00:49:48,561 --> 00:49:51,921
But before it jams,
it's already passed the code on.
714
00:49:52,081 --> 00:49:53,561
So...
715
00:49:54,561 --> 00:49:56,161
. .
716
00:49:57,281 --> 00:49:58,761
Jam.
717
00:49:59,881 --> 00:50:01,401
Jam.
718
00:50:05,521 --> 00:50:08,161
The problem started at this tower
719
00:50:08,321 --> 00:50:12,361
and I think one of you
has been meddling.
720
00:50:12,521 --> 00:50:15,401
Was it him?
Was this his idea of a joke?
721
00:50:15,561 --> 00:50:17,881
No, sir. He didn't do anything.
Then it must have been you.
722
00:50:18,041 --> 00:50:21,281
You, with a juvenile sense of humour.
No,no,no!
723
00:50:21,441 --> 00:50:23,841
Princess! (SCREAMS)
724
00:50:24,001 --> 00:50:25,321
Stay back!
725
00:50:25,481 --> 00:50:28,441
L'll have to drop every
employee until someone...
726
00:50:28,601 --> 00:50:30,681
I've got it. I know what's happened!
727
00:50:30,841 --> 00:50:32,361
One moment, Mr Pony.
728
00:50:32,521 --> 00:50:35,041
L'm just disposing of some assets.
(SCREAMS)
729
00:50:35,201 --> 00:50:37,841
Hey, hey! That's my niece!
730
00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,801
Oh, that is useful to know.
731
00:50:40,961 --> 00:50:42,641
It's the swage armature.
732
00:50:42,801 --> 00:50:44,881
It's jumping off
the elliptical bearing.
733
00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:47,241
Please! I can fix it.
734
00:50:47,401 --> 00:50:50,521
If you hit 'Q' and then 'K'
in the resonant frequency
735
00:50:50,681 --> 00:50:53,521
and send it to a tower where
the address is higher than ours...
736
00:50:53,681 --> 00:50:56,881
Spare me the details!
Can you trace it?
737
00:50:57,041 --> 00:50:58,801
Well, there's over
10,000 messages here.
738
00:50:58,961 --> 00:51:01,401
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
739
00:51:01,561 --> 00:51:03,001
I might be able to find it.
740
00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:04,841
Thank you!
741
00:51:05,001 --> 00:51:06,961
(WHIMPERS AND CRIES)
Aw.
742
00:51:07,121 --> 00:51:08,801
There, there.
743
00:51:08,961 --> 00:51:10,801
MAN: Better shut down now
744
00:51:12,561 --> 00:51:17,241
When the sun comes up,
they can see us. Shh.
745
00:51:17,401 --> 00:51:19,201
See?
746
00:51:19,361 --> 00:51:22,641
We can do to the clacks
what my stiletto did to your foot.
747
00:51:22,801 --> 00:51:24,721
It's not a bad start.
748
00:51:24,881 --> 00:51:27,521
(SCOFFS) Not bad?
749
00:51:27,681 --> 00:51:29,241
As long as we're sending,
750
00:51:29,401 --> 00:51:31,601
Reacher Gilt doesn't
earn a single dollar.
751
00:51:31,761 --> 00:51:34,081
Ah, but if we worked together,
752
00:51:34,241 --> 00:51:39,601
while you're stabbing his foot,
I can be picking his pocket.
753
00:51:45,961 --> 00:51:47,641
The great thing about the post office
754
00:51:47,801 --> 00:51:50,081
is we don't rely
on complicated machines.
755
00:51:50,241 --> 00:51:52,641
We have hands and feet.
756
00:51:52,801 --> 00:51:54,801
And...
757
00:51:54,961 --> 00:51:56,481
...strong ones at that.
758
00:51:56,641 --> 00:51:59,561
Heave away, Mr Pump.
759
00:52:01,321 --> 00:52:04,201
(ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD)
760
00:52:04,361 --> 00:52:09,641
VON LIPWIG: Ladies, gentlemen,
don't get caught in the clacks!
761
00:52:09,801 --> 00:52:14,001
Come join us at the post office.
We'll get your message delivered.
762
00:52:17,921 --> 00:52:20,801
You see, the clacks system
763
00:52:20,961 --> 00:52:24,801
works at the cutting edge
of technology
764
00:52:24,961 --> 00:52:28,361
and in the white heat of progress
there are sometimes complications,
765
00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:31,641
but I can assure you
these are now all resolved.
766
00:52:31,801 --> 00:52:33,121
Some people are saying...
767
00:52:33,281 --> 00:52:36,601
And we'll be providing refunds for
any messages that have been lost.
768
00:52:36,761 --> 00:52:38,841
All you have to do is
fill in the claim form.
769
00:52:39,001 --> 00:52:41,241
But I do urge your readers
not to do anything as rash
770
00:52:41,401 --> 00:52:44,201
as writing a letter
and sending it by post.
771
00:52:44,361 --> 00:52:45,521
Wouldn't you...
772
00:52:45,681 --> 00:52:48,321
You might as well tear it up
and scatter it to the four winds.
773
00:52:48,481 --> 00:52:52,441
Mr Gilt, this claim form
is 50 pages long.
774
00:52:55,641 --> 00:52:58,041
A help desk will be provided.
775
00:52:58,201 --> 00:53:01,601
Oh, but, please, don't get
bogged down in the details.
776
00:53:01,761 --> 00:53:07,481
What really matters
is we fly high above the bandits.
777
00:53:07,641 --> 00:53:10,281
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
778
00:53:10,441 --> 00:53:13,041
(MEN YELL, HORSES WHINNY)
779
00:53:19,441 --> 00:53:23,961
I will wager my hat of office
780
00:53:24,121 --> 00:53:29,441
that the clacks will have
broken down by sunset tonight.
781
00:53:29,601 --> 00:53:31,081
(APPLAUSE)
782
00:53:37,001 --> 00:53:38,961
And when we win,
783
00:53:39,121 --> 00:53:43,721
I'll burn his ludicrous
hat of office in this.
784
00:53:43,881 --> 00:53:45,041
CROWD: Ooh!
785
00:53:46,801 --> 00:53:48,761
Now to collect on that wager.
786
00:53:51,441 --> 00:53:52,841
Ready to stick the stiletto in?
787
00:53:53,001 --> 00:53:55,601
The pleasure's all ours.
788
00:54:12,041 --> 00:54:13,881
So, how long does it take?
789
00:54:14,041 --> 00:54:16,881
MAN: It should have got
to the first tower already.
790
00:54:19,001 --> 00:54:22,001
I must say, it's looking
distinctly underwhelming.
791
00:54:23,481 --> 00:54:26,121
It's alright leaving us.
792
00:54:26,281 --> 00:54:28,241
So much for iterative beta testing.
793
00:54:28,401 --> 00:54:30,121
Don't shout at me.
I'm not shouting.
794
00:54:30,281 --> 00:54:33,161
L'm just calmly stating.
Well, just don't!
795
00:54:38,761 --> 00:54:40,561
Is it possible they could have...
796
00:54:41,641 --> 00:54:43,681
...cracked our code?
797
00:54:43,841 --> 00:54:45,721
Just as I was beginning
to like the hat.
798
00:54:45,881 --> 00:54:47,201
Stop whining, Lipwig.
799
00:54:47,361 --> 00:54:51,761
L'm not whining, I'm just... I'd like to
know why the Gnu isn't smoking.
800
00:54:51,921 --> 00:54:54,281
L'm sure you've talked your way
out of worse situations before.
801
00:54:54,441 --> 00:54:58,041
That was the old Lipwig, remember?
I'm a changed man now.
802
00:54:59,041 --> 00:55:02,001
Mr Lipwig, sir'? Mr...
Oh. Mr Lipwig, sir.
803
00:55:02,161 --> 00:55:03,641
Mr Groat.
804
00:55:05,121 --> 00:55:07,001
I imagine Gilt's demanding the hat.
805
00:55:07,161 --> 00:55:10,441
You're not gonna let them
have it, are you'?
806
00:55:13,361 --> 00:55:15,881
What's that I hear'?
807
00:55:16,041 --> 00:55:20,601
Nothing. Moist von Lipwig
has nothing to say.
808
00:55:20,761 --> 00:55:25,401
Oh, have we lost everything'?
809
00:55:25,561 --> 00:55:27,361
Ohh! No, no, no, no, no.
810
00:55:27,521 --> 00:55:30,841
Relax, Mr Groat. I'm not done yet.
811
00:55:31,001 --> 00:55:33,401
All I have to do...
812
00:55:34,401 --> 00:55:37,321
...is attempt the impossible.
813
00:55:38,841 --> 00:55:40,561
(SCOFFS)
814
00:55:47,801 --> 00:55:49,121
(CLACKS THUD)
815
00:55:49,281 --> 00:55:52,881
As you can see, the sun has set
816
00:55:53,041 --> 00:55:57,081
and the clacks system
is working perfectly.
817
00:55:58,081 --> 00:56:02,721
All that remains is for
the postmaster to admit defeat.
818
00:56:02,881 --> 00:56:04,881
But where is he'?
819
00:56:05,041 --> 00:56:08,081
Another empty promise!
820
00:56:08,241 --> 00:56:10,361
Now, don't get me wrong.
821
00:56:10,521 --> 00:56:14,601
I have a fondness
for the quaint old post office.
822
00:56:14,761 --> 00:56:17,441
It's part of our history.
823
00:56:17,601 --> 00:56:20,801
But, really,
that is where it belongs.
824
00:56:20,961 --> 00:56:23,521
VON LIPWIG: Did someone ask for me?
825
00:56:23,681 --> 00:56:26,801
GILT: Ah, Postmaster. Just in time.
826
00:56:26,961 --> 00:56:29,761
The fire was getting low.
827
00:56:29,921 --> 00:56:31,401
Well...
828
00:56:32,401 --> 00:56:36,481
...if you're too scared
to rise to the challenge,
829
00:56:36,641 --> 00:56:38,081
have it.
830
00:56:38,241 --> 00:56:40,161
Challenge?
831
00:56:40,321 --> 00:56:43,201
An overnight race
from here to Uberwald,
832
00:56:43,361 --> 00:56:46,561
the clacks versus the post.
833
00:56:46,721 --> 00:56:48,361
CRIPSLOCK: But that's over
a thousand miles away.
834
00:56:48,521 --> 00:56:52,841
1,700 miles, to be precise,
Miss Cripslock.
835
00:56:53,001 --> 00:56:55,281
Mr Gilt, do you
accept the challenge?
836
00:56:55,441 --> 00:56:57,241
Accept?
837
00:56:59,001 --> 00:57:02,521
How could the clacks possibly lose?
838
00:57:06,881 --> 00:57:10,041
VETINARI: Well,
you've made quite a splash...
839
00:57:10,201 --> 00:57:14,281
...as the fish said to the man with
a lead weight tied to his feet.
840
00:57:14,441 --> 00:57:15,961
(CHUCKLES)
841
00:57:17,121 --> 00:57:19,081
Perhaps I'm missing something.
842
00:57:19,241 --> 00:57:21,241
No, my lord. lt's a straight race.
843
00:57:21,401 --> 00:57:24,601
But you can't possibly win.
I agree - it won't be easy.
844
00:57:24,761 --> 00:57:30,681
And I must insist that the race
is run fairly with strict rules.
845
00:57:30,841 --> 00:57:36,041
I have no intention of cheating
and I ask for no favours.
846
00:57:36,201 --> 00:57:38,841
All I ask is that when I win,
847
00:57:39,001 --> 00:57:41,961
Reacher Gilt hands over
the entire clacks network.
848
00:57:42,121 --> 00:57:43,441
(SCOFFS)
849
00:57:43,601 --> 00:57:45,121
Very well.
850
00:57:46,601 --> 00:57:49,441
But I have a condition of my own.
851
00:57:49,601 --> 00:57:52,921
If you lose, Mr Lipwig, you hang.
852
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:56,041
Really?
853
00:57:58,801 --> 00:58:00,521
It seems a little harsh.
854
00:58:00,681 --> 00:58:02,001
But fair
855
00:58:02,161 --> 00:58:04,281
If you lose, you will have
outlived your usefulness.
856
00:58:04,441 --> 00:58:09,641
Having second thoughts, Postmaster?
857
00:58:22,201 --> 00:58:24,201
Let's race.
858
00:58:35,521 --> 00:58:37,681
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
859
00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:44,681
Very good, sir.
860
00:58:44,841 --> 00:58:48,681
The worried lock - very convincing.
Throws them off the scent.
861
00:58:48,841 --> 00:58:50,321
Yes.
862
00:58:52,841 --> 00:58:55,001
But how do you know
I'm not really worried?
863
00:58:55,161 --> 00:58:58,081
Because you're the man
who got money out of the gods, sir.
864
00:58:58,241 --> 00:59:00,241
Ah, yeah. (CHUCKLES)
865
00:59:01,961 --> 00:59:03,921
Supposing I did that with a trick?
866
00:59:04,081 --> 00:59:06,241
Oh, damn good trick, sir. Damn good.
867
00:59:06,401 --> 00:59:12,201
A man who can trick money out of
the gods is capable of anything, sir.
868
00:59:12,361 --> 00:59:14,001
Yeah.
869
00:59:14,161 --> 00:59:16,561
Hmm? Mr Groat.
870
00:59:16,721 --> 00:59:18,761
What if I told you that, uh,
871
00:59:18,921 --> 00:59:22,561
there's no way a coach
can get to Uberwald
872
00:59:22,721 --> 00:59:24,761
faster than the clacks machines?
873
00:59:24,921 --> 00:59:29,641
Of course you have to say that, sir,
because the walls have ears, hey?
874
00:59:29,801 --> 00:59:31,921
Ooh, Mum's the word.
875
00:59:32,081 --> 00:59:34,601
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
876
00:59:40,121 --> 00:59:42,081
(SIGHS)
877
00:59:43,441 --> 00:59:45,521
Everything?
878
00:59:47,561 --> 00:59:49,641
Everything.
879
00:59:49,801 --> 00:59:53,081
But there's...there's
15 years of work here.
880
00:59:53,241 --> 00:59:55,241
Well, he's grown out of pins.
881
00:59:55,401 --> 01:00:00,161
Sir, pins are for life.
They stick with you.
882
01:00:00,321 --> 01:00:03,281
He's starting a new life.
Isn't that right, Stanley?
883
01:00:03,441 --> 01:00:07,361
So... (CLEARS THROAT) ..how much?
884
01:00:15,521 --> 01:00:20,081
Dave, what do you
think about stamps?
885
01:00:31,801 --> 01:00:34,361
So...what's the plan?
886
01:00:35,481 --> 01:00:38,401
How can you possibly win?
887
01:00:39,401 --> 01:00:41,001
Hmm? (CLEARS THROAT)
888
01:00:41,161 --> 01:00:42,641
Friction.
889
01:00:45,521 --> 01:00:50,001
The coach will be so shiny
it'll glide through the air.
890
01:00:50,161 --> 01:00:53,241
Meanwhile back in the real world,
891
01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:56,001
the post office
is a hopeless underdog.
892
01:00:56,161 --> 01:01:01,281
Ah, but the underdog can always
find somewhere soft to bite.
893
01:01:03,081 --> 01:01:06,561
This is no time for witty banter.
We're not on a date.
894
01:01:06,721 --> 01:01:08,041
Do you have a plan?
895
01:01:08,201 --> 01:01:09,641
Don't you trust me?
No.
896
01:01:09,801 --> 01:01:13,441
Do you have a plan?
Of course.
897
01:01:13,601 --> 01:01:16,401
We got 50-1. 50-1, sir.
898
01:01:16,561 --> 01:01:18,441
You haven't done
anything silly, I hope.
899
01:01:18,601 --> 01:01:22,161
No, no, no. I took all me savings,
Stanley here sold his pin collection
900
01:01:22,321 --> 01:01:25,921
and we put the whole lot
on you to win the race.
901
01:01:26,921 --> 01:01:28,641
The whole lot?
902
01:01:28,801 --> 01:01:31,241
Um...
903
01:01:31,401 --> 01:01:33,881
...perhaps that wasn't so wise.
904
01:01:34,041 --> 01:01:35,801
50-1?
905
01:01:35,961 --> 01:01:39,601
But we...we don't
want to appear greedy, do we?
906
01:01:39,761 --> 01:01:41,721
I mean, we want to keep
the moral high ground.
907
01:01:41,881 --> 01:01:44,201
Oh, bugger the moral high ground.
We'll be rich.
908
01:01:44,361 --> 01:01:47,321
And it's all thanks
to your inspired plan, sir.
909
01:01:47,481 --> 01:01:50,201
Mr Groat, let's go and see
if the golems want to cash in.
910
01:01:50,361 --> 01:01:52,801
Good idea, lad. Come on.
(MOUTHS)
911
01:01:55,041 --> 01:01:56,641
Oh, my God.
912
01:01:57,641 --> 01:01:59,881
There is no inspired plan.
913
01:02:00,041 --> 01:02:01,041
Um...
914
01:02:01,201 --> 01:02:05,601
There. Right between your eyes.
915
01:02:05,761 --> 01:02:09,441
The next time I see you,
that's where I'm aiming.
916
01:02:16,001 --> 01:02:19,001
(PENSIVE MUSIC)
917
01:02:35,601 --> 01:02:38,481
Messages can be blocked.
918
01:02:46,081 --> 01:02:49,201
I trust you've discovered
Lipwig's plan.
919
01:02:50,721 --> 01:02:52,561
L'm afraid not, sir.
920
01:02:54,881 --> 01:02:58,761
Only a fool would challenge
the clacks with a horse and cart.
921
01:02:58,921 --> 01:03:02,001
He must have a trick up his sleeve.
922
01:03:02,161 --> 01:03:03,601
Now...
923
01:03:03,761 --> 01:03:05,281
...what is it?
924
01:03:05,441 --> 01:03:07,961
All I can promise you, sir,
is the clacks won't let you down.
925
01:03:08,121 --> 01:03:10,441
We're clearing all messages off
the system, running double bandwidth
926
01:03:10,601 --> 01:03:12,361
and I'm putting
all my best operators...
927
01:03:13,361 --> 01:03:16,361
You just remember -
if I'm made to look a fool,
928
01:03:16,521 --> 01:03:18,361
your pretty little niece
will rue the day
929
01:03:18,521 --> 01:03:21,081
her Uncle Pony
got her a job at the clacks.
930
01:03:25,521 --> 01:03:27,361
Archchancellor Ridcully, my lord.
931
01:03:27,521 --> 01:03:30,441
This had better be important.
I'm in the middle of an experiment.
932
01:03:30,601 --> 01:03:33,361
Involving a knife and fork, no doubt.
933
01:03:33,521 --> 01:03:34,841
I wouldn't expect a layman
934
01:03:35,001 --> 01:03:36,841
to understand the pressures
of university life.
935
01:03:37,001 --> 01:03:38,321
Incredible though it may seem,
936
01:03:38,481 --> 01:03:40,841
we have found a practical use
for one of your magical devices.
937
01:03:41,001 --> 01:03:42,321
Have you?
938
01:03:42,481 --> 01:03:44,601
The object in question is, um...
939
01:03:44,761 --> 01:03:47,121
An omniscope, my lord.
940
01:03:47,281 --> 01:03:50,161
Enabling us to see things
at a distance, I believe.
941
01:03:50,321 --> 01:03:54,441
The omniscope is a highly complex,
very unstable piece of equipment.
942
01:03:54,601 --> 01:03:56,441
You mean it doesn't work?
943
01:03:56,601 --> 01:03:58,721
Well... (STAMMERS)
944
01:03:58,881 --> 01:04:00,561
...relatively speaking, it works.
945
01:04:00,721 --> 01:04:04,041
Excellent. Kindly have it
up and running by dawn tomorrow.
946
01:04:04,201 --> 01:04:06,321
Now, listen - magic
is not some workman's tool
947
01:04:06,481 --> 01:04:07,961
that you can hire out by the hour.
948
01:04:08,121 --> 01:04:11,041
Just as well, because
I wasn't intending to pay you.
949
01:04:22,001 --> 01:04:23,041
Can I help?
950
01:04:25,801 --> 01:04:27,961
Mr Pony.
951
01:04:29,201 --> 01:04:31,401
Miss Adora.
952
01:04:31,561 --> 01:04:33,801
How have you been?
953
01:04:36,481 --> 01:04:38,841
It's nice to see you
after all these years.
954
01:04:41,121 --> 01:04:43,281
I'm sorry I never came
to your father's funeral.
955
01:04:44,281 --> 01:04:46,081
It didn't seem right.
956
01:04:46,241 --> 01:04:47,841
What happened wasn't your fault.
957
01:04:49,841 --> 01:04:51,961
You must hate me
for staying on at the clacks.
958
01:04:52,121 --> 01:04:55,281
You're just doing your job, Mr Pony.
959
01:04:57,921 --> 01:05:01,001
The truth is
clacks is run on blood now.
960
01:05:02,641 --> 01:05:04,041
There's not a day goes by
961
01:05:04,201 --> 01:05:07,281
when I wouldn't like to throw my
resignation in Reacher Gilt's face.
962
01:05:09,841 --> 01:05:11,921
L'm 58.
963
01:05:12,081 --> 01:05:16,201
Twinges in my knuckles,
a sick wife and a bad back.
964
01:05:21,041 --> 01:05:24,041
You have to think twice,
don't you, before such gestures.
965
01:05:26,721 --> 01:05:30,121
My father always said
you were a good man
966
01:05:30,281 --> 01:05:32,961
and a great engineer.
967
01:05:34,601 --> 01:05:36,521
L'm sure he was right.
968
01:05:38,241 --> 01:05:40,041
No.
969
01:05:40,201 --> 01:05:42,721
Your father was a great engineer.
970
01:05:59,641 --> 01:06:02,041
Gilt tried to burn these.
971
01:06:03,241 --> 01:06:05,481
I'm sure you'll know
what to do with them.
972
01:06:08,481 --> 01:06:10,281
I'm sorry.
973
01:06:18,521 --> 01:06:21,521
(PEOPLE CHATTER BUSILY)
974
01:06:24,561 --> 01:06:27,081
Stand by to repel boarders!
975
01:06:50,881 --> 01:06:53,441
(CRIES)
Adora?
976
01:06:55,121 --> 01:06:57,641
If this is about
what I said earlier...
977
01:06:59,401 --> 01:07:01,641
They killed him.
978
01:07:05,561 --> 01:07:10,601
They killed John and they put
his name in a debit column.
979
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:20,721
These people, they...
980
01:07:20,881 --> 01:07:23,761
...they get away with murder and
everyone just looks the other way.
981
01:07:26,081 --> 01:07:27,761
No, not everyone.
982
01:07:27,921 --> 01:07:29,521
Oh!
983
01:07:29,681 --> 01:07:31,761
Just because you were right
doesn't mean you have to gloat.
984
01:07:31,921 --> 01:07:33,921
Forget gloating.
985
01:07:37,681 --> 01:07:39,801
Now I really do have a plan.
986
01:07:41,881 --> 01:07:43,721
Go away!
987
01:07:43,881 --> 01:07:46,921
All you do is talk of plans,
988
01:07:47,081 --> 01:07:49,521
crazy, non-existent plans.
989
01:07:51,641 --> 01:07:52,961
What sort of man are you?
990
01:07:53,121 --> 01:07:55,401
Adora, just listen to me.
991
01:07:55,561 --> 01:07:56,881
Give me the crossbow.
992
01:07:57,041 --> 01:07:59,201
Those ledgers are
the key to everything!
993
01:07:59,361 --> 01:08:01,401
Just hear me out.
994
01:08:02,681 --> 01:08:06,041
If you don't like the plan,
be my guest, shoot.
995
01:08:16,161 --> 01:08:18,361
This had better be good.
996
01:08:20,721 --> 01:08:22,481
VON LIPWIG: Now then, boys,
you take the message
997
01:08:22,641 --> 01:08:24,321
and ride hell for leather
to Uberwald.
998
01:08:24,481 --> 01:08:27,001
GROAT: But how are we going
to get to Uberwald overnight, sir?
999
01:08:27,161 --> 01:08:28,481
You're not, Mr Groat.
1000
01:08:28,641 --> 01:08:30,481
STANLEY: Does that mean you're
going to hang, Mr Lipwig?
1001
01:08:30,641 --> 01:08:33,201
Not if I can help it.
I have a plan, Stanley.
1002
01:08:33,361 --> 01:08:34,841
I need you to take a little detour.
1003
01:08:35,001 --> 01:08:36,521
There's a derelict clacks tower
1004
01:08:36,681 --> 01:08:39,561
and I need you to deliver
some canvas and ropes and rigging.
1005
01:08:39,721 --> 01:08:41,441
GROAT: Rigging?
ls this about boats, sir?
1006
01:08:41,601 --> 01:08:43,601
Oh, no, I can't do boats.
I get very seasick.
1007
01:08:43,761 --> 01:08:46,041
Not boats, Mr Groat. Sails.
1008
01:08:46,201 --> 01:08:48,601
We are going to block out
their message with a sail.
1009
01:08:48,761 --> 01:08:50,201
STANLEY: Block it out?
Won't they notice?
1010
01:08:50,361 --> 01:08:52,521
Not if we put our
own message in its place.
1011
01:08:52,681 --> 01:08:54,561
GROAT: Sorry, sir,
could you run that by me again?
1012
01:08:54,721 --> 01:08:57,121
STANLEY: Yeah,
I got a bit lost at sail.
1013
01:08:59,881 --> 01:09:02,881
(PEOPLE CHEER AND APPLAUD)
1014
01:09:04,081 --> 01:09:05,561
Hello!
1015
01:09:10,361 --> 01:09:13,161
Hello, Ankh-Morpork!
1016
01:09:13,321 --> 01:09:19,241
Welcome to the great race!
Lovely to see you all!
1017
01:09:19,401 --> 01:09:22,281
Oh!
(OMNISCOPE FIZZES AND BANGS)
1018
01:09:22,441 --> 01:09:24,161
VON LIPWIG: Hello!
1019
01:09:25,201 --> 01:09:27,681
Yeah, hello.
I knew that would happen.
1020
01:09:35,121 --> 01:09:36,921
GILT: Nice entrance.
1021
01:09:37,081 --> 01:09:40,681
It'll make up for
your ignominious exit.
1022
01:09:40,841 --> 01:09:43,281
Hello, sir.
1023
01:09:48,921 --> 01:09:51,961
(APPLAUSE)
1024
01:09:55,081 --> 01:09:56,921
Citizens of Ankh-Morpork,
1025
01:09:57,081 --> 01:10:01,681
as per Lord Vetinari's
directive number P-1500...
1026
01:10:01,841 --> 01:10:06,001
We know why we're here -
to witness a great race!
1027
01:10:06,161 --> 01:10:09,401
The Postmaster
has challenged the clacks.
1028
01:10:09,561 --> 01:10:10,961
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1029
01:10:11,121 --> 01:10:15,441
Two identical messages
must be delivered to Uberwald.
1030
01:10:16,441 --> 01:10:20,201
The wizard's omniscope
will show us the finish line.
1031
01:10:21,201 --> 01:10:22,841
(PEOPLE GASP)
1032
01:10:23,001 --> 01:10:27,441
Get it ready by sunrise, Ridcully,
which is when I expect to win.
1033
01:10:28,721 --> 01:10:30,601
And to show the spirit of fair play,
1034
01:10:30,761 --> 01:10:35,441
we have graciously allowed the
post office to choose the message.
1035
01:10:35,601 --> 01:10:40,281
I thought long and hard
about an appropriate message.
1036
01:10:42,601 --> 01:10:44,481
And then I remembered
1037
01:10:44,641 --> 01:10:48,521
how nice it is to receive a parcel.
1038
01:10:48,681 --> 01:10:52,281
So why not a book?
1039
01:10:54,081 --> 01:10:56,121
CROWD: Ohh!
1040
01:10:56,281 --> 01:11:02,841
The authorized, illustrated
biography of Lord Vetinari.
1041
01:11:03,001 --> 01:11:05,001
(APPLAUSE)
1042
01:11:05,161 --> 01:11:08,961
You think yourself so clever.
lt'll buy you a few hours at best.
1043
01:11:09,121 --> 01:11:10,641
Our message
will still be there by dawn
1044
01:11:10,801 --> 01:11:12,121
while your lumbering coach
1045
01:11:12,281 --> 01:11:14,361
will get bogged down
in some godforsaken marsh.
1046
01:11:14,521 --> 01:11:17,681
Maybe. Maybe not.
1047
01:11:18,881 --> 01:11:21,681
(PEOPLE CHEER)
1048
01:11:24,681 --> 01:11:26,481
Ready when you are, my lord.
1049
01:11:28,321 --> 01:11:30,081
(TOOTS FEEBLY)
1050
01:11:34,441 --> 01:11:36,921
(CHEERING)
1051
01:11:48,881 --> 01:11:51,721
GILT: Get clacksing!
1052
01:11:52,721 --> 01:11:56,601
Come on. (BANGS CANE)
Come on, move it!
1053
01:11:56,761 --> 01:11:58,761
If we win this race...
(BANGS CANE CONTINUOUSLY)
1054
01:11:58,921 --> 01:12:00,281
...you can have a half-day holiday!
1055
01:12:00,441 --> 01:12:04,001
Come on! Get on with it.
1056
01:12:05,081 --> 01:12:06,081
Move it!
1057
01:12:27,721 --> 01:12:28,761
You took a while.
1058
01:12:28,921 --> 01:12:31,481
Well, I had to stop
a couple of times.
1059
01:12:31,641 --> 01:12:35,321
All that bumping and jolting -
me bladder's not what it used to be.
1060
01:12:35,481 --> 01:12:36,801
If we don't get this sail rigged
1061
01:12:36,961 --> 01:12:38,441
before they start sending,
we're done for.
1062
01:12:38,601 --> 01:12:40,361
Yeah, alright.
1063
01:12:43,841 --> 01:12:45,161
MAD AL: OK.
1064
01:12:47,561 --> 01:12:49,721
Ready?
1065
01:12:49,881 --> 01:12:52,961
OK, hoist it up, lads.
1066
01:12:54,361 --> 01:12:56,081
Quick as you can.
Alright!
1067
01:12:56,241 --> 01:12:58,001
Come on, let's get a wriggle on here!
1068
01:13:00,441 --> 01:13:01,961
That's it!
1069
01:13:04,041 --> 01:13:07,681
(GROANS) Oh, Stanley, where are ya?
1070
01:13:07,841 --> 01:13:10,201
Here, look, stick your boot
in there, will you?
1071
01:13:13,321 --> 01:13:15,001
I I I
1072
01:13:26,121 --> 01:13:27,961
Still here, Mr Groat?
1073
01:13:28,121 --> 01:13:29,801
GROAT: I'm not built
for parcel post, sir.
1074
01:13:29,961 --> 01:13:33,121
Now, you know what to do?
Ride like the clappers, sir.
1075
01:13:33,281 --> 01:13:35,641
Good man. Stop for nothing.
The mail must get through!
1076
01:13:35,801 --> 01:13:39,641
“No gloom of night”,
hey, Mr Lipwig'?
1077
01:13:39,801 --> 01:13:42,241
Exactly, Stanley, “No gloom of night”.
1078
01:13:42,401 --> 01:13:45,601
Uh, can I say, sir, even if we lose
1079
01:13:45,761 --> 01:13:48,801
and the post office collapses
and all this was in vain...
1080
01:13:48,961 --> 01:13:50,681
And you get hanged.
1081
01:13:50,841 --> 01:13:53,281
Yes, sir, even dead,
1082
01:13:53,441 --> 01:14:00,241
you are still the best postmaster
we have ever had. (SNIFFLES)
1083
01:14:01,961 --> 01:14:04,681
That's very touching, Mr Groat,
1084
01:14:04,841 --> 01:14:08,841
but I'm not dead yet, huh?
1085
01:14:09,001 --> 01:14:10,481
Good luck, boys.
1086
01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:14,921
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1087
01:14:30,601 --> 01:14:32,641
Why aren't we sending?!
1088
01:14:32,801 --> 01:14:36,321
I want to see those lights flashing!
1089
01:14:36,481 --> 01:14:38,361
Where's Mr Pony?
1090
01:14:38,521 --> 01:14:40,561
Get me Pony!
1091
01:14:48,321 --> 01:14:50,361
That's what I love
about the Dearhearts -
1092
01:14:50,521 --> 01:14:52,161
perfect alignment.
1093
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:55,561
Any message coming out of there
comes straight through us.
1094
01:14:57,281 --> 01:14:59,641
Time to create some interference.
1095
01:14:59,801 --> 01:15:02,521
OK, 14!
Number 14!
1096
01:15:02,681 --> 01:15:05,161
14's good.
1097
01:15:05,321 --> 01:15:08,601
OK, there is a snag on 15.
It's stuck! It's stuck!
1098
01:15:08,761 --> 01:15:10,841
There's a snag!
Where's the hammer?
1099
01:15:11,001 --> 01:15:13,081
I put it back in the toolbox.
1100
01:15:13,241 --> 01:15:15,641
It's not here!
No, it's in there!
1101
01:15:15,801 --> 01:15:19,041
In the spanner drawer?
Yeah, it's still the toolbox!
1102
01:15:19,201 --> 01:15:21,921
And who would look for a hammer
in the spanner drawer?
1103
01:15:22,081 --> 01:15:24,001
Boys! We haven't got time for this!
1104
01:15:24,161 --> 01:15:26,441
A place for everything
and everything in its place.
1105
01:15:26,601 --> 01:15:30,201
Say that one more time, I'll find
another place for the hammer!
1106
01:15:31,721 --> 01:15:34,081
Oh, for God's sake, look.
They're sending!
1107
01:15:34,241 --> 01:15:36,121
Let's go! Come on!
1108
01:15:44,121 --> 01:15:46,041
WOMAN: Grand Trunk
are sending the message.
1109
01:15:58,001 --> 01:15:59,881
Hurry UP!
1110
01:16:01,841 --> 01:16:03,521
Pull it up!
1111
01:16:03,681 --> 01:16:05,881
(GRUNTS)
1112
01:16:09,081 --> 01:16:10,921
Come on, boys, pull!
MAN: lt's stuck!
1113
01:16:11,081 --> 01:16:14,601
Pull it! Keep pulling!
1114
01:16:14,761 --> 01:16:16,281
MAD AL: lt's stuck on something!
1115
01:16:16,441 --> 01:16:17,961
If you want something
done properly...
1116
01:16:18,121 --> 01:16:20,361
MAN: Heave!
(SCREAMS)
1117
01:16:20,521 --> 01:16:22,241
MAD AL: Oh, no! Up we go!
1118
01:16:23,481 --> 01:16:26,601
Strange. The signal's stopped.
1119
01:16:26,761 --> 01:16:28,681
No, it can't have.
This is top priority.
1120
01:16:28,841 --> 01:16:32,481
VON LIPWIG: Send! Send!
1121
01:16:32,641 --> 01:16:35,041
For God's sake, start sending!
1122
01:16:55,881 --> 01:16:59,001
It's OK. They're sending again.
1123
01:17:08,681 --> 01:17:12,041
Yes! Yes! They've taken the bait!
1124
01:17:12,201 --> 01:17:14,121
Ha-ha!
They're passing it on!
1125
01:17:14,281 --> 01:17:15,721
(MOIST CHUCKLES)
(ALL HOLLER AND CHEER)
1126
01:17:15,881 --> 01:17:17,521
Whoo! Adora!
1127
01:17:20,201 --> 01:17:22,001
Adora!
1128
01:17:23,401 --> 01:17:24,961
I'm coming for you!
1129
01:17:26,521 --> 01:17:28,961
Ohh!
1130
01:17:29,121 --> 01:17:31,121
Arggh!
(ADORA SCREAMS)
1131
01:17:31,281 --> 01:17:34,001
(BOTH GRUNT AND MOAN)
1132
01:17:35,641 --> 01:17:37,641
Ohh... (CHUCKLES)
1133
01:17:37,801 --> 01:17:40,321
Oh! What kept you?
1134
01:17:43,401 --> 01:17:44,881
(WHIMPERS)
1135
01:17:48,881 --> 01:17:50,441
Adora.
1136
01:17:51,441 --> 01:17:53,001
I don't suppose...
1137
01:17:53,161 --> 01:17:56,161
...now would be a good time
to ask you something?
1138
01:17:56,321 --> 01:17:59,641
Well, I can hardly walk away.
(CHUCKLES)
1139
01:18:02,521 --> 01:18:04,361
Will you marry me?
1140
01:18:09,921 --> 01:18:12,321
You're forgetting...
1141
01:18:12,481 --> 01:18:15,121
...we still have a race to win.
1142
01:18:18,361 --> 01:18:20,681
That's not exactly a rejection.
1143
01:18:20,841 --> 01:18:22,401
Not exactly.
1144
01:18:25,721 --> 01:18:27,761
MAN: Hang on!
Ooh!
1145
01:18:30,641 --> 01:18:32,121
(GRUNTS)
1146
01:18:47,921 --> 01:18:50,121
Down you get, Mr Lipwig.
1147
01:18:50,281 --> 01:18:52,441
You're under arrest.
What for now?
1148
01:18:52,601 --> 01:18:53,961
Same as last time - doing a runner.
1149
01:18:54,121 --> 01:18:58,601
(STAMMERS) But I’ve come back.
Let's keep it that way.
1150
01:18:59,601 --> 01:19:01,921
Lord Vetinaff's orders.
1151
01:19:02,081 --> 01:19:04,121
Alright, alright.
1152
01:19:05,401 --> 01:19:06,881
Listen.
(GROWLS)
1153
01:19:07,041 --> 01:19:08,361
Ooh!
1154
01:19:14,481 --> 01:19:17,201
Oh, yes.
Nope.
1155
01:19:17,361 --> 01:19:20,361
(CROWD MUTTERS)
1156
01:19:29,561 --> 01:19:30,561
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1157
01:19:32,521 --> 01:19:34,721
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1158
01:19:34,881 --> 01:19:38,121
Nice you have you with us again, sir.
Same last words as before?
1159
01:19:38,281 --> 01:19:41,641
Actually, I'm rather hoping there'll be
a different outcome this time.
1160
01:19:42,761 --> 01:19:44,841
Keep your hands off of that.
Let's see some magic, please.
1161
01:19:45,001 --> 01:19:47,081
It'll come in a moment.
1162
01:19:47,241 --> 01:19:48,881
Please don't touch it.
(THUDS OMNISCOPE)
1163
01:19:49,041 --> 01:19:51,721
Yes, there we are.
1164
01:19:51,881 --> 01:19:55,561
We need to read the ticker tape,
Archchancellor.
1165
01:19:55,721 --> 01:19:57,481
Nobody said anything
about a close-up.
1166
01:19:57,641 --> 01:19:59,921
Well, can't you just move it in'?
1167
01:20:00,081 --> 01:20:04,801
“Just move it in”? This is a highly
sophisticated magical apparatus.
1168
01:20:07,601 --> 01:20:09,601
(ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
1169
01:20:11,961 --> 01:20:15,321
RIDCULLY: Oh, there we are.
See? There.
1170
01:20:16,441 --> 01:20:19,121
I think we have a winner, my lord.
Mm-hm.
1171
01:20:21,081 --> 01:20:25,641
Uberwald receiving station,
message as follows.
1172
01:20:25,801 --> 01:20:30,161
“Havelock Vetinari was born into
a wealthy and influential family.”
1173
01:20:30,321 --> 01:20:31,761
GILT: There we have it, my lord!
1174
01:20:31,921 --> 01:20:34,121
The message has arrived,
1175
01:20:34,281 --> 01:20:36,561
delivered on time
by clacks technology.
1176
01:20:36,721 --> 01:20:38,161
The clacks has won!
1177
01:20:38,321 --> 01:20:40,641
Never mind, sir. It could be worse.
1178
01:20:40,801 --> 01:20:42,121
How, exactly?
1179
01:20:42,281 --> 01:20:44,521
Well, we've got a good crowd,
lots of press.
1180
01:20:44,681 --> 01:20:47,121
They've even promised me
a review in 'What Gallows?
1181
01:20:47,281 --> 01:20:49,321
Pull the lever, Mr Trooper!
No, wait.
1182
01:20:49,481 --> 01:20:51,001
(CROWD CALLS AND YELLS)
1183
01:20:51,161 --> 01:20:52,521
The message hasn't finished yet.
1184
01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:54,321
They're playing for time!
1185
01:20:54,481 --> 01:20:58,521
My lord, it's clear the race is over.
I demand my prize.
1186
01:20:58,681 --> 01:21:02,761
My last words!
I haven't had my last words.
1187
01:21:02,921 --> 01:21:04,881
If he must.
1188
01:21:05,041 --> 01:21:08,961
(APPLAUSE)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1189
01:21:10,401 --> 01:21:14,521
Strange as it may seem,
1190
01:21:14,681 --> 01:21:18,521
as I stand here
on the verge of oblivion,
1191
01:21:18,681 --> 01:21:21,721
I have a great sense of relief.
1192
01:21:21,881 --> 01:21:23,521
I no longer fear the worst
1193
01:21:23,681 --> 01:21:25,601
because, frankly,
the worst has happened.
1194
01:21:27,361 --> 01:21:32,841
And although I may not have
always been a model citizen,
1195
01:21:33,001 --> 01:21:36,841
finally I’ve been made
to see the error of my ways -
1196
01:21:37,001 --> 01:21:39,481
not by the heavy hand of the law,
1197
01:21:39,641 --> 01:21:42,481
but by the gentle touch of...
1198
01:21:44,521 --> 01:21:46,241
Well...
1199
01:21:47,561 --> 01:21:49,841
...by the gentlest touch of all.
1200
01:21:53,601 --> 01:21:56,681
Very nice, sir. Stand by.
No, there's more!
1201
01:21:56,841 --> 01:21:58,441
Where's it gone?
lt's not coming back.
1202
01:21:58,601 --> 01:22:00,281
Give it a moment.
Don't breathe on it.
1203
01:22:00,441 --> 01:22:04,841
The man who has never known love
has never really lived.
1204
01:22:05,001 --> 01:22:05,881
Get on with it!
1205
01:22:06,041 --> 01:22:09,241
But worst is the man
who avoids love...
1206
01:22:09,401 --> 01:22:10,961
Too true. Well said, sir. Now...
1207
01:22:11,121 --> 01:22:16,161
...because the man who runs from love
and all its trials and tribulations,
1208
01:22:16,321 --> 01:22:21,601
that man is just conning himself,
swindling himself out of true...
1209
01:22:21,761 --> 01:22:23,561
RIDCULLY: Ah, there we are.
1210
01:22:25,001 --> 01:22:27,561
...happiness.
1211
01:22:27,721 --> 01:22:29,241
Sorry to interrupt, my lord.
1212
01:22:29,401 --> 01:22:31,121
I wish someone would
1213
01:22:31,281 --> 01:22:34,521
I'm not quite sure what this means,
but I think you ought to hear it.
1214
01:22:34,681 --> 01:22:37,201
Message continues -
1215
01:22:37,361 --> 01:22:40,841
“We are the voice of the dead,
1216
01:22:41,001 --> 01:22:44,081
“the ghosts of those
who met a bloody end."
1217
01:22:45,921 --> 01:22:48,561
That's enough. The race is finished.
1218
01:22:48,721 --> 01:22:51,201
“Postmaster Mutable -
pushed from the fifth floor.
1219
01:22:51,361 --> 01:22:53,761
“Postmaster Sideburn -
his neck broken."
1220
01:22:53,921 --> 01:22:56,161
Pack it all away!
Touch nothing!
1221
01:22:56,321 --> 01:22:59,481
“John Dearheart -
flung to his death from a tower.
1222
01:22:59,641 --> 01:23:05,161
“And Crispin Horsefry -
clubbed to death by Reacher Gilt."
1223
01:23:05,321 --> 01:23:06,681
Turn it off!
1224
01:23:06,841 --> 01:23:08,841
“Here follow the facts and figures
1225
01:23:09,001 --> 01:23:10,641
“proving fraud,
embezzlement and murder,
1226
01:23:10,801 --> 01:23:14,801
“the full record of the clandestine
dealings of Reacher Gilt."
1227
01:23:14,961 --> 01:23:17,321
My lord, they're lying, lying!
1228
01:23:17,481 --> 01:23:19,361
Who are 'they', exactly?
1229
01:23:19,521 --> 01:23:21,881
They're only reading
what has been delivered by you.
1230
01:23:22,041 --> 01:23:24,281
The message has originated
from your own company,
1231
01:23:24,441 --> 01:23:25,881
which makes it a confess
1232
01:23:26,041 --> 01:23:29,561
I confess nothing!
1233
01:23:34,681 --> 01:23:36,481
(ALL SCREAM)
1234
01:23:36,641 --> 01:23:38,241
Oh'.!
1235
01:23:40,001 --> 01:23:42,441
Lipwig!
1236
01:23:52,241 --> 01:23:56,521
Your safety is my concern,
Mr Lipwig.
1237
01:23:56,681 --> 01:24:00,041
Your safety is my concern.
1238
01:24:03,481 --> 01:24:05,681
MAN: Arrest Reacher Gilt!
1239
01:24:08,321 --> 01:24:10,441
He appears to have vanished,
my lord.
1240
01:24:11,441 --> 01:24:12,761
Find him.
1241
01:24:12,921 --> 01:24:15,001
(SNIFFS)
1242
01:24:19,161 --> 01:24:23,521
An ingenious plan, Mr Lipwig,
and most effective.
1243
01:24:24,521 --> 01:24:27,201
Which is why I have
agreed to your request
1244
01:24:27,361 --> 01:24:31,801
to hand over ownership of the clacks
back to the Dearheart family.
1245
01:24:35,401 --> 01:24:37,801
Just sign here.
1246
01:24:38,801 --> 01:24:40,761
Find here.
1247
01:24:41,921 --> 01:24:44,281
No need to thank me.
1248
01:24:47,121 --> 01:24:50,201
However, as the two of you
1249
01:24:50,361 --> 01:24:54,521
now run all communications
in and out of this city,
1250
01:24:54,681 --> 01:24:59,041
should I find that my long-range
game of thud is interrupted,
1251
01:24:59,201 --> 01:25:01,841
I shall come looking
for one of you to blame.
1252
01:25:02,001 --> 01:25:04,881
I wonder which one it will be
1253
01:25:05,041 --> 01:25:06,721
(SCOFFS)
1254
01:25:14,681 --> 01:25:16,161
(MOUTHS)
1255
01:25:18,081 --> 01:25:20,201
By the way, you look great.
1256
01:25:20,361 --> 01:25:21,921
Colour really suits you.
1257
01:25:22,081 --> 01:25:23,681
Thank you.
1258
01:25:23,841 --> 01:25:25,721
Is that as sore as it looks?
1259
01:25:25,881 --> 01:25:28,761
Oh, it's not the first time
I’ve been hanged.
1260
01:25:28,921 --> 01:25:31,001
A bad habit to get into.
1261
01:25:31,161 --> 01:25:34,561
L'll tell you what - l'll give up
hanging if you give up smoking.
1262
01:25:34,721 --> 01:25:37,961
Too late. I already quit.
1263
01:25:38,121 --> 01:25:41,401
You did that for me?
Why on earth would you think that?
1264
01:25:42,521 --> 01:25:47,001
Adora, those things
I said on the gallows
1265
01:25:47,161 --> 01:25:49,921
when I was staring death in the face,
1266
01:25:50,081 --> 01:25:53,161
about the gentlest touch of all...
1267
01:25:55,161 --> 01:25:57,481
...you do know I meant every word?
1268
01:25:57,641 --> 01:25:59,481
Yes.
1269
01:25:59,641 --> 01:26:02,841
It's amazing the rubbish
some people spout
1270
01:26:03,001 --> 01:26:05,321
when they're trying
to save their lives.
1271
01:26:06,321 --> 01:26:09,601
Or trying to get a kiss.
1272
01:26:16,841 --> 01:26:19,481
Of course, we can't do this.
1273
01:26:19,641 --> 01:26:22,361
What now?
Conflict of interest.
1274
01:26:22,521 --> 01:26:26,121
You're the post office,
I'm the clacks. We're rivals.
1275
01:26:26,281 --> 01:26:28,881
Which throws up some very
interesting possibilities
1276
01:26:29,041 --> 01:26:30,641
of a corporate merger,
don't you think?
1277
01:26:30,801 --> 01:26:32,361
Maybe.
1278
01:26:37,481 --> 01:26:41,361
Well, I'd certainly like
to get my hands on your assets.
1279
01:26:41,521 --> 01:26:44,681
Keep your hands as far away
from my assets as humanly possible.
1280
01:26:44,841 --> 01:26:46,801
(KOOKY UPBEAT mums)
1281
01:26:52,481 --> 01:26:55,001
(GASPS AND COUGHS)
1282
01:26:55,161 --> 01:26:59,361
Ah, Mr Gilt, I see you are awake.
1283
01:26:59,521 --> 01:27:01,801
I don't know what
you're talking about.
1284
01:27:01,961 --> 01:27:05,441
My name is Merryforth Truman and...
1285
01:27:05,601 --> 01:27:07,721
...I’ve got papers to prove it.
1286
01:27:07,881 --> 01:27:10,921
Some wonderful papers they are too,
Mr Gilt, but enough of that.
1287
01:27:11,081 --> 01:27:14,961
I’ve brought you here because
I want to talk to you about angels.
1288
01:27:17,201 --> 01:27:19,001
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
VETINARI: Come.
1289
01:27:20,961 --> 01:27:22,281
Uh, excuse me, my lord.
1290
01:27:22,441 --> 01:27:25,681
I've got a letter
here for Merryforth Truman.
1291
01:27:33,761 --> 01:27:35,121
Struth
1292
01:27:35,281 --> 01:27:38,961
He was here, but sadly
he didn't believe in angels.
1293
01:27:39,121 --> 01:27:40,441
Oh.
1294
01:27:44,681 --> 01:27:47,761
Well, that's a bit
of an embuggerance.
1295
01:27:53,841 --> 01:27:56,841
(KOOKY UPBEAT mums)
1296
01:29:55,801 --> 01:29:58,481
(GROAT MOANS)
We did it, Mr Groat!
1297
01:29:58,641 --> 01:30:00,761
Home sweet home!
Ohh.
1298
01:30:00,921 --> 01:30:04,001
Stanley, it's not only the race we won.
(CHUCKLES)
1299
01:30:04,161 --> 01:30:05,681
The bet, remember.
1300
01:30:05,841 --> 01:30:07,641
50-1. Blimey, we're rich.
1301
01:30:07,801 --> 01:30:09,361
Yeah! Let's have
the betting slip, then.
1302
01:30:09,521 --> 01:30:11,921
Nah, I gave it to you, Mr Groat.
Hey?
1303
01:30:12,081 --> 01:30:15,121
Oh, yes. I’ve got it here somewhere.
1304
01:30:15,281 --> 01:30:18,881
You can't have lost it,
Mr Groat. 50-1. 50-1!
1305
01:30:19,041 --> 01:30:20,441
No, no, of course I haven't.
1306
01:30:20,601 --> 01:30:23,761
I remember now. I put it
somewhere safe. (CHUCKLES)
1307
01:30:23,921 --> 01:30:25,401
I, um...
1308
01:30:26,961 --> 01:30:28,721
...l hid it under the mattress.
1309
01:30:28,881 --> 01:30:31,401
Which mattress?
The one in that tavern.
1310
01:30:31,561 --> 01:30:32,881
Which tavern, Mr Groat?
1311
01:30:33,041 --> 01:30:36,921
Oh, you remember, that... Oh!
..that nice one in Uberwald.
1312
01:30:37,081 --> 01:30:38,561
Oh.
1313
01:30:39,961 --> 01:30:42,401
Uh...Uberwald?
1314
01:30:42,561 --> 01:30:45,281
Mr Groat, Mr Groat!
Get in the carriage, Mr Groat!
89483
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